Gracie & Piper Gilles on Olympic Ice Dancing, Battling Cancer, & Winning Bronze

Hey, Athletes After Hours listeners, you can now watch on Spotify. If you're subscribed to Spotify Premium, you can watch ad-free. Now let's get in the episode. So I was leaving for a competition and I was going to Finland and it said my cancer antigen was at the 1400 mark and like the normal underneath ratio is 35. So I was like way over the mark. So I'm freaking out. I'm like, how am I supposed to go to a competition knowing you have cancer? For most athletes, making one Olympic team is the dream. Today's guest has done it three times. She's an Olympic bronze medalist, multiple time world champion medalist, and one of the most decorated ice dancers in Canadian history. But what makes her story so remarkable isn't just the success. Just a few years ago, she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and faced the possibility that her career could be over. Today, she's standing on an Olympic podium, proving that some of the most beautiful performances happen after life's hardest battles. Piper Gillis. Welcome to Athletes After Hours. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I'm so excited you're here. Came all the way from Canada. All the way from Canada. All my Canadian girlies. I needed some warmth in my life. Canada's been cold lately. I know. I'm so sorry. It's a cloudy day. Yeah. I'm like, oh, she brought the cold with her. I know. Yeah, I did. Sorry. We literally just came from the gym. We did a sports swap in the gymnastics gym. And then afterwards, we're going to go to the ice rink and film the second half of the sports swap. And you're going to teach me. You're going to teach me ice dancing. I am. I'm freaking out. You're going to. I think you're going to be great. You're going to surprise yourself, I think. My legs are sturdy. So hopefully I don't look like Bambi on ice. That's really just the goal. Isn't it? You got the legs. You got the booty. That's all. It's really all it is. You have core strength. You're good. Well, I'm so excited that we can sit down in person and chat today. You're such an absolute gem of a human. Even just knowing you now for two hours, I feel like I've known you for forever. It's so fun that we were able to do this. And I'm like, oh, we're going to do more to come. Oh, yeah. In the future. Definitely. And you're in Toronto, which is where Alicia is. And I'm like, oh, anytime I go to see Leesh, I'll just come see you, too. For the girls. Girls weekend. I love it. And we'll have Ellie Black come. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Yes, please. It'll be a Canadian plus one U.S. girlie. Yeah. You're an honorary Canadian. Honorary Canadian. She's coming to Canada, everybody. When I heard your story, I just knew you have so many layers to you. And so I kind of want to just jump right into the cancer. Story. Absolutely. I need to hear all about this because obviously not knowing you during that time of your life. Like, I want you to kind of maybe walk me through when you found out how you handled it, especially in the midst of probably the peak of your athletic career. Yeah, it honestly was. So, like, I'll go back to 2022. Yeah. And it was October. I was at our first Grand Prix event of the season. It was Skate Canada International. It was in Toronto. It was great. I felt so prepared, so ready. But I just. I just felt like the normal tired before competition. You're just like, wow, I'm really, really tired. And then after I competed one of our it's called our rhythm dance, I started to feel kind of sick and nauseous. And I was like, this is kind of strange. But again, I just thought it was the nerves of the competition. You know, your whole body just feels off and it's not in your routine. Yeah. So I was like, OK, that's what it was. Pushed through the competition. We had we won that one. It was it was amazing. Had a great time. And then a couple of days after, I was still not feeling well. I was just like super. Super nauseous after I was eating, which was so not normal for me. I like as an athlete, like with your period, like you just push through these things. Yeah. I've had bad periods my entire life. And I was just like, oh, it's just something I deal with. So I just kind of brushed it off. But then it wasn't until like I think 10 days after that event, my coach was like, wow, you look terrible. And it like it was like the nicest thing. You know, she's like, you don't look good. Like really like your coloring was. Yeah. It was kind of like yellowy kind of green. And I just like looked exhausted. Wow. And so she's like. She's like, why don't you just go to a walk-in clinic? And I was like, OK. So, you know, I went to a walk-in clinic in Canada and I was like and being an athlete, I was like, it's specifically on my left side. Yeah. It feels like a cramp. I'm not having my period. You're so in tune with your body. Yeah. And I'm like, thank goodness. And so he's like, you know what? Have you ever had a cyst before? And I was like, I don't think so. But he's like, why don't you go in for an ultrasound? So I did like the next day. And sure enough, I had a nine centimeter cyst on my left ovary. And I was like, OK. So that's all I knew. And I'm like, all right, now what? And women get cysts a good amount. So you totally think it was just like, OK, whatever. You just have to like let it pass. Well, yeah, I think like a lot of it was just like, well, what are we going to do about it? It's a large size. So I think they're usually not concerned between like two and four centimeters. But it was pretty normal. But it was nine. And so they were like, I think you might need to see a specialist. So then I'm searching around looking for a specialist. And it's funny, like one of our Canada orthopedic surgeons that traveled with the team, he's the one who actually got me connected to my doctor. And she's like, OK, I've seen your ultrasound. I want you to come in and have like a more intense ultrasound. And that's when they found out that the ultrasound had a tumor attached to the cyst. Wow. So and at the time, they obviously didn't know what it was. And I did some blood work. And in Canada, they can you can actually go online and you get your results right away. Oh, my God. So I was leaving for a competition like one day, the next competition two weeks after. And I was going to Finland. And it said my cancer antigen was at the 1400. And like the normal underneath ratio is 35. So I'm freaking out. I'm like, how am I supposed to go to a competition? Knowing you have cancer? Yeah. And I get the end at the end of the day, like I was trying to get a hold my doctor and she's like, hey, don't worry. Like this just could be a marker that you have a tumor. Don't panic. And I was like, OK, you're panicking. Right. Naturally. Naturally. And so I was like, all right, well, I guess I'm just going to go do this competition. Did the competition won the competition. No way. The whole time I'm just sitting there. And I was like, and it was so interesting because my whole life perspective switched on a dime like that. It was like skating was second. My health became the first priority. And in a way, like it totally changed my life that skating became easy. Yeah. Because you're like, this is this is like I get to do this. Yes, exactly. Exactly. I would say that I get to do this. Yeah. It shifted into gratitude. And so like the moment I landed coming back from Finland, I was like, I got a voicemail from my doctor. Like you're scheduled for surgery in like December. And I was like, great. I have one more competition to do, which is the Grand Prix final. They take the top six athletes from the six events and you all compete against each other. Like it's a big deal. Wow. Knowing that I have a surgery booked for like five days after that event. Like so a lot of people don't know that this is happening. And even I didn't tell Paul, my partner, that I potentially would have had cancer until after that event because I just didn't want him to worry. You know, I just like he knew that there was stuff happening. But again, I just didn't want. I don't want to scare anybody for that. Yeah, no, 100%. You know, you're just like, why scare people when I don't even know what's going on? Exactly. And everything's a question mark at that point. Totally. Totally. And my doctor was like, the only thing I want you to do from now till then is don't fall. Because like if you fall, it could burst. And that's when it like the cells could spread and all. It's just not good news. Right. So I get. Are you kidding? That's actually so stressful. Isn't it stressful? Oh, my God. And you were scared about falling on the beam today. Yeah, I know. But I get to the competition and the first practice that we do, I fall. And I like go back to the boards. And my one coach knew, Carol, and she, I was like looking at her and she's like, you okay? And I'm like, I feel okay. I don't know if I'm not okay. So I was like, I hope I am. Won that competition. Okay. So like we were having the best season of our lives. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm also battling this secret, you know. Oh, my God. Potential cancer. So then when I came home, I had surgery. And then on my birthday, January 16th, I'll never forget. I opened up the email and it said, you're. Diagnosed with stage one ovarian cancer. So it was crazy, isn't it? Yeah, it's it was it was really hard. But what's so interesting is that I know a lot of people were like, oh, my gosh, were you so scared? Were you this and that? Like, I treated it like like an injury. Yeah. And it was the way I could protect myself because I was like, I don't want cancer to win. Yeah. You know, and at the time, I didn't know whether or not like I was have to do chemo or. If it was like life, you know, life changing or, you know, if I eventually would have to get the other ovary out. And, you know, there was a lot of unknowns, but I was like, all right, all I wanted to do was get back on the ice because that's what made me happy. You know, and I had a partner outlet. Yeah, it was my it was my place that made me happy. And I and I felt I had responsibility to my partner. Again, we're having the best season of our life. You know, the opportunity to to win worlds. I didn't want that to cancer to define me. Yeah. So I wanted to, like, enter into your space. Yeah, that's your safe space. Exactly. Exactly. It's like once you let it enter into your safe space and it makes it kind of real. Yeah. And I just wanted to, like, prove to people, too, that, like, going through something like that, you can get through them. And so, yeah, I it was a really difficult time. But then again, a couple of months later, we went to the world championships and we got our bronze medal at the world's only three months after my surgery. So it was quite, quite crazy. And I look back and I said, I don't know how I did it, but I do know how I did it because I had the village. Like I had my family. I had my physios. I had my coaches. I had my partner. Like they were there every step of the way. And I wouldn't be able to do what I did without them. Yeah. And so, like, that's like the power of people who, you know, want to support you and want to see your best. Yes. 100%. Yeah. And then, like, for me, I really needed to learn to give them the weight a little bit instead of taking all the weight myself. Yeah. You know, I needed to be like, OK, I need you to get me through. It forced you to lean on people. Yeah. Instead of just be like, I need to be an athlete. I need to do it myself. And but what a beautiful perspective shift. And now it's like it's totally changed my outlook. lit on life and opportunities and I'm just so grateful. for like you know a valuable life lesson of just like you know listening to yourself because that's health is your the most important thing i know i feel like we take our health for granted so often especially when we're young because we're like oh like i bounce back you know and i mean thank god that you your cells were regenerative and like you were able to bounce back from it but like how long was the recovery after because i mean like how did you get the cancer out did you end up doing chemo like i didn't i got very lucky like the surgery was all all that i really had to do um obviously i had to go back and do my checkups regularly every like three months remove your ovary yeah my left ovary is no longer there wow um i do have cysts on the right ovary and i have endometriosis like that's kind of the cause of really what happened okay for me um it was like an endometrioma endometrioma was what i had um so that's that's kind of the cause endometriosis but i think that's it's so amazing because it's really opened my eyes to a whole different world that women actually have to go through you know these these pains and it's not normal um so i learned a lot of things about actually using my voice um but the recovery time really after that you know was i was off the ice for i was off the ice for 14 days that's it that's it but two weeks two weeks i could barely walk like a walk outside was like a big deal but i could go on the ice i i got like a five minute you can literally do laps oh and then like every day was just like a building block yeah but i feel like my biggest hurdle after everything it was the imposter syndrome the year after really yeah because i just felt and this is again weird things that your brain does like i was like i'm not going to be as good as i was with cancer you know what i mean because i was like i you know had the perspective yeah i had the best season of my life you're like i lost my secret weapon yeah right and then i was just like that's crazy isn't that strange it is very strange but i have noticed that like with injuries i feel like it does take you out of your body and out of your head because you're like you're in almost like survival mode totally but it forces you because your mind's so preoccupied with other shit going on outside of the gym or outside of the rink yeah your body has to go into autopilot yeah which is exactly you're in flow yeah which is exactly how you in sport i mean people literally teach us this when we do sport psychology like you learn to do breath work in order to enter the state of flow yeah but because your brain was so preoccupied with cancer you were already in flow yeah because you were just like i have to just trust my body to take over because i'm i can't even think about this right now like this isn't even my priority no and like which is so fascinating yeah but i think i put my body through a lot of trauma after too because again i didn't know if i was gonna have to lose my right ovary so i went right into fertility that summer wow so i went and i was like i'm gonna freeze my eggs you did like okay you froze your eggs yeah like it was a very intense process to do that on top i've heard it's so painful and yeah and i'm learning how to do new lifts because it was in our off season so i'm doing lifts and again your stomach gets kind of sore from all the needles that you're doing and my whole hormones went off and and as an athlete like you just you depend on your body so much so if it's not in the right place and you're not feeling good like it's really hard to train it's hard to trust it yeah and i just felt like basically from the time i had my surgery all the way until the world championships in 2024 um that was like when my body felt like it was back but it took a whole season for my body to like catch up like i had low energy i just couldn't get the strength to do things like i did the year before which is weird but again that's the trauma of what you put your body through through surgery going through you know fertility all of that and in a short amount of time but i'm so grateful that i did and i at least i had the the opportunity to because not a lot of people do and or even think of thinking about your future yeah so you have potentially the opportunity to have kids when you want to have kids you have that option yep even if you lost your right ovary yep wow yeah because it goes because we did the embryo so that could go right into my uterus and i can have kids wow so like and my right one's totally fine so it's just like a backup plan in case yeah it's just like having you know it's so nice having yeah and the power to be like yeah this is my choice um i don't know and i think that's what's taught me in this entire thing is like women have so much more power than they think they do yes and it's just like taking the step to do it because it's scary and it's it's hard um but people will eventually listen if you continue to speak up yeah and it's like a very valuable lesson in an unfortunate situation but you're using your voice to advocate for your future yeah i think that's a very valuable lesson yeah i think that's a very valuable lesson in an unfortunate situation but you're using your voice to advocate for your future for those who have you know dealt with the news of cancer i know like our producer wes his wife had cancer like there's so many people affected by cancer and i think seeing someone like you who's such a light who sees it from such a positive perspective and who came out with so much strength and resilience yeah and like you were you you managed to literally ice dance through cancer yeah crazy like you're insane in the best way yeah like that's so cool and how empowering did that feel after you know coming out with a bronze medal like did you ever think that that was a possibility no i think at the time i wasn't really sure what the possibility of what's next yeah um even going to this olympic games like i didn't think we were even gonna get there like we kind of just after 2022 um we just weren't sure you know we just weren't getting what we wanted and it was tough to come into the rink every single day and and keep striving for something you didn't know had any potential you know um so in a way like every every season every competition just became a blessing yeah and so but i think it allowed us to step up to another level because you've already put yourself in such a vulnerable position what more can you put yourself you know like how what other uncomfortable position can you put yourself into and not rise above and i think that just like allowed us especially at the olympic games to kind of just use it as a all right i've been through so much like let's just enjoy this and like this is a cakewalk yeah honestly like the games was probably like one of the most calm competitions i've ever had in my entire life that's so cool it just felt like the arena like it was a victory lap totally yeah totally it was like we were surrounded by our friends and family that came to moan like i don't know the the setting of the arena was so intimate but again we were just so trained mentally and physically for that like the only thing we needed to do was step through that door that's so crazy yeah and then you just entered flow state yeah just did it so when did paul know that you had cancer like when did you tell him when was the decision my decision i think i told him um i told him the possibility after uh after the grand prix final okay so after that before we had okay before i had my surgery okay and i called my coach carol first actually because when i got the result i was like i don't know how to tell him yeah because again i didn't know how to handle it yeah and i didn't i couldn't i just didn't want to put him in that that situation to be like overthink everything um so i remember calling her and she's like well you need to tell him and i was like i know i need to tell him but like i just need to i need to wrap my brain around like what i'm going to say yeah because i didn't even see the doctor until like i think it was three weeks after i like kind of found out okay um so i just really didn't know so i think i told about like a week after i found out um because i was just trying to figure out like how to break it to him you know because i didn't have the answers but he was so wonderful in all of it like he was just like okay like what do you need from me how can i help you how can i support you and it allowed me to just actually ask for things and and i think he grew in a different way too because like he needed to kind of step up step up and and and show up for me and i think that's amazing about even our partnership is that like we've been through so many different chapters of our life but we've always chosen to come back to each other because that was like what we've decided to do we're friends we're family like that's what you do like through thick and thin like you're