HERITAGE COLLECTION: Dear Media, Love Corn

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. I'm Benito Skinner. I'm Mary Beth Brown. And this is Ride. Hello and welcome to the Ride Heritage Collection. The Heritage Collection. This is something new we're trying where we are going to release iconic heritage episodes of the podcast in no particular order and we're going to retitle them so you know exactly which iconic moment to expect. Moments that come to mind. The lesbian cop at Ride Live. Massive. We're talking about Amisista. I was there. It was rare. And of course how many chickens there are in the world. Oh I just got a boner. Oh my god wait Mary Beth just cut her finger and is bleeding. I guess we have to go. Enjoy this episode. We hope it's a tasty treat for you. We're gonna have fun going through the archives and picking out these episodes for you. Think about what we're doing right now. We do exist in the world. Isn't that trippy to think about? Let's go on the journey for the Ride Heritage Collection. How do these things stay in the air? Do you have a minute to hear about something that'll change your life? Hey sir I'm sorry to interrupt you but do you have a second to talk about one of the best snacks you can have on earth? I'm sorry. Hey I saw you walking there. I was just wondering have you heard of. Love corn. I think just before we start I know that Dear Media sometimes plays that thing that's like the broadcast hosts were paid thousands to talk about what they said today. We weren't. This is free. Love corn just sent me this box. Which I guess in some ways like it counts that they've paid us. I don't know. Yeah I mean free products. Can someone from the FCC get back to me on this? I've emailed them all year. I mean my gosh what what are you guys so busy with? I literally feel like we're leading a challenger retreat. We're in full just for the listeners we're in full love corn merch. I mean they're gonna see this. Benny's wearing a hat. I'm gonna This is a multimedia podcast. I mean come on sister. This is a Dear Media podcast. Audio jungle. Audio jungle. God that's good. You're really good at that. Uh oh burp. Oh my god love corn. Don't throw up. Oh my god me throwing up corn. It repeats itself. History's cyclical. So love corn. I get this box and literally Terry goes Ben there's a fun box for you that came in my head. I go through everything. I'm like oh my god it's a Chanel purse. So much better. And actually I thought it was your birthday present which is so good. I got you kind of a bitchy present. I don't know how to describe it. It's a waist trainer. You got me a Zempic shot. How did you know? Oh sorry. I was just feeling a little bitchy this year. Literally like I'm not fucking Dennis the Menace. Although we have to talk about you getting pranked for the first time by your brother. Yes. Oh my god. Oh my god. So in this little box I cut it open and I just immediately went and it just looking at me it says love Simon, love Victor, love corn. Delicious crunchy corn. P.S. find love in the little things. Are we not always saying that? Are you fucking kidding? Like that is so sweet. I love on the side it says crunchiest snack ever in quotes with five stars underneath. Yeah. And it's like you don't need to know who said it. It's not important. You don't need to know who said it. They'll write up love corn. They'll never write about this podcast. That's fine. That's fine. It doesn't really matter does it? We don't really care. It's like whatever. Five stars across the board. I'll give them five stars. I'll give them crunchiest snack ever. Why does it say PPS open here? Maybe people don't know how to open boxes. Of course. And that tracks. So inside obviously you'll see that I stocked my own pantry. I brought these for Mary Beth today. I took down one of these smoked BBQs and you know I did burp a little bit and I thought oh my God. Here we go again. But I would have kept going. So we have smoked BBQ. Fabulous. You hear that? Hey what's better than that? Tiffany check. Corn check. We're loving corn but are we fucking corn? Fuck corn. Isn't it crazy to know that someone stuck a corn in the cob up their ass? Like it's what is it Murphys law. Whatever can happen will happen. Come on Murph. You know that. Wow. Today is a giggly one. I can feel it. Holy shit. It's just every time I talk about I can feel it's going to be a giggly one as we're both pissing ourselves. I have a really good sense for that stuff. Literally. I can't wait for the same comment we got from that one episode for them to send me the same message. Are you guys high? 12 minutes of corn. Habanero. I haven't tried those ones. It's so good. So good. Oh my God. And then cheesy which I hadn't had and I just loved. I took down the smoked BBQ and then I tried the cheesy. Does this not feel like Christmas morning? Sweetie of course. By the way you're giving sort of like college orientation leader right now. No I know that's what I wanted. And what I love is that I would totally think you were straight and have such a big fat crush on you and try to hook up with you. You would have written me an email. I would have written you a fucking email about how in love with you I was. Yeah. And then you would have come out as gay like post grad. Of course. That would have been such a good thing. Such a cool full circle story for us. I agree. It's crazy that we skipped the middleman but like we could have been together for a time. I know. So you said save the salt and vinegar for me and guess what I did. I saved both for you. So they're both in here. And they gave us two shirts. The back of