Her Mom Stole Her Name - Episode 267

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Visit PrizePix.com for restrictions and details. The tweet says, wait, Saucy Santana is a nigga? Question mark, question mark. And then the comment says, he commented again under his own post and said, it's getting spooky out here, fellas. Niggas play all day, though. You said what? Huh? You said what? I said niggas play all day. That's all they do is play around. On the internet? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like, it's just like, it must be fun. I miss living that life. I miss living that life where I can say anything. Like, now we actually have an account or in a personality that if we say anything, it actually can get to the other person. Like, if I have a bad day and I don't like the way Kevin Durant shot a basketball, I can't get on here and say anything about KD because my responsibility is to know that I'm influencing others. And KD going to take that way more harsher than he takes somebody on the internet. And he might actually say some shit back to me. You know what I'm saying? So it's just like, I hate that. I can't be that no more. I got to get a burner account. I feel like you do have a burner account. I do. See, that's the shit I be talking about, bro. What the fuck? You have a burner TikTok. I said, I feel like, yeah. Yeah, I got a burner TikTok. I'm talking about a real burner account. You're not supposed to talk about, you know, never supposed to accuse nobody of having a burner account. That's what's wrong, bro. Like, y'all supposed to. This nigga's on his own island. You ain't got no burner account? Nah, bro. Weak as fuck. I don't. Nah. That's why y'all so suppressed. Y'all don't be saying what y'all want to say. Nah, you lucky y'all. I don't have a burner account that I'm talking shit on, either. You're a journal. Bro, I'd be like. Exactly. No, fuck that. Go write yourself a piece of paper, bro. You want to vent with no consequences. Nah, I'd be harassing the fuck out of Adele on her time. No, don't say that. She thinks she can just disappear? Leave the nigga lonely, huh? Oh, my gosh. I'm just saying, they can try to play in the same songs. Oh, man. Drop something, nigga. Care about this nigga, Rich Paul? Drop something. They don't buy real account, man. Fuck with Rich Paul. Shout out. Respect, respect, respect. Yo, yo. That's not what we doing. Hello. Hey, the radio is for people who are driving. The radio is for people who are driving. I don't care, though. Welcome to Crash Somebody's Podcast. Hey, welcome to Crash Dummy's episode 267? Eight? 268? 267? Damn, we are ass. 267, 267. It's 267? Yeah. Okay. We'll give a fuck. Anyway, we're back on tour. Go to crashdummieslive.com. All the dates probably aren't there right now. Florida, Texas, Cali. I think everything's in there. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. We got San Fran live. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Fuck all that. We're going to be in the UK as well. Manchester, London, Birmingham, all in the bio. Merch is live. We got Carrie here today. Hi, y'all. We got Gene. Peace. We got PJ. Don't call me. Nobody's ever called me PJ. No. Don't call me PJ. Everybody that don't really know you. And that's wrong for you attacking me knowing what I said before the camera went on. What'd you say? How I said, I'm not going to talk about something, and then you attack me. Bro, I don't care about that. Yes, you do care. I don't care about that. No, no, I don't. Say you sort of got to don't care about that. Oh, we can have a long conversation. Wait, about the DM? No, no. Okay. You want me to read the DM? No, that's crazy. Okay, I won't read the DM. No, you can read the DM, because it's still in the context of the podcast. I'm talking about the other thing, though. But I'll read the DM. How about me walking across the camera, and everybody talking about my ass in the comments? With a fatty on my nightie. Come on, now. Oh, that's crazy. That's crazy. Okay, that's crazy. It's okay. It's my fault. It's my fault. It's my fault. I knew better, and I saw the clip already, and I could have cut it out. You know why I couldn't help you? Why? Because I couldn't see it all. You should have blurred it out. I couldn't see. Blurred my ass. No, I blurred it out. You put a sensor on it. He walked across. I was like, damn, bro, I can't help you. No, I was too lazy to edit that part. I was too lazy to edit that part out. Yeah, he kicked me up, too, y'all. Stand up. No, it was, I'm not going to lie, like, Instagram. There was a starving niggas and woman in there. Instagram. Oh, first of all, side note, side note, side note. It is so fun to joke, but it's only fun to me to joke with people that watch the pod that I don't know. Like, if I met you through the pod, and you joke about something, like, oh, Pat, shut the fuck up, that's cool. If I know you. If I know you in person, and I see you once a month, you are not allowed to make a joke on the internet. You know what I mean? Like, don't pile in on comments if I know you personally. Like, say it in person, then, nigga. Like, fuck. Yeah, I don't. Oh, my God. That's why I'm trying to help you out here. There was one person that made a joke in there. I was like, bruh. Okay, I'm going to read. It was so weird. Yeah, that's so weird. That's so weird. I'm going to read. Next time, that's your warning, though, nigga. And if you don't hear this warning, I mean, you don't listen to the pod. So, then. I can really say some shit. That's a warning, though. Because this is like one and a half time doing that shit. Okay. I posted a picture of me and my girl, and some dude DM'd me and said, I know she pegged you before. Then he responded to himself, I'm sorry, I'm drunk. Then he responded to himself and says, love the pod, man. Keep it up. And I typed back. I was like, where is God in all this? And then he responded, God is in our heart. And he's like, yo, I just wanted to tell y'all that I learned English listening. To you and Mike. Thank you, man. Tell Mike his dick small. That's the language y'all be saying here on the pod? I learned? No. I would definitely see, like, he probably got that from me, I guess. I take credit for that lesson right here. But it was just because last episode, this girl called. I wouldn't know. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah, keep it going. We needed you last week, too. No, we did. That's the fucked up part. They dropped me. I almost said something. Never mind. Wait, what happened? Wait, what happened? No, you really weren't on the pod last week because we are considerate of your time. We were planning shit like guys do, like, five minutes. I was like, I'm not going to tell Carrie, like, can you be here in five minutes? That's, like, very misogynistic. Yes. To think that you had that much free time. As a reporter, you got, come on now. You important around the city. In-game host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the MLB. Come on, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what's so crazy about that, though, is I could have just said, hey, y'all, I'm actually not free. And then what would have happened? Nah, but we just respect that. We also, we also, we also, I would say, me and Mike, we bond on this because we talked about this before. We don't get rejected for that exact reason. Y'all be scared. I'm telling you, when people, when people hear, like, oh, Pat always talking about he never been rejected by a woman. Not fully like that. Because I get hints and I read people well, or I'm like, damn, it's a 50-50 chance this can happen and I don't like my chances. So I'm not going to push it there. I didn't want you to text us back and be like, nah, that shit was going to hurt. Like, I was probably going to say some shit back to you. Oh my God, go to therapy and heal. I was probably going to send back, no, fuck you then. That's my defense mechanism. Crazy word. Oh, yeah. That's what I want to talk to you about. Because I saw you, where were we at at the same time? Because we ended up at Chick-fil-A together, too. In the same drive-thru line. You know we're here. Oh, we was here. Okay. My memory fucked up. I was going to say where we're really at, but then it would have sounded weird. Oh, shit. No, you're safe. I think you're safe. So anyways, we ended up in the Chick-fil-A line. Not like that. I don't know. It was just us two. Y'all got something. What were we doing? Oh, shit. No, no, no. Anywho. No, that's just me. Come on now. I'd rather take a pause. What y'all got going on? Goddamn. Anywho, we're at Chick-fil-A. We're in the Chick-fil-A line. Hold on, hold on. Webby just signed a five-year deal. Extension, extension, extension. Go ahead. Okay. So you know in Chick-fil-A, you can't go inside? The one at Bayshore? Yeah. Well, any of them. I've never been inside. Whoa. But yeah, the one at Bayshore. You can go inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't go inside the one that. There's some certain Chick-fil-A's you can't go inside. Right. They're after only Chick-fil-A's. But the one that we live by, you can't go inside. So, obviously, there's a parking lot at every place. Every time I go to a place, the parking lot is packed. And that's how it always is for, like, Chick-fil-A. It's just like, why is their parking lot packed and you can't fucking go inside? Like, who the fuck is in these cars? But they be moving the lines. The lines be moving fast at Chick-fil-A. Not the basement one, bro. And I love me a good Chick-fil-A line, but that one goes by very slow. Really? You think so? Yes. I think that's the fastest service. No, you have to be impatient. Oh, okay. Thanks. Is that a misogynistic to say? What? That she's impatient? I think she a little. You got a little demise in you if you don't like Chick-fil-A lines. And she hasn't opened her water yet, so you already know what's happening right now. Oh, my God. Oh, she dehydrated. She ain't dizzy as shit. You know what? Y'all be acting like y'all ain't never been a little bit dehydrated before. Yeah, but I've never affected. Anybody else's day or night. I've never ruined anybody's night. I clearly didn't ruin their night. They stayed and had a good time. No, no, no. It definitely weighed on their mind. You definitely blew them for like five seconds. That shit killed them. Anyway, Chick-fil-A. What about them? Didn't you have a story? Oh, um, nah. But you got to be careful at Chick-fil-A. Because I saw like, you know, somebody. I hate to like, judge him, but he had like, rainbow hair. And I was like, it was during Pride Month. So I'm like, oh, he did it for Pride Month. And I was like, yo, happy Pride Month. And then they all started throwing rocks at my car. You can't judge a book by its cover. I was like, oh shit, I forgot y'all, my bad. I was saying, I made a tweet of saying that Dave Chappelle is the only one that can smoke cigarettes anywhere he goes. I feel like everywhere I see Dave Chappelle, he has a cigarette, especially places where you wouldn't think you could smoke and shit. See, I used to smoke cigarettes. I used