always there for each other and i think that's something a lot of people need to like learn in life is like it's really important to step up for the ones that like really need you yeah um because maybe one day they're gonna have to turn around do it for you one day 100 and i always say like you can't expect to have a village if you don't want to be a villager yeah you gotta give to get and like yeah you gotta have the ability to understand that like your priorities are not your a priority right now like you gotta put your partner first and make sure that they're and i think sometimes like as human beings i feel like we bond so much more intimately when we're needed at least i know i am like i love being needed i'm like i got you girl i'm there like no problem and like i feel like those are my closest friends are the ones who need me or want me around or you know want support one advice and like i love giving advice and i love i should probably take my own advice sometimes but but i think yeah there's just something so incredible about almost kind of being trauma bonded like you guys going through so much shit just to come out stronger tighter more understanding of one another and and respect one another so much more like i'm sure he has the most profound respect for you seeing you handle your entire journey of cancer with grace and resilience and just poise thank you and i could tell like just you you're one of those people that can just i mean we we talked about this earlier we're like we look really good but we are probably dying inside yeah but it's important I mean maybe that was probably the best thing that ever happened to you because it forced you to learn how to ask for help help yeah and like I noticed that even when I was launching the pod like I was kind of in fight or flight for a really long time because I put myself to such a high standard and I put so much pressure on myself to make this happen and I remember like finally like calling Wes and like on the phone crying I'm like okay like my editor bailed on me like can you please help me and he's like of course and I'm like I would never ask for help if I wasn't truly like at the bottom of the barrel like yeah down bad so I think sometimes the valleys are important to teach us lessons like you can lean on people and and like now we're so much closer because you know we spend so much time together like please edit this or do this or do that you know like help me and and it's yeah I think it's such a valuable lesson in life but especially in sport because we are not good at asking for help we're like we got it it's fine but like look how much stronger and and better off you are by having your village well yeah and it's and then you don't crumble in those really stressful situations because like every day you've shown yourself that you can show up yeah right so it just makes those moments just a little bit lighter and when you're having a bad day too like your your family your friends your team they know they know why you're having a bad day they know and they're like oh yeah I'm going to be on the same page as you instead of you know keeping the secret and then everyone's like why is she being a bitch today you feel like girl I'm going to cancer right now okay I don't need this like it's so much better and even like I mean my coaches used to be like okay who's on their period you know like yeah because then you at least you know to like have that lens they're having a moment yeah she's having a day okay or even like I remember our coaches used to be like you know if there's anything like just let us know and we would like tell them like oh yeah like I'm going through a breakup right now oh that's you know like they would know like if we were going through some like heavy shit or like we were just having a bad day or we were feeling like you know like the world's on top of us a little bit or we were struggling with our grades like they did create a really great space to be able to be vulnerable because the vulnerability then leads to strength yeah like if you have an open dialogue like you just feel comfortable yes and they also get to know you and being like okay we actually need to push through this today so we really need to like be like bad coach today what's push throughable and then what's something that we need to back off on yeah and give some kindness and give some grace and I think like that's such an amazing thing for coaches to even know that like being able to open that up allows you to have a better understanding of your athletes and how you can best support them throughout so many different parts of your life because it's like half of being a coach is being like a psychologist facts and a parent I always say like it is the biggest responsibility ever it is and so when I hear that coaches are like being not great I'm like oh my god dude like you're literally shaping the next generation of athletes like totally please take this yeah don't take this with a grain of salt don't take this lightly because this position is extremely important like you impact and shape so many characters and if you're not in tune with each character everyone's different we're all a snowflake you know so it's like we're all snowflake we're all built in our own unique way and so like I'm a big firm believer and like I don't know if you know what the Enneagram is oh my god it's the best it's like a it's like a personality assessment wait yes one like someone's like romantic and then it's like one two three four five whatever there's nine types yes there's what uh there's a logic there's um it's like I can go through it all but like literally basically it's like every type is in you yeah but some types are like stronger than others yes and so essentially like once you know your type though you can like ask chachi bt even like hey you know how do you know how do you know how to do this how do you know how are I'm a type eight which is like the challenger and like we're very like alpha okay okay so like someone like me like doesn't like being vulnerable and so that's like how do I approach a conversation with a co-worker or a parent or um a child in this way without coming off as domineering or aggressive or like too straight to the point you know like how do I sugarcoat this or like even things like compatibility with like partners totally like what number am I more compatible with and why and like I don't know I think it's so fascinating it tells you like how you are when you're at your lowest and at your highest and also what numbers you go to when you're stressed yeah so then your team like we did it as a team so that our coach is new oh I like that yes you should do it with your coach yeah or with your partner I had done it with Paul once we did like an olympic lab kind of before the 2018 olympic games where they brought all the athletes in one place and we all kind of got to know each other and it was interesting to see like the bobsledders to like what's going on and like what's going on and like what's going on and like what's going on they gravitate gravitate towards to like who's the the draw the steerer who's the break and even like Paul and I I remember like we were the perfect opposites to what oh you're compatible yeah so it was like it I mean I could have told you 15 years together I'm sure you have some level of compatibility yeah so but it it really just makes you understand like yes and it makes you actually dive into who you are as a person because again if you don't know who you are like you you can't show up as your best self so if you dive into who you are as a person you're I like dive in and it's super scary and it's super vulnerable but it allows you to have that knowledge to be like okay well who do I literally there's something so empowering about having that ability to be intentional and understand yourself so well to your core like that's why I love self help books and like all the things because it's just like it makes me feel like a superhero because I'm like oh no like I'm stressed right now so I'm hyper analytical that's why I'm picking myself apart that's why I'm micromanaging people or things yeah that's why I'm you know stressing over the little details that don't don't matter and so then when you know that you're like oh that's my default when I'm stressed let me look at the big picture let me zoom out yeah because right now all I want to do is zoom in and it's just yeah I think it's so it's so cool I always I'm like people on the pod have listened already and yap about the Enneagram I love I'm like such a nerd for it like the girlies who love Zodiac I'm a girly that loves Enneagram okay so are you a Zodiac girl no okay see I'm like that Enneagram is my Zodiac I'm a Taurus I just want that actually I'm like a bull go yeah I'm a Capricorn I'm stubborn but I'm like a hustle okay hustler I need to I need to know okay know things but I'm also very creative so it's kind of a weird I'm like yeah Capricorn I should maybe dive more into the Zodiac but yeah I just I'm like no I'm like a big control freak so I'm like I know for a fact like I took this test and I told them exactly what I you know how I feel how I react all the things and so I know that it's perfect tailored for me versus like I'm like what are the odds that everyone's same birthday as the same I'm like I don't know it doesn't feel that accurate to me rising moon yeah it doesn't resonate the same but you do you girl if you want to stare at the stars stare at the freaking stars bring your peace but speaking of compatibility I have to know how you even met Paul like we need to rewind to like day one because you guys have been together for 15 years yeah it's been a really long time that's a long time you guys are siblings essentially basically what's the age gap uh he's two months older than me oh you guys are like really similar you guys are similar yeah okay okay yeah he's like on November 91 I'm January 92 so we're not far apart at all yeah but it's funny so Paul and I have been competing against each other since we were teenagers okay um when I used to represent the U.S. and he was Canada um we used to have these uh competitions called the North American Challenge they don't happen anymore but it was just Canada and U.S. and it was such a big deal when you were younger that you had the opportunity