Grouchland, USA Population 1.5

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To be seen, download the ZocDoc app today. - Oh my God, you're always trying to zip me up, aren't you? - Tristan, if I don't, who would? - Podcasters dead. - Save it for the podcast. - Wait, no, no, no! - A killer runs free. - Oh my God. - Which one of us is next? - Save it for the pod. - Oh my God! - Oh my God! - Who is the podcast killer? What about podcasting drives him so mad? Find out this and more on our brand new podcast. - Anyways, I want to take a quick break to thank a sponsor of today's episode. - Hey guys, welcome back to Burke & Cotter Makeup Podcast. I'm so excited to be here. Brooke, how are you? - Good. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You're exuding good. - Yeah, I am. I'm sorry. - No. - Mm. - Stop, do not copy me. - You have to quit that right now. - Do not copy me. - Don't even do this. - I told you right before we started. - I have gotten on to you so many times about this. - I said. - Let a woman talk. For once. What if I just didn't talk the whole episode? - I mean, we would make do, because if that is your journey, who am I to put up? - There was one episode recently I looked at the clock and it was 46 minutes and I hadn't said anything. - There's no way. - I swear to God. - Because I don't remember that. - I swear. - I don't have that much to say. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. - You do, believe it or not. - I do. - Which I'm thankful for. - I do. - But I was trying to tell Connor. - Put a cork in it, mister. - There's no way. - I was trying to tell Connor what? - Before the episode and you said you don't care about anything unless the podcast, the mics are rolling. - Yeah, 'cause I feel a little bit under the weather. - Connor said, I tried to open my mouth earlier. He said, I do not want to hear anything. He said, I don't want to hear anything. - I don't want to hear anything. - I feel a little bit under the weather. He said, I do not want to hear anything you have to say until the mic goes on. - Let's just save it for the day. - I, like instead of trying to fight it, I'm just going to embrace it. Like I am in a worse mood. - Don't take your loafers off. - I'm taking my loafers off. I need to make myself more comfortable. I have a crick in my neck that I've had for over a week since my flight over a week ago. I feel like I've been getting sick for a week. I'm so grumpy for no reason. Just everything's pissing me off and it's hit its peak. Today. - We're peaking. - I'm completely peaking. It's been a steady rise ever since last Tuesday. And on my way out of my driveway, the, my mirror smashed into my window as it does every day. But today I literally, I slammed on the brakes. I said, no way. And then I just shut down. - Not to like pounce on you. I really truly don't feel, are you, I feel like your mic needs to be closer. - I wouldn't give me, I wouldn't give me any sort of constructive feedback. - Today out of all days, I don't wanna tell you, but like. - I wouldn't give me any sort of-- - It's pretty far away. - If I were you, if I were you, I would lay off the horn, but I appreciate it. - So what is going, like, is the mirror gone or? - No, it's, I mean, I do it every day, but today of all days, it was just like that. This is one step too far. - It is truly, it's gonna be one of those days where your phone falls in between your seat and your center console. - Yup. It's like the smallest things. It's like, why is this happening to me? Hit my head on the cabinet. Why, like, how, why do bad things happen to good people? - It will pay off in the long run. I think these are, this is like paying rent. Like every now and then six horrible things happen to you and you go, I have to kill myself in 10 minutes. - This is like. - But then something really good happens. Or something average that feels good because you hit your head on the cabinet earlier. - But it's worse when there's like no circumstance. Like I have nothing to blame this on besides like whatever's going on in my body that's making me feel bad. - I don't feel this way. Like Oscar the Grouch, but worse. - Did Oscar have a past and that's why he was living in the trash can or what's going on? - I think, I think so. Have you ever seen Elmo in Grouch Land? - Yeah. - It's the best movie ever. - It's really good. It's really special. - That's my Letterboxd five. - How does no one. - Or three. - How do you not, like, I feel like that's a question that I could ask you and know that you would know the answer. - Oscar's past. - What? - I don't. - What circumstances led him to the can? - Oscar is grouchy because he's a grouch. - Okay. - Oh. - Thank you so much for that. - A species of monster that finds happiness in things others find miserable, like trash and bad weather. - Oh, so he's happy. Oh, perspective is everything. - His grumpiness is a source of humor and a key part of his character. - That's true. - As he's designed to be the opposite of the upbeat, he's a foil. He's designed to be the opposite of the upbeat characters on Sesame Street. He's a freaking foil. While some theory suggests his demeanor reflects social issues or his living situation, at its core, Oscar's grouchiness is simply who he is. - Here's the thing. When you're in a pissed off mood and everyone's in a good mood and it's like, you are being a super, I'm being a foil. That's what I'm being, I'm providing this, this source of like contrast to all of you, I'm being a foil for you right now. - Yeah. - So like, I think it's okay to be irritable. - You know the I Love Trash song? - Sing it for me. - I don't really remember it that well, but it's I love trash. - Oh, okay. - Like anything dirty or dusty, anything, anything. I mean I'm a nasty. - Right. You said two words out of that whole thing. The rest is just humming. - I wasn't humming. - It's not humming. - That's a hybrid of humming and-- - That's not humming. - What is it? - Scatting. - Oh, my bad. And you wore your loafers today. I like that you wore loafers with like the hoodie. Dressed up the hoodie. That's not an attack on your character. - This is a nice hoodie. This is not a hoodie. - It is a nice hoodie. - It's a zip-up jacket with a hood on it. - It's like a zip-up, it's like nice. - Is it me or are their vibes 200% off right now? - Like I want it, like yes, the vibes are gonna be off in an amazing way today. - We're foiling today. - So just get ahead of, I'm just getting ahead of it. - I walked in and I was like, I have a fever. My head hurts, my throat hurts. And she goes, I'm fucking angry. And I was like, okay, but this will be great. - This is going to be so amazing. - I wanna say every time I've worn my loafers, something bad has happened to me. But every time someone else is wearing loafers in the same room, the world turns in our favor, so that's why I'm excited you brought your loafers. - I like my loafers a lot. - I was wearing mine a lot until we got out to Raleigh, North Carolina. - Oh, that's when you were gay. - That was when a group of young men yelled a slur at me while I was waiting for the Uber. And Maggie was like, hey, I'm gonna fight you. And I was like, let's just get in the car 'cause there's six of them. - That breaks my heart that you haven't worn your loafers since. - They give me blisters. - I'm okay otherwise. - What would you call what's on