Before we start today's show guys, you should know that Skank Fest is happening. I got bigger news. The brand new three-for-life shirt is in stock now with skanksmarsh.com. Fuck your festival. Jay fuck you and you're fucking everything about you, your mom. She sucks too. It's also on our three brand new tank tops along with the classes Skank Face and core values design. But the main thing is the three-for-life is here. Postures also got styles of shirts back in stock and every size, small to triple XL. And I know skanks, those smalls are not selling, and those triple Xs are always at a stock show. We get over like the former Gs. Those are 90% off. If you're a former Jay, like most of you, if you're a pre-shot Jay, you want to get that three XL right now. We've also got hats and so much more coming soon. Right now, head over to skanksmarsh.com to get your gear and rep the show you love. But guys, it's all about the three-for-life. Three-for-life. Four. He is us. Now, let's start the show. [MUSIC] I thought for sure we were going to have a sold out show, we have a huge lineup, everyone is upstairs watching the next game right now. Fuck the next. Let's get it packed enough time. What's up, everybody? It's your favorite podcast coming from the stand comedy club. To my right, it's always. It's the great Ari Shafir. Thank you, everybody. To my left. The Puerto Rican Rattlesnick, Lewis Jay Gomez. And I'm Big Jay Okerson, and we are the legendary Legion of Skanks. Yeah. Three-four-life. Three-four-life. I found our new way to do it. Geoselmy. Three. And then four. Life. Is this white power for life? Yeah. White power for life. That was our old mantra. White power for life, everyone. It was led by our Puerto Rican. Before we start, I'd just like to say, I'm still pretty upset that I haven't got a fucking song for me. It is "Batch Hit." It is "Batch Hit." It has a joke at this point. Who's up? Hey. You guys, you have AI there? Yeah. I have AI. And a bedazzled fucking microphone. And a microphone. Yeah. And a microphone. How about you? How about you AI or your song? AI me a song. We'll bring out some time. We'll bring out the fucking guests. And AI me a fucking song. So, Triag can give me some time. I can do that, yeah. Yeah. Okay, thank you. Tell them what happened. You can spend less time be dazzling your microphones and giving us the sheets we need with the names of things we need to do. God damn it. No papers. No papers. Where are your papers, Jay? No papers. I mean, the amount of money. And I mean this. We pay our producers. I want to say three times as much as Killtony pays their producers. At least three times as much. We know what they pay. And they still. I believe you. I'm literally exactly. I believe you. I believe you. I believe you. They would never ever make a mistake, but week after week, our producers say, "You know what? Fuck you guys. We don't care about what you guys want in your show." Who are you on the phone with? Are you calling seamless right now? Are you anorexic whore? (Laughter) Alice. Alice. Get with it. (Laughter) You know what? Alex, that's not me. That's fucking nut sack, you idiot. When we weren't paying them shit, I felt really bad when they made mistakes and you would yell at them. But now that we do pay them shit. And it comes directly out of your pocket, Jay. You feel it every time. Every fucking time. (Laughter) I know what you mean now. Yeah, Alice. I hate it. I don't think you guys. I don't want to throw a Jew under the bus, but I sent Joe Harari these things to print like 40 minutes ago and haven't been able to buy a new bed idea. Throw a Jew under a bus. Get us a bus. Get us a bus. Get us a bus. We're going to throw a live Jew under a bus. Just like that. She's back in. (Laughter) Fine, Alex, you have another week of having. Joe Harari was just in the green room while we were in there. Also, what do you mean 40 minutes ago? How about yesterday? Yeah. Well, wait a sec, let's do a halt with Alice's lack of effort. God damn it. Yeah. Well, you know what? We don't need notes because that's how good we are. We're professionals. I do. I don't even know who's on the show. Who are guests? I don't have paper. Let's bring the guests out. Alright, you guys. We'll introduce them together. Right? As a unit? As a unit. Okay, I'll say the first part. You know these guys. From. The "Are You Garbage Podcasts?" Do you not know their names? Yeah. You want me to do the whole instruction? Let us do it together. All in Kevin Ryan! Hello. You guys have a professional team that produces for you. You'd have notes. You'd have everything ready to rock, right? No, we wing it. Yeah, we wing it, don't we? We don't do any prep. We just run and gun. I write those titties as it happens. Let me do the question. I have to write my own questions right now. Why are you hosting the show? Yeah. Take over. These fucking Nair du Wells. Can't even get the shit together. Well, I'm happy that you guys are here. Thank you. We have a one-third sold out room because apparently we have a bunch of gay nix fans that are fans. I thought that was going to go a different way if I'm being honest with you. I don't believe they're nix fans. I believe they're gay people pretending to be nix fans because it's a thing to do when you move to the city and you're never really a sports person. I live here. I couldn't give two fucks about this. It's because they're hoping to find someone passed out. They can have anal sex with against their permission. So they're out in the streets waiting for a victim. I like that. Ladies, don't shake your head at me. Why? Because you bought up-- It's about-- I intentionally didn't use the word rape. Yeah. Without permission anal. Yeah. Come on. WPA? That should be illegal code. We don't want this to get flagged on YouTube. WPA. Thank you, Po. Thank you, Po. Can you start subtitling whatever we say, rape, not permission anal? Thanks, Ellis. Thanks, buddy. Well, I'm very excited about today's show. We're going to simply just watch the nix game on this screen. And we're going to do a little bit of commentary. Oh, that guy's got the ball now. I don't think I can name a single nix player. Yes, you can. Really? No, I believe he can, but that's true. Patrick Guing. Yep, you nailed it. You nailed it, dude. I mean, he's not. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. You know what, is he dead? That's how little they expected from you is that they said that was pretty good. He hasn't played for 25 years. Well, can I, I mean, Kim and I name another nix player. Kim and I. Yeah, Andre Kim and I, Andre Kim and I, you know what? You don't want sports growing up? Nothing like that. Nothing, nothing. Not at all. Especially not basketball. He started, he started to watch fencing, but when his dad got stabbed, it lost it. Come on, dude. It's a little too close to hell. I would watch people build fences. That's what my dad did before he died. Did you guys have a TV growing up? Come on, dude. All right. The fuck's wrong with it. Did I have a TV? Yes, I had a TV. No man. No man around. No man around. That'll do the thing for sure. Yeah, you gotta watch it. I don't think I picked up like too much like football. It's my step-op came around, but I was like, 10. Thank God. Yeah. Never got a step-op. I remember my mom did fuck a guy named Izzy. A sweet dude. My daughter's name is Izzy. A guy named Izzy that would come around once in a while. And then one time we were at my aunt's who lived right next door, my grandma, me and my sister, and my mom was fucking this guy on our couch. And my sister's like, "Hey, let's go look through the window and see what mommy's doing." Oh, no. And I was like, "Okay." And then we went over there and she climbed up on a garbage can. I was like down here and she peaked through the window and she just watched our mom getting plowed out by the scavenger Izzy. And then she started screaming and crying and then right next door I was like, "This is why we came. You literally saw what we thought we were going to see." And then my mom showed us care about your school and boy. I was like, "What's up with the glasses, by the way?" Uh, I have bad eyesight. Okay, good talking to you. Being sponsored by Warby Parker. Yeah. Warby Parker. No, I officially have to wear glasses now. You can get the surgery. To drive you. Nearsighted or far sighted? I am. What is the one where I can't drive it? It's what you can't say. I'm a literate. But are they? Yeah. There's the progressives. Yeah. Oh, that's one way. The middle is another. Oh, not a thing. Have you had a thing yet? What a door. What a door. So I have the same thing. When you go downstairs and the stairs seem like higher than they are. Because it's all magnet. No, but when I jerk off, my dick looks tiny now. I'm like, "Oh, no!" Oh! No. Is there in the glass? No. Oh, no. Are they transitional? Do they turn in the sun? Oh, fucking. Are we in contact? I don't know. I couldn't see. My dick looks so tiny now. Is there three different lenses in there? Yeah, there's three lenses. Jesus. Yeah. Like the Puerto Rican Terminator. I'm a learning Puerto Rican. Scans the room. Wallet purse. Wallet purse. Lonely woman. I realize that Puerto Rican Terminator would say "Awesome Levisa." And it wouldn't even be a thing. Good bye. Yeah. Good bye, baby. Mitya Escordo. Yeah, so my mom, that was the one guy she dated when we were kids. Is he never dated again? Is he? Last name, no. Middle name. Gonna stay. Is he my father? Nope. He's not. Yeah, so that was like the only time my mom got some dick in my childhood. Or that I know of. Damn. Yeah. Go for your mom. Go for your mom. Way to get the whole film. Even junkies deserve dick. Can you stop saying that? She was not a junkie during my-- What? From when I was a kid.
I was four until when I was 12. She was a junkie always. It was like, you know, she was a normal mom on junkie bread. Like my life was sandwiched with junkie bread. Yeah, yeah. - Our thing was heroin. - Yeah. - Wow, it's a real one. - It was, it was. - Is he dick? - It was, she wouldn't turn down a joint. - No, she wouldn't turn down a joint. - She didn't like, she didn't like it. - I smoked with my mom one time. - And she called you a faggot afterwards. - She goes, this is cool, but you want to try the good stuff? - No, we smoked one time. - How old were you? - 19, I started when I was almost 18. And then I like left to go to New York City and sell comedy club tickets and I started promoting it. I came home a couple times. And one of the times that I came home, I smoked a joint with my mom and she got crazy paranoid. And it was hilarious. - I guess if I can say I ran off to the big city, 30 minute train ride away. - Yeah, I was like, wait, were you ready? - Yeah, I was like, now we're- - Springsteen, you want to come from the fucking country? - You can see the skyline from your town. - It was, it was an hour. - A nice house there. - It's even here where he's climbing. - I'm going out to make something to myself. Five minutes away. - I'll go my phone. - I'll be back tonight. (laughing) - Yeah, a sack on a stick. - No, actually I couldn't see the New York City skyline from Rockland County, New York, you apes. - Hey, shut up, Nurtleler. (laughing) - Hey, why don't you look at me in three different distances, loser? - Queefe, why don't you want your mom to get pork again? - See it close up, far away, and medium size. - My glasses fall on the ground. I'm like, I can't see them. - I step on them like, oh, no. (laughing) Yeah, look, I'm very excited about today's show. Wait, did you make me a song? - I hope that the, did you find me a song yet? - Did you make a song yet? - They can't even come up with sheets for fucking notes. - Why would I have the papers or a song winging it? - Winging it, winging it. - For the record. - For the record. - For the record. - Joe got another request to do it. Back when he was born for us. - He doesn't care. - Just, Joe, we don't pay Joe to care, Alex. We pay you to care. - You guys want a song? - Do you have one? - We won already song. - Did you want to add one? - Let's clap it up for waitress. How hot is she? Come on, folks. - Hot waitress, everybody. - Waitress is pretty hot. Give it to the number seven. - I love you, do you love me? - You disqualified it. Hot waitress, pretty hot, kind of okay. - No, they have hot waitresses again. They had fat ugly waitresses, but they had hot waitresses again. It's really hot waitresses again. I don't know what was going on with this place for a year, but there were a bunch of fucking chicks that were go roast. - Me too, dude. It was me too. - Oh, yeah. - That's right. - Can't have a bunch of girls run around here waiting to get me to do, we're pretty far removed from me too at this point. - I mean, we shouldn't be. People are still being raped, but it's just not a thing anymore. - Yeah. - We get it. - It's like not cool. It's not in style. - Yeah. - She would have us be one of our sheets. (laughing) - Quick. - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Joe Hoerey, Joe. - You guys just paid for it, Joe. - This is menu, pay for it. - That's menu, pay for it. - This is nice. - That's good stock. - Just this specials. (laughing) - Pasta Primavera, everybody's out. (clapping) - Wow. - What the hell are you doing? - What? - What did I say? You guys put in things on the notes that I specifically said don't put on the notes, okay? It's just what you guys do. - Which in turn is the cleanest ass. We discussed it. We said we're not figuring out who is the cleanest ass of the interns. That's disgusting. - We do have wipes. - So we don't need these. (laughing) - You guys brought the wipes anyway. I specifically said do not end the hot sauce. We said none of these things were happening on the show. - We might need both of these things now. - Can I tell you what our producers want to do to the interns? They want you guys to press a shover fingers in your ass. - No. - With, hold on with. - Show me each other's fingers in each other. - With this on our fingers. And then pull it out and whoever has the dirtiest ass has to go home. That's crazy. I know that I said it out loud. It sounds like a really fun idea. - I'm for it. (laughing) - I'd like to push back on that. - Oh, don't push back. They'd like to push back too. Back it up and dump it. - No, it wasn't. You have a little bit wrong. - What was it? They wiped their own asses. - And then we have to, they have to take a smell test and see who's going to. - Look at Nutsack going to clean his ass right now. Nutsack sit down. - Nutsack. - No ringers. - Who's all, who are the interns? Can I see my- - Nobody yet. - Interns, please stand up. - Please stand up. Take a time, look. - Interns. - Interns. - Face. (laughing) - These are pledges right now. - They're pledges, they're pledges. - Let's do what we say. - This is a hate crime for sure. - Okay, okay. - This is gonna go south and why are we on this episode? - Okay, get up, get up. (laughing) - You guys are a palsy, guys. You're gonna feel worse now. - Get up, Paul. - The cerebral pals, the one that you should feel bad about us making do these things. - Is that the guy with the crutches? - Yeah. - That's also- - It's actually not. - That was the guy doing jumping jacks in the pool. - I called out last week though. Shot collar won't fix cerebral palsy. (laughing) No matter how high you turn it. - It's a college. - It's temporarily fixed to do it. - So we have a lot to talk about on today's show. - I think we're gonna make these interns show us their assholes, who knows? But we gotta talk about a couple of these things before we get into this. - Wait, did you get me a song or not? - I have the audio for it, right now. - Well, let's hear your audio. - No, no, no, no, no, hold on. They all got video. - He wants a whole video. - Go back to it right. - They all got video. They each got video for who would be the most important one. - I didn't get it. - Go back to the right. - I'll call you another 10 minutes. - Thank you. - Fucking losers. - Jesus Christ. - Push. (laughing) - It's my people. - What are your garbage interns would have come up with a full-fledged music video by now? - We haven't turned. - We have paid employees. - Payed employees. - What? - Yeah. - You shut your face. - Don't clap for that. - Don't clap for a peg. - Health insurance. - Health insurance. - Full line insurance. - The whole line yard. Retirement plans. I made that last one up, but they got health insurance. - And depending on if your assholes clean or not, you can have a job. - Oh wow, are you there? - Guys, it's a better life. We'll release you guys, are you garbage? (laughing) See that bottom? Look how loyal Poe is right now. Poe said fuck them no way. We're with Skeng's for life. Thank you, Poe. - Poe just told us we were his favorite podcast. - He did. - He did say that. - Wow. - You said you're legit my favorite. - Hold on, you said they're your favorite podcast. Poe, face right now. Face right now, Poe. - Poe? - And stay there for like five minutes. - Poe's got to get in some sunlight or something. - I know. - He's got to eat a banana. - He's just gonna turn into dust. - I love that. - He looks like a picture of Edgar Allan Poe. - Oh, he does. - He's like, he slept you last night. - Let's, please start the show after 10. - Let's talk about. - Let's talk about. - This influx was coming. - I didn't know it, dude. - There's a couple that, I haven't been following this too much. I just sort of saw it on Twitter. - It's going on, I was saying you. - There was an influencer couple. What are their names? We have no names or anything on these sheets, guys. - Good sheets. - Influencer couple, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, what are their names? Can you fucking, usually you tell me not to put too much information on the sheet because the names, you said it overwhelms you. - You think the names overwhelm me? - Damn, dude. - I didn't want to overwhelm you. - You guys are fallin' on our entrance. - Wow. - I don't even know what to fucking say here right now. His mind's on the fucking Nick Spurs right now, and that's the problem. - The channel's called Mick Juggernuggets. It's Jesse and Ashley Ridgway. - Jesse and Ashley Ridgeway. - Yeah, that's Ridgeway, right? Not Ridgway. - There's no E in it. - Ridgway? - So it's just Ridgway. - It's like DL Hugley, I understand. - Hugley. Hugley. Hugley, thank you. - Hugley. - Hugley. - You guys know it's Hugley? - Ridgway. - Ridgway. - Ridgway. So they posted a few months ago that they were pregnant and they're very happy, they're very excited, they're having a baby, which is a huge deal. You know what's going on. - You got a baby now. - One, two, three. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So you're like, you get a baby. - Are you ever gonna have babies? - I don't think so. - My sister wants to fuck Foley so badly. - Dude. - I'm trying to make it happen. - Get after it. - Yeah. - You'll be her first ever white. - I'll need to do the asshole test on her. - Yeah. (laughing) - It's not gonna come back good. - Yeah, it's not good. - Everything's coming up my ace. (laughing) - Yeah, no, no, I'm gonna, I'm trying to set this up. I should have told her to be here 'cause you were coming to me. - Yeah. - That was a fucking move. - She tried to trust me. - I've met a sister, if she can't handle you. - She can handle Foley. - No, he fucked hard. - No, she'll fucking suck Foley's cock right off his body. - He crushed his foot. - She's a Gomez. - She's a, she's lost weight. - She learned from Izzy. - She knows Jiu Jitsu. (laughing) - Yeah. - So this couple, they said they were pregnant and then they were like posting about it. This is like one of these YouTube couples where they're constantly online. - They're constantly online. - Every single child to get ahead. - Yeah, so, but then they did a test, which I thought they'd do this test on everyone in this pregnant, but apparently they don't. But they did a test and they found out that their baby has 95% chance of being born with Down syndrome. And 95% chance of being born with Down. That's not great out there. - Yeah. - Whatever the test is. - We're fantastic, guys. If you want to park close to them all the rest of your life. (laughing) What's it worth to you? Maybe it's one of those high function and quirky ones. And not one of the ones you've got to feed through. - Ooh, you can fucking get, you can put your board on every flight for the rest of your life. - The rest of your life. - Yeah. - You have a forever Kaiser Sosei flip. - Yeah. - Best case scenario hits a bunch of threes in one game. - Very possible. - Or six flags. You get to cut the line every time I guarantee. What are benefits of having a baby with Down syndrome? - If nobody's ever Googled this. - If you move to the right area, they'll build you a house. - Hey, where is that at? - I don't know, wherever that Gypsy Rose girl lived. Remember, they thought she was retarded. They built her a house. And she wasn't even actually retarded. She was just bald and ugly. (laughing) - Hey, so am I. - Yeah. (laughing) - Give me a fuck. - You want a house? You've got to get to the right part of the country, man. - That guy's got it. Shane Gelsel just give you a job. Ladies and gentlemen, many TJ Miller is here. Come on folks, many TJ Miller. - Many Miller. - Many TJ, thank you. - You told me that guy was the current frontman of Wolf Mother Ride, but just believe you. - That's our manager. - It's got a manager, God damn it. - It's your manager? - Your manager by the guy's wolf mother. (laughing) - Many TJ Miller managers, that's garbage. - That's a TJ Miller. - Those are good managers. - Well, take cut that.
