Holly Petrie

Welcome to episode two of the Mamas & Music Podcast series. I'm your host, Claire London. Super excited to bring you this conversation with the wonderful talented Holly Petri. She's an incredible vocalist based in the UK. She goes on tour quite a bit. So this is such a great chat, especially for any Mamas who go on tour, have to leave for jobs and gigs, you know, things like that. And I just love her perspective on things, so I'm really thrilled to share this with you today. Just a little disclaimer, we did record this episode a little over a month ago. So some of the timing on things might not be quite accurate at this point, but this is such an open and honest conversation with Holly, and I really hope you guys enjoy this episode. All right, so thank you so much for being here and chatting today. Hi, thank you for having me. I just want to start out by letting everybody know a little bit about what you do, because I think, you know, before we get dive into all the challenges, let's just see where you're at and your career and what you're up to right now. So I'm a vocalist and mainly backing vocalists. So yeah, I've done loads of loads of things. I was coming over to Vegas to sing with Shania Twain. Oh my god. Sounds amazing. Yeah, it was. While it lasted, not doing that anymore, but pandemic budget cuts. Oh yeah. The joys. But yeah, I've sung for Quincy Jones and I sang for Jay-Z and Ariana Grande when they came over to the UK. In the UK at the moment, I sing for Pete Tongue, who's a big radio one, DJ over here. We do a show that's him as a DJ and then a full orchestra playing like club hits. Wow. Oh, that is amazing. Yeah, yeah, I love doing that. Literally just a couple days ago, I did a show at the Royal Abbot Hall in London with a singer called Shalayard. You know her over there. She's phenomenal. Yeah, she came over and sang a tribute to Aretha Franklin. So we did that with again, full orchestra in the Royal Abbot Hall. It's super special and there was four BVs and then an extended choir. It was a super special show. Wow. But yeah, I'm basically just constantly touring at the moment. I'm touring with various different artists and then doing a lot of recording at home as well. I'm literally, I'm actually on, well, sort of on holiday at the moment with my husband and I've got a little recording set up here surrounding me where I'm arranging the vocals for Anastasia for her upcoming tour. I'm kind of arranging all the backing vocals for that. So I'm doing that kind of fitting that in while I'm on holiday. Wow. How did you get into just doing a lot of vocal work? Did you start out sort of doing an artist thing and then how did that sort of come about? I'm always curious. It was a mixture really. I mean there was never any option but to be a singer that was always, that was always going to be what I did. But yeah, I mean I started in kind of function bands and singing at weddings and corporates and all that sort of thing in pubs around around the UK where I grew up. And then yeah, I just just said to everybody, I wanted to be backing vocals. I wanted to do this. I want to travel the world and you know, and eventually it just started happening. I just got more and more of those gigs and I did some teaching for a bit, you know, but the functions and the teaching really for me personally were just a kind of stopgap and just learning, you know, got offered off at the gig said yes, but I was only ever really doing that until I got to the. That was like a central goal which was touring. Yeah, totally. Exactly, yeah. So the more the more touring work I got the less I did of that stuff and actually this is this will be my very first year where I won't have done a single function. I've done kind of less and less over the years, but yeah, this will be the first gig of first year. I've not done a single wedding or anything, which is, yeah, it feels really good because it's that transition, you know. Oh my god, that's incredible. And how old are your children or child right now? I have one kid, he's Rufus Duke Webb, he is one years old, just time. Yeah. Almost two year old, so you know, I'm just a little bit ahead of you, just the one as well. Yeah. It's a hectic life. It is indeed. And how are you surviving and thriving in this first year? I've probably the same for all of us, I guess, but just up and down. And you know, sometimes it feels amazing and it feels like, wow, I've got it all. I'm so lucky. Wow, I'm like, I love my job. I love my career. And I come home and I get the baby kid life as well. This is amazing. And then some days I'm like, I can't do it. I know. I know. Yeah. Oh, every, you know, the rollercoaster. I'm sure it's, it's everything, isn't it? Yeah. Remember before I had the kid, someone said to me, yeah, having a kid is everything. It's amazing and it's awful and it's emotional and it's every emotion you could possibly feel. It's all of those things. And then, yeah, the more I've gone back to work, the more it's become, you know. And don't you feel like the matter, no matter how many people would try to tell you like, it's going to be like this, it's going to be like that. You really can't know until you're living in it. You really, you can read as many things, I used to read so many things, like trying to predict how I would feel or, you know what I