to think that. And then we did a show in Detroit, and they were smoking weed in the crowd. And the people, they said it was okay. Yeah, some venues allow that. And I think more and more venues are allowing people to smoke in the venue. I've seen a nigga, Dave Chappelle, smoke on a plane, bro. I've never seen that. You've never seen that. Nah, Dave Chappelle be smoking, bro. Bro, you've never seen him smoke on a plane. And he be chain smoking. Nah, he be smoking. He get away with it. For the comedy show he went to, I thought he went through a whole box. Bro, he'll literally stop the story in the middle of it and go change his cigarettes. He got the perfect, like, he got the perfect mixture of crowds. He makes smoking cigarettes look so cool. He does. But he got the perfect mixture because if it, middle-aged white people will cheer you through the weirdest shit. And I tell you, that's the best crowd to have when you got, like, a pause now. Because they be like, woo, come on! Tell them, Dave! Smoke that cigarette, Dave! We love you, man! I got that really because I saw him at the Usher concert. Obviously, you can smoke at concerts, at some concerts. But it's just funny how funny of a person Dave is. Because even him just, like, smiling like that and laughing, his facial expression, he's, like, mastered facial expressions. Where it's like, he doesn't have to say shit, he makes a face, and then, you know, people start laughing. It definitely felt like a skit, for sure. Like, they purposefully did it. I feel like his cigarette smoking now is, like, part of the bit. You think he doing it just, you don't think he really. Not only, like, I think he really does. But I think he's also cognitive of, like, oh, this is what I do during my shows. Like, people are familiar with me doing it that way. He got a 24-7 head high. Do you do hookahs? Huh? Do you do hookahs? Oh, I have, yes. I like hookahs sometimes. But it's really bad for you. So, I tried to cut back. See? Dehydration and hookahs. You know what it is for me with hookahs? You shouldn't be smoking hookahs. I feel, don't listen. I do what I want to do. But I feel like with hookahs. There's no real point. Like, yeah, you get a little buzz for a second. But then you get a headache. I think it's a static thing. Or is that because I'm dehydrated? Yeah, I don't fuck with hookahs. Especially no hookah lounge. Like, why the fuck is we looking at each other with magic wands in our hand? Hookah lounges used to go crazy back in the day. Y'all heard that story of a 22-year-old pilot safely landed a plane Saturday after her instructor jumped out of the aircraft and died mid-flight over Argentina. I did see that. At first, the. The headline confused me because I kind of saw it very quickly. And I was like, wait, that didn't make any sense. I was like, who landed the plane? Oh, got it, got it, got it. But yeah, that's kind of a strange master splinter type shit. Like, I'm going to jump to my death, young one. Now you can land the plane. Like, committed suicide while having your student plane, who's never landed a plane before, land the plane by themselves. And they did it because they know how. And I think he even left her a message or him a message, whoever it was. It was like. You know, I trained you enough for this, or you got it. He said his last words was, you know what to do. Right, you know what to do. I'd be pissed. I would literally, bro, I would literally go to his funeral and drive a plane through that bitch. Like, fucking crash a plane through his casket. Fuck this nigga through death. No, fuck that nigga, though. That's some hoe-ass shit. It's just like, bro, you could have did this shit yourself, bro. Yeah, true. Like, you did not have to bring me up here, bro. Because then what if she really. Forgot how. Exactly. And then you could have killed another person. Exactly. You really ain't care about my life. As soon as you would have jumped out, I would have drove the plane down and cut that nigga up with a propeller. Bitch-ass nigga. You thought you was going to hit the ground, huh? Nah, not dying after that has got to be, like, the craziest thing. No, that would be crazy. If he was, like, down on the ground after she landed, he's like, hell, then she's like, nah. Did y'all see the girl who. Died in. Where were they at? They were in some foreign country. Brazil? It might have been. I don't want to say it was, but it could have been. But they, like, threw her off the ledge. Yeah, that was Brazil. She was, like, bungee jumping, but she didn't have it attached. Yeah, it was, like, rope jumping. I think we talked about that. Yeah, we would never. No, we talked about it over the phone. We would never, like. I think me and Mike agree. Like, all that, like, skydiving and doing that shit in another country, I'm good on. And it's not nothing to do with the countries that's out there, because you can die at any country. It's just a language. It's not a language barrier. I just want to make sure everything is good. I'm not a thrill seeker like that. So even, like, skydiving here, I'm kind of good on. I'm not either. I don't even like roller coasters. I don't even like hot air balloons. I'm good. Like, I've just seen too many. It's just, like, I get a good view. Yeah, I don't get a hot air balloon. It's just ways that I wouldn't want to die. That's what I think about. Like, if I'm going to die in, like, a, you know, knock on wood, like, a plane crash or some shit like that, it's just, like, oh, it's. It's just, like, a so be it moment. Like, I had to die. I had to make this flight, so it is what it is. But to, like, put myself in that position and then die? Something that was very avoidable. Yes. It's, like, this shit is so stupid, bro. It's a different type of high that I feel like you could just take some drugs for. Yeah. Yeah. I'm, like, come on now. I don't know. You've been skydiving? I've been on top of buildings, and that's enough for me. I've been on top of the buildings, too. Like, what time are we in L.A.? Yeah, but I ain't jumping, though. Fuck that. We walked right up to the edge. No, thank you. Helicopter pad. Yeah, heights do scare me. I'm not going to lie. I'm not a heights person, either. I don't like being over the edge. Like, we have. I don't like planes. At the top of our building, we got the glass thing that you can kind of see over into the city, and it's, like, I don't even get that close to that. You were standing over it trying to take pictures of the fireworks because the glass kind of blocks the fireworks a little bit, and, like, even something like that is, like, that's not worth it. You got pictures of something. You got shitty-ass fireworks, and that glass kind of broke. Bro, that shit was nothing. That was impossible to, like, fall for. It's just, like, we in a comedic space, too. It's such a crazy way to die. Like, niggas are going to joke about that. Like, I can't. Taking firework pictures? Bro, you can't control any, like, stuff like that, though. Yes, you can. It's just, like, Lindsey Graham passed away, the senator. Oh, yeah. And, obviously, a lot of his policies are not great. Mm-hmm. But. Mm-hmm. You see how Twitter is, like, everybody's, like, mocking his death. And I'm like, that's the thing. You got to really, like, pick and choose how you want to live on this earth because people will clown you. And I feel like that's going to hurt the family more than you because you can say, I don't care how people are going to perceive me, but it's, like, you still got family out there. They will clown you whether you good or bad in this world. That's true, too. That's true. All you got to do is. Especially with people not serious on the internet. Yes. Yeah, especially if they get paid from the post. Yeah, that's true. Like. All you got to do is do one bad thing, and people forever, like, you can't be forgiven for that thing. Mm-hmm. And you're being judged by people that did a bad thing, too. So get started in the Experian app and see how much you can get. You could save. Results will vary. Football is back, and PrizePix is bringing out their best offer yet. Lock in for kickoff, because everyone and everything is on PrizePix. What you want? Download the PrizePix app today and use code SPOTIFY to get $150 instantly in lineups, If you win your first $5 lineup prize picks, Run your game. Visit prizepicks.com for restrictions and details. All right. Somebody say, yo, I hope y'all good. Just asking if y'all can shout me out for my birthday. It's a day after you guys drop the next episode. If it's cool, can you mention my name? Davies or Dave, one of one for ore farming purposes. Any who love the pot, always have y'all on. Stay blessed or whatever the fuck he said. And then he also sent another message like, yo, please, I got a date coming up. I'm trying to make this look good. Oh, no. Leave him. Yeah. Get a background check on that nigga. I'm just saying like, bro, if you need us to close the deal, bro, then sum it up, bro. That's that nigga for my chart. Date ruined. What does that actually ruin his date? That's good, though. This shouldn't be the sealer for his date. This should be like, she should be laughing at this if she really fuck with him. But what if she's a real big fan of y'all and it just makes him look bigger? Hey, yo. Never mind. That's all he said. I just paused. You have like a pause shield that delays like it in my head. Yeah. You want to know what's crazy? Okay. Since we're already like, there's a perfect like way to go down. All right. It says, why is why is cuck porn a thing when you're already the cuck at any point you watch? And. That made me think that if you watch cuck porn, it's like you ever seen the movie Inception. Yeah. Where they be in a dream inside a dream. Or you ever seen yourself inside of a screen inside of a screen inside of a screen. That's what it's like watching cuck porn because you cuck in the cuck cuck in. But wouldn't be isn't like the definition of cuck being like you're the one cuck cuck clan. You're the one watching your significant other get fucked. Yes. And then you're watching the cuck watching his. What would that be, though? Is there a word for that, though? What? Someone that's watching the cuck cuck square. It got to be cuck square. Now, that's crazy. Once somebody's watching it with the intentions of being. The person. That the cuck invited. Hold on. That might open a portal. Because what if it's a it's a it's a. Cuck, right? And he watching his wife get popped and then they watching a tape of another cuck couple doing something and then you watching it and then you just see the portal open up in a straight in the news and then all the oil come leaking through it. Okay, two things that's pissing me off, right? And people want to know my beef with Adele from the beginning of the pod. I just want to explain. Explain that real quick. Okay. Okay. So Adele is my favorite artist. Right. And she hasn't dropped. So I'm deprived a little bit. It's like being a fan of Rihanna and it just like she ain't drop no music. So you start to like, you know, I'm saying you get a little angry. You