your feet now? Your wicker slip-ons? - I think they're chanclas. - Chanclas? - Yeah. - Hi, chancla. - Ciao, Bella. Yeah, someone told me what they were called. They're from Mexico. Chamula. - You got them in Mexico? - Yeah, I got them in Mexico. - Nice. - Yeah, in San Juan. - Do you wanna hear the one thing that I had on the docket to talk about today? - Yeah. - You know those bracelets where you smack them on your wrists and they snap bracelets? - Sure. - You know those bracelets or whatever? - Yeah. - Guess what's inside of them? - Lithium. - No, it's a tape measure-er. - Really? - Yeah. - They didn't, what is the purpose of that? - That's just the material that's inside. - Is it an actual tape measure? - Yes, 'cause that's the kind of thing that goes like that. - But why did they have-- - That's the kind of thing that goes snap. - Why does it have to be a tape measure? Why didn't they just-- - It doesn't, that's just the, like, that's what does the action. - I know, but they cut it open and it's actually, it's already, are they repurposing tape measures? - I don't work there. - You brought it up. - Do not work there, Connor. - Ugh, it is, I'm sorry, it's so hot in here. - No, it's not. - Do your research, it's not, I'm sick. - It's not. - I'm in a good mood, though. I'm pretty chipper. If you were sick, you'd be, leave me alone. I feel, that's, it feels so bad. - That's all I had to say today. - Also, I I started out today with a phone call from my parents, them so chipper. Hey, what are you doing? I'm like, it's 9:00 a.m. on a Tuesday, on a Wednesday. I'm heading to, heading to Clock Inn at the office. But it's just, it's okay. this bit and who did it nick kroll has this bit on there yeah he he gets a call from his mom yeah and he's like i'm gonna do an impression of everyone in this room getting a call from their mother fuck and it's so true it's like obviously let me quote that bit for you because that's the one thing i can quote okay go ahead um her his mom calls and then she had some newspaper clipping that she clipped for him on the um art deco movement because she knows he really likes art and he said mom that's my least favorite type of movement of art movement or something like that architectural and then architectural movement and then his dad calls and is like sorry man i've got to miss your soccer game i don't want to go and then he's like that's okay i love you daddy it's true except both both my both my parents are my mom in that situation because they do want to chat oh you parents that love you yeah poor baby with gers i didn't i'm not complaining they're really sweet they are really sweet it just it's just like no it didn't make me upset at all but it's like no it didn't piss me off or make me upset oh my gosh he's called grouch because he is grouch what was the explanation for grouch i need to start saying that all the time he finds pleasure in things that make people on the first line was like he's grouch because he's grouch so yeah they they went crazy for you too oscar the grouch is grouchy because of his upbringing in grouchland yeah where to be is to grouch has i like to need to be in grouchland today wait he has an ingrained different set of values you never know what someone is going through or they're where they were being up up up round like in grouch trying like to be a good person because to him being a good person is being a grouch like he's not a bad person at all he's being a good different set of values different set of values yeah sesame street is like pretty on it i loved oscar the grouch i didn't dislike him but i was like a little bit like okay and big bird pissed me off because he was like so like i'm big bird like very like chipper like too much he was like two in your face yeah you know but i loved oscar and the count big bird would stomp you if he heard me say something like that he's like eight i think he came to my birthday party eight feet two inches he would he would he would not even see you he would you'd be turned into mush he went to middlebury college oh no sorry it's that height is consistently cited by the official sources like sesame street britannica and middlebury college someone at middlebury college just like in a room was like big birds eight feet two inches and that's that now it's a now it's the official site yeah that's interesting i didn't know they had those capabilities at middlebury college well isn't it a real life puppet they're just measuring the puppet yeah right like why does it have to be like just just tell us i want to know um how you end up with the job for big bird is the person that's inside of his body is are they doing the voice is there someone inside or is there someone handling the no there's a man there's a man inside his body yeah oh and it's that dude that scares me it's that dude that scares me from from i thought he was elmo look at him i think he's passed i am big bird the man and mechanics under the yellow feathers that's a documentary waiting to happen do you like documentaries of course i watched the most tragic one last night but it was so good it was called um something about your neighbor the perfect neighbor i think oh my god it was devastating but very like important and good do you want to explain um basically there's this yeah the perfect neighbor i don't like want to spoil it but also it's not necessarily like a big spoiler thing but this like evil woman who just like hates joy in like a derogatory way not an oscar the grouch different values type of way like she's an evil woman and like these the neighborhood kids like love to play on this like empty plot of grass near her house and she calls the police every single time she throws shit at them and they're like just kids and like one of their moms is like i've had enough like you can't treat my kids this way and then a a violent event occurs and it's just like that's all there's a lot of police cam body cam footage as well well and it's it's just like i can't believe that there's a person like this that exists it just fundamentally is like evil and hates joy i mean i can believe it but it's just like crazy to see as like not an actor you know this was like a real evil person the the more i travel to places in the united states the more i like i can't believe there's not more more evils yeah because these people are they walk among us i see these people every day wait till you see this person i watched one last night and it was like oh my god i can't believe that there's a person like this on um d-day tell us about d-day i was on my phone the whole time but they stormed the beaches of normandy please be right no they so did okay yeah did you stick your tongue out i'm sorry i shouldn't be i should give you my tongue in my mouth during the normandy conversation the normandy landings were the landing operations associated with airborne operations on june 6th 1944 that's my sister's birthday not 1944 was this what dunkirk was about was dunkirk about d-day i tried we are our computers gonna explode today no the movie dunkirk is not about d-day it's not about a different world war ii event okay the evacuation of allied soldiers from the beaches of dunkirk okay but i was beaches and world war ii i was pretty much right on we don't even have to have that conversation um we can leave d-day alone now i didn't i didn't really pay attention but it was cool to