Heated Rivalry w/ Rick Glassman

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Yeah, that's what I do. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I tell you what's bothering me about the internet and Chinese? All these Brits posting about getting a Chinese. We're going out, we're getting ourselves a Chinese. They call getting Chinese food getting a Chinese. Yeah. Look up getting a Chinese. In the UK, getting a Chinese is common. Non-offensive slang for phrase meaning to order or buy a Chinese takeaway meal. Why is it okay for. So Brits are the first people to get mad at people for saying something incorrect. They say, go get a Chinese. Yeah. I mean, that sounds pretty scary. In this day and age? Yeah. I get a Japanese. That's easier. Much easier. Yeah. They're easier to catch. Japanese are easier to catch. They really are. Are they not? Well, they're more patient. Yeah. They're like in their suits. They're out with their briefcase out there. Well, you can't run. And they get drunk. They get drunk. That's when you get them. You can't run. You go to Tokyo, two in the morning, bunch of businessmen. They're drunk. They're drunk. That's when you get a Japanese. That's when you get a little Japanese. Yeah, yeah. Going to get myself a Japanese. Yeah. You don't get a Chinese. They're harder to catch, dude. They're ninjas. They're very evasive. They're in the trees. That guy's easy to grab. Look at that. Yeah. That's such a great culture. When we go to Japan, we should do a late night walk and talk video where we find drunk Japanese men sleeping on the street. You're the only one. You're the only one that texted me on my birthday. You're the only one. Well, clarify what you mean by birthday. My AA birthday. That's right. I'm the only one. You're literally Sunday. The only one. None of you bastards. Right? Came to my special. Thank you. Came to my special. Yeah, we were there. But, but, but. Who didn't? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Who didn't? Who didn't? Who didn't? He's busy. No, but let's- And he's a busy man. He's in that magic movie. Right? He's hanging out with, you know what I mean? You know why I didn't come to the special for real? Because you have your own shows. No. Yeah. Carlos knows. I even said to those guys when you weren't here, I said, I should cancel the shows. And then I thought, you probably don't want me there. And you said to me, off air, if we're going to be honest about it, you said, it's probably easier if you're not there. Yeah, because you're going to give me notes. I would never give you notes. Yeah, yeah. I said, you don't need the pressure of me being there. And I was honest with the guys. I said, I was going to call my agent and cancel. And I said, he probably doesn't want me there. Yeah. And you said to me off air- I didn't want you. Yeah, that's right. Okay. So, thank you. I don't think we should go- I mean, you know, if there's a wedding, like if I'm getting married, obviously you should come. No, you don't want me there for that. No, no, you got to come. I will. Yeah, yeah. So, you can go, no, I don't agree. You know, with the vows? Object. Yeah, object. I want you to object. Imagine I object and it's because I want you to be my wife. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you do a speech. Yeah. And everyone's crying. It's that moment in the movie. Yeah. I pick you up. We run down to the ocean. Yeah. We go swimming and everybody- It's a beautiful moment. But then the music stops and everybody realizes it's just us in the ocean together. God. Wading away. Heated rivalry. Mm-hmm. Heated rivalry? Rivalry? Yeah. Revelry. No. Heated rivalry. Okay. Do you know about it? No. The show? It's my jam. What's heated rivalry? This show is my jam, dude. What is this? Gay hockey. It's a gay hockey show. This is why everybody online is talking about, yeah, when do they kiss? People are going to hockey games and going, when do they kiss? Dude, it's so hot. Dude. It melts the ice? It melts the ice. It's so hot. I've been watching it, dude, right? There's a scene, these two rookies in the beginning, okay? This is where I'm going to be a little- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be a little- These two rookies. No, take that off. I don't want to see that. Yeah, yeah. There's, yeah. Stop it. There's these two rookies, right? And they find themselves in the gym, right? And they're also like, you know what I mean? Not nemesises, but they're rivals. Okay. Hence the name, heated rivalry. Pretty on brand. It's pretty on brand, right? And one guy goes, can I get a drink of your water? He pisses in his mouth? No, he doesn't. And he hands him a white bottle. Water bottle. And he does a light, a little brush of the finger. And that sets it off? It turns into a gay porno after that? Dude, I'm watching it going, I'm in. I'm in this. So this is a gay love story. Yeah. What is this on? Bravo. No, it's on HBO. It's on HBO. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to call my local- Yeah. I'm going to call my local congressperson to get this removed. Yeah. And here's my only problem with the show. Is all the gay shit? No, it's not the gay shit. No. The Asian one, right? When they first hook up- He's the bottom. He comes too fast. He comes- Do you see it? He comes way too fast. Oh, boy. Yeah. And because the Russian one, there's always a Russian one. Well, they're hockey. Yeah. And he doesn't know what his sexuality is, the Asian one. I think we figured it out pretty quickly in the show. Yeah, but he doesn't know, right? And then when he blows them, right, he comes so fast, right? And I'm like, too fast. PTSD for you? No, I just want to see the last- What do you mean? What does that mean? A little- What do they call that when you have an acid flashback? You got a cock flashback? Yeah. But anyway, dude, half Asians, wow. So, Heated Rivalry is your favorite new gay show? Yeah, it's my favorite gay show. I can't watch that kind of stuff. And can I say something? Crazy talk. What are we talking about? What do you mean? I don't want to watch that stuff. See, that's why I watched it. Because I don't want to be that guy who says, I don't want to watch that stuff. I am that guy. I don't want to watch that. Yeah, I don't want to be that guy. You know what it is? I want to be open, right? And go, oh, he's, you know what I mean? He's an open book. He's in touch with his feelings. I don't want to see sex scenes between straight couples on shows. I want to see shows that are more creative than just sex. Yeah. I only saw one episode. I'll never see another one. Okay, good. Yeah. You know, the girl I'm seeing made me watch it. I saw the first episode. That's enough for me. I know what happens. When you brought up a gay love scene, like two men in love, I thought you were talking about Free Burt. I thought it was Burt's new show. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, I watched it the other night. Good. Brother, it's great. I heard it's good. It's not good. It's great. It's fantastic. It's so fun, and it hits all the notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a great show. Great. I'm not saying that because he's our boy. So happy for him. It is fantastic. Yeah. And, oh, God, what's wrong with my brain? What's her name? Arden Marin. Arden, yeah. Arden. Artemis. Artemis Fowl? Yeah. No, Arden. Arden, she's Arden, right? Yeah. Arden Mirren. Yeah, she's great. Arden is, I have to say something. You've known her for a long time. I've known her. We were on Matt TV the other day. I know. Yeah. Arden looks so good for her age. Okay. Is that bad to see? I don't even know. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean sexy. What is she, 106? No, she's my age. You corrected it by saying sexy? Is that mean for me to say? No. I didn't mean that for her age part. I didn't? Just say she looks good. Let me get that again. Take two. Yeah. She looks sexy. A little creepy, but yeah, that's fine. No, as a friend, there's no, come on. I know, man. Yeah, okay, well then. Just teasing. 