Hoopst Was First?

Good evening, gentle listeners, or watchers, and welcome. Too destructible! This episode. Bama Bob, Last and Blubbering burns with a black stone and propounds a game of provenance. White Wade forgets Mark's lung. Barely avoids surgery bros, the support sputnik, duku, and flammables. Antimonicist Mark, witness his universal smogging, parachute pandemonium, the Baghdad battery, and balls. From Cocoa Millenials to Cocaine. Ha ha ha ha ha! It's time for. Hoopst was first. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted, and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractable, the show that many have called Cocoa Melon for Millennials. Yes, no one's ever said that. What is that? You know what Cocoa Melon is? It's a thing for YouTube, for kids. It's like lots of fast motion and it's brain rot. Great stuff, if you want to slowly go insane and hate what's happening around you. Those like chocolate covered watermelon or something. But kids love it. Just like everyone else loves this show. That's the main takeaway. I am your host, Bob, because that's my name. The way the show works is the host does some sort of thing, game maybe, topic, discussion. The other two fellers compete in the winner between those two, host the next one. So I won the last one. I am hosting this one in my competitors for today. Our Mark and Wade. Oh, it's me! Yeah! It's Mark and apparently a statue of Wade. Welcome to the show, everybody. Everybody's looking really alive and definitely human, especially Wade. I have what I think is going to be a real stinker is not good. Let's just say a real stinker of the game. Oh no, it's not going to be stinky at all. This game smells great. This game is going to be the best smelling game we've ever played. I could never be. Sam, zoom in on my face. You see this face? I can never be sad. I'm so excited to be here. Can't wait for this episode, Bob. I'm going to give Wade a preemptive pity point because I have a good feeling about Mark for today. Yeah. Before we get to my absolutely shitty, useless piece of crap game, apparently, how are. Let's do a small talk. How's everybody doing? How is your time since we last spoke, which was not quite a week this time, but boy, was it a not busy, not quite a week? Everything is coming up, Markiplier, I think, which is an expression that people had to explain on this subreddit. Or not this. I can't remember if it was this subreddit or my subreddit, but I said that in a stream, everything's coming up, Markiplier. Someone was very concerned, made a post that was just like, "What the fuck is this a reference to?" What does this mean? Is this some cryptic hint for a future project? And someone would be like, "No." I'm not saying shit. I'll guess it right. Yeah, wait, what does it mean? Okay, coming up, Markiplier. You've done heist. You've done space. What if you're coming up by going down into the ocean? It's favorite place. Go on. Air comes up in the ocean because density, and so maybe. Air. Maybe I'm going to make a movie about a submarine or something and in an ocean. Wait, you're so close. Nothing tremendously exciting has happened, which is kind of a good thing. There was Fourth of July where we watched the Universal Fireworks from outside of the park, which was so funny because it was the Universal Fireworks and we were there. It was going to be like nine o'clock and we were watching it from a building across the way. And it was like, "Whoa, it's going!" And then they got absolutely mugged by this. Like, it was a country club or a golf course or something. Where a bunch of like, golf dads got a bunch of fireworks together. The Universal One was over in like 10 minutes. It was supposed to be 20 and then it was just like 10 minutes. And then this other one went on for like 40 minutes. It was like shit in the finale. It was paling everywhere. It was awesome. That's pretty silly. I'll take credit for the Fourth of July. Wade cannot use that anymore for his small talk. The America's 250th. Did you guys see the video of the paraglider coming in or the parachuter coming into that one country fare? I don't know if he got hurt horribly. But he's like, he's trailing a big American flag and it's like, duh, duh, duh, duh. And then, but there's a lead way to the bottom of the flag to keep it like taught. And it gets caught on a tree. And he just coming into the stadium for like a football stay or something or a small one, like a high school. It catches, just like straight down and like, full-crumb, right into this like pop up tent. It's, I hope he's not hurt horribly. But it is comedic how fast. It was like, blah, blah. Like a Simpson's moment or a family guy cut away. That the second incident this year was it last year that the guy was going to like the college football stadium or whatever it was and got stuck on the scoreboard. That was I think this past college football season, but that was just normal parachute shenanigans. That wasn't I have. I have the video if you want to see it. Only if you just hold up your phone, a duck to the camera. And that's how we have to watch it. I don't have any more apps like that on my phone. That was another thing I did as I deleted it. Oh, or what do you do when you poop? To sit there. You sit to poop, what the hell? Oh, I don't poop in the urinals now, yeah. So this describes as horrifying. So I'm hoping that he's okay. But you be the judge of whether it's horrifying. I mean, that's a really epic shot. And push. I he's not coming away completely unscathed from that. Oh, he's up. I wouldn't be surprised if there were several many broken things. But he seemed to be moving. I want to say he survived. So it's okay that we could kind of laugh about a little bit. But like, he's got a helmet and a big pack in front of him. So that probably took most of the impact. It really is like it hooks out the tree. There's a moment of like, and then an animator could not make it funnier than what actually happened. Well, he was standing. So I'm sure he's fine. 250, baby. 250 years. We did it. And everything's going great. Got a good soccer team. They're doing great. As far as I don't care about soccer, so I've checked. But I assume we're going to win that. I have been enjoying seeing all the international people enjoying America for the first time. That's always a fun thing. There's a German guy starting to cry on camera. Like a little baby about what? Like food or something or was it the beauty? Just they were like interviewing him. Like it was like a local news. And they're like, oh, you're having a good time. He's like, yeah, yeah. No, I ain't on it. He's like, it's okay. It's okay. He's like, I just really loved his country. I thought I was going to get shot. I thought there was going to be a lot to cry. I thought it was terrible. It's the best. America's, I love America. I can't believe it. He was like tearing up. And the news guy was kind of like, okay. You're not in like a cool part of America. You're in this is like, Kansas or something. Like I don't know. It was somewhere like in the Midwest. No specific shots at Kansas. You're fine, Kansas. But yeah, it's been it's been good to see all that. It's really embarrassing. The universal got dunked on by a bunch of golf guys at their country club. If that's might be what it has been. But I looked on the map and that was the