How Adam Hills Dads

Hey, Mish is a dad who loves to be a dad, but he knows there's more to learn about being a dad So he made this show where he talks to all the dads so big and mind-dove How are the dads dad? How are the dads dad? Welcome to episode two of How Are the Dad's Dad. If you listen to this for the first time, I do recommend going back to listening to start with episode one, just because there's a sizable preamble at the start that explains what this series is, but if you hear for a second time, I assume we went all right, we went all right. On our first outing, let's keep doing it. Let's keep doing it today is my chat with Adam Hills. If you're not familiar with Adam Hills and again, I'm sure 95% of people would be, but Hillsie, great standup comedian, I mean, I remember growing up watching him on TV doing standup. We're not that far apart in age, but there's a slight gap. There's enough of a gap that when I met Hillsie for the first time, I was like, oh my god, it's Adam Hills. He hosted Spix and Specs, wildly successful music quiz show on the ABC, ran for a super long time, and was kind enough to have me on the show many times. I think I did about 40 or 50 episodes of Spix and Specs. And if you ever watch the show, I got about three questions correct. So really kind for him to have me on the show in my formative views on television, despite clearly adding nothing to the musical knowledge value of the show. But I probably just made viewers feel great because I was sitting there not able to tell you what band a guy called Ringo Starr was in and everyone at home was getting free answers correct. He now, he's now Spix is time to go to the UK and Australia. So it was lucky enough to catch up with him while he was here. There's the filming a new season of Spix and Specs. I am. I was able to go back on. Actually, we don't talk about this in the chat, but I was actually able to go back and do another episode of Spix and Specs, which was a lot of fun this time around in 2022. So he's back in Australia doing that. They bounce between the UK and Australia. He hosts. So it's these chat show, the last leg in the UK since 2012. So you know, arguably has a bigger career in the UK than he does in Australia. But on top of that is a lovely bloke. Again, another person I'm lucky to call a friend and from the times I did Spix and Specs back again, and I felt young. I felt very fresh to TV. I think he was a great person to encounter who's just that little bit further along in his career. The thing that massively struck me was his kindness to people, to guests, to people on his show, to audience members after the show. It's always had a lot of time for everybody. And then he became a dad again before I, you know, well before I became a dad and to watch him go into it, I realized when I was thinking about it, you know, he's another one of these people that I have known in my life where I'm like, "Geez, he's doing it well. I'd like to glean a little about how he goes about this dad business." So I hope you get something out of this chat too, as we find out how Adam Hill's dad's. Hillsie, welcome. Pleasure. Welcome to, yes, the very noisy apartment. It's, I mean, I hope we don't get too much street noise and it's been a bit of a thing in this location. I like to think of it as a very quiet street talk rather than a loud apartment. Like if we were doing street talk, you know, this would be noise everywhere. I'm fine with it. We just have the conversation with your producer about whether, you know, I need to stop talking when a tram goes by because the amount of, you know, what it's like you're out doing interviews on the street for a TV show and someone will be giving a really in depth answer for worst. And I've got to the point now where even if a plane goes overhead, I'm like, okay, I need to stop this person now. Yeah. I'm going to have a long guy and he'll look at me and we'll go, we'll have that little unspoken moment of, yeah, that's just real, we lost it. We lost it. So this is lovely. No, I'm more than, there's a tram going by now. I'm going by now. We're going to keep going. That's why it's a very stopping. Intimid street talk. Have you done, who do you think you are? No. Okay. That happens all the time on that. Right. And you're at the front gate, like talking about your history. Well, and in particular, I filmed in Malta, which has the highest population per square meter of any country in the world. So there are people everywhere. You can't find a quiet spot. So there was one day where I filmed and we started off at eight o'clock in the morning on the walls of an old castle, which just happened to be the time they cleaned the cannons with a pressure hose. Oh my God. Oh, but again, and because you're also, you're not talking to a TV person. You're talking to a historian who's like, well, yes, so a hundred years ago. So, but this particular day, I know this is not what I'm here to talk about. No, I like this. So it started with that. And we were like, eventually they had to go down and pay the guy to stop cleaning the cannons on his foot. And pretty amazing, isn't it? And he's a tip for people, like listening. If you see a film crew and you have a power tool in your car, like, I reckon he's a great tip for tradies. Yeah. If you've got, like, let's say you've got an angle grinder in your car or something that will make noise. Just stop, get it out, start grinding and wait for someone to come over and offer you a slab to like, to stop for half an hour. And then right now, no, I can wait for half an hour and then drive off with this slab. Alternatively, if you see a film crew out in public and you think, I'm just going to be a bit of a goose and put my head in the background. That is the 15th time someone has done it that day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, got you, got you. Well, I mean, it's probably a good place to start in terms of who do you think you are. You know you're a dad. I am a dad. Can you give us your dad's dad's? We'd like to start with, you know, how many of you got, how old are they? Okay, two daughters. They are 12 and 8. Awesome. Okay. You're in a really interesting cusp. I'm especially fascinated because I've got a little girl who's four. Right. And so I feel like selfishly I can use today a little bit as a bit of a magic eight ball, bit of an oracle. Oh, absolutely. Gives me a clue to the next four, then eight years. And I think there's a responsibility as a dad with other dads where, because when you made a dad, whether it's, and often I'll find it in London in taxis because you know, you start chatting and yeah, I got to always myself and you're like, oh, yeah, how old are yours? And then yeah, how old are yours? And you, and you kind of, it's almost like when you do that, when you find out how, how old their kids are and how old your kids are. It's almost like you go, right, am I a mentor or am I learning? It's so true. It's so true. And I think that's what this podcast has become a little bit to where I, because I was like I guess I've got only a little way into the journey, you know, four and eight, some guests, I'm like, teach me. Yes. I'm like, how are you going? Like what are your initial coordinates that you set your trajectory on? And how confident are you? So you're definitely, you know, you're a perfect bit along the road. You accidentally find other dads, like scrambling around the wasteland of parenting. Yeah. When you come across another person, you were dad. Yeah. You're like, yes, are you? Yes. And we learn from each other. What have you got? What have you got? What did you see? That's really what this is. It's us trading scripts of, I'm just trying to, tiny scraps of information as we're in the tier of parenting stuff. I like to think in the Mad Max. