Gracie & Miss Val on UCLA Gymnastics, Competitive Greatness, & Leaving the Sport Behind

When I was told I had cancer, my head exploded in fear, and in the cacophony of fear, how many more days do I have left? Is it going to be painful? Do I have to quit my job? How am I going to tell the team? How am I going to tell my family? I heard the anxious for nothing and grateful for all the things. And I knew it was God speaking to me. Your entire program and your career was exploding. You were at the peak of your career, and you decided to retire. Why? Seven national championships, over 800 career wins, and 19 conference titles, one of the most dominant coaches in NCAA gymnastics history. She was named four-time NCAA coach of the year and Pac-12 coach of this century. She didn't just build champions, she redefined the sport of collegiate athletics. She is now a keynote speaker, author, and professor at UCLA, helping shape the next generation through the transformative coaching and leadership program. She is also the woman that gave me the opportunity to compete for one of the most legendary gymnastics programs in all of NCAA. Valerie Kondasfield, welcome to athletes after hours. Thank you so much, Gracie Kramer, I appreciate it. That was a mouthful. I'm like, I was a breathful, and I'm like, I wanted to roam my eyes and go, okay, let's get away. Especially coach of the century and people go, what a statement. Well, it literally was right place, right time. You know, it should have been Greg Marston at Utah. Do you think? Well, he had 10 national championships, but they weren't in the conference at that time. Oh, did he count towards Pac-12? Was it Pac-10? No, they weren't in Pac-10. They were in Mountain West or something. Okay, okay. Girl, don't be humble. We get to sit in our athletes today. I am the coach of the century. You are the coach of the century. You are that bitch. Or that old bitch. Take out the old. Okay. Got it. We're speaking kind for ourselves today. Okay. I am so, so grateful that we could have this time together. Thank you. First of all, I love the fact that you said we're being kind. I like getting older. I do too, actually. Is that a weird to say? No, because what's the alternative? Ozembek and Botox and the life and death. Oh, yeah, that too. Okay. So when people complain about their birthdays, I'm going, we're listening. Good thing. Yes. We're living another year. And I'm so inspired by the women who also embrace just their age. Right. And they're not ashamed of it. Right. Because I do think that that is what's going to continue to perpetuate a positive narrative around aging, is seeing the women who are embracing their age and being like, I'm this age. And I'm even more bad-ass because of that. Right. You know, like the women who are doing Ironman's at 80 or the Olympians who are in their 40s, 50s. And they're obviously past their peak athleticism, but they're still pushing and grinding and being incredible. So I don't know. Anyone that can embrace their age, I I applaud you. I agree. It's an incredible thing. I agree. I want to jump right into it because you are a lot going on. Okay. Okay. So let's start from the beginning. You have a very interesting route that you had to get into gymnastics. Let's talk about it. Okay. I was a ballerina. I've never done gymnastics in my life. One thing I've recently realized, and this is such a cool little story that I want to share with everybody is because people ask me all the time, how'd you figure it out? Yeah. How'd you figure out all those accolades? Then I start getting asked, how did you even get to UCLA? So I mean, yours wasn't conventional either because you would committed to Arizona. Yeah, Arizona State. Arizona State. And so when people start asking you, how did you get there? You can see the big dots, but it's the little dots that I went. When I was little, I have a scoliosis in my back, obviously, still do. And the doctor told my parents to put me to ballet. So I get to ballet and I hated it because I wanted to be a gymnast. I didn't know that. I don't tell you. Wait, what? See, this is why I'm so excited. We get to sit down and have uninterrupted conversations. I do have so many questions about you. You're the most fascinating human ever. Well, I'm not really with it. To me, you are. Thank you. So I go on my backyard and I'm teaching myself, try to do all these skills. I think the only skill I ever really did was a cartwheel, but I would, I remember trying to teach myself a side area. I can't put my hands down. Yeah. And, but I would stand up like I was the Olympic champion. Thank you to me. Make it out. But I was like, I heard the applause. Oh my God. I got the medals. Then I got to high school. Absolutely true story. I grew up in Northern California. All the cool kids were student athletes that are going to UCLA on full-ride scholarships. So I've told my parents, I'm going to go to UCLA on a full-ride scholarship. At my mom's house, my mom goes, you don't, you don't do sports. And I was like, why is she peeing in my Cheerios? This is just so much. Did you see peeing in my Cheerios? And I remember looking and going, I'm going to go to UCLA on full-ride scholarship. Kind of like fast forward, I don't go to college. I dance professionally. Oh, so out of high school, I danced 22 years old. I'm dancing in DC Washington National Ballet for a hot minute. And the dancer next to me, we're putting on our point shoes and she says, UCLA needs a dance coach for their gymnastics team. Wow. And I went my dream school, dance coach. I got that for their gymnastics team. I have been training for this my whole life. Let your whole life flushes before your eyes. You're like, this is my moment. So, and this is the part that's really important is without any hesitation, I found out who the head coach was, Jerry Thompson, called them up and I made the ask. And I'll never forget when he said, I still hear his voice. I don't have any money for this position. But if you have not gone to college, I can give you a full-ride scholarship just like we do our student athletes. Shut up. Right. You manifested that. I know. You pulled out of your eyes, but you manifested. I did. Like what? I did. And the important part of that story is a, don't ever be afraid to dream. And dream big. Dream clearly. Dream consistently. And diligently. Absolutely. Yeah. And when you do that, the universe will open up. Absolutely. And then you have to summon the courage to walk through the door. So I go to UCLA. I'm choreographing in the dance coach. I get a degree in history. I don't know why I was going to be a journalist for Glamour magazine or National Geographic. Yeah, those two. That's a lot of brand. Right. Maybe Glamour's a little more on brand brand. But yeah. National Geographic. I loved reading National Geographic. And the athletic director calls me to her office and says, we're going to make a change with our head coach and we would like for you to be the new head coach. No. Yeah. And I was like, I laughed out loud like the church snort laugh where you're not supposed to be laughing. Yeah. Because I'm supposed to be professional. And I laughed out loud. And I said, Dr. Holland, do I have to remind you I don't know the first thing about gymnastics. Yeah. And she said, I trust that you'll figure it out. Figure to make it. So literally again, important. The next words out of my mouth were, how long do you think it's going to take me to lead our team to a national championship? So Jerry, who they they'd not renewed his contract. Yeah. He had been a gymnast. He had coach Sharon Shapiro, who today has the NCAA record of winning every single event plus the all-around. Love her. He knew how to coach gymnastics hadn't won a championship yet. Ballerina Girl comes in and goes, oh, how long is it going to take us to win a national championship? So when you think about that, you can think that's a little over the top. But like, you're a perfect example of this. You don't do anything to finish third. That's fair. You're not doing a podcast being the top 10, right? Let's go crush it. We don't have to ask anything here. No, let's go win this thing. Yeah. So I was like, okay, Dr. Holland had faith in me. She said, I'm going to figure it out. I don't know how I do that. But all right, let's start shipping away at that. That's how it all happened. Isn't that cool? That's insane. And I love sharing that story with, I just spoke for 500 freshmen in Northwest Arkansas where I live now. And I said, you need to lean in and you need to listen to this because this will change your life. Absolutely. About dreaming. Yes. Because somewhere along the line as adults, we stopped giving ourselves permission to dream. I literally just had the most fascinating interaction. It literally just about that yesterday with a man I was on set for a show I was doing. And this guy was just talking to me. He was just so fascinated with my story and how I just kind of created this job out of nowhere essentially. I mean, it's true. It's true. I really just, it kind of flourished into something that was from nothing. And he was like, how did you do that and I was like honestly, delusional confidence and daring to do something you've never done before or that no one's ever really done before. And he literally goes, after 20 years of being in this industry, I'm now inspired to change my path. So how do you silence the noise of the haters, of the why you, you're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you're not talented enough, you don't have that many championships, you're not that, you're not that, how do you silence that noise, all the, I like to think when there's the main girls in my head, they're just snarky bitches. Yeah. I was going to say because I don't have thank goodness for my community that I've built. I don't really get knock on wood hate. I've had such an incredible ride with just immense support and love shown to me. And maybe because I do show a lot of the behind the scenes stuff so people can empathize with how much work I put into this stuff. So it's a lot harder to judge someone when you know that they're grinding to make it happen. And that I think helps, but also I think God knows that my biggest critic is in my mind. So he silences the outside noise for me. And so he doesn't silence my brain, sadly, I have to work on that, but yeah, the inside thoughts is a tricky one. I do have to remind myself of all the incredible things that I've done in the past that reaffirm my confidence in me and that that's really the biggest trick when I do let the white noise kind of get in there and shake my confidence. I'm like, girl, shut up. Look at all the stuff you've done. When you were at your lowest low, you still pull through, you still made it happen. And you've done this time and time and time again, like those reps should give you the confidence to know that no matter what is thrown your way, you can handle it because you've done it. You've proven it to yourself time and time again. So I think I think a big key to what you just said is putting in the reps because too often this day and age, everything is so easy for us. Oh my gosh. The instant gratification. Everyone wants it. We don't want to put in the reps. No. What? What a value comes without putting in reps. Nothing. That Louis Vuitton bag, you can go buy or buy the fake one that you think everybody you want everybody to think is real. How long is that happiness going to last? Yeah. That dopamine hit. Anything of value takes time and struggle and grit and resilience and belief and that self-talk. And then you do it all over again. And the reward is so much greater like we're not doing things for the reward. We're doing them for the feeling of achieving that reward. Because I think to me, like you see people who struggle with money and then finally being able to afford a trip to Disneyland. I think of it like that. It's like these people have grinded their whole life, lived paycheck to paycheck and they finally get to treat their kids to a trip to Disneyland. And Disneyland is now the greatest place on earth because of the grind it took to get there. Then you see someone who's been at Disneyland a million times and it's not special anymore. It's no longer the happiest place on earth. And so I think that can apply to literally everything in life when you don't have to grind for it. The gratification isn't even there. It does. But I do think with the way things are transpiring with social media, everyone wants the click, the quick results. And that's how I got into filming training blogs was I was like, I don't want the next generation of athletes to think that these results came easy. Right. I want them to know that the results were a grind, right. And there are bloopers, there are moments where I didn't get it. I failed. And we always say this in my household, failure is not a word. I love it. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. If you tried, you won. Right. Because what at the end of the day like we're not going to die with all of our trophies. No. I can't stand it when people that failure is not a word. It's an idea that somebody made up to make us feel badly about ourselves. Yeah. Because if you attempt something, and you don't make it, like you want to do it by canceling the light on beam and you can. What have you learned from the process and if you've learned one little teeny tiny thing that's called growth, growth is the opposite of failure. Yeah. They cannot coexist. It's so contradicting. Yeah. So get it out of your heads, get perfection out of your head. Somebody said the other day, I was choreographing a flower time. I literally gracey, I choreographed a flower team, last two days. And I was driving to the gym and I was gone, okay, you're 66. You started choreographing, you were 16. You've been choreographing for 50 years? No, you have not. Oh my gosh. And I keep saying this is my last routine, this is my last routine. Yeah. Right. I'll choreographing an actual team. Actually, I didn't do anything for your routines. I sat there and I went, let's just jump into that for a minute. Okay. I'm sorry. This podcast is like going like this. No, this is an ADHD show every time. I love it. I'm so here for it. Okay. No, but literally, I mean, with my choreography, yes, you, you, you, you were in the corner going. Thanks. Right. Well, nobody choreographed for you. Okay. Yeah. You, you, how he was phenomenal, though, I did love working with him. How he is phenomenal. You and how he together were a lot of work. I'm not going to say how he's not phenomenal because I love her and she's a wonderful talent. You're a wonderful example of owning your style, owning what God created you for and with those talents because, and I tell people all the time when they talk about your floor routines, I would structure their routine, right? Yeah. And then I would say, okay, we need 16 counts here and we need to go up. We need levels and then we need to go stop and then we go and I would give you a structure and then you would go, got it, got it, got it. And then you would do Gracie that looked nothing like what I asked you to do, but thankfully my inner head was going, don't mess with that. Yeah. That is brilliant. Let her hug. And had I choreographed from my ego, I would have said, that's not what I told you to do, Gracie. And your routines would have never come to life. Ever. Wow. And so the brilliance of you really is you not feeling like you had to please, right? Absolutely. I love the way that you just said that you didn't work from your ego because I think that's what made working for other people difficult for me and made me realize that I need to be my own boss because I can't please other people. And so when I was expected to please other people, it felt extremely unaligned with my values and who I am in my core center. And I'm like, well, girl, if you want it done a certain way, just go do it yourself. But what I love about that is it's easier to work for somebody else because they do all the grind and the grit and all that. So by you saying, go, girl, go do your own thing. You're putting in 10 times the amount of work and hours and heartache and knows how many knows you get. How many people do you get telling you know, and you're like, no, it's worth it. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. I want to go back to the choreography for a moment because we just for people that are listening that don't know the iconic routines, I highly recommend going and looking them up because you will get sucked down a rabbit hole for sure. And you will be a UCLA gymnastics fan through and through. But you are famously known for pushing the envelope with your iconic floor teens, right? You brought this level of artistry, this level of expression and individuality that I think is what inspired an entire era of new gymnastics choreography that I think the sport has never seen before, before it was this cookie cutter, perfect, boring, snorfast, classical routines. And you said, yeah, no, we're going to blow this shit up. We're going to go viral. We're going to be maybe a little controversial, unconventional. And I just want to know what inspired this approach because you were a trailblazer for choreography all over the country. I will admit that. Oh, she's owning it. I will own that. She's like, I'll wear that crown. The first thing that comes to mind is my father was an artist. And that's how he made his living. He was a well-known successful artist. And when I started choreographing when I was 16, I went a summer job. And I called up a local gym, Agilites, Jim Stevenson, was the head coach at Agilites. And I asked him if they needed a dance coach and he said they didn't have money for that. But this is before 19, oh my gosh, talk about rabbit hole right now. This is before 1980, when fluorotanes could only be one instrument. We will wait. instrument. So you couldn't have orchestrated music. It wasn't they didn't have CDs. Oh, we had cassette tapes. Oh, you're so cute. Coach, a century. Remember old. Okay. God. No, experienced. That's the real experience. No. Anyway, he says, we need, I played the piano. I was a, you played the piano for the girl's floor music. Right. And this is when, this is when there was compulsory routines and optional routines. Oh my god, I'd shoot myself. And I'm going to play the same song over and over again. Well, a lot of the, the, a lot of the compulsory routine routines, not all the time, but they were so sort of played live. Wow. I know. Pressures on it. You miss me. Like, and I was in a great pianist. I mean, I took piano lessons, but I wasn't that great. But I, for the optional routines, I got myself two little microphones and I set them up by my piano and I told my, my whole household can't be in the living room for the next few hours. And I played, I cut, I've edited my, when I'm a music. Yeah. You know, so routines were either piano or like the way out people had drums or they had guitar. Like those were, that's insane. I know. I'm going to have to go look it up. I know after this. I got to go look up Joy C. Lig, a Superman routine. I think it's one of the first routines I did. Oh my gosh. Anyway, then, so I played the music, but then they let me choreograph the routines. And I remember being a little, not just a little, but so unsure because I knew nothing about this world of gymnastics. And I didn't know was I supposed to cookie cutter the choreographer. And will they think us good or bad? And I went, I remember it so clearly, I used to love going to my dad's art openings. Because artists, the last thing they want to do is fit in. Oh yeah, absolutely. So you, the goal is to stand out. Right. So you have all the different fashion and hair and looks and it's very exciting. Everybody was so, yeah, that's a great word. Yeah. And unique. And, and then what I remember, somebody asked my father, what is good art? And what he said opened my life. He said, it's anything you want. It's anything you like. Because a Picasso will sell for $30 million. But I know a lot of people that would not want to hang a Picasso in their home because they don't like that style. And that released me to try to fit into a box. Yeah. So I also, so that was the first thing that just went, it opened your eyes to the whole new world. There's nobody else in the country that I knew had my dance background that was choreographing gymnastics. Lean into it. So I had a minute and a half of music. I have a 40 by 40 stage. And I don't know if you remember this. I used to tell the athletes at UCLA, when you get to floor, you're not gymnasts that dance, your dancers that flip. Did you ever tell you that? And then it drove, there were so many little things that I think I became known for. Yeah. And it's routine. I did the last few days. I choreographed it with a dancer dancer dancer. And I was trying to teach her along the way. And it's a completely different. It is world. But what you did so well was, okay, you grew up in the world of gymnastics. The first thing that I noticed was choreographers choreograph the whole body except the face. The face is the most expressive part of your body. This is artistic gymnastics, whereas that made no sense to me. Yeah. And then the second thing was they, gymnasts are usually inhibited, not you, to perform big. Yeah. And the best way I could get them out of them themselves is to give them a character, which we did. You got out of a psych ward, right? Yeah. I did a lot of things. Yeah. I was, um, I was like embodying the Joker at one point, like Harley Quinn. I then created my own narrative and my own character, my senior year, where I was essentially in my own nightmare. And I loved that. I was in my own head. And it kind of, to like, try to tap into like, okay, this might sound really bad, but like schizophrenic tendencies, where you're, you're having multiple personalities, you're having, you know, visions, you're having nightmares constantly. And so then it was like me running from myself. It got, it got very deep. I think because I was in a very deep psychological point of my life, where I was very introspective. And I had to reflect, I had to reflect a lot on my own experiences and kind of tap into that pain. And it showed through the retains for sure, because I don't know where the hell it came from. Honestly, I felt it through my core and my soul. Like when I performed, I had out of body experiences pretty much every time. I love that. Yeah. That's acting. I mean, that's yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I do have to give you your