know, you still love him. That's still your favorite artist. But it's like, man, you just left me out here. Now I'm listening to all these other people when I really want you type shit. The other one is she know where LeBron going and I don't. I don't fuck with that. You think she knows? Yeah, I think she know, you know, Beyonce knows, huh? You think Beyonce know Beyonce? No, because she's friends with Adele. Oh, you said she friends with Adele. I don't know why. No, I was like a trip. I was already thinking about the next topic about talking about the Jay-Z performance. For some reason, I zoned out and I thought you said Beyonce this whole time. I was like, wait, why would Beyonce want to know? Yeah. So she does. She definitely knows. And then the other thing I'm at. So I'm at a LeBron. LeBron got me listening to the corniest niggas ever because I'm like, I'm excited. I want to know where he going. So every time there's a video talking about where LeBron is going, I click on it. And then halfway through, I realized like, why am I listening to this corny ass nigga? So I like had to mute LeBron on a fucking, uh, on my personal Twitter. Where do you think he's going though? I don't know. And I don't think he even know right now. I heard that the deal is already finalized. See, that's what I'm saying. You listen, it's some corny ass nigga. I know. I'm so serious. And people are saying they really think he's going to go to Miami. Go back to Miami. I think in that sense, like I've always said like billionaire, like if you're a billionaire, why the fuck would you be cold? Like why the fuck do I have to put on gloves, a hat if I'm a billionaire for more than for more than a couple of days, like if I'm visiting a city, okay. So I got to grab a coat and a jacket for a couple of days, but to say I'm going to do that for five or six months. And I got to live here at a billionaires don't live in Cleveland. I'm sorry. Cleveland. They should probably use them in Ohio. Huh? I'm saying after he lived in LA and like after he lived in Miami, but if it's like a one year thing, if it's like, this is my last year type thing, I think he can stomach it for a season. Exactly. I think it depends on the reason why and the goal behind it. No, he needed his wife. So he got to go to a hot state. What? You need his wife. They are from. They are from Cleveland though. Savannah not going back to no motherfucking Cleveland. You be seeing with Savannah, Savannah got all this, all these jewelry, these bags and shit. Does she not going back to fucking Cleveland? Shout out to Cleveland though. I'm just being real. We just heard LeBron complaint with LeBron complain about the last time. Memphis. It was really about the hotel, right? I'm not saying Cleveland hotels is bad. What I'm saying is LeBron know what Cleveland hotels look like. I'm just what billionaire, you know, is going. There's a lot of. There's probably a. Unless this is last year. If this is last year. If this is last year, then yes, I'll agree. But I don't. I believe this is his last two competitive years and then he'll take his last year with Cleveland. That's what I think will happen. I think Cleveland will be on the back burner. He's going to try to win a championship. Well, regardless, if you go to Miami, I'm going to lose it. And I said that. Why? Why you don't want to go to Miami? Because him and Giannis together. I just. Okay. I might get some heat for this. No pun intended. But. All right. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. I love LeBron as a basketball player. I can respect his game and everything he got going on there. Right. We can never take that away. He's top player. Right. However, sometimes LeBron's antics can just really grind my gears. It reminds. I ain't going to say that. It can just grind my gears. What's up? Name an antics. And him going to Miami with Giannis and with Bam and, you know, they trying to get this like Monstars team together for whatever reason. And then he goes to Miami, get this championship. I just feel like he always gets what he wants. What's up? What's the antics? Like how when he'd be playing and he'd be flopping sometimes and be overly dramatic. He 40 fucking years old. He'd be overly dramatic with it. He 40 years old. That shit hurt. I just got fouled at the WAC yesterday. I left that bitch. You don't even need to be in there. I literally left. Don't be in there then. Them little niggas had to stop the game. I said, nah, we don't play like that. Even like when he had approached Steven A. Right. At the game that one time. It's like, just. I'm like. I don't know. I don't know. Just little antics. That's the first time he saw him. How's that an antic? Bro. He got his number, bro. What Steven A say? What Steven A say? You just say what Steven A said. The last time we talked about Steven A. Steven A literally said his most famous line. He said, if any player has any problem with what I say, I open up the door for him to come say something to me. That's what he said. And LeBron, they don't see each other like that. LeBron is a billionaire. When you're a billionaire, you don't run into niggas on accident. It just don't happen. The broker you are, the more you see people you don't want to fucking see. You got to go to fucking local Walmart to keep seeing the same nigga. God damn, why? But if you got a billion dollars, you don't run into niggas like that. He saw Steven A. Smith. Steven A. Smith said something about his son. Are you a LeBron fan? I'm just saying, but he said something about his son. It don't matter. He's a basketball player. His son is a basketball player. He talked about his game. No, he talked about him being a father, though. Mostly his game, though, as well. But I'm just saying, that's like that one thing that might seem like you're stepping over a little bit. Man, whatever. If somebody mentioned me, I would be like, "Hey, you know what? I'm not going to do that." I'm just saying, I'm not going to do that. I'm just saying, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. He got us arrested for murder, me and my two other friends. he got some okay and then after that he let us sit in jail knowing that he could have got us out if he just said he did it the day before i got arrested for murder my dad died in my arms and he knew this and still let me sit in jail right after that so now fuck him forever but sorry about your father by the way um it's all good man appreciate it but why how how the rest of the part the murder part who were you there when he got murdered or when he committed the murder um well i've already been uh like it's already been i got sentenced for it already i ended up like because they didn't the judge didn't have an actual shooter so we all got probation for it i was 17 at the time but we got charged as an adult um how many years did you spend any time in jail like how many years months um like the time served from being in jail it was like uh like two months in total until i got on a bail so if y'all so okay my question to you is if y'all all pleaded guilty to it like for the same charge yeah why the fuck would you get on a podcast until everybody he did it i didn't say who did it did i say a name no you didn't say a name but i got you it's kind of a okay go off you got it man it's already over with too they can't go back and do something again did you so why was he picked up then like why was it because we were all you were all arrested together got it but were you guys around the murder is what i'm saying like the person actually dying sure yeah i was there okay i got arrested immediately after it happened okay immediately like did you on the scene like leaving the scene wait what's this what's the what was the question he has beef with the person that got him in jail oh okay okay so it was like have you seen him lately because obviously okay so your beef is that he not that he killed somebody is that he made you miss your dad's funeral i'm guessing not that it i mean i guess sure but mainly the fact that he had me fight the most serious case you can go to jail for because he wouldn't say he could have got everyone out of the situation so did he end up uh saying that he did it or did you guys also no no nobody ended up saying who any did but we did anything got it and then y'all all got two months no we all didn't get two months it was a it was a prolonged process of bail it pretty much we were fighting the case for three years everybody that got out on bail though and was on high level house arrest so what was the result um we all got sentenced to up to five years of probation and no more than four to ten years suspended sentence pretty much meaning if we mess up the case we're going to have to go to jail sub probation we got to go to prison for four to ten years for a murder yeah well no the it got dropped down to a lesser charge it was it was dropped down to voluntary manslaughter what like how did the dude how did the dude die um a gunshot wound got it voluntary manslaughter i'm guessing they never found the quote-unquote murder weapon no that's okay there you go so the dude being quiet about it probably kind of helped y'all situation that nobody said anything what helped his situation it would have helped it would have helped yeah it would have helped his i mean he was there he could have got accessory to murder which kind of carried like some of those sentences too no it's not but the thing is though it's all this it was just completely doing too much it was just like just being but our words crazy but um but looking back at it though if he had said that he did it he would have spent probably life in prison and now he only did maybe shouldn't he sit there and like own up to his actions no i get it i get it from your standpoint but i did so what were you doing then we were just there you're just there and then whatever happened happened and then the police picked you up for what yeah for what reason we were hanging out just trying to have a normal day and then something occurred at the area we were hanging out at which led to the crime happening but why did you snitch then the fuck i mean who snitched i'm saying why didn't you at the time then why didn't you because when i was being arrested i'm in there they first they arrest me they had me in the back of the cop car at the like arrest scene where they caught me at for like three four hours just until they finally take me out to the like the the station to question me and then after that they um question me they they tell me i'm being charged for second degree murder and they ask me if i want to tell my side of the story i tell them no they're like do you have a lawyer do you have a family attorney do you want to call your parent i was like um i want a lawyer i don't want to talk i don't have a parent i can call my dad just passed away last night i don't have my mom and then he was like oh really so he thought that was like a motive for me that i like do something and like blame it on myself but then i mean at this point i'm like there's no way i'm getting out of this they know it's something that i had