Greta Lee

Hi, my name is Greta Lee and I feel exciting about being Conan O'Brien's friend. Greta, you just said the record. That was the longest intro, that's because that record is held by Jeff Globalman for maybe 45 minutes, but there was just silence. I just died a little bit and then came back to life. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien, needs a friend. I am Conan O'Brien, of course, joined by my two chums, pals, amigos. They're my right-along buddies. That's right. Son of a session. What's up? What? Okay. I don't think you really want to know what's up with me. I think you just said that. I do. I didn't want that. How are you, Matt? Do you kind of mean ride or die because ridealongs feels like you're a cop and you're like you're-- Yes, yes. I think comedically I'm an expert and you two are researching the role of being funny and you're riding along with me. Oh. Okay. But then we stop and we're involved in a shootout. So we also don't have a choice to who we get to ride along with. No, you don't. You learn how to be funny. Exactly. No, you want it to be, you don't want to ride along with Bill Hader. No, that's not going to work out. You're with Conan O'Brien. Yes. What's our shootout? You do get phrases wrong. I do. Yeah. Yeah. And it makes me laugh. Like you said, cute me the other day when we were recording. And it's meet cute. Yeah. But you know what? You can flip those around whatever you want. I play with language like James Joyce. Oh, okay. I'm constantly-- No, no, no. I'm very creative with it. You're like the rules to say it this way. Well, you're just saying it incorrectly. Cute me. No, no. It is not the right way to say it. Ridealong makes no sense. What I'm cute me implies like they didn't have a meet cute but they just say each other "Hey, you kind of got cute me." You know? Like your meet is cute. Yeah. Oh. You guys are terrific. And by the way, I want you out of my comedy cup. We can't have these doors or anything. I'm going to throw you out the back. I don't follow the rules. You want to color inside the lines and do a good job with your talking. I'm all over the map. And I think that it's the way to go. And it is just important. Like you remind me sometimes of my mom. And she is not a native English speaker. So the two of you have the same sort of grasp on a lot of like- Does she say cathartic like he does? Do you say cathartic? I like to throw a C in there. It gives it an arctic chill. I didn't realize it was on purpose. Yeah. You know, there's a lot that I do. And you're thinking, of course, you're the guy that if you've gotten a time machine and go back to look at Picasso and go, no, no, no, not two eyes on one side of the head. This will never work. Make cats with big eyes. And that's why, you know, your time travel adventures are always just terrible. But what I do is I play with the forms. I play elastic and creative. It's all on purpose. Of course it is. Yeah. What are you talking about? You say Saturday night live, we're two, which we've talked about. Well, that was years ago. You sat in our lives. Yeah, you did it. Well, I told you what happened. Lauren is from the deep south. Okay. And then he invented this whole thing. No, we're not doing this again. No, we invented this whole thing about being from Toronto. But when I first met him, he was like, hello, Cody. And they're welcome to sat in that line. He was drinking a mint julep and he was fanning himself. He was sitting on a big porch. And he was like, I'm not going to sit there. I'm not going to sit there. You're not going to shaft you like that. They're gonna put like a green screen behind you. - Exactly. Now Greta, once again, as I've always said about Greta Lee, she's always right. - Yeah. - She's always right. - You've always said that. - You are a lovely person to hang with and talk to. And so we've been trying to figure out you're very busy when could we get you here on the podcast chat. And so I'm so glad you're here. - Yeah, you got me. - Yeah. (laughing) This is our first six hour podcast. You've never done one of these. - Oh right, it's a six-parter, right? - Yeah, it's a six-parter. - Is it six hours in one sitting or do I have to come back six times? - Yeah, it's a six-parter to do six hours in one sitting. - Oh, yeah. - So, and no bathroom break. - Oh, great. I have my catheter, let's go. (laughing) I'm ready. - So much to talk about. And I like to set the stage a little bit, you're born and raised in Los Angeles. Your parents are immigrants from South Korea. So that culture's super strong when you're growing up. - Super, super strong. - And you are, it's kind of, I remember it in my family, which is Irish Catholic, there were certain messages we got loud and clear about how to behave and what's okay and what's not okay. I'm imagining it's the same thing in the South Korean diaspora. - Yeah, I'm still not in a clear. (laughing) I know, like I'm still being tested. I don't think I've passed. - What's the message that you were given, whether out loud or just subtly, was it to be quiet, was it to be a certain kind of person? - Well, I don't wanna be dramatic, but it was like you are not enough. (laughing) Stop being so loud, be a lady, be more respectful. Stop trying to be funny, it's just weird. - Also kind of not lady-like, to be funny. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I feel it's funny, hearing colleagues and other artists talk about, especially people who do comedy, their childhood's filled with watching us and out together on the couch and the whole family kind of getting behind, that did not exist in my household. It was like, by the way, my family, the funniest people on this planet, hands down. However, the idea of telling a joke, it's like, what are you doing? You wanna get spanked, like what are you doing? So that all came later for me in terms of understanding that comedy is a business, is a profession, and you can actually do something with that. But yeah, my childhood and growing up was deeply rooted in Korean identity. I was also the first born in my family, so that means I was sort of the gateway for everyone. I was the first person to go to school in the States. I was the first person, I remember teaching my parents a star-spangled banner for their citizenship tests, and that was hard. - You should have, if me, I would have taught them the rungs. I would have made up some words in there, just to screw with them, you know? - But it's the test, isn't it? - I don't know, but hey, if my parents get kicked out of the country, that's funny to me. (all laughing) - You really thought I'd like a weird ass. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm just saying, it's an opportunity to throw a few extra words in there, maybe get a chuckle. - Oh, sure. (all laughing) - But I've read that your role models, when you're a young girl, when you're like a young woman, young girl, when you're growing up in this family, it's supposed to be lady-like. You're watching movies and you're identifying with Val Kilmer, Nicholas Cage. What's that all about? - What's that all about? - With men. Well, I think it makes sense if you think about how much I was under this pressure to be more feminine, more hyper-fam, a lady, all of that. So I just swung full throttle the other way, and it's like Val Kilmer. (all laughing) I mean, which I don't know, was the poster child of that kind of masculinity for me at the time. - Sure. - And yeah, yeah. And Nicholas Cage, Jack Nicholson, those guys, I remember watching them and feeling like, wow. I want to be like that as a young girl, which I, you know, I don't know. It still doesn't quite make sense to me. - I think it kind of does because if the repression, and I'm not using that in a dramatic way, again, I'm saying like, if there is a repressive stay in your box, sort of vibe you're getting, you need jet propulsion to get out of it. And so I can understand, saying like, okay, I'm gonna identify with these guys who are kicking ass in movies and throwing people through walls, because that will propel me more out of this world. I mean, it's not that you want to be them, you just want to get out of this. - Yeah, yeah. - I think. - Yes, that's it, yeah. - You go to New York, you go to college in New York? - I go to college, Northwestern, and I made a stop in the Midwest, and that was strategic on my part. - Really? - Yeah, because I applied early to Northwestern. I remember as a 17 year old, looking at a map of the U.S. and thinking like, oh, I could go from one coast to the next, I could just go from LA to New York, and that would be great. And I think I would know exactly what that would be. And then I thought, wait, what's this middle area here? What, what, what's Shabuygen Wisconsin? - What? - And I really, my mind was open till whole new to me, a huge or cultural shift from the Midwest to how I grew up, than like other parts of the globe. I couldn't believe that there was a whole section that I just didn't know anything about, and it really paid off for me, actually. I met my husband there. I'm like, yeah, I'm basically Midwestern. - It's funny, you were approaching your move away from home, like it's this buffet table, and you're not gonna go right to the end, you're gonna work your way down. - You should have moved one state at a time, and slowly made your way across. - Exactly, exactly. And I'd make it there at my deathbed, but like finally, New York City. - I'm ready. - You have a good, oh my hip, oh college. College, here we go, freshman year. - So you met your husband at Northwestern, and was he in the dramatic arts as well? - Yeah, I think, maybe he would like people to know, he was actually an urban studies major, a sociology major, who also was in Meow, the comedy group there. - Yeah. - And we met through that, not because I was in Meow, I was in the band that played for Meow, and we were called Captain T-Bag. - Okay, so Captain T-Bag. - So anyway, I gotta go, this was really nice. - Captain T-Bag. - In the band you're in, the place for the comedy group Meow, which is where urban planners get together and do improvisational comedy. And all the comedy is about, well, if we could get. - The city grants, like, what's wrong with this comedy? - Around about, might help ease pressure, and scene. - You have worked on so many great shows, one of the shows that you were-- - You're just gonna let Captain T-Bag go. - Yes, T-Bag has to leave it. - Because I'm a sensitive host who got a signal that we move on from Captain T-Bag, but you countermanded it. - All right. - So Captain T-Bag. - What instrument did you play? - The T-Bag. - It's vocal, I, the T-Bag. - You throw out, you want me to go in a certain direction. I go that way and then you're like, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." - Just, no, no, you're gonna leave that all in. - Oh, jeez. - Sorry about him, it's what he does. - It's fun. - So what jobs have I done, was that your question? - No, if you could be reincarnated as any tool in a toolbox. - Yeah, I love that question. - You're kind of an Allen wrench, I think. - Yeah, definitely. (upbeat music) - You work on these amazing shows. I mean, I was thinking about it and going over like your past girl's Russian doll, of course, the morning show, but you did this spot on Broad City, which I saw recently because I'd been bingeing Broad City. - So do you have? - Well, I watched it here and there back in the day when it was on and I really liked it, but my daughter came home from school and summertime and she started binging it with my wife and so I sat in and I just would watch whole seasons and then go to the next season. - Yeah, it's so good, isn't it? - It's fantastic and it really holds up. - It does. - It's great, they're remarkable. - No offense. - And I remember liking it at the time, but because of this new streaming era, you can really appreciate all the different little circuitous roots and notes and themes that run through a show, just fantastic. - Yeah, are you rewatching girls too with it? - You know what's interesting? My daughter did, I have not, but I wanna go back and start it again. - Yeah, that is also one of those shows that it holds up in a very, in an uncomfortable way. Like you almost wish we had progressed a little bit more since that time as a society, but a lot of it really holds up. - In what way? - Oh, I think like for millennial specifically in that time, I mean in the world, but specifically for people living in New York City, I feel like, I really feel like that was the next chapter after sex in the city, I really do. and the way. and Lena, I think she's incredible and what she was doing at that time, I think was absolutely remarkable. And yeah, she deserves all kinds of crazy what she did. - Incredibly remarkable, her book. - Yes. - Lena Dunham wrote an autobiography and-- - I listened to it. - You listened to it? - Yeah, I don't always do that. I don't always love an audiobook, but for this one in particular, I think you have to listen to it. - What I like to do is read the audiobook. It's very hard to do, very hard to do. - You put a glass of water next to the speaker and then you just watch the water vibrations and then you figure out what they're saying. - You're worried about my interjections in this. - I'm just telling you, the guy that you don't buddy boy. You're gonna see that's gonna get a lot of likes. - Podcasts, don't get likes. - Sure they do. - Right, like this guy knows podcasts. But, yeah, she's a remarkable person and so honest. - Yeah. - So honest about everything and a great writer. - An incredible writer. And I realized I was having a suspended panic attack while listening to her audiobook, driving an LA, 'cause I weren't a car so much. I kind of thought like, oh, this is a perfect listen. It is and it's also not because it is so, she writes with such brutal honesty and it is so painful and in raging, frankly. I'm a little enraged on her behalf in terms of the things she experienced. But, yeah, highly recommend. - If you wanna be enraged while driving. This is the book for you. - No, it's a beautiful book. It's an amazing document. - Yeah. - You have worked with so many incredible women, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, Lena, of