Go back

H. Foley & Kevin Ryan w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Garbage Podcast

70m 5s

H. Foley & Kevin Ryan w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Garbage Podcast

The transcript features a candid, humorous, and personal conversation about a drastic hair surgery experience, involving an 8-hour procedure and intense post-operative maintenance requiring daily care. The speaker describes the physical and emotional toll of the process, including pain, discomfort, and a lifestyle overhaul that makes daily routines nearly impossible. Despite the difficulties, the speaker reflects on how baldness has become a bold, personal choice, drawing comparisons to celebrities like Michael Jackson and Larry David. The discussion also touches on broader themes of identity, self-image, and the absurdity of modern beauty standards. Amid the humor, there’s a deeper exploration of how societal expectations—especially around appearance—can be both stressful and irrational. The narrative includes playful references to other celebrities, pop culture, and comedy, such as the rise of "baldness" as a trend, and the speaker’s amusement at how people react to it. The conversation subtly comments on the emotional impact of trauma, addiction, and recovery, using the hair transformation as a metaphor for personal reinvention. Ultimately, the transcript blends self-deprecating humor, personal vulnerability, and cultural observations, creating a raw yet entertaining look at how people navigate identity, health, and societal norms in a world obsessed with image.

Transcription

14078 Words, 71052 Characters

English
We get a sneak peek here. Well I'll show you off. Get so gnarly. We'll get we'll get deleted off YouTube. Yeah monetized. Yeah, she's not as bad as you're saying faces a death. Yeah, so for the folks at home got the hair surgery, got the soda, the Mateo, the Hamilton, the list goes on, but no are they all out? Are they all out? Yeah. Oh, for the hair thing. I know. Mateo and Mateo came out twice. Wait a little more time. Maybe Bleep Hamilton, not play. I'm sure. Okay. Did this come of the Joel McCale episode? Because we had Joel McCale on the show and Joel Mark asked him about the hair. Oh, I saw I get all bold content. Shenato Conner's is background. Sorry most viral clip ever. You're not gonna like or we were just wrap it up. We can always edit. Go weird. So I'm 41. Uh-huh. And I am gonna do the hair. Touch me when you said sorry. It's gonna be a weird question. He kind of hated it. Touched my shoulder. Okay. All right. So I'm looking dude. He's like, why? Ah, weird. Well, we you know, we have the internet. We can see Kim. Oh, we can see Sepick, Farland everybody. Everybody. And your hair looks amazing. Yeah, I'm fully involved. This is yeah. Okay. I didn't want to broach it for four. Yeah. Why did it way back when it was a strip? Got a kidney too. Painful. Yeah. Don't do this work. Okay. The fucking the back of the hair strip. You're talking. So that's what it looks like. No. There's two. There's two ways to do it. They can just go from the shave. You shave the side in the back, which I did as you can see. Yeah, and they put it up here. This looks like your make a wish podcast. And then or you can do the strip a little. Michael Jackson. Yeah. So they took it off on the back. Eight hour surgery in a dentist chair. They watched Emily and Paris the whole time. They knocked me out. They gave me two ambient and two Xanax and I was out. Is we had to rewatch Emily and put you get to some of the barber shop. That's what they gave you to ambient. I know it's great. I was in and out the whole time. I cut a little bit of Emily. Damn. Great program, by the way. Fun show. Is it a good show? Yeah. Why not? Yeah. She's cute. She's cute. Yeah. Yeah. But the upkeep is way worse. I got to do keep two Epsom salt baths every day. Two shampoos a day. I got to massage the back with a cream. I got to put a aqua gel in there. I got to sleep on my back. You're like a real housewife right now. It's a nightmare. I've never seen you like this. I feel bad for you. You're very deep poofed. I got overwhelmed. I'm not newman. Norman. I'm not Norman. Yeah. Norman sucks. Yeah. This is the different you. This is crazy. I'm in hell. The upkeep. I don't shower. I rarely shave. I don't wipe my ass. I don't wash my hands. So this is a nightmare for me. With the ass. I was just adding stuff. I was hiding. Buddy. But yeah, that's hell, man. It's hell. You're gorgeous. How many days out are we? Third day. Whoa. We went to Turkey. No, I got into New York, thousands. Really. It ain't cheap. Right by the Guggenheim. Oh, can I get a number? Sure. You got to get it. No, not much. I know how much. Oh, I see. I see. A number. I don't know. 450. 325, baby. You're down. You're down a little. Are you on the needle or no? No, I'm just working out. Yeah, I'm on the fucking needle. What are you? And that's a bone marrow. I lost. Get at me. But I told the doctor I was doing. He's like, you're doing podcasts. And I'm like, well, wait. I got eight sold out shows in Pittsburgh this weekend. He's like, that's insane. You got to cancel it. But I'm going. Was it like that? Well, are you a lot of like sweat and something? No, can't sweat. Can't cry. They're shucking in jivin. I don't chuck. I'll never show. I never do. I know they see real low. Yeah, I'm going to go. Why can't you? Why do they say not to be active? Because you can't sweat. You can't sweat. And you can't get the heart up. You better do well on stage. Oh, my God. You're right. No, it's not in the audience. The doctor's in the audience. I was a real turkey out there. Would you were you able to know you? Did you try to finagle a little free ad? I did. Yeah, that's why I'm talking about it now. I'm wearing the hat. Zayn's car. Let's go. Carlos Wesley. He's great. He did Mateo. Did you really get a deal on this? We're working on it. I came in with a coupon. But if you get in the back end, if you get a reference, you get a cheaper deal. Let's go. Well, hit me up. All right. I can't do it. Just take time off. He said it sucks. This part sucks. Yeah, which I'm like, I'm sold on that. It's hell. It is hell. Dude, I'm fucking pretty successful. I'm married. I got the kid. I got it's like you wear it. Well, I got curly hair. It's different. I'm a youthful guy. You're also this has been this has been happening a little while. What do you do? Well, you're like you you work with it well. Sure. I'm fun. You you're ugly. I could be in the movies. Can I say this? Please? I never I'm shocked. I never know either. He's complained about it for like 15 years to me. And I never notice. When it's wet, it's bad. Oh yeah, it's bad. And again, curly. You can do some fluffing. Yeah. But without if I was straight, wait a minute, where are you doing? Where are you doing the pills and stuff in the crate? Like where are you doing any? I'll do a finaster. I get the pill. The pill which keeps it. I was shocked when you sent me the photo. Did you know anything about this? No, he he told me Peter's was like Mark has a elective procedure. And I was like, what? I was like, is he getting fake tits? What the hell? I don't even know what's going on. So then I reach out. I didn't I didn't know. He's talked about it for years. I had to wear a turban. They give you a bandage because your whole head's all bleeding. Don't fly with that. And I got an Uber and the guy gave me one of these. There it is. That's my job. It's super. That's done key in a session on candidate. Look at you. You should have got this procedure on 9/11. Also, you have the same shirt on in the picture. I know what's I got to wear a button out of it. We're in this for three days. Why do you have to wear a button down? Because you can't pull over the head. It burns. You have to dress like a Turkish guy. I'm trying to grab an ice cream coat of selling cologne. Wow. That's Spain. Your head was your head was fucking red. Oh, it hurt. You look like a Native American at the end of a John Wayne film. Can I say this from with the hat? You look good with a high and tight. You look good. I've never seen your hair that close. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I had to buzz it. But it hurts. What's the timeline? About 10 days. I'll be all right. But then how long you weren't having. There's like it's a it's a pretty brutal process. What are you doing? It's bad. Well, I'm not wearing a hat. Oh, you're not really supposed to wear a hat. That's why I got a high hat because I got to keep it. They give you the high hat with the sides open. Is your head completely shaved right now? No, no. The top's still has some hair. Okay. It's all wonky and wet and gross. It's got chemicals in it. But I took the hat off with the kid. And he gave me one of these. That's like when the dad changed his beard. That's got to be 10 times worse way where hopefully forgets blocks it out when he ran away. He's pretty young. Yeah, he's young. Damn, dude. You got another one on the way. Yeah, great. I just saw a picture of you done the beach somewhere. Yeah. That was that old. That was nantucket went to Dan Tucker for the week. He said it's unreal. It's unbelievable. I get it now. You going to water? Yeah. What in the water? I don't want to water up. You don't go in the water. Jaws. Oh, you're going to show it everywhere. You beach. They just put you don't swim. They got to blow me up. They just found a shark in the Hudson. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, geez. Yeah, it was on a waiver on a Dominican loan shark. Yeah, the sharks are going crazy right now. I'm out of there. How many sharks do people kill people a year? Take a guess. It's like five. It's it's crazy. It's like it's single digit. It's less. I'd rather kill me than have to go through that experience. And then are you getting you get the story? I'm more scared of the gators and the sharks. Gators are no joke. Gators. Yeah. Well, I have a gator bit. That's like an eight minute bit. So if I die at the hands of a gator, it's it's ironic. Good point. I don't want that. Good point. You're even going out with a joke. That's pretty good. That's true. It's pretty good. That's the media. Saltwater crocodiles. I don't like them. The United States averages roughly one shark attack fatality every two years. That's nothing. That's nothing. That's all stigma. That's bullshit. I guarantee that's a lot. Remember the mayor and jaws. He wanted to keep the beaches open. I'm telling you right now. That's a fucking cover up. It's way more than that. People just disappear in the ocean. They say all the Riftide got them. Shark for sure. Give me that. Give me that. That's a close case. And that's deaths. How many people get like a bite? You see people like a little chunk here. Right. A thousand human deaths each year. Whoa. But that's why you have a where. Yeah. Where is this happening? Yeah. That's an African shit. That's in town. That's. They're people. Where is it? I'm saying there's still people. And when they showed up with a raft around full. We're going to need a bigger boat or tax annually. They don't truck it out tax and not occur in the United States. I don't think we have crocodiles. We have alligators. We got gators, crocodiles. South America. They're probably getting those Floridians left and right. Yeah. How many alligator deaths? Dozens of the last several decades. They end up in the pool and shit. You never see a shark in a pool. Shark in a pool. There you go. That's a lot of wordplay. Dolly. By the way. Oh, all right. Pete Dolly. Let's get it out of the way. Good shut up. Beloved by everybody. Beloved. Yeah. Legend. He's like, you know, Dolly was beloved. She's a big, titted, blonde hot chick and women still like her. - Wow. - Yeah. - This is true. - Classy brought. - Classy gave a lot of money away, charity. - I could have had way more money. - You could have had to be a club. - Well she was a great singer too, Sal, let us build. - Let us build to this. - Yeah, we're building. - Great songwriter. - Great songwriter. - So many bangers. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - Jolene. - Jolene, nine to five. - And nine to five. - So many bangers. - The best tweet I saw was it was that rap bitch, Jolene who did it. I don't know who posted that, but hold that up, we'll give the person credit. - Yeah, really good. - I saw a great 80's not old enough. - I know. - I can't believe she was only 80. - I'm a Biden beater. And Trump. - I don't know when this goes out. Tim Curry just died. - I saw that too. What a day. - A lot of the homelone two cast. - Oh yeah. - The character of the pigeon lady. - You know, the sucks for is Hayley Payton Pettitary. She was the dead hot lady for a while. - I was the third. - But not the guys that. - These things come in threes. - Oh geez. - Yeah, it's the third. - You're making me the vacuum and we underscore sucks S-U-X, all right, good tweet. - Good tweet? You gotta get in right when it's hot. That's the key. - Comedy's all about timing. - Thank you. - So I've heard. - Speaking of comedy, you killed it in tires. - Oh, thank you buddy. - Dude, it got like 600 million views. - Thank you. - Thank you. - You're a good actor. - Thanks buddy. - He's been a good actor. - He's a habitual liar, so. (laughs) - Acting as a whole life. - I'm playing this, come back. - Tell me the best season. Soater has a great role. You killed it, Pope kills it. - Stovey. - Stovey is on fire. - Whole squad. - To the boner and the van. I mean, it's killer. - We were just talking earlier. The monologue that Kyla Fox delivers in that scene where she's yelling at the old volleyball team. - Oh, yeah. - She's incredible. - She's such a great actor. - She's incredible. - She's great. - Everybody's amazing. Garbin, the chemistry between Garbin and Gilly. Amazing, McEver, everybody. - McEver's become this serious comedy director. - Oh, yeah. We were just talking about it. He had it when we were in open mics and filming. - Yes. - Dude, he was shooting stuff that we were like, and we were like, we were always like, we were like rubbing two sticks together, come over like a fucking bad Mentos sketch. - Yeah. - And then he would put these things together and would go viral and like-- - Yeah, well he and Tommy Pup were this close to having that comedy central showdown. - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah. - What was it called? - Ducco Prapa. - That shot was funny. - It was good. - It was very funny. - The general. - To kiddin' all across the whole thing. - Yeah. - I did helium back in, I don't know, 2016, and he was my opener and I was like, who's this fat bearded pussy? - Hell yeah. - He came in with a track jacket on. He looked like a wrestling coach. - Murdering, every night I couldn't follow him. And then he just doesn't do stand-up. - Yeah. - He's one of those guys that's like so good and then he's just like, yeah, I just don't like him. I've never been like, what? - Yeah. - Brilliant actor. - Brilliant comedian. Brilliant director. - It's great. - Yeah. - He's got the dancer right here too. - I could see that. - I don't know. - Okay. - What did you say? - He said hell of a dancer. - He could move. - Johnny Mac's a great looking kid. - Yeah, he's underrated looking. Pull him up if you can. Let's, Johnny MacKeever. Johnny Mac. - Yeah, how's that feel? I mean, are you getting DMs? Are you getting hit up by the ladies? (laughing) - No. - What DMs? There he is. Look at him. - Yeah, rugged guy. - Yeah, rugged guy. He's got like a slater vibe. Christian Slater. - He's the best. We all started together. Isn't that crazy? - Yeah. - Filly. - Well Shane told me, you know, he was very famous comedian, getting a lot of nice ladies swarm in the DM, but he said once tires came out, it was like here to here. It was just crazy celebrities, athletes, you know, you name it. Angel Rees, whatever. Brittany Griner. - And he still responds to texts. - And he does respond. - Shane's a good text responder. - He is. - Lot of your friends. - Some of your friends get a little big. - That's true. - And they're like, and I get it. - And he doesn't call me back. - But Shane's a good text responder. - The best. - The only problem is, he quit drinking hard. He got it with some. He ain't got it. - I know. - I don't know, I don't know. - Everybody. - He's pushing 40, he can't do it forever. - Hey, well, it was all my. - I'm 42. - I got it. - I'm still on there. - I'm 20 year old. - Yeah, but he was going on another one. - He hit the younger bombs back here. - He was going hard. - That's the thing is like, well, you and I always kind of, connected over the fact that like I never want to have to quit. - Sure. - He was drinking at like, there was like 18 Bud lights in the sitting. - Well, we did protect our parks and we all went out for Dorosa's celebration 'cause he got a Netflix special. Shout out to Dorosa. - Shout out to Joey Dorosa. - You're very special. - I made you special as well. - Yes. And Shane was like, it was like, 12, 13. He's like, "All right boys, I'm packing it in." We're like, "What? "You're paying for everything." (laughing) - Check it. (laughing) - While it's gone. - I didn't know that, I didn't know he was pulling back. - Well, he still drinks. He's just not a psycho like the rest of us. - I'm off the booze. - Yeah. - Still on the french fries though. - All right, you don't say. - Yeah, I'm done. You get old, you get to choose. - I guess so. He's got a con. - Unhealthy food. Yeah, and he's busy as fuck. - Yeah, that's true. - That's true. - You make me want to drink the most. - Why? - 'Cause you're a good drinker. - Thank you, man. - Yeah. - I try. (laughing) - Well, I take pride in the fact that I'm a good drinker. - Yeah. - You don't want to be bad energy when you drink. - You're the one that says being in a New York bar in the winter. - Yeah. - You've got to decide and feeling that cold, crisp air hitcher. - I have a man to size it. I have a man to size like a good cocktail, a good drink. - You see even say cocktail good. - Yeah. - There's something good to it around the winter. They got bar like patties or something, you pile it. It's already buzzing, but like there's a lot of place to it. It's crowded, but you can still move. You're not waiting for a drink, and then you like bundle up with the crew and you go like, oh, let's go. - Yeah. - Or walk in the stand or whatever. You're all like mosey on that. - Right, it feels like the good fall is seen. - Right. - They got the Lafonza highs, they're all hanging out. - Lafonza. - Lafonza. - Lafonza. - Sorry. - He's talking about the coffee company. - He's never seen the movie. - But you know what I mean. - Is it an airline? - What is it? - Lafonza. - Lafonza. - What did I say? - Lafonza. (laughing) - It's the air plug. - I can hear it in the car. - Are you really at a pain pill? - I'm at a pain pill. - What the fuck is going on here? - Should you have like perks or something? - At least. Something. - Vikin and something. - Give you a light bulb and a bag of meth. Something. Fucking take the edge off. What are we doing there? - I'm like this. - You said fucking eight hour surgery. You give me a fucking tunnel with Godine. - Took the subway home, baby. - That was a different ride. That was a good couple of beers. - You took the subway home. - No you didn't. - No, I'm just kidding. - All right. Must have been an expensive procedure. - Did you ever see the pictures from the flights from Turkey? - Yes. - There's like 50 bald guys all the while. - Vider's got a great bit about it. He's on the plane. It's a comeback through Turkey and he looked like the only guy who went there and got cold feet. - I don't want to do it, man. - My friend of the Turkey came back swollen. - Dude, they swell up to like, it looks like you look like mega-mind. It's crazy. - Yes, exactly. - I'd be so afraid of swelling up and then I panic and I've been using these right here. - If you swell up, take the SATs again. See how you do. They're calling it Turkish hairlines. - Hey. - That's fine. - It's a good bit. - Who's saying that? - Who's saying that? Hot chicks. Fucking what do you want from these guys? You're trying to get fucking new chicken together. - Chicken. - That's cold. - That's garlic up. - Dolly could have thought of it. - Dolly. We miss you. - Full flights. - Somebody offered us the flights out, put up and his dad owns the biggest one in Turkey or something. I'll do the hair for free. - Wow. - They're just fans. They want to do that. - I guess. And I think if you probably say, you know. - I'm going to stay to the Middle East for a little while. - I know. - I know. - I'm like, I can do it again. - I do want