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'll give you a tin of half a tin of dog food. And you give me a blunt knife. And that's a good trade. And even that such a dad thing to compare the beautiful out of parenting to like Mad Max. Yeah. That's something we can get around. Okay. But, I mean, I think hopefully we live in a day and I should continue the Mad Max analogy where, you know, our love is a lot more abundant than water happens to be in the Mad Max. You know, maybe our parents, I feel like our parents generation grew up and it was a bit Mad Max. Like, I guess there's a small amount of, like, you know, you won't see it very often, but there's a small amount of, like, you know, water here. But now, hopefully, we live in a more, do you think we live in a more abundant, like, you know, fathers these days, like, we're a lot more invested, a lot more switched on, like, there's a big swing. Absolutely. And I'm saying, you know, where I find it is, I found it a few times, both with my mum and my mother-in-law. And this isn't a diss on them. But there'll be moments where either my mum's over helping me, like, you know, alley my wife is singing. So she's often away. So I'm often looking after the girls on my own. And I love that. Absolutely love that. And I love doing stuff for them. I love being like, there's no greater sense of kind of satisfaction, I think, than. Okay. Do you remember the episode of The Simpsons? Almost certainly. Which, my best shot at an analogy here. I think he helps maybe helps bar with homework. He helps Lisa with something. He walks past Maggie's bed and her dummies out and he pops her back in and he gets into bed and switches out the light and you just hear Marge go, "Oh, homey!" And he's like, "Not now, Marge. I'm on a roll." Like, I literally say that to myself sometimes, for something as simple as feeding the kids getting them to bed on time and maybe homework's done. Like I love the sense of satisfaction that comes with knowing that I was able to facilitate that. Yeah. Well, what I find is sometimes, whether it's, like I said, my mother-in-law on my mum in particular, they're not. They didn't have a partner that did that. Like our dads didn't change nappies or necessarily cook dinners or look after homework or do washing or stuff like that. My mum was down a couple of weeks ago because the alley was away and she kept looking at me going, "You're such a good dad." For things like folding washing. Yeah. I sometimes get that from my mum. Yeah, like, and I feel for, I feel from my wife, 'cause often I'll be called a good dad, even by people out and about in public, for stuff that she does constantly. That's true, we are coming off a low base. Like, generationally, we're part of this wing. We're a year if you like, you know, if you're invested in your interest, it everyone's like, oh man, haven't you come a long way? Yeah. Your mothers have just always had to be that. That is an interesting thing. Yeah. And so that's why I think it's like a Mad Max wasteland. It's not that love is in scarce supply. It's just, it's like uncharted territory for a lot of, yeah. A lot of dads, generally, throughout history, to suddenly be involved in the. To have that feeling of going, I'm doing something here that there's no playbook. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Which, and yeah, but like I said, I love it. I absolutely love it. It's the best. On that, so one thing I asked you before you came home was, do you have three words? Three, so if you are inventing this new man, this new dad manual, this new playbook, what are your three kind of main chapters? I think the three words are just be present. I like that. And I think as a dad, and I think part of that is, 'cause so my dad worked for Quantus. He was cabin crew. So he was away, for every two days he was away, he was home for one, those were the rules. Right. So he was gone for whatever, he was gone for 10, he was home for five. So he was away two thirds of the time. But when he was home, I'd get home from school, like I'd get home from school at three o'clock and he'd been a beanbag watching Vogue's Bunny cartoons. Going, you ready? 'Cause he was trying to get it all in. Yeah, he'd flown in at midday, and he was like, I've been all, I remember he'd boast. I've been awake for 35 hours. Come on, let's do this. But he was there as a dad from the moment we got home from school. And maybe that would happen for three or four days, and then he'd be gone for a week. That's interesting. At what age do you reckon you became aware of or realized that there was that two to one ratio? It's interesting because it's like, it's two to one away to home, but it's still mattered to you. It still was enough that if he was present for the one, you could handle the two. I think I worked that out, honestly, in my 30s, and it was when. So I was doing that. Right, so yeah, as I remember, he didn't go, he's away more than he's home. That's just the way it was. No, it was only when, years later, I was playing a club in Newcastle in England called the Hainer. And one of the people who owned the club owned an apartment. And it was cheaper rather than putting comedians up in a hotel, you just shared an apartment with whoever else was on the bill with you for that weekend. And I had a couple of weekends. You just forced big brother. It could go either way. It could go either way, knowing comedians. And I got lucky. I got Frankie Boyle a couple of weekends. Like six months apart. And Frankie and I really bonded and we chatted about everything about the universe, about Tai Chi, about. But also about our parents. And I remember him saying something about his dad, you know, his dad would come home at seven or eight o'clock at night because he'd work really hard in the office and then go to the pub and come home at eight. And I was like, "Oh, yeah, that's what dad. That's what most dads do." That was when I realized that what my dad did wasn't what every other dad did. Getting some daylight hours made up for. Most kids don't see their dad until like six or seven o'clock at night. And then by then he's exhausted because he's been at work all day. Absolutely. Whereas my dad, yeah, there'd be a day or two where he was jet lagged. But then he'd just be around all afternoon and we'd hang out and we'd play football in the back garden or cricket or whatever. So it kind of made me. That was when I realized the advantages of having a dad that was away a lot. So I guess for me now, you know, I spend a load of time over in England. So it's probably not two to one. Oh, actually, it might even be two to one. But instead of doing it in little dribs and drabs, I do it in a big block and then I'm back for a couple of months. So when I'm back for that couple of months, for me, it's all about being present. Right. And so when you're in England, the kids are in Australia? Yeah. So we up until 2019, the end of 2019, we were all in England. And then the girls got home sick. Ali had some work coming up in Australia. So we went, "Well, let's try this thing where I can do 10 weeks of the last leg, which is the show I host over here." 10 weeks of that, and then I'll come back for a few months and we'll just balance that out. And you reckon it was your dad's. You reckon deep down you're like, "I've seen this work before." I know, I think this template works. And we even talked with the kids about it. And I said to the girls, "Look, you know, this means I'm going to be away for ages." And they were, "Yeah, but when you're home, you'll be home." And you can properly hang out with this. And I'm like, "Yes, okay, well, let's give this a shot." That's really. I'm really fascinated by this because. Every parent I suppose would figure out the volume and it's, of course, better to err on you there more than you there less, but to know that you can have that impact, that you can fill the cup up enough. Yeah, even to the point where. So when my dad passed away in 2012, and like, literally as he was dying and we were kind of saying last words, and he wasn't really. He was kind of semi-conscious, I guess, at this point. And I remember saying to him, "Of all things, kind of going, "Oh, I'm so sorry I missed so many of your birthdays." Because once I started doing the Edinburgh Fringe, my dad's birthday would fall in the middle of that. So I missed his birthday for the last, I don't know, 10, 15 years of his life. And I said, "I'm so sorry I missed so many of your birthdays." And like, he hadn't opened his eyes for about two hours and he just opened them and glared at me. I kind of, from that, I might have misread it, but what I got was him going, "I was away most of your childhood. "I missed most of your birthdays, "and you're apologizing for missing mine "when you're in your 40s." And I think that sums up what you're saying is, as a kid, it didn't even occur to me that dad wasn't there for some of my birthdays. Like, 'cause he made it work when he was. It was just what it was, like it's great. Yeah. Interesting, though, like, now that you've got daughters, from your dad's perspective, and again, I mean, you're interpreting, look, I'm interpreting a story about a look, so I'm really far off here. (laughs) But you're at the Edinburgh Fringe doing what you love, like what you're born to do. So if you had one of your daughters say to you, "Hey, dad, I'm sorry, I couldn't be at your birthday," because I was at a flute, you know, I was playing in your kind of flute concert and you know, I love the flute or whatever it is. You would be like, my birthday's the least important. Yeah. 