141: Gru Ranks Halloween Candy

Boom! It's officially spooky season, and this episode of The Bros. Gear Report is brought to you by my favorite little trick-and-treat, Smirnoff Ice. Get ready for your Halloween party and stock the fridge with Smirnoff Ice today! Hello, little girls! Hello, girls! Happy Halloween! Hey guys, seriously. Welcome back to The Bros. Gear Report. Today is a very new chocolate episode. Today we're going to be incorporating some websites. Today we're going to be incorporating some rankings, some fun. Sorry. Today we are going to be incorporating, and there's a very thin line between us for our two and Gru. Like, they're probably from the same sort of area. Gru does have this sort of transylvanian. Where is Gru from? Where is Dr. Gruf? Where is Dr. Gruf right now? Where is Dr. Gruf from? Fologus Gruf from the Despicable Me Wiki was raised in the United States, though his exact real-world hometown or country is never explicitly defined. So that kind of gives us license to say, uh, vaguely Eastern European, we'll go ahead and pinpoint it somewhere near Transylvania. Transylvania, honey, gag it, clock it, trans rights! Okay, here's what we're going to do today. Here's what we're going to do today. Today, I am going to be doing all things Halloween, okay, freaking Halloween, freaking bats. And no one loves the minions more than millennials, and I unfortunately, um, I get it. The older that I get, I do understand. And she's my little son in the box. He's a baby of a bear. I got him in one of my blind box videos that I don't on YouTube. One of the only blind box video I did on YouTube. On the main channel, when I did, uh, trends that I missed, and I opened him and I literally was like, I understand the maternal instinct of needing to sacrifice my own self, my own person, uh, for something smaller than me. And, and something that I feel incredibly maternal towards. So that's him, that's Bob, uh, with a little bear. He's, he's very little. And he is in many ways, my son in many ways, a plastic toy. So I've got him over here with me, the spirit of Bob. I want to put him somewhere y'all can see, but he's just so damn little. There, I'll put him there. He's just little. So tiny. Okay, and I've also got my needle gummy bear. Okay, and, and the vein of what we're doing today. And I recently discovered this in my stem drawer. Um, my stem drawer, of course, being all my tap of squishies and then all the like rejects because the real stem toys and rotation, they stay out. Okay, I've got my needle gum drop over here and not to say that needles my favorite. I mean, needles very kind. They sent me a bunch of shit, but like, I don't. There are in my opinion a lot of shops on, uh, TikTok or like these people who are just in their basement with the e700 glue or whatever and they're gluing it and they put the plastic piece over it. They're like, making my own stick. Those are the best, the crunchy ones, the like. Or the people that take the air out of them. I really like that. Okay, so this one is the gummy bear and I really enjoy something about needles is they're kind of indestructible, which I need. Because I have a very, very heavy hand. I have a very, you know, linear from of my cinnamon hand. Like if this was a sentient gummy bear, his neck would be broken by this point because I'm. And I have thought on more on more than one occasion of putting him in my mouth, but, you know, I'm looking at him right now and he's covered in sort of carpet hair and, uh, dander. It's covered, it's covered. It's covered in Whitney dandall. It's sort of covered in Whitney dandall. So yeah, uh, loving the, the gumdrops going to be with me as I do what I need to do today. So everyone, we share not because we are going to take it to various areas. It's about time that I get my way. Remember, Ferrell did that fuck ass song for Despicable Me One went in high school or when was that middle school when that shit came out? I specifically went to iTunes. I just remember this. I went to iTunes and bought that song and it was my most listened to like of the whole school year. Like I loved that fucking song. Like almost fix fixation on it. You know what I mean? It's about time that I get and I of course can't sing it because YouTube will snuck me. But, uh, very important that song was very important and now I just listened to it back and I was like, this song fucking sucks. Oh, oh, my bald cap just rolled up. This song fucking sucks. But in a good way, like bad in a good way. I would much rather listen to that song than because I'm happy. I hated that song from the from the jump. I did not like that song. Okay. So, uh, Friedonian, a promotional 23 and me campaign listed grew fictional DNA as mostly free Donian. What the hell? The fictional island nation of free Donia. And what they don't tell you is that's right next to Transylvania. It's right next to Transylvania. Okay. Um, let's go ahead and get started on what we're doing today. I thought it would