Hitting Rock Bottom

you want to start podcasting? Yeah, we are podcasting right now. I'm so sorry to have such a bad stomach ache on your birthday episode. Ah, man, listen. I heard you got you a dumb piece, man. Wasn't him looking good in George. So for those of you that are just listening Conor's Institute today. Oh yeah. And the student is decked out in the most amazing birthday decorations courtesy of Ismeralda our perfect, perfect producer. And it's just glorious. It's a Western theme. It's just Conor's wearing a cowboy hat. He looks so handsome. Now he has like a little like wanted frame around his pretty, pretty face. And it's all amazing and very great. It's all, it's all really great. It's so special. I don't need my birthday to be over right now. Okay. It's been the birthday that ever is be over in like 15. Does that work? Yeah, that's fine. That works. I've got you this. Why? Well, because I'm so sweet. Why did you get me something for your birthday? I didn't know today. I don't know today. Eight days after my birthday. We would still be my birthday. Thank you, honey. Of course, honey. Thank you. Howdy, honey. Okay. Wow. They're dry. Yeah, that's awesome. I don't have to even start to think about caring about them. No. I mean, caring for them. I cared about them so deeply. I didn't even catch that. But like for them. That's so sweet. Someone in someone in the edits would catch that. Yeah. No, I care about them pretty good bit. But I don't have to care for them in a way that would be hard for me like watering them. It is hard. Oh my gosh. I just realized there's flowers that I got for your sister are just sitting in that bowl. That's fine. That's really nice that you have flowers for people. I love getting flowers for people. That's a nice thing to do. So I have to tell you about what I just did. Okay. So I was walking here. I had a, I was down the street on set. You were down the street on set. I was getting fitted for a wig. Okay. Can you tell us for what? No, I can't. I don't think. But it's not even like secret project vibes. I just think I legally can't say anything yet. Okay. But is the energy off in here or what's going on? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Oh, Lauren, not me looking at Lauren and taking the energy off. We have not, we have not figured it out. We have not hit our stride yet. But Connor, I want you to know that it's okay. No, I know it's okay. But I just want you to know that I haven't gone to sleep since yesterday because I had done that flight at 4 a.m. today from Austin to get here. I'm walking here. So I leave that set. (upbeat music) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (clapping) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (clapping) (singing in foreign language) (clapping) (singing in foreign language) (clapping) - Thank you so much, that was fabulous. - Thank you, have a great day. (laughing) - So you were sensing there was an energy to the room. - Okay, that you were sensing and that was what it was. - Can everyone give me a dollar for the fact that I called, I was like, something is very, very off here today. - Yeah, we were waiting. - And it was because there were four beautiful young men, four beautiful talented young men that absolutely needed to sing their hearts out. - They needed to do. - They were lying in wait like the eggs in my peel. - Yeah, whoo, sorry. I was anticipating them and so I couldn't be here. I wasn't present 'cause I was in anticipation. - Did you hear me say, I feel like I'm dreaming something's weird? - Yeah. - Like snap out of snap out of it. - You could sense them. They're a part of your DNA. - I adore them, those young men. - Yeah, so for audio listeners, there was a Mary Atchie band that came into the studio and they performed their hearts out, pretty good bit, so. - Oh my gosh. There was not even a bingo car that could have had that on it that I would have put money on. - It was hard to figure out where to look. That was, you know when they say, I'm uncomfortable around people singing "Happy Birthday" to you. When there's four very talented gentlemen, belting Felice Coupillonios A2, A-T, maybe. - Like you're like fluent, fluent. - Oh yeah, oh God yeah. - Yeah. - It is difficult to pick. I couldn't pick which one was my favorite. - I mean, I freaking loved them all. I didn't really look at the trombonists because I was just feeling weird about angling my head that way. They were aimed at you. - They were like right there. - Their horns were in your ear. - So, I mean, that was freaking amazing. My stomach hurts like so bad. And I'm sorry to keep saying that. It's just like, if a tree falls in the forest and no one's there, do you hear it? - I don't hear it. I wasn't there. - No, that's why I like, I need you to know my stomach hurts. Otherwise, you wouldn't quite say anything. - It would make a noise. And that. - I guess they are different. - It's just a car beeping. Did you think it was Mary Archie band? - Yeah, that they were playing another song. - No, I think it's just a car beeping. - Oh, the Mary Archie band is in deep shit in the parking lot. - Yeah. - I hope they're okay. - They will be. They will always be okay. As long as they have each other and their instruments. - And the music in their heart. - Yeah. - We are not making sense today. And it's really starting to scare me. And we're only, we've only just begun. - How are we supposed to be expected to make sense after that? - No, I don't know. That was, I'm whip-wapped and. - I have to recalibrate. - Yeah. - My heart's pounding. - Should I do my thing? Do you feel like that will be a good time with my thing or a bathroom? - Yes, just do it. 'Cause I think that would shift us into chatting. - Okay, well, I hate to, I can't follow that up. And also it's your birthday. So sorry to do this now. It's just how the cookie has crumbled in terms of dates. But I'm gonna show you guys the cover for my book, which is incredibly exciting. Except not that exciting 'cause it's already happened by this time the episode comes out. - What's already? - Everyone will have seen it already. For the most part. - Where will they have seen it? - Like on my Instagram and stuff. - I'll see you again. - It comes out earlier in the day. Of the day that this comes out. So I guess the people who don't follow me on Instagram will not have seen this. - Well, your, your thousands of. - My boss. - Your thousands of bots will. - My boss will have seen this. I don't know if the listeners have seen it yet, but the bots have seen it. And that's all that matters at the end of the day. - That's your family. - So I love my flowers. I'm gonna put them right here. Yeah, so here is my book cover. And this is not the finished book. This is just a bound manuscript with the book cover, which is the closest thing that we have. So far the book hasn't gone to print yet, but here it is everyone, yay. And Connor, I had fully prepared to give this to you. The only copy that exists and for your birthday. - You're gonna say bot. - But then I realized I need to film stuff with it. 