'Cause, again, having little kids, all I want, I mean, all of us, I'm sure, this is the same. Like, we want to out 40-year-old child to go, "Oh, dad, I've found the thing I love in life." Yeah. And I'm curious about it, and I love doing it so much I sometimes do it, I get lost in it. That's what we care about. Not, Gia would have loved a blue-checkered shirt. (laughs) And you're a tendency, lapicetta, for my family birthday. (laughs) The one thing my dad said to me, that will always stick to me, stick with me as a parent, and I never really got at the time. I can't remember which birthday it was. I might have been like 30, or, yeah, it was probably like my 30th, and we kind of went out for dinner and I kind of looked at my brother was there and we were both single at the time, and I remember looking at my dad going, "You probably wanted to be a granddad, right?" By now, right? Like, you got two single sons, no prospects, and he, I was joking, clearly, and he went, "I honestly don't care as long as you're happy." And I was like, in the back of my head, I was like, "Well, shit." But now as a parent, I get it, and I'm like, "Yeah, as long as your children are happy." That's, and I wish I could impress that upon my daughters, and like, you never will be able to, because my dad couldn't impress it on me when I was a third. That's, I mean, yeah, that's, do you reckon your daughter's like, are you obviously say that to them, and you, you know, encourage them to chase their, wherever their curiosity leads them, but do you, do you reckon they hear it? Like, are they hearing the message of, or do you feel that there's an element of them going, "Oh, try to live up to some expectation." Oh, it's a hard one, isn't it? Because, like I'm saying, right now, all I want is my daughters to be happy. And yet, my daughter this morning said, "Daddy, can I ride my bike to school?" And I was like, "Oh, man, it's such a pain to get that out of the garage." Yeah, go on, and then she saw that look in my face, and it's fine, I'll walk. And then I fell awful going, "No, no, no, come on, we'll get your bike," and she was like, "No." And her face was like, "I don't want to stress you out, so clearly I want my kids to be happy, but not enough that I could be asking the bike out of the garage." Obviously, with insertion, convenient guidelines. If all my conditions are met. (laughs) Oh, man, but I mean, I feel, I, I, I, I, a thousand percent, no, you know, one of my biggest fears is being the dad that's like, not now, you know? Yeah. - Yeah. But because I have a fairly unstructured job, I am at home a lot, which, rather than going, I probably have three hours of, let's call it work, a day to do in terms of getting back to emails, just keeping a few plates spinning. - Yeah. - But I'm not disciplined enough to go right between nine and 12, I'm doing them. So instead, I just do 10 minutes here and there. - I love a place. - Right. - Which I guess is my choice because I'm like, I want to be around, and my daughter, especially before she goes to school, like, that's what this year's about, like I want to be there and be able to play. - Yeah. - But, after the 60th, dad, I've made a potion, and you're like, honey, I'm just going to close the door, five minutes, and then I'm coming out, we're doing, you're telling each of you my mistakes. And I do always try and follow through on it, but I know what you mean, like this is. - Well, then I mean, then the other, but then if you go to the other extreme, all you do is make your child happy, then you spoil them. - That's exactly my other fear. So you just be like, okay, well now this is a dangerous path to go, and I'm because it's like, I don't want the lesson to be as soon as you have a whim, you have two people that would drop whatever they're doing. - Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And do it. - So that makes me think of a moment that I had with my granddad. So my granddad's now 104. - Wow. - But he lived at home till he was 100, and I remember going to visit him well into his 90s, and I took the girls with, and my youngest, who was probably like three at the time. I think it was maybe it was around my birthday, he kept saying, I want to make a birthday cake. Daddy, I want to make birthday cake for you, and I was like, okay, we'll do it this afternoon, we'll do it. And it was one of those things where things happen, and you forget about it. and you never get around to it. And then it was half an hour before bed and she said, "I want to make birthday cake." And I went, "Oh, I'm really sorry. We don't have time." And I kind of go, "We just, I'm sorry, we don't have time, we can't do it, we'll have to do it." And then she cried. And then I was like, "But I don't even have this stuff here to make like I haven't got the mixture." And she went, "I just want to make a pretend one." And I was like, "Oh God, all day long, she's just wanted to spend 10 minutes." - Four, three. - Yeah, yeah. With a mixing bowl and a fork and like, I don't know, a cushion and, you know, a toy car or something thrown in that she could mix up and go, "That's a happy birthday." - That's true. - And I didn't give her that five minute. And I felt awful because then she's in tears and then I kicking myself. And you know, my granddad's looking at me like, "What, what are you even down?" Like, "Why are you being harsh on yourself?" And I was like, "Oh, I'm just ruined. All she wanted to do was do. I'm such a bad dad." And he's looking at me like, "What?" - I was born in 1918. - I was born in 1918. - What have been outside playing with our favorite turn-up for two years? (laughing) That's the cake. (laughing) - I mean, I get it. But you know, it's that funny thing of like, even hearing that I see exactly both sides, where I go, "Yeah, you cannot, you know, "because we just want them to grow up to be well-rounded, "well-adjusted, able to function in society." You're like, "That's not how society works." - Yeah. - Three, and then you go, "What am I doing?" "Why am I teaching a three-year-old? "That's not how society works." Like, just fucking be there and be loving and present. - Yeah. - And I've fallen into the same trip to where I'm like, "Sorry, honey, yeah, maybe later, maybe later." Like, I hear you, I understand it's important. I don't want to dismiss it, but maybe later. Yeah. - Sometimes though, when I've done the thing, like the cake, in that busyness, he was my, I did this the other day where I was like, I feel the urge to go, "Okay, you know, we've done it." And you're like, "One minute in." And I sometimes time myself, I go, "Gee, "you're trying to leave this moment." - Yeah. - You've gotta be here for one minute. - Yeah. - Like, do five. See if you can do five. Like, look at your watch and go, "Just do five." It's amazing how often you're just not there as long as you think you are. Or I've found as well, if it's in the middle of a busy day. And I sometimes just set myself like a little extra time, just to be like, "Just be here for 10 minutes." - And you've been here. I'm like, then you've been present. Like, back to your plan, I suppose, of just be present. And also back to your point though, of, hang on, I've just gotta do this thing, you know, my, whatever it is. There was a great, I remember reading, I think it was an article about parenting, but it described, and it was a Norwegian article. And it described the analogy of, when you're on a plane, they say, "Fit your oxygen mask before fitting your children's oxygen mask." Because you can't help them if you're not breathing. - Yeah, true. - Simple as that. They, yes, they might not know how to fit the mask. But if you pass out