Healthy Dating & Healthy Relationships With Chungus Thang

Hello and welcome to the Kinetic Fitness Show. We're re-inspired you to live a longer, healthier, happy and more joyful life. We cover everything you need to know to be optimally healthy in your mind, body and spirit. Are you ready to become the ultimate version of yourself? Well, let's dive into another episode with your hosting guide by your side, Allie West. Hey, Chungas. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for joining me. How are you doing today, my friend? I'm doing amazing, Allie. Thank you for having me. Very blessed of you. Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure. I'm looking forward to it. It's a different topic for this podcast, something that we've probably not covered before, but I'm really excited to dive into it and see where the conversation takes us. Yeah, absolutely. And I know you're kind of fitness and healthy living, so like definitely healthy relationships with a big kind of factor into that. 100%. I think a great starting point and how I like to start most of my podcasts is with your story. So if you could share a little bit of your backstory and then also how you help people and what you're doing now, and then we'll go from there and we'll see where that story might take us to start off with. Absolutely. Absolutely. So, yeah. So my nickname is the Healthy Dating Coach for Men. I focus on helping good men attract healthy relationships for your self-ingrouping in the modern age. And I help guys, you know, I'm attracted to relationships even if they don't have six feet, six figures or six pack. And like my story, you know, kind of, you know, how I got into everything is that I'm, you know, like not to get too deep, right? But I'm somebody like many others that has overcome a lot of challenges in my life. You know, back when I was younger, and just, you know, like things such as, you know, I used to be like a nice guy, used to be the bad boy stereotype as well. I used to, you know, be a fat boy, used to live in a fat house, used to be a part of a hookup culture and all that. And I've been in toxic relationships and then from there, you know, I learned about, you know, like what toxic relationships are. I learned how to date in ways that are healthier than what I used to be a part of. And I really learned, I made a lot of mistakes, you know, as a kid, and I also learned a lot from my mistakes. And now I'm kind of just, you know, focusing on trying to be the best person that I can be, being the father figure that I wish that I had when I was younger and really helping others, you know, learn how to date without having go through all the challenges that I went through. Amazing. That was very quick and succinct. I love it. I appreciate it. Yeah. And there's a few things that I want to touch on before. I really want to get into your methodology. But before we do that, my first question is, you're a very young guy. You're 22 years old. So a lot of people might think, oh, well, he's 22 years old, maybe he hasn't got the experience or the knowledge of relationships. I want to know what experience and what gives you the in-air quotes, qualifications to coach other guys on relationships. If you get where I'm coming from. Yeah, completely understandable. And you know, there's like, you know, like getting degrees and stuff like that or maybe getting like ICF certified, you know, just stuff like that, right? But really my experience, you know, the greatest life lessons, really, it comes from my own personal experience. I've had a three-story relationships now. My first relationship was toxic, right? We met on Tinder and I used to be a fat board, right? So that first relationship lasted about six months. We were on and off for about three months. Second relationship was about two years. And from there, I took a eight-month break. Now, that relationship at first, you know, it was a very healthy relationship. It was an amazing relationship. But you know, as time passed, it became, you know, it just, it didn't work out very well, right? You know, like when everything going on over the past few years, it kind of caused a lot of stress for us. And then the third relationship, we've been dating together. We've been together for about seven months now. And it's been an amazing relationship. I love her family and her family. Last night, you know, we spent a lot of time together. I'm like, you know, a healthy amount, but like, I don't know, it's, you know, every single, you know, experience that I've had has been a whole, like, learning lesson. But also, like, I spent over eight years studying dating relationships. Because I used to be extremely lonely as a kid. You know, that's something that a lot of people face nowadays and something that I'm working on challenging or trying to solve is modern day loneliness. You know, men and women, we've been so disconnected with all the apps and everything and just everything going online. And that's, you know, something that I've been working on. And of course, you know, like I have mentors and all that, done a lot of research myself, but really it comes from personal experience and just like years of dedication to this. And really just really being motivated to figure out how to date in a healthy way. Because like I'm somebody, you know, like a lot of people, you know, if they didn't know my age, they would be like, oh man, like the way he talks, he must be like 30 or 40. I've actually had people ask me if I'm like 34, right? And what happened is that as a kid, you know, like not to get like too much of a soft story, but as a kid, I was actually somebody who had to grow up really fast at a very young age, right? So I've been financially independent since I was like 18, 19. Like my parents did it only because you know, I wanted to date outside of my race and all that. But really, like many others, you know, I am a war of eG, right? I'm a Burmese war of eG. So I had to learn how to overcome that, but also I had to learn how to overcome poverty. And like my parents as well, like my biological father was not a very good father. So they had a toxic relationship and he was also very abusive. So I had to, you know, like deal with that kind of stuff and I had to grow up really fast at a young age. Yeah. Well, that that childhood, childhood upbringing defines us. Doesn't it defines who we are as we as we get older? And it's up to us as an individual to not make the same mistakes that parents and ancestors made. Seriously. And that's the thing like, it's, you know, like this kind of stuff, you know, like, you know, the upbringing, like the childhood trauma is like, you have to heal from that, you have to learn from that, you have to heal from that. Otherwise, you're just going to repeat the cycles. Exactly. Exactly. I want to talk then, Chungus about healthy dating. So your nickname is the healthy dating coach. What does healthy dating mean? What is it? Healthy dating. It's really, it's an alternative to a lot of the toxic advice that's healthier, especially nowadays. That's being taught in modern day society. Are you familiar kind of with like the modern dating? I know you're currently married. Well, I know about apps and Tinder and all that kind of stuff, but I've never used them myself. So yeah, I've been married now for it's going to be five years this year. And I've been with my wife for seven and seven or seven and a half years. So yeah, so I'm not really into the modern dating scene, but I've got an idea of some of the stuff that goes on here for sure. Yeah. Well, first off, congratulations for being married for seven, like seven years, right? Married for nearly five. So it'll be five years in July, but we've been together for seven, seven years. Yeah, since 2015. Wow. Very impressive. Big