Hex In The City (Part 1)

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There's a reason millions of companies like Mattel, Heinz, and Allbirds continue to trust and use them. With Shopify on your side, turn your big business idea into. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com slash specialoffer. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, winning streak Wade's wee lad gets good news that he sends the Jets mystery questing. Bye. Except trusting Bob dangles a duo, eats wieners, and fights a cricketer. Micro-stuttering Mark also shows his folder. His snob falls off, and he scores a scene. From death by laughter, to sucking sewers. It's time for Hex in the City, part one. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. Distractible. Distractible. And enjoy the show. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host, yet again. And by yet again, I mean for the first time in a while, yet again. But I'm here. I'm Wade. Joined as always by my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hey boys. Am I lagging? You're frozen. Yeah, you have broken everything. I told you to wait. I said, hold on. Oh, I can start over. No, no, no, it's fine. Am I here? Where am I? God, I hope I don't fucking laugh too much. I'm going to die, apparently. I said it in the way that was like, not ready. Yeah. Oh, I should have listened to the inflection rather than the words you used. It's like how Amy calls the raven schmoes, you know? It's not crows, it's schmoes. I remember schmoes raven. Quoth the raven, "Another one?" You having some troubles? No, no, I'm fine. Is it better now? Yeah, you look fine. You look about like you normally look on "Aren't," but. Bob, we got to quit punching down, man, because he's short. How are you going to throw a short joke in when he's already suffering? Because I'm the host. Losing points doesn't matter today, Bob. Come on, man. Come on, man. Come on, man. I gave you a point, Mark. We were mean. I gave you a point for us being mean to you. I assume it'll be soon, Mark. Just remember, I would never do this to you. I was just saying who you guys were. If you're new to the show, don't be. You should have been here for a while. But the way this works is one of us hosts, the other two compete for points. Whoever has most points at the end gets to host the next episode. I'm hosting this one because I won the last one. And as always, we usually start with some small talk. So, what's new, man? Dibs, no dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs. I got dibs. I got it. I got the thing. Oh, you got a white one. Ah, like a nerd. Look, mine has good people on it. Look at that. Mine has good people on it, too, somewhere. It's got, it's got, it's got. Ooh, look, look, it's so pretty. Hey. And look, it does the anime. You can tell it's real because, look, it does the animation when you close it. Everybody was, oh, wait, it didn't really. Why is the wallpaper not coming up? Ah, I actually have it. Also, I have a case on mine. So, I do have the blue one, though, or whatever. But I have a Ridge case. I like how from behind, I thought Mark had a custom, like, Unus Annus phone with the black and the white. I have Henry. It's a good Henry pic. No, it's him just looking at Amy. That's, that's how he always looked at Amy. That's how Mandy and James always look at me. Anyway, did your screen break yet, Mark, or are you still good? Did yours, you, you knock off Haver? Ooh, ooh. This is literally barely a phone yet. I just got this and it was, like, setting up on the seat of my car on the drive home from the Verizon store. So I haven't, literally haven't used it at all yet. I've used it quite a bit, but I haven't switched over my number to it yet because I'm still not used to it. It's taking some, a lot of people worried about like, oh, left-handed what are left hand is going to do? I'm like, it feels better in the left hand than it does the right hand. I am left-handed. I love it already. I love the way that this like sits and it's, anyway. I saw a bunch of posts on the subreddit that were like, oh, by the time this next episode comes out, the guys are going to have the new phones and they'll already be broken in half. Probably. For listeners, Mark and I are both holding up and proudly displaying our iPhone duos, which is the new folding iPhone. I guess we know that neither of us actually said it out loud, but it's, I mean, it is just cool. I love for the listeners, they hear dibs dibs and have no idea until now what that was for. I mean, my favorite phone was not a flip phone. It was the one that like slid up and had the keyboard under it. And this is kind of. I think this is my favorite feature that you can use the viewfinder for the main camera. So it does have selfie cams, but you can take like high quality pictures. How do phone cases work for this? Do they work for these phones? Or just they don't. He, he had one on them there. There are different sort of design philosophies, but mine is basically the back part is the, the heavy duty part. And there is a hinge cover and the front part is like a really thin lip cover. It's basically like if your phone case also had like a folding folio part on it. Is the case hinged or is the case like kind of flimsy at the corner where it's gonna eventually rip? The case, the case is hinged. So you can see this, this cover thing. Yeah. If I move with my hand, that's, that's just the hinge cover, but like it magnets to the hinge itself. So it just looks like a normal phone case when it's closed, but there's two, there's two kerjiggers and then you just open it and it's one big kerjigger. I'm not going to, cause I just got it and I don't wanna break it, but it feels like you could do like they do in the commercial, like where Spider-Man is just like, and flips it open. Like it, this thing feels heavy duty. It feels like it could take some abuse. Most folding phones I've ever actually held like in stores and stuff. It felt a little bit like I was, I would be afraid to put it in my pocket and accidentally lean against something with it in my pocket. Yeah. My flip phone from like 2004, I flipped open one time and literally just snapped in half when I flipped it open. I'll do that on you. But the bottom half still works. So I just couldn't see what I was typing or here, but I could call and text and had hope that I was doing something useful. And I'm sure this one won't until it does. It's a, it's funny because like there, there are definitely many of these that are breaking. That's