"Hag and Protectress" (w/ Edy Modica)

This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human. Season four of Sniffy's Cruising Confessions is here. This year, host Gabe Gonzalez and Chris Patterson Rosso are unzipping the truth, challenging stereotypes, celebrating sex positivity, and keeping things delightfully unfiltered. Tune in for jaw-dropping, hilarious, and insightful chats with some of the boldest voices in the queer community. And dive deep into the history of cruising, queer scenes from Atlanta to Puerto Rico, how OnlyFans is reshaping adult content, and so much more. Feeling curious? Maybe a little bold? Just push play. Listen to Sniffy's Cruising Confessions now on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Sponsored by Healthy Sexual from Gilead Sciences. Do you want to know the secret to life? It's Depop, and by life, I mean affordable fashion. Depop is where you can buy, sell, and discover desirable, inexpensive secondhand fashion. Sell the stuff you no longer wear, with no selling fees, by the way, and make some money. Then use that money to buy things you actually want to wear for way less. Discover new things, evolve your style, become mysteriously cooler without becoming mysteriously broke. Make money on Depop with no selling fees, and find what you want for less. We've been talking about Kewpie mayo for a minute now, and wow, so many of you already love this stuff. And if you're thinking, wait, what is Kewpie? Do you not have the internet? It's the OG Japanese mayonnaise. The one with the red cap. What makes it different? Egg yolks. Kewpie is made with egg yolks only, giving it this rich, umami flavor that elevates everything. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. Where chefs work, of course. Food and flavor lovers use it. You haven't tried it yet? Hm. Well, find the red cap and see what everyone's talking about, why don't ya? Kewpie. The original Japanese mayonnaise. Kewpie. Hey everybody, it's me, Matt, and my tour is on sale now. This time, it's really Christmas. You can go to www.mattrogersofficial.com. Podcasts are a visual medium. If you're not watching, right now, I am holding in my hands my vinyl. It's called Have You Heard of Christmas? The answer to that question is coming. At this time, it's really Christmas. I'm playing all over the country and in London and in Canada. That makes it a world tour. Harry Styles, you're on burn notice. I'll see you soon. I miss our, like, incubation period as, you know what I mean? It's the best. Meeting you naked, full-ass naked, naked bush out doing your annoyance show. Like, we were around that all the time. I'll show it to you right now. Yeah, I bet. Bet. You fucking dare me? You just have to ask, babe. Wait, I mean, if not on Lost Couch, then where else? I mean, on stage. Will you show your tits? Will you show your tits at least? Yeah. Don't make her do this. Yes! Look, Matt. There. Oh, I see. Wow. Bowen, look over there. Wow. Is that culture? Yes. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Las Culturistas. Ding dong. Las Culturistas calling. Well, it's Olive Garden today. Because it's family. Because it's family. When's the last time you were at the Olive Garden? I think it was, like, 2013. My God, that's such a long time. Remember when our dear friend, Billy Domino, wrote, it was, like, not, it was for some publication. It was for, like, Mike.com. Remember that? Whoa. It was, like, I went, I used the Olive Garden free pasta pass every day for every meal. Yeah. Here's what I, he wanted to do, like, a sort of, like, supersize me moment with it. And he did, I would say. Well, like, supersize me, I would say that every time I've eaten there, my body has a reaction. Like, it took him a long time to have a reaction. Right, right. His body had supersized me. It took cumulative. Leave that in. I want them to, to know I'm real. Times eating at McDonald's for his body to respond. When I eat at Olive Garden, my body responds within 15 minutes of eating it. I immediately shit everywhere. Immediately shit. Well, it's because, it's because, like, the water they use for the pasta or something. You think that's it. To be fair, I immediately shit when I cook my own food. Okay, is this a thing with 30s? Because I'm immediately shitting constantly now. Yeah, it's 30s. It's 30s? It's dirty 30s. They don't call it dirty for nothing. You're talking about how poop is dirty. I am painting the tank every day. Girl. And I am taking out the Lysol, squirting it all around, rubbing it. They love when we talk like this. And I don't care. I don't care. This is our life! This is what happens! This is 30s. This is 30s. Go listen to Jake Shane, who probably has perfectly solid poops. Yeah, yeah. Actually, no. I bet Jake doesn't. I actually immediately agree. I bet his poops are sometimes not great. He's eating gummies all day. The cotches. Did you try them? Yes, they're really good. They're really good. No, Jake gave me his cotches one day. Sounds like a euphemism. It's not. It's literal. I like that, though. I love his candy. Take my cotches. Open up and take them. It's not bad. Not bad. Take my cotches. It's like we're patient zero over here. My God, you love patient zero. I love patient zero. Anyways, yeah. Now, speaking of violent shits. Violent shits. I would say beautiful depictions of the body, of the human form. You guys were just reminiscing on this. I remember the first time I saw our guest was at the Annoyance Theater in Brooklyn. Probably the same night. Double bill of shows. You and Anna Dresden had a show called Good Morning Hell. I think it was Good Morning Hell. It was a morning show hosted from hell. From hell. So fun. Yeah. And then before you guys, it was our friend and Brian Fittiman in their show where they were both completely naked. Yeah. And as a boob gay, I admired our guest's breasts and vagina. Thank you. And that was sort of what was on the menu. That was on the menu that night. And I would say that from there, she's become one of our favorite people. She plays teacher in my special Have You Heard of Christmas? Is the teacher in Have You Heard of Christmas? You loved her in Jury Duty. You didn't just love her. You were addicted to her. You became a stalker. You actually, your behavior was really weird. People were really weird towards her because she is magnetic as fuck. You need to fucking relax. You need to calm down. She is now out with an amazing special at Irony Point. Yes. Thank you. They always get behind the best stuff. They always are. It's called I'm Just Like You and It Sucks. Fabulous. Fabulous. Fabulous special and she's in many upcoming films. And she's in an amazing t-shirt. She's in an amazing t-shirt which we'll talk about. She's one of our favorite people. Deaf. Deaf. Everyone welcome Edie Modica! I'm red in the face. I actually did, I didn't even notice the Ugg boots. The Uggs, the track pant. And now show everyone the t-shirt. Show this camera the t-shirt. It's good. If you're my neighbor, you're gonna see me in one of my episodes. How true of a story are you telling with your garment? A big truth. It's a big truth. I have anger problems. I do. From everyone close to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the new powerful thing is to self-diagnose. Like everyone's saying, everyone is saying now they're ADHD. Right. I'm not doing that at all. I feel like with anger it's something that you can kind of tell if that's going, what's going on. Now what do you do when you're balling up your fists? I'm like, I'm gonna pull my fucking hair out! Like I'm like, you're giving Kathy. Yes. Yes. I'm getting red. Getting red. Overwhelmed. Screaming. That's a cultural thing for us too though. Wanting to hit. Going to hit. Oh, but you, and you can say yes. Have you hit before? Yes. When was, when did you start hitting? I remember in high school I pulled my boyfriend's hair because he made me mad and he, at the time, we had an AIM conversation later about how he was like, you can't do that. And I was like, I can't. I can't do that. And now, Shut the fuck up. You're pissing me off. Yeah, bitch. I'm coming over. But now it's still a part of my, my boyfriend is like, no hitting. Yeah. And sometimes when I go to do it, I'm like, oh my, I feel like a monster. Like I look at my hands. But I was hit. Yeah. Yeah. You were, you were hit as a child. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So like, was it, was it dad? No, it was mom. It was mom. Mom. Your mom is so, and I'm so, I feel like I learned so much about your mom through this special. She does live in a basement? Not anymore. She got, she lives in a studio now. She's out of the basement. Thank God. So Edie's, so Edie's sort of litmus test for class would be, and could still be, like, no one tells, no one says how much they make anymore. I can never tell like how much money someone makes. Rich people want to be poor. Poor people want to look rich. She goes, this is, this is my limit test. Can I, can I, I'm paraphrasing, but she, but you would, you would go. You're doing amazing. I'm shocked. It's a great paraphrase. Do you go, does your mom live in a basement? No? Well then shut up. Exactly. Or I'm hitting you. Yes. So she's, she's in a studio apartment, but where was the, where was the basement? In Nyack. In Nyack. Yes. Nyack girl. Yes. All the way up the river. We've been to Nyack. We've been to Nyack. We went to Nyack to interview Margaret Cho before one of her standup shows. She was performing in Nyack. At the mall? Maybe, but she stayed at some like holiday inn off the highway. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to go there. We had to bring our gear there. We were very intimidated. It's an amazing place. Yeah. But wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. Nyack in general. Nyack period. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your favorite thing about Nyack? The community. Yeah, yeah. I knew you'd say that. It's strong. I mean, I walk down the street and I know everybody. Yeah, yeah, celebrity. And my boyfriend and I went to high school together. So now we're like a power couple in Nyack. Wait, so did your boyfriend know you with the ex-boyfriend when you were with the ex-boyfriend that you were hitting? I mean, well, no, I'm hitting my boyfriend now. Oh, so this is the same boyfriend from high school? This is the same boyfriend from high school? No, no, no. We haven't been together since high school. We just went to high school together. I'm saying, but did he know? Does your current boyfriend? Oh, uh, no, he's younger. He's too young. Oh, cradle robber, robbing the cradle. What a sick expression that is. I know. Robbing the cradle, grabbing it by the dick. Not only is it a baby, but you've stolen it from its mother. It's disgusting. Since when are we grabbing it by the dick? I mean, I'm just saying robbing the cradle. That's kind of where else are you kind of grabbing it? How else would you pick a baby up, Beau? By the head, like every other. Don't have a brand new, Beau. There's no other way to pick up a baby than by the dick. You hold it by the head as you take it away. I'm just saying cradle robbing is so vulgar. If it was more vulgar, you would think that maybe it's even more vulgar than even just that. Yeah, why would you stop it? No, I understand. I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you guys do walk down the street and I can, people are like, look, there's Edie and boyfriend. Yes. That's so amazing. Yeah. It's awesome. So did you become famous because of jury duty there or were you already famous? Or were they like, no, she's on TV. They were like, of course she's on TV. Yeah. Because in high school drama club, I was. Yeah. I was a star. What were your starring roles? Christine Daae and Phantom of the Opera. I'm fucking kidding. That changed my life. Like that is what ruined me and made me like, I'm a star. Like I have to do this. Wow. That was you? Yeah. Yeah. That's a bomb. Not anymore now. I'm vaping. I'm smoking weed all day. It's not the same, but I do. I love to sing and I want to sing. So this is why I think you vaping is why your teeth is bleeding. Your tooth is bleeding. I didn't know about your bloody tooth. I'm not vaping anymore. I'm sorry. Well, you can't. But Edie, I'm looking out for you. Okay. No, I'm telling you. No, Matt is good. We're not going to get into it, but you can't be my 33 year old ex-boyfriend had a heart attack because of the, because he was vaping. Edie, you can't go back to it. He lived, but barely. That's crazy. I'm so sorry. Honey, it happened at Bravo Con. It gets worse. Hey, listen, I saw Kelly Clarkson in Vegas. Went to go check on my Bravo star boyfriend. Well, he's 33 year old and having a heart attack because of vape juice. Yeah. We had to go to the Vegas hospital. Hospital. Okay. Holy shit. Not that there's anything wrong with Vegas hospital. No. We were talking about Housewives of New Jersey actually right before we walked in. Oh yeah. And that's your favorite franchise? That's my favorite franchise. Honestly, it. Because of the violence that you're comfortable with. Literally. Yes. Like there was a scene where Jennifer Aiden in the more recent stuff, she grabs a wine glass, immediately breaks it and then holds it up. Like she's done that move before. It's moving to me. I'm like, yeah, it's like, that's a woman who knows how to use what's around her. Yes, yes, to return to me that herself, I'm, I really, really, um, identify with that. Yeah. I mean, I would say your violent tendency is out of self protection. Like Jennifer Aiden probably had to toss that wine and do that many times in her life. Cause she was provoked. Right. The Jennifer Aiden defender. I think this is more learned behavior. Like it's like, I saw it. So now I'm like, that's what I do when I'm mad. This is good though. Cause I don't think we as a culture, especially in our generation, I don't think we talk about anger issues in this kind of, in this way. Like you're going to see me in one of my episodes. Yeah. Or hear me. I'm really trying though. I'm really, I don't want to be that way anymore. Cause I think in the past I've had kind of a. Pride about, like, I like that I'm angry. Like, but now when your boyfriend is looking you in the eye and he's like, you can't do that. Yeah. This hurts me. I'm like, shit. Yeah. Well, okay. And this isn't an annoying question, but like, were you, were you ever angry during jury duty? Like, cause, cause that's a very, like, that's a very interesting, intense high pressure situation where you have to uphold like a lie. I was crying, but I was, I was the only person who didn't live in LA. Like when I wasn't staying in the hotel with the fucking guy, then I had to like go to another hotel and I also brought, I thought I was there for so long. I brought so many clothes. So moving was like, like it was not right. Nobody cared. Nobody cared that I was the only one like without a home. I was homeless. Well, no, local higher culture fucking sucks. Yes. It's not great. It's crazy. Well, I don't know. I learned from that. That I'm like, I need an Airbnb where I can cook food. Yeah. Don't even get me started. I'm not making sandwiches on a hummus Sabra top. That's the plate. Like you need, you need to be able to, you need a, you need to have a car. No, no. If they're, if they're telling someone from New York, you have to pretend to be a local hire in LA. They're not renting you a car. No. Was that the, was that the T though for jury duty? Like you had to pretend to be from LA. Um, like you, you, like you were hired as a local hire. You were. Oh yes. Yes. Yeah. Like man. Like they probably didn't even fly you out for that reason. No, they flew me out. Oh, okay. That's good. That was nice of them. But I know it's crazy. It's really crazy. And that was many months. Yes. That was three months. And how much, and how much to rehearse before that? Like three weeks. Yeah. Really? Damn. Yeah. I know you, I know you've talked about this a million times, but it's just, it's okay. I've been like re sort of, I was like a gag once again, my company retreat. I was just like, this is. This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life. I didn't watch it. It's okay. I can't. No, I get it. I'm like, I can't. I want to see Rachel Colley. Cause that's my girl. Everyone's really good, but I get it. But I'm just like, I don't want to watch. I don't stop doing that to guys. That's interesting, but they're good guys. I know, but it's an, I don't know. I'm like, it's enough. Yeah. No, that doesn't need to happen to someone. Stop it. Her big break. Like we didn't need to do that. That's the most amazing. As a performer, it was the best thing I've ever done. And I'm sad that that was the first thing. Cause now I'm like, yeah, I want to do that. Like it was electric. Yeah. And we were also in twat. Like everyone, no one was famous, you know? So we were all like working so hard and everyone wanted it to be amazing. And there was no one like, you know, when you do improv and there's one person who's like, and, and I'm going to be, I'm going to steal the scene. No one was doing that. It was like, everyone was like, that's so rare. Wait, wait, wait, do that. Do that. Everyone was like, like listening, amazing work. Imagine that. It really felt very fulfilling. That's amazing. Awesome. You're right. There's always one person. And I, I think maybe we've all been there. I've been that person. Always one person in an improv group, let's say. And by group, I just mean like in a show, in a rehearsal where you're just like, I, I got something well, this is, this is where I'll be the person that says I have ADHD because what, how I knew I could never do it was I'd be on the back wall in the few times I improvised. And I think it was because I started too young and you're just like, too, it's like you're too green and hungry. I'd be on the back wall like, okay, I'm going to step out and say this. And then that person will probably say this and then I'll say this and wouldn't it be great if this happened then? And I was just like, that is why the ADHD brain like doesn't really can't really work there. You don't have to quiet the noise or improv instead of like, I couldn't stop myself. I mean, I hate classic improv. I've never been good at it. It makes me shut down. I don't know how, like, they're like, don't think. I don't know how to not think. The stuff that comes out of my mouth when I'm doing like, you're on the line, a herald. Yeah. I'm like, why did I say that? I don't know what, I'm not listening at all. Right, right. So then what made, what made, what made Jury Duty different? I think it's more like if I know who I'm playing, like I know the character and I got to be myself basically, then I can just go or like, I need to be given the confidence and freedom. They're like, we trust you. And then I'm like, okay, thank you. Do you get out of regular Jury Duty now? Because you're like, you go and you're like, I was in this. I can't do it. I haven't done it ever. You haven't? Neither have I. I think there might be a warrant for my arrest. Why? Because you just ignored it. They find you. They'll, they'll, they'll serve you. I guess what I'm saying is. I deferred it the first time I got it and then I moved and I never heard from them again. And like, I'm like, wouldn't, isn't that weird? Like the first time I deferred it, I was like 25 and now I'm full 36 and never got Jury Duty again. It's been a long time. It feels. There's so many people. They come in now and arrest me. Yeah. In booty shorts. They find all the cocaine I have on me too. It becomes so much worse. That's why you're acting this way. Yeah. That's why I'm so jittery today because I have cocaine on me in the studio. We wanted it to coke up for Edie. Yeah. Let's do blow. Let's boof. Let's fucking boof. Let's boof. Can you imagine? Lost Coach and Edie did blow and they boofed on the episode and it was the best Lost Coach of all time. Everyone agreed. The fans are like, I hate that they don't boof anymore. These faggots used to boof. Yeah. - This ad is sponsored by Veve Healthcare. - Time for some prep wisdom. some common sense, people. Everyone's different. Everyone. Yes, even you. Even your situationship. Especially your situationship. And just like people, injectable prep options? Not all the same. 