to go to Canada or you know Canadians could come to the U.S. yeah and you just competed against them cool it was such an eye-opener you're like oh my god I'm gonna go to Canada oh someone outside of the U.S. how amazing yeah you're like this is an international yeah yeah and like Paul and his partner Vanessa were super successful in Canada and we knew that um and then we would always see them at like a competition in Lake Placid where a lot of ice dancers went to and you know you like we didn't really compete against each other until one of my first year's juniors and we went to a competition in Taipei and we were the young ones um and he actually beat me he was like fifth and I was sixth um at this competition I was like I love that you guys yeah hilarious damn Canadians damn Canadians ah of course they're good on ice right damn it I know um they're built different on that ice man it's yeah crazy just just no we know ice we know skating um but since we were so young we were like 14. and it's pretty young to be on the team that young so young and like there's partying happening like I remember like our parents were like okay you hang out with people that are your age you stay in your room we had team leaders being like you guys have to stay in your room tonight they partied oh my gosh yeah that night I remember culturalized dancing oh there's like when you're yeah like 18 especially when you go to like Europe or whatever like that happened right so we were kind of prepared that like when you went to competitions so as a junior like you were going to be around drinking like that was yeah I'm shook right now because gymnastics was so straight up no like we were like back to our hotel room no bread yeah no alcohol if they were close to like 18 they were drinking so like I remember that night like I watched someone like literally pee in a bush and like pass out and I was like what is happening I'm going back to my room so a lot of the people like Paul came to my room yeah and we played apples to apples all night yeah so you're like I found my people found my people so like we had known each other for quite some time and then it wasn't until about 2010 I was with someone else a skating partner and we split like we just weren't the right match for each other like we just it just wasn't working and I like totally changed my life I moved to LA I was like I'm gonna be an actress period do some things so I was out here for a little bit and I got a call from Disney nice to be Rapunzel because when I was out here in LA I just like trying different things so I was trying circus stuff yeah um the rapunzel show was has all the silks and i was like okay well i've done that so like well would you be interested in like auditioning and i was like yeah no problem so i got offered that role and on the day i was supposed to sign that contract to go to florida and start the whole process of it paul called so it was like totally out of the blue oh my god i thought okay my competitive career is just like done you were ready to kind of yeah i'm gonna go into like shift gears professional um realm and because at least it's stable well yeah it was like stable income it was and i could make some money i wanted to come back to la and i wanted to go to fit them because i met some girls here and i they were all into fashion i was like i love this like i really think that i could get into it so i was like gotta figure out how to make money so i was like let's do disney and then come back into the creative side of the capricorn yeah yeah and then all of a sudden that happened and you know he had gone to the olympics in 2010 in vancouver and i was like what a huge opportunity it is to be able to have it's an honor yeah yeah opportunity even like try out with an olympian so i was like you know what went to canada and like literally within i don't know it was like five minutes we just knew that like what we were doing like was going to be special wow and we just worked well with each other because i think both of us had had partners again that weren't the right person for us and really challenged us and so when we got together like we were very open and honest with what we needed and what we wanted and that in a way like our past shaped a better future for us and we just like respected each other from the get-go and we also gave each other grace and wasn't the teenager like oh i hate you because you said something weird or you know like the stuff that you like you get mad about and you look back you're like maybe that relationship wasn't too bad but you're so emotional and you're like okay how do i take the emotions out of this this is now my job yeah how do we both succeed and like i don't know in a way you learn from your you learn from your past and you grow and that's exactly what we did and it's just been such a an amazing ride and he's such a great human and um i don't know i've never even thought that you know an olympic medal was the the goal yeah you know but it's a dream it's a pipe dream and the fact that like we did it it's just like it's still to this day i feel like i'm like pinching myself no literally but i feel like that's the most incredible part of those types of stories where it's like i don't know i'm the kind of person where it's like i can't have aggressive expectations or i'll crumble under the i do so much better moving with gratitude like i'm just happy to be here yeah and like the more i put expectations on myself the worse i do like yeah i even like an example is like i i went pole vaulting with alicia for a sport swap yeah and i like went in i was like i want to hit eight feet i want to hit eight feet i want to hit eight feet because i had done it once before and i hit seven and i got eight i got seven feet got it so you had and i crumbled after i was like so i was so disappointed like why did i do that like that was so silly and unnecessary like to put that expectation on myself totally after literally only doing it once before like why you know and i think that like that kind of applies to so many things in life of just like yeah you just living with gratitude just like i'm happy to be here and like you're so grateful to be working with olympia and like you already entered a state of gratitude before you even started working with him yeah and it was like you guys are like soul skates yeah soul mates but soul skates but i like i will have to i love it i love it i know it's gonna make west laugh at that one but it's so funny so like and this is like what's so interesting about when i went into this partnership i knew i was the weaker link like i had never been senior i was junior again he'd just gone to the olympics like that is intimidating that's a huge hurdle to jump yeah so like the expectation of me was so high and so that it was really hard for me for years because i constantly was being compared to what he had already done and that was awful and like that's really where i started to like internally crumble and i started to like self like break myself down and i just sabotage self-sabotage in like all these different ways and i was like i'm never going to be this kind of i'm never going to be the same skater i'm never going to be this good and in a way like it pushed me to like do therapy and do things that like you probably wouldn't have done wouldn't have done and then in a way like my coach i think started to see that too and so she's like okay i need to i guess like tell you that you're you're progressing and you're doing well and you're just like big words of affirmation girly i'm like please just hype me the fuck up because i'm already saying the meanest things to myself exactly like i don't need to hear it i need you to like lift me up yeah and that's the thing it's like i think a lot of people like wow what a great opportunity you had and it was like yeah it was a phenomenal opportunity but it was also the hardest thing to go through to constantly being compared to people on social media and like that was really difficult to like yeah not i had to like not go on forums and all those things because it was like that that was the worst thing you can do and i tell any kid like never never go look yourself up online like don't don't go on reddit don't do it never go on reddit no no no no no no that shit is blocked on my browser other people they're like can you check reddit or something like that and be like what are they saying what are they saying i only did that for our netflix thing but twitter too twitter's oof when i was competing it was like bad yeah people just see the meanest things it's so mean i'm like these are kids and you are adults saying mean things like take look take a look at yourself yeah like it's so wild so i don't and like growing up under a microscope i'm sure it's just like yeah debilitating totally totally so then how did you i mean besides therapy like how did you figure out how to kind of block out the noise well i think i just i needed to figure out what i wanted to be as an athlete and as a person and like and then i had to look at my strength i'm a great performer like i i just i feed off people's energies like i just i'm very very mood and like leading by example and like my hard work so i had to like look at those things and be like okay i do these really well yeah now continue to focus on that and like the growth will come every time you step out onto that ice and it was like a choice yeah um and it was wasn't easy and like obviously to this day like like sometimes you just you don't like your body you don't like how you're moving you're not you're not succeeding enough like those are the things that you tell yourself but then you have to go back to like what you do do well yeah and like lean on those things and i think in that situation that allowed me to kind of like drown out the noise yeah and like focus on like what i wanted and that was to be the best person and the best skater that i could be i love that i was gonna say it's like your head's filled with noise anyway you might as well fill it with positive noise you know even if it's delusional yeah i'm fantastic today make it man like oh my god the amount of times i would just stare at myself in the mirror i'm like i am beautiful sounds so tacky and i know that this is icky but i am so beautiful and then you just keep saying it and keep