props, man. Thank you. My soulmate Sarah's my Sarah's my soulmate. Shout out to Sarah. Yeah, but with modern dating, right? So like, of course, there's the apps, but like what happened is that nowadays, there's like a lot of toxic stuff out there, and especially with the apps, it's like social media has kind of accelerated, you know, the division between men and women, especially with the apps we've noticed is that with the apps, it's kind of, it's kind of changed the dynamics between, you know, female and male relationships, and it's really, it's really caused rise for a lot of movements, which have kind of separated men and women from each other. There's a lot of toxic things out there, and the, the, the goes into the concept of the atmosphere, which I respect the atmosphere. There's a lot of things that I value about the atmosphere. I don't know if you're familiar with it, but now what is that explain? If I had to explain it right in a simple way, it's basically think about feminism. The atmosphere is basically the male equivalent of feminism back when it first started, right? So we're talking about first-wife, second-wave, third-wave feminism. The atmosphere is basically like, and like, a lot of people aren't gonna like, you know, like to be care for the feminism, but that's what it is, really. It's basically the male version of that. And what they did was, you know, they took a look, a look at different things, but one of the things that they take a look at is like the, the marriage statistics, like if they took a look at a family court and stuff like that, and also just what happens with divorce and, you know, like custody battles and stuff like that. And basically, from there, they kind of created this community, you know, designed to help men. But in the atmosphere, they have like these things that's called the red pill and stuff like that. And basically, it's kind of like an awakening kind of comes from like the matrix, you know, like if you're not familiar with the red pill, then you're like blue pill. And what happened was, you know, you've got all these things, these modern dating strategies, like the red pill and stuff like that, you know, branches from that. And what they've done is unfortunately with the atmosphere, there's a red pill, there's movements like mictav. And obviously, there's also things like in cells and stuff like that. But unfortunately, like these communities have grown in size over the past couple of years. And although a lot of them started with good intentions, they've started to be like more hateful towards women and like really just bashful, you know, and just very toxic, a lot of drama. There's some good stuff in the atmosphere, but like there's a lot of toxic trauma as well. Yeah. Yeah. So that's a bit like the whole alpha male, like you have to be alpha and all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, it goes into that alpha as in the bilis and the sigma meals and stuff like that. Yeah, I've got you, I've got you. So the healthy dating then is a more more balanced way of doing things and more loving and more meaningful as opposed to toxicity. Yeah. So the reason why I've noticed that a lot of people go into like the manuscript and stuff like that is because it's like if you if you take a look at statistics like men are extremely lonely right now. Of course, women are lonely as well, right? But men are just like if you take a look at online dating statistics and stuff like that, it's much easier for women with online dating and like it's really easy for women to get validation through apps like Tinder and so on and so forth. And what happens is it's really hard for the average like man to compete in the dating market nowadays compared to the average women right not to bash women or anything right and the goal here is to reconnect us. But from there what happened is that a lot of people especially men feel like you know they can't succeed if they don't have six feet six figures or six back because that's the that's the toxic standard nowadays right? You have to look like like a Greek god you have to look like a chat otherwise you cannot not track any women. So what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to provide an alternative because you know like it comes from like my advice comes from a guy that has found success in dating that's had multiple you know serious relationships and it has also like failed. I've been a part of the hook of culture and all that right. But I've never had six feet. I've never had six figures right? I've never made more than $40,000 you know like when I was seriously dating like you know back in college and stuff like two three years ago I was making maybe like $27,000 total right? So I've never had six feet I've never had six figures and I've also currently don't have a six-fack and this actually might be kind of interesting for your podcast here. Have you ever heard of Fit to Fats to Fit? Yeah yeah yeah. Yes so you know about Drew Manning and everything? Yeah. Yeah so I'm actually I've actually recently completed my own little mini version of the Fit to Fats to Fit challenge. So instead of going the whole six months on and six months off I ate a Big Mac every day for 30 days right? I ate a Big Mac every day for 30 days. Yeah it I felt terrible dude mental health was like down like it was terrible and everything but what I did was I you know I documented this journey because growing up as a kid you know I was always extremely insecure right? I you know I thought that because I was shortened because I was Asian I could never be considered attractive because that's what I saw in the media right? Sure guys this like sure guys can't succeed if you're not like five five ten you know five eleven six feet you can't succeed. That's the message that I was really deceiving so I decided as a kid hey I'm gonna spend as much effort as I can just really to become you know the attractive for you know like the attractive like man that breaks the stereotype of the the short Asian male right? So I dedicate a lot of years to becoming more attractive but what I noticed is that you know I already lived that so I don't have six feet I've never had six figures and I don't currently have six back so I was like okay I want to do something to inspire man I really want to do something to where it's like you know already you know it's like if I can succeed then you can succeed as a guy can succeed as well but I wanted to do something a little bit extra right? And it's like I really so I what I did was I gave myself a challenge based off on fit to fact to fit and I ate a Big Mac every day for 30 days and I documented the whole journey and I'm currently working with like editing like you know like the whole thing and like making it a mini documentary and all that but I went to big McDonald's and I literally ate a Big Mac every day for 30 days and what I noticed and I got a Dexascant too right at the beginning I was like 26.9% body fat I think you're familiar with a Dexascant yeah I don't know how accurate they are though yeah the the Dexascant is considered the most accurate like it's the most accurate way to measure body fat from what I know but so I got that and it told me I was about 26.9% body fat at the beginning of this challenge right so I still need to go to the doctor and you know get a scan again but what happened was you know like throughout this whole journey and I did it because I want to inspire men so my goal here is like I ate a Big Mac every day for 30 days you know make a whole mini documentary around that and then like in document my journey like building an ecstatic body going back from fact to fit and just losing all that weight and it's just like I don't know do like going through the challenge like like I kind of told myself I can't work out