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What's not to love about M&M's? And if it's freeze dried, I feel like I'm in space. M&M's continues to be that girl. The crunch is unexpected in the best way. Way crisper than you'd think. Like you bite into one, and there's the little pop that you don't see coming from something that still tastes like classic M&M's caramel. Sure, they don't look exactly like the M&M's you know, but they are the M&M's you love. They're perfect for snacking when watching television, scrolling on your phone, or settling in for a movie. And I'm already thinking that'd be great to have on hand while watching the culture awards. Yes. The best part is they've got that classic M&M's caramel flavor. It's available in stores now. Hey, Bowen, point of order. It feels like nothing is what it says it is anymore. Point of answer, it's because everything has a catch. Hey, or it turns out to be something else entirely. Like a total catfish situation. Exactly, Bow. Except for Hotels.com. Yeah, that one's pretty literal. Because it's Hotels.com. It's in the domain. You go there, you book hotels, hundreds of thousands of them. And hold up, that's it? That's it. And when stays are booked as a member, rewards are earned every time. Every stay? Every stay, no tracking or managing, just rewards that can be used like cash on future bookings. By the way, already feels nicer than most rewards programs. Okay. Yeah. Members can also get up to 20% off booking, so savings start right away. Does that mean no weird restrictions? And no blackout dates. Book what works, when it works. It's actually really fitting of real travel. So the name is honest, you're saying. And the rewards are too. Exactly. Hotels.com. It's all in the name. What's your favorite drug? Weed. Weed. I'm addicted. I'm two days withdrawal. I'm having the worst time of my life. No. Two days. You know, do you allow yourself to smoke every day? So this is the problem with that. So as a participant and actress in my special, Have You Heard of Christmas, you know that I, come December, have to use my vocals in a way that I'm not asked to the rest of the year. What about edibles? See, edibles. So this is part of it. I try to smoke less around this time so that I'm ready with my voice. But I talked to Ben Platt about this, and he goes, well, you know, it's not the smoking. That's the only bad thing. It's also the THC. And I go, Ben Platt. No. What does that do? Apparently. Erode the throat? Dehydrates. So drink water. Get Gatorade powder. I'm with you, sister. I want to be high. Trust me. Do you smoke all day? Well, here's the problem. Yeah. Kind of. Kind of. Yeah. You don't like weed. No, he loves it. He's addicted. Literally addicted. Are you all day people? Yeah. Me too. I smoke all the time. Me too. My friend was really hungover the other day and she slept at my house. And in the morning she was like, oh God. And I was like, you have to smoke weed. I was like, I see what's going on with you. It's going to save you. But she couldn't even like light it. And I had somewhere to go. Yeah. I kept lighting it for her and then giving it to her. Yeah. And every time I smoke weed first thing in the morning, I'm like, oh, I'm alive. No. I'm happy. I know. It's literally the difference oftentimes between am I, am I having fun or am I not? Well, my thing is, and this happens nine times out of 10, I smoke weed and I go, why do I ever have any misgivings about doing this? I know. I feel great. But then you get sleepy though. Sure. That's what I hate. Can I tell you something? I don't. It's because I'm going to say it again for the 90th time. I don't smoke weed. I smoke chronic. They don't sell weed by me and my house. They smell, they sell chronic. What do you mean? They, I don't know how to describe the, I don't know what is going on, but it's like, I guess Dr. Dre, the chronic level chronic. It's like scientists in a lab. It's, it's the Keith that it's rolled in. So it's basically like the way that they get you hooked now is they make it so fucking strong. So now it's at the point where to answer your question, why not edibles? Because I eat, I eat gallons of edibles. It's nothing. I could take the SAT, get a perfect score. I'm telling you even Camino's babe, whatever. Don't even come. That's where babies in the cradle. I don't need that much weed to feel anything though. I'll take one hit and I feel amazing. Are you kidding me? I take no to the head. Wait, I haven't, I don't even know about this about you. But when was, when was the first time you were exposed? To weed? Eighth grade. Okay. Fabulous. Been smoking ever since. I wish I would have breezed through AP gov. I hate it every second. Can you imagine in APs? I did all twos. I did get good grades in the all twos. Took all AP classes. Why? I'm not an AP student. Getting twos, failing. I love that. But being like, I'm in AP world. AP world. Wait, AP world is so funny. We had AP euro. Yeah, we had that too. Euro, world and US. Yeah. Okay. My school didn't offer worlds. I got a two on AP euro. I got a two on AP American. I got a two on AP gov. I got a three on environmental science. Oh my God. Oh, I got a two on environmental science. Got a five on psychology. Me too, bitch. Yes. It's because we're very intuitive. Of the minds. Yeah. I love that. He was getting fives on all of them. No, I wasn't. You did. I bet you were. I got a five on AP calc. I got a four on AP English. I never took AP physics. You're being racist. I got a five. No, we can cut that out. I'm sorry. No, it's okay. You can, you can allege racism. To you? Yeah. Allege racism. It's fine. I got five on, I got a five on US history. You did? I got a five on US history because that was, it was easy. I had a brain dead teacher. Literally, literally we were, I took AP American in junior year, which was 2007. So all my AP American teacher would do would be like, he was a conservative guy so he'd be like i don't know let's talk about it should gay marriage be legal yeah and then it's a bunch of 17 year olds who are on long island literally literally me sitting in the corner being like um i think we should have civil unions i agree with civil unions that's crazy you guys talked about that nothing on the test only only should women be able to get an abortion which i remember i was so fired up about i was like yes they should because i couldn't be strong about gay marriage otherwise they would know so all the other like liberal issues i was like yes were you out in high school no no certainly not and to answer the question you were not smoking weed in high school no i and i wish i was i didn't discover it until sudi green got me high in college yeah then i then suddenly and we shared this everyone we became friends when i was in high school and i was in high school and then i was in high school i was an iconic like learned stoner well i i i trained in the best place in the world which is denver colorado yep and we would smoke weed and we would go downtown and go to beattie's mongolian barbecue and eat never-ending stir fry and it was heaven and go to the first trip not the first trip the first the first chipotle by denver university yeah yum wow the first chipotle it's like did you kiss girls in high school no i did no you did i would make out with girls in my jeep grand cherokee laredo wow my 1995 jeep grand cherokee laredo dark green i attempted to touch boob one time and i had my hand slapped like she was you and she said we are never doing that and i said work whoa wow she didn't want to be fondled she didn't that's interesting she did it we're never doing that and we it would be my girlfriend in high school and i we would have lunch at applebee's on sunday afternoon have a fine conversation i would drive her home i would we would make out for about 18 seconds and after about four months of that i was like i guess i was trying to touch her boob and she was like no and i was like we are perfect together no what the fuck oh it's okay it's i wish i wish i was smoking weed and having secret guys ed i didn't have any of it no we were very it was 2006-78 that was a very specific time and i was like oh my god i wish i was smoking weed and having secret guys we would have thought you were the coolest girl in school oh i would have been friends with you my gay guys were making out in the closet at a party and his sister doesn't know that he's gay and you were defending facilitating they're like let's go in the kitchen girl i'm like let's get out of here let's go to the kitchen you're a protectress yeah ed i'm a hag what i'm a hag yeah you know you and thank you all my prom date was gay yeah came out to me and said do you are you sure you want to go to prom with me still oh because it was nobody knew nobody knew it was a shock i guess like gen z doesn't really know what hag means because i brought this up on a podcast once and people were like what is that like are you insulting women i'm like no no no no it is the highest honor people have sort of reframed it as like don't say that no fag hags i don't care what anyone says the highest honor we can bestow yeah or i feel like when we were growing up that was such a trope yes yeah that i was like i want to be you know i'm the friend that says the funny thing and that's also true yes i'm myself and all of the gay people love me because they get to experience that through me yes that is actually exactly right that is the whole reason for like what becomes then like diva worship oh yeah if christine and phantom literally was protecting me from my sister walking in on me making out with a guy i'm in i'm set for life uh how about sing to me yes how we feel about all the fag hags yes sing to me honestly as you get older it goes the other way and then you get to be friends with gay people and they are being the most themselves oh and you're like i want to be like that more and then you're like hey can we go on vacation they're like nah that sounds personal no i'm just saying like the way we do like a lot of a lot of let's say a lot of our hag friends do feel and