course, Amy Schumer and Natasha Leon. And so my journey, obviously, very different from your journey, but some things are the same, which is I, in my family, I never in a million years thought that this was any kind of a job. So when I was in grade school and high school, I was a nervous grind. And I was funny with my friends, but I had no idea. I mean, I never saw anybody from show business in Boston, Massachusetts in the 1970s. And it wasn't part of my culture in any way. And then it was just through a series of accidents that I sort of got closer and closer. But when I finally did get into this world and you realize a big part of it is working with people whose mind works kind of like your mind. And in different ways. And there's a whole world of people that were also getting beat up on the playground. Now we're all together and someone's paying for lunch. It's, you know, and it's a job that's crazy. My version of that is I actually grew up really knowing a lot about the industry, not because of my family, but because in LA, I went to Harvard, Westlake, which is the very good school. The private school here in Los Angeles filled with industry families. So I had a lot of exposure to, you know, a lot of different, very successful people early on. But the idea of what that was was presented in a way that was almost like, don't sell out. Like, don't actually be like Spielberg, which is so funny to think about. God forbid anyone was like Spielberg, yeah. You were like, I don't know. And I remember an English teacher pulling me aside and saying, you know, I hear you want to be an actor. I hear you want to go to Northwestern, don't come on. Don't do that. But what was she saying? I think there was this real emphasis on like being an intellectual and being a real artist, whatever that meant to people. But that did, I have to say, inform a little bit of my decisions in terms of like, what I was where I wanted to go to school and what kind of moving to New York after college. Like, I wanted to be a stage actor. And I really wanted all of that. But to your point about finding your people, I grew up at that time like dealing with a little bit of my identity and being Asian-American. Like, basically at lunchtime, like, do I hang with Asian kids? Where do I sit? And it wasn't until I found the theater kid that I was like, oh, I'm just that race. Yes. I understand now. It's all fun. These are my people. And it doesn't matter where you come from. But if you're a theater nerd, I'm with you. That's what it is. Yeah. And yeah, it's so funny. And I remember in another lifetime, I think I was working on Saturday Night Live as a writer. And someone noticed they put the throw me in sketches sometimes and someone said, you should take a serious acting class. And I thought, well, OK, we have weekends off. And so I took a class with like, you know, I think it was at Udahagin, and I got into this class. And I thought, well, I'm going to really learn. And I remember they went around the room and every single person said, well, I would never do a commercial. And I don't want to be in a movie. I wouldn't have anything to do with it. I just want to do check off. And I want to do it in a very small theater. And I was sitting there and I thought, bullshit. You're just all lying. I mean, it's fine to have those aspirations. But I just, you know, and then subsequently, I've seen them all, you know, getting a burrito. And this tastes delicious. It's scrum diddly-doo. I don't know. There's no ramp into this question. I can't wait. OK. You committed a murder. Yes. I said, let's not talk about that. 1999, Portland, Oregon, off the record. Off the record. Off the record. No, I heard that you would sometimes get an impulsive tattoo. And I am-- that's one thing I have-- that's the world I've never sort of-- Well, your skin looks delicate, I have to say. Now-- I wouldn't-- I don't know. I would, yes, yes. What do you mean by that? And please be honest. I just, I mean, it feels vulnerable. You're saying it's-- I should actually feel it. Yeah, I don't need to. I can tell from where I'm sitting. Reacted like a mummy walked into the room. So you're saying, if I got a small tattoo of like a yin-yang symbol, it might kill me. But possibly, yeah. The way it transfuses into your blood. And it's just like, I don't know. I don't know. You know what, immediately when you said that everyone here nodded their head like-- I did, yeah, definitely. You're just speaking of truth. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have like piercings or anything else? Oh, I have a ton of piercings. Oh, all right. Yeah. What? I'm really into it. I think it's fantastic. I cannot go through a metal detector at the airport. And then when I show them why, they're horrified. Right. Show them. I do. I'm really into that. Yeah. No, I have no piercings. I have nothing. No tattoos. I think because I grew up with bright orange hair and very pronounced freckles that faded over time, not interested in any other marks on my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what would be an impulsive tattoo for you? Something that's just like, oh, my God, I can't believe I did it. But I just went for it. Oh, OK. Wow. Fine. You don't have to do this. No, I'll give you one. I was so mad about a certain election one year that I tattooed the female symbol on my finger, which was really stupid, because it looks like I have forgotten what I have. And I need to. [LAUGHTER] It's like momentum, or you have to remind yourself. Yeah. I think when a kid puts right and left on their sneakers, yeah. Exactly. Like, it looks deranged. But at the time-- I mean, I put it on this finger because I felt-- I don't know. I just felt like it was this moment, you know, heard of mansplaining. Like, I felt like that was a big, like, shh. No, no, no. So I put a female symbol on my finger. So now I can do that all the time with this reminder. I realize recently I don't have enough testosterone to mansplain. You don't. [LAUGHTER] It's just-- when I try to mansplain, it doesn't come across that way. It's just explaining. And women are like, no, it's OK. Yeah, they're like from you. Yeah, from you. It's funny for you. Just feels like I'm chatting with one of the ladies. The least intimidating guy. Yeah, yeah. That car was mansplaining. Re-a-mad? Yeah. Not really. He was on a pink phone. And can you-- can you man-spread as well? Or you can't. Let's not get into it. OK. Let's see those piercings. OK, let's just settle that. I apologize. OK, so this, I know, comes up a lot in your interviews. But I need to tell you that when you were booked on the podcast, and you've had so much different success, but some of the people on our show that work here are sort of religious zealots about past lives in a really sweet way. And I know that you must get that all the time. I do get that all the time. Which is nice. It deserves it. It's such a great movie. Thanks. And I do really appreciate it, not just listen. It's so nice to be in a movie that people love. And it's successful. That's so great. But beyond that, I still have so