Grandpa Thrusty McAssgrind, The Pigeon Fancier Extortionist and more

(upbeat music) - Hey, I'm Tara Saravan, and you're listening to World's Dumbest Criminals, an upbeat podcast about Deadbeat Crims. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, I'll be talking about a subway pervert in his 80s who liked rubbing his junk against female commuters butts and claiming that he didn't do it as he had a reptile dysfunction. A German pigeon fancier who tried to extort millions of dollars worth of diamonds from Nestle and plan to use his birds to carry the loot home and more. Alrighty, let's get cracking. Conrado Aelman turned 80 years old in 2016, which also happens to be the year he broke bad. I don't know if he decided in advance that if he lived to be over 80, he would have blatantly thrust his wrinkled pickle against women's butts as they rode the subway in New York, or if he'd been doing it more subtly for decades and thought to himself, "I've got no fucks left to give." I'ma just do it openly now. At around 6pm on April 4th, 2018, Aelman was arrested at the 96th Street train stop after a 64-year-old woman told police he rubbed his genitals against her ass while she was standing on the train. At this time, he was also fighting sex abuse and forceable touching charges from a similar incident in November 2017. This was a third charge for being a groupy throsody subway pervert he'd incurred since 2016. In court on the earlier charges, Aelman's lawyer said his client suffered from memory decline and dementia, but he would say that though. It's the obvious go-to defense when you have an older client to represent. But since Aelman never accidentally grouped the same woman twice and he was easily able to navigate the subway system, I'm not sure I'm buying what his defense is trying to sell. In early June 2018, the pervy P-poor was added again. This time, he rubbed his geriatric weiner up against the bottom of a 27-year-old man-hatten woman on the crowded number one train. The police arrested Aelman and charged him with persistent sexual abuse, forceable touching and sexual abuse. Despite his numerous arrests for being a despicable pain in the ass, he claimed he was innocent as he suffered from a rectile dysfunction and couldn't get the little man downstairs to salute. This is an obvious and well-worn go-to defense for perverts. I can't have been doing something inappropriate and threatening with my erection since I can't get it up. And surely I wouldn't say that unless it was 100% true. Unsurprised his defense didn't try to claim his dick was made of magnets and the women had lots of coins in their back pockets. But that would have been unbelievable since women's clothing hardly ever has pockets. Groovy Gramps had a very busy day in August 2018 when he managed to molest not one, but two women on midtown and uptown trains. As per usual, he rubbed his sad penis against their butts and as per usual, he denied any wrongdoing. He even told the New York Daily News that the two women who accused him of touching them were incahutes and had set him up. He said, "It was those stupid girls. They were working together. I was only standing there on the train at 42nd Street and she backed into me. She looked at the other woman as if to say, "Okay, the police followed me because they recognized my face and they were looking to get someone." Of course the women were working incahutes to bring a random old dude down. It's just what we do. When nice were my little girls, but then we turned nasty and vindictive and falsely accused men of treating us inappropriately. We travel on trains in pairs grinding our asses against sex offenders, crotches for fun and then we laugh. (laughs) We just have nothing better to do with our time than try to make abusive men's lives hell by saying we're not okay with being treated like that. How dare we? After the incident, both women reported him to the police at the 96th Street Station. There was no evidence to suggest the victims knew each other and had worked together to frame a guy for something he regularly did of his own accord. After this arrest, Alman gave cops his typical excuse. He told them, "I never touched her and if I did it was accidental." Oh, the old, I didn't sexually assault her and if I did it was an accident defense. That's definitely on my things pervert say when they're caught bingo card. Alman also told the authorities, "I'm 82 and married to my wife for over 30 years. What would I want with those little girls? I have my wife." Oh, of course he couldn't be guilty of sexual harassment because he's married. I think I got bingo with that. What do I win? Probably an unwanted direction pressing against my ass cheek. I think I'll pass. His wife, poor, long-suffering Mrs. Alman, tended to go to court with him to stand by her man. I wonder if she was like he's revolting but marriages forever or if he's told her so many epic lies about his arrest that she actually believes him. Oh, it's those terrible young ladies fault taking trains and having bottoms shame on them. In this case, or maybe one of the earlier cases, it's so hard to keep track with such prolific offending that is done in the exact same way. Alman took a plea deal. The 82 year old pleaded guilty to forcible touching and disorderly conduct to get rid of a number of cases of subway-groping pending against him. He agreed to take access a ride instead of the subway unless someone else was accompanying him and protecting his crotch from all the lying women's bums. The deal also required him to go six months with no new arrests and attend counseling in an adult daycare program for seniors. If successful, he was to get away with time served and the top count would be white. But, and it's a big but, that would prefer not to be rubbed against by a victim blaming arson's