'Cause it, 'cause I need a few weeks, but then I'm gonna send it to you and sign it. - I'm gonna. - So happy birthday. - Thank you. - Yeah, and you'll have the only. - I will take that like a Snickers. - In the future. - Yeah. - In the Snickers. - Like a Snickers. - You'll eat it up like a Snickers bar. - Oh God, yeah. - So yeah, here's my book cover. It's incredible designed by my dear friend, Sarah Horgan. She's an amazing cover designer. I'm obsessed with her. And here's Phoebe. I don't know what else, do you have any questions? I don't know what else to say. I don't know how to do the cover. - I wanna say, I also had contributed a little bit to picking that. - You did. I had some really amazing choices. And this is where I landed and I was worried. There were two, I was stuck between. And maybe you'll see them. Maybe you'll see the runner up. But I was really scared that I was gonna be thinking about the runner up and I have thought, I have not thought about the runner up once since I've seen this. - It's really. in its glory. It's really great. I really love it. It really speaks to Phoebe's essence. She's a preschool teacher and she loves just like making lists and art supplies and markers. And so this really is just very reminiscent of her. And I think it's also like cute and flirty. You guys know it's cherry season and everything like that. There are cherries on the cover. I had a cherry today. You did? Yeah, three. Oh my god. You must have known. Oh my gosh. There was an energy in here. Yeah, there's always an energy in here. And the book comes out on May 26. Oh, this is the crux of what I have to say. The book comes out in May 26, 2026. But you can pre-order it now, anywhere that you can get books. And pre-ordering is how they base New York Times best seller list on. So pre-orders are very important. And I did not even realize that. I only know that because Hank's cookbook. Yeah. It's a pretty big deal to pre-order someone's book. So this is just a girl sitting sitting in front of a camera asking people to pre-order her book. That would mean the world to me. And I think that you guys will love it. And I'm so excited. And May 26, 2026. Here we come. Let's get those pre-orders in. And do you think that's it? Am I missing anything? Pre-order the link will be in the bio of my Instagram. And do you mind if we put it in the bio of this episode? Not at all. As he says, we can put it in the bio of this episode. And what do you think? Your heart's pounding? Is it because of the marry? I don't know. I don't know. It just hasn't stopped since the boys came in. Okay. Conor's still reeling from the boys. And oh, how about I do this? How about I can finally read like what the synopsis on the back of the book? Is that a good idea? Yes, that's brilliant. Okay. Because you guys can log it on Goodreads. Ah! Wait, why would you want them to log it? Like, this is true question. Yeah. Why would you want them to log it if they can't read it yet? Because you have a want to read shelf on Goodreads. Oh, so they would log it as like, yeah, put it on in your TBR. Are you to be read? I want to read this. It's great exposure and shit like that. It shouldn't fuck like that. So I haven't logged it yet because we're right now. I have not revealed the cover. It is last week right now. So I have not logged the book on Goodreads yet. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, no. I'm worried about you. I'm out of it, man. And I keep like looking past the camera instead of out the camera. Okay. Hold on. Pulling up. Well tired. Oh my gosh. I'll drink my Celsius. Like, there's so many solutions, you know. And this is also something interesting that I didn't know about books. I always thought that like authors just like wrote the back of their books, but they don't. There's like a whole team for doing shit like that. It can be so important to have a team. There's so many people that go into a book. People say that it's an isolating process to write a book. I have found that to be the opposite of the truth. Phoebe has a team and team Phoebe is an amazing group of people and I love them all deeply. So you're not the kind of writer like Ernest Hemingway that would go and lock himself away and get drunk every single day until he came up with like, what did he write? Peter. So, um, Ernest Hemingway, right? Like, exactly. What did he write? The old man in the sea for whom the bell tolls. I don't, those son also rises. I feel like that's the most the one that I've heard. Oh, it's crazy that Ernest Hemingway. Like, I'd speak about him as if he's my family member. I was just thinking that like for such a name, like, I don't necessarily know what he wrote. For whom the bell tolls. I have heard of those books. I wouldn't be able to connect them back to him. Yeah. Anyways. Um, I just got really shy about reading the can I read it? Yeah. Oh my gosh, it's long buckle up. Okay. Meet one of the most unforgettable new protagonists in Phoebe Berman. No. Yeah. There's no fucking way. Let me see that. We've been having some extreme glitches. That's no, that's right. No, it's not in her. Oh, the protagonist is inside of her body. This is wrong. Let me text it. Hey, you know what? We start this episode over. Hey, hey guys. Like, I'm so thrown off by the Mary. Okay. Just say, um, meet one of the most unforgettable new protagonists in fiction, colon. You don't have to say the colon Phoebe Berman. So just pretend there's a colon there instead of the end. Oh yeah. Uh, meet one of the most unforgettable new protagonists in fiction, in fiction, Phoebe Berman. She is one month to lose her virginity before she turns 30. If her own anxiety doesn't slow her down, a charmingly authentic and heartwarming debut novel from podcaster and comedian Brooke Averick. Is it possible to find