Hoopst Was First?

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This season, celebrate the ones you know by heart with a gift that says it all. From engravable pieces to festive charms to lab-grown diamonds, Pandora's jewelry is made for the ones who inspire you, who've been there through it all. Give a piece that says exactly what words can't. Pandora. More than a gift. Shop new styles in-store or online at pandora.net. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Bummer Bob laughs at blubbering, burns with a blackstone, and propounds a game of provenance. White Wade forgets Mark's lung, barely avoids surgery bros, then supports Sputnik, Dooku, and flammables. Anti-monarchist Mark witnesses Universal's mogging, parachute pandemonium, the Baghdad Battery, and Borg. From Coco Millennials to cocaine. It's time for Hoopst Was First. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractible, the show that many have called Coco Melon for Millennials. Yes, no one's ever said that. What is that? You know what Coco Melon is? It's a thing for, uh, on YouTube for kids. It's like lots of fast motion and it's brain rot. Great stuff if you want to slowly go insane and hate what's happening around you. I thought it was like chocolate-covered watermelon or something. But kids love it, just like everyone else loves this show. That's the main takeaway. Uh, I am your host, Bob, because that's my name. The way this show works is the host does some sort of thing, game maybe, topic discussion, the other two fellers compete, and the winner between those two hosts the next one. So I won the last one, I am hosting this one, and my competitors for today are Mark and Wade. Uh. Hello, it's me! Yeah! It's Mark and apparently a statue of Wade. Welcome to the show, everybody. Everybody's looking really alive and definitely human. Uh, especially Wade. I have what I think is gonna be a real st. No, stinker's not good. I was gonna say a real stinker of a game. Uh, no, it's not gonna be stinky at all. This game smells great! This game is gonna be the best-smelling game we've ever played! I could never be. Sam, zoom in on my face! Heh, you see this face? I can never be sad, I'm so excited to be here. Can't wait for this episode, Bob. Woo! I'm gonna give Wade a preemptive pity point, because I have a good feeling about Mark for today. Yeah? Before we get to my absolutely shitty, useless piece-of-crap game, apparently, uh, how are. Let's do small talk. How's everybody doing? How was your time since we last spoke? Which was not quite a week this time, but, boy, was it a not-busy, not-quite-a-week. Everything is coming up Markiplier, I think. Which is an expression that people had to explain on the subreddit. Or, not this, I can't remember if it was this subreddit or, or my subreddit, um, but I, I, I said that in a stream, like, "Everything's coming up Markiplier." And someone was very concerned, made a post that was just like, "What the fuck is this a reference to? What, what does this mean? Is this some cryptic hint for a future project?" And someone would be like, "No, it's. " I'm not saying shit. I'll guess it right. Yeah. Wait, what does it mean? Okay. Coming up Markiplier. You've done heist. You've done space. What if you're coming up by going down into the ocean? Hm. Hm. It's favorite place. Go on. Air comes up in the ocean because density. And so, well, maybe air. Maybe I'm gonna make a movie about a submarine or something, and in an ocean. Ah. Wait, you're so close. Nothing tremendously exciting has happened, which is kind of a good thing. There was 4th of July where we watched the universal fireworks from outside of the park, which was so funny because it was the universal fireworks and we were there. It was going to be like nine o'clock and we were watching it from a building across the way. And it was like, "Ooh, it's going." And then they got absolutely mugged by this, like, it was a country club or a golf course or something. Or a bunch of, like, golf dads got a bunch of fireworks together. The universal one was over in like 10 minutes. It was supposed to be 20 and then it was just like 10 minutes. And then this other one went on for like 40 minutes, like, and the finale was like everywhere. It was awesome. That's pretty silly. I'll take credit for the 4th of July. Wade cannot use that anymore for his small talk. Yup. Yup. Yup. The America's 250th. Did you guys see the video of the paraglider coming in or the parachuter coming into that one country fair? I don't know if he got hurt horribly, but it's like, he's trailing a big American flag and it's like, da, da, da, da, da, and then, but there's a lead weight at the bottom of the flag to keep it like taught and it gets caught on a tree and he just coming into the stadium for like a football stadium or something, or a small one, like a high school one. It catches just like straight down and like fulcrum right into this like a pop-up tent. I hope he's not hurt horribly, but it is comedic. How fast it was like, like a Simpsons moment or a family guy cut away that the second incident this year was, or was it last year that the guy was going to like the college football stadium or whatever it was and like got stuck on the scoreboard. That was, I think this past college football season, but that was just normal parachute shenanigans. That wasn't. I have, I have the video. If you want to see it. Only if you just hold up your phone to the camera and that's how we have to watch it. I don't have any more apps like that on my phone. That was another thing I did is I deleted it. Oh Lord. What do you do when you poop? Just sit there. You sit to poop. What the hell? Oh, I don't poop in the urinals. No. Yeah. So this describes as horrifying. So I'm hoping that he's okay, but you be the judge of whether it's horrifying. I mean, that's a really epic shot and I, he's not coming away completely unscathed from that. Oh, he's up. I wouldn't be surprised. There were several, many broken things, but he seemed to be moving. I'm going to say he survived. So it's okay that we could kind of laugh about it a little bit, but like he's got a helmet and a big pack in front of him. So that probably took most of the impact. It really is like it hooks on the tree. There's a moment of like, Oh, and then it couldn't, an animator could not make it funnier than what actually happened. Well, he was standing. So I'm sure he's fine. 250 baby. 250 years. We did it and everything's going great. Got a good soccer team that are doing great as far as I've, I don't care about soccer. So I've checked. I assume we're going to win that. I have been enjoying seeing all the, uh, international people enjoying America for the first time. That's always a fun thing. There's a German guy who started to cry on camera, like a little baby about what? Like food or something? Or was it the beauty? Just, they were like interviewing him. Like it was, it was like a local news and they're like, Oh, you been having a good time? Yeah. Yeah. No, I, and on. No. He was like, it's okay. It's okay. It was like, I just really loved this country. America. I thought I was going to get shot. I thought there was going to be lots of crime. I thought it was terrible. It's the best America's. I love America. I can't believe it. He was like tearing up and the news guy was kind of like, okay, you're not in like a cool part of America. You're in, this is like Kansas or something. Like I don't know. It was somewhere like in the Midwest. No specific shots at Kansas. You're fine. Kansas. Um, but yeah, it's been, it's been good to see all that. It's really embarrassing that universal got dunked on by a bunch of golf guys at their country club. That's might be what it would have been, but I looked on the map and that was the only place. Yeah. It could have been an official thing, but I was like, man, universal really needed to step it up. Universal only had one plan and the golf guys put a hole in one, I'm on three hours of sleep saying it's not going to get you any more pity points, but I do appreciate that. I'm going to go to the golf club. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I don't really know anything about it, though. That's not my real small talk. Wait, Mark, were you not invited to that? How embarrassing for you. Is that why you went to Bob's twice? Because they got married over at Bob's and you were there for the- Yeah, I had to go for the reception. reception ceremony that's where the real ceremony was all the madison square garden stuff was a distraction gave away bags and apparently they gave away cakes outside but there's still there's a lot of people are mad they got married because they have money rich people are supposed to get married i think i don't know i didn't get the gist of the argument but it was something like that now my real news is uh x-ray mri lots of doctor's visits cortisone shot physical therapy but mayhaps i'm dodging surgery my knee no torn ligaments no torn meniscus just the defect in the cartilage whatever that means that's causing a lot of inflammation and pain pain i got a cortisone shot yesterday and i start physical therapy next monday when this airs i will be going to physical therapy isn't it a mystical mystical realm i don't know where it is because i don't even know where i am i shall be secreted away if that doesn't work after four or six weeks we're going to revisit uh what is it there's the term laboratory laparoscopic surgery where they just go and like clean things laparoscopic laparoscopic yeah they're pros laparoscopic not amateur scop not bros yeah labroscopic surgery this ain't no come amateur surgery can i just add some context to this i you had your you've had your shoulder thing for a while and like i know that that hurts you sometimes but like you're you're pretty much fine if something happened like it's not like you would be that would stop you from you know fighting for your life or something it came over we did hang out and when he got to the house he really wobbled very slowly in like i assumed he would just walk in and be like ah my knees jacked up he was like he seemed you seem like you need surgery i really thought it was a torn meniscus i'm not gonna lie i really expected that but it seems like your knee is way worse than you have been selling it as because we do these sitting down so presumably you know like that doesn't really affect your ability to sit but uh i hope it actually gets better because it seems way way worse than you have been selling it as because you have been than I sort of was thinking it was. Dude, I am so used to, I did not realize how much I just flew around the house like a psychopath, like skipping steps, running up and down the stairs and stuff, jumping over things. Having to move like this, I feel 90 years old. I'm like, here's a step, one foot, two foot, breathe. One foot, two, like clinging onto the handrail. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah. No, it seems pretty serious. I really thought there was some kind of tear. So I'm really glad there's not. But apparently whatever this cartilage defect is, is causing that area to be inflamed, pushing things outward, which is causing other areas to inflame, which I guess is why I'm feeling all the extra pain. But we're hoping that PT, I'm getting some kind of strong anti-inflammatory. I've been on prednisone a couple of times, but now we're doing something else. The physical therapy, I got the cortisone shot and hopefully that'll do it. If not, I'll have to go in and do something surgically to clean it up. But even if they do, it's still not as bad as a tear. So good luck. I'll be back to backing up Joe Burrow soon. What position on the bench are you like fifth or sixth? What's the line of succession to get to Bengals QB for everybody? I ever heard the term 54th man. Wait, how many are there supposed to be? On a team? 53. Oh, OK. I see. I see. I'm right there. I'm next in line. Like, yeah, I'm basically next in line. After practice squad, it's me. There's an equipment guy sitting in the corner with a blank jersey and the letters to spell your name and a bunch of like needles and thread. Just like, oh, oh, say the word. Oh, I'm ready. Put me in. I don't think I really have. We hosted a party. Oh, I got to use my Blackstone. I'm a Blackstone guy now. So that's pretty fun. If you don't know what a Blackstone is, it's a griddle, a cast iron flat top griddle. And I made burgers and beer brats and hot dogs and bacon. Yesterday for dinner, James was like, I want a grilled cheese. And I was like, I could just make it on the stove like I always do. Or we could do the whole song and dance of going to the backyard and turn it on the Blackstone. And it was about the same as if I cooked it. On the stove. But man, did I cook it outside. Well, thank God it's been great weather here. Not ridiculously hot and humid. Yeah, I didn't sweat at all right onto his grilled cheese while I was slaving over the Blackstone. Just like I didn't sweat on any of the burgers or anything that I cooked on Saturday either. That did not happen. Is that why they had extra flavor? It all, it all burns off. It just adds salt, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's basically just salt. Sam, screenshot Wade's face. I want that. Just, I want it. It's tasty. For my own reasons. You can stop. They can take the screenshot. Wade, you can stop it. I'm just contemplating how much of his food I ate. I did, I sweated elsewhere and then cooked the food. We're basically twins now. There's enough of your DNA in me where we could just be brothers. Even Chica didn't like that. Did you hear her barking at that? Stop, stop, stop. Hey, stop. I hate to tell you, but in kitchens, in like, you know, restaurants, it's hot in kitchens. And yeah, the chefs are sweating. That's why they wear those fancy hats, right? They don't wear hats anymore. It's not cool. Sweat on their heads only. You think they're not just going like this all the time? I figured the hats are just full of ice packs like the WUG costume, you know? Well, that's even worse. That's the ice that they have in the ice machine. They actually put that on their head first and then put it in your drink. Yeah, so, uh. And Wade never enjoyed a restaurant again. I'll forget about it in five minutes. Thanks, Wade. I've got a terrible memory. Anyway, you guys want to play a fun game about dates and years and inventions? And I'm pretty sure we haven't done this before. Comfort Inn. It's calling your name. Save on the stain. I'm going to pretend like it's new, even if it is something we've done before because I love you. I won't remember what the name was. What the hell we did if we did, so it won't matter to me. It will be new to me. We're just going to talk about some stuff that we're all familiar with. None of this is super