to go to Turkey now. Go to Istanbul. - Sure. - That's great. I would do that. - Oh my god. - If you woke up like that. - Are you still doing Pittsburgh? - Yeah. - Yeah. - You just got to commit to being a supervillain. - That's what you put the rubber bands around a watermelon to see if it blows up. - I know, right? - Jesus. - You got to walk around doing a lot of these. - Yeah. - Get a pedicat. - Yeah. - I'll get you, morale. And you too, Sonic use. - He's wearing a cock ring. Look at that. - That is. - It didn't matter. - Oh my god. - It's crazy. - It looks like his sunglasses are under there somewhere. Look at that. - That is rude. The doctor's in the parking lot going. Wait. - That's not good. - That's fine. The doctor's. - That is crazy. - Wow. - They seem rough in Turkey. - Yeah. I mean, how much money is they are they bringing into Turkey? They must be killing it just because of the hair thing. - Oh, yeah. - 'Cause didn't, what's his face, uh, Adams? Did he go to Turkey? - Who's Adams? - Mayor Adams? - Is he a bald? - Isn't he still bald? - Maybe he went for some other nefarious. - What? - Operations. - He got in trouble going to Turkey. - Do you have one? - Never mind. - I think it was using city funds. - It's not undergoing. - I could be speculating. - Oh. - Laser hair removal. - Putty. - Laser in Turkey? You get that done on Long Island. I used to do laser hair removal. - Really? - Yeah, I was a driver for them. - Whoa. - What does that do? - The forefront of the industry. This is back fucking, this is before 9/11. - Are we talking, "Movaginal"? - Yeah, the girls that brought to get it done. This guy that I worked for, he sold fake boobs, and he had ins with all the high-end plastic surges in a tri-state area. His wife works for a laser company. They had just come out with this laser hair removal and Veriko's veins laser. They were too expensive to buy if you were a doctor's office. So they came up with the idea to own a company where you rent them to a doctor's office, do it once a month, knock everybody out. Fucking cleaned up. - Whoa. - He did so well, he got his face painted at the palm. 'Cause they ate there so much. - Oh my God. - Yeah. How do you get rid of a Veriko? - It's not the right age, you know. I sell it. He's pull it up. That's a lot of shrimp cocktail. Yeah, you got that right. But yeah, I have a whole new respect for fake tit ladies nose job ladies all that shit now. BBL. BBL included. How many women are dying from these BBLs? I don't like them. I mean, I'm gross. I mean, once a week from this shit. Well, they get them done into like a back alley. Yeah, that's not where you want to get a discount. No, you're your ass. Let me ask you, Mr. Mark Norman. Please you things are watching somebody is really good at star therapy. This is actually an FDA approved. Determined safely. I didn't dare to say hi. It provides pain relief. I have a lot of force. I got very close veins. Do you really? I'll give them one way to bingo pull them up. Yeah, you won't be able to get them too bad. But they're not great. You're like a science teacher. I'm not really going to get them down now. That's four pants. Get a good a scissor. Oh, boy. I can't believe you did it, man. I know. That's a big. How long were you contemplating years? Years and it takes so long. This guy's got a list like Epstein. I mean, it's just so many names that I had to wait a good two years to get it done. Really? Yeah, no shit. Finally, my number came up. So I had to take you on a list for two years. Yeah, holy. Maybe a year and eight months or something like that, but it's been a while. Why is it why is it so hard to get on? He's in demand. This guy's the best. He's the guy. Is there anyone else in the city who does it? This is this is this is who Mateo was. Mateo's guy. He carry himself like a rich doctor. He does. Yeah. Good good. A flash. Good head of hair. Nice watch. A couple of rings. Tans. He can earring earring? No, I'm just. Yeah, he's tan. What is the broads in the office like? Very high in. Let's go. And I had to make a joke after I had my bandage on. I go, all right. Now the time for the penile implant. And they went. We've heard that one. Sold out shows Pittsburgh. Let me ask you this. Sure. Now this is for this. You did this for you to feel good. This career thing is this. I think career. I think I'd look bad, Bald. I'd like to know how good looking of a guy you are, right? No, you're crazy. Oh, good. I will say that I've always said. Curly and Bald is a rough love. Thank you. It is like name one dude other than Kelsey Grammar who's pulled it off. Larry David. He's not a curve. Yeah, but he's a whole thing is I'm a bald guy. You got to make it your thing. Yeah. I don't want to make your thing. It's also David Berkowitz. I mean. He'd come over. I think he was famous. He was famous. He's got to see himself every day. Larry David didn't have to see myself every day. I know. That's a treat. No, but I'm just saying that you're aware of it more. Oh, that is me. Son of Sam. Oh my god. I know what's back of it. Son of Sam. I'm real. Look at that. Where did he stop? He was not a looker. Huh? Where does this stop? 20 years from now. Yeah. Are we getting? We get this. No, no, just hair. I'm not going to go. Michael Jackson started with I'm just going to get the notes. He died a white lady. Well, he also, yeah, let's start fucking kids. All right, fine. It is also yet facial, like anything facial with comedians. You're losing expression. I agree. I'm already embarrassing up by this. I don't want to go. Don't be embarrassed. Crazy nose and cheek and all that shit. You're saying that out just slippery slope. I thought about my under eyes from my drug use. Okay. Um, it has, they're noticeable. I never had. Now they're, I don't see. I'm going to get a little Botox down. Definitely. Don't give me that panel. I'm just going to give that a couple of years. Get a hog on me. Fuckin go back a bank a bunch of ex girlfriends really see who's screwing out. Are you single? No, I'm not dating somebody. Hey, who is he? Kelsey grammar. All right. You can do work with. Tell me why. I love you like I do. He was a party. You're back in the day. To sell it. It's yeah, I don't know if it was party and though it was demons. I don't think it was fun. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's seldom is. Dark dark Kelsey grammar to bar would be something. Then he have a bed like voicemail go out or something or is that petal Brian? A petal Brian. How do you confuse those two? Well, they're both raging alcoholics from the 90s. Yeah, but I don't I think it's petal. Kelsey had trauma. Oh, hell yeah. Wow. That's a full flip there. He had trauma. That was sister was like murder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The horrible trauma and dad, I think he's like Billy Joel Tiger Woods. Doesn't somebody do a bit. Oh, no, it's in the Charlie Sheen documentary. Dude, the Billy Joel story about how he came up with, you know, when he in the doc, he's driving back drunk on a motorcycle. And his wife's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're a lunatic and that's when I hit him like, you may be right. I may be crazy. I just might be the lunatic you're looking for. And it's like, oh my god, in a blackout. He's coming up with song lyrics. And then she said when she heard the song and he heard, she heard the line. Turn out the lights. Don't try to save me. She knew it was over. Wow. Crazy. You're ready to hit like that. I'm sticking. I know. The piano man. Yeah. Also, he made it sound so jipper. Yeah. Maybe right. She's packing her bags for the homeless guy. They're playing at a wedding and shit. I ran over a kid. Damn. All right, Billy. That was a great duck. Yeah, when he, uh, he's going out in the Hamptons and he's paying for bills. And he's like, hey, that was a nice house. You bought there on the lake. He's like, huh? I love that Ferrari got there. He's like, who? That was a great yacht. Yeah. And he's like, huh? Is the countenance stealing everything? Yeah. That scares us. Yeah. I have a theory about this though. Please might be an unpopular opinion. Uh, Billy Joel was Billy Joel, obviously in the 70s and 80s, right? That's about the time when that happened, right? Wasn't it like in the 90s or this guy ripped them off? The 90s below my whole thing. Yeah. CDs were becoming big. Everybody was going out and getting their tapes and their records on CD. Okay. Billy Joel's greatest hit one and two double albums. I don't care if you were 14 years old or you were 90 years old. That was getting bumped everywhere. Yeah. That guy ripped them off. He went on that, that he poured relentlessly and became Billy Joel. Sure. That's right. So if that didn't happen, he might have kicked it in neutral. Interesting. Same thing happened in the 70s. His manager ripped them off for like five mill. That was Leonard Cohen. Five mill manager ripped them off. And he was like, I guess I got to go back on tour. I don't know how many money left. And in the 70s, he toured and it was like the best shit he ever does. But he was very, you know, he was like living in a monastery. Leonard Cohen. He was very zen. He was kind of like, uh, see, it's good. I put it all. Yeah. We're going to be together for a long time, baby. Give us your money. You should get the blow it. I did. But it goes when you're backs against the walls and artists, that's when you do the best shit. That's why when you're a young comic, you're pumping it out because you're broke. I'm starting to this best work as a patent clerk. What's that from Salah Kuse? Ghostbusters. I knew that. Z-biotics. I got to tell you about this game changing product. I drink before a night out with drinks. It's called pre alcohol by Z-biotics. Z-biotics pre alcohol. Probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was engineered by PhD microbiologist to break down acid telehyde and unwanted by product of alcohol of alcohol metabolism. Make pre alcohol your first drink of the night. Drink responsibly and enjoy your next day activities. Z-biotics has sold more than 14 million bottles and earn the trust of thousands, including us. I use it all the time. I never leave home without it. I pound one of these. I feel a little better going into a hard night of drinking. You feel cool. They're little. You take them down. You feel