see there's so much technology now that can do stuff so sorry that i was so mean to you earlier i'm in a horrible mood it's okay i'm just at least i'm getting ahead of the their vibes are 200 off in the kelly clarkson's comments that were coming yeah i was gonna say i was in um i was sorry i had shows in phoenix and san diego this weekend yeah and i was in phoenix we had two shows in phoenix and i was i was on i took to the streets basically just to hawk some tickets to people that were out and about in phoenix um and the thing about downtown phoenix what do you mean uh there's there were tickets available so i was like i'm gonna go i'm gonna go film some promo for the shows because the thing that happens for my shows is i have shows and then everyone dms me day of the show i had no idea you were coming interesting you know and it's posted on my everywhere so but no worries so i do post like day of and day before a lot where it's like phoenix i'm in town because the day i leave places too they're like so you hate phoenix it's like i was there last the past two days but so i was on the street like seeing if there's tourists or something that like don't have anything to do tonight come to my show i'm performing here i'm on the poster this is me and so i did a couple of those and no one was able to make it um from the streets but someone on tiktok saw me going person to person on boots on the ground style and selling tickets via word of mouth and she made a tiktok she she made a tiktok she made a get ready with me tiktok i think her name's elena thank you elena um genuine from my heart she came to the show do you want to hear the tiktok i'm gonna put my lipstick on when we get there actually this lighting is really good but i saw him begging panhandling on the street saying please sir come to my show begging and panhandling on the street on his knees begging please come to my show just panhandling begging people to please sir come to my show please please i'm begging and i i straight up was panhandling like hat on the ground like tap dancing please come to my uh didn't move any didn't move a ton of tickets you got her and that's all i got elena yeah that is all that matters at the end of the day oh my gosh i'm so funny that was like the funniest thing ever and i was talking to her at the show and she was so sweet she posted like four tiktoks getting ready going to the show and no one ever does that for my shows i'm always wondering like what's the what are people wearing you know like what's everybody doing um and then we were talking at the show i don't know if i should share this but like she's big tiktok she loves making tiktoks so it was really yeah no i was like this is so funny um and so i got to play that at the show and everyone was laughing uh by the way in front of her yeah well i mean we were laughing with elena yeah on you were laughing with her yeah i was just the the descriptions there it's like i can't believe someone saw me doing that and then cross reference with my instagram story that i was panhandling phoenix there's no shame in panhandling no and i'm good at it too i was hanging out with people hugging people 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Is that where the school is? No, that's in Tempe. Tempe? Tempe? I don't know. I've been there. Temperoon? I don't know. Is it in Tucson? No. What? What's in Tucson? U of A? U of A's in Tucson? I thought it was in Tempe. That's probably why I've been there. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, probably. I'm from there. You're from there? My dad lives there. Why did you ask me where I was? I didn't like, I wasn't, I know I've been there. I didn't know if it was right in Tucson or what. But I went there when I was visiting my dad in Tucson. What? But also Phoenix is also kind of around there, I think. I don't know. It's all pretty, I think it's all pretty close. But downtown Phoenix is like a fake place. It looks like 3D printed and no one, it literally, like if you walk out of your hotel, it looks like Chernobyl just happened. And I slept through it. Like you're walking around and it's like, wait, am I the last person? Yeah. You know, and then you see people and you're like, oh. Interesting. I'm good. But that was fun. And then San Diego, we went down and stayed with Henry Hinn. Hinn. H3. Do you know if someone is like, I was with Henry this weekend, like I literally, it doesn't compute. Like to me, he is Henry, Henry, Henry. Like if someone says Henry, I'm like, I don't know who you're talking about. H3. That's H, that's H, H, H to you. But it's so, there was my whole life I went without knowing a Henry. And then all of a sudden, suddenly and all at once, I have six Henry. It's like you come into Henry's. Who besides Henn, Henn, Henn? Hank. Oh, that's Hank. Yeah. But like, do you remember the longest time ago we were talking about people with like girlfriends that called the boyfriend their actual name? Yes, yes, yes. That no one else calls him. Yes. That was Mimi. That was. Right. I was talking about. I know that. And. She was calling him Henry. I found out after a year of living with Hank that his name was Henry. Do you know that meme of that woman that's in a Starbucks or whatever? And she's like, who are you? I genuinely like, I was like, who have I been sharing a ceiling with? Roof. Wow. Isn't it weird that it's roof on the, on the outside, but it's ceiling on the inside? It is. Well, here, get this. Not all ceilings. Ceilings are roofs, but all roofs are ceilings. Do you agree? Yeah, I do. Me too. I do agree with that. I guess that's why they're called different things. I guess that's why they call it the blues. Oh my God. I have the blues. I know. I guess that's why they call it. The blues. Oh, we have to plug things. Plug around. Oh, what is spicy in my eye? I didn't even eat this morning. I've been, I've been needing eye drops so bad. Are you okay? It's gone. What the fuck was that? I think you just poked yourself in the eye. The grouch has a different set of values. Your hair looks good. Oh my God. I was just telling Izzy that I feel like such a slob today. I got this new volumizing texturizing spray. You know who your hair, your hair looks like sleighs. Oh damn. Yeah. With those like curtain. Oh my gosh. I don't know. I just got heart. I just had a heart murmur. Yeah. Brooke just compared me to sleigh. That's huge. That's completely changed the trajectory. Okay. Now there's going to be like a full different vibe in this dude. Now. Vibes will be 200% different, but, um, so yes, we filmed a slasher video, which was amazing. And some people might've gotten to live out their dream of, of playing a dead body on screen or maybe not. It's hard to say. Y'all. Have to watch to see what happens, but it's called all podcasters must die. We're all in it. I'm in it. You're in it. Channing's in it. Tristan's in it. Everyone at TMG studios is in it. Wumbo. It's at TMG studios.tv and you can sign up to go watch it if you want to. And there was a real life, not real life serial killer, but real actor that was hired to play the serial killer. Oh, his name was Ben and he was like nine feet tall. And we had to like, be like, w w we had to be, have like intimate scenes with him. And it was extremely intimate. Intimate. Yeah, that's hot. It was amazing. He's as tall as big bird. He was like big, big intimate with scenes with big bird vibes. My gosh, you can ruffle his feathers a little bit. Come with me to get intimate with big bird. Big bird was seen panhandling in Phoenix. It was disgusting, amazing, but a little bit disgusting. I had a lot of me to shift the vibes to 200% off at the BNC studio. Do you want to go off or on? What do you mean? Vibes wise? I'd like to go on. I'd like to turn the vibes on. No can do on my end champ. Oh no. I think we're doing it. I think we're doing a okay. Um, we also filmed something else. Do you want to plug? Yeah. We, uh, filmed another Hollywood. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Horror nights, YouTube video from last year. Um, the vibes were 200% off. It was disgusting. It was so weird. Very awkward. Channing and Tatum came with, or, uh, Whoa. Channing and Trish came with us. So we had a little plus two action. It was fun. It was a really good time. It was very intimate. It was so intimate in the shit room. Come with me to get intimate with big bird in the shit room. That's a horrible fan fiction. Just like waiting to happen. Yeah, it was, it was weird. I pulled a muscle in my back in a huge way. I've, I'm, my neck is off my neck, my back, my crack that I wonder if it's from horrors instead of the plane. No, there is a point of contention in that video where you see me the, like, I think where I'm on camera, when I jumped a certain way, I probably elbowed you right in the face. Just based on your height alone. If we're in a haunted house together. You are getting every one of my joints is hitting you in the face. Have you ever seen me and Brett standing next to each other? Brett news from no Channing had her like 10 K. Oh, do you mind if I just like stroke out going in it? I like, I was literally just going in and out like a broken TV. You were talking about, you were talking about in it, talking about in it. Um, Channing did a circus live event for her 10 K and I was part of the freak section for the freak show and I was the world's smallest woman. In the world and Brett was the world's tallest man. And so we had to like stand next to each other and it was like genuinely like, this isn't even like, this is a free, this is a freak show. My head comes up to his hip and my butt is at his, uh, knee armpits or knees. That's a ceiling roof conversation. Yeah. The inside of your knee is the ceiling and the outside of the roof. You're in mean, Brett and I are in a long distance relationship. Look, I don't know how I can hear him. He's on a different plane. And I had never seen us like standing next to each other like that. And it was for each show.com American heart story. Season four. If you're taking off on a plane, my gym just texted me. Should I see what they said? Yeah. If you're taking off on a plane, he'd be like, did your ears pop? And you'd be like, no, three, two, one. Wait. Yeah, exactly. He's in a different universe stratosphere. Even what'd they say? They need to see pics of my hotel gym so that we can make a workout together. Wait, you're, so this is your trainer, your trainer wants you to text pictures of your hotel gym so he can make you a custom workout. He does. Oh, I want a personal trainer. Look into it. I'm too like, that's the prop. Oh, look at me and Brett saying next to each other. Oh, that's, that looks like high school musical. How so? Just the vibe. The vibes are 200% off. Uh, Channing hired a balloon artist and she had the most amazing trick that she could do. Did she swallow the balloon? No, she said pick any number between one and 20 and so I said, okay, 16 and then she said okay and then she blindfolded herself and I had to count to 16 and she made a balloon animal, but she like was finished at 10 I think she was saying I think the trick was that she could do it in 16 seconds exactly 16 seconds because I said 16 seconds but she did it in 10 and then she did it in 15 seconds. And then was just like pretending to do it for another six like fiddling with the balloon and like making it squeak. For another six. And then she took her blindfold off and was like, done. At 16. And I was like, yeah, that's amazing. That's real incredible. Yeah. But she didn't swallow it. Not yet. Always disappointing. Yeah. I wanted to say something about people that wear loafers. They're either going to be really cool or like the worst person you've ever met in your life. I totally get that. Do you know what I mean? I totally do. What do you think I am? You're sweet. You're a sweet girl. Honor. May not always come off that way. I'm just kidding. I'm scared based on the vibe. Because it's 200%. The vibe being 200% off right now, really throwing me for a loop. Should we talk about the heist? Okay. I want to talk about the heist. But really quick. Just because I'm talking about San Diego really quick. Because I want to talk about a couple quick things. So one, it was no King's Day this weekend, the day of my show. In San Diego. Okay. No Kings. No Kings. I do love the posters about Jonathan Groff. I didn't see those. There's always like no Kings except for. Yeah. Well, I was going to say there was no Kings except the six guys that came to my comedy show this week. Oh. They were all present at my show. But the only King I want is Jonathan Groff. Well. Yeah. Because he's the King in Hamilton. Yeah. They shut down the highway for people going from like, and he knew that. He knew Port Orange County or LA to go down to San Diego. So it was taking people like four and a half hours to get down to San Diego. And you know why they shut down the highway? Because J.D. Vance was in town and they were taking the warships to the mountains to shoot the mountains. With guns? With artillery. So it's like, oh, no Kings. Shoot at the mountains? We're killing the mountains. No mountains for you. If you don't want a King, then we're taking the mountains. And then they took other ships to the ocean and they were shooting the ocean. Yeah. It's like, they probably thought like humpback whales sound gay. Let's kill them. Like, it was just like, why are you guys shooting? Like the, the post office is closed, but you're going to shoot in the ocean? I don't understand. I thought we were only doing like, cause the government shut down right now. So they don't have anything to do besides shoot the mountains and ocean? No, it was a, it was a, it was a performance piece. It was the 250th Marine Corps. Oh, it was a celebration of 250 years of the Marines. I did not. I didn't know that. Oh, I also didn't know that. Thank you for your service. I also didn't know that. So, um, but I don't think we need to be shooting the ocean in the mountains right now while the post office is closed, you know, it's just an interesting way to celebrate. Yeah. I think it's funny when you think about like essential work, cause I think the government shut down except essential work, right? Is that what it means? Listen, this is always a learning moment on this podcast. So I think we do a little bit of a look into what it means when the government shuts down because I remember this one VEAP episode. Yeah. And basically some guy is attacked by a bear because there's no state troopers at, at state parks during the government shutdown. Cause that's a government employee. Right. But like, why would TSA, like TSA is working in their government employees. TSA is government? Yeah, but they're not getting paid. They're not getting