for the whole 30 days dude like it felt terrible and what happened was and I kind of knew that it was going to happen you know I was kind of kind of be able to resonate with guys right you know especially guys that you know deal with you know insecurities about their weight or anything like that right maybe they got you know a little bit of a belly but it's like dude it's kind of like you know if you've ever worked in the food industry ever worked as a server you know you're always going to remember you know like to treat the server sort of respect you know and there's kind of like that it's like I've always kind of been skinny skinny fat my entire life but like going through this challenge dude like it really it made me really appreciate my health it was it was dude like literally one night I threw up in my toilet and I woke up on my bathroom floor that's how bad it got dude yeah well you don't need to tell man you speak into the converted yeah yeah but no yeah it's so important I want to I want to ask you about about dating and finding finding a partner so I think obviously we're in a crazy changing time where there's the generational changes are more apparent now probably than they they ever have been before and I think for people that are probably say under 30 maybe slightly younger maybe under 28 they probably don't know any different than going on an app such as Tinder or Snapchat or Instagram or Facebook and messaging people to get a partner or to find a for find a woman that they they might want to date or create a relationship with so we'll start with those people first those younger demographic what's your tips and your advice to those people to to cultivate and find a loving relationship when probably the only way they know of doing it is sliding into the DM yeah understandable yeah for sure we can definitely get actionable what we'll be noticed with modern dating right with nowadays right especially with the younger crowd especially with these apps Tinder and apps like that what what happened with that is it really caused a huge rise in casual sex and just hook up culture right it's it's a lot more commonplace and it's a lot more acceptable to just sleep around nowadays and that it's really easy to get into toxic relationships when you're part of hook hook hook up culture right and that that comes from a guy that used to you know live in a flat house right used to be a frat boy and in terms of actionable advice it really depends on you know first off we have to you know establish what do you want like this is something that I've kind of realized you know you know definitely when I was healing from my you know my second breakup is that we all have a genuine need for human connection and a lot of us you know whenever we engage in you know stuff like you know if if somebody's a part of hook up culture we really just want love and affection you know you know a lot of us you know we didn't have you know the love and affection that we needed from our you know childhood like our parents and that goes into like attaching styles and stuff like that but what and then what we'll do is we'll often you know just use casual sex or stuff like that things that we really shouldn't be engaging in to compensate we know for the love that a lot of us didn't receive of course not everybody but a lot of us right so in terms of actionable advice first this advice is for people that want a serious relationship and that want a committed relationship and that want to make it and keep it healthy so the advice that I have is to you know focus on I break it down into two things and then three more things on top of that first is your self-improvement and this is whether you're a guy or a girl but especially for guys focus on your self-improvement first and then focus on good communication right so I don't like to focus on just really learning like tactics to you know like get people to you know like interested in you or you know stuff like that right focus more on becoming attractive yourself now and I'm gonna tell you a little bit about like MBTI like psychology and stuff like that and how that plays into it but so with self-improvement so what we want to do is the first thing is that we're always gonna you know break it down to the three pillars of dating success that's what I call it you're always gonna you know start off with your good looks right so we want to think about our physical appearance because that's the first thing anybody's gonna notice about you right so obviously you know like you know you've got that amazing beard right you've got very long hair very nice but like you know somebody might notice if you're wearing glasses or something like that right so you're here cut that's something that somebody's gonna notice people are also gonna notice your style the kind of clothes that you wear as a baggy or as a slim fit there's a fit tight and nice to your body we're kind of a zik do you have right but also they're also gonna notice and this is incredibly important there's something that a lot of people overlook your hygiene like women are incredibly attracted to men that have good hygiene that is so true sorry to interrupt but yeah my wife always says that I always smell nice and I'm always clean so that's a good thing exactly right yes it goes it goes a long way it goes a long way so there's uh so the first thing is good looks and then from there and we do it logically in this order right so good looks and then we look at our social skills and our social proof now in order to and the way that I designed on this whole process it it's designed to prevent autosic relationships if you go through this process so we want to focus on really having good social skills and learning how to make friends right and how to build connections and how to talk to people, right? In order to talk, in order to flirt with women, you have to learn how to treat women respectfully and how to communicate with women in a non-sexual way, right? And that's what I tell you guys is that if you believe that men and women cannot be friends, of course, there needs to be boundaries, right? Respect for boundaries, but if you believe that men and women cannot be friends, it's going to cause you issues in your dating life, right? Because that means you're only viewing women as sexual objects. So that's something that I make very clear with my guys. So good looks and then social skills, learn how to talk to people, learn how to make friends with people and how to really connect with people. And then from there, you want to have social proof, right? And this comes to attraction. If you think about any guy that's considered attractive, think about the most attractive men, one example is Henry Cavill. A lot of guys compare me to Henry Cavill and they compare my girlfriend to Amy Adams because my girlfriend looks exactly like Amy Adams. And I look nothing like Henry Cavill, right? But Henry Cavill. (laughing) What Henry Cavill and guys that Henry Cavill have, it's a lot of social proof. Of course, he's a very good looking guy, but a lot of these actors and stuff like that, like really famous people, they have social proof. Now as a guy in a city, in your own little community, you can develop your own social proof by having social skills to make friends, right? Even if you're not constantly surrounded by friends, let's say there's a really pretty girl and you go to a pro-cher. If you first talk to everybody around that area and you kind of connect to others, you're gonna feel more confident, you're gonna feel a little bit more socially ready to talk to a girl. And also, she's gonna be thinking that, man, this guy kind of knows everybody or he's a really confident guy. So it helps you build social proof before you talk to that girl. Now, it's a good look social skills