halfway through putting your mask on, then you both die. - Very true. - So put your own mask on for first, get your oxygen, then you can look after your kid. - Do you want a good message? Get your shit together, Blake. Do you re-melt it in one chunk? It's kind of what I'm, that's kind of what I'm saying. It's like, don't feel bad as a parent doing your thing. And even if your thing is going for a walk in the park, or having a bath or whatever, because you can't be there for your kid. - If you're scared. - You can't give them their oxygen or whatever they need if you haven't got what you need. - I agree. And look, mindfulness and presence is something that I think a lot more people think about these days. - Yeah. - But the ingredients of truly being present, you know, one of them is you're not distracted. - Whether it's like you're not actually distracted by something else, or you're not actually distracted by work and you're able to park it. - I think it's a hard thing for people to do, increasingly in this day and age, but I think the dividends are obviously there if you can practice presence better in a way. - Is that one of your rules? - Definitely phone away. And yeah, 'cause that's so easy. But I mean, even having said what you just said, you know, the amount of times probably I've done the same, where you start playing and you go, all right, that's, we did that. And you think, and then you go and get your phone and you'll spend double the amount of time just scrolling Instagram stories. - I just want to piece a shit. - It's like just like, how? - I mean, it's the battle is real. - The battle is real. - And I don't know if this might be where you're about to head, but being kind of open and honest about when moments like that happen, when you kind of snap at them a little bit, like when you go, "No, not now." And then you can see the look on their face and you might walk away and feel like, "Piss shit." But for me, then coming back to them and going, I'm really sorry about that. I got a little bit stressed out. Sometimes I get a little bit wound up. And John Bishop, the comedian, I remember being an Edinburgh once and this is the best, dadding moment that I've know of. And he was telling me how, I think his son was maybe 16 at that point and had come up to the Edinburgh Festival and wanted to go out late and like, John said, "Look, you need to be home by certain time." And he was like, "Well, why can't I go out and run around?" And it was like that usual, the teenage thing that you have. But the way John put it to me, he said, "I looked at him and I just said, "Listen, this is my first time being a dad. I've not done this before. I don't know what's right or I don't know what's the right time for you to come home." Like, "How am I gonna know? I'm just trying to work it out gradually as we go along." Now, you want to stay out till midnight. I think you should be home by nine. Let's go 10 and let's see how that goes. And I thought, "What a great, rather than just going, "I'm your dad and this is what I say." To just be really honest with your kid. And like, I'll try and do it with my girls every now and again, when I snap at them or when I get wound up or grumpy and just go, "I'm really sorry about that. I shouldn't have done that." I got really wound up. I don't know why I got wound up. I mean, it's stressful having kids. Like, it just is. I mean, that's so, it hits. That's a beautiful way, I think of dadding. That's a beautiful, dadding moment. Because I'll be gist of flies in the face of like, it's the antithesis of just because. Or it's the antithesis of because I said so and I make the rules. Which we know is absolutely no way. We didn't respond to that as kids growing up. We just heard that and went, "Great, okay, "so now I need to find a loophole." I'm like, "Okay, thank you. "You've given me the wire fence and now I find wire cutters." Like, I'll just look for a way around that. Yeah. To have, you know, just thinking about how I feel is the something like to have the power of your dad level with you to go, "Hey, we're both just human beings. "I'm fallible, like I'm vulnerable. "I make mistakes and I'm making it up." But it's kind of my job to keep you safe still. So help me. Such a great way. Yeah. Such a great way to dad. I mean, I, in the world of listening, like, one of those moments, you know, those moments of the kids that absolutely just cuts you and makes you cry. Yeah. Like, it'd been some sort of argument between the kids. I think I just snapped like, "Hey, that's it." You know, you go this way of like, "We're separating for a bit." But I probably had been a bit unfair to my son. And we're going through a stage of that. It was during lockdown. And I think we're just going through a stage of like, pretending to write letters and postcards to each other and send them to different rooms and things. And I wrote him a note. Like, he was, and I was like, "I do want to say sorry. "I want to, I want to level with him just to be like, "I acted too forcefully." And I'm sorry, I used that voice. Like I was, I was, you didn't deserve that. And so he said something along those lines, I put on a note and I was in, I was back in the bedroom, I was just tidying up doing something and I hear a knock on the door and a note slides on at the door. And he just had written "Thank You" with a big love heart. And I'm like, "Oh my God." That's so great, though. Stop making me cry, Sunny. (laughing) But that is great. And this is like, that's kind of what kids sometimes, they just need someone to go, I'm in your world. I saw it from your perspective. Sorry. And interestingly, I get angry with mine when they're fighting with each other. Isn't that weird? I sometimes say, the only thing I get angry at is anger. (laughing) Which I know doesn't make sense, but the only thing that upsets me guys is you guys being upset. And also it's because one of, you know, one of your children is being hurt. Yeah. Who it's by? And I've kind of explained that to, like, you know, I would have one be mean to the other. And I'd really snap. And she'd be like, "Mm-hmm." And I said, "Okay, I'm really sorry." But here's the thing. I would snap like that if anyone said the same thing to you, because I'm really protective of my children. You just hurt my kids, so. You just hurt, you just happened to be my other kid. Yes. This is where this gets met her. (laughing) But you do. But you just, and but interestingly, recently, I was amazing whose eight said, and it wasn't right after one of those snaps, but it was not long afterwards. She was like, "Daddy, you know when Baby and I "shouted each other and stuff like that?" And I'm like, "Yeah." And I ran and I ran. She went, "You know, that's just us being sisters." Yeah. And that's how sisters talk to each other. And we still love each other, and we'll still play together. But we'll just be mean to each other every now and again. And I was like, "Oh, wow. "You've just totally scold me." And now when I start to hear them go, "Me, me, me, me, me." I'm like, "Okay, let it sort itself out." It's a great lesson, isn't it? Because do you reckon it's one of those moments where when we get frustrated seeing those interactions, we're just putting all our adult rules on it. Like completely holding them, and I find myself doing one like, "I'm holding a four-year-old and an eight-year-old "to an adult standard." Yeah. And they're kids. And also, but I look at them and go, "Well, I'm a good person. "Why aren't you a good person like me?" And then I think, "Because I was a dick when I was four." Yeah. Remember dad, how you worked at video easy when you were 17 and were a dick? (laughing) I'm 13 years off even that little. (laughing) Like you hadn't even figured it out by time you were 17. So I think about that all the time, I'm like, I'm holding them to a 40 year old. - I do. - And then I'm like, look at your mum and I, we can relate, well sometimes we fight as well. So I don't know what standard I'm holding you to. And impossible work. - Yeah, right. I had a thing, one of the things I went through was like, hey, and I realized I was holding them again to this incorrect kind of adult standard because I wasn't letting them be a emotionally messy human. - Yeah. - With soulking. - Like I don't like soulking. - Yeah. - And just about like, you know, but like a lot of us