technical or anything. These are all going to be things in the world that we're familiar with. But I'm going to give you two options and you're going to have to guess which one was invented first. And it's as easy as it sounds. There's no trick to this. It's as easy as it sounds. And I'm going to flip a coin to see who gets to go first. Wadey is the lady and Mark is the man. Mark is the lion. It hurts. It's painful. Oh, what are they doing to me? Hey. Lady. That's Wadey. All right. Wade gets to go first. Wade, which one of these was invented first? Man, I really feel like who goes second has a good chance if there's two options and I get it wrong. Yeah, no, there's no like stealing on this one. It's yeah. No, yeah. Because you're right. It would be a pretty easy. I was like, man, that's a hell of a disadvantage going first, actually. Only Wade could get that wrong in a one or the other choice competition where he gets to go second and doesn't pay attention to know what the first guess was. I'd be mad, but you're not wrong. Wade, which one which of these was invented first? Cell phone or GPS like like your Garmin that you stick in your car. Did you guys have those? I definitely had one of those at some point in my life. I don't know too much about when GPS came around. GPS typically. I mean, they both were like satellite, right? Satellite phones, satellite GPS. So that is not how cell phones work. No, I love the old ones that were in your car or like satellite based. Were they not? It's not a cell phone. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about cellular telephones. I'm a go with GPS then because there have been satellites for a long time. As ever, here of Sputnik. Just to be clear, I'm talking about commercially available consumer GPS units, not any satellites in space. But you locked your guests in. So we're going to go with GPS. Yeah, in that case, I like to lock in, which is, of course, wrong. What about Sputnik? The first ever mobile cell phone prototype was invented in 1973. The first GPS satellite launched in 1978. Well, not with that attitude. Also, I don't know if you guys knew this. GPS is a U.S. technology. In other countries, they have different positional systems. Like the Kama Sutra. It was like a DARPA program, right? It was like a military, funded thing. Then they were like, wow, this is really useful. And then they let everyone use the satellites because we have that now. Good try, Wade. I'll take the point. No. Mark, which one was invented first? You've played one of these. You're going to be very familiar with this. All right. OK. The piano or the guitar. Oh, are we talking like the original, like as we know it version? Are we talking like the harpsichord and the sitar, you know, the lute? You know, are we talking? Is it one of those half horse, half man? Yes. Yes. Yes. Half horse, half man, half goat, half guitar, as we all know. Satire. He's just raking up the points here. Man, how can I compete? It's somewhere in the middle, Mark. It's not like, oh, the first ever instance of an instrument with strings that. But it's not like when did Fender start their business or anything like it's like when was the first recorded instance of the thing that basically looks like what we would know as a piano. And what we would know as a guitar, even though there are definitely some some differences as much as I want to say the piano, it's probably the guitar just because it's easier. So I imagine if there was something that was going to be made first, unless it's the opposite because royalty and all the fucking kings and shit, you know, I've always said no kings. I've always believed this. You know, I don't like monarchies in general. I think that it, but they did fund the arts and the rich did fund the arts back in the day just to look cool, though, not for good reasons. Yeah. But, which art did they fund? I'm going to go with guitar just because. And of course, that is correct. Ah! Sweet. I'll take the point. The earliest version of what we would pretty much recognize as a guitar dates to somewhere in 16th century Spain. The piano dates back to around the turn of the 18th century, somewhere around 1700. Obviously, there have been a lot of iterations and there are certainly things on that before those specific instances where it's like if you looked at it, you might be like, well, that's basically a piano. No, but this is look, this isn't science. OK, this is just distractible. If you're making a bow and arrow and you actually tie two strings to it, you've made a guitar, whereas a piano is a lot more intricate. You know, you should try that. You should do that and then learn to play Stairway to Heaven on it. And she's buying a stairway. Dong dong. Wade, these next ones are something I think you're going to be very personally familiar with. I know that you're really into it. All right. Which was invented first, Sudoku or crossword puzzles? And just to translate it for you, in case you're one of those people, this is also the thing that's commonly called Sudoku, but that is not what it's called. It is called Sudoku. I have heard lots of people be like, oh, I did what I was doing. Well, Sudoku, Sudoku, Sudoku, Sudoku, Sudoku, Sudoku. You know, people that just don't even try to pronounce things right. You know that I think that makes everybody mad. People that habitually just like say the wrong thing all the time. Who would? Yeah, you know what I mean? Nothing pisses off people more than that. I agree, Bob. That's a strong agreement. No room for error. All right, Wade, now that you've had time to Google it, which one of these things came first? Do I look like the kind of guy smart enough to Google? No, you look like a DuckDuckGo guy. You're right. You look like an Ask Jeeves guy. Not going to lie. Is that because I'm bald? Yeah. I'm going to put this in this kind of context, the way I'm thinking about it. Crossword puzzles, you know, are letters. You put letters, you make words, and they have other words. Math is universal. Everyone needs math, numbers. In Germany, there are words that are like 500 letters long, probably. There's a lot of long words. Their crosswords puzzles be really hard. Other, you know, places do things with like, I can't think of the term. Is it kanji, like symbols and stuff? I don't know if they do crosswords or not. I don't know if that works. Yeah, kanji is Japanese symbols. I don't know if that written language works the same because I've never studied it. So I don't know if that works just for crossword type things. But numbers, everyone does numbers. Sudoku definitely came first. Locking that in? Locked. I don't do this with Mark. I don't know why, but with you, I feel obligated to have you lock it in. It must be a big hint that I'm wrong, but I'll take it. You said Sudoku was definitely invented first. No doubt. And of course, that is wrong. Okay. The first published crossword puzzle appeared in the New York World, which I assume is a paper, in 1913. Created by journalist Arthur Wynn, another puzzle inventor. Howard Garns published the first game of Sudoku in 1979. Wait, Howard? Tell me, Howard? Garns. I always hated my great uncle. Wait, did he just steal the Japanese game or what? I have always wondered how exactly Sudoku got its name. I have to be honest. I'm pulling most of these from a thing, so I'm sort of trusting someone else to have done this research. Oh, I've been writing