only place. Yeah, it could have been an official thing. But I was like, man, the universal really needed to step it up. Universal, you had one plan. And the golf guys put a hole in one. I went three hours of sleep. Saying it's not going to get you any more pity points. But I do appreciate that. Do you have any small talk you want to talk about? So Mark claimed Fourth of July. I just throw out force. So I was great when over to Bob Mandy's not once. But twice that day at a great time. Swam in the largest hot tub in the Midwest. But we all know the real news. Tate and Tratra got married. Oh my god. Oh my god. What the fuck? I don't really know anything about it, though. That's not my real small talk. Wait, Mark, were you not invited to that? How embarrassing for you? That is that why you went to Bob's twice because they got married over at Bob's. And you were there for the yeah. I had to go for the reception ceremony. That's where the real ceremony was. All the Madison Square Garden stuff was a distraction. Gave away bags. And apparently they gave away cakes outside. But there's still there's a lot of people are mad. They got married because they have money. First people are supposed to get married. I think I don't know. I didn't get the gist of the argument. But it was something like that. Now my real news is X-ray, MRI, lots of doctors visits, court of zone shot, physical therapy. But may have some dodging surgery. My knee, no torn ligaments, no torn meniscus. Just the defect in the cartilage. Whatever that means. That's causing a lot of inflammation and pain pain. I got a court of zone shot yesterday. And I start physical therapy next Monday. When this airs, I will be going to physical therapy. Is it in a mystical realm? I don't know where it is because I don't even know where I am. I shall be secreted away. If that doesn't work after four or six weeks, we're going to revisit. Is the term labroscopic surgery, where they just go and clean things up? Labroscopic. Labroscopic. Yeah, they're pros. Labroscopic. Not liamacher scop. Not bros, yeah. Labroscopic surgery. It's a no-comamacher surgery. Can I just add some context to this? You've had your shoulder thing for a while. And I know that that hurts you sometimes. But you're pretty much fine. If something happened, it's not like you would be. That would stop you from, you know, fighting for your life or something. He came over. We did hang out. And when he got to the house, he really wobbled very. slowly in. Like, I assumed he would just walk in and be like, "Ah, my knees jacked up." And he was like, "You seem like you need surgery." I really thought it was a torn maniscus. I'm not going to lie. I really expected that. But it seems like your knee is way worse than you have been selling it as because we do these sitting down. So presumably, you know, like that doesn't really affect your ability to sit. But I hope it actually gets better because it seems way worse than I sort of was thinking it was. Did I am so used to, I did not realize how much I just flew around the house like a psychopath, like skipping steps, running up and down the stairs and stuff, jumping over things. Having to move like this, I feel 90 years old. I'm like, "Here's a step. One foot, two foot, breathe." One foot too, like, clinging onto the handrail. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah. No, it seems pretty serious. I really thought there was some kind of tear. So I'm really glad there's not. But apparently, whatever this cartilage defect is, is causing that area to be inflamed, pushing things outward, which is causing other areas to inflame, which I guess is why I'm feeling all the extra pain, but we're hoping that PT, I'm going to a strong anti-inflammatory. I've been on prednisone a couple of times, but now we're doing something else. The physical therapy, I got the cortisone shot, and hopefully that'll do it. If not, they'll have to go in and do something surgically to clean it up. But in even if they do, it's still not as bad as air. So then you look, I'll be back to backing up Joe Barrow soon. What position on the bench, are you like fifth or six? What's the line of succession to get to Bengals QB for everybody? I have a good term, 54th man. Wait, how many are there supposed to be on a team? 53. Oh, okay. I see. I see. Five right there. I'm next in line. Yeah, yeah. I'm basically next in line. After practice squad, it's me. There's an equipment guy sitting in the corner with a blank jersey and the letters to spell your name and a bunch of like needles and threads. Just like, oh, say the word. Oh, I'm ready. Put me in coach. I don't think I really have. We hosted a party. Oh, I got to use my blackstone. I'm a blackstone guy now. So that's pretty fun. You know what a blackstone is? It's a griddle, a cast iron, flat top griddle. And I made burgers and beer brats and hot dogs and bacon. Yesterday for dinner, James was like, I want a grilled cheese. And I was like, I could just make it on the stope. Like I always do. Or we could do the whole song and dance of going to the backyard and turning on the blackstone. And it was about the same as if I cooked it on the stove. But man, did I cook it outside? Oh, thank God. It's been great weather here. Not ridiculously hot and human. Yeah, I didn't sweat at all right on due his grilled cheese while I was slaving over the blackstone. Just like I didn't sweat on any of the burgers or anything that I cooked on Saturday either. That did not happen. Is that why they had extra flavor? It all it all burns off. It just adds salt, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's basically just salt. Sam screenshot weights face. I want that just I want it. It's tasty for my own reasons. You can stop. They they could take the screenshot. You wait. You can stop it. I'm just contemplating how much of his food I ate. I did. I sweated elsewhere and then cooked the food. We're basically twins now. There's enough of your DNA, I mean, where we could just be brothers, even she could didn't like that. Did you hear her barking? Stop, stop, stop, hey, stop. I hate to tell you, but in kitchens, in like, you know, restaurants, it's hot in kitchens. And yeah, the chefs are sweating. That's why they were this fancy hats, right? I don't know where hats anymore. It's not cool. It's wet on their heads only. You think you think they're not just going like this all the time? I figured the hats are just full of ice packs like the lug costume, you know? Well, that's even worse. That's the ice that they have in the ice machine. They actually put that on their head first and then put it in your drink. Yeah, so and we never enjoyed a restaurant again. I'll forget about it in five minutes. Thanks for having a terrible memory. Anyway, you guys want to play a fun game about dates and years and inventions. And I'm pretty sure we haven't done this before. I'm going to pretend like it's new, even if it is something we've done before because I love you. I won't remember what the hell we did if we did. So it won't matter to me. It will be new to me. We're just going to talk about some stuff that we're all familiar with. None of this is super technical or anything. Is there all going to be things in the world that we're familiar with? But I'm going to give you two options and you're going to have to guess which one was