paid, but they're still working? Why? Walk out. TSA doesn't get paid? Well, that's the problem is that people are going to start getting paid. People are going to start calling out. So it's going to be a problem. Oh my God. Yeah. Why are they still there? We are. We're toast. Probably. They have to be, they have to be being paid in the private sector or something. Cause there's no way we couldn't have TSA. I mean, that's what usually ends the government shutdown though. Is when they walk out. So then why are they not walking out right now? Um. I, can I just say something? I promise you that people at TSA are getting paid because they already fucking hate everybody that goes through their lines. They. No, they've been extra grumpy though. Probably. Oh. So maybe they're not. They have been extra grumpy. So maybe they aren't getting paid. I don't know. I would like walk, like walk. But maybe they don't want to get in trouble. I always think about. Not getting paid now. We got our last. I don't like. I guess it must be like when. They get paid back. You get, you get the. You get retroactively paid. But yikes. I hope they gave them like a bonus or something to get through. They won't. The airports are closed right now. Like, Burbank closed a couple weeks ago. Really? Because there's no. I flew into. Air traffic controllers. Burbank. Oh. Okay. Well, um. If you're coming to my shows in Minneapolis or Toronto, I don't know how. Hopefully see you there. Watch this space. Yeah. And then I'll be in Boulder and, um. Boston next week. Maybe. Boston I can drive to. Um. I always think back to. When. I was going through a line and my bag got taken and she goes, I'm not doing all this today. They pulled my bag. There's two full bottles of water in it. And you got to keep them. She goes, I'm not doing all this today. I know I've said this before, but I keep thinking about the fact that there are knives in the airport, like at the restaurants. Oh, wow. That was like the first when they took the liquid away from people. And then I got on a plane and saw that a guy had bought a water bottle like after. Security and took it on the plane. I was sweat dumping down. I was like, oh my God, I'm like, I see something, say something. He has a 12 ouncer. Yeah. It's like, I doesn't make sense to me at all that there are weapons such as water bottles, just ripe for the plucking in the airport. Once you get to the other side, I think whatever causes the water bottles makes sense, but not the. Explosion. That it's pretty mixed and so you do have to dump. No, I understand that piece. I don't understand having knives at Chili's. Well, I don't think you're going to like overtake or just do a metal detector when you're getting onto the plane. Yeah, I guess you could just overtake your seat, mate. You could overtake a few. Do you think? But I guess it wouldn't take the plane down and that's what they care about. They don't need to overtake like me or you. I'd be like, well, just like a psycho. Oh, yeah. Like, just I want to go on a plane. And kill people. Yeah. We're going to get flagged. We have to move on from this conversation. Okay. Like they could do that if they wanted to. Yeah. Grouch has a different set of values than those around him. Grouch would kill someone. I mean, don't put Grouch in that position. Grouch is not a killer, but don't push him. Don't push him. Didn't push him. Didn't push him. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. Not a coincidence. Think about it. 7-Up. Flip the sip. At ZocDoc, we know you care about your health. You wouldn't do that early morning cardio if you didn't. So the fact that your annual physical is overdue just shows how hard it can be to get seen by a doctor. Sorry, that doctor's not a network. Press 1 for more options. You've reached us outside normal business hours. The next availability is in three months. But ZocDoc makes finding the right doctor easy. Download the app and search by specialty, insurance, and availability. Read real patient reviews. Then book instantly. ZocDoc. Ready to be seen? I just started, like, tearing up thinking about Elmo losing his blankie. I need to talk about that. But really quick, I want to see, what's, what, what is open in the government right now? Shit, but fuck. I think. Apparently the, the interior design section is, is alive and well because Trump is redoing his $250 million ballroom. He's able to do that, which is great. During a government shutdown, essential services are prioritized, including those related to public safety, like air traffic control, law enforcement, border security, and emergency medical care. What does emergency medical care mean? What does that mean, essential services are prioritized? They're not being. Other functions that continue include social security and Medicare payments, postal service, operations, and medical care. Non-essential federal activities and programs are halted. So that would be like park rangers? Yeah, I guess it's not essential, but you, yeah, I mean, it's good. Hmm. I don't know how many people like get lost or die in state parks that would warrant a, an emergency situation, but. Pretty good for you. I'm sure a lot of people go missing and die. How many people go missing and die? It's, the vibes are off when people go missing and die. Two hundred percent. But, um, but at least we were able to shoot the ocean and the mountains this weekend. That is great. Federal museums as well are closed. I didn't know there were federal, federal museums. Yeah. What, like what is a federal museum? I can't, I can't name any for you. What is it? Like the Met is the only one I can think of. Is the Met a federal museum? I don't know. I thought the Met was privately funded. It probably is. It probably is because they have the gala. Which is why they do fundraisers. Okay. It's like the, it's like all the stuff in Washington, D.C. Presidential library. Um, you know what is not, you know what might be publicly funded? What? The Louvre. Good circle back. Yeah. Nice. Love saying the Louvre. If you look at it and it's like not spelled Louvre. Louvre. I thought, I thought it was Louvre always. Yeah. What a blessing in disguise that someone said it out loud. But you know how you say it in a French accent? accent. there is the re what it's like i can't uh it's like i can't no it's like at the end it's like louvre oh brooke that was good but that's what i'm saying like they have louvre they have that little at the end which i literally like was so embarrassed to speak in french even though i could yeah i forgot when i took french that i didn't look when i was in france i just i stayed quiet because i was too embarrassed to do the accent i'm gonna get it and then i then i and i forgot all my friends um do you think anyone from france listens to this from france someone in france listen came up to me when i was in france when you do the the role the yeah thing like it feels it reminds me of like when i was allergic to pollen which i am right now still is it feels so good to go i go you you ever do that that i y k y k honestly if you have lived in i think it's mostly in the south like there's the pollen that's like long yellow strand and it's dusty it gets all over your car and it makes you do your throat like this this is the only way you can itch it am i doing it i don't know i can't see i don't know what's happening inside