both my answers, then I stand by them. You guys are like, GPS is American. You know what GPS stands for? Global positioning. It was originally called Number Place. I don't know. It probably just sounded better. Maybe someone said, You go, dude. He misunderstood. It was like, Sudoku? That's a much better name than Number Box. It's just a bunch of people misinterpreting everybody. Yeah, even Wikipedia, which is the most trusted source I have on the internet these days, says it was Howard Garns, who was a retired architect and freelance puzzle constructor from Indiana. A freelance puzzle constructor. Do you? He put an ad in the newspaper like, "I can do puzzles, trust me." He's just out here puzzling for the love of the game, all right? He doesn't puzzle for money. That's like Marcus, you know? He's just like, "Please, let me put a code in here. Please, I'm begging you. Let me put a code in the DVD. Please, I'll create a whole password input menu." And I'm like, "People just want the movie, man. People just want the movie, please." So Howard invented, or maybe invented this version of it. The puzzle was introduced in Japan. Yeah. By Maki Kaji in 1984, and it was originally called in their publication, I'm going to pronounce this very wrong, but something approximately like which was shortened to Sudoku, which the original name in Japanese meant, the digits must be single. Mark, you have no reason to be offended. He was speaking Japanese and you're Hawaiian. The Japanese name actually came, way later, but it was so fire that everyone was like, "Yeah, number play sucks ass, Howard. We're going to call it Sudoku." I call it, you put the numbers in the box correctly. Number fun time game. Wade was wrong. Shocker. I'll take my point. Uh, Mark, you love science. Sure. You know, lots of things. Which of these came first, vaccines or batteries? I don't know why, but I got a horrible flashback and I was just like, "Acetate. The answer is acetatine. It's a trick. It's all come full circle." The Treaty of? Winnebago. Whose wall was it? Oh, Heydrigs. Fuck. Heydrigs. I don't know what the real answer from the joke answer is anymore. It's Hadrian, and it is Westphalia. Oh, I said Winnebago again. Yeah, Winnebago is the joke answer that's wrong. Fuck! Oh my God. Okay. What's, uh, what was he, what were you trying to say to me? Which one came first? Chicken. Ah! Vaccines or batteries? I'm thinking batteries, because I remember some bullshit about there being an ancient Egyptian urn that they had somehow rigged up with electric eels. But I don't know if that was just a joke or something, but I remember that being a thing. So I'm going to go with batteries because I believe in an archeological excavation of some type. They did that. I think you're right. I think Cleopatra got bit on her boob by a snake, but she thought it was an eel and she thought she was supercharging herself to get a real. Good amount of work done that day. Yeah, that's what people used to do with radium. They used to have like these radium devices that they would put in their water to be like radioactivize your water to energize you through your day. Do you want to lock that answer in Mark? I'm going to log it in. Yeah. I really, I thought anyway, uh, that's incorrect. I'm sorry. This one is very close. I feel like this one is, I would be curious about more detail on this one because what I have here is that in 19, Nope, not 19. In 1796, Edward Jenner use cowpox material to create a vaccine for smallpox, 1796. And then great name, Alessandro Volta, obviously invented the battery, which was originally called for some reason, an artificial electric organ, very concerning name, uh, in 1800. So those were very close together, but I don't know, I'm curious what you, what you read about the archeological thing. Like they, I'm sure that there's something there because I'm sure you read it or it was in like, you know, a YouTube video or something and you were like, wow, that's crazy. Yeah. I, it's probably not real, but they built those really dark pyramids. So they probably had battery powered flashlights where there's tossed an eel in a metal vase. We're like, we can see, oh, I thought, I thought dark pyramids, like on the outside, like pure black pyramids. I'm like, what alternate reality pyramids have you seen? Baghdad battery or Parthian battery is a 2000 year old artifact consisting of a clay jar, a copper cylinder, and an iron rod unearthed near the ancient ruins of Ctesiphon. This primitive galvanic cell can generate a small electric current when filled with acidic liquid. Is that real? That is a Wikipedia entry for a thing called the quote Baghdad battery. Uh, but like, there's no way that they were generating electricity with it on purpose because they didn't, would not have known what electricity was or was, it was probably something where it was like, well, if we put all this shit in a jar, we're gonna get electricity. We're gonna fill it in a jar and fill it with, with water and lemon juice. It's tingly when you drink it. Yeah. That's probably what it was. It's just like, it's very tingly. Oh, that's how they made surge. So, so you're not crazy. You didn't hallucinate that. It's just like, there's no way it was being used as a battery for battery purposes. Yeah. I'll leave it up to some audience member who knows way too much about this to be like, no, Mark's vindicated. And then we'll forget about it, but they'll be all like, he deserves his point. And you know. Oh, there are theories that it was possibly a, an electro plate. Plating set up, which would be fucking crazy, barely a, a researcher or historian in the 1930 is working in the Iraq museum observed a number of very fine objects from ancient Iraq that were plated with very thin layers of gold. And there was speculation that something like this, this pot with the, with the galvanic cell that they found was potentially used for electroplating, which is a thing I could totally see. And I think that's, I think that's a pretty good point. need to understand what electricity is to be like well if we do this it plates shit in gold because that's pretty sick did they use capri suns for cooling i mean almost definitely they grabbed a capri sun out of the crafty cooler and slapped that bad boy on there to make sure that their galvanic cell could adequately gold plate their statue i can't wait to tell you about my next crazy build project that i have but i can't talk about it yet it's going to be it's going to be psychotic on another level people don't know my crazy yet i'm gonna give you half a point for fascinating knowledge mark okay all right cool hey bagdad battery well i don't know if they had capris over there did that wait what was the headdress called a nemes or something any mes what's that called the headdress that they wore in egypt i can see the word i don't remember how it's pronounced i think i'm way wrong maybe it's a nemesis a nemesis son nemesis son a nemeson you're right i'm fine how are you talking about your nemesis son yeah my nemesis's son what a bitch hate that guy what a bitch harsh it's just a son man he didn't he didn't do anything to you you don't know that he's my nemesis's son what a bitch are you quacker jack fucking quacker jack yeah he hated his son too but they're still both my nemesis honestly yeah that that seems like a villain nemesis i could get that it's like a villain a villain from dark wing