- Alright folks, let's host some love for where you came from. - Sheath underwear, and get that some new underwear this year. How about some Sheath underwear that Connie loves the most? - Yeah, it's the bulge of fire. - Two pouches, one for your dick, one for your sack. Even the big saggy ones. That's you, Ari, I'm looking at you. - That's big. - I wish I had nuts to put in my Sheath underwear like that. Why not a pathetic? The threading holds unseemly like pressure. - Yeah, I know, I wish that my balls were dense enough to really-- - After watching Ari and his Sheath, I feel like I could go grocery shopping with my Sheath underwear and put all of my grocery recently. - They can be a hammock for bananas. - Yeah, they can. - The pouches work, let's just say. They have new colors, best styles. I mean, they're incredible. They have moisture wicking as well. So if you want to wear them to work out, it's great. - They have all kind of sizes, extra small to three XL. They also make bras and women's underwear if your dad likes to party. And you know what I mean by that. We all love them here. We've been using them for years. Give them men in your life something they're actually used every day. And the only gift that's gonna make them scratch their nuts less. Go to Sheath underwear.com for 30%. - That's a lot, that's a lot, that's a lot. - It's a lot, it's a lot, it's a lot, but it's a lot of money. - That's a lot off. - It's a lot off. - What? - But I think you're doing good, you're doing good. It's father's day. - Why do you guys, where do you set 20s, are considerable? - It's father's day, it's father's day. - That's so, how much is it? - We do this only once a year. - It's 30% off, but it's for father's day. - That's so, all right, all right. - We're trying to move products so people like-- - Fuck off! - But then they'll go back and pay full price when they get to the area. - That's like a funny thing. 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And it dissolves under your tongue and works in just 15 minutes. - So wait, there's no waiting around or pausing for water? - Nope. - Rugella stays active in your system for up to 36 hours. Remember back in the day, we're like, if you have a heart on for more than four hours, contact the doctor. Rugella, dude, keep going. - Dude, you're gonna have a problem motor. - Rugella says second pop every time. - Yes. - You meet with the doctor online. You do the visit online. They send you in discreet packaging. You don't have to go to the doctor and have a weird conversation about your dick that doesn't work. - It's so bad if you want. - You don't have to anymore. - Well, that would just say to your doctor, "Hey, Doc, my dick's doing pretty good." He's like, "I didn't ask, but you know what?" - Rugella, thanks fans. Right now we're getting 20% off your order when you go to rugeat.com/skanks. That's r-u-g-i-e-t.com/skanks to get 20% off. Your dick will appreciate it. All right, where were we? - Yeah, so they were gonna have this baby with them. They found out that they were gonna have Down syndrome baby. So then they very publicly decided to abort their baby. - Oh, really? - The entire thing has been played out. - Oh, live streamed? - I don't know if they like that. - That's a Patreon, dude. You would that be out of favor? - Wow, great. Yeah, Steve O. filmed his own bisectomy. - It's true. - Take that Ron Beddington with your dog. (laughing) - Kimo Shmimo, dude. You never reported a child on fucking camera. - She's a fucking pioneer. - Can we see the video of them announcing the baby? - Oh, I thought so. - Are they finding out in this video? - This is them announcing the baby first. They're so happy. Look how happy they are. - Oh my god, what is this guy saying? - I did not picture these two. - She's really trading above his level. - Yeah, she's hot. (cheering) - Crazy, we just got married, it feels like. - Yeah, really, we just sat down and did this type of thing. - Just yesterday, she said she's hot. - She is hot, but she's hot and that way, she's a fucking, like, sociopath way. - She's like, "Stepford, wife, shit." - I think we know where the gene came from. - Yeah. (laughing) - I do ties there too far apart. - And they both turned down on the outside. - Kimo, we're quarrying over there. (laughing) - It's also how an autistic person acts like they're supposed to be thinking. - Whoa, huh? What? - There he goes. - Oh, is he doing three-for-life right now? - Hell yeah. - Yeah, he's about to do three-for-life. - He's about to do three-for-life. - He's over with the amount of chromosomes, three-for-life. - What the fuck? - The first guy went from fucking, he's got went from fucking new metal to fucking ho-hey music, really quick. Look at that change and look. - Well, I think that was him before. - Right, before he got into ho-hey music. - Oh, ho. - Hey. - Hey. - Hey. - That was so sweet. - And now, Juggies, the fateful day has come. We're introducing a new member to the family. Little Jesse. - Little bit. Well, we don't know if it's-- - We don't know the gender. We don't know anything. - What are you saying? - Jesse could walk through the world. - Yeah, dumbass. - Stupid, I'll hate this show. - This is why your baby's retarded. It's because you're so dumb that it takes after you. - It's because you're stupid and your insides are rotten. (laughter) - Well, maybe you could throw out a first pitch or something. - You know what's funny? I just wanna tell you something. This is growth a little bit. As soon as I said that inside me, I went, - She's a real person. - That's the kid? (laughter) - That kid is retarded. - Oh my god. Killed, they should have killed it. - Well, I'm on galoid. - It survived. - That's it guys. - It's worse than retarded. - Get it! (laughter) - It's the devil. - Life finds a way! - That portion didn't take. Run. - I think he's kinda creepy. - Is that a real dog? - Why is he looking away? - It's a cute dog. - Maybe it's a dog. - Maybe it's a stylish Roomba. - Yeah. - He's like this pregnancy is gonna be rough. Get it? - Okay, tell you something also. - Get it? - I think we can all know this by now. They're living also in a McMatchan. This place looks nice, but it's all smokey. - Oh yeah. - Construction is probably shotty. - This place is a slip backwards fucking hole through your wall from an elbow. - Why don't you think that's coming from a new home? - I mean, it's a dry wall. - Let me say this, I literally have that railing on my front porch. That's expensive fucking railing. - That's good for a front porch. It's cheese cheap looking inside. - I don't know dude. - Wow. - What do you have vampire headquarters? What do you need some fucking, what do you need tension wires in your fucking house? - To an electric fence for when the baby's born. - That's true, but you gotta keep a thing away from the steps. - That's the crib. (laughing) - I'm treething like an ex-sappin'. - That's terrible, I apologize. - I like H1 Planet, it's really dark side with his hair. - Yeah. - That kid's long sucked out. - Go ahead. (laughing) - I need your eyeballs, come here. - No. - No, I need your eyeballs. - I fucking hate these two people. - I don't know, I'm freaking out. Look at this. - Why does it look like water? - Maybe they have multiple cameras going, like their entire life. - Wait, this is your kids' retarded test? - No, no, no. - It just tells you on a thing, like a, like a wish fish. - It looks like they're testing the chlorine in a pool. - It's blue red, or a bag of jelly beans. - Guys, we gotta shock it. - The cage is low and its eyes are a fucking foot apart. It comes up as just a thumbs down. (laughing) - A turd emoji. (laughing) - It's an egg. - What's up with this? - Scramble it. - Ew, you pig. - Show her a piss again. Hold on, I'm turned on. (laughing) - It's a pretty solid faint line, you know what I'm saying? - All right. - Oh, when the fucking plastic cup hurts a whole-- - It's a plastic ditch. - It's a plastic bowl. - Man, her piss is yellow. - She's drinking water on a fucking pig. - The fuck? - Jesus Christ, that's why that baby's retarded. She's not drinking enough water. - She's all caffeine. - That's fucking wild, dude. (laughing) - Guys, keep it under a piss for longer. (laughing) - Right? - I hate this guy. - Yeah, this guy's hate him. - They have to be like, conversation like, do we want to raise a retard? That might be good, that might be good footage. - Right. - She's starting to start clucking. Hey, look at our seven-year-old taking its first steps. - He is. (laughing) - You got to see the long picture. - Jesus. - His first words were, dude. (laughing) - Action. - Lord. - He's terrible. - He's literally having an important moment of his life and holding a selfie camera. - Yeah, he's holding, that's the worst. - Hold on, what'd you call a pop-up selfie camera? - I don't know. (laughing) - He's like, your parents are not that crazy. So should we kill it or like, what? - This is, they just realize they're pregnant, right? - Yeah, this is just them finding out their pregnant. - Oh, Jay, you think this is them being-- - I thought they just did a retarded at home test. - No, no, no, no, I don't think that exists. (laughing) - I don't think I didn't think so either. - That's why I was so shocked by-- - We're doing a retarded at home test. But if they do retarded at home test, we should all take them. (laughing) - Oh, they'd have to be great. We could just piss and find out if we were tardy. - That's not like the, that's where I'm like, short. I mean, they came up pretty quickly. - Yeah, I mean, I don't think that's, I think that's legit, dude. - You see, I have to go over-- - They're having a real conversation while he's doing this. It's crazy. (laughing) - Well, if you're having like an actual like, touching conversation, but if he's holding this camera-- - It's why I don't feel bad for this stuff for making fun of it, because they put it all out there. There's a family, they decide to have their retarded kid, and it's something like the warlies or something, and they just put out their weird face, like handicap retarded kid, to sing like religious psalms, and they give it thumbs up. It's horror movie material. His teeth are all too little, and everything's all fucking shape weird. He's like, ♪ God said to Abraham ♪ Welcome to the mountain top, a keysy-ass recipe.
