HERITAGE COLLECTION: MB Announces Her Breakup (In Joker Glam)

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. I'm Benito Skinner. I'm Mary Beth Barone. And this is Ride! Hello, and welcome to the Ride Heritage Collection. The Heritage Collection. This is something new we're trying, where we are going to release iconic heritage episodes of the podcast in no particular order, and we're going to retitle them so you know exactly which iconic moment to expect. Moments that come to mind, the lesbian cop at Ride Live. Massive. We're talking about. I was there. It was rare. And of course, how many chickens there are in the world. Oh, I just got a boner. Oh my God, wait. Mary Beth just cut her finger and is bleeding. I guess we have to go. Enjoy this episode. We hope it's a tasty treat for you. We're going to have fun going through the archives and picking out these episodes for you. Think about what we're doing right now. We do exist in the world. Isn't that trippy to think about? Let's go on the journey for the ride. Heritage Collection. How do these things stay in the air? The other very first sin was a woman who ate. A woman who ate. She served the late. Missed the fight. She chose her fate. No, to heaven's gate. She's mother. Another fucking ate. Welcome to the Spooktober episode. Episode of a ride. Spooky. Sorry. You are. Joaquin is giving today. Joaquin showed up to set. Very unlike him. Don't call me Benny today. Call me Lee. That's okay. It's Lee. If you don't call me Lee, I will not respond to anything but Lee. Okay. Hi, Lee. Wait. Oh my God. I'm seeing us up on the screen. I look like a linebacker in this outfit. I'm obsessed. I think you look really good. Well, crazy. Yeah. The very first. The very first sin was a woman who ate. We are going to walk in the East Village after this in these costumes and go to an AMC. You did this makeup in about 20 minutes. Which is just a testament to you as an MUA. I never said I was Alexandra French, but I did say, hey, I'm an MUA junior. MUA junior. Science of Sephora. MUA 101. You are giving power bisexual in a way. This is bisexual on a press tour. Dress like the mask. Oh, for sure. Jim Carrey from the mask. I do this to my tie. You can't see, but you know what I'm doing. I do this to my tie. And my head wobbles a little bit. Yeah, this outfit's actually kind of like sick. Like the button down is cute. I might keep it. Yeah. No, it's cosplay. I believe it's from China. Like straight. Like just immediately from China. It took like, it came in the strangest package. You couldn't even imagine. But it came in two days. Two business days. It shocked me. It landed on my doorstep. And yeah, it was from a cosplay site. And I'm really happy with. Can I just say happy with the quality? You look great. I know. Yeah. I'm excited to stomp the yard. Down the avenue. You can't imagine the booties I have on. Yeah. Because when you ordered the costumes, it arrived to my place. And I was shocked to see you'd ordered the shoes. Because no one was going to see the shoes in this recording. But I thought, Benny doesn't do anything half-assed. It's the attention to detail. What if in the video, what if at one point you wanted to film me crossing the street and I didn't have these booties on? Or you start from the feet and you pan up to reveal. You think I'm going to court supporting my husband? And not wearing booties? In the wrong shoes. Sorry. Think again. This is what I'd wear to court when you're arrested. Yeah. I'm wearing this to court. And then I kiss a woman. You're going to come testify. Yeah. Exactly. Sit up there like this. We like to call Benny Drama 7 to the stand. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God. I'll see what I can do, sister. Wait. I love being gogs. Gog off my number one. On the topic of justice, it's so funny to me that the way we get people to tell the truth is they put their hand on the Bible. If they're liars, they're going to lie. That's not. No. I'm like, you're not guilting them into this. They don't have Catholic guilt like the rest of us. No, they don't. Especially a sociopath. Yeah. Or a person that's done crimes. It's so crazy that we're at the Geneva Convention because it really does look like you're about to shoot me. Like, I'm Robert De Niro. Well, they invited the Joker to the Geneva Convention this year. Wait. Wait. Your mouth is moving. Sorry. You guys just like, when you see the visual of this, you. Everything. The Joker. If he slays. No, literally. We realized while we were crossing the bridge that we're dressed as red, white, and royal bows afraid. We're not really Fuala Da. Also, it's like, we're going to see Fuala Da. I don't give a fuck what y'all say. I need to see it for myself. I don't care what your letterbox says about Fuala Da. I need to form my own opinions. Gaga's there. I'll be seated and I'll have the time of my life. I can't wait. I like music. I love music. It's a little loud, but. Music's the best. It's really good. I tend to like it. That's one thing about me. Me too. So, I'll be sat and I can't wait to see it. I might wait for it to be out on demand. I would love to watch it as part of Spooktober. Oh, we are. Well, we're going today. We're going to a matinee. Sorry, I'm taking a photo of us. We're going to an 11 a.m. showing of Fuala Da. Yeah. It's so crazy. I haven't been to a matinee since my dad took me out of school to go to Shrek, which I talked about on the pod. That's the last time you. Oh, I saw Oppenheimer in a matinee. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. It was at 12 noon. You left the theater and it was 2 a.m. I said, I want to watch it again. Well, of course. I stayed in the theater and I watched it again. What was so annoying about that was I'm. So, usually you have like a 20-minute grace period before the movie actually starts. Yeah. Because of trailers. 30 minutes. Started exactly on time. So, I missed that thing at the beginning with like words on it. Oh, I missed that too. And I was like, well, now I'm not going to get the movie. No. I was really stressed. And then you saw Albert Einstein and your head went dizzy. You went, b-b-b-b-bazinga. Yeah, my tie went loose. Because I wore a full three-piece suit. And a bowler hat. And then you saw Einstein and you thought, huh. I said, what? What is this? It's 1650? I thought this was nonfiction. What the hell? I think it's good we're doing Fuala Da Joker and not Christopher Nolan Joker. Because I think that would be expected. That would be too expected. I agree. And Mia's Catwoman and Hathaway's Catwoman. It's not to say we'll never do it. It's just to say that this year we wanted to be topical for the first time. This is a movie that's currently in theaters. But you know what's so funny? It's too topical to where it almost like. It doesn't even register. And also, like, the movie didn't do well at the box office. Which is why we're doing this. Because we want people to go to the cinema. Also, there's been so much buzz about this movie. I do feel like it's been out for two years already. Do you get that? Of course. In my mind, I've been seeing first look photos of this movie for two years. You know, I've already seen Timothee Chalamet as Marty McFly and Bob Dylan. I've seen both of those movies. Marty McFly. Right? Is that the ping pong guy? Oh, God. Is that not his name? Marty McFly's from Back to the Future. But I love that we're calling him that. Do you understand that I just like. We gotta chuckle. I can't be bothered. We gotta chuckle from the engineer. Straight producers liking it. Oh, yeah. He's looking at Gaga over here thinking, shit. So, here we have a scoop. It's an exclusive. It's Marty McFly. Timothee Chalamet will be playing Marty McFly in the reboot of Back to the Future. Back to the Future. Back to the Future 2. 