invented first. And it's as easy as it sounds. There's no trick to this. It's as easy as it sounds. And I'm going to flip a coin to see who gets to go first. Wait, he is the lady and Marcus the lion. I heard just rainfall. What are they doing to me? Lady, that's waiting. All right, Wade gets to go first. Wait, which one of these was invented first? Man, I really think who goes second has a good chance if it's two options that I get wrong. No, there's no like stealing. Oh, that's what it's. Yeah. No, yeah, because you're right. It would be a pretty easy. I was like, man, that's all of a disadvantage going first, actually. Only Wade could get that wrong in it. One or the other choice cop tissue where he gets to go second and doesn't pay attention to know what the first guess was. I'd be mad, but you're not wrong. Cell phone or GPS, like your garment that you stick in your card. Did you guys have those? I definitely had one of those at some point in my life. I don't know too much about when GPS came around GPS typically. I mean, they both were like satellite, right? Satellite phones, satellite GPS. So that is not how cell phones work. No. I love the old ones that were in your car were like satellite based, but they're not. That's not a cell phone. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about cellular telephones. I'm a go with GPS then, because there have been satellites for a long time as ever here of sputnik. Just to be clear, I'm talking about commercially available consumer GPS units, not any satellites in space, but you locked your guess in. So we're going to go with GPS. Yeah, in that case, I like to lock in, which is of course wrong. What about sputnik? The first ever mobile cell phone prototype was invented in 1973. The first GPS satellite launched in 1978. Well, not with that attitude. Also, I don't know if you guys knew this. GPS is a US technology. In other countries, they have different positional systems like the Comma Sutra. It was like a DARPA program, right? It was like, yeah, it's like a military funded thing. Then they were like, wow, this is really useful. And then they let everyone use the satellites because we have that now. Good try, Wade. I'll take the point. No. Mark, which one was invented first? You're you you've played one of these. You're going to be very familiar with this. All right. Okay. The piano or the guitar? Oh, are we talking like the original like as we know it version? Are we talking like the the harps accord and the the sitar, you know, the the loot, you know, or we talking is it one of those half horse half man? Yes, yes, half force has man have got half guitar as we all know that tire. He's just breaking up the points here. Man, how can I compete? It's somewhere in the middle mark. It's not like, oh, the first ever instance of an instrument with strings that, but it's not like when did Fender start their business, or anything like it's like, when was the first recorded instance of the thing that basically looks like what we would know as a piano and what we would know as a guitar, even though there are definitely some some differences. As much as I want to say the piano, it's probably the guitar just because it's easier. So I imagine if there was something that was going to be made first, unless it's in the opposite cause royalty and all the fucking kings and shit, you know, I've always said no kings. I've always believed this. You know, I don't like monarchies in general. I think that it, but they did fund the arts and the rich did fund the arts back in the day. Just to look cool though, not for good reasons. Yeah, but which art did they fund? I'm going to go with guitar just because. And of course, that is correct. Sweet. I'll take the point. The earliest version of what we would pretty much recognize as a guitar dates to somewhere in 16th century Spain, the piano dates back to around the turn of the 18th century somewhere around 1700. Obviously there have been a lot of iterations and there are certainly things on that before those specific instances where it's like, if you looked at it, you might be like, wow, that's basically a piano, but this is, look, this isn't science. Okay, this is just distractible. If you're making a bow and arrow and you actually tie two strings to it, you've made a guitar, whereas a piano is a lot more intricate, you know, you should try that. You should do that and then learn to play stairway to heaven on it. And she's by a stairway. Come on. Wait, these next ones are something I think you're going to be very personally familiar with. I know that you're really a dude. All right. Which was invented first, Sudoku or Crossword Puzzles. And just to translate it for you in case you're one of those people, this is also the thing that's commonly called Sudoku, but that is not what it's called. It is called Sudoku. I have heard lots of people will be like, oh, I did want to, I was doing one of those Sudukos. Sudukos. Sudoku. Sudoku. Sudoku. Sudoku. Sudoku. Sudoku. You know, people that just don't even try to pronounce things right. You know, that, I think that makes everybody mad. People that habitually just like say the wrong thing all the time. Who would do, yeah, you know what I mean? Nothing pisses off people more than that. I agree, Bob. That's a strong agreement. No room for error. All right. Wait. Now that you've had time to Google it, which one of these things came first? Do I look like the kind of guys who aren't up to Google? No, you look like a duck duck go guy. You're right. You look like an ass jeeps guy. Not gonna lie. Because I'm bald, I'm going to put this in this kind of context where I'm thinking about it. Crossword puzzles, you know, are letters. You put letters, you make words, and you have other words. Math is universal, everyone needs math, numbers. In Germany, there are words that are like 500 letters long, probably. There's a lot of long words. Their crossword puzzles would be really hard. Other, you know, places do things with like, I can't think of the term. Is it kanji, like symbols and stuff? I don't know if they do crosswords or not. I don't know if that works. Yes, kanji, kanji is Japanese symbols. I don't know if that written language works the same because I've never studied it. So I don't know if that works as for crossword type things. But numbers, everyone does numbers. Sudoku definitely came first. Locked in that? Locked. I don't do this with Mark. I don't know why, but with you, I feel like I'm obligated to have you lock it in. It must be a big hit that I'm wrong, but I'll take it. You said Sudoku was definitely invented first. No doubt. And of course, that is wrong. Okay. The first published crossword puzzle appeared in the New York world, which I assume is a paper. In 1913, could create created by journalist Arthur Wynn, another puzzle inventor, Howard Garnes, published the first game of Sudoku in 1979. Wait, Howard? Tell me Howard Garnes. I always hated my great uncle. Wait, did he just steal the Japanese gamer? I have always wondered how how exactly Sudoku got its name. I have to be honest. I'm pulling this from most of these from like a thing. So I'm sort of trusting someone else to have done this research. Oh, I've been running both my answers. The nice thing by him. You guys are like GPS is American. You know, GPS stands for global positioning. It