old timey erection by mid-April 2019, he got busted again. It's important to note that only about 30% of women who experience this sort of harassment report it to the police, so it's statistically likely that he did it much more than we've heard about. The six woman who reported Alman for inappropriately touching her stated that she was on the subway with her toddler in a stroller when he came up behind her and ground his crotch against her butt. It was around 7 p.m., and they were on the number two train near 72nd Street and Broadway. She tried to escape his noosey dick by moving away from him and reported the incident to the police at the next station. Despite Alman's claims of being a daughtering old man who couldn't possibly get it up, the incident was witnessed by plainclose officers as he progressed his first year erection against the rear of the 41-year-old woman. The New York Daily News reported that based on the woman's description, the police arrested Alman near his home on West 136th Street. He went to court for this incident in December and pleaded guilty to forcible touching and disorderly conduct. As he hadn't managed to stay out of trouble for six whole months per his previous plea agreement, he was sentenced to 90 days in jail. In November that year, the awful octogenarian committed his seventh reported incident of subway grouping and grinding. It's like he's trying to go for some kind of record, isn't it? This incident, like many of the others, took place between six and seven PM on the number one train. He's a creature of habit this one. This time, the rustemic ask grind got on the train at Times Square and stood behind a 34-year-old woman. What he didn't realize was that yet again, one of the passengers near the woman was a plain close police officer. He witnessed Alman thrusting his erect penis against the victim. The woman got off the train at the next stop and spoke to the police about what had happened. Alman was subsequently arrested. In court again, this time on Mr. Mina charges of forcible touching, he got himself a sympathetic judge who possibly only considered violent rates by strangers to be real sexual assault. This judge granted the rustemic ask grind supervised release. Sarge and O'Connell, who headed the special victim squad for the NYPD's transit bureau, told the media, "We know he's out and we'll watch for him. We have our frequent flies who we are familiar with. He's definitely one of them." By now, the police were sick to death of his bullshit and said that Alman was among a number of serial offenders who should be banned from the subway system. But of course he wasn't, and that's why. we get to talk about the 8th reported incident. This one occurred in early February 2020 at 615 PM on the number 2 train when he ground up on and grabbed a 36 year old woman. I'm sure she'd love to send a thank you note to the judge that granted him supervised release on his previous charge. Aelman once again claimed he was innocent because he has a "rectile dysfunction" despite the fact that the police saw him crack as stiffy with their own eyes. Now this was actually the last update available about Grandpath Rostimic asked rind. I can't be sure if the media stopped reporting on the case as it was getting too repetitive or if a judge told the cops to stop arresting him. Oh he's old and well we don't care, just let him do it. Or perhaps his magnet dick sucked him onto the train tracks as the number 2 train was pulling into the station. Or maybe in an ironic twist of fate he did eventually get a rectile dysfunction and it sucked the fun out of his predatory thrusting behaviour. For the sake of the women in New York City I'm hoping it's one of the last two options. Retired metal worker Alexandru Nemeth aspired to be an evil genius. He was a pigeon fancier which is the official term for someone who breeds and keeps pigeons although you could be forgiven for assuming that it meant something saucy than that. He kept his pigeons in a coop on an allotment near his flat in Eschborn Germany. They were to be an important part of his supervillain plan to blackmail Swiss food and beverage giant Nestle. From August 1996 to September 1998 Nemeth contaminated Nestle products with lethal doses of poison. He made himself using a recipe he'd found in a book at a flea market. He boys and 25 products including mustard and mayonnaise that he left in supermarkets around the country. He also delivered tainted chocolates to houses he chose randomly and left cyanide lace drinks at a cologne playground. He demanded Nestle fork over millions of dollars to stop his reign of terror which proved to be terrible for the company's business. Every time he delivered another threat Nestle had to remove their stock from supermarkets which cost them more than £14 million in lost revenue. Tommy managing director Gustave Hobart later told the court the numerous threats to poison Tommy products which is a subsidiary of Nestle led customers to panic and their sales to fall dramatically. Fortunately no one was injured during the two years Nemeth travelled the country leaving his poison products in over 20 different German cities. During this time Nemeth had been cooking up his grand plan and it included those pigeons he fancied and some hand sewing. He'd been training them as homing pigeons to use to bring in the big paid ADA and all paid As. When he felt they were in top form he poisoned some more products and gave Nestle strict instructions to follow. He'd parked a car near Dusseldorf and left 12 of his fanciest pigeons inside it. Each one had been fitted with a little satchel that he'd sew in himself. Nestle's representatives were supposed to place 25 million doish marks worth of uncut diamonds in the pigeons' cool little bags and set them free to fly back to Nemeth. Fly my