i think this is completely valid because gay guys do go on vacation in a very specific way yes well i'm just calling them that's not what we call them but it's like our six friends our hag friends go our disgusting women friends go we would love to come sometime and we're like right and i totally get why but there is something so and it's not even that it's like unwelcoming it's like it's like no you wouldn't you wouldn't enjoy this i went to fire island with a group of six gay guys like 10 years ago i'm the only girl with them we went to an underwear party they all leave me it's hell and then my one friend is blacked out so fucked up no and another this old guy is hitting on him and i'm like he's fucked up like no and the guy was like honey we're gonna be doing this no smoking weed alone looking at the moon no invisible completely invisible it was that's what we're doing i remember that feeling i was like oh by the way what that that experience is like many gay men have experienced on a fire island it's just like being totally alienated being like i guess i'm gonna go sit on the beach and look at the moon while i yeah well my friend sucks dick in the dark room yeah well guess who doesn't have pink eye at the end of the night you guess who guess who's chilling yeah but i'm like on drugs too like right you're both in all my friends are gone yeah now i'm just like for some reason like two bumps in like smoking weed looking at the moon doing crack next to me like smoking out of a literal pipe i'm like who went honey yeah honey we're gonna be doing this i'm like okay you're gonna fuck my blacked out friend awesome that's awesome melissa came with us to fire island and you were that girl there's always that girl and honestly here's the thing like what i love about 30s i hate that poops are liquid love at this age now the women actually are coming on our gay vacations yes and it's way more fun you know what i mean like yeah i love because i love watching you guys negotiate a disgusting space yeah i wish i had one other girl with me when i did that right and i was young like i was just like this is fucking crazy the meat rack yeah well gay guys are gross we use our butts for sex and everything have you eaten ass before yeah yeah you like you love it i'm a giver i want to oh my god good for you thank you are you would you say you're um a stone service not would you say you're stone i guess that's like more of a lesbian term where it's like you i kind of feel this way i don't have to orgasm necessarily anymore as long as you're getting off or if you if or if the other person doesn't want to get off either i'm like well then great let's just it's different it's different it's different or like it's so hard for me to get off and then figuring that out has been such a journey and i get angry kind of when i don't yeah that's not prioritized wait as in you get angry when you are if i don't come i'm mad yeah or i used to be mad now that we figured out a surefire way every time now i'm less there's a way yes there is a way that's amazing before like i used to get really mad that's okay and because i love to give that's like my i love doing it but you're like what about me hello yeah yeah like i want it yeah top liver over here well you're like you know i had to deal with this all of high school when i had my hag days so now that now that now that i'm with someone who's ostensibly supposed to get me off i'm not dealing with this yes i'm so happy you found your surefire thing though because some people spend their whole lives yeah it's complicated really yes it's jealousy based at least it's surefire though it's jealousy but it's yeah talk about that i need to hear about other women other i don't even want to be there i don't even want to you need voyeurism yes i need to be watching bae looking at other girls we're talking about other girls it's awesome i need that every time and sometimes it's like we got to take the phone out again sorry he's fucking you and he's like i'd rather not be here yeah and i'm like oh could you rather be with her name is christina i think oh fuck i bet she's hotter than me right what a peach in la she got a three on ap world yeah we had short conversation oh he my boyfriend like was like fifth in his class or whatever and i went home and i asked my mom and she was like looking through my old stuff she was like edie you did really well 61 out of 250 she was like that's not bad i'm sorry i didn't mean to laugh it's not bad but he i hate academic yeah collegiate bullshit yeah yeah you were up there this is the thing this is why anytime someone like projects like intelligence on me i'm like no my gpa in high anything amazing stupid pretty no but like for an asian like well that's just like i was just like i would i had like a d i had like a c like i've i had like bad grades and then in college forget it 3.1 i was like not that good do you remember caring about this shit like i was like wow what kind of college am i gonna get to you find out years later college is like a lie and a thiefdom it's a lie yeah and a thiefdom it's thiefdom i don't understand how people were in high school knowing what bard was yeah or oberlin or totally i'm like how did you even girls how did you know about oberlin uh hampshire yeah right how did you learn about that haverford haverford is crazy i don't even know that one oh that one's where you um you take the final on your own time it's a take-home final for all the classes kind of love that honor honor system like here's your final wesleyan i'd never heard of right right you know this is east coast stuff and i'm surprised you guys are about these coast people well then you get into pepperdine and it's like what's that right i don't know meanwhile meanwhile like where i grew up it was like you got into cu boulder you're so smart i mean you're talking to new york people we are suny oh we're suny literate suny purchase yeah everyone's was purchase is a great school i know that was the best suny they were saying yes i didn't get into the acting program but i got a call back okay they have a really good acting program they do i mean there's like i don't know why i know this but i think like patrick wilson went there no he didn't he went to Carnegie Mellon i don't know who went to suny purchase um oscar oscar montoya regina specter fabulous for piano or for for music it's amazing yeah love that and then she went to the sidewalk cafe on avenue a and six and now and now she's out to lunch all right are you upset with regina lately she's just like she's a little bit upset with regina a little yeah israel she's she's io really yeah hardcore it's tough it's crazy someone like that so crazy yeah you know music box life inside the music box he needs like it's like that's regina yeah regina i just know um i was really into her wait who's the one that goes who's the one that goes and i feel like oh that's regina oh you know on the radio was like one of my favorites but all of like um the uh the the ghost of corporate future like she had some great songs and now she's out to lunch as you say yes it's tough it's tough see and this goes back to something that matt rotter said to the class of 2026 at nyu he loved he loved this line that i said thank you bowen that's so cute he goes this is my advice don't look up look around you because the people you look up to will end up disappointing you in some way wow i mean it's very true don't look up look around you you felt good look to your right it's true no but literally though that's what's gonna keep you normal too truly i mean it's here's the thing it's like i've i've actually had a lot of experiences where i meet someone and i'm i walk away and i'm like wow thank god they were actually amazing like i've had a number of those experiences but when it when it hurts bad it hurts bad it's just not even worth it like your your peers are always going to be the ones that are doing the smart funny things anyway yeah you know what i mean like i miss our like incubation period as you know what i mean like it's the best meeting you naked full ass naked bush out doing your annoyance show like i saw your bush all the time the first time i met you yeah i bet that you fucking dare me you just have to ask i mean if not in lost culture then where else i mean on stage will you show your tits will you show your tits at least yeah don't make her do this yeah you have such and i'm a boob gay i heard earlier i love your breasts you know thank you so much i used to hate them really so deeply because the areola's big no that's a good thing and then in this movie do you remember this movie timer it was like one of the first movies on netflix it was about like a watch that or you buy this thing and it tells you when you're going to meet the love of your life it's a countdown okay and then what what does that what does this have to do with there's a really hot guy in the movie and he said this thing in the movie like you know when a girl has that big blue vein on her oh he gave you a complex i was like i'm already fucking thinking about that why is that a line in this movie because men are disgusting and they think they can say anything but he didn't say anything he didn't say anything he didn't say anything he didn't write it also if there's a vein he said he said it he said it he could have as the actor you can always say i'm not saying this yes thank you and that's what they don't teach you it's really culture number 100 as the actor you can always say i'm not saying this that's how acting works but a vein through your boob means vascularity life blood is pumping through them they're alive yeah but now i love them i don't know they're just like soft i always wanted like hard perky tits with little tiny nipple i would say your boobs are perky i think they are now i'm getting all titillated i'm excited now there's nothing hotter than like uh than like a i don't know i like a dark like red fat nipple i do like i do now i feel like as i've gotten older i'm like oh looking like a woman like having like a potato is like hot or like i think about my grandma and i'm like that was a woman yeah