something to do with i feel it so i guess the last thing i'm like what's your message to uh the homie that got you in jail fuck him that's why he's stuck in mexico oh shit why he's stuck there bro because he wasn't born here like you i'll be living a positive life now sorry for like the loss of your father how old are you now 22 that happened when i was 17 yeah not that long ago bro you still like i'm still on probation for it i'm not even done with the situation so i my my advice would like not to call into any more podcast talking about this until you off probation i'm not even done with the situation you never want to say something you never know what the the linking evidence could be it could be something so simple and the detail you gave us could be like the final straw of like oh damn that's what we needed about to open the code case i guess he's still innocent i already know that they wouldn't be able to do that due to the fact that that would technically be double jeopardy we've already been sentenced yeah okay so they can't reopen a case that has already been sentenced to i'm saying but i was saying with the suspended sentence so this is this would be that would just be a case on but that's that's just my like stipulation for probation all right bro no i get it i get it i get the concern no i get it we get it all right just make sure them needs listening to us in prison bro all right bro you have a go does checking your bank statements feel like digging through a dusty attic full of forgotten subscriptions and old free trials experience can help the pain out of canceling by handling it for you think of it as operation get your sanity back over 200 subscriptions are cancelable so get started in the experience app and see how much you could save results will vary not all subscriptions eligible savings not guaranteed paid membership with connected payment account required to see experience.com for details football is back and prize picks is bringing out their best offer yet on prize picks you can make all the picks you want all in the same app and now prize picks is available nationwide lock in for kickoff because everyone and everything is on prize picks what you want download the prize picks app today and use code spotify to get 150 dollars instantly in lineups if you win your first five dollar lineup prize picks run your game must be present in certain states visit prizepicks.com for restrictions and details hello yo what it do how's it going fellas welcome to crashing these podcasts bro i appreciate you having me on man all right um i guess i got a prompt for you um finish the sentence am i the asshole if am i the asshole if hold on let me go back to catfishing my future wife okay how are you let me tell you guys okay well uh let me preface i am i'm a single man right now but uh i'm not the i'm not the best looking fella i'm gonna be honest with you i'm not the best looking fella i'm not the best looking okay but uh i posted on instagram recently and i have posted in the past and uh sometimes we have uh double dates me and my friends two men's if you will so we in person uh we link up of course and typically the woman gets a call and it goes oh my dad's uh we gotta go so i'm like okay and then this happens this has happened twice actually now so we get back home i'm just gonna let you know right now they're gonna the listeners are gonna times two the fuck out you right now brother no you take it i'm about to hang up on you bro come on let's go relax i'm don't tell me okay go ahead okay so my friend will get a text from the girl and the girl will say um yeah let's run that back but with a different friend your homie was chopped got it you're the chopped homie cool i'm i'm the chopped homie got it move on to like the statement you made like connect it please yeah oh you're rushing me man yes it's the point i want to listen to this shit man man fucking times two me too y'all go ahead okay so yeah um i feel as if that i if i'm able to get a girlfriend in the future i would have to catch this because i feel like i am so chopped so that i can't get a girlfriend without catfishing the girl okay let me see what dude look like you know not the oh yeah just to keep it real with you that does not look like me in real life what um okay got it i mean that ain't for us to judge but it's just like bro i've seen people who like other people deem as ugly and like they have like what they would call a beautiful girlfriend you know what i'm saying so i think it's more about timing personality aura career confidence not calling yourself chopped you know the confidence part is a big thing you know i mean it's a lot of things that go into it besides looking chopped but like if you say you you're losing if you if you actually ugly and you don't have confidence it's like you can't do shit else then the main two you gotta you gotta pick one pick a struggle what else can i do at this point because there's been so many there's been so many opportunities where goons call me chopped uh failed two-man missions i don't know what to do confidence can be built bro yeah confidence can be built uh how you smell how you dress like there's a lot of different things and just like and just even the dressing part it doesn't have to be like a super expensive item just people that have taste that go to thrift stores and shit like that too so yeah and always remember bro you you're not chopped if like 10 girls in a row call you chopped you're not chopped if the 11th girl like you you know what i'm saying especially if you unless you want to have all the girls like you but if you're trying to look for one woman that's the only woman that gotta like you and then you're forever not chopped because you only you're not going to be able to have all the girls like you you know it's only for your girl i'm like over i'm like over 10 right now man but that's good you gotta keep shooting one more bro especially after that 11th sorry i just like but but just be real like bro you you know you're ugly ass nigga so like 10 is not a good test size for you like you need to be in the thousands like you need to be putting up shots bro bigger pond shots and you need to improve like everything because i'm like looking i'm not even trying to judge it's like like you don't you don't you don't do nothing for your aesthetic you know i'm saying i'm 20 years old you gotta get young too bro yeah yeah yeah you never know you just grow a beard that's true and get a hat but listen the thing is though i've been going out of my way to make myself look good like i've been trying to get my fits right my my i've been shaving i've been there bro it's not that it's not that it's not that it's a compliment what are your hobbies though i've been uh i'm an outdoorsy type guy i work with animals wildlife all right it is hard to find a woman like one too my fault my fault no but no i feel like that's something i'm just looking at your page and it seems like you do very niche type of things and i feel like there's women in those niche type of things as well and honestly i think the thing is just like keep better and try to better yourself if you go kind of go looking for that shit every time you're gonna get shot down a lot you kind of have to let it come to you or be in situations where it naturally happens or shoot more or and actually like pay attention to who you should be shooting with like actually make a connection first like friendship wise then shoot like yeah you're going on blind dates and shit man don't get one of them girls i'm shooting shots at anybody bro like i'm yeah that is true i'm shooting shots with everybody no matter of fact fuck all the advice we gave you find a blind woman i think that's better for you but but no obviously we're joking just confidence bro that's so it's the first thing don't call don't call three dudes uh saying that you're chopped you know what i'm saying it's like look let us let us say you chopped yeah let us say you i literally wouldn't never am i chopped i mean yeah but it's like but like what does our opinion matter that's just us the other thing too there's like what like we don't honestly i'm probably chopped to a lot of people as well yeah same bro like i'm a lot of people i'm not a lot of people's type yeah i can see that hold on no disrespect though mike but it's just like it's just you call me chopped bro bruh it's girls it's girls it's girls out here that would choose you over anybody that's sitting in this room just because of maybe something you do you know i mean like we are outdoorsy and maybe a girl would be like i need an outdoorsy man and then she'd pick you and then it's fucked up she got an ugly ass boyfriend but lisi outdoorsy i appreciate it man no just barring all the jokes obviously we're joking with you but like take our advice seriously like the other part hopefully you know which one we're joking about and which one we're like being serious about confidence confidence confidence my brother all right i got y'all man i appreciate it yeah you shouldn't let nobody bring you down what's up shoot your shot right now bro oh any of the right now that might be interested oh okay good clarification okay great clarification i was like wait what okay uh i'm five six just to keep it real with you guys no you're good bro confidence short kings yeah yeah okay okay i'm five six um uh mexican mixed with black uh if anyone wants to dm me whoa whoa whoa whoa slow that's slow the fuck down nigga gave two facts about yourself slow down nigga keep going you got two facts about you five six you mexican and black like damn can we get a job occupation or some shit like god damn nigga pulled down his pants and i'm five six that's like this oh okay pull it back a little bit bro i'm i'm not good at this man okay we gotta bully you a little bit so you know like don't do that shit again so five six mexican and black go ahead yeah yeah um i don't know like that's pretty much it when it comes to me i like we just there you go what you like about the outdoors like what you do what can you do out there okay okay like i like hiking uh i like to stay fit for the gym from time to time all right come on next question what do you look for in a woman i'm at the point of my life where i'm like i can take anything to no no come on bro come on bro so what are you saying like you can like what do you mean by anything though just to like we gotta get clarification we got a lot of people a lot of different type of people that listen to this pod and they want to know exactly what you mean by that sure okay well i'm saying all type of people because recently i've just been missing so damn much i'm like you know what i'll take what i can get at this point okay he doubled down i'm gonna ask you one more time this is our last time so we we have a lot of like i know you've heard like past episodes man we have men and women that listen to this podcast so we're trying to like get to like near niche niche you down okay oh i'm a straight man okay that's what you want okay just making sure bro because we assumed at the beginning i said a woman so because