52 years old. Yeah. All right. She looked great. Yeah. You look great too for 54. Yeah. And I look great. I remember when I played John McCain, she played Cindy McCain. Aw. I remember. That's pretty sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Look at that third picture, babe. Third picture. Third photo. Yeah. There it is. Zoom in. You do look like John McCain. That's incredible. Yeah, yeah. It's incredible. If you're ever wondering why not a lot of Asian guys get casted in sketch comedy, that's it right there. Why? I mean. It's hard. You look nothing like John McCain. You just like an old, you look like an older Asian guy. You look like an older Asian guy. Yeah. You're playing your dad. I look like Mitch McConnell's wife. Wow. Look at how much taller she is than you. Why'd they make her wear heels? Yeah. You have grown since then. Comedically, physically. Yeah. You've grown. So anyway, you guys, January 25th is my AA birthday. Okay. So just text me, happy birthday. That'd be nice. I did. I did. You're the only one, no one else in my life. Well, it means a lot to me. Yeah. Dude, what a friend, dude. And I'm happy. Very good. I was really excited to see you today. Why? I got to see you. I got therapy this morning. I feel great. Yeah. I feel great. I got a great lesson out of it. I used it in my- Tell me your lessons. Well, I'll give you one called JOY. I told the boys today. JOY. The acronym in the lesson today was JOY. Yeah. Just observe yourself. Yeah. He's like, just be in it a little bit. Just observe. Stop trying to go full speed ahead and look. Just be in it a little bit. Yeah. I do YOJ. Yeah. What is that? What? What is it? JOY backwards. Yeah. What is it? What? Yourself. Right? You always jerk off. I'm not done. Oh. No? JOY backwards. Yeah. Yourself on Jeremiah. Hmm. Okay. Yeah. What do you think? Anyway, yeah. I feel good. Do you get- Because I felt, after my special, I felt like- Postpartum? A little bit. Mm-hmm. Is that real? Big time. Yeah. Especially when you're writing the new hour. I am in postpartum hell. Yeah. In fact, today I got an Alexa pro because of it. No, don't get on that. Yeah. Please, dude. I'm so depressed. How many pills are you on now? I don't know. So many different kinds. Ozzy, Lexi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blue Chew. Where's the Blue Chew? Blue Chew, yeah. You got to eat that. Blue Chew. He loves it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do really use that a lot. I do. Does that balance okay with your medication? Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. Everything works. But yeah, so you're saying that there is a feeling of a little bit of- There's a postpartum. postpartum special or a postpartum shooting but i feel the same way after i film anything anything i always feel a little sick and and bad just because you you put some you put so much into something people that don't know you worked so hard on the special i think so yeah no you did i saw you every night multiple times a night and then when you put it out it's it's hard when you're done because then you're like yeah it's just weights lifted but you also feel a little empty because the night was magical i mean you guys were there you know i mean so it's like um we were surprised that's another thing why did you so this is what he's this is what these i get off stage these guys are like oh you're actually funny you've seen him before i know but that was the energy that you were giving me right why because you you took it to a different level yeah you were taping you did it yeah you have to though because when there's cameras on you're like i have to mug and you know i mean and milk it you gotta milk it right you guys don't know anything about showbiz you know i mean when you're doing a live show in front of people it's not that i do 50 but you don't really do a lot with your face in this because they can't really see it right right it's all about tone but you're doing it big in this one yeah i'm doing you know white eyes yeah i did white eyes yeah i did oh asian eyes yeah yeah uh scared eyes yeah yeah oh just came eyes yeah i did all of them yeah you got to do them all full range i did the full range of eyes dude yeah i think it's i think it's a good thing that you're feeling this way because then you build something new again i can't think of anything to say come on talk i really i literally don't have anything i don't know what i sit there and i go i don't know what else to say well yeah there's a lot going on in the world you could talk about any of it oh i see you know what i mean yeah oh by the way this was amazing carlos sent me this i died there was a this in in uh how do you say that fans kadif kadif kadif as steven hawking so like i saw that they all dressed up look at that yeah yeah roaming the streets as steven yeah take me to epstein's island take me to epstein's island yeah take me to take me to take me to take me to epstein's i i i i i i i i i the footwork on the guy in the middle is dead on it's impressive you got to do a crooked foot you have to have the lean yeah you have to do lean yeah um this is a celebration of life more than it is it's a celebration of life yeah whoever has the best technology i'd be i'd be more impressed with whose computer actually worked yeah and the next year they're doing michael j fox it's gonna look like an earthquake and i'm gonna do it that give me your michael j fox walk no way yeah yeah what's on your hat oh the flower what does that mean it's just i think it's like a japanese like version that's cool dude let me tell you something shohei otani has us on lock what do you mean everything is japanese now yeah go to dodger stadium this next season it's all japanese all the advertising it's brilliant yeah you know they start i know you don't love baseball i want you're gonna come this year with me i'm gonna come this all right pause this this guy i think they said the dodgers i've already made their money back on him already because how how sellable he is yeah i mean he's an he is a it's a megastar beyond megastar yeah it's mind-blowing yeah it's not as big but lafc getting sun on the team too that's huge yeah everything is sun everything i know who that is yeah that's how big that is yeah but that's money it's all big money it's asian let me tell you something yeah knock on wood dude asians are here open up we're here and we're here to stay that's right we're here we're here to say dude you know i know you don't mess with us dude no trust me i'm learning cantonese right now are you really late at night my buddy my buddy who you know is teaching his son uh mandarin right now you know my friends speaking he's they're speaking speak speak to me he did it this morning what's what water he was doing it's like water no it's like it's like and he said he knew coffee yeah what's water does that literally say yeah it was that yeah yeah with a little kid this morning yeah yeah cute yeah so cute what's ice how do you say ice i'm just curious what is it i can point you know what i mean if i'm with my mexican friends and they run you know what i mean what is that yeah oh fuck ice is cute i'm going to minnesota right now i'm going to be yelling that in this is the cool they would make a hit song out of that yeah that's so good that's fuck ice yeah that's great that's great that's so funny dude yeah anyway that's so fun yeah they can make anything fun they can make it fun hey you know what i saw this morning what that was so funny dude that's so funny dude that's so funny dude that's so fun i was actually a little proud i almost sent you a little photo what is it i saw a billboard of our movie goat that we're in wow a huge billboard i was like holy shit it's gonna be a big deal you're gonna go to the thing yeah we gotta go oh yeah we have to we don't