like a scientist or something. I love it. I like that it fits into a responsible routine. You drink pre alcohol as your first drink of the night. Pace yourself, drink in moderation and get a good night's sleep. It is about thinking ahead so you can enjoy drinks with friends while still being intentional about what you put into your body. Try for yourself today. And if you are unsatisfied, they will refund your entire order. No questions asked. Head to zbiotics.com/drunk. Code drunk for 15% off your first order. Z-biotics is a partner of mine. You ever notice how the second you lock in your picks, you completely change the person. Before kick off your chilling or relax, maybe a little bored. Then you lock your picks in. Now you're standing three feet from the TV because somehow that's helping. You're googling weather reports for stadiums, eight states away. You're screaming. Just throw it to him. You know, like you got a direct line of the quarterback. You know, honestly, I think that's the best part of sports. Not the outcome, the sweat, the being a fan, the stretch between making your pick and finding out you're a genius. That's why I play. And those of us who watch and sit up not all the way in the back, it's got to be underdog. For this season, don't just watch. Lock in with underdog and give every game a pulse. Download underdog to play. Keep your million. Start with one million dollars. Make it all through 20 picks and walk away with whatever is left in the bonus funds. Underdog, unleash your dog, trading involves risk, including a total loss of positions, content is promotional and not a recommendation to trade, terms apply, promotion issued by affiliate. Starting a business can feel overwhelming. You need a website, inventory management, check out payment processing and about 10 other systems before you've even made your first sale. Shopify puts everything you need to start and grow your business in one place. Shopify's templates help you create a professional looking website quickly with no coding required. If you need help along the way, Shopify's built an assistant sidekick can help you build trouble shooting keep moving. Shopify checkout makes it easier for customers to complete their purchases and returns. returning customers can check out with a single click, because Shopify handles the setup and check out, you have more time to focus on actually growing your business. Shopify powers millions of businesses worldwide from household names to people making their very first sale. If you're ready to hear the Shopify Chiching on the very first sale today, head over to Shopify.com/drunk to start your free trial today. That's right. Start your free trial at Shopify.com/drunk. You either do your best work when you're back against the wall or you kill yourself. True. It's a fine line. It's a fight or play. That's a top reason people commit suicide. It's relationship. It's money troubles. Yeah. Yeah, because you know it got the deck stacked against me. His lady left him, too, and these money got stolen with her pretty fucked up. Billy. Christy Brinkley? Yeah. I think she left that on him. Uptown girl. Or other shit, probably. Yeah, maybe the drink. The drink is probably a little coincidental. Mark goes off on Billy Joel. Did you guys do that? No. I made one joke about Thompson Gura and this guy made a whole 10 minute video about how I went off. Cut that. Cut that. That's funny. You pull up. This young lady. We have. I just saw her walking in the. What? You saw her. No, no, no. I saw her on the internet walking to the US open. I thought it was her mom. It's Richard Gears. Son. Is that who that was? Yes. We're in a regular jeans. There's a bowl in a show called Shards right now, which I just recommend. I'm loving it. They're both on a show. They're both on a show called Shards. It's a Bret Easton Ellis thing. I like the jeans that kid was wearing. They look like old-school jeans. Let's see. I'm riding a show called Shards. That's about farting on celebrities in this book. It's about the gerbil that was living inside him. Yeah. Um. Um. I we ruined her dinner one time. Yeah, her. Her. That's a beautiful. Oh, wow. Wendy Gerber and Cindy Crawford were behind us at dinner. We had no idea. We were like, I know. How'd you ruin the dinner? We were just loud drunk assholes. Elbowed. Lost in baller. Open into their chairs. Oh, I got beef with Gerber. Gerber and I don't get along. Is that the baby food? No. Her daughter. Yeah. Jesus. And that is Richard Gears. How tall are we talking? Son. That's a cool period. I like that. Let's see. That's the kind of look I'm talking about. That's very, very good. We're talking crazy and Timothy Shalom ain't no shot against them. They're wearing all this fashion stuff. This kids walking around in a pair of jeans and a crisp button up and he looks fucking great. He looks like Gears. Yeah. He's a throwback. Actually, we got to get back to Jerry's. Look at that right there. That's a crazy kid right there. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Sharp. Jerry. That's probably a pair of fucking Levi's. That's the 90's all over you. That's no way it's Levi's. Wrangler? Lee Gears. Dungeries. I don't like Randy Gerber. We got him. He's Randy Gerber. He's a cunt. I watched the duck on him. Is that true? Very cocky. Very cocky. He's guy. He's one of the. He made Costa Migos with cloning. Wait, he's the music guy. No. Oh, my thing. He's the restaurant guy. I have to get a burger. Who's the king? Them to the music guy. He does all the producing. Randy Newman. The producer. I love Randy Newman. The proven. No, he's a hot guy. He paid. He paid. He had a documentary. Michael McDonald. L.A. He came from somewhere. He's a producer. Not a singer. Maybe he's a sea. He's a piano. He was a bad guy. No, white guy. Norman. He was banging a hot lady. They're all banging hot ladies. He's a music producer. Leonard Bernstein. Is he young? It's probably 55, 60. He's been around. He did all the Taylor Swift. He does all of, uh, you know. Oh. He's talking about the guy that she sued. What's his name? It's Dayton, uh, Sydney Sweeney. Not Geffen. No. Not Geffen. The guy I bombed in front of it. Choltsy's show. Oh, I can't think of this guy. He was doing it wrong. He's got a whole documentary on him. He's holding it. What song is he made? Give me one song. I don't know. He'll shedacus. No, no, no. The comments are going crazy. I'm sure. What the hell is Gerber? Berber. Berger. I think he's dating a supermodel. I think you're getting dementia from that fucking train. Maybe you're right. You're still on the, you're the tortoise in here right now. I can't think of the guy's name. Sorry. Damn. He's a hunky guy. He's tall. There he is. There he is. Oh, come on. He should know CD Sound Machine, isn't he? No. Why don't you like him? I don't know. I wanted to talk. He was just a cocky asshole. But he's put out some good music. That was it. But I think he was dating the way he married there to be the wrong guy. He's a billionaire music producer. What do you, what do you want to be humble? Well, go to the, go to the date of history. Go to the wives. Okay. Sorry. I haven't seen anybody for three days. I've been alone. Been in a dental chair. Yeah. Fouses. BJ Cook. Rebecca Dyer. Linda Thompson. Yalanda Hadid. That's why. Hadid? Yeah. Hadid. She has daughters that are super models. Oh. She's that young guy to be married that many times. That's the big guy. He's not young. He's a prick. He's born in 49. Those high guys, they seem like. Handsome guy. They seem like nice people. Not being serious. Yeah. Hadid, the daughters. Dude. I saw they got caught like paparazzi or somebody caught Cooper and her going in somewhere and she seemed like super cool. And we know Cooper's cool. I just saw a guy on the subway and we were here and he kind of looked like very handsome older guy, like really together and you're like, oh shit, he's like, you're like admiring an older man being handsome. And then I got a good looking. He had a little soul pattern. Oh. You were so close. A soul pattern. Flavor saber. A soul patch is really just. It's never been good. It's like a Hitler on the bottom. It is. You got to be arrested. Root to pull that off. Yeah. We need a soul patch guy to pull a genocide so we can stuff that. Well, yeah. Sorry to go off on foster, but yeah, that Gerber, she's, she's all right. Beautiful. Nine. Yeah. It looks color in the shirt. Yeah. Perfect. I told you probably that all these people around are probably short. All these daughters are getting hot. I mean, Johnny Depp's daughters. Get some. Easy. Easy. All right. Just going into it. Easy. Roger. You're going to be back on that list. These are a wage. It looks got a hot. Next episode marks like these kids are fucking hot. How old is jolly pit? Probably 18. All right. That's now. You never claim. That's down on that one. Um, I don't even know this is. Oh, Maddox. He's 24. Jolly pit is 22. Thank you. It's too young. All right. All right. I'm not dating her. I'm just saying. How would you not want to? You're in, you're in a hot. I know. She's going to air one every day. You got a training. You're working out. Yeah, but the bones of air. Fatty. I mean, it's more than just. I know. I know. Air one. Oh, oh, uh, Michael Jackson's daughter. Don't talk. Don't talk. Don't talk too far. He's right. Is that a diaper? Steady dieted at Trojstao Pizza. Woo. What is that? The cheddar? No. Where is that? Out there. He's up there. Crystal. Jesus Christ. He said bring up Michael Jackson's daughter. All right. She's beautiful. How old is she? Hmm. Let's see. Should she be African American? Oh, she's stunning. She's 28. Kevin. Genetically. Kevin. 