Having a Boyfriend is... Embarrassing Now?

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The reason why having a boyfriend is embarrassing is because y'all came on social media and showed us that it was. This is my take as a guy who just read the British Vogue article. Is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend? And before you come at me, before you come at me, just hear me out. But what I find so fascinating is I think that the root of this discussion is really not about a boyfriend at all. It's kind of a think piece on what does female independence look like? Like in 2025 or at the very least, why do women feel that way? Why is this idea of being with a man or showcasing that you are with a man somehow also tied to these feelings of shame and embarrassment? Because to me, that was really the most interesting piece of this whole discussion. And I think also something that's really, really proved to me looking on the internet is how often people love to give their take without reading the source material. I saw so many videos. Talking about this article where it was so clear that they didn't read the article at all. They were kind of posing these arguments or these hypotheticals that were just so not actually based in the piece itself. And it's one of those examples of the internet where I truly feel like we get in this cultural race to the bottom to have the hottest take. Where for every think piece, there has to be a counter think piece and a reaction and then a comment about that reaction. And then suddenly we're not even discussing the actual source material. Or root of the argument itself. So I wanted to try and make this video to re-center that argument. To actually read the words written in this article and discuss them. Because I think there's not really a right or wrong answer to this. It's kind of an opinion piece, truly. Like, does do these things make you feel that way? And I think if so, why is a really, really fascinating thing. Because I think it is really rooted in a lot of psychological issues, economic issues, and the way that women and female independence. Has improved since the 70s. And also just politics, sociology, psychology, all of it. It was really a fascinating moment of the internet. So I already know whenever there's a massive discussion thing on the internet, I'm always wanting to talk about it. So with that being said, welcome back to Nikki at Night. I am your host, Nikki Reardon. It feels good to be back. It feels good to be doing a solo episode. I really appreciate you guys all watching the interviews and the nice comments and feedback. From all of them. It is such a career dream of mine to do that and figure out, you know, my own way. Obviously, like, we know I love talking about music and culture. And so many of my biggest inspiration and heroes are people like Zane Lowe. And that have really, really just, like, created this space for artists to talk about their work in a way that I think is, like, actually meaningful. And is, like, real music journalism and discussion of the art. And I don't know. I'm really in this road of trying to figure that out. I don't think I've mastered. I don't think I've mastered it yet. I want, you know, I think there's, like, skills as an interviewer and how to package it in a way that's interesting to people. And also, it's, like, important to me. I don't know. I love talking to new artists or up-and-coming artists. Like, I just feel like there's always 100,000 think pieces on Taylor Swift or Ariana Grande or whomever at any given moment in time. That it feels cool to try and, like, build a show that can really focus on new and exciting artists and new music and all of the, you know, amazing work that they do. Put into that. So, anyways, I just want to say thank y'all. But don't worry. I have lots of solo episodes coming soon. I'm literally filming multiple this week. So, stick where you are. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button. Turn on the notifications. Follow us on Spotify. Hey, if you want to listen to us on your car ride home from work, at the gym, all of these episodes are available there in a podcast format. So, thank y'all. Love y'all. And with that, I want to talk and dive into this article, Is It Embarrassing Now? by Shantae Joseph. And also, interesting note, is, like, this is a piece of print media going viral. Like, when was the last time a written article went viral? I truly cannot tell you. Like, I think this is a win for the culture, guys. Like, people are reading, kind of. I was literally thinking about, like, I could not tell you the last time I saw a topic so viral on the internet that it, like, truly made me sit down and read. But cool and exciting. And I hope that people, and I want to encourage people to actually read the article itself. I'm going to put it either as in the pinned comment or in the description. It's very, very short, and there's no paywall or anything behind it. It's a really interesting read. But I want to dive into some of the specific quotes, I think, from this article because so many people have just misquoted it or just, I think, misdiagnosed the discussion point of what this is supposed to be. So, Shantae starts off by saying, quote, If someone so much as says, my boyf on social media, they're muted. There's nothing I hate more than following someone for fun, only for their content to become my boyfriendified suddenly. This is probably because for so long, it felt like we were living in what one of my favorite