be a very kind of family-friendly because I have gorles. I have three little precious angels that are my gorles and all of my minions that I treat like they are expendable. Because they are. I thought what would be a good family-friendly bonding activity is March Madness Candy. March Madness Halloween Candy ranking. Okay. What we're going to be doing is taking I think it's 25 different candies and I'm gonna come to the conclusion of what is the ideal best Halloween candy. And I do have ideas in my head of what I think it is. I'm gonna go ahead and just say Reese's. I'm gonna put it out there. I love a fucking Reese's. So I'll be shocked if it's something else, but I don't know. I've got quite the array. I'll go ahead and list them all off. Okay. We've got Kit Kat Reese's Hershey's cookies and cream. Okay. Okay. Next Snickers. Crunch, Twix, Baby Ruth, Old Headass Candy, 100 grand, 100 gecks. Butterfinger, Old Headass Candy, Peanut M&Ms, Trolley Crawlers, Laffy Taffy, and I have three different, I have Strawberry, Banana, and what is that? Sour Apple. I'm sort of partial to a banana Laffy Taffy, but upon taste testing, I might choose something different. Smarties, gummy bear, nerds, nerd gummy clusters, sweet tarts, warheads, double bubble. Okay. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it because I love candy and I, you know, growing up big. You didn't really, you know, you can have preferences, but ultimately I am gonna eat all this. Like, if I'm getting this in my Halloween bucket, I'm gonna eat all of it. It's just a ranking of what comes first. What am I reaching for first versus last? But ultimately they are all getting eaten. That's just like another thing that I'll be honest. Okay. I'll just be honest. All right. Without further ado, I have this bracket here in front of us. I have created a March Madness-esque bracket. So let's go ahead and do this. All right. First up. And this is they kind of randomized it, which I'm kind of pissed about because I think chocolate should be ranked against chocolate, but I guess we'll get there eventually, right? Okay. First up, Hershey's Cookies and Cream, which is difficult because I love Hershey's Cookies and Cream. Probably, probably top, gotta be top three Halloween polls and trolley crawlers. All right. Let's go ahead and do it. I do love a trolley crawler. I mean, look at that. Delicious. Really good, but I already know my, I see that's pretty good. I already know my favorite because I had three of these last night. I had three Hershey's Cookies and Cream last night when I was prepping for this video. And I know myself. Okay. I like a chocolate above a fruity candy any day, but I like a sour candy as well. Okay. Hershey's Cookies and Cream. Thanks. This is specifically a Halloween Hershey's Cookies and Cream. Yeah. Absolutely winner. All right. Next, we've got, let's go down, actually. Laffy Taffy, Hershey's Cookies and Cream. Obviously, I'm not, well, I should probably try Laffy Taffy. I'll go for a banana. Actually, no, let's do something else. Oh, there's jokes on every wrapper. Let's see the joke. about time that up, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. What's the joke? What did the bee whisper to his honey? (laughing) Okay, I'm gonna read this, and then I need you to picture in your mind that I'm 10 or 10, 36, okay. Come get this bee ass bounce on it, sweet little thing. (laughing) That's the joke, I don't know, I don't know what's funny about that. Come suck on this bee sting. No, the answer is sweet nothings. I like my answer better. What did the baby say after lunch was cleaned off its face? Probably fucking nothing. I'm wiped out. Okay, a baby wouldn't have the cognitive ability to make a joke as stupid as that to begin with. Honestly, and I'll give it to the kids. I'll give it to the baby. Whatever the baby would say would be funnier than this shit. Okay, let's go ahead. I'm going for sour apple, affi-taffy. The nose has got to go, I'm over it. (laughing) Right. The affi-taffy is so fucking bad. All right, Hershey's cookies and cream. No fucking question about it. Nerds versus peanut M&Ms. All right, that's an interesting one. Let's see. I hate life-taffy, that's just all of my fucking teeth. That's all my fucking teeth. (laughing) Just put the grunos on my stem toy for anyone watching. Not watching. Okay, peanut M&Ms, a classic dad snack. My dad would get these at Costco by the fucking box. Like a big plastic jar of peanut M&Ms. And I'd always be like, oh, who's eating those? And then we'd be watching a movie. And I'd look at him because he'd have it. Just like going to town on him. I'd be like, can I have some? Obviously, 'cause like, these are like top 10 shareable snacks. Peanut M&Ms, I'd be like, can I have some? And he'd be like, no. And then he'd do the dad thing where he'd like slowly, just like, you know, hand it over to me. Peanut M&Ms, really good. I'm just not reaching for it. Yeah. Uh-huh. You also have to take into mind, it's