social proof. There's also you can do stuff like build a podcast or build a YouTube channel or you can build like an Instagram following or maybe a Facebook, things like that. But really, Instagram nowadays is kind of like a business card, right? So just building your Instagram, especially if you're in your 20s to 30s, if you're a little bit older, maybe something like Facebook or maybe just doing other things in your career would be like a form of social proof. But having like, especially if you're in 20s to 30s, having an Instagram following above a thousand followers, like real followers is something that's really useful. Now, so good look social skills social proof and then we go to confidence. Now, confidence is something that a lot of people mistake, there's a lot of saying such as fake it till you make it and that's something that I don't advocate for. Confidence really at the very core of it. It's confidence is about knowing that you're gonna be okay no matter what happens. That's really, it comes into self-esteem having a healthy level of that. But when you confident in yourself, you know that you're gonna be okay even if that pretty girl rejects you, right? You just wanna see what happens. And you know, like you're not being complete, you're not being needy, you're not going up to that cute girl and just be like, oh my God, like, you know, like please marry me right now, you know, like you were my everything, like that's extremely needing, right? So also, we confidence, the way that I approach it. It's very practical, right? So if you're in like, let's say, I mean, you've got your gym, right? You're a very fancy gym, you're gonna feel very confident, very safe there. But if you go to a completely new gym across the world in a place that where you don't even speak the language, you might feel a little bit more anxious, right? Because you really don't know anybody, you don't know the language, it's in your environment. Same thing if you were to do like a new activity, if you had to give a speech to like, you know, a thousand people in front, you know, I felt like a thousand people about something that you have never studied before, you might feel a little bit more anxious, a little bit more, you know, like nervous, right? But if you were to talk to somebody about fitness, you know, like right off the bat, I mean, you're an expert in that, you've got years of experience in that, you own your own gym. Same thing here, you know, really being in your comfort zone, having places, I tell you guys, you know, having places that you feel comfortable in, right? And if you don't already feel comfortable in places, go to places, do your research. For example, like think about like a restaurant, right? You know, if you take a girl to a restaurant and you know, like for the first time, and I don't recommend a restaurant in the first date, but say you take a girl to like a restaurant for the first time, you've never been there before, you're not gonna feel very confident. But if you've been eating at a local mountain pop shop or your entire life, you know, you know, the owners, you know, you know, the waiters and everything, you're gonna feel a lot more confident, you're gonna feel at home there. Same thing here, you build confidence by taking baby steps and taking, you know, little steps here and there, instead of just going all in, that's a big mistake that a lot of people make is just going all in and just rushing things. And you know, or even using liquid courage, right? Out called, there's something I tell guys to stay away from as much as possible, especially when you're trying to date, because it adds a lot of complications and it can give you like legal issues as well. So stay away from alcohol, don't use liquid courage 'cause that's not really confident, you know? And then from there, so that we have good, good social skills, social proof, confidence and the last thing is charisma, right? And then the three pillars, charisma is like learning how to talk with women, you know, like, you know, how to, you know, like how to flirt with them, you know? And did you know how to, you know, have a little bit of fun? Now, with charisma, it's the last thing that we focus on because if you focus on everything else, like, you know, you're looking good, just smelling good, you know, you got nice style, you're building your physique, and you're being confident, you got your social skills and all that, you need less charisma. And a lot of people associate it with game, but I don't really like to, you know, like focus too much on that 'cause I don't want anybody playing with anybody's heart, right? But there is a little bit of seduction and stuff like that that goes into charisma, but the rule that I have with seduction is that you're only allowed to use that kind of stuff. If it's somebody that, you know, you have already, you know, like established that, hey, you guys are in a romantic relationship, right? Whether you guys are married together, or maybe you guys have been dating for a little bit of time, then you're allowed to use that seduction. Seduction goes into, like, you know, how you touch each other, you know, the words that you say and stuff like that. But it's something that you really want to be very careful about. You don't want to just go around trying to seduce everybody, you know? - Hmm, amazing. Makes sense. Yeah, because it's all like, it's layering, isn't it? It's a bit, it's the same with, with health and fitness. It's like you start with the basics and you build your endurance and then you layer on top of it and then you get strength and then you get power and all of that kind of stuff. It's exactly the same with this. You're not going in with the high level stuff too soon. You're building the foundation and so that that individual can set them self-up for success rather than set them self-up for failure. - Exactly, exactly. You gotta build your foundations, right? It's kind of like building a house. But so then from there, so there's the three pillars that self-improvement, right? And you will focus on building ourselves up, becoming more attractive, you know? You're really just loving ourselves up being the best version of ourselves. But then from there, we also have to learn good communication. And like I would say, like self-improvement aspect is harder than the communication aspect. But really when you have done all this, when you are confident in yourself, right? You're gonna get to a point to where you can literally go up to a woman that you're attracted to. If you go about it in this logical step-by-step practical way, you're gonna be able to go up to a woman that you're attracted to and just tell her, you know, that you are attracted to and that you like to ask her out. Now, the way that I go about with good communication, right? Is that I don't want guys to just, you know, skirt around the bush, right? I want you to be as a man. It is historically speaking, it's always been our job to protect and provide. We have always been the leaders, right? So we have to lead the interaction. Otherwise, as a man, if you stop leading, you know, your woman's going to lose attraction for you and a lot of times respect. And respect, like once you lose a woman's respect, it's a very dangerous territory. Now, so as a man, we have to lead. So, you know, you build yourself first, you know, work on that and then you find the one that you're attracted to and then what I want, you know, what I want you to do is then go and tell her and communicate to her that you're interested in her. Now, you don't have to go right off the bat and I tell you guys, don't use pick up lines like, no. Like have you ever seen friends? - Yeah. - Yeah, so you know Joey, Trapion? - Yeah. - You did, you know, the saying that he always says, is pick up