substractors calls boyfriend land. A world where women's online identities centered around the lives of their partners. A situation rarely seen reversed. Women were rewarded for their ability to keep a man with elevated social status and praise. It became even more suffocating when this could be leveraged on social media for engagement, and if you're in serious enough, financial gain. Which, one, I think it's very important to discuss that the root of this argument is not as to whether or not the relationship itself is an embarrassing act. What she's really talking about is this idea of, like, public display of relationship, right? So, like, posting about your boyfriend all the time and making content with your boyfriend for people who are creators or whatever. And how that has felt cringed to a lot of people or embarrassing, you know? But I do think it's interesting to note that in this sort of dialogue here, you know, she's talking about how she's following someone for fun originally. Which really makes me think she's talking about, like, creators. You know, like, people who post on the internet. Not necessarily some friend that you know in real life. Later on, she says, Are people embarrassed by their boyfriends now? Or is something more complicated going on? To me, it feels like the result of women wanting to. One where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish. And I do find this sort of behavior really interesting. You know, she. Throughout the entire article, she interviews only women currently in relationships. And is asking them, you know, like, Do you feel weird about posting your boyfriend? If so, why? And they give a whole wide. Wide variety of answers. You know, some of them are talking about the evil eye. Or just how they feel like women or competition could be watching. Some of them talk about how they feel like it's just kind of embarrassing or weird. Some of them talk about how they just don't want to. And they value the privacy of their relationship. And I don't know how to feel about this. Because, you know, to me, like, if the roles are reversed, right? Like, if I were to see a man who's never ever posting his girlfriend. In my head, I'd be like, Is he cheating on her? Right? Like, you know what I mean? Something about, like, when they're so private about it, it does potentially give that signal. So, for a woman to not post about their man, you know what I mean? Like, does it give that same signal? I don't know. And I also, inversely, think that when you see someone obsessively posting about their boyfriend all the time, that is also a sign of cheating. Like, something about. The ultimate example to me is Ned Fulmer, the Try Guy. And how he made his entire identity on the internet. Like, I am a husband, and I love my wife, and look at all these things I'm doing with my life, blah, blah, blah. And then it ends up that he was cheating on her. Like, I just feel like when people are that obsessed with it and doing it all the time, it's like you're overcompensating for something. You know what I mean? And maybe this is a toxic way for me to think. Maybe there are people out there who are happy and in love, and I'm just overanalyzing. But something about it, to me, you know, like, when you're on either end of the spectrum, it's concerning. And I don't really know why. One of the pieces of evidence that Shantae cites in her article is this clip from the Delusional Diaries podcast, where the creators talk about how they feel like it is lame to be in a relationship, and how cool they think it is when they meet a girl who is single. Here's a tip. Just pick your favorite teams and get automatic, live updates without even knowing their schedules. The NBA's back on PrizePix. Pick a shootout in the West and a boards battle in the East. On PrizePix, you can make all the picks you want, all in the same app. And now, PrizePix is available nationwide. So what are you waiting for? Download the PrizePix app today and use code SPOTIFYED, that's code SPOTIFYED, to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup. PrizePix, run your game. Must be present in certain states. Visit prizepix.com for restrictions and details. But I saw this girl make a video and she was like, isn't it kind of funny? Like, I feel like having a boyfriend now is like lame and like shameful. And she was like, I feel like it used to be really cool, but now it's like you meet a girl and you're like, oh, you'd be cooler if you like didn't have a boyfriend. And I was like, I really do feel that way. Like when I meet a girl and she doesn't have a boyfriend, I am like, oh, like, yeah, that's cunt. Like, you're cool. Like, I like that. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, you're on your own, like slay girl. And then- Like, yes, independent. You don't need shit. And then I'm like, wait, am I lame for having a boyfriend? And I'm sure all of you will be like, yeah, break up with your boyfriend. And I have two interesting thoughts about like this specific dialogue. Number one is I do find it very interesting that both of the, that the creators here, are both married and made so much content about their wedding. Like it is this weird, what about me-ism of the internet where like people love to give a take or critique or opinion on some thing, but then somehow they are always the exception to that thing. And again, I'm not trying to say this is like hate diet of those creators. I was obsessed with the wedding content. I was watching it. I was scrolling through it. I didn't