2. Wait, fuck. We should be Back to the Future next year. Obviously, you're the doctor. Well, yeah. Great Scott. You're the scientist. I mean, great Scott. What are you gonna do about it? Wait. It's so funny. My brain doesn't even. I can't register this makeup as makeup on you. No. This is like how. This is sort of just like. I'm comfortable. Do you get that? 100%. I feel like in my body right now. You're a bisexual on a press tour. I am. I am. Should we talk about. And I'm a gay guy standing Gaga through it all. This is. Harlequin. This is the holiday spooktacular. Yeah. So, we have some spooky things to talk about. The first thing I want to discuss is what happened to me last night at my show at Union Hall. Well, it's really funny you're talking about this. Well, it's not funny. Well, I guess life's a big deal. Life's a big joke, right? Isn't that your whole bit? Like, we're all born naked and the rest of you drag. Well, of course. I mean, look at me. Charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. I mean, look at me. So, here's the thing. Do you remember what I rode for last spooktacular? You rode for the London heckler. Yeah. So, all in a circle. Please take it away. Last night, I was. Take it away, Joker. Thank you. And thank you so much. Call me Joker, Robert De Niro. Call me Joker. When you shoot me at the end of this. No, stop bringing up guns. Sorry. We're so gun obsessed. They're top of mind. They are. I bleep it. I wonder why. I guess it's because we live in the United States of America. Well, we're back in America and I'm seeing them everywhere. So, last night, I was running my hour at Union Hall. And I'm doing some practice shows before the tour starts. And I've been telling people, come see me on tour, right? Don't come see me if you are going to ask a question in the middle of my set. It's not a Q&A. It's not a Q&A, which was what I quickly told this young Irish woman last night. I was doing some jokes. Okay, you guys. - We have to. - Our Irish Barones, we gotta stick with them. Like the London heckler was Irish. I'm Irish too. That's the thing. So it just bums me out. It'd really be your own people. You know what I mean? No, exactly. So I was telling some jokes. She in a mood. She was in a mood. I was telling some jokes about how I love hooking up with women, but I couldn't date a woman because I know what I'm like to date. Like that's one of the premises. Yeah. And then I just have some jokes about that. And this girl, I talk about this one woman that I dated. And then this girl, she pipes up and she goes, well, have you ever dated any other women? And I was like, what? I literally said, this isn't a Q&A. Like I'm not on trial here. Was she drunk? No, she seemed totally of her right mind. Speaking of trial. I mean, hello. So then she was like, I just feel like your jokes are really mean. And I was like, oh, are you a lesbian? And she was like, no, I'm a bi girl and I am dating a man. But I think if I was a lesbian, I'd be really offended right now. And I was just like, I said, you can leave if you want. Lesbian cops go to ride. Do you understand what I mean when I say that? And you know what? Think about that before. Can I just say something before I'm on freaking trial? I'm sorry. That's just, it's crazy. I've never once thought at anything, even if a microphone was given to me at a show to speak. No. That's crazy. It was crazy. And it really, it sort of took me out of it. And I tried to handle it as best I could. Luckily, the show was saved by, I do this thing where I ask for ex-best friend stories. And there was this beautiful Australian named Anne who came to the front of the room and she just totally lit up the stage, the stage area. She wasn't on the stage, but she killed it. So I do want. I want to thank everyone who came to the show and didn't heckle me. And if you did heckle me, or if you're planning to do that, just don't come. You can see the hour. Hopefully it'll come out one day. You can watch it at home and you can say anything you want to the screen. Oh yeah, you can yell at the TV. In Roku City, when my girl's taking over Roku City. Well, I'll be in Roku City in this outfit. Finally, some crime in Roku City. Literally. She just wants to watch the world burn. When I say I want to watch the world burn, I mean Roku City. No, I know exactly. Well, you know, I, we've said that I want like, I want to see burglaries. Like, I want to watch Roku City. Well, I know they have universal income in Roku City. That's why there's no crime. Oh yeah. And universal health care. But gay marriage is illegal in Roku City. Gay marriage is illegal and movies cost $1,000, as I've always wanted. But yeah, it's definitely a better quality of life, I would say. It's very Swedish. It's Nordic, I would say. It's Nordic. Don't get me started about bedding paper, please. Sorry, I'm touching my freaking wet hair. And I'm so obsessed to be Lee right now. I'm just checking things off the agenda. So we talked about the heckler and yeah, don't do that. The election's coming up. It's really soon. You, I swear to God. And as much as I'm an anarchist, I love order too. My girl has a list and she's in a suit. I do feel like I'm on your talk show today. Well, welcome to the red table. Yeah, and I'm happy to be here. We have a special message from Brian Derrick over at Oath.Vote. He's going to talk about what they do over at Oath.Vote, how you can maximize your donations this year to win really competitive races and just look at like who's running in your state and in your district and all that stuff. So take it away, Brian. Yay. Back to you, Brian. Back to you in the studio, Brian. Hey girls, it's Brian. I know you've heard something about the election by now, something about cats and dogs, something about coconuts, something about it's time to vote. And you might be thinking that they're talking about your status as a Tony voter, but no, we're actually talking about, the desperate need that we have for you to vote for president of the United States, who's going to represent you in the Senate, in the house, your state legislature, state Supreme courts, and so many more. There are thousands of really important elections happening this year. And there are tons of ways for you to get involved to make sure that the people who occupy those offices actually represent your interests. And so we over at Oath are making recommendations about which candidates are actually cool enough to deserve five votes. So we're going to talk about where those five dollars or $10 or $25 and where those donations can actually make a meaningful difference in the race. So you can check it out at Oath.vote and find all of the election information that you need. Thanks. - Thank you, Brian. - Thank you, Brian, for that message. It's totally, we're going to just, we're going to just like drop it in. Isn't that cool? - Oh, I love that. - In post. - Oh, it's so fun. - It's so totally fabulous. So this brings me to my next agenda item. Okay. This is the spooktacular, like we said. - Yeah. - So it's all about being spooky. - I'm like nervous. - I know. 