(laughing) - Find the wonderful warlies. You'll find 'em. - There's another one that's disturbing. - So a lot of these people will like, because what's gonna happen eventually, we'll get to them announcing that they're gonna kill their Down syndrome baby. - Finally. - But get to it. - So now everyone on Twitter is being like, dude, this is fucking crazy. See this mom, she took care of her baby. And there was one where somebody was trying to post it like to be like, look, this is what a parent should do. And I guess the daughter was born with like, a leaking brain or something. - I got that. Did you see this? - No, he's got a leaking brain. - He's gonna be singing religious songs. - The baby was supposed to die within a couple of months and it didn't, and it lived in her brain. Her head just blew up to the size of this big, and it looks like a deflated basketball. And then they interview her and they're like, and she's like, yeah, the doctor is saying, she doesn't have a brain, but I know she's got a brain. She smiles, and it's the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in my entire life. She picks up this baby out of her bed every day, and she feeds her, and she's like eight years old, now. - Oh, kill it, we should go kill it. - Just kill it. - Next week's sketch, let's go. - No, no, stop it. - I said, what are you-- - Spray turns. - You have to go murder a baby. - It's not a real baby though. It's one of those fake babies. - Oh, it's hard to question, please. - Does anything say I haven't gang banged, but I'd be willing to try the Tito's half-top? (laughter) What's up, girl? It's corn roast, too, Jack. - Also, white girl with corn roast respect. - That's true. - And her boyfriend with corn roast, we got a full-fledged wicker couple, folks. (laughter) - A full-fledged wicker couple. - That girl, hey guys, how was Sandals? (laughter) - I have a feeling he's too drive a car, they call this something-mobile. (laughter) - He just got back from the cruise. - No, that makes sense then. - We know. - Carnival? - Always. - Carnival? - No. - No, we're saying do you work at a carnival? (laughter) Carnival cruise class. - You guys look great. - Carnival cruise lines got rid of all black people, that was crazy. - What? - Yeah, remember? - What internet are you on? (laughter) - Look it up, dude. - You said stuff that I've never, I believe you. - Carnival cruise lines. - They made a bunch of new rules for their cruises. - Do you know what this is? - No black people. - Oh, but it's like when pool halls will make it like, no like baggy clothes. - Yeah, it's September-lens. - Right. - Got you. - So they did a whole bunch of things, now I'm just, I guess black people are super in the fan dancing. - The fans? - What's fan dancing? - I don't know, they all do line dancing with fans. Yeah, here you go. It's the new things. Team Curfew, no Bluetooth speakers. - You know black people, no. - Wow, fuck out. - That's what you know also. - If it was no Bluetooth at earpieces, I would get the- - Handheld fans are strict. Does anything else say it's my world more than a handheld fan? - Non-battery folding head. That's Brazilian. You slap him open. - No fried foods. What the fuck? (laughter) - Arteries must be unclugged. - No alo. (laughter) - Your smoke detectors must have working batteries. (laughter) - That's good. (laughter) - Yeah, well, yeah. Then, well, is that the R.E. Shapiro song? Is that our video? You're trying to, right now, okay, all right. Sorry, so pull up the video of them talking about how they're gonna board their baby. - Let's play it. - Go on. - Go on then. - Go on, mate. - This is a different video, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We- - Times, when you were- - Of the TV world. - Of the TV world. - There really no two people in the world I dislike more than these are guys. - Them two together on everything, they just, whoever they have on, they just take the thing, like, oh, that must have been so terrible for you. They're just, they're fuck, they're, I think they're both gay. The one's definitely gay. - The one on the right's gay. I don't think this gay black people. - I think, yeah, no, dude. I swear to God, there are no. - What? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Not a corn of accruisers. - Yeah, no, no, no, no. - Yeah, you can't bring your fan. - That's not an offset. - No, no, no, no, you were in the jungle for a while, there's gay blacks now. Dude, everything's upside down. No, this guy, they're the worst, but two of them are the worst people. It's just like, again, I love TMZ news. It's a hypocritical thing. I love TMZ news. But these people are pieces of shit. This whole guy's career is just this. Like, Adam Sandler's kid is ugly. Like, it's just shit like that. - Are we shitin' on a boarded retarded right now? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's a different, we're making it funny. They're doing, though, we give a shit. That's what sucks about it. - I got you, I got you. But we don't care. - I see this black pal. - I'm sorry I got loud. - Whoa. (laughing) - We're happy that they're aborting their baby. It's content. - Right. - Hell yeah. - Let's, let's, - G Mike, what's the score of the game? - Just, just start it. - Why? - Who gives a fuck? - If they're here, they don't give a shit. - Nobody's taping it. - It hasn't started yet. We got a happy Arias. Ari cannot wait 'til the show's over. So you watch the game. - It's not true that it hasn't started yet. - It hasn't started. - Why are you? - So you don't get our papers on time and you - It has not started yet. - It's facts. (laughing) - If I can't play this, I'm this way. It can take unexpected turns that can really be emotionally gut-wrapped. - Oh gosh. - And that's what it's a better video. - How do you feel about the fact that you now have this all recorded, you've posted it, and it literally goes from this to being like, "Also, Rosie O'Donnell slipped on a banana peel." (laughing) - That's good news. - That is great. That's what I want them for. - But Paris is what-- - That wasn't Rosie O'Donnell. That was Donkey Kong. You were watching Mario Kart. - Oh shit. - I had been watching Mario Kart. - But you were watching Mario Kart. - You just watched it. - Watching Mario Kart. Switch with nobody in the comment section. - I thought that was Rosie O'Donnell the whole time. - I watched people open presents, and I watched people unbox technology. - Yeah. - Rosie O'Donnell shits turtles. (laughing) - She officially, Rosie O'Donnell moved. She's the only one who really put her money where her mouth was. - Yeah. - She moved to fucking Ireland. - Really? - Yeah, where she fucking fits in. 'Cause she's a good Irish guy. - With the O'Donnells. - Yeah, she looks like Peter Griffin. - Oh. Rosie. The action is about all that. - Yeah, it's been a wild ride. - She got hotter. - 20 years now. - Yeah. - So from the photos. - It's so hot. - She's leaving this to shore. - She went to the eyebrow waxer and said, "Can you give me the, I'm always thinking about it?" (laughing) - Their eyebrows are widely different. - Hey, can you give me the monopoly guy? (laughing) - Stuff like series and whatnot. - There is an unexpected, but just a harsh turn. - There is literally a complete inch of difference from her eyebrows. From one side to the other. That's crazy. - Vulnerable on camera. - People have more than different ways. - Yeah. - She wants to know if the baby smells what the rock is cooking. (laughing) - She called her baby a jabroni, and then had it sucked out of her body. - Yeah, she's, listen, she's gonna get this report to the millions. (laughing) - And millions of people watching. - Bring yourself up to scrutiny. And with this topic, you know, we really wanted to let people in on our excitement to be first time parents. - That's a nice house show. - And it's got a nice front molding. That's a decent house show. - They've got a nice nest. - They've got a nest. - A nice little nest. - A nice something nest is, and I have nest. - Please. - And I have ring. And I think it's part of the, I think it's part of the ghetto of me having those two things. - There's certain level of things that you go, this is classy and it's not. - No, there is a prop. Can I tell you where I, another one I have to that? I thought because I have sonos that connects to my whole house. I'm like, dude, I have the fucking thing. And I went to a speaker place. Like an audio place. And they were like, I go, are you guys still sonos to go? Yeah, we carry some, but that's like the lower end stuff I go. No, it's perfect because it all goes through my phone and it can play through the whole house to go. - That's standard. - Yeah, it's the basic system. - Everybody else is. - Have father to shit out of you? - Yeah. - Yeah. - He was like, "No, you want a real thing? "You have to have somebody come in and wire it "and do the whole thing." - That's a headache. - Oh, yeah. No, but he was right. I'm a piece of shit. - No joke. - Me and Jay are the very similar 10 person. Now that's in Jay's head and it will be replaced in his house at one time for no reason at all. The sonos speakers sound great. - I will have an electrician tearing open my drywall and a contractor fixing things. It only fixing to make sure they're speakers in my wall because one person said sonos was gay. (audience laughing) Sonos is a good stuff. - I want to see them talking. Nothing interviews. - Yeah, it's a lot. The news and we still needed to be transparent with our audience and then it's taken on a life of its own outside. - So here's the thing, you don't need to be transparent with your audience. What you do is, if you decide, and here's, I get it. If I was gonna have a retarded baby, I would run 100% aboard it. And I'll tell you right now, it's not even that I would care. It's because of you guys, the fans. You guys would be so mean about my retarded baby. I don't have a retarded baby. And the things you say about my son now are crazy. So if I had a retarded baby, you'd be calling him retarded N.Gay. And I couldn't handle it. - Thank God he's gay. - I couldn't handle you guys calling my son retarded N.Gay. So I would abort my son. - It's too much. - But I would do it quietly. And then I would come back and be like, "Oh yeah, she had a best carriage. "Please respect her price." - Yeah, how about that? Just give us a moment. (audience applauding) Due to medical circumstances, blah, blah, blah, give us some time. - I would act like the baby's alive and just in the other room though. (audience laughing) - That's the little model. - What's your baby, get me. (audience cheering) They kick it, shut up. - Hey Louis, how about for your kid? We tag it. - What? - It's like a combination, retarded. - We tag it? - He's a gay retarded? - Yeah. - Oh. - Now that there's a phone you were saying before, I think it's a good way to tag it. - I thought you were saying that we should tag it and set it free in the wild. - Yeah. - It's like a track it. - I'm just doing a fucking retard, doesn't it?
world. Un-fucking, un-covered. Let me open my retorn app, uh, uh, uh, uh. Yeah. Like, uh, he's having gay sex. Oh, like 360. Oh, he's on top of the fucking, uh, empire steeple and trying to swat at planes. [laughter] I think it's fucked up. I should've kept the baby. You-you think so? Yeah. Can I ask a question here? Let's call him a room. Think about the sponsorship money. The baby-the baby Ruth's money would've been flowing in. Okay. But three. What? Nothing on that? That was good. It was good. Three of us. Three of us are fathers. If they could tell you specifically, how retarded the kid would be. Oh. Is there a level of retarded that you go, no, we're going to keep it? Yes. No, I agree. So there's a- there's a trail. There's a trail. There's a level of retarded. It's not that much more difficult for you, but you also get to park close. No, there-there's a trailer out right now with, uh, for like, there's a Girl Scouts documentary with these cute little Girl Scouts and they're selling Girl Scouts. How is that your algorithm? [laughter] I-I want to go see- I've never heard about it. It was-it was one of the trailers for, uh, the breadwinner. What? I like Thinman's. I-I fuck children from Thailand and I've never seen this. [laughter] This guy fucks Lady Boy children. There's an adorable- there's an adorable little Down syndrome girl in this trailer. And I was like, if that was my child, I would keep her. She's cute as a button. Yeah. But God forbid, it was an ugly Down syndrome. Oh, yeah. I know they all look the same, but there are some logos in the middle. Pull up the Vatoria secret, uh, Reto. Wasn't that AI? No. Wasn't AI. That was real. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. This is a brilliant scan that they're doing. It'll be like, um, they do an AI retarded guy, right? They-they just buy a bunch of like products from China. It'll just be like cell phone holders, right? Yeah. And then they do AI retarded guys like making them in their basement. I want to pay attention, hurry. It's sad. I'll distract them. That was a pretty good catch for a guy to do it with athletic control. With my left. Um, they-they'll have them up-they'll have AI with them pretending to fabricate these things in their basement. And it'll just be a retarded guy. And then it'll be like, you know, after one day, he got frustrated, but he kept at it, and then he came up with only since then they're all the cell phone cases. But it's just some Indian guy who made an AI retarded guy to sell these things that they buy from China. And it's all a scam. And I think it's one of the most brilliant things I've ever heard. Kudos. Kudos is the guys. Well, they also love kudos if you give retarded people that's their favorite candy. No one ever saw AI making fake retards that would get people money. Same thing with only fans. There's fake only fans girls that are retarded. Oh, I hope so. But this is all real deal. What? That's the lady from- That's 100% great AI retarded. If that's what you're going to have, I know. By the way, I'm just a pothead. I know when we talk about this, we looked it up, but is it legal to fucker? Yes. No. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes, it's legal to fucker. I did time in prison for this. It's not. Okay. I thought he went on vacation. Yeah, it was white collar. It was a country collar. I think I was gone for four days. I think you're right. Plus for no reason. A person. I'm nearly positive. Well, listen, the other sister, they let two retarded people fuck. They were able to live on and get their own apartments. You guys didn't see the other sister? You haven't cried at that movie? Me either. Are we out of Louis? Yes. We're out of Louis, too. And Giovanni Robici, they were very convincing retards. If you want to make me cry right now, you'll show the part where she gets mad at him. Don't. But that level of retarded, if they can live in their own apartment, you should be able to fuck them, no? It says like anyone else, an adult with Down syndrome has the legal right to have a sex life. Okay. A variable is mental capacity to consent. If they want mommy disability is so severe that they cannot understand what sex is, then you can't have sex with them. I'll go understand what I'm done. But if they get it and they consent to it, then you're good. All right, let's go. So, but you can trick them into consenting to it if they're super retarded. Hey, let's go watch the Dix game for it, the retarded story. Do you know watching basketball means sex? And I go, okay. What other things are going to get inside a circle? I mean, if you were, if your check was pregnant and you found out it was going to be mentally handy, would you have it? How? But I'm safe. You could find out exactly how. No, I don't think you can find out how. No. Let's listen. So, here's the thing. You're going to know it could be severely Down syndrome, like fucking crazy, like this going to be a whole to do or it's going to be mildly Down syndrome and kind of cute and funny. Yeah, absolutely. You get a lot of trouble. But I am. By the way, you're not going to be able to take it into fight after seven. Yeah. Uh, the internet clips are sad and the other one they're hilarious. I would like it. It depends how it's hard you are. There's a lot of it. Have you found the warlies yet? Haha. Bring up this fucking goofball. I don't feel bad laughing at it because these parents are putting them out there and they're not like it's inspirational. They're like, "Hey, look at my weirdo." Yeah. I have to believe that's what it is. It's puzzlingly uncomfortable. Well, sometimes you just see a kid on Instagram and it's like, you know, like a dog ate their face when they were one and now it's just like fucking teeth and like a tongue flipping out. I know. Yeah. It's like they have three million followers on TikTok and I'm like, what the fuck is going on with my life? Dude, that's on the warlies kid. The war, W-O-R-L-E-Y, it's like the wonderful warlies or something on Instagram, but this kid's just a, oh, a strange looking kid who just sings fucking psalms at you and it's unsettling. I don't know why it's in my algorithm, but I watch everyone from the last name, Wurly, that's it. I think there's some kids who aren't retarded in there, but like in the family, but they really focus on the retarded one. But I said they're laying them out there for like scrutiny. This kid doesn't have to be front and center for any. Or to inspire other retours. Yeah, of course. No. They're trying to inspire other retours, right? No. They're not laying them out there to be scrutinized by fucking edgy podcasters. No. Well, you open them up. What do you think? We are. We're not normal. Listen. I understand. I am the hammer of God. The hammer of God and also the fucking the sadness. I feel bad that this mother feels it's necessary to put her fucking goofball son out there to read psalms. But then my job as the asshole is to make fun of that thing. Don't put it in front of my face. You dumb cunt. I say to mama Wurly. Yeah, Kevin. It's fucked up. You're putting me out there. Yeah. Why do you put Foley out there for scrutiny, you piece of shit? You know what the world was going to say. Me and Alex have the same algorithm for a minute. I never even brought it up on the show because we didn't want to make fun of this little girl. Remember the girl that was blind. There's like a little cute black girl and she's blind. And you fall in love with her. You see one video. Yeah. And then the mom's like, the mom is a sweetest mom in the world. Yeah. The mom's like, girl, you can do anything you want to do. The girl's a cross-eyed and blind and riding a bike. She's like, girl, just follow my voice. And it's the most inspirational thing. Her left, her left, mama. Her left, big girl. It's the best. The kid's good at everything. I do. She's on a train station. Every bike the whole time. I feel so sad. She's like, they got a fan blowing on her left. Oh my God, you're on top of Everest, baby. Oh, you're going down a roller coaster now, baby girl. Oh my God, you're on the back of a dinosaur. There's a line behind you. He's chasing you. Oh my God, you outlanded, baby. You're so fast. You're goofy feet. You're so fast. You're so fast. You're so fast. You're so fast. But you're goofy feet. Oh, man, we're going to hell. No, no. No, we're inspired. We're inspiring people. Yeah, yeah. The warlies, yeah, I don't know. We're going to move on from. We have warlies with disabled kids. We're not sure if it's there. I want. There's another set of warlies. Is this them? No. Seriously? There's another warlies with fucked up jeans. You'll see this fucking. No. Not that one. Obviously, you trust their mom. Not this. The boy. Forget it. All right. What about you? You have a child. If your wife was going to, as she was, you found out your wife was going to give birth to a Down syndrome child. I don't know. You talked, because I think you're-- You take the test. Yeah. After a certain age. After a certain age. How old was your child now? One. One year's old. If he goes retarded tomorrow, do you kill him? That's different. Oh, no. That's different. You already complimented him. Yeah, you're already-- you're attached. You just get pumped on the head the wrong way. And he goes absolutely retarded. I mean, real doofball. I would like to-- I mean, we talked about it. Obviously, we're like, what-- What would you do? And I don't know what that looks like. But yeah, I mean, you would-- You like to think you'd keep it, but I don't know. That's a great old Kurt Joke where he talked about how-- He was like, do you think if a retarded person murdered somebody that should get the death penalty? He was like, I do. He was like, but you should have to kill them in a retarded way. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. You shoot him out of a cannon. Or have another retarded guy pat him to death. Yeah. That's one of-- If you'd dress him up like a rabbit and have another retarded guy pat him to death. That's literally one of his first jokes. Yeah, that's a great old Kurt Joke. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I mean, look, I will say it straight up if I was going to have a retarded baby aborting. I mean, with the quickness. Yeah, absolutely. Immediately. Don't wait until it might be too late. Yeah. My wallet chain couldn't even cool up a retarded kid. [LAUGHTER] I'm not going to walk around the mall with this doof. You spend a lot of time with the mall. Yeah. I hang out the mall a lot. Are you retarded? You're just walking last. I was going to room for one retarded this family. What? You have a bubble in your hand. I know. Isn't that weird? What is that? What is that? It didn't take the ink from the other thing. Oh, no. Maybe it's fucking an ink. I would convince myself that that is hand cancer. I have. Yeah. What? That's not normal. I've accepted young death at this point. So every cancer I think I have, I go, maybe it's going to be the hand one. Jay, can I mean this? If you died right now, wouldn't be a young death. You're 50. I'm 48. That would be a young death. You're younger than me? Yeah. No shame. Can you tell by his jersey he died here? How old are you? He's a cool kid. How old are you? I just turned 50. Wow. Yeah. 50 years old. 50 years young. My sister's only 46. Oh. Dude. A Puerto Rican 46. Yeah. Absolutely. That's like dog years. She's a great grandma. Yeah. She should be a fucking abuela. A mosque abuela. Is she a grandma? No. She got a 10-year-old daughter so soon. Yeah. three years.