there um you know what's the worst thing to try to say i don't know i don't know what's happening inside there how do you think you would say in a french accent how do you think you would say the name charles charles i don't know we had a kid on our french exchange program named charles and like charles i i just didn't i couldn't address him because it's like no way is he can you look up a french pronunciation like all the french teachers would be like oh just ask char and i'd be like oh just ask charles okay i like that connor's funny too my name was beatrice beatrice oh this is well just say just say the names and words from france as well so make sure to stay tuned and consider subscribing for more learning how do you pronounce this in france it is said as charles charles so the no that's different than the line that i knew i just realized i've been trying to listen louder through the mic for the youtube video i was like this the whole time charles charles oh yeah my name is charles yeah i can it was really hard for me yeah i can i can i can wrap my head around that so so the louve was completely busted it sucks that everyone got here before me i'm happy it was cat that posted this video about how just like we are such a people that come together when the crime has essentially no victims and it is it is the inspiration behind a heist is just pure good old-fashioned greed i want to get into the minds of of the thieves because i'm so familiar with the minds of like psychopaths from criminal minds and like those are my criminals but i want to get into the mind of a criminal who is not like a psychopath or sociopath and is just exactly motivated by money money greed whatever this may be and like yeah well what are people saying about okay so you can't tell i can tell you i watched a video this morning perfect this girl was saying there's probably two motivations one is that this was a for hire and a collector hired these people to rob the louve on their behalf and they now own these jewels and that's what people are hoping for because if that's the case they're hoping that they still find everything in pristine condition probably not what the case is it's more likely that these people have already like broken apart everything and are going to sell things for bits and scraps which in which case like you're going to never get anything back i don't think so what do you think well maybe i don't understand it because i don't know the market but like who is buying pieces like they said it was an incalculable worth well actually that brings me to another good point in evidence this is evidence that it actually was a for hire from a collector they didn't take the most expensive precious diamond that was right next to everything which like why wouldn't they take that the only reason probably that like whoever hired these people didn't ask for that specifically because if you're just selling things for parts like you're gonna get that diamond that was expensive so maybe it is a collector i think it's a collector i just don't get what you i guess there it reaches a level of money where i don't totally like i can't wrap my head around how you just go and sell that off but it also it just brings me back to my roots in in heist in heist movies and stuff and like even like vegas counting card movies oh that's up there like oceans 11 and all those are up there with like pirates of the caribbean for me see and i like psychopaths but i'm interested in this how much you think the collector paid the thing about this is heists are a vicious cycle because you don't make enough to just do one heist you're you're you're gonna be doing several heists okay it's like winning the lottery like what do you think if this guy's let's say this was like 100 million and you're like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm is that crazy and not too much or not enough i don't think it's enough because you are also asking a group of people i wish i knew how many people it was to go and if you're arrested i'm saying like how much what like was stolen like in terms of war it's worth incalculable which feels more than a hundred million dollars more than a hundred million like a billion yeah which is crazy wait i love the name of whoever's lupin no her crown they dropped her crown on the what was her name empress something eugene sorry i sneeze oh eugenia or something i like her name uh oh no eugenie eugenie eugenie bonjour eugenie bonjour eugenie queen you drop this eugenie literally queen you drop this um no i was just thinking because you are paying these people the the thing about robbing the louvre is that you will never you will never see the light of day ever ever again if you're caught stealing from the louvre and then you have an incalculable amount of items it almost feels like an inside job to me which is what i was gonna say because yeah it's um or maybe like i don't know someone that funds the museum or something oh you know who i've been thinking about non-stop who the uh what's mc what's the penguin's name from walson gromit who's who has them steal the diamond with the evil trousers i don't remember them ever stealing something rusty mcfeatherson that's rusty featherstone um feathers mcgraw feathers mcgraw but he um was evil and he planted evil trousers right am i completely off base here he put what wallace in the evil trousers and had wallace scale the uh walls of a museum and steal a diamond have you ever been put in a pair of evil trousers in that way not yet or did he him yeah that's him oh he is a troublemaker yeah no he's wow he had a gun he had a freaking gun kids shows used to be i remember when i was my first year teaching i showed the kids an episode of walson gromit because it's an episode yeah there used to be you know like when the moon is red and the moon is like those are all episodes this is an original episode and like the window washer with my mommy who's the knitting woman the one with the yarn who looks like me i don't remember what was her name like jeanette doesn't matter but i showed the kids an episode of walson gromit and i had to turn it off like five minutes in because it was like guns shooting like and i was like oh my god i'm getting in trouble but yeah this guy's a he he's he's a big shooter um wow you don't see a penguin with a gun that often anymore you don't bring back feathers mcgraw do you think that we're gonna have any sort of closure with this or no i think they're gonna get him but i do not think that the i i think the items will be scrapped out imagine the vibes they must have been 200 off you are leaving with your absolute fucking family from the louvre jewels in tow just the crazy laughs that would happen like it had to feel at some level like like crazy laugh you know what i mean like we just think like we just did the evil laugh comes from it's not like a myth no but it'd be it'd be like goofy like adrenaline but they were probably also felt like goofy's laugh yeah you know they were right by the mona lisa too yeah this is an inside job i fear um i would love to go on a heist i wish that you could go on a heist like i would like vr vr experience yeah like but go on ice and maybe instead of someone killing me with a gun they could do paintball you know what i've always wanted to do that i think you would adore as well huh like a gymnasium where it's like all those laser