'Cause I have to tell you, I have to give you the spookiest update of all. - Ride isn't canceled just before we get- - No, no, it's not canceled. But I do think this is going to rock people. And I think if you're driving, you should probably pull over, especially if there's a baby on board. - I agree. - So- - Or if you've stolen a cop car, a la Joker. - Or put it in park. - Put it in park, sister. - It is with a heavy heart that I share with the Barones that Edward and I have broken up amicably. We are going to stay extremely, extremely close. - It's conscious uncoupling. We're going to be best friends forever. I still support the work. He supports my work. We'll be posting about each other's projects. He's still very much part of the ride cinematic universe. And we always ride for him, of course. Unfortunately, being long distance for almost five years was just, it was just too much. It's all love there. But it's sad. - I love you both so much. And I'm really proud of you. - And you rode for Edward, and I hope you still do. Okay? - I will ride for Edward forever. - Forever. - But you know who I really ride for? My love. - Thank you, honey. - My king. - There's really no hard feelings. - God rest anyone who dare disrespect her king. - Her king. - I am so proud of you. I'm so proud of him. You were a beautiful couple, and you're going to be beautiful friends. It really is conscious uncoupling because I am Apple in this situation. - You're Apple. - And I think I'm going to be okay. - You're going to be okay. - You guys told me together in a car, and that was scary. And I almost lady birded out of it. - Luckily I was driving. - You were driving. - Instead of you. - I'm an Apple, I've never. - You've never driven me in a car. - Couldn't be me. But yeah, I think I speak for all the bronies when I say we just love you so much. And we love him and we will ride for him forever. If you tell us to ride, we'll ride. - We ride. I mean this with my whole entire being, I love him so much. We love each other. It's all positive vibes, which is so totally fabulous. But it is the spookiest part of it is I have another ex-boyfriend. I mean, that's pretty fucking spooky. - Hey, like I speak for me and Howard Stern when I say like, thank you for giving me the exclusive. Like we're happy to have it here on ride. Like that's exciting. I can joke about this because we've talked about it as real friends. I just want everyone to know this isn't my first time hearing it. - Oh, we've been in talks about it. We've been in negotiations. - Just to be clear. - And part of the breakup contract was Edward still has to keep listening to ride, so. - Well, he better. - He will. - Edward, I love you, Kev. - It's cool now, I just have like a new best friend. I know it sounds so naive, but like you don't understand me and Edward's relationship. - Straight best friend. - A new straight, of course. People don't understand the nature and the nuances of our relationship, which allow us to continue to be friends. And I'm, you know what? I think it's cool. Like the best role we can play in each other's lives is as best friends. - I just fully saw this as like the Joker coming on late night and talking about him and Harley Quinn. - Breaking up. - Yeah. - We just are better as friends. - They are best friends. - We're better as co-conspirators. - Bonnie and Clyde. - Bonnie and Clyde. - Yeah, a hundred percent. - So that's all I had on my agenda. Should we get into what we ride for? - I think we have to. No one broke into my house this week, so I've got nothing. - Yeah, so we're good. - Yeah. - So I'm gaga. I'm feeling good. - So we're up to date on everything. - Yeah, so that's, on that note, I've decided to ride for something really spooky, but I think also hopeful. And also I just want to, yeah, I wanted to- - I can't wait to see how you make this hopeful. - Oh, just wait, girl. I can turn anything into a sweet tea. - With got to be hair glue in your hair. - Like literally down my sideburns. Just wait. I actually probably can't make it hopeful, but I'm riding for girls going on dates. This spooky season. Spooky. - Spooky. - I am going to be riding for being a nag. Let's get into it. - In my head, you've ridden for this. - Never have. - But that's what's so incredible. I cannot wait for us to talk about it. ♪ Oh yeah, oh yeah ♪ - Hey, you guys. It's Mary Beth and Pinky here in the submersible. 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I hope every single Baroni has beautiful, luscious, flowing hair that they feel proud of and that they love because you're beautiful and we are all perfectly imperfect. This podcast is brought to you by Ritual. Oh my God. We are learning so much about how the microbiome in the gut is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course, digestion. Ritual has got your back, or rather your biome, with Symbiotic Plus, a three-in-one supplement of clinically studied pre-pro and post-biotics to support a balanced gut microbiome with daily use. Ritual arrived at my parents' house. I'm not kidding you. And my sister-in-law was there and she looked at it and she said, can I have this? And I said, absolutely. I have more on the way. The Ritual Symbiotic Plus, it just makes me feel like I'm taking care of my overall body health. 