you know with like big arms this ad is sponsored by veve healthcare time for some prep wisdom but first some common sense people everyone is different everyone yes even you yes even your situationship especially your situationship and just like people injectable prep options not all the same that's why you need to talk to your doctor and know what to ask so here's some prep wisdom did you know there's more to consider about long-acting injectable prep options and how often you get it also why 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including celebrity and stylist shop drops that's a lot of listings and somehow it gets better you can sell the stuff you no longer wear and make money then use that money to buy things you do want to wear it's a circle like the circle of life but for fashion and since fashion is life for a lot of people samesies depop fashion if it made sense make money on depop with no selling fees and find what you want for less depop i love you hey bowen is it just me or does it feel like nothing is actually what it says it is anymore yeah like when you order chicken fingers you don't get fingers you get mystery nuggets exactly well except hotels.com i was gonna say yeah hotels.com because they do hotels refreshing and when booked as a member rewards are earned every stay not points that disappear rewards that work like cash and can actually be used so the name checks out and the perks do too yep members can get up to 20 percent off tons of hotels with no blackout dates just works with real travel okay that tracks hotels.com it's all in the name you were so in touch with that kind of like like i remember my favorite one of my favorite bits i've ever seen is edie opened for my christmas show years ago that was and she played a girl who was selling explain what it was you were selling something in the back what was it supplements and you were you were you were trying to explain to the audience like i'm here to sell my supplements but you have to understand my mother passed yes my mother just passed and um it's very hard but i'm still gonna sell my supplements and i'm gonna do that after the show but you know what was and it was just like so real and lived in and when i saw it it was at some other show and i was like you have to come do my show because i knew my family was gonna be there and i was like i need to show them this person who gets something so real about a new york woman authentic like tri-state area woman and that is the i because it's it's real housewives of new jersey it's like yes it's like you watch them you know them and it's like this like harsh warmth oh it's like it's definitely dad's last christmas it's definitely yeah it's absolutely you know because if he's not dead now what does he have to live for and he would tell you that i i literally i still have video of you doing it on my computer and i'll watch it it's like you I feel like i did that at the show some show before it and that was the first time i was like oh i figured out what i'm good at yeah like like when you snap into like a character i'm like i could do this forever it is inside me wow yeah yeah and that was stuff like again like like time and space to figure that out all the time yeah because i feel like i can draw a direct line from that to like your performance in jury duty and so much else like there's like a very authentic thing that you have and it's because you're very observant and also you've like you do live amongst a lot of real people it's like we were just saying with john wilson like his observation of real people is never feeling like it's talking down to people or no he's like celebrating yes i love people yeah they're so funny yes it's amazing and that's another reason why it's good to look around and not up because the people you look up to like are less people than they were that feels shitty to say it's true they're gone yeah watch people leave yeah yeah it's scary yeah damn it's scary let's ask ed the question oh my god i've completely forgot you haven't been on the show yet all right so ed modica what was the culture that made you say culture was for you okay the first thing i kept trying to change the first thing that came into my mind but this is the first thing that came into my mind and it's true perez hilton.com's posting of lindsey lohan's bear pussy getting out of a car she's like getting out and they and he would call her fire crotch yes yeah like that level of like truth yes i really respond to that or that was like the first time i was like i'm gonna be dragging that onto my desktop and making a folder of the things that yes you know that i like hoard as my personality kind of that is everything about ed modica and in one moment i do think it's evil i don't think that should have been done no but it it's resonant with yeah like it really i just remember being like holy shit yeah right right and like he said whatever he wanted and then at a cost that he is he is now sort of paying for absolutely um but did you ever hear the song there was a song called lindsey lohan's revenge no um i believe santa gold wraps a verse on it uh-huh but the verse goes like this why are you showing them coochie lips getting up at your car paparazzi hanging all around you bitch you know you're a superstar and then and then the verse is why are you showing them coochie lips looks like a baby rat looks like a baby rat looks like a baby like a song about lindsey lohan's pussy i know like what a time it's really crazy you know what i mean it's unbelievable the way that pop culture just was literally all of everyone was doing was like this is acceptable this is just on a website that you can like log on to like every kid i was in like fourth grade every starlet at the time was like you could get a picture of her with cum on her face because perez hilton had like made it his entire business and then that opened the door to all of internet culture yes i guess i appreciated like a time where someone was actually saying what's actually happening mm-hmm in the world was being lewd was being not the being lewd but at least like if someone was bad in something he would be like oh sure yeah sure this was bad like now i feel like you can't not to say you can't say anything but like you can't be honest it's moved if you're in a shitty movie you have to go on shows and be like it was the best time of my life yeah yeah yeah like i think it's just moved up or downstream or laterally or whatever now it's like you go on twitter and it's like well everyone's being fucking yes and now it's like comments right right right oh my god people are being so oh no it's crazy it's insane i've never seen like meaner shit than what people just casually post from like behind like a it's like a picture of like a like a emoji of a cat you know what i mean and they're just saying the cruelest shit so the thing about him is like he made i think it's like weirdly in tandem with like this is weird but like simon cowell on american idol making like meanness and criticism full entertainment coming a couple years later came perez hilton and they were kind of just like this culture of like yeah you can say anything and it can as long as it's based in a truth like you'll get away with it and there was something i remember very tastemakery about it i found out about lady gaga and adele through from perez hilton wow yeah he he actually had like access to and a weird affinity for like knowing that people should know about people yeah he was like these are the people that matter and then he pushed them through but in the same breath you would scroll down a little bit and he was like kiki drunks the biggest fart stain in hollywood was spotted spilling out of a car and it was just like her labia's dragging on the cement and it was just like how two seconds ago were you like wow this incredible it was so weird and that was did it lit my ass up like i was like this is amazing like it i don't know that's why it's my answer not because i think it was good but it really like and honestly like that like tub girl you know all that stuff tub girl yes yes like all the stuff like that also really like i loved having access to like or showing people bad stuff on the internet right like like like e-fucked yes is it tied to like a body horror appreciation i do love that stuff and i liked that it was like the underbelly like re but real you know and i'm like this is what's actually fucking going on right and no one's talking about it right women are shitting it looks like i scream and then they're eating it yeah okay so then what's what's your take on two girls one cup like that it was real shit how was that not real i'm sure unless they pumped chocolate mousse inside her before and then we're like go go go sure i mean there are go go go there are theories then maybe they did that but i i just liked someone is doing that someone is doing out there and i liked that they were giving a like shining a light on that yeah the women weren't talking in two girls one cup they what they weren't talking in two girls there's no voice they oh yeah it's that beautiful the violin it's the violin music right gun to your head two girls one cup or cake farts what was cake fart you've never seen cake farts how can you say this is your culture we're watching cake farts right now okay okay fine can you do you think it's still up i think it's been very hard to find i can i actually describe it no no no i i can't watch it because i think i've seen it three times and like i barely make it through each time but this is like this is so iconic you're not gonna be able to find it i think i bet i could find it i found it it's surely on the dark web i mean it's it's it's really important in our culture um i think we can play the sound of cake you know what i like the most this is so like this is vocal stim for matt and i for at least 18 years yeah you should just play it okay wait it's enough it's enough it's enough so she it was a series so people it was a series people don't know this but she didn't just sit on cake she sat on steak she sat on meatloaf she sat on all sorts of shit and farted on the