line? - How you do it? - Exactly. That's what I tell guys. That's the best pick up line. It's high how are you? Or a variation of that. But it's literally because it's not about what you say. It's about how you say it. And really what it's about, it's about starting a conversation. So that's what I tell guys, don't try to use pick up lines. They don't try to, you know, like manipulate her or anything like that. Literally just go up to her and start a conversation, ask a genuine question. Right, you could literally be like, hey, do you know where I can find, you know, S extreme? Or hey, do you know where I can find, you know, a really good this or that? Or hey, quick question. What do you like better this or this? Right? And it's like just starting a conversation with a question is really a great way to do it. And what I tell guys is like, you know, if you're not confident enough yet to, you know, like Asset Girl that you're attracted to. Like attracted to, Asset Guy, right? Asset Guy or here's another big tip that I like to give guys, go to the gym and ask a guy to spot you or offer to spot a guy or give a guy a genuine compliment. And just literally a fist bump at the gym. And you know, you're in fitness. Like a lot of guys, they go into the gym, like for two reasons. And of course, you know, like, it depends on everybody, right? But two main reasons that I've noticed is number one to build your body. Of course, you know, like to get a better body, to lose some weight or build some muscle. And oftentimes it's to attract the opposite sex. But a big second reason that a lot of guys go to the gym is because of their mental health, right? A lot of times, you know, guys will heal from a breakup and you know, like, you know, during the healing process, they'll try to, you know, get bigger and all that, right? That's something that you probably have, you know, experience in your own career. So go to your gym, go to your local gym. I see you get to work out in. But like, don't forget to give a high five. to see the guy next to you, right? Like, hey, I see you in here all the time. I just want to say, you know, you know, I love the consistency. Just a little compliment like that. Because what we've noticed is, you know, like men hardly ever get compliments, right? Think about how, you know, I was complimenting you about your beard earlier, right? Think about how often, you know, some of the compliments to you as a man, it's very rare, you know. Unless you're like really good looking, unless you look like, you know, Channing Tatum or something like that, or because hemsworth, oftentimes men don't get complimented as much as women. So it's like, if you can talk to a man, do you know what though I love about that, jungles, is it, it disarms people? Because, you know, when you, when you get a compliment, you are automatically disarmed. Because in this day and age, I think that we don't expect it. So when it comes, one, it's really, for me, when I get complimented, I really like it. I think it's, I feel special and I feel amazing when people compliment me. But also, I don't, I feel disarmed. There's no, there's no friction or tension there. So if you, if you're complimenting, whether it's the same sex or opposite sex, you're disarming that situation and making the communication flow more easily and more effectively. Yeah, absolutely. And this is a great thing with, you know, compliments. And of course, we have to be very tasteful with the compliments that we give women, right? With women, I tell guys, like, this is saying, right? Pretty girls like to be, men, she's dropping value. Pretty girls like to be told that they're smart. Smart girls like to be told that they're pretty. And you know, that's, it's a very interesting thing. But there's something a lot of people don't think about. But what I recommend guys is that, you know, if you want to, you know, talk to a girl that is considered, like, incredibly attractive, don't even mentor her looks. If you're going to compliment her, compliment her on something that she chose to do, like an activity or something that she would be proud of because I guarantee you, like, pretty girls have heard it all the time that they're pretty, right? So it doesn't, well, it's like, it's like whatever. But if you compliment her on maybe like her artwork or if you compliment her on something she chose to, you know, chose to wear like her earrings, right? That that can go a much longer way than giving, you know, just like, a compliment just solely based on her freezo appearance. 100%. I've got so many questions off the back of all of that. I'm just going to hit, I'm just going to hit you with the order that they come to me or the order that I've wrote them down in. My first one is, what if someone is really scared? How do you work on people that are really fearful of, of even starting up a conversation with the opposite sex? Because I know maybe when I was younger, that was a thing for me, like I, I, I had that nervousness or that maybe anxiousness of speaking to a girl and for maybe fear of rejection or I had that fear within me. How do you help people overcome that and what are your tips to help someone that's like, almost frozen by fear when it comes to speaking to a girl or speaking to a guy? Yeah, there's, maybe steps. There's so many ways and thank you, thank you for sharing, right? Thank you for asking the question. So there's so many things that you can do. But when I, like anytime, you know, like, like, dude, like I, this is what I call a challenge, right? And when I, when I think of challenges, I call it a fun challenge. I call it not a problem, really, but it's like an opportunity for improvement, right? And it's like, I don't, that's just how my way, my brain is designed. It's like, you know, we've got a challenge. Let's solve this. So when it comes to that, right? One thing that I always like to refer back to is the concept that we all have a genuine need for human connection, right? So the way that I see it is that, you know, we never know what somebody's going through. Everybody has a story, right? So what I, what I tell my God is like, you know, I want you to understand that that person you're talking to, yes, she's pretty, right? She's, she's a member of the opposite sex. Maybe you're not too, you know, comfortable talking with girls right now. But understand she's a human being just like you, right? I don't care how famous she is. I don't care how rich she is. I don't care how good looking she is. She's a human being just like you, right? So what I want you to do is I want you to build a connection with this human being and stop just focusing on her looks. Now, in regards to building like, you know, like a practical, like building the confidence to talk to girls, especially, you know, girls that are, you know, that you're attracted to. It starts with first, you know, understanding that they're human beings. And one thing is, you know, like what I want to tell guys is like, you know, think about, you know, who you're most attracted to. Think about the most beautiful women in the world, you know, you know, in your own eyes, right? And I'm not going to get you in trouble with your wife or anything, right? But she's next to us. She can hear. But think about, think about that. But we think about that. And then, like literally look up their name, like the celebrity and with no makeup. And then you start to see, hey, you know, like this, you know, like, like, because makeup does so much. And a lot of girls will make up. And a lot of guys don't know that, you know, girls actually don't wear makeup all the time. And then from there, so then there's that. So then, you know, take off the makeup. And then, you know, it starts to be a little bit more easier. And then really just, you know, you have