woke Halloween. So what Peanut M&Ms offer is something pretty exclusive, which is it's carving out kids with a nut allergy. Girl, anytime I was in class with someone with a fucking nut allergy, it was like, red alert, red alert. We got a 2319. Fucking crumb. If you have a nut allergy, you need to grow up, and I just spit everywhere. Nerds, grape. And I do love the look. Can we put the nerds a little guy up here? He's very cute and he's stupid looking. And I don't even know what he is, really. All right. It's just sugar, you know? Yeah, you got to give it to the peanut M&Ms. I respect what a nerd is. I respect nerds. I actually enjoy the grape flavor. Again, I'm eating all of this if it's in my Halloween bag basket. Get rid of me, what's in my Halloween bucket? (laughing) It's just razors and pills. (laughing) Let's do it, what's in my Halloween bucket haul? It's just like all the worst nightmare things that moms and grandmothers are like, "Don't give your kids a candy "that checking it first or putting razors "in fucking Ambien in the Halloween buckets." I wish I had an Ambien in my Halloween bucket. Okay, this has got to go to the peanut M&Ms. Winner. All right, moving on. Warheads and Butterfinger. Bruh, my shit's gonna be black. (laughing) My shit's gonna be black with little nerds in it. This episode is sponsored by SoFi. Making progress with your money doesn't have to start with a huge change. It starts with one smart decision. You work hard for your dollar, so why not put those dollars to work for you? That's where SoFi comes in. The everything app for smarter money. With SoFi checking and savings, you can easily track your spending and save towards your goals while earning nine times the national average savings rate. 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Taxes and fees extra, initial plan term only. Greater than 50 gigabyte may slow when network is busy, includes up to 20 gig hotspot, capable device required, availability speed and coverage varies. See MintMobile.com. I hate butter finger. I don't like butter finger. I get real weird and like, (laughs) about should it get stuck in my teeth? I don't like things stuck in my teeth. I feel like I should have the nose on. All right, see just fucking old head candy. Like I've never seen someone under the age of 58 eat a butter finger. Other than me. (laughs) (screams) Brat. (laughs) Butter finger. (screams) Aw, aw. What is it, peanut butter? Crispy crunchity peanut buttery. Flop. A warhead bitch. (laughs) Bitch, a warhead. All right. Let me cleanse my palate. And I have a spit cup over here that's Hattie B's chicken. Shout out Hattie B. All right, I went for a warhead, extreme sour blue raspberry. My mouth's already watering. Mm. Hey. To God, country and family. (laughs) Oh, I forgot to have a tinker sore on my fucking lip. Okay, it stuck to my teeth, it stuck to my teeth, it stuck to my fucking teeth. Okay, now we're down to just the candy, which is good. Yeah, I mean, like whatever, deadass, I'm picking warheads and I just spit, bro, oh, warheads, who would I want to give a warhead? I mean, there's the classic meme of like give a Victorian child a warhead, like I'd travel back to like 1875 and I'd be like, hey, I can't have a tried one of these, it's real good for you. It'll cure all your ailments that I'd give it to when they die on the spot. I feel like I'd rather go back to someone like Salem Witch Trials and I'd pop in and I'd be like, I know all of you guys have diarrhea, I know you guys hate women, but I just hear me out, hear me out, try one of these and I'd go to the parish or what, what was, what would he have been called, the preacher, the town preacher or the vicar? What there was Salem Catholic? Was the town of Salem Catholic? No, they would have been Protestant, strictly Protestant, yep. They were settled and governed by Puritans, they were extreme Protestants who believed that the Protestant Reformation in Europe had not gone far enough. Their entire mission was to purify the Church of England from any remaining Roman Catholic religious praxis. Yeah, that's making sense. Ew, the fucking warhead gets more sound, it gets like sour again. But still, I'm ultimately gonna pick warheads because the warheads wield a power. It's gonna be funny every single time when you give like an old person a warhead, when you give a dog a warhead, don't give a dog a warhead, but when you give like unsuspecting people or Europeans, I love giving a fucking European a warhead. All right, warheads win that round. Nerds gummy clusters and a crunch bar, obviously nerd gummy clusters, right? Tiny and crunchy, sweet and gummy, Rhineba, look at these little guys, they're so freaking cute, they're so fun. I wanna plush with the little gummy guys on it. What are the nerds guys? What is the nerds mascot? Oh, it's the candy. The mascot is an anthropomorphized colorful, colorful, bulbous little creature known simply as a nerd. Felt. In many ways, I'm an anthropomorphized colorful, bulbous