flowers, because I think if I were to try to do this on another program, I would feel very out of place and very weird. And I went to a program, thankfully, who was led by a coach who embraced weird. Well, and that goes back to what my dad said. Yeah. Because I know I heard there were people that didn't like your routines. Yeah. Caitlin Ohashi, 250 something million views. And I have had people say, I get it. The world loves that routine. I don't like it. I said, that's okay. Yeah. It's not your cup of tea. And don't drink it. And I said, you know what, my goal when I choreographed, I want to capture your attention long enough for you to formulate an opinion. That's it. And you didn't. Yeah. That's fair. I mean, I think to in this day and age, everyone has an opinion about everything. And it's odd. I think it's very strange. I think we can all appreciate that we are young, impressionable women and very vulnerable states and leotards on these massive stages in front of thousands of people doing something incredibly brave and incredibly difficult. Right. And you're sitting on your ass in the stands and you're judging. What does that say about you? The man in the arena speech. If you're not in the arena, I really don't care about your opinion. Yeah. I love it because I do a lot of these interviews and people ask me things sometimes, you know, about politics or something like that. And I'm very comfortable saying, I don't know enough to have an opinion and educate your opinion. I say that all the time as well. I could have an opinion. It's not educated. Therefore, I probably shouldn't reflect very well. Yeah. Let's move on. Yeah. Pass. Yeah. I kind of agree more. What routine challenged you the most as a choreographer? I would probably say, how do you money maker? Icon. Stunt queen. Stunt queen. Uh, because she was very much like you and that she had this this energy that was, um, it was diabolical energy. Yeah. She could go from zero to a hundred like that. Which makes you so good at what you do. Yeah. You know, yeah. Explosive. Yeah. Yeah. And fearless. But it's hard to hone that in into a minute and a half. It's hard to hone in. It's hard to make it clean. Yes. Because that can get real messy real fast. Right. I always say my routine was organized chaos. It was or that's a great intentional chaos. Intentional chaos. Intentional movement. That looked chaotic. Another hard routine for me was Ariana Berlin. Because she came from the world of hip hop. Yes. So we choreographed her plus I don't choreograph hip hop. Whatever. So she did a lot of that. But she came in and she wanted to wear, you know, baggy pants and to get into the groove of the movement. The ballerina and you was screaming. Well, not just that, but the judging. Yeah. Okay. If your leg is supposed to be straight, it has to be straight art. Can't be kind of straight. Yeah. If you're not, it's just so traditional as well. And that's such an untraditional route. And it can't be sloppy. And no one's ever really done it before. No, it had not. Nobody had done. No, not that before. So she was great. She didn't talk with me at all. But I was maniacal about, is your leg straight? Is it meant? Yeah. Are you one flat foot, half toe, full point? What are you? Yeah. That is I think one of my biggest strengths is in I feel that choreographically it's about creating clear pictures. This is when you said organized chaos, intentional chaos. You created very clear pictures with your movement. And if I hadn't been there, or I don't know if you would have done it anyway, but one of my biggest strengths as a choreographer is to be really, really maniacal about the cleaning process. You polished. Yeah, I said. She took a false and polished. I said head left. And she went like this. I said, I didn't say back. I said left. Yep. I said, not back. Left. And I said it like 35 times. I don't care. I don't care if you think I'm bit of bitch. Okay. Did you don't grab her head and turn it? That's so unbranded. Yeah. There we go. This is. Okay. You can put her in the neck brace. Yeah. That's like, okay, we're not moving. Same thing with Kyla Ross. One of my favorite memories of choreographing is Kyla because that behind the scenes footage needs to be released because it's honestly so iconic. It is. And you're going to know exactly what we're talking about. I think that was the longest choreography session you've probably ever had. And people from the gym turned it would, I don't know if they would DM me or whatever. But they would just crack up at me. I don't know where they got the story or the footage, whatever. But Kyla, oh, no, no, no. What I'm talking about is they make fun of the misvalesms that are in every floor routine I choreographed. And one of those is the stop. Oh, of course. Or the point when she goes like this. All right. That's so. So Kyla had to go, had to just go one to five, six, seven, eight, move. And Kyla would go five, six, move. She's uncomfortable. She totally. Yeah. This is in my moment. Mind you, she's a gold medalist Olympian. I'm like, girl, take your moment. Take it for 12 seconds if you want. You could literally stand out there for a minute and a half and not do anything and people would still cry. Right. Yeah. So Jordan was coaching floor and I was over on B and she'd be doing the floor routine. I go, stop. I mean, how many times did I tell that that day? I was going to say, don't trigger me because not even that day, the whole my whole career, it would just be peanut gallery on beam. Nope. That's not right. Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And I love that you had eyes on back your head because that's what made you such a great coach was like, you did not hone in on the gymnastics. You cared about the artistry, the performance, and the characters as a whole. And that's what really set you apart. But thank you. My favorite was, yeah. You chiming in from beam. Yeah. And me being like, oh my god, she's here. Voice. Yeah. The voices are here. We did something wrong. Oh my goodness. It all did. It all did. Out of all the teams you've coached over 34 years, which one do you think embodied the true culture of UCLA gymnastics in your eyes? Well, the last one, 2018, because, because if you've coached long enough, you understand, you understand the magic that comes from teams that become player led. That's what happened with women's basketball. UCLA women's basketball. They took the reins and they ran with that. Those 16 years took, took it. And what did they do? They danced. And they got shit for it online. As we did. Oh yeah. So 2017, I had a head coach come up to me and say, after the national championship, I really think you'd do a lot better if you didn't have so much fun on the floor. We after winning a national championship? No, no, 2017. Oh. Right here before we won. Oh my gosh. And because we danced, right? That's how we loosened up. That's how we get into our groove. Mind you, we still got what? Third? I don't remember. I think we got third that year. Well, that wasn't good enough. Well, I can't say we because I wasn't even in the stands, so, or I was in the stands. You can say we. No, I can't. Why not? Because that's not me. That's my personality. I can't take ownership of a team that I wasn't, I didn't compete for. Why did you graduate? Well, no. I graduated. I was on the team. But I didn't compete at the national championship. I was in the stands with my parents. So when my team won third, I don't claim that. Were you training every day? Yes. Did you show up with a great attitude every day? No. Oh. Is that where you were in the stands? No. Did you get in trouble? No. Oh. Okay. Do I need to tell you the story? Do you forget? Yeah. I totally forgot. I mean, I was just being dramatic. Of course, I showed up with a great attitude every day. I mean, I had my moments though. My freshman year was tough. That was the hardest transition of my life. But we butted heads a lot. Okay. I don't think I was your favorite athlete. No, you were not. By even a long slide. Later in your career, you were. Well, yeah. Yeah. Okay. So we're going to set the scene. I'm not Val's favorite. No. By even a little bit. No. I caused, I caused a little stress. Drama. With some things. Yes. I could not get my shit together on Val. Right. And I was recruited. To Val. Yes. To Val. Yes. That was the one thing I was asked to do. Yeah. It was to do that one freaking Val that I had done so beautifully in my high school career. Mind you, I walked on to the most prestigious program in history. I have so much pressure in my mind about this one Val. Yeah. And it made me crack. I could not get through this like mental block essentially that developed because I created so much pressure and I'd put myself in such a bad place mentally because I saw the greats I was competing with. I saw the greats I was training with every day. I was literally recruited in the same class as Kyla Ross, Madison Cotan, Felicia Hano, Grace Glen, Anna Glen, like, hello, obviously I'm looking in the mirror every day having a posture syndrome and not really blood into my collegiate career, my freshman year, unfortunately. So I only know my ass every other me on my ball year was 2017. Yeah. Okay. Uh huh. Okay. And so we're at the national championship. I was on the floor with the team the first day. And I had done warmups and Randy was really in my corner. He was really rooting for me to get this fall. And like he really just wanted me to get it because he knew that I would finally feel like I had a place on the team. He was great that way. He was amazing. He was so emotionally invested in me. And I mean, we were trauma bonded because I had just had such a bad year with fall. And I could not get it. I was so overstimulated, overwhelmed mind the time the time I was not medicated for my ADHD. I was crashing internally and could not lock in. So the next morning, I'm beating myself up. I'm probably crying that night because I didn't get to contribute on the ball. I really wanted to it was my first year on the team, whatever. And I get a knock on my hotel door and it's bell. And she goes, I love you, but I'm going to need your credential. And it was like soul crushing. My whole family was there. I knew I let you down, but I needed the credential because you can only have so many people on the floor. Oh, no, I'm not sad because of that. No, no, I think we need to clarify that. Yeah, I don't know. She's nothing about that. I was like, no, you suck. No, in the stands, give me your credential. You can only have so many people on the floor. No, yes, so to give you an idea that you can only have 16 people on the floor. I don't know if it's the same still. But at the time, I lost my spot. Yeah. And it's called athletics. The thing is, the beautiful thing about me and my personality that I truly love is I'm never going to be a victim. So when I was sitting in those stands with my parents, as we're cheering on my team from a very far distance, I knew in that moment, I had full control over what happened. Love it. And I was like, I am never going to let this happen ever again. I love that. And so it was one of the most character developing moments for me. It was a character arc for me because if that had not happened, I don't think I would have taken control of my life. Wait. Okay. So