we got some niggas that listen to this pod that'll take you down so it's like what did you say what it is they call it all the time you got somebody for us we'd be like hey but okay so straight man but like i'm straight man okay ideally like ideally has my same interest like going out they like they gotta love animals they gotta have a couple dogs okay maybe a couple cats but uh that's pretty much like outdoors animals like okay so i want to put this out here like the people that are like good at meeting people and like have vibrant lives the dating app isn't meant for those people because those people get on the apps and they get like 20 likes and they're going on 20 dates and they fuck the game up dating apps are meant for niggas like this you know what i mean that need help putting their shit out there that way people can read before they go to his picture you know i'm saying they can be like oh yeah then the picture don't hit as hard they'd be like damn okay i can work with that yeah all right bro all right man that we can all right hey can i can i can i give a shout out to uh my brother yeah yeah go ahead hey bro you know what you can do too not if if you ever like on a date and you want to use i'm not saying we're like the biggest flex on earth but you want to say like we your boys you can just dm us bro dm the craft and i will dm you back yes okay that's perfect come on now wait what'd you just say okay i didn't know you guys had clout like that wait i don't i don't know how much clout we got wait what just happened you say you're gonna vouch for him on the day i said i said on the day he can Mike, text us. You can text Mike. Yeah, you can text me, bro. If you text me, I'm going to tell the girl, run! All right, all right, all right. Shout out to Isaiah. That's my brother. I've been listening to you guys for a while. Me and him are like your, probably not number one fans. Yeah, I appreciate it. But like, this your brother like friend? No, it's my brother. Like my blood brother. Isaiah. Is he ugly too? Yeah. I fuck with y'all, man. It's in the genetics, bro. It's in the genetics. So pop stew, huh? Who are you blaming for it? Pop stew? My, I'm not, I'm not there. Like, who do I blame? My mom or my dad? Yeah. But that's crazy. I can't just call my, one of my parents chopped. I mean, it got to come from somewhere. If you call yourself chopped. Or just like a bad combination. Like they both look good. Some ingredients don't mix. Some positives make a negative. All right, bro. You have a good one, man. It's whipped cream. It's whipped cream good. Lasagna good. When you put them together, it's ugly as fuck. It's our kids. Make a lasagna whipped cream. Hello. Yo. Wait, can y'all hear me? Hold on. Yeah, we hear you. Yeah, yeah. Don't do nothing. What's up, friends? What up? What up? Nothing. Damn. You good? That was all her energy. I don't know. I don't know. Did you see, did you see that Dallas date got locked in? Yeah, I saw that and I looked on the website. I didn't see like. No, it's not there yet. Where to purchase tickets. No, but it's locked in though. Yeah, I know. But I'm going to be pregnant like six months pregnant. So I need special tickets. So you're pregnant right now? I'm pregnant right now. Yeah. Summer over with. Pack it up. No mojitos for you. I had a question for you. What's something you did for love that you'll never do again? Share a nigga. Damn. What do you mean? What do you mean by share? Like fantasy football? Y'all both better. Like, like he was fucking with other women. Why he was fucking with me? With your knowledge though? Like that was something you agreed upon? Yeah, with my knowledge. Yeah. He was transparent about it, but he was lying. He was telling me that there were other women, but he wasn't telling me that there were other women. But he wasn't telling me that he was fucking them too. He was saying like, there's other women and I'm not fucking them. Correct. Okay, let me be transparent with you. Yeah, I know. I was dumb, y'all. I was so stupid. No, let me tell you. It was his, he called her his best friend. He was like, yeah, I'm going to go over there. We're going to cuddle, but we don't have sex. And I was like, okay. God damn. He got, like how do you introduce this to you? Oh my God. It's been so long. Like, I really don't remember. He was like, I have a best friend. What'd you say? No, no, no. Go ahead. Yeah, he was just like, I have a best friend. You know, like, we've been friends for seven years and we used to have sex and we don't have sex no more. We just hang out now. My nigga done fucked everybody. He done fucked everybody. Not bad. I mean, what the fuck? Fuck him. How old was he? How old was he? How old are you when this happened? This happened at 29. At 29 years old? I'm 30 now. Damn. This happened last year? She's 30. She's 30 now. It's good. Don't worry. She's 30 now. Yes. Literally happened last year, y'all. And like, the crazy thing is like, I was with a woman for seven years, right? So I never had like a real boyfriend. So he was like the first man. Oh, and he's my baby daddy, by the way. Good God, old buddy. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh my God. I'm going to, I'm going to try to like bring him to the show when y'all come. Oh my God. If I see a pregnant girl and a six-forward black nigga, that's me and him. I'm telling you, you, you know. Wait, y'all good now? Um, I mean like, we're okay, but we're not together. What is this decision making going on here? I know y'all, I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. And like, I'm not going to lie, he made this one, some things seem like, that's why I have to ask how old you were because he made it seem like it was like a, when you're like early twenties, like 18. No, I was sharing my niggas, still sharing them now. Oh yeah, you're still like, you said it was, that's how you call it. It's like, oh, I used to share my niggas. No ma'am. Nope, still sharing them. He's still, he's still out here in these streets. What are the new boundaries? I don't fuck him. Oh, okay. Yeah. He gets no more pussy from me. Who, uh, you know, what they said on the last part too. So he must be missing out. What'd they say? The, uh, it was a clip. No, they just put it out. Oh, oh. Go check it out. It was like two days ago. But he mad though. He real mad though. He like, you don't want to give me no pussy. Like we had an appointment today. He was like, you don't want to come over? No, I don't. He saw that shit through the sonogram and said, I need that. No, no, he saw my titties. He saw my titties cause my areolas are real big. And so he was sucking them in the butt. And so he was sucking them in the doctor's office. That's a horny ass. What? Yeah, he likes titties y'all. You let him? Hell yeah, I let him suck my titties. What the fuck is this decision making going on? You play so much. You think life a game, don't you? No. This shit is. Congrats on your, your, your pregnancy though. I mean, bringing life into this world. Hopefully. He's not, yeah. Does he, is he like, is he like present? Why are you saying he? What? Oh, I thought you were talking about the baby. Oh, I don't know. We know the gender. No, no, he is present. Yeah. No, I don't know the gender. I'll find out next week. I'll fire. Okay. You want to, we can announce it on here. We can do y'all gender reveal. For real? Okay. I'm going to send y'all the results. Okay. But, and then we just do like, would you rather, and then whoever answer it, like Mike going to wear pink and I'm going to wear blue. Oh my God. That's so cute. I love that. And Jean going to wear yellow. Cool. Non-binary. Yes. Okay. Okay. But you say he's in, like he's in your, the kids like, well, the kids like, okay. Every appointment. Yeah. He's there. Yeah. Yeah. He's there. He had every appointment trying to suck on them titties. Yeah. Let's see a titty list appointment. He's like, man, I ain't got time to go to no damn appointment. Then he go to your IG, but them titties. No guys, you know what's so funny? Anytime he's mad at me and I want him to not be mad at me. I just sent him a picture of my titties and he like, damn. He'd be talking about doc, doc, doc. Hey, before you leave, can you check your titties? This is your first, this is your first, uh, like, uh, hetero. Was it, is it heterosexual relationship? Yeah. Heterosexual. So like, like a real relationship. Like, yeah, I've dated men in the past, but like, this is my real, my first real boyfriend that like, I actually like, you know, your first real boyfriend and then he got pregnant. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you, you ain't had, you ain't had a real boyfriend yet. Probably not, honestly. You still ain't had it yet though. But you might as well, I mean, I'm glad y'all cool enough for this like, cause it sound like y'all about to co-parent right away. So I'm glad y'all cool enough cause that's what the kid need at this point. Or maybe, or maybe figure it out. It's about the baby, no. No, I'm trying to figure it out, but he crazy y'all. Like, I'm trying to tell you like, How old is he? The man, he's 30 as well. Okay. Yeah. Shout out to him, man. Sound like he got his shit in order. I'm like, he does. He's in the Air Force. Like, he has a nice car, nice place. Like, he's very responsible. To me, it sound like, like no, like no offense to either y'all. It sound like he okay with this. Like he, he love you and he want to keep you around. Obviously, if he keep bothering you and like he love you and he got enough respect for you to still like, you know, talk to you and stuff like that. But he just also love his freedom too. You are like, you're dead, you're dead fucking on, like spot on. Like literally, that's what it is. His life good, yours not. Fuck it. Oh, damn, fuck. That's fucked up. That's what I'm saying. You got to fight back a little bit. I'm outside of therapy right now. So, you're right about that. There we go. Pre-game right here. Not pre-game. Not pre-game. No, I fuck with y'all though. Like y'all, no, honestly, y'all, I listen to y'all in the shower on Wednesdays, every morning. Like y'all get me through my days. Like, if I need to laugh or like get, like my mood picked up, I listen to y'all. Appreciate it. Keep us involved, you know, with the kid and stuff. Like, y'all can be the, the step-uncles. Yeah, step is a little, step is a little. Y'all up now. We can be uncles. We can be uncles. Step-uncles trying to like, you trying to keep us away from the kid and shit. I'll be cousin. All right. Okay, cousin and uncles. Yeah, for sure. For sure. Let us know. Shout out to her. You know, we wish. Let us know your registry job. We already know it's a girl. A girl gonna settle him down too. So, we hoping, praying for a girl. So, get him out the streets. I hope so. But then, you know, girls get they daddy karma. So. Oh, damn. Yeah, yeah. We don't want that either. See, you know what I'm saying? Just, we just praying for a healthy baby. That's all we need. Healthy baby. Healthy baby. That's all we need. Amen. Amen. Send the gender. Amen. Okay. And, Mike, I know Pat already got a baby. I'm sprinkling you some baby dust for you and your wife. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, have a good one. All right, y'all. I gotta go. All right. All right, bye. Bye. Hello. Yo. Hello. Yo First of all happy international woman century nobody said that to a woman. Yeah today. Is that me? Didn't even say what they were 2026 bro Wow Mike Mike you heard Mike Thank you, she says she appreciate that you really you appreciate that sarcasm No, I highly appreciate it. I do use they/them pronouns I swear to God I did I looked at her I can hear that shit Is it bad to say they hear a day though, no, that's terrible Oh my god, that's crazy You can't say that That's terrible no to say you can hear they them come on, bro That's not you not tripping But my assumption was right Yeah, but you can't say that's a generals as a general. No, it's not a general stage. You said it's a joke though That's the difference Go ahead Go ahead. Okay. Let me see if I get here. What's something Niggas are weird. Go ahead world stop what I say All right, what's something you did for love that you'll never do again No I try to stick with the military man Mmm What happened I was young and dumb high school sweetheart type beat Basically, we kind of had disconnected for a little bit and he came back and he was like hey three months I'm enlisting into the Navy I Want to be with you and I was like, well I've always wanted to be with you. I might as well, you know take the bait Um The day that it came where he got shipped out. He literally goes to be damn Yeah, and then His snap score kept going up after he was not responding to my texts or calls snap score That's just like the amount of snaps. They're sending there's like a score thing Yeah I've used that chat body knows this. That's what the I've seen the little snap score thing But that's how they be spying on people. Yeah, I think I've seen three new best friends Exactly That's a good niggas in trouble Still Oh That should give me the heebie-jeebies boy He's like I have to start setting patterns Stop stop Hey, what's your story? What's your story? Random meals in your Chipotle meal *laughter* *laughter* Colerain, Colerain, Colerain Why does this nigga send me a photo of his toe? Why that nigga send me 50 snaps in a day? *laughter* Why does that nigga text me, check your snap? *laughter* No, sorry, go ahead, go ahead You're so fine But I literally was like Fuck that, I I blocked him on everything And I, that was it That was done deal for me But I ended up forgetting to block him On one specific account Yada yada He reached out, he was like Hey, um, I don't know why I'm blocked But I'm out of basic training now And I don't know what happened And I was like, bitch, you know what the fuck happened And he was like Wait, true, I did do that And I literally I almost flew to wherever he was And smashed the shit out of him But I digress *laughter* What's your message to him, right now? Um Fuck you I don't care anymore Uh Good for you You look happy and healthy *laughter* Good for you I'm like I'm like Type beat up too I'm thankfully over it But it took a lot Alright, man We praying for you I'm trying to get, uh, see y'all in Tampa So, I'm excited to see y'all Yo, what's good, welcome to Crash On These Podcasts Happy to be here Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, let's address something Before you answer the question, because You sent, like, some AI videos Of, like, me, Gene Mike, and it's like You had me with ecstasy pills In my mouth And then you got me snorting a line in coke And then you got Gene hugged up With some big black dude Which is like, which is the craziest one Like, I don't even get the context of that Well For one, Mike ecstasy Not her pet Like I said, Gene and his software For one, the original picture Already He was already kind of saucy With that picture Got it But you made Mike stick his tongue out He didn't have his tongue out, did he? No That's what I'm saying, it's misinformation already That's Mike ecstasy, bro He may or may not have his tongue out That's on him But you made an image with another man's tongue out You made another man pull his tongue out You literally typed that in the command You're trying to denounce You're trying to denounce the picture Spell denounce D-N-O-U-E-N *laughter* *laughter* We know who you're dealing with Get your stupid ass home, bro Yo, welcome to Crash and Reese Podcast What's good? I'm great, what's up with y'all? We got a question for you Alright We ain't in all that small talk *laughter* Alright, what's a secret you've been holding on For too long? Alright So I found out recently From of all people, my little brother That when we were younger My mom used to be a dancer You know, nothing too crazy Like what kind of dancer? Don't even play You already know what I'm talking about The one with dollar bills A stripper A stripper, midnight ballerina, whatever you want to call it You know the lyrics that go along with that, right? *laughter* No, inform me It ain't a strip club, if they ain't showing pussy Go ahead, go ahead I don't know what my mama was doing That ain't my business Showing it *laughter* Well, I actually found out that The stage name she went by Was actually my name Oh damn Yeah My little brother Just turned 18 telling me that Wait, can I ask you your name? Mmmmm You know, why not It's Piper It's a really nice name, can't complain I'll give it out A little double entendre there too *laughter* *laughter* Damn Like honestly Without hearing the context of it It's like Piper It's a pretty normal name It is a pretty normal name But when you say it like Piper I'm gonna see the night, man I'm gonna see Piper downtown Did they say why that was her nickname? Bill's always paid, so Say that again? Did they say why that was her nickname? No, he didn't He said that my aunt walked in one night to go See my mom and heard them say Coming to the stage is Piper And there goes my mama Was she like a long time stripper Or is this something she just tried Like one or two years in her life I'd say pretty Maybe at least Seven, eight years Oh, she a vet Yeah, vet, not a rookie She getting a pension and everything Did you bring this up to her? No, I haven't Cause I found out while I was on vacation Visiting her Okay My next question is Are your mom and dad together? Alright, are you ready for this? My dad is Dead, so no, they're not together What the fuck was that? Why'd you do that? Listen, listen, the lore go long Okay, my dad was murdered when I was one Okay, okay, it was just more of a question To see like how your parents met But obviously, if you were one Then it had to be in the strip club Ha, you funny Well, my mom had me when she was 18 They actually met in a restaurant, so I don't think she started stripping until My brother was born, so Got it, got it, got it, got it So what do you do for a living? I work at a coffee shop A coffee shop? Okay Um, like Have you ever thought about Stripping? Have I? No No, never thought about it, no interest in it What kind of question was that? She just found out right you want to follow your mother's footsteps no but i'm just saying like if you ever like what if she had like you know i'm saying she was in dancing class she's like man i really love to dance and the whole time her mom was a stripper and she didn't let you know a ton you know she let me know going through your blood honestly ironic i was in dance classes when i was younger and so you know maybe that was a path i could have taken no i don't think that's how it works like now that you know that like do you feel different about your name um i don't think you should no i don't know because i had the name first so i don't know no it's just awkward because now i think about all these men that she met in the club i finally get it that makes sense now that's weird right i thought her piper and i'm like i thought she was like oh my stripper her name is piper then i had a kid i'm gonna just name my kid piper no no no she already had you and your name was piper right and then she took your name to the stage that's she was better that's worse that's worse than taking a credit card out of you i didn't get it though that's worse than taking a credit card out of your name that's fucked up um i'm saying man oh i didn't get it yeah that's i just got it too oh yeah no no no no yeah i came first i'm the oldest wow that's wow she couldn't think they must have called her at a bad time like come on give me a name give me a name here's my theory behind it i think it's because she has a tattoo on her ankle that says my name so i'm assuming she just went with it got it got it got it that's crazy no it's kind of wild how you sit at the table and get in with your mama knowing that she went she took your name and was hitting the stage so yeah so are you are you planning on confronting her about this i'm thinking about it i've been sitting on it for a little bit i'm i kind of you know i'm gonna save it for a rainy day when i want to stir some stuff up how old are you if you don't mind me asking i'm 25 okay yeah i feel like you guys can how does your mom oh your mom you said your mom 18 years older than you so was she like 43 or something she's about 45 yeah 43 45 i thought you said she was 18 when she had you or something no i said she got pregnant 18 she had me at 19. okay 44 45 type same same i'm not about i'm not about to argue with no barista though get her off the phone coming to the stage coming to serve you coffee going to episode 267 of crash dummies podcast i want y'all to make some noise right now for piper the barista matter of fact y'all ain't even got a clap she gonna make it clap herself hey don't bring no coins make it rain dollars we're bringing coins man we're trying to see we're trying to see a real shaking espresso i appreciate you you have a good one thank you so much y'all have a good one peace hello hello hola can you guys hear me yeah i'll let mike take over this call since the last girl didn't like him let you get some redemption okay that is not true she like she said she was calling him misogynistic and everything i was just you know that's not true i'm just i'm gonna just be quiet this call because i don't want nobody call me misogynistic this is my episode that i don't believe either of you guys are that there's no way thank you i appreciate it but no anyway i have a question for first of all how's your day going um it's going well it's going well can't complain about what about yours i didn't ask because i knew it was going well i don't know why he insinuating like he had a bad day or something oh shit okay all right um i do have a question for you you owe me a thousand dollars that is true okay well what beef do you have and why so hopefully she doesn't hear this because i need her to babysit my kid i don't know what to do with her i don't know what to do with her i don't know kids next month um my mom my name is shalonda but it's spelled s-h-a-l-o-n-d-i-a wait say it one more time so spell it one more time for the slow for the slow people in the back for us s-h-a-l-o-n-d-i-a