28. Don't bit. Ready? Thank you from the south. You said the clock button. We're older fellows. She's 26 up. All right. Yeah. I love how we're sitting here looking at 20-year-olds in Norma's fake hair. Oh, my God. This is what they look like. You're going to turn that beamer in for a Corvette, buddy. Who's getting rough? Six weeks. I'll be cruising by fate. How are they? How are the Olsen twins now? Oh, they've got to be 30. Gross. No, they're going to be aren't that popular? This is me outside of Equinox. [LAUGHTER] Can I say this? I walked by a Pilates class-- Oh, God. --that the big window. Jerkin' off. That they wave in. Come on, buddy. Come on. They got a cheeseburger. They're a box. I feel like I should have put a dollar in the window or something. Oh, this was crazy. Unreal. I went like this real quick and kept it moving. I don't think I was like creep. Hot women are back. Can I crawl back? We had a rough eight years with the biggest beautiful, the Lizzo's, the whole thing. We all had to pretend, but it's back, baby. Big is beautiful. All right. Right? Jer, I'm a track. I'm a track. The guy on his epic. [LAUGHTER] How's that? Do you go needle or pill? I like the needle. Woof. Is it fun? I like to put it in. Yeah. Yeah, I like the act. Where does it go? I use the salad dressing. [LAUGHTER] Salicuse. That's that. That's the clip. It sucked. Oh, okay. It's a bad joke. But you go side, anal, thigh. You always go here. Yeah, I go-- I'm shooting up. You're shooting up? You're shooting up? You are down all the way. Yeah. Well, the baby was coming. I was so unhealthy. And I was just like, I have to. Yeah. And yeah, it was just-- That's when I put the weight on when the baby came. Biologically, men hold weight when a baby comes. Yeah. Give it a good-- So, wait a minute. Is it a lifetime thing? And it should be on this for the rest of your life? No. No. No. It also like-- You're like, life's not. You know? I started probably working out more. Are you going to the gym more? Yeah. That's good. No, he's-- I know. He's a loty's window. I'm walking. Yeah. He's got a curve. I'm just walking a lot. And my lifestyle has changed. What, like, how has it changed? What are you doing differently? Hey, it'd be going through a divorce. I live in Ian's basement. I got to walk to the subway, just a net. That was kind of things. Well, you're living in Ian's basement? Ian's aren't great. Whoa! Ian, fight ants? Yeah. Oh, no. No, Ian Fleming. Yeah, Ian, fighting. I know. What? Nothing on that? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. He said, "Hot Pilates Pictures." We know what that is. We know what that is. We know what it is. We know what it is. He's in the background. Yeah. I thought it was a rowing machine. How is living in Ian's basement? Isn't that where the podcast is? Yeah. You're sleeping on the podcast? I'm next to the set. I'm right in the action. [LAUGHTER] I'm right in the action. You wake up to Jordan Jensen. Call him a bitch. [LAUGHTER] David David, David, David, respectable. recording schedule. Wow. Is that is that a big awesome? Are you stretching out? You're making one of you get you in place. You're doing well on TV. That's doing well. How to show a town. How to show a town. Yeah. But I do my best work with a gun to the back of my head. That's what I told them to kill himself. Yeah. Yeah. You may be. No, I blew a lot of that last summer. On what? And a little bit of this summer on blue. Where you been? Did you crack a newspaper? What do you mean? I'm a god damn drug addict. What the hell would he be in the hands of? What newspaper? All right. Daily to Foley. He's wrong. What the hell? Damn it. He started the Penn State Cochrane. No, I didn't. Okay. But I put a lot of those kids through college. How cool is that story, by the way? Yeah. I mean, look, it's not it's not ideal, but better than kid rape. Of course. Is that is that what drove the, I'm sorry if I'm trying to. No, please, is that what drove the marriage apart? No, it was that that was brought them closer together. If that was, wasn't the problem was a bed solution. I don't know. That's what they say in rehab. Drugs weren't the problem. They were a bed solution. Oh, I see. I see. Yeah. No, I did that along my own. I have a new relationship part. So how much how much of that went up your nose financially? What's the Patreon do a month? A good amount. Yeah. I don't work through some stuff. But I was in, I moved out and I was living in house kitchen and Ian's in recovery. I'm in recovery and it was a good idea for me to stay with him for a little while. Shout out to my buddy, Cousin Ian, finance. All right. And if you're going to relapse, you could do better than you could do worse than Ian. Of course. He's a fun dude. But I already got my one relapse. Oh, you did? Oh, yeah. When was it? Austin, Texas, March, March 6, 2026, everybody to creaking a cave. I apologize. Still pretty good. Did you get, did you get a bad report? Some people to tell stories? Yeah. Any highlights, low lights. Wasn't the best show in the world, I would say. Kevin at a rough weekend. Has it bumpy ride for a baby sit? Well, yeah, I mean, I got busted cold. Foley can ask you about that moment. What moment? That you were like, I'll just do this drug or I'll just do this thing. What was that? Yeah, what would plot that on? Oh, Kevin said. This guy. It was nice. Meeting a Dominican guy in the back. Austin is an evil in Austin, right? When I landed, Austin, it was pretty Austin. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, it was pretty Austin. It was we got to the air. We've never really discussed this publicly. We got this is exciting. Even we got to the airport for like a 7 a.m. flight. Yeah. In New York, in New York, JFK, and he's on the phone with somebody at 5 a.m. Bad sign. And I was just like, whatever. I've never, we've met at the airport. You've either got a great agent or an even better dealer. I'm like, well, the other five people you know are here. Right. You're like, just give me a minute. Like you were like, conducting business. I feel fucking good here. We all walked in. We're like, this is bad. Did you say anything to him or what? No, what he is. I mean, what do you mean? You know, but don't mean what? It's that they wait it. No, we know what we okay. I mean, this is all. Let's go. This is all real. This is typically stuff we with for pages change man. Yeah. And then it was what that first show was the vibes were what it was also kind of funny on the flight down there. We had a conversation. We were up front conversation. Everyone else is in the back. And I swear to God, this is how I know my fucking rods and cones are all screwed up. We land. I'm talking to one of the producers ago. He seems really fucking locked in right now. And they were like, are you fucking crazy? Like he's all he's out of this. Did you just talk yourself into that? I don't know. Yeah. It was also just like that wasn't like this wasn't the first thing. You know, I think I was drinking or no, I wasn't. Was that what was supposed to be drinking? We got to break this up. So you landed and got right to your coke guy. I think no, no. Are you got at the airport? No, I didn't get to the airport. That would be federal crime. Narc. Sorry. Hunter Biden's on next week. Knowing that's not great if you're not a cuff. That's good boy. That's a Rico Statue 621. Yeah, it started in New York. I was I was re-going through. You didn't fly with it though, did it? No. No, no, no, no. What? It might system maybe, but yeah. It's fine. Little in his nose. I don't know a dog that can smell that eye. That's. Got that. I got to get this guy back on blow. Take it over here. So you get there and what happens? Yeah, it started in New York and continued there. It was about a 48 hour to 72 hour relapse. Wow. How much do you sleep during a binge like this? Zero hours. Fuck. Yeah. Came in and he left. We left the show at that point. We were all kind of just like well, like what do we, you know, what do you do? You could tell it was yipped up all day and then the show comes. Yeah, so like I had friends. Yeah, I have friends in Austin who are, you know, they partake. They dabble in, you know, a good time and they've devil knows his own. They like walk down and they're like, what's that? That's, you know, I was just like, yeah, you know, we're I don't know. I can't be happy. Well, yeah, I just went. Yeah, you're like, I'm going to go. I can't be happy. How much should you spend to be happy today? Yeah, then you left under some real bad story. I don't know, you know, yeah, pre-show or post-show. Yeah, I'm not red. All right. Disappear with it. He was like, well, we're good, we're good. Like, oh, and you knew you never seen fully run. That's when you do something was up. His legs were moving. I gotta go, guys. Yeah, puff of smoke. Yeah, and I disappeared off end of the night. So, so, so, so did you do the show together? So we did two show. Yeah, we're at the crew. We did two shows at the creek. And then he fucking, I'm sure you killed it. You're like prior up there. No. No. Oh, I was on fire. Did you, did you, did you, did you know it was going badly at the moment or not that first one? Yeah. The second one I knew it was pretty bad. Sweatin. Sweatin off kilter. Yeah. And what do you think? There's one guy in the crowd of relapse. Do you remember that? I do. He's like, I'm clean. You're not relapsing right now. We were all like, well, this is pretty projecting. I don't want point of woman's like, we're like, oh, what do you do? He's like, I'm a nurse. He's like, how do I look right now? Do I look okay? She's like, what? I'm like, oh, she was hot. I liked her. So, would you have the strip club? No. Where'd you go? Who? Those files are. Yeah. Yeah. So, this is the sort of tacos. How would you say? Dorky tacos. Wasn't a donut pub. Yeah. And then I rolled back in around 9 o'clock in the morning. Okay. Yeah. Pretty reasonable. You know, I had to get a fresh start in the day. Sure. So. And it was in my room for about a half an hour. And then there was a knock at the door. And it was more than a half an hour. Okay. Time moves quick. It was voodoo donuts. So like, you always twelve hundred dollars. Yeah. And then I walked out to some some long faces in the living room. Damn. Yeah. And what? And how do you know? It was like the screening room of a bad movie. At this point, this was, yeah, my, you know, full. Are you okay with this? Yeah. I was you. I'm excited. Yeah. Yeah. I was okay. I was I had this was not the first kind of incident we had had specifically on the road LA and Austin in a, you know, well, you stole from Melania. Okay. I keep with which endeared me so much, so much, so much to him. I agreed. Yeah. I agree. That was fun. We have information like when did he start using again? That's like, was like new in town. That's all right here. Ask me. I was kind of resigned at that point. Like there were, you know, the whole team was there. And I was just like, I mean, we had this