Hang on, I’m so close

Welcome back to Fuck All Fridays with your girl Liv and your girl Charlie. Coming up this week we have. We've got more snog Mary avoids. I have a how well do you know me quiz for Charlie. And we've got pettiest things you've done to an ex stories keep them coming. So strap in, set yourselves down, get yourself a beverage and off we go. What are you loving this week? What am I loving? Well, I went to go see my family on the weekend, which was the wholesome. Lovely. Always needed to refill your cup. That kind of links into my fuck all for the week, which we'll come back to in a minute. But on a side note away from that, have you seen on Netflix? They've basically done a version of MTV Cribs. No. So Architectural Digest have done little mini series. They're like anywhere between 10 and 15. 15 minute episodes where a C-Lab will show you around their home. A C-Lab? A C-Lab. So I was immediately drawn in because I saw Kendall Jenner. What a gal. Anyway, so I went to click on this and I can't remember what it's actually called. I've just written down here Architectural Digest version of MTV Cribs. Okay. Anyway, the first one that came up was Usher. Usher. Usher baby. So I clicked on his and essentially his was really weird. So you're gonna have to go with me on this. And I feel like everybody needs to watch it to understand how weird it was. But rather than by comparison. Kendall Jenner's was like, welcome to my home in the mountains. Come and have a look around. And she like spoke through the design strategy and like gave a real good show around. It was great. Usher's was him walking around his house. It was almost like a music video. But the voiceover was him talking in like a really weird poetic way. So strange. It's like I watched it while I was in the bath and I was really confused as to what was happening. It was the end of a long day. I need everyone to go and watch it. Loved Kendall Jenner. His was really weird. Left me very perplexed. I laughed a lot. Wrote it down immediately in the notes in my phone under podcast notes and thought I'd talk to you about it here. So go on Architectural Digest. MTV Cribs. Really weird. Worth a watch. Was it giving a bit more like Pimp My Ride? Do you remember Pimp My Ride? Oh, yeah. Like MTV Cribs, Westwood. Put a hot tub in the back of that truck. Yeah. Yeah. Giving that kind of thing, but not. Yeah. It was kind of weird. Like I said, like Kendall Jenner's was exactly what you'd anticipate. And then I started to watch another one that was Inside India's Biggest Private Palace. Wow. That's a lot of P's. P's. Peter Piper. Pheasant Plucker. That was really cool. But yeah, watch Ushers. It's really weird. But all the others go with it. So yeah, that's kind of. I don't know if he's going to make me cringe. A little bit. Let it burn. Let it burn, baby. Ushers, baby. Anyway, what are you loving this week? Two things. People who don't drain you. Yeah. Okay. Radiators. You want radiators in your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So honestly, there have been times of late where I've been like, when I go home, I'm like, fuck you now. Yeah. And then you kind of go from there. And having friends that you absolutely adore so much. You're talking about me? You, obviously. But like, when they go away, you really, really miss them. Yeah. So it's so weird. I was trying to explain this to them the other day. They normally live around the corner, but they were in Devon for a few days. And honestly. And honestly, when I saw them on Sunday afternoon, I was like, oh my God, I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks. Do you know what I mean? That's so nice. And I really, really miss them. And that was Lucy and Jem. Oh. Yeah. I really, really miss them. You need people like that in your life. Yeah. Like I said, you get drainers, you get radiators. Yeah. And it's okay sometimes if your radiators become a bit of a drainer. Like, everyone needs to recharge. But if people are always draining you, uh-uh. I know. Exterminate. I know. Or there's always something wrong or, yeah. Yeah. Just, ah. It drives me nuts. But yeah. So I had a great little time with them on Sunday afternoon catching up post-Jem's birthday because they went down to Devon for a few days or whatever. Nice. To recover. Yeah. Essentially. To recover from that five guys bill. But yeah. Basically, yeah. The five guys. I went to, when did I go around to theirs? I went to sort the dogs because Lucy took Jem into Cheltenham for a birthday surprise before the whole Cheltenham thing. And I opened the fridge to see if there was like wet food for the pug. And they still had a bargain bucket from KFC. They'd had like KFC. They'd had five guys. They'd ordered all this takeaway because everyone was so fucking hungover. Share with everyone how much the bill was. Bear in mind, they live in buttfuck nowhere. I'm amazed they could even get it delivered rude. I think she said it was like 70, 80 quid worth of KFC. And then it was like over 100 quids worth of five guys. That's the sound of a good night. Yeah. But fair fucks because no one wanted to move anywhere. No. They're lucky because they can get delivery or whatever to them. I'm like six miles down the road. You're too far out. Yeah. You just can't do it. But no, that's what I'm loving. That's what I'm loving. Watch your fuck off of the week. Right. So on the way down to my mum and dad's, it's meant to be like an hour 40 in the car. Oh, God. I'm on the way there. And then all of a sudden, well, before I even left, it said two hours 25. And I was like, something's not