was originally called number place. Probably just sounded better. Maybe someone said you go, dude, you misunderstood, who it was like Sudoku. That's a much better name than number box. It's just a bunch of people misinterpreting everybody. Yeah, this, the even Wikipedia, which is the most trusted source I have on the internet these days, says it was Howard Garnes, who was a retired architect at freelance puzzle constructor from Indiana, a freelance puzzle constructor. Do you put an ad in the newspaper like, I can do puzzles. Trust me. He's just doing, he's out here. He's out here puzzling for the love of the game. All right. He doesn't puzzle for money. It's like Marcus, you know, he's just like, please, let me put, let me put a code in here. Please, I'm begging you. Let me put a code in the DVD. Please, I'll create a whole, it password input menu. And like, I just, people just want the movie, man, people just, people just want the movie place. So Howard invented or maybe invented this version of it. The puzzle was introduced in Japan by Maki Kaji in 1984. And it was originally called in their publication. I'm going to pronounce this very wrong, but something approximately like Suji, Wah, Doku Shin, Ni, Nagiru, which was shortened to Sudoku, which the original name, the original name in Japanese meant the digits must be single. Mark, you have no reason to be offended. He was speaking Japanese and you're Hawaiian. The Japanese name actually came way later, but it was so fire that everyone was like, yeah, number place sucks. Ask Howard. We're going to call it Sudoku. I call it you put the numbers in the box correctly. Number fun time game. Wait, it was wrong. Shocker. I'll take my point. Mark, you love science. Sure. You know lots of things, which of these came first vaccines or batteries. I don't know why, but I got a horrible flashback and I was just like, ask the team. The answer's ask the team. It's a trick. It's all come full circle. Treaty of Winnebago. Who's wall was it? Oh, hey, hey, hey, Drinks. I don't know what the real answer from the joke answer is anymore. It's Adrian and it is my failure. Oh, it's the Winnebago again. Winnebago is the joke answer that's wrong. Fuck. Oh my god. Okay. What's what was he? What was he trying to say to me? Which one came first? Chicken vaccines or batteries. I'm thinking batteries because I remember some bullshit about there being an ancient Egyptian earned that they had somehow rigged up with electric heels, but I don't know if that was just a joke or something, but I remember that being a thing. So I'm going to go with batteries because I believe in an archeological excavation of some type. They did that. I think you're right. I think Cleopatra got bit on her boot by a snake, but she thought it was an eel and she thought she was super charging herself to get a real good amount of work done that day. You know, that's what people used to do with radium. They used to have like these radium devices that they would put in their water to be like radio activizing your water to energize you through your day. Do you want to lock that answer in Mark? I'm going to log it in. Yeah. I really, I thought, anyway, that's incorrect. I'm sorry. This one is very close. I feel like this one is I would be curious about more detail on this one because what I have here is that in 19, nope, not 19 in 1796, Edward Jenner used cowpox material to create a vaccine for smallpox, 1796, and then great name, Alessandro Volta, obviously invented the battery, which was originally called for some reason an artificial electric organ, very concerning name in 1800. So those were very close together, but I don't know. I'm curious what you what you read about the archaeological day. I'm sure that there's something there because I'm sure you read it or it was in like, you know, YouTube video or something and you were like, wow, that's crazy. Yeah, I'd, it's probably not real. Well, they built those really dark pyramids. They probably had battery-powered flashlights where there's tossed an eel in a metal vase where like, we could see. Oh, I thought, I thought dark pyramids like on the outside, like pure black pyramids. I'm like, what alternate reality pyramids have you seen, man? Baghdad battery or Parthian battery is a 2000 year old artifact consisting of a clay jar, a copper cylinder, and an iron rod on earth near the ancient ruins of testophon. This primitive galvanic cell can generate a small electric current when filled with acidic liquid. Is that real? That is a Wikipedia entry for a thing called the, quote, Baghdad battery, but like, there's no thing that they were generating electricity with it on purpose because they didn't would not have known what electricity was or was, it was probably something where was like, well, if we put all this shit in a jar and fill it with, with water and lemon juice, it's tingly when you drink it. Yeah, that's probably what it was. It's just like, it's very tingly. Oh, it's only made surge. So, so you're not crazy. You didn't hallucinate that. It just like, there's no way it was being used as a battery for battery purposes. Yeah. I'll leave it up to some audience member who knows way too much about this to be like, no, Mark's vindicated and then we'll forget about it, but they'll be all like, he deserves a point. You know, oh, there are theories that it was possibly an electroplating setup, which would be fucking crazy. Whoa. A researcher or a story in the 1930s, working in the Iraq Museum, observed a number of very fine objects from ancient Iraq that were plated with very thin layers of gold and there was speculation that something like this, this pot with the galvanic cell that they found was potentially used for electroplating, which is a thing I could totally see you discovering sort of accidentally, you need to understand what electricity is to be like, well, if we do this, it plates shit and gold because that's pretty sick. Did they use Capri Suns for cooling? I mean, almost definitely. They grabbed a Capri Sun out of the crafty cooler and slapped that bad boy on there to make sure that their galvanic cell could adequately gold plate their statue. I can't wait to tell you about my next crazy build project that I have, but I can't talk about it yet. It's going to be, it's going to be psychotic on another level. People don't know my crazy yet. I'm going to give you half a point for fascinating knowledge, Mark. All right, cool. Hey, Baghdad battery. Well, I don't know if they had Capri's over there. Wait, what was the headdress called? Animes or something? Any MES? What's that called? The headdress that they weren't Egypt? I can see the word I don't know where I was pronounced. I think. Well, some way wrong. Maybe it's a Nemis. A Nemesis Sun? Nemesis Sun? A Nemesis Sun? You all right. I'm fine. How are you? Talking about your Nemesis Sun? Yeah, my Nemesis Sun. What a bitch. Hey, that guy. What a bitch. That harsh. It's just a sun, man. He didn't do anything to you. You don't know that. He's my Nemesis Sun. What a bitch. Are you Quacker Jack? Quacker Jack, Mr. Spade? Quacker Jack. Fucking Quacker Jack. Yeah, he hated his son too, but there's still both my Nemesis. Honestly, yeah, that seems like a villain Nemesis. I could get that. It's like a villain, a villain from Darkwing Duck. I was putting up peanuts where they don't