like pointers and it's like if you cross the laser pointer with your body the alarm goes off but you have to sneak in between all the laser pointers i just thought yeah you just reminded me yes i want to do that too holy shit yes i want to do holy shit yes i want to do that with maybe talk come um i was at uh like a pre-game for a concert the other night and someone my favorite thing ever is when people take off their belt and start being like let's let's do limbo i didn't know where you were going with that what do you think i was gonna say i didn't know what was gonna your favorite thing was gonna be once people took off their belts well it's when they do limbo yeah i didn't know that was coming and it becomes the limbo pole could have been anything brooke i'm so good at limbo i am so good at limbo want to see how far i can go right now yeah okay okay so say it's like let me see how far i can go oh my word but what's crazy you weren't wearing one okay what's sad about that and like where my privilege comes into play is like that's me not even trying is you at that height because i'm so petite um well i have to clearly before we do you hurt yourself yeah i gotta stretch before we do that yeah your your mic went limp again what are we gonna do whenever you do crazy things your mic goes limp yeah it's because my blood flowing other elsewhere oh wow there's like it's crazy when you start to feel muscles in your body that you're like i didn't even know i had one there you're about to get doms do you know how many people have like thanked me for bringing that to light by the way i'm glad that i'm glad it's so nice to have community it is and i i see you all and everyone is like i didn't believe you just like you and then one day you're gonna be struck and it's gonna hit you when you least expect it and you're gonna be like brooke i'm so so so sorry i've been so bad i've been such a bad boy i get sore after i run really not that though okay please one more time explain what it is agony it's not muscle soreness muscle soreness but it's then it's a misnomer so many things are misnomers i don't know what a misnomer is you're gonna have to it's not an appropriate name how would you describe it agony i just said it's literally like i'm that guy in the chocolate episode of spongebob every night i break my legs and whatever glass skin paper bones he had an autoimmune disease that i don't want to call doms an autoimmune disease because it's not because it's not that's why i don't want to call it that good that would be a misnomer that would be a misnomer but it is like it is like critical that's the word i'm looking for not autoimmune it is critical i want to try that again i don't want you to i think i can do it this time it's hard without a what is it what it's hard to do without the limbo seal yeah do what to get under the belt there was no belt that's why i was off i had no i had no there was no bear there's no there's no frame of reference for me to limbo do we have a stick do we have a stick no it's okay let me just not hurt myself let's not do i really have a lot of things coming up and i need to stay focused we don't have to do that have you seen the group seven stuff tristan was telling me about that i have not seen it okay we are you were talking about the doms community i want to talk about the the sense of community i'm not gonna yuck anybody's but like every every now and then there's a thing that happens on tiktok that people just get fired up that they have found a sense of community and this group seven thing basically this girl got on her tiktok and she posted seven videos and she was like if you're seeing this you're in group one if you're seeing this in group two if you're seeing this you're in group blah blah she posted group seven one it obviously goes in the fyp have no meaning whatsoever besides you just being in them no but then these people i think the fyp sent group seven video out to a lot of people so i was like yeah this is my people like this is all baddies and it's it's nice to see people interacting like that it is one of the dumbest things i've i've ever seen though i feel left out i'm not in group seven i'm about to be the second i open my phone yeah you will you want to hear something insane um just like speaking of your phone listening to things when i was home last week you guys know the uh i keep finding people listening to things and i'm like oh my god i'm people on hinge and then they don't like me back and then they'll make videos about how their likes are like horrible i was sitting next to my mom last week she's scrolling on her ipad on tiktok one of those guys comes up on her fyp whoa that'd be bone chilling is that not insane it is insane yeah did i tell you i'm back on hinge i'm going i'm gonna go on another date good thanks keep us updated i will maybe you could review my profile in the bone in the bone this okay i think it's actually really good this time oh i'm excited um speaking of of relationships i'm killing with the transitions today did you see all of this stuff that's good i'm i'm pro this i'm pro this all of the every piece of information i learned about calum turner and doolipa makes me yearn and it makes me so happy did you hear how they met don't tell me don't look don't look at the screen i'm not my eyes are closed she it was yes yes i know she they were reading the same book yeah and they were on the same chapter or something and calum was like i guess we're on the same page was that it yeah and i just want to say this is one of those things it's completely like if anyone else did it i'd be like oh go to hell them doing it horny do you think i love it physically they're in the same league yeah i think so we sat next to each other and realized we're reading the same book i mean you nailed it i don't even have to read this i think she's like hotter yeah she's unbelievable like but also like who would who wouldn't be like who would like every she's gonna be hotter than everyone i guess they seem so happy like it makes me happy you know what i mean yeah she's got the best life in the world by the way she actually does there's not a person on earth that has a it i don't have an ounce of i don't have an ounce of malice towards you at all i usually i have a little bit of like oh that's nice that happened to you your life it should have happened to me instead though i've heard that she's really difficult i'm gonna pretend like you didn't say that i'm sorry to burst your bubble it's not my bubble you're bursting it's impenetrable via dua oh okay that's good i didn't know your dirty bubble how can the dirty bubble be such an evil character when he just simply needed a good pop the dirty bubble remind me of that episode you're jerking me i know it's not you don't know the dirty but i'm thinking of bubble buddy bubble buddy was also a little bit nefarious but no it's dirty bubble he was an evil son of a gun remind me of dirty bubble he was a bubble and he was like dirty and murky yeah that was his whole thing easy with your good wipes i like don't really remember dirty bubble oh my gosh dirty bubble was so bad and then yeah it was his counterpart he was such a foil stop being such a foil i don't know we need foil so that we appreciate protagonists yeah oh that reminds he reminds me of my kiwi in my bag i've been eating kiwis like every day like 16 of them kiwis