mean? Yeah. And then you just can't. Absolutely. You can't. I, I, I for years, well, for years I used to say, I don't want kids, I don't want kids. You know, I don't want babies because I love my job too much and I'm too selfish to have kids and how could I possibly, you know, I would have to give up my career if I, if I had kids and I couldn't possibly. So I'd rather not have them, you know. But then, but then I've kind of spent a few years asking everybody, you know, people that did have kids asking them like, oh, what's it like? And, you know, trying to, trying to gauge if I, if it was an option for me. And also equally talking to women who had amazing careers that didn't have kids and didn't want kids and trying to get, you know, I was trying to figure out which one of these people I was. And actually, really, I was pretty in the middle. I wasn't. I feel the same. So I'm so glad you said, brought that up because I had a lot of the similar thoughts. Really? Yeah. It's, yeah, I don't, I don't think you speak to that many people that are in that position. Most, you know, a lot of women are either don't want kids or, or I definitely do, I can't wait to have kids. But yeah, there's a section of us with like some ambivalence, you know. Absolutely. I honestly, I really think I would have been perfectly happy if I hadn't had them. Maybe, maybe later on, maybe in future years, I might have regretted it if I hadn't. I mean, who's to say? Who's to say? But, you know, I've got an amazing husband, an amazing career, a lovely life. And we were super happy before we had kids. So it was, you know, it just happened and I'm super glad that it did. Rufus is a little legend. He's the best. Yeah. I sure is. Yeah. So it's amazing. I love that you brought that up. I think it's important to talk about the uncertainty and the kind of, you know, for some of us who were like, oh, maybe, maybe not, I could go this way. I could go that way. I could see happiness on both sides. And, you know, so I totally understand that. And of course, now you can't imagine your life without them. You know, it's like they're such a part of everything now. It's insane. So how are you managing, like, are you able to do, I guess you're not, are you going to tour again? Are you planning something big? How will you handle that? You know, what's coming up for you that's? Well, when I was pregnant, it was during the pandemic, or towards the end of the pandemic, so I had him in July, and I was supposed to be going back to Vegas to sing with Shania. So the plan was the whole of the pandemic, right? You know, I'll go back and I'll just take him with me because they gave us, you know, these apartments. So I thought, I'll just take the baby with me and my husband, I'll be there for, you know, I was there for like two week chunks. So I was like, oh, that's the dream. That's perfect. Take the baby. Obviously not doing that anymore. And the tours that I have done this year have not been that because that gig, that gig was just in one place. It was one, you know, one theatre show in Vegas and in apartment. Actually, I've been on tour four times in the, in the year that I've had him. Wow. Yeah. And every time it's been different, like, what has that been like? So it's been a crazy roller coaster ride. I'll be honest. Every time it's been different, obviously, you have them and I did my first gig when he was six weeks old. Oh boy. Yeah. I mean, that's great for you that you did that. I, you know, well, I don't know if it was smart or not, but, you know, I just got asked to fill in for someone fairly last minute and I was like, yeah, you know, I feel fine. I think in those early days, you don't really know, you don't remember exactly what fine feels like because you've just been pregnant for nine months, right? You're like, I'm not walking around with a bowling or a watermelon in my mind. Right. So I'm fine. Yeah. Exactly that. And as soon as you've, you've kind of vaguely recovered from the birth, you're like, oh, I feel great. I feel amazing. I feel fine. I could do a gig. It's not until a year later that I'm like, oh, I wasn't fine. I wasn't fine, but I am now, you know what I mean? No, I do know. I think it's so many. We just don't know what we don't know at the moment. Exactly. Exactly that. But yeah, so I did, so I did the odd gig and I took him with me. So my husband came with me to the first few gigs to have the baby in the buggy and we got, we drove and then we got a train and then we got the underground through London and, you know, did a gig in the top of a skyscraper building. It was a bit of a nightmare. We had a nightmare on the way home, but it was an experience I just breastfed before I went on stage and luckily he fell asleep all good. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, a few gigs, those sorts of experiences. Then I did a tour of the UK. Again, husband came with me nightmare because the baby wouldn't sleep for more than like 15 minutes at a time in the hotel rooms. So I was just zero sleep, still breastfeeding and then singing lead vocals in front of 16,000 person arena. And like I had vertigo, I had vertigo when I was on stage. I was just, you know, brain fog. You know, oh, it was tough. I, it must have been hard, like emotionally too, you know. Yeah. I feel like I want to do what I do and I physically can't at the same level right now. Exactly. Yeah, exactly that, exactly that. But at the same time, it felt if you know, I did have moments equally where at the beginning of the show, because you know, we went on a little bit late, so baby didn't stay for the whole thing. He was about, he was four months on this tour. He was just, yeah, three and a half four months old, I think when we did this tour. And my husband would have him in a carrier with little baby, you know, ear defenders and they would stand side of stage or they'd go out, you know, just for the first couple of songs, because I, I had the first lead vocal, three of us that sing, I had the first lead vocal. So he would stay until I sang and then go. So at a few moments where I was like on stage, you know, nearly 20,000 people, you know, on this stage with a big orchestra, this is the Pete Tongue DJ Orchestra show. And it's just so euphoric and like lights and everything. And then I look down and see my little baby and my husband and I just felt like, oh my god, this is, this is amazing. I can't believe I'm doing this. I, honestly, I felt like superwoman. I felt so empowered. Yeah, I love hearing this story in particular, because it's nice to hear not just the challenges, but like the really incredible moments you can have in a situation like that. I mean, that's unbelievable. That's so cool. That's kind of having kids, though, right? It's a lot of sleepless nights and a lot of worry and a lot of guilt and a lot of this. But then they're amazing. So, you know, so it's, I guess it's kind of similar with going back to work. It's like amazing moments and then, you know, that's what I've found since, since having Rufus in general. I used to just be very even. I was just very happy. The happy go lucky son of kind of person, and now it's like highs and lows and highs and lows. But if you don't feel the lows, you don't feel the highs, right? Totally. I mean, that's the right attitude. And, you know, when you're doing what you love too, it's like in a lot of ways and so grateful to kind of have this passion that you are, even though it's difficult to navigate it maybe even more now, like the logistics of stuff. It's like great. How great that he's going to see that his mom had such this cool job and this passion for music. And it's awesome, you know, really. Yeah, absolutely. No, it's so cool. And he, he, my husband's a producer as well. So, you know, we've had days where I was singing for, I was singing for Quincy Jones. And so we went to Finland and did a show for Quincy. And when we were in the vocal rehearsals in the UK, Rufus came with me to the vocal rehearsal because we were rehearsing at one of the girls flat apartments. And so I got a really awesome picture. I think it's on my Instagram. A really awesome picture of the baby kind of lying on his front, you know, and I was reading the, I was reading the, you know, singing from the dots on my iPad. And we both kind of sat there looking at the dots together. And literally the next day, oh, is it the day before my husband was recording and he brought the baby into the recording with him. So he was recording piano, had the baby sat on his lap, again, little ear defenders. And so he took a little video and some pictures of, and you can hear Rufus speaking in the background and that's actually on the girls record. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah. So he can't get away from it, bless him. Yeah, no, is it? That's awesome. What do you feel like is maybe the biggest challenge, though, for you? Is it time? Is it organizing? Is it like guilt? Or is it all those, you know? I mean, yeah, I mean all of those really. But yeah, time, I think, currently in this, literally the last few weeks have been mental. I've been in rehearsals every day. You know, I get up in the morning, give him breakfast, get him in the car, drop him up my mums, then drive an hour, hour and a half, two hours sometimes into London to do a day's rehearsal or whatever, recording or whatever it is. And then I'm sorry, guys, I've got to go, pick up the baby, rush back. Oh, no, it's two hours because there's traffic. Oh, got, you know, I've got to pick up the baby before bath time and then get him home and get him to bed. You know, so the only time I see him is like getting him up in the morning, getting him to bed at night. So yeah, and then I've had two weeks solid of that. So not seeing him at all really. And then just stressful logistics. So logistics, yes, but mainly time, I think. I just, my heart is like, oh, I'm missing it, you know, he's so little. And he's, and everyone says how quickly it goes. And when you're busy, time passes even quicker. So I just, yeah, I, yeah, my heart is so torn because I love what I do so much and I wouldn't be me if I didn't do it. And you know, it's not like I'm saying yes to too much. I just, I have a few gigs that I do and they just happen to be coinciding at the moment. They're all kind of happening at once. But then God, how much I would love to just be at home with my kid. I know, you know, I know. It's constant. Constant battle. I'm not sure that's ever going to go away. We just have to get better at like, I don't know, accepting it and dealing, I don't know, you know, like taking in the moments of being present when we're with them and, you