think it was embarrassing at all as an outsider perspective. But again, I do just think it was very interesting that like this is a take coming from people talking about singleness and the coolness of singleness while not being single. And I also think it's part of this sort of, grass is greener thing of humanity. We've all been in that way, right? When you're single, you want to be in a relationship. And when you're in a relationship, you miss being single. It is this eternal sort of thing. But also something that I do think kind of is fair, fascinating. And at least I thought about, I don't know if this is a correct line of thinking, but it's like when they're talking about a woman being cooler for not being with a man, in a way that is still grading the woman's worth based off of a presence of a man, right? Like, but we're now seeing this complete cultural flip, right? Like way back in the day, this peak of womanhood was to settle down and have kids very young and get married. And that meant you were a high value woman. Because you were able to do those things, right? And that value was placed on proximity to a male. It's just how close you were. Whereas now the way that they're describing it is like a girl is cooler based off of her distance in proximity to a male, which is in a way still valuing a woman based off of the presence or lack thereof of a man. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't think that that was their intention with this. Again, like, I think this was a very like innocent, just like talking clip from a podcast. But it's just a random thing that I kind of thought about of how like it's an example of the cultural pendulum swinging completely to the opposite side, not necessarily establishing a new healthy middle ground. It's kind of just the complete inverse of what we used to believe. And it's interesting that, again, it's not saying like, oh, this girl is cool because she has a hobby, because she knows how to sew and makes her own clothes and everything she makes is so cool. Or she is a real career hustler. Or, you know what I mean? Like, it's not, it's saying that this idea of coolness is graded or partially thereof graded on something that actually has nothing to do really with their personality or them as a person. But these random arbitrary choices of being in a relationship or not. I don't know. It's just an interesting sort of like thing I thought about in the dialogue discussing this. So why do women feel this way? Well, in her article, Shante says, from my conversations, one thing is certain. The script is shifting. Being partnered doesn't affirm your womanhood any longer. It is no longer considered an achievement. And if anything, it is becoming more of a flex to pronounce yourself single. As straight women, we're confronting something that every other sexuality has had to contend with, a politicization of our identity. Her heterosexuality has long been purposefully indefinable. So it is harder for those within it and outside of it to critique. However, as our traditional roles begin to crumble, maybe we're starting to see to reevaluate our blind allegiance to heterosexuality altogether. And this I do think is really, really fascinating because there is really interesting data that talks about how unmarried women without children on average scored happier than married women in straight relationships with children. Single women have reported to be happier on average than single men. And again, I am not trying to say that that is like a universal truth by any means, but it is interesting, again, as to how, you know, when was there this shift, right? Like when did this idea of this presence of a partner become more of a burden than an asset? I think there's a few different explanations for this. One is something that Shante talks about in the article in this politicization of our identity as women, where as there is this sliding regression towards misogyny, towards overturning Roe v. Wade and a woman's right to choose, right? Like, this idea of even existing as a woman has become more political than it was in our lives previously, right? Like now you, a man, if you're in a straight man who has different political beliefs from you, and now that is directly tied towards your rights, right? And that was not as deeply of a thing that women felt, whereas, you know, like people of color or queer people have like always had to deal with that, right? Like most women of color are not dating, and they're not even a hyper-conservative man. Like that's not an option for them because a lot of that ends up being tied to these ideas of racism or bigotry or white supremacy, whatever, in a way where like, that's just not an option, right? And this is something that as there is this greater cultural divide politically, is becoming a growing issue for women, right? Like your selection pool almost feels like it's shrinking because you don't want to date somebody who is in support of fascism or something like that. And I think the other thing is despite there being such this large sentiment on the internet about frustration with relationships, frustration with love, this epidemic of loneliness and men, whatever, that relationship content is always so viral, right? Like think of Norah Smith and Lucky Blue Smith, or do you see these TikTokers that get like 10 million views on some silly skit of pranking my boyfriend, or, oh my God, me and my boyfriend just bought a house, whatever, right? I think it's so fascinating that we are in a cultural war