are really good for you are they yeah that's great news you gotta eat it with a skin though i haven't been doing that they are so ball sack coated wait is he can you look up are you not allowed to eat kiwi skin you can you just have to get past all the little all the little hairs it's edible increased fiber i need fiber so bad oh no oh no oh no oh no no no no oh no oh no no no no okay um have you seen that girl on tiktok she's my whole fy period now annabelle then my whole world she's my whole this girl's my whole world this girl in the dirty bubble vibes 200 off um annabelle dinda no she's there's a song and it's like every time a guy writes a song it's so so good she's genuinely going to be the most famous person in the world i'm saying it right here in the manifestation space annabelle dinda dinda yeah i heard a name in a while what sister come on that reminds me of kyle mooney at the reptile convention what'd he do that's my favorite video on the internet what do you know what cares we'll watch in the bonus okay it's just like when he used to do those man on the streets like before they were a thing and he really kind of made that character of like awkward interviewer and he was interviewing people at the reptile convention and he was just like i know this video how many slimmers for you i said they were like what and he was like how many slumbers for you i said a real sentence though it sounded to me like how many slums are you i said um have you heard a name like that in a while it sounds like have you every word pretty enunciated i think too these vibes 200 off though they are so not on the same page like dua and callum we're not even on the same chapter we're not even on the same book baby it's actually so true and facts facts on facts off facts on what is that commercial do you remember lights on lights off or wax on wax off have you been watching love is blind no speaking of waxing i can't like even start to think about getting into it the season's insane if anybody tries to bring up any sort of tv to me right now while i'm staying in hotels for five days out of seven you're just gonna have to talk to me about either the welcome channel for the hotel and i can tell you where everything is um two you can talk to me about anything modern family related or maybe the i love modern family it's a great hotel room show too and a show that you can watch anywhere outside of the i won't watch it i won't watch it outside the hotel because it's my hotel like comfort show i got that because it feels like i'm with my family i love phil who's your favorite character phil probably nice it seems like we're on the same page 200 vibes on vibes off wait what were we talking about doesn't fucking matter who i don't care who gives a shit what do you have going on this week the rest of the week uh recording with you tomorrow i'm gonna cut bangs do you think i should not i don't think you should cut your bangs no i want someone i want cat to cut them for me why don't you go to a professional because i literally want to i want them to be so wispy so a professional could maybe do wisps no but i don't want to pay like three hundred dollars for a wisp but you might have just got my haircut kinda yeah i'm just saying if you get it done there and then you have to go in anyways and pay the three hundred dollars that would be a super bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum i want to finish off on this note really quick i austin butler changed my life the other day and he changed my life first before he changed that guy that made the tiktok um about austin butler changing his life i unfortunately had to delete it before it got any traction because i called him autumn butler or something and like no one knew what i was talking about but he basically did this interview where he was like embarrassment is he said this embarrassment is an underexplored emotion and that everything you want everything you're looking for and seeking out is on the other side of an of embarrassment and it has changed everything for me and i didn't think that i was going to be affected by austin butler in the way that many are affected by brené brown or everything you're looking for is on the other side of embarrassment embarrassment is an underexplored out there and make a fool of yourself okay well i added the second part i guess but that was kind of like what you said was kind of wild like feel that feeling the fear of cringe and then go out there and do it everything you want is on the other side of that i was like can't believe yeah fear of embarrassment can't even lie he's spitting facts i mean what are you gonna do austin butler telling me that and then just thinking about him having the elvis voice for two and a half full years and he didn't give a shit you think he gave a shit i don't know i can't tell what's going on in his his head or his or anywhere else in his vicinity but hey baby i uh i like him do you do you like like him it's not no i don't even like like him it's not like i like him i think i like him as a celebrity i don't know that much about him me neither really i just i know i don't know that much about him me neither really i just i know i don't know i don't know i don't know nothing but positive vibes i wonder if i've ever said something anywhere along these lines where people are like that's gonna stick with me yes besides i have purse like that's what people are gonna be like what's the dumbest thing you've ever heard oh my god there's a sky i can't believe i wasn't here for our i have first well the crazy thing is it's it's becoming like bernstein bears effect where like people do think it was brooke it is totally a mandela it was kelse but it's crazy because i always i still think i'm like oh my gosh i'll send i'll send brooke like look look who used this i have person in the big year of 2025 and she you're like okay no it's still exciting because it's like yeah bnc the pod but i don't i feel bad for kelsey because it's like i feel bad that people are like mistake like not crediting her oh i think that's what me well everything you're looking for and they were they were going crazy for you too but everything you're looking for is on the other side of embarrassment i could see that go out there and make a fool out of yourself baby i'm going to on my hinge date oh all right well i'm gonna see you in bonus thank you guys for listening vibes were 200 off it was disgusting today sorry about that i don't know i don't something is really off here i feel horrible they were going crazy for you too they are on a different free page you guys okay bye see ya coca-cola for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk takers for the optimists pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new coca-cola for everyone pick up some coca-cola at a store near you fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross finding a doctor is hard enough finding the right doctor even harder someone who takes your insurance has an available appointment when you need one and feels like someone you can actually open up to that's where zocdoc comes in download the zocdoc app to search and compare doctors by specialty insurance and availability read real patient reviews find the right fit for you and book instantly because getting seen by the right doctor matters zocdoc ready to be seen download the zocdoc app today