have a choice it's not this weekend but next week next weekend yeah we have to go to the premiere yeah yeah look at that there yeah i don't know which one that was but it was just cool to see because we've never been in a real animated feature i have never been in an animated feature that's huge look at it it's three-dimensional too look at it but zoom in look what it says from k-pop demon hunters spot into the spider-verse spider-man yeah that's pretty cool huge i hope so man yeah i think it's gonna be huge i will say we saw the movie i mean i'm not you saw what movie we saw this movie i'm saying we saw bits of it no what do you mean we sat down we saw well we didn't see it fully animated we didn't see the yeah fully and we did see it but they showed us the it was so fun man yeah it's fun yeah yeah i don't know it's cool to be a part of that kind of thing because i've never seen animation come like that from so cool yeah zero to a hundred we've been working on that for a year yeah oh it takes forever it takes forever willy wonka's here you want to bring in bring in willy wonka yeah yeah willy wonka willy willy willy willy willy willy what's up dude dude let me say something dude outfit steel whoa outfit on fleek wow yeah keep it getting look at that let me say something i didn't recognize you when at first because you lost so much weight thank you yeah yeah i'm not gonna lie to you either i 100 didn't know that was you outside i was like what the fuck when i met you dude you were much bigger dude like 80 pounds heavier this is my usual weight than i'm usually at i'm not gonna lie to you either that that's the one i miss no i'm kidding no you look great picture dude thanks to jam in the van for this picture i look like a goblin yeah you do you do look sickly there yeah that's a pale man yeah tell me how you lost all the weight dude i just i eat scrambled eggs and fucking exercise every day i dance like james brown in my house for like three hours that's amazing scrambled eggs amazing scrambled eggs dance like james brown you look like this america steak well i mean you know you like incense i feel like you like incense i do if i have time yeah i used to go to you like things around the house i bet you i bet your money dude i walk around the house naked every day yeah that's how i live and so like if my girlfriend's niece moves in it's like oh fuck you gotta wear clothes amen never again yeah don't let your girlfriend's niece move in yeah is that a life lesson it's a life lesson that is a life yeah yeah her ghost is right here yeah you know jules don't know her but you know about her seen her on the show yeah yeah yeah i was over are you an ai guy no it's strange to see it come and go because a year ago everybody in the comments would go if you're not an ai you're gonna get left behind and that's totally flipped now in the comments people are like what is this ai slop what is this so i'm kind of stoked to see the public reception flip right you know because i think it's cool they they still can't get green perfectly like when you go to yeah we're working on it every day in here yeah i just can't get it it'll never have the uh the human emotion of comedy or the nuance in songwriting you know yeah that's true you got it's you it's gonna be us it's gotta be us but there was a song on tiktok oh so good what the ai song it's an ai song i know it's a live song you know live the band i can feel it is that yeah that that song yeah right it was like an r&b version of that song and i tried to find it on my itunes and it doesn't it's not available it's ai yeah it's fake but it sounds good there's ai are you scared or no oh yeah because when i i love that scared they'll never they'll never come close dude i can write you any genre in the next five minutes i write like five ten songs a day when i'm locked in but i collect all the gear from like the motown days and i'll record you a motown song and write you something that'll make you cry ai only exists because it's copying it's a reflection of the human emotion and all the stuff that's trained it right but will it continue will it get so good that it will then train us it's at the fingertips of human command so no ai thing is existing without a guy firing the command so it comes down to a laziness on the writer's behalf right i entered in write a song in the style of steel beams and i'm not like that famous but my lyrics are on there and it wrote a song and i looked at the lyrics and i was like damn this is kind of some lyrics i would write but i would never say this it's hacky to put this sentence like that like it's it's the fine tuning that puts the eyebrows and did you say that to ai because if you say that then it's gonna good i'll just get better at it then oh yeah that's the problem is that people go this isn't good enough and it goes working on it and it just continues to like what you just said into that microphone now right it's being recorded it's put out into the app like it ai is going to know now fuck yeah you fucked up you fucked up dude yeah i purposely did that by asking those damn it you're done dude you got an album out now i do uh i didn't come here to who promote my album that came out on October 9th on Anderson Paak's label, Ape Shit Records. - Awesome. - I got Troy Van Leeuwen from Queens of the Stone Age on three of the songs. - Let me ask you about that part of it, right? You're playing the guitar, playing drums at the same time, and singing, right? Seems difficult. It's like chewing gum and riding a horse at the same time. Is that what it is? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't know if you've ever tried that. - Like chewing gum and riding a horse with the same time. - Riding a horse with gum. - I've not done that yet. - It throws both of you and the horse off. It's just tough rhythmically. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Christopher Reeves. - That's what happened to him. He was chewing too much gum. Fruit by the foot. - Way too much gum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't blame him. - So is that, I mean, you're thinking, are you thinking, though, or is this organic? - I'm not thinking at all, and I'll be honest, the lame answer is it's not that hard, 'cause I played drums since I was two, got into guitar in middle school, and I was texting the band, "Fuck, when are you guys gonna get here to rehearsal?" And I sat down at the drum set with my guitar on, and I just went, Yeah, let me see if I can do it. And you gotta move rightly. You got it. Yeah, yeah. Are we about to start the first two-man, one-man band? You gotta do it two times or not less. You can do it. I do. This is a two-man band. Yeah. Try it. Very good. Thank you for being a bad friend. Wow. DraftKings Sportsbook. Super Bowl 60 deserves a sportsbook built for the moment. DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of Super Bowl 60, puts you right in the center of the biggest game of the year. And when anything can happen during Super Bowl, DraftKings has your back with early exit. That's right. If a player goes down in the first half, you still get paid out, in cash, baby. Immediately once your bet settles, no bonus bets, no waiting. And are you new? Are you new to DraftKings? New customers can bet just $5 and get 300 in bonus bets if your bet wins. That's right. 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Redeem your points online or in the app. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details. You know Longfoot's here. Yeah. Longfoot's in the house, ladies and gentlemen. Longfoot's here. Look at those feet. One of our favorite guests and friends, comedian, lovers, actors. Praise the Lord. Rabble rouser, if you will. It's Rick Glassman, huh? Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Ricky, what's going on? Where do I begin? That's the show. Thanks, guys. Thanks for coming in. Can I plug my tour? There's a tour? There's a tour. Yeah. What coffee shops are you going to play? Hello. San Francisco, Denver, Houston, Cleveland, Dallas, Portland, Salt Lake City, Austin, Indianapolis, St. Louis. There it is. Go to Punch-Up Live. He's going to be at the San Francisco Starbucks. Well, it's a reserve. On Main Street at, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Denver Coffee. The Denver Coffee Bean. The Houston Alfreds, which is good. That is really good. It's a really good coffee. He'll be at the Houston Alfreds. People say they love it. Yeah, it is good. Do what? It's one of the best. People love it. Yeah. It's a great gig. I'll be in the good acoustics in that room. Can I actually do Coffee Bean? I'll be in the Cleveland Coffee. Oh, they're gone. You excited or what? Man, I've never loved stand-up more. Yeah, you're very good at it. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. I think I want to fill my hour. I've been working on this hour for like about two and a half hours. Two and a half years now. There's reverb from the headphones that are coming through the microphone. Can you just put it in your ears? Yeah, it's just too loud. It's too loud. Put it in your ears. Yeah. Headphones are too loud. Okay, okay. Yeah, he turned them off. Can you bring the cans down? And now let's get into it. Let's go. Could you bring the can down? Bring the can down. He asked you twice. He did. The Red Bull? Thank you. The Red Bull? Someone's got to bring the can down. Ricky, this hour is going to be fantastic out of you. I get it. I know that because you're really killing it lately. I just got it. Play on words. It was a play on words. What if that's how you laugh? Richard. What if that's how he actually laughed? That is? That is. No. Yeah. Can I say something? You like eccentric socks? You tell me. Yeah, yeah. I got these at a museum. Oh, which one? It was the one where the cows go to. I'm sorry, a museum. Burn. Sorry, dude. You asked for it. Can I think about it? I get it. Okay. Let's get into it. I really get it. Yeah, yeah. And their stance, no less. Yeah. You know what show I've been watching, though, that I really like? Have you seen the show The Pit? No. Have you heard of it? The show about Roethlisberger? The Pit. You watch that show? No. Can I say something? Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen a medical show before. I never saw ER. I never saw Grey's Anatomy. I never saw Scrub. I never saw any of that, right? And I've been watching The Pit, right? Why would you want to be in the medical field? It's so strange. Have you seen The Bloopers? The Bloopers on The Pit? Oh, they're insane. Let me pull up The Pit Bloopers. It's just Ben Roethlisberger getting tackled a bunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very funny. It's such a stressful job. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been a mother? You mean the sitcom? Yeah. Have you ever watched The Mother? Did you do that? An episode of The Mother? No. I never did. What's The Mother? The CBS show, The Mother. That's at Mott? The actual hardest job. That's the hardest job in the world. By far. Is that called Mom? No. Well, the show Mom is a spinoff of The Mother. The Mother was an original show on CBS. Do you remember how successful Bad Friends got after people started talking about your mom? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? That was a big piece of our puzzle. Yeah. Yeah, we learned. I put that in the special. Oh, yeah. You said that. I heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? I might sue you. Why? It's copyrighted. You said it on this show. I'm Bobby Mom is mine. Okay. It's my phrase forever. But isn't it your impression of, isn't it? Original IP, his mom? No, but I copy. Doesn't she actually say that? The phrase is copywritten. She doesn't actually say, I'm Bobby Mom? She's never said it once. Do you want to edit that out? Is it worth you getting credit for something? Because people love it. Because I thought. No. She's never said it. Okay. I'm suing. I'm suing. What's up with the Groucho Marx eyebrows? Do I have Groucho Marx eyebrows? Yeah. A little bit. I don't think so. Okay. Is that the black guy from Full House? Yeah. There he is. There he is. Yeah, yeah. I think it's the wideness of it. Not the thickness. I don't know what my eyebrows look like. I haven't looked in a mirror in three months. Yeah. It was a slime that didn't work, actually. What happened to those mirrors? You got the mirrors out of your house? No, I just don't look at them. They're there, though. Mm-hmm. My God. Self-restraint. Yeah, it's tough. Every time I walk by, I go, I want to take a fucking look at this guy. I want to see what he looks like. Because when I look in a mirror, I go like this. I don't know how to do it. That was great. That was a great crutch. I felt like I had Botox or something. I felt like I couldn't do it. Hell is other people. Yeah, I don't get it. Like, sorry, this is a nightmare. Oh, we can call it. I'm just saying, no, what I'm going to say is this, right? If we died and we were all three stuck in a room together, oh, my God. Ew, I would crawl. I would. Imagine for us, then. What do you mean? Oh, this is what you see? Every day. Okay. Well, you're welcome. - You're welcome. - Yeah. you're welcome what's up uh not much what's up with you that's what i mean that's what you have what's up on your shirt you're supposed to say what's up on your shirt what is going on here bobby no you shut up shut up you make it you make it very successful podcast no no no no we're not when we're very very successful when we're together so basically what i'm saying to you is that no i i don't think it's me i think it's you yeah yeah no it's up that's not that's a that's a chicken yeah yeah yeah bad friend tiger belly oh really you think so i don't know the analytics yeah yeah yeah we don't have we don't have to have huge celebrities to up what is that noise yeah yeah that's going up that's going up yeah yeah yeah so so if the stock we understand we understand what this is you think this is grifting you think that's hollywood grifting no okay congratulations because he's making it sound as if you're grifting why we've had those people on the show i know we're grifters as well we're griffers as well well paul rudd i mean what in it what a job you've done coming back on but well he's dead right he it was left uh i don't think he was dead no he was severely injured yeah he was got up a couple of times on my podcast yeah and i felt bad but he told me i could post it and then he told me that he was upset that i posted it but he didn't know that he said that because he was he was on pain pills he didn't quite understand what i was asking him he didn't really remember it did he block you on all platforms or anything i only connect with him through his publicist i don't know i don't think he's on any social media he's one of those guys that it's like like you know people like social media is stupid but like they're on it all the time yeah yeah yeah yeah he's not on it what's your screen time on your phone does it register i can look yeah yeah i know mine what is it depends on the week yeah i i go between four hours and eight hours all right so um you know what i'll tell you you know what my daily average is hmm four hours and ten minutes how do you find oh that's like my low end yeah my daily average is five hours and 44 minutes is that bad five hours of your life on your phone that's pretty bad yeah i think it's bad i mean i don't think i think it's typical and i think it's bad carlos is seven hours no is it really oh my god a day yeah that's insane what's yours between four and eight but also it's tough to know because sometimes i'll like i'll put stuff on like i'm listening to youtube on my phone or something you know so yeah let me see instagram is the most and tick tock three hours of only fans that's what it says here posting or watching posting feed