moment, where some of us are like, oh my God, I'm so happy for you, blah, blah, blah, right? And I think it's so fascinating that we are in a cultural war moment, where something like trad wives and hyper-independent girl bosses are like trending at the same time, right? Like, it is this complete divergence in ideology and culture. And it really speaks to, again, like what I've talked about in the "Death of Nuance" and these videos about extremism, of like, it feels like there's just no middle ground of discussion or takes anymore, right? Like, there's people, like Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are posting their engagement photo and getting- -3 million views, and also like this article about being embarrassed by your boyfriend is getting millions upon millions of views also, right? Like, this idea of like a nuanced middle ground discussion feels scarce and is getting more scarce by the day. And that was something I really thought about when like evaluating the discourse around this article, which kind of brings me to the sort of my takes and my speculations and thoughts on why this is and why this is happening. And clear caveat, I'm very clearly a gay man. And this is an article written from the perspective of women about being a woman and being with a man. So I don't fully empathize with that experience. But I do think there's interesting things that being a gay man kind of helps with, and at least thinking about this, because I understand the relationship dynamic of what it is like to be a man in a relationship, and also what it is like to be the one pursuing, you know, being pursued in a relationship, right? Like typically in the male-female relationship, it's like the man is the pursuer all of the time, and the woman is the one being pursued all of the time. And when you're gay, you're kind of like in the middle of that, right? Like you're doing both or whatever. Which is why I think that there's some interesting sort of loopholes or things that I think about in this argument. Because I think the argument itself, again, is really not as much about is having a boyfriend or posting your boyfriend super embarrassing, but it's more so like, why do women not feel this same obsession and necessity for a man in the culture and this the elevation of social status that that used to be required of right like i mean in the 1970s like for the 70s women couldn't even get their own lines of credit or a credit card right unless you were married with to a man so like one i think it's this blatant sort of like women have more options than they ever had and that's a good thing right like they're the reason the average age to get married was so low was because like they could not build a life for themselves otherwise so there was this necessity for in terms of legality honestly and laws and who's allowed to open a bank account and have a credit card type level type shit that was like it made it in this a necessity for a woman to be with a man and what's interesting is i think we're actually starting to see the flip of those gender roles right whereas now on average women are significantly more educated women are significantly happier and i think really what it was is like once upon a time you know again the when you think of this sort of nuclear family and the 1950s whatever like the women needed a man for stability in terms of economics jobs being able to get a credit card being able to climb the economic social ladder right whereas nowadays men need women for stability because i think they need emotional support and trust and conversation and i think that's a really important thing and i think it's because men and this whole epidemic of loneliness we've talked about like don't really talk to each other or engage with each other in the same way like it is very bizarre the way that female friendships are so much deeper than male friendships right like you when you're with your girls you are laughing you are crying they are your support system you can spontaneously facetime them anytime right like there's so much depth and discussion of life and and your goals and dreams that i feel like really happen within female friendships that just so frequently do not happen with male to male friendships and the way they communicate with each other is so not based in depth there's actually a lot of uh psychological evidence that talks about how the way that men bond with each other is more so through activities and that's why when you see a lot of men that are you know their closest friends they you know hop on fortnight or play video games together they go to the gym together maybe they were in the same place they were in the same place they were in the same place or some sort of social group or job or um whatever right like there is cycle it is psychologically proven um and there's this analogy that i love where they talk about how like women bond facing each other so like looking at each other in discussion and dialogue whereas men bond next to each other so like doing things together having shared experiences together um so what that creates is that these sort of male on male friendships don't have that same level of emotional vulnerability in depth. Whereas female friendships have that need fulfilled, right? Like if I'm having a bad day and crying, I know at least six girls I can call that would pick up the phone and talk me through it and walk me through it. And I think if an average straight man was having a bad day to the point where he was in tears, zero times out of