like giving up. All we want is effort, you know. - Yeah. - Because you just want all the stoic principles in an adult. But like just effort and being able to handle it and rise off. And but again, I was like, I'm holding you to a harsh, a standard here. And I said something to my mum like, hey, you know, you've got two responses here. You've got, you can understand and we learn, or you can talk. I said, you know, you're acting like, you know, you know, there's like a little kid. - Yeah. - And then he goes, well, I'm acting like a little kid because I am a kid. And I went, that's a good point. But he's got it. (laughing) I won't say proof it because I've just been huge a passport and it's got your birthday on it. Now, you are a kid. And I was like, yeah, what's good? I mean, it's, it is possible, it is possible that at the end of this chat and in the end of this series that you're making, that you'll just go, maybe we're overthinking this. - Yeah. And that's something that's come up as well in these shows. - Oh, undoubtedly. Of course, it's unique to every single family too because like, where you're three or four, two human beings colliding against it. Oh, in the case of Tim's case is up 65. Tim's got a lot of kids. - I have too many children. (laughing) So we needn't watching this like Yoda watching two Jedi's trying to find out. - Find a good broomstick's going, I don't even know there's lights over here. (laughing) - Now, I'm just barely keeping the panic at bay. (laughing) - But that's the thing, you know, we're all, as we know in life, like human beings interacting, the reason you can have 42 seasons of survivor, and they're always different is because they're new people. - Yeah, yeah. - That's how you get different shows. And apart from the Simpsons, survivors are always a good analogy for me to go to. But that's why, because we're all human, you know, every family's obviously going to be different and colliding in that way. And maybe the answer is there is no answer, but I do think the, for people listening, there's at least, it's beautiful to hear you talk in this way because there's so many people that'll be like, "Oh, right, that's the thing that I go through." That's the battle life phase. - Absolutely, and look, I think overthinking is better than the alternative as a parent, underthinking it and not even being playing attention to your kids. But I think there is, as you say, there's always that feeling of, I'll always look at other parents and just go, "You have so got it together." - Yeah. - And I always felt, there was one group of parents, one pair of parents, with whom we're really close friends, I should point out, but we had kids the same age, and whenever we hung out together, I always felt like I was failing the test. To the point where we went to, there was like a kids music festival at the music bowl here in Melbourne, and Ali was singing, and so I had, I think it was probably, I think, Baby had probably gone off with Ali backstage and I had Maisie in the prance, so she would have been one, I suppose. And we were walking around, and with these other parents and their kids, and in the back of my head, I've got the feeling of, I am just the worst parent. - What made you feel like that around these other people? (sighs) - They always seemed to have it together. Like there was no, and the more I've got to know, the more I know that they were going through, exactly what I was going through. - So because you initially saw no cracks, like you were like, okay, it was that real life version, I suppose, of Instagram, when you're like, oh my god, it's flawless. - Yeah, absolutely. And so we're walking around, and I'm trying to hold it together, and I've got Maisie in the pram, and we did a lap of the music bowl, and looked at all the stages, and then we came back around for our second lap, and I was thinking, I think I've done all right. I think I've got this, and then as we went past a bin, they went, oh look, someone's put a shoe on a bin, like a kid's shoe. And then the other parent went, yeah, someone must have lost it, and someone's found it, and they've put it up on the bin, and I looked down at me, and went, oh, that's her shit. (laughs) - So in front of them, I had to go, yeah, that's me. - Well, that's like, I don't know, just put this on. - Adam, it's a different shoe. - No, no, that's fine, it'll work. That's a man's shoe. - Yeah, well, one out, one in. (laughs) But the more I've got to know them, and we chat, and I guess this was probably the early days of knowing them. Now that we're better friends, you're like, oh yeah, of course we're all going through, and he and I all sit down and go, oh my God, what's going on with you? And I'll be there, and you realize, oh yeah, everyone, everyone has his, is trying to work it out. - 1,000%. - On that, one thing I find interesting is just to give us a snapshot of your parenting right now, is there something like, what's the first thing that comes from when I go, what are you facing at the moment? Like, 'cause we're always carrying around the car. - Oh yeah, yeah. - Is there something you're facing at the moment? - Yeah, and this is going to explain why I was so desperate for coffee when I got here. So a few weeks ago, Mazee test a positive for COVID. - Yep. - And Ali was meant to go to Brisbane to do a workshop and they went, maybe not come up. - If it's in the house. - So she went, but because of that, my mum had come down from Sydney to help me out and my mum's 78. And I was filming to speak some specs. So Ali went, right, I'll take Mazee down the coast. We've got a, we're gonna, like a beach shack. - Great. - So I'll take it down there for a week, fine. During that week, Ali then got COVID, of course. So they slept in the same bed. This is a long way of getting to where I'm living. They slept in the same bed for a week, I guess, eight days. Because, you know, Ali wanted to be there for Mazee, she wakes up with the third wheel of the night, all of that kind of stuff. Ever since they've come back. - Mazee's been getting up in the middle of the night. Two, three, four times a night. - And she's eight. - And she's eight. - Yep. - And so, - This is really hitting home, keep going. - Yeah. - And I, look a few years ago, baby went through the same thing. He's a heraldist. I remember at the time going to see a doctor 'cause I kept getting stomach bugs, I kept getting sick. I had like four or five months where I was just constantly sick. And I remember talking to this doctor and she said, "What's your sleep?" "How are you sleeping?" And I went, "Oh, look fine." I mean, I remember it fondly. (laughing) Would love to see it again one day. - But at that time, I thought I was sleeping well. I mean, I'm fine. Look, the kids come in during the night, but apart from that fine, she went, "What do you mean the kids come in?" I went, "Oh, look, you know, "baby's going through the stage where she'll come in "two or three times a night." And she went, "Then you're not sleeping fine." - My God. - And I went, "Well, I just, I pick her up, "I put it back to bed, I've had it for five minutes "and then I go to sleep." She went, "So three or four times a night, "you're waking up while she's in a deep sleep." That's not fine. So now what's happening like last night, I think, (laughing) Sorry. Okay, he said, "He's what I heard." I woke up just after midnight. I went to bed early because this has been going on so many nights in a row that I'm exhausted. So I thought, "I'll go to bed early "because we're filming speaks and specks tonight." - Yep. - "Go to bed early so that I feel fresh for filming." Right? I probably went to bed about 10.30. Just after midnight, I hear Maisie crying in the kitchen. And so I go out and say, "What's up?" She said, "I came into wake you up "but you were snoring so loudly and scared me." - So you went to the kitchen. - So she had come into our bedroom, tried to wake me up. I was snoring so loudly and scared her. She walked back out in tears. (laughing) - Oh, yeah. - I've carried her into bed and then put her into bed and then got into bed next to her. - Sorry, just interrupt. I know that few two where you're like, that few where you find them in a spot that's not theirs or your bedroom. We're like, "My little girl really's done that two." We're like, "What are you doing down here?" So, well, I don't know. I was up and I started with like, "Don't like stay on the known homes." Like, I know you're gonna get out of the house but it is kind of terrifying when you're like, "Why are you in the laundry?" (laughing) I just wanted to see the cat. - So you take it back in. - So take it to bed, put her into her bed, crawl into bed next to her. And 'cause I'm knackered, I fall asleep. But her bed's got cushions on the end. You can't really get comfortable. So I woke up, you sleeping on a bus. - You're sleeping on a bus. - So I woke up an hour later, crick-and-money-ac. - Yeah. - Like, back down the hallway into my bed. And then I think two o'clock she came in again. - Yeah. - But there are moments where I guess if I'm in a light sleep, I'll hear the footsteps coming down the hallway. And so by the time she gets to my room, I'm like, "Okay, I'm awake, let's go." and there are other moments where I'm in a deep sleep and she'll be pushing me and you wake up going, (cries) and then of course you don't want to scare your own kid by waking up going (cries) and I'm like, "Geld?" 