thank you for stealing my credential and giving it to someone else because I truly don't think I would be here. Okay. You knew who says that? Janet Antolin really kicked off the team, scholarship taken away. And you need to have her on your podcast. Oh my gosh. Yes. I had lunch with her a few months ago. She says, Ms. Val, the fact that I was the only person that could get me out of this. And she said, had my parents blamed me? She said, I would have gone down the victim route. She said, but when I went home and told them what a bitch you were, that you took my scholarship away kicked me off the team. My mom and dad listened and my mom said, okay, now what part of this did you play? Yeah. And she said, from that moment on, the same thing you said, Gracie, that you made the decision. Yeah. You didn't wait for anybody to do it for you, that you will not be a victim and that this is never going to happen again. And she said, going through that enabled her to look her sexual abuser in the eye, Larry NASA. -Wow. -And tell him, "I will not live my life as a victim." -Wow. -And when the father of her son didn't want a part of the relationship, she said, "I know I can do this." And her son is a Doorma Kai. -A Doorma Kai is. -Love him. -And that's how the whole conversation came up. I said, "How did you raise such an amazing young man, single mom?" -Because she took accountability for her life. -She said it started when you kicked me off the team. -That's insane. -She says, "It's the first time in my life. I knew I could rely on myself." -Wow. -Yeah. I mean. -I hated that I got emotional saying that you took the credential from me because that's not why I got emotional. -That's not when you got emotional. You got emotional when you're saying your parents. You were letting your parents-- -And I let you down. -Let me do. -Yeah. -Yeah. But fun little full circle. The exact year later, we're back in the stadium. -Same stadium? -No, we're in Texas. -St. Louis. -I don't remember where we were. -Did we win in St. Louis? Oh, we did win in St. Louis. -Yeah. -Okay, so yeah, so full circle moment, exactly your later, I am on the floor. I did get to contribute. And I actually got to do a Florida team, the Florida team counted. And we won a national championship. -Okay, here rings. Period. All things to you. No, I love it. I love it. -You know what? Why was it thanks to me? Because you held a culture that said you should be grateful to be here. You should earn your spot on this team. And if you weren't such a hard ass on me, I wouldn't have been a hard ass on myself, and I wouldn't have locked in and figured out a way to solidify my position on the team. -Okay. -I probably would have fucking transferred, honestly. -Okay, so when you asked me, what was my favorite team or one of my favorite teams? -Yeah. -And I said, "Player lead." And you admit you came and you were a hot master freshman year. -Mm-hmm. -Okay. Would you agree that one of the most important values for our team was practicing respectful honesty? -Mm-hmm. -And that is why I believe your team was so successful. -Yes. -Because they didn't let. You weren't the only brat on the team, you know? -I mean, you got a team. -We had a team of really big personalities. -A lot. -There was 22-year-old girls. -What's gonna happen, right? -Yeah. -And we're all competing and a Greek head coach, so here we go. But I remember being in those team meetings and having really hard conversations, but they were respectful. -Are coming to Jesus meetings? -Yeah, and crying. -Crying meetings. -The vulnerability was key. Chris used to say, "We need a cry meeting." I'm like, "Well, I'm not gonna make some shit up," so we still don't get a cry meeting. But I remember being in those meetings and being so proud of how you and your teammates would address. They were usually main girl issues, hard issues. I think there was just really truly. I think where conflict comes up is when people are not willing to be vulnerable with the shit that's actually happening behind the scenes. So then it gives the opportunity for others to judge and make assumptions. -Right. -And so then what happens is in that assumption perpetuates, instead of just coming straight to the source and being like, "Oh, my God, are you okay?" -Right. -I heard this. -Right. -And then you get people. -How are you as a human being first? -Then you get the high achievers like Kyla Ross. -Mm-hmm. -They don't want to play with mediocre victim. -No. -It's not my fault, ever. -No. -Okay. And Kyla, to what you just said, Kyla was wonderful about saying, "Are you okay?" -Yeah. And she was never the big speaker, but she would come to you directly. -Right. -Right. And I think after those experiences, my sophomore, you're seeing how incredible the leadership was, you know, paying Jenae, Pua, Shelley, like, them all being such safe spaces for the girls to be authentically themselves. It encouraged this culture to evolve where we were bonded and we did see each other for who we were and not what we did or not who or not what we were doing on the team. -Okay. So I want to make another point. -Okay. -You went from hot mess to being an integral bonded part of the team and a leader in your own way. -Mm-hmm. -Not because of what I did, but because you chose not to be a victim and transfer. -Mm-hmm. Because everybody in the country needed altars. -Yeah. -So you could have gone anywhere you wanted to. But that's the most important part of this. It's like, yes, I appreciate you keep saying I'm going to give you more flowers, Ms. Val. But you could have gone anywhere. -I could have just given up. -And you chose to pause and to listen and to make different decisions with your life, which is really, really hard to do. All of us is hard to do. And you became a leader. It's like, hot mess later. How did that happen? Choice. Life is about choice. The choices you make will dictate the life you lead. -I've heard that. Mm-hmm. Okay. -Yeah, I should get it tattooed on my body honestly. -At this point, it is one of the most, anytime anyone asks me, my favorite quote, I just saved verbatim. Matea said that the other day, we run a Zoom, Matea and Corey, and they're like, "Life is about choice. The choices you make will dictate the life you lead." And when we, when we talked about that and how it applies to us as athletes, I now preach that in my philosophies to anyone I mentor or coach because truly, if you want to be an athlete, it's not about the name and lights. It's not about the accolades and the medals and the trophies. It's about living every day as a champion. And what does that look like? And I think it's so reassuring and empowering to know that every single day you have a choice. Every little choice can dictate your future. And how cool is that to what we were talking about? The choices that you think. That's where it all starts. And that's the choices that you think you're capable of. And then taking action. And you choose to silence the noise. You choose to be your best cheerleader. You're choosing all of that. That is what's creating this wonderful adventure that you're on. Nobody's doing it for you. That's the cool part. I love that. Thank you. Yeah, I love it. You've stumbled upon a lot of different personalities in coaching and recruiting specifically. What did you look for in the person when you were shaping them into their athlete for your program? Respect and competitiveness. So I loved athletes that loved the game. I didn't want to take the crybabies. The ones that we get frustrated and pissed off and then figure it out. I love that competitiveness and the respect. So when I remember going in gyms, you can watch The Gymnastics on YouTube. Yes. It's the character. It's the character. And I remember Nia Dennis was vaulting. And way across the gym, one of her teammates had a really bad crash on bars. And Nia had saluted to vault. And she was getting ready to vault. She went like this. And she didn't even think she just sprinted toward her teammate. Wow. I was like, I want her. Yeah. That's the one I want. That's a team player. And then I remember recruiting Mohini Bahardwatch. And nobody in the country besides us in Georgia were recruiting her because she was back girl. Really? Bad, bad, back girl. Yeah. And now there's a skill named after her. Yeah. She's a legend. And she was on it. I mean, the U.S. national team won nothing to do with her. Then she goes and makes the Olympic team after UCLA. But I remember calling her. She was. I don't remember. Probably 16. Yeah. And I remember saying, okay, Mo, this is what I've heard about you. You're out all the time. You party non-stop. Party girl. You smoke. Oh my god. Where are they getting the gym? You like. And she didn't deny any of it. And she said, Miss Val, my parents moved me into my own apartment in Florida when I was 15. What do you think was going to happen? Well, she said, do you know how lonely it is? Wow. To be in your own apartment. I don't know if she said 15 or 16 because I don't know what the legal age is to be in your own apartment. But she said, it crushed me. She said, do you know how lonely it is? And that moment of vulnerability eliminated all judgment. Oh, eliminated. I was like, it gave you context. I don't hurt my team. It gave you context. Honest. Yes. And not kiss my ass to try to get a scholarship UCLA. Then we can work with that. And talk about hot mess freshman year. Yeah. I bet. Throw it in a college scene. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. I heard her partner in crime with Louisa Porticarero. I went down to Guatemala. I just saw Louisa. We start telling Mahini and Louisa stories. We got Moan pasteite and Louisa's 13-year-old daughter is going, mama, you smell - I'm like, "Oh, let me tell you, I need to be like, "closures." - Yeah. - We can't. - Oh my goodness, that's insane. - You have had your-- - I love it. - You're about with party girls. - That's for sure. - People go to me and think, "Oh, I bet you don't miss "the drama, I go, I love the drama." - Are you kidding? - Give me a freaking reality TV show. - Yeah. - We should have had one on today. - We should have had one. - Missed the opportunity. - Yeah. - Yeah, that was a wild time. - I loved, I was thinking about the reality TV show. I loved the football player, who was hooking up with two girls of my girls, you know what I'm talking about. - I know what you're talking about. - And I saw him on the steps, sitting on Akraman's student store. And he's like, "Hi, Miss Span." I was like, "You, dirty dog. "You do not don't near any of my athletes. "Ever, again, ever." Got it? - Yes, Miss Spal. - It's like, "Okay." That's what I loved about you too, is everyone knew you were the queen. Like, every other head coach had respect. You were feared in a really good way. - Okay. - Like, you were that bitch. Like, when you walked on campus, like all the football players, like, yeah, of course, they were like, "She's so hot." But also, they're like, "We're terrified of her." Like, don't piss off Miss V. That's what it's like in my class now at UCLA. - I bet. - Oh, it's, I love it. - That's great. - It's not that I terrified them. It's just like, there's a sense. - It's called respect. - It's called respect, people. If you're going to be late, A, text me. I give them all my number. And B, don't walk straight across the class. - Yeah. - So, this one athlete, well, they were, they're almost all of them or fear of those six-year student athletes. - Yeah. - So, this one athlete, every class comes in late with the lunch from the training table and walks in front. - And now. - It's like, go sit by the door and go, you know. - Yeah, no. - And so, the lack of consideration is appalling. - So, I was talking. I was, you know, given the class and he walks in. And I stopped talking. And I just tracked him till he sat down. I was like, you good? He was like, yeah. I got called out for shaming. - I'm sorry, what? - Exactly. - Why are people so soft? I can't. - I know. - Well, that came up in class also. It was actually my abridi, Tom Brady's niece. - Tom Brady's niece. - And she just said, can I ask a question? She goes, when did coaches get so soft? 