know, all that stuff. And I don't know, it's yeah, I get it. I get it. It's really, it's challenging. But do you know what? A friend of mine said to me, a friend of mine who is a stay-at-home mum, or actually, sorry, that's not, that's absolutely incorrect information. She's not a stay-at-home mum. She has a job, but she was on maternity leave. You know, so all my friends were on maternity leave for like, they, they, they, we get a year over here. I know. Yeah. It's not happening over here. Yeah. So they, they got 12 months and then a lot of them got, got holiday that, that accrued during that time. So they got 13 months basically maternity leave. Anyway, she said to me one, one day that I was really struggling, you know, something along the lines of, but the fact that you're away from him a lot means that when you're there, you remember every minute and you take in every moment and you're really present when you're with him. Whereas I'm, I'm with my kid all the time. So when I look back on it, it'll all just roll into one. It'll just be one kind of big maternity leave memory. Whereas I have loads of really specific memories and specific photos and specific, oh, this is the time we did this and this is the time he came on this tour. And, you know, so that made me feel really good about it. Great way to look at it. Yeah. I mean, my, had my daughter September 2020, so like pandemic full swing, we couldn't go anywhere. I mean, wow. That whole first year really was like, oh, exactly the same as my best friend. Yeah. And it was awesome that we got to be with her so much, but also like such a strange time for everybody in that, you know, I'm not alone. We all had an issue with that time. It was rough. Yeah. But that's a great point. I never heard somebody say it like that. And I think that's really cool. And I'm probably a good thing for other moms to hear, you know, to do what you do or that tour. Because I just talked to someone else who goes on tour a lot. And, you know, she was talking about obviously similar things. But, you know, and it's just like nice to hear it put in that way. I've never really heard it put in that way. That's nice. Yeah. I hadn't either. And, you know, I think I kind of automatically feel like, again, probably a lot of us working moms feel this way, that stay at home moms almost judge us. And I, you know, I have people, you know, people say to you, oh God, I don't know how you do it. I couldn't be away from my kid that much. And you know, they don't really mean it that way, but you can't help but feel a bit judged like, oh, God, should I be with my kid more? Oh, God is, I know in the long run my kid is going to be great. Yeah. He's going to be fine. It's not, it's not going to matter to him that I wasn't here that much. In fact, he will probably just be proud of me, but yeah, you can't help but feel, you know, just adds to the guilt, right? A hundred percent. Feeling like, oh, I should be there more. So, so when it was one of those girls that said it to me, I thought, oh, wow, okay, actually these girls aren't judging me at all. That really put my mind at rest. Yeah, that's really good. I love that. What a great perspective. Yeah. And what's going on for you now? Are you up to something in particular like, you know, for the rest of this year, do you have things booked in the new year and do you book that far in advance? Or is it all just like things come up and you have to figure it out in the moment? Well, I, yeah, no, I've got, I've got tours. I'm literally, I'm so I'm on just literally got six days away. While I'm here, I'm recording every day because I used to sing, I used to sing on the Anastasia tour, but she's going away for six weeks in Europe, and I just wasn't willing to be away. That's pretty long for that long. So, that's the first time I've said no to a tour just because of the length of it, you know, which, which felt that was new. You know, the power of no, which I've learned since I've got a baby. Do you feel good about it? Do you feel okay that you said no about it? Yeah. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. You know, I've been, I've been singing with them for quite a while and I'm, I love them and, you know, just really does feel like family and lucky enough that they asked me to arrange the vocals for the tour anyway. So, I'm still involved, which is lovely. I've recorded some, I've recorded some vocals that will be on track, and then they've got a backing vocalist coming in, but yeah, I'm, I'm kind of recording everyone's parts and sending it to them and, which is great. So, so that's, yeah, so, so that's, I'm managing to just kind of fit that in, but I've got another tour with the guy called JP Kupos. So amazing. But yeah, I start rehearsals with him on Monday and we have rehearsals and then straight into tour, but partly the reason I wanted to do that tour is because it's like a week on, a week at home, two weeks on, two weeks at home, it's like bits through the autumn and I just thought, amazing, I'll do that tour and I won't do anything else unless it's recording at home. And then that's all, that's all, I'll be away. And then at the end of that, at the end of November, I do the Peetong tour again with the orchestra around the arenas around the UK. And I, I, I, I, I say this every year, but this year I'm going to take December off. Okay. No, you probably will now for real, you know, because yeah, yeah. No, that's great. There was something actually, there's, sorry, there's something actually I really wanted to talk about. I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. Oh, wow. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, it was awful, but I just don't feel like we talk about it enough. Yeah. This carriage is some, you know, apparently one in four pregnancies doesn't work out. I know so many women, you know, and I feel like people do kind of sweep it under a little bit because they don't like it. We do, and it understandably so because it's such an emotional, you know, awful thing to go through. Everyone's experience with it is different, obviously, but yeah, especially doing what we do. I mean, I, I wasn't, it was, it was reasonably early, so I wasn't attached to the baby as such, but more the, the idea of it, and for me as a working mum, I, you know, I knew I was pregnant for a while, so I was planning my tours around being pregnant. I was planning my work around being pregnant. I was like, great, I'll tour up until December, and then I can take six months off. I'll have two kids, you know, all of these plans, and that's true of every woman working or not. You make plans when you're pregnant, and then you, doesn't work out. But especially a touring working mum, it just, it was almost that that hit me the most. Like, oh, I'm going to do all these gigs, and actually I won't be pregnant anymore, and oh, I thought I was going to be seven runs pregnant when I did that tour. Yeah, you can imagine the future already, and yeah, totally. Oh my gosh, that's so heartbreaking. So now, almost every time I think about the rest of my year, and all the work I've got, it reminds me of that, you know. Was this plan, or was it a surprise? It was a surprise. Yeah. Yeah. I think pregnancy will always be a surprise for us. I don't know, some people want to have like two really close together, and I don't know, you know, some people. But, yeah, I mean, I was, I was, I was super happy about it. Yeah, I, I, I knew it was going to be hard, but actually that's part of the difficulty of losing it, because the timing was perfect, actually, because I would, because I would have been, well, six, seven months, odd during my last tour, then I could have had the last few months off, you know, and anyway. Oh, so awesome. I'm glad you brought it up. Yeah, no, it's okay, but I think it's a good thing to talk about, you know, I don't, I don't think, I think I just think maybe it would, it wouldn't be quite so difficult if more of us knew how common it is. Yeah. Because actually, the more, the more women I speak to, the more people I find out I've had it, and obviously you wouldn't know otherwise, because I guess people don't just always talk about it. It's a lot more common than I ever knew. Friends of mine have an experience of myself, but like, I know so many people, and I, you know, it's like, oh, it's kind of shocking. It's almost like it's, it happens so often, because it's just the body and, right, yeah, it's nature's way, as people keep saying to me. Yeah, but it's still brutal, and I can't imagine. Yeah. But, you know, it's interesting you bring that up too, because with this community, it almost be a good talking point to continue to, we always, we're talking about the challenges of motherhood, obviously, but there's another aspect of like loss and dealing with stuff like that that isn't really talked about. So, I think you just gave us an idea for something else to kind of discuss in our group. Yeah, I think it's a, I think it's an important topic, definitely. And again, and again, loss is never easy, miscarriage is never easy, but it is, and it is added, and added difficulty when you're already balancing career and being a mum, and trying to be a good friend, and trying to be a good daughter, and, you know, sometimes it can just really get on top of you, right? And, you know, my husband and I have just been discussing that, you know, we're just a way for a few days, and we're like, actually, we haven't had time to process it because he's been really busy as well. So, yeah, we just need to kind of sit down and talk about it and deal with it because we've just been sweeping it under the carpet because we've just had to get on with it. I've been driving here there and everywhere and at work, right? You know, to have time to be crying all the time. And the expectations on women too in the music industry is just like, you know, you just want to get on with it, you don't want to seem, you just, you deal with stuff, you know, like internally, a lot, and we kind of just keep going because we don't want to appear, I don't know, or lose the job or whatever the case is for whoever it is, you know, but there's a lot of that, I think. Yeah, exactly that. Awesome. This has been such a great conversation. I really appreciate everything that you've shared. Oh, you also are welcome. It's been lovely. Special thank you to Holly for chatting with me and for sharing her story with all of us today. I really hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did. And thanks to everyone for listening and supporting the podcast. Can't wait to bring you more of these great conversations. We'll see you guys next week.