Gracie & Chris Cullen on Baseball, Building Identity, & "I Get To"

Hey, at least after our listeners you can now watch on Spotify if you're subscribed Spotify premium You can watch ad-free now. Let's get in the episode. I had a great race this half-honored man on the comeback tour Nice and I'm by myself and this man comes over He's like man, what a great day for a race, huh? And I was like, yeah, he's like man Yeah, we're just lucky that we get to race He's like my friend is literally working daily to learn how to walk again. He's like I get to race for him Then he goes, so I got this for him. There is a tattoo that says I get to shot the front door black ink What? Do you know his name? No nothing That's it and then he's sure he even raced that day He played division one baseball at Michigan state and was honorary captain of his team He played minor league baseball for three years before entering the competitive and cut-throat world of Medical device sales. He spent 11 years with striker generating over a hundred million in sales Holy crap. He is now in his entrepreneur era Launching his business only two years ago. He now works with countless fortune 500 companies large corporations and renowned athletic programs. He's completed two iron man's not one two and he is an author of Maybe four books. We'll see hopefully and his most well-known book is I get to which I'm very excited to talk about because that is a very fun story on how we met but Chris Colin Welcome to athletes after. Thank you. This is so exciting. We've been talking about this for a while. Oh my god Yeah, we have been talking about this for a while and before we get into anything. I just want to say thank you You're the reason I'm here doing this podcast. We were one of the reasons. You're one of the very very special people in my life that pushed me over the edge and gave me the confidence to go for it. Literally we met in What October? Yeah, and how we met is kind of crazy and very serendipitous to me, but I remember walking with you and telling you about this podcast and I Literally like the thought of even talking about it to you like makes me anxious I'm like I remember being so nervous to even say it out loud and put it out there because it's such a scary thing to try something new and to like get out your comfort zone and At the time I felt delusional. I was like I really want to launch a podcast But I don't know how and I don't know how I'm gonna do it and Not for one second. Did you even say like okay? Well, how you know you literally like do it? You got it like you have it in you. I can see it. I can tell by the way you talk by the way you care yourself You are fully capable. It's simply you in front of you so cool and I was like oh shit You made it easy. I mean you had conviction from the start talking about it the way you were speaking about it What you're passionate about I was like this is sometimes it's like the audience watching the movie and the audience is like Yelling at the screen for the main character to do something But the main character is not seeing it. Yeah, they're running towards the danger or something and I'm just like 18 minutes into meeting you It's like no, you're doing this like I don't know each other But like this is a hundred percent happening. Like he's like let me put my popcorn down Yeah, we've got to do it. I'm watching this movie already. There's a hundred percent happening. Yeah, let's get going Oh my god, no literally so we got a backtrack really fast and talk about how we met because this is so crazy So I just moved to South Bay and I moved into a new city. I was so anxious about Just being alone in a new city by myself fresh out of a breakup. I was so like I was just not myself and I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I was like grace. You're gonna go to this coffee shop that's near your house And which is so silly like to think that that was like such a big thing for me was to just even leave my house and go try something new and and go by myself and I went to this coffee shop and there was this book and Immediately I was like I want to buy that. I never buy books such a win I never buy books and I just saw this book and it just said I get to and all This gorgeous writing and on a yellow book and it just screamed at me and I it also tapped into a memory that I had with my Old coach at UCLA who always said you get to do these things you get to condition You get to do all the hard things in order to grow and so it it was immediately like miss Val in the back of my head like Hey, bitch remember I get to and So I bought the book and I posted on my story and I was just like this is a really cool concept I love that it resonates with me and my personal experience with my coach and it felt very like and It felt very like sentimental to me so I posted on my story and I tagged the author and The author reaches out to me. It was like hey, are you like local and I was like yeah, I actually just moved here last Sunday It was that quick. It was that fast. I'm it's all coming back to me now. I remember now. It was end of October Yeah, oh no end of September or the October that makes sense and I remember just being like I literally just moved here and I just saw my local coffee shop And I just wanted to go in and I saw your book and you were like I'm not hitting on you Which is it it's a good statement to me because like I'm sure you have your fair share of inboxes but yes continue from your point of view. So this is great And you're like do you want to go for a walk? I work in like sports psychology I'm really passionate about helping athletes and then immediately you spoke my language and I was like oh yeah Yeah, for sure my card came down immediately because at first I was a little bit like who is this guy and when you said that I and people that are listening probably already know I am so passionate about sports psychology and tapping into mindsets and finding that edge and and really getting into that competitive grit Through your mind and accessing that and so when you said that I was immediately like oh, I'm really interested He's here what he has to say and I just had a good feeling and we went for a walk How long did we end up walking for like two hours two hours we ended up talking for another two after yeah It was a long day It was a big session But I remember seeing you had posted something on Instagram. Yes, and we didn't know each other and so the book You know you had the book up then you tagged me. Yeah, I was like oh, this is sweet I checked out your page for it takes about three seconds to realize you're kind of a big deal, you know So at second four I was like oh, this is cool. I saw your UCLA background and One of the chapters and I get to is on identity And I speak to a lot of coach a lot of athletes. I speak to a lot of athletes and identity is such a massive chunk of Our mindset Especially as freak athletes, and so I was like this would be so cool to get your take not hitting on you Yeah, it'd be so cool to get your take on like identity because I'm so curious and I know there's so much pressure Especially in gymnastics like I would love to go on down with you And yeah, that turned into like four hours of just Chatting. Yeah. Well, you I think what's so cool about the athletic community is like We are so much more in sync than we realize And we have a lot of shared how we really are all insane But we also have so many shared experiences that we don't even realize until we actually talk about it Especially when it comes to the vulnerable moments and the raw, you know kind of taboo conversations that like we're all kind of scared to have So true in front of you know regular mainstream media And that's how we got into the topic of the podcast and I was just like This is the type of shit I want to talk about yeah, and these are the conversations I think people need to hear right now especially in his day and age where everything's a highlight reel it's like No, no, no that person yeah, they want a gold medal But like they were dealing with all of this shit behind the scenes And I think that's so endearing and it's what sports needs is that empathy level and that investment emotionally yeah in order to really create A community of athletes versus spectators and then nice. Yeah, the performer. So true right if you look at like a UCLA athletic department. Yeah I bet you the variance in the teams. Obviously there's the game itself your sport But the variance is not that wide between women's gymnastics and the men's baseball team You've got to eat you you've got to eat well. You've got to sleep well You've got to recover well. You get up early in train. You're part of a team. You're wearing the brand like You're dealing with media pressure. You're dealing with social media. You're dealing with so many things That are very eerily similar. Yeah, and then you just happen to play a different game I don't know what the ratio bit but probably like 80 20 where 80% of what you deal with is Very similar to what I would deal with on the baseball team. Yeah And it was cool. I think one of the first aha moments for me getting into this world Was I went back to Michigan state early in this journey And