shalondia shalonda no it's shalonda that's the problem it shouldn't have the i exactly so for 31 years she told me that i was silent and my name was shalonda she just made her own rule that's what i'll listen she was 16 when she had me so i'm like you know she went to the pregnant people school maybe whatever right and so for 31 years people have made fun of me called me shalondia to piss me off i go through this whole spill about if the k and knife is silent and i'm like i don't know what to do with it i don't know what to do with it why can't the i and shalonda be right right right same logic so at 31 i'm like okay mom like not the same logic explain to me your logic i know so i'm like just mom like i don't get it why you have seven kids i'm the only one with an extra letter that made well wait what's not to like put you what's not to put you on blast but give me like at least two names of your siblings just to see like daniel what a normal name right okay okay what about another girl though chanel and okay chanel is not spelled now chanel now i'm not gonna lie she did my sister wrong she's the youngest i'm the oldest she spelled chanel she nil what like n-a-i-l s-h-e-n-e-l-l-e what the fuck how is daniel spelled normal daniel spelled normal like the bible it's so normal everyone knows his name oh at least you can read and sound out spelling chanel right yeah you might give it a little side eye but you can clearly see what it says no that makes sense so i asked her like why'd you do that why'd you name me that she told me that she really named me shalondia the i wasn't silent but everyone kept calling me shalonda so she just went with it oh my god she nicked her she peer pressured into giving you the wrong name that's crazy so i'm like looking at myself like am i even me like what the fuck but i think i feel like shalondia is a fire name i just so this is what i started doing i feel like shalondia gives chanel vibes right chanel bag vibes whereas shalonda is like yeah shalonda unique shalonda freakily exactly yeah that's in there so you got listen and i was of age when yeah so if i knew my name was shalondia i probably be on a jet right now you'll probably be on love island that's not like a man oh here comes a new bombshell shalondia exactly but i'm not what do you do so yeah we have a beef i'm a respiratory therapist oh you're doing your thing i know that name tag be fucking but you're doing it it does i'll tell him my name is shawnee at 19 i gave myself a nickname so that i could not have to deal with the whole well why is there an i what's your nickname shawnee oh shawnee shout out to you shawnee yeah i would like thank you i pride myself and shit like that i would literally call you by your full name just to prove that i don't fuck it up i'd be simping like but so like you would fuck it up i would never i would never fuck it up after the first time you i would never go off somebody spelling other names they do it to piss me off i'm a tourist and i'm super stubborn and they get this kick out of calling me shalonda because it makes me mad well that's how i spell though we can't get too mad i know it was but here's the kicker father's day just passed and i talked to my mom because i have two dads a whole different story so my first dad i asked him is it true my mom said that i really wasn't silent he told me it was he was the one who named me so on father's day i'll bring this up to my mom i'm like so mom like let me know like i'm going through a midlife crisis this shit is confusing she looks at me she's like i don't know whatever you want your name to be it could just be she's tired of your shit yeah i'm tired of her shit like what the fuck she's like shalondia please get the fuck out of my face i've never heard her call me shalondia in my life that's the thing i have never heard her call me that in my life no that's crazy i kind of like it so what do you feel like you go by now then so here's the thing where i'm from the bay area right so when i tell people the city in the bay that i'm from i'm from the bay area so i'm from the bay area so i'm from the bay area so i say shalonda but i also grew up in a city called woodland which is by uc davis so it's a little more proper like three black people so when i say i'm from woodland i say my name is shalondia so it just so you call you cold switching yeah pretty much i mean i i need to profit off of it some way right i feel it okay um are you coming to our show in san francisco yes when is it august 20th thursday i'll be there okay well we need to see if we can get my mom a babysit i mean you can bring the kids too you got you sure yeah if you ain't got no babysitter their names are normal i gave them normal names so that they didn't have to don't dox the babies though will you believe you you already gotta you already i'll see you guys then thank you see you see you soon dia just gave her another nickname i was gonna ask you k though do you have a friend group that y'all i'm kidding do you have a friend group that y'all y'all trips leave the group chat no wow so don't do you have mine uh are we the group chat sometimes i had another group chat where we did some shit you have another group chat besides the one with us i used to make music in the collective and shit fuck you we did a show fuck you gene i was there in the midwest i feel like people do get offended sometimes where they're not in a group chat no i get offended if you i'll probably you're the only person that can offend me with that if i'm in the like if you but you're in other group chats though no but i'm just saying like sometimes you'll come back with information i'm like why don't i know this information yeah that's why you're different you're talking to niggas on the side and shit no my mike mike will come to me be like yeah bro just talk to such and such we gotta go to canada nigga what who the fuck you talk to i jump straight in the chat i'll be disagreeing on purpose like nah i can't make it they can make the tip situation more difficult i should have been involved no i honestly think sometimes people are afraid to talk to you you think so yeah i don't know like this happened like twice where it's like it's supposed to be a three-way call but then it's like let's add pat it's just like they're like it's like it's like they get your opinion first like mike and just let them know that it's gonna be like almost like i have to tell him certain things that they want me to say to him in my way it's like if it because they feel it i could be like hell no don't die hell no soon as soon as i don't see no benefit of it fuck no they'd be like no such and such such and such and i just look at mike mike be like well we do need such and such i'd be like all right whatever nigga close the deal on this bitch i always sign the paper there fuck nigga i don't trust this nigga right here by talking about that's a jedi nigga nigga nigga nigga all these niggas in here oh man i feel like with the with the planning the trip thing it depends i feel like me there's not like there's not six people right now that i will say like let's all go on a group trip but no and i know it's gonna be smooth transition yeah i think the hard part about it is everybody's at a different stage in life right now and they might not even be able to afford to all go and do all these extravagantly but it's always the brokest person in the group chat that want to go and push for the plans and then when it's time to drop money no one's like hey i got all right let's put we have to buy the tickets now everybody send their money nah bro i'm gonna wait till next week though it'd be like some something random and shit like i don't do that pool of money shit we all get all no everybody get their own tickets everybody send the money to the person before they swipe their credit let them get their money on their account before they do all that shit because i don't want to hear nothing i hate that shit bro i hate when people be in a club and be like all right let's oh okay let's get in on a bottle it's just like no bro you should have collected that money before we got here bro that's actually what happened uh when we when i flew to new york with the you know with a group of people it was like 12 of us so the group you know the group chat was going crazy and i got to a point where i was like made another group chat three or four people from the group chat you know oh i was in a group chat it was like a it was a some type of outing it was some type of like a outing right and it was like it's like legit like 50 people in this group chat i think it's for like a birthday thing right and it was just like make sure just like everybody telling them where to go and this and that so i was trying to like leave the group and then there's a button on instagram i did not know it said follow all i followed 60 60 ish people in a row like people that probably shouldn't be following like you know i mean so then i have to go individually and keep unfollowing i have to keep going in the group chat unfollow unfollow imagine following that many people and i felt bad because some people followed me back and i still was unfollowing because i was just committed to clearing out the the list to get it back to that same number that's crazy why does instagram even have a button say follow everybody in the group chat that's crazy let's just say if you're a lame ass anybody in the group chat oh man did a follow for follow chain re-nigged on it too that's crazy hashtag follow for follow hashtag will follow back hashtag cuck square that was that was that was the golden era instagram to me people used to admit that like i don't unfollow i don't unfollow or people like remember when people actually used to post like woman crush wednesdays yes what was the throwback there thursdays woman crush wednesdays was only good i hate it when people participate in that if they was in a relationship like don't know about like celebrities and shit no relationships or even celebrities because it's like to me women crush wednesday was supposed to be high risk shit like yeah it's like don't i don't want to see your girlfriend of three years on women take this crusty ass girl i want to see i want to see the niggas that single say woman crush wednesday to a girl and her put thank you and that's it on that nigga post and just see that nigga heart get crushed thank you no emojis no exclamation point but i hated the i hated the nigga to try to like get out of the little orbit of doing it when they be like oh you're my crush on thursday too like my thursday crush whatever who did what you mean people used to try to be different by not posting on wednesday for the woman because oh for the woman crush wednesday that's game and they would try to post on friday and say woman's crush friday it's like bro you can't do that wcf that was me boy i was a sucker when i was in high school i'd be like happy two months baby happy three months happy four and a half months nah being in a relationship for a year in high school that shit felt like you were together for a long time because there's