many people stop me, and not in like an aggressive or intrusive way, and just feel the need to just turn and say very simply, I love that movie so much. Thank you so much. And to me, I think they're there's some many different ways we can complain about our industry and this job, but I think that's like an instant reminder that I love film and I love what we do and how great to be able to connect with all kinds of people. Also, one of the things I've noticed is you're never, it's nice to be busy. We're really lucky to get to do this. You're running around doing all these different things. You never quite know what's going to resonate. Yeah. And I'm sure you felt, okay, this project is special, but you're doing a bunch of things. You do that and then it endures and that's one of those films that's going to make a big impact. It is much discussed. It is much praised, but I feel like in five, 10, 15 years, it's just going to keep going. Yeah. And then and and other things that maybe got some noise will fade a little bit, but that's one of those movies that touches on something very elemental. Yeah, I think so. And I like that the reason is something that feels so kind of elemental to just being a person. One of my favorite experiences was a young woman coming up to me and saying, thank you so much for past lives. She said, I'm 17 years old. I've never been in love, but because of your movie, I'm so excited to be in love. Oh, man. And I was like, Jesus, and I was like, you shithead. Leave me alone. How dare you come up to me. I'm with my family right now. Turn around and get out of here. No, but it really is. It's just, I mean, how could your jaw not hit the ground when you hear something like that from someone? And I just like, I am so appreciative. And and genuinely do hope that I get to experience that for a long, long time. And obviously your story relating to that film because you were up for a part, didn't get it. Oh my God. And you were crushed because you thought, well, this would have been a really good part. You moved on with your life. And then the original casting fell through. Is that right? I think enough time has passed now that I can tell the story, the murder that I've committed. Yeah. Portland, Oregon. Right. We'll start with that one. No, it really was such a messy ride. And you know, it happens a lot with casting and with you, you find out like, Oh, I was not only the second choice. I was like the 15th choice or whatever it is. But in this case, I really was told by the universe several times that this was not going to be my job. And at a certain point, it just became so absurd and insulting because the first time I audition, I was convinced to do it. I didn't really think I could speak Korean well enough to do it. And that wasn't something that I was looking for, but I was convinced to the tape and then didn't get it. And it was like to my agents like, come on. Like, see, like, what'd you make me do? And they're like, no, no, you know, they thought that you are just too old. Nice. Yeah. Don't worry. It wasn't your Korean. It's your two old. Jesus. But basically, that was the case because they had cast the other rule. This really excellent Korean actor who was much younger than me. And it went to someone else and they were going to shoot it. But then it fell apart. And it came back almost exactly a year later, same thing. And I think I had sort of started talking to them. And at the time, and this is just wild, but I got a call from Scott Rudin's office. And he was attached at the time. And it was a message that was a long voice. Now that was something, something like, where are you? You have a meeting at Cafe Clooney. You know, he's waiting something, something. And I thought I got past lives because I thought, oh, my God, like, this is amazing. Like he wants to meet me at Cafe Clooney to tell me that I got this job. I listened to the message again and again. And I played it. I sent it to my agents. And they played it. And we realized collectively that the message was actually for Greta Gerwig. For something completely. Oh, no, what that was for. I don't know. I've told her now since and she was like, oh, my gosh, I have no idea. But that was such a publicly humiliating experience because the whole, you know, all the agents were like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. That's that's Rudin. And then collectively realizing that was the wrong Greta. And so I really thought, like, please, leave me alone with this job. It's my mind. I get it. I'm too old and I'm too American or whatever. Yeah. And you're no Greta Gerwig. You're the wrong Greta. Wow. And you know, it is when you have experiences like that, you think, I didn't ask for anything. Exactly. Leave me out of that. Stop coming to me, getting my hopes up a little bit and then slapping me around. Exactly. Stop it. So then it comes back around again and all works out. Well, yeah. And then it was like, can you zoom with Celine tomorrow? And it was during the pandemic. And I had no time to, you know, cram and try and try to pretend like I'm like a different actor. Yeah. No, it's go time. Yeah. Yeah. And we read together on Zoom and she gave me the job on the spot. And it was just, wow. I hate stories like that, though. You know, it's just, it just feels to, I don't like when it feels so cosmic or like so. Well, you know, mostly it doesn't feel that way. There's so many things in life that don't happen that when it does happen, you kind of have to honor it. Yeah. Because I've, I mean, I've had one major cosmic moment like that where what was yours? How I got into this whole on air thing, which is how I, it's too long a story to go into. But I had no business getting this late night show. When I was 29 years old, I just had no business. It shouldn't have happened. I was in no position to get it. I wasn't ready. But things kept conspiring. Yeah. How many people did you kill to get that? Oh, my God. Well, a lot of them live. Yeah. Okay. Camel foul and they'll somehow survive. Yeah, Greta, Greta, Greta. She was the big one that had to go. Yeah. Although why they called me when they were trying to get Greta Gerwig. I don't understand. I am a scientific person. I can usually look at someone's magical story and tell them why, well, that's not really magical because this is, but every now and then I hear something and I go, yeah, there's no explanation for that. And my situation, it is truly, you know, when I got the job, I knew Tom Hanks just as a writer from sound alive. I, he knew me because he would come on the show and I would write things for him. And he looked at me and he pointed me and he said, this doesn't happen. What's happening to you? It doesn't happen. I don't think it's ever happened. And he was saying it as like in a calm, historic way. Yeah. It was very bizarre. And so when I tried to explain that to younger people who've grown up with me, yacking in the background, the idea of me doing a show just seems like, well, of course, they're like, you've been around forever. Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about old. Take your old then multiply it by 15. And you get me. So I mean, I honor that. Sure. I don't get it something. I get it either. But is that stressful for you? No. I mean, that was a while ago, but not now. But then it was, oh my god, to feel like that lucky in a way. Yeah. And also when you have that kind of situation, it was some Esquire piece about me and no one knew who I was yet. And they had one photograph of me because there was no internet. There was no, I didn't have headshots. And Esquire did a thing about jealousy when someone you know has been elevated. And the headline of the piece was my photograph with like a bullseye on it. Oh, boy. And I remembered looking at this before even one on the air, looking at it and going, okay, this is going to be fun. Oh, yeah. So, but I guess what I'm saying is that I do think sometimes, and this is not scientific, and this is maybe just Irish magical thinking, but sometimes there is something at work that cannot be explained. Yeah. And I think in your case with this project, it just kept coming back to you. Yeah. I mean, I think for me, it's still really hard to explain and to wrap my mind around what's happened for me. I think there, I don't, in our business, no one is entitled to anything. I feel like I came off of a lot of years when I was first starting out feeling really, really kind of put down by, you know, the lack of opportunities for someone like me, like, forget being a girl, like all the other things. And I just felt like I couldn't believe I was still in it or trying. And there was a ton, it, I really, and I've said this before, I felt like I had already gone to my own funeral. And it wasn't, it wasn't like so desperately sad. It just felt so like fact. And I had made peace with it. And I was living a great life. I mean, I had my kids and I know I had this husband that I met in college and a really full dynamic plate, a full plate. And yeah, made peace with like, I'm going to be a supporting actor. Like I think I will have enough opportunity coming into just like support my family enough. And this is going to be okay, I think, but I know now looking back how well, how dead I was. And like there is something that is, yeah, a little sad about that. Because you think, wow, that is such a human thing. Like you, your dreams very often die and have to die. And we see it all the time. And then sometimes new ones happen that are so much more than you ever. I could have imagined there's just no possible way to wrap your million around it. And that's sort of how I feel right now. Like there's no, it's hard for me to categorize or sort of like place myself within the world of like, oh, I'm like, I'm like Val Kilmer or I'm like this person. (laughing) Yes, guys, every day I wake up in the mirror and I'm like, how much am I like, come on. But it's just, it can feel disorienting is what I'm saying. And like what that sense of purpose and what's gonna keep me going because I have the, all the tethers and all the things that I used to have to kind of measure myself and how much I was failing. All of it is just cut and it's all new and it feels like there's no blueprint. And I have no idea, so. - Well, I was just, when I was talking to you just before he came in here and you're saying, well, I'm here today, but I gotta jump on a plane 'cause I'm going to London for a project and the speed of things has picked up all because you are extremely talented. You work really hard, you know your craft and people now you're a known commodity and the flip side of that is, you're gonna be jumping on a lot of planes and a part of a lot of things. And so that's great. What you do have the ballast, which I think is the most important thing to have in this business of, I've got my family. I know what's important to me. And I had all those years of thinking this probably wouldn't happen. That really helps when things pick up. I think so. - The way they are now. - That like everything is cake. Everything is dessert, it's extra. Like that, it really does feel like that. I mean, of course, I have my days and there are certain jobs that are more challenging than others are certain situation. Of course, but I feel right now, I mean, check on me maybe in a month, in a week. - I'm just gonna call you at three in the morning. - Hey, are you okay? - Call it what? How you doing? - Yeah. - I said it was cake. - Yeah, it's right, right. - No! - How do you feel now? - Yeah. - I wanna talk about this movie The Last House, which, and I'll tell you a little quick story. I always like to see the movie of anyone who's coming on. - Yeah. - And so I was like, okay, well, I know your work really well. I'm in a movie with you. We've chatted. Okay, we have a lot to talk about, but I wanna see this movie. And then my assistant said, oh, it's, we got it. We're gonna watch it this morning. So I came in early and it came through Netflix, and it starts to play and there's no, you can't hear anybody. You can't hear anyone. And then, and everything on then, you could hear a little word and you'd say something like, would you like a sandwich? But then you don't hear anything. - You do like a sandwich. - You know what? - Like a sandwich? - I do say that a lot in a movie. - Yeah. And then we tried for a while putting subtitles on, and I think they're not quite done mixing it yet, possibly, or something. I don't know, but they sent us this movie that, and we were all like banging, like chimpanzees were banging the side of the flat screen. - Like only like holes, holes, like thunder claps. - Yeah, yeah, and there weren't, there were things that weren't there yet. And it was disconcerting because someone would walk, but there's no footsteps. So something, maybe some track didn't come through, and back in the day, this will date me, but you would get like a cassette, or then you'd get a DVD, or then, but now it's-- - Well, it's so, Netflix is doing that now. - They are? - You didn't get the cassette. - Damn it, it's a big three-quarter inch, and they send you the machine that was built in 1981. It's from the movie Broadcast News. - Great movie, great movie. - I remember my first job in 1985, not necessarily the news. My writing partner and I showed up, and they gave us these things that look like giant mortar bricks. - Oh my god. - And you would put them in a machine, it would go like, "Chuck up on this!" And then it would play whatever it is you were trying to look up. Well, now it's all, here's a special code. It's gonna be sent to you, Sona, right? You were at a restaurant not picking up your phone, having a good old time and putting it on the company. - I missed one phone. - And I did put it on the company. - Yeah, but it was a little liquid courage at lunch. - No! - Come on, whatever. Anyway, but we kept-- - Wait, do you want-- - So we're texting Sona saying, "What's the code?" "What's the code?" And she's like, "Another one!" - Right, right. - And put it on Team Coco. - I missed one phone call. - Her favorite restaurant, Shae Expensive, and so then, we finally get the code and we all gather on the TV and it took you while. Anyway. - It took me three minutes. - Place, anyway, you're a little hungover, but you have no sense of time. The waiter had to wake you up at the table. She was bringing a giant piñata. I don't know how you were a piñata. My point is, we watched it, it's a complete-- - There's no sound. - There's no sound. There's no sound. Oh, here's a pen for you before like that. There's no sound. We're trying to watch it. But, so then we went and we watched the trailer and the trailer had sound. And then we watched the turn and I'm like, "I want to see this. This looks really good." 