Mary Beth says cheesy. Cheesy. Again I don't know if you can buy any of this stuff. Dangerously cheesy. Remember the Cheeto commercial with that sort of sexy cheetah? That cheetah was like he made it. You want to talk about smoking hot? Yeah. Oh my God. Heating up in here babe. Yeah. That would play right after a verb. It's what you do. And it's like what do you want me to do? Also make every shot. A power shot. So then they sent me a tote bag and then they have these stickers. I was hoping those were stickers. Yeah of course. For my phone case. These are going to go all over Marshall's laptop. But you know what's so funny is that like they have love and it's rainbow which is like it is love corn. Gay. All love is love. Love wins. Love corn. Gay narratives. And then there's a tote which obviously I feel like you'd probably use more than me. That's like for going to the grocery store which I like. Not that I do that but. Well to get your corn on the cob. To get my love corns. Wow. Thank you to love corn. This is so. I know. This box is so sweet. Thank you for sending to us. I feel like there's a lot. There's a lot more corn in our future. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. So let's see what's in this crazy little pamphlet they sent me because this is what we'll give to people on the street because we are going door to door for love corn. Love corn. Missionaries. Heard of God? Who cares about her? We want to talk to you about corn. We want to talk to you about a real higher power. Love corn. Okay. So we believe our snacks will always be delicious with simple ingredients. Period. In giving back and doing good through business. Sick. Our brand should make our customers smile. Well they did that. We are right now. Ear to ear. Delicious plant-based gluten-free. You hear that Marshall? We'll give you a bag baby. Perfect crunch grape flavors. Look at this. She's she's taking it right off the. Okay. I shouldn't talk too much about what they can't see. Wait. That's pretty poetic. Think about that for one second. That's the episode. I'm looking at this and thinking milk chocolate and sea salt. That wasn't in the box. That must be new. Should we talk about you pranking me? So I'm at Benny's house yesterday and I'm. It looks like we're sitting crisscross applesauce. I'm at Benny's house yesterday and I was like doing something on my phone and then I hear Benny and I Noah do a little giggle and I'm like oh what's funny and I'm like oh haha nothing. Terry's on the couch. And I know you're expecting someone. I'm expecting someone to come pick me up from the house. So I'm sitting next to the fireplace so my back gets nice and hot and I hear a knock at the door and when I lift my head up I know I was not there. You're not there. So Terry walks by. He looks at the door and then keeps walking and he's like you can get it. And I thought that that meant that the person who was picking me up was there. Yeah. So I leap up from the fireplace. Not him. Dommy. You can get it. Also background. He didn't know about the prank. So he just like didn't open the door. Right. Which I love. Yeah. So I leap up from the fireplace to go welcome my guest and I open the door and I'm like why is my guest bent over. If I'm so fucking crazy. Then leap. And I wish I had this love corn hat on. It just came in the after noon. I wish we had recorded it. I know. I probably should have told. I wish that I know I had been in the corner. I know. But so she had gone to the bathroom quote unquote. Yeah. So to not be there because then she would have probably gotten up to get the door. Well you know what when I was giggling with her I told her because I've implicated her before. So she knows the whole bit. But I was like if there's a knock say it's for her. And so she and then I think she didn't know how fast I was going to run around the back. It was so well executed. My heart was beating so fast because I was like oh there's nothing worse than like. But you also had to beat my guest showing up. Like you had to be there before he got there. No I know. No I know. I was like. leaping fences sandlot style oh my god it was incredible it really was like joy pure joy I hadn't done that prank obviously since the very last time I did it for Terry I can't recommend it enough I just think it's so fun it like brings gratitude in a weird way it's just like finding joy in the little things and it's like well finding love in the little things also the shape your body makes when you're bent over with your hands out giving the finger it's like isn't it so like Avril Lavigne punk rock it's punk it's so punk it's pop punk yeah it's pop punk I loved it it was fabulous I know thank you for giving me that experience well you're leaving me in a couple days so I had to give you one prank and I'll be back and I can't wait to not expect the unexpected and you'll prank me again and I can't wait I've got some great pranks brewing and I will say a few people have sent me pranks that are really really they're intense and the one that I loved though this woman sent me this prank where she queues up Shania Twain I think either still the one or man she queues that up like a thousand times on someone's phone so no matter what they play that comes on after that is so funny it's so funny but you know what's great about that prank and I think that this is moving into the more selfless prank which you know is a whole other sphere I haven't even talked about this I haven't talked about this subculture but it's where you're not there to enjoy the outcome the outcome you can't see them maybe you're in the car every now and that is