'Cause we have to be. - I said it's called cancel culture. - Yeah. We're walking on eggshells. - Yes. - 'Cause they're never known. - They're coaching to save their jobs. - Literally. - Not to help train these indomitable champions in life, anymore. - No. - Yeah. - It's unfortunate. - It is. - It's very important. It's so gross. - You know, it's so crazy as I was literally just think about how I would react if someone walked into my classroom like that. And I literally be like, yeah, yeah, you're gonna get up, you're gonna spin around, you're gonna do that again. We're gonna try that one more time. - Yeah, I can't. - Or you can just like close the door and not come in class. - So my last class. - I'm like, get the fuck out, actually. - My last. - My last. Okay, I, I'm, you know this. I'm so old school. - I love that about you though. - Okay, keep it. - And I love it. Coach Iso, Tom Iso says, it's not old school. It's right school. Like, that's true. So, I do everything paper and pencil. And I understand the importance of technology and AI. Get it. - Okay. - But. - You're my people. - I have done the research on right hand writing. - It ingrained in your brain differently. - Totally. - Yeah. - So I bought them all journals. - Good. - And pens. - Good. - So they show up the first day of class. I say, welcome to class. Here's your journal, here's your pen. And there will be no phones and no laptops on the tables. And this one student looks at the pen. He goes, it's about, it's gonna take me 20 minutes to write 10 words. I'm like, well, you're welcome. I'm giving you an opportunity to practice now. - Wow. - So I handed them all the piece of paper with the research, the science behind hand writing and cursive writing, which sadly is dying. - Who's gonna, how are you gonna sign your signature? - Right. - Ew, are you gonna write it in regular print? - That's so ugly. - No, people go like that. They don't even, yeah. - This is scribble. - Yeah. - That's what my grandchildren think. - Oh my gosh. - So anyway, and I love it because it's like, it's okay, you don't want to write, you don't have to take the class, it's fine. It's fine. But that's the thing is you are unapologetically yourself. You do not feel the need to fit into these roles or these new, you know, eras of teaching. You're like, this is my way. It's my classroom. I can do it however the hell I want. And what's my goal? - And I'm okay with that. - My goal isn't to, my goal isn't to just make you all submissive to these crazy ideas that I know. My goal is to help you grow within the 10 weeks that we have together. - Absolutely. And I think what you do a phenomenal job of is explaining the philosophies that you put in place. Because a lot of times, sure, they may sound crazy. But then when you actually unpack it and you explain it, no gum, or for instance, showing up to the airport with makeup on for a travel meet, like we got berated once because we all looked like crap going to a meet and you were like, you're representing a university. If you have these four letters across your chest, you need to look presentable. And from that point forward, I mean, thankfully, my mom was the exact same way, look good, feel good. We've always had that saying. So like, and I've always seen my mom, she's never left the house looking bad ever. So I think that's always been ingrained in me. But I will never leave the house looking disheveled. I mean, unless I'm coming back from training. But like truly, like even when I'm training, I have a little bit of makeup on. I have a little bit of this. I will never. And like you said, when you explain it to us at the airport, you're like, you never know who you're gonna run into. That might be your future boss. That might be your future husband. And if you looked disheveled, was that say about the way you're presenting yourself? How does that say? How does that show the world, how you take on the world? - Right. And that is the whole premise behind the quote that you recited now. The choices you make are gonna dictate the life you live. So if you want to look disheveled out in public, if that's your brand babe, then don't be upset when you don't get that job. - The opportunities. - Yep. - That's okay. - It's a choice. If you want to go into an interview chewing gum, then chew gum. I don't hate gum. I just want you to be intentional with your choices. - And understand the consequences of them as well. - Right. - Yeah, absolutely. But I think that's why people like you and I, we do have opportunities that just knock and we can enter them confidently because we present ourselves to be capable of taking on that challenge. - Well, I learned my lesson the hard way. I was choreographing one of my first years as a head coach. And I was choreographing, I don't know, as a routine, where I was just dressed as sloppy dancer mode. - Yeah. - And I had the rips, flashed out. - Yeah. - The rips, sweatshirt, and I had no makeup and I was like, it meant just being artistic, you know? - Yeah. - And I walked into the athletic department and our athletic director was there with our top donor. - Oh my god. - And here's our head gym, no. - I lost a clutch. - I was mortified. - Yeah. - Never again. - Again, it's like that's preventable. - Right. - All I had to do was take an extra five minutes to just, just to look a little bit. - Right. - Put on a little lipstick, you know? And I think that also kind of bleeds into this thing that I also always preaches, you never know who you're talking to. - Right, ever. - Ever. There have been so many times, especially in this world of mine that I'm in, where I'm at an event. And I could be talking to some random person, I don't know. But then later I come to realize, oh, you know, by the way, that was Drake's dad. And I'm like, oh, good thing we had a good conversation. Good thing I was respectful. Good thing I didn't say anything I would've regretted, you know? Like, those are things where you're just like, holy shit. - Right. - These are opportunities that could be opportunities or they could just be moments. - Right. - And I think that's where people need to continue to implement that mindset because I've had some interesting interactions too, where it's like very unpleasant. And I'm like, 'cause maybe they have an ego or they think that they're hot shit. And it's like, I've come to realize you're only hot shit in your niche. - Right. Nobody to someone else. - Right. - Well, well, why would I ever look at my head? - Okay, I have to. I have to. - What that triggered in me? - Oh, what? - I moved to Northwest Arkansas. - Yeah. - The SEC. - The SEC, right. Some of the best gymnastics ever. - And football, like you're the SEC. - Yeah. - So these people would say, oh, you know, you're not from here. What do you do? And I was like, well, I was a head coach at UCLA Gymnastics. Oh, we're getting a good. I'm like, I don't know, I won seven national championships. Then I would tell them, my husband played football here at University of Arkansas. I played in the game of the century. My husband's known as monster man. He played in the game of the century. Hey, dad, he's your team of fame. - I am chopped liver because the PAP 12 was the little sisters of the poor. - Yeah. - You know, it wasn't the SEC. - Yeah. - That is like humbling. - No, but what did you say? in my niche. Yes, you're fine. I was, I was hushed. You're the it girl. Ah, not nor was that good so. You're like crazy California girl. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like, yeah, you just, it's never, you're never that big. No, you're not. No, get over yourself. Get over yourself. We all are gonna die at the end of the day. Like, yeah, you're not that big of a deal. Yeah. And that's what I think also encouraging when you do have that mindset because like, you do have the confidence to talk to anybody. Yeah. And you're not like, oh, like I look like bumps freaking national championship rings with Terry Donnell. Oh, that's cool. At one of the Rose Bowl games. So it's like, and I just was like, fuck yeah, Terry Donnell. Yeah. Yeah. Like, obviously. And so I think, yeah, you, you definitely instilled a lot of delusional confidence in me and in the team. I think and that's it. Yeah. The reason why you didn't even have this role. You were like truly the band of sisters. Yeah. It was special. It was really special. Oh, yeah. Well, I want to keep moving. Okay. We've talked a lot about your highlights. Yeah. Of your career. What were some not so great moments of my career? Yeah. That really stick with you. I remember losing it with Mojini. She was just being a total brat. And I remember grabbing her by the arm. And so I'm something just like, you need to knock that shit off. We need to. And as soon as I did it, I was mortified. And like, I've lost the plot. I lost it. Yeah. And as soon as I had calmed down, I apologized to her. But that sticks in my head, like one of those moments. Yeah. You know, the other things I heard a quote by Maya Angelou that said, I'm choosing to forgive myself for the things that I did before I knew. But they did not know. Yeah. That quote. Yeah. Because it's all learning curve. Again, it just keeps reinforcing the growth mindset. I mean, how many how many siblings do you have? Three. You have three siblings. Your parents were not the same parents for all four of you. No. And you have to give like, that's why when kids complain about the parents, I'm like, your parents are not out to make your life miserable. It's their first time living too. Yeah. They're doing the best they can. Yeah. So my low moments were were just like, oh, early on in my coaching career, I thought my snarkiness was funny. Oh, because in my head, I'm really funny. I think you're hilarious. Okay. And there was a they had a whole team meeting. This was like my third year or something like that. Okay. And they were very respectful. But they literally went around the room. I think I was like an hour and a half. And they expressed and they gave me an example after example about how my snarkiness came off as bitchy. And then one of them said, you know, Miss Val, if I'm having a good day, yeah, it's funny. But there's how many of us on the team and there's never going to be a day when we're all having a good day. And the sport is hard as hell. Yeah. And so can you just like coach us and support us? Give us a little more love and grace. Yeah. Yeah. And that was like the proverbial cold water