for sure. Uh, and, and that's totally fine that it does that. No, no, no, it's not totally fine that it does that. So long as it doesn't happen to mine. Right. Right. It's about me and me and me alone, but, uh, yeah, I don't know how many of them are breaking, but with a new product, I imagine it does come with some quirks and there's new manufacturing processes and people assembling a new thing. Every time you get one of these and I'm not saying this is not excusing, by the way, this is explaining how this happens. Every time you get a new product. You have to train everyone that assembles it on how to assemble this brand new product. Uh, even if they may have worked on other folding phones before in the assembly, it's like everything is in a different place. Every single thing that is ever designed by humans is incredibly complex nowadays. And this is no exception, probably one of the most complex devices that you could possibly put into the palm of someone's hand. I'm not surprised that there are some manufacturing defects going through there, not excusing it. But again, so long as it doesn't happen to me. Yeah. Am I right? Everybody. Am I right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I will give a bonus point to either one of you if you send me one cinema, I barely got to buy mine. Are you kidding me? Yeah. All right. All right. I mean, you know what? I'm just, I offered a point. I just offered a point. I was supposed to get mine on Friday. Got the lid. I get to go pick it up this morning. I'm just glad I have it. It almost didn't exist. I thought points were important to you guys. I guess they're not that important. Nah, I don't give a shit about points. This show is stupid. Not gonna lie. They did send it to me. No, I don't even try and win anymore. I don't know what's going on with you. Thanks, man. That helps my self-esteem. He won fair and square last time. I think. It definitely wasn't the other word. Fair and round. That made me laugh. It's an easy day today, Bob. think i it definitely wasn't the other word fair and round that made me it's an easy day today bob Quick update on my end. Presley, my doc, one of my docsons has been having a lot of health issues I talked about. His back was bad and they thought we were going to have something to say about it. quick update on my end uh presley my one of my dachshunds has been having a lot of health issues i talked about his back was bad and they thought we were going to have surgery so we took him in last week for an mri which came back very clean his mri was beautiful did not need surgery he's on two weeks two more weeks of bed rest we thought it was eight to twelve weeks of bed rest and or surgery it's turned into a month of bed rest and no surgery which is much better sick good news for him which is really really nice but he's very energetic very playful and very tired of me crate resting him or bedresting him so he's like any chance he gets trying to violate the terms of his health agreement that he doesn't know he has meaning he's running around like a maniac jumping wanting to play with his sister trying to and i have to carry him everywhere and stop him but it's nice that he's feeling better awful that i have to contain it for two more weeks but all in all best news we could have gotten for him so it's a huge weight off the shoulders which is nice yeah nice that's very good news that's my update you guys got new phones that's apparently your update any other small talk if not that's okay i gotta i gotta i got an episode i got an episode i believe you why you say that like that i i already believe you there's something weird going on on my desktop my time is dark red oh god excuse me mark's been infected i mean no joke the time is like blood red and it's flickering it's kind of flickering why did you turn on halloween horror mode mark the halloween virus if your clock starts starts acting derisively you know who it is oh no candy bread or not candy bread ginger dead man the candy bread man the candy cane man he's back all right so you to jump into today's thing the boys each need a d20 which i believe you guys have correct yes this is not a choose your own adventure but i'm trying something a little bit different this is like a little mini dnd type thing so i've got you guys some stats and health i can give them to you if you want otherwise i can just tell you your modifier whenever you have to roll i got a little thing set up and you guys are gonna have some more open rain so we're gonna jump in unless you guys do you want your character stats i mean should we write them down yeah oh yeah i'll take them they're very basic i just gave you guys a health and then like pluses and minuses to different attributes okay what do i got mark you have a health pool of 43 strength plus two dex plus one con plus three int plus one wisdom plus zero charisma plus three oh all right okay that feels right that feels right i'll go ahead and take note of this on my new cell phone all right bobby you ready for yours yes you have a health pool of 40 how do i have less health than mark i'll get to that in a second strength plus two dex plus zero con plus two int plus three i don't even know what int means i gotta be honest intelligence oh that tracks that tracks okay wisdom plus two too stupid to know i got no wisdom this guy doesn't have any wisdom i've seen how he plays horror games i think it tracks wisdom plus two bob charisma plus one so all of your attributes should add up to a plus 10 overall two four six nine ten good job buddy and the reason mark has a little bit more health is his con was a little bit higher do our characters have predetermined names or are we is that part of the are we gonna get to that i just have you written down mark and bob you guys can give yourselves whatever names you want uh for the listeners their stats are exactly as i read them when you put it like that you two blink you open your eyes you're on the i guess been called the outskirts of a big city as you look around it kind of feels like new york it kind of feels like chicago kind of feels like la could be miami minneapolis nah probably not it's hard to really tell what city you're in it's a big city tall buildings all around the weather is fine i don't know 70s skies seem relatively clear a few clouds the sun's out people are out and about going about their day but ultimately at least at first glance it's just kind of hard to tell exactly what city you're in things seem to open up to your west like it seems like you're on