duck oh wait you're using one of these things right now and i would wager that you've never used the other one of these things in your entire life testicles wait you've never used your testicles or maybe i'm using them right now you don't know which one it is i hope it's not that i hope it's not that second one you said okay wait which came first microphones or dishwasher i feel like microphone i think people have been using some microphone variation of microphones for a while unless unless you count people as dishwashers man people probably wash dishes for a while but i yeah no not this is a thing where you don't have to wash the dishes because the dishwasher washes the voice it's a device so that feels like a 40s 50s type of thing right like the dishwasher microphone probably older microphone locking it i'm so locking that in microphones i am locked no doubt this is my vindication how many coin flips can a person lose in a row ah i can tell you something about that uh all right this is another one that's surprisingly close but i'll start by saying you're correct way to microphones were invented first yes shortly after the invention of the telephone emile berliner created a transmitter amplifying the noise and thus created the first microphone based on the technology that was involved in the first telephone in 1876 uh while josephine garris cochran emitted her patent for the dishwasher a mere 10 years later 1940 i was right in 1886 was the first uh patent for the first dishwasher but it doesn't matter because you're right microphones came first i mean i want to be all the way right but i'll take my answer being right work you use both of these things i'm fairly certain not anymore because you you fixed your eyeballs but i think you have used both things which came first contact lenses or escalators and i don't know why i said it like that it had to have been a hint there had to have been a hint in there escalators you said later he emphasized later which means that it came later or he doesn't mean the stairs he means people that escalate things no no esca from the root latin word eskimo meaning cold as in you're cold you're cold you're not hot if you're picking this one yep cold and later he's giving me subtle hints that this one not later is in farther away it's farther from the right answer which is contact lenses and also that'd be more surprising so i'm gonna go with that one mark has finally discovered the real game here mark finally properly interpreted the clues i have been leaving in each presented question and of course contact lenses were the first invention mark is the only one who understands what's happening here can i have a fresco uh contact lenses the first ones were made entirely of glass which sounds just awful yeah we're invented in 1887 uh and four years later jesse reno hell of a name uh invented and showed off the first prototype of an escalator at coney island what a time to be alive when you go to an amusement park you're like do you guys want to ride to sit sit there or do you want to go up the escalator so much fun shit at this place there were a few like early roller coaster or amusement park things where like the spinning discs on the floor where you just you lay down and it kind of just moves you at random god help you if your clothes get caught in one of those and no matter how stupid it is because i'm not going to be able to do that i'm an adult and i know how to get off an escalator every single time i'm on an escalator i'm like oh but what if i what if i move my foot too late and what if my foot gets sucked in at the end of the escalator and what if i get shredded into spaghetti on the escalator and then i'll be spaghetti for the rest of my life which won't be very long the spinning discs on the ground thing looks like a fucking nightmare it looks like an on-purpose meat grinder for humans there was an incident a few years ago where a lady i think it was another country that was like china or past the not the escalator but the walking path and i think like her leg got caught because it wasn't actually where the things meant to be it was like the plate collapsed i think her leg got pretty fucked up she might have even died i don't remember but no matter how many escalators i go on every single time i'm like god don't get sucked in don't get sucked in pull your pants up don't have saggy pants this is not a good place for that wait this one is tricky which came first matches or lighters it's a tricky one it's tricky i mean i feel like the obvious answers matches but if you say it's tricky it makes me think okay well that's obviously lighters maybe it's a different kind of tricky or you're saying it's tricky because you thought i'd overthink it and go past and then i should go back because the answer is really the one that makes the most sense which would be matches you know lock that in a lighter just seems so much more complex than fire stick it really is unless you think about it how people light torches back in like the bc's they just rub them on the ground for a while they have a lighter i don't think they have a lighter look i'm not trying to give you hints i'm i am saying i'm not trying to help you dm me the answer real quick so i can say the right one out loud okay i'm gonna lock in matches before you do i'm gonna open i'm gonna open discord and i'm gonna dm you the correct answer right now wow discord apparently has an update give me a sec there's an update to discord every day multiple updates what are they doing they gotta add more micro transactions and for some reason they're doing a whole bunch of stuff and i'm gonna lock in matches like i already said all right you're gonna stay locked in with it uh you know what i respect your integrity wade because of course matches is wrong i was renting my coin because you were literally slow walking him towards hey wait a minute i was trying apparently the first lighter was invented by johan wolfgang duberiner great name uh in 1823 uh but then not far behind him chemist john walker invented the friction match in 1826 there had to have been matches before the 1800s if you think about it though the thing about matches isn't that it's a piece of wood that burns it's that there's a chemical compound on the tip of it that ignites into fire when you rub it on something that's kind of rough right it's not that it's a stick that burns it's that someone had to invent the chemical lighter is just shit that already burned in a container where all of it doesn't burn at once but a match is actually like a chemistry invention i would have looked at it a different way for why i would have picked lighter versus because even though matches seem like something that's easier to make it's a mass production issue matches necessitate some kind of factory or mass production method to make the small sticks in a box right and that needs other steps because it's meaningless to make like 10 matches you need to make like thousands and thousands of matches it's true i was just thinking you have a stick you have your pot of oily goo you dump on people when they go to storm your castle and you're just like pitch sure sure you just and then you're like match torch your arrows what you use to light your match that doesn't have like a compound that lights when you strike it on something you gotta have your flammable pot of things to pour on people that come into your castle and you're