picks feed picks um messages takes up most of my time do you think that's reading or writing i can't do either that's probably why it takes me so goddamn long to get through that app i open it up i scroll forever it's impossible it does say only fans online 15 minutes yeah it's not that bad no that's not bad yeah yeah what do you do on only fans do you watch stuff do you send them messages i watch i'm a i'm supportive of the arts you look young when you smile i don't think i've seen you smile before yeah i love anything creative how much money do you put on only fans how much do i spend a month yeah do you think a couple hundred bucks i think no way more a couple hundred bucks a day no a couple hundred bucks do you vibe do you buy the videos like the extra one sometimes i do but it's you know the descriptions though i i i want to sue oh i know yeah i mean i know yeah like this video you're gonna see it all it's some girl in a bikini but fool me once shame on you fool me twice knock it off don't get filled again don't feel it again give a man a fish okay fool me four times i'll teach a man to fish i used to do that as a bit i think i'll bring it back fool me five times shame on me again fool me six times well can't fool me again can't get fooled again can't get fooled you fool me can't get fooled again this guy's a hound dog you ain't nothing but a hound dog crying all the time we'll get caught you're a hound you're a hound dog you know how i know i caught a rabbit you remember at my birthday party what you said i could do it too pal you say it looks like it's bell palsy yeah that's great that is true i went to school with a bell's palsy yeah what do you do mr mrs palsy's kid pops asked him to freeze he said i will halfway i see his name is bell that's a joke his last name is palsy do the can thing again we'll be in denver yeah yeah coffee bean my point is is this welcome to the show thank you man and really having you on is what a pleasure are you reading this yeah yeah we'll be right back i'm doing one of yours yeah yeah yeah we'll be right back i'm doing one of yours yeah yeah yeah yeah we'll be right back i'm doing one of yours yeah yeah yeah we'll be right back i'm doing one of yours what else i know exactly we're back what else i know exactly we're back yeah we are back we're back we're back uh you like going on the road you just want to make this a short app you just want to make this a short app you just want to make this a short app you like going on it i have i've you like going on it i have i've you like going on it i have i've sincerely been loving it sincerely been loving it sincerely been loving it yeah you get nervous or you bring openers who do you bring you bring openers who do you bring you bring openers who do you bring mike lunochi's been coming with me uh good mike lunochi's been coming with me uh good mike lunochi's been coming with me uh good is he really is he really is he really oh oh oh love the love the lanoc love the love the lanoc love the love the lanoc love the lanoc that's good merch yeah love the lanoc that's good merch yeah love the lanoc that's good merch yeah this is like a this is like a this is like a first date that is uh we both realize first date that is uh we both realize first date that is uh we both realize we're not attracted to each other it's that why is it you and i i mean do it's that why is it you and i i mean do it's that why is it you and i i mean do him him him he's vibe with him all right yeah yeah he's vibe with him all right yeah yeah he's vibe with him all right yeah yeah we'll see you guys vibe all right we'll see you guys vibe all right we'll see you guys vibe all right would you like to host host me i'd would you like to host host me i'd would you like to host host me i'd love to host you all right love to host you all right love to host you all right how have you been uh lonely what's how have you been uh lonely what's how have you been uh lonely what's going on are you dating right now going on are you dating right now going on are you dating right now yes technically yes i would call it yes technically yes i would call it yes technically yes i would call it dating i am making an effort to meet dating i am making an effort to meet dating i am making an effort to meet people and to go out with them i have people and to go out with them i have people and to go out with them i have not been dating like either somebody i'm not been dating like either somebody i'm not been dating like either somebody i'm dating that i'm like dating that i'm like dating that i'm like oh i found my person oh i found my person oh i found my person but you are searching but you are searching but you are searching yes okay when we say this you're yes okay when we say this you're yes okay when we say this you're dating right now do you do this thing dating right now do you do this thing dating right now do you do this thing where you take uh multiple women to the where you take uh multiple women to the where you take uh multiple women to the same restaurant like you'll go back to same restaurant like you'll go back to same restaurant like you'll go back to the same restaurant with a different the same restaurant with a different from a girl? - I don't think I've ever been to a restaurant in the past three years. - Good. - I've been doing that, and I hate when the host goes-- - One sec, I'm so sorry. It's just why I was vibing with Andrew. I was just seeing how that was going, remember? I was just trying to see how that goes. Give us a sec. Andrew, what were you asking? - I was just saying, when you go out on a date to a restaurant, will you take a different girl back to that same restaurant later in the week or a different week? - I don't know. Bobby? I don't know. - I hate bringing the same girl back to different dates because the host will go, "Welcome back, Mr. Lee." - Yeah. - Another one. - But you've done it. - It's as if they say that. - I have a question. Is the host, fuck, I hate when I can't remember things. - DJ Khaled. - Thank you. - Excuse me? - Was the hostess DJ Khaled? So when a host says, "Oh, welcome back, why don't you go to your date?" I've only been here with friends before. - I've never been here with another girl before. Just do that and then she'll be like, "Oh, phew." - I've gone to a restaurant where they've told me, they go, "Yo, your boy Bobby, you come in here, he brought a bunch of different girls, like the same week. Anyway, let me take your order." - Do you go out with different girls with like-- - I'm seeing one person now. - Yeah, this is in the past. This is in the past. - Also, take off your notifications on your iPad. That's what I've been doing. What does that even mean? - Because you get text messages from people. - You're watching The Pit with your-- - On your iPad? - Yeah, yeah. Watching The Pit, right? - Are you guys on a plane? - And all of a sudden you get like a nude photo. - He lives on a plane. - Right, on your messages. And she's like, "What's that?" - "It's just my cousin Sabrina." - You get to make up a lie. - You know what I mean? - Oh, she has nice breasts. - She sure does. - Do you really just get random people sending you naked pictures? - But you take off the notifications and they'll pop up again. - But that's real. You'll just randomly get-- - Like at the UFC fight pass or whatever. That's fine. Dustin Magoogle's fighting Natty Brayhart. That's fine. - That's a good fight. - It's a good fight, yeah, yeah. - Magoogle should win that fight. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Those are made up people? - Yeah, they are. - I wouldn't know. Those are good names, yeah. - Yeah. Name some fucking fake UFC fighters. - I know Marcus Monroe. - Marcus Monroe's very good. Bantamweight. - What's that? - Bantamweight. - Bantamweight. - I bet it was a while ago and he's still fighting. - Still Bantam. - I'm into the female fighting, Sarah McFinnewich. - McFinnewich, the family's good. Good boxing lineage. - That's not nice to talk about that. - Wait, her dad died in a fire? - Yeah. - Her dad died in a fire. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Kia Starbon or Sturban? - Sturban. - Sturban. - Kia Sturban? - Yeah. - But her sister, my God. - When she fought Ashka Milosy, I thought, I'm not kidding, I thought they was gonna end her career. - Yeah. - Because she had her in a four fine. - Yeah, yeah, the four fine was great, yeah. - A four fine lock. - What is a four fine lock? - A four fine lock is when your- - You know Kumara, right? - You know Kumara hold into a four fine. - Go 360 on the Kumara, right? And then spin it around. Spin it around. - 360 on the Kumara brings you right back to where you started. - Exactly. They just call it nothing. - Oh, that would- - Yeah, that would- - They just call it nothing, but they have a name for it. - Oh yeah, crazy. - Her first fight, though, when she fought Tatum Tatum. - Dude. - Dude, that- - Dude. - Insane. - That was insane. Heavyweight. Exactly. Why? They let them fight in that same weight class. It's crazy. Almost died. Almost died. That was incredible. Yeah, yeah. The paramedics were like next to the ring, like waiting for them to be done. Are you saying there were two medics? The pair of medics? Yeah, the paramedics were there. Yeah. The pair of medics. Four lock, half moon. Have you ever seen that move before? Show me how that goes. Right. You take both of your legs, right? Both of your legs? Yeah. You take your own legs? Yeah. Your own legs. You lock around their legs, right? You look at the moon, right? And then you go 360. So you end up back where you started. Exactly. I don't know why they named that either. Well, a lot of Muay Thai does go back to where you start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when you eat more Thai. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Well, you have to order it before the last round. Yeah. You won't get there in time. Right. And if you want more Thai. Yeah. But Tatum does it in liquid form. That's Jason Tatum's son. Exactly. I thought we were talking about females. No, no. It's Casey Kasem's daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twice removed. What does that mean, there's twice removed? I feel like if I order a cheeseburger without cheating, I have to have it twice removed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To make sure they don't put cheese on it. Well, you got it twice removed means you were kicked out of the family two times. Yeah. You'd said something bad twice at a dinner. So you're twice removed. You're still blood, but they don't want you in the family anymore. Twice. Do you ever play poker and somebody bets a lot of money and you want to call, but you don't and you let them know because it's too much money and the way you let them know, you say, too rich for my blood. Never? Well, if I'm playing with a bunch of crips. Yeah. You say, too rich for my blood? Yeah. That's a crowd show. What happened to the crips and bloods? You don't hear much about that. They're still around. Yeah. You don't hear much about them. They have a podcast now together. Yeah. What? We have the same publicist as the Crip and Blood podcast. Yeah. Show me the Crip and Blood podcast. Oh, I like the map. Were you AI Crip and Blood podcast? See what happened? Imagine how good it is. Wait, go back to the map of LA. I'd love to see where the divides are because certain neighborhoods that I need to go in. This is what Gavin Newsom has been trying to change, right? Yeah, yeah. What do you mean? Is he a crip? He's just trying to change. He's redistricting it all. Yeah. Good for him. Good for him. That's what we need. Zoom into that map. That's great. The gang map. I love a good gang map. Yeah. This is a better one. I want to know where in my area. Mostly rich. Yeah. It's mostly Air One. Great gang, by the way. Oh, my God. One of the toughest gangs in the Valley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was talking about their hot bar. Air One gang? Yeah, Air One gang. Shopify. 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That's right. You need them. They're going to be there. Okay. And also, ShopPay, that's a button that's on there used by millions of businesses around the world. That's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on this planet. We haven't pulled other planets, but this one for sure. I love it. It's time to turn those what-ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com. Bad friends. Go to Shopify.com slash bad friends. What is it one more time? Shopify.com slash bad friends. Quince. How do I look good? Well, it's a well-built wardrobe. It's about pieces that work together and hold up over time. And you know who has that? Who? Quince. Quince has it. That's what they do. And that's what they do best. Premium materials, thoughtful design, and everyday staples that feel easy to wear and easy to rely on even as the weather shifts. Do they have organic cotton sweaters? I'm pretty sure they do. Polos? Yes. Oh, my God. Lighter jackets? 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Free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash badfriends. You can save $30 on your first online order of $75 or more, with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply. Oh, real quick. I want to just acknowledge the people. We know. Houston, Seattle, St. Louis. We'll put the fucking dates. I just want to say, here's a good spot for everybody. There it is. San Francisco, Denver. Just be as mean as you possibly can, if you haven't written those comments yet. Just be as mean as you possibly can. Now. How do you deal with comments? How do you deal with it? Are you being crazy right now? Everyone fucking loves you. How do I deal with it? You are the most beloved guy on the internet. Your show is a hit. You're a handsome, tall Jew. Things are going good. Joe Rogan, I'd like to come to the mothership. There it is. But not to do what you think. There it is. I actually want to come there to perform. Nice. What did you. No, it's not going to happen. What did you ask him? You just asked him an important question. I have no idea what's going on. You think people are going to be mean to you? He asked you about comments. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes. I don't read. I mean, sometimes, but I don't really read comments when I'm guests on other people's pods anymore, because when people watch my podcast, they have an idea of what they're getting, and they've decided that they like me. When I go on other people's podcasts, I think they think that I've hijacked it, and they're mad. Some of them might be a little bit mad at you, too. Why would you let that guy on? We love you. We like that people. That you razz people. I like that you're a rabble rouser. Look at you. Here's what I like about you. You little bad boy. Look at you at your little snarl. Who's a little bad boy? I'm not trying to snarl. You're a little bad boy. He's a nasty little boy. You're a nasty little boy. I have a good heart, but you're a nasty little boy. I really believe that. I think you're a very nice guy. I've always thought that. A little lost and confused, but. I think you're found. Yeah. Lost, confused. Confused and found. Yeah. Good. Good. Bobby. Yeah. Thank you for saying that. Huh? Thank you for saying that you see me in a way that is nice. Uh-huh. I think your penis is dribbling. I think your penis is dribbling ooze. I can see it. Always has to go back to that, huh? You're right. Yeah. You're right. It's a sickness, dude. It's a sickness. It's a sickness. I have. I have rabble rouser syndrome. You are a rabble rouser, buddy, and it's really tough. Try not to snarl. Don't. Don't. Do it. Ricky, don't be a bad boy. Don't snarl on this show. Fiasco. It's a fiasco. Please don't, Ricky, please. That's what girls say when they see