about the outskirts of the city so maybe there's some more buildings way out there but it seems like if you want to go deeper into the city you're probably going to go to the east you can keep skirting the outskirts by going north or south and west will kind of lead you out again people going by dressed in a variety of clothes some in light jackets some shorts and t-shirts some look like they're a bit chillier so a bit more overdressed people in suits and ties dresses a very busy bustling area you're not really sure what brought you to here but you're probably going to find yourself in the middle of the city you're here to this moment but you're here nonetheless i will open the door to you guys to figure it out we're still us and we know each other yeah yeah you you're trying to remember exactly your history together you know you know each other and you know you trust each other but again you can't remember what brought you to this moment hey i trust you man hey i don't know what it is about you you got a trustworthy face i bet i do too it's not your face something about your your biceps it's very trustworthy i trust a man with a strong bicep you got brain you got brain in you i can i can see that i can't really see it unless i were to do something to see it but i'm not gonna do that no don't do that don't do that just assume i like that you're just assuming i think that's the right approach for i'm gonna assume that you got no brain whatsoever and i like that in a companion i don't think i need it here i think we're in miami or something maybe i don't know the city but you know it looks like miami yeah i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know cities i don't have that kind of brain have you been hearing god in your head you know what yeah i think i have i think that's what that is isn't it hey god what's up i don't trust my eyes what's around here uh do you want to roll perception which would be perception just int i should probably have known that let me new friend let me look around you look first i'll look first yep if you look enough then i won't even have to look if it would ever focus 18 got a natural 18 god damn i'll look real good with an 18 you have no wisdom modifier so it's just a flat 18 you're looking around mark trying to place yourself figure this area out exactly where you're at where to go something feels right about this place but also more of it feels wrong to you it is almost too i don't know if androgynous is the right word it's too much of a mix-up there's there's things that remind you of these different cities they shouldn't all be reminded of at the same time the weather's not warm enough for miami but some people are dressed like they are going to the beach the weather's not cold enough for minneapolis you don't think at least with the time of year you expect it probably is and yet some people are dressed like it's winter the buildings themselves again some of them feel like you might find one of them in cincinnati is that the uh the queen building on right over there is that the empire state building in the distance something way back where it looks like it could even be like the eiffel tower but maybe it's the tower from king's island or who knows what but like just it feels like there's a mesh up of things from different places that don't belong here it it's put together in a way that makes sense but upon paying more attention it doesn't make sense people are dressed way too differently and the buildings look like they're from too many different places hey new city new opportunities i don't know why we're here and i don't know who you are and i think i know my name that's up to you i want to say snark i want to say don't use all your creativity here man save some bob oh you look like a bob yeah we got there that feels right i can't see myself but i feel like a bob so i believe you i think i'm a snark so this place is weird and androgynous which i've never felt about a location before but i was thinking of a blend of things i don't know androgynous is just the word that came to mind i'm sorry who am i to question the divine words god should we go somewhere or should we stay here give me a sign or just talk to me i guess i mean there are people out and about right people going by people sitting on benches um again they're they're dressed in a variety of different ways but there's people you can talk to and yeah there's plenty of places to go again you can stay on the outskirts and look around some more you can go deeper into the city you can go more to the outskirts toward you know what you expect to be suburbia maybe eventually a rural area maybe another city it's hard to tell what's further out west but right now you're just here bob go ahead and roll a die i'm going to figure out what or the ability here natural one come on bonuses you really feel like you're where you're meant to be bob like this place at this time this spot even it just feels right to you i knew this is where i think we should just sit down on the sidewalk right here and call it i think we solve the mystery this is where we're supposed to be in my infinite or perhaps finite wisdom i have i don't you seem you don't seem to are you not picking that up you're the no you're the one with the brain i think i trust you i think we could stay here a moment how about how about this with my very perceptive eyes i'm gonna try to see if anyone's going in any particular direction if there's some kind of pattern i might discern from their movements or their behaviors i'm gonna look let's people watch let's sit here and people watch that's my favorite hobby uh go ahead and roll i'm gonna have you do what those have all been wisdom so far do wisdom again what is it five no wait it's on the 12 it's technically on the focus please it's on the 12 just barely i feel like we could just believe you mark i want to be truthful i want to be truthful i trust you you're a trustworthy guy i trust him so you're people watching and it doesn't feel like there's one particular direction people are going there's a guy with a a big hat and the feather sticking out of it he looks like he's going to die i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know he looks very odd he walks off and goes into a building down the road and you're continuing to look around time passes bob is adamant he wants he's where he wants to be your people watching you swear about 10 or 15 minutes later you see the same guy coming out of a different building but that's that's the same hat different guy