right here. You donkey. So I get in the car. There's only one way into Wales, really, over the bridge. And on my drive there, it then adds 45 minutes. And I was like, what in God's name is going on here? So I called my dad. And I was like, oh, Papa Clem, what's occurring? Can you have a look on maps and see what's going on? Or like check Welsh news or something? And he was like, oh, it's saying that there's two lanes closed on the bridge. So I was like, oh, really annoying, but fine, whatever. Like, obviously, I hope no one's died, but like inconvenient. Anyway, so drive along. I get to Bristol. It slows me right down. Keep going. All lanes on the bridge are open. So at this point, I'm like, what's going on? But it took me three hours to get to theirs in the end. But the worst part, and this is my fuck off of the week. I had a can of Dash with me. Go on, Dash. Yeah. Product placement. And a bottle of water. I finished my Dash. I got halfway through my bottle of water. And then I'm stuck in traffic on my own. Oh, no. Just me and Brian in the car. Brian, my dog. And when I say I was desperate for a wee, like could have pissed myself for a good hour. And I was basically in crawling traffic. Oh, my God. The pain in my bladder. So I was like, I've got to get off. The next services was Mega Services. So I get off at Mega. Now I'm in a pickle. It's 30 degrees outside. I cannot leave Brian in the car. Not an option. Can't take Brian into the service station with me. Why? Because you can't take dogs in service stations. Oh, I thought you could with some. Well, he's not like a special assistance. He's special, but he's not. He's sort of active blind. He's not an assistance dog. So what's my only other option? Oh, you pissed in the car park. Not in the car park. I would. Nature-y. So I go over to the dog walking zone. Brian's there lifting the leg at the same time. Brian's having a great time. So he's like relieving himself. And I'm like, hurry up, lad. I'm desperate here. Anyway, so I start walking around. I go like further down into the woods. Anyway, this bloke with a dog kept on following me. And I was like, my dog does not want to speak to your dog. Will you fuck off? Oh, yeah. But it was actually getting to the point. Wherever I went, I was going on like really weird tracks. He kept following me. And I was kind of to the point where I kept looking at him. And I have to say, I actually did feel genuinely uncomfortable. And I think any male listeners won't understand what that's like. So please be mindful when following a woman on her own into the woods. Even if you've got a dog. I felt so uncomfortable. I was like, why will this guy not fuck off? Anyway, eventually, I had to go. I had to go right down the bottom, squat behind a tree. And it's not even like I was wearing a dress like I am now. I could just lift up my skirt. Oh, you had to fully drop your dress. Oh, I had to drop my towel and have a wee. And let me tell you, it was the best wee of my life. And my friend Lucy will laugh at this because I hate having a nature wee even when we go hunting. I'm like, absolutely not. People do it. I will give myself a bladder infection over peeing outside. I've done it behind a car shooting so many times. You just got to go for it. But I felt trapped to the point where I was driving along. And I was looking on the hard shoulder. And I was like, could I pull over here, leave my car running so Brian's got the air con, jump over the side rail thing and go down there and pee. And I was like, what if someone steals my car? My dog's in that. It's a bit inconvenient. But yeah, it was traumatic, to say the least. I thought you were going to say you went in the car park. No. I even considered, you know, my nice field bar had two bottles of Nye Timber in it. And I was like, could I take them out and piss in that? That's where my mind went to. Oh, my God. Yeah, I was desperate. Could I pee? Could I pee in my water bottle? Also crossed my mind. Wouldn't have had the aim while driving. No, no, no, no, no, no. Terrible. I'd never sit in your car ever again. No. Anyway, there's my fuck of the week. What's yours? Oh, well, mine kind of leads on from people who drain you. People who rally around a situation and create drama around it. Oh, in the worst way, not in a good way. Yeah, no, not in a good way. But if, like, someone's done something or there's some gossip and then people rally and go, oh, yeah, did you hear? Oh, yeah, did you hear? Oh, yeah. Shit like that. Nothing else to talk about. Literally fuck off. Get a life. Literally fuck off. I just, yeah, it honestly drives my, ooh, like, blood pressure hummingbird. Because what's the benefit? You actually make yourself look like a dick. Yeah. Like, I just don't know. I don't know. I just hate it. You're not Gossip Girl. Yeah, and it kind of, same as last week when I said, you know, people gossiping about shit that's happened to you or that you've been through. Fuck off. It honestly drives me nuts. Drives me fucking nuts. But, yeah, that's my main fuck off of the week. I've got one more. Tell me. And I think it might rage bait you and a lot of other people. I overheard someone say the other day, it's busy when you have kids. Right. as if their time is more valuable they have children and it's one of my it's one of my biggest pet peeves everyone's busy right and it's like people think i had this conversation the other day with someone just because you don't have children doesn't mean you don't have other commitments no and i'm looking at you my horse and dog mums yeah in particular that's a lot of plates to