truly a selfless prank it's a selfless prank I want more of it I feel like genius I had a few like that in college that I did but I have this new prank I'm working on where I want to buy really really ugly things for the house and just start putting them everywhere and see I think just that'll kind of be selfless because I won't always see it when he finds it but I found this Patrick Star rug where he's wearing the dominatrix yes you send me that yeah I think I want that to be on the other side of the bed so he'll walk over and see that and be like oh my god you know garish we talked about we have to talk about how people who they can't change how their reactions are to make you realize that it's not actually something important oh my god you opened my eyes to this so I was on vacation with our good friend Emily and there would be these reactions she would do where I wouldn't know what she was looking at or what had happened and I'd be like what happened and she's like I just dropped ice yeah I just dropped a piece of ice yeah I'm like like Melissa McCarthy's Ursula makeup for the first time. He goes, oh my God. Like fully, he couldn't. I'm like, that's the reaction? I'm like, how am I going to know if there's a killer in the house? Exactly. I'm going to think, no, Terry. It's the boy who cried wolf. No, literally. I'm going to be like, Terry accidentally like lost a page in a book. You know what I mean? Yeah, Terry lost his place. Like that's the reaction. You know what though? I think it's actually kind of endearing. Now I'm just like, oh, what happened? You broke a nail. Terry does this thing where when I ask like, what is it? He just does take a beat. So I'm like, okay, well, I'm still thinking like something really, really fucking bad happened. Like your mom got in a car accident six months ago and she's only telling you now. Literally. Something like that. But no, it's something else. My mom thinks it's so funny, this secret stuff. She's got a few in the artillery. She got called out. Hey, if you're going to keep secrets, sometimes you're going to get called out. As my mom says, when you play, you got to pay. So. How much would you charge to rob a, how much would you charge to haunt a house? I'm still working out my fee. I can't wait to say that. Apparently my niece is like me. She's like an ag. So I'm like, I have to, I can't wait to say that to her. You have to hit her with that. Like a lot. And she'll be like a lot. Yeah. I don't know. Give me a credit card. So today I ride for kids having debit cards. And I ride for peeing. Let's get into it. One of the things that keeps a lot of us from going to the gym is not knowing where to start or if workouts will even well work out. Meet Tonal, the ultimate strength training system. That tracks your progress to take the guesswork out of working out. So you can have the confidence to keep pushing forward. Tonal is the ultimate strength training system for a reason. When life gets busy, workouts are often the first thing to go. 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Refresh your spring wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com/ride for free shipping and $365. Day returns now available in Canada too. Oh my God. So pop by Canadian Tire and then go home, get on the wifi and order your Quince. Go to quince.com/ride for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com/ride. Wait, where are we going? Who cares? Ride. I came across this incredible email recently. Actually, I'm just going to get the exact wording. You have to. Cause I don't always check the promotions tab on Gmail. Cause you know, who's, who knows what's in there. So Chase sends this. Oh my God. It's so funny. And I feel like Chase knew, I thought this was so funny. Chase Bank. Chase Bank. You know, Edward thought Chase Bank was someone that like went to my high school. Cause they don't have Chase Bank. Can we write a movie? The lead character's name is Chase Bank. Wait, that's so fun. That is a Netflix name. Cause I'd be like, I have to call Chase Bank. Yeah. And he's like, what? Chase Bank. Who is Chase Bank? Yeah. Chase Bank was a nice kid. Totally. I heard it gold. Chase Bank sends me this email and it says, Benito, open your kid's first debit card. Yeah. And I was like, what? And it says, you're invited to learn more about this debit card for kids. Chase First Banking is exclusively for parents, guardians who are existing Chase checking customers. It includes the following, zero monthly service fee, a debit card in your child's name, banking account owned and managed by you for children's ages six to 17 years old. I could not stop laughing when I saw this. This made me pee myself when you posted this on your story, by the way. I called you. I called you crying. Do you remember when I called you crying? That's why I want to talk about it on the pod. Cause I'm like, I just need it to like live forever. Cause I just think it's so, and that's why we do this pod is for our lineage. It's immortality. Exactly. So our ideas become immortal. Thinking of like people who, you know, the year of magical thinking, and then stop bringing that up. I will bring up exactly what I want to sister. So I, I kept, so that's the outfit by the way, this is the Stanford prison experiment. You put us both in uniforms and just see what happens and you are becoming authoritarian. Exactly. You are a dictatorship. Well, I have the hat on. I'm the, I'm the NSO leader. New student orientation, my love. Okay. This my shit. All the girls step your feet like this. Thank you. Yeah. Beat A and A. Oh freshmen, these freshmen. I've been next. Oh, I'm