like oh my god i'm gonna have a match that doesn't have a compound that lights when you strike it on something you gotta have your flammable pot of things to pour on people that come into your castle and you're like oh my god you gotta have your flammable pot of things to pour on people that come into your castle right like yeah yeah oh yeah man oh yeah i literally tried to tell you the correct answer on that one buddy i mark was ready to fight you on that but well good thing for him i'm a man of stupid integrity you consciously chose to ignore my cheating hints and stick to your guns and that is worth zero points all right i'm gonna say this is the last one i think and then way to get the really stay in this one uh mark which came first ballpoint pens or zippers and so it is an important distinction that it's ballpoint pens because there were fountain pens for like a while right where you you need to like physically fill it with ink and it's more like a ballpoint pens meaning it's got the little cartridge it has the yeah it works the way the pens that we're modernly accustomed to work it's not just a pen because there have been lots of different variations of those there's a fairly famous story about the space race between the u.s and the ussr that talks about oh the americans they spent x billion dollars inventing a pen or pencil that could write upside down in space underwater blah blah blah that's so good and then the ussr they just used a pencil the wisdom of that is like using graphite in space is a very bad idea because the lead breaks off it goes into the electrical system it causes a short circuit and it a horrible fire many have died uh well not many but you know people have died because of fires is that what happened to sputnik sputnik yes everyone on sputnik there's no survivors from sputnik that's what i thought the guy that they set up in sputnik who is just like a tiny little guy in the ball but that being said the other option being zipper okay if i go with my logic of zipper needing some kind of that's not an easy thing to make it requires some kind of precision metal and fabric infusion and there's a famous story i'm not sure you're not aware of where a guy with a zipper zipped his balls up in it's called there's something about mary a classic film oh my god what happened to him is he okay well in the movie he wasn't but in real life i think he's what happened to him his balls go away a hospital trip because he couldn't unzip i'm gonna go with ballpoint pen just because no but when did they have zippers uh now that's right we do have zippers now whatever i'm just gonna say pen because all right mark says ballpoint pens came yeah and that of course is correct whoa uh so this one actually doesn't have a year in the notes that i have annoyingly but it says ballpoint pens were invented three years before zippers it's interesting so we're like people's dicks just flopping around before that what were they doing buttons uh ballpoint pens were apparently patented in america which is maybe the what they're using to establish the the the zippers but i don't know what they're doing i don't know what they're doing so that means that based on this uh zippers would have come into existence in 1891 wait when were ballpoints been made 1888 was the first patent but that's before my science anecdote story this is tearing a hole in my entire logical argument even though i got a point so i'm not gonna fight it very much there were definitely ballpoint pens before we invented the special space pen right uh that's how they knew they had to invent a special one because they had regular ballpoint pens and the first guy they set up at space was like hey it doesn't work they're like okay we'll do a space pen and then someone got their ball stuck in a fountain pen and was like oh i have an idea i can't forget this idea even though this hurts i'm gonna keep writing and think how sexy the noise will be when we undress this one is confusing i'm gonna abandon completely the thing i said about the being the last one because i forgot that i wrote i really like these last two because you'll never figure it out which one came first toothpaste or toothbrush people just dry clean their teeth or do they have something they thought clean their teeth that they would just rub on with their fingers or hair or dicks back in the day people's dicks used to be way longer i'm gonna say toothpaste it seems wrong it seems crazy it seems anti-sensical and therefore i like it toothpaste came first you want to lock that in locking it in well wade says toothpaste came first and of course that's correct i did it there is evidence of ancient egyptians using paste to clean their teeth around 5000 bc but actual tools to be used in the cleaning of teeth are not evidenced in historical records until sometime around 3500 to 3000 bc so it's all old stuff but apparently egyptians just would take some paste and give it the old i was hoping that was the case but i could have seen it going either way i was like maybe they took a squirrel and put some little hairs on a thing and were like and i balanced it out there mark i tried to lead him away from the correct answer so i know you i know you didn't call for a coin flip but i just want to i'm not only cheating in one direction uh all right that's a good episode let's stop there mark i know you've actually i don't know for a fact you've had both of these but i presume you've had both of these things in your mouth at one point or another interesting oh that's a question pepsi or coca-cola man well one would feel like this answer would be obvious and i had to do it this way because i think wade wade has potentially personal information that might make him have more of an advantage on this question i do have family that worked in coke i don't know if that means you actually know anything about it but it could the one unique advantage that coke had bad luck in the day was that it had cocaine in it now what that would might say is like oh the original recipe blah blah blah i think that was an attempt to have a competitive advantage over the other party right if it's like well ours has cocaine you're gonna fucking love this shit and pepsi came first and had something else it would have been to me it's like coca-cola hat was the newcomer that beat him out right i hear what you're saying i hear what you're getting at i mark i'm gonna give you the same thing that i gave to wade on an earlier question and i'm gonna allow you to do with that information what you will oh no it was the obvious one oh no i locked in i'll be a man of honor unless i shouldn't look that you didn't even say you were locked in there is nothing except however you're gonna feel about it that has an impact on whether or not you can change what answer you're leaning towards and what you want to give me as your final locked in answer but wait is he leading you toward the answer or away from it well he's literally given me the answer so remember when i dm'd you the correct answer to that other one that's what i just did for mark i just dm'd him the correct answer oh shit so but but i'll say this if if there's ever a situation on a game show where you know you have to you have to do something to win i won't change my answer i said pepsi and i i'm gonna go with pepsi and of course that is incorrect so close but i am gonna give you an integrity point it's integral they