me naked walking away. They say, where'd free ass go? Where'd free ass go? Yeah, they say, where'd my ass go? And I say, it's running down my pants. Do you remember that joke? Yeah. Do you really remember it? I do. I remember it. You all remember it? Yeah. All right. Let's try to tell it. You start it. No. Okay. Absolutely not. Yeah. I want to see you do it. Yeah, we're not doing this. Yeah, yeah. Do you really know the joke? No. The pee is running down my pants? Yeah. There's pee running down my pants. The kid asked the teacher to go to the. Do you need glasses? I just. The kid. It's an old. She's an old. Kid asked the teacher, can I go to the bathroom? And she's. And she's. Why are we laughing? That's a quicker way of getting to it. No, the teacher says, sure, you can go to the bathroom, but first you have to sing the alphabet. Kid says, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. Teacher says, that's close, but where's the P? Teacher says. Kid says. Running down my leg. My dad got pulled over the other day. I love your dad. He got pulled over the other day. The cop asked for his driver's license, and it says correct a vision, because he needs to have correct a vision. And he says, where's your glasses, to my dad. My dad says, I have contacts. And the cop says, I don't care who you know, you need to wear your glasses. I don't care who you know, you need to wear my glasses. That's a joke my dad used to tell me a lot as a kid, and I always just thought it was a story he told me. Such a good joke. Yeah. I love your father. Me too. You tell your parents I said hi? If I remember. Come on. It's me. Your parents like me? I don't know you. You came to my birthday party. Yes. Yeah. Only private people that I know well come to my birthday party. So we don't know each other? Is that what you're saying, stating out loud in public, that we don't know each other? You know me. Why are you laughing? Because you're getting real upset. Yeah. You know me, and that's why I was invited. Yeah, but you know me as well. Did you bring your cousin, you know me? Yeah. I like that one. I get to know her. She's still the same old G? Yeah, yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. Yeah, well, you know why? He's been low key. That's right. He's also hated on me. on, so. - I can't say the next line. - You could say that he has no wheels, no keys, and no snowmobiles, and no skis. What's that from? - No boats, no snowmobiles, and no skis. - What's that from, though? - Not on me, 'cause I could finally afford to buy a family with-- - Groceries. - Funnier. - Sorry. - It rhymes. - Yeah, you're right. - Got a crib-- - It's an M&M's song, right? - To add to the wall full of plaques that I keep in the back of my house, like. - Trophies. - 'Cause y'all think I'm gonna let my-- - Dough freeze. - Oh, please, you better bow down on both knees. - I know this. - Okay. - I like the game. Give me another one. Give me another one. I know the game. - I puke, eat it, and freak you. Battle? I'm too weeded to speak to. The only key that I see to defeat you would be for me to remove these two Adidas and beat you and force feed you them both, and on each feet is a cleat shoe. - His glasses get really foggy. - You know what that sound is? All the people at the coffee bin when you're performing. - They all stub their toes. - And they're trying not to be disruptive. - That's an espresso machine. - What's your coffee weather? - I haven't drank coffee since December, 2023. - They're steaming a latte. - Why? - I did a cleanse for 10 days and I stayed off it. I'm super sensitive to drugs and like weed. I only do a little bit, coffee. So I drink now, free plug, no joke, Magic Mind. I love it. - Yeah, it's great. - You keep bringing that up. - It's really. - Every time I see you about Magic Magic, I'm not good. - I drink it almost every day. It's like coffee. - Do you have some on you? - No. - In you? - Yeah, I mean, I had one today. - How much weed are you taking a day? - I do weed probably between two and four days a week and I take around five milligrams. - That's it? - Yeah. - That's good. - Yeah. - Something low. Do you ever do the little microdose mushrooms too? - I bought them. I haven't done them yet, but I'm going to start trying them. - Phenomenal. - Yeah? - You know what I take them? I take them when I go golfing. - You microdose that? - It's my favorite thing in the world. - Really? - When you microdose them, do you think you are phenomenal? Do you ever say I am phenomenal? Throw it out. - Depends on if I'm making a movie or not. I love the way I feel on them in the morning. - Do you guarantee it? - I can't. - Well, have you tried doing it in a suit? - I will. - You're going to like the way you feel. I guarantee it. - I guarantee it. It is really good though. It starts my day off great. If I go out there and I stretch and exercise a little bit, it feels amazing. Rick Glassman. - I am phenomenal. One of the best music videos of all time. And who produced this? Rick Ross? Is this a Maybach music hit? - That's a Maybach music hit. - God, look at the hair. I remember you then. I know you then. - You know, I recently had, I won't say who, but it was an ex-girlfriend who I talk to every now and then. - Say it. - And she said-- - Say it. - I miss you when your hair is long. I miss like your hair. She saw that my hair was shorter. And she said, "I like your hair longer." And even though I have no idea if I'm ever going to see this person again, I think I'm growing it up. - Wow. - Maybe for her. Maybe for you. - And Maybach for Rick Ross. - May, may, may, may, Maybach music. - Do you ever miss your ex-girlfriends or no? - Yeah. - You do? - Yeah, some of them-- - And you think to yourself, I fucked it up or maybe I could have done this better? - I think about what I could have done better and not exclusively in relationships, but also in relationships, sure. - 'Cause I would find that it'd be a nightmare dating you. - I believe that. - Yeah, yeah. With all your little rules at your house. Take your shoes off. Don't touch that. - Don't touch that. - Yeah, yeah. - I wouldn't date somebody who I would care if she touched stuff. I just don't like you touching stuff. - Unlike dating Bobby. That's-- - Oh, so it's a personal thing. When I go into your house and you're like, don't touch that, you don't like me touching it? - Well, you do touch everything. - When I'm at your house, I'm very fucking polite. - You are very polite. - I don't touch anything. - Well, you know I'll yell at you if you do. - Okay. So I don't touch things. - He's actually gotten better at not touching. 'Cause we do say that when he walks in. I go, don't touch. - Don't touch. - Remember, don't touch. - Yeah. - As a cow in the living room, treat it like a-- - Terry. - Museum. Don't touch. - You know, when I was shooting my special, I lost my voice the Friday. Did you hear about that? - You told me you got steroid. - Make sure you show me Winkle. - And I got steroid. - He will. - And I was really aggressive after that. - Yeah, the steroids amped you up. - Yeah, a little bit, yeah. - What'd you take steroids for? - My throat. - You wanna get your throat stronger? - No, I was losing my voice when I was shooting my special and I didn't know what to do Saturday. I woke up in a panic. - Oh, wow. - I lost my voice. And so I had a doctor come over and inject me with some steroid. - And it worked? - Like four or five hours later, it did work, yeah. - 'Cause you could just do subtitles for your special. - Mm, another Asian joke. - That wasn't an Asian joke. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or maybe it might get my voice dubbed. Is that what you're doing, get my voice dubbed? - Are you doing subtitles? - Do it. - I thought we were doing a bit. - All right, go ahead. - So, the kid asks his teacher if I could use the bathroom. The teacher says, "First, you have to sing the alphabet." Kid says, "Okay." A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z. And the teacher said, "Oh, now I know my ABCs. Next time, won't you?" The teacher says, "What happened to the P?" And the kid said, "It's running down my leg." The coffee house, Denver. - Yeah, that's right. - Crush. - Crush. - Go get the tickets right now at coffeehousedenver.com/rickrickrick. - Yes. - The express. - We'll put the link, the ticket link, in the description. - Yeah. - We'll do. - It's gonna be great. - But we're gonna hide it. You have to find it. - It's right by the hi-ho. - Ah, fuck. It's hidden. - Which is what Mrs. Claus said to Santa Claus the first time they met. - Mm-hmm. - Oh. - Put the cans up. All right, so I, almost forgot to bring this up. - Okay. - So I was driving like a little over the speed limit. I got pulled over by the cop. - Okay. - My driver's license says, it says here you need corrective eyewear. I wasn't wearing my glasses at the time. I said, "I'm sorry, sir. I have to pee and it's running down my pants." Cop says, "I know that joke." And then I forgot how the rest goes, but I will text it to you. - Okay. Okay, rabble rouse, level four. - That's why your podcast is number two. - That's why my podcast is number two. Are you saying it's shit? - No. - But that would be a good shit joke if you wanted to stick that landing. You should've just let that one sit. - Hey, your podcast is great. I hear it's not the best, but it is a number two. - Heard your podcast is doing well. Feels like it's running down your leg. - When was the last time you guys pooped your pants? Backwards. - Yeah. - Yesterday. - Really? - Yeah. - Are you still talking about your love of the Beatles? - I was clinching it and I barely missed like five seconds. - Yesterday? - Yeah. - Did it get in the underpants? - I ran into my room and it just, a plop came out. - So it didn't get in your underpants. And a question, you ran into your room? - Yes. - Not the bathroom? - I went into the room where the bathroom is. - So the bathroom? - No, I entered the room, plop, and then bathroom. - You pooped. Got it. - Exactly. - I have a funny story about- - But five seconds. I just needed five seconds. - And- - God didn't give me that. - Were you delaying it? - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause I like that feeling. - I know. - Did it get in your underpants? - A little bit, yeah. - Burn 'em. - I wanna tell you, speaking of ex-girlfriends, I was dating a girl who lived in London and my mom always wanted to go to London and flew her out. And this was her first time visiting. And I was at my girlfriend's place and my mom walked over from her hotel and she had to use the bathroom. And she walks in, she goes, "I have to use the bathroom. "I have to use the bathroom." She had only met my girlfriend one time and she walked to the bathroom and then she came out after and she said, "I had a little accident on your rug. "I might have to take this out. "I had a little accident on your rug "and what do you want me to do with it?" She had the bath mat. And my ex said, "Throw it away." But my mom, you know, took her, started taking her pants before she got to the toilet so, you know, so it could be just a smooth sit. And much like what Bobby said, it just kind of plopped out a little. - Oh wow. - She pooped on the rug. - Embarrassing? - She wasn't. - Yeah. - She was embarrassed. - I don't know if she'd love that I said this here, but I do have an animation. - Oh, Ricky, why did you do that? - I can hear her. - Yeah. - That's your mom. - Ricky. - Let me ask her if it's okay if I talk about it. - She'd be fucking livid. - Oh my God, please don't. - She's gonna be so mad. - I'm gonna talk to her now. Please don't. I don't wanna. - This is Glassman. - Yeah, I like that. Put her on. - Good morning. - Mama, I'm on the podcast with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino, and we were talking-- - Hi guys. - Hi. - Hi. - Hi, Bobby. - Hello. And we were talking about the last time we pooped our pants, and I was wondering if I have your permission to talk about when you pooped in London on the rug. - Sure, it's such a happy, mature story. I'm very proud. - Also, we-- - You could bring-- - Will you ask Dad a quick question? Didn't Dad get pulled over recently, and they said that he needed his glasses? Dad, what happened? - Well, he looked at my driver's license, and he said, it says, "You need glasses," and I said, "I have contacts." - I thought that's what happened. All right, I love you, Dad. Talk to you later. All right. - Love you. - I love you. - Bob, show him the trophy that I gave you. Show him the thing that I got from Howie Mandel for you. - This was a gift. Pretty cool. - You like mosquitoes? - You ever gotten one of those? - No. I love mosquitoes. - Howie gave it to me. - Really, Howie loves mosquitoes. - I actually stole it from his studio. for you and he told me not to take it and i did anyway he was really upset about yeah but he does that shit he fucks with us all the time so i figured i should fuck with him on your behalf yeah so howie this is mine forever he actually said is bobby still mad at me i said you better believe it yeah yeah really yeah good he thinks you're still mad it's fun well you are yeah yeah but yeah so i stole that and he actually he asked me to not take it and i did okay you guys talk because i gotta go all right do you maybe want to not do that by the microphone no it's he it is uh um exactly it's a child right and we all have our weak points i know i have plenty i have so many but bobby is really like he's looking for candy in his bag of toys he's he's probably his blood sugar's a little low right now that's his backpack he bob say say say um say goodbye to ricky if you want to go i love you ricky um thanks for you know i mean um i do know you mean yeah thank you for um attending no our podcast what a pleasure um it was a surprise i didn't know you were coming are you eating a little candy while you're telling me yeah i am where there's original it's milky yeah yeah so anyway good luck take care i'm sure it's gonna be great you reach your limit huh i have i can't do this anymore what do you think it is about i'm completely out so have a good time you can continue doing it you know i mean i'm just not going to participate okay okay could i see what it's like to be like a co-host of bad friends would love it a little bit thank you all right so uh what we normally do toward the end of the show is we think of some of our favorite hopes and dreams that's right and we give hints to the other person and we see if the other person could fill in that hope and dreams and we give hints to the other person and we see if the other person could fill in that hope and dream and it's a fun activity to see if they know what we're thinking but it also it lets us feel like oh they're helping us with our hopes and dreams so i'll let you start uh something that i'm feeling right now is a need to be in a place you have to take a poop all right am i right yeah that's my hope i'm gonna hope i can poop i also learned um from an ex of mine that when you're sitting on the toilet you could take your beavis bunghole and you just yeah cornholio right uh and you kind of press with your fingers and just kind of massage your butthole yeah sure and then also i shoot water up my ass uh with my bidet and then it pours out and i have to assume as it's coming out poop is coming with it not always you'd be surprised all right well thank you for being a bad friend now at kroger your points add up to more ways to save every trip use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump you can even save up to 35 on your next fill up same points more choices and with low prices on fresh quality food plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop your dollar goes further redeem your points online or in the app kroger fresh for everyone restrictions apply see cider store for details