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Wait, where are we going? Who cares? Ride. You go first, obviously. Well, of course. It's only fitting that my queen go first. Well, you're single now. I'm single. Call me Lee. I'll be single soon. I'll be famous soon. Wait, that's you, girl. I'll be single soon. Can you put single soon on the ride story when this comes out? I'm going to play it right now. Okay. I'm taking off my dress. This is the musical, just like Fallada. Should I do it on the town? Should I have a little mouth? Have you listened to So Long London yet? Or are we staying away from that? I think I'll have to wait a little bit. Cool. And hey, and I just, but I think that I speak for everyone when I say like, have you listened to So Long London yet? I haven't. So I just wanted to, yeah. Whenever you're ready. I will. Let me know. When I'm ready. Well, maybe after this. After this, I will. Okay, that's great. So I'm writing for Girls Going On Dates. I was at dinner the other night with two of our lovelies. Who introduced you to each other, bitch? Emily. I was at dinner with Emily and our lovely friend, I know it. And they were telling me a few stories. And I just thought already, I'm like, God, I have so much respect for my girls who are going on dates with these straight men. That's what I mean. Not, you know, I'm not really talking about queers right now. I don't really want to talk about queers right now. It's gaga. Harley Quinn would never. I don't. She doesn't speak on that. I don't want to talk about queers. I'm anarchist. I don't vote. So here's the thing. They were telling me a story. I'm going to rehash a few of the stories because they were, I was laughing so hard, obviously through tears because it's that thing that I said where women will tell you something and they're laughing. I was literally going to say. It's the scariest thing you've ever heard in your life. It really feeds into that. I just couldn't believe it. And I had so much respect for my girls who are putting themselves out there, showing up at places. Restaurants at night, by the way. Restaurants. And having to have mixed drinks, like having to have a fabulous drink made by a mixologist and you have to, chug that because you're with a total loser. Total dud. Like it's just, you're with a total milk dud. So I know I had this one that was killing me. She goes on this date with this guy. He looks completely different than his photo, which, you know, is like such a thing. And I think the, I will say the people that look the best, they're not taking good photos because they don't need to overcompensate. I swear to God. So just like look for that. They had two photos from 2016 with the Kelvin filter. Yeah. And they're cropping their friend out. Like it's a photo with a friend. Those are the people you want to go for. Yeah, you mean? If they have good photos of themselves, you should run the other way. I agree. Unless they're an actor. Exactly. Because then they just have headshots always. Totally. It was so funny. So I was just at my friend's wedding and me and my friend Lucas were giving speeches at it. And the wedding planner was like, oh yeah, I have photos of you guys to like find you in the crowd for when you need to speak. Mine was fully my headshot from Getty and his was just like a normal LinkedIn photo. And he was like, this is so bizarre. Like that image is so bizarre. The wedding is so full of people and there's so many people speaking it's like at the event in Devil Wears Prada. The wedding has 350 people. She studied a binder. Exactly. She studied a binder and someone's whispering in her ear. Where's folks spending drama? There were 350 people at this wedding. So God, the Joker would have run amok. I can't stress enough. He would have loved to be on the banquet table. Shooting a gun at Domino's Sugar Factory. Taking shrimp off a little. I literally said in the middle of my speech, I think I want to do a whole Heath bit. Yeah, you should have. You should have jumped. I'm eating the like, what does he eat? Shrimp? Shrimp. God. And then he snarls. Where is Harvey Jentz? The man. Yeah, okay. That guy's on dates, by the way. Fully. No, this all ties together. That wasn't an aside. That was like fully a part of the story. No, that was part of the story. So I know it shows up on this date. The guy looks completely different. She tells me that he orders penne. Penne pasta. Penne. So she's thinking, Well, that's just how we say it in my family. I don't know. It's just a Midwest thing. Sorry, I'm already thinking of it. And you as the joker, so you can be laughing with order. I'm just picturing her looking at it because that's what's funnier. It's like, I laugh the hardest at like the thought of my girls on these dates staring at these guys. Well, with a straight face. Holy shit. Literally. And thinking, I want to kill you in a smile. But also just like knowing that, that's happening in the first 15 minutes of sitting down and you're thinking, I have to eat a whole meal with this person. No, I have to eat a whole ass meal. Oh, wait, there's a car. I like it. I think so too. Well, it's Gotham. Yeah. Slaughter is the best. Oh, no. People think we don't like know the lore. I've seen that movie probably hundreds of times. And you know what's funny? I've seen Dark Knight Rises even more, which is crazy because it's not as good as the Dark Knight, but I love it still. Sometimes I like to think about Bane like going to bed. A hundred percent. Dang it. Taking a shit. Taking a shit. And the long day he takes the mask off to like lay his head on his pillow. Wait, I just thought of. I'm sad. I'm slightly sad. We're not at the Gotham Bank in Toronto. Or at the Geneva Convention. Which we can get a lot more done here. Hey, I completely agree. So, and anything you say, I go with because I'm Lee. Well, you're yes-ending me. Of course. Lee is very yes-end. That's so true. So. He orders Panay. He orders Panay. She's thinking, what the fuck? She somehow managed to find out that he was a creative writing major. Which I said this to you on the phone and you go, who's talking about their major? How old is he? At this point? Literally. Is he older than 22? Like why? Or has just nothing happened to him in the last eight to 10 years? Why do I know your major? And then he eats his Panay. Panay. Panay. No, it's just. Wait. Oh my God. I can't really describe. You would have to see Lee do it. I think I know what you're going to say. But he put the spoon in between. His. For Panay? Oh, no, no. Sorry. Sorry. He put. He put. Because you're describing someone that should be in jail. Well, just wait. So he puts his fork in between his like. Middle and ring finger. And like scoops with his hand like a fist. That's how he's eating. So she's watching. So he was raised by wolves. Can I just say she's French and watching this. That's how I picture people that like eat beans when they're camping. Exactly. Out of like a tin bowl. Yeah. You're going to eat like that. You can go eat in a barn. You know Prancer. It's like that. So. So. He's eating like that. She's just like, holy fucking shit. Like, I actually can't believe this is real. And then after he texts her and he's like, would love to see you again. And she's like, yeah, no, I think we're good. And then he like doesn't respond, which I love. I think that's actually better. But it just it shook me to my. He didn't respond? No, I don't think he did. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Which is great, though. It's like. Yeah. It's like, oh, totally. I'm not even going to like respond to you because you're not interested. Right. Like, hey, if they're not killing me. killing my best friends, I'm like, I'll take it. - Yeah. think like maybe we've belittled straight men too much like they're they're getting they're choosing violence they're choosing violence it's scary anarchy so then emily was telling me a story that had me i i have such a good date story of emily's but and i'll tell it and then i'll ask her after if we can keep it it's it is like it's beyond comprehension this one is is pretty phenomenal let's hear it so she shows up on a date with this guy the during it she's like it's just terrible like we have nothing to say it's so hell like she's desperate to leave then like once it's over like and it was just the whole thing was awful she was like he was like oh can i walk you the train and she was like yeah i guess like sure so then he reaches for her hand and she gives him a full barbie hand to hold on to like she's no space between the fingers no space she's giving full karate chop and he's trying to hold it so he has to hold her barbie hand and i couldn't stop laughing to myself thinking of how much she's trying to say to signal don't hold my hand don't hold my fucking hand freak and he still is like it i it's a chill down my spine it's the spookiest thing of all it's really really spooky but it was so funny and then when they get to think about barbie and i like want to do that to terry one night so then when they get to the train then she's like truly avoiding so much he goes in for a kiss and then she's like okay whatever like fine kisses him she goes home obviously not with him he texts her the next day and it's like hey want to hang out again and she's like oh no sorry like i'm i wasn't feeling it and he's like yeah i could tell and it's like then why did you just text me to hang out again and why did you kiss me and why did you hold my hand like i love taking none of the signals and just being like i'm gonna steamroll through this hey you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take wayne grits wayne gretzky said that wow what a profound statement though from him i used to get so many dating stories when i had the instagram account drag his ass yeah and i've honestly it's still up but i think it's gonna be we're gonna shutter it soon and that's for another episode of the podcast but i mean the the shit that these guys are putting women through and then not even offering to split the bill like i remember i know it told me a story about going on a date with a guy and she went to grab the bill as like a gesture and if you don't want to pay the whole thing if you want to split it like i still think that's bullshit because of the wage gap like once we close the wage gap we can alternate paying for dinners on early dates but he didn't even attempt to try me as a gay guy i know i'm like i should pay of course but he didn't even attempt to split it and i these girls just deserve better one time emily went on a date with someone and he was clearly like so high on cocaine and he was kind you know when i mean straight there's nothing scarier than a straight man on cocaine i mean i can smell the breath you can smell the breath you can hear the breath because it gets very cotton mouth totally she saw on his phone a text mom that said do you need money sorry it's as simple as that do you mom do you need money do you need money also he's in his 40s oh wait there was another thing oh wait i left out one of the best parts of i know us i'm just realizing this when they got outside he's like do you want to ride home and she was like no it's okay like i'm just gonna i'm gonna walk and he was like oh okay then he hops on a bike and she goes oh do you not have like a car and this is la he wanted to give her a ride home on a bike he's 38 he wanted to give her a ride home on a bicycle i was like don't offer that is this the sandlot that's like dangerous but she's the kids from it like hopping on about it's like wait what are you fucking talking about like no you can't offer me a ride but yeah he doesn't have but he doesn't have a car in la and it was just i don't know at 38 no car that's the more shocking thing of of the story i agree is one thing well that could be regional but offering on a bicycle now that is in my head and like when now what i'm saying penne i'm like oh fuck he got my he got in my brain wow i'm the i will say offering to give someone a ride and then it's on a bicycle feels very fallada to me i completely agree it's very romantic it's very everything we've exited arkham asylum right wait we are so everything is romantic right now everything is romantic everything is romantic everything isn't romantic everything isn't romantic going on dates with straight guys can i say romantic i ride for this because i just ride for my girls putting themselves out there even though so many of these men are so disrespectful pathetic and truly like it's just it's insane like how low how low they'll go and i i just i think putting yourself out there is the scariest thing you can do and to continually do that and the search for love and companion is so beautiful and i just i ride for you tell valhalla this is lee speaking and i ride for you in such a such an intense way like i just i don't know i was looking at my friends and i was just beaming because i was like i'm so proud of these women for doing this in the face of so much adversity like i just sucked against them i have a few things to say one is if the joker can find someone to match his freak so can you there's a lid for every pot there is a lid for every pot too i know it's hard and i know it's probably the hardest it's actually ever been but what i would say is stay in line you have to keep putting yourself out there you have to keep going on dates because you'll go on bad dates until you go on a good one yeah and one of my friends recently found love and it's really restored my faith in people and i just feel like you have to kiss a lot of frogs hopefully you don't have to kiss them you could just eat penne across from them yeah but you'll find your match i really believe that like i i just i even though i'm recently single i think there's a lot of hope and i i i will say my one friend finding love has just like totally is hey it's i'm not saying it's not spooky and i'm not saying you're not gonna meet a lot of clowns out there hey you're gonna meet a lot of clown princes out there and you're gonna get ghosted spooky a ghost story it's a ghost story but i do think that there there's hope i'm seeing hope like things can happen and i think also like it can be like you meet someone but then like they're friends of friends that you met i don't know also also the whole thing of like stop looking and then you'll stumble upon the love of your life that's bullshit i would keep that's a false narrative i don't think you have to like double down it's not a full-time job it's not a full-time job but do it in a way that still brings you joy however that's why i read for girls going on dates of course putting yourself yeah you are and but don't don't do the thing where you're like i'm just gonna shut down that side of my life and hope that someone falls into my