little creature and all my friends. All right, nerds gummy clusters. This is another one when someone on the road trip gets these or someone in the movie theater that I'm with. I'm literally, during the movie, I'm leaning over like, can I have some, can, can you pass those over here? Can I have some, and they're like, no, watch the fucking movie, stop talking. Okay, yeah, I heard, but can I just, can I just have like a handful? Those are good, but I would never pick these for myself, you know what I mean? Here's my movie order. And I think I've talked about this plenty of times before, uh, Raisa Nets. And funny, Raisa Nets are nowhere on the fucking Halloween candy list, because you bitches are prejudiced against Raisa Nets. Come here, Cluster. Yeah. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Hi, my name is Carmen Winston. Yeah, that's delicious. Crunch. These aren't bad. You know what I mean, but who's putting crisped rice in a creamy milk chocolate bar? That is ridiculous. Oh, you know what else is missing from this? Then again, this is like the rich houses would do this, uh, rice crispy treat, ho, rice crispy treat, ho, I love a rice crispy treat. It's got to be like top five shitty dessert, top five shitty processed desserts. And I'll be honest, when you get them, like when someone's like, it's, you went over to someone's house as a kid and their mom was like, I need rice crispy treats. And it's just sugar butter marshmallow and the rice crispy. So I'm like, this doesn't taste good. Like this doesn't taste the same. The thing about a rice crispy treat is that it's so like plasticky and like artificially sugary. That's what I like. There's a crunch bar. Yeah, like, like whatever, you know, like fucking whatever, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit about a crunch bar. But a crunch bar doesn't piss me off the way a butter finger piss me off. So we'll go, obviously it's going to nerds go be clusters every time. All right, other side, Reese's versus gummy bears. That's like putting Achilles next to that's like, that's like, that's like facing Achilles off in battle with a fucking Sprite. Okay, this is Reese's peanut butter pumpkin pumpkin spice pumpkin. I love her Reese's Reese's pumpkin. Oh my god, Reese's pumpkin. Yeah, it's really, really hard to beat a Reese's for me. I just got it's good. It's a perfect balance. It's a perfect balance of flavor. Okay, talk about corporate fucking landfill core gummy bears and you get one gummy bear. It is individually wrapped one gummy bear. The planet's on fucking fire. Bad. Like really bad. What's the best gummy bear? This is from don't get the Frank Ferd gummy bear is a shit ass. Probably Harry Boe is the best, right? But the Harry Boe ones are in the UK, I think, are better. Harry Boe known as America's favorite, offering a firm toothsome bite and classic fruit flavors like clear pineapple. Broly gummy bears, actually, these they give these out on flights, Albany's. People on Reddit are saying that Bucky's gummy bears are softer and juicier than known brands. I need to give Bucky's gummy bears Bucky Bummy bears to try because I'm there. Okay, yeah, I fucking, I really don't like gummy bears. So Reese's, Reese's you win hundred grand versus double bubble. What the fuck is a hundred gecks bar, bro? We even is this rich, oh my, I don't like caramel. I don't like caramel. Sue me. Sue me. I know it's against my Caucasian heritage. I don't like caramel caramel and it is different. It is different. It is a caramel, it's got caramel in it, like anything, like a milkshake, a coffee, caramel, but it is a caramel apple. Okay, don't ask me to explain. It is a caramel apple. Yeah, I want a caramel apple when I'm at Disneyland, I would like a caramel apple. I don't make the rules. I don't want to eat this. I want to fucking eat this rich, rich caramel, milk chocolate, crispy crunchies. This looks like it has shit growing on it. Can you get it close up of that? It's like, I don't like the texture. It also doesn't help that I have like gummy bear remnants in my fucking mouth. Yeah, it's just like whatever. I'm honestly, I'm going to give it a double bubble. I love double bubble. Whenever this would be in my, I actually used to steal the double bubbles out of my siblings Halloween bags because they'd be so focused on like just whatever. I don't really know what they're eating. You know what else I really like in Halloween? Holes, twizzlers, the individually wrapped red vines and twizzlers. I love those. I love twizzlers. Twizzlers are also my movie snack. I love strawberry and cherry twizzlers. Very, very delicious. I brother one year in Halloween got so he was probably four. He had so much damn candy that he ran around the house naked, beat red, sweating at his diaper, hanging off his shit, just like, hey, I wish that's the level of, like, energy that sometimes I feel like on this podcast I have, like I feel like I can literally strip naked and run around and start