true love when going on a date makes you want to throw up Phoebe Berman fears the one thing she wants. Phoebe Berman fears the one thing she wants the love and everything that come along with it. I'm blaming like truly there's been so many hiccups with thanks to an extremely unfortunate first kiss attempt crippling intimacy anxiety has plagued her since she was a teen with just a month to go before she turns 30 Phoebe is still a virgin. Phoebe is so much going on. Phoebe has so much going for a dream teaching job. A supportive and hilarious group of best friends and all the romance novel romance, almost a girl could want to add her fingers to it. Let's just call it. Let's just call it. Like I'm like the person you would call on during popcorn reading just to be mean. No, no reads like one of those like spaces and stuff. Good reads has been really fucking it up when we put it in and by we, I mean, not me at all. Determined to change this, she drafts up the ultimate guide to losing my virginity checklist with the hope of finally getting laid. Suddenly she goes from a relatively boring, basically non-existent dating life to juggling three romantic prospects at once. There's the gorgeous new fourth grade teacher at her school. That's Finn. A former high school classmate that resurfaces through words with friends. That's Matthew. And there will always be her roommate who might just be the best friends to love her situation of her dreams. And that's Jonathan. Thank you. Phoebe's love life quickly takes a turn in a way she never anticipated. But between the love square, she's gotten herself into and the stomach aches and cold sweats that surface whenever she gears up for a potential date, things are complicated. And Phoebe doesn't do complicated. Yeah. Phoebe Berman's gonna lose it as a brutally honest and painfully relatable story for anyone who's ever felt stuck between the coming of age and coming apart. Well done. I like that last line. That's a good one. So thank you for reading that corner. That was amazing. Sorry about the hiccups. That is just the good reads interface can be really tricky. And I'm glad that we're catching this before we go live. Yeah. So yay. That's it. That's awesome. So excited. I got to say the boys' names. Yeah. That's my freaking family. That's crazy that that's literally just like you just like right. I chose these and that's the names. And that's it. Well at first I had done like I accidentally made everyone all I named everyone. Do you all mind if I like can't speak like at all today or one of us has to I've named everyone after the characters in Glee by accident. And so I had to change like half of them. And so I changed like half of them to like Jonathan and Matthew instead. So that's really that's very much your book. Yeah. Yeah. No one will have any second guesses that this is your book that you wrote. Yes. I think that's the moral of the story. This is what we. Let's just call this call it as a mobile of the story. Yeah. I wrote it. Well done. It's very exciting. Thank you Connor. I'm proud of you. Come on your way soon. Yeah. I can't wait. Give my hands on it. And my four pre-order copies will arrive and be put in my bookshelf in May 26th. It's very sweet. Thank you. I have to tell you. So I walked here from that set. Oh yeah. Before the boys came in. And it was two miles. But I was like I have time. I was going to go to trade your jails. And I'm walking and do you know those beetles that are everywhere in California? They're like big green beetles. They're shiny. I'm walking past this woman. A beetle as fast and hard as a beetle could run into someone's forehead. Clunk. What was that? Did they throw? Did they throw something? Do they throw something at me? No. I think it was that beetle on the ground next to you. I was like no. They threw something at me and I was like it was that beetle. There's a car that drove by. She got the car through something at her completely distraught. It was right out here. I'm standing with her in this neighborhood. Now it looks like I've punched this woman in the face. I feel bad for her. I can imagine those beetles are heavy. They look like a golf ball. They've got clonked. I heard the noise. Her head was hollow. I don't think there was a it popped her ass. I'm surprised she wasn't more disturbed about the beetle feature. No, she was really thinking that it was a hate crime. Yeah. She thought it was a drive by someone threw a rock at her on the way by. Damn. That's my holds. That's the podcast for today. That's the landing. You got in this early this morning and you didn't sleep. No, I did not. You're coming from Austin? I came from Austin. I was in Austin yesterday. So the last time I talked to you, I was going to Austin and now I'm talking to you today. Just a mere, a mere, a mere, a mere, a mere, a mere, a mere. 34 hours later. - The way time moves in the studio, it's like such a showedinger. What? - Show, show. - I said that normally. (laughing) Did she? Show, did she? - I said show, is it showedinger or showedinger? It's showedinger. - Shredinger. - Shredinger. - No, it's showedinger. - So it's a total showedinger's cut in the studio, always. Because right now we exist on, what is today? - We exist on September 19th and we also exist on September 25th. - Who hotboxes the studio? - This comes out on September 25th now. - Oh yeah. Oh my gosh, you're right. - Yeah. - Okay, so. - Cover, relay. - Okay, I see what you're saying. - But also, we don't exist in any of those dates. When you watch the podcast on another day. - Okay, I've been running into so many people that are listening to old podcast episodes. And they're like, look, I'm listening to this one. Like, we love NATO or whatever, remember that one? - Yeah, I do. - And I'm like, that's shocking that you're looking at me and you're talking to someone who just learned about NATO. - You're looking at me and you're talking to someone. - And I've grown so much since I learned about NATO. - Hey, tell us what NATO is. - National Honor Site. (laughing) - National Merit Scholar. Yeah, episode of "Sweet Life's That Can Go To You." Where's the exact effort makes the cameo? - No, I don't know what is NATO again. - National? - No. - Listen to me speak. - National Association. - It's not national, 'cause it's everybody. Oh my God, this is bad. - North Atlantic Treaty organization. - North Atlantic Treaty organization, exactly. - Are we even in NATO? - Yes, in