lap it might happen and what a beautiful thing but i think it probably won't but also you have to you have to be real i what i want to is like being really honest with yourself in the date and like i really can't stress enough i want my girls to feel less guilt like you can call me and and i'll call you and you can leave the date you know what i mean like we'll come pick you up also don't force something with someone you don't have chemistry with or that you don't like that much just because times are tough don't compromise because like you're wasting your time it doesn't have to be hard like it really doesn't it shouldn't be it shouldn't be i love you okay this episode of ride is brought to you by the you by no cd picture this benny drama's going about his day when suddenly a horrifying thought flashes through his mind maybe it's a fear of something happening to a loved one a disturbing or sexual image that keeps replaying in your mind well benny's mind or an urge to do something that benny doesn't even want to do benny take it away your heart races your palms get sweaty and anxiety washes over you you're mortified and you feel fully convinced that it's true even though you know that that isn't who you are the question of why did i think that am i a bad person start to consume you and you feel like you have to do something anything to make them go away sound familiar well here's the thing about those disturbing unwanted thoughts they're more common than you think in fact almost everyone has them but for people with obsessive compulsive disorder or ocd they usually cause a lot of distress and feel hard to stop thinking about no cd is a virtual therapy provider for ocd that's here to help anyone struggling with ocd and taboo or shameful thoughts get the treatment they need treatment and support they need unlike general therapy providers every no cd therapist specializes in ocd so they deeply understand intrusive thoughts that means no matter how disturbing taboo or shameful you think something is your therapy sessions are a safe space to be open about it no cd also accepts many major insurance plans and offers always on support between sessions to learn more about therapy with no cd go to no cd.com and schedule a free 15-minute call with their team that's no cd.com to learn more about therapy with no cd go to no cd.com to learn more and book a free 15-minute call with their team now senorita yeah i've got a little cold yeah i'm not feeling amazing which actually brings me to a really good point about senorita oh you mean the non-alcoholic fast onset and crafted by winemakers with real juice organic agave and low calories senorita thc margaritas yes so we have a new question bleep it and it comes in a can no alcohol no 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party or a hang and everyone can find their pace five milligrams for chill 10 milligrams for a full 10 so find a better buzz without the booze find senorita and any of their four delicious flavors at senoritadrinks.com your cabana awaits visit senoritadrinks.com to get these delicious thc marks shipped directly to your door would you like to read the legal disclosure well of course but i also love senorita i'm such a little senorita girl i'm a senor but i'm also a senorita and you must be 21 and over and please enjoy responsibly don't be weird let's talk about how venmo burst on the scene and if these walls could talk they would say this venmo came out and they said we have an easier way for you to collect money to send money to you this is the burden is the tension when friends owe each other money there was this visceral tension early 20s i remember life before venmo it was a cash it was cash it was paying for a drink later it was this i don't i don't remember that yeah i'm too freaking young i don't remember a world your first phone venmo and i wouldn't want to i wouldn't want to actually live in a world without venmo here's my thing just like being like i don't want to deal with splitting it i literally just want to live in a world without venmo and i don't want to live in a world without venmo it's not just about that anymore it's not venmo said we've never has been they said we disrupted the paying your friends backspace let's disrupt debit cards with the venmo debit card instantly access and spend your venmo balance online or in-store and no monthly fee or minimum balance fabulous use your card to earn always on cash back with venmo's rewards program then mustache where the more you do the more cash back you can get i'm a saturday out with some shoes give me a sec you choose the bundle of brands you get cash back at and you can keep them or swap them out every 30 days plus venmo helps keep your account and card safe with 24 7 fraud monitoring and card lock better luck you - you it's a superhero clocked the venmo mastercard is issued by the bank corp bank and a pursuant to license by mastercard international incorporated id verification required my stomach hurts from laughing i'm like getting my abs like it's like core then mustache clocked then most dash bundle terms and exclusions apply see terms and exclusions apply see terms and exclusions apply terms at venmo.me slash stash terms back to 100 cash back per month you've been once you've got the guy once you've got him eating out of the palm of your hand exactly i highly encourage you talk about talk about something talk about harley quinn in your back pocket she made gotham's freaking clown prince her but her ring on it once you got him by the balls i highly encourage you to start being a nag so this goes back to season one yeah i was a nag i've always been born a nag forced to work or whatever born to nag forced to work same so i was born a nag as the youngest of six children and my mom used to say to me because i was such a nag how much would you charge to haunt a house yeah so in honor of spooky seasons i am writing for being a nag because this was part of my personality that i really tried to hide my light and then i decided i'm just gonna lean into it and let it empower me i think we need to let our flaws empower us more i love being a nag i love following other people if they haven't done the thing that i've asked them to do or given me the information that i need them to give me i'm done apologizing you don't want me to nag you do it the first time i ask hey i agree hey give send it over kid order the thing i said when i ask and i won't nag you i'm forced to nag too but there's a thrill about it breaking the stick throwing it on the table and being like there's only two spots open or there's only one spot open and they have to kill each other yeah i i don't mind it anymore i'm so done apologizing for being a nag like i do find i nag so much in interactions with straight men because i'm not a procrastinator i like to get things done the moment that i know you couldn't imagine you couldn't imagine what joaquin how joaquin was ripping through the streets this morning oh yeah i mean we had we