stuff. We, I've said to them, obviously, it was just like, Hey, man, you got a, this is the second conversation in a handful of months, where it's like the product, the shows are like, we're not, I'm like, I have a kid. We're all flying down here. We're spending a shit ton of fucking money to put like, we're living like, I was in a bitch, blowing the whole fucking check in like a five million dollar house with a cold ball. Like, you know, I'm like, we're doing this for fun and to like shoot content. Like, now you're not shooting content. We can't do it. You know, you're tanking the shows. There's no fucking content being made. We don't need to fly six guys around the fuck of it. You know, I'm like, well, we're coming home with no money, no fucking episodes, no nothing. If you want to go to Austin, get all fucked up by all means. But the irony is that this would be great content. If you could film this fucking, put a, put a body cam on this. Just hit the tail. And it's a big body cam. You know, your mind is going to get a Patreon. He's killing himself. It's also, I'm trying to kill myself. I'm not promoting. I'm just doing it anyway, but I put a GoPro on the bastard. You sound like one of the demons that fucking CIA or something. Okay, if you're going to kill yourself, we need, we need a camera crew. Let me call him Mr. Beast. I'd be lying if we didn't try to hook one up while he was sleeping. Thank you. Thank you. How do you sleep? Fully, how do you respond when he when he says this to you? What? Like, what are the shows? I think it would be funny if you. We've had long discussions of what I've put them through. It's fucking yeah, the guilt and all that stuff is brutal. Which I'm in that, you're in, you're in that now and recovery of, yeah, you know, like I said, the drugs weren't the problem. They were a bad solution. And now you're figuring out what the problem was and going through all that. And I was just at a, I was at just, um, yeah, it was the worst time in my life. I'm glad you sober now. Huh? About a year, about a year ago. I ran for about 18 months and then went in a rehab, outpatient rehab in October. I'd heard you party down the road. I didn't know it was the serious man. I'm sorry. It wasn't really on the party on the party. No, this was like, we have a very strict business. Yeah. Was it the divorce? Does that sparked it? No, it was my My marriage was falling apart. ♪ Baby ♪ (laughing) - We got a favor that ain't good. - Yeah, we can't use this, we can't use this. That was great though. - It's funny, it's funny. - Yeah, my life was just falling apart and I was incredibly sad and depressed and I had lost my father, I had never processed that. - Oh, I didn't know that, she's a sorry. - Yeah, and childhood trauma, shit like that. I just, I was just fucked up and I thought what we'd achieved would save me and. - Realizing you have all of this stuff and it's like not, you know, I'm still, you're still putting your head on the pillow at the end of the day of like, well, success and sold out shows and whatever, doesn't make you happy. - Which we appreciate. - Yeah, of course. If it feels like you're like from a creative standpoint and stuff like that. - Sure, that was the thing, it's why aren't I happy? - But can we just say that moment where you go, I'm doing it, that's a great feeling. - What are you doing? - I'm just saying, how are you doing it? - Doing what? - When you kind of going down that hole and you're like, I'm already, I'm three lines deep, I got seven whiskies in me, I know it's wrong, but whoo, let's live, that's no better feeling. - Don't remind him that it's great to fall off the wagon, - Yeah, no, he knows, no, he knows, he knows what it did. - But you're not a thing that day. - So you were sober, you have a one may, it was March this year that you fell off? - Yeah. - So other than that, you've been sober for how long? - Since March, since March six was the last time that I finished. - Okay, that's good. - Relapse, now lap band. - They give you one, or whatever. That was a mistake, not a mistake, but they told, I heard that in rehab. They were like, you know, relapse can be a part of it, and then back in my head I was like, you know what I'm saying? - So no sauce, no, obviously no drugs, no exemptic. - No exemptic, walking and all that kind of stuff. - Big 180. - Group therapy, therapy, meetings. - Wow. - Every year, you know. - Wow. - And finances couch awake you up too. That'll snap your back. - He's been awesome. - Yeah. - Kevin has been, he saved my life. - I'm so happy that you didn't take it further, man. - That's the bring this comedy podcast. - No, no, dude, we love you. We don't want something bad to happen, you know? - We need you. That's also like, that's like the tough of you, you're like, talking to a guy where you're like, you're so mad because you're like, this fucking, like you're kind of making this all fucking suck, like you know, but you're like, it's like your best friend at the end of the day. - Sure. - You know, I want, what's best for you, you get to a point, at one point I remember young, I'm like, dude, I'm not a drug counselor. I don't know how to fucking deal with, like, I don't know, I don't know what the answer is, but like, you can't, you know, you try to, try to help them and try to be there. And it's like, it is a bumpy, you know, bumpy road. - Can't imagine. - Well, we have a lot of friends, you know, like Dan Stinger, man's a close friend. I know he's had struggles and stuff. And working at night, being by a bar, like, this does not lend itself to-- - And we're like aware of that now. Like, we're aware of like the triggers and stuff. And not even like, we just, you know, we just-- - Mine was all internal, sorry. Mine was all internal. It was all everything inside of me. It wasn't, I can fucking, you know, you guys could have beers and fucking hang out and stuff like that. There was a bag here that might be a little whatever, but that wasn't a so-- - I was so accused of that. (laughing) - That wasn't a social thing by any stretch of the imagination. - Yeah. - But I were just so far past all that now where I, you know, I've played that tape all the way through and yeah, it doesn't do it for me anymore. - So what is the key? 'Cause, you know, he's just saying you're trying to fill a hole internal trauma, childhood trauma. What is the, is it just leaning in and owning it? And just accepting it and moving on? What's the move there? - It's dealing with the issues that were below the surface that I never, that I never dealt with. - Yeah, changing how I, well, first learning what it was doing and why I was doing it. - Okay. - I was synapses, the cycle of it, self-comfort, all that kind of stuff, you know, I didn't know anything about that. - Yeah. Would you say-- - It's a bad human. - And tell me if it's insensitive, but most-- - It will be. (laughing) - It will most certainly be insensitive. - Better be insensitive. - I want my money back. I'll ask it Norman. - Just trying to learn even. - Now, that's a fat pig. (laughing) - Well, as a, as a big guy is-- - That was the biggest thing I was. - Do you think most big guys are doing that for a healing thing? Most fat guys are trying to push something down? - What, like, with the-- - Like, with trauma. - I've always been an addict. - That's what I'm saying. - Well, Mark, there's different forms of addiction. You know, like some people, it's alcohol, some people are chain smokers, some people do heroin. You know, it's like, every type of addiction, you're pushing something down, I think. - Yeah, I mean, I say, I had an addiction to everything. - Right. - I've never been content, happy, or at peace with myself my entire life. So, I do think that, I mean, I don't know, is this anti-fat or whatever, but I look at bigger guys, not bigger guys, but guys that are fucking like, that are like me, you're chasing something away. - Right, right. - You're not happy. - Not physically, of course. - But, no. - No, no, but it's like a reach gap. - No, no, no. - Yeah. - Does that make help you with compulsive behaviors? - Yeah, I understand. - But a lot of times, I mean, we were taught, Janus told us when we were talking about this, and I've always like kept it in the back of my mind of like, it removes the overeating, which you use to self-heal. And then you go, oh, well, fuck. - Interesting. - And so a lot of people start drinking and, 'cause you're like, you're not solving. - But a professional exempt can kill you craving for alcohol, too. - And sick, yeah. - And it's good for your heart. - They say like, if you're using it just to code completely, you then lose that tool. - To my butcher told me. (laughs) - Yeah, so you're asking what, yeah, going, dealing with all this stuff, which is like a raw nerve now, 'cause there's nothing. - Right. - There's nothing to numb it or make it go away or whatever. And on the, does that bound the, you know, food that was comforting isn't comforting anymore? - What do you look for for comfort now? What's something that can help hug from you? - I'll give you a big hug. - I'll just get up there. - Let's go in there. - I'm kidding, I'm kidding, get in here. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Yeah, there we go. - What takes a lot of, - Let me go with you. - A lot of real courage. - Doin' really, doin' the work. - Doin' the work like Joe List when, you know, I knew him when he was-- - Shout out to Joe. - Yeah. - You know, Joe was such a-- - Crazy drone. - It was, he was-- - It was a problem, obviously. - Joe and I are so close now, and I remember drinkin' Joe, and I was like, this is a bummer. 