same hat and he's coming out of a completely different building than what you saw him go into going the same direction toward that same building some more time passes he goes into that building again and the building itself is kind of nondescript it's a tall concrete building that's androgynous if you continue to wait more time passes you noticed that you you think you see the same people moving in ways that don't make sense you'll see someone go off to the west like they're leaving town and then you'll see what appears to be the same person walking out of a building in town and just going either the same direction out of town or to another building it's not too often but there's at least three or four people that seem to be in places that don't add up hey buddy you're smart which way is west i point west okay i was thinking about that there's this guy that went into this building and he was wearing this hat he went in the building and then another guy came out of the building over there and he was wearing the same hat same feather i think and then some guy was going west and that's weird direction to go i don't like that direction that's a great point i hear your concerns and i think we should address them through an ai model no but i talked to it a lot so i just yeah because fire's so smart yeah that's how i got all the wisdom bob go ahead and make me another roll with a die oh you gotta be fucking kidding me it's a one i'll trust you to the end of your days buddy this might be a multi-parter everyone um so bob you see what mark's saying but he's completely wrong it it's tracking for you like this is just how things are here well you know what i hear that you've got concerns but i think you're just over questioning me okay i think we just need to relax and just enjoy what's happening here doesn't this feel good to you doesn't this feel like what we're supposed to be my teachers said that about me they were like you're overthinking it my coach said you just run ball you run ball man don't think just when you get ball you run and i was like yeah that makes sense okay all right it's nice here so let's let's not think too hard let's not hurt ourselves the vibes here are exactly what we need right now i don't mind androgynous vibes androgy vibes i really hate you just want you to know that but but buddy i am hungry you know maybe i could go get us a snack from like one of the restaurants around here or something i could bring it back here oh i don't want you to go on your i'll go with you should we get a snack are you sure you gotta save this primo spot man someone could claim it can you can you both roll me a die all right i got two is that better yeah bob um you didn't 91 it's a oh it's right on the line between 8 and 15 it's kind of i'd say that's a 15 it's just on 15 i swear these are real rolls what the fuck you and bob both see it at the same time there's a hot dog cart and you guys talk about food you're like oh big city hot dogs sometimes those hit big city hot dog oh i hope they have sport peppers so bob goes to get in line for the hot dog mark you're going to get in line for the food you take a moment you're thinking about what you want like you know there's a there's good fixings there's a lot of options that's what you can put on that hot dog time has passed you guys have been sitting here people watching for quite a while now the sun has shifted in the sky and bob's waiting in line the person in front of him is placing his order when it looks like the hot dog cart closes down and starts to kind of move off the cart itself is being pulled away bob's just excited to get his food but the guy in front of bob is continuing to talk and gesture and move as if he's still having a transaction with the hot dog guy but the hot dog guy's moved on uh uh uh uh buddy you're talking to bob or the guy yeah yes it's bob bob buddy uh you see what i'm seeing yeah we're gonna get some hot dogs man okay man all right uh just i just want to check you're the smart one but this guy is he's not he's doing the bob you know that mark's pointing it out notice you've been waiting in line for a hot dog cart that's not really it's not far but it is leaving and the guy in front of you is still placing his order hey we could cut in line we just go over these guys aren't following let's go yeah let's chase him down they're a bunch of idiots over here they don't even notice it's our chance it's a mobile cart right so let's do this god i chase after the hot dog guy okay you guys go after the cart uh the guy's continuing to push his cart do you say something to him or do you just yeah i'm yelling i'm screaming waving my hands hey we're hungry hot dog pointing to my mouth right here right here uh continuing to push the cart he kind of turns his head in an unnatural just like 90 degree turn to look at you welcome to jason's wieners what can i get for you he does not stop pushing the cart as he says this i order one jason's wiener i'll take get another one queued up for me two wieners coming right up again he's doing this like jerky head motion as he pushes the cart you see his hands putting together a hot dog but he's continuing to push the cart but his hands kind of like shift over to make it come back to push the cart shift over to make it a hot dog does end up in each of your hands but the cart never stops moving free hot dog that'll be seven dollars oh not free god you had to say something man he would have forgotten do i have money i look in my pockets for money you find a wallet and if you open it up you do see several bills inside of it do i need to roll the count to seven am i that dumb no you really can't all right good all right seven i hand it to the man then i stop and i think brain cells just just connected and i go and i'm trying to think that that was pretty weird and i and i go hmm you let me know if i need to roll at any time here you're welcome to say or think whatever you want to say or think i turn back to bob brother i know i've only just met you but i have a sneaking suspicion that you and maybe not even me i would suspect me too but you may be the only real thing in this place i have a i have a sneaking suspicion we're in some kind of simulation oh can i bite the hot dog i feel a refreshing wave of clarity from my earlier thick-headedness and what mark says registers with me with a heavy hit and i'm like oh wait a minute yeah wait what the fuck that said the hot dog does taste delicious it's really good though actually this hot dog might be real this really good dog