in my face. Wow. And so I was really funny because I would the snarkiness would still come up and then but I wouldn't say it. But I would kind of giggle in the side going, that's really funny. Or at least I think it's funny. Yeah. But thankfully, so maybe your assistant coaches got to hear it. Well, Randy got it right with it. Randy, right? Yeah. But that moment sticks out in my head. When you were in your, I don't even know what era that was. So in 2014, you were diagnosed with cancer, with breast cancer. How did you manage still continuing to coach one of the biggest programs in NCAA while dealing with that behind the scenes? Getting back to you. What you said, I remember telling my husband, I said, don't treat me like I'm sick. I'm not sick. Sick is when you have the flu. I have a tumor in my breast that we're going to get out. Said, I will let you know if I need extra care. But don't pamper me, please. And I've told this story a lot, but some of your viewers may not know this. When I, when I was told I had cancer, my head exploded and fear. And in the cacophony of fear, how many more days do I have left? I'm going to my family. I heard the anxious for nothing and grateful for all things. And I got snarky with God, shocker, shocker, right? Yeah. Shocking. And I went, excuse me. And I think I did the head bob. And I was like, I don't have you hurt or not, but I have a potential fatal tumor in my breast. So this be anxious for nothing and grateful for all things. That's not really sitting very well. Be anxious for nothing and grateful. No, no. Yeah. So I went home. I told Bobby, my husband about the breast cancer, he's, you know, I'm sorry, all that is how he react. He's great. You know, body is such a strong faith and an angel. He's like, my love. I'm so sorry to hear this, but we got this. And then I said, but get this. I heard God say, be anxious for nothing and grateful for all things. My good Southern Baptist husband said, well, my love, that's from the Bible. I had never read the Bible and grew up Greek Orthodox. This is my lame excuse. The Bible was in Greek when I grew up. So I don't speak. I don't regret. So he goes, go look it up. So as I'm walking to look it up in pure Bobby field fashion, he goes, my love, God knew in his infinite wisdom, he had to tell you twice, so you would shut up and listen. It's like true. You're not wrong. So I open up, he says, go to Philippians 4, so I go to Philippians 4. And sure enough, black and white, I heard this twice before I ever read it. That's unbelievable. This was a commandment. Yeah. Be anxious for nothing and grateful for all things. He gave you the road map, but I didn't know how I was supposed to be grateful. Because I was still scared out of my mind. Of course. So I went to the doctor a few days later and she said to me, if you got diagnosed 10 years ago in 2004, we had nothing for you. And I would have had to say, I'm so sorry, you have about two months to live. But because you're diagnosed in 2014, if you choose my favorite word to get chemotherapy for a year, and if you choose to have surgery, I know it's going to work. Wow. I understood the commandment. You're like, now I can be grateful. And I call gratitude to great elixir. Yeah. Because it changes the chemicals in your brain. And we now know it really does change the chemicals in your brain. Yeah, absolutely. And now every day, you're like, I get to get chemo. I get to. So I switched the word, have to, to get to. And I remember being, I remember being in, I had chemo every other Thursday. And I remember saying, so I'm not going to be here next Thursday. I'm not going to be here tomorrow. I have to go get chemo. And I think it was a lot of credit. I think she said, you get to get chemo. I was like, true. I get to get chemo. Plus, I was extremely, extremely fortunate. The day before I was supposed to start chemo, they called me and said, I got on the tail end of a trial drug that was, it was targeted chemotherapy. So it doesn't go through your whole system. It goes like a smart bomb. It goes right to the cancer cells. So I didn't get sick. I didn't use my hair. It was your hair. I didn't. I felt crappy. Yeah, of course. I know energy. Your body was fighting the most insane again. Okay. Okay. Back up, you asked me what was my most favorite team. Yeah. It may be that year. Because the coaches and the athletes all did this, of course. And they said, we're going to make this year the easiest year of Miss Val's life. The rally behind you. And I remember coming in a few days the year and going, okay, here's the game plan. Okay, assistant coaches got it. I'm going to go upstairs, have cup of tea because I'm not feeling so great. Yeah. But I'm fine. And I will be back when I feel great. And you know, up in our team room, you can see the gym. And I remember sitting up there and having a cup of tea and just being so proud, how you were all taking care of each other. Yeah. I remember looking on beam because I coached beam. And there wasn't a coach over there, but they were coaching each other. Yeah. They knew what they needed to do. Yeah. Player lead. Yeah. And I know that parents say that as well, when they watch their children take control of their lives and take full accountability, Is there a proudest moment and I think you kind of had that same yes that 100% Yeah, it was, I hate to say this, one of the best years of my life and life changing years. Not just for me, but everybody that went through it with me. I mean, Chris and Randy, they didn't really get along, right? Yeah, kind of, but it had a little bit of pain. But they were so bonded. I mean, they did a phenomenal job and it maintained, you know, throughout the rest of the time we were together. It did set the tone, for sure, because they were a lot closer over the years after that. And yeah, I mean, trauma bond, man, yeah, yeah. But how incredible, like, did you not just realize what you said? You said the best year of your life was the year that you were diagnosed with cancer. Because it's like, it's, it, I went through this aha that you mentioned earlier in this discussion. I chose not to be a victim. So even when I had four surgeries, like I had a double mastectomy. It wasn't easy. And yeah, I think it was February. It ran. He's like, why are you waiting? I said, Randy, because I just want to get this shit out of me. Yeah. Oh, and when they did the double mastectomy, the surgeon came out and she said, I wish that we could qualify, quantify the power of the mind. Because she knew that I was in the state of gratitude. I get to get chemo. I get to have surgery. She said, there's not a trace of cancer in your body. That's scary. I know. She says, normally there would be some markers. There would be some things. She goes, I can't find where that tumor was. Wow. And then I had the surgery and the nipples were facing that way. So then I had to have another surgery. Then they made me like, dolly, pardon, and then- Oh, they give you a boob job and then I was like, yeah. And then Randy's like, kind of, we just wait on all of this. Because I'm doing this in season. Well, yeah. But- I know it. Well, look good. Feel good. And look and feel it. Plus, what a great opportunity. Well, like you said, how I've led my entire head coaching career. Yeah. When I was diagnosed and I told the team, I remember the girl start looking at my boobs. And I have this great idea. Let them feel what my lignet tumor feels like. So I said, do you guys want to feel the tumor? So Sedika comes up and the tumor was on the side of my breast. She's like, oh my god, I'm feeling miss Val's boob. I said, time out. I did not invite you to feel my boob. Yeah. I invited you to- We're not trying to catch a case here. Yes. What a live living malignant cancer tumor feels like. Mm-hmm. Okay. And one by one, they came. And as they're feeling it, because it did not feel like a little round pee, like we're told. It felt like a pulled muscle, like a wall. And I'm thinking, HR is going to come down and fire your ass. I didn't care. This was such a learning moment. Yeah. And it was the same thing with the double mastectomy, then they put the drains in. Yeah. So I had the drains. And four days after surgery, I put a poncho on and I went in the gym. Yeah. And the girl's one. No hugs. No hugs. Yeah. No, no, no. And a few of them wanted to see. So I'm like, great. Here. Well, yeah. And again, I'm thinking, I'm going to get fired, like this is so inappropriate. But they're so good. They're so good. Girlhood. Yeah. And to this day, I mean, we've got, I've got three of my girls that have had gone through the same thing. Wow. Yeah. Three of your athletes have gotten breast cancer. And how special was it that they got to come to you and confide in you? Wow. And I tell them I got to be the safe, but it's not going to be fun. It's not fun. Yeah. But thank God, we live at a time in history. That research has allowed the development of the medicine that's going to save your life. Yeah. And that's, that's what you just got to keep reminding yourself about. I get to. Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. You're in a normally. Thank you. You want to look at you with that SAT word. All right. We had just won a national championship, 2018, we're set in the scene. You were recently named Pac-12, Coach of the Century, huge freaking deal. Do you have that like written somewhere in your house so that like if Bobby ever gives you crap, you're like, are you talking to the coach of the century right now at that tone? I should do that. Yeah. No, he's an angel. He would never. But your entire program and your career was exploding. You were at the peak of your career. Mm-hmm. Well, and Caitlin went viral. That's, that's what I mean. A team was exploding. Yeah. Like we, I mean, our team was on every network, every social media platform and exploding internationally too globally. And you decide to retire. Mm-hmm. Why? That's a great question. Nope. Nobody wants. Like, I thought I directed it not my team. My manager did not want my team. Oh, my God. You came. The whole world was crying about it. Like, are you an idiot girl? What? Nobody quits at the top of their career. Yeah. You know. I remember being, you know, I love it when you know. Your God just knows. I know that you can sit in that knowing. Mm-hmm. And women's intuition is so powerful. You can't deny it. No. And I can honestly say that I loved every moment of coaching. Mm-hmm. Loved it. Even the hard times, the bratty times, all that. I was no longer inspired by the work. Wow. And I felt it was not fair to all of you. Mm-hmm. It wasn't fair to the program. It wasn't fair to UCLA. Let somebody else who has that fire take over. And I wanted to take everything that I had learned, the good, the bad, the ugly, the mistakes and everything. And I wanted to share it and have a bigger impact. And I remember sitting with God and say, and Bobby always says, do you ever like stop talking and just listen to God? I was like, well, at this time, I was talking. Yeah. Okay, God. I want to be super, super challenged. I want to be super inspired and I do not want to work with assholes. And my husband goes, you said that to God and I go, he knows us in there. He knows I'm, yeah. Look at my good place. This ass. Okay. Fine. And I have been super