spin um but it's all a choice right so having kids is a choice having horses choice having dogs it's all a choice it's just how we do it so you know that girl that's basically everyone's rinsing the shit out of her on social media at the moment she was on a podcast she went what are women in their 30s do that don't even have kids these days yeah everyone's going quite a fucking lot actually yeah yeah watch me try and maintain my social life have have a job and do well manage a podcast not get into the bath with a toaster on the day yeah fuck off but no you you are right everyone makes a choice and i think the one thing i've always said is if you choose to have a dog or have a horse or have children you should do it because you really want to yeah and okay yeah it's challenging at times don't get me wrong don't fucking complain about it that's not i don't want to hear all the time oh my kid's this oh my kid's that because at no point and you know when you're younger and you say i really want a dog and your parents go are you gonna walk them when it's raining oh yeah bitch watch me with my raincoat on thank you so much um very rarely unless brin really racks up a vet bill and causes me a major inconvenience but very rarely do i you know do i whinge about him we laugh at him but i just think like you say you made that choice everyone's time is valuable no matter how you spend it but i would just encourage anybody to go into the comment section of any of these posts where people say what do people without children do after 5 30 and it's like everything everything i know then i thought you'd understand so for all our listeners out there who are child free by choice we see you for all of our dog mums we see you and dog dads all of our horse parents we see you as well and the real parents who don't complain shout out but everyone everyone's time is valuable your time is not more valuable because you decided to birth a child i think everyone has room to complain like i'll sometimes i'll complain about dogs because yeah but don't compare it so when they go oh well what do you do well kids is far like it's more hard like it's harder work it's there's more going on obviously yeah maybe to a point there is fine everything's hard for everyone just keep your mouth shut yeah yeah yeah just keep your mouth shut yeah anyway do you want to snog my void go on okay so i actually forgot one last week so i've done two all right and rich we'd like your input here oh yeah so i'm gonna kick off first spice things up i've got a female snog mario void first yeah so and i think this is a hard one diverse so you can include producer rich what's wrong with that well no i also want to see what your opinion was as well i got three hotties up first and rich please remember the order is snog marry and then avoid it wasn't me that had the problem last time okay so coming up first we have one of my all-time faves nicole shirt singer oh i thought you were gonna say dua lipa oh oh i love dua we'll put her in next week um jlo and margo robbie i knew she'd be in it you got snog for who's snogging oh am i going first yeah you go first rich go on what what look how excited he is everyone can't see he's excited snog nicole okay i think she's a queen i support that who are you marrying marrying margo nice and what was the last one avoiding jlo yeah he literally hasn't even got the capacity to remember that also are you well because that's exactly how i do it oh is it because jlo's a cunt i have heard negative things about her do you know i'd be different i'd snog margo i'd marry nicole would you i'd love to sing with nicole what a fucking woman did you see when she went viral because she can shoot a crossbow but she did the box splits as she shot a crossbow and she took an apple clean off i think i want to say it was on someone's head but it might not be i've not seen this yeah i'll show you guys the video what a queen but you know she also got her hollywood star recently oh what a woman yeah and i saw the clip of her finding out and i was like oh we love you she's incredible yeah what a woman so yeah i would just be side different to you okay do you want the man one now obviously let me go first okay harry styles there's a theme here just for you livia harry styles niall horan and zayn malik easy go on marry harry you got who's not come on niall marry harry avoid zayn take your pillow talk and fuck off i'm not doing it zayn he broke up the band zayn go on what were you saying have we had harry before because i felt like i've married harry before yeah i think we had him in uh the first snog mario boy but this is just heart divorce now themed i feel like i want to stick with him though that's the thing so okay snogging and there's only one d in the room we i cannot picture those guys to be fair so i'm just winging this oh for fuck's sake niall's the lovely little irish one zayn will give you zayn pain so you might want to oh yeah i'm avoiding zayn okay and i'll snog i'll snog niall marry harry avoid you guys are so n-sync you're just copying me at this point you copy me first and again i'd be different to you both i'm probably gonna snog harry i'm gonna marry niall and i'm gonna avoid zayn you're consistent as well yeah you said the same about harry last what a nice man right so for the next segment for you two i've got fact or fucking fiction oh okay do we have to buzz in it's kind of a it's a true or false okay true or false um right archaeologists have discovered elongated objects made from wood and other materials so basically ancient roman dildos have been found true of