i also enjoy my hot dog and while i enjoy it i consider what marcus said and i realize he's right something is really messed up here and that hot dog guy while his wiener is delicious was setting off some alarms for me yeah may i go even a little further friend you clearly have a brain in you and you i feel like there's some kind of suppression field that is inhibiting your ability to understand this and the system might think i'm too stupid to know and it probably took me a long time to get there and it was dedicating all of its resources to stop you connecting thoughts is that possible that must be it i can't think of another reason why someone as smart as myself would have just decided not to ask a single question and assume everything was okay i think you're onto something buddy i think we need to explore a little bit more than we have i think we should head west so just a reminder you guys are on the western outskirts of the city north and south continuing the outskirts west kind of leaves the city and east goes deeper into the city so west will be out of the city oh wait west is not the way i was thinking into the city is that east i think that's east i think that's east i think i meant east it's that stupid field it's still affecting you we gotta i gotta we gotta move faster so i can get away from it it's bad for you here yeah this is no good for me i gotta keep moving we go east that's fine can you guys roll me 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haven't let it go but like i don't know what other people want how am i supposed to buy a gift for someone else if i don't care enough to learn what they like i know what i like i like quince underwear it's really convenient that everything at quince is 50 to 80 percent less than similar brands on top of that quince has other stuff too like we're focused on the clothing but they've also got jewelry leather bags a hotel quality bedding underwear chef grade cookware five star luggage underwear just the way i like it me all the way through underwear give the gift of quality this holiday season download the quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in canada and the uk too and when quince asks where you heard about them let them know it was distractible it's the best way to support the show underwear so you guys start heading eastward deeper into the city the vibe is kind of changing as you move east out here it's bustling it's busy but the overall vibe of people has been pretty friendly or amicable or you know just going about their day as you go further east you'll see that you find yourself kind of looking over your shoulder a bit more. things feel a bit more run down. The buildings aren't as nice. There's the occasional boarded up window. You see people talking in alleyways. You feel a little bit less safe than you did on the outskirts. It feels a bit more dangerous here. That said, it doesn't feel like necessarily going the wrong way, but you definitely feel as if you need to watch your backs a bit more as you continue this direction. I actively watch our backs and glance around for any impending threats as we continue moving eastward. I reach for a backpack. Do I, do I have, I check my back to see if I'm carrying anything. I check, checking around. You do not, but looking around, I mean, there are, there are things out and about here. Wooden boards on the ground. Um, you guys rolled well enough. Uh, you can find a bag if you guys were trying to find what looks like an abandoned bag left. All right. I tried to find whatever bag I can, shopping bag, old diaper, you know, that I tie together in a string. No, you don't have a diaper. There are probably diapers, but you don't want to open those up that you find, but there are some bags around. You can find a backpack or a shopping bag of some kind. All right. I get an old backpack. I found that. And then, uh, I, I, I say to Bob, I go like, it's a bad part of town. I can steal this. It's okay. Uh, and so I sling it over to my shoulder. The bag itself is empty, but it is yours now. This is mine. Now, God said this was mine now. No, nobody's, nobody's questioning you, buddy. I, everyone seems pretty on board with this still going to heaven. As you move East, it feels like a trick of the light, but the streets seem to narrow to a, to a certain point. And you find that you've kind of like funneled yourself toward an alley. It's not necessarily narrow alley. It's more well lit than like, you know, you were afraid it might be, but you're kind of making your way toward an alley nonetheless. And I need you both to roll another die. Oh, thank God. I thought it was a one. It's a seven. Oh, not 20. Oh shit, man. My rolls are crazy right now. I'm glad I brought you with me. You feel as you're walking into this alley, that something again is a miss and you kind of hop and skip. You jump and just, you feel like it's the right thing to do. Bob, you see Mark jump out of nowhere. He jumps. And you're trying to figure out what the hell he's doing. Whenever you feel a little rope or wire on your ankle, he'll trip you up as you fall prone. And Mark, you jump over it. And as you do, Bob tumbles and two guys come running over. One of them's holding, it looks like the neck of a guitar, but there's no bottom of the guitar. And another guy's holding a baseball bat. Just something about the bat's dimensions. Maybe it's too flat rather than round. Something about it's weird, but he's holding a baseball bat. Must be a cricket bat. Damn, you're smart. From the, from the ground, Bob, you look up and you're like, maybe it's a cricket bat. As he's about to swing, it at you. Is that a cricket bat? Where have I landed amongst these? I'm assuming I did a sick flip, uh, and made some distance away. But where I, where am I in relation to these guys? You know what? You rolled well. Uh, you jumped over it and kind of just parkoured up a couple of boxes. You're standing on top of like a closed dumpster. You have a bit of high ground right now. Oh, he's got the high ground. Can you guys both roll D20s again for me? These are gonna be flat. This is like initiative. Okay. Got it. Whoa. Three. Damn. Well, I rolled a 19 and I rolled a one. So I go first and last. Oh, okay. All right. Bob, the guy with the, what you pointed out to be kind of like a cricket bat comes over and just without saying a word swings his cricket bat at you. I didn't give you guys flat ACs. So we'll just kind of do a, a roll to see it'll be your con versus his, we'll call it strength or we'll call it his