hanging from the lights. So that's how I feel sometimes, then I'll never forget that there are photos of him beat ass red, sweating, hair matted to his forehead, just, from eating too much Halloween candy. Anyway, I used to steal candy from their buckets and then I'm like, well, I was like, plus I was the kid because I was fucking, like, I couldn't help it. Double bubble. Heart is a rock, it's where you gotta warm it up. Yeah, double bubble gets it. It's just really good, you know what I mean? I also, I'm trying to get into cinnamon gum, go like cinnamon gum. Next up, Kit Kat versus Smarties. Kit Kat's gonna win, obviously, and keep in mind, this is Kit Kat counts. Kit Kat counts, it is a Dracula. The Kit Kat Club, what? Alright, crisp wafers and milk chocolate, I'm a frigging gosh, it is a frigging, it's frigging Dracula and he's got a skull. Oh, I don't like that it's not too. The whole tea about a Kit Kat is you can break it, there's two ones. This is just one big head. I love a Kit Kat, yeah, that's good. Smarties again, like old head candy, but ultimately I'm eating this, I will eat it. Alright, the nose is coming off, irritating the fuck out of my lip skin. Alright, Smarties, Smartie Hall. The inside of my mouth tastes fucking crazy. What the hell, just sugar, going in for another one? You know, reminds me of pixie sticks, remember those, again, just sugar, just not even trying to disguise it, just straight up sugar, it's going to Kit Kat every time. Dry Ruth and Twix, what the hell, what is baby Ruth, oh my, it's caramel, dry roasted peanuts, rich caramel and smooth nougat, old head fucking candy, Charlie in the chocolate factory, Willy Wonka asked candy, grandpa, Charlie asked candy. What was the granddad's name, grandpa from Charlie in the chocolate factory? What the fuck, by the way, was rolled doll smoking? Like what an instant grandpa Joe, my fault, my fault, not grandpa Charlie, oh my god, this dude used to scare the fuck out of me as a kid, Arthur Slugwerf, fictional antagonist and rival candy manufacturer in rolled dolls, Charlie in the chocolate factory. The dude, he scared the hell out of me as a kid, I just put that thing on my story, I'll put the tiktok up here of um, that girl, she said she made a tiktok and it had just a caption on it and said whenever I eat candy that's wrapped in foil, I feel like this scene from Charlie in the chocolate factory when he eats the candy out of the firefly, when Willy Wonka was a kid and his dad was a dentist and he was like, don't fucking eat candy, and then like he throws it all in the fire and it burns and then he goes in there and he's like, oh, but his mouth is open with the, how I feel too, baby Ruth, I don't want this, I'm gonna take a little baby bite, what the hell is Nougat, what the hell is Nougat, Nougat is a sweet candy made by whipping egg whites and mixing them with hot sugar or honey, often with roasted nuts or dried fruit, old head, old head, like what's that shit, country folk used to make back in the 50s, it was called, I gotta call my mom, hold on, hey lady, hey, I'm on the broski report, I've got a question, I am talking about that, what was that stuff, you said nanny used to make, it's like real country folk dessert, it's like rice and milk, but it's sweet, what was that, and what was it called, well, you know, there's a version of, you know, it's rice pudding, right, that this is out there, but it wasn't pudding, what we would do, and you know, it's one of Mimi's favorites too, it's just left over rice from any recipe that you've cooked the night before, and you put it in use, it was an old honey mason jar like she had left over from jelly, and she put some rice down in there, and she put some real sugar, like a teaspoon of sugar, she put a tablespoon of butter, and she'd pour whole milk or butter milk over that, and then mix it up, and that's it, that's it, and then you would eat it with a spoon, and you didn't even have to eat the rest of the milk, you just kind of eat it, and it's all, it's really good, it's like a little dessert, but didn't that texture make you like tingle bad, what I mean, no, actually not at all, I mean, it's actually really yummy, it's almost like you can make it, you don't have to add a lot of milk, you can make it kind of sick, like almost like a pudding, it's like a warm rice pudding really, and you eat it warm, you don't let it like congeal, and then you eat it, no, no, you eat it warm, you melt the rice, you heat up the rice, and you melt the butter, and you put some sugar on it, and then you add the milk, sometimes the milk would warm the milk, and it's like warm, almost like a warm rice, yeah, that's just like such an it's an old pofo country, country snack, well it's yeah, it's kind of pofo, it's also just using your your leftovers, you know, yeah, that's true, and Mimi loves it, and you know, in fact, I just made them the other night with leftover rice, really, I was just talking about, I'm ranking Halloween candies, and