saying it keep saying it keep believing it and i remember i would even like i was such a nervous competitor i would have to literally take on a persona before stepping out on the floor i would literally think of like uh an athlete that i looked up to in the past from college gymnastics she was a gymnast at lsu i will never forget her name was ashley not and the way she walked out on the floor i was like i want to be like that yeah and i'm like i'm not gonna be like who the fuck do i think i am walking out like that but she would skip out on the floor like it was it was just easy work light work yeah and she'd just skip out there and she was the baddest bitch in the room and i'm like okay i just gotta be the baddest bitch in the room for a minute and a half yeah and then i can go back to being myself you know where it's like you just have to fake it fake it fake it and just like drill it into your psyche that like you are the baddest bitch in the room totally even when you don't feel like it because no one else knows no one else knows i four minutes or three minutes whatever when you're doing something it's that is a small moment in your life yeah like and that that changes it all you're like 100 i could do that yes four minutes great okay i have a question okay you did speak about you know having a bad body day you're in a very similar sport to me where we're in minimal clothing yeah tight clothing and i think yours might be even one step further and the sense that you have to be lifted i would be fucked up in the head okay i would really struggle with that i mean anytime i do cirque de soleil stuff with my friends that are in cirque like and they're like throwing me in banquine i'm like i'm so sorry i'm heavy i'm so sorry i'm having they're like grace shut the fuck up you're not that heavy and i just like how do you deal with that well that's the thing like eating disorders are part of our sport yeah i've had them like it's pretty it's pretty common yeah and like it's terrible to say that that's normal it's normalized but again it's like finding the support finding the people finding you know the psychologist and that kind of stuff because like it sucks yeah because you're like i know that like especially when you're you're trying to be strong you're putting on muscle muscle weighs more than five more than fat yeah right so it's like you have to kind of look at it like every day i'm doing something if i feel heavier i'm getting myself stronger to be able to do this for him yeah and it's it's not easy and even to this day like i still struggle like just mentally and like i'm body dysmorphia i'm like i look at myself and i feel like the largest human yeah you're stop like literally you're an ant yeah like stop but like it's not it's not easy and like i don't want to sugarcoat it and think oh we're just fine you just you just watch what you eat you do this like it's it's takes a lot of work and a lot of energy and but just constantly having the right people around you to like reinforce know you're looking good or they know your history again opening up to your surroundings your people around you that know what you deal with to know how to mold you into a positive mind and like and bring you back when you start to kind of year off because it's so easy to slip into it like I'll catch myself every now and again like slipping it because I'm like oh I missed a meal and I like in my head I'm like yay I'm like what the fuck you're like and then you're like and I catch it and I'm like what the hell yeah like we gotta bring it back yeah reel it in let's let's let's be healthy humans but in a sport where it's so normalized like when did you identify or at least notice that it was like not good because I feel like I mean most of my life I would say really you knew it was bad well yeah I mean because that's the thing it's like oh don't eat that pizza today you know you might you know so like you constantly become like conscious of it yeah you know I always had a smaller partner who wasn't very tall so like the again it's physics right having that like so that's at a young age it was it was a struggle like I've constantly always been a little like body crazy um unfortunately and I look back and I'm like man I wish I could have just like given that girl a hug or I would have just been like you know had that pizza like don't don't think twice um but that's just it's just how it is and it's just a circumstance that I was I had you know one bad coach that said something you know and that that's part of it we've all had that yeah it's not great but you know it wasn't until I was in Canada that like I feel like they were very very encouraging of like I think maybe seeing someone would be really really helpful for you and it was and it sucked yeah it sucked like it's not easy to talk about yourself and actually show people how how much you put yourself down yeah but it allows you to like actually go wow I'm thinking like this or like I was called like my snow globe when I'm at my worst or with even mentally just like I can't do this I feel like I'm in a snow globe and I'm like the whole thing is just going around I was like I can't sit still and like it's just like learning how to be still turn your body down and just embrace all those different things and I was like I can't sit still and I was like I can't sit things that you're negatively negatively saying about yourself to be like and identify these are just words they're not actually things happening to me yes you know and like having that power is is is incredible um but sometimes you just have to go through it to know yeah what does it go some little kid she was i think she was going through some kind of cancer and she was making these little bags and it was like you have to go through it to go grow through it yeah and i was like what a beautiful you grow through what you go through yeah i love that saying no i flipped it but yeah i was like i totally know but that's cute yeah and i was like what a great perspective especially for a kid yeah you know and i was like that's something even adults need reminders of that like sometimes you have to go through stuff to like grow and be better and be a better human like and we're going to continue to grow in our entire lives like we're not done now like 100 growing to like we're 80 90 you know because the world just changed so sometimes you have to learn how to change too but i think that's also such a testament to you because that's the mindset that you've taken on and that's the mindset that you've chosen like this was all this wasn't just magic this wasn't just by accident like you actively chose gratitude growth resilience like you chose this as a lesson or as a path to a better version of you versus the victim mentality and oh life is so hard and why me and why this and why that because i truly believe like i love meeting people like you because i i gravitate to that energy so quickly i'm like yeah fuck yes like you put me in a bigger pot i'm gonna grow into it like i love being challenged i love being underestimated it's like where i thrive yeah and so whenever i meet people i can tell too i'm like oh you have layers like yeah you're like a little onion like you've been through shit you've you know you've overcome them you have these trials and tribulations but you've you've a evolved through it and i think that's again such a testament to who you are because you could have easily said fuck this i'm over it like i quit yeah you know especially even with the eating disorder stuff it's like yeah there were so many times where i'm like this is causing more harm than good good yeah but how do i grow through this instead of giving up yeah because i could continue to live this way but it's not very sustainable and yeah i mean oh i'm just it it breaks my heart because unfortunately every conversation i've had with a female athlete maybe not every conversation but like i'd say probably 90 has had some sort of eating disorder chat um embedded yeah and i'm just curious like what do you think we can do as female athletes to help kind of break the cycle and not perpetuate the narrative that we kind of dealt with growing up i think just choosing to tell athletes like what what they're good at like what are their strengths instead of pointing out their weaknesses yes at some point we do have to respect our bodies and fuel our bodies the right way we're about to put in premium gas but yeah but like at what point yeah how can we shape the verbiage to not be harmful yeah and at what cost yeah you know because there's always you can go and you need to know your people to know how they think because it's like are they going to overanalyze are they not going to do the work you know you just need to understand but i think it's just like when you approach hard things also throw in a lot more positive things as well so it's not that goes right to the the negative i mean some people will just go to the negative and that's just unfortunately that's the way yeah you tell me 10 positive things about myself and i will always have a one negative thing right um but i think it's the surrounding of constantly having a little bit more like this is why i'm saying this yeah it's the information information is knowledge and you can go okay maybe this is what i need to do so i don't it's i can't just like fix it in one sense but like i just feel like there are in different approaches and it's just like doing the research and informing the parents yeah you know it's not noticing the science as well i feel like there are so many different approaches and it's just like doing the research and informing the parents yeah you know it's not noticing the science as well i feel like there are so many times where like because of what i went through as an athlete and i know like the things that i would do i notice now with other people i'm like oh like you're like it's a warning yeah like i see the science and i'm like oh like you you're not gonna eat when we have dinner together or like you're avoiding you're very like restrictive with your diet or you're you're making excuses for why you can't eat and it's like i know those things because i'm not going to eat when i'm I went through it, but I think just creating more conversation around it so that parents understand the power in knowledge and knowing