deck. I cower, cower. That's my reaction. Um, I am going to give you, uh, like a minus two since you're prone at the moment. I'm going to give you a minus two since you're prone at the moment. Your con will be a plus one roll. So roll a dime. We'll add a one to it. I rolled a 14. Uh, I rolled a total of a 13. So you actually, you're laying on the ground and this guy goes to swing. You're like, isn't that a cricket bat? And he kind of like hesitates and then swings, which gives you enough time to roll out of the way. I drew the scene. I drew the scene guys. For the listeners. It's the scene I described. Why are the guys so small? Fucking, I are fucking huge. We're fighting children. The guys themselves, I guess I should describe them are kind of dressed like you imagine old style mobsters. They've got like the, what are those little hats called? Not the cabbie hat, but like the Trill, Tribly, Tribly hats. Tribly, they're Triblies. Trilby sounds like something to me. Trilby's fine. It's not the hat I was picturing. I'm picturing like, um, Like a bowler? Almost like no rim whatsoever. It's like, Oh, like just a little. Oh, like those Irish caps? Yeah, I think so. I just can't think of the name of it. I'm blanking on the name of it. All right. Well, there's not a detail we should begin with. You caught up on it. It's not important. It's a hat. It's a hat. They're wearing hat. The Peaky Blinders hat, whatever the Peaky Blinders hats are. Just like a cap, like a driving cap. That's what it's like a cabbie type hat or something. Yeah. Oh, oh, I see. Like, yeah, the newsboy hat. The news. Yeah. Like a newsboy cap. Okay. There we go. So like, like a newsboy cap. So they're both wearing like newsboy caps. Again, one of them has, um, like the guitar neck weapon. And one of them has a cricket baseball bat hybrid. The one with the cricket bat swung and missed trying to hit Bob. They're wearing what looks like really worn down mobster clothes. Like if you imagine a mobster that fell on hard times and was living on the streets for a few years, but wore the same outfit the whole time. Um, Bob, I think you had the next highest roll, right? You were the 14 or whatever it was. Yes, yes, yes. So you're on the ground. This guy just swung this bat at you. Uh, it is your turn and that we'll, I'm being pretty light here with the rules. So, you know, you can move and swing or, you know, have an action. With all of the intelligence. And wisdom I can muster, I look around to see if there's anything I could use as a weapon. Cause I feel pretty, uh, you can make a quick perception check from the ground. Sure. Disadvantage with bare hands here. There's a bunch of junk and stuff around, so it shouldn't be too hard to find. I got five. Is that good? You see a piece of wood you think could serve as a decent weapon. I try and grab the wood real quick and just take a huge overhand swing. Are you going to stand up or swing from the ground? Cause you're still prone on the ground assuming I sort of like scrambled to get the wood and I'm like standing up taking a swing. So maybe I'm not fully standing, uh, sort of a, sort of all one big like panicked motion type thing. I guess you can roll to see if you hit, we'll roll off again this time I'll roll his con versus your strength. 12 plus one plus two. I rolled a natty one, so you're definitely going to hit. All right. This dude's boned. This guy goes and he swings at you. You dodge, you roll out of the way. And as you roll, you see a piece of wood you think you can use as a weapon, you snag it and stand up. It's a pretty impressive motion and you swing this wood and you make contact and hit him right over the head. Unfortunately you rolled really low on the perception. So the wood you grabbed is kind of rotted and breaks pretty easily. It does make contact and it hits them and staggers them a little bit. It's not a full solid board. Like you thought now you're kind of holding a crumbled piece of wood in your hand, but you did hit him. Did I do any damage? Yes. You definitely did some damage. I mean, is there anything left? Is that the end of my action or do I have anything? That's pretty much the end of your action. Yeah. You grabbed something, got up. Okay. I'm going to take a little more peek around before I pause in midair to see if there's anything, what my next weapon might be. Ooh, actually does the guy drop his weapon since I did like stun him over the head? He doesn't drop it, but you're welcome to make a move for it. I did say you staggered him slightly, so maybe you can make a move for it in your next turn. Yeah. I'm thinking he's staggered. I think I'm going to make a move for his weapon, but that sounds like a next turn activity. Um, Mark, you were next with like a three, I think. Okay. All right. I'm on the box, right? Yep. So while Bob's engaged with the cricket bat guy, the guy with the guitar. Neck looking up at you, like he's getting ready to take a swing at your legs. All right. I hold one palm out to this guy, right? The one that's looking at me. I hold another palm out to the other guy that's being fight and I scream at the top of my lungs. The stain of your sin will not grace this land. I am God's chosen soldier. He speaks to me. God smite these two demons from this earth. Okay. Should I roll? You are welcome to make a roll. Oh, please. Roll a 20. I believe in you. What is it? 17. It's pretty good. So you do this and nothing happens, but the guy looks freaked out. What you just said scared him. He's clearly unnerved and expecting something horrible to happen. Uh, he kind of looks around and I'm assuming that's what you're doing with your turn is trying to use your powers on him. Yeah. I was trying to do something. God, God was talking to me. So I assumed I might have some connection. You don't. All right. Okay. But the guy is unnerved. Whatever you just said affected him in a way, even maybe you feel like you do have a power because on his turn, instead he looks around instead of attacking you, he, he looks around expecting something to happen that doesn't, he was intimidated enough by whatever you said that he's not going to act, which brings us back to the cricket bat guy. It was stunned. Right now, he was a bit stunned by being hit over the head with the rod and wood, but it's his turn. He manages to recover enough to where he goes to take another swing at you, Bob. So we'll have you roll. This will be your constitution versus, uh, his strength. Ooh, I got a two. That's probably fine. Uh, I got an 18. Bob, you're going to take four