a big way. - So we're in North Atlantic, huh? But what about California and California's Pacific? Is there a, is there a, is there a NATO? - It would be like a U.S. Like, it's not a state-by-state entry opportunity. (whistling) - Oh, this is not it. - I forgot where I country. So is Canada in it? In Mexico? Okay, we have to stop. - Wait, I just really quickly wanna say that the summer I turned pretty finale came out the other day. - Were you as distraught as everybody else in the world? - You know, it's not distraught, like, distraught. (laughing) You know, it's not distraught, like, negative connotation, right? - It's distraught. - It's like an amazing, it's an amazing thing to be distraught about. It's like an amazing distraught. It's like only about this dresser you could take it off. Fibes. Anyway, I'm just, in my head right now is nothing, but only about this dresser you could take it off. - What does that mean? - It's a song by Taylor Swift that was playing during an amazing scene. - What was it seen? - Do you think, I mean, you all have had to watch it right now, 'cause it's, like, September 25th today, and it came out. - Yeah, if you're still planning on watching TSIPP. - Woo, it was the belly and conrad sex scene. It was amazing. - They have sex? - Well, yeah, I guess they cut when they're about to do that, but it was a lot of kissing. - Why do I think this was a teenager movie? - Sometimes it is, and sometimes it's like, oh my God. - That's like. - Yeah, no, they were kissing. - Wait, are the two young men, are they both married? - In real life? - Yeah. - Just the one, he has a serious girlfriend. I've been thinking about her a lot, I've been thinking about her a lot. Younger than us. - What, how old are they? - Younger, he's, Chris Briny is, who? Chris Briny is 27, he's born on March 24th. - That's my mom's birthday. - Well, La Tongue is 22. - She's 22, yeah. She is, like, the most gorgeous woman that I've ever seen in my life. - She's really great. - It's amazing. But yeah, so I'm thinking a lot about the finale. - What are you, what are you doing? - Wait, click on, can I see Chris Briny's fiance? - You know her. - Is it about Machado? Yeah, I want, is it, that's surfer, no, it's not. Never mind. - She's not, I mean, she's an actress as well. - Oh, okay. - Chris Briny is a chameleon. - He's. - Also, he's doing-- - This? - No, Quinn, which is this, like, audio-erotica app, and they have, is that making that face? - I'm doing it, Chris Briny face. - He, they have gotten, like, such big names, like Andrew Scott and Tom Bliss. And now, Chris for Briny is doing one, and it's a story about two brothers that want the same girl. And it's, like, audio-erotica. - Morning. - Like, it's very, very, very horny. And I'll be listening to it in my Quinn headphones. - I just bought the book, "Moby Dick." - Why, like, why are you doing this to yourself? - Because I wanna be, I wanna be reading literature that Ernest Hemingway wrote. - Well, you're gonna be miserable, I need to write that. - I know, but that vibe, like, I wanna be, I wanna be able to have more conversations about "Moby Dick." - Okay, read this part. - I think if you read in the spark notes would be better. - No, I wanna hold that old-ass, huge book about a whale. And I wanna read it, and I wanna digest it. - Okay. - And you know what, that's fiction, that's a fiction book. - It is. - What did "Moby" do? Do not spoil this book for me. I was planning on reading it this week. I do wanna know what happened, so. Wait, can you type in "Moby Dick" for me? - Don't spoil me, I need to know what happens. - Maybe it's when they go inside the whale. - No, but no, "Moby Dick" was an evil whale. Which like you would never expect a whale to be evil. "Moby Dick" is an 1851 novel by Herman Melville. - His leg. - Okay, "Captain A." Habs obsessive quest for revenge against a white whale that took his leg, setting it to the backdrop of 19th century whaling. It's considered one of the greatest American novels, Brooke, that's, yeah. It's notable for its epic scope, so. - Yeah. And there's "Captain A" Hab is a very frequent crossword answer, so I know that. I know about him, I know pretty good bit about him. - "Captain A" Hab? - Yeah. - Including him, but not limited to his name. - I was so good in English class about finding symbolism. - Really? I was not. - I was so good at being like, that's a symbol. - Yeah, that's a symbol. - I'm kind of just like, just tell me. - No, I kind of like reading into things and making them a bigger issue than they are. - Yeah, I get that. Did you ever have to do Marginalia? - What's that? - We had to like write all of the possible symbols on the like, title page of the book, and then write the page number that they all appeared on. - What do you do? - We'd have like our own table of contents in English class. Like in like, catcher in the rye, every time it was like innocence or like, whatever would come up, we would have to catalog each time a theme came up in the front of our book. And it was kind of fun. You had your own table of contents and it was so easy to write papers. - Oh, that's really smart. - It was really smart. - No, we didn't do that 'cause I went to public school. - I feel like public school can do Marginalia too. - Public school kind of focuses more on what did we learn? - Alamo. - Yeah, we did learn the Alamo. So good to be back in Texas for a second. - Yeah, did your parents come to your show? - They did. - Did you love that? - Yeah, it was really fun. They said in Austin, it's a game day weekend. - Oh. - But I'm back here in God's country today. - Well, well, you do this week and while you're here. - I don't know. - Will I see you? - Yeah, probably. - Okay. - I have no plans. - Oh. - Yeah. - Maybe we could get a bite to eat. - I could eat. - I don't want to eat, I have food poisoning, so I'm not. - I could not eat right now if you had a gun to wake up. - No, I am very sick. - It gets better. - I'm reading a book that I would love for you to read and it's kind of like Moby Dick. - What's it about? - It's called, it's tough 'cause I can't say one of the words in the title no matter how hard I try. - Marginalia? - No, the house in the Cerulean Sea. But I don't know if Cerulean is the right pronunciation. - That was the right pronunciation. - Is it? - It is so fabulous. It's about, it's the Brookshelf Pick of the Month, which is still going on, by the way, guys on Fable. We