way her asshole on that last one just went no i know it was um it was it's a proctological um piece of art it's a very important and i'm i'm honored that we got to show it to you i i'm so happy i got to see that with you guys i can't believe you did it i didn't know about it i've never seen you were like an e-fucked girly like i loved e-fucked we recently talked about jackass on the show and just like how dominant that was and again there was something like kind of queer yes about like the way shirtless playing together boys boys naked dingling rubber band on my dick everything being about putting things in your butt yes everything the anal fixation that that that those men had like yes which is like it's like a it's like an inherently masculine thing it's like bae loves it yes you know what i mean well it's beautiful that they did that yes yeah with each other they should all be doing that with each other do you think they ever just were like you think it ever crossed over to like i'm sure they guys being like hey fuck me absolutely Or sucking dick, for sure. Drunk. Sure. I guess some straight guys have a thing, though, of like, oh, if it's a guy's tongue or lips on my dick, then that makes me gay. Until they feel it. Until they feel what it's like to have someone with a little bit of growth all over their. Little scruff. Little scruff. This is. I guess the way straight guys know they're straight is. Pussy, for sure, but specifically boobs. Like, tits are the thing that, like, I don't know, in a sense, like, really affirm their straightness. Yes, tits are. Tits, I. They're fabulous. I love tits. Well, I like. Collecting. I feel personally like a, you know, freak or pervert. And I like when that's. When a light is shown on that because I'm like, everybody's like this. Yeah, everyone has a body. So why are we acting like we're not? It pisses me off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That we're. You think we're more puritanical now than we were back in Perez Hilton heyday? I just think sex was more put on display when we were younger. So now I'm stuck with that. Yeah. It is true. I can't let it go. I can't shut the fuck up about it. No, but it was. We went from, like, it was like a hyper-sexualized culture. Like the real world? Yeah. I love that show. Uh-huh. I mean, the shit that you would see on that, I remember just, like. Do you remember Jersey Shore when Snooki just got punched? Yes. And they showed it and they were just like, on this episode, Snooki gets fucking punched as hard as possible. And we all just, like, we're like, wow. And that's part of what made that show huge. Yes. Was that moment. Yes. And it was just. So violent. And no one batted an eye. And it was just, like, hyper-sexualization and also hyper-violent culture. But that. I feel like that is what's actually going on behind closed doors. And I don't necessarily think that we should be showing it in that way. But there was something about, like, seeing this thing. Do you know what I'm saying? I guess. I do know what you're saying because it's like, they were filming a reality show and they're in an environment where men are brutal to women. And so that was the reality of that kind of atmosphere. And we. And I. I certainly know from growing up on Long Island. I have been. I once did a New Year's Eve at Rockville Center with a bunch of straight people in, like, the year of our Lord, like, 2010. The way that men just act around women is so. It's crazy. Disgusting. I hear what you're saying about, like, why are we pretending to live in a world that doesn't have this violence? And then when it really does happen, like, we were talking about. Cornell situation of it all. It's like, had people not. If we don't make a big deal about this, people will just let it. Let it go by. Yes. They will just forget it. They will just be like, oh, yeah, we live in a violent world. Yeah. There's something here about, like, our generation being so frozen with, like, oh, yeah, this is what the world is like and given so much information. And now they're, like, taking it away because it's uncouth, but that still exists. And I think what we're also talking about is that, like, there is something on these platforms, that is, like, flagging those things. If we were to, like, post something that was depicting violence or sexuality in a specific way, it gets taken down immediately. Meanwhile, and Spike and Honey were talking about this. Meanwhile, it's like, we're watching, like, mozzarella polls and or, like, bombs being dropped. Yes. Like, what the fuck? Like, what are you talking about? Yes. Or the Sidney Sweeney commercial. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Which, by the way, doesn't hold a candle to what they're talking about. Or what they were doing back in the day. So people even being up in arms about this. I know. I was kind of like, this is what we grew up with. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was culture. Yes. Yeah. I love it. Okay, we solved it. Yeah. I think that what it is, is it's like, there's also this thing, which I think that, like, people often say about Donald Trump, and I really hate this, but, like, I hear them saying it. They're like, well, the thing is, he is funny. And it's like, I think Perez Hilton got away with a lot of his evils. By being funny. By being, like, funny in, like, a shocking way. Yes. You know what I mean? It was just kind of like, I'm going to do this thing, and you're not going to believe it. He was like an internet shock jock. Yeah. And I think in high school, that was also like, I was like, I'm going to be so fucking mean. Yeah. And that is going to make the gay guys love me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Or, like, that's what's funny. Yeah. But then you grow out of that. Like, you can't. You have to grow out of it. Ruin your life over that. Totally. Well, yes. And also, like, it still became a thing where it's, like, when no one, like, for example, with Howard Stern. Like, he was the king of this. He was the shock jock. And he changed his brand, you know, later on, because he had to, because he couldn't keep doing it. But no one picks a bone with him about any of it. It's like, and also, like, if you did now, everyone would be like, okay. It was the time. Like, and so it's interesting, like, when someone is supposed to pay in retrospect for what they've done. Yes. And when someone is not, they're not expected to do that at all. Totally. Sibian competitions. Right. I used to watch that on E. With my stepdad, next to my stepdad. Just, like, living. Just, like, accepting reality. Well, your stepdad, who was at the special? No, that was my dad. That's your dad? Oh, my God. That's so sweet. Yeah. But then your stepdad is still with your mom? He's dead, honey. I'm sorry. It's so okay. He was the one who worked at Party City? Yes, he worked at Party City. Oh, my God. What did he do there? He worked on the floor. Blue balloons. Hey, can I get some tissue paper? Is Party City still thriving? No, the one in Union Square closed. And there was one on Atlantic that also closed. I know it's very sad. That store was fucking awesome. It was awesome when you were up there. It was awesome. Yeah, there was one up in Harlem, too. I wonder if that one's still there. Maybe so. Yeah. That was good. Yeah, I loved Party City. I know. What the hell? What the hell, E? Honestly, maybe, is that what it is? It's a comment on party culture. Party culture is dead. Party City. Not even Charlie. We can't even go there where we belong. The amount of fake dookies my stepdad would bring home for me. Really amazing. Was it like a fake dookie? Like a fake poof? A fake dookie, big, small, all different. He did a prank on my friend who had slept over, a girl in fifth grade. He was like, Amanda, you left that on the floor. He put a piece of shit next to the toilet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah. There might have been a mini golf place in Quebec, but maybe this is like what they would do back in the day. But there was a mini golf place in Quebec where you would, you know, play putt-putt or mini golf, I would say. I should say. And then you would go to the holes and then to get your ball out, you would have to go in the hole and it would be full of yellow water and like fake dookie. And you'd be like, oh, no, I have to get my ball out of the piss and shit. Wow. That's cool. You would have loved it. I would have loved it. That humor. Everyone. It's almost using. It's almost using their brain. Everyone knew that guy that was like one of your parents' friends, or maybe it was even your parent or like whatever, that whose humor was, oh, Melissa pooped. Oh, shit. Melissa left the poop in the toilet again. Oh, damn it. Oh, Melissa. You know, she never makes it into the bowl. I go in there and there's always, you know, piss all over the floor after Melissa. I'm just kidding. You know, you're my favorite. That was my stepdad. Yeah, that was just that. He wrote me like this long poem that was like a store. He made up a story and he's like, I ran into this woman on the train. She had a wig and a wooden leg and she let out a fart. And like, it's just like perfect for kids. That's so nice. You know, like rancid storytelling. That's like everyone's come sit around and hear me say filth. Yes. Or like Mad Libs. I have some from when I was a kid. And every single thing I'm like his farting butt with pimples and socks. So good. Pimples and socks. Stinky. Yeah. Oh, my God. Do kids still do like stinker humor? Well, I think, I don't know, but, but literally and not to, not to put you guys on the same, on the same sentence, but like, I think you and Sarah Sherman are like really keeping it alive. I think about duty hole, your handle and I'm, I smile. I'm glad. Duty hole is so evocative. I know. I can't, I don't even remember making it, making that. Or I'm like, damn, I was smart even in the past. So when someone is like, I would love to, I loved your set and I loved our conversation. When I follow you, you're like, yeah. I love being like duty hole or seeing, I was just on watch what happens live and seeing