It's been 10 years, that pussy is toy. - Yeah, give it three years in Juve Hall. - My niece is so mean to me, it's crazy. - I love it. - She's the meanest person I've ever met my entire life. - I know, is she emotionally disturbed or does she just get it? - No, dude, she fucking. By the way, she can have anything she wants to me. I'd be eating out of her hand if she just played the game a little bit, but I'd be like, "Hey, Bianca, I really love you." She'd be like, "Okay." - Oh. - Do I have to have Thanksgiving in your house and stuff like that? - Yeah. - We get close. - We get very close. If you got with my sister, we'd become family. - That is your Thanksgiving, is it pretty good? - Yeah, we do it at my house. I smash cock my turkey. - Huh. - Smash cock? - Smash cock. - Smash cock, so let's see. - Emponadas on Thanksgiving? I'm in. - The fuck is that? - Louis Holt's no Hispanic at all and his sister's not at all there. - No, no, not at all. - I really, I make my turkey the way I play. - We're not gonna do whole-pig or nothing like that? - No, I don't know if you remember, but you're gonna marry my sister. - You get the whole pig going. - Yeah, I don't know if you remember that, but the Mexican and the family got stabbed way early, so. - My mom was in Mexican? - My mom was white, and my dad was Puerto Rican, you fucking piece of shit. - She was a junkie who was open to fuck you. - She wasn't a junkie. She was a junkie before I was four and after I was-- - But then she fucked your dad when she was junkie. - It's a junkie tostada. - Yeah. (audience laughing) - It is more of a toastada. - Thank you, Ari. I couldn't find the word. Your mom was a junkie tostada. (audience laughing) - Junkie tostada, right at the end, boys. - Dude, don't ever eat the joke if there's someone else that gave you the pieces. - Thank you. - Ari nailed it. - Thank you. - I'll be with you on the credits. (laughing) - Special thanks, Ari's your fear. - Footnote. - All right, let's, real quick. Let's do some plugs, right quick. We have some show here, still, 'cause we have some more internal Olympics, so we got just in a minute. What are you guys plugging? Folly, what are you plugging, my friend? - Whatever he's plugging. I'm with him. - You met this guy yet, he doesn't plug. - We're on tour right now. We're gonna be in Cleveland, Pittsburgh. We're gonna be in Denver in July. - That's it, and we gotta wear a special that we're editing that'll be coming out. - Yeah, and are you garbage every single week? - Yeah, twice a week. - Twice a week, I apologize. - Twice a week, where we have fully paid employees with healthcare. - Nice. - Nice. - Okay, it's post-favorite podcast. You guys should all check it out. I've been on there multiple episodes. - Poe hasn't listed me wrong yet. - Oh, it's good. - There you go, Big J, we always interrupt you. - Yeah, sure, we don't interrupt. - Well, that hurt. (laughing) - That's like pandering. Big Jcommy.com for all my days. Greatest, yeah, for a live tour. You could put the artwork up again if you want. Doesn't matter. Of course, coming to a sooner or you, it never ends, everybody. I think I have three weekends off in the summer, but that's it. Going straight through the next year, I will be coming to a city near you. Of course, let's listen to the bonfire. Five days a week, Fection Talk, Series X 7103, with me and the great Robert Kelly. And of course, story wars right here on the guest at Joe Network, and if you want to, I think the roasted Kevin Hart still up on Netflix. - Yeah, let's stay up on it, check it out. - All right. - See you again for the first time. - I got a podcast called "You Be Trippin" that all these guys have been on. Check it out, it's a travel podcast. Also, I got a story telling show that's on television right now called "The End" that Big J has been on. Damn, we got a light fucking audience tonight. (cheering) They already, they've all seen it. - Seven one hour episodes, available right now at Archifur.com with some of the best comedians in the country. Sorry, sorry everybody. Pache was on it. - I was. - Ari's not on the road. - Look at that, fun. - Hell yeah. Come see me on the road, guys. Go to my website, Lewisofskanks.com. This weekend, coming up, I'll be in Rosemont, Illinois, Chicago right after that on Sunday. Then I got Lahoya coming up. I got Baltimore, Maryland, Lafayette, Louisiana, Lake Charles, Louisiana, and more. Grab those tickets, Lewisofskanks.com. Send up for my mailing list. Get my bonus podcast every week. And send up for guest digital. If you love the show, we do an uncensored and ad-free version of the show every Monday night. Oh, I'm sorry, every Tuesday night, comes out on guest digital. And then we have a bonus Friday night hang that we do, just the three for us. - Three of us. - Yeah, so make sure you guys subscribe to guest digital. Use the promo code LLS. Save a couple bucks a month. - Save a couple bucks for the rest of you. - A couple bucks. - Yeah, that's it. That's it. - At this point, G-Mike, have you found anything about my song? G-Mike, play us what you got. I was gonna say, I haven't listened to it yet, but it's finished if you wanna see what it came out with. - Yes, with the music video. - Can I be filming? I don't know what to do. Did you just make a song? - We did a new intro and we did a bunch of different iterations of it, and Lewis came for one. - Well, the first one came out, still by the great Palmer squares who are fantastic. - Shout out to the boys and to the boys. - When the Palmer squares made a song, they essentially made a song that should have been called Lewis's theme in parentheses. - A mention of Big J, no nod to me, no nod to our at all. - So then-- - Lewis Heavy. - Yeah, heavy. - And who paid for that one? - No, Lewis, until I suggested we pay for it. - Okay. - And then they made a song. - Oh, you didn't make a song. - We found out we weren't paying that thing at all. - I made a big thing about Lewis, it was like we shouldn't. - That's not true. - No, it was a terrible song, we shouldn't pay for it. But then they made a makeup song that pretty much jumped from us. - It was definitely me. Video, it was very funny. - It was very funny. - And then I assumed the week after that, I would be getting my proppers. - Sure. - But what they did was instead just made a really great theme song that we've been using. - Completely ignoring the solo R.A. should fear. - So we don't have a solo R.A. should fear song and R.A. has been complaining about it for months. - For months. - Today we've strong armed our team into doing something. - Finally. - So they made it. - Yes, they just did it. - You guys are driving around a fucking may box and they can't even fucking-- - Which A.I. juice for this. - Yeah. - Yup. (guitar music) - You fuck doing! I fear for mayhem. You don't fear for mayhem. (guitar music) (audience laughing) (guitar music) - And Lewis Young. - Wow. - Yeah. (audience cheering) - They passed it. They passed it. - Wow. - Amazing. - That was fucking sick. - That was-- - Was that-- - So much better than I thought it was gonna be. - Oh, so much fucking better than I thought it was gonna be. - That was fucking-- - God damn it. - Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. - Paul, tell me for the-- - I didn't know you were Jewish. (laughing) - Shocker. - It's been a real day of learning. - Wow. - That was wild. - That was great. - Who did that? - I was crack. - It's Mike, I think. - That was G-Mike with A.I. juice now. - That was Claude. - That was Claude. - Claude. - And you just put in some prompts or no. - No, that was Cracka Miko. - That was Cracka Miko. - That was Cracka Miko original. - Oh yeah. - Oh, fantastic. - I'm glad I stood up, but that's for Cracka Miko then. I was giving that to Real Mike. Mike, you're fucking amazing during the show. - When did that get made? Weeks ago, you guys have just been sitting on it. - Great job. - Probably-- - That's hilarious. - You just can't bring it up. - I mean, I mean, he's gonna do it too much. - You knew that that song exists then. But I was literally like, holy shit. A.I. is taking it off. - I was like, that's insane. We just did clips from the show to start. What prompts could you have given it to do that? - I was like, you must have been working so hard on that with Claude. - You guys should be at boarded because you're retarded. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - Shout out Cracka Miko, another fucking fan. - Shout out Crack. - That was great. - That was great. - That guy, that guy, that guy rules. - He's like unstoppable. - He just made a song about OP. - OP, oh it's great. - It's so fun. There's a line. Part of it's so funny where it just goes all the terrible things. Anthony's done. And then the end of it just like lists them all and it goes, and somehow be more likable than you is fucking such a funny line. - He's the man. - All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's keep this Spring Turn Olympics going. - Okay. - Spring Turn Olympics. - Spring Turn. - Spring Turn. - It's the spring. - Spring. Analympic sprigs, analympics Pose in the lead In the spring, turn the limb, fix One guy has cerebral palsy lamb, fix And his name is Paul, a lamb, fix And we got analympic Analympic, analympic Analympic Come on, come on I saw him as a soft boat and read a headed piece of shit Losers, Frank Come on Dick, it's your right, you almost had the last one Come on, you idiot Spring, turn the limb, it's spring
♪ In the spring, in the spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ And we've got spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ Spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ Now we're syrup, in the spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ It's the spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ Do not clap at the X, let's ring time ♪ ♪ A lot of time to clap, do not relax ♪ (audience cheering) - By the way, this is a good game. - Dude, it was this girl clap that I looked at and I gave her a stink face and she just went, - She went, she went, yeah, I saw it. - It was like, "Oxaptic Miss." - What? - Yeah, like, "Demo to Miss." - That was a crazy reaction, which gets nervous, she goes, - If you do it again, you gotta show your pussy. Bring it back, Mike. - Miss. - Miss. - Please. - Spring, turn Olympics. ♪ Spring, turn Olympics, spring, turn ♪ - Oh, Olympics, spring, turn Olympics. ♪ Spring, turn Olympics, spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ It's the spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ It's the spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ That's the spring, turn Olympics, spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ Spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ Now we're both, we're not ♪ ♪ It's the spring, turn Olympics ♪ ♪ And hand riches here ♪ - Olympics. ♪ The re-brother call Olympics ♪ ♪ Spring, turn, spring, turn taxes ♪ ♪ Paul and Sam Radish ♪ - No, we're good. - We're good. - Who was that? - That was barely anything. - No, he did it on purpose. Can you remove this fucking person from here right now? - So it's girls in the back. - You, you fucking-- - Grabbed by the underwear and they're in colors. (laughs) - Girls, show us your vaginas. - No. (audience laughs) - Who's the only one price to pay for this? - So look, we're very excited about this. We decided to do an RU garbage round. - Pose on board. - Pose on board. - Pose. - His favorite show. Finally gets to partake in his favorite show. - Can I say this? All right, so we have five interns left that are competing to become the new intern on Legion of Skanks. What I just, I'm looking at this, I just realized, hemorrhage he has immunity from last week. - You got immunity. - Why do you get immunity? - We see, I, 'cause he won the contest. - What was the contest? - He did stand up and he got the shock the entire time. - I said we'd take away this again. - Good, best of luck, best of luck. - I think you said, that's not fair at all. Or maybe some sort of an advantage. - Advantage. - Advantage. - Dude, he did a great job last week. - We did a good amount of that. - Fuck you, G Mike. - Yeah, you can't give someone immunity and take immunity away. - Fuck it, give him a disadvantage, I don't care. - Well played, Mike. (laughs) - Wait a while. - That was good. I don't know how to fuck you. - Fuck it's fire, yeah. - He really cares, I don't care about sloppiness there. - Yeah, I care about these made up fucking rules you got. - I'm just telling what he said, I don't, I don't, it give a shit. - All right, so I mean, but that kind of puts a little bit of a wrench in the mix here. - We had a wrench in the mix. - The wrench in the mix is what that baby was saying. (laughs) - All right, Hamlet, you're gonna have immunity stuff. We gotta figure out what we're gonna give for the end here. All right, either way, okay, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna bring them up one at a time. We're gonna let the, are you garbage boys interview them? And we're gonna figure out who is the most garbage out of all the spring-turn Olympians. - Okay, we have a sliding scale. We're bringing back the sliding scale, which is great. - The sliding scale. - And we're gonna put them each on the sliding scale. And, you know, we're not gonna, we haven't decided necessarily what makes you win, whether it's being the most garbage or the least garbage. (laughs) What's more important to us? - We'll find out the hard way. - Man, these questions are insane. - Well, I feel like they don't even have, they know their questions that they do. They don't need to use our questions. But we can't in Shyman. - These are goodies. - No, that's pretty good. - Just if they needed something, they, yeah. They wang it, dude. They don't need any fucking help. - If you guys need help. - Pretty goodies. - I mean, they're, they're professionals. - If you need any help, do an argy garbage. Here you go. (audience laughs) - That's totally bad. - Guys, I can walk you through it. - It's their fucking stuff. (laughs) - If we walk through the cons, it's pretty easy. (laughs) - It's actually just, you might be a redneck. (laughs) It's just repurposed. - So, what do we get? We get what I'm up here? Alex, he's frantically waving at you. I don't think he's word of frantically much, but that's the method to which he's waving. - Alex, Alex, please. - Would you lick the floor enough so we see a line of spit? - No, no, no, no, what? No, that's a, are you garbage question? - That's not our garbage question. - That's pretty good. - That's on air. - That was pretty good. Pull up the sliding scale. - Alex, Jesus Christ. - Slide-scale, please, Alex. - Producers today. - What's the sliding scale? - That's something you gotta get on, either. (audience