are very close all of these were very close coca-cola dates back to 1886 pepsi dates back to 1893 i will say i had a little i had a little side game going in my head i was trying to cheat for you guys pretty blatantly i i was going to punish you if anyone took my very uh blatantly obvious clue giving and dming of correct answers i there was i was waiting for someone to give me the correct answer i was waiting for someone to give me the to pounce at me leading you slow walking you directly at the correct answer not a single person took the bait wow i'm a little shocked yeah i thought for sure mark would so fuck that part of what i had in my head completely all this was was a game where we're talking about which thing was invented first and there was nothing else to it and i'm the asshole because i was trying to lure you into uh an un what's that word no and no integrity bad integrity integrity less yeah yeah that's it yeah that's it i was trying to lure you into bad behaviors and you were both good good boys bad ball the other part of that is i was kind of keeping the score pretty pretty chill because i was looking forward to whoever was going to get punished that was going to sort of create a display anyway let's look at the points looks how many points you guys i have bounty he did i still don't wait it's never gonna do a single bounty in his life this is this is fantastic what while we were doing that episode i was really hoping you weren't gonna see the flashing on my screen because one of the bounties is to play an entire level of five nights at freddy's while the episode is going on and every time i flipped up the screen i noticed on my face it was like bright i'm just so used to you always doing other things i can't think anything of it that didn't work to my advantage but yeah every time i did that like look at my character oh i died but i i beat that level but not only did i do that the other part of that was to beat a level of it was an oar but i did both oh did you also do power wash and a power level both to just flex on it to show that i can multitask with the best of them god you're such a master of half-assing this podcast i'm jealous i'm not gonna lie i thought you were gonna say you did the one where like somewhere throughout the episode you just put your camera on like and you're going to say you did the one where like somewhere throughout the episode you just put your camera on like and you're just going to say you did the one where like somewhere throughout the episode you just put your camera on like and you're going to say you did the one where like somewhere throughout the episode you just put your camera on like repeat for like two minutes and we didn't notice i realized i could have done the shirt one but i picked the wrong shirt to do it for like the really obvious blue here come the mummies one the shirt that at the top of the recording i was like wow is that a is that a here comes the mummy shirt mark wow i noticed what shirt you're wearing very specifically so i'm very much looking forward to uh to this 13 complete a level of fnaf 1 or power wash simulator in an episode without the uh suggested by batgirl and spoiler upvoted 101 times was suggested in may i'm gonna check that off i'm gonna give you your two points thank you they seem to be a good way to win i'm not gonna throw this out as like oh i caught you there were definitely a couple times where i was like wow mark must be like googling about whatever shit we're talking because there were a couple of times where i looked at your face and you were just like and i was like i used to but like you said like you you do that a lot no matter what we're doing you're like you're googling the thing we were just talking about or you're googling the net so i just like wrote it off i was like ah he's just like looking at something he's just cheating horribly over there at no point did i legitimately peg you as doing the bounty playing a game so all right mark you earned points for everything's coming up marga blier universal got mogged uh sweaty chef guitar came first you strong agreement point fascinating knowledge point contact Black lenses came first, ballpoint pens came first, point and a finesse bounty point two points wade you got we can just skip it's fine well i don't know why i wrote it in this way but you got a pity point and an integrity point you got a point for i don't remember what that was you had a point for tate and trey trey getting married you got a point for satire satire uh you got a cleopatra boob snake bite point you got a what a bitch point you were correct about microphones coming first there's something about mary balls in zipper point and you were correct about toothpaste which means mark you have nine and a half points and wade you have eight points god my comedic genius kept me in whenever my knowledge failed just like in life i'm still unsure is it two points or three points was a three point bounty like a special one three was only for like the first one i think and then i think it was two to three we agreed on typically where three is like a three point bounty and then i think it was two like the harder to get ones but i gave three the first time because it was the first one i just don't i just don't want to do it wrong but like i just don't remember it might be up to the judge to decide how much that yeah uh let's see how many spins we're gonna get and if mark's win is secured or if i'm gonna have to do a shit oh my god it's anybody's game three spins baby i'm not gonna do this but if you use the coin on the spins would you either get none or six i don't know yeah i might have to use that one day if i really i am gonna stick to the theme of today's episode and say that whomsoever was born first gets the point between the competitors all right i think that's always me so that one's skewed towards wade well that's okay because he stinks three spins spin number one choice hotels get you more of what you value comfort in it's calling your name so current record holder for most points oh god i don't know we gotta go to the and i remember i have one where there was a shit ton of points for both of you i'm trying to find it here in my this is one where mark has 17 18 this is one where mark has 18 if if it's like the record of all time i don't know that but currently as it stands as of the last point total count for this season just i don't know what episode it's me with 50 bob with 55 and a half and wade with 56 so technically but i don't know if that's record holder here's a here's a bob's secret words episode mark has 26 points that's a the highest i saw in this book was 19 i think that might be the highest scoring episode i have ever done but i like mark's version better because now that we have now that person is actually like keeping track of things i mean like it's it's a reward for being good at distracting if you have the most points you get even more points the rich get richer that's how i like to run things i have the most points this season with the fewest wins yeah isn't that funny anyway so that means wade gets that one spin number two tmi point i mentioned balls stuck in a zipper they weren't your balls it could be i'm looking at my balls right now is that tmi i'm looking at our uh i'm looking down in my crotch i don't know with what i don't know i'm also looking down at mark's crotch i feel like this one is not immediately