He's a Rat!

Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. Shop exclusive merch. And enjoy themed food and drinks. Beat the heat. Play, eat, and shop on repeat at Netflix House at Galleria Dallas. Bring your crew and save. Get your tickets today at netflix.com/house. - You two are bad friends. - Who are these two idiots? - A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. - Oh, you two are something. - We're bad friends. - Finally, I saw an eye doctor today. - What did the doc say? - We took a bunch of tests. - Yeah, like what, like A, B, F, Q? - No, he said, there was one word called hovum. - Hovum, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. He goes, what does that say? - There it said hotovov. - Yeah, hotovov, yeah, yeah. And I go, I'm blaglim. - I'm blaglim. - Yeah, yeah, and he goes, that's way off, right? Both eyes. Then he scanned the interterial of where all the, like-- - That's only an Asian thing. - Cells. - That's only an Asian thing. - Yeah, I know. - They don't have to do that for us. - You know what the cells are? They're squinty. The cells were squinty, dude. - Even the cells under microscope are squinty, right? - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, what are we doing here? - Wait, get that test up and let me see if we can do it. Ready, Bob? - Yeah, well, I already know, okay. - Okay, well, that's not, do the other one you just had. There it is. - This one. - Okay, let's see. - What are you gonna do? - No, I wanna do-- - Well, I'm closer. Your eyes are way better than mine. - No, I just wanna see what line you can get down to. So the first-- - From here. - No, one, two, and three are fine. Do the fourth line. Fourth line down. - T-H-V-O-H-T-O-V. - Next one. - Here we go. H-V-T-O-T-V-H-V-T-O. - Great, next one. - Now I'm done. Q-2-N-- - No, Q-O. It's O again. - O-T. - The letters are the same in every single-- - Oh, okay. - My point is is that-- - And the bottom one. Can you do that one? - I can't do the bottom one. - V-O-T-H-T-O. - Wow. - Wow. - That one's teeny tiny from here. - Yeah, so I guess-- - But the doctor said, you have Asian-- - You have long distance. - ♪ He's got little Asian eyes ♪ - No, no, no, no, no, no. - I love that song. - You have long distance. And he goes, "I wanna show you something. "It's a miracle." And I go, "What is it?" He goes, "Walk outside with me." So, he was Asian, by the way. - He's like, "Can I get a picture?" - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He was Asian, by the way, and he goes, "Look over there. "What do you see?" I go, "I don't know, nothing." And he put these glasses on me. I go, "Those are trees!" Like, literally, I saw nothing, and he put the glasses on. This is across the street. I saw trees, dude. - You act like this is crazy science. It's just glasses. - I know, but I've never had 'em before. And then-- - This is like when babies get cochlear implants. - I know! - And they can hear. - So, what I'm saying is that-- - 19, what is that? Glasses were invented in 1268. They've been around. - I don't, I haven't caught up yet, dude. - Okay, dude. - But when you, 'cause I'm, you-- - I know, I know, I know. - Dude, since the 13th century, we've had glasses. - I know, I know. There's an Asian guy wearing 'em. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they've been wearing 'em for years. Yeah, yeah. - That's amazing. - So, I'm getting, I don't know what they're called, but I'm getting the distance one. Oh, you know all my cool glasses I wear? - Yeah. - I'm getting both lenses. - Prescriptions. - Yeah. - The top is gonna be long distance, and the bottom is gonna be so I can read up front. - Yeah. - Oh, so you really will be, you'll be data. You'll be actually be data. - I'll be data, but it's so funny, after I took the glasses off, everything seemed blurry. - Well, great. - So, right now, everything seems blurry, so maybe I can't see. - Well, did they do the drops in your eyes? - No. - Wait, don't they do that, right? When you do eye testing? - No, no, no. - They dilate your eyes? - Dude, let me just say something to you, - Hmm? - I'm not in the best mood, and I'd like to say something to everyone, not you, to this theory, okay? I don't do drop eye, okay? I went to- - You have drop eye. - Yeah, I have drop eye. - You don't do drop eye. - I don't do drop eye, I have drop eye. - Have drop eye. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So, why can't you read them? - No, no, I'm, I'm, I'm saying- - Dude, you take it, you know what? Unbutton one more button. - Yeah, yeah, unbutton one more button. - Unbutton one more, you little forger. - With your didgeridoo shirt, I don't know what to call it. - Your didgeridoo. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Wow, wow, wow, wow. - Let me just say something, okay? - Wow, wow, don't you unbutton one more button. - All right, so, I went to, I called my assistant and I said, I don't want, I want future shit. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - So, they had me in a lab with machinery. - Yeah. - And bloop, bloop, and you know what I mean? You know what I mean? - Give me what NASA does. - Yeah, that's what NASA did. So, they were able to see the interior of my eye, the actual thing, and guess what? He goes, your eyesight is gonna be fine until your 80s. - 'Cause you have good eyes. - Yeah, he says, he asked me some genetic questions. There's no blindness. - Does your mom have glasses? - No, my dad did though. - Right. - And my brother does. - Steve does? - Yeah, he does. - Oh, wow. - Yeah, 'cause he caught it early. - Yeah, once you catch it early. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, but so now what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna do everything with glasses on. Even make love. - You have to have them. - Yeah, because I don't think I've seen it right. - Right. - Yeah, everything's been blurry. - That's what all your confusion. - That's my belly button. What? Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna see it. He goes, you're gonna see life in high def. - HD. - Yeah, for the first time. But then I go, when I get, three weeks. - Well, yeah, it takes, they gotta make 'em, right? It's gotta be. - Well, I want my style. - Yeah. - So I'm taking my, you know what I mean, the glasses I wear, I'm gonna punch out all those, you know what I mean, lenses and put those lenses up. - They'll do that, they'll do custom work. - Oh, they're doing custom work for us. - Give me the lyrics to the song, "Betty Davis Eyes." "Betty Davis," yeah, well, it's spelled wrong, but that's fine, "Betty," it'll get there, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪ His hair is black ♪ - Wait, wait, don't do it in an Asian accent. - I didn't. - Yeah. - I have it now. ♪ I hate Marlowe Gold ♪ What does that even, I don't even-- - Marlowe Gold, yeah, but it's, I just like this part. - What? - He's got Betty, she got Betty Davis eyes. ♪ He's got little Asian eyes ♪ - Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪ And he'll tease you, he'll unease you ♪ - Yeah, yeah. ♪ All the better just to please you ♪ - Yeah. ♪ And he's gorgeous ♪ - Yeah. ♪ And he knows just what it takes to make a pro blush ♪ I love it. - Yeah, great song. - She's got Greta Garbo's, Greta Garbo's standoff size, Bobby's got little Asian eyes, beautiful. - She's got Genghis Khan standout eyes, right? Let's change it. - Standoff size, Genghis Khan standoff size. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You have beautiful little eyes. - Thank you. - I went to the dentist this morning. - Well, let me guess. - Brother, they say the same thing every time. - Two, you got two. - No, I got zero this time. - Thank God. - But they say the same thing every time, and she's so nice about it. "Do you, are you, have you been, how much, are you flossing?" - Ah. - I said, "I am flossing." She said, "How much?" I said, "Almost never." I'm honest about it. - All right, I'm gonna show you something, all right, guys? - I mean, I'm trying. - I know, you're trying. - Okay, how about this? I'm gonna get in one, maybe two days a week. - I always have. - You do, you're great. - Yeah, yeah, but I've been using this one for a year. - It's the same one. - It's the same one. - It doesn't even have a string on it anymore, it's gone. - Yeah, the string's gone. - How many days a week are you flossing, for real? - Every day. - Every day, what about you? - Every day. Three times a week. - Three? - Four. - Four? Wow, I'm way behind the time. - You rest on the weekends? - Yeah. - Well, God needed, I do one to two days a week because it's like on the move, and you know what it really is? It's usually after a big meal out, but if, like, today I had smoothie and a, it's like-- - Yeah. - I'm brushing three times a day. - No, you're not. - No, I brush in the morning when I get home and then before I go to bed. - Okay, I don't think so. - My mom did it to me. - Okay. - My mom did midday brushing. - What about this? Morning, floss, and then night. - Morning, floss, instead of brush. - Yeah, the midday one, just floss. - I like the midday brush because then in case my wife and I have a midday hookup, it's a nice brush 'cause then you have fresh breath in the middle of the day. - I do a midday poo. I do three. - I do that while I'm pooing. - Oh, you do? Okay, okay. - It's one and the same. - Yeah. - But that don't, see, he's agreeing. A midday brush is really nice. - You know what the dentist told me? I have so many missing teeth. He said by the age of 60, all of them are gonna fall out. - Congrats, that's huge. - So then I don't know what to do. - Well, your vision will be good, but your mouth won't. Perfect vision with gums. I can see everything. - I'm fucked, dude. - No. - Yeah, I'm fucked, I'm fucked. - Wait, by the way, you're just gonna get, end up getting what everybody gets is caps. Everybody gets caps now. - No, what they have to do is drill into my bone. - But wait a minute. Veneers are different than caps. You can just get caps on. - No, he said that my teeth are so weak. - Why? - I don't know why. - Let me see. You have great teeth. - I know, but they're weak. The foundations and the root, it's all fucked. I have like gingivitis number five or whatever. - But Koreans usually have very strong teeth. You can look this up. Koreans are actually known to have some of the strongest teeth in the world. - Yeah. - So how come you didn't get that? - I don't know. Genetically, I got the armpit thing, but that's it. - You did get the armpit thing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Look at this, yes, look at this. Zoom in. Koreans have strong, healthy teeth, a culture of meticulous oral hygiene. Prevalent 3-3-3 rule, brushing three times a day. Told you, three minutes each. I'm telling you, Koreans are known for having phenomenal teeth. - This one was an exception. And that's why he's the most famous Korean in the world. Watch your fucking mouth, Spaniard. - Yeah, you bastard. You know, the disrespect is out of control today. - You've been nuts today. He came with an attitude this morning. - I know. - He was on the phone in the parking lot. - I saw. - And he waved me off. - I saw, I saw, I saw. - Waved me off. - This is what he did, okay? I saw. - I saw, I saw. I saw everything, okay? He comes out of, right, goes towards your car. I left a space for you 'cause I know how angry you get. - Thank you. - If I'm parked close. - Well, 'cause the doors hit. 'Cause our parking spots were made by, Brad Williams designed our parking lot. - Yeah, yeah. So I put a space between us and he comes out and the door's literally between our car. and he goes towards you for some business information. And through business. Right, and you're on the phone, you're busy. I was on the phone. So I'm available and I turned to Andreas and I go, is there anything I can help with you? He goes, nope. I go, can I help with something, guys, that you can do? What were you on the phone? Who were you on the phone with? Who were you on the phone with, hotshot? You're being a hotshot. You don't want to say? Yeah, it's a secret business thing, but he goes, it's something I can talk to you about. And I'm like, all right, so I guess I got nothing. You explained that? Yeah, I got nothing. I told you, you are not going to do it. That's true, but still ask. But still he wants to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, still ask. Dude, my hands are cramping up so bad. Drink that other water. Like everything's cramping up, dude. What do they do to you at the eye doctor? No, I haven't been drinking water all day. We got to have some water. Okay, I'll tell you why I'm in a bad mood. Ow. I swear to God, I swear to God, I am cramping up everything. How do you solve hand cramps? Here we go. Gently stretch, get some electrolytes, massage the affected area. McCone, will you come massage his hands, please? No, I'm being real, dude. Everything is cramping. Do we have those heat things you put your hand in? Do we have that hand heat thing again? Where's the hand massager? Did we buy one of those? I think I'm fine. I'm fine. You don't have to shake it or massage it. So today, just now, before I got here, I'm going to tell you what restaurant, but I was sitting at a restaurant, right? And there was a girl and three guys sitting at a table right next to mine. Okay. Do you imagine? I've seen that movie. Okay. The whole table goes high. We're big fans. Yeah. Right? And the girl goes, yeah, I'm a big fan. I like bad for friends. I go, that's fine. I go, what, one of these guys are boyfriends? And she goes, no, no, no, they're just friends of mine. I go, uh-oh. I go, what are you looking for in a guy? And she goes, not Asian. Wow. Did they laugh? I wasn't even hitting on her, dude. Well, if you say to a girl, what are you looking for? Okay. Time out. You said. Do you have a boyfriend? I'm cramping the fuck up, guy. She got me all cramped up, guy. I don't. What are you looking for in a guy? It seems like you're maybe saying, are you interested in I? No, because they, first of all. He was just being unk. Oh, you're unking. What's an unk? You. You're unk. You're king unk. What is unk? Unk is like what the kids call us unks. Like uncle. Yeah, I was being polite. Yeah, unk. Right. Oh, are any of these guys your boyfriend? Which is, and they're like, no, we're just, they were like, we're just friends. But that is an unk line. Like an unk says something like, man, that is a, that's a short skirt for a day like today. That's an unk line. Oh, really? It's an unk line. All right. So I did. That was an unk. Yeah, you unked it. Yeah, but could she say something? Oh my God. Could she say something different? Okay. I'll be the girl. Ready? Yeah. Go ahead. I go, um, you have to approach me first. I'm eating. Hey, we're huge fans. Oh, thanks. I just want to tell you we're huge fans. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, um, are these, what are you, these guys your boyfriend? No, these are all my friends. We're just friends. Oh, cool. Oh, so you're single. I am. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what kind of guys are you looking for? Hmm. Tall guys. Oh, cool. Much better. Tall guys. Guys who, you know, guys who are like Mayflower material. What do you mean by that? Like you can build a ship? People who came over on one of this first couple of boats. Oh. I see. I see. Yeah. Like Amistad? People who own people like you. Oh, not Amistad. No. No. Opposite. Opposite of Amistad. People who own those boats. Oh, the people that own the boats. Those are the guys I love. Oh, okay. Yeah. Do you own a boat? Uh, a yacht. You own a yacht? Yeah. How big? Pretty fucking big. How many feet? Have you heard of Hantavirus? Is that you? That's my yacht. You guys are at it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. By the way, don't get me started because I've, you're the fourth person today who's talked about it. Everyone's freaking out about it. I'm going to tell you about it. Don't do a conspiracy. It's not. It's not a conspiracy. Bring it up. No, you don't have to even bring it up. Don't bring it up. I will tell you about it. Ask me. Don't bring it up. He's going to bring it up. Yeah, ask me. Okay. Is the Hantavirus going to be the next plague, viral plague? Nope. Why is that? Because. Because we've gotten all of the bad food out of the way. No, no, no. He's going to take responsibility. I'll tell you. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. Why? Okay. There's different strains of this virus. Just like COVID. Just like COVID. Okay. But most of the, don't look it up, man. Don't look it up. Don't look it up, guy. Most of the strains, you get it from rats. So if I, no, I'm being real. So if I'm in Brazil, I'm just an arbitrary country. Seemed pretty pointed. I was going to say I was a cheater, but I went Brazil. Sure. I'm in Columbia, right? Right? It's all. It's all in the same area. I'm in Peru. Now listen. He's just naming South America. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So I'm in Peru, okay? And I'm, you know what I mean? I'm mopping, right? Always mopping. A hallway. Yeah. Or an alleyway. There happens to be rat shit and rat piss. Right. Or, right? The particles go up out of the air. I sniff it. You can get it mostly that way. That's how they get it? From huffing rat poop particles? Now there's one called the Andes. Andes strain, which is the one that's on the cruise ship, which is human to human. So this is like if you had it and you were kissing a girl, she gets it. But see the odds of getting it. I'm smelling the poop. You want to leave that bit in? Yeah, keep that bit in. Keep that in. Yeah, because sometimes we need anti-comedy. When he bombs. Yeah, because it makes us funnier. It's perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, the. Loser. Loser. You're a loser. You're a fucking loser. But anyway. Unbutton another button. So human to human. Human to human. And even in that, it's very difficult to get, apparently. Really? Yes. Wow. Because the couple that got it on the cruise were sleeping together on the same bed. Well, they were husband and wife, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, so that makes sense, right? But. The only scary part is this. Who got it first, by the way? Did the guy or the girl get it? And they got it from a rat on the boat? No, they got it from bird watching in Argentina. I've said it once. I'll say it again. Yeah. Stop. Stop watching birds. Stop watching them. They don't need to be watched. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They need to be perceived. You have to perceive them. Perceive a bird is fine. Yeah, because if a hawk's going to come and attack your eyes. Have good perception. And I don't have the eyes to even witness the hawk. Until you get the glasses. Until I get the glasses, right? So don't poke up my eyes, hawk. Correct. Right? So my point is, is that they were out. You know, there's different kinds of cruises. I just had an image of you between the time when you leave and you're getting your glasses and you don't have them yet. And the hawk's just. Smashing you in the eyes. I know. I need glasses! Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's different kinds of cruises. Yeah, so this kind of cruise. Like, I did a cruise with the Adam Devine folk. Right. Right? That's Mexico back. Ah. Right? But there's certain cruises, adventurism cruises, white cruises. White people cruises. Yeah, yeah. Like, I need to go to the top of that mountain. Right. I need to see the top of that Mayan temple. I must get to Kilimanjaro. Yeah, the explorers. I'll go deeper into the cave. You know the ones that go in the crevices? Why are you in there? What are you doing in there? What's in there? Nothing's in there. There's nothing in there. And they get stuck. They're like, I can't move. I go, because black people don't do that. They don't even go. We don't go to caves like that. You've never heard a black guy get stuck, spelunking in a cave. No, no, no. There are, like, fucking caves in Asia, Vietnam and whatnot, that white people discovered before the Asians did. Yeah, we didn't know it was there. I'm sure the Vietnamese knew that it was there. They're like, we're not going near it. No way. Yeah, yeah. White people love spelunking. They love spelunking. So this is white people's fault. This is. Yeah. So they went on an adventure. They caught it. They brought it back on the cruise. But the scary part is somebody that was flying to South Africa, right, who died. Brought it. Brought it to South Africa, but died. But the stewardess, is that what you call them now? No. A flight attendant. A flight attendant got it. Oh, no. So that's a little weird. Well, because airplanes are the one. That's the one where I'm like, you're in a contained space. And they're like, the HEPA filters are really good. You're like, not when the guy next to me is going. Because I've sat next to that guy. Many flights. Oh, dude, I have a rule. And I have a message to everyone listening. If you're super, have a cold and you're super sick, don't get on a plane and don't go to work. Don't get on. You don't need to go. If I say food industry. I've had waiters, you know what I mean? Super sick. Like, here's your fries. Here's your fries. Super sick. It's like, what are you doing at work, dude? Take a day down. Yeah. I understand the economy. People need to work. They need to work. I understand that. And you know what? I'm going to be the opposite. I'm the devil's advocate. I think everyone should go to work as sick as they possibly are. You fucking asshole. You know who does it every day? Who? Fancy. That's right. Has never not come to work sick. I don't take a day off. You're sick now. But we go on the road. We get it from him. And then all of a sudden, we're in Denver Saturday night. All sick. Yeah, and we're all sick. And it's your fucking fault. You've gotten everyone in this room sick multiple times. You're a fucking asshole, dude. You're a carrier. I edited this show with like 110 fever. Okay. You'd be dead. But I bet you money if I get the hantavirus, hantavirus, you gave it to me. You did. It's got a 30 to 40% mortality rate. What? And there's a 21 to 40. Day incubation period. So you don't even know. But here's the good news. You don't know for a month? No, here's the good news. You want to hear the good news? Please. Please. Even if you have it, and I have it, but it's not like, it's incubating. You're not going to catch it for me until I have symptoms. Right? So it's like, if I have hanta, I don't know how you call it, and I sneeze. What does it prefer to be called? Yeah. You Spanish fuck. Hanta. Hanta. Sounds like a good car company out of Japan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hanta. Hanta virus. Hanta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drives the all new Hanta. So if I had it, and I was showing symptoms, and I sneezed in front of you. Then. Then, yeah. Bring that back up, though. That says the rattiest cities. I didn't say that. No, but look. Most rat infested cities are LA, Chicago, Paris, New York, London, and Dishnoke, India. Known for its Kari Manta Temple, famously home to thousands of rats, considered holy. Oh, holy rats don't get it, though. Yeah, so did I get the facts correct about the Hanta virus? Yeah, you did. And can I say? This is a temple dedicated to rats. That's crazy. Wow. Just don't go there, white people. Yeah, don't go. Well, it's in India. I know, but they do the cruise. We gotta go to that temple. Gotta go. Yeah, but not you. I would never. No, no, no. You're more. I'm a landlocked guy. No, you're more ethnic when it comes to decision making. Thank you. Yeah, you're not gonna bungee jump. Nope. Have you bungee jumped? Never. I would never. Skydive or anything like that. Never. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm way more ethnic when it comes to white people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mountain biking? Yeah. Mountain biking. Why am I on a bicycle on a mountain? On a mountain. No, a flatland. Flat. Yeah, flatland. Bike on flat. Me bike on flat. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. I do VR biking. Shopify. Hey, y'all. We have an online business here at Bad Friends and our other podcast, and we use Shopify because we only use it best. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the U.S. from household names like Allbirds. Allbirds. Yeah. And Rothy's. We love that. I mean, to brands that are just getting started out. Everyone's using them. To get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates, Shopify is going to help you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand's style. And here's the deal. You're thinking, what if I get stuck? I don't know what to do. Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24-7 customer support. Shopify is your commerce expert, man. Tell them about the iconic purple button. I love that button. You love the ShopPay button. He goes nuts for that thing. I go nuts. That ShopPay button, it's used by millions of businesses around the world. It's why Shopify has the best. The best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts are going to go abandoned and way more sales for you and your business. It's time to turn those what ifs into cha-ching with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at Shopify.com slash bad friends. You go ahead and go over to Shopify.com slash bad friends. You heard us. That's Shopify.com slash bad friends. Quo. Quo, baby. Spelled Q-U-O. You have heard of it, right? Missed call. Missed calls and slow follow-ups are silent killers. They're going to ruin your business out. Ruin it. That's why businesses leave money on the table without ever realizing it. And that's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled Q-U-O, the business communication system that are built so you never mills a call. Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2 with over 3,000 reviews built for how modern teams work. More than 90,000 businesses from solo operators to growing teams rely on it to stay connected, professional, and consistently reliable. Reachable. Yeah. Quo works wherever you are, right from your computer or your phone. You can keep your existing number. Don't got to do anything. You can add teammates in minutes. You can sync your CRM, and you can let the call routing handle itself as you scale. Look, a lot of you are owning smaller businesses now. Everyone wants to be an entrepreneur. You need help, and it's very easy. Calls, texts, voicemails, transcripts, and contact details all in one clean, simple view. So you and your team, you always have the full picture. You're always on the same page. That way, you're ensuring a seamless and more personalized experience. Money is on the line. Always say hello with Quo. Hello, Quo. Try Quo for free. Plus, get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash bad friends. That's Quo, Q-U-O dot com slash bad friends. Rocket money. I'm going to tell you this right now. A couple years ago, Andrew Santino saved me a lot of money because I had all these unwanted subscriptions on my phone, and I went to Rocket Money, and they have a dashboard and everything. It's so easy to do. It's so simple to save money. And I've saved thousands. Thousands of dollars a year. It's actually comical. Most people save a good amount of money. Bobby saved a ton of money because Rocket Money tracks all your subscriptions, has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app, and saving users over 880 million overall and cancel subscriptions across the board. Why not be one of those people, okay? It consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give users clear view of their financial picture. It's very simple, man. You can set budgets and set goals. And Rocket Money is going to help you with personalized insights and user reports to receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, low balances, whatever your financial goal may be. They're going to help you do it by getting rid of all that expensive stuff on your phone that you're actually not using that you're paying for. So why not let Rocket Money clean up your life today? Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. You heard it. That's rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. My point, though, being is I don't think the Hantavirus is that scary yet, but here's the thing that we need to be careful of. All viruses, they want to survive. They're looking for a host. Right? And in order to survive, they mutate. Oh, fuck. Right? And COVID has mutated many times, thousands and thousands of times. This thing is a better mutator. I don't know. We don't know yet. That's why, you know, who is getting up front? The World Health Organization. WHO. Yeah, they're getting up front on the messaging. By the way, this does say kidney failure can happen within four to 10 days after symptoms. You can just lose your kidney. Yeah, it's bad. This one is bad. And you know what's going to happen is. People are going to die. No, because if this becomes like COVID, what's going to happen is they tricked us last time. Yeah, they're not going to do it again. I'm going to the fucking country music festival. I'm going to go. Right? Not that it could be Coachella. Come get you a rat. Yeah, I don't want to be regional about it. Come get a rat on a stick. Get a rat on a stick. Yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's like the mortality rate's worse and it's going to get bad. I think we're good. Knock on wood. I think we're good. I think we're good. Because I just. I mean, we're going to go into a recession. God bless. Yeah, and the economy is fucked. Let's go. No. We got to go into a recession. Why? Because they have to go down to go back up. That's the only way it works. If we don't do a recession, then we go into depression. Oh. We must recede before we proceed. Oh, like a wave. We must hit the wave. Oh, I see. As of May, the U.S. economy is not in a current recession, faces significant material headwinds and mixed signals. Some analysts foresee a 50% probability of downturn due to high interest rates. It is. But there's an AI bubble that could pop. And if that happens, you know what I mean, then, you know. I don't want to. What? It just scares. It's like. Who knows what's happening? Are you feeling better? He said he was feeling better earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The head feels good. It looks good. Thank you. Your head feels good? Yeah, it just hurts in the back a little bit. You know, I can't see it. It's got. I mean, from afar, when I look closer, I see the little redness. Yeah. From afar, it looks normal. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. Dude, how funny if he turns into like a male model when this is over. Oh, that'd be awesome. If we shift him into modeling now in his 40s. He is handsome. He is. The kid's handsome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do stink. Because I'm always busy and. No, I know. Can I just say something about. You're handsome and you have a cool vibe. Thanks, bro. Set up, set up, set up. Oh, yeah. Here it is. Anything before the butt doesn't count. The butt's my favorite. Why can't I be honest? No, we would like it. Be honest. Yeah, you smell always good. Ditto, by the way. I smell. I know. I smelled a girl last night at the fucking restaurant. And I was like, God, what is that? That smells incredible. She's out next to us. And my wife was like, that's Bobby's cologne. Yeah. I smelled you on someone else. Yeah. And it made me get. I ran up to her. I did an Asian accent to her. I missed you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you wear a lot of unisex. You wear a lot of unisex. Some sweet. Woody sweet. But I go. She had your cologne on or your perfume. My perfume, yeah. Why do you think. So you think he smells? At times, your breath. What is it? That's what I use. What is it? What do you use? Yeah. Malin and Goat's Rum? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if. Don't put goat in the title. It's too goat. It's too goatish. More Malin. Yeah, yeah. More Malin, yeah. The founders are gay. Less goat, more Malin. Less goat, yeah. In fact, how about just only Malin? For a smell good scent to have goat in it is crazy. It is crazy, dude. Is there a little bit of sheep in there too? I mean. I'm using Marcus and farts right now. More Marcus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. More Marcus. Wait, is that your. That's your. That's your go-to? That's your scent? I use this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that one? What is that? Tom Ford. Tom Ford, yeah. Do you use it? Yes. Okay, all right. Use. I come to work, I'm so stressed that I'm sweating. This is what you need to do. You do need to chill on the stress thing. Yeah, this is what I do. I can't take meds before I come here. Why? Because you see me raw. Oh. Andrew will know if I'm high. I will 100% know. Well, you have tricked me a few times. No, I just always forget to tell you the truth. Okay. So this is what you do, okay? This is what I do. Yeah. Spray on the wrist. always rub and do a rub must right i lift up my shirt right underneath one spray underneath now do you do skin or do you do shirt it's i i spray upwards and it gets both it gets all the way up yeah it gets all the way up i record myself doing it to prove it okay and then this is another one i do sure and this is a little gross but i lift the sack and it hit the taint how's that gross that's that's exactly where it's supposed to that's where exactly we're supposed to go right because if you know i mean they don't want to you don't want them to taste it no right but that you want them to smell it yeah right right they want the aura right the aura yeah and then um wait wait i've got it one on the neck one on the neck that was zesty that last one yeah yeah and that's it that's it what do you do i do this two sprays and that's it yeah that's it no no but that's what i because i don't carlos you now yeah yeah i don't want to smell too crazy maybe i should spray some in your mouth too because that thing what what are you a dragon like what temple are you trying to burn down it's i use the natural one i mean it's so smelly it's the natural one some air one and i don't yeah yeah yeah do more whatever i don't i'll give you the money what do you think please eat food yeah you're not eating macon has commented multiple times sometimes you'll skip an entire day of meals smells like a vegetarian i skip city don't do that there's another thing he does on the road yeah i didn't eat yeah we haven't eaten all day you know i'll have um four lettuces one crouton and half a shrimp it's like order a steak have a meal but you said i'm handsome earlier it's like that's why like that has nothing to do with the food you need to eat for nutrition yeah it's fucking up your breath yeah it is your body's gonna kill you yeah but you can just have smoothies too no you can't just eat smoothies literally i've been eating uh avocado toast and smoothies for a whole year and nothing else oh my god oh congratulations thank you you look like shit give me the guy give me yeah and then mcdonald's yeah give me the guy that's that does the cologne tutorials he does like on on youtube he sprays like he says like a hundred sprays that's what he does yeah that's good they do a hundred sprays i'd rather have that than whatever he has this dragon this guy here's cologne the right way let's see how let's see how it's applied the correct way how to put on cologne because i don't i mean i guess i don't know how all right here we go because this guy will teach us i already told you the best time to apply your cologne all right push pause push pause first of all i don't believe it already turned the video off it's too much ai that's why it's ai because i'll get like turn that off for a second i'll take number two no i don't believe it okay that's sports yes yesterday morning yeah mookie bets yeah mookie and cam yeah cam the bet right still smelled unreal unreal so good like when you smell mookie bets it's because they're famous no that's not it dude right they just intuitively know where to spray they do what to spray they do how to spray they intuitively know to put some sort of mint in the mouth yep not to offend the human beings around them i brought that right so so what i'm saying i'm not done talking well i'm just saying for yeah yeah so it's like you know so that they're not intrusive right you know i mean like i don't want an eyebrow burned off right because you're telling me something you know i mean do you understand what i'm saying like i want you i don't want to get tan i don't want to get an instant tan when you're talking to me you need to take your fucking terrible right yeah yeah yeah no you need to take your fake pills no no no no on one every time i'm with you i look filipino because your brother is so like a dragon he's had time with you yeah he talked to you the other day and then he turned to me and he got breathburn his whole face that's what i'm saying dude i'm not eating i'm vaping i'm not eating yeah yeah i know it's terrible what's in there rats what's in there tobacco oh god i'm sorry i love you yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry it's the price i pay it's the price you pay but please we're going on the road thursday morning yeah but i'm not going to eat if you need listerine packets that's what i brought or mints or gum or whatever you want i'll give you thousands of dollars because that's what's gonna what it's gonna take because i use the natural stuff it doesn't it doesn't matter and also on top of it do the cologne routine and then we won't have a fucking problem but i've got a homeless man as my tour manager i'll record yeah i'll record what the fuck is going on all right calm down you're on all the stage hands are like is he homeless like oh no he's not homeless he's a real he lives in the house i'm sorry i know that's been pinned up for years yeah it is how do you say that you say it how do you say that how do you say that to somebody you know i mean you just did no no when you're you know i mean because you haven't i've never seen you publicly acknowledge his breath what do you in your mind think i write about it i have a blog you do morning pages the artist way i have a sub stack on it you guys got to read it yeah yeah you gotta read it go to podcast.com all right well any retorts then for bob then do you have a retort or do you have bob usually smells good and he's a good boss and uh respect is at a maximum oh smart dude he's about to get some checks on the road yeah very smart excited you're really good sold out san antonio it's great of course yeah yeah houston's uh getting there and also dallas is there already doing well toronto yeah