'Cause the idea is very cool. - Did you think it was intentional? Did you honestly, for a moment, think like, "Oh, for a second." - Oh, like the point? - It was a second. - It starts with your husband like on a dock fishing and there's no sound. And I thought, "This is a really bold choice." This is cool 'cause you hear nothing. You don't even hear ambient sound. And you see lightning, but you don't hear it. And I thought, "Well, this is-- I don't know who this director is, but they got guts. This is cool." - Louis, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's having a stress attack right now. - No, no, no, no. The point is, I'm not saying anything bad about the film. I'm just saying that was-- - The film that has sound. - And we stopped it. - Well, we don't know that. So we had to stop it. Yeah, it says you. We stopped it like three minutes in. So I still haven't seen the movie. But we then watched the trailer and I'm like, I think it's a really cool idea. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Family goes into their house, shuts it normal. I think they live in Seattle where my wife is from. I've been there many times. - Yeah. - And then there's a-- - Why didn't you pick up on that without sound? - Yeah, I think the shot of the space needle. - I got it. - And most of Pearl Jam walking around gave it away. - Yeah. - And people throwing fish to each other. - Right, right, right, all that stuff. - But then they can't get out of the house. And what's interesting to me is that initially doesn't seem that scary 'cause what's safer than being in your house. And the cool thing to me about the idea is that at a certain point not being able to leave your house becomes terrifying. - Yeah. - Just kind of what we went through in COVID. - Yeah, yeah, a little bit. I mean, I loved the idea of just a regular day and like, you know, this family and the sort of chaos of the morning that a lot of parents know and then getting the miracle. Like, finally we will leave the house and going to the door and it won't open. - Yeah. - And a lot of time passing. - Yes. - And what is gonna happen? I just, I really love that and I love, I just love Ambliny kind of like those movies, a kind of thriller sci-fi, survivalist stories. - Yeah. - And I thought, yeah, let's, you know, I liked Louis' ambition for it. We shot a lot of it on 35 millimeter, which I at first was like, that's crazy. - Right, right. - Why? You sure? - Yeah. - A lot of films. - Well, actually, that's just an app on any iPhone. 35 millimeter. That's so cool though. And so, I am, I'll tell you this, I watched the trailer and I was like, I wanna see this movie when Netflix lets me listen to it. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, just wait for that cassette. - It's just some technical thing. And no one should be reprimanded for this in any way. These things happen. - Yeah. - Don't you think? - You reprimanded me earlier, but yeah. - I just think drinking at lunch and putting on a company card is a bad idea. - I had fun. - Also, if you checked your hearing, maybe it's just you. - I don't know, that's actually horror. - Get what? - Maybe that's the true horror movie. And by the way, everyone around me loved it. And I'm like, too bad, there's no sound. And I saw everyone get really sad. - Oh yeah, tears falling. You're like, don't be down like that, yeah. - And why does it make you urinate in your pants? And I was like, oh, Conan. Well, that's part of what the movie does, right? - That's part of it. - Greta, how much you regretting coming in here? - I mean, I was like, you know, no, this is great. So I'm sure you have a ton of follow up questions about the movie since you heard all of it and you've watched all of it. - I did. - So we should like really get into it. - Really get into it, right? - Yeah. - Now you took a very, made a very strange choice for the way that you spoke in the film. I'm told, I haven't seen it, but I heard your jokes or call that guy. - Hey, I kicked it early. - Hey, what's going on? - Yeah, we worked with real Mary Annette. (laughing) I think it is so much trouble. - The talking points are like, do not bring up Mary Annette. - Patiris, stop doing that, Greta. - Yeah, yeah. - I love being told what not to do because then that's all I can think about. And we have it here with ad reads, they'll say, do not say that this car brand will explode. (laughing) Do not, and it's things that would never bring up. But then that's all I can think about. And then I inevitably say it will explode on you and then I get in trouble. - Yeah. - But I know you're that way too. You have the same problem. - That's why I'm gonna be quiet for at least five seconds while I clear my mind. - Well, you morph into Val Kilmer. This has been an absolute delight. Seriously, you're just a lovely person and an amazing talent and I know you're crazy busy. And we've been trying for a while to say like, we getting you in here was quite a task. - No. - Which was, that's a compliment. Because when people tell you, I can do it whenever. (laughing) I'm in my house waiting to do that podcast. It's never a good sign. When I'm talking about you Al Pacino. (laughing) Oh wait, you know what, I do want to plug one more movie that's coming out on the same day. Okay. It's called "Late Fame" and it's with Willem Dafoe and I and it's a movie that takes place in New York City directed by Kent Jones and it's a real special precious gem of a film that's coming out on the same day. How can we see that? In theaters. Is it also Netflix? No. Shoot it, it'll have sound. No, but Willem is so incredible in it. He's great. Yeah. Sammy Birch wrote our script. She did me December and it's the past lives team. It's Christine Mishon and Pam Coffler. It's amazing. Willem Dafoe can play the most diametrically opposed characters in the film. And you know, I'm thinking about him in Grand Budapest Hotel where he's this hilariously comic assassin, but then he can, you know, I mean, think about the different roles he's played where it bears no relationship to the role he just did, you know? He's a shape shifter and a lovely guy when I've talked to him. He's just really lovely. Absolutely, lovely. And the things he can do with his face, I just don't understand his musculature in his face. And yet it's the performances for me like Florida project and this movie, the ones where he takes it all away and it's just this man, I mean, he's not playing himself, but where so much of the other really joyful things we get to see him do are, it's stripped away. I find that version of him so