challenged. I have been super inspired and I do not work with people that are mean people. I love it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I, you found something that you're passionate about outside of, I do. And I say yes to almost everything. I get paid a lot of money to do some stuff and I do some stuff for free and it's like, it's not about that. It's not about celebrity. It's not about the money. It's not about, I mean, I suck at social media. So it's definitely not about social media. It's about impact and, you know, that first story I told you about being 14 years old saying, I'm going to go to UCLA at a full-ride scholarship and sharing that with little kids and, and high school. I want to do a national high school tour. I want to go into every single high school in the country. And I want to have 10 minutes of the time I have with them on why manners matter. Mm-hmm. That's so crazy that you say that because I was just on a meeting with a production company. They're looking to like help, you know, work with me for the pod, which is super exciting. And I've had actually multiple meetings and every question I've been asked by every single company has been, where do you see this podcast going in the next five to 10 years? And I go, I want to make an impact, but I want to make it in person. So whether that means going on tour in a philanthropic role where I hit every major city and I speak to collegiate athletes and I speak to high school athletes. And I get to take these badass athletes with me to hop on a panel and inspire the younger generation. And even just a 30 minute span, I think it could really make a positive impact. And so that's crazy that you said that because that's literally something that's been that's been something that I've been thinking about for the future of the pod for a long time because, you know, me, I'm never complacent. I just sit still. Yeah. So why should you? I mean, yeah, literally. And I truly believe like we said, there is power in being in person. Yes. So much more impact and value behind being able to hug a person and connect with them on a deeper level in person. So I wish I could have all my followers and all my audience and say, thank you so much for the support. And hopefully eventually that would be a dream that I can come true. Yeah. That's wonderful. Yeah. I'm glad we're on the same page without those. Maybe you can join my panel. I would love it. Women empowerment. Oh my gosh. I would love it. What are we doing now? I'm having, I'm super, super, super excited about what's taking the majority of my brain space. You look very fulfilled. Thanks. And I'm really, really proud of you for that because I know it could not have been easy after retirement. Well, it's, it's important to find. It's important to stay true to who you are and you're talking about a podcast. I've had three. Major agencies ask me to do a podcast and they will pay for it. They'll produce it They'll end it and I'll think Dream right must be nice. There's not one cell in my body that wants to do a podcast Well, then you don't do it. You don't do it. Yep, and and there were There were months where I said you know every time I speak, you know, especially young girls They'll go miss Val can you just do like 15 minutes a day or something like that? Like I should I really should do I don't want to do it. Don't want to do it. So 2018 which you live through One of that one of the reasons why that's a super super important year of my career is When we are flying to Arizona and Jordan Weber is not on the plane and My job is to not invite distraction into competition season. Yeah But I did the exact opposite Because I cared more about all of you as human beings Than winning a gymnastics meeting. Yeah, so we have a team meeting and I say We're not gonna pretend like Jordan missed the flight Jordan is in Lansing, Michigan during the hardest thing she's ever done in her life looking Larry NASA are in the eye and Giving her impact statement of being sexually abused by him. Mm-hmm. In court in court And paying Said she looks it up. She says teal is the color to support sexual abuse victims How about if I go out get teal ribbon and we all wear teal ribbon in our hair tomorrow when Jordan comes back? So the next day run the meet Jordan flies in and Gracie she just told me this a few months ago She said when she walked into that arena and saw all of her teammates with teal ribbon in their hair She had never felt so supported and loved in her whole life. Wow And none of you even had to say a word. Yeah, it was just that show of support. Mm-hmm So we go through that We we got t-shirts Together we rise. Well, we had the meet with Oklahoma. Yes, and Maggie Nicholson. I just come out of Italy. Hey. Yeah That was the most impactful me. I think I've been apart. Well, that's when I started getting emails from people around the world Yeah, saying this is the most important me this ever happened because you truly transcended sport. Mm-hmm by coming together. Mm-hmm so Okay Judge Aqualena Judge Rosemary Aqualena is a judge that overheard all the impact statements. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm and She called me last November, I believe. I'm not crying. I've got something going on with the old lady. I you're good um, and she said she's works with an organization called kids alive international and They they don't rescue children from domestic sexual abuse But they they they championed them they house them they give them comprehensive care mental physically emotional social Mm-hmm, and most important well not as importantly they walk with them through the legal process Mm-hmm. Excuse me. So they're in six different countries now and expanding in all of those countries There's about a 1% chance of conviction rate of the bad guys Yeah, sickening when kids alive international gets involved That rate jumps to 74 percent. No way So she asked me to do a Night of justice a fundraiser for them like I'm in totally. Yes, absolutely So I learn about this you get to be like mother Teresa So they say why don't you come with us to our closest country, which is Guatemala? Mm-hmm, and see for yourself. Well, this was like Two weeks before Thanksgiving, and I said I only have this time. Otherwise my my calendar is exploding. Mm-hmm They said well, let's go and you can bring Bobby So I said Bobby I go Bobby. We're gonna go to Guatemala and he goes when I said Sunday You're so me you're so me My parents can't keep up. They're like you're going where when and why yeah, okay? So I like my gut told me sorry my gut told me I have to do this. It's a non-negotiable Let's go he goes got love him. He goes, okay, so we I call the weza portacrero and help one of my most favorite all-time gymnasts Guatemala and Olympian helped us win our first national championship Mohini's partner in class. Yes, so I go Lou. We're coming to Antigua Where do you live? She goes to Miss Valley live in Antigua. I'm like, okay, Lou. So aligned. Okay And and then we go down there and the CEO was with us and a few other people from kids alive international Was she familiar with this program? No, no, nobody is and so I go they say to me They go why don't you have the weza and our husband join us for dinner? We go to our most favorite restaurant is called Hector's Okay, it's like our most favorite restaurant in the world. I Said Lou and I invited her dinner. She goes Miss Val My husband and I own Hector's What the hell I literally looked up, but I said okay God I see where this is going We get it we're alive in charge. Yes. I have hands off the wheel. Yeah, now where do I go now? What I do? So we go to it's a beautiful camp. I call it a campus. You walk in like it's the thing's wearing But there's soccer field and basketball court and jungle gym and this and and Luis is with us Well, and they take us all around and over here. There's 80 young girls from 5 to 80 5 to 80 5 to 18 wow And over here is the room where they have the babies of The girls that were sexually abused that did not want to give up the babies. Yeah, and over here Then they have to go breastfeed. Yeah, like the 12 year olds. Oh my God. Right. That's so heavy. They over here is another room where they have the children With special needs and and so and Louise's son has cerebral palsy And so she just gravitated to all this. Yeah, so after lunch We showed a little scissor real of Louise that it it was like Taylor Swift Was there the youth girls were going crazy. Oh for the wisa So she told her story and then I got up and spoke a little bit and Bobby and I just on the way home were like Okay, we're in. Did you solve the whole trip because I would no Gracie and okay, I would be a mess. You walk into no because you're gonna come with me. You're gonna see. Okay, you walk into this I'm called campus. Yeah, and there's so much joy But that's what makes me cry. It's not like it's sad. It's like joy. It's just so beautiful Because they're safe. Yeah, and unconditionally loved. Yeah, and the whole point of Kislaib international is A The mantra underneath Kislaib is justice that heals I saw this firsthand with Jordan and Kyla and Maddie Larson When they got justice From the man that sexually abused them. Mm-hmm. That started the healing process. Mm-hmm It's what I saw down in Guatemala. Wow So I came home and I told Kislaib. I said I'm in. Yeah, use me any way you want. Yeah, so You found your purpose. So I called Jordan. I called Kyla. I called Kyla. I called people that I know that have like the biggest Because I told them I said you guys the best worst kept secret on the planet. You've been around for over a hundred years Yeah, and no one knows about it. And one of the reasons why is In their in their advertising and their marketing they refuse to show the victims Which I totally yeah appreciate because otherwise it's gonna turn into one of those freaking dog shelter videos that everyone cries over but it's like their children they need to be protected at all costs And like I firmly believe like putting children on the internet is a very dangerous game It is so it's like why would we subject them to more Then they've already been subjected So I'm starting a campaign Athletes for justice Wow, kids alive international. I have no idea what it looks like But it's okay. I didn't know what this podcast was gonna look like until now we're here And so I got I tell Kislaib I tell Kislaib I go I do not have the bandwidth To think about this to create it to do all the calling where I need an assistant Matea I call Tea Matea my girl I go Matea What are you doing these days she goes what's funny you ask I just quit my job because I was working for a luxury handbag Lady yep, and she goes I want to work with children in a nonprofit. I'm like she loves nonprofit too like that's her yeah That's what makes her tech so we hire Tea so and I'm in my class. That's crazy I tell them about it. Yeah, I had all these students come up to me go and miss Val I want to be in I want to be in I want to help this one Darling Jose comes up to me my last class. He goes miss Val. I want to be helping with kids alive my families from Guatemala I'm like done. So I just keep saying okay Matea. We got to get this going. Yeah That's that is where my heart my passion. I'm like And I told Caitlin Ohashi