belong. Wait, you are using one of these things right now, and I would wager that you've never used the other one of these things in your entire life. Testicles? Wait, you've never used your testicles. Or maybe I'm using them right now. You don't know which one it is. I hope it's not that. I hope it's not that second one you said. Okay. Wait, which came first? Microphones or dishwasher? I feel like microphone. I think people have been using some variation of microphones for a while, unless you count people as dishwasher. Man, people probably wash dishes for a while, but I. Yeah, no, this is a thing where you don't have to wash the dishes because the dishwasher washes the voice. It's a device. So that feels like a 40s, 50s type of thing, right? Like the dishwasher, microphone probably older, microphone locking it at I'm so lucky. - You locking that in, microphones? - I am locked, no doubt, this is my vindication. How many coin flips can a person lose in a row? - Aw, I can tell you something about that. All right, this is another one that's surprisingly close, but I'll start by saying, your correct way to microphones were invented first. - Yes! - Shortly after the invention of the telephone, Emil Berliner created a transmitter amplifying the noise and thus created the first microphone based on the technology that was involved in the first telephone in 1876, while Josephine Garrus Cochran submitted her patent for the dishwasher a mere 10 years later. - 1940, that was right. - In 1886, was the first patent for the first dishwasher, but it doesn't matter 'cause you were right, microphones came first. - I mean, I wanted to be all the way right, but I'll take my answer being right. - Mark, you used both of these things. I'm fairly certain, not anymore, 'cause you fixed your eyeballs, but I think you have used both of these things, which came first. - Contact lenses or escalators. And I don't know why I said it like that. - It had to have been a hint. There had to have been a hint in there. Escalators, you said later, he emphasizes later, which means that it came later, or he doesn't mean the stairs. He means people that escalate things. - No, no, Esca, from the root Latin word Eskimo, meaning cold as in your cold, your cold, you're not hot if you're picking this one. - Yep. - Cold and later, he's giving me subtle hints that this one, not later, is in farther way. It's farther from the right answer, which is contact lenses, and also that'd be more surprising. So I'm gonna go without. - Mark has finally discovered the real game here. - Mark finally, properly interpreted this clues I have been leaving in each presented question. And of course, contact lenses were the first invention. Mark is the only one who understands what's happening here. Can I have a fresco? - Contact lenses, the first ones were made entirely of glass, which sounds just awful. We're invented in 1887, and four years later, Jesse Reno, hell of a name, invented and showed off the first prototype of an escalator at Coney Island. What a time to be alive. - Well, you go to an amusement park. You're like, you guys want to ride to sit there, or do you want to go up the escalator? So much fun, shit at this place. There were a few early rollercoaster or amusement park things where the spinning discs on the floor where you lay down, and it kind of just moves you at random. God help you if your clothes get caught in one of those. - No matter how stupid it is, 'cause I'm an adult, and I know how to get off an escalator. Every single time I'm on an escalator, I'm like, "Oh, but what if I move my foot too late, "and what if my foot gets sucked in at the end of the escalator, "and what if I get shredded in spaghetti on the escalator, "and then I'll be spaghetti for the rest of my life, "which won't be very long." The spinning discs on the ground thing, it's like a fucking nightmare. It looks like an on-purpose meat grinder for humans. - There was an instant a few years ago, where I think it was another country that was like China or something, but she stepped on one of the metal plates past the escalator with the walking path, and I think her leg got caught because it wasn't actually where the things meant to be. It was like the plate collapsed. I think her leg got pretty fucked up. She might have even died, I don't remember, but-- - No matter how many escalators I go on, every single time I'm like, "God, don't get sucked in, don't get sucked in." Pull your pants up, don't have saggy pants. This is not a good place for that. Wait, this one is tricky, which came first? Matches or lighters? It's a tricky one. - Yeah, right there, rock 'em, rock 'em, rock 'em. - It's tricky. - I mean, I feel like the obvious answer is matches, but if you say it's tricky, it makes me think, "Okay, let's obviously lighters." - Maybe it's a different kind of tricky. - Or you're saying it's tricky as you thought it overthink it and go past, and then I should go back, 'cause the answer's really the one that makes the most sense, which would be matches. - Yeah, I'll let that in. - A lighter just seems so much more complex than fire stick. - It really is. Unless you think about it. - How people light torches back in like the BCs, they just rub them on the ground for a while. They have a lighter, I don't think they have a lighter in there. - Okay, I'm not trying to give you hints. I am saying, I'm not trying to help you. - DM me the answer real quick, so I can say the right one out loud. - Okay. - I'm gonna lock in matches before you do. - I'm gonna open Discord, and I'm gonna DM you the correct answer right now. Wow, Discord apparently has an update. Give me a sec. - There's an update to Discord every day, multiple updates. What are they doing? - They gotta add more micro transactions and for some reason games. All right, wait, I DM you the correct answer. - It's great. I'm gonna lock in matches, like I already said. - All right, you're gonna stay locked in with it. - You know what, I respect your integrity, Wade, because of course matches is wrong. - I was renting my coin because you were literally slow walking him towards him. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - Hey, wait a minute. - I was trying. - Apparently the first lighter was invented by Johan Wolfgang Duboriner, great name. In 1823, but then not far behind him, Thomas John Walker invented the friction match in 1826. - There had to have been matches before the 1800s. - If you think about it though, the thing about matches isn't that it's a piece of wood that burns, it's that there's a chemical compound on the tip of it that ignites into fire when you rub it on something that's kind of rough, right? It's not that it's a stick that burns. It's that someone had to invent the chemical. Lighter is just shit that already burned in a container where all of it doesn't burn at once. But a match is actually like a chemistry invention. - I would've looked at it a different way for why I would've picked lighter first is because even though matches seem like something that's easier to make, it's a mass production issue. Matches necessitates some kind of factory or mass production method to make the small sticks in a box, right? And that needs other steps. 