getting them styled. Stop. And then right after it's just like some, some girl from Connecticut going to the Harlem Shake. And then they take, they take you to a seminar about sexual assault. Oh, totally. Yeah. Right after you're like, oh, okay. So immediately after I read that six year olds can have debit cards, I picture myself because my mom always tells this story. about the Disney store that used to be in Boise, Idaho. And it meant the world to me. I think, honestly, it was my OCD coming out as a kid, but I needed to collect things. If there was one, I needed the whole collection or it made me sick, which was unfortunate for my parents. Consumerism. Consumerism. You were sick with consumerism. I had a tummy ache. The test came back positive for consumerism. Say it ain't so. I would go to this Disney store and my mom would always laugh because she was like, this crazy thing would happen is that I would call them all the time and be like, do you have the new Tarzan toys? Like, do you have the Jane doll? And shout out, like my mom and dad, they always let me get dolls. It was amazing. Like they didn't care. That was really important to me. It wasn't until I went to school that I felt like, oh shit. But you felt safe in the home. I'm looking around thinking, no one else wants to do the Lizzie McGuire monologue? Who's a boy? Okay. Okay, I guess I'll just do it. Yeah, I'll do it again. This seems to be bad. Yeah. Sing to me, something unbelievable. He is something unbelievable. I'm so upset because after we recorded that, Lizzie, Lizzie. I want to show you something, something unbelievable. What really pissed me off. Me in this outfit. Me driving home from Dear Media the day we recorded that podcast and going, sing with me, Lizzie. Sing to me, Bella. I want to show you something. He brought her back to say, Isabella doesn't sing. Wait, he says, I want to show you something. Something unbelievable. You have a twin and I've been singing with her. Yeah, you have an exact twin. She has brown hair. She has brown hair and her name's Isabella. And she is Italian, my love. And she's a global pop star. Anyway. My mom would always laugh because I would call them and check in on toys. And then one day my mom walks into the Disney store with me and, you know, I'm holding her hand and I'm like, I'm so excited to be there to see my girls. What's up? And immediately the manager comes over and she goes, Ben, we have your order for you. My mom's like, you have his what? And I had ordered a costume I had ordered when Toy Story 2 came out, there was a bullseye costume, Woody's horse, where you could put your legs through it. You want to talk about ride, you want to talk about horse girls, where you could put your legs through it and it would look like you were riding bullseye. Of course, a genius, genius costume. It was genius. And so my mom was like, yes, a part of me was mad that you had called that you had let a child order this. But then another part of me was like, the tenacity, the go-getter-ness, the heart and the creativity. So she was like, I ended up getting you the costume because I was like, and then I kept doing it and it did become a problem. And then it just immediately made me think of if my parents had given me a debit card at six, I would have run train through the boardwalk. I would have gone to Boise Town Square. I would have gone. Are you kidding? Debit. Frigging "Lost City of Atlantis" dolls. Debit. Put it on the plastic. Megra. Put on the plastic, sweetheart. Well, you know what? Disney is all about empowering kids. Of course. So of course they took a phone order from a six-year-old. Yeah. Why would they not? Yeah. It's the most magical place on earth. Like kids are treated as like real humans with rights. Just picture me with my buzz cut and my Megra shirt that says, "So Greek, so chic." And I'm like, I wish. I asked my mom. She was like, I'll check. 'Cause I literally asked for a crop top for you. When you were going to Greece, I was like, "Fuck, I need." And I have the photos, that's all I have. And then a lot of me with Pocahontas tees, 'cause she was like my number one. So gorgeous. And so, so gorgeous. I have distinct memories of like calling Toys "R" Us and being like, this is the number for the toy. Oh, of course. Like I have the order number. You were looking up the SKU. Yeah, of course. Because we were savvy consumers. Catalogs. I'm not gonna call up and try to describe the item to you. No, no, no, no, no. I want you to plug it into your like analog, computer that is just black with green writing. I want you to plug it in on num lock and tell me if you have it. No, exactly. And you'll know, and I need to know how many are in stock. And can you put it on hold for the Neato Skinner? Putting it on hold, so powerful. I thought it was so cool. And then I would go in the store with my mom and she'd be like, you just watched 18 holes of golf. Like, is there any, you know, would you like a toy? And I'm like, come with me to customer service. Oh, have I got news for you? It's on hold, sister. It's under my name. Like I would call up these places. And then sometimes they would say I was a girl because my voice was really high. Every time I'd go, excuse me, ma'am, I'm actually a boy and I would get kind of pissed. And then I'd be like, do you have any update on the toy? Excuse me, ma'am. Like I was like, excuse me, ma'am, I'm actually a boy. And sometimes it's fucked up. Cause I was asking for dolls and they're like, oh, of course the Disney store. Oh my God. They treated me so well in there. It was so much fun. I think letting kids have debit cards