to, you know, like start off with things like, you know, getting comfortable, just talking to guys, right? And then getting comfortable talking to women that you're not attracted to, right? So it could be like your cousins. It could be your mom. It could be your grandma. And really just, you know, talking with those women. And then from there, slowly start to talk with women that, you know, you are attracted to, you know, in baby steps. And really just, like for example, go to like a grocery store, you know, where you know, there's like a pretty cashier or something. And just go to checkout, right? And just ask her a question, like, hey, where can I find this? Or, you know, like ask her with the store closets, right? Little things like that, it's going to build your confidence and it's going to make it easier. Or you could literally go to Target and, you know, ask somebody, you know, like that's, you know, like doing the clothes with the aisles, right? And just be like, hey, where can I find a Nike shirt? Or where can I find a golf shirt or something like that? And just doing that kind of stuff, it builds your confidence step by step by step. But there's no way besides actually taking action. But also there's stuff like, you know, practice eye contact, like videos on YouTube, you can also do as well. Have you ever heard of that? I know the importance of it. Yeah, but I've not seen any of the videos. Yeah. There's so many, dude, like that's something that when I was younger, like it's kind of interesting. When I was younger, I had to do that. Do you know what I really love about all of this stuff? What I really love about all of this stuff is that we're obviously talking about dating and relationships. But this stuff has carry over into the rest of your life as well. Because if you practice this stuff, if you get better at self-confidence, communication of looking after yourself, that's going to carry over into your job and into your family life. And every single facet of your life. And that's why I love this stuff because a lot of the time it gets a bad rep, particularly from, you know, like pick a partist and stuff like that. But there's so many techniques and psychological things that you can use, even in a business environment. I know I've used some of them when I'm networking or communicating with people or negotiating or trying to make a sale. This stuff goes into other areas of your life as well. Yeah, and a big part of it also is your intentions, right? Because with the pick a part of community and the atmosphere, the red pills, the dogs, I've studied all those communities, right? When I was younger, and that's kind of things. I'm trying to give an alternative to those communities. But learning charisma and stuff like that, it goes so far. And it also goes to sales and learning how to sell without being sleaze or anything like that. But learning how to communicate with people, learning good eye contact, learning a good posture, learning how to shake somebody's hand, all of that is incredibly useful. And that's another thing, like understanding the dynamics of how to interact with women. That's incredibly useful. It's like, this is a question that a lot of guys have or never even really think about until the time comes up when you meet a girl that you're not romantic and interested in, right? Or like a female coworker. Do you shake her hand or do you hug her or do you when you first start or do you end the conversation with a hug? It's a little dynamic that a lot of guys never think about. Yeah, I hug everyone. Exactly. Just give a high five hug, everybody. Just a fist bump. Yeah, that's it. Spread the love. Yeah, spread the love. Oh, man. And that's like, dude, that's like one of my, and we have like the quarter the end of like, dude, that's my quote, dude. Spread love and welcome back to you, man. I believe in karma so much. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I love that you said earlier that ultimately as human beings, that's what we all want. We want love and connection. And I think sometimes guys in particular, they see a pretty girl and that they get almost blinded by the looks and forget that that girl has pretty as she may be. She still wants connection and love just like you do. So I think that's a great point that you put out. And that's why in my opinion, that pick up artist or that kind of community is toxic because you're almost tree and the opposite sex is as a tool or as an item rather than a human being. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's like, it goes into attention. It's like pick up. Like pick up has a lot of useful things. You know, and you know, like when I was a kid, I used to look up to those guys. I thought, you know, I thought they were like, like what like a man supposed to be, right? And I was very naive back then. But it's like, it's about the intentions because a lot of the things that, you know, you learn and pick up, it's, it's, it's connected. connected to self improvement, right? It's kind of like fitness or like, for example, like combat sports, right? The human body can only move in so many ways, no matter what sport you're in, like a strike as a strike, a punch, a punch, a kick, as a kick, same thing with this. Learning how to communicate, learning how to talk to people, you know, like it's huge, you know, like it plays into so many different things, but with pickup, the sole objective is to sleep with women. And also it's really objectifying to women, which is something that, you know, like, you know, like that's really what it is, you know, it's just about sex. And from somebody that's been a part of hookup culture, you know, casual sex destroys your soul, in my opinion, it destroys society. And it's just, you know, just sleeping around with people and really not, you know, like having deep connections with people and just, you know, using each other's bodies, it really ruins you. - Yeah, 'cause it's not real, it's not, it's what I'd call, in air quotes, fake connection, it's not that deep meaningful connection. And it's not, there's no real love involved with that. It's more lust than love. - It is lust, yeah. And that's that thing's like, you know, like, dude, man, love it at first sight. That's something that a lot of people grow up, you know, hearing, love it at first sight. It's just lust. It's just physical parents, yeah. - Yeah. For sure. I want to ask you about the tech, because we touched on it briefly earlier, so tech such as social media and dating apps. What's your views on them? Have they got a place? Can people build meaningful relationships through tech or are you a bit against it? What's your vibe on tech? - Yes. So I think that, so right off the bat, I, like, I despised Tinder. Like I've used it before, like, you know, and it helped, but I despised Tinder because it's just for hookup culture. However, there are other apps out there. I don't think that Bumble was very successful because it kind of flipped the dynamics, you know, like, and now women had to lead. So it kind of, you know, just, it didn't work in my opinion. But apps like Hinge, I think Hinge is the main one, right now that's really working, but I focus on, you can use tech, but rather the best dating app in my opinion is Instagram, because you can build a social group and you can use it to build social connections, right? And you can use like a business card and all that. But also, you can easily, it's much more, it's less pressure, like, it's much more low pressure to ask a woman for her Instagram account, than it is to ask her for her number. 