so many things that could break y'all up bro the littlest things the littlest shit could break you up you gotta be locked in you gotta be locked you gotta be more mature like you gotta be like which is rare it gotta be two mature people that actually like each other for the right reason i don't even think that i think some people can be extremely toxic and then last all the way through college and then get married because when you're that young it's probably one of those on again off again type of situations and i feel like that's how a lot of you talk about like high school though high school crushes yeah and you said like a year being in a relationship for a full year yeah that's a long time that's a long time that's a really long time if somebody did you get through the summer yes yes that's crazy right if a couple make it through the summer because everybody started dating second semester you start seeing shit that don't even go together you'd be like what the fuck how the fuck is he fucking her the fuck going on and then but that's crazy because she's bored that's why little nigga then when that summer come and it's time to turn to college you hit that nigga up like yo how you and stacy doing i ain't heard from her in a minute because she went to arizona state that's why nigga game over but a lot can change in the summer too especially with guys like you go through puberty you you legit could be like five six one summer you come back to school you're like five nine you're like a whole different person and then now your pool of women starts to open up a little bit it's a family vacations too like vacations it's the vacations some people like take off like i used to like live like my mom and dad live you know 13 14 hours apart so i would leave any relationship that i had in whatever state i just left this shit is over with you didn't even try fuck no it's literally charlotte north carolina in pontiac michigan shit is cooked i got a new girl i try to i'd be tough like i give i give it like two weeks and shit like that then i start a little argument and shit you always want to sleep too early even though i was in nigerian boarding school i had a girlfriend too at that point and we already knew like this shit was gonna last because i was going i was going back to chicago in a year or like in a year at that point then high school relationships are just pointless they are kind of they are kind of like i practice all all all our little homies there in high school and i tell they always come to me for like relationship advice when i was coaching too it's just like bro it's not it don't seem that way now but this shit not gonna matter just real shit because they be like going through like heartbreak and it's just like you just have to deal with it right now i promise you this shit in a year two years this shit's not gonna matter bro my all my high school my high school girlfriends are my cousins now that's how i look at them oh that's a crazy that is a crazy line to say the crazy y'all reaching a little bit but not that reason i didn't know if i had to confirm that they not my cousin See what I mean, Chad? No, you said that. Because you didn't say, are like my cousin. You didn't say that. You said my high school girlfriend are my cousin. What if they was my cousin? So what? Take that ass out. Like, so what? We ain't had no kids together. We good? That's crazy. I ain't created no three-armed bandits. He says you're married. That's crazy. I ain't seen nobody around here with no extra thumbs. I ain't do nothing. Oh, man. Oh, my gosh. Okay, tweet of the week, tweet of the week, tweet of the week, tweet of the week. Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Somebody said, these fuck niggas forgot the bacon on my sandwich. A girl responded, from where? The dude said, Subway. And the girl responded, nigga, you forgot your bacon. How they forget your bacon? I didn't even think about that. He said, nigga, you forgot the bacon. Are you standing? I didn't even watch you to bake the sandwich. No, but there is sometimes, like, back in the day when I used to go to Subway, is that they kind of take your, they ask you what you want, and they kind of take it ahead of the line. So you lose sight of your sandwich. They take your meat away. It be a lot of pressure when you have to put all your toppings on your sandwich sometimes. Because then if you go there all the time, I used to go to Subway a lot, and sometimes they would move their, like, condiments. And it's like, I don't know. I don't know where, what. Since you don't know the name of it. Oh, I thought you was about to laugh at something. What? But yeah. Oh, you so immature. I wasn't even thinking that. No, I thought you was about to laugh. But yeah, it's like a lot of pressure. And then you got a line behind you. Like, no, you probably forgot. You should know what you want before you get up there. Like, don't do that. Listen. If you go to Chipotle, anything, you start trying to, like, do something new. Like, no, don't do that. How you going to tell somebody what to do? Get the regular shit that you get. Why are you trying something new in front of me? No. You basic. That's why. Get your regular order. Subway. Subway. Speaking of Subway, but Subway business model fucked the whole game up to me. It's just the fact that you can go into a Subway and, like, all of them can be different. Like, you never know what you're getting into. Dunkin' Donuts are getting like that now, too. It's just like, bro, I'm walking in this bitch. You know what's something they all have in common, though? What? All right, go ahead. No, I didn't say anything. You don't even know what I'm trying to say, bro. There's so many ways. There's so many ways to go with that. All right, tweet of the week. Tweet of the week. This is the dumbest tweet of the week. Somebody said, when you realize a chicken only has four legs, eating a 10-piece combo seems wild as fuck. What? I was just thinking about his multiple chickens. It was like a compilation of the dumbest, deleted tweets. The minute I was fucking that nigga up on the top. Okay, somebody said on Facebook, niggas be begging for free beats, then drop a song rapping about money. Crazy. They got to get their start somewhere, man. I always had like a big, like, it's tough for me. Because if you want to be that style of rapper, like, I got this, I got that, and that's what you good at, you got to start there. So you're like, I got this, I got that, and that's what you good at. You got to start there. So your imagination got to kind of be bigger than your bank account at that point. Because it's like, you can't, you got to like, live through other niggas. You got to be like, just bottle, bottle, back to back, back to back, ain't even look at the tab, like, you know what I'm saying? But it's just like, my nigga, you pay for two shots of this. You saw some other niggas buy some bottles back to back, didn't you? Nah, if I had that free ring. That was definitely free ring. You got to look at each other at the same time. Is that right? You know when you try to show your homie you got some bars real quick? Wait, is that right? That was so uncalled for. Wait, wait, wait. No, say it again, say it again. I don't even know what I said. No, he got that shit pre-written. Run that shit back. You know when your homie, like, it's like that meet. Wait, what? It's like that one video when you said when your friend tried to kind of casually show that you can sing a little bit. Wait, wait, what was it? And I said, back to back to back to back. Wait, nigga, honey. I'm just making up a lyric. That shit was hard, dog. Oh my God. Bars! When niggas get the back to back tag, don't even look at the tag. You bought two shots last night, nigga. You ain't got no dad. Fatherless ass nigga. Will Smith ass nigga, dog. He casually tried that. I never had an Uncle Phil, but I had a pool stick. Oh, man. Man, for real. These bullets travel everywhere. These bullets like a bisexual. Bicycle? Bisexual? Cool. Go Waze. I put two wheels on it. Nah, go both ways. 45. Sit down, sit down. Get up. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Let me sit down. Don't get up. Nah, we both. We can't be two caked up best friends. I got to stay seated. Oh, man. That's an OG bar. Oh, man. That's how them niggas be rapping. I'm like, "Shut up!" Grab a nigga's shirt. I just don't. Them niggas be grabbing shirts too much in Battle Rap. Oh, man. Anyway, that's been the podcast. Appreciate y'all. Make sure to check out the next episode of Battle Rap. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Make sure you guys get the live show tickets on more days to come. Make sure you guys follow us on all social media platforms as well. Carrie, you dropped every day, right? Yes. You still dropping every day? I am. Every day? No, I'm kidding. Somebody was asking if you don't want it bad enough. But somebody was asking if you had a YouTube video. I don't want it bad enough. I'm dropping every day. They were asking if you had a YouTube channel. I have a YouTube channel. Yes. You can follow it at Carrie Noni. C-A-R-R-I-E-N-O-N-I. She going to comment under the next YouTube drop. Y'all go show her some love. Yeah. I'll be on this episode, so I'll be able to comment. No, we're going to edit all your parts out. It's just going to be me doing a robot. Carrie was talking right here. No, but did that. No, one quick question. Before we. So the dude. What's his name? Lindsey? Lindsey Graham? Did he die from explosive diarrhea, or is that just a rumor? I don't think so. Huh? Who said that? I don't know. Lynn. Oh, my gosh. That outbid crazy. Be careful. Wait. Oh, it is crazy, though. That's a real thing, though. Yes. The explosive diarrhea parasite coming around. The silosbratocyst. Oh, that's a real thing? Yes. You better not eat no produce. What produce, brother? What produce? What do you mean? So, like, leafy greens, spinach, any type of, like, salad bag mixes, fruits like berries, strawberries. Yeah. Right now, because there's, like, a parasite. What about watermelon? That's cool. Of course you want to say the watermelon. Parasites. I have to cut up watermelons right now. Parasites are in the food, and you have to cook it in order for it to die. You can't just wash it right now. So, just be mindful of that. Also, people are getting it, but not dying from it. Yes. They're not dying yet. Oh, okay. You can die from explosive diarrhea? Yes, you can die from explosive. It's a parasite! You can literally die from shitting too much, bro. Oh, man. It's niggas that die. I think Elvis died on the toilet. Like, shitting. All right, so, this has been a crash on me. Hey, man, that nigga died. Well, I don't know. What you want? PrizePix. Run your game. Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now, Coach Hank saves up to 25% off groceries. Restore prices. 30 pounds of pasta. Three cases of protein bars. 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork. And BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at BJ's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's. Home of the Save.