and learning how money works is so important. I guess just six is the thing that's so funny to me. I don't know. I can't believe a dollar. I know. And I guess like places don't take cash. So I do see where they're like coming from. If you were like trying to, it's just like, I think that it might be a little, at least they don't get credit cards, which I mean, God knows what I would have bought Disney. It's their Velcro wallets to have a little debit card that probably has like cartoons, like Mickey mouse on it is like so cute to me. And it's like financial literacy is so important. So if they overdraw, you teach them that you can only spend the amount that you have in, in the account. Me overdraw. I would have laid it down. They go, this is overdraw. Run it again. I pull out my second one. Run it again. And then I have to go home and break the ice. Confessions of a shopaholic. Schrodinger's cat. Just fucking shit. No, I would have been her. I would have been her ripping through the mall buying Abercrombie Henleys. Of course. Well, that's later. That would have been my 13 year old debit card. I'm imagining you, the videos I've seen of you as a kid, dancing to Britney Spears, just money burning a hole in your pocket in the form of a debit card. Oh, if someone, if I got like 10 bucks from someone, I was like, there was this place called Hastings and they had toys, CDs. And movies. And like merch. And I was like. Posters. Yeah. Flip through them. They go like this. Yeah. And they're so big. You have to kind of like. I'm like jamming my finger every time. Just like. Well, did you have a first communion? Yes, I did. Because that's when I opened my first bank account. You had your first communion along with your classmate, Chase Bank. Chase Bank. Me and Chase Bank were at our communion. And that was when I opened a bank account because people give you money for your first communion. So then I opened my bank account and I had a bank book. You know, when you would have the books that would have like your total in it and I put the money in there. You're showing me that maybe there is merit to this. I'm just applying it to the 90s. It's an insane concept, especially in the 90s. Applying it to us as kids is insane. Yeah. So I think financial literacy is great. I just don't think kids need debit cards. What would you have bought? Now I'm picturing like little Miss MB. I would have bought a laptop. I'm not kidding you. For Christmas. I'm buying costumes. You're buying a laptop. That is us. For Christmas from when I was six years old, I asked for a laptop with internet. Like that's what I wanted. You wanted. No, you wanted the. I wanted the World Wide Web. Oh, honey. You're that girl at school that's like, if I got the lamp from Aladdin, I'd ask for a million more wishes. A million wishes. Totally. I more was just like, I want a costume and I want two dolls. I would have bought so many clothes. Yeah. I would have bought. Halloween would have been dangerous. I would have bought Spice Girls merch. It was just like, I just wanted it. I wanted it all. And I, my parents were really good about if you make money, you can spend it, but like, here's how it works. And they didn't spoil me. Like it wasn't like I got everything that I wanted. Christmas was great. And I, but I didn't get the laptop. You know, like they were like, within reason. We had, that's the clip. That's the clip we're using. I didn't get a laptop. I love that at six years was laptop at six. I was literally like. With internet. A Jessie doll. With internet. Yeah. My siblings were like, what the fuck? Where did she come from? What? You wanted that Apple laptop from Legally Blonde. Of course. God, that was amazing. The orange. Of course. I wanted to write. I was always writing as a kid. You and me, six year olds at the mall. Story tellers. Us as six year olds at the mall, we're the mayors of the mall. Of course. If you would have been eight and I would have been six, you would have been like in charge, you know. Running shit like the Navy. Of course. Oh my God. Well, I just want to shout out my Queens at the Disney store. It's closed now. It was an incredible store. It really was so beautiful. I remember just, it was so magical and I definitely put my parents into debt. I think it's so nice that they supported you through that. Like they were like, you know what? This kid's got verve. Yeah. And we're going to just, we're going to reward that. Yeah. And they let me rock the princess area. Empower kids. Me just, they're checking out and they don't see anyone at the thing. And then all of a sudden a small little hand reaches up and slaps down the debit card. They look over. Oh, hey. Hi. And you go, run it. That's all I say. Run it. There's enough on there. You can run it. I'm glad my mom can't see my story. My mom just can't access it, but I just think it would have maybe triggered her to see all those things that like made her like all the things I circled in the catalog the other day when I posted them. If your kid is six and has a debit card, I want to know about it. I think it's so interesting. That's so funny. I guess first potty training, then debit card, then first communion. That's how it should go. Maybe potty training, debit card, first communion. I bring up potty training so we can get into my ride. I can't wait to hear your ride today because I have a lot to say about this as well. We're three months into the new year and guess what? It's time to try to simplify everything we can, including dinner, work, routines, long winter evenings, having home chef deliver fresh pre-portioned meals. That's a huge weight off my plate. I also cannot cook to save my life. It's the easiest way to start Q2 of your year being organized, well fed, and way less stressed. Home Chef makes cooking simple, fresh food delivered, easy recipes to follow, and meals that actually taste great. And people really love it. Home Chef is number one rated by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease. They've worked with chefs like Gordon Ramsay, yeah, you heard that right, and now they're partnering with Jollibee. Giada De Laurentiis, bringing restaurant-quality recipes straight to your kitchen. 