apparent that i there was no there's a lot of duds on this wheel very apparent now i'm looking down at mark's crotch i feel like this one is not immediately apparent that i'm looking down in my crotch i feel like this one is not immediately apparent that i'm looking down in my crotch i feel like this one is not immediately apparent that i'm looking down in my crotch i feel like this one is definitely the best time i i can't i can't disagree with that spin number three still a tight game everything's going great fuck fuck fuck fuck it doesn't count now it's before the spin happened fuck i'm gonna start right before the spin i'm gonna start right before the spin i'm gonna start right before the wheel starts spinning just load it up there's a lot of things that come up on this wheel that like man before the wheel comes up i'm just gonna start lay flat gotta eat gotta drink gotta fuck fuck my balls my balls i feel like this one is targeted towards like whoever got the maddest and said fuck a bunch of mark had a great time mark was really happy and wait so i don't think anyone said fuck very much fuck well now you said it a lot in the last 30 seconds but yeah i did come on currently sponsored is anyone currently sponsored by anyone not the podcast not us and not me man i wish i was none of us have any active sponsorships or anything hey if you guys want to come to our twitch channels and leave a sub we make no money right now apparently my god this is the most spins we've ever had all right spin three attempt three come on wheel most personal attacks well i made fun of wade kind of but honestly you guys both you both showed an annoyingly a high level of integrity during this episode if anything i said that thing about the mispronunciations that was actually a wade attack i told mark he wasn't from japan he was from hawaii is that an attack well japan and hawaii do have a really rough history with attacks you know that's right they collected a bunch of pearls or something i remember that okay spin number three attempt number four come on come on just give a shortest and get it over with most impressions no not a single one single impression of it spin number three attempt number five come on we got this we got this we're gonna have so many messages where we did all of these things best scottish accent perform if necessary okay get out of my swamp oh god mark wins he doesn't have to perform oh don't kick get out of my swamp hang on gently what'd you say my name is banger my name is banger don't mimic his it's not helping your case it's helping my case ethan is that you the scottish minds are real brutal to him uh mark it's that one i yeah no it actually it actually did matter because if wade had gotten that he would have won but wade unfair mark won the scottish accent not because of what he just did but because i know what his scottish accent sounds like when he's really trying and you had an opportunity to overtake that in your performance wade but i i felt like it was uh inconsistent but so i gave mark the point for the scottish accent because i've heard him do it many a time and he has a he has a it's a good scottish accent for a person who does not specialize in doing accents or impersonations it's a good accent but then wade said the word and held up his giant ass stupid coin so what exactly are you calling unfair on him having the best scottish accent it's not just can do it's did if it was just permanent there'd be no point for it to be on the wheel it would just be give a point it's not can do or did it's best scottish accent i'm arguing what that means so the result of the scoiden flip is going to decide what exactly the point means now that's stupid look i'm just gonna say if it's all heads that means it's fair and needs to be made doubly fair and so mark gets two points if it's if it's whatever if it's all mixed bag that means it's fair nothing happens and if it's all tails that means it's unfair and we'll be made doubly unfair oh wait no i'm saying it backwards but if it's all tails wade gets the point all right tails never fails wait if it's all heads he gets the point because that's what he wants right all right who cares then it needs to be doubly made it's super fair yeah i'll take all heads and all tails if it's mixed then we'll give it to mark if it's all heads wade gets a point if it's all tails markets two points how have we forgotten how this works it's been a minute since we've actually done a coin flip man all right i'm flipping oh i got a heads i got a heads i got a lion which is tails on my coin fuck me in the alps i'd say my coin wanted to pull for you wade but uh the way that coin flips sometimes is uh fair and fair and fair fuck fuck fuck i'm flat all right the final score after an inordinate number of wheel spins is now mark with 19 and a half nope that's not how math works what the fuck did i just read 11 and a half very different wade with 10 i'll take 19 canonically mark has 19 and a half points anyway mark wins either way congratulations to mark uh wade would you like to give your loser speech i was here that's it hardly a speech at all thank you mark winner speech i had a great time i knew a positive mental attitude was gonna be able to get me through this and that's what i did and that's what i have and that's what i'm gonna carry over into my next judging session whatever that may be is it gonna be the perfect discrime he froze did he freeze for you okay he's back I thought we were about to have another disappearing Mark moment. Right as I'm laughing? Yeah, no, it literally froze with you being like. Like when I slammed my desk and froze my own audio mix-up. Anyway, yeah, well, I can't wait to see that. I'm sure that Mark is telling the truth, and it will definitely be the most perfect crime. I'm sure that's going to happen. I'm very excited about that. I'm glad Mark won, so we finally get to experience that for real life. Congratulations to Mark, and condolences to Wade. Despite being mostly asleep and really phoning it in, he did a pretty good job, and you were very close, which is very undeserved. So that's impressive in its own way. Keeping up my streak of the most points and losses. Make sure you follow us all on all of our channels and things. LordMinion77 or Minion777, MySkirm, or Markiplier. Make sure you follow the show on whatever platform you like watching it and or listening to it on. Just click the little plus thing, and then you'll know when the episodes come out, even though they've come out on the same day for literal years. I know we're not doing Fridays right now, but the show has come out on Mondays since the dawn of time, as far as Distractible is concerned. So I feel like you should know that by now. Check out the merch shop, because you never know when merch is going to pop up. Not right now, but you never know. Distractible.shop, check it out. Oh shit, what game is Mark playing now? What? I'm looking right at you guys. He's doing another bounty. I'm literally looking at you. I've never looked at you guys harder. Thank you for listening. Thank you even more for watching. We'll see you in the next episode, which will be. Which will be hosted by Mark. Congratulations again. Until then, podcast out. Save on the stay. Book direct at choicevilletales.com. Give a piece that says, exactly what words can't. Pandora. More than a gift. 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