who's all in and I said she goes now. What's the goal? I said we're gonna help everyone Every single abused child in the world. And she goes in the world, I go, "Kate, dream big, babe." You didn't train to finish third, okay? Yeah. You trained to win. Yeah. So let's go big. So you're in. Are you in? Obviously. Okay. It's a little called athletes for justice or for justice. It's called athletes for justice and- Well, it's kids alive. It's through- Kids live international. Okay. Collaborating. I am focusing on- And coaches. Like, I've talked to Dave Roberts. I've talked to Pete Carroll. I've talked to, you know, Chesney, our new football club. I've talked to- Anybody that asks me what he'd do in these days, I talk to them. I can do it. Obviously. Let's do it. I will say that was one of the most eye-opening experiences, becoming an entrepreneur and chasing something that felt very delusional in my mind, because I had convinced myself that it was delusional and that I wasn't capable of it. But the second I put it out in the universe, the second I told somebody about it, I received it immediately. You're supposed to do this. This is your purpose. Yeah. You need to use your voice. You need to use your platform. You need to do good. Right. And so, the moment I told people and was brave enough to be like, "Hey, I'm like thinking about maybe launching a podcast, like fucking scary, but this is what I'm thinking about doing." I had been shot down in the past for having that idea, so I think it kind of also instilled fear in me to make a bold statement and do something brave, because then once you say, "I don't know about you, but I have to do it." Right. I can't go back. Right. And so, I'm like, once I put it out there, I have to do it. And so then, it was like a ripple effect, though, because then the second I said something, like I told my physical therapist, while he's like working on my back, he goes, "Oh my God, I have the most incredible athlete for you to be on the pot." And I ended up interviewing her. And it was one of the most incredible stories I've ever heard. I love it. Who recovered from an eating disorder and healed her relationship with food, but also healed her relationship with her sport, and now plays professionally again. And she's also a therapist who helps women recover from eating disorders. And I'm like, I literally heard that story, and like, "Oh my God, if I didn't tell you about this thing that I want to do, I would have never gotten this connection." And so, yeah, being able to be brave enough to make a statement, be delusionally confident in your dreams, but also, but it's also your why. Yeah. Your why is you want to tell stories, you want to share stories. It's not about money. No. It's like, like, if I help 10 kids, great. Yeah. My goal is to help everyone in the world. Yeah. But if I can help 10, yay! It's a win. Yeah, it's a win. If you can have, if you can help one person by the stories that you're helping to tell, it's a win. And I told my best friend, Corey, that actually, so I was talking to her, and I'm like, of course, slipping down the rabbit hole of like, "Oh my God, I'm so scared. This is great. We're launching in a week. Like, what if it flops? What if it fails?" And she literally goes, "You've already recorded multiple episodes, right?" I said, "Yeah." And she goes, "Have you been impacted?" I was like, "I have." And she goes, "Okay, that's your first win." That's the win. That's great. Okay. "Have you impacted one other person?" And I was like, "Yes." And she goes, "That's a win." Love it. And then the rest is a bonus. Right. What's who's to tell you what the win is? Literally. That's the problem these days, though. How do we define a win? How do you define the win? How do you find success? How do you define success? And so many of us get caught up in numbers. Oh. The money, the fame, the invite to the events, the followers, the glory. It's like, "Okay, were you a nice person today?" Right. Did you impact? I mean, and even taking time to respond to comments. The people have taken time to write these elaborate, incredible testimonies to their own experiences and saying how my podcast or my content has impacted them in a positive way. Obviously, I'm going to freaking answer. I love that. Like. Yeah. Respect. You know? No. Like I see you see me. And if you had their address, you would write them a handwritten. Thank you. Literally. I know you would. I know you would. I mean, I wrote handwritten notes to everybody for coming to my event that I hosted with berries. And people were so shocked that I took the time to hand write. Thank you. Thank you. But it was like so fulfilling to know that I felt like I still couldn't do enough. And I'm like, "This has to be enough." And I am a words of affirmation, girly. But I'm like, "Thank you from the bottom of my heart for even supporting this crazy idea of mine." I love it. And rallying behind me. But I truly believe if you live with passion, people will rally behind you. 100%. And they will buy in. And you know what I love when I think about you is you are living your life fully and you're not living by anybody else's dreams. You are okay now. And you're an adventure girl. And it's like life is an adventure. It drives me nuts when people get so down and depressed when shit happens. Yeah. I look at it like the universe is going, "Why you handled that last one now? Let's see what you got." Like I love this a compliment. I feel like it's also a redirection. It is a redirection. It's a redirection. Actually, we're going to guide you this way of it. You're going the wrong way. Because I truly believe like if I, I mean, thanks to you also, again, like another really impactful moment of my life was when I felt like I let myself down by not carrying your legacy and your philosophies into collegiate coaching because that was something I was really passionate to do after being coached by you and mentored by Jordan was I knew there was something in me that could impact people in a positive way and build characters. So I thought, "Oh, well, I'm really passionate about gymnastics. I'm really interested in carrying your legacy forward and helping impact more people the way that I was impacted." So I got into coaching and it wasn't for me and I remember calling you and being like, "Wow, I don't know if I can do this coaching thing." I tumbled the other day and I really enjoyed it and this might sound crazy, but I kind of want to keep flipping and you go, "Baby, you can coach when you're 60. Flip while you can." That was brilliant. And so that's what my dad told me when I got out of high school and I thought I had to go to college. And he said, "If you want to dance, you can always go back to college." And that liberating. Yeah. Now, that's. And now we flip for living. Isn't it amazing? But you're also like you're blending in what the next thing is because you're not about to flip your whole life. No, and that's why I have this podcast. Right. It's a strategic. Right. I'm like, "I got to use my voice now because my body's going to start deteriorating." Right. I just felt so cold to share so many incredible stories and testimonies from all these amazing athletes that have gone through the most insane things behind the scenes. And I truly believe my biggest purpose behind this is to peel back the layers so that people can see and empathize athletes as human beings first. Because I truly believe there would be a lot less hate and athletics if the audience could empathize. Like if you knew truly what went into becoming an Olympian, would you sit there and judge? Would you criticize? Well, if you knew that an athlete had lost their mother the day before a race. But hurt people, hurt people. Fair. I'm not saying I'm healing everybody. No. But I understand you have to keep up the fight. You have got to. Like me saying, I want to help every child in the world. Yeah. You want to get all the haters to be able to be empathetic and give grace. But I mean shit. I trained to get a perfect time. My whole career and I got one, something I failed. Me training to get a perfect time made me successful. Right. It made me a phenomenal gymnast. Didn't make me a perfect gymnast. But I truly believe like if you shoot for a perfect time, you're going to get a lot of 995. Right. You know. Right. And to me, that's still a win. Oh, 100%. You got to define your own success and your own wins. We're going to go into dear athlete, where you give advice because you're so wise. How do I stop caring what people think? It's a rapid fire. How do I stop caring about what people think? A, get the f off of social media or unfollow people that make you feel. And if you're going to be on social media, you take charge of your social media. Yeah. Okay. You cure your social media and give yourself time. I get 10 minutes to check my social media because how much time do you spend on social media Gracie? You don't want to know. Well, then all of that time we're spending on social media. You're not pouring into this. My job is social media. Okay. It's a little different. But how do I silence the noise? It's really, really hard. You've got to surround yourself with people that build you up and you have to have that, like athletes do, that internal mantra, I got this. I got this. I am smart because the mean girl in my head always says I'm not smart enough. Yeah. I am smart. Just reaffirming. Yeah. And I always say if you want to switch lives with another person, you shouldn't take criticism from them. I love that. Great. Okay. Second one is what makes an athlete great. One thing. in. - Embracing the suck. - Ooh, that's a good one. Chris Waller always said that, embrace the suck. - It's a military term. It's not called tolerate the suck. - It's embrace it. - It's embrace it. - For you know that you're growing into a better version of yourself through it. Cancer, I got better through it. - I'd say you won if you've tried. Because trying is probably the hardest thing to do. And if you tried, you're better than 90% of the people. - Right. - And then last one is what does athletic excellence mean to you? - Let's just wrap this up with John Whitton, okay? - I was waiting for you to quote John Whitton. - Make each day your masterpiece. So can you at the end of the day layer ahead in the pillow, take a breath, silence the noise, and count the winds, and say, I did my best. - I love that. And the majority of it happens in your head where nobody can see. Are you your best when no one is watching? Are you your best in your head when you want to tell yourself you're not good enough? Are you your best? That is a standard of excellence. - I would say you are a phenomenal teammate if you can inspire someone to be authentically themselves. - Great. - That to me is like your leader. If you can help rise all the ships with you. - Yeah, 100%. - Well, thank you so much. - Thank you so much. This was fun. Little like we could have gone in for four hours. - No, literally. I was like, time is just the social construct to us clearly. I'm so sorry to keep you. - That's great. - Thank you. - You're welcome. - I love you. - I love you too. This is great. - Be sure to tune in every Wednesday. Okay, bye. Boss bitch needs to go. (laughing) - Love you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)