I was just talking about how, what I just eat, a baby roof is like peanuts, caramel, and nougat, and I said, this is such an old-head snack, like no one under the age of 55 is reaching for a baby roof, and I was like, what is nougat? And then I looked up nougat, and it's just whipped egg whites, and hot sugar syrup, or honey, and I said, that is such a country folk type of thing, and then I was like, what? I think Halloween candy, you need to go look up the old circus peanuts, the, this one. Oh, yeah, I know those two on tire orange tires, is that what you used to get, what Halloween candies would you get when you would go trick-or-treating? Oh my gosh, smarties were a big thing, we used to have like real caramel apples, but they didn't have bad, yeah, and you know, lots of chocolate, lots of hard candies, those pixie sticks, just straight up sugar, yep, those were in there, yeah, just, but there were some things in there that they don't make anymore either, but, but oh my goodness, yeah, the rice, I don't even know what we called it, just rice and milk, I mean, we didn't really have a name, but they actually make rice pudding and get in the store, in the pudding, so. Yeah, I feel like I've seen that, I just didn't know if it was a put, okay, well that was my question. Okay. Thanks, made up. Talk to you later. Okay, bye. Old head ass snack, dude, rice pudding, but watch, I'm going to turn 50, and I'll be like damn this. That was kind of good. It's just too much dairy. I can't, I can't be doing all that dairy. I can't be doing all that dairy if I'm not near a shitter, okay? Okay, can I say something? Why does every friend group have that one person who's like, "Don't worry, I'll bring something." And then they show up with one lonely bag of chips probably for themselves. Girl, there's 20 people here. What was the thought process there? I personally am the opposite of that person. That's why I've been grabbing Smirnov Ice. It's cold, it's crispy, and it's one of those things that disappears from the fridge way faster than you expected. My friends are pigs. Also, sorry, can we normalize opening someone's fridge the second you get to their house? Like, you knew I was coming, let me in there. I wanna see what sauce is you have in here, and I'm gonna start throwing stuff away that's expired. Anyway, the next time you're headed to a get together, just grab some Smirnov Ice and make sure the fridge is stocked. This episode is sponsored by Seatgeek. Alert! Fontaine's DC American Tour. Irish Invasion! Red Alert! I repeat, red alert! I need everyone to be present and clocked in at these shows, which is why I wanna give this sponsor of today's video Seatgeek a huge shout out. With over 35 million downloads, Seatgeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events listed on Seatgeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more. There are so many artists going on tour right now like Olivia Rodrigo, Bruno Mars, Charlie XCX, Sombra, Harry Styles, Phoebe Bridgers, and more. So grab your tickets now. 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Okay, we've got. Kit Kat versus Sweet Tarts. Sweet Tarts. That's what we call Caleb. This one says shy and another one says gentle. Why is there writing on it? I don't know, there was writing. And the last one says fierce. Is this like my reading? Bitch, that's actually tea. Sweet Tarts give you like an astrology reading. Shy, gentle, and fierce. Kit Kat. Sweet Tarts is boring. All right, going back over here. All right, y'all. We're starting to narrow it down. Here we go. We have Hershey's Cookies and Cream versus Peanut M&Ms. Obviously, Hershey's cooking the cream. I really am putting money that it's gonna win it all. Hershey's cooking the. Oh, oh, my throat. What the fuck? Warheads versus Nerds gummy clusters. Obviously Nerds gummy clusters. And I am gonna have another one. And I wonder if they sell little plushies of the Nerds 'cause I recently figured out how to make. I got it myself a little mini drill. And I figured out how to make a bag charm out of literally anything 'cause I put little eye hooks in there, attached to a keychain. I need to figure out how to make the fabric bag charms because all of that is is you just sew, you sew it. And then you hook that onto a chain. So we're on other side. Okay. Snickers versus Reese's, shut all over my face. Snickers versus Reese's. We didn't even do Snickers. I love A Snickers. And I don't even like, Peanut is not my favorite. Caramel's not my favorite. What is this? Why doesn't it say what's in it? Snickers always look like Vainey Penises. Snickers had the potential to become an old head snack, but it didn't. People kept Snickers young, you know? Like, you're at the doctor's office, you're wherever you're waiting and they've got one of those little glass trays full of candy. I'm reaching first Snickers every time. If there's not a Reese's or Kit Kat. Yeah, I love Snickers, but look, it's not taking it over Reese's for