'Cause she poached me in the air, Rudy. But the reason this is really hitting, I was my four-year-old, he's going through exactly the same thing. It happens she was sick. Right, and we went to a stage where she was hopping out at the spare room in our house, this next to the kids' room. And those are really light sleepers. And so it just came that I was like, "Look, I'll sleep in the spare room. I'll intercept her." Yeah. 'Cause if Zoe wakes up at one, she's not getting back to sleep. Right. So I'm like, "I can kind of get back to sleep most nights." So that room became known between Zoe and I as reception or the manager's office. Because Rudy acts like a cranky, like a cranky 80-year-old that has been promised a seven-star hotel. And it's three. So she just always up coming to see the manager. She'd be in everything. And the worst one was a few weeks ago, she comes up, "Pokes me in the head, I go, what's going on, Rue?" She goes, "It's always bullshit too, the wake up." Because she just wants a cuddle. And then, look, I can't deny that I love the cuddling side of it. Absolutely, yeah. So I know I'm not as disciplined as I should be here at all because I'm like, she's tiny, she's warm. It's got this crazy shock of curly hair. It's just the cutest thing. But anyway, she poaks me in the head, wakes up at the manager and goes, "So when I go, what's going on?" "Whenever she starts with Will, I know she's improvising." "She's doing a bad job of buying," and I'm like, "Well, I think I heard an ant." [LAUGHTER] She's not even sure. No, I'm not sure if she heard one. She's like, "I think I heard an ant." I'm like, "Okay, well, I bet you it's gone." She's like, "You have to come and find it." I'm like, "It's like two in the morning." I'm like, "I can't, I won't be able to find it." She's like, "I won't be able to sleep if there's an ant in my room." Like, fuck. I didn't even cross my mind to go and pretend to find it, which would have just been the evening. I was like, "I'm having this. " Then you're in this discussion, you're having with a foyer, and I was like, "I can't do that for you." Then she's getting worked up. She's like, "No, no, no. I can't go back in there." Unfortunately, we have gone back where I'm like, "Come in." Because I know if I get to a wake, I'm awake forever, I'm in the same pattern now where she was sick, and then she had a flu. Now, unfortunately, she's been in the manager's office for a few weeks, and there's a real fear in our house that I have allowed a terrible trait to develop. Right. I'm not succeeding at this at all, but I try and. I'm trying to find the right words to go, "I love you." I'm always here for you. If you're scared or had a bad dream or whatever, I'll always be there to give you a cuddle, but you've got to try and sleep in your bed. And then she goes, "Yep, no, I'll try and do that." And so I went through one of those phases, and I got through the other side. How long did it take? Oh, man. I. Or remember, do you know what? It was when it was a few years ago, and we were in London, but Ali had come back to Australia for six weeks. And literally after. What I worked that time was, if someone got into bed with me, like one of the kids, I'd lay there for a minute, and in my head, just go, "No more than a minute. Give me a cuddle. I'm gonna go right back to bed." So they got the cuddle and went back to bed. And eventually, they realized, "Okay, we're not gonna get more than a minute. There's no point." I got it, yeah. But after a couple of weeks of them sleeping through the night and not coming in and interrupting me, and I was thinking, "This is awesome." I said to the oldest, "You guys are great. You're both sleeping through the whole night. Do you not wake up at all?" And she went, "No, I do wake up. And when I wake up, I really want a cuddle. But then I remember Mummy's not here, so I just go back to sleep." And I'm like, "Oh, and you just killed me again." "Oh, you can't win either way." And then it has the balls on them to go, and breakfast, they're really going, "I'm tired." Yeah. Yeah. But then that leads to her saying, "I want to ride to school." And me like, "Yeah, I'm not getting your bike out of the garage." But that is like, "That's a spiral." I've been up all night. We've been doing this for two weeks. I'm exhausted now. Yeah. But you can't explain that, because she's like, "Oh, I can't move that." Here's the thing also, on the well, you've got the well, like well. Yeah, I can't move that. You're improvising. I've got the, I had a bad dream. I had a nightmare. Yeah, and you got to be like, "Hang on." Whatever comes out of your mouth next will be some of the most poorly thought-through stream of consciousness made up. I don't even go that far, because I'm looking at it going, "Unless you're shooting yourself and crying, you did not have a nightmare." There's no way you can be happy after having a nightmare. Great use, guys. I had a nightmare coming in. In fact, you know what? Next time I'm going to go, "All right, then, what happened?" Yeah. "What happened in your nightmare that you seem to be so quickly recovered from?" I'm sorry. Sometimes I go down that path just for my own amusement. Just to be like, "This is terrible." This is like, this is like. Because they do that thing to my door, that's the thing where. She's already complained about something that was made up as well yesterday. Like just, just. It's like a thing that she's got where she'll remember a transgression from another kid at daycare. Oh, wow. Sometimes a kid was there like last year. Yeah. And she'd be like, "Well, I'll be like, "Well, dad, I'm, you know, "I did have a good day, but I'm a little bit sad." I'm going to be like, "Oh, there's so many things to be happy about. "What's on your mind?" And she'll be like, "Well, Allegra, she's Russand." And I was like, "I'm like, Allegra does not go to preschool anymore." She left last year. Like, "Didn't that happen last year?" She's like, "Well, I'm still thinking about it." And then I'm like, "What was the nightmare about?" And I was like, "Incorporate yesterday's complaint." Right. But against that battle of being like, our fear is we don't be the dads that dismiss real feelings. Absolutely. But at some point, the challenge is to filter like, what is. It's tough. You're on a production line. All these feelings are flying past the passion with my daughter. And I feel like a factory worker, who's, you know, the job of the factory worker, like pick the defective ones and grab them off the conveyor belt. And you don't want to take a real one off. You're going to take them off the conveyor belt through them in the bin. Like, some of them are bullshit. But of course, you're terrified of taking a real feeling and just chucking it in the bin and not paying attention to it. And probably the best thing, like the tip to remember is, that's going to happen. Like, you know, probably the one thing that isn't told to you as a parent is, "You're going to get things wrong and it's fine." And it makes me look back on, you know, my parents and go, because you always remember the things that your parents got wrong. Yeah. I remember, I remember something that I was dating years ago, would never sing in the car if we were out at home, would never sing if