course it's false because it's you i'm gonna go true i'm gonna go true as well because it's you you're both correct yeah of course wooden imagine that splintering the vibrator was originally marketed as a medical device true or false i'm gonna go true same and i will tell you for why because didn't they um years and years ago they used to say that in order to heal women from their hysteria yes hysteria that's the word i was looking for basically excuse for a man to finger or yeah yeah so like oh yeah yeah is that true that is true you are you are in fact correct condoms are much older than you think true um for a bonus point um if you get these right you have to well you have to tell me what originally they were made out of intestine wasn't in there buzz buzz wow is that not right i thought they were made from intestines originally well yes but also there's more of a common something else so it's true they are older than you think how old are they oh please i'll call her she's like i don't have that information to hand uh but intestinal sheepskin okay yeah yeah so gross i'm pretty sure there were random condoms around in tootin carmine's day and age or something wow yeah there was something like that around they date back over 3 000 years wow yeah i mean had the head screws on even back then my head went to uh wrapping it like a mummy nice fuck's sake ancient romans wore tiny penis shaped charms for good luck because it's you i'm going true i'm gonna go false just to be different are you yeah are you getting yeah i'm waiting in anticipation true yeah go on this is a bit like the pitbull quiz where it's like pitbull or lyrics probably pitbull there is a 3 000 year old egyptian erotic papyrus true or false isn't papyrus the plant that people put in their front window if they are no that's pampas grass that's oh i was close to saying papyrus is like what these uh egyptians wrote on and things like uh okay i was thinking yeah because if you put a pineapple or you put the pampas grass upside down pineapple oh if in your front window it means you're a swinger right essentially yeah i think when did they switch to pineapples or something different then i'll google it afterwards one of my old neighbors had pampas grass in their front window i can neither confirm nor deny if they were a swinger but do you think the egyptians had essentially their own karma sutra false true have you done any false ones yeah you could no you could have got them but you just got it wrong okay you said false the ones that were true fine thank you i played the odds but i am going to google the pineapple thing here ends my section i've had a story submitted which i think you'll both enjoy go on um this links on to very early on we did a section called pettiest things you've done to your ex we did i think let's put another thing out on social media yeah a question if anybody's got any stories ping them on through because some of them are gold so this was actually submitted by someone about her mum which i really enjoyed so this must have been a good 30 40 years ago that her mum did this okay okay so before she met her now husband she was a long-term relationship one day she came home from work and her partner had left a note saying that he was leaving her and he'd be back to collect his things in a moment of rage she sewed up the armholes of his ski jacket so he wouldn't have known for months until he next went skiing and would have had no idea who it was she's very non-confrontational as a person so to this day is probably the most petty thing that she's ever done that is the long game and i really appreciate shit like that i liked it a lot like when people put glitter in someone's air con in their car so when you turn it on look out yeah fuck yeah i'm here for stuff like that yeah and i quite liked it because it was from many people moons ago and i'm like people are getting way more toxic now that's good old traditional toxicity get your needle and thread out oh do you know i'd do that i would actually do that never relax no never relax you're gonna sew your socks together i have a quiz for you how well do you know me how well do you know me is this just for me or is rich intervening on this no rich can join in yeah go on rich join in what are your buzzers i was just shouting it can i just shout my answer i'll just go charlie yeah you can shout your name i've got to stick to mine everyone's got to get a little bit inventive no yours is so good though i know i'm so good at it so good oh i'll do one i'll be little john yeah yeah oh my god yeah please okay okay round one bing bing bing how well do you actually know me what is my biggest pet peeve a people cheering loudly b being ignored c people being late or d someone cancelling plans yeah someone cancelling plans i was gonna say the majority of them to be fair i think every single one would fuck you off yeah um biggest pet peeve biggest one who is not being late i'm late all the time you could take this rich yeah but there's too many i have to press you for an answer here rich i think what was b being ignored no c you can't just spring for one time a chewing loudly it's close but no in fact it is people being late oh fuck gosh you must really hate me it's c people being late i wouldn't say you hate it though you tolerate it biggest pet peeve out of all of those yeah and also chewing loudly chewing loudly get fucked you can be late as well so how how come it doesn't work with ways i'm very rarely late thank you i arrive precisely when i mean do on time question two if i suddenly had ten thousand pounds land in my