Harland Williams & Your Lips are Udamu

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And watch what happens in the bedroom, baby. Your partner's reaction, baby. Christless. Right now, Bathmate Direct is giving our listeners up to 20% off when you use the code Belly at bathmatedirect.com/belly. That's Bathmate Direct, B-A-T-H-M-A-T-E-D-I-R-E-C-E-T.com/belly. Use code Belly for up to 20% off. Hit bathmatedirect.com/belly. Use code Belly. And start delivering legendary performances, Luke. The link is in the episode description. What's that you're wearing? It smells like white lotus or something. That's my hair oil. Oh, you should get him some. I should get you some. Really? My hair oil? No, that's my hair oil. Oh, really? Who would you hear that from before in the past? I don't know. I think I heard it might have been-- Your grandmother. Your grandmother. No, no. It was a shell station in Bakersfield. Oh, I see. Was she working behind the counter? I don't know. Yeah, you don't know anything, do you? I don't know much. I know. Is this smell good to you? What? This smells good to you. This smells good, yeah. It's her product, is she created? You created a product? Yeah. That's a for-at. You want one? That's a for-at. What did she say? That's a for-at. That's a for-at. That's a for-at. It's an ounce of for-at. Oh, it is? Yeah, it's already a big company. You all right? I didn't know that. It's all makeup all over North America. North America. Yeah. Whole world. Your eyes. Say it. Your eyes. Get the hair oil, hair oil. I thought the hair oil? Don't leave my eyes hanging. I'm seducing the camera. You said your eye and then you just left it. And I'm doing this. Yeah, yeah. I want you to keep doing it. I am. But you just like left. Your eyes are blue as the world. Bless you. I wrecked it. It fucking wrecked it. I'm seducing. I'm seducing. Are you being real right now, dude? Yeah. Are you being absolutely real right now, dude? Can I get a bless you? Bless you. I did. Yeah, bless you. No, I'm seducing six cameras and I get like a SARS sneeze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got a, it was more bird flu. Yeah. Yeah, it was a bird flu. Yeah. Can we do it again without that? I really can't. Well, what about what I want? Not what you want. I'll try it again. Thanks. That's all I have. Yeah. Uh, your nose. Eyes. I want to go nose. I don't do nose. You don't do nose? I don't do nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your eyes are as deep as an open wound on a blue whale's fin. Thank you. You welcome. What give me one? Your eyes are as puffy as a lemon meringue pie. I'm not finished. Oh, sorry. Your eyes are as puffy. I'm changing it to a blueberry cobbler. I'm like grandmother's window ledge. And four chickadees fly down and peck at the cinnamony crust on top. Up. Oh, okay. Let's go more. What do you, can you do one to me or? Can I do one to you? Okay. Yeah. My eyes though. No, not your eyes. Oh, yeah. My lips since you make fun of them a lot. Yeah. Okay. Your lips are like a Seth. Can I start over? Can I start over? Whoa. Seth Green. That's right. That's right. That's a woman. That's a lady. You don't, Seth Green, a woman. All right. All right. All right. Okay. Your lips are like a North North care. Wow. I can't do it. I can't do it. No, I'm not okay today. What's going on? Give me another one. Two or a lip. I'm going to do. Your lips look like a West Congo Lake pufferfish deep within, you mean, a quagmire of different rocks that smashed his face in and the moisture, what they call blood, form a puffy gel right called Udomu. Udomu. That was not as good as yours. I would have just said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I try to go along with you. I don't think I'm as good at that. I would, that's it. That's what I was talking about. Udomu was all you needed. You could have just gone. Your lips are Udomu. Oh, I forgot. You did all that other hyperbole. Yeah, hyperbole. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that what you did? I do what's called eloquent. Oh, you do eloquent. You do eloquent. Yeah. Can you teach me eloquent? Sure. Yeah, teach me something. Well, let's see some lettuce guy. Lettuce? Not giving you a freebie. You need money. Yeah, lettuce. Oh, yeah. Lettuce. I'll start with some lettuce. Yeah, yeah. You want some lettuce? Yeah, what do you got? What do you got? Play hair. Yeah, yeah. Are you doing? You want some fucking lettuce? Okay, give me the lettuce. Yeah, you want some lettuce for your baby. What's up? A dollar. Okay. What word? Nobody teach me how to do eloquence. I am, but you got to give me the topic you want. Oh, really? You're paying for it. His face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do his face. Your face is like a jack-o-lantern glowing in the night on Jeffrey Dahmer's front porch. It's illuminated with candles and you end up eating your own face because you're a cannibal. You freak. And that was a bonus. I did a bonus freak. I did. What it is is that Unumu wasn't essential essential. What do you call it? What do you call it? What do you call it? I don't want to pee. I don't want to pee. No. Well, yeah. Kind of accentuate. Is that the word accentuate? Accentuate. Not accentuate. Accentuate. Accentuate. But to me, it was just a bonus. Because you gave me a, you're a friend. You are? Yeah. If you think I'm just going to do one and not give a buddy a free, be a bonus at the end. Yeah. I added on. I could have just said freak. Oh, so if I give you more money. But I went T. Oh, right. If I give you more money. And that's a bonus. And that's a bonus. What do I have here? Oh, you want another one? Yeah. Here's a two-rare or two-dollar bill. Oh, wow. Wow. You don't see these anymore. Why do you have a rare two-dollar bill? It's my lucky two-dollar bill, but I'll never use it. So it's been in your wallet for how long? 25 years. Geez. Wow, dude. Wow. What do I get for this? Well, you give me another word. Another. Yeah, but this one has to be two minutes long. Okay. We think that's hard for me? Yeah, I don't think it's hard for you. Can somebody have a timer? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Time this one, right? And then I'm going to tell you're going to do George, our producer's face. But they can't see him, so they don't know. All right. But if you want to-- Talk about my nose, then. Oh, you had a timer up there. Okay. You talk about my nose? Yeah. My lips? Yeah. How about your whole face? Yeah, do my whole face. Okay. Two minutes. A rare two-dollar bill. Who's timing it? We are right now. Oh, so I don't get paid till after I do it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me when the timer starts. Three, two, one. Your face puffs in the night, like a lighthouse at the edge of the world. It radiates a soft yellow light across the top of the ocean. Flickering. Dancing. Square dancing. Sniffing the night, like a anteater blowing ants backwards out of its nose. Your eyes drip down your face like runny fried eggs in the dumpster in Denny's. And the massive pussies it on your chin. Boils like a volcano crying in the night. Your whiskers dangle down like elk pubis. Brushing the forest floor where the mushroom people live. The elves and the ants fleeing, thinking that perhaps, maybe this time, the hair master has come. Your eyes and your hair, your cheeks puffed up like Chinese roasted potatoes. Boiling in a pot deep in the heart of Koreatown. Even though the Chinese, your ears, full of wax, finding their way in the middle of the night to the European wax center at 5.729, Melrose Boulevard, and dripping, dripping through the blackness of night onto an altar boy crying, crying behind the dairy queen in the middle of winter, where two homosexuals are playing in the snow, and making snow anals. Yes, your face puffs like a disease, dripping down the side of Helen Keller's hairy leg, and forming a puddle that inches its way closer to the sea with a salmon spot, and squirt, you did it time. Wow. Wow, here you go, baby. Wow, that's it. I like my favorite was the European wax center, because I've been there, I've gotten my bush wax there. You did? Once upon a time, yeah. I went in there about three weeks ago. I was driving by, and I saw it, it was at a strip mall, and I was like, "I haven't bought candles and ages, and I go in." Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've been real. I've been real, I come out and I went with a candle store. I went in to get candles, I was looking blueberry crayons, cinnamon, raspberry, I came out an hour later with a Brazilian, and I've been walking sideways like a horseshoe crab for about three days. That's what that is. I never thought it was a yeah. Now I know. I think a normal person would have been like, "Oh, you don't sell candles here, I'm going to leave." Well, European wax center, like guys don't know. You're Canadian. Yeah. Okay. But do you know what a wax center is? Yes, I do. You're a guy. I know. Have you ever been, did you ever go through what I went through? No, I never did. Okay. What do you mean? Okay. Well, I went through a trauma. Oh, it's a trauma. Well, you seem to just be rolling off. I know, you paid for your own trauma. I didn't know. I thought it was getting a candle. Oh, I see. I thought it was getting a. Oh, so you probably went in there, right? I said, "Can I buy a candle?" Right. Which is code word for, "Can I get waxed?" They slap me down. They slap you. You paid. I paid. You went back inside a room. Yeah. Right. It laid you down. Hold my pants off. Yeah. And you go, "Whoa, where are my candles?" Yeah. And they waxed my vagina. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I heard your vagina is very nice. It's smooth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's very aromatic. I like to see it one day. You would? They're like armadillo toes? No, I said it. Is that what you said? You'd like to see it one day? Do you see it? They look like armadillo toes. No, I said it's as smooth as an armadillo and then you cut me off. Oh, I created toes. But if you'd like to see it, I would have shown you now. I would have shown you now. I'd love to show you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But does it look beautiful? Yeah. Yeah. No, sit down. Sit down. What are you doing? You said you wanted to see it? Yeah, I don't want to see your fucking vagina right now. Why not? Because I don't like armadillo toes. You just said you wanted to see it. No, I don't. Please sit down. What the hell is wrong with you? I'm going to see. Please sit down. Why won't you let me show you? Don't be. What are you doing, dude? I'm trying to show you. Don't put your dick out, dude. Well, fix it. Well, you bring it. Hold on. Quit pretending you don't know how to do this. Just look right here. Nice belt. And we're good. Sit down. Okay. Well, I don't know why you asked me. Anyways, how are you? Good. How are your pants? They're good. That's what it looks like. Okay, good. Oh, thank you for the reference. Yeah, rough, though. That's scaly. The scaly. Yeah, those things are like nature's tanks. I used to drive an 18 wheeler. And I was down in Florida. You were. And one of these things ran across the road. I hit it. Yeah. And my 18 wheeler flipped up over and and that little hole, that little critter just kept going. Don't call it a whore. It kept going. It roamed my rig. Oh, you can call it a whore. If something roons my 18 wheeler, my Mac, I'm going to call it a, you know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did it survive? Yeah, I told you it ran off. Yeah. With my rig and it was hauling a rebar. And that's heavy. And this raw rebar, yeah, that's very heavy. Hit it and then the whole rig. Wow, I didn't know that armadillos were that strong. Over, boom. Off he goes to eat meal worms and grubs. Right. Dragonfly larva. It was almost as if Michael Bay was there filming it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or who? Christopher Nolan. Dark Knight. Who's your nutty friend? I got him from a special place. Yeah, yeah. You know, not Christopher Nolan? Dark Knight. He flips the whole rig over. Yeah, he did. Yeah. No, it's doing a Michael Bay joke. Oh, yeah, yeah, because you know him right. Don't be like this. I mean, Harlan knows a lot of people. Are you having a fight? No, we're not having a fight. I know Michael Bay. Don't you? Yeah, he goes to the store a lot. I did a commercial forum once. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah, I did one too for him as well. Which one can we talk about it? I don't want to talk about it. Can you name the product at least? It was Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi. What was yours from Squirt? I did a Squirt. Wow, yeah. No, but this guy right here, do you guys have you met before him? Yeah, you were last time I was here. Yeah, and you, you like him? I don't know him well enough. Yeah, I don't dislike him. Yeah, yeah, but what did I, I don't know him? Yeah, it was a feeling though. He's a positive or negative? Positive. It's a positive feeling. Yeah, see like a friendly nice, nice guy, but yeah, I don't know him. Yeah, you give your knuckles just now. Oh, yeah, I try to give you knuckles. Well, I've seen him at the store too, so. Yeah, now and then. Yeah, now and then. But I don't know him. I don't know him. But if you saw him at the competition, would you say hi? Yeah, I've said hi to him. Yeah, yeah, sometimes you ignore me. Yeah, yeah, why? I like to play a little game of mystery with you. Yeah, you and our mystery people. I like to keep you on a hook. Yeah, I like to keep you on a line and a pepper. I like you to never know if you're on steady ground with me. Yeah, and you're not. I like to play with your mind. Your mind and your toes. I like to kind of keep you like on your heels. Yeah, I never want you to know where you sit with me or how we stand. Well, you are. Or what I'm, well, what do I, what do you, what's my journey? Yeah, your mind is somewhere else in another place. Clarna will help you with budgeting. Clarna, it lets you split purchases into different payment options. I love budgeting, don't you? I love the option to not pay the full bulk amount immediately. Exactly. Clarna offers value transparency control and no surprises. 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But I'm looking over this way. - Yeah, but look at this way, but you know what, it goes in the circle. (laughs) You know how like that new space rocket that we set around the inertia? - Yeah. - That's what my mind was doing. Inertia, around the moon. - Yeah. - And I went right into his brain, right? But he, his went into a black hole. - Artimates. - Yeah. And when I say black hole, I mean blood hole. - Whoa. - Whoa. - Is it not black? - Player. (laughs) - Wait, why? - I was at a bad thing to say. - Well, I didn't say anything. - Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. - I didn't say anything. - Okay, yeah. - I've never been up there. - Nobody has. - Yeah, but I'm sure it's nice. - Yeah, I've heard. - Yeah, yeah. - It's flat earth. - You think it's flat earth theory? - Yeah, I was like, yeah, everybody's a flat butthole. - It's not brown. - Oh, that's actually the most untrue thing. (laughs) - You think your butthole's flat? - Oh, it's got ridges. - Well, when you sit down like this. - Harlan, you're an expert of buttholes, right? - Yeah. - Right? - Yeah. - In terms of the ridges, why all the different parts? - Yeah. - Right? So, when you look at a butthole, right? - Yeah. - Those little like ridges, they look like wrinkles. - Yeah. - Why do they exist? He's an expert, he went to college. - That was your master's, no? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What university? - Devarai. - Devarai. (laughs) - Yeah, Devarai, five years to study the butthole at Devarai University, which is a long time, I believe. - Yeah. - But you got your master's in it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, so the wrinkles on the butthole. - Well, they're actually not wrinkles. - What's the scientific name is? - Yeah. - And nupoles. - Oh, they're and nupoles. - And how many nupoles does an average human being have? - The average aneuse has 47, 47, and nupoles. - Yeah. - Why do they exist? - Well, what they do is they help the inertia of the loaf. - Oh, the loaf. Is that the scientific term for feces? - Yeah. - The loaf. - Yeah, yeah. - So, I'm sorry, 'cause I'm a security fellow. - I'm trying to give you the answer. - Why do they call it the loaf? Because whenever I poo, and I look at my poo, and I go, oh, sourdough bread. I mean, I don't, it doesn't look like a baked. - What does it look like to you? - To me, it looks like a brown submarine. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And if you saw a submarine in the ocean. - Yes. - And you put crust on it. It would look like a underwater loaf. - That is so true. You're the master. - Yeah. - Or to continue. So, the nupoles? - Yeah, the aneuples. - The aneuples. - Aneuples. - Aneuples. - They call it the anus. - The anus. (laughing) - Yeah. - It just seems weird hearing the word aneus and then that giggle. (laughing) Like, I'm gonna do it again. And you'll have to force the giggle? - No, I don't want to force the giggle. - But just if you could force, 'cause I'm gonna-- - I've never heard aneus before. - Ready? Aneus. - Oh, you don't have the giggle in you? - I don't have the giggle anymore. - So if you ever-- - Oh, do it again. - Aneus. (laughing) - Yeah, it's like if the Pillsbury Doe Boy was addicted to ass. - Yeah. - I think that's what it would say. - Yeah, yeah. - Would you want me to do it in his voice? And you could do Pillsbury Doe Boy? - I would like to. - Aneus. (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, it works. - I think we found something together. - Put back to the aneus. (laughing) - And the aneuples. No, don't Google it. - The aneuples. - That's root to our professor here. - Amen. - Yeah, please take it out, please, thank you. - So there's physics behind the aneuples. - The aneuples, yeah. - Right, right. - So if you've ever seen and you can bring this up if you want, the pads on a gecko's fingers. - Oh, yeah. - Look that up, a pads of a gecko's fingers. - That he serves. - It helps them, well, they're little ridges and they help them stick to the walls, believe it or not. And so they're-- - Whoa, there we go. See, is that, like, if I looked at a normal human beings, and average human beings, a noople? - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, 'cause sometimes I'm sure it's smaller with Brad Williams. - No, no, picture the aneuples as the lines on his fingers, but picture them as palm as your aneuse. So the aneuples on the outer rim of your aneuse. - Yes. - As those are designed to help him scale the walls. - Wow. - The aneuples are designed to help pull your loaf out. - Wow. - It gives them traction. - So it has, it does have purpose. - It has a function. They have a function. - Oh, it's way, it's them. - Them, there's four, seven of them. - They them. - Well, we don't know. - We don't know. - Yeah, yeah. - He, she, whatever. - There's 47 of them. - Yeah, there's 40 of them. - And so if you ever been mid-loaf and it's sort of, you get a log jam? - What is a log jam? I don't know. - That's when it sort of just stops. The loaf stops. - Oh, it's like the straight of her moves. - Right. - Yes, it's like the straight of her moves. It just stops. And all of a sudden, it starts moving again. And that's the-- - Well, that's because-- - That's because-- - That's because-- - All right, that's because somebody announced that maybe the word's gonna end in a couple of trickle out. - No, no. - Okay. - You're politicizing your loaf. - I am, I am, I am. - Yeah. - I apologize. - You're really pulling politics into your anews. - Oh, my God. - We don't want to go to that. - I'm gonna, I'm gonna loaf out of the politics. - Yeah. - All right, let's start. - But there's a log jam. - With a log jam, yeah. - I'm gonna bring the gecko fingers up again. The anupils serve a physical function. They help those little ridges. - Yes. - They help extract the loaf. - Wow. - Yeah. - Now, can, can, that, this-- - I mean, you asked. - I know what, you went to college for it. - To fry, let's say the name. - To fry the name, let's say the name. - All right, you went five years to study that specific, like, human body. - Yeah. - And why wouldn't I ask that question? Is it a very curious question? Am I not like glada? - No. - So can I ask you another question? - Go ahead. - Sure. - Doctor. - Yeah. - Yeah, so, if you look at the human ethnicity, will you agree that there are ethnicities on the earth? - Yes. - Yes. - Why do you have to think about it? - No, I didn't. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's almost instantaneous. - Why did you try to deceive your audience and make them think I hesitate it? - Because in editing, we're gonna leave a gap. A five second gap. Anyway, I'm kidding, don't do that, but. - I wouldn't mind if you left a five second gap. - Yeah, that'd be fun. - If there's one thing I know, girls like a stupid guy. And so if you can make me look stupid. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gonna work for me. - Even though I do have a degree from the variety. - Yeah, that's right. - Go ahead. - So if you have a black person, a brown person. So you have the anus. - Yeah. - Anuples. - Yeah. - And if you, the tube itself, no matter what race called are the person, it's always pink. Why is that? - Well. (laughing) - An easy question. - It is? Does this seem like an easy question, Kalala? - For someone who studied the anus at the Vry, it's an easy question. - What, you say anything? - Well, no, like he's the professional from the Vry, I want to hear it. - But do you agree with what he's saying? It's so far? - Yeah, everything. - Okay, good. Why aren't you writing it down like, hi, man? - I have been. - Okay, all right. You guys are joint writing it down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so, ask this question. - Okay, okay. - So. - What? - Is this gonna be on the test? - There's no test. - There's no test. - There's no test. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - You learn at your wrist and eventually have horrible arthritis. That's on you. - As Darwin told us, as Charles Darwin. - Oh, yeah, okay. - As evolution tells us, we evolved from the great apes. - Did we really? - Yeah. - Wow. - Yeah. - The gorilla, the chimpanzee. - Yeah, yeah. What about the rangatang? - The rangatang. - Yeah, so we're also-- - The rangatang. - The monkeys and apes are two different things. - Well, explain the two. - But apes are primates. - Yeah. - And they have a different DNA. They have their chromosomes are closer to ours than chimpanzees, chromosomes are closer to us than any other mammal. - I can't wait for this connection. (laughing) - But the less than we will, I can't wait for. - I can't wait for it. - Look, you want a new sensor's block. - I love it, I can't wait. - To see, okay. So, yes. So, the lesser apes or the monkeys as you alluded to. - Yes, I did alluded to. - If you're like me, when you're a boy, your father took you to the zoo. On the other side of the wall were tribes of mandrels. Were tribes of baboons. - Yes. - When you're a boy, you would see the male, the leader of the pack stand up in display. Posture. - All of us as children, even you wagon wheel tits. (laughing) We all thought that those monkeys had bubble gum asses. (laughing) They were big, they were big pink asses with an anews right in the middle. - Right. - All of us as children. - And then nupils. - Yes. - Yes, yes. - All of us as children, we dove over the wall and bit one of those in the ass started to chew. - Addy had to come and rescue us. - No we didn't. - Well, I did. - I know you did, but nobody else did that. - But as- - Never come out of the one and two on one of those. - But look at the massive, look at the real estate. Look at the size of the A-news. (laughing) That's what we call IKEA-news. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. - It's like furniture. - It's IKEA-news. - So as we evolved from the great apes and the monkeys, as we stood erect, well they stayed on the floor, our a-news receded into our anal facet- - Our body. - Right, and the pink remained, but outside we stayed. - Whoa. - Well, if you want any- - I know, I love the ants, I know, I think my viewers, our viewers would love to learn about this. This is something new, I've never knew that. - Oh, they're learning, all right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they are learning, but you know, you would think that, well. (laughing) So as we evolved the a-news on human sucked in, we retained the pink that you see there. - I see. - But it went inward, it's through evolution, and what didn't do it. - Whereas the great apes, they haven't evolved. - They haven't evolved. - They still walk around like covered bears. - Huh? - Hello? - Well you don't have to look in, it's already on the outside. - No, I still have to look in. - If they evolved, which suck in. - I still have to look in. - Yeah. - So if I were to look into that, what would I see? - Well yourself. (laughing) - Question professor. - Yes, yes, sir. - Padawan, you saw these as a young man. - Yeah, a young boy. - Yeah, I don't know. - Did you ever like, 'cause you bit his butt. - Oh, yeah, I flew over, I thought it was double bubble. (laughing) Or grape aru. Have you ever had grape aru or rainbow? And I was over the wall and I was just chewing on that thing, and my old man had to come and get me. (laughing) - Were you ever curious of like, tickle, tickle, tickle? - Well, the closest I got to it, my dad took me, it was called Halloween Monkey Nights. (laughing) And I drove over the wall and put a candle in one. And it was, well if you're gonna laugh. (laughing) - Wow. - You know, I have a degree, I don't, I have a degree guy in a news. - I don't know what it is. I don't know, he's got the other thing. Oh God, he makes no sense. (laughing) - Well, it doesn't make sense to the lay person, but to a professor of a news. - I don't think there was that house. So what was it that he used to bring you to? The monkey house, what? - Monkey night. (laughing) - Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. - Oh, the famous Hollywood monkey night. - Oh yeah, I never, I didn't get the opportunity. - What neighborhood did you grow up in? - I didn't grow up in Poway, California. We didn't have those. - What'd you have on Halloween with the zoo? - Oh, you only took the zoo. - Yeah, monkey night. - Yeah, I wouldn't go to the zoo without Halloween. - Oh, you should have. - Oh yeah, I did not know that that was a ritual of the whites. - Yeah. - Yeah. - The whites. (laughing) - What's that mean? - You're white. - Am I though? - Yeah. - I feel like I'm light pink. - Oh. - Oh, here we go. - I don't like the colors. - I don't like the colors as well. - Like black people to me are brown or bronze. - It's like black. - Yeah, I'm not that yellow. - Like this is black. Have you ever seen an African-American who looks like that? - I get you. - Like that black, I don't think so. - At your half. - Where? - What? - Yeah, you have. - Yes, I have. - Where? - Where? - I gotta hear this story. - Yeah, it's in space. - In space you saw a black guy that was this black. - It's tooth. - That was an astronaut in 1978. - You didn't know that? - If you're an astronaut, I'm an enus doctor. (laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, I have another question, professor. - Yes. - My friend, my friend Bobby is getting a colonoscopy on Wednesday. - Wow. - Any tips you can give him? - Any tips you can give me? - Yeah, I would say buy, I would go to the nearest Barnes and Noble or chapters. I would buy. - What's the chapters? - It's a bookstore. - Okay, okay. - Any bookstore you want? - Okay. - I would go to the English language section. (laughing) - Why, why, why? - I would buy-- - I don't know, Mandarin Chinese or Korean, do I? - Well, let me, can I finish? The professor's talking-- - Oh, yeah, I have a garlic bread teeth. (laughing) - Or whatever they call you. I don't know what they call you down at the spa. - Well, you'd have to call me that. - Well, what do they call you at the spa? - Jimmy Small Eyes. - I'd call you garlic bread teeth. - Okay, go ahead. (laughing) - So, I would, if you're going over a colonoscopy, get to the nearest bookstore ASAP. - Oh, okay. - Find the English language section. - I think it's mostly English language, but anyway, let's move on. - Okay, okay. - But they have specific, you know, they have science fiction. - I understand, sir. - There's genres, there's genres. - Right, so go to the English language section, if you're getting your colonoscopy. - Yeah, why wouldn't I go to the science section? - If you'll let the professor finish still again. (laughing) - Okay, okay. - Go and get four or five grammar books. - Okay, rip the pages out and eat them raw or put them in hot water at a little salt, some bulgur. (laughing) Some sliced onion and make a nice grammar soup and drink it, and you'll have so many colons inside you. (laughing) - It will. (laughing) - All right. You're gonna laugh after the colonoscopy. - Clever. - This guy over here, this guy's so fucking funny. This guy, holy shit, you really tickle my bones. You tickle my bones. - Well, you did ask, it's fairness. You did ask, Calyla. - You know, 'cause colons and my colonoscopy. - Well, semi-colon if you're only getting half of it though. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very good. That's your advice. - Well, yeah, that's my scientific advice. - You asked, you did ask, I know you wanted to do a comedy podcast, but I didn't realize we'd. - This is more like a dashy aid. - A diary of the CEO, or, you know what I mean, something that you would learn or something. - I don't mind, I can flow. - I can flow as well. - I can show, I'm grateful. - I can, I'm grateful. - I can do this too. - I can do this. - What am I doing here? - You're looking in my brain? - Yeah, you know what, you felt it. - Yeah, yeah, around the moon. - Yeah, yeah. - Around the moon. - Me and you feel each other. - A lot of times we don't have to talk, we just feel each other. - I feel each other, yeah. So Doctor, that was your major, was Anus. - Anus, yeah. - What was the minor at the rye? - Well. - Oh boy. (laughing) - Do we want to go there? - Yeah, I do, I do, because I think it's interesting. I think the fans would like to know, because it's a very important, let me just say something. Before you answer, it's a very important topic. I think that it is something that every, not just America, human beings should know, memorize, maybe study themselves, 'cause it's very, very important, and your minor was what? - Clotaurus. - Yes. (laughing) - Clotaurus, yes. Memorize, it's very important. - Yeah. - And there's the mysteries of the clotaurus. - Well not to me, I studied it. - I know, I know, I know, but T for T. I'm so, I'm sorry. But for me, it's like, you know how, when you go into the marijuana trenches, you go real deep. - Oh yeah. - And you see those illuminating fishes. - I'm sorry, before you go any further, because I know what you meant by what you just said, they don't. - I know the thing. - If you could tell them what the marijuana trench is. - Yeah, yeah. - Just set the table, 'cause they don't. - Yeah, yeah. - Your viewers. - Down. - Yeah, but also. - The dementoids watching from the shadows with the night. - The shadows of the night. - Beauty, glistening, koala eyes. - Into the world. - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? - And ball, the demon. - Yeah. - Good sound effect. - Thank you. - He public princess go. - Yeah. - Amen. - Say that thing again, what you just said. - Okay, so could you tell them? 'Cause they don't know what the marijuana trench is. - But here's the miracle, here's the miracle. I don't know. - Okay, tell me to call you. - Yeah, tell me, yeah, yeah. - So the marijuana trench. - The marijuana trench is the deepest place on earth where you can go and get spaghetti sauce on your meatballs. And the marijuana trench, why? - If you're gonna ask shit and unjust. - That's what I meant. - I know that restaurant, it's really good. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, Maria's trench is very good. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was talking about the marijuana trench. - Mariana. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ocean's the deepest part of the ocean. - Right. - And there's like this illuminating, you know what I mean? The fish down there. - There's squid in there's fish. - And there's sea in there. - And to me, the clitoris scares me in that way. The mystery, yes, you have one. - Professor, I have a question about the clitoris, the clitoris. - They always do. - I'm worried. - Oh, hello. - Why don't men know where it is? - Good question. - Fill us off a little bit. - Good question. - Yeah, that's a question that Descartes would ask. - Who? - Descartes. - Is that French for shopping cart? - Yeah. - Okay. - Here's why. - Why can't they ever find it? - It's a picture. - Are you a dog person? - I am. - Picture one of the most awkward breeds in the whole lineage of Dash Hoont. (laughing) - Okay, yeah. - Yes. - What would you say is one of the most awkward breeds of Dash Hoont? (laughing) Yeah, is that how you pronounce it? - That's the doctor. - Yeah, that's a. - Da Shunt. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Da Shunt. - Da Shunt. - That's the German subsequent of the refraction of the militant. Now, what would you say is one of the most awkward breeds? And I'm trying to, you know, draw a parallel here, so the lay person could end up saying, "I'm looking, awkward looking, dog that I've ever seen, but I think they're really cute. Are the Mexican hairless dogs? Can you bring that up, Gilbert?" - Interesting, the exact opposite of what you're trying to do. - Because hairless represents complete visual freedom. You can see everything with a hairless, so with that breed, it almost is a clit. (laughing) - I see. - Okay, I see. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's almost a Frisbee catching clip. - So what we'd like to do is find the hairiest dog. Is that what you're saying? - I'll tell you, you're sort of in it, but this one, you're, that's a posh-haking clit right there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go to the Desuund. You wanna go Desuund? - Hmm. - What would you like to go? - It's not hairiest. I'm talking about one of the most awkward. Think about the anatomy of, as the French say, le Clute. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, le Clute, yeah, le Clute. - Okay, that's-- - Are we working here or what? - Hmm, that's interesting. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When I look at what you call that. 1960s, hate ashberry, clit. - Oh, oh, this one? - Yeah. - Yeah, this is probably, yeah, that's like hippie clit for sure. - That's hippie clit for sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we find something in our generation or in the 2000s, please? - Such as Beethoven. - Oh, here we go. Yeah, that's, we're going to farther back. - Yeah, you're a little clotster. - Yeah, this is Genghis Kenan. - This is Genghis Conclit. - It starts with SH, I mean, if you want to-- - Yeah, let's go, let's go, let's go. Forget the dog references, I think we're losing it. - No, I can tell you. (laughing) The Sharpe, can we bring up the Sharpe? - Oh yeah, Sharpe, let's go to the Sharpe. - I love a Sharpe, but okay, nevermind. - Please don't, take a look at the Sharpe. And, oh, that's a Sharpe. - Okay, is that the Sharpe? - Yeah. - Yeah, so if you can see a full body shot. - Full body shot, please. - Full body shot of a Sharpe. - Yeah, yeah, I gotta fire my. - Sorry, is that a Sharpe? - Yeah, that's not the best specimen, but look at the extreme Sharpe. - Maybe an extreme Sharpe, please. - They're crawling with flaps. There we go. - Oh, there we go, here we go. - Now, try and find a clit on that whore, on that puffer. - On that whore, on that whore. - She is more. - And this is the mystery, this is the mystery of the vulva. - I get it, I get it now. There are so many, it's like a can of praises that spilled out in the back of a gondure truck. - Yeah, I fully understand that. - That look, yes, and that's the easiest way I can put it. I mean, just try it. - It's like an endless ocean of flaps. - Yeah, and rigid, where do we go? Where do we look? Where do we look? - Where do we look? - Yeah, where do we look? Where do we look? - Yeah, good luck. - I don't even know if I'm looking at his asshole, now or his face. - Exactly. - Wow. - Yeah, so I hope that clears that up. - This is what men see. - Yeah, go to look for the split. - But specifically, what is the role of the clitoris? (upbeat music) - Shopify, Shopify, Shopify, Shopify. - You know, we have an online business, we use Shopify. Do you know why? Starting something is hard. - Yeah. - Is it not? - Okay, you know what I try to make my own sock once. - Sock. - You try to sell it, right? - I try to sell my own sock. - Oh, so you're very difficult, right? - Yeah. - And it's like, starting your own business is hard. - Definitely. - Is it not? And when I was doing the sock, I was like, I wish someone could help me. There was nothing like it. - No one could help you. - No one could help me, right? So I finished, and now it's just a toe sock. - You finished in the sock? - No, just a toe sock, right? But my point is that if you're starting an online business, Shopify will help you. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world, and 10% of all e-commerce in the US from household names like. - Gims. - All birds. - Tiger belly. - To brands just getting started as well. - Like your sock business. What was it called? - Yeah, sock. - Sock it to me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's a real one. - Oh, really? - Yeah, sock it to me is a sock. - But get started with your own designs to you, with hundreds of ready to use templates. Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. - Accelerate your efficiency, whether you're uploading new products or trying to improve existing one. Shopify is packed with helpful AI tools that write product descriptions, page headlines, and even enhance your product photography. - Best yet, Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise and everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond. - And Kat, what if people haven't heard about my brand? - Well, that's okay. Shopify helps you find your customers with easy to run email and social media. But Kat, what if I get stuck? - Oh, it's okay. Shopify is always around to share advice with their award-winning 24/7 customer support. - Talk about the purple buttons, please. (laughing) - And did I mention the iconic purple buttons? - So you wanted to bring it. - I want to bring it to the shop pay button that's used by millions of businesses around the world. It's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less cards, going abandoned, and more sales for you. It's time to turn those, what ifs in touch with Shopify today? Sign up for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com/digerbelly. Go to Shopify.com/digerbelly. That's Shopify.com/digerbelly. (upbeat music) - What is the role of the clitoris? - The role of the clitoris. It's sort of the miniaturized man penis. It's there to create stimuli. It's there to create sexual arousal. It's there for the woman to have a pleasure center during coitus. - Oh, is that a season or a ritual? - It's a season. - It's a season. (laughing) - It's that two-week window when springs just turn into. - Yeah, I heard it, yeah. - I wear a funny hat that two weeks, right? I do the dance, and it's almost fall, but it's not quite. - The festival, yeah, the greatest festival, yeah. - There's one, 40 miles of Alahambra. There's a beautiful coitus festival. - By the way, we wear the dresses. - We wear the white hats and we do the dance. - The coitus. - Let's do the coitus. - The coitus dance, here we go. I don't know if you remember, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you start again. (laughing) - Okay, well that was it. That's pretty much it. - Wow. - I can reach through my ass. But if you go to the coitus festival, it's beautiful. - Well, also, I mentioned earlier, I'm-- - I don't know why you and I are the only one people there. - But what, you know? - Who cares? - Yeah, who cares. - We do things our way, but I might add that I mentioned earlier, I walked sideways like a horseshoe crab after the European wax center earlier. - Yes. - The coitus festival, I walked in a zigzag for four weeks because that's intense. Sorry, what was your question? - Yeah, that was a question. - That was a question? - Now, my question was, what role was that? You answered it perfectly. - Yeah. - Yeah. - A pleasure center. - It's a pleasure center for women. - You go pee. - I'm gonna find the clitorate center. - Whoa. - Whoa. - Okay, wrong timing. - Okay. - He literally had to write to me, I got a pee. (laughing) I didn't hear her back, go pee. - That's code for loaf, you know that. - I know that. - Yeah. - Like anyone could hold a pee. - Oh. - Like, you could be a comfortable and hold a pee, but when you're holding the loaf, now he's. - Also, and people don't know this, so he has a major in the anal, anus. - Anus. - He has a minor in clitoris. - Yeah, right. But he also, before you wanted to be a zoologist, 'cause you talk about animals all the time. - Ethology, the stud of fish. - Yeah, yeah. - Zoologist, marine biologist. - Yeah, yeah. He loves Korean biology. - Yeah, I think so. - And it involves Korean Abdul Jabbar. (laughing) - He's involved as well. That's what they call it, Kareem, you know. But anyway. - Happy. - Happy to be here, yeah, yeah. So he was a zoologist, and if people don't know this, but Dr. Williams, maybe look at that. - Professor. - Professor Williams, yeah. Has discovered six species. - Oh. - Yeah, two in the ocean, two on land, one in the air, and one in the unknown. - Would you like to talk about all of them, or the only specific one? - If you want to pick, you pick the category, I'm open to talking to all or one or three, whatever you want. - Yeah, yeah, well, what is the rarest sea animal that you discovered that was in the ocean, and what part of the ocean and the description of this animal, please? - Okay, so there's a subspecies of the anglerfish. Are you familiar with that? - I love the anglerfish. - You're familiar with that? - We just said we loved it. - But I have a feeling, your patron. I think you're peeping me patronizing the professor. - Pull up an anglerfish, please. - Wait, wait, don't pull it up, yeah, don't pull it up. - Why don't you tell us what it looks like? - Oh, and tell it, Larry, Larry Lullaby Eyes. - And Bob, you tell us? - Yeah. - And Anglerfish has antennas that go big. - Okay, and tell us what happens with a male and the female. - What? - There's something very specific that happens. - Wait, those angler, those things, right? - Okay. - Are there eyeballs? - Ooh, no. - Yeah, doctor? - It's not the eyeball. - It's the raindus. - It's the light bulb. - It's the light bulb, but do they not have a thing? One thing. - One. - Coming out, right? - It's coming out. - And it's got a light at the end of it, right? But I don't know how they f*ck. - The anglerfish were familiar with, but you discovered a-- - Different species. - Yes, this is called, and it blends into my other research. It's the anual fish. And what it does, the anglerfish has a pressurist that comes out. - Yes. - And it uses it as a fishing lure. - Oh, a lot. - It's an angle. - It's tricky. - Well, it tricks fish. - And they're really deep. - They're deep. - They're really deep down in that thing. - Yeah, but why is it different than the angler? - Because this one, instead of coming out of its forehead, it has an extension coming out of its anus. - I see. - Yeah. - And another bulb. - Yeah, it has a lure, and instead of eating fish on the front end-- - Yeah, yeah. - This one lures fish in, and it chits in their faces. (laughing) - Why? - Well, I don't know. - That's mother and what are my mother's names here? - I know, but you're the one that-- - I just study it. - I know, but that's all you gathered from all the year. - Well, some animals are just, they're about vengeance, like the hyena and the African lion. - Yes. - They have a very antagonistic relationship where the lion who is a apex predator will kill a hyena but not eat it. - Oh. - People just kill it because it's competition. - It's competition. - So the anangular fish? - Yeah. - It's in a very, very limited space where there's very limited food way down in the depth. - But there's a lot of no one's around, though. - There's other fish, but it doesn't need the competition, so it lures them in-- - I don't know what that means. - Chits in their face, off they go-- - My argument would be, my argument would be, if you go that deep into the ocean, literally fish will, while you probably go through a day without even seeing another fish. - Right. - There's a lot of space. - Right. - Why would it shit in his own face? Or shit in