me. So we'll go Reese's. Honorable mention no first Snickers. All right. Twix versus Kit Kat. Shit. That might be Twix. That might be Twix. And I know I said I'm a Caramel Hater. I'm a Caramel Hater number one. Twix just has more going on. I like the crunch. I like the like, you know, cracker inside. We'll go Twix. All right, next. Reese's versus Double Bubble. Shit, that's not fair. (laughs) I know some of y'all are like double bubble. Double bubble? Yeah, dude. Go eat a double bubble. Maybe I just love bubble gum flavored things. Look, they're so different. They're two completely different vibes. They're two completely different things that I want them for. If we're going overall Halloween candy greatest of all time goat Reese's is goaded. I'm gonna have to go Reese's. All right. Hershey's cookies and cream versus nerd gummy clusters. Fuck, bitch. Just wipe my eyebrow off. Damn. It's Hershey's. What do we got? Reese's versus Twix. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Come on, dude. Reese's versus Twix. Twix, where's my Twix? 'Cause you know what I'm considering? Is that Reese's is really heavy. Like even that one bite I had, I was like, mm, it was good, but like, shits. We're gonna go Twix. I'm going Twix. Bitch. Twix versus Hershey's cookies and cream. Mm. Mm. You know what? It's this. It's this. We have our winner. It's Hershey's cookies and cream. Congratulations to our winner. There's no one like you. No one does it better. You are the most coveted Halloween snack. The most coveted Halloween candy in every single bucket you are placed in. You are the star. You are number one. You are shining, shining, shining, shining, yeah. All of this is winning. I keep losing my mind. Hold on, don't. Try to hold me down. DJ Khaled featuring Jay Z and Beyoncé. 100% Hershey's cookies and cream. Thank you to everyone else for playing. Seriously, some of you guys are really fucking bad. Some of you guys are ass. Some of you guys are 55 plus. Senior discount, all right? But a lot of you guys, thank you for playing. Nerd gummy clusters, honorable mention. Twix, runner up. Okay, second runner up. Reese's honorable mention. We had a good run. Kit Kat honorable mention. Baby Ruth crunch. Butterfinger, suck my little nuts. Suck on my tiny little nuggets, bro. You suck. All right, you know what I am curious about? what which American candies are banned? Which American candies are banned? Let's actually go over the Kinder egg thing because I'm kind of like I don't I never really know what actually happened there. If you like the truth has never been revealed to me. And I'm always kind of because you go to the UK and they have Kinder whatever, but like here we can't have it. What the hell is that? Kinder surprise eggs. Banned nationally under the 1938 Federal Food Drug and Cosmetic Act because they contain a non-nutritive toy object sealed inside the chocolate shell posing a choking hazard. Sold instead as Kinder Joy where the toy and candy are separated. That's tea because he's fucking idiot kids. We're like I can eat the toy. Lucas Limone and Dulmex Lollipops recalled and hit with regional sales bands such as in Illinois and California due to elevated lead levels found in the chili powder or candy coatings. What the hell? Candy cigarettes. Original branded smoke puffing chalky candy sticks that mirrored real tobacco packaging have been restricted or phased out by various state and international public health measures to prevent normalizing smoking. You could actually smoke that shit. I'm off that candy cigarette pack. I'm off that candy cigarette pack tweaking in my local trader Joe's. Lollipipes, molded candy or plastic items resembling drug paraphernalia were banned or sailed to minors in certain local jurisdictions and smarties. Oh my god bro I remember kids used to snort smarties dumbass. Who's snorting a smarty bitch you're getting any aneurysm and you're dying? Like what do you think? That's gonna offer you. Kids are so dumb. Many popular American candies remain legal in the US but are banned or heavily restricted in the EU like Skittles because of artificial dyes and chemical additives. The standard US recipe contains titanium dioxide, a whitening agent and color enhancer, alongside synthetic petroleum based dyes linked in EU studies to potential DNA damage and health concerns. European Skittles are reformulated without these additives. Other candies that use yellow five and red 40 are banned in Norway, Austria and the broader EU. Yeah well honey you gotta come to the horses mouth to eat the horses candy. The big fat GMO American horse. You want everyone runs red 40? Everyone wants red 40 because it's banned. You ban it and you build it and they will come honey. What Halloween candies are popular in other countries? I wonder what Halloween candies are popular in other countries. No other countries really do Halloween the way Americans do though. UK and Europe, Snickers and Cadbury chocolates. They do love Cadbury over there. Both