bank account what's the first thing i'd spend it on is this not multiple choice no multiple not multiple choice yeah yeah yeah flights barbados is that right get in and when i say flights plural that's because there's a seat next to you no the boyfriend can't come okay question three what's my ultimate comfort food rich yeah sushi oh he's got that right yeah yeah fair fucks yeah what a rich four what's the one thing i absolutely cannot resist buying oh it could be a whole host of things okay can we have a clue something yeah something i can't resist buying let's go food related yeah yeah yeah sushi yeah yeah i was gonna go candle i thought it felt too obvious after that candle yes but you love a candle whenever i'm out about i've got my mind on the sushi you know one of my other option my third option would have been a nice card i feel like if you see a nice card you buy i do do that i do do that okay question number five i'm sweating the pressure's getting to me if i could only drink one drink for the rest of my life what would i choose yeah yeah go on um uh what those horrible do you make french one rich no it's not a french one rich rich rich no hang on i'm so close for a steal it's the one i didn't bloody mary it would be a bloody mary that was option number two and i thought it's too obvious a vespa a vespa a vespa is my go-to but bloody mary reigns supreme i thought bloody mary was too obvious but a vespa is fucking right round two i'm honestly sweating so much the pressure is getting to me round two hang on let's let me get the aircon on so i don't distract him from i need some more points here ready take your seats don't fall down two number six what's the most ridiculous thing i've ever done after a night out after a night out think about how well i can on a hangover rich yeah when you got back in and then three hours later you went to a training session be more specific please uh i got home at what hour and what time didn't you get home at like five or six and you were at training for eight sat on my horse at 8 30 no i went to a point to point i went to point to point after party we then went out in siren sester i was in a dodgy club in my wellies yeah shout out used to be the rock what a place for anyone local to the coxhords got home at five half five max i was sat on my horse having a jump lesson at half past eight fuck's sake what a woman yeah which of these would i be most likely to do get into an argument with a stranger accidentally send i'm buzzing in now accidentally send a risky text to the wrong person book a spontaneous holiday or all three rich all three no i don't think you do the middle one what was the middle one send a risky text to a stranger no actually you wouldn't do that no i don't think you would i think you're intentional when you send a risky text i am um i like to get the blood flowing i don't think you'd book a spontaneous holiday because you like barbados so i'm gonna go yeah yeah option a which is where i interjected immediately i could have not heard any of the other options and she's in yeah you're correct she'll fight you and my friend ellen does the same yeah and we're not out well i don't know have we spoken i think we have spoken about this the night that you dressed up as christina aguilera we met ted lasso uh poor ted lasso poor guy didn't know what was coming but he picked a fight with the wrong lady oh dear he was just a bit of an arrogant chump he just carried on hanging around and i just basically was like why are you still here yeah like a bad smell yeah yeah i had a ringside seat i don't even feel sorry for him dick what is my biggest mistake in my life and i don't even feel sorry for him dick what is my biggest red flag in a man or a woman no multiple choice here fuck you've got so many how can we i think multiple choice is required oh apologies i did a mix think about when my sister first started dating someone rich yeah don't you get a vote about when my sister first started dating someone rich yeah don't you get a vote no it's not a vibe it's not a feeling do you want to tell you yeah because it could it could literally be a multitude of things how touchy feely they are yeah so someone who's over familiar thinks they know me straight away yeah and tries to hug me or touch me immediately get fucked i am not your friend and now i'm even like nowhere near okay are you a little complicado creature over there what what's something i pretend doesn't bother me but absolutely does and don't say body count because it really doesn't bother me oh again this is hard because you're quite black and white schwarzenweiss i'm trying to be in the gray area but it doesn't happen yeah you're you don't operate in the gray no it's not on your palette no it's not one of your colors and you can't name a person you can't name a person people shitty boyfriends sorry yeah yeah people shitty boyfriends yeah you can have that as one of them yeah yeah yeah okay thank you yeah pretending you're okay with them but really no 10 if i called you at 2 a.m and said i need you what would you assumed what would you assume had happened yeah yeah uh you're drunk and you got stuck in north leach and lucy jam on holiday so you have nowhere to stay and you gotta get back for the dogs that is about right actually but i'd have to go to the dogs first let them out and then come to you i do have here somewhere drunk but i think in that situation your priority would be the dogs it'd be like can you go to the dogs i'm gonna get an uber home and then i would then have paranoia that you're in an uber on your own with a man