her favourite song came on the radio, because she said, because my mum told me when I was a kid I was a terrible singer. Oh, man. And it was like it's just, I always remember my mum telling me I was a terrible singer. And then, like, you know, not long after that, I remember being like staying with her parents. And her mum going, "She's got such a lovely singing voice. I wish she'd sing a bit more." And I was like, "What?" She's always had a lovely singing voice. I don't know if I should bring this up with you. What did she say? She said, "When you're a kid, do you once told me she had a terrible singing voice?" And her mum looked at me and went, "I have absolutely no memory of that whatsoever." Of course. And that's what made me realise that you've fresh so much about what's going to scar your kids and what will scar them is something that you can't even, you won't even have imagined and won't even remember. There's just going to be collateral damage. Did her mum say to her when she was a kid you've got a terrible singing voice? Or was she kind of doing purposely terrible singing and her mum was joking about it? Or did she even miss her mum? Did she overhear her say it to someone else? And it wasn't actually about her. Is there something that you try and say to your kids a lot? Like, is there one thing where you're like knowing the power of words? Are there things that you will kind of like keep reiterating? I know the one thing I say is in them probably more than anything else that actually is meaningless. It's the opposite. The words have no power anymore because they don't mean anything. And it's, be careful. And the amount of times my daughter's will be doing something clearly borderline dangerous. So true. Lighting a candle, trying to cook something in the oven, standing on top of a particularly narrow and tall fence. And my response to it is to go, be careful. It's so true. That does nothing. It does nothing. It's for us. It's us. I guess it's just so we feel that we put something on the record. I was like, we had, you know, just if a blanket's broken here, I want the record to show. I was aware that this was a dangerous situation. I did say be careful, you're on it. I clearly say be careful. I flagged it. But it is true isn't it? Well, you're like, that's purely our fear isn't it? Does our fear of them getting hurt coming up and has nothing to do with? It's not useful. It's not useful with us because there was also that thing of like, yeah, they're going to get hurt. They'll get hurt. They're going to. You can't stop it. I remember, there's a quote, I think it was from a movie, but I don't know where it was saying once you become a parent, you'll never know a day without fear. Yeah. We used to prize them how much, I mean, there is a lot of worry and fear involved in parenting. I probably thought I would hand, I probably thought there would be less or like I would change the game. Coming into being a dad, I was like, I'll probably be one of those. What's this? I'm not going to worry about anything. And I think I was, I think probably a lot of dads, if you feel that way, if you're kind of like hoping to be the one that goes through without, you know, with bravado, you get humbled. Yeah. You do get humbled by this. You can't imagine how much you're going to love these kids before they come along. And then hand in hand, I suppose, with love is going, "Uh-oh, what if something happened?" Yeah. This insane amount of love that I didn't know was possible. Now I feel extremely vulnerable. Yeah. I feel like it could hurt if something happened to it. I've realized how many movies have been trying to tell us this for years. It's, it's, um, "Parenthood with Steve Martin," with the old lady talking about, "I love the rollercoaster. I used to love the rollercoaster because it's scary. You don't know what's going to happen." And then it kicks off and then you think you're going to die. And then you get to the end and think that was wonderful. Let's do it again. And Steve Martin's like, "What are you talking about? You're crazy old woman." And then the wife goes, parenting. She's talking about parenting. Yeah. Or to go to another extreme, we watched Shrek happily ever after last night. Also a classic. Also a classic of the kids first birthday party, where everything's going wrong and the pigs are eating the cake and the little kids going, "Do there are?" I'm not doing the raw, dear, there are. My kids have now that's now become our thing that, "Do the raw, I'm not going to do the raw, raw." I love you, Daddy. It's. Yeah, it's a stress. It's a stress. It's true. But it's like, you know, I suppose that's. It's going through that that I suppose makes the payoff worth it, like anything, anyway. You know, you kind of look at you. I look back at my own parents when I was whatever age of the age that my kids are out and think, "You didn't seem that stressed." Yeah. But they must have been. They must have been like, "No, I think I agree." It's like, I definitely have moments where my own parents were like, "Actually, I'm going to reevaluate my scorecard on you." Knowing now what it's like to go through having kids, you guys were doing well. You were holding it together. Yeah. That's the best you can do. Just hold it together. Absolutely. A couple more things. If you could go back, if you could go back until your younger self, your younger self is a dad something. I mean, you've been a dad now for 12 years. So you can pick any point along that journey. Where do you go to and what do you say? I would say pre-dad, if I could go back until myself something. I was just adjust the dolls on the machine. But yeah, we can take you back there. No, I'll go that first. Contrary to everything that we've just talked about, it's awesome. It's the best. It's great. Yes. It is absolutely great. I remember the day after my daughter was born walking differently through the shops. And just like, I'm a dad now. And I absolutely love it. So pre-dad, I would tell myself that. Will you scared before you became a dad that, like, what if I don't love it? What if it's not for me? I don't think I quite realised how much I would love it. I think I always like the idea of having kids and being a dad. That makes total sense. But I definitely remember I had the nervousness the day my first kid was born. The day suddenly was born. I was going, am I not feeling? Like, I wonder if I'm feeling the thing you're meant to be feeling. Right. Because everyone talks about, oh, the day you're born, great, it's the day of my life. Yeah. And I wrote down, I just simply remembered on the day like, no, I feel anxious. I don't feel like I'm just having a burst of like of rainbows coming out of my head here. I feel kind of on edge. Yeah. I look back now as it as being the greatest day of my life. Because it was the beginning of being a dad. But I do remember, like, you know, I think there's that it would be normal for dads to kind of go, am I feeling the right thing? Yeah. Early days. Do you know, one thing I was really, and this is, this is one thing I would tell myself, not that it would change anything, but my daughter's occasionally will ask me this. And I've been honest about it. They've kind of said, did you, did you want to have a boy? Did you want boys or girls? And the truth was, especially with the first one, I was really hoping for a girl because I didn't consider myself capable of raising a boy because I didn't think I was a proper man. Wow. Such a weird thing. And I still can't quite get my head around it. But now I think now I realize, but now, you know, I would look at other blokes. Yeah. And go, now you're a proper bloke. You're a proper bloke. You've got you shit together. I'm not, I don't know what I am. I'm a, I'm a weird loser comedian, whatever. But I never saw myself as, oh man, I, I couldn't even raise myself probably as a bloke. I guess it comes down to that ridiculous kind of idea of what being a man is. And certainly in Australia, your race to believe that a man is a certain way. And I always looked at that and go, I don't think that's me. I don't play for you and I can't fix stuff. I mean, I do play for you, but I can't fix stuff. But you know what I mean? Of course, that we, but it is changing so much, which is a great thing. I think what it means to be a man. And you know, of course, I just say for