had because we had we were running me ragged i was but you know what i actually i was proud of myself i wasn't as stressed as i would have usually been because you've really reminded me that like it's okay we're gonna get it all done but i would say being a nag can be such a powerful action it's the most fun a woman can have without taking her clothes off i completely agree being a nag and i'm not even i'm riding for being that's definitely what i thought when i was in the disney store with my my mom as a kid you can't imagine the nag i was like it was i was notorious like they talked about me in the streets oh you think you're done scratching my back mom think again think again but mommy i'm like and i would just show my eyes you know my sweet face that like just what and i would always be like but i did this remember that like i was always i always had a backup plan and that's my thing i'm like if you don't want to get me this turf hog where it's lego set like well there's a price to pay i'm sorry but like you're gonna get it you're gonna get it should we waste time here why don't we cut the shit should we just cut the fucking shit patricia when my mom because i don't want to play this fucking game it's not fun for me it's not fun for either of us and we're gonna drive to all the mcdonald's until i have all the toys because there's something in my body telling me if i don't have all of them i'll be sick grandma's gonna die literally you and dad are gonna get killed while i'm at pirates of the caribbean so when my mom worked in the emergency room i had the number and i used to just call hi is is mary bruce and i was like oh my god i'm gonna get killed i'm gonna get killed i'm gonna get around there did they leave you on hold they would put me on hold sometimes but usually they just run and grab my mom then she got a cell phone and i distinctly remember this so if i would call the er and she was busy which i'm like too busy for me okay what are there people like dying or something one time i she had 22 missed calls for me 22 missed calls and she that was one night she sat me down and she's like you can't you actually can't do that because i thought like there was some kind of emergency and i was like i just missed you sorry if my kid said that i'd be like well i mean come on give you all my money let's go to the mall let's go to the mall you get 22 000 for back to school exactly for my shopping so i just think being a nag it's really invigorating to me and when the world operates the way i want it to as the joker i won't have a reason to nag anymore but until then i say cheers to the freaking weekend i'll drink to that yeah yeah oh let that jemisin sink in drink to that yeah yeah it's so hot in here it's so hot i'm balmy and sexy and i feel fast and i feel like i i would ride with you to valhalla and i would like i would burn gotham well you know valhalla is very warm it's the desert oh i can imagine like the rick owens i'd wear if i was in mad max i can't stop touching this hair i'm up you're kind of like feeling it like i can tell you really love it like do you understand the fantasy i'm in this jacket is very like huh like it's really tight well it's cropped three quarter length it's a crop jacket and what i love it's like it's notes on jester it's very like like it has it has that but it also has like it has structural integrity this outfit there seems going up the the front to make it more flattering well it plays within circus it plays i think gaga had a huge say in the costume design i can only imagine i should hope yeah well you look fantastic i love seeing you say all this it does remind me of when he ledgers the joker sat down with that group of guys and was like hear me out i just want to talk to you guys about something and he was making a change he said i have something to say yeah and i would and let me just say i only want to say it fucking once listen with a real batman please stand up because that means that eminem exists in gotham and not only that but the joker is a fan well he's a stan he's a stan he said oh well let me just paraphrase my favorite musical artist yeah and i loved eight mile by the way of course well he loves britney murphy i just love the idea that the joker is a huge thing and i love britney murphy and i love britney murphy and i love britney murphy and i love britney murphy and i'm a slim shady fan he definitely is he definitely is marshall mathers marshall mathers so and in a lot of ways the joker is a nag i mean he's not going to stop till he gets what he wants sorry the opening sequence of dark knight where it's the clowns robbing the bank and they all have to kill don't like christopher nolan with the school buses and when it falls into line attention when it falls into line and it's an imax when it does the imax thing where it goes big and you know it's like well you've got me kid oh what about when he's in shanghai hot pills now he's shanghai do you remember yeah because he's on the tv screen because he's on the tv screen oh fuck and then he goes oh my god when that thing hooks and he goes away on that plane oh my god re-watch the dark knight and watch the dark knight early and often joker the first i actually loved it so much people prepped me to not like it because i'm a woman and i liked it a lot i had such a say i really loved the performance are you kidding yeah i mean he's a fabulous actor yeah and i believe both he and heath if imdb trivia is correct they both did their own makeup throughout the mua which i think on one of them though i can't imagine that joaquin did it because it's really i was trying to recreate it this morning science of sephora exactly he got a tiny little spectrum brush yeah a little brush set he's He watched a tutorial. Nagging. Oh, my God. There are so many stories I have of nagging because it's like all I did ultimately. But here's the thing. I had every right to nag because all my siblings played golf. So I was on all these golf courses and I was like, we're going to the Fred Meyer toy section after this. It's time to pay up. Like, are you fucking serious? You think I want to do this with my day? I've got so much to do. Your weekend, no less. My weekend, no less. I have so much to do. 36 holes. Oh, girl, we're getting two of whatever it is. That's crazy. Trust. That's crazy. And if the box is a little broken, I'll make you go back and we'll get a different one. Understand that, Patricia? Don't fuck with me, girl. You know who understands that? Me. Yeah. I really get that. I know. I know. I know. I just, wow. You don't nag me. I don't nag you. I think when you get packages, you should just open them and then toss the cardboard out. Hey, and I think that's, and the Joker agrees with that. You need to find the joy of opening packages again. When I get a package, I'm like a kid on Christmas. I rip it in the elevator. I want to open it. Some of them are rainbow. They're like rainbow jockstraps for pride. I know. It's like, what do I do with