and i'd make you share your location like i did i did tell rich the other day actually about you threatening that taxi driver on a night home night out from cheltenham do you remember you took pictures of his taxi and him oh i told him i was watching him i was like i know what you look like i will find you and if she ends up in a ditch tomorrow i'm coming for you and then when you got closer home yeah i stopped because there was no signal and she was the anxiety Now she's got her knickers off. Honestly, the panic. But then I was like, so all the things going through my head. So obviously your friend can share a location, fine. But I was like, hang on. What if on the drive back, he's chucked Liv out somewhere, but her phone is still in the car? I was like, just because that's her location doesn't mean it's hers. Then I was getting all paranoid. And then, yeah, when she came into the village. Oh, what did you ask me? What question did you ask me to prove it was me? We'd have to find it and dig it out, but it was something really niche. How often do I nearly shit my pants? Something along those lines. Maybe where did I last shit myself? So that's privileged information. It was definitely, there was a test to make sure it was you. But yeah, obviously as you come into the village, your signal drops out. So then your dot stops moving. I was like, she's not home. She isn't home. Where is she? And then when you then got in, I was like, are you alive and well? Please confirm you're alive and well. Oh, fucking hell. I don't like people going in taxis on their own. So this is a bonus round. There are no wrong answers. Oh, okay, fine. I'll just be intrigued to see what you think. Okay. Can we agree that we go like gut feel, whatever comes to your mind first, buzz in. What do you think my worst personality trait is? Yeah, yeah. That sometimes I think you cut people off too quickly, men specifically, because you think they are a walking red flag or they're a misogynist. You've got the biggest heart, but sometimes with men more so than women, you can be really quick to cut them off. Agreed. But I think that's a self-protection thing. Yeah, agreed. Okay. Overthink. Yeah. How do you think? I do overthink. Yeah. Like when I leave here and I go, I don't know if that content hit. Yeah. I think you overthink about the weird things. I'm like, you're joking. That was great. Yeah. And then you listen to it and go, oh, that was a really good episode. I was like, she's really funny. No one needs to troll you. You troll yourself. Yeah, you do. What do you think is my best? Best personality trait? Yeah, yeah. That with the right people, you are the most open-hearted, kind and generous person. And you'll do anything for any of your friends. I will. But you've got to be in that immediate circle. Like circle of trust is so fucking real. Like if you're not in that circle, see you later, you won't get that soft, gooey center. Yeah. And I agree because a lot of people when they first met me, I mean, there was a nickname going around. I was Snow White and I was cold, but I'm normally like that. Like you don't get, you don't get access to me 100%. I'm normally like that. If I get a vibe, my level of discernment is strong. And yeah, you don't get access to me. I like that. Best personality trait, Rich? No, I agree with what you said. Yeah, okay. He's taking yours. Sharing. He's not taking my points, so fuck off. What's one thing you know about me that most people listening wouldn't believe? Yeah, yeah. Go on. What's the boat story about someone, do they snort coke off you on a boat? Can we talk about that? Because this links in really nicely with that. But he had a boat. It wasn't on a boat. Was it not? I was in his Bentley. Oh, wow. This is the same guy with the boat though. Share with the group, Olivia. Share, share, share. I am not expanding on that. What you see is what you get. And just for the reference, it was off my ass. Nothing else. Go on. Nothing else. And the last question, what's something you think I'm completely delusional about? And do not say this fucking podcast. I'll kill you both. No, not at all. That is a hard one. When you say delusional, do you mean delusional in like a, that's really unrealistic? Yes. I don't think you're delusional. If anything, I'd say you're the opposite. Yeah. In some ways, I think you think things won't happen to you. Yeah, I agree. But actually, they will. Yeah. Anything you think I'm delusional about? When you say it's not going to be a messy night. Yeah, that's fair. Your delulu will become trelulu. When I say it's not going to be a messy night, and I say I'm going to rein it in, I never am. No. Never. It's not happening. Anyway, here ends your quiz of how well do you know Liv. And I would say you both did a very good job. Thank you. Do you know what I think we should do next week? Yeah. Maybe over the next few weeks is switch it so we do one for me and then do one for Rich. Yeah, why not? I think that's quite fun. Yeah. And you do different questions. Get the listeners to tell us. Yeah, why not? Okay, I've got some icks for you. Go on. One of them I witnessed firsthand the other day. Men in small cars. Oh my God, I wholeheartedly agree. Yeah. And I'd never put the two and two together and I watched someone get into it into a small car and I went, oh. Off he goes in his biscuit tin. Yeah. And I feel like when you're like 17 and learning how to drive and it's your first car, absolutely fine. You want something with not much power. When you're 30. He's literally rattling around in it like the last quality street that no one