have a ton of fun over there. It's about this, it's fantasy, but not high fantasy at all, kind of magical realism, and there's these magic kids that have to be registered to the government and they all live at their own respective orphanages and the book is about a case worker who goes and makes sure that everything's up and running at the orphanages. And it's kind of like, series of unfortunate events. Spibes-ish, which I feel like you would like. - I love series of important things. - Yeah, I feel like you would like it. And these kids are warming my heart in a way that it's never been warmed before. He, Linus, the case worker, is going to the Cerulean Sea where there's an orphanage that is very classified. No one's really ever heard of it because they're like very- - Don't yawn, 'cause we're yawn. - No, don't yawn. I'm talking about a very interesting book right now. And they're like very classified magical children because it's like, whoa, their powers are so crazy. For example, one of them is the Antichrist and he's a six-year-old little boy who uses a booster sea. His name's Lucy, short for Lucifer. How adorable is that? And then there's this like- - What is his power? - He's just saying. - Antichrist. - I know what is his power. - I'm kind of still learning what his power is. It's like so much. - I bet he is too. - Yeah, exactly. But like, don't judge a book by his cover. Like yeah, he's the Antichrist, but he's a kid at the end of the day. And it's very, it's very sweet. And there's also this like little monster blob who just has his dream is becoming a bell hop. (laughs) And I cry every time I read about his hopes and dreams. He grew up learning that he should be a monster that scares people on hides under the bed. And he learned that he can be so much more and he wants to be a bell hop. - And you told me, this book is kind of like Moby Dick. - 'Cause there's the ocean. (laughs) - I just like every time I read about Choncy wanting to be a bell hop. - Choncy's a great name. - Yeah. - New bomb. - I think you might like the book. I'm really enjoying it. - Who are you? - Pozy book, which is perfect for September. - Oh my gosh, wake me up when September ends. - That is in my Phoebe playlist. - Why? - I don't care. I'll talk about my playlist now too. I can talk about whatever I want now. - I don't give a fuck. It's in my Phoebe playlist. September's a rough month for Phoebe. Is there a rough month or is it the most amazing month or can it be both? - Okay, no less though. - Yeah. - Oh my gosh, the mariachi like brought back my Spanish and my language. - Holy moly. - What the. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So. - No, we have to do questions now. - Let's just get some questions. That's a really cute picture of you. - Sorry, narcissist. Let's pause you up. - Just showing me a picture of himself smiling year to year. - Wait, oh my god, I didn't mention. When I was having food poisoning in the restroom earlier, that's a very pretty picture of you too, Connor. Mr. Fantasy responded to my comment on his latest video. I said happy Friday, Mr. Fantasy, and he said happy birthday Brooke. And yes, he does respond to other people, but he doesn't use their full government names like he did mine. - Brooke? - Yeah. He also follows only 11 people and they're all James Franco fan accounts. Which makes sense for Mr. Fantasy. - Okay, here's a question from someone, a listener. - Oh. - I love him. - Can you app his ripped? - Yeah. It's insane. I don't like this at all. That was me at the airport this morning. - Mr. Fantasy. - I sat in the massage chair, that is what I looked like, and I fell asleep, like I had to wake up at 3.30, go to the airport, I fell asleep in the massage chair, and I almost missed the flight. Could you imagine I go all the way to the airport 3.30 and more, and then you fall asleep in the massage, you see? - I'm in love with Mr. Fantasy. He's so funny. - That looks like where we are right now. - But something doesn't make sense about KJ. Like, why would someone that looks like you of this kind of personality? - Lot of money. - No, usually hot people that are that hot, it's less of a personality, 'cause they weren't forced to develop one. Like, what happened to him that made him so unique in an amazing way? He has it all. He's the man who has it all. - He's a child. - No, he is younger than us probably. - He has a child. - Oh yeah, he's a father. - He's a papa. - Yeah. - Yeah, how old is KJ? - Nice. - Oh. - M G, my birthday is one day after his, and he probably knew that when he wished me happy birthday. - Wow. - I am a year and a, I'm less than, wait. I'm less than a year older than him. We will be the same age for one day, and that will be so hot. - Exciting for you. - Yeah. - Do you see Australian? - New Zealander. - Who's a Kiwi? - Okay, I'm gonna do some questions and listeners. - New Zealander. - Okay. - So here's the first one. Someone asked, "How do I not feel insecure when?" "How do I not feel insecure when my friends are getting married and having kids?" And I'm not. Where, what is your answer? - The grass is genuinely always greener. 'Cause I know that there are people that are having babies and getting married, and they're like, I'm jealous of my single friends, truly. And I would rather be single for longer in my youth and that's the end of the sentence. I'm obviously just convincing myself of this, by the way. - Well said, I think it's good. I don't think there's a way to feel not feeling secure when you're, I guess it depends on where you live. If you're in the South and literally every single one of your friends is married and has kids, which is like, why do I feel 11? - It is like, we did get so lucky. My therapist was actually telling me this, that we have so many single friends, 'cause that's not typically the case. - I know. - Like, none of my friends from home are single, but like the fact that everyone in LA, or my whole group, your whole group is in New York, is single, like we got so lucky. - That's what I'm, it's just, it's location dependent. - Yeah, 'cause it must be a lonely feeling, and I'm very sorry to the young woman or man experiencing that. - Must be horrible, holy shit. - Yeah, 'cause I can't imagine. - Yeah. - Okay, I don't know why I screenshot some of these. - Okay. - I have some too. - Okay, go out, you do it, you do one. - What's the most unhinged conspiracy theory that you believe? - What's yours? - I