'Cause the number is very intimate, right? We don't really give it way too much, but Instagram's like, hey, and then the beautiful thing about Instagram just goes into like strategies, right? Would Instagram or like Snapchat, right? Would Instagram, you can, you can publish, and this is something that a lot of girls will do. They'll post, like, you know, they'll follow you, and then they'll post on their story because they want you to comment on their story, right? And guys do this too, and that's something that ex-girlfriends have done to me. But like posting and, like, you know, posting your story and replying to somebody else's story is a great way to have low touch points with others, you know, especially women that you're attracted to. So doing that, you can also comment on their posts. This is another little thing that you can do. Say you follow like a girl, right? Then you can go ahead and you can like a couple of her photos, right? And you scroll through it, and she's gonna know that you liked our photos. She's gonna be aware of that. And then she might like a couple of your photos back. It's these little things, you know, like, like the courtship process, you know, in a modern day. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it, I get it. Do you have any facts and figures or any idea of what the makeup is of people getting into relationships from tech as opposed to offline at the moment? I know it's gonna be different across like age demographics, but you know, people maybe under 30s, I'm 34s, so maybe people younger than me, and maybe people your age, and more people getting together and making relationships online or offline, or have you got those figures? - It's tough. Like, I don't have the figures, you know, with me right now. But it's tough. Like one of my mentors, she was like a lead matchmaker for e-harmonies, right? But the thing about, you know, 'cause there's been e-harmonies, there's been match.com, you know, there's so many, you know, websites throughout the ages, right? Right now it's mainly stuff like, you know, coffee meets bagel, hinge, okay, cupid, tinder, bumble, stuff like that. But what I've noticed is that, you know, over the past two years, right, with lockdown and everything, definitely people were using apps heavy. But my prediction is that, is that people are actually gonna start going off the apps, right? And this is why I focused not on teaching guys, how to build the most amazing dating profile. It's actually pretty easy to build an amazing dating profile. It's not that hard. But what I tell you guys is, you know, you have to focus on, you know, in-person relationships, because you want, you know, like chances are, you're gonna want to maintain an in-person in real life relationships. So if you're just focused on, you know, having the best text game, and this is something also, like, like learning how to text a girl is actually one of the most, like, biggest time-wasters in my opinion. It's important, right? But literally, if you look, like the way it is, women know how to text, and women know if they're attracted to a man. If you text a woman, and like her texts are completely dry, she's probably not attracted to you. But if you're like really good looking, and she's really attracted to you, I guarantee you, she will have like amazing, you know, like, like, she will know how to text, right? 'Cause women are pretty smart. And you know, literally, if you look at, you know, your own text messages with your wife, Sarah, or, you know, me with my girlfriend, like literally we send the, like, the stupidest messages, right? We'll be like, we'll be like, sad, dude, you know, or we'll just like send emojis. - Yeah, mainly gifts with us. (laughing) - Exactly, right? And like, dude, like literally, you could see my messages, I'm literally like, throughout the day, I'll just like, you my baby, you know what I'm saying? I'll just say, you my baby. And then she's like, damn, right, you know? It was like, we just text the stupidest things, right? And she's just like, baby with like a whole bunch of wives. And like, I know exactly what that means. It means that she wants a little bit of affection or attention. And it's like, these little things, it's just, because the purpose of texting, really, it's to set up the logistics for a date, because we want to set up, you know, we want to create the, we want to focus on the time that we spend with the woman, you know, in real life, instead of just texting. So like, and regardless of the statistics and stuff, I don't really have that. But I do predict that people are going to start, you know, really focusing on going outside and really having in-person, like in real life relationships, rather than really meeting online. I think online will still be here, and we'll stay here for a long time. But I think that really, we're gonna see a big shift off online. Yep. You talked about earlier, bad places to have dates, or you said that you don't want to go to a restaurant on your first dates. So can you give some examples of good places to go on first dates and bad places to go on first dates? - So, yeah. So first off, anything that Disney taught you, like in a romantic comedy or thing like that, I tell you guys, it's probably not good advice. So first off, never go on a first date. And if you did take your wife on this first date, I understand, like, I recommend never take a woman on a first date to a movie and dinner. It's been so overplayed, I don't recommend it at all. Because it's also really awkward, you know, there's the first date, jitters and stuff like that. So for the first date, what we have to remember is that, no, we have to make sure she feels comfortable and safe with us, right? And it has to be a public space, and ideally an activity. So what I recommend is to spend no more than $50 of the first date, and anything like a walk along a park, right? Because then you can say, I hide the dogs and stuff, that play a little bit of frisbee or stuff, just like a walk with the sun or something. Or, and then you got benches that you can sit on every now and then. But also, the beautiful thing about using an activity on a date is that it allows you to not be such a great conversation on this, right? So anytime the conversation dulls down, because chances are it will dull down, especially on the first three dates. What you can then do is you can just be like, "Hey, there's a really cute dog. Do you want it to go pet it?" Well, like, hey, do you want to get some ice cream real quick? And a little things like that. Or you can also do something like mini golf, right? For my girlfriend, that was like one of our first dates with mini golf. But you can also go bowling, right? You can do bowling. You can take like a cooking class or something. That's a little bit more. You have to be careful with that. Make sure it's as low pressure as possible. But literally just going for a walk along the park is one of the greatest dates that I could recommend, especially if it's a nice clean park in the weather's good. I get it. I get it. It's only taken me seven years to take my wife bowling. We're going tomorrow. (laughing) I've been trying to get it to go bowling for ages. (laughing) Remember, you got to let-- Got to let it win. That's what you're gonna say, aren't you? No, Sarah, she's competitive. (laughing) Unless she's really competitive? Unless she's really competitive, you got to let her win. She's competitive. She won't take that. And she'll know as well if I'm letting her win. (laughing) Yeah. Oh, that's another thing that I recommend guys. It's like, I took my girlfriend bowling for her state, I believe. And she was very introverted, right? And that's something that I kind of didn't notice. It was like the first or second date. And so what I noticed is that, you know, she really wasn't really vibing with the bowling, right? She was kind of loud. She didn't, you know, she just wasn't really into it and she's also not very competitive. So, you know, like, you know, right there, and