yeah from texas you're gonna rip up texas to shred yeah so um what i'm saying is is that you're also being last thing i want to say oh yeah if i keep you anything yeah what last thing i want to say because i feel like people think that i complain or i'm being vicious you know i mean i think you're overcompensating let me say that again hit it again you're overcompensating overcompensating yeah overcompensating yeah for what it's because last time i said you're not a good tour manager manager right oh but now you're being extra good where it's kind of annoying oh you're going too far yeah today so we're we fly out thursday yeah right to san antonio in the morning right we land at three right right he's already today going what kind of beef do you want what is that what do you mean like he i have to pre-order pre-order meat for our barbecue place they don't run out so they don't run out what do you mean they're gonna run they're gonna run out of meat by three when we go at 7 30 they'll hold did they tell you that they're they run out of meat we're at a barbecue fucking place yeah excuse me we'll order the corn right and i guess the corn bread there's nothing good because they're like a michelin star place that's normal idiot that's fucking normal god damn dude you're just calling the barbecue barbecue place yeah and they're all millionaires yeah yeah yeah god you're so you know no you don't yeah yeah let's be real let's be real for once in your life no go in the middle maybe he's overcompensated ah wow he's got me riled up dude how about we do a hygiene uh bump then financially give him a hygiene bump okay i'm willing to do this okay we'll put aside a little bit of money for hygiene i'm willing to do this okay yeah thanks for the hair yeah even fucking hair that's not it that's not what smells oh yeah that it will you you think that's hair from the back of his head no dude he's not gonna fucking sacrifice the back of his head that's fucking asshole hair that's pube hair dude i love yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you know what imagine that hair he's gonna have dreadlocks he's gonna have dingleberries up at the front yeah yeah it's gonna look bad it's gonna look so good yeah yeah not only are you gonna look good yeah yeah i'm afraid we're gonna lose you to modeling i just think i think you're gonna get a full hair i think he's gonna get a full head of hair in a year and he's gonna think he's better than us do you not think that's gonna happen fancy i think he's gonna be up his own ass mccone's saying yes i think you're gonna be mr hotshot and mr hotshot's gonna go i'm late i don't want to come to the shoot anymore i'm doing my own thing i'm 90 minutes early every time i'm a killer i know but you don't have any hair yet when the hair comes in it might change your perspective okay that's interesting he's two inches taller than me one one one one we mentioned it's one yeah it's one or two inches taller than me right with the hair might be even right right he has hanta body hanta body yeah yeah yeah yeah um the face is pretty good face is very good right the eyes even with hair that eyes nice car nose mouth are very good right the women like the eyes and the face and the nose right yeah you're right but also women don't like medieval shit they don't like no no no no no no no they don't they don't like they don't like you know fire coming out of the mouth they don't like is that an ogre and with their senses you know their smells right i mean they don't like medieval shit right they like yeah right right yeah am i under a bridge like what is going on like a troll you know what i mean right so what i'm saying to you is is that it i think it'll you know i mean ah even off even out even out as an average guy got it i see yeah yeah yeah go ahead no i have nothing come at me i'm not trying to go at you come at me guys bobby pinch clip i'm oh wow oh oh bobby oh dude he's gonna piss me off do this guy You're beginning to fucking piss me off right now, guy. We're all redbeats. I love you. I love you. Yeah, first of all, I love you. Yeah. All right, so I want to say this. It's not roasting. That's not. That's honesting. It's telling it how it is, right? Structurally, it's not a roast joke. It's not as clever as a roast joke. That's true. Yeah, and I'm the one that said it. Yeah. So I admit it. Okay. Right? Still got laughs. Yeah, same with the roast the other night on Netflix. Right, so my point is that it's not a roast joke because I'm just being honest. Yeah. Ogre. Troll. Dragon's breath. No, look at me right now, dude. I can't. No, I swear to God on my mother's life that those three things are true. All right, so what my point is. Bob, if you said one thing. As soon as I'm talking, I'm the host of the show. Thank you. I'm the one of the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Okay, so anyway, let me finish what I was saying, okay? Whatever. I have to say. Oh, my God. Yeah, how is that? How is that roasting when I'm just being honest? It was not a roast. I didn't see a roast come out of that. Exactly. It was you divulging your real feeling. What are the three things I said mythologically? Under a bridge, troll. Yes. Dragon's breath. Yes. And? Yeah. Ogre. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Now, will you defy any of those three things? There is no defiance. There's no defiance. No, there can't be. They're truisms, correct? Truths. Truths. Truths. Truths. You're a truther. I'm a truther, correct? Right. Always. So, case closed. Case closed. Yeah, thank you. Case closed. That's not how court works. You can't just- It is if you- It is. If you own the court, it does work out. Do you believe he just said, I'm the executive producer? Did you hear that? Is that what you said? To Bobby, yeah. I've never even said executive before. Are you an executive producer? I mean, yeah, I guess. I may ask you as a- I made it up. Let me ask you as a- I'm nonpartisan, right? No, no, you're not bipartisan. You're my best friend and we do this together. So, I'm partisan. We're on the poster. Yeah, I'm very partisan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're the band. We're the band. We're the band. We're the band, okay? I'm on the tour poster. All right, so- This guy, dude. You make the poster. I take pictures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, let me ask you as my business partner- Yeah. And as the stars of the show. Correct. Okay. Is he executive producer? Slash booker. Let me think. Yeah, think about it. Hmm. Hmm. Wait, Andrew, I can just be producer. Oh, so you don't even want the title. I was going to give it to you, but I guess no. So, just producer then? Yeah, associate. AP. Not associate. No, no, no. Well, what's McCone then? He's- Assistant. He's exactly what Carlos is. Oh, Carlos. No way. Blue Chew. You guys, I'm 54 years old. I'm about to turn 55. Congratulations. Yeah, I'm about to die, but my point is I'm still sexually active. And what I do is I have a girlfriend now as well. Yes, you do. Yeah, and still, I use Blue Chew. I'll tell you why. It's easy. It's easy. It's easy. Because as you get older, you have ED. You do. Erectile dysfunction is what they call it. And that's not a big deal. Millions and millions of people suffer from it. It's not that big of a deal because now Blue Chew has been on a mission to get you absolutely bricked up and build your confidence so you can perform in the bedroom, so you're getting those late night texts of those, you up, what's up, what's going on. Blue Chew Gold is their new arousal boosting formula. It's helping millions of men have better sex right here in 2026 and beyond. Yeah, that's right. It's time for less talking and more rocking, less hanging, more banging, less thinking, more dinking. Seriously, who