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Oh my God, free dessert for life. Homechef.com slash ride. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. God, you know how frustrating it is when you think you're making healthy choices just to find out it's not exactly having the impact that you expected? Ritual is not playing around when it comes to gut support. That's why it's time to transition to Ritual's Symbiotic Plus. They designed Symbiotic Plus with a delayed-release capsule to help reach the colon, an ideal place for biotics to grow and thrive. As you know, Benny and I feed each other our Symbiotic Plus every morning. We love to take it just to stay regular, to do that extra bit for our gut health. As you know, we're in our 30s, and sometimes you do need to start really taking care of your body from the inside out. Beauty is skin deep or something. Ritual products contain high-quality, clean ingredients, and all of Ritual's products are vegan, GMO-free, and tested for heavy metals and common allergies. Symbiotic Plus is a complete biotic formula, a three-in-one with clinically-studied pre-pro and postbiotics and clinically-studied doses to support a balanced gut microbiome. Ritual's Symbiotic Plus is formulated with 118 CFUs of the world's most researched probiotic strains, backed by 100-plus publications of human clinical trials. One daily mint-scented capsule for bloat gut and regularity support is all you need, and formulated without GMOs, major allergens, animal products, shady fillers, and artificial colors. So get your gut going and support a balanced gut microbiome with Ritual's Symbiotic Plus. Save 25% on your first month at Ritual.com slash ride. That's Ritual.com slash ride. Save 25% on your first month. As I've mentioned today, I'm writing for peeing. Well, you are famous for peeing with the door open. I do pee with the door open, and that's something we've discussed at length on the previous podcast. This is still within the world of peeing with the door open, it's just peeing in general. And I feel like, to me, there's not really a better feeling than, when you have to go to the bathroom, and then you go. And as they said in Halloween Town, magic is really very simple. All you have to do is want something and then let yourself have it. In a way, every time you pee, it's like magic, like a Disney store. Yeah. So I think peeing is so wonderful, and I have some new thoughts on peeing. I think everyone, regardless of how they identify, should pee sitting down. Now this, I think, for a few reasons. One, equality and equity. Two, you're not going to get pee on the seat. If you're sitting on the seat, right? And it's just like, take a load off. Totally. Take a break. Have that moment for yourself. Also, I feel like there is a really bad stigma with actually sitting on toilet seats, like in public bathrooms, but I just don't think the back of people's legs are that disgusting. Like, I don't see the problem. At airports, I do that. You do some paper? Yeah, I do the paper. But people that squat are just getting like pee all over the seat, and that's not okay. Yeah. You have to think about the people coming. It's not just about you. It's so true. Peeing is a communal experience. Yeah. Especially when the door is open. Exactly. But the other thing I've been doing lately, and I think this is going to really blow people's minds, is that sometimes when I pee, I'm actually scared to say it. You pee on Edward? No. Sometimes when I pee lately, I just like, I'm like, save the planet. I've not been wiping. I just pull my underwear up and it dries in five seconds. And then I flush the toilet with my foot. And you grunt. Yeah. Then the peeing experience is over. Yeah. It's just like simpler. Yeah. I want to take a load off when I'm peeing. I want it to be a good experience. I don't want to deal with toilet paper sometimes. Taking a load off. How cool is that? How cool is that? So I just think peeing is, it's very human, it's a gorgeous experience, but I think we can simplify. I agree. I always sit down when I pee because it is just like, oh, and it's more time to look on the phone. I didn't even know that. Yeah, sweetie. Sometimes it is easier just to stand, especially in a bathroom, like going to a urinal is just really easy. But I think urinals are foul and we should abolish them, abolish the police and urinals. Something pretty sinister happens in toilets though, sweetie, so. But it's not staring up back at you, is it? Like urinal cakes that are just like. Well, unless you're looking. Well, I think urinals are not okay. And as we move toward gender neutral bathrooms, which obviously I'm like fully a proponent of. Yeah, of course. I think we need to just get rid of them. Yeah. Yeah. The great equalizer is if we all pee when we sit down. Yeah. I'm trying to reinvent the form and it's going well for me at least. Well, it's so interesting because I got a lot of shame for sitting when I'm peeing like that. For some reason, that's such a whole thing in locker rooms. It's just wrapped up in like politics. It's so crazy that that's what we're talking about. I'm like, it's not the fact that all of you smell like shit. Yeah. And like, don't wipe your ass. Like that's what we're talking about here. Oh yeah, you're going to talk about me sitting down to pee when you guys have like shit on your butt. And yeah, I'm taking a break because this dumper needs a break. It's heavy. Heavy is the head. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Katy Perry. So I, yeah, I think this is amazing. And I love peeing. Sometimes I really edge myself with peeing because I have to pee so bad. And I'm like, sometimes I love my life too much and I don't want to do it. But then when I go, I'm like, oh my God. But I've had some such long pisses. And when someone says I got to take a piss, I think that's garish. I agree. I think that's fucked up. What do you think is the right thing to say? I have to go to the bathroom. I have to piddle. I have to pee. And then you run. And then you gallop out of the room. I think the restroom is like maybe the sweetest thing you can say. I have to pee. Yeah. Sometimes I do say I have to pee. You know, I've been noticing recently, though, I think it's so funny when someone comes back from the bathroom and they obviously took a shite, a shite, a shite, and they come back. You're being crazy today. This episode is fun. And we never said this pod wasn't going to be fun. That's actually the only thing we have said it will be every time is that people keep coming back to tables. And I love when it's clear that they took a shite and they're coming up with all these reasons why it took so long. They're like, oh, my God, it was so crazy. Like I was in the bathroom and then just like it was so insane. Like I met like Weird Al Yankovic in the bathroom. So he's in the line. Yeah. And then I was I was talking to him for a sec. And then this person, all of the stalls were taken. But then we find out that the door was like it's just the stories that like the folklore that comes about from just people like feeling so much shame for taking a dump. I know. It's really explosive. We have to remove that shame. I know. The older I get, I'm just like, it's OK to talk about. You tell me every time. I tell you every time. Every time. Yeah. So I drink a lot of water. As everyone knows, I'm obsessed with water. So I'm peeing eight to ten times a day. I get to have that release. And that's like a little gift that I give myself. Not everyone at the table has to like talk about the fact that someone just took a while in the bathroom. But I actually. What are you laughing at? This is a really fun thing to text people if they've been in the bathroom. Did you fall in? But not just that. So I was out with Emily to dinner. Did you fall in as traditional family values to me? Yeah. Did you fall in? But I texted her. She went to the bathroom at all time to take a nude to send someone. Yeah. And she'd been in there for like 20 minutes. And I texted her. I said, did you fall in sis? It's so fun. You have to ask people that. It's so fun. Did you fall in? I'm like. But sometimes there really is a line. And you have to be like. Of course. That there was a line. And if there was, I am like, yeah. But I do this. I think that's what alarmed me to it. I'm like, why am I? I'm telling them like the odyssey. Of course. Like this is Homer. It's the old Homer. It's the Iliad. Followed shortly thereafter by the odyssey. I'm like, this is crazy. It's Homer. It's Homer. It's literature. No, it is. I think like that. All those stories were cooked up because they were just like so scared to tell everyone they took a shite. Odysseus took a really long dump. And when he came back, he was like, you will not believe what happened. You will not believe. No, no. I wasn't. I wasn't shitting. It was like this crazy thing happened. This crazy thing happened. All of a sudden. It tells the story of the Iliad. People don't think we're scholars. We are. Yeah. I. Oh, God. Anyway. Peeing, I think, can be a really powerful practice. You know what we could do is if you've been in the bathroom a long time, you come outside, stand at the table and go. Uh-huh. That's it. Okay. So you pee like this. You know what? No. We have callbacks that we're doing at this point. I'm just like, at some point, the podcast is just going to be like, it won't make any sense. No. But I'm ready for it. And the people that have been listening. Start from the top and go down. When people go, which one should I start with? I'm like, how about the pilot? You won't get certain things. No. There is a barrier to entry. Yeah. I almost peed my pants the other day. Why? First of all, I'm an iconic peeing pants story. I was literally in eighth grade. Yeah. And we had to wear navy blue corduroys and like a white polo shirt to school at Greenwich Catholic School. Yeah. And we, I got home, I got dropped off by a carpool and it had snowed, it was freezing outside. a house key and I had to pee so bad. So I go over to our lockbox because obviously we have one and I'm about to. I didn't make it. I'm picturing you just slowly falling to the ground. It was so cold that my pee was so warm that steam came off my corners. Off your gap cords. Talk about the sizzler. Oh my God. Yeah. That is so incredible. I was alone like no one was there to witness it and it was something I could have just sort of like buried deep in the recesses of my mind. But I was just like, first of all, women in STEM. It's going to vapor in front of my eyes. That's like fucking sick. What a cool learning lesson for you as a kid. That's so cool. Yeah. That was like