I had to kind of make the decision, are we gonna, you know, go upstairs and, you know, play one of the mini games or are we gonna go outside and walk? So what we decided is that, you know, the original plan was to go bowling, she was down. But then, you know, the plans changed. And, you know, we have to be open to, you know, plans changing on dates. So then the plans changed and I took her, you know, just for a walk, it was like, hey, I'm not really feeling bowling right now. So let's go, it's kind of loud in here, right? And, you know, we don't say, hey, you don't feel like, you know, you're enjoying it. I don't think that you're enjoying it. Rather, it's like, hey, it's kind of loud in here. I can't really hear you. We can't really hear each other. Do you wanna go outside and just take a walk downtown, right? Leading the interaction, leading the date like that, goes a long way. And, you know, like girls, they will remember that you're doing these little things. Like, it's really like being attentive. And really just, you know, being in tune with that, you know, not just focusing on how can I knock all the pins out, how can I be all macho, how can I be so impressive. Really being attentive, goes a long way with women. - Yeah, so to say this. - Yes. No, man, like women are so socially tuned. Like, if we think about, you know, like from a young age, guys, right, you know, like, what we, like, if we think about the way that we interact with the world, right, it's much easier for men to interact with the world physically, right, than it is for women. So women, they have to kind of, you know, like, learn, you know, from a young age, how to, you know, use their mind, right, and, you know, how to talk with others. That's why, you know, if we think about bullies, right, you know, guys, we physically bully each other, but girls, like, they would like, verbally and mentally bully each other. It's terrible, you know. Yeah. I want to ask you as we start to round things off, what makes up a beautiful relationship? So what does a beautiful relationship look like? Feel like, what is it? - So many things that go into it. And, you know, like, I've asked a lot of people, you know, like, like, far older than me that have been married for like 30, 40 years, right? But one of the things that always comes back is good communication. And that's why, you know, it goes into what I've built. But really, having patience for each other, understanding each other, and having empathy for each other, and respect is so critical. But what I've noticed also is paying attention to, and I know we're kind of wrapping things up here, but these four little things with psychology is something that I recommend. And you might be a little bit familiar with this yourself. But number one, have you ever heard of love languages? - Yeah. - Yes. So that's a huge one. So understanding your love languages, have you ever heard of attachment styles? - Yeah. - Yes. Love languages, attachment styles. And also, I'm gonna give you two that you might not know of. Have you ever heard of MBTI or the Enigram? - Enigram, yes, because I had someone on my podcast that spoke about that. And his one will come out slightly before yours. So the audience will probably be familiar with it by the time this one comes out. So yeah, but what was the other one at MBTI? It's called the Myers-Briggs type indicator. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got you. - Yeah. So it's like 16 personalities, but those little four things goes a long way. Like if you know, obviously there goes into understanding, like, you know, what codependency is, you know, trauma bonding, stuff like that. But those little four things, like studying psychology, it goes so far. MBTI and Enigram love languages and attachment styles. When you take a look at those things and you study those and do a little bit of research into it, oh man. It changes the way that you view relationships, it's insane. - Yeah, I think I'm glad you led off with communication because that is absolutely huge because I think a lot of the time, you've got an idea of what that other person's feeling, but you don't know unless you actually have that communication and that's something that myself and Sarah are huge on. We open those lines of communication because otherwise, how do we know what the other ones feeling? You've got to ask those questions and have those conversations, even sometimes when they're hard and they're difficult and you might shed some tears, but it's important for the growth of the relationship. - And like, it goes into also another big thing is conflict resolution. You have to learn how to resolve conflicts and also how to disagree because it's literally impossible, you know, to be in a relationship with another human being for years on end and never disagree about anything. It's not physically possible, you know? So we have to learn how to disagree without yelling at each other, without screaming, without throwing things at each other, and stuff like that. Or also making ultimatums, that's a very toxic thing. You know, like, it's like, oh, if you don't do this, then I'm going to break up with you, right? We have to learn how to disagree. - Absolutely. You mainly help guys, Tringer. So I want to round the podcast off like this. So if there's a guy listening to this and they are a single guy and they're looking to find themselves a healthy relationship, and you've given so much incredible advice already, but if you could only give them three tips to leave this episode with. So if they turned it off right now and they could put these three tips into practice, it's going to help them to find or cultivate a loving relationship. What would those three tips be? - Yes. So, yeah, so the first thing that I would say is, take a look at where you learn how to date. Was it through Disney? Was it through rompcoms? Was it through your parents? And if it was your parents, did they have a healthy relationship? Because if you've been living in your pants on for like the past, like 18 years of your life, whether you're 20 or 30, you're going to subconsciously develop those behaviors that your parents had. So that's the first tip. Second tip would be to really focus on, you know, better understanding yourself and your self improvement. Don't focus too much on learning techniques about how to flirt with women or anything like that. Focus first on yourself and you know, developing yourself. And then third is to always treat women with respect. That's what I recommend. You know, treat women with respect and empathize with them and it will go a long way. - Amazing, amazing tips. Where can the listeners get your trungers to find out more about you? What's your website, your social and all of that stuff? Where can they go? - Yes. So you can find me on YouTube, AMQF Healthy Dating for Men. Or you can check out my website, HealthyDatingConsultation.com. I'm giving away a free consultation call to anybody that wants to book in a time. Just really action, well advice, really. Know if you want to learn more about working together really just going to give you action, well advice based on your current dating situation. - Amazing. Share that amazing quote that you shared earlier to end the show. That's it. Hit us with that to finish things off. - Absolutely, Ali. So yeah, so always, guys, always remember you know, treat others with respect and spread love and it will come back to you especially when you least expect it. - Amazing. Thanks so much for your time. I've loved that. - Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate you, Ali. - That's a wrap on another episode of the Kinetic Fitness Show. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast episode with your friends, family, and colleagues. Until next time, peace and love.