them tag duty hole. I'm like, we're making it this far. And it's like, I'm still kind of allowed to have that. It's really nice. But first some common sense people. Every one. Yes. Even you. Yes. And just like people, injectable prep options, not all the same. Did you know there's more to consider about long acting injectable prep options and how often you get it? Your routine. Your chaos level. your i might forget my own birthday energy all of it counts basically talk to your doctor. Have the conversation, ask the questions, be a little nosy about your own health. It's allowed, encouraged even. No, don't worry. Introducing M&M's caramel you already love now popped into a totally new texture. I'd say M&M's are one of those truly iconic snacks. They've just launched a brand new freeze-dried innovation that brings a whole new vibe to the M&M lineup. I mean, come on, what's not to love about M&M's? And if it's freeze-dried, I feel like I'm in space. Like you bite into one and there's the little pop that you don't see coming from something that still tastes like classic M&M's caramel. They're perfect for snacking when watching television, scrolling on your phone. Or settling in for a movie. And I'm already thinking they'll be great to have on hand while watching the culture awards. Yes, the best part is they've got that classic M&M's caramel flavor. You probably think dressing well takes lots of money or lots of time spent digging through thrift stores. Well, not to be rude, but you're wrong. So dead wrong. And honestly, we're happy for you because now we get to tell you about Depop. You can find the fashion you love on Depop. And it doesn't matter what you're into. Leopard print? They've got it. Not into leopard print? First of all, why? But fine. They've got that too. Not leopard print. Basically, whatever your particular fashion situation is, Depop has entered the chat. We're talking over 600,000 daily listings, including celebrity and stylist shop drops. That's a lot of listings. And somehow it gets better. You can sell the stuff you no longer wear and make money. Then use that money to buy things you don't want to buy. And you can sell the stuff you don't want to buy. And you can sell the stuff you do want to wear. It's a circle, like the circle of life, but for fashion. And since fashion is life for a lot of people, samesies. Depop fashion, if it made sense. Make money on Depop with no selling fees and find what you want for less. Depop, love you. Hey, Bowen, is it just me or does it feel like nothing is actually what it says it is anymore? Yeah, like when you order chicken fingers, you don't get fingers, you get mystery nuggets. Exactly. Well, except hotels.com. They say hotels.com because they do hotels. Refreshing. And when booked as a member, rewards are earned every stay, not points that disappear, rewards that work like cash and can actually be used. So the name checks out and the perks do too. Yep. Members can get up to 20% off tons of hotels with no blackout dates. Just works with real travel. Okay, that tracks. Hotels.com. Well, you know, and then just to just to bring it back to, you know, when we were when we were coming up and doing our sketch stuff, there was a whole era in popular where we would go, sorry, guys, I have to go piss and shit. We were just we were anytime we were like, I gotta go piss and shit real quick. Sorry. Oh, can we can we take a piss and shit break? Like, well, I get like, I know we're rehearsing this, but we got we got a piss and shit. You know what video I loved? Which one? The um, let's take a daguerreotype. Oh my god. It's probably popular. It's like best thing. Daguerreotype was very well observed. That's really good. Oh my god. I still say some of the things from a real woman on the stage. If you gather my meaning. Over there showing her ankles. Pray tell. Okay, we got to do I don't think so, honey, which it's our 60 second segment where we do something which is like, you know, sort of like a little bit of a rant on pop culture. 60 seconds is all we need to take something down in the cult church. I have something. Okay. Yeah, it actually was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Something. It was a big part of today. Cake farts. Cake farts. Okay, done. Okay, let's do I don't think. Let's do I don't think so. Okay, so this is Matt Rogers. I don't think so. Honey, as time starts now. I don't think so. Honey, the geysers on the streets of New York. Whenever you drive down any street in New York, there is a Yosemite. I don't know what is happening. But when you just drive down the road, and it's just a Yosemite. But when you drive down the road, and it's just like, what is that? What is the smoke and the gas that's coming out of the road? Shale? What? What? No, no. I legit you could have said shale. I would have thought. Yeah, explain that to me. No. What is that shit? And it's always happening. There's always like a hole in the ground, a yellow or orange cone and then a plume of smoke that just comes. Is it a geyser? No. All I know is it makes me it made me late today. I don't know what it is. This is my one thing. And I always give the benefit of the doubt. I'm like, I know that Zoran is doing this for the greater good. I know it. But it is every street. Every street is Mario Kart. There is always a diversion or some sort of like Mario like, what would you call it like a roadblock literal roadblock? Did I say Mario? Mario? It's like Mario out there on the streets. If you're driving, you're like little toad and you have to sort of around the many geysers in the roads. And I don't know what is happening. I don't think so, honey. Why do we have them? Why do we need them? Why is it making me late? And that's one minute. What are they? I don't know. I don't know. Shale. I mean, that might it might be necessary so that it's not popping. But I don't know what's down there. I don't know. I would like to have a press conference from him. Mario. Yeah. Mario. Freaking Mario Kart. It's a long. It's not an upstate. It's not a Nyack thing. It's a Long Island thing. You go that way. They say Mario, even though he says, you know what I love? My friend Sarah. I have some family members say Sarah. Sarah. Sarah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's some names that don't stand a chance like Megan. Megan. Megan. Megan. Is your name short for Edith? My grandma was Edith, but I'm just Edie. No, but on the birth certificate, it's Edith. I love that. I'm just Edie. E-D-Y. E-D-Y. I know that is cool. So cool. My parents hooked it up. Yeah, for sure. You got to be lots of people thinking you're Eddie rolling through. Oh, every day of my life. Every Uber. And I respond to it. I didn't expect you. Eddie? I didn't expect to see you look like this, Eddie. All right. This is my cousin, Pat, who hugs me too long. Pat. That is what he is. Oh, you look beautiful. You look beautiful. Even more beautiful. And then when he's hugging, he goes like this. Have you made an issue with him about it? No, it was when I was, it was my stepdad's family. I don't really see them anymore. Oh, okay. So fuck him. Yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm able to say whatever I want. I'm pretty lucky. You're free. Okay. This is Bowen Yang's I Don't Think So, Honey. His time starts now. AstroTurf. Who we foolin'? Let it be cement. Yeah. Let it be concrete. Let it be asphalt. I don't need to pretend like it's nature, especially in this city. The what jungle? Concrete. Concrete. Cement. Cement. Not grass. Not fake grass. Leave that for the sports arenas. Say that. Leave that for something. 30 seconds. I can't think of the practical use for AstroTurf. It's a crazy name. It's also too cool of a name for the concept. AstroTurf. Sounds like a treat. Sounds like a gorgeous little futuristic Dippin' Dots adjacent ice cream. 15 seconds. Not a patch of fake grass. In an unnatural, deep, kelly green. All grass is a little bit yellow. Five seconds. You're forgetting about the yellow undertones. Yeah. And the temperature of the yellow. AstroTurf, you're busted. It's also a term for a harmful thing that happens online. That's true. Dead internet theory. Yeah. What? You know, the more and more we go offline, off platforms, the more it will be populated by bots. And therefore, we're just going to watch bots engage with each other on. Oh. Off platforms. Oh, God. I wonder about that sometimes. I'm like, how many things am I watching online that are actually not people? Nothing. I think as of a couple of months ago, it's officially crossed into 51%. Stop. Are you serious? Yeah. Leah told me. Really? Yeah. It was. 51%. Yes. It was on. We were on a shoot and then she goes, well, today, we crossed into the majority of stuff. Who knows? Maybe a bot said that. But I mean, but they're operating out of some kind of truth. I know. But I'm like, I don't believe that. Oh, my God. We found out that Edie's a human bot. Who's obsessed with eating ass. Eating ass violence. Yeah. Great. I'm so happy. Yeah. Eating ass violence and pussy pictures. Yes. No, you should be happy with what you said. No, I am. I am. Yeah. It's the real you. Dead ass. Dead ass. Cake farts. Are you ready to do your I don't think so, honey? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'm taking these off. I need to get in a position to get. Holy shit. Okay. Here we go. She's and we're she's about to have one of her episodes. This is Edie Modica's. Her time starts now. Okay. You ask for a nut video and the guy just sends nut. Just the nut. Five seconds of just do-do-do-do-do-do and then the nut comes out. I need a nut video to be four minutes at least. That's a long time. I want to see the entire process. I want it to go from soft to hard to maybe even soft again. because they lost interest. and then back, and we're back with Avengers. And I don't even need to be seeing, do you think I want to see the nut? Do you think I want to see white nut come out? No, I want to see, it's about the moment before. Always is. Almost getting there. And I don't, another thing, girls saying, oh, I need him to have a big fucking dick. Oh, he's got a big dick. I fucking hate this. If you love the person, you love whatever they have. And if you don't love the person, you don't care what they have. Oh, he has to have a big, fat, size of my foot. Why? Who cares? It doesn't even, it hurts. You can't even be doing that. Or you missed your hand. That's one minute. Hey, you ever heard this expression? It's not about the size of the prize. It's about the motion of the ocean. Is that what it is? Size of the prize? Legit. Legit. If it's small, you can still feel it go in. Oh, yeah. And then it's up to you. No, it's up to you. I've had some amazing orgasms with some, quote unquote, small. You don't like a long nut video? Wait, no, no, no. I'm talking about- You're like, too long. I'm talking about penis size. Wait, you're talking about, okay, so- I did two. Four minutes is a long time for any video. It's a long video. Any kind of content. Not in jerk-off time. Well, okay, because I would say, I would argue- I'm shocked. Not including myself in this, some guys will nut under four minutes. Some guys can nut under one. Absolutely, but I want the full, full process. I want to actually get into the space with you. And not just get nut coming out. So you'd rather have one long nut video than have like a bunch of 15 second videos that you guys send back and forth. Oh, yes, yes, yes. We sex differently. Well, I can't, you can just sit there and go like this. Oh, you know, you're right. I'm face down, like- You want it to go, you want it to- My penis privilege is showing. I'm like, it's a different thing. I can't be texting while I'm doing it. You want it to sync up, you want synchronicity in terms of your own experience of drilling off. Yeah, I'm watching, I'm you. When I'm watching the video, I'm you. While you're flicking, they're fapping. I'm like, exactly. Yeah, I see. I want to be you. That's beautiful. I want to be the person I'm watching. That's so nice. So I'm like, show me how to be. Yeah, I'm totally with you. But I think it's interesting that you would even include it getting soft. Soft again. Because you want them to just sit in their own nut for a long time? Not for a long time. I guess like- No, no, I don't mean coming. No, no, no, no, no. No, but you're saying you want them to come and then you would watch them. It's totally fine if you watch them come and then you watch them like get flaccid. No, that's not what I'm saying. She wants to see them start jacking off and be like, oh yeah, it's really good. And then they kind of lose, they kind of got distracted by a fly. And then they're like, oh, it goes down a little. And then they're like, wait, and now I'm back, and now I'm back. You want to see a three-act structure. Yes. Yeah, you want to see a Joseph Campbell hero's journey. It's long enough that I can like scroll around. I'm like, oh, I know I like this part because the breathing is interesting there. You know what I'm saying? I like to get to know the whole video. That's right. You want to know who this person is. Yes, I want it to be who they are. They're showing me. It's art. It's art. It is. And then you ask, when someone, you ask them and they just send you like, what is, you think I care? Yeah. I had no time to get to know the character. Exactly. And I'm already seeing the nut. I don't know that nut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just a nut to me. Yes. But I could have been, I could have known how it came to be. I want to see this way. It's like when you show me a picture of your baby, I don't care. I don't care. I don't know what her baby is. But if I have a video of your entire pregnancy, I'm more invested. Uh-huh. Sure. That's kind of easy. Sure. Now, is that your preference? Is that your preferred way to refer to a nut? I have been using nut a lot. That's okay. I love nut. Nut. Coom. Coom. Chumley. Oh, coom like a fun way to say cum. Coom. Yeah. But nut, I like. What's chumley? Sounds like Street Fighter. Coom. Chumley. Chumley. My favorite thing to do to a couple of my ex-boyfriends is right before they would come, I would go, yay! And they would be like, they would laugh while they came, and they would ruin it. Yay! I know. I go, yay! And they go, stop! Nut time! Yay! That's nasty. That's horrible. It's horrible. That's sweet. It's horrible. And then there's a fear that maybe they'll latch on to that, and then they're going to need that. And there's a fear. Every time they come going forward, they're like, the person rolls off of them, was something wrong? And they go, it's just, I had an ex-boyfriend who used to, celebrate when I came. And you didn't celebrate at all. This, this is crazy. Is something wrong? Is something wrong? I roll off of you. Is something wrong? Is something wrong? No, no. It's nothing. I recently re-watched all of Heated Rivalry, and there's a moment where it's like the night after he's like, had like bad sex with the woman he's dating, the movie star. And she's like, it's okay. Oh, I love it. I love that episode. 'Cause there's absolutely no conflict. They have terrible sex, and she's like, you can be gay. Yeah, she's like, I think you might be into guys. And he immediately is like, thank you. Yeah, don't tell anyone. She's like, it's okay. I'm your best friend. I'm awesome. Yeah. I re-watched it recently too, and. I love every second of it. And the first episode though, the only tough moment of dialogue is when it's, when Shane is at lunch with his parents, and then his, his mom goes, ugh, that Ilya Rozenov, fuck him. Right up the butt. And you're like, we could have done better than that. All right. All right. Fuck him, right up the butt. Right up the butt. And then she goes, she goes, she goes, no, I'm serious. Fuck him. And he's like, ooh, I want to so bad. In the butt, as it happens. No, he got fucked in the butt. I think in season two, they're gonna explore. I can't believe there's a season two. That ending, I was like. Come on, la, la, la, la, perfect. It was so perfect. But now we have to see. That's not life. We have to see the public fall out, of course. I mean, I just want to watch Connor's story do anything. He's so amazing. He is unbelievable. I think, I think absolute Oscar winner in the future. Oh yeah, absolutely. Have you met him? No. I would die. Have you? No. I haven't either. I would die. I've met Hudson. Hudson's sweet. Yeah, he's a sweet guy. Sweetest boy. Yeah. Did you watch Sterling Point? No. Our friend wrote on it. Wrote on it. Yeah. Did you love it? They did an amazing fucking job. It is the best show I've seen in years. Okay. It's amazing. I gotta tell him you said so. I wanna move to Muskoka. Me too. It looks beautiful. Oh, you have to watch it. Okay, okay, okay. It's good. It's like the OC, it's like the past. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's how TV used to be. Kind of teen show. Yeah. Sex. Yeah. Making out. Yeah. But the kind that you could watch when you were younger and going, "Oh my God, that's what I have to look forward to." Aspirational sex and making out. Marissa and Ryan having sex and Seth and. Summer. Summer having sex was so hot. And I'll never forget when they had sex, Summer and Seth, Seth goes, "Huh, so that was sex." Oh my God. And she goes, "Yeah." Anyways, gotta go, Cohen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was good. It really was. I love the Bills, the Rachel Billson. Oh, what an amazing icon. And we love you. I love you too. And tell everyone how they can watch your special. On YouTube, baby. YouTube, baby. The biggest streamer. It's true. It's true. I'm happy. Yeah, good. People can watch it. Thank God. You're the best and a half. We love you so much. I love you. This was so fun. This was so fun and more. And what did you think of your Minions Camila Cup? I love it. Was it a good container for yourself? Yeah, it is. I do. It is like plastic. I kind of do wish I got one. It's not good. It's not great. No, it's not good. But that's, I was collecting those theme park cups for a long time and I figured, why not bring 'em here to Las Colas? It's really good. Good. I love it. We end every episode with a song. ♪ California ♪ ♪ California ♪ ♪ Here we come ♪ ♪ Oh ♪ Not bad. Ugh. Oh. Oh. Oh, fuck. Let's get this done. Let's get this done. Ha ha ha ha! "Las Culturistas" is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts. Created and hosted by Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. Executive produced by Anna Hosnier and produced by Becker Ramos. Edited by Hot Dog Sandwich. And our music is by Henry Kaberski. This time, it's really critical. It's Christmas. If you're not watching me right now, I am holding in my hands my vinyl. It's called "Have You Heard of Christmas?" The answer to that question is coming. I'm playing all over the country, and in London, and in Canada. I'll see you soon. ♪ That tour ♪ - This ad is sponsored by Veve Healthcare. Everybody who's considering injectable prep, listen up. - Not all injectable prep options are the same. talk to your doctor about it. And you got to ask the right questions. Is there an option that fits your lifestyle? What about other meds and injection site reactions? These are some questions. Your doctor has the answers. Start the conversation. In the meantime, visit getprepwisdom.com. Some people like working twice as hard just to stay right where they are. And in Ohio, we really don't get it. Because to us, owning a home in your 30s, working in tech without the traffic, and still being able to make it to your kid's soccer game sounds pretty good. In fact, Ohio is the second most affordable state to buy a home. Your move. Learn more at yourmoveohio.com. This episode brought to you by the Spam brand. Matt, I think we need a new culture award. We'll call it Hungry for More. Oh, I like the sound of that. You do? This is something that brings the sizzle. It always hits the spot. It's been a part of culture for decades. The influencers love it. It's like the pop star of foods. It's the Spam brand. It's always meat for you. Well, especially when it's crispy on the outside, tender and juicy on the inside, and a flavor for every type of food mood. 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