laughs) - Deck it, be a little bit. (laughs) - What does it say on that end? I can't see. I mean, this should have been. - God damn it, that's the logo for Legion of Skanks. - What the heck is this? - I come in and sit next to you. - I don't want these creeps next to me. - That's a fair request. - Especially the moment pause it. - We probably should have called you for that. - I mean, obviously, we'd want to read what it says in the other things. - It's trash or pass. - Trash or pass. - There we go. - Okay, sounds like a copy right here. - I get it for you. - I'll be here for more. - The less trash they are, they go that way. The more trash they are, they go that way. - Does this graphic move? - We use it for a long time. - I got 20 bucks. - All right, let's go. We're gonna go first. Hammeridge, since you have immunity, let's go with Hammeridge first. - Hammeridge? - Hammeridge, Hammeridge. - He looks like the guy from Rick and Morty who pulled his helmet off. He really does. - What's up, buddy? Knock him dead. What are we doing? Are you getting in here? - Hammeridge is a young comedian. Despite his face looking so old. - How long have you been doing comedy, young, sir? - 31 years. - 31 years. - Four years. Show me your asshole. - Most of his material is drawn from when his head was in a vice. - Is that true? - No. - No, he's just a thin head. - A thin head. - A thin head. - He does. - So yeah, gentlemen, please. - Follow me, take it from the top. - Take it from the top, boys. - That's really funny. Take it away, boys. - Where, okay, let's see. - Would you lick the floor? (laughing) - I'll leave the line to spit. - If you had a retarded baby, would you A? - Where did you grow up? - Essential New Jersey. - Okay. - Montgomery, it's called? - Huh. - What was the name of the street you grew up on? Was it a street, a road, a circle? - Away. - Away. - Whoa. - Okay. - What was your first job? - It was a lifeguard. - This is a rich classic. - Yeah. - What's your dad do? - Away is that funny? - Yeah. - He was a packaging engineer. - An engineer's happy. - He was happy. - He was happy. - He was happy. - He was happy. - He was happy like the bottles that like the syrup and stuff would come in and anything like that. - Did your dad go to college? - Yeah. - Where you go? - R-I-T. - R-R-U-S. - R-R-R-I-T. - Rochester Institute of Technology. - Rochester. - I'm a teenager. - That's trash. - That's trash. - Yeah. - Yeah, but a dad, that's a good school. That's where he is. - That's where he is. - It's good to know where he is. - It's like, if death are blind people. - The best food there is called a garbage plate. (laughing) - I love Rochester. Who babysat you when you were a kid? - I didn't stay at home mom, so not a lot of babysitter. - Oh, what was that? - That is class. - Bill's doing what he needs to do. - Well, theoretically, you want to stay at home mom, so. (laughing) - She was sleeping most of the time. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - She was nodding out, but she was dead. - Knocked out by Izzy. - What? - What was your first concert? - Psalm 41. - No, it's really embarrassing. I still think it was Skizzy Mars. He's like a local New Yorker. - He fucked my mom, Skizzy. (laughing) - I don't know that guy. - That motherfucker told me how to shoot a pistol. (laughing) - How about the first band of anyone we've ever heard of? - Um, who was it the first one? Uh-oh, Lil Wayne. - Oh yeah. - It's pretty good. - You look like you ran a newspaper in the 20s. - I was a journalism major. - Where did you go to college? - Penn State. - In the 20s? - And this guy is rich. - Right away? - Yeah, right away. - What'd you get in your SATs? - Um, uh, 1890, or now 1990. - It's fucked this kid. - This is an all-in-one. - Yeah, I think it was at the 1600s. - I thought it passed out 1600. - It was one of the 24 when I saw it. - What do you have in your checking account right now? - Not a lot. - What's not a lot? - Rich prick like you. (laughing) - What the fuck is it? - He's a couple grand? - Couple grand for a young comedian is a wild amount of money. - This kid's never gonna make it. - By checking accounts negative 3,000 right now. (laughing) - Okay, where was, what was the family car growing up? - Uh-oh. - Let me just say pull up the, pull up the scale. - Let me say this, hold on a second. - Pull up the scale. We should be putting him further up and down on the scale with each question I feel like. - Yeah. I also love that Kevin was like, uh, you're gonna Penn stay right away. That's such a trash way of getting into a college. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - That's all I did. - Good else, dude, I'm for two years. - Shout out to my boys at Penn State Abbington. (laughing) I had a guy that cousin who stayed at Penn State Abbington. Who's like 50 minutes from where he grew up. He's like, what was the family car? - Uh, first of all, my dad used to drive a Mazda with cranked down windows. It was like a sedan. - Stop trying to be trash now. - He's trying to be trash now. - All right. - Did you have central air or window units growing up? - Uh, window and then central. We moved up, I guess. - Okay. - Did you, at any point, did you have a finished basement? - Yeah, but we used the money from Sandy to finish it. The insurance money. - Whoa. - Were you actually in Sandy or did you, was it insurance for us? - We were the only, we were the only house on our block that didn't lose power. So we kinda, you know, put our thumb on the scale a little bit, I guess. - How old were you when you got your passport? - Great question. - I actually don't know. I was probably like a middle school, maybe. - Where'd you go? - Um, we went to Atlantis in the Bahamas. - Oh, look at the whole city of Atlantis. - Correct. - Yeah, they were boys.
Back then that's trash not how much answer what year was that how old are you um I always a middle school probably how do you know 29 Resort almost 20 years. I was glancing. No We went to hedonism at latest in 2004 now fucking angel Salazar was have you ever poofed anything? No, I've done a lot of jobs. It's not my butt. All right. Why not look at me do you want to? I guess follow question. I guess somebody's not trying to get immunity next week I mean you're pretty classy. Yeah, it's classy. What kind of credit cards do you have I still have my like PNC like cash Builder card from from college They may not be this in cock card. You said do you have a 401k or like a savings that your parents set up? Not the bonds or stocks are not with your parents when your parents die. What do you get? It's getting anything is class. They spent a lot of money on the divorce so probably not as much now. All right Do you know that it's your fault? Do you know that it's literally your face that made them do a divorce? Out of the house to do it so that usually indicates it is the kids fault. Yeah Are you an only child? No, I have two younger sisters. Toy. Do you think your parents would have kept you a few more there? Hold on Don't let a bit move on. How old are your younger sisters? 21 and 25. Oh hell yeah, they're perfect Can you show us pictures right now what's their only fans? Which aren't you have to choose one which of your two sisters is sludder? No, he knows they're gonna watch they're gonna watch. Okay. Okay. Don't it's that which one is more fuckable Which one's fatter but you do know an answer one of them is sludder unquestionably Not really no, but they're both slugs. Yeah, let me ask you this one was the first time you had Nutella first time I Nutella. Yeah And don't fucking correct my pronunciation He just said that like a valley girl Nutella It's called eighth grade. I don't know I didn't have I didn't have until 31 Peanut butter and dirt together What do I do now for money? I'm personal trainer. Oh, that's pretty cool. That's not class as well What is a personal trainer exactly do? I mean as far as I mean this gets pretty close. Yeah, it's classic. Let me say He's got a good family. Okay, pull up the thing. He's got a good family, which is classy pretty class He's out on his own doing his thing personal trainers that here's what that means his parents aren't just fucking giving you a bunch of cash She's in a shit job, but like that job sucks dick. There's no future. What are you making you're doing personal training 65 K You're at the most in 30 no 30 K last year 30 K. What's you crazy? How bad are your personal training? No, that's a good Who make any money? It's yeah, you said you did drugs. Did you ever do anything sexual for drugs? No, I didn't need so He's got negative three grain right now. Wait, who the hell's done things sexual for drugs. That's insane Your own mother Remember but not not that in between time, but like on the the jockey Tostata is he wasn't a jokita She did some Mary James mom's the Jokitos I mean as of right now look we can move hemorrhage back and forth. I'm gonna put hemorrhage I'd say directly smack dab in the middle, right I would say He's on the he's on the right. I'd say it's halfway between halfway but I know We know this is the beginning. I know but sitting the bar dude He's pretty fucking well over there's no trashy in hemorrhage. What's your first name Atlantis is it? It's Tyler What's your middle name Patrick, oh Jesus age Tyler Patrick hemorrhage. I can tell it's your third Do you have health insurance of the state kind of state gives me health insurance? Are you named after your father? My middle name is for my father. Yeah. Oh, what your grandfather do? Okay, this is my great. Um, he kicked out for us black people No, he was a drunk who worked for us steel. Yeah, a bunch of different families all over the country He's trying to be trashy He's trying to be trashy. What do you say he worked for us? All right, we'll see an executive or any work on the line. You worked in the line. Rich kid Rich kid rich kid Money, thanks for money. All right. Look I agree with you guys. Let's go to the next person because I all right I'll we'll say we'll start he's got a minute. Yeah, that's not bay I'm sort of halfway between classy in the middle and they don't know which way they're gonna go, right? You said you don't know whether you're gonna know halfway right there. Yeah, in the bar. Yeah, set in the bar Ladies and gentlemen one more time for Hammers. He's got immunity this week He's moving on next week I wish he wishes he had immunity from AIDS, but I'm a tiny little body and I kid too. How much face? How much face? How much face face? How much face? How much? What's face? They have to put their face in the floor. Yeah All right, that's gonna get up try with your manager. It's hilarious Let's go next. We're right down the line. Let's go to Poe. We're just gonna give it a Poe. I love his poem No one look at him in the eye. No one look at him in the eye Can I say something? I really wish I didn't say that gangbang joke from earlier now because this couple seems like most likely to have a Mac 10 in their fucking Jeep or something Yeah, they seem real tech nine kind of crew. Yeah, they're gonna run a motorcycle when she's gonna shoot me off the bangle rock a Bob baby Poe, how you doing today, buddy? Let's talk about the microphone. They seem like they would be chasing after a Jeep That's they're not in it, but they're trying to run back the press somewhere in the ladder of drug trafficking Poe. Yes, sir. What's your favorite podcast? Come on. Whoa. That's hard to say. No, it's not You already just ganked Good answer liars I like it By the way, you make it through just so you know next week We're hooking guys up to the light of Dr. Tess Don't you think we won't be asking you that fucking question, and if you're lying Just so you know you broke my heart and you're going ask it any day. Lewis. It's You almost forgot my name, you piece of shit. Hey, Kippy. I love your show Call me fucking I take it. I think this guy so many benzos. He'll pass the line Listen mr. Rogan. I mean Lewis if you lie to us. We're gonna shine light directly at you. Please do Poe, what was the name of the grocery store you went to growing up? Kroger. Oh, okay. That's not good Yeah, that's not good at all. I like that. By the way, I like that idea if we friends are very young Detroit. Yes, we use inside Detroit. That's a shit area It is you go to you go to public or private school public school, baby Was your family able to apply for the lawsuit with the lead water in Detroit? That's in Flint, but I do have a bottle of Flint water sitting on my mantle in Detroit Is that why your complexion is like that? Definitely has to do with something How many times you've been struck by light? You turn off the lights with your thoughts All the metal in the room just flies I walk through walls. What? Okay, did you did you go to college? Yes, sir. Where'd you go college for a creative studies in Detroit? Why are you slurring so bad today? I'm a bull. No, this is worse than normal. Yeah I think you think are you want painkillers right now Poe? What did you say Lewis? You're slurring right now. No, I'm not There's something going on. No, there's a drug. It gets nervous talking to a favorite pod whistle as a guy in recovery You're on drugs right you're on drugs. It also is a guy in recovery. I would like some of your drug What do you some kind of fucking junkie to stop? Not at all. Have you ever done heroin? No, what's the hardest drug you've ever done? Oh, yeah, definitely done perks Hardest drug you've ever done probably oxy. I've done mescaline. I had to do mescaline up the nose upside down Well, I don't think you sleep. Why'd you have to do you have to get in the front cap alpha quarter order? Where do you get your eyeliner? natural Who do you live with my wife and a time? You're married. Hold on. What? I know it's a prize. How do you know what? How long have you been married? And what is his name? 7,000 years. She's a nice lady. The love of my life She was seven years old when I bit her. I bought her a slave in Croatia during the first wars Every day I try to honor her as I stalk the night 32 32. Yes, sir. Where was your wedding? Williamsburg right in dominoe park Williamsburg. Oh, I thought he knocked. I thought he went milk Williamsburg, Virginia What did you want your honeymoon? More or more. Bora Bora. What the fuck is this interview? It's boring boring Also, we got to think of how how much money do you have in your checking account? Be honest $250 nice You hear that hemorrhage That is trash hammer. That's desperation. What is your wife to you for a living? She works at Mount Sinai, Hustford, which is it? HR How the fuck what what do you do during the day that you can apply to be an intern? I dream. I do all types of production work I currently this morning was working on the Steven Spielberg disclosure day. Oh, what are you on?