that like, okay, I can spot these signs from a mile away. And if my child's trying to pull a fast one on me, like, no, not today. Tell me your feelings. Why are we doing this? Where's the root cause of this? Who said what to you? Like, how can we debunk everything that you're telling yourself before it turns into a solidified belief versus just noise? Because I do think there is that early stage of progression where you're like, oh, I feel fat today. Or like, oh, I don't feel this. And then it starts to become a habit and it starts to become a routine. It starts to become part of you. And it's so much harder to break that and to essentially re-identify yourself and to create a whole new character than to just be like, I feel fat today. Okay. I don't give a shit. That's the least interesting thing about me, babe. Like, at least I can still do it. I can still do cool stuff, you know? And like, I just hope that, yeah, like, young girls are listening now and recognizing like, oh, this is harmful behavior. I don't need to go down this path. I can be a badass athlete without surrounding my worth around aesthetic. Because yes, it's important to look good in your sport. Unfortunately, our sport's very perfectionist. And like, you, you know, you have to like fit the mold, but also like, I don't know, I feel like gymnastics has done a really good job of like, kind of moving in a different direction. Like, there are collegiate athletes who don't have abs. There are collegiate gymnasts who, you know, might be a little bit thicker or might be a little thinner or whatever, or might not have a lot of muscle, like whatever it is, like they might not fit that like perfect mold of gymnast, but we're celebrated regardless. And so I'm hoping it just continues to go down that route. And we don't even talk about bodies. We just talk about the abilities. Yep. Yep. Because what you're doing is so freaking cool. Like, how could you even think? That way? Yeah. Like, what do you mean? Like, all you're looking at is my fucking cellulite on my legs. Like, get out here. They will do it. They will do it. It's just, yeah, it's I think it's just like changing the people that are within those, like the federations. Yes. That are judging the athletes as well. Yeah, the judges, they have to change their perspective, like they have to grow. And if they aren't growing with the times they should bring in new people that are the Federation should identify if they're being toxic. Yeah. Yeah. It's there's I think there's definitely more that we can do. Yeah. They just have to be better. Are there any like crazy stories of like, bias or like, judges? Yeah, it's part of it. It's part of it, unfortunately. And that's the stuff like, and it's gonna be anywhere, right? It's and you look at it, it's like office jobs, right? It's in sport. It's in Wow, you know, it's that's, but it's so prevalent. We're in your sport. Yeah, it's pretty obvious. It's pretty like how so just like you? Well, you just I mean, you can look at like a score sheet, you know, like for skating, it takes two judges to kind of sway a panel. How does that work? It's six judges. It's nine judges. Nine judges are watching every time. And they come to every practice. So this is the thing. So this is okay. So you want to get into some crazy. Yes, I need to hear all about ice dance. So like, singles, like ladies, men pairs. Okay. they all for practice at competition sometimes like judges will come and they'll watch them whatever but they're just in their casual like they look nice you got your black on black outfit and whatever like no makeup it's way more casual in ice dance you have to be perfect hair makeup costumes everything has to be done they are already deciding the results based on of how we're practicing they are thinking and they're talking and they're that so like imagine you have a practice at six o'clock in the morning you have to be there an hour before to warm up and get yourself ready you're doing glam at four in the fucking morning oh even earlier like because think about it like sometimes you're a half hour away 45 minutes away bus ride right so you're up at crack of dawn doing your hair and makeup getting yourself all ready for that 6 a.m practice yeah yeah and like you know the boys can just like wake up at 6 a.m you're like no problem all right yeah easy easy holy crap yeah so you just like you learn to like do this but that's the thing so like that's our things in sport and our sport that needs to change like people should not be able to be there and judge you yeah every practice yeah so like that stuff like i need we want that to change because the practice is for us it's not for them if they don't know how to judge if they don't know how to do that kind of stuff what i do it's not your business exactly exactly how you perform on the day of within four minutes or three minutes that you have of your program is what they should be judging right the rest it should totally be separate so these are things that i'm going to talk about in a minute but i'm going to talk about things that like i would love for them to actually change hearing from an athlete and like none of the athletes love that and the other singles are like i'm so i'm so grateful i'm not a nice dancer because i don't have to do those kind of things it's only specific to ice dancing yeah what the hell why so that's that's like for me i'm like i'm very vocal like let's make some change let's support the athletes have them like show up sure you maybe watch one practice out of the four or five that we have yeah it's not probably four or five but like fine day of you get one or something just understand what yeah sure like just yeah if you're a judge you should do your homework before you come to judge these things and and and make it the athletes responsible for you know what you don't know hell so so that's that's a really odd and not great thing about our school i'm shook to my freaking core right now because gymnastics you have two judges during regular season at every event and then and that's great because it's it's cohesive they're watching they're doing all the things like and they don't come to your practice that's like i think that's the thing it's all random judges at the different ones and like they're not seeing so sometimes you're judged differently than the last time you did because there are some judges you know like oh that person like loves flexibility so they're going to judge me a little harshly yeah versus like they like presentation so i'm going to but you know that if that's going to all your competitions that's what you get all year round it's continuous it's it's consistent you know yeah you never know in skating and like how people see things is like we also get like i have a technical the technical are also they want their country to do well it's social bias yeah so it's like and that's the thing because we're a subject of like some people just like chocolate naturally some people like vanilla you know what i mean like and you just know with that panel they're going to be more on the vanilla side and they're going to be more on the chocolate side right wow that's just how it is that's crazy i still can get over the freaking 2 a.m glam that's nuts yeah it's pretty it's pretty rough like i thought it was hard when we had six judges at nationals but fuck dude nine every meet what do you call the meets or every competition competitions yeah every competition yeah so they're there every practice every is there a lot of money in ice dance like who's funding this there's a lot of people getting paid well i mean they're all technically volunteer base oh my god yeah so yeah you may and athletes make money from prize money and competitions or whatever and like luckily like thank goodness content creating i know became a thing for social media and commercials yeah like that's how especially like after covid i was sitting there and i was like i'm not making any money we're doing shows of any kind i need to figure out how to support myself and i was like again all right let me figure out how to create a brand yes and sell myself and you've done a great job thank you thank you it's so impressive and it's hard but like that's where you make your money is that's where you make your money and that's where you make your money and that's where it's creating the brand and it's difficult like it balancing it's a full-time job it's a balancing act i was gonna say like content creators this is my full-time job and then you're doing that on top of another full-time job being a nice dancer that's that's how athletes try to make their money now because that's where you can yeah oh my god yeah well and you get so much i mean it's such a cool opportunity to also have fans that like know you intimately yes yeah because they just rally behind you build a village you know but like there is such a beautiful side to the world and it's such a beautiful thing to be a part of and it's such a beautiful thing to be a part of and it's such a beautiful thing to be a part of and it's such a beautiful thing to be a part of and it's such a beautiful thing to be a part of and it's such a beautiful thing to be a part of and who are posting constantly. I'm like, where do you rest? I think I had like 20 posts or something like that during the Olympic games. And I think- That's a lot. It's a lot, but that's what you're expected because you just, you know that that's when you can capitalize on this. It's the time to capitalize on it, yeah. But it's really hard because I find, well, I found in 2022 Olympic games, that was COVID and not a lot of people were there and like we couldn't do a lot. So I spent a lot of my time doing TikTok and social media, but I was so tired and so focused on doing that that the competing became hard. Yeah, of course. And I was not in my competitive bubble because I was off doing other things. And that's unfortunately what happens is that like when you see the white noise, you see all the comments, like it pulls you away. It totally does. So it can do- And it gets you in your head, like- But like, it's really important. And like, I really made sure, especially at this games, like I was in like a no posting, like three days before. And thank goodness I have an amazing agent that like handled a lot of the stuff. I was like, here, you