wrote this? It's simple. Chew it and do it. Chew it and do it is all you need to know. You can get the solution that does both and more for getting hard, staying hard for a long time. Level up with Blue Chew Gold. Don't let your mind get in the way of a good time. Be like Bobby Lee. Discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we got a special deal for our listeners. Right now, when you buy two months of Blue Chew Gold, you're going to get a third for free with promo code BADFRIENDS. That's promo code BADFRIENDS. Visit BlueChew.com for more. Details and important safety information. And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Cachava! You know what, Andrew? I'd rather have cachava than any other meal. Ever. If I had a choice, like if I was on an island, they're like, you get one meal. I'll do every flavor of cachava. You know why? Because it supports energy, digestion, strength, metabolism, cognition, immunity. This stuff has so much amazing stuff in it for you. And it tastes very good. You know, your immune system can get a boost with vitamin C, zinc, and probiotics. I'm telling you, it is so easy to take your favorite all-in-one nutrition shake with you, Bobby, wherever you're headed with Cachava's new travel packs. Whoa. Incredible, because they're on the go. Yeah, yeah. Protein, fiber, vitamins, minerals, greens, probiotics, omegas, electrolytes, and more. Features six fan favorite flavors, chocolate, vanilla, chai, matcha, coconut acai, and strawberry, my friend. I do very much like the coconut acai. I am a big, big fan, and Cachava offers and provides you with clean nutrition to fuel your day, wherever the day takes you. There's no fillers, no nonsense, no crap is in here. And you can try it out for risk-free with their love of guarantee, thousands of rave reviews, including those from your bad friends here. We do like this very much. It's delicious. So take your daily ritual with you now. Go to Cachava.com and use the code BADFRIENDS for 15% off your first order. That's Cachava, K-A-C-H-A-V-A.com, code BADFRIENDS. Travel the worlds of. Netflix IRL. Play leveled-up arcade games. Beat the heat. Get your tickets today at Netflix.com slash house. No, you're trying to break me, and it just won't work, because you've been trying for 20 years. I feel like he sounds like a broken man. Look at me right now. Such projection. Don't talk, please, because the hosts are talking. Okay. At all. Yeah. Does that sound like a broken man? A little bit. No. I want more love. I do love him. He's my tour manager. I will not fire him. He will be my tour manager to the end of my tour. What started this, do you think? How did this kick off? There was an energy transfer that happened. I came in today because my hands were cramping. Yeah. Right? My hands were cramping, and they're still cramping. Okay. I had a miracle, but the eye thing. It's beautiful. But then that lady said, you know what I mean? Not Asian. That was rude. And so I was in this kind of mixed mood. Also, when I was driving here, I was going, I have nothing to talk about. Oh, it's the barbecue. He's mad that I asked him to pre-order barbecue. Yeah, yeah. I do feel like the pre-order ask was what started this whole role. Yeah, and I'll just order for him is what I'll end up doing. Okay. I want you to be comfortable. Being on tour with Nirvana would be easier. It was so much calmer in the early 90s with them, I bet. It's crazier. Like Michael Jackson and his monkey or something. It's insane. So you're saying he's a hard guy to work with? I think there are levels of difficulty, and he's on one of the higher ones. Really? Yeah. You have to really like. Really crazy. Wow. Yeah. And the hardest part about. Let's go back then. Oh, he's like, oh, I'm a man of the people. That makes me easy to work with. Okay, if you want to get real, let's get real. We haven't been real this whole time. Oh, no, because I was kidding about that. You don't smell like an ogre. That's such gaslighting. You're a fucking gaslighter. I did that for comedy reasons. It's a comedy podcast. Yeah, ogres do not smell like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dragons don't exist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dragons don't exist. These are actually all mythological creatures. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cherubs. It's all fake. It's all fake. None of it's real. Such a gaslighting. Yeah, that's not gaslighting. That's a true. That's a trueism. There is no dragons. There is no dragons. There is no. There is a truth. Yeah, there's no. Is the truth. That's the truth of the truth. Right. So take it back. There are trolls. There are some mythological evidence. Yeah, give or take. Give or take. But anyway, I was in jest saying these things. For comedy purposes, at one point or another, you took it personally. There was a personal take. Right. I'll call you those names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you snapped. I did. You got angry. If I snapped, Andrew would legit be like, "Get the fuck out of here." No, no, no. I would let you have your peace. If you want to say your peace, you can say your peace. Yes. No, that's how you lose your job. No, no, no. You can't lose your job. That's why I didn't say that. I was just doing it in jest. Of course, you don't regret not dragging. I can't even say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're on that stuff, right? I was just giving light hints of maybe your main suggestions. Small stuff. Yeah, small stuff. And you took it personally. I wish that as my friend, you would just tell me the truth and that you were trying to break it. Would you rather him tell you the truth not on the air? No, on the air. You want it on the air. On the air. On the air. On the air. On the air. On the air. On the air. On the air. On the air. Okay, I will tell you the truth on the air then. All right? Oh, okay. And I also want Red Bull and water. That's it. That's it. I don't want to stir anything. All right. War. War. Sounds like it's coming. He actually said that Bobby is so cool on the road that, you know, he thinks Andrew's really, really difficult. And you know that. You've said that to me before. No, y'all are very different. I never. Yes, you have. I would literally never say that because you're such a fucking rat. You're such a rat that I would never say that. You're saying this now because you know the fucking fire. That's why I would never say it because you're such a rat. You think I'm the rat? He's the rat. I would never call Andrew difficult. All right. Hey, hey. I would never call him difficult. Yeah, yeah. Andrew. Quiet. I call it for him. All right. Listen to me right now. Okay. You have to be more on top of me. Yeah. We're good. No, I'm not worried about you and me. I'm worried about me and Andrew. I know. I understand. It's good. It's real good. No, it's not. Yeah, it's good. It's good. It's good. It's good. Let me look at my friend here. Yeah. Hello. Hi, man. Yeah. Don't take it personally. Hit me. Okay. You're ready for a fucking lie. Okay. Let's play fair. Fair. Play fair. What Andreas said? What did he say? That I'm more difficult on the road than you. Okay. Did I say that? You did not. No. No facts are facts. Fancy said that. He said that. Carlos said that. Yeah. Behind my back. I've never. Yeah. Yeah. So. Never. So. Listen here, dragon boy. I have never called you that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's very interesting to me. I'm getting the heat because I'm the easier target than he is. Oh, welcome to my life. Right. It's like we're mirror images. I know. So what I'm saying is that he's scarier than I am. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So you have to stay on top of it. You have to stay on top of it with him. Yeah. Okay. So you treat me shittier. You do because you're afraid of him. This is. Let's be real. Let's be real for once. That's not true. I'm not frustrated with Andrew in the slightest and it's not redirected to you. That's insane. I like working with Andrew. Not anymore. Hey, brother. We're going to be needing to look for a new tour manager as the run I have right now is a. Dragon breast troll ghoul. Please. I'm calling mine live, Matt. No, Abby. I'm kidding. It was. I didn't text. I'm doing for real. I would never do that. Shh. Carlos is obviously everyone. Andres, please. Hello. Hi, it's Bob. Bob. Yeah. One of your clients, Bob Lee. What's up? What's up? I just want to let you know you're on bad friends right now. I am. Yeah, but you're not going to say anything bad. I'm just going to let you. I'm going to say I'll do all the talking and then you just and then I'm going to hang up. Do they hear me this part? Yeah, they're hearing you talk. Yes. But you don't have to. Yeah. But you don't have to talk anymore. Does she know what a podcast is? Yeah. All right. All right. So here's here's all right. My tour manager has dragon's breath. You don't say anything. All right. Smells like a troll and an ogre. Right. If I looked at my my writer or none of the shit that is in my dressing room is in like the fruit play. Not true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not true. And I want to let you know what this tour is fine. But the next tour I do, he's out. OK. I love him. Thank you. OK, bye. There's always she's fired. She's fired. She's fired. I will say this. Yes. The fact that you went behind my back. It's insane. And told fancy and McCone. Did he tell you? And me. Did he tell you? And me. McCone didn't hear this. No, McCone. McCone. Come closer to the mic. McCone, have you ever tour managed? No, but I've seen a lot of. Well, you're about to. McCone, you've told me this before. OK. And I want you to be on the record. Right. Who's scarier? Andrew or I? Andrew. OK, good. That's good. That's the way I like it. All right. But you have said that before. But fear. Fear doesn't make me talk shit about him. Or does it? Or does it? Or does it? No, I'm so much more. I don't tell you anything, Bob, because you would tell everyone my business. Oh, I'm a gossiper. Interesting. I'm a gossiper. I'm a witch. Yeah, you are. Salem's witch trial, huh? You're a gossiper. Wow. Well, you know what's unfortunate, Carlos? I will be honest with you right now. We love you. No, not yet. OK. I thought, man, I make it real easy on you. Carlos, I don't ask for much, but the simple things. You don't. I just want water and popcorn backstage before I go on. And you always have it. It's crazy. And I just think I don't ever call you and bug you and say, give me this, give me that. I need this, I need that. Yeah. And for you to go behind my back and tell Fancy I'm difficult to deal with on the road breaks my heart. And quite frankly. Praise the Lord. I think that's it for us on the road. This is sad. I'm so sad that we're going to end over lies. Who's lying? Fancy's lying? I think Fancy's having a hallucination from one of his many colds. Are you lying? Yeah. It's a fever dream. I'm lying. No, you're lying about lying now. So now there's layers of lies. So now I can't believe anybody in the booth. Yeah. So now we have a booth full of liars. They've always have been lying. Who's to believe now? No one. No, you're in or no one to believe. So you are the only person I can believe. So we have. I can't believe you. Don't believe me either. OK, well. Yeah, yeah. This is Game of Thrones. Oh, no. And whom is the dragon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right there. I'm Khaleesi. You know, for the record, I defended you. Yeah. I don't think you have bad breath. And I don't think you smell bad. Thank you, brother. Yeah. I don't either. It was just a joke. Lies. The room full of lies. Yeah, yeah. I'm a liar as well. Gosh, how do we get away from that? I don't know. Well, let me tell you something, though. In all honesty, all jokes aside. All jokes aside. I love you dearly, Carlos. I do, too. But I will not be touring with you in the future. He got a good beating today. I took it like a fuck. You know what the worst part of all this is? What is it? This is like an ex that we have a kid with. We still have to see these people. What do you mean? You and I had a baby. Yes, this show is our baby. Yeah, and that's our child? No, no, no. That's our ex. These people are the people we slept with. Oh, these are our ex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now we have to see them because to keep the baby happy, we have to see our exes. Right. That's exactly what it is. And they're all of our exes. Yeah. I do that on Tiger Belly. A grand slam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A literal grand slam. Yeah. And that's what it is over here. Yeah. I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed, too. The way you framed it makes me disappointed, but I guess, you know. I guess that's the way it is. The panic. Remember, what did I say before? I went in hot, right? Mm-hmm. And what did I say? When I walked through the store. You have nothing to talk about. Exactly. But you know what that really means? I got something to say. I have to see my ex. Yeah. Yeah. Toxic behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to see my ex, and I have to pretend everything's, you know, cool. Yeah. So it's like, be cooler. Be cooler. That's great advice. Yeah, it's good advice, right? Thank you, man. Yeah. Facetious being facetious. And when you walk out of the door, right, don't go just to Andrew. Tell me some business. Okay. Lie to me. I just want to say. I'm going to say this, okay? Yeah. And this is the truth of the matter. You're a great boss, man. I love you. Okay. Okay. This is the truth of the matter, okay? I'm telling you. I'm going to be honest with you. Didn't tell me I'm a good boss. Tell Andrew. I didn't say that. He didn't say that. Thank you. He loves you. Thank you. Fancy? He didn't say that. Say you swear on your daughter's life he didn't say that. Say you swear on your daughter's life. Yes, on your daughter's life. Say it. No, no, no. Don't. No, no, no. You can't. What you're saying, even if you're crossing your little toes and your fingers and you're thinking something else, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is true, right? Say on your daughter's life that he didn't say that. He didn't. On my daughter's life. Say that. Say he didn't say that on my daughter's life. He didn't say that on my daughter's life. Let's go. Okay. Okay. You get a phone call right now. Your wife is like, she's dead. Yeah. I can't. I can't believe you would let your daughter die. Crazy. That's so crazy. For just the show. Yeah, just for the show. Yeah. That's to give the show a high. Wow. Call the hospital. Wow. Yeah, call the hospital right now. Call the hospital. Yeah. I believe. Here's the deal. Thank you. Here's the deal. It was a lot of bits. We're doing. We're doing a lot of bits. I was ripping on you. And here's the honest truth. Even with my notoriety and some of my income, right? I still don't do better than you when it comes to the ladies. And historically, I haven't. So maybe it's a little bit of my. Yeah. So you still have dragon's breath. No. Yeah. I'm doing the camera. You still have that. You still have all those things. Even with that. Historically, you've always done better than me when it comes to the attraction of the opposite sex. So, but dragon's breath, ogre troll. Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo-hoo! Inspire by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Beat the heat. Get your tickets today at netflix.com slash house.