points of damage. Bob. You're that dice. Yeah. I think you should throw it away. I don't think that does is good for you. Am I allowed to switch dice? mid activity because I think I do you can roll whatever d20 you got yeah yeah okay i have a little set of purple dice over here i'm gonna pop the d20 on this bad boy and see if i can turn this around a little bit so i rolled an 18 you rolled a 2 so yeah you take four points of damage so now you're at 36 out of 40 you're thinking about grabbing that bat i am the guy snaps out of it sees you going to reach for it and then just kind of back swings it back hitting you across the arms as you're reaching uh dealing the four points of damage he kind of takes a few steps back and puts himself back to back with his friend who attacked he attacked you guys with so they're standing back to back but he's still within reach if you want to go for either one of them on your turn yeah i kind of already lunged at him i'm gonna use i know he took a swing at me and there's a whole thing i'm gonna use the sort of momentum that i feel like i have going towards him and see if i can just surprise him and get the cricket bat yeah i'm still fit the cricket guy is the bat guy is the one i'm like face to face with right he's like i think if you're trying to make it look like you're trying to make it look like you're trying to mangle um take his weapon away i think it's gonna be dex versus dex so you unfortunately you don't have a dex modifier but like it's still oh that's why i don't i have a new dice it's not gonna screw me over this time just three it's a three it's good you rolled a three i was like oh i rolled really bad you have a really good chance unfortunately my five total beats your three god damn it i'm just like man you could beat a five right i suck i think i should stand back and watch and think about what mark should do i'm this is like one of those awful dnd days i've been there but like man it's your first one with this um yeah you go to grab the weapon from him and he totally sees the move coming again he saw it coming before and he dodges out of the way he doesn't manage to hit you or anything but you do not manage to get the weapon from him so now you were just standing kind of next to him and the other guy unarmed i'm kind of inside cricket bat range honestly we're in here now i'm gonna start throwing some elbows or something that'll probably work it couldn't work less than what i've been doing mark you've been rolling well certainly you'll do something uh helpful this time because poor bob's having a rough go today please mark kill kill him everyone please i still feel like god's on my side and so i'm gonna use my high ground as an advantage and i'm gonna come down on that guy who's already scared wwe style trying to go for the ultimate elbow drop right on his stupid face yeah okay we'll do a strength roll uh versus his con don't worry buddy i got you it's an eight it's okay you're strong uh that i rolled a four so that beats what i rolled all right here i come here comes the people's elbow and i know he's still he's still scared because of you know the divine the divine retribution he is uh i i told him he was going to be smited and here comes the smite you come down and you elbow him real hard on the head you elbow drop this guy right on the face does does bob see it does bob see it yes bob see it bob is right there trying to reach for the one guy's weapon so he totally sees you almost hit me but i'm like i'm i'm hyped about it i'm here for it bob reaches for the weapon and misses and as he misses his eyes look up to see you coming down right next to him he thinks he's about to be surrounded by these two guys but one of them takes an elbow to the face and drops to the ground hell yeah he's not done for but you hit him hard enough he's down on the ground and he's a bit dazed again he was already scared now he's also maybe concussed oh he's concussed it's his turn he's freaked out he's going to try to swing uh mark at you from the ground he's he's not in a good spot so i'm going to give him some penalties here but you're going to roll your constitution which is a plus three against 16 all right i rolled a natural three before penalties so yeah he he totally misses and in fact he misses so badly i will say his weapon goes and rolls towards bob's feet all right i'll take it so now he is unarmed laying on the ground next to his friend who has been holding his own there's this one on each team who just hasn't been doing it so far we are back to the top that is the guy that was fighting bob so bob he's going to take another swing at you so you're going to roll your constitution which is a plus two not 20 i did it okay i rolled a four again so i did something yes um he misses he goes to swing at you and misses i will say you even have an opportunity you dodge his his attack and you can grab the weapon off the ground if you want to right now absolutely i dodged deftly and i uh swooped the weapon up into my fingies all right and it is your turn he swung and he missed he's not going to reposition himself what am i holding this is like a guitar neck weapon yeah it's like a guitar neck you you expect it was supposed to be like a guitar but the guitar part is gone it's whoop-de-whoop i have i have a thought are you attacking the guy with the cricket bat or the guy prone on the ground yeah i realize i should take advantage of what mark has just done to the guy whose weapon i now have and i wheel around with the weapon and try and hit the guy who took the big ass he's still a lot conscious right the guy who took mark's elbow yeah yeah i try and swing and hit him in the head once more reinforcing mark's elbow so you're gonna have strength plus he's prone so you're gonna have a total of a plus four we'll say and he's got a couple penalties so you have a good chance of hitting don't roll a nat 20 oh fuck i'm not joking i rolled a nat one his head is done for i want to be an explosion of blood let's do this so you swing right at his face he looks up at you in that moment of clarity of what's going on hits him right as the weapon goes to hit him in the head the weapon passes through his head blood doesn't spray his head looks kind of like it just folds in and then he just stops moving is the weapon like stuck in there or do i no uh you just pull it out do i notice any status messages above or around his body well you know what you can roll a perception to see if you notice anything on other than his face just folding in got a nine you