do believe in the like, active lobotomies for the Nickelodeon and-- - That's like, it's so insane, and I know that you keep bringing them up, but you do truly believe in that. - I do. - Like, I think it's so sinister. I think that like big Disney and big Nickelodeon are so sinister and did something really bad. - Okay. - Should I say that? - Yeah, that's fun. - Okay. - Like Nickelodeon's not gonna come to your house, and I mean-- - You literally don't know. - But they're not gonna-- - Big man. - You're not like-- - You're not like, actively seeking out-- - And I'm not saying that it's the current Nickelodeon administration, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that these are things that happen in the past. - I think that's my conspiracy theory that I believe. - I'll believe anything anyone says to me at any point. So if anyone has one, what's a good one that I could believe? Anyone have one? It can be a conspiracy theories. How many people are in this room? Oh my gosh, I forgot there was a-- Okay. I think that there are secrets that the government has that they won't tell us. - Yeah. Like Project, what is that called? - Project X. - Is it? Yeah. Okay. - Is it weird to date someone with the same first name as your sibling? - Ah, we were talking about this the other day. Like, that's like good, he's perfect in every way. Situations-- - Oh wait, where did he do that? - If he's perfect in every way, then like, it's fine. It's not ideal. - Right. - That's not a reason to not move forward with someone. - Manager Burps all day. - I can hear an office away with the door closed. He drinks four Pepsi's a day. - And that's it. (laughing) - Like, just unloading on us. - I have actually gotten to a point in my life where I used to feel like so unoffended by Burps. And now I'm like, that's kind of gross. - Really? - Yeah. - I mean, it's not cool, especially like, especially like if you're sitting in a workplace you're like locked in and then you hear like a belch from your coworker. - I actually do think like a soda burp is not that gross to me, but like a food burp is disgusting. - That's like a belch. - A belch is disgusting. - Wow, bro, I didn't expect you to ever say that a belch is disgusting. - Yeah, but I don't mind like soda burps 'cause it's like, that's from the bubbles. But if it's from like food, that's pretty gross 'cause that's the same as a fart, it's just coming out of your mouth. - If my boss was farting four times in a row, I would go to HR. - That's, see, that's funny. It's like not funny that he's like burping, but if he was farting all day, that's really funny. - Farting all day? (laughing) - I one time in my apartment that didn't even share a wall with the other building, heard someone burp. And there was no, it was in a stand alone apartment. Remember the apartment that I had that was over that garage? - How would I know your apartment that was over a garage? - 'Cause you lived here and I lived here. - Oh, that you had. Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, the one that you lived in, yeah. - Oh, the one I lived in with my neighborhood? - Yes. - Dad. - Yes. - I thought you were talking about before I moved here. - So I was like a stand alone apartment, not touching any walls. The building next door, someone burped in their house and I heard it in my room and I laughed and they said excuse me. (laughing) - Aw. - And we never ever, ever had any other interaction besides that. - Did you like know what they looked like or what kind of person they were? That's cute. But I know that they're a good person based on them apologizing for burping. - Yeah. - Or as they said, excuse me, I was like, that's very polite. - Yeah. - I would have just not ever acknowledged it. I laughed 'cause I was like, was that burp? Like, I just burped. - I burped too. Last night, I bent down to talk to this older gentleman. And as I bent down, it was like an accordion like pushing out a burp and it went into the mic. I have it on video, hang on. It was bad, you guys. - I'll get on, I'll come down here with that. (laughing) It's like burping. I'm sorry. Tell me about your look with a leg with a leg. - Wait, was that the burp or was that the reenactment of the burp? - No, that was a burp. You'll whoa, but that was in a bilge I think I'm struggling to understand the difference I'm struggling to understand anything at all Okay, what are your four favorite movies? Can I say something really quick? Yeah, I'm having one of those days where like I'm about to have a breakdown like every everything is like I'm so close. I was in Trader Joe's and it was bringing up the most heavy Emotional feelings for me like as I haven't been in a Trader Joe's in so long because I actually actively avoid them now Do you think like you're having some sort of like I miss LA? Yeah, that's why I sent you a snapchat and said I don't think I'll ever be happy okay. I'm okay. Yeah, I was wondering about that Yeah, but it was also weird. I was walking the two miles to get here. You know, I didn't walk a quiet I didn't pass a single other person I know I didn't know that no one was walking and then I was having that feeling like am I the last person alive? Yeah, on earth Anyways, I'm in Trader Joe's and I was just like over well I saw the peanut butter filled pretzel bites and I almost broke it down. I almost fell to my knees Thank God Thank God for my Turkey sweet potato wrap that I locked eyes with because if if not that I would have been did you eat that in addition to yourself? Yeah, I walked here eating it. Nice. They're so good and they're always a little bit wet and that's what I like about it Everyone's like you have to eat that up. I'm like I like that. It's wet. I love a wet I love one thing. I like soggy things a lot of the time. I love soggy. Yeah, I love cold food You do love cold food But I was having one of those days where here's a top here's a top couple things that will make you on days when you are about to kill yourself these things happen one your wired headphones get caught on the door handle and rip out of your ears to You go to wash your hands and you use the lotion and not the soap. I do that here a lot. Yeah, three you drop your phone in between Your your car console and your seat And there's a water bottle wrong around somewhere. I was wrong around. Oh Damn, that'll be like ended all vibes. It's like what is going like that's your rock bottom will happen when