UK and Ireland. They love a damn Cadbury and I will say those dairy milks and yeah randomly by the way my stomachs really starting to turn. My stomachs really starting to fucking hurt and I can't imagine why. I can't imagine all the fucking dye and chocolate and nougat and bullshit and come and brittles and like so much plant. I just ingested a lot of plastic also probably. The lead levels are peaking inside of my body. Traditional autumn treats include toffee apples and marzipan sweets like spains with sauce de santo, synths bones or Italy's dolce de mordi. Asia, Japan, China, Korea, high-choose and Kit Katz. That is true. They love to do their own spin on a high-choose and Kit Katz. The matcha Kit Katz are delicious. Latin America, Beiro mango and Chile, lollipops, bon, bon, bon, in Brazil, Bregeleros, Australia and New Zealand, 3D gummy eyeballs, sugary musk sticks, what are you guys doing down there? Hey Australia and New Zealand, what the fuck you guys doing down there? Sometimes I do just, I find myself wondering. Okay, let's do some housekeeping. Song of the week. Song of the week, I'm going to go for that. I'm having a bad bad day for real song from Despicable Me or I'm going to go, I've really been back on my Mumford & Son shit. The whole album of Babel and Sinomore but also Rushmeer. The song Rushmeer by Mumford & Sons or Whispers in the Dark or Holland Road or Babel or what's the one I put on my story the other day? Oh my, roll away your stone. I still love that song. So those are the songs of the week. What I'm watching hacks, I'm still watching hacks. Hilarious. Obviously there's not a funnier show. Probably hacks. What I'm looking forward to, I'm looking forward to come November 1st, i.e. in a week or so, um Christmas tree goes up. I'm not joking. Halloween, it hits midnight on Halloween, it's Christmas. November 1st, I put my tree up and it does not come down until about January 5th. So I'm very excited about that. I'll put on my little greenery, I'll put on my freaking things, uh, my, my babbles, my babbles, my fucking babbles. It's Christmas babbles. Happy Christmas. What do they say? Happy crumble, merry crumble. Style things I'm loving. Nothing new from last week, honestly. Uh, not much, not much new. I'm really still into funky shoes. I'm just, I'm on the real real, I'm on thread up and I'm looking at funky shoes. That's really what I'm into thrifting these days because I, my favorite part of an outfit is the shoes, but I'm also really specific about my shoes, because I obviously have to walk in them and I have wide feet, I have large feet. So trying to find funky cool shoes in a size 11 is really fucking difficult. But they are on the real real, I find them on the real real all the time. And they're, um, yeah, it's, it's, it's cool. It's also a fun little like treasure hunt. I love thrifting. Okay. You guys know the freaking deal, um, royal court. Don't subscribe to that channel. We've got some really exciting guests coming up, uh, that are for y'all. Ultimately, it is everything I do is for y'all. And we've got a lot of fun episodes coming up on this damn podcast. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. Okay, royal court, brosier port, patreon. I do fan submission stuff now. If you would like the chance to be featured on this here, dumbass podcast, go ahead and head over to the patreon and, um, yeah, just go ahead and submit, submit anything you want me to Google, anything you think I should read, anything I should look up, uh, songs you think I'd enjoy, artists you think I'd enjoy. I, I take a look at all that. So, um, I know y'all have been suggesting Blood Over Bright Haven. It's purchased. It's on my nightstand. I'll get to it eventually right now. I'm doing, um, more Shirley Jackson and I'm doing Alison Wonderland and I'm doing Bram Stoker, uh, not Dracula. I'm reading, um, burial of the rats. It's like a collection of short stories he did. So, I'm, I'm working my way through stuff, but I have Blood Over Bright Haven. I will read it because I believe it's a dragon book, right? I'll get to it. I also bought anathema and phantasma. I'm gonna get to that shit. And I bought piranese by Susanna Clark. I'm very excited to read that. And the other one, the all want to be to read was, um, what the hell? I who have never known men that I don't have that one. I need to read a bit more about it. I've seen it. Like, I've seen it at Barnes & Noble and, uh, use bookstores, but I'll, I'll take a look at it and I want to pick it up. All right, y'all. I really appreciate you being here. Y'all know I left. You know, I'm talking to y'all next week. Goose! I will see you next year, Bob. You are coming with me, little one. He's so cute, little baby. Long live, Fredonia. I'll see you guys next week. Happy Halloween! Agnes! All right, my subjects go cause a little Halloween mischief. Get your costume together, stock the fridge with smear enough ice, and gather your ghouls and goblins. Happy spooky season!