'Cause I love them, and I still love 'em. But that was like the only times we'd fight. - Yeah. - We get in each other's face. - Oh, yeah. - And to just deal with all that shit he went through with all this, and then just own it, swallow it, and be a man about it, I mean, to me that takes-- - And soda, you know, soda is so much ahead of you. - Yeah, I don't-- - I don't know, killing it. - Personal. - You're the never-- - Everything can happen. - Yeah. - Dan Soda, I remember how much Dan used to drink. - Dan's, you know, he's open about this, but I remember we used to hit the bar with like Barcelona bar, any of those bars with him, shot in a beer guy, and you're like, man, so, you know, yeah, I think everyone's, you're chasing something for sure. - And good news is, for Kippie and the Boys, I was always a tough hag when I was drinking, so I wasn't-- - Is that right? I like it. - Yeah, I mean, it was like good, it's like good 'til it's kinda not, you know? - Right, right, right. - Tough on the hookers. I mean, you got it on the bottom, yeah. - He's full of the strangler. - And on the flip side, you know, I think Nate Burghazi, maybe I have a beer every now and then, you'd tight son of a bitch, I could use a hug and a high ball. - Yeah, we, in the Boys, when we went through it, just last year, and they've been fucking unbelievable to me and fantastic, and then we turned around and did our special down in fucking Tampa. - Yeah, shut out, we're plugging American garbage on our YouTube channel. - Yeah, yeah. That was also, it goes back to Austin. Austin was the, we booked a weekend at the creek as like a tune up game before the fucking-- - We got tuned up. - Well, like let's get on the same page, we'll fucking, you know, we'll get to, we'll, we'll get to, for the creek, we'll get flowing, we'll roll right into the special, and that's what I wake up to, and you're like-- - Can we turn around and knock that out of the park on two, are you garbage fashion? - Yeah, and we have the sidesplitters. - When's that pop? - September 13th, our YouTube page. - I don't know, this is very garbage, yes. - Hell yeah, check that, but this comes out on September 13th, so let's go. - Go check it out, I'll also check it out. - I could be gone by now, check out this, I told you, we're gonna have to put it in manual later. - I'm not going anywhere. - You better not, yeah. I can announce this tune now, this is a day I can announce, Netflix special-- - Let's go. - September 29th, so I hope you watch it. Yeah, everybody win it. - Tamarrow and correct, also filmed in Tampa, so big, big month for Tampa, baby. - Big month for Tampa. - Norman, any plugs for you? (laughing) - Get outta here. - He's back, baby. - I'm back, baby. - I'm doin' a spell called Dally Farton. (laughing) - Featuring Nate Park, guys. - I'm sorry if that was too serious. - That was amazing, that was amazing. We wanted to be around-- - Yeah, it was heavy, man, that was beautiful. I'm glad you're okay, I mean, that's-- - And we're okay, is it, fuck you, it's fresh. - Well, we were literally fighting on the walk here. - I was guys like, "Why are you garbage in the living?" And I'm like, "Shut the fuck up." - Yeah, but you're on the road to being okay, and you're gonna get it. - You're gonna get a lot of great, a lot of great. I mean, this is really what I would say, it's like-- - I'm an early recovery. - You're facing all of this stuff and I'm like, I can't imagine waking up every day being like, just gettin' hitin' the head with a fuckin' shovel of, you know, facing-- - I've been off a lot. You know, I could have done this in the slower process, but I've been off a lot. - But dude, you know, you got a number of callers to feel like on the road and you're like, - You wanna get a beer or something? (laughing) - No, seriously, call us-- - Dig a cat. Call us, man. - Of course, of course. I mean, yeah, all the all the boys Jolton Joe has been fucking amazing. Yeah, of course and Ian obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Kippie and Yeah, Ian was on the brother the horse, right what he was on the age for a while. I think I got some bad intel I talked to the wrong translating You're a Cody right now, what's that got jacked up on ambient who's the fat guy from Philly with all the tattoos John none he was on he was on the age he was losing club. We can so like we heard you're on heroin because I'm Mark I'm clean you idiot Either way, you're on the next guy snap and pick what the hell the hell they kind of set up his face He's gonna travel with drugs This guy's working for the Turkish intelligence We know so let me bring it down to him and Laura September 11th is a 25th anniversary that happened two days ago Yeah, guys have any barrel fucking left Let me ask you what was it like when your father died? I was at a minivan in Springfield, Missouri on our way to the blue room. Yes, whoa Yikes, I kind of like that room actually. That's not bad the old one. I don't I didn't love the new one Garbage store. I like it. I like it. Well, I did the one was like a theater high theater Maybe they changed it again. The guy who ran it was helping Kanye's presidential campaign get off the ground Wow, we're doing the volunteer for yeah, but Yeah, just going full blown crazy today the 25th anniversary 9/11 huh quite a show at the garden. They're putting on there I saw that quite a lot of it's like John Stewart Fucking Ronnie Chang Gillis Nikki Glazer sign P. It I think is on it. Yeah, yeah, are you guys in New York for that? Yeah, I was yeah, yeah, 34th and second. Oh, I was sleeping because I was fucked up then I before Which if I would have been awake maybe I could have done something good. That's something see something There's a lot of guys who are too hung over to get that flight saved their life Oh, Seth McFarlane was one of them said before and mark mark mark Really? You ever hear that? I fuck it's you know those guys Chad and JT Yeah, fuck I forgot it was one of them. I forgot which one I think was JT had the joke about how you know Mark Walberg said you know if he was on the flight he it would have been different Yeah, but I'm not gonna lie if I was on that flight and I and I saw Mark Walberg I'd be like we got a chance Love the fit that old Chipel bit. He's like I think these black guys are gonna save us You don't remember that From the old killed them softly There were two terrorists on the plane and the the lady goes she saw Chipel and some other guy and she's like I think these black guys are gonna try to save us anyway That wasn't killing him softly. I'm telling you. I've been saying I'm an old ass ball in the surgery My brother worked at the American Stock Exchange. Oh, wow, right there. Yeah, he was down there They just fucking brutal. Yeah, but he made it lost contact with them for about five hours God you don't know what's happening must be fucking awful. Yeah, yeah, that really brought the country together We could use another well, thanks for the prom Salah cutes. Yeah It's any other tragedies you want to breeze over Katrina no, let's go with the covid numbers Well, shit you guys want it. You got any dates you want to plug well. We got the special. Yeah, we're on tour now He just announced a tour is funny guys everything's available. It's a new tour everything's will it's not up yet It goes on Friday will be available on are you garbage dot com? We're kind of going everywhere yeah, we are you ever get guys trying to offer you drugs? Remember in LA just recently, right? Oh, yeah, it was a gift to the relapse and then we it was kind of had a step in yeah Well, you know, they like to re relapse you like a stevo out for stevo once and I'm supposed to say this But he doesn't think it was watch this hey ladies just letting you know I'm an ever covering sex addicts, so don't try to fuck me and then lines of women wow not to bring up lines But they would they would line up or to bang him and he would bang them all you know, I'm also a sec addict Yeah, but there were somewhere even we were just recently out of meet and greet. Yeah, we were out front where the fuck were we? I don't know. No, but yeah, but I thought about it the Henry in the back of my head was like Henry. Oh Henry. Yeah The Hollywood improv the kid walked up and it looked like it was fucking straight out of the tap Fish scales Man baggy No, it was in it was in a thing and it had a little straw in it too What yeah, it was all ready to go here. Yeah, I'm talking. I'm picturing the pulp fiction case That's my body's all about what it was Wow, he was right there, but that was before I was way before everything Yeah, yeah, can I get that ice pack? Oh Every hour the head. Yeah, man like Tom the cat Tom the cat Who's Tom and Jerry That was a that was a strict me a 12-minute podcast I apologize I'd have that she belt bomb. Can I crack it for you? Please love that you love crack There we go probably just yeah, you just what am I doing wrong? You don't pop it anymore. Oh, that's old school. Yeah, I'm old Janis squeezed activate. Oh, I think you've got a pop there Richie of real baby. Oh, yeah, go under the head. Do you got a pop it squeeze? I want a pop it closer to the mic mark people are loving this at home. Oh, sorry. Yeah, it's not getting cold Peters This is great content. We're doing what are we live streaming right now? All right. Yeah, so I'll be in Copenhagen September 13th Nashville September 18th and 19th Then the following weekend San Diego American comedy co then Phoenix. This could all be moved if we get to shoot the movie Yes, go Phoenix Pittsburgh in November then we got Cleveland Madison and Timonium Maryland that's enough for now. We have to go in a yeah We got like Miami and West Palm and January and of course a special. Please watch a special on Netflix Samaril incorrect I like it. It's a good one. So correct. It's good. I like that. I'll read your dates to share eyes are covered It's marks in Winnipeg on September 13th Minneapolis on the 24th of September Then he's doing Denver Colorado a comedy works on in October 1st Some of this might move with the with the flick then Madison at the comedy on state. Everyone says that's a great way. He just got me up Charleston, South Carolina Portland, Oregon Like Rian over here San Jose and Prave in November Austin, Texas on November 12th Bethlehem Las Vegas, Nevada, Charlotte, North Carolina. He's all of a place Austin Texas all over the place and and And do we have the are you going for two days? No, they're not up there. Sorry, but yeah, just check it. We'll be in like Fort Wayne Pop it. I forget San Jose, San Diego. Oh Oh, yeah, holy squeezing bags again That's cold feel that you got it. That's a good can't get that Turkey All right, well, you guys are the best by some boodeca at whiskey boodeca at whiskey.com. We love you We'll see you guys week by the time this comes out of a full head of air On the roof like a cops come in and they can send you well as feeling dangerous I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember And I get down in the same way We might be true