'Cause it's meaningless to make like 10 matches, you need to make like thousands and thousands of matches. - It's true. - I was just thinking you have a stick, you have your pot of oily goo you dump on people when they go to storm your castle and then you just like pitch, sure, sure. You just, and then you're like, match, porch, your arrows. - Well, you used to let your match that doesn't have a compound that lights when you strike it on something. - You gotta have your flammable pot of things to pour on people that come into your castle, right? Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, man. - I literally tried to tell you the correct answer on that one, buddy. I, Mark was ready to fight you on that, but. - Well, a good thing for him. I'm a man of stupid integrity. - You consciously chose to ignore my cheating hints and stick to your guns and that is worth zero points. - All right. - I'm gonna say this is the last one, I think. - And then wait to get the speed round to still lose. - Let's see if I need to cheat more to help Wade really stay in this one. Mark, which came first, ballpoint pens or zippers? And so it is an important distinction that it's ballpoint pens because there were fountain pens for like a while, right? Where you need to like physically fill it with ink and it's more like a ballpoint pens, meaning it's got the little cartridge. It has the little, it works the way the pens that we're moderately accustomed to work. It's not just a pen because there have been lots of different variations of those. - There's a fairly famous story about the space race between the US and the USS R that talks about, oh, the Americans, they spent $X billion inventing a pen or pencil that could write upside down in space underwater blah, blah, blah, that's so good. And then the US R, they just used a pencil. The wisdom of that is like using graphite in space is a very bad idea because the lead breaks off, it goes into the electrical system, it causes a short circuit and a horrible fire many have died. Well, not many, but you know, people have died because of fires. - Is that what happened to Sputnik? - Sputnik. - Yes, everyone on Sputnik, there's no survivors from Sputnik. - The guy that they set up in Sputnik, who was just like-- - I'm tiny little guy in the ball with that. - But that being said, the other option being zipper. Okay, if I go with my logic of zipper needing some kind of, that's not an easy thing to make. It requires some kind of precision, metal and fabric confusion. And there's a famous story, I'm not sure you're not aware of, where a guy with a zipper zipped his balls up in, it's called there's something about Mary, a classic film. - Oh my God, what happened to him? Is he okay? - Well, in the movie he wasn't, but in real life, I think he's what happened to him. His balls go away. - A hospital trip 'cause he couldn't unzip. - I'm gonna go with ballpoint pen just because-- - No, but when did they have zippers? - Now. - That's right, we do have zippers now. - Whatever, I'm just gonna say pen, because-- - All right, Marce says ballpoint pens came first. - Yeah. - And that, of course, is correct. - Whoa! - So this one actually doesn't have a year in the notes that I have annoyingly, but it says ballpoint pens were invented three years before zippers, it's interesting. - So people's dicks just flopped around before that, what were they doing? - Buttons. - Ballpoint pens were apparently patented in America, which is maybe what they're using to establish the year for this in 1888. So that means that based on this, zippers would have come into existence in 1891. - Wait, when were ballpoints been made? - 1888 was the first patent. That's before my science anecdotes story. is tearing a hole in my entire logical argument, even though I got a point, so I'm not going to fight it very much. There were definitely ballpoint pens before we invented the special space pen, right? That's how they knew they had to invent a special one because they had regular ballpoint pens and the first guy they set up at space was like, hey, it doesn't work. They're like, okay, we'll do a space pen. Someone got their balls stuck in a fountain pen and was like, I have an idea. I can't forget this idea, even though this hurts, I'm going to keep riding up. I think how sexy the noise will be with me on dress. This one is confusing. I'm going to abandon completely the thing I said about the beat in the last one because I forgot that I really like these last two because you'll never figure it out. Toothpaste? Or Toothbrush? People just dry clean their teeth or do they have something they thought clean their teeth that they would just rub on with their fingers or hair or dicks? Back in the day, people's dicks used to be way longer. I'm going to say Toothpaste. It seems wrong. It seems crazy. It seems anti-sensical. And therefore, I like it. Toothpaste came first. You want to lock that in? Locking it in. Well, Wade says Toothpaste came first, and of course, that's correct. There is evidence of ancient Egyptians using paste to clean their teeth around 5,000 BC, but actual tools to be used in the cleaning of teeth are not evidenced in historical records until sometime around 3,500 to 3,000 BC. So it's all old stuff, but apparently, Egyptians just would take some paste and give it the old. I was hoping that was the case, but I could have seen it going either way. I was like, maybe they took a squirrel and put some little hairs on a thing and were like, "Ah." And I balanced it out there, Mark. I tried to lead him away from the correct answer. So I know you didn't call for a coin flip, but I'm not only cheating in one direction. All right. That's a good episode. Let's stop there. Mark, I know you've. Actually, I don't know for a fact you've had both of these, but I presume you've had both of these things in your mouth at one point or another. Interesting. Oh, that's a little question. Pepsi or Coca-Cola? Man, well, one would feel like this answer would be obvious. And I had to do it this way because I think Wade has potentially personal information that might make him have more of an advantage on this question. I do have a family that works in Coke. I don't know if that means you actually know anything about it, but it could. The one unique advantage that Coke had back in the day was that it had cocaine in it. Now what that would might say is like, "Oh, the original recipe, blah, blah, blah." I think that was an attempt to have a competitive advantage over the other party, right? If it's like, "Oh, Alars has cocaine!" You're going to fucking love this shit. And Pepsi came first and had something else. It would have been. For me, it's like Coca-Cola hat was the newcomer that beat him out, right? I hear what you're saying. I hear what you're getting at. Mark, I'm going to give you the same thing that I gave to Wade on an earlier question. Uh-huh. And I'm going to allow you to do with that information what you will. Oh, no. It was the obvious one. Oh, no! Hi, locked in. I'll be a man of honor unless I shouldn't. Look, that you didn't even say you were locked in. There is nothing except, however, you're going to feel about it that has an impact on whether or not you can change what answer you're leaning towards and what you want to give me as your final locked in answer. But Wade, is he leading you toward the answer or away from it? Well, he's literally given me the answer. So, remember when I DMed you the correct