a hundred is he like calling another straight man. I think he's calling his mom. I think he's calling his sister. I think he's calling a girlfriend. I think he's calling one of his female friends, but I would be so shocked if that, if he was talking to another man about that, right? Cause this, there's this weird thing with masculinity where I think like it's its own prison, you know, like everybody is so afraid of not looking masculine in front of another man that they trap themselves and pretending to be this idea of what they think is masculine, which is so not attached to like authenticity and vulnerability and reality. It's a performance. So much of masculinity is a performance. And it's so fascinating that, you know, when they don't have that sort of depth in their platonic friendships, now they are, you hear this loneliness epidemic and this anger and frustration amongst men because they are seeking now seeking a woman to fill that void within them, right? Because they aren't getting that from their other relationships, whereas women are. So this idea of being single for longer, I think is so fascinating. I think it's so fascinating. Doesn't really bother a woman as much, or at the very least, I think they don't feel it as much on a typical daily basis, which is so fascinating. Whereas men like there's, they don't have that other outlet. And also I'm not trying to make it that like, it's the responsibility of a woman to take care of this. Like the solution is that men need to be willing to be more vulnerable with their male friends and ask them about things and talk to each other in a way that is more empathetic and grounded in emotion and exploring those emotions together. And it's so fascinating. I think it's not the fault of the women. That's not what I'm trying to say. I'm just like sort of saying like how I see these sort of like differences and, and divergences. And I think another really, really fascinating thing with why people aren't rushing into relationships is this issue of affordability. You know, like for the first time in American history, the median average age for a first time home buyer is 40. So most people aren't getting a home for their first time until their forties. So because of that, people are getting married. They are settling down later to even afford a wedding, right? Like that used to be something that was possible at 25 years old. It's not possible to buy a home and have a wedding and do all of these things as, as a 25 year old, even a 30 year old anymore, it feels completely out of touch and, or, or almost impossible. Right? So because of that, there are people pushing back those milestones in their life, right? People aren't buying a house till they're 40. And if they're not buying a house to their 40, then maybe they're living in the city still throughout their lives. So that's one of the things that, you know, wasn't as popular when you could just buy a house in the suburbs or whatever, right? Like I do think that this, this issue of affordability has like somehow pushed back the timeline of life because it's just so impossible to do now. So then because of that also, again, there's this longer amount of time where people are single or people aren't having that emotional intimacy and that's sort of where this, I guess, divide is stemming. I also think another fascinating factor that is really contributing to this loneliness is there is a very deep male versus female cultural divide where like men and women don't really consume the same media anymore, right? Like pop has become so female dominated and was always female dominated, but it's the most female dominated it's ever been, right? Like all of the biggest artists, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, like they are women and making music for the girls. And then when you look at rap or country, it is so male dominated. And I think that's a really big factor that's really dominated and has gotten more male dominated and is primarily a male audience and even if you're asked you know a man like what is your favorite movie or most exciting movie of this year i think they're saying something like marvel or superman or you know 2023 they're talking about oppenheimer or they are watching football or sports all the time whereas the most exciting movie of the year to a lot of women is probably something like wicked which doesn't have a lot of male appeal right or they are consuming reality tv which is a very predominantly female space right like everything is becoming more skewed and more different in media based off of gender consumption right or even if you were to ask a man or a woman like what's your favorite podcast so many men are saying joe rogan theo vaughn those types of podcasts which women are not consuming at all you know what i mean or even hobbies and things like again we talked about sports we talked about video games things like that and i think that's something that's going to be a lot of people like crypto right like those are so male dominated spaces and there's there's very stark male dominated spaces and male dominated media and very stark female dominated spaces and female dominated media and what's interesting is like this i think was you know one of the upsides of when we had sort of like a monoculture when all of us watched tv and what was on cable was what we watched or that's why we all remember disney channel or spy kids or you know an interesting thing like something like hannah montana that was so clearly geared towards appeals appealing