compelling and that's this movie, so enjoy everyone and it has sound. And then any of that film again is? Late fame. All right. Yeah. Come too. Yeah. Jason go. Should I go now? Oh, I want you out of here. So badly, you were terrible today, you just babbling. I do hope you can come back sometime because I feel like we just scratched the surface, but thank you so much for stopping by and yeah. And just things have sped up a lot for you and that's a great thing and I don't think I have to say this to you, but like I just wish you take care of yourself. Oh my gosh. You know what I mean? Like protect yourself, protect you and your family time and all that because it's Greta Mania out there. Oh gosh. Yeah. And I know what it's like. Trust me. Yeah. Then I just start crying blood. Thank you. Thank you. I just found out some very exciting news. Check this out, David. Sonna told me yesterday that her husband, Takedakizian, Ryan. What's that? Taked by Ryan. Does it matter? Yeah. It's his last name. It's not tekezian. Okay. Okay. Our meaning names don't work like that. They're not just like, I thought that was just whatever. You ended IAN. It was okay. Yes. You know what? Some of them do actually work that way. They take the name and then they put IAN. Yeah. Yeah. I always call them Takedakizian, but that's not it. It's for Ryan. No. Anyway, Takedakizian, your husband, the father of your beautiful children, lovely guy, funny, talented. Best. Yesterday, he was, he had a huge milestone. Can you tell us what that is? He tested for his black belt, which is very, in a very intense thing and he got his black belt. Okay. After seven years. This is incredible. With this specific dojo, he got his black belt. You know what? I would, first of all, I just love that I got you to say dojo because it's one of my favorite words. But, um, this is amazing. How many belts are there? Well, for his, because his is very traditional, there's only three belts. There's white, brown, and black, but there's degrees to each one. Right. So, there, you know, there's like a, you get like, I think, I don't know, three degrees of white and then you qualify for brown, then there's three, I think, degrees for brown belt, and then you qualify for black. And they only test for black belts once a year. He was supposed to test last year, but he got food poisoning. Sorry. It's not funny. It's not funny. I think he had nerves. I really do. But he got sick and couldn't do it. So, he had to wait a full year before he could test again. That's incredible. He was so close to getting this, maybe the coolest award anyone can have. Yeah. And he got a little dummy trouble. Oh, no. I got some tummy trouble. No. Yeah. He fell up all over the dojo. No, Kate. You just wanted to say dojo. Maybe I did. Yeah. No, he tested and he did it. And I'm very proud of him. It's something he's been working for. That's really cool. He must have been, I mean, it must have been so cool for him to have passed that test. Yeah. He must have been just feeling so good about himself, you know? Yes. I mean, he must have felt like I'm really in such a great, everything's going my way. He must have had mojo in the dojo. I was waiting. I can't. I can't. I will say-- You think you had mojo in the dojo? I'm not going to say he got mojo in the dojo. And I'm not-- Just did. Thank you. Okay. So anyway, Sonah. Sonah. Yeah. This is a big deal. It is. And all my life I've been hearing that's cliched phrase. You better watch out. I'm a black belt in karate. Now he gets to say that. Yeah. Does he say karate or karate? He says karate. Okay. Like he says it properly. And I think they make fun of people. Like karate. Yeah. They make fun of people. Like-- Now, what was that-- Do you know what the test was? They have like katas, which are, you know, you have to, you know-- Did he have to fight a bunch of other guys? Memorized movements. Like, spar-- I don't think he spared. But it's like-- It's a pretty intense-- In my mind, it's like one of those classic, you know, Bruce Lee movies where he has to work his way up a tower. You know, each room-- Do you know what I mean? Kareem Abdul-Jabar is in one. Kareem Abdul-Jabar is different. He's got 700 ninjas in another. And he just has to keep working his way through. I so wish-- Yeah. That was the case. But no, he just went through some various choregas. Yeah. They like told him stuff and he had to do it. And it's all about how smooth he is and how sharp he is and-- What about breaking stuff? I don't know. I mean, he didn't really-- Taxi not like-- You have to like fish information out of him. Right. And so I-- I can't get-- He doesn't really-- He's not open about his last name, you know? So. His last name is Broyon. So yeah. Takisian. Takisian is Broyon. But he-- No, he had to do a test. And it's in front of a lot of other black belt. And in front of everybody who's at this special training thing, which is a lot of people from all over the country. So it's a pretty intense thing. And there were six people who were testing. I think it would be better. First of all, it just doesn't-- This doesn't make for a good story. I would have added some things. Yeah. At one point, they release six apes. And he has to-- He has to subdue them all. Wouldn't that be great? They tie-- Yeah, they tie bananas. They tie bananas to his body. And then six apes-- Six ravenous apes are released. And he has to fight them all off. I don't like that test. Now, was Karate chopping part of the-- I knew-- I said it before we recorded. I said, don't say anything about chopping. Okay. And I'm surprised you went this long without saying chopping. I went much longer than I thought I would. I've always loved the idea of someone, let's say, like Tak, who's a black belt. Before they attack someone or defend themselves say, I chop you. I chop you. And then they give them a karate chop. Do you think he ever would if he was in a bad situation and had to karate chop his way out of it? Would he start yelling at his assailants? I chop you. I chop you. And then chopping them. He's going to say, I chop you. Although I might say my husband's a black belt. He'll chop you. Yeah. I might say that. Yeah. Has he taught you any moves? No, he hasn't. He hasn't. I actually know he has. He's like, he's taught me some self defense moves just so I know them. But also I'm mouthy. And so because there've been a couple instances. He breaks boards. You break balls. Yeah. That's a perfect couple. But I do think I do think there's times when I've let my mouth kind of get ahead of me. And then he's had to like jump in and like settle things. Oh, you mean out in the world? Yeah. Because you have a hair trigger temper. I'm a shister. And you get mad. I've been with you when you start to get into it with someone. Yes. And tack can intervene and calm you. No, he's like very old school where he like he will defend my honor. And they'll like get into it with whoever's doing it. And because he's my muscle, he now knows. Like he's always known how to like really fight. He grew up learning knowing how to fight. Because he was like a little immigrant kid. Yes. And people