You get a divorce you lose the kids the market crashes your house is foreclosed and then You'll wash your hands with lotion instead of soap and that is that is rock Yeah But you know the good thing about rock bottom It's only up from here You do have to push through Like what I was telling the kids the other day When I was on set this morning, they go you have a baby, right? Like a pardon you have a newborn I go who was asking pardon my my my wig handler Oh the wig handler. Yeah, he made all the wigs for hunger games Whoa, and he's making my wig. Wow. What an honor. I know He was he was saying do you have a bit you have a newborn? I saw you have a newborn I was like I don't have a new and he goes, but you're married. I go no You're putting a we're putting away on my head right now. I'm not married. I don't have a kid and Then I go did you guys actually hire me? Because I don't think you got the right guy. I like you. He is married Don't matter. It is a speed bump. Not a stop sign. I agree a lot of people do a lot of people do I don't agree, but I agree that for so a lot of people it is If you found the love of your life married. I was married or he was married both both you're not both do both circumstances They're married You're married. You're both married Go. I mean, I'd love to think that I wouldn't I would not I Really firmly believe with my whole heart and chest that I would never cheat I really do believe that. That's something that's Very firm about you wouldn't cheat on your lover. Yes, I would not okay But what if the love of your life? I don't think I I think I would like be so sick over that Unless it was a circumstance for like He was literally like being abused by her and I would be like let me take the pain away What? Like if we're a situation where I didn't feel bad like that would be a situation where I don't feel bad for The other woman if she's a horrible person Let me take the pain away. Yeah, does that make sense? Stop looking at me. What are you an Advil? Yeah, what do you? Okay, okay, I wouldn't feel bad if she was bad person if it was an abusive relationship and you could step in and be like mama Well, I don't like anything like that. I don't like the way either of us described it the situation I'm not understanding I'm trying to understand I want to go back in time. Okay, go back Basically what I'm trying to say is that if she was a horrible person then I could maybe convince myself to feel better about it even though it's still be shitty That you're a home record. Yeah, okay, we're and then Ruth buried your home wrecking to a means to an end Yeah You're obviously I'm not gonna if I'm fall in love with a guy and he's married to this like just a sweet woman I would I would not touch the situation But if she's evil. It's like okay You snooze you lose jump What is going on in this is it like weirdly quiet to you guys? No, I'm very worried about you and the way that you're sweating I'm drenched You want water? Okay, I'm chugging this one. I Did have a moment you ever have one of those moments where you're like oh my god. I'm about to pass out Yeah, I you've had a few I've had two. Yeah, I'm worried. No, it's okay. You're gonna go to work, you know La booboo Oh my god champ what's your four what are your four favorite movies? My sweating so bad that I need to put my hat on. Oh my god. I Can start with mine. Is that helpful? Yeah, do it. I've we've done this, but maybe they've changed You leave list of yours. I have mine in a list. Okay. Okay. Thank you, jump in Twilight Super bad Sorry, it's a very long list I'm picking out my top four I like super bad. It's complicated and The princess diaries I Want to watch princess diaries? You love that scene. I do love it. Is it hot or cold cold cold cold. Yeah It's a huge thing of ice cream of Genovie and ice cream. I need to go to Genovia the soundtrack of princess diaries - what is that? Accently you're doing just my voice. Oh The soundtrack of princess diaries - breakaway. That's not her voice. Where'd I go? I'd born with it. The soundtrack of princess diaries, too What are you doing that? Am I imagining it? Whoa, okay, go ahead. I'm not under the influence of anything if anyone's wondering. I'm just so tired Is amazing Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson was written for it. Really? Yeah, and because you live by Jesse McCartney is his most underrated piece because you live girl My world, you know it has twice as many stars. I think Dumb and Dumber has the best soundtrack known to man I you know, I've not seen Dumb and Dumber. Oh my someone said they haven't missed a familiar because of the way I sing and talk about Broadway They've developed misophonia. It sounds like they don't like they just don't like the bottom No, they don't like me. They were like I'm really struggling. I miss phoenix. I really accept when brook starts to sing and talk about Broadway Like maybe you just don't like Oh, that's not miss nymphoma. Yeah, I'm burping into the like and eating my salads That was killing me so now whenever I'm annoying my friends tell me that the mr. phoenix actin out Lordy duty Someone asked moved in with moved in with my best friend and her boyfriend, and we all hooked up. Should we tell our fourth friend? Wait, I'm so sorry. I don't know what are your favorite movies. Oh Dumb and Dumber Titanic dumb and Dumber full-scaled full-scaled. Thank you Lilo and such. Oh gee nice. No, fifty-first days nice So I moved our third friend moved in with us. They all hooked up. Wait, this is 40. I need to swap one of those for this is 40. Okay, I start over Dumb and Dumber This is 40 Titanic full-scaled. We're like about to be 40 and I remember watching that being like they're so old and now I'll be 40 like tomorrow Happy birthday. Bring the mariachi boys back in happy birthday brook dash mr. fantasy. They they come in there They're all 60 like we all aged in this studio of 20 years So a couple, a third friend moved in with a couple, they became a triple. - No, they're just all hooking up. - Oh, there weren't a couple to pick up on them. (laughing) - There were a couple, they're all Hannah. - Okay, should we tell the fourth friend? - Yeah. - More than Mary, can I get it? - Get in here, child. (laughing) - See we fit. - Slip and slide right in. - Yeah. (laughing) - Like it, no has to, yeah, tell the fourth friend. - Oh, yeah, everyone's invited. - Genuinely, yeah, tell the fourth friend. 