to women you know i think if you were to ask any gen z man do you know hannah montana did you watch hannah montana episodes as a kid over 80 percent of them are saying yes like they've seen it at some point he consumed it right like that was the benefits of a monoculture and as now when we have more options and algorithms that are now feeding us things based off of perceived interest that we are diverging even further apart right like we're we're all of the spaces are becoming either more male or female dominated and again also i'm not trying to say those things like are there women who play video games absolutely are there women who love sports absolutely are there men who are dying to go see broadway or wicked or love selling sunset absolutely right like there's exceptions to everything but i do think if you're talking about like large-scale macro data there is this steep divergence in who is consuming what based on gender which is a really fascinating thing and i think that means that we're not just going to talk about this but we're going to talk about this in a way that makes it harder to meet people harder to connect with people harder to spontaneously run into people in real life even right like there's not as much of these guaranteed discussion points guaranteed common interest common passion familiarity to have a conversation over or running into people in these sorts of spaces right like as all of those aspects of culture become more skewed we are then interacting with those other people less often which i think also you know is maybe where some of this you know is going to happen in the future but i think it's also going to happen in the future but i think it's also going to happen in the future i think it's also going to happen in the future embarrassment stems from you know what i mean like if you're doing something for your boyfriend or you're going to see a movie for your boyfriend and it's like marvel or superman and you're not super interested in it maybe you're not posting about it because you don't really care so it's kind of embarrassing to you and he feels the same way when you guys are watching the new season of love island like he doesn't care as much and it's embarrassing to him right like this idea of what we like and dislike is directly tied to this concept of what is embarrassing and not embarrassing um and i think it's an interesting thing when you think about these sorts of things as to what is embarrassing about it um because to me like when i think of it at least when i think of my friends like i don't think posting your boyfriend is really embarrassing at all like i i think you can do it in an embarrassing way i think your man can be an embarrassment and i've met a lot of those but like i don't think in a vacuum it's a particularly embarrassing action in any way and in fact i think that there are even times where it would be weird not to right like if you went on a vacation together and you like didn't post all these pictures on the beach in a bikini by yourself like you know what i mean like would that be where i don't know again and i'm like it's just this interesting thing that i i again i don't think there's a right or wrong wrong answer um and i also think what's interesting about this idea of being embarrassed by posting a partner is that like it's so rooted in this idea of using social media as this i'm interested in the perception of other people's feelings and i think that's a really interesting idea and i think that's a really interesting idea and i think that's a really interesting idea and i think that's a really interesting idea as opposed to using social media to document your own life right like i think something i have really started to try to romanticize in my own life is that like i love to look back on old shit that i like old pictures that i posted and when i took a trip with my friends last summer and to stalk myself you know what i mean i'm like oh my god this was so fun like we don't have these sort of physical photo albums and stuff as much anymore and i've really tried to romanticize this idea of like and even just an instagram account being my way to look back into my own life right and 10 years from now 20 years from now i will love to have those pictures somewhere outside of a camera roll where they're going to get lost inevitably that black hole thousands of things in it right like i like that there is these little things i can post and i'm not really thinking about how they do or who is looking at it i'm thinking about is future me going to be excited to look at this because i remember times you know we've all had those moments where you looked back at your old tumblr or your twitter or some old piece of social media and and you loved that it was there you kind of loved having your own digital footprint and being able to document yourself and to me like that's what posting your relationship should be you know it's we did things together this person is a big part of my life and i want that documented whether we're together or not 10 years from now like it's it's a chapter and a real chapter that you live through and and to hide it i think is doing a disservice to yourself your future self um because you'll never be able to have that again or look back on it you know what i mean you can always archive a thing or like there's always ways to undo it but it's you're not gonna be able to repost that thing from a vacation that you took last year or whatever like this idea of the internet doesn't have to only be