Podcast Summary

Key Points:

  1. The speaker underwent an extensive hair strip surgery, which involved an 8-hour procedure in a dentist chair and is extremely painful with severe post-op maintenance.
  2. The hair restoration process requires daily care, including Epsom salt baths, multiple shampoos, massage, and specific creams, turning the speaker’s lifestyle into a nightmare.
  3. The speaker shares humorous and candid anecdotes about celebrity hair trends, including Michael Jackson’s style, and discusses how baldness can be embraced as a personal aesthetic, despite being seen as unappealing or embarrassing.

Summary:

The transcript features a candid, humorous, and personal conversation about a drastic hair surgery experience, involving an 8-hour procedure and intense post-operative maintenance requiring daily care. The speaker describes the physical and emotional toll of the process, including pain, discomfort, and a lifestyle overhaul that makes daily routines nearly impossible. Despite the difficulties, the speaker reflects on how baldness has become a bold, personal choice, drawing comparisons to celebrities like Michael Jackson and Larry David.

The discussion also touches on broader themes of identity, self-image, and the absurdity of modern beauty standards. Amid the humor, there’s a deeper exploration of how societal expectations—especially around appearance—can be both stressful and irrational. The narrative includes playful references to other celebrities, pop culture, and comedy, such as the rise of "baldness" as a trend, and the speaker’s amusement at how people react to it.

The conversation subtly comments on the emotional impact of trauma, addiction, and recovery, using the hair transformation as a metaphor for personal reinvention. Ultimately, the transcript blends self-deprecating humor, personal vulnerability, and cultural observations, creating a raw yet entertaining look at how people navigate identity, health, and societal norms in a world obsessed with image.

FAQs

The hair strip procedure involves removing hair from the back of the head, often done in an 8-hour surgery in a dentist's chair. The process includes being knocked out with medication and is described as a painful, traumatic experience that takes about 10 days to recover from.

After the procedure, individuals must perform daily tasks like taking Epsom salt baths, using shampoos, massaging the scalp with cream, applying aqua gel, and sleeping on their back. These requirements make maintenance extremely demanding and time-consuming.

Yes, the procedure is painful and involves significant discomfort, especially during the initial recovery. Side effects include scalp sensitivity, swelling, and the need to wear a high hat or bandage for protection and comfort.

Risks include severe swelling, which can make the individual look swollen or distorted, and the possibility of complications like infection or poor healing. Some people report swelling so extreme it resembles a 'Turkish hairline' effect.

Many people avoid it due to the extreme maintenance required, the physical discomfort, and the psychological strain. It's considered a 'nightmare' for daily life, with impacts on hygiene, comfort, and confidence.

Unlike laser hair removal, which is a less invasive and more manageable option, the hair strip procedure is a major surgical intervention with long-term maintenance demands and significant recovery time, making it less appealing for most.

Chat with AI

Loading...

Pro features

Go deeper with this episode

Unlock creator-grade tools that turn any transcript into show notes and subtitle files.