this? That's the thing. People have taken the joy of opening packages from you. It should be one of the most fun things you can do in a day. In your own home, open a package. I think I would be very similar if you and I lived together. Any clothes I want, though, I'm like so excited. Like, that's like, it's so fun to get an essence package. And I can only imagine that like Lee and the Joker like agree with that. Do you know what I mean? Totally. Oh, they're shopping the essence sale. Well, of course. That's where they're getting this beautiful suit. A brown suit. A chocolate brown suit. Can I just say? This is very Miu Miu on you. It's very Miu Miu. It's really cute. Oh, you know what I decided why I don't like fashion right now? Everything looks like it has cum stains on it. Everything looks like it either does or once did have a cum stain on it. Yeah, that's true. And that's why I'm kind of like, if I want a cum stain on something, I'll put it there myself. And it's double the price. Oh, double that. You're paying extra for the genetic material. So that's my big problem with fashion right now. And I'm glad I can say that in this outfit. Well, of course. Well, that's the perfect outfit to speak on fashion in. And to speak on cum stains in. So should we get into ride or die? You know what you are, Mary Beth? Bisexual? Well, yeah. But you're also my ride or die. Ride or die. I ride for girls going on dates. I've been that girl. There are strongest soldiers. It's one of the hardest things a woman can do. And I feel like you discover a lot about yourself going on those dates, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Always stay safe. I would say alcohol is really scary. And if you're on a bad date and you want it to be more fun by drinking, just please. Please be safe. Always have someone that can call you and get you out of a situation. And I just think try to have fun with it. Try to make it like a thing where it's more of an exploration than trying to find the one. And a great life story, I think, later. A great chapter for the memoir. It was so fun at dinner to talk about this. We were laughing. And I was like, it sucks. But also, like, and tell your friends how proud you are of them for doing it. It's really hard. And I think that's the one thing. It's like people aren't being applauded for it. And I'm like, no. We standing out. Because we're like, why? I mean, you found it. You found someone. I'm giving you a standing O. Can't wait to kiss you at the end of this and get the red all over me. You can go. Kiss me down by the bearded barley. I ride for nagging because I am one. And I, like, I'll do it until I die. Stop. Stop trying to beat it out of yourself. Oh, you wanted to make it like such a gross word. Like, nagging is such a gross word. But I don't care. Oh, call me a nag. You can't spell nagging without gaga. There are two A's. But who cares? Do you think Lee gives a fuck? Well, if you're on Spelling Bee on New York Times, you can use letters twice. Exactly. Just suck it. I know. Suck Harley Quinn's dick. I know. Harley Quinn and the Joker love Brat. Three, six, five. Oh, my God. They're like, well, they're going to love the remix album. Who invented Brat Summer? The Joker bitch. The Joker bitch. Look at that hair. No, you have brat hair. I am my hair. This is a musical episode. It's very involved. Well, I almost wanted to start with. Have. Yeah. So then I thought. Money, money, money, money. That's how they should have started. The Cure was playing in CBS when I went there to get my prescription today. Oh, are you okay? Ultimately, the pharmacy was closed. The Cure, what a good song. And that wasn't even really on an album. She just. She just released it before Coachella. Alan James, you girls, you die. Girl, you as you decide. Anything you want is goodbye. I know Gaga's a nag. She's like, get it fucking done. Get it done. She does it with respect. Bossed up. Gag city. When guys nag, they're just like being authoritative. When girls nag, they're nagging. So I say. Have you ever heard a guy called a nag? That wasn't a gay guy sitting across from you? And hardly even a gay guy to be to be so frank with you. I'm so one. It's like I've never heard of a guy being described as bossy, which I'm described as bossy so frequently. I will say, though, I become less of a nag now that I have my own money. Yeah. Because like, oh, God, when other people had the money, it was so. Be the change. Exactly. That's what that meant. Be the change. Get money so you don't have to nag. Sometimes you have to nag for deliverables. I think if you're a project manager, my heart goes out to you. You're working with tech teams. You're working with creative teams. Terry takes a photo of us. Hey. Hey. Can this select? Hope this email finds you well. He doesn't respond to email. You know this. Your emails. Oh, my God. I wish we could read a few. We can read a few if we anonymize them. Like we bleep out some of the people that are mentioned or or companies. But yeah, I think it's important. We'll get into that. That's season three. Maybe four. Maybe four. Maybe five. Maybe five. We'll see how long we live. Well, happy Halloween. Halloween's tomorrow. Hey, happy Halloween. Enjoy it. Thank you for sharing your truth today. Please be safe. I didn't I ride for being vulnerable? Yeah. I live the values. Yeah, of course you do. And and you make me feel safe to do that. Hey, you make me feel safe. Especially in that makeup, kid. I know because I'm your love. I'm your wife and I'm sexual and I love you. I'm Harley. I'm Lee. And I'm Joker. Wait, no, but I just I think we're all so proud of you. We love you and Edward so much. We're always going to support the work. We ride for Edward. We ride for Edward. I ride for Edward forever. But at the end of the day, I am Lee and I'm going to ride for the Joker. The people say we're alike. They say we've got the same hat. That was me this morning. Wait, it's so funny. The thought that I had you dye your hair blonde for overcompensating. And then in this, I made you be Joker. Like, do you get that? When you said we were being Joker and Harley. Not for one second did I think I was going to be. Every person I've told, they go, oh, yeah, I can't wait to see Mary Beth as a Joker. Why? Because how could you deprive the world of this? I never would. Don't do that. Sorry. If I'm I'm here for one thing is to show Mary Beth Barone's range. She's a chameleon. God, fuck. Look at this. Like, come on, get into it. Happy Halloween. Be safe. Check your candy for razor blades. Oh, my God. And your apples. Yeah. Your caramel apples. Your caramel apples that are going to give you cavities. Your penne pasta. I see another root canal coming. For Queer as Folks, Benny DeRoma. Oh, my God. You're so fucked up. Rip them all out. That's what Lee would say. Money, money, money. Government hooker. Oh, my exit. Benny, babe. Eyes on the road. Benny, look out. Ride, ride, ride, ride. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.