for the approval of another person it can be this scrapbook of your own life if you um and that is something i really really tried to do myself you know and and i think the more i do it the more i love it because i remember those things like it's i loved you know um i take a trip for my birthday every year with my friends or i like try to go like get a little airbnb or something like in california somewhere and i loved when we did the one this year to look at the stuff we did last year like it was so cute and we're all looking at it together you know what i mean like that to me is what it's used for um and it this idea of like is posting your significant other is posting your significant other embarrassing is rooted in this idea of like posting and thinking and fixating about this approval or lack thereof from strangers on the internet which like who fucking cares now i want to get into some of my sort of critiques sort of of this article um or really where i think as a man myself i found it confusing um because the top comment on this post with 160 5 000 likes on just the comment was i would never post a man unless he is posting me and i thought that's so interesting of like okay so you're publicly shitting on this behavior talking about how you think it's so cringe and embarrassing yet have the expectation for that behavior to be done to you i just think that that's weird and very confusing to men right like if i was a random guy and i saw some girl that i'm talking to you or some girl that i'm with sharing an article talking about how it is so embarrassing to post your boyfriend i would be like wow she finds that embarrassing i'm never gonna post her right because i don't want to embarrass her like that is literally how i would think in my mind um so when women are having these discussions i think it's a very interesting and good discussion to have like you do have to think about like how what is the reaction to that gonna be right like why is somebody gonna say that are you creating a dialogue to where that's a reasonable expectation for them to have um and i just think that that is so interesting you know again when people talk about these things of like why aren't men yearning anymore the men used to yearn and be so in love and romantic for women like if you're reposting an article called is it embarrassing to have a boyfriend now a man's not gonna yearn over you like he's gonna you know he's gonna be like oh my god i'm not gonna like he's gonna think it's embarrassing to pursue you he's gonna think you're not interested in him he's gonna think you don't want to have a like do you know what he's saying like i don't i just think that these sort of discussions create this ripple effect that people don't always think about and i'm not trying to say that in the way of like you shouldn't have the discussion you should absolutely have the discussion it's incredible and important to do that but i think also you have to realize what how is someone how is a stranger gonna perceive that like why if if you deem this as a thing to do then you're not gonna be able to do it right so i think that's a really um and again i think that it's not my take is it's not embarrassing from either side either way i just don't care that much honestly like i'm not thinking about it that deeply but and more so trying to say like if you know if you were a single girl out there like you cannot no one is a mind reader and i think that that is a very important thing in any relationship of like you cannot expect somebody to fulfill your need in xyz way unless you have done it right so i think that's a really important thing to do and i think that's a really important thing to do and i think that's a really important thing to do and i think that's a really important directly communicated what that need is how it makes you feel and why you want it to happen um that's communication and healthy communication in relationships you know um so when there is this discussion of posting or not posting whomever i think that that is a very important thing to think about is what i'm trying to say but i don't know do you think it's embarrassing to have a boyfriend now do you think it's embarrassing when people post about their boyfriend i think it's very embarrassing when people become couples accounts and stuff like that i agree with that part i hate that it's weird it's also i think there's different than like people who make videos that they're significantly other versus people who are like couples pranks accounts or whatever like do it all the time you know what i mean but i don't know i'm really interested to hear from you on this one give me give me your thoughts in the comments tell me if i'm wrong tell me if any arguments i made resonated with you again i don't know i think this was one where i just like wanted to sort of open the discussion to my audience because i found it very fascinating so i thought you guys would find it fascinating as well um but i love you lots and i'll see you next week want to be the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iphone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download apple sports for free on the app store or find it on your new iphone ryan reynolds here from int mobile the message for everyone paying big wireless way too much please for the love of everything good in this world stop with mint you can get premium wireless for just 15 a month of course if you enjoy overpaying no judgments but 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