can post the things that I need to. But in a way I created my own boundary. And so that allowed me to have the control that I needed in those situations. But it's really hard to know that unless you've gone through something else. And I'm like, wow, this was maybe not what I should have been focusing on. I should have been focusing on this. And that's just knowledge. But yeah, it's really crazy how, you know, the Olympic buzz can like really help someone. It can help you, but it can suck you in. And then you get kind of swallowed by it. Yeah, yeah. And like, how much of a bummer would it be? Like, if that's your only Olympics you ever go to. You're like, I wasted it not even being present. Like, I love not being on my phone. And it's so ironic because I'm a content creator. But like, I hate being on my phone around people. I hate not being present. I hate having to think ahead and think about what moments I'm going to have. I'm going to capture instead of just existing in those moments. Yeah. So like, yeah, I empathize with so many of y'all who like are trying so hard. Like, you're hustling. Oh, yeah. You're like, I need this to fucking make six figures. You know what I mean? To be able to afford to like fund my life. Yeah. It's unbelievable. And, you know, you see other athletes who make it look so easy, but it's not easy. Like, it's truly not easy. Oh, God, no. God, no. And it just, it also opens up the door for so much speculation and opinions. I feel like in that time of your life, you're like the most vulnerable because you're so hyper in tune. Yeah. Like, I would just, I would not do well. I would not do well at all. I mean, even thinking about like, when I was like in college and they like have the NIL stuff and it's like, I don't know how, people were like, oh, weren't you doing social media in college? I'm like, no. I was very much just all in on gym. Like, there's no way I could have done both. Especially with school. Are you kidding? School took over my life. Like, that was really the hardest part was like managing the school. So it's like, I can't even imagine adding a whole other fricking full-time job on top of that. Like, I always ask like all the college gymnasts. I'm like, how y'all doing? Like, you doing okay? Oh, you're doing good. How's the workload? They're like, I can't even be bothered with Instagram. I'm like, girl, as you should. Yeah. Because I don't know how you do it. Like, it's a lot, but there's so much pressure. Yep. Everyone's expecting you too. So it's tough. It's like, get rid of the expectations. I know. I know. So what's next? What's next? So Paul and I kind of just announced that we aren't doing the Grand Prix circuit this year. It's like our big fall season where we kind of do our two events and then we do the Grand Prix final, which is in December. And I think like Paul and I, last year at the Olympics is just like, it's like three years of work and energy thrown into one year. It is exhausting. Oh yeah. And it's amazing. And it's amazing all at the same time. But like, we're tired. We're so tired. Girl is tired. I'm like, oh my gosh. Like I'm here. They're everyone. I like, I love to work and I love to do things. But like at some point you have to be like, I need a rest. Do I want to have a life outside of this? Yeah. And I want to like physically let my body recover, like mentally let my body recover. And then also enjoy the work that we have created. You know, the Olympics was so major for us that let us enjoy. All that, that time and energy to get to that place. So right now I'm just kind of saying yes to everything and having fun with it. exploring new opportunities and i think that's that's part of my life i felt like i was missing you know i didn't have that that opportunity because i was focusing on skating which is what i love yeah but i'm i'm excited to kind of grow in different ways and i think like this fall right now it's just like my opportunity to try things and figure out what i like i want to do some probably some commentating more content creating fun i think again i just i love sharing my story but i love also embracing other people's story and letting them shine and hearing what they have to say because again people need to have a platform to say what they need to in order to like i guess the universe to grow 100 yeah so that's kind of where i'm at i like i don't have any like exact answers what i'm gonna do but you know i'm just figuring that out as i go and i think that's like the beauty in it yeah i was gonna say what an exciting time because you have a clean slate to be like oh my god the world is my oyster i can literally do whatever the hell i want like vacation whenever you can vacation when i come to la when i come to la come to gymnastics anytime we can go on a girl's trip oh my yes we need a trip yes we need a trip for sure somewhere warm yes no but like that's so special too because i think unfortunately i feel like your sport again is very similar to mine and like it's looked down on to have anything outside of your sport and to not be all in because the first thing that gets criticized if you are having a bad day in the gym or at the rink is well what are you doing outside of the gym what are you doing yeah yeah yeah and you're like you blame it on that and it's like well no like sometimes having hobbies actually helps my sport totally i didn't know that at the time helps now but i think it's so cool that you're now recognizing i want to be multifaceted i want to have other things going on in my life i don't want to all be in one thing and have all my eggs in one basket because you're not fulfilled like no way you can you can't lean on one thing to fulfill you for the rest of your life you can't rely on that passion to carry you through life yeah especially when your body is not fulfilled you're not fulfilled you're not fulfilled you're not fulfilled you're not fulfilled you're not fulfilled you're not fulfilled and your body and your body's health is the main driving force yeah because then when your body starts to hurt you're like damn like yeah practice doesn't feel so fun anymore no it doesn't it doesn't yeah it's all fun and games until my body starts to hurt and then it's like shit yeah and then you have a perspective too you're like wow i get to go and do something really cool yeah just that like i'm all about you earned it and like who gives a fuck what people say like i feel like unfortunately with the way things are and sport they're like what's next what's next you're gonna win a gold you know bronze wasn't enough and it's like no bronze is enough bronze is enough going to the olympics is enough oh my gosh yeah are you kidding sometimes going to college is enough like for me like i had to accept that like doing college gnostics that's enough that's hard but guess who was asking everybody when you're going olympics when you're going olympics you know what college was enough yep yep and it's so cool that you now have the ability to make that decision for yourself and have autonomy on your career and i love that you and paul also were able to decide that together because how scary would that have been if yeah he wasn't ready to give it up yeah or you weren't ready to give it up and then you felt selfish for you know what i mean like how does that work when did you guys have that conversation um not too long ago but i think like we kind of like had a sense this spring you know how tired we were you know and like like everything we do just felt like not a burden but it was just like okay i have to do this again like when you start to say there's no more i get there there's i have to yeah and that's when you really have to like reflect and be like wow okay i need to actually make sure that i get excited about doing things so that's like you know i'm so happy that you know we were on the same page because we do everything really together so you get that vibe you get that and like i think the two of us you know we want to have a new adventure yeah at some point and so it was a pretty easy decision but i think it was a pretty easy decision but i think it was a pretty easy decision to do that but it's also scary you know because you like this summer too like i always wait in june for us to basically have our our whole fall planned out for us and the rest of the season you're like okay this is this is my schedule and to not have that it's a little like wow yeah that that is what i focused my whole life on yeah have fun with that identity crisis babe i know but it's good that you're pouring into other things yes yeah like that's why i always tell people i'm like this is what you need to do you know to help prepare and you know lessen the blow a little bit because i didn't have anything and holy shit that it hit me like a mac truck it was such a huge rude awakening when covid hit and it ended my career and i was like whoa who am i who am i what am i doing yeah where the heck do i go yeah you know yeah so it's cool that you you have an idea you're and you're excited about it and you're passionate about it and it's it's exciting you more than skating is yeah which i think is like that's when it's a good sign to be like yeah let's put up the skates a little bit yeah yeah i'm like but good for you to make that decision yeah and that's like i love skating i'm like i want to go do shows all around the world and share my love for the sport and like not have create programs that like we want to do instead of create programs that they want us to see yeah or what we want they want to see them or they need to see and blah blah blah but like just be creative like just that's so cool beauty of what you know skating used to be yeah so i think we're looking forward to that just can you make a united states dancing with the stars on ice oh you know what k has it doesn't it so they used to okay that's why i came to la really it was skating with the stars and i was yeah and so i got asked we need a reboot a reboot we need a reboot let's do it i'll help uh yes yeah so like that i had an audition and then i got a call back so i came to la and i was like well i got the call back you know maybe i will come here and do that so that's actually why i came to la was because there was a skating with the stars and it lasted one season so guys we need to bring it back what the hell are we