used to pick on him. Yeah. He's always had that. But you know, now it's like he's a black belt and karate. He'll chop you. And then. Yes. And they're not. Yeah. So you say I'll chop you. I'll chop you. You know, he'll chop you. Yeah. I think that would be. So you mean a situation where you're driving. He's in the passenger seat. Someone cuts you off. You beat your horn. Maybe given the finger. And they yell at you and say you can't drive. Well, it's not usually where he would he jump out of the car and say, I will defend your honor. And then there was an incident on a gas station once where these two people were picking on this older man. And they were like threatening him when he got out of the car. And so I started yelling. And then one of them started yelling at me. And then tech came out of the store and he's like, don't talk to my wife that way. And it got very intense. Wow. Good for him. But nothing happened. Good for him. I was in the same situation. I'm being honest. If someone was. We were gas station. I was inside. And someone was screaming at lies. I'd come out and say when you're done yelling at my wife. No. Conan. No. I would say, well, this is your affair here. This is your business. When you're done screaming at my wife. Oh my god. I will move the car so you can pull in. Okay. You would give them your spot at the moment. pump best not to be hurt. But now I can say, you know, you're yelling at my wife, my friend, Tak, chop you. Tak, chop you. He chop you. He chop you good. That's why he did. We could hire takas like a security guard for you. He chop you good. I feel like every guy thinks one day they'll become a black belt and karate. I feel like that's like the sort of I have never never wanted to be in karate. Learn karate and then become a black belt. No, he wants to be the person who's seen the most musicals non-stop in a nine-week career. karate for that. Yeah. And you should see the belt that comes with that. It's a very shiny, very, very colorful fun belt. It's a sassy belt. Yeah. But, but Sona, I think this is very cool that he can do this now. And I am curious if it has practical applications. Of course it does. I'm sorry, karate. Yeah. I think it does. I think knowing any kind of martial art is good for you. Yeah. Right. You don't think so. No, no. I'm not saying I don't think so. I'm just I'm curious. I don't know. You think it's all like chopping boards and like kicking the air. But you're just wondering does that actually translate it if you're in a fight? If you're in a fight, I'm sure it does. I think it does. I'm sure it does. Yes. I think you can just say yes. I think even just saying I'm a black belt and karate bitch. Then that's enough to scare somebody. I don't know. It's such a cliche. I'm a black belt and karate. I would just start laughing if someone said that to me. And you would not be. No. If someone was coming into your face and they're like, I'm a black belt and karate. You'd be like, okay, sorry, bro. No, you'd start doing bad. Yeah, I do bits. Oh, yeah. You would never say bro. I don't know why I would say bro. Bro, what are you talking about? I'd say he has no he has no sibling of mine. And then they just beat you badly. Yeah. I once when I was at late night, I, one of the writers studied martial arts. And he's since passed away, Brian Rich, but he's a really funny writer really. It's tragic that he's gone. But I once he was very serious about studying, I think martial arts. And I told him that I had studied a defense called the cube where you trace the outlines of a cube with your hand and you never stop and you cover me side. And I said, if you do that, you can't penetrate the cube with a blow. And I would do the cube to him and he would go to like slap me. And basically, I would just then move my hand so that would knock the hand that was slapping at me. But it had nothing to do with the cube. But I kept talking about the cube. And I, I think I drove him insane because he kept saying, well, I don't understand how, what do you mean it's the cube? You're not doing anything. You're just, the minute my hand starts to come near you, you just bat away at my hand. But you're, what is the cube? And I'd be like, no, it's the cube defense. It's been worked out mathematically. And if I trace out, and if you can see this on video, I would just do this and say, it's the cube. He's miming a cube. I'm miming making a cube with my hands by moving my hands around in a, you know, geometric pattern. Yes. And the least threatening thing I've ever seen. You look like you're voguing. Yeah, it looks like, yes, it looks like I'm a dog. It looks like I'm voguing, but I would say it's the cube man. Nothing gets through the cube. It just made him crazy. And then when my son was old enough, when he was like seven, I started telling him, yeah, I know the cube defense. I started doing the same bullshit with my son. And he was like, what does that mean? No, you're just, that's not anything. What is that? So that's why he doesn't talk to me. It's a wonder you haven't been. Can I be very sincere? It's a wonder you haven't been beaten up more than you have been. I know. But it's a, it's a, it's surprising you haven't been beaten up more. But I think in a way, maybe God made you tall because he knew this would be how you are so that it would be, you would be threatening looking. I don't look, actually threatening. If you see me in person, I don't look like someone you'd necessarily want to mess with because that's what I'm saying. Yeah. And you're, and you're in good shape and you look like you could also I have so much untapped rage. I think that would work in my heart. Oh, yes. Do you agree with this? I agree. I would go, you know, I, I do think I have a lot of anger and I'm very physical. So I might snap. I agree more has a tent to fight the guy with the cube than the guy who says he has a black belt and because you don't know what I get it. Yeah, because you see an ill and unwell. Yeah. And who knows? No one wants to fight crazy. Yeah. No one's fight crazy. So congratulations to taxes. Yes. Very proud of you. And I'll get this right someday. Yeah. And I hope you don't chop you. Oh, my God. He's not going to chop me. Don't say chop. I chop you. I chop you. I chop you. And I chop and I chop and I chop again. It's just so funny if you would narrate his karate chops like that. I chop you. Now I chop you again. Now I chop you three times. That's a chop and a chop and a chop. No, no, karate. I know. I something's wrong with me. Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Cessian and Mac Gourley, produced by me, Mac Gourley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leo, theme song by The White Stripes, incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples, engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns, additional production support by Mars Melnick, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and BritCon. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conon. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs a Friend, wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.