wants. Yeah. So everyone out there. Do you think it's his car though? No, probably. Or do you think it's like his girlfriend's? No, it was his mum's car. Oh my gosh. Ick. Kind of makes it worse, yeah. Ick. So yeah, that's, I saw it and I, okay, this is another one that I, I saw as well the other day. Men in flared jeans. Are they back? You are not having a lead. They're back, baby. Boot cut for the win. Flared jeans. We are back. Nah. Can I add to that? Men in jorts. What's a jort? You know, I've got those jeans. What you were wearing the other day. Yeah, I've got jeans. But men can't wear those. I've got, I've seen men in jorts. You've spoken about this before. They don't offend me. I prefer a chino short. Bye, bye, bye. That's what it's giving. Bye, bye. Yeah. I prefer, I prefer a chino short, but jean shorts don't offend me. Yeah, but they're like slightly longer. They're like below the knee. It's giving Tony Hawks. You're wearing DC. Below the knee. He's going to Skateboard Park. Yeah. Right, now I'm with you with the chain hanging out of the back pocket. No, thank you. Yeah, geyser. And then there's something else I thought you would enjoy. So you know you said one of your icks was men being pumped up in the barber chair. So the other day somebody went to the dentist and obviously the dentist is like you sit up and then they eee. Stank your back with the button and they said all they could think about was the barber chair ick. Ha ha. So yeah. I'm here, I'm here all week. Enjoyed. He ends a my section. Can I just add, so you know I said for fuck's sake no more slug chat. Give me that slug chat. Right. One of our girls. Here we go. A slug update for Charlie. This is a slug update. So I, as you know, live in a little basement flat and work in a very popular busy pub hotel and Thursday I had to stay overnight so I did like a 24 hour, 48 hour shift. I got back to my house last night. It's a Friday night at just gone midnight and I turned on the light in my bedroom and there was a slug on the skirting board and I couldn't bring myself to touch it. So it's now just living in my bedroom and Slinks is even scared of it. So yeah, I have a new roommate. So Slinks is her sausage dog, Mr. Slinks. Mr. Slinks. So even he is scared of it. Go on the slug. After you said it, I was like, let's not bring up slugs anymore and then she voiced it to me. I was like, I'm just going to have to add it in because everyone's fucking loving slug chat and I hate it. What I enjoyed about that is when she said, I've got a new roommate. She won't get rid of it. We want an update. We want an update. Is it still living there? No one's pouring salt on a slug inside. Imagine that exploding all over your shoes. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. Okay, this or that. Be stood up on a first date or have to sit through a four hour first date with someone you have zero chemistry with. Oh, be stood up. Save my time. Yeah, save my time. I don't want to spend time with you if you're a dick. Would you rather have to narrate everything you do out loud or never be able to explain yourself ever again? Never be able to explain myself again. Really? Yeah. I think I've got logic up here. So everything I do would make sense. Would you rather date someone your friends hate or someone your family loves but you find boring? They're both really hard because I don't want to date anyone boring but I don't want to date someone that my friends don't like. I'm going to go with someone my friends don't like. Yeah, fair. I agree. Would you rather lose all your photos or all your texts forever? All my texts? Yeah. Yeah. Would you rather your partner be terrible at gift giving or terrible at remembering important dates? Terrible at gift giving. Yeah. Yeah. And last one. Would you rather wake up one day with everyone having forgotten who you are or you having forgotten who everyone else is? Oh, I mean, I've been in a position of head injury where I've forgotten a lot of stuff. I'd rather everyone forget who I am. Yeah. Yeah. Because then I could rebuild with the people that I know and like. Yeah. And cut out all the other fuckers. Good point. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas forgetting stuff like, side note, serious chat, have you forgotten If you've ever had a head injury, I can't get my words out now, it is horrible. When you can't remember stuff. I remember peak concussion recently. I opened the fridge door to get a kiwi and I forgot. As soon as I opened the door, I forgot what I'd gone in there for. Yeah. It's horrible. Would not recommend. Stay safe out there, kids. Wear protection. Be safe, be seen. Wear protection. Be safe, be seen. I'm sick. Right, are you ready? I'm ready. Okay, would you rather have your ex publicly post about your breakup or have your mum do it? They're both terrible. Um, I think I'd rather he did it because that would give me a laugh. Yeah, okay. Would you rather be in a relationship where you never argue or one where you argue but always resolve it? Always resolve it. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Would you rather be unable to use your phone for a week or be unable to leave your house for a week? What's the first part? Unable to use your phone or unable to leave your house. Ooh. Ooh. Unable to leave my house. Really? No, unable to leave my phone. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I'm trapped by COVID all over again. Yeah, good point. Would you rather shoot your shot and get rejected or never know what could have happened? Shoot my shot every time. Would you rather live in a world where everyone can hear your thoughts for one day or you can hear everyone else's thoughts for one day? Everyone else's because no one wants to fucking hear mine. You'd all fucking hate me. But imagine how overstimulating that would be. I'd be all right with it. Do you think? Yeah. Or I'd be like, shut down. Too many tabs are open. Close them. Would you rather be cheated on and find out or be cheated on and never know? Find out. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Wholeheartedly agree. For reasons I can't discuss but everyone understands, you'd rather know. Mm-hmm. Right, so before we finish, I have a random thought for you. Go on. How would you, how would you share your engagement with everyone? Huh. Um. Okay. Would you, would you social media? Here's my thought. Immediate circle. I think it's nice to tell people in person if you can. Then next on my list would be FaceTime. Yeah. Then next on my list would be a message. Once I think your immediate circle know, I don't know. I think I'd probably then enjoy a bit of the privacy of like enjoying the moment for like a while. And then I might consider putting something on social media. But like for me, I'd probably post it on my private Instagram account that only certain people are on, not on my. If you've noticed anything that I've posted this week, never relax, because I will screenshot your close friends and post it online. Never relax, you cunt. I was presenting that and I was like, sorry, is this you announcing? I was announcing that you were engaged and I didn't know about it. Stay toxic. But yeah, no, I think, I think there's something nice about enjoying something for yourselves without feeling the need to post it on social media. And I understand I'm completely contradicting myself here as someone that has a public Instagram account that I do post a lot of stuff on. Yeah. But I'm also, if you look at my two accounts, very, very different. Yeah, completely different. So yeah, so I think that's how I would approach it. How do you approach it? There's one or two ways. I'd either tell my immediate and then let them beat the jungle drum. Yes, nice. Or just to fuck with you all, I'd probably just post a photo of my hand on my stories. Don't be a dick. Whoever gets there, gets there. No, I don't like that. Or we could do a Lucy and wait. I'd launch on wedding day. Wait until you're married and then drop. Got married, bitches. Why not? Wow. I could do that. But I quite like now, some people, I know there's a lot of influence with this because of AI and people not wanting to post photos of their babies. What I really like is a lot of people aren't even posting on their socials that they're pregnant. And then it's just like, bam, I've had a baby. And you're like, whoa, where did that come from? But also at the same time, I'm like, your immediate people who are in your circle will know stuff about your life. Like social media only tells a certain story. Yeah. And like I put a thing up without getting too deep. I put a thing up the other day. Like I like to do like a little monthly wrap up. I do a lot of wrap up posts on my socials. Yeah. And I put one up on my public Instagram that was basically just like 10 photos of like what I'd been up to over the month. Most of it was either being on a pony, near a pony, near a pub, or like doing nice things outside. Yeah. But one of the things I put in the post is that what you can't see is, okay, that all looks really glorious on the outside. But actually, within that month, I basically had a bit of a mentee bee and had to take a day off work for a mental health day. Yeah. And we obviously went and had a nice. Which you spent with me. Yeah. We went swimming and I sat and read a book and turned my phone off and didn't speak to anyone. And I think it's things like that that people don't see is okay, everything might look nice and rosy on the surface, but actually that's a version of yourself that you're putting out there. The people closest to you will know what's really, really going on. Yeah. Agreed. So yeah, there's my thoughts on it. Agreed. Yeah. So basically, you won't know I'm engaged until my wedding day. No, don't do that to me. No? No. No? Tell me. I'll tell you, but maybe if it's just you and I, maybe you and I are the only ones that should know. If you get engaged and do the same thing with me, we won't even tell our parents or significant others who will just decide we're doing it. And that's on the podcast. Bam! By the way, Charlie, you're now engaged to Charlie. He just has no idea. Honest to fuck, I'd love that. Do you have any random thoughts for me? No, I don't, no. No, I know, I'm sorry. I did write down nice news, so just as a reminder for anybody who wants some wholesome reading and to get away from the neggy news that's out there, there are quite a few, we'll maybe share some of the posts on the stories, but there's quite a few nice Instagram pages that share positive news from across the world, which just lightens up your day a little bit. If you want to find out about sea turtles' numbers going up or panda population has recovered. Or sea monkeys in the office. Sea monkeys in the office. I did see something the other day. A tiger has been re-released into Kazakhstan. That's like the first one in like however many years. I think they basically went extinct in Kazakhstan. They've now released one, which is rogue. So if you want nice news like that, get yourself over onto the Instagram. Fucking hell. Yeah. All right. Okay, well we'll fuck off for the week then. All right. Until next Friday. Stay toxic. Stay toxic.