What are you doing? Swimming up popcorn? What work is there to do on a fucking movie that's out a little post-production? I was building a post-shut up! Goddamn! Thank you, Ari. What'd you do on disclosure day? I was helping build the premiere that was happening about two hours ago at Lincoln Center. Yeah, did how about fucking Steven Spielberg being like this this is a true story? Yeah, it was real. How clean is your asshole right now? Quite clean, sir. Prove it, prove it, prove it, prove it, prove it. Before we get to that, that's the ultimate. Before we get to that, what kind of pets did you have growing up? Do you have any weird pets and squirrels in your mouth? Oh, yeah. I had a hermit crab right from the Jersey Shore that bit the shit out of me. They bite? Oh, yeah. They tried to have sex with him. No means no, even a hermit crab. I also had a frog that I found outside of a gas station. Why are you talking like the weirdest man in the world? I also had a frog. Did you smoke weed or anything? Yes, sir. Is that what it is, your high, your stone? You're treating like a cop stone. Do you normally get high? What did you say? Do you not normally get high? No, I always get high, sir. So why are you acting so strange? I'm saying, sir. I'm saying, sir. We never asked you to do that. It's a no. Well, let us see how dirty your ass hole is right now. I got to see this. I'm going to make a decision. This girl. We're going to see how trash she calls. I can't wait to do that. Do it over there. You're going deep. Let's see. Ew, let's see. Is it clean? Let's turn around. Let's see, turn around. Come on. Turn around. Turn around. No, there's stuff. That's stuff. I'll put him on the trash. It's got communism. As a comparison, let's take a look at mine. There's stuff all over that. Is there a doctor here? I didn't see that happening. There's cave cameras getting exposed. Hey, man, can you put that away for a minute? What the fuck? Kevin, I didn't see that coming, my man. It doesn't like this at all. This is crazy. Podie, do you have any kids? No. I love how on the crazy one here you guys. I don't think so. I would have left. I would have respectfully left the show. Why were you? Paul, what was your first concert? My third ab line. Paul, Paul, smell it. Don't do it. No, don't do it. Have a little respect. You know Steven Spielberg, dude, don't do it. You don't need to do this. You're really in your ear, man. Save yourself. I kind of-- Paul up the scale, because we got to-- He's pretty trashy here. He's pretty trashy, dude. His dirty ass kind of solidified it. That picture is crazy. I would put him directly between trash and the middle on the other side. We're getting some-- He had active shit in his ass crack. I did see poop. There was no poop on his feet. Thank you, Foley. There was a little brown-- It was lit from my boxer, so-- OK, from your boxer. You wear a boxer? I do. I'll accept that. I would assume you'd be more mortified if that was due-- Free balling. All right, no underwear. Can you pick the wet wipe up off the floor? He's never taking his eye off it. And put it in my pocket bag. [LAUGHTER] That's what your favorite pocket is, bro. That's funny. You'll take it my way forever. This is for sure the worst day of my year. Oh, Lewis said if you eat it, you win. Ladies and gentlemen, one more time. I eat you, and poop! One more time for Paul, Paul. Thank you, everyone. [APPLAUSE] All right. Next up is Nurse Betty. Nurse Betty, come on, folks. Yeah, broad. You guys got bad wing. Busted wheel. Guys, for the re-tards, we got to keep clapping until they get all the way to the front. We got two re-tards in the group. Let's cop 'em all the way up. [APPLAUSE] What happened, big dog? Did this happen in the competition? These professional curlers. I tore my Achilles a few weeks ago. No shit, what were you doing? Playing volleyball. [LAUGHTER] Yes. He was playing the job of a tall skinny chick. Yeah. It's really cut down into June Poon. Did you have insurance to cover that? I did. What do you have insurance from? Blue cross-blue shield. That's very nice. Very nice. How do you have that? Work. What do you do for work? I'm a psychiatric nurse. A psychiatric nurse. Where-- all right. Where did you-- basics? Where'd you grow up? Is that mean you could tell people how they're going to die? [LAUGHTER] Heart disease. OK. I'm from a small town in Connecticut. What is it? It's Oxford. It's right across the Oxford. Oh my god. I don't know where that's at, but that sounds like the classiest town in the entire country. Can you pull an Oxford on Wikipedia and look up the median income? Yes. Thank you, Kevin. Don't look up the London one. Hello. What's up, what do you stand? Not a big AYG crap. Oops. Oh, you lying son of a bitch. Where were you on that? What smelly is? What smelly is? [LAUGHTER] Ain't them butt-tip me. One, two, eight. No, that's 53. Still less than Alex and G Mike make. Wow. Fucking furious. Poverate under the median home value is garbage. Wow. That's a rich now. That's a rich a medium. What's a medium home value? No, the medium home value. Just saying medium and father. Medium or 50? But can any get 450 as the medium? Medium. Stop saying medium. Medium. Yeah. This guy has a son of a-- Jay wants a-- He's rich. Jay wants a medium pepperoni pizza. Yes. If I could. You ordered it to his house. Hand rolled pan please. [LAUGHTER] They say pan a lot, but they don't-- What's your mom and dad do? What's your dad do for it? My mom is also a nurse. My dad is dead. He was a-- Nice. He was a carpenter. OK. Christ, I feel lost. He was a heroin addict. Who stabbed her? All right, there we go. Let's try heroin addict. Well, thank god he was building stuff. Did he overdose on heroin? So they found him. My mom's in a state. Let him stay with us. I'm sorry for your loss. And they found him with a needle in his arm. And she kicked him out. And he died a few days later. So we're not sure. So your mom-- Your mom killed him? Was your-- was your dad's name Izzy? No, no. OK. And what'd you go to college? I went to UConn. OK. What was your first car? First car. A white Jeep Cherokee. What year? The first year they made him '99, I think? A white year, did you get it? Whose car was it? Wait, that's what year the car was. Yeah, what year did you get it? What year did you get it? Do you know what we're getting? 2015. That's not good. 16 year old car for your first car. What happened to your dad's car? It was a Jeep Cherokee. They needed it for evidence. He had a-- he had like a bitter vein, like a white vein. OK. Yeah, that's up. Did you get anything and an inheritance when your father passed away? Inheritance? No. Is my-- A little collection? We did find stuff. Our basement had like those pushealings. And there was-- Drop ceiling in the basement, here. But heroin up there, so that's cool. What did you find heroin up there? My mom found needles, yeah. Damn, that's breaking sand. Yeah, I'm sorry. Did you have a pull growing up? No. OK. Huh. Did you have a-- It was your first job. My first job, I worked at a dining hall. Did your mom remarry? Never, no. Never. Did you-- were you one of those kids that got free breakfast in high school? No. OK. OK. I was, but, hey. Fuck me. I got free-- I got free lunch and free breakfast. And they would give you back in the day. They don't do it anymore. No, it was everything's free when you steal. They would give you a free lunch card. But it was a different color than all the other cards. So it was like, it was like an EBT card for kids. Your bag. Yeah, it was fucked up. I used it. I knew when I was young, I was too fat to get that breakfast ticket. You could go and really get breakfast, but I would just sit outside and be hungry. Because I knew all the kids would judge me if I was like, are you guys have fun hanging out here and smoke a cigarette, so I'm going to go eat. OK, it's a free McGrittle. I'm going to get this fucker. Breakfast is some real nerd shit. Like, no cool kids eat breakfast. Yeah, right. You get up and you're already late. Love breakfast. No. Also, no cool kids eat-- what are you 11? No, no cool kids eat breakfast. What do you have in lucky charms, nerd? Yeah. Hey, check it out. Lewis is eating waffles. I'm telling you right now, my son eats breakfast every morning. He's a fucking dweeb. All the cool kids in his school, none of them eating breakfast. Oh, I know. They roll out of bed. They fucking-- there's no time for breakfast. What do you have for breakfast today? A bagel and a protein shake. You bag it. Where did you get the bagel? He's trying to get Ori on the side. OK, I like it. I like it. I like it. I love it. Did you have a hummentosh in the fucking locker? Why are you red? Could this be a story? What was the last vacation you went on? I went on a cruise two and a half years ago for what? Just to braid hair by yourself? No, I went with my buddy. That was the last vacation. You went with your buddy on a cruise? Yeah. Seven gays at sea. Just right through in a buddy. Did you get laid on the cruise? Did not. Every night with his buddy in it. Did you almost-- When did you lose your virginity? 17. Nice. What was his name? I mean, I don't know where-- Oh, I have a good question. What song did you lose your virginity, too? It was Jack Johnson, Banana Poe, my god. Dude, it's intervention music. Listen, is that that of a heroin overdose? The kids trash. Yeah, that's cool, really. Is that Banana Pockets? Now we try to get fully on this side. Yeah, try. I mean, yeah. That's tough to bounce back from. Single mom. That dying of a heroin overdose is pretty fucking crazy. Yeah. But he rose up, went to Yukon, became sick. Yeah, that's in state. And now he's trying to win a job in a drink. Right, it's an in-state school. Do you have student loans? Oh, yeah. How much? I think there's 30,000 left. Are you paying it off? Yeah, yeah.
- You go to school, it's the phone castle. - You gotta be trash, you gotta stop paying us, dude. - Yes, stop paying us, just wait to another president. - Oh, this is a fucking credit card? - This is a great trash question. - Okay. - What's your credit score? - Thank you so much. - 670? - That's me. - Oh, bad. - Too good. - Too good. - That's right in the middle. - No, if you're not over 800, kill yourself. (laughing) - No. - I just broke 800, 805. - Congratulations. - I was over 800, then I bought a house, and then it just completely tanked my credit. We gotta find out what it is. - That's what it is. - I don't know, mine is. - Let me see your baking app, I'll tell you right now. - I don't know, I'm a baking app. - Let me see your phone. - Go, walk away. - I'm a baking app. - Let me see your phone walk away. That's crazy. - How much cash do you have on your right now? - Probably like 110? - Let me see it. - Really? - You got a hundred on you? - Is it a hundred dollar bill? - No. - A small bill? - No, leave it in your pocket, forget it. - Yeah, probably. - Give our, 40 you win. - Give me that. - Yeah, I say he's trash. - He's a little trashy, yeah for sure. Is he more trashy than Poe though? - No, Poe's a little freaked though. - Yeah. - He was nothing more boring trash than Poe was. - Yeah. - But man, that picture is-- - I would say he just edged out Poe. - For more trashy than Poe. - Hero and dad. Hero and dad, guys. - Hero and dad is a huge deal. I would say slightly more trashy than Poe. - Overlap. - Overlap. - Make 'em cash, make 'em cash. - Overlap. - Overlap. - Put 'em lower. - Overlap. - Is that gonna break the frame? - You don't know what overlap means? - I mean, it's just, there's only one definition of overlap. - Who's this still is from? - We were talking about money. - Oh, he's got mad money. Oh, I'll take some money. Thank you, Wigger. - All out. - Thank you, Wigger. I would love some money. - Got it, a Wigger? - Guys, it's real. - Hold on, wait a minute. He just said, I'm not a Wigger, I'm Italian. That's a Wigger, my friend. - No, dude, you're a Wigger. - I think you're a good guy. - Did you try to convince this Wigger that you're not a Wigger? You're both Wiggers. I gotta be honest with you guys. - They just got back from a cruise, Louis. You understand a vacay life. - They did well on the fucking tables. - You immerse, yeah. - They did a little bit. - He just said the most inclusive thing ever. - This Wigger just said, hey man, everyone's the same. (laughing) (cheering) - But he said it and did you make an accent? - Hey, boom, buccan. - Don't be trippin' man. - He's part of the solution. - Everyone's everyone. (laughing) - All right, what about Nurse Betty over here? - Yeah, I would say Nurse Betty, it's slightly more trash than Po. - We'll eventually teach her one more time. - I'd say bring it even a little closer to Po. He's not that much more trash. - You could lower it and put it under it. - Yeah, guys, this is a pretty simple thing. - Yeah. - Yeah. - There. - There we go. - Great job, buddy. - One more time for Nurse Betty. I'm sorry about your dad. Hang in there. - I'm sorry about the leg only. - All right, guys, let's take a quick moment to think, body brain coffee for supporting the show. Everyone's hyped up on body brain coffee. I gave out body brain samples before we came in today and people are fucking off their fucking walls right now. Super focus. This bitch has grown a mustache right now. It's sick. - Holy shit, dude, everyone's all teed up. - Yeah, dude, it's got, it's real Colombian freeze-ride coffee. All these other functional coffees, don't even have coffee in them. It's real coffee. It's blended with the tropics and adaptogens that are gonna help you with testosterone, brain function, mood, energy, and everything. It's great, there's a pre-workout. You can do it hot, cold, and a protein shake. What, however you like it, Ari? - Stick it in your ear. - You can stick it in your ear. - Yeah, you can stick it up your nose if you want. - You can stick it up your nose. - You can even, maybe, what Jay does. - Jay? - I shove it directly up my ass hole. (laughing) - Not recommended by the company itself. - Don't do that. - But I can tell you for a short while, we're losing the cruise couple. - Guys, so big deal, I shove cream. I shove creamer up my ass. Big deal, dude. - Oh wow. - Doesn't make me gay. (laughing) - This wager's hammered. - That guy's, that guy's, that guy's no idea how jacked I am from fucking Booth and Body Coffee. - Dude, that's everything, it really is great. People love it. Go check out the reviews on Shopify or on Amazon. Just go to BodyBrainCoffee.com right now. If you wanna try it, we're gonna give you 20% off by using the promo code LOS20. The creamers coming out soon. We got mugs coming up on the website as well. But grab that coffee right now and get yourself some BodyBrainCoffee. - Hey, real quick, that's up at one of our amazing spots over here at the Legion of Skanks. And that is ultra pouches. - I love my ultra pouches. - I know you do. What if the pouches used to relax? We're actually good for you. You're in luck, they're called ultra pouches. They're designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus. - They have nitropics and vitamins in the pouches. So instead of having nicotine or caffeine. - Yeah, dude, which is not great for you. - No. - These will make you feel grateful, sharpen you up, get your memory back in order. It really is, I have ADHD. So honestly, dude, Apple GPC is the Nutropic they use. It's incredible for ADHD. - You love it. - They're great. I don't like minty flavors, they have anything tropical. - They have some kind of delicious flavors. - They have tropical, they have watermelon and blue rats. - No! - Don't destroy it. - Oh my God. - Don't. - Please stop destroying it. - I love these. - They're leaving. Please stop hurting us. - Please stop hurting us. - Pick a better habit. See what all the buzz is about right now. Check out those five great flavors. It's the ultimate guilt free pouch. Delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use the code Legion to get 15% off at takeultra.com. Let's take ultra.com with 15% off if you use that code Legion. - We got to talk about one of our brand new sponsors, which Ari, you're going to love GLD gold. - I was going to say, it's smell like gold. (laughing) That's what my favorite thing is. - It's one of your favorite my favorite metal. - Kids, you imagine. They're sponsoring the show. - What? - And Ari, they make-- - I get money from gold. - They make all that gold pays me now? - They make all kinds of thing. They make chains, pendants, rings, earrings, and watches. But all of those, you could just buy if you just want to bite them in front of a TV. - It's true. (laughing) - Real gold in every piece. You're never going to wear more. You could just, you could just huddle them underneath your bed and smell them. - Is this the right term? You could just sit and mize them. (laughing) - Jay, this is gonna be a great gift for Father's Day. You're a child. Why didn't your child get you a gold wallet chain? - Is mizing the right word Ari where you rub your hands in an evil fashion over a pile of jewels? - You didn't get mizes. - Mize them in the blazing. - Mize them with the cumbersome. (laughing) - It really is great. And Father's Day is here. This is the best gift for that dad in your life. Whether it's some classic gold for your dad, I take it from the one guy who knows his. I get them. - I get them. - Father's Day gift. - They have collaborations with major sports leagues and DC comics and they come with a lifetime warranty. So you're gonna have it forever. - Oh, it's great. - I'm gonna get my dad a Wolverine ring. He's gonna love it. He's gonna have it forever. Work hard, change the game. For a limited time, new customers, fans of the skanks, are gonna get an insane deal. - What do you-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Yeah. (laughing) - I don't know why I get about these deals. - I'm just telling you in the past. - Or it loves the deal. Anything above 25% or a lose? - 25%, it's like, I'd tough to contain my emotions. So is this even like, is this above 18 or 19%? - I'm gonna say it is above 18%. - Oh fuck, it's shit. - They send in, they send in hemorrhage and people to start. - No, Zack, please. - So I take them to stuff. No, Zack, so I take them to stuff. - The fact that you guys are removing this makes you think it's a considerable percentage of jobs. It makes you think that we might be-- - Get the stuff out of there, no, Zack. - 25 or even 28% off. - All right, it's more than that. - All right, it's more than 25% off. - It's more than 25% off. (laughing) - No! - All right, what would you, what would you do if I said it was 30% off on? - I might lose my shit, are you saying this? Are you saying this? - It's not 30%. - Ari? - Yeah. - Ari. - Yeah. - With code
[email protected]. - Yeah. - We're gonna give you what? - What, what could it be? - 40% off. (laughing) (screaming) (laughing) (laughing) (laughing) - That's so, it's so expensive. Every time you do that, you ruin so many things. (laughing) 40% off at gld.com with code skanks. Oh, my phone. I'll think I'm a glass speaker on the table. Once again, that's gld.com. Code skanks for 40%. - So now it's, yes, get to the end of it. - Where were we? Let's go up next, it's gonna be NutSack. NutSack, come on folks. (cheering) - This guy's a freak by the way. - NutSack, NutSack, NutSack, NutSack. - This guy scared you shit out of me when he brought us up. - He's a loose cannon. - NutSack's a problem. Thank you, NutSack, for the joints. Every week he comes to joints. Like a fucking king. Every fucking week he comes to a joint. - And he filters, every time, no filters. - Incredible, great job, NutSack. - He comes to home care. - NutSack, how are you doing? - How are you doing? - Good, brother. - NutSack's parents do not have that test. (laughing) - NutSack, where are you from, BigDog? - It's not Jersey. - Where? - Tabernacle, New Jersey, near Cherry Hill. - Cherry Hill. - Yeah. - Gaitano Stakes. - Dishwasher. - What was the name of the restaurant? - Gaitano Stakes. - Tabernacle in. - How old were you? - Yeah, it's 16. - Do you still stay in touch with the other Mexicans? - Nah. - Who babysat you and you were a kid? - Another family lived in my single family home with us. - I'd say go. - Oh, no. - No, no, no. - Other family-- - Family, in a single family home? - No, no, no. - Where is your single family home? - Yeah, family home. - So you, your family had a house? - Yeah, house. - And it's other family lived there. - They needed a place to live. It was a single mom and two kids. - Hock, everybody shares their kids. - Were the girls? - Sons. - It was a sandwich. - Who was the most fuckable? - I don't know, probably me. - The mom. - Who's the mom, who's the mom to you guys?