photosynthesis. So not what it is. I think it's sublimation, but I'm not sure. That was sublimation. Totally. I'm really not sure. But so that happened to me. And then the other day, Emily slipped with her. She's wearing Keen shoes. She has these new shoes. Oh yeah. Her Keen era. Her Keen shoes. Here's the problem with watching people fall. I have such a good one. No. Watching people fall is the ultimate. You had to be there because no matter how you describe it, I could never explain the acrobatics that she did. They have to go, are they okay? And it's like, well, of course I'm telling the story, but it was so funny. No, they died. It was hilarious. Yeah. No. So she did fall and I won't explain it to you. It was really funny. And I had to pee. If I had to pee even 0.05% more, I would have completely wet myself and we would have had to go home. It was very human. There's something so human and so unbelievably funny about it. Like I used to, and I think it's just my anxiety. Like it would happen at school. Sometimes if someone falls and I'd just be like, oh my God, no. But Terry recently fell down the stairs with a towel on and he literally took a tumble. Sister. It was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like each stair. And I'm like, what is going on? Who is in my house? There's an earthquake in my house. Yeah, literally. And he looks, he goes, doll. And I was like, Terry, but I saw the last little part and he's just so tall that it just was so big tree fall hard. Literally. Yeah. It was so funny. Timber. Timber. He's going down. I'm in. You better move. You better dance. Fresh bed. So should we get into ride or die? Yeah. You know what you are, Benny? Hmm. I f*** it. Your words, not mine. Babe, you're my ride or die. Ride or die. I ride for taking a piss. Obviously peeing is great. Sometimes, like I said, I edge myself and maybe I should allow myself to pee more. I am only drinking sparkling water though. So I don't pee eight times a day by any means. I wish I did drink more water. People should be drinking water. In the shower. Sorry. Of course. Of course. Yeah, of course. That is. Just aim for the drain is my thing. What a sweet release though. Yeah. But aim for the drain. And then you wash, obviously. But if you have to go a little bit before you leave somewhere, it's just always worth it to go. Oh, and before you go to bed, I think. But is there anything better? Always empty that bladder. Oh my God. I just had the most toe curling f***ing orgasm of my life. Thinking about waking up in the middle of the night, peeing, and then getting back into bed. Oh my God. I know. Are you kidding me, Marsha? Just go right when you wake up and you know you have to. Like, just get up in that moment and give that to yourself. And then you go right back to bed or, because I'm talking about middle of the night. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It wakes you up and you go. Right back to bed. And you go, I have to take a piss. Scurry off, scare yourself in the mirror. And then you pee. And then you come back to bed. I didn't learn this because our sex education in this country is only at the Super Bowl and on red carpets. And I didn't know that you have to pee after sex or you could get a UTI. So the first time I got a UTI, I thought I'm going to die. Like, I'm going to die. You're peeing blood. Well, you're peeing every 14 seconds. Yeah. And you're like, there's just only like a little couple of drops coming out. Pee after sex. I can't stress this enough. I go after any time, like anything's going on down there. I'm going to the bathroom just to be safe. That's the way I live. And that will be a chapter in my book. You have to pee during, you have to pee after sex and you have to pee during Avatar, the way of water. I just don't think you should hold pee that long. Don't deprive yourselves. No. Because you can get a really bad infection. Yeah. Also, don't try to treat your UTI at home. You should get the meds. It's a really good point. Because one time I did that and I had to go to urgent care because I had the chills and the shakes. Oh, sweetie. Yeah. I've had a really, really tough road with UTIs. So maybe that's why peeing and I have a sort of special bond. Isn't that how you said you die as a cavewoman? Absolutely. UTIs. I don't stand a fucking chance. And then Salem, obviously. Yeah. I'm not really surviving outside. This current modern era. And if it was the 20s, I would die like Keira Knightley in Atonement. Yeah, that's true. In the tunnel. The floods. I wonder which eras I would have really succeeded in. We don't know. Dinosaurs? Dinosaurs. In your loincloth? Literally in my loincloth. Me on a stegosaurus. This is my shit. I'm going to have to repeat like this. T-Rex is stomping. I would have, seriously, if I would have been alive during the time of the dinosaurs, like I'm a creationist all of a sudden, if I would have been alive during the time of the dinosaurs, I would have written all about it. You just needed the downtime, and then you could have. I ride for six-year-olds having debit cards. We have to. That's it. I think I made my stance now. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening to Ride. Love, Korn. Thank you for sending us a swag bag. We just absolutely adore you. And anything else you want to say, Mary Beth? Go take a piss, girls. Oh, go piss, girl. Remember that meme? Go piss, girl. And in closing, what I will say to all the girls out there, to all the bros, ponies, go piss, girl. Oh, my exit. Benny, babe, eyes on the road. Benny, look out! Ride. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.