'Cause it's at the bare minimum, it's funny. Also, you moved in with your friends and you just started fucking 'em. - Fine to do. - You're allowed to do that. - You are completely allowed to do that if you want. - Okay, so like no hesitation, no pause, tell your fourth friend, invite the fourth friend over, maybe make a fifth friend. - Unless you don't want them to join, or but like tell them 'cause it's funny. - It is funny. - Yeah. - What are you digging for? - My hydroflask. - Okay. - Is that new? Rich. Whoa. - Tastes weird. (laughing) - I wish a lot of my bottom teeth. Wow, the book money must be coming in. - New, old, extremely rich. - New old Walla. - Yeah, it makes extremely rich. And my dad's a extremely rich too, separately. - Yes. (laughing) - You rich dad. - Wait, why would you dance or rich? - There was a Reddit thread about that too. - How did he be, Kennedy comin' all his way? - I don't remember. What people said. Wait, did he have a boat, or was that something that we would riffed off of? - No, he had a boat. - Did someone say he had a boat? - Yeah. - Okay. - They were all on his boat. - No, I think we made that up. - Okay. - Yeah. - Your dad is so rich. Okay. - So. (clears throat) - What do I, what do I do with my roommate of three years has been copying me to the point of-- - Copping? - Copying. - Oh. - To the point of food. - Like buying, it gets to a point. - Food is where I draw the line. - I'm just like buying the same food as you. - No, sorry, I don't know. - I think about, I'm kind of self-conscious about that sometimes 'cause I copy cat a lot. And I'm always like, is she mad at me? - What do you copy cat as? - Like every time cat buys something, I'm like, I need that. I guess she's just an influencer at her core. - Yeah. - Copping has never bothered me. I will be like, you're copying me. - Period, and that's it. - I fear I'm a skip hop, I'm feeling, I fear I'm a skip in a hop from becoming a FEMCEL. I don't know where to go from here. What's a FEMCEL? - I guess an in-sell, but a girl. - I know an in-sell. - Probably just like someone who's really active on the red at stark pages. - That's what I would imagine a FEMCEL to be. - But like in-sell is like basement, dweller, like troll, right? And so a FEMCEL, who is their target? 'Cause I think of like tearing down other women. - Interesting. - But like in-sell men, I think in-sell is like, I didn't know it was gendered in-sell. - I think it's just implied. - That it's a weird man. - Yeah. - I didn't know. - Have you ever seen that like, it's like a documentary or like a little series on TikTok of like just like interviewing this guy who identifies as an in-sell and he's so scary? - Oh, brook. The term FEMCEL refers to a subculture of women who feel frustrated and isolated by their inability to find romantic or sexual partner despite their desire to for one. - Can't relate. So. Cool. (laughs) - Okay, cool. So what? Why is it, why is that the term? - Oh, female involuntary celibate. - Involuntary celibate, like horny as F. - Oh yeah. - Horny as crud, but unable to do anything about it. - Completely horny as a chump. - Horny as a chump, but rendered absolutely helpful. - Oh shoot. - Okay. How do you embrace being divorced at 28? - After the worst divorce and thinking you found the love of your life. Well you are, you beat everyone out, you're 28. - Got that out of the way. - Yeah, one down, what's next? Come on, give it to me. How do I shave my back? (laughs) - You can't. - How do you shave your back? - That's like sucks 'cause like you need a partner for that, but like if your back is so hairy, how will you get one? Wish a cycle. - Oh my God, you got hired somebody. You got to get someone back there. - You'd say that no one will not be, not to say that you can't fight a partner with your extremely hairy back. It just might make it more difficult sometimes. - Not to say with that forest on your back, you won't find love. There's a chance. Lumberjack. Okay. And. (laughs) - My question. - I have more. - Okay. - Oh my God. - If you guys like I understand if you unsubscribe today, what has been your worst hyperfixation of all time? - I don't hyperfix it. - It's so insane. You must have at least once. - Yeah, what would I hyperfix it on? Have you ever seen me hyperfix it? - They don't smirk at me like that. - I'm thinking. Yeah, I have. - On what? - Very, very lightly. - What? - Like some comedians, you'll have like a brief, like Dallion's with. - Yeah, I can actually think of, I can actually think of. - Chair with us. - No, I can't share it. But you know. - How about you start to think about sharing it? - No. - Is it a comedian? - No. - Is it a person? - Yes. - Have they been on this podcast? - No. - Just tell us who gives a fuck. - No, I don't want to. - Connor. - I'll tell you after. - Connor. - Yeah. - Mine was probably, I guess glee, 'cause that was more like extreme mental, like very ill sick in a way that I was starting to, like reality was bending, the lines were blurring. I was like, if I'm not in glee, like if I am not like accepted to the glee project, like there will be no point. - In living? - In living. Like they were like real to me. Like Rachel Berry was like a real person. - There's stuff, like there's a whole other world out there that I am not a part of. Glee never even came across my desk. I don't even think I knew about it until. - That is so squared. - Glee, and then it trickled for me, Glee, 'cause then with Glee, Glee started, Jonathan came from that, and then really like all Broadway. That's like when I started obsessing over it. And there were so many trickles, then there was like star kid, which is Darren Chris, and then, so I was just like, it was like a beautiful tree of life, and you know that girl's misophony is like ringing. - Oh my gosh, she is like ringing. - That poor girl. - To the bells. - Her ears are bleeding. - Poor. - She's on the ground writhing in pain. - Poor child. - You stop talking, she's like, oh my God, I'm fine. She's at back on the ground. - I'll stop talking. - She's rolling around, she fell down the stairs. - Okay, let's just. - Thank you guys for listening. - So sorry. - We have to deal with something really important. - Actually, do you think you're sick? - Yeah. - Okay, we'll talk about it in the bonus. - Okay, I'm sure everyone's really excited to hear it. Let's talk about how I'm sick in the bonus, and we will see you there. Thanks for listening. Sorry.