Um, it's my mom's best friend your mom's best friend. How long do they live there? They were there for five or six years. Did you ever tell you ever tell the other kids? But hey, this isn't your house. This is my fucking house. Just so you know, I would say that You're a rich house now pussy. They were to wake up to me standing above them being like this is not your home One bathroom. Oh, dude. You should have molested them till they left. They didn't pay any rent answer I don't know. I was a kid. Huh. That's a good. I mean good point a good answer. Yeah Believe it. Huh. And what your dad do? He was an elevator Union. That's a pretty good. That's got good bannies with your mom Secretary at the tyrant echelon man. Okay, I love that fucking town. Dude. Yeah, I've never heard about it. How did your family drive? Uh, I mean a bunch of different cars. That's never a score. We got the four mom was an escort man That family looks a bit hard on what? What is a great one South Jersey? What was your short point? Where'd you go down the shore? LBI. What what the fuck does that mean long be silent? That's a little bit of cash. Who did the cook it in your house your mom? Everybody would share their spots without any adults. Okay, with the with the single mom cook to yeah, what would she make? Good food. I'll get like Back up a second you and your boys can go down the fucking childwood and fucking sport girls with fucking water. It's two hours Where I live as opposed to like almost like an hour. Hey, heaven's a long time away. All right pal. Now. I assume you didn't go to college Now I went to community college for way too long. Nice. Where? Burlington County Community College. What's way too long? I went go deem a deegans Teacher and can you be a teacher with an associate's degree? I'm using a teacher. Sure. Can you be a teacher if you haven't stopped fucking kids? You got a recipe. We'd six hours for weed six times. I could be a teacher. Oh, come on. I started doing audio production One of the world that you started doing electronics engineers. What do you do now? Repair electronics and do audio production How much money do you have your technique cap? Very little right now. Maybe negative. I have no idea. My man You know, no one knows exactly how little you have your girlfriend. How much money does he have in his check in your account? You don't look at it. I got two checks. I haven't deposit. You have a girlfriend. Yeah. You guys live together. Yeah, make it taste Is there anybody happier than the extreme wealthy or the maybe there's negative in my account? The people in between where it's like they're just getting by or like everything's fucked. I'm I think sucks You and your girlfriend. There is some freedom in like having nothing Yeah, you know, I'm negative Yeah, you and your girlfriend are living on a prayer. Did you guys you guys get together live separately and then find an apartment together? Or did you move in the her place or did she move into your place? I moved into her place? Okay, okay, we got a place together right after okay, because she was kicked out for bringing you in there But now we live at the place where my parents used to live and my dad's dead and my mom lives somewhere else I live in a house that does single I live in a house that I grew up with the single mom. Who the hell's that you fucking the bed your mom fucked in my mom's life What you fucking the bottom of the bed your mom fucked in maybe once, but oh my god You guys in the house you pay the mortgage? We there's no mortgage because My parents bought the house in 85 the house paid off. Okay, okay, so you so you own the house though Now my mom does where she she lives with my grandmother in this old folks place called yeah Wait your mom lives in an old folks home. It's not an old folks home. My grandmother old owns a house In an area where they it's like 65 plus okay, I got 55 and your mom okay, she's good She okay, she's getting laid constantly you're we hear about those fucking over 55 You're fucking fucking I can move in one of those in five years. That's why all that you're a senior citizen in five years I'm not a senior citizen, but I can move into a 55 in older communities five. Yeah, I'm a different sort of I'm banging his mom Absolutely, you totally bang his mom Yeah, I mean are you looking for a real I mean this guy is a fucking South Jersey dirt bag? Absolutely What kind of car do you drive now? I'm Austin minivan I didn't know they made those what did you what did you eat last night for dinner? Melissa braze some pork and it was like pork tacos pretty good pork tacos pork tacos. I made guacamole I made sausage. Where was the last vacation? I feel like you the only thing you want to make is guacamole And weed butter you make weed butter for you for living. We both repair electronics. Really you repair electronics? I would never hire a woman to prepare my electronics So in a million years. He has a robotic dick and she blows on it so it's hard to get if I if I hired to prepare my electronics And woman shut up. I go I I figured it out and Melissa who's the girl next to you and the Sasquatch next to her They're not for support great. That's great. Sorry. I called you Sasquatch man You got us know he looks like that Have you ever gotten into a fist fight with a family member? He wasn't my blood relative, but one of the kids that lived at the house. Yeah, hell yeah Did you win both? No, he fucked you up for years older? What was the last fight you were in? He was it was that one really him He was like probably like 17 and I I think I was like 13. Dude. This has been haunting you for 20 years We're playing Mario golf and he starts he puts on a take wear a wild side by Warren to your skid row or what? Molly crew. Molly crew. There we go. You start screaming in my ear. Get the fuck out of here nuts. Check it out But now I started screaming in my ear and then I like pushed him and then he put my ass so a metallic a song led to a fist fight Single mom living in the house Getting into a fight with her stepbrother, even though it's not really a stepbrother Molly cool song, are we doing this on purpose? How did your dad die? What how did your dad die? Kill himself obviously, my dad is 20 years older than my mom and he died about what old age? Different kiss song hold on Mazda Mazda minivan Burlington community college rested six times for smoking weed fight after That's a jail that died of butt cancer a fight during a gym blossom song Girlfriends of trans mechanic This is last suck so bad this kid's trash. I love it's trash, but I will say he's not as trash I don't think he's as trash as What's the last thing you stole great question. I saw a mando deodorant today I mean, I think we have a surplus you could just ask that look at we're looking for a condo That was a free way you should all wear it, but where do you don't wear deodorant? Really? Yeah, I fuck dude That's how they get you when I'm around you guys. I'll be wearing it so I don't a fan. Are there any milk? Are there any milk crazy in your house? What's up? Are any milk crates in your house? Yeah, yeah, wow I could tell no craze you have any empty liquor bottles around the house like it's decoration No, no, do you are are you using anything as a table or a nightstand that is not a table or a nightstand? Currently in your home. Yeah, of course, okay Is there a box you have together a couple boxes instead of a nightstand when you look when you have dinner Do you set it a table? Do you set it a couch watch? Do you have a do you have posters hanging up in your place without without any frames? I love how you guys think the frames are collecting the frames are classy as my I grew up in an apartment with my mom had a I thought they were fucking paintings of Paris and Italy or something and they were just posters and a football it was the Godfather my mom had a Frame poster of Brad Pitt and legends of the fall right above her bed. What really? Just fucking now in my during the 2000 the 99 2000 sixers finals run My mother did put up in our living room a thumbtack poster of Alan Iverson that lived there for about five years nice One second to answer me and Melissa lived in a trailer and it fucking burned down I'll trash. He's up He really good Electrical fire what size bed. Maybe you're better at fixing electrical shit in your house wouldn't have burned down. That's why he does it That's the spider-man moment, which it was crazy. I wired it myself I don't know I was just hanging Christmas lights Can believe me nothing. What kind of what kind of bed do you have? Dude, we sleep on a couch bed right now. Oh Wait, hold on. What's a couch like a pull-out couch? Bullard you living your mom's house. How's not a single bed in this whole house? Shraily burned down bro, but you have a house now. I know my son. Have you opened all the doors? I have like so much audio equipment. How many people live in how many people live in this house? It's me and my sister and Melissa. Oh your sister is your sister to eat How old is your sister? How's your sister?
250 pounds One-year-old sister lives in this house this guy's a third way For sure, hi, wait. I don't know by the way your sister should try to enter this contest as well I have a question. How many abortions do you think your sister has had I don't think any she just keeps having them Just gives him to the state how many abortions do you not with Melissa, but in your life? How many women have you gotten abortions with? One just want abortion ever it was my mom she was trapped. She was trash. She was trash big time But hold on if you would have had the baby not dating the fucking society If you would have had the baby, what would you have named it? It's good for a boy or a girl. I would have named him What's your favorite Sizzle you awawa? Baking in on the bagel. I think she's on a bagel. What's your preferred potato preparation very good great great question, Ari thank you Kishka But what I do most often is tater tots in you do that with a fries What you're making the frozen tater tots at the air friday? Do you keep him in the cargo pocket of your? You know what I was all right. I pull up this slide. I still in the blank. I think we have enough information He's just a trashiest all right the trash. Yes. Yeah There's a pile of metal in my backyard from my fucking trailer burning down dude. Why did he keep it? Wait? Why did the trailer bring it to trailer burned down on your parents property? Yeah, he's been the trailers of the mom's property is crazy Great so you so you lived in a trailer on your mom's property when you could have lived in the house to take care of my dad when he was dying We wanted to live and then a fucking burn down stop. You're making it sad. It was funny before. Yeah, it's they just living still trash Look at your dad died in the house He died in the hospital. Do you think that he died of disappointment after looking out back at your trailer? Yeah, the carcass of what was once your trailer? He wouldn't have been wait. Where did you got the trailer from? Do you inherit or where did I look at bought? I owe sixteen thousand dollars on the trailer right now. Oh my god Underwater. It's not crazy. Melissa. You got yourself a winner honey Yeah, man, I'm on 425. Well, how much is a pay to fucking fix Walkman's in a circus city? One more time for nuts at guys give it up for nuts at good job I want I want to give a one month payment on the trailer. I'll give you a one month payment Melissa's mom she's like yes. Yes. Oh my god. Fine. We 425 dollars. I get by toilet paper again. Oh Wait a minute. We never went to go see his asshole. We only did that to Pablo. Yeah He wouldn't have been the one Nutsax assholes all crazy. He put on the he puts on the old rent for us give it up I mean dude dude nuts at asshole. I was gonna give him the cash. Oh Let's go with Satisfied I've ever heard the last one. Let's go with cerebral Paul One of the retards. Keep it. Hurry up. Let's go. Keep fast. Move it. Move it. Move that can't come for a move Time is money, Paul. Thank you cerebral Paul. What's up, buddy? What's up, bro? I'm on cerebral Paul. Hey, do a man Any notable false he's like how you doing, man? I'm in a lot of pain. Yeah, are you every day of my life? Are you pain right now? No, no. Yeah, we never asked. You're not in any pain. No, not really. Sir Paul's he doesn't hurt at all Not really. Okay, whatever. Oh Then you're fine, dude. You're good. I'm just really slow. You're just really slow. This guy's all class. Now keep in mind If we have him drive us if we have him drive us we can park close to them all now I know you guys don't get with them all the way. I do the same thing is retort girls. We bring him to six flags We can get front of the line at six. We have a group of 30 that has to bring this fucking doofball on a fucking roller coaster And guys remember he is he doesn't true or pause it. So at least one of his parents did drugs. That's true Okay, where are you from? One hundred tenths street Lexington Harlem We have a winner across a hundred and ten street How old are you? This is an important question because Harlem net one tenth on the east side One tenth of the east side now was like a nice area, but one tenth that's one years ago Already four years ago and you grew up there. I grew up in the hood. Yeah, I grew up there Yeah, and you grew up in the hood with a fucking cane syrup a paulsy they're making fun of you and Puerto Ricans are hilarious when they make fun of you Puerto Ricans blacks, why they were Pushing you but some but also the neighborhood people look after you too a little bit. Yeah, I had a feeling Yeah, Paul seems like a good do's if somebody would have to come if somebody's throwing too many snowballs at you with somebody say stop He's had enough at least fire. Yeah, what did your mom and dad do for a little my dad was a paramedic and my mom was a foster mom Great. Oh, no she drank foster as well. She was drunk with him. How did you get along with the foster kids? They were good. We adopted two of them. No way Yeah, she is more to get a couple of normies in the house. Yeah, bring that paycheck in What was yours? Oh my god find somebody can carry something up the stairs for me You are your retail unit clubs very good. Where you need go. What's you in a club? Japanese clothing store was popular for a little while. Okay. I didn't fit in anything man. Yeah, it's like G-Star Raw suck my dick He's in charge of the misprints and oddinities sections Did you have a parakeet growing up? No, I had a dog. He's like hey one sleeve is shorter. He goes man. Let me see that What kind of dogs that you have? Newfoundland a bulldog pit, and I have three cats. You have three cats now where my mom has three cats Where do you live now? I live in Soho and my mom lives in the Pokemon you live in Soho. Yeah, what's going on now? Rank control We were is then there's who's Name is the Lisa and both my mom's and mine. Okay for the record. He said both here and mom's what you would you do during the day? Hard it, but he's still ethnic are he I take care of my brother. How bad is he? What how is that possible my god? What is he a potato? What a bad hand to be dealt with well at least my brother will take care of me. Oh shit You're watching this for a couple hours. Yes, that's fucked up. He has severe autism. Oh my god Do you get paid for that? Yeah, who pays it the government? So as it's so we pay you with our tax dollar? No, no the like hospital or so as a team he can count the jellybeats you drop the jar. That's right You guys got to hit Vegas You guys got to start you guys got to start with instagram Have you found the fucking worries Or starper just right next to me The near future like minority report. Yeah, where's your brother right now? You're doing a terrible job of taking care of mom. He's drooling in his pen. They're probably at the park or someone Oh, he's with that the park at this hour. He's chasing rabbits. Just trying. They are Puerto Rican Yeah You're a Puerto Rican to send me he can't play music And Dominican Puerto Rican Dominican. Yeah, so yeah, they're playing music on a subway car. Yeah, my mom and brother play Music out loud. He's playing drums. He's singing Wait, where is your mother? They're break dancing on a subway for money Show time All right, yo, we ain't at their Robin and killing we had you try to make a good real honest living right now as a kid that grew up in the city Did you ever sell candy walking around? No, no, I can't hold candy in a cane. Holy's just trying to find candy right now It getting on you. He's like so many ways you holding Have you ever been arrested? Yes for graffiti for graffiti because it was so bad Hey, dude. What the fuck is that? What are you right, Sarge? I don't know What is your tag? Take a tie or glyphics? What is your tag squizzly lines? I don't I don't remember. It's a long time. What are you I don't know, but he's good Here's another bring it at the bring it as brother to interpret it There's another mix of plexa original Do you read no? Do you read books? Not can you read? I mean I read the last book I read was Sam talents running the life. Great book. Great book. Yeah, always decadels guys Nines and spools is available as we speak Lewis's book knives and spoon Lewis learned how to read by reading Sam talents book true unfortunately for you, it's on the second floor of Barnes and Noble You're gonna have to pay a young kid to go get it for you. What's the what's the last thing you stole? I stole Christmas gifts from my family from one year from uniclo from uniclo this year this past year Like two years ago two years ago. Have you ever been in an attic? And that you know what? That wasn't the last thing because you just stole our hearts, baby true that