the record, which I hope is obvious, I think the world. I think you, you're obviously a terrific man. And the world would have, well, hugely benefited from a boy following in the footsteps of Adam Hills, but it's lucky that he's got also benefited from having two girls following in the footsteps of the same thing. But I think that's what I realized now is that like, oh yeah, okay, if, and look, you know, like I said, it wouldn't have changed anything. But yeah, it kind of made me realize that maybe having daughters and I look at them and think, oh, what kind of, I don't want a blokey bloke around you. I wish that I hope that you hang out with boys and I look at the boys that they do hang out with and go, they're actually really cool kids. Yeah. And they've got a kind of sensitive side to them. And they're, they're not the sporty bloke bloke. They're kind of friendly and like, oh, okay, that's what I could have possibly taught a boy. Are you aware of for sure? Yeah, maybe. So, but it was just such a ridiculous fear that and I can't explain that to my kids because I, because I look at the look at my daughters now and go, well, yeah, I was trying to be honest. I mean, yeah, I was really honest. I thought that I wasn't a proper man. And so that if I had a boy, I wouldn't be able to raise them like a proper man. And my daughters look at me and go, yeah, no, that's probably a good thing. Like, honestly, they appreciate it guys. Thank you. I'm really glad I bed my soul. You're not daddy. You're kind of like a weird man child. You're a freaky child. And, you know, it's best that you didn't have any boys. It's kind of the way they put it to me. As your feelings on being a man change now that you, you know, you're the lovely dad of two, you know, beautiful girls and without without being like immortal, what the world needs is probably sensitive. Of course. Sensitive men that are in touch with their emotions and can't necessarily fix things or, you know, don't see footies to be all an end all or whatever else. And not only, yes, you didn't impart that to a son, but you modeled it for two girls. Maybe. Yeah. So they cast their vote as going, that's the ideal guy. Yeah, who knows. I mean, like I said, it's not a thing that I could have changed either way, but it is something that I've come to learn about myself that maybe what I would go back to myself and say is, hey, you know, hey, it's awesome. Yeah. Don't panic about it. But be, you know, if you have boys, don't worry. You're you. Yeah. Like, you'll be good. Being you is what kidnades, right? Like, that's all we can do. So I hope it's what a kidnades. He'll see what an absolute on it. I feel, I mean, could go either way with the fact that you got no sleep last night, but we do like to end with a small, a small nip of a fine whiskey that I had barreled at my son's birth. It feels like the right thing to do. So, okay, I'll I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this brief little story first. Please do. I've kind of stopped stop drinking about five years ago, but, but, but, but, but every now and then there'll be a tiny exception. And it's not it's not a like I'm never drinking again. It's just like, it wasn't really working for me and I find I do better without it. I feel however, I also remember one moment during that time, doing the last leg down under and we were in Alice Springs and we had Harold from neighbours had filmed with us, Ian Smith and afterwards sitting around a table and he'd ordered a whiskey and I went, you know what? I haven't had a drink for about a year, but I reckon I might have a whiskey and he went, why haven't you had a drink for a year? And I said, I just decided to take a break and he went, and do you feel better for it? So, yeah, I do actually. Do you feel clearer? I said, yeah, and healthier. I said, yeah, and he went, then how dare you break that for me? Okay, good point. All right, I won't. Good, good for you. So, but it what that's done is in my head, it's made me go, is this the right time to break it occasionally? And I did, let's see, last time was it a wedding? Time before that, was it a rugby do? And everyone was doing shots for penalties, and I thought it seems rude not to if I've got a penalty. Time before that, was it Russell Crowe's farm, and we were in the bar that he had, I think it was the blind rabbit from Robin Hood, he's had it rebuilt on his farm. She's, that's amazing. And we went into the bar and I went, oh no, I'm off the booze and he went, yeah, but it's the blind rabbit. And I went, yeah, but anyway, mate, it's the blind rabbit. I went, yeah, okay, right, I'll have a goodness. So, you could stare down Ian Bishop, you could stare down Harold from neighbours. You can't stare down Russell Crowe. Also from neighbours. So, for me, it's not, do you know what, here's what it is. It's not that I'm not drinking, it's just that I choose my moments very, very carefully. No pressure to drink at all. And I think having sat here with you, discussed dadding, but also knowing that, I mean, one of the traditions that our family also has now is Lego masters. And not just watching, we will build while watching. And then, last week, Ali was out doing something and the girls, and because we didn't want to watch without her there. And Macy went, let's just have our own challenge. Let's have our own Lego masters challenge. What are we going to build? And I went, well, I don't know. And she went, oh, I've got a theme. Something from the TV show Gravity Falls. So, we spent, I'd say an hour, two hours, the three of us, each building our own thing from Gravity Falls with Lego masters, each one of us standing personating brick man. Great. What was, what would, I'd be fascinated to see the girls impression of brick man. Whatever it is, it finishes with two thumbs up. Well done, guys. That is brick man. That's pretty wet. And so because of all of that and this chat and our friendship, I think this was one of those moments where yeah, you're welcome. - I'll drink to that. - Mate, thanks. - Two out of kids, two out of kids, thank you. - Cheers. - Oh, that was worth it. And thus begins the descent. - Yeah, where's Adam? Where recording sticks is fixed? (laughing) - He heard me say drinking in a park and he went, "Okay." (laughing) - Very cool. (laughing) ♪ Hey, Mrs. Glad that he talked to another dad ♪ ♪ Now he's gonna say some other stuff ♪ ♪ But he will be by himself ♪ - Thank you, thank you for making it all the way through. I hope you got a lot of that. I loved speaking to Healsy and even listening back to a one thing that struck me was that, that idea. I mean, we didn't regret not digging into it a little bit more when I was chatting to Healsy, that idea that he had about not being manly enough to raise boys. Of course, someone like Healsy had been incredible dad to any boy and I think we're a long way down the track. I think the world is changing to that to embrace and celebrate all the different kinds of boys that we are lucky enough to raise. So, for my two cents, Healsy, of course, you would raise a beautiful, gentle, incredible boy. And that's what a lot of us are trying to do. So, if you are one of those dads, and you're trying to do that, you know, maybe it doesn't need to be set again, and maybe it does, but of course, that's raising a boy is about so much more obviously than our old fashioned ideas of like, you know, much onus. So, here's to all the dads raising beautiful, sensitive, gentle, kind boys. (upbeat music) ♪ How are the dads ♪ (upbeat music) This episode of How are the Dad's Dad was recorded on the lands of the war-undery people of a coolin' nation who have passed their wisdom down for thousands of generations. The theme song is by the very clever and very funny Tom Cardi, and the episode was produced by the pretty funny, but also very clever, Tim Bartley, and also by me, I just organized some of the headphones and stuff, but that counts as producing. And catering was provided by ourselves, we were just sort of bought it and launched. Okay, if you wanna drop us a line, head to our website howatthedadsdad.com. Thanks again for listening. (upbeat music) ♪ Hey, Mish is a dad ♪ ♪ Who just spoke with a dad ♪ ♪ And a blue his tiny mind about what he learned ♪ ♪ So he'll keep on a dad's enforcing them ♪ ♪ To talk to him ♪ ♪ So he can find out ♪ ♪ How are the dads dead ♪