prettyes. However instead of putting millions of dollars worth of fine jewels in the bird's little handbags the cops put miniature radio transmitters. As the birds flew back home to Daddy a helicopter followed them from a distance. When they arrived at Nemeth's allotment the next day, after flying nearly 200 miles the police followed them there and arrested him. A police official later told the court. He could hardly deny the pigeons were his. 12 of them don't make a mistake. Nemeth initially denied all the allegations and pleaded not guilty to the charges. The prosecution worked their arses off to arrange more than 80 witnesses and 12 experts to testify at the trial. Everyone in court was incredibly surprised when Nemeth suddenly confessed to the crime. After the charges were read out he responded, "It was me." A Frankfurt court found him guilty of three counts of extortion and six counts of poisoning food products provided to supermarkets. He was sentenced to 11 years in jail. Nemeth said he realised the extreme danger by us of the poison products had been in, but he was pretty sure they'd be okay. After being sentenced he told the media. It was extremely lucky that that did not happen, but I was convinced that the strong smell would put anyone off eating them. "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night, buddy, if only Nemeth had used his powers for good instead of evil, he might have made his fortune honestly by creating designer handbags for birds." To finish up, I have a few punchline crimes for you. These are cases with hardly any information available and they sound like jokes and something that actually happened. In 2017, 23-year-old Methan Fedamine and weapons enthusiast Jake Watts was reporting to the police station in Rockhampton Queensland as part of his bail conditions for a former offense. He had driven himself there, despite having a disqualified licence. To ensure that the police didn't find out, he hid the keys to the vehicle in a garden outside the station before entering the cop shop. That's either a really stupid or really genius hiding place. Considering the outcome here, I'm going to have to go with stupid. A good Samaritan had seen him do it. They found the keys and gave them to the cops explaining what they'd witnessed. Since Jake had tried to hide it from them, the cops figured there must be something worth seeing in his vehicle and they were not wrong. Inside it, they found 20 grams of meth, seven knuckle dusters, a self-loading firearm, a handgun, two vials of steroids, estrogen and a magazine full of ammunition. His defence lawyer claimed Jake's soul'd meth to fund his own habit and his client had a stupid obsession with weapons, which is why his car was filled with them. Jake was given a two-year prison sentence along with a two-year disqualified driving period. Justice Duncan McKeenan said in court, "Oh, it's almost comical how he was arrested. If it wasn't so serious." In March 2014, 24-year-old Michael Norton did something incredibly unwise and unusual. He attempted to break into a police station. At 2.30am, Michael was seen violently pulling a locked door at a downtown Boston police station. He eventually managed to gain entry through the garage door, then walled into a secured area and confronted several police officers. The cops who were there reported that he became belligerent and yelled at the officers to get out of his house. The cops tried to clear things up by letting Michael know he wasn't in fact at his house, but he wasn't having it. He argued with the officers about the truthfulness of their claim and kept shouting his address at them, and no his address was not the same as the police station. After a brief struggle with the cops, Michael was handcuffed and arrested for breaking an entering in the night time and resisting arrest. In June 2012, 29-year-old Lee Streeter crashed his motorbike in Queen's way Stafford. He tried to flee the scene even though he had suffered head injuries. The paramedics managed to keep him at the scene as they assessed his wounds and called the police. When the officers arrived, they found Lee had a bag with 180 pounds worth of cannabis in it. He admitted selling weed, but before he was released on bail, PCU swapped mobile numbers with Lee, but Lee may not have remembered that. On July 24, PCU received a text from Lee that read, "Got bone dry cheese if you need?" Apparently, cheese is British slang for marijuana, or at least it was 10 years ago. Lee was arrested again for drug dealing and confessed to the police that he'd accidentally sent the text to everyone on his contacts list. That would be so fucking embarrassing I think I'd want to go to jail for 16 months, which is what happened to Lee in this case. This brings me to the end of the episode. Thanks so much for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with our future episodes. If you enjoyed what you heard, please leave a review. If you'd like to support this show, head on over to patreon.com/worldstummerscriminals. All levels get access to monthly bonus episodes and add free episodes and higher levels also receive a variety of merchandise. Thanks so much to Libby Loadup for upping your pledge this week. If you want more dumb criminals in your life, you can join our World Stummers Criminals Podcast Facebook group or follow us on Twitter @wdcriminalspod and Instagram @worldstummerscriminals. Just a programming note. I'm going to be releasing episodes bought nightly again for a while as I need to do part two of my root canal and go into state to visit my mom and well just basically try to gaffer tape my life together into some of the resemblance of functionality. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble, and whatever you do, don't commit a crime that makes you end up on this podcast.