-Oh. -What was the last vacation you went on? -When I was a kid, I went to Puerto Rico. -When you were a kid. -Do you have a-- do you have a passport? -Do you have a passport? -P Puerto Ricans behind me. -Get 'em! -I live in Washington Heights. I'm familiar with loud music. [LAUGHTER] -He doesn't have a passport, which is pretty trashy. -Yeah, pretty trashy. -The last vacation. What are you talking about? -The last vacation he went on was Puerto Rico, when he was a kid. -Yeah. -How do you get it right? You take the city bus? -Train city bus. -What's it like to board first? -It's pretty awesome. -I got it right. -Yeah. -Huh. -Maybe worth it. -What's that? Is that, like, that cane? What's that all about? -Yes, terrible palsy. -Is it Dornock? -He wasn't in a block for Charlie. -He sounded like a racist guy. -What is this? Say, uh, what do you say to a wizard? Is that a magic wand there? -There's a guy at night for something. But he don't rape in a white woman with that, eh? -Fucking lie to me. -What is there a sword in there, James? -What lies in a sword, huh? -I know. God, when I see one. Trying to get sympathy, yeah? -Oh. -I still going downtown punk. -Yeah. I've seen this game before, Mr. Fuji. He fights for the sword, but his nickname is zero. -Zero. -Hold on. I know what it's for. I said, what's the deal with that? It's a-- It's something fucking blade would carry. -Yeah. -It's got leather straps on it and shit. -If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? -If I could go anywhere. -Anywhere in the world, where would you go right now? -Who does Debsil research? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that was me. -Turkey. -I would go to Germany. -You go to Germany. -I just got back. -You're a Nazi, yeah. -Okay. -Hey, would not like you. -You want to go to Germany. -You want to go count skeletons and see if it was six million? -I hear it's pretty awesome. Well, Kevin's going to fly you to Germany first class. -You got your first, dude. -I guess not. -You're going to make Kevin make a rich wine. -All right. What was the best meal you've ever had in your entire life? -Best meal? -Best meal you've ever had in your entire life. -From my aunt's cooking. -From your aunt's cooking. -Your sweet bowl. -This guy's a sweetheart. -Once last time you got laid. -Two months ago? -Not bad. -Wait, what's this? Wait, what's this last time you got laid? -Yeah. -Two months ago? -Two months ago. -We all thought he was going to say years. -Two months ago. Who was it? -It was just a random hooker. -Nice. -Random hooker. -Hooker. -Yeah, hooker made more sense. -Can I ask you this? -Yeah. -No, did she have anything? -No. -No? -She does now. -Can you transmits her role? -She's got a cool cane and a retarded brother. -Yeah. -Sorry. -This is why she's just show bringing it out. -Serve a ball. -Serve a ball. -We do a family play. -Broke is trashy. -He is trashy, but you're just not hitting the same level of trash. -He's a classy guy. -Nice, nice guy. -Thanks, classy guy. -Yeah, you pull it up right now real quick. -I would say that. -He's still trashy. -He's trashier than Henry. -That's a bad picture. -Hembridge is fucking. -When was you on the sun? -Hembridge is Johnny from Cobra Kai, dude. He is privilege. Paul looks like he's about to shoot you up. -I would say he's right in the middle. -I'd say literally right where he's at is almost perfect. -Yeah. -That's good. -There you go. -You're a good kid. -Yeah. -Paul, a great job, buddy. -Thank you for your time. -Paul, you should have turned the flash on on your picture. -I think we did decide. We're going to have the trashy. I think the trashiest person is likely most equipped to be our intern. -Absolutely. -I think you can't have aspirations. You can't have anything else going for you. -Yeah. -This has to kind of be it. -And I think Nutsack is going to move on to next week for sure. -Yeah. -But here's what we're going to do. Nutsack. We're going to allow you to pick one person to come with you for next week. Now, it's every now. Hammeridge already has a pass. So strategically speaking, you can pick Hammeridge. And he goes on the next week as well. -Pick Paul, not that. -Because the three. -He can be out of it. -No, he can do whatever he wants. -He can do whatever he wants. -Let me say this. I think he should be able to do whatever he wants to do. If he wants to strategically pick Hammeridge. -He can. -He will. -He doesn't have to. -He will. -What we're going to do is the people that you don't pick were putting them in one final quick fire challenge and two of them are going home today. -Jesus, I didn't sign up for this. -I'm not sending Paul back to the fucking show out. -It's going to take so long to get there. -You get to decide who's coming on next week. He's making them do rock paper scissors. -Wow. -He can, like, come with me next week. -You're saying, "Cerebral Paul's in next week with you guys." -Can't wait! -Show them a second. -Cerebral Paul's in next week. -Next week is a speed race by foot. Hammeridge, you're safe for next week. So it's really going to be a challenge between the bottom two then. -Yes. -Is Paul really his first name? -Paul? -No. -Paul. -Cerebral Paul. -Cerebral Paul is not his name. -By the way, we have no idea what it's for. -We have no idea what it's for. -One person going home tonight. -So let's get to see what are the chances. -Only one person is going home today. Nurse Betty and Paul get up here right now. I'm actually sad to see one of these guys leave after today. -Why do this? -We have to get one. -We have to get one. -We have to kill him right now. -We're not paying them. -Come on. We can't say anything. -These two, these two are my favorite. -They have a chance. -I say we all vote immunity for the guys. -No, we can't again. -And then we all vote for each other. -We got to get them out of here. -Come on. -One's in fucking cane. The other one's 900 years old. -One guy is both these guys rule. I won't be sure consistently. -Paul's in. -So Paul and Nurse Betty, here's what we're going to do. We had Jake do this on the show a while ago. We had him chug syrup. -I can't be a part of this. -So what you guys have to do. -I thought that was for the guest. -We're going for you. -Fully's got it. -But there's only two. -Fully's taking this. -I can't even start it. -Fully taking one to go. -I got all those pancakes in my house. -So here's what we're going to do. -Oh, it's this thing, dude. -It's just what they got right to Antrimima. -We're all milling. -Yeah. -Wow. We're going to have you guys both start at the same time. Whoever finishes this first is moving on to next week. -My favorite guy. So this really hurts even more. -So these two guys that you become friends at this point? -Oh, no. -It's not going to hurt if he's just your ass, Garz Betty. -Gay. -Gay. -Gay. -Gay. -Gay. -Gay. -Hey, if one of you guys has sex right now, -Can we play some more crack-and-meekin music while they do this? This is fun. Play the OP song. -Yeah. -Let you again. -Get violent. -We're going to open these up. -He's setting. -Wait, what? -This is going to be a. -Oh my god. -No, I need to. -Oh. -Oh. -Oh, this is fun. -Emmunity Jones came with a bucket. -So here's the thing. -Not thanks to one of those throw-up. -Is this going to make you throw-up? -Maybe. -It's possible. -Jay, do throw-up, right? -Oh, not the either one of you guys have diabetes. -Do you want it? -What you're about to. -Oh. -Oh, hold me. -Can your people process sugar? -Can you look into the camera and say that you're legally consenting to do this? -Legally consenting. -Don't put me in this light. -Talking to the state of the microphone. -This is AI, by the way. -Can you say that? Are you garbage talking to this? -Oh, my kiss. -But I agree. -I agree that if I die or get hurt, this is not going to fall. -I agree. -I'm legally consenting. No one else is fault. -Wow, I legally consent. -Nice. -All right, love it. -All right, ladies and gentlemen, wait. You're going to start at the same time. -Wait, wait, wait, wait. -Same time. -Oh, that's so kind of you. It's so kind of you. -Me the best man move on. We're down to the top four after this. On your mark. -Whoa! -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Take a sip. Take a sip. Take a sip. -No, let me top him. -Wait, wait, wait. -Yeah. -He's top of all. -Oh, it's so exciting. -Bob and bottom. -All right. -I feel like Danny. -They got a taste of it. -On your mark. -Oh, man. -Get set. Chuck. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -You're not under water. -Oh, man. -You're doing this to yourself. -There's Betty. You got to get that come off your cheek. -Oh, man. -Come on, Paul. You got to want it. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -Oh, man. -It's going to this cheek. You got to get in your mouth. -Oh, man. -Pose out. -Pose out. -Come on. -Let me finish it. -What? -You won. -There's Betty Wands. -We just are shaking right now, like people say. -Is anybody having Narcan on them? -Yes. We actually have Narcan on us. It's been a recurring bit every week with the Narcan. Paul, we love you. Thank you so much. One more time. Paul did a great job. He gave up in the middle of it. -Oh, man. -Oh, my God. Dude, what the fuck? How do you feel right now? -Heaven, give Paul a job. -I think I'm good. -I think I will throw up eventually, yes. -One more time for Nurgs. Great job. [ Cheers and applause ] -Poverty and Sarah. -Pope, honestly, if you come the next three weeks in a row, you're probably-- -Great job, everybody. -Oh, my God. You take that buck. Paul, you've been eliminated. But you can just show up at Gassage all every week. You probably will. -You'll probably get a job at some point. -Yeah. You show the most actual talent. -Yeah, yeah. You all will stop me doing you probably good job. -You just fuck your way out of your best intern. [ Laughter ] -We keep showing up, we'll just get high. And somehow it happens. -Type 60 words a minute.
It was all qualified to be an intern by a lot. All right, everybody. Big more random balls for Po. Fucking going home. And for our people who are moving on, Hammeridge, nurse Betty Nutsack and cerebral Paul. You guys got much darker than you normally get on Legion of Skinks. Yeah, I know. What are you talking about, Jew Boy? [LAUGHTER] Sorry, guys. It's drunk. Guys, before we go, I got a announcement for everybody. I don't-- Still got punchlines coming. I'm going to have to light another cigarette. OK. Hey, in April this year, the Tottenham hot spurs will look like they were getting relegated for sure. They were in disarray. And then they hired Roberto. Amazing coach, who's a fucking-- I don't know, relegator buster. And they managed to win it out in the last day. And Tottenham is now not relegated to the B leagues. And so, because of that, I am leaving the show. Everybody, I'm moving to London. Yeah, I'm sorry. I know this is a tough one. Yeah, I mean, Paul, this was already told me about this a couple months ago. A couple months ago, yeah. And I've been keeping a close to our chest for now. And I just got to say, like, already in the amount of time that you've been on the show, we would love you. And we're going to really miss you. It's been the best time. Legion of Skanks, first of all, it's the best god damn, the funniest god damn podcast in the fucking world. [APPLAUSE] This has been the best 15-- 14? 15 years. Almost 15 years. Almost 15 years of my life. And it's been amazing. I mean, I was nothing before this pod. I was-- yeah, I mean, honestly, you pulled me out of homelessness and a fucking Bolipian in jungle to come do this. And-- Yeah, I'm 15 years old. You all right? Sorry. I don't want to get emotional. No, look, we're going to do a send-off next week. Next week is your last show. So Ari, we'll be here next week. And-- We're going to do it right. We're going to do it right. We're going to do one Friday night hangs. And then we're going to do one send-off next week. No, probably do another Friday night hang for no reason at all. Yeah, yeah, for no reason whatsoever. I'm leaving with the show works. It's nothing particular. I'm sorry to the fans, also to the other fans. You're welcome. It's just like, you know, I got two little tieboys at home. I'm fucking it is the last time. I say you make Poe the new co-host. Yeah. It's possible. It's possible. The legion of Skanks are going to miss you due to 15 years of memories. Yeah. Honestly, this is the first successful thing I've ever done in my career. Three for life. Three for life. Three for life. We're bummed out. I love you guys. I mean, Jen, we're going to talk about what we're going to do for the future of the show, obviously. The show's not finished. The show's going to go on. We're not ending Legion to Skanks by any means. But it's going to be a really big hole to fill. And we're going to try to figure it out however we have to figure it out. We're going to be thinking about you in London. I'll be watching 3 a.m. when the release date is over there every week. And I'll be missing you guys. Thank you to the fans. You guys made this one of the most magical experience in my life. Let's say it one, four, three, four, three, four, three. Everybody wants to go watch the next. Big round of applause for our amazing guests. Everybody, are you garbage, H. Foley, Kevin Ryan? Thank you. We love you. Thank you. We love you, too. Thank you guys so much for being here. We'll catch you guys next time on Legion of Skanks. Until then, peace, dudes. You've been listening to the Legion of Skanks podcast with Big J. Operson. Did you suck it? I think I would instinctually suck it. Big with three scenes. What else we fucking over, Lewis? Lewis Gomez. Lewis St. Gomez. You fucking sucker. Hmm. Lewis J. Gomez. You're trying to watch a retarged raw swastika hilarious. I'm sort of done as a point guard of podcasting. Being a fat gay guy is so fucking awesome. And comedian, Ari Schaffier. The Legion of Skanks podcast. [MUSIC PLAYING]
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