answer to that other one? That's what I just did for Mark. I just de-haved him the correct answer. Oh shit. So, but I'll say this, if there's ever a situation on a game show where you have to do something to win, I won't change my answer. I said Pepsi, and I'm going to go with Pepsi. And of course that is incorrect. So close. But I am going to give you an integrity point. It's integral. They are very close. All of these were very close. Coca-Cola dates back to day six, Pepsi dates back to 1893. I will say I had a little side game going in my head. I was trying to cheat for you guys, pretty blatantly. I was going to punish you if anyone took my very blatantly obvious clue giving and DMing of correct answers. There was, I was waiting for someone to pounce at me leading you, slow walking you directly at the correct answer. Not a single person took the bait, but I'm a little shocked. Yeah, I thought for sure, Mark would. So fucked that part of what I had in my head completely. All this was was a game where we're talking about which thing was invented first, and there was nothing else to it. And I'm the asshole because I was trying to lure you into a, what's that word? No, no integrity, bad integrity, integrity, less, yeah, yeah, that's it. I was trying to lure you into bad behaviors and you were both good, good boys. Bad. The other part of that is I was kind of keeping the score pretty, pretty chill because I was looking forward to whoever was going to get punished. That was going to sort of create it. Anyway, let's look at the points. It looks how many points you guys. I was bounty. He did it. I was again. I still can't. We was never going to do a single bounty in his life. This is, this is fantastic. While we were doing that episode, I was really hoping you weren't going to see the flashing on my screen because one of the bounties is to play an entire level of five nights of Freddy's while the episode is going on and every time I flipped up the screen, I noticed on my face, it was like, bright like something like that. I just so used to you always doing something like anything of it that didn't work to my advantage. But yeah, every time I did that, like, look at my, oh, I died, but I beat that level. But not only did I do that, the other part of that was to beat a level of, it was an or, but I did both, oh, did you also do power wash and power wash on, both to just flex on it to show that I can multitask with the best of them. God, you're such a master of half-assing this podcast. I'm jealous. I thought you were going to say you did the one where, like, somewhere throughout the episode. You just put your camera on, like, repeat for, like, two minutes and we didn't notice. I realized I could have done the shirt one, but I picked the wrong shirt to do it for, like, the really obvious blue here come the mummies one. The shirt that at the top of the recording, I was like, wow, is that a, is that a here comes the mummy shirt, Mark? Wow. I noticed what shirt you're wearing very specifically. So I'm, I'm very much looking forward to, uh, to this 13 complete a level of knaff one or power wash simulator in an episode without the other guys noticing, uh, suggested by Batgirl and spoiler upvoted 101 times was suggested in May. I'm going to check that off. I'm going to give you your two points. Thank you. They seem to be a good way to win. I'm not going to throw this out as like, oh, I caught you. There were definitely a couple of times where I was like, wow, Mark must be like googling about whatever shit we're talking because there were a couple of times where I looked at your face and you were just like, and I was like, I used to, but like, you said, like, you, you do that a lot, no matter what we're doing, you're like, you're googling the thing we were just talking about or you're googling the net. So I just like wrote it off. I was like, ah, he's just like looking at something. He's just cheating horribly over there. At no point did I legitimately peg you as doing the bounty playing a game. So all right, Mark, you weren't points for everything's coming up, Markiplier, universal got mocked, sweaty chef, guitar came first, a strong agreement point, fascinating knowledge point. Contact lenses came first, ballpoint pens came first, an integrity point and a finath bounty point. Two points. Wait. You got, I don't know why I wrote it in this way, but you got a pity point and an integrity point. You got a point for, I don't remember what that was. You got a point for Tate and Trey, Trey getting married, you got a point for satir, satir, satire, you got a Cleopatra boob snake bite point, you got a, what a bitch point. You were correct about microphones coming first. There's something about Mary balls in zipper point and you were correct about toothpaste, which means Mark, you have nine and a half points and wait, you have eight points. God, my comedic genius kept me and whenever my knowledge failed, it's like in life. I'm still unsure. Is it two points or three points was a three point bounty like a special one? Three was only for like the first one, I think, and then I think it was two to three. We agreed on typically where three is like the harder to get ones, but I gave three the first time because it was the first one. I just don't, I just don't want to do it wrong, but like I just don't remember. It might be up to the judge to decide how much that yeah, let's see how many spins we're going to get and if Mark's win is secured or if I'm going to have to do it, oh my god, it's anybody's game three spins, baby. I'm not going to do this, but if you use the coin on the spins, would you either get none or six? I don't know. Yeah. I might have to use that one day if I really. I am going to stick to the theme of today's episode and say that whomesoever was born first gets the point between the competitors, right? I think that's always me. So that one's skewed towards me. wait. Well that's okay because he stinks. Three spins. Spin number one. Current record a holder for most points. Oh God. I don't know. We gotta go to that. And I remember I have one where there was a shit ton of points for both of you. I'm trying to find it here on my. This is one where Mark has 17 18 because when we're Mark has 18 if it's like the record of all time I don't know that but currently as it stands as of the last point total count for this season just I don't know what episode it's me with 50 Bob with 55 and a half and weighed with 56 so technically but I don't know if that's record holder. Here's a Bob secret words episode Mark has 26 points. That's a lot and weighed has 29 points. The highest I saw in this book was 19. I think that might be the highest scoring episode I have ever done but I like Mark's version better because now that we have now that person is actually like keeping track of things. I mean like it's it's a reward for being good at distracted. If you have the most points you get even more points the rich get richer. That's how I like to run things. I have the most points this season with the fewest wins. Yeah isn't that funny? Anyway so that means weighed gets that one. It's been number two. TMI point. I mentioned balls stuck in a zipper. He weren't your balls. It could be. I'm looking at my balls right now. Is that TMI? I'm looking at or I'm looking down at my crotch. I don't know if what I don't know. I'm also looking down at Mark's crotch. I feel like this one is not immediately apparent that I've there was no. But there's a lot of duds on this wheel. I've heard now. Has the best time. I remember at the beginning this I was all like. And I played two games during the episode. I had a great time. Yeah. I think Mark definitely had the best time. I can't disagree with that. Spin number three. Still a tight game. Everything is going great. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He fucking he fucking he fucking he fucking now. It's before the spin happened. Fuck. I'm going to start right before the wheel starts spinning. Just load it up. There's a lot of things that come up on this wheel that like man before the wheel comes up. I'm just going to start lay flat. I got to eat. Got to drink. Got a fine fuck. Fuck my fuck. My balls. My balls. I feel like this one is targeted towards like whoever got the maddest and said fuck a bunch. Mark had a great time. Mark was really having weight. Yeah. I don't think anyone said fuck very much. Well, now you said it a lot in the last 30 seconds. Yeah. Sure did. Come on. Currently sponsored. Someone currently sponsored by anyone. Not me. Not me. Not me. Man, I wish I was. Let's have any active sponsorships or anything. Hey, if you guys want to come to our Twitch channels and leave us. We make no money right now. Apparently. My god. This is the most spins we've ever had. All right. Spin three attempt three. Come on. Wheel. Most personal attacks. Well, I made fun of Wade kind of. But honestly, you guys both you both showed an annoyingly high level of integrity during this episode. If anything, I said that thing about the mispronunciations. That was actually a way to tech. I told Mark. He wasn't from Japan. He was from Hawaii. Is that a tech? Well, Japan and Hawaii do have a really rough history with attacks. You know, that's right. They collected a bunch of pearls or something. I remember that. Okay. Spin number three attempt number four. Come on. Come on. Just give a shortest and get it over with. Most impressions. Not a single. Not a single impression of it. Spin over three attempt number five. Come on. We got this. We got this. We're going to have so many messages where we did all of these things. Best God. I should accept. Perform with necessary. Okay. Get out of my swamp. Oh, God. Mark wins. He doesn't have to perform for. Oh, don't get out of my swamp. Jettley. What did you say? My name is Banger. My name is Banger. Don't mimic his. It's not helping your case. It's helping my case. It's helping me. It's helping me. Ethan. Is that you? The scoyish minds are real brutal to him. Uh, Mark gets that one. I. Yeah. No, it actually, it actually did matter because if we had gotten that you would have won. But wait, I'm fair. Mark won the Scottish accent, not because of what he just did, but because I know what his Scottish accent sounds like when he's really trying. And you had an opportunity to overtake that in your performance way, but I, I felt like it was inconsistent. But so I gave Mark the point for the Scottish accent because I've heard him do it any time. And he has a good Scottish accent for a person who does not specialize in doing accents or impersonations. It's a good accent. But then Wade said the word and held up his giant ass stupid coin. So what exactly are you calling unfair on him having the best Scottish accent? It's not just can do. It's did. If it was just permanent, there would be no point for it to be on the wheel. It would just be give a point. It's not can do or did. It's best Scottish accent. I'm arguing with that means. So the result of the scoyden flip is going to decide what exactly the point means. Now that's stupid. Look, I'm just going to say if it's all heads, that means it's fair and needs to be made doubly fair. And so Mark, it's two points. If it's, if it's whatever, if it's all mixed bag, that means it's fair and nothing happens. And if it's all tails, that means it's unfair. And when we made doubly unfair, oh, wait, no, I'm saying it backwards. But if it's all tails, Wade gets the point. All right. Tails never fails. Wait. If it's all heads, he gets the point because that's what he wants, right? All right. Who cares? Then it needs to be doubly made. It's super fair. Yeah. I'll take all heads and all tails. If it's mixed, then we'll give it the mark. If it's all heads, Wade gets the point. If it's all tails, Mark, it's two points. How have we forgotten how this was? It's been a minute since we've actually done a coin flip, man. All right. I'll flip it. I got a heads. I got a heads. I got a lion, which is tails on my coin. Fuck me in the Alps. I'd say my coin wanted to pull for you, but the way the coin flips sometimes is a fair, fair, fair, fuck, fuck, a flat. All right. The final score after anordinate number of wheel spins is now Mark with 19 and a half. Nope. That's not how math works. Well, the fuck did I just read 11 and a half? Very different. Wade with 10. I'll take 19 and a half. Canonically, Mark has 19 and a half points. Anyway, Mark wins either way. Congratulations to Mark. Wade, would you like to give your loser speech? I was here. That's it. Hardly a speech at all. Thank you. Mark, win or speech? I had a great time. I knew a positive mental attitude was going to be able to get me through this, and that's what I did, and that's what I have, and that's what I'm going to carry over into my next judging session. Whatever that may be. Is it going to be the perfect crime? He froze. Did he freeze for you? Okay, he's back. Oh, I'm about to have another disappearing Mark moment. Right as I'm laughing. Yeah, no, he literally froze with you. Be like when I slam my desk and froze my own audio mix. Anyway, yeah. Well, I can't wait to see that. I'm sure that Mark is telling the truth, and it will definitely be the most perfect. It's just crime. I'm sure that's going to happen. I'm very excited about that. I'm glad Mark won. So we finally get to experience that for real life. Congratulations to Mark and condolences to Wade. Despite being mostly asleep and really phoning it in, he did a pretty good job, and you were very close, which is very undeserved. So that's impressive in its own way, giving up my streak of the most points and losses. Make sure you follow us all on all of our channels and things, Lord, minion, seven or minion, seven, seven, my skirm or Markiplier. Make sure you follow this show on whatever platform you like watching it and or listening to it on, just click the little plus thing and then you'll know when the episodes come out, even though they've come out on the same day for literal years. I know we're not doing Fridays right now, but the episode of the show has come out on Mondays since since the dawn of time as far as to strike. It's concerned. So I feel like you should know that. Check out the merch shop because you never know when merch is going to pop up not right now, but you never know distractable.shop. Check it out. I'll show what games Mark playing now. Well, I'm looking right at you guys. Just another bounty. I'm literally looking at you. I've never looked at you guys harder. Thank you for listening. Thank you even more for watching. We'll see you in the next episode, which will be hosted by Mark. Congratulations again. Until then, podcast out.