doing with the stars would be so fun because my friend niall wilson did it in the uk yeah and he looked like he had such a good time i'm like that looks like a blast yeah so oh we're gonna reboot yeah wesley lock in we're rebooting skating skating with the stars oh i'm here for it such a great name are you kidding with the stars hell yeah get out of here i'd rather watch that than dancing with the stars honestly way more entertaining because the learning curve is so strong so strong and they have one in canada it was called battle of the blades okay they did it with hockey players so it was figure skaters teaching and they did it with hockey players so it was figure skaters teaching and they did it with hockey boys how to do stim and it was awesome they were so good i love that guys are so strong and they're so burly yeah yeah and they're having to do like beautiful gorgeous and that lasted like six seven seasons like it did in canada okay maybe we could bring that yeah here we go la kings lock in yeah that'll be a really fun time okay well i want to jump into a fun little rapid fire oh i love these okay i know me too like i did one with um with uh an ultra marathon runner and it was like so fun like she crushed so i was like let's run it back yeah let's do it okay first one most embarrassing thing that's happened to you during a performance uh i've had my boob fall out really like very briefly it was like when i was younger yeah like all right worst injury i guess my cancer your cancer yeah but what about your face yeah that one that one was that was hard like i would say that was second yeah that with a concussion so that was broken cheekbone not fun don't worry and you fell from a lift fell from a lift no hands yeah yeah did you bleed on the ice no no i didn't know and like i kept skating and then realized that i had a bad concussion and a broken cheekbone oh my god yeah power through power through always it's terrible like i'm fine guys i'm fine we're good shake it off all right who spends longer getting ready you or paul oh for sure me but how many hours oh my gosh hours probably like an hour and a half he does make an effort like he does do a good job cute like because guys do do their makeup a little bit more a little bit so okay yeah it's like if i have to do my glam you gotta do your glam girl period what's something you wish you could change about ice dance uh the politics period i'm very open about that love if you could have any celebrity as your dance partner who would it be and why uh i would i guess because my husband knows my celebrity crush chris hemsworth chris because i just feel like he's a strong guy i feel like we could we could do a lot of lifts and he was locked in for you oh i feel like he's a strong guy i feel like he would train he is have you not seen his show yeah he does that show where he like tries other oh my god it's insane he trains like a freaking marine he could be he could be a skater and be my partner i think he would be great he's super hot you guys would look very great together yes very aesthetic do you guys wear butt glue too or is that just us uh we use duct tape and boob glue yeah duct tape no double-sided tape oh double double-sided tape on your oh like carpenter tape no like on the boobs shut up yeah like i have had a lot of experience with allergic reactions up here from because i get allergic to the tape yeah oh yeah i would get allergic reactions to the butt glue or we use the glue yeah so yeah 100 rush to the bathroom go to the bathroom and like rip it off and you're like oh my god i forgot i have a quick changes that show yes oh yeah and like oh my god it's just like raw dude raw yes it's so brutal and i had spray tans too so i'd rip my spray tan off oh no just a little like triangle girly thing yep i love it okay favorite costume and why favorite costume and why oh i love my starry night i just think it's that that one obviously because it's a beautiful painting but we had a james bond program in 2018 for the olympic games and like i bought this chartreuse silk like years ago and i was like one day i'm gonna have a costume in this and then we decided to do like james bond i was like i know i have i have the fabric already this is what we're doing and it's probably one of my favorite dresses to this day oh my god sick i'll have to see it yeah it's beautiful um who makes your costumes um there's a guy in toronto bobby apareles like and his wife sally um they're amazing they do ballroom um carabano like he's he's a man of all traits and he's incredible i don't know why i thought y'all like sewed your own i saw you used to stone all mine really so like before i went to bobby yeah the whole thing i would stone i'd spend hours and hours and hours like my i'd probably be high from the e6000 glue just doing it one by one by one by one i think i would literally rather die yeah it's really fun having to sit still i'd get like i would like at the hunchback of notre dame you get your neck yes oh it gets hard this year i was like i'm not doing it yeah you're like we're gonna pay for that that's crazy yeah oh my god okay um if someone followed you around for a day what would surprise them most um i swear way too often we cuss a lot yeah i know the moment you and i talk you the same i know i'm like yeah i have to work on it yeah no girl be you one sailor mouth to another you're good my mom's like can we just not say the f note as many times i'm like i'll work on it sorry sorry sorry my bad okay um what's your most unhinged pre-competition ritual unhinge i don't really have one like i'm not really like not so boring no okay i always put my left skate or my left leg skate on before my my right but that's it okay i'm not too like i don't know i'm not ocd with that kind of stuff okay all right whatever happens paul uh no no he doesn't have anything so like that's nice though because if something goes wrong you never freak out no we're kind of like this i remember i had superstitions with like i used to wear these same slippers every meet and then i remember i forgot them once and same thing with my journal i used to bring my journal everywhere and i forgot it at home and i freaked out and then i sat there and i was like i don't need to freak out like this is so dumb why am i creating this weird superstition surrounding something that like who cares if it's not here i'm not gonna dictate how i can pee but i also did chew gum while i vaulted stop how i like read once that it helped with adhd so i was like let me chew gum like my adhd is so bad and so i would literally and i i was superstitious with vol i'm like i need every help i can get with this event like i was struggling so i'm like in my head it gave me confidence because i'm like oh my adhd is taken care of like even though i was already on medication yeah the gum is gonna help and yeah so i would chew gum and then i would just like hold on to it with my teeth when i like vaulted yeah i love that not for floor but okay yeah my ball uh-huh it's i mean sometimes you just gotta dial in gotta do what you gotta do i guess yeah okay what percentage of your job is actually skating versus rhinestones makeup and hairspray i probably i spend way more time doing hair and makeup than the time on the ice i we spend seven minutes competing in the two days that we compete that's it and then what eight hours getting ready yeah i mean i guess we do practices and stuff like that but still like the amount of practices that i have per week is still less than how much so 80 makeup and rhinestones yeah 20 skating crazy number which olympian do fan girl over every time oh i would say this olympic sydney crosby yeah i just like i heard such great things i know he's such a great person and a great athlete and like you know it was so funny i remember the first time i knew he was in the same room as me and i was down in the medical room and i was getting needles in my neck and my physio's sitting there she's like i know you really want to meet him but you cannot move your neck and i took it all on she's like i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and then i met him later and it was it was fine yeah um but it was it was such a brief meeting but i was really excited to meet him just because i just i knew what a great representation of a person that he is and his score so like i was really excited to meet him that's so cool yeah last one if you could compete in any other winter olympic sport tomorrow which one are you choosing uh like mogul aerials that one yeah oh you're crazy for that yeah just like go down and see if you can compete in any other winter olympic sport as fast as you can but then flip but then flip you know and just hope you land on your feet and keep going and do it again you know it's just kind of how i run my life just like go see what happens i think aerial skiing looks really cool yes yeah really fucking scary scary yeah so scary yeah i think all anything with like jumping like off a half half pipe i'm like oh my god the flipping and the spotting the ground like no no no thanks actually i have one more okay sport that you are 100 confident you would be terrible at oh i feel like there's a lot i'm like trying to think of all the winter olympic sports i think bobsled i was thinking bobsled too yeah i just don't think i have the power to help anybody i think i'd be there freaking out the whole time like claustrophobic i'm just there for the vibes really guys can we slow down yeah i'm in the middle like jesus take the wheel pretty much like don't put me in the break don't make me drive the thing i'm just in the middle like here for the ride i'm here for the weight here for the vibes not even the weight yeah here for the moral support exactly you're doing great sweetie yeah come on oh well i'm so glad we got to do this thank you for coming on i'm so glad everyone got to meet you and they're gonna get to know you a lot more through our sports club so make sure you guys go watch i love you so so much go follow her on everything support her she's in she's entering her content era okay so go hype her up in the comments okay period i love you so much thank you for watching and i'll see you next wednesday bye yay we did it it's amazing that was great do i want to know what you said do i want to know what butt glue is it's literally glue for your ass