somebody else's face? - Oh, cool. - Because it doesn't want the competition. - There's not a lot of competition down there. - But anything's competition down there. - Oh, I see. - Let's talk about the air animal that you discovered. - Oh, the air animal, okay. - What's it called again? - Well, it's a subspecies of the osprey, which is a-- - What is osprey? - I love osprey. - Tell me what it's called again. - Well, they're very, very-- - Describe them. - They're sea birds. - They're raptors, they're flying predators with very elongated talons. - Yes. - And they're diving prey birds. They dive into, they smash themselves into the water and pull up fish. - Yes. - And there's a subspecies-- (laughing) - It's kind of like a shoe bill, right? - Pardon you? - Like a shoe bill? - A shoe bill. - No, that's a completely different. A shoe bill is more of a beach land wandering bird with a shoe that looks like a horse. - You don't have to answer. - Boom, it's a question, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - There's your osprey. Boom. - Boom. - Yeah, yeah. - So this is a very specialized way of hunting that most birds can't do this. - It's incredible. - And their success rate is great and they sort of have the market on fish. - Wait, yeah, so pushpaws. - And so what happened is there's a subspecies called the bugle crow. (laughing) And basically these crows have adapted and evolved. They go to 7-Eleven dumpsters. - Oh. - They pull out bugles, put them on their feet and now they've got the talons of a osprey and wham, they're going in and this is. - Boy, oh boy, it's like you're mocking me. - And you were. (laughing) - It makes perfect. - Well, they just wanna eat, guy. - No, guy, but. - Guy. - They go to the dumpster and they, every finger. - Yeah, on every claw, they put a bugle. - Yeah, yeah. - And now they got bigger talons than a spray. - Yeah. - They're not missing. - What's a bugle? - The bugle. - Pull up the bugle for now. - Like needles with the triangular pointed. - Pull up the chips. - The chips. - Pull up the bugle. - Not the bag, the actual thing. Show the bugle. - I didn't eat the bugle with the airport before. Yeah. - Show the bugle. - Oh, that's what it is. - Show the bugle. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Show the bugle. - All right, here's my argument against that. - Show the bugle. (laughing) - My argument against that, I'm sorry for being. - Oh, worries. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that wouldn't the bugle just snap when it, you know what I mean, it goes into the wall? First of all, does it go into the water? I don't. (laughing) - And you thought I was lying. (laughing) - I got your professor. - Yeah, does it go into the water? - Yes. - Does it the bugle get wet? And it just becomes like, it made too moist for the talons to go into the skin of the fish? - Have you ever punched a fish? (laughing) - I've never had. - Okay, they're not brick. They're meat, they're soft. - I didn't stand that. - You go in at 70 miles an hour with 10 bugles. You're going through a two- - It doesn't matter what the quality part and goes through a lemon meringue pie on a Friday night. (laughing) And she's already got diarrhea. (laughing) - It's a flavor count. - What do you mean? - The bugle flavors. - You could have, you could have ranch. - Yeah, yeah. - Have a sour cream and onion. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's how you like your fished seasoned. (laughing) - I see, they pre-season it with the claws. - Well, yeah, if you've got a sour cream and you go, that's so brilliant. - And you penetrate that soft flesh of a fish. - It's like eating sour cream. - It's gonna permeate throughout the fish. - Right. - Gonna have a nice onion. Or barbecue. - Barbecue. - Yeah, barbecue. - Flavor, or you spam it, or whatever. - Blackened catfish. - But what was the other thing? - Really brilliant. I did not know that. - Well, this is Mother Nature. I didn't know that. - How did you discover it? - I studied. - Oh, you studied. - Not that I've arrived for God's sake. - Yeah. - Next to the 7-11. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This last animal I would like to talk about is. - Yeah. (laughing) - We did air, and we did water. - Should we do land in other? - Land, sure. - Let's go, but other, I really, I love that. I've been reading that book. - You're right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - The land. - Let's see what the land animal is. (laughing) - What? (laughing) - I know, but people wanted to learn. - People loved to learn. - Dude, this is like a diary of CEO. They were gonna learn about things. - Right? - Clara? - Yeah, no, I'm laughing. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm. - Dude, I've learned so much. - I didn't lose you a clit. - No, right? (laughing) - Now, why don't we learn today so far? I mean, who's the author? - Oh, I can give you a whole. - Yeah, yeah, we learned about the bugle. - You can test me on anything, and I remembered every single detail. - The black bro. - Hester. - The double angler. - You go crow. - Yeah, but you go, the angler double angler. - There he is, right there. In the water, right? They don't fucking disintegrate. (laughing) - Yeah. - You have the photo to prove it. - Thank you so much. - And that's a testament to the food we eat today, and put it in our body. - Yeah. - Because see, it's full of chemicals. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's a testament to how. - Yeah, not a good thing. - Well, not to you. (laughing) - Yeah, but for the black crow, brilliant. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, interesting. And so we've learned a lot. So what did we learn today with the Enus, the Clitori? - Uh-huh. - What else did we learn? - Do we do the anoe angler fish in the Marianas trend? - Yes. - Right? - Yes, which is also a restaurant. (laughing) - It is? - Yeah, but the spaghetti. - I didn't know that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's awesome. - Oh, oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant like in real life. Sorry. (laughing) - Yeah, in real life. - I thought that the restaurant was a marinara trend, not the Marianas trend. - That's right. - Well, sometimes I pronounce like, you know what I say? - Yeah. - Panorna bread. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, by the way, panera bread, have you ever gotten their soup bowls that are made out of bread? - Oh, yes. - I went about a week ago. I got one of these soup bowls with the cream of chicken wild rice. - Was it wild though? - It was wild. - Okay, good. - And they put it in a ceramic bowl. They put it in bread. And it's about, it's somewhere between a bowling ball and a softball. It's like right in the middle. And I'm driving down a Ventura Boulevard the other day. I got one hand on the Dodge Neon Steering Wheel. And I got a bread bowl in the other hand. And I see a kid walking his dog. This kid had braces and zits. - And I know that bothers you. - It bothers me. - Yeah, yeah. - I wanted to eat this soup and I just threw it out the window. Hit the kid in the head. And kind of the perfect size with the soup that lubed it and he had a bread helmet on. And there's no visor in it. And he walked right into a wall and killed. - Oh. - And all that for $497 on the soup. - Wow. - So you don't need to buy a gun these days. Just go get a bread bowl. - Have fun with soup. - Yeah, I have fun with soup. Can we go to the land animal? - Yeah. - So you were in what country were you in? Cambodia? - Yeah. - Well, you're not? I've been to Cambodia twice. - No, but this land animal that you discovered was a Cambodia Vietnam. - It was Cambodia. - On the border, I think, right? - It was on the border. - Yes. - And it was on the border of Vietnam and Cambodia. - Yes. - Which is a tough area. - It's a very open down there. - Oh, that's where I party. - Talk to me. - Yeah. - There's a rave there once again. It's kind of like the, there's a canoe event. - What's it called? - What? - canoe event. Benura? - Asia, what's the big one? - What is that? - I don't know. - The coitus festival. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me get that again. - Yeah. - Is the coitus festival, is it? - Coitus festival. - There's a coitus festival there. - Oh. - Why haven't we gone? - Well, 'cause you always want me to buy your ticket. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, so there's a coitus festival there. And, yes, I've been on the border there. - Okay. - They love it. - They love love life. - Two weeks in the jungles of Vietnam Cambodia, to the coitus festival love. - And, you know, we can. - Yeah, do the. - Yeah, come say that. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'm gonna make it. - Yeah, so, yeah. - Wow. - Yeah. - Coitus, 26. - Yeah. - 20. - What's up? - Oh, should've asked me a question. - What was the question? - I didn't ask a question. - I literally didn't ask a question. What was my question, haven't I? You had the question, you just asked me. (laughing) - Did he just die me? - That's how I was scribbling. - Hey, my notes. - Okay, I'm not cheating. - All right. - Okay. - All right, I'm sorry, doctor. - Oh. - Is it brain tea? - It's a what? - It's the brain teaser. - Oh. - Sorry. - I'm sorry, Professor. - No worries. - You weren't at the festival, but you were in. Why were you in the Vietnam Cambodia border? - We were searching. - Who's we? - Well, me and my friends. - Okay. - Up here. - Okay. (laughing) - We were searching for a subspecies of the American horny toad. (laughing) Have you heard of these lizards? - I've heard of them. - Yeah, not familiar, though. - Yeah. - The horny toad. - And that's the Kodas Festival that we're going to yet. - There it is. - There it is. - Oh, the memory. - Oh, the memory is at that festival. - Wow. - We had a fucking good time. - Oh, is it 2000, is it happened yet? - No, it hasn't. - Has it happened yet, 2026? Wait, wait, it already happened. - It happened. - We missed it. - We missed it this year. - Oh, that's unfortunate. - But you know what? Next week, Kodas Chela is happening. - Oh, really? - Kodas Chela is going. - Uh, a couple of. - Uh-huh. - Let's go to the other animal. - Yeah. (laughing) - The subspecies. - They tell you we're still going with the-- - Of the horny toad. - Oh, we're still going to go there. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Uh, what was that? - It does sound like the horny toad makes. - Let's hear it. - Oh. - Bribbit. - Bribbit. - Bribbit. - Bribbit. - Right? - Yeah. - Is it? - Good, yeah. - I've never seen it. - Yeah, what was it? - That you did it. - Nice job, guy. - Thank you. - So having him spend the night a couple of nights, you've taught him some things. (laughing) - Maybe. (laughing) - But the horny toad, I don't know if you know this about the horny toad. You probably know this, Kalala. - I only know about the horny toad 'cause I picked one up where I've met a couple on my hikes in the desert. - And did you know what their defense mechanism is? - Mm-hmm. - We call them the period lizards. - Okay. - They shoot blood out of their eyes. (laughing) - As a defense mechanism. - They literally shoot blood directly. - The dreams of blood seem right. - It does. - I've never heard of it. - The period lizards. - It actually would be, honestly, Google that's to see if that is true. - About the horny toad. - About the horny toad or the period lizards. - The horny toad. - The horny toad. - The horny toad's defense mechanism. It shoots blood out of their eyes. I've never heard of that before. - Yeah. - Can you really Google it? Don't you have to do it? You mean, don't make it up? - The way a skunk shoots ass salt out of it's ass. - Yeah, I understand that. - Yeah. - You're absolutely correct this. - You're absolutely correct. It shoots blood. Yeah. What kind of blood is it? - Well, we call them. - Adoringly, we call them the period lizard. - Yeah, but how do you know it's that blood? - Well, they can only defend themselves once a month. (laughing) - I see. - That's why you call it. - Yeah. - So that's what a horny toad does. - Yeah. - And you discovered in the borders of Vietnam and Cambodia, what? - We discovered a subspecies called the Tampex lizard. And we brought the two together and they're almost inseparable. - Yes. - Once a month they get together and they do a mating dance. - Yeah. - And the horny toad squirts blood onto the Tampex lizard. And it's one of these symbiotic nature relationships. It's like how the remora fish sticks to the side of a shark. - All right. - The remora fish will stick to, or the cleaner fish that go into the mouth of the barracuda. The horny toad will squirt his blood, squirt his blood on the Tampex lizard. And it's like, you think about God. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I think about all the time. - The symbiotic relationships between nature and all its creatures. - Wow. - And so this is something me and my team were able to bring together. - You did ask. - That's so interesting. - Yeah. - The mutant birds will land on a mammal to pick off like little insects and stuff like that. And they have a symbiotic relationship. - Yes, that's called the oxpecker. - Yeah, the oxpecker, yes. - It will land on a wildebeest, or it will land on a cape buffalo, or a giraffe, and it will pick blood-filled ticks off of the mammal, said mammal, and in essence, aids with their health. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, there we go. That an oxpecker, yeah. - Yeah. - Is there a symbiot of the tampx lizard, though? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It is a new species. - Well, you discovered it. - It might not be there. - Two more, yeah. - So, I mean, I might not be there. - It might not be there yet. - But let's talk. - Let's talk, so we haven't released this. - The last thing that we needed to talk about is this is the most important one about you. I mean, you said you discovered a species, not land, not air, not water, right? And you said other. - This is tough. - Yeah, this is a tough one. - So it could be in or in the dimensional, it also can be a space thing. - But how did you even discover it? - Okay, this is a toughy, but. (laughing) - Where were you out in outer space? - No, I didn't say it was outer space. It does lean into what you're saying, but let's use the word mythical, okay? - Okay, well, that was still a lot of. - I know about that. - I understand that. - But still apply that it was in land, water, or air. Even when you say mythical. - Mythical means. - Because in Lord of the Rings. - Yes, but in, we live in the real world, the Loch Ness monster is mythical. The Chupacabra is, there it is. Oh my God. (laughing) Oh my God, there it is. (laughing) I didn't realize, okay, that's been leaked. (laughing) Oh my God. (laughing) - Yeah, you took that photo. I remember you taking that photo. - I'm a little mad. - Yeah, you texted me that photo. - I wasn't, I haven't released my papers on it yet. - Yeah, wow. - But anyways, the proof is in the period. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - That's funny. - Yeah, yeah. - Okay, so. - Boy, that picture is really cramped in there. - Yeah. - It's very good. - Yeah. - It's a bloody good picture. - It's really cramped in there. - That's all I'm gonna say about a period. - I also, if you could, 'cause I know that Professor Williams, I know Professor Williams, right, took a photo of when the two lizards met and the sprang of facts. - Oh boy. - You're on to, oh boy. You're making my mouth water. - Yeah. - That was what a day that was. - We'll give you a second on that one. (laughing) - Try to, with your research team, while we talk about the other mythical, okay? So here we go. - Okay, so this is a toughy to talk about. Maybe some people don't believe it. - I still don't know. - But our research, it was in a mountainous area of, believe it or not, not too far from here. - Where? - Glendale, California. (laughing) - Wow, really. Literally 10 minutes from here. - Stay with me. - Literally 10 minutes from here. - 10, 20 minutes from here. - From here. - If there's traffic. - In quite a few minutes. - Yes. - This is the beauty of mythical creatures. You don't know when, how, or where they're gonna show up if they even exist. - Okay. - And the nearest parallel I can give to this is Yeti, Bigfoot, South Square Watch. (laughing) - We've all heard of them. - I have. - You heard of South Square Watch? (laughing) - Yeti. - I have a bondable snowman, Bigfoot. - Oh, yes, I have. - South Square Watch. - Yeah, yeah, I've heard of them. - Have you heard of South Square Watch? - You do that? (laughing) - What about you, Gumble Bump, Fimbley Dump, Flumber Dump, The Dimble Dump? Have you heard of South Square Watch? Do you hear that? - No, I've heard of South Square. - Yak. - Yeah, that's it. - Yeah? - Yeah, here in the wheelhouse. - In the wheelhouse. Very good. - So this was almost one of these fluke discoveries. I was actually driving through, oh, there it is. - There it is. - Yeah. - That's the photo. - It's right behind me. (laughing) - I'm interested. (laughing) - Really good. (laughing) - Are you mad? - I'm short of breath. - That's my research. (laughing) - That's because of me that that research exists. (laughing) - Oh my God, it's so funny. - It's bloody good. - Oh my God, it's bloody good. - Can we have, he does pets? - You're a really good research team. - What's that? - Can you have these as pets? - You can, I can. (laughing) - Yeah. - Oh my God. - Woo, yeah. - I don't wanna go. - Apex. - Well, now that's a frog, oh, frog. (laughing) - That's a frog on frog crime. (laughing) - Ah, so here we go. - Glendale. - Yeah, Glendale. - And whatever there's mountains, and let's be honest, you look out for-- - Well, we've been honest this whole time. - I know, but I'm just think is a lot of your viewers, Calilat, have never been to Glendale. They don't realize the vast amount of mountain range that's behind that city. There's a lot of mountains there. - It's huge. - Burbank. It's the Sierra Nevada's as far as I-- (laughing) And you check, is it the Sierra-- - It's not. - It isn't? - No. - What is the mountain range there? - It's not, it's Angela's crest. - Can we check on that? The mountain range, up in Glendale, running north towards-- (laughing) - Share's house? (laughing) - Share does live there, huh? - The Verdugo Mountains? - No, Verdugo Mountains, yeah. - Not the Sierra Nevada? (laughing) - That's further up. - Okay. - Well, you're not a typographer. How, why would you know? - Doctor, there is a-- - No, I'm wearing a top coat. - Doctor, your video footage released. - Oh, wow. - There it is. - Wow, yeah. - There it is. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - Sorry, we had it again. - There it is. - You'll only see this once a month. So this is rare. - This is rare. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - What do I do? (laughing) - This is crazy, this is crazy. - This is crazy dude. - And you should, this is why they live in Kaba, 'cause it's arid. You get one of those tampx lizards in the rain and it just swells up. It's unbelievable. They can hardly move. - Didn't you take a video of the black crow with the pickles? - No! (laughing) - Didn't you do that? - Yeah. - Yeah, fine, that's really easy to find, that video. So, anyway, yes. So the other, we're talking about the-- - The other, the. - Forget about the number one. - There's a mountain range. We don't know what it is. - A mountain range, so yeah. - I'm always on the search to debunk these mythical creatures. Who doesn't wanna know the answer to Bigfoot, Yeti, South Square? - I never wanted to know. - You didn't? - No. - Okay, let's wrap up the show. Let's wrap up the show he doesn't want. No, I'm kidding. - Yeah, yeah. - Why don't you wanna know about Bigfoot? - I'll be honest, Professor, I don't really, I've never really believed in that specific mythology. - Okay. - I believe the Chupacabra. - Okay. - Yeah, I believe in the Loch Ness Monster. - Okay. - I believe in, there's that weird Filipino myth of that man in the tree smoking a cigar. - Oh, yeah, that's Agda. - What? - Agda. - Agda, I believe in it. - Agda, no, there's also another word in there, yeah. - He's not a man in a tree smoking a cigar. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We call those homeless of mine. (laughing) Do you believe that children of the future? - And I believe they're in the past as well. - Okay. - Okay. - So here I am, in the hills, the mountains of Glendale. - Yeah. - And I'm looking to debunk the myth of the legendary South Square Arch. I'm walking along, it's sunset. - Yeah. - I haven't succeeded. I'm driving home through the windy forest road. - Yeah. - I see silhouetted in the setting sun. - Yeah. - A tall, probably the heriest, humanoid shape I've ever seen. - Oh, tall. - I can't tell because of the sun, the refraction of the light. - Yeah. - My eyes don't party on fun fun street. - Okay, but if you were to guess. I'd say six and a half feet, maybe 12. - Oh, so let's go nine. - It was big. - Nine feet. - It was a big, big, humanoid shape. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - I got so excited. - Yeah. - I lost control of the Dodge Neon. - Yeah, yeah. - And it was also, I had to ask you something. - I had Kentucky fried chicken on the passenger seat. It could have been the grease, but I was excited. - Okay, so what happened next? - So I'm swerving all over. - I hid it. - Whoa. - Okay. - Yeah. - Could be a mythical, could be the answer the missing link. - Yeah. - Suddenly we find out about South Squioch. I jump out of the Dodge Neon. - Yes. - I rush to the side of the road. - Yeah. - I'm cradling this hairy, hairy thing. It's almost like Shirley Temple, Kenny G, and Cher having an orgy in my arms. And I'm cradling this thing, and it's eyes are shot. And I'm like-- - The eyes are shot. - Shot. - By what? - I think I killed it. (laughing) - Wait, wait, wait. - And I'm like-- - You hit it with a car and then shot it with the eyes. - And then you shot it with the eyes with your gun. - No, it's laying on the ground. I hit it, it landed on the road. - Yeah, but you said his eyes were shot. - Shot. Close. - Oh, shot. - Oh, shot. - Oh, I thought you took it. - As you shot it. - It wasn't me held the story. - All right, all right. They were shot. - So they were shot. - Yeah. - And I'm laying there cradling this behemoth, this hairy beast. - Yes. - And I'm petting his forehead on his hairy face. And I'm like, please, don't die, South Squiatch. Don't die. And finally his eyes flutter open. And he looked at me right in the face. He said, I'm Armenian. (laughing) - And I just drove away, 'cause we were out of it. - Right, right, right. And then there's a lot. - They put gas at the part. - They're all over Glendale. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So anyways. - Yeah, yeah, close. - Yeah, but so that's not really a species. - I came close. - You came close. - Okay, I'm still looking. - Yeah, you're still looking. - You're still looking. - So. - Yeah, I've hit many Armenians. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - No, I am. You make the mistake. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. I'm glad he didn't die. - No, he did not die. - Well, the hair protected him. Cushion of like bubble wrap. - And now he works at a barber shop. - Yeah. - But anyways, I feel like we got to most of the stories that weren't so much from DeVry. - Yeah. - Oh yeah. - Oh my god. - It never stops. - It never stops. I mean, one of the things you could become a master of or, you know what I mean, in DeVry, at the DeVry. - Welding. - Welding? - Welding. - Yeah, yeah. - Bowling. - What is it? Bowling. Bowling is a sport, my guy. (laughing) - The history. - Yeah, they don't really teach that at DeVry. You might wanna go to like, I don't know, like Melvin's not farm or something. - I don't know. - No, Melvin's not farm. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - That's where I learned. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What is some other, at DeVry? - At DeVry. Welding, woodwork. - Yeah, woodwork. - Machine shop. - I hear you get the crow bugle video. - Oh, you got it. - Oh, you got it. Catching a fish. - We found it. - Yeah, awesome. - Oh. - Wow. - Look at that. - Wow. - Yeah. - Wow, wow, wow. Wow, this is slow-mo, guys. - Yeah. - Wow. (laughing) - Yeah. - Damn. (laughing) - It's very feminine. - Yeah, it's very, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - That fish is not in a hurry. I'll tell you that. (laughing) - I also love the fish swims on top of the water. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - That's science, that's science. - That's science for you. - Yeah, thank you DeVry. So if you ever, don't go to Harvard. Yeah, they don't go to Berkeley, DeVry. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So do you have anything to promote? (laughing) - How you doing, Harland? - Oh, yeah. - How are you, Harland? - What? (laughing) - Who are you? - With Harland, you know what I mean? We don't do that. - What? - A normal like, you know what I mean? Well, you up to, I don't do that with this guy, you know what I mean? 'Cause we're on a different level. - Yeah. - We're evolved, we go to the festivals together. We understand it a lot. - What do you mean you don't? - No, I'm feeling a little neglected, baby. I'm feeling a little, that sort of was a bit of a slight. - I don't think it was a slight. I don't think that you and I waste our time with small talk. - I know, but I feel like you're disinterested in my journey now after that little-- - I know much of your comment. - Yeah, yeah, it was in a side comment. - We had chuckles, we had laughs. - We had chuckles, I don't think we're in a relationship where it's like, you're a new person where they go, where are you from? - Well, where's he from? - Canada. - Where? - I don't know, Vancouver, and the other one. (laughing) - Big, pick one. - Am I close? - All right, Canada's Canada. (laughing) - Second largest country in the world. - From somewhere in the man. - Okay, guys. - Been to your haunts many times? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I did your movie many, many years ago. I've where I played a kangaroo. - Kangaroo, hands of Riley. - Yeah, yeah, that's why kangaroo hands of Riley. And that was what, 20 years ago? - Yeah. - Yeah, in the desert. - Yeah. - And then you showed me property. I owned that little property in the middle of the town. - Do you remember that? - Yeah. - Yeah, so it's like, I don't think that we need to do this whole life. - Yeah, I don't know, I think you're right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I know, I've known you for a very long time. - But you really know me? - No, it's impossible to. Does that hurt? - Does that hurt you? - Yeah. - I know some things about Ireland. - No, but what I'm saying is that he has an exterior that's goofball, and it's a defense mechanism that I have. Like when I'm at the comedy store, I play a character. You know what I mean? But they don't know. - So this is your way of shooting blood at me through your eyes? (laughing) - Defense mechanism? - It's a defense mechanism. - Yeah. - Well, she knows about me, tell me more. - I know more about like your matters with the heart. Like when you went to Germany, fell in love, that whole, you know, saga of that relationship, those were the things that stick. - Yeah, remember that too. - Yeah. - 'Cause you like, you like love, you like emotions. Bobby likes adventure. And Bobby's deep, but you never let me get too deep. - What is this? - Adventure. - There's our movie. - And who am I? - What do you mean? - Your kangaroo hands are right? - I'm in the back, right? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Watch, turn it up. - I pull you up. (laughing) - Is that garlic bread teeth? - Yeah. (laughing) - It was born with little, curled up kangaroo fingers. (laughing) - What do you do? - My grandfather was tyranny. (laughing) - If a bad person is blowing away, walk into it, it's what pass by walk. - Which boss? - Oh, why'd you make me do an Asian accent? (laughing) - 'Cause I was your character. Good point. - Oh, that's right. - 'Cause in the movie I go, I keep a little Chinese friend behind the back seat. - Ah, I say, say, say. - And then I pull you up. - Yeah, yeah. - But I didn't know at that time to be honest that you weren't Chinese. (laughing) - Honestly. - Not really? - I didn't know. - We were like, that was the beginning of our friendship. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny, I didn't even know him that well. And I went into the desert with a man I didn't know that well. Which is a dumb thing to do, I think. - Yeah. - How did he ask you? - He just called you up. - Yeah, you just called me up. - But I was honored that you did it. Because you didn't know me that well. And he didn't even read the script. He just said, "I'll do it." (laughing) - Yeah, and you did that, you'd appreciate it. You're my friend for life. - Yeah, yeah. - Because that was really generous. - Well, I was one of those incidences where I was just like, "Fuck, Harlan Williams just called me." And I go, and he's asked me to go in the middle of the desert. Cause I obviously I was a huge fan. And I was like, "Yeah, it's like a obvious yes." There's no, you don't know about it. - Funny. - I love you, buddy, dude. - I love that. I'm not kidding you. - I mean, there's some people that would ask now, I probably would say now. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Would you say no or yes? - It depends who it was. - You asked me to do something, I'd say. - I know you would. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, and I have something for you. - Oh, wow. - Yeah, yeah. But there are some people that I just wouldn't go to the desert with. - Yeah. - Right? - It was fun though. - It was, I remember the day. - Yeah. - I remember going to your house. I looked at your property and I remember shooting that scene. I remember we had sandwiches. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Subway. - Subway. - Yeah, Subway sandwiches. - And we talked about this last time. You fed yours to the ants. - I didn't, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You found a big ant hill and you fed it with it with it. - Well, I think I like that animal. - Yeah, it's one of my favorites. - You love ants? - Anyway, did you have fun today? - Yeah. - You did, we learned so much. Did you learn a lot of Jaime? - Yeah. - I like ants. - You do? - I like ant hills. - Yeah, yeah. I don't like them in my house. - I like the cities they build. - No, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Do you like them when you see a straight line? - I literally never kill an ant. - Is it? - Yeah, what do Mexicans do? - What? (laughing) - Oh, ants in the house? - Yeah. - They usually cook. - That's true though. I'm very like it. - Oh, they cook the ants. - No, the ants cook. - Oh, they work for you. - Yes. - Oh, interesting. - They look like little ants. And it's not really a line. - Are you high? - No, it's not like radio. - No, what's going on with you right now? - They don't form a line. It's a trail. It's not really a line. A line's like this. - What do they do like a little dance? What are you talking about? There's a line. - No, it's a trail. They're doing. (humming) - What are they doing? - A trail to their home. - It's a trail of tears. - Or is it joy? - Of joy, because they have food for the queen. - Ah, for the queen. Oh, you know the hierarchy. - Yeah. - You ever seen the ant hill? You ever seen ants by Woody Allen? It's like little trail and ants. - You had an ant hill one time. You know what I'm talking about? - My brother? - Rarely. Rarely. - Okay, yeah. - This guy. - I feel weird being in the middle of your ant talk. - I know the duty. I know that movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta. - Why'd you feel like a third wheel? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I don't want to even, no, don't. It's a great talk. I just feel like I'm in the middle of it. - Yeah, yeah, I don't know, yeah, yeah. - I'm a little ant awkward right now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a little ant awkward. Hey, honestly, speaking of ant on our car. - Yeah. - Why aren't we allowed to go there? - You are. - 'Cause of that. - I don't think you are. - You are. - You're a late, I'm allowed to take a flight to the middle of Antarctica. - You can go visit as a tourist, yeah. - As a tourist. I don't think that's right, Google it. - I just did. - Well, I think I know what you're talking about. - I think there's a city there. - There's this conspiracy theory. - That's what I'm saying, yeah. - Where they say that there's a certain limit to how far you can go and to travel in it because it's so barren, you would never know if you're in the exact spot, but they say, beyond a certain barrier, there's a myth that there's cities and worlds and creatures and stuff that we're not allowed to see. - Yeah, do you believe in this conspiracy? - Well, it's sort of this thing where they say does the world really end? Like, how much are they letting us know about where we live? It's the Truman Theory. What's at the Truman Show? - Yeah. - 'Cause we've never really actually-- - Like, who's really been there? - Katie Perry. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, oh, she's been there. - Well, what's with this moon thing they just did? And they went all the way up there and they didn't even land. - Well, why wouldn't you land? - That's like going to Disneyland and not going on the ride. - No, it's not even worse. It's like just driving by Disneyland at four or five. (all laughing) - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there it is. - Well, it's the first of many 'cause they're gonna eventually set up a moon colony. - A moon base? - Yeah. - Would you go? - Yeah. - No, I'm too afraid of, I would, the GeForce of even any Disney ride like kills me so I could never be a space person. - Yeah. - Could you? - I don't think you feel the GeForce when you're on the colony. - Yeah, but coming back down, I'd have to come back down eventually. And the heat, did you not see that capsule burn? Do you didn't see the return of integrity into back and to earth? - Yeah, I haven't actually. - And watch it, I cried my eyes out. - You did why? - Why? - 'Cause it was fun. - Oh, there's a lot of weird things happening in the world and sometimes when you see like, people go up in space and you see those shots of the earth and it kind of reminds you how like. - What mankind can do if we work together? - Yeah, it's just where this, it's a reminder, there were just this rock and we're so small and it made me emotional. - I take it a different way. I think it shows humanity working together. It's like that movie, deep impact. - Yeah, it's your favorite. - It's one of my favorite disaster movies. And there's, I like having the black ass or not, you know what I mean? The Russian one, you know what I mean? Like, and did you see Project Hal Mary? - I'm watching it tomorrow. - Yeah, there's an Eastern European, a Japanese guy and an American together. I like when they're like, you know what I mean? - Oh, like the arrival. - Yeah, where all of human race, you know what I mean? - Working together to do something, you know what I mean? Beyond ourselves. - Yeah. - And for good, right? But instead, you know what I mean? We use it to kill. - You could just see that at IHOP, really. (all laughing) - Oh, like I two of them are at IHOP, yeah, yeah. - Like all the rate, all the international - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Working to make breakfast. - Oh, I see, all the bells and waffles. - The flapjack. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. - So I didn't mean to step on it, but I, yeah, yeah, yeah. - I love that you get emotional about it. - Yeah. - 'Cause you look back, you see Earth from that perspective and you realize it's all we've got and all the turmoil and the hatred and the war and the borders and the divides and you realize we're all just one. - We are. - And why do we go through with these stupid, endless, violent confrontations with each other? - Exactly. - And we're all the same. We all have this one home. - Yeah. - And we're fighting over nothing. - Exactly. - That's, yeah, yeah, that's exactly what we're saying. - That can be emotional, I'm with you. - That's emotional. And I think the only way we could unite as a world is if, and this is violent, but if an alien race attacks us. I think Project Hal Mary. - I haven't seen it yet, so, you know, stand by. - Really? - I thought Project Male Hal Mary was the best movie I've seen in probably 10 years. In terms of perfection. - Who'd you go with? - What? - His girly. - The girl that I'm saying. - Okay. - And I never saw the trailer. I never saw anything, I didn't know nothing about it. Nothing. I went to the theater, I got up, everyone was telling me to watch this. And we sat there, I cried three times. And at the end of it, I'll tell you why it was perfect. I mean, you know, we love Pulp Fiction. We love Tarantino movies. We love Older Scorsese movies. Like Mean Street Sector. There's some darkness to everything. And in Edge, mostly early 70s cinema that was a lot of realism, you know what I mean? Right? But I think Steven Spielberg introduced this kind of hope idea and there's like, for our family, for-- and Lee, universal idea of just hope and unity. And I think that Project Hail Mary is very ET-like in that way, you know what I mean? Of a feeling of like, anybody can watch it, this at any age, regardless, and walk out of the movie and go, that was a really good film. - I wanna see it, it sold me. - Yeah, and I think that I recommend people watch it before it goes to streaming. - I think it's a theater movie. - Theater for sure. - 'Cause it's a theater for, yeah, 'cause I'm X, yeah, yeah. - I'll go this week and my guy. - It really is that good. - Out of 10, what are you giving it? - A nine. - What's a 10? - Space movie wise. - Oh, space movie wise? Oh, that's a really fun question. - I'm with you, arrivals. - 'Cause for me, arrivals a 10 out of 10. Everything from the score to like, the very end to the story about the child. - I'll give a rival a 10. - There's so many, like. - Who's an arrival? - Amy, yeah, Amy Adams. - Amy Adams. - And Jeremy Renner. - Yeah. - Fantastic. - Yeah, and Keenan Ivory Wayne's, Junior, yeah, and also-- - And the music was by Dennis. - Can I do, can I do, Finlay? - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The music was by Kid Rock. (laughs) - It was? - Yeah, yeah. - You Kid Rocks. - The New Kid Rock. - You Kid Rock. - Yeah, the New Kid called, the New Kid Rock. - All right. - Yeah. - So who's this girl? (laughs) - Amy Adams, she's good in the arrival. - Well, the one you went to the movie with. - She said for your imagination, that's not your business. - Why is she on Tinder? - No, I didn't get it. No, I met her in the wild. - Well, I'd like to take her to a movie too. (laughs) - When's it my turn to shine? - Oh. - Is she on Tinder or is she not? I'll find out what's her name. - She's not on Tinder. What's her name? - What? Montgomery. - Montgomery, what? - Ward. (laughs) - I thought this. (laughs) - Montgomery, what? - Ward. (laughs) - Can we get that photo of the Sasquatch holding? I think you were looking that up. - Honestly. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I think there's a police photography, I mean, photo of that. - I can't photograph all of that, yeah. - I think he found her. - Are you out with her this weekend? - Was this the photo of the Armenian guy? - There he is. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - There's the Nissan. - Yeah, there's the Nissan. - Is that? - Not Dodge Neon. - Oh, yeah, Dodge Neon, and that's not Ireland. - Yeah, get specific. (laughs) - Also, also, if there was KFC in the passenger seat. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, get specific. - Can I see? - Well, I'd like to take her to town. - Let me see, let me go. - Oh, hi, man. - That's who she is. - Do you want some? - Phonyums. - Yeah, yeah. - She's a lot of fun. - Yeah, she's a cool girl. - I'm happy for you guys. - Ireland, what's this movie called Wingman? - Oh, wow. Uh-oh. - Uh-oh, what? - Is this gonna be a sour spot? - It already has been. - Well, this is last time I was here, we had a fight about it. - I let it go, I don't care. - Okay. - Well, this is my new movie. - Called Wingman. - And can I say something, buddy? - Because this is, this is the first time the trailer for Wingman has been shown on a podcast. - Yay. - If you'll allow me to show it. - Go ahead. - It's my new movie, it's coming out May 26th. - Yeah. - Wingman, I wrote it, I directed it. - Sure. - I'm so excited to see it. - And this is, can I say, here we go? - Who's in it? - It's two and a half minutes. - Who's in it? - Me? - Yeah. - Jamie Kennedy. - Yeah. - Russell Peters. - Yeah. - Kayla Wallace from Lion Man. - Great cast. - Evan Marsh. - Anyway, um, here it is. - Fox Knight or in a two? - Let's go. (upbeat music) - You're, uh, Wingman is now officially on the clock. (upbeat music) ♪ You can pull some action on a Saturday night ♪ - I don't know what works. - Listen, Elephant know how to jerk itself off with its own nose. (laughing) - You're not actually considering this, are you? - No. - Trick Thompson. Wingman. (screaming) - Okay, 'cause like a wingman, what are you still in high school? - Wingman, you don't get laid. I don't get paid. What have I got to lose? (laughing) - I need you to take these onion rings down into the jaw. Stack them on the bald sideclops and let me know the count. - You're nuts. You're a madman. This is your huge mistake. (groaning) - What? (laughing) - Come on. (screaming) - Should let 'em cool off first. (screaming) ♪ You're a late man, you're rubber band ♪ - Do you see anything you like? - She's beautiful. - Look, have you seen that Julia Roberts movie eat, pray, love? - Yeah. - Yeah, well now you're looking at the sequel, eat, eat, eat. (laughing) - Ah. (screaming) (laughing) - You're crying. - So sad. (laughing) - Wingman, what makes you such an expert on women? - Anyways, P.O.P. power of the pussy. (laughing) (screaming) - All right, that was a mild setback. Dress real nice. We're on for some, uh, Wall Street beaver. (laughing) - It's party time, pinky. (upbeat music) (grunting) ♪ Without a spot ♪ (laughing) (screaming) ♪ You're a late man, late man ♪ - There it is. (clapping) - Twittler. (laughing) - I love it, dude. - Thank you for letting me show it. - I've never seen anything like it. - No? - No, no, no. - Yeah, it's just- - Did you see Jamie Russell in it? - Well, what we did is the core of the movies about this nerd hires this crazy wingman to help him get- - I understood that from the thing. - And so- (laughing) - That's obvious, yeah. - And so Jamie plays a rival wingman. - Oh, I see. - So he plays my nemesis. - Right. - He has high end clients. I have the low end losers. - Right, right, right, right. - And then Russell Peters plays one of Jamie's high end clients. - Ah. - And he steals that guy's girlfriend. - Oh, I see. Don't give it away. - I don't want to give too much away. - Yeah, don't give too much away, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you produce and direct it yourself. - I didn't produce it, but I directed it. I wrote it and starred in it. - That's amazing. - It's coming out May 26th, and you can go to HarlemWheems.com and get a pre-order for Apple TV. And so we're- - Excited, buddy. (clapping) - Thank you, thank you. - Yeah. - You know, it's so funny. Andrew and I created our own thing, a TV show. - You did? - Yeah, we produce it ourselves and we're putting it out soon in November. And I think that's the next wave of doing it. - Isn't it gray? - I love it because you have control. - Yeah. - And no notes. - Yeah. - Yeah, and I don't have people breathing down my leg. - Do it this way, I love it. - Or you can't say that or whatever. - That's the bit, 'cause Theo and Spade just put out their music. - I'm in that too, yeah. - You're in that too, yeah. I'm excited. - I couldn't get into Wingman, but. (laughter) - It can mean to every other move, I just attire. You know what I mean, all of it, but. - We're not gonna relive anything. - I'm not reliving anything. - Yeah, yeah. - But you know you're love. - I love. - You love, pray. - Wait, can you tell me about you? - No, I can't. - I gotta go. - I gotta go. - Andrew, your project with Andrew? - Yeah, I can say. - You let me plug mine, I'd like to plug yours. - This is my show. - I know, but it's up to me if we plug your project or not. - All right, I'd like to plug his project. - It's called The Bad Game Show. - And do we have a trailer? - No, we just shot last week, all of it. - And thirdly, you don't have to snap my head off. - I didn't. - I'm just trying to be your friend. - I am your friend. - I'm trying to promote you. - I know you're on my own podcast. - You snapped real deep and real hard guy. - Yeah. - I'm fucking with you guy. - I love it. - I'm an actor. (laughter) - It's always the character from Wingman. - Yeah. - Wow. - Come on. Thank you so much.