don't notice any status messages but you hear like a beeping noise coming from him it's like a beep it doesn't sound like a ticking not like a bomb or something but just like a it's very consistent just very on time just a very light beeping he's out of batteries sputnik oh good jokes you just hear like a light beeping and that's it that's confusing well you rolled a total of a nine so i can't really give you much more than that but no i mean if i can i guess i sort of i have my weapon my perception and i face the remaining enemy if that's allowed yeah yeah you can kind of turn to face him since he's the last one up um now it is mark's turn so mark you elbow drop the guy you didn't have to land prone or anything so you elbow drop the guy he dropped his weapon am i on the ground am i i'm up yeah you're still standing you're not elevated anymore you're on the equal ground but you are standing there with your fists out okay first thing i do is i point to the other guy and like now it's your turn does that do anything for me does that help a little bit you can try to intimidate him i'll let you try to intimidate him try that i want i want to yeah actually you know i'll go all in on the intimidation is like you saw what just happened to your friend what we can do to him what what happens when god's on the side of the righteous and the evil there dwells on the side of satan trying to get him to run away or something uh you can roll i think i think intimidation's charisma base so you can roll that oh it was so close to a 20 it's like i think it's an eight yeah oh wait no oh wait it moved to 20 all on its own so you say these words and the guy doesn't look scared but he looks confused and in a very unnatural motion he goes to withdraw you can take a swing bob i think you have a weapon out yeah i'm still like holding a guitar neck weapon yeah and you're definitely you've been next to this guy the whole time so you can try to take a swing as he backs up it's gonna be hard to hit him because the motion he's moving in is very unnatural i definitely want to take that opportunity if he opens one i got a nine again this time i rolled higher i got a 13 so you miss and his head kind of again like kind of like the hot dog guy his head jerks over to you as he's moving and just takes a look and almost like tilts sideways and he backs up in ways that look like when you know when like a editing is done for like a horror movie and they just remove frames to make someone look like they're moving in unnatural ways yep he moves like that as he backs up his head tilts and he kind of regards both of you for a moment before what looks like he's just sucking down a sewer drain we win must have been pulled back down to satan's domain i'm thinking i'm a paladin as you look the other guy's body also disappears the weapons are left behind so you guys can have the guitar neck and the cricket bat at this point if you want but their bodies are both gone i was going to use his folded face as a bowl where'd he go there is a can of spaghettios nearby you could have used but put it in my backpack i grabbed spaghettios put in my backpack so these guys are gone you've got their weapons you've got a can of spaghettios now the guys are gone the alleyway continues and man oh man the way you guys are going it just it gets dark further in it looks like it's maybe stormy further in can you both roll the dice more time ten uh six it's just on the side of six well it's hard to say that's pretty close i would agree with six i would say it's just on the side of six mark you feel like it's time to turn around this way does not work Bob, everything's starting to click in your mind a little bit. the fights have been weird. Mark mentioned assimilation. Clearly this is not, this can't be real. Everything feels too wrong, but the way you're going, it's fighting you from going that way, which makes you feel like that's the way to go. Mark, things were nice out there. There weren't people fighting. There weren't concerns about being a paladin and people being sucked into sewers. That hot dog was pretty good. Now you got some spaghettios. You could get another hot dog to go with it out there. You kind of want to turn back. Yeah. Hey buddy, you know, I'm, I know we've had some really good luck so far, but this just doesn't look good. You know what I'm saying? It's getting dark. I think the neighborhood is just going to get worse. I think we could be the Kings of this neighborhood over here. We could rule it with an iron fist. Nah, I mean, look, I think we're, I think we're onto something, right? All the best stuff you have to fight for, right? You know, it's not just handed to you, but the reason this way seems like tough going is because this is the way that nobody wants us to go, which means it's the way that we need to go. We need to figure out what's going on here, right? I'm putting the pieces together and I'm telling you there are more pieces East, which is still the way we need to go. I think. Okay. You're the one with the brains. I trust you. That's a good move. As long as I don't roll ones the rest of the time. Well, you, what, huh? Roll what? No, I mean, nothing. I mean, gets a good move. You should trust me. I am usually pretty smart barring some weird abnormalities that have come up today. It was that weird, weird field, the five G, you know, the five G is really bad for you. Yeah. I feel fine now. I feel like we got away from whatever that was and everything's going to be fine. I see. I see the whole picture. Yeah. I hear they're coming out with six G and that's going to kill everyone. Probably. Hey, what do you think I ever micked? It sounds tasty. That's right. That's a good answer. I like you. I knew I liked you. Hey everyone. Future Wade here, cutting in to say, uh, this went on a little bit longer than, I originally anticipated. So we're going to make a break here. This is going to be the end of part one of Hex in the city. Stay tuned for part two, where we'll pick up right where we left off until then podcast out choice. Hotels get you more of what you value comfort in it's calling your name save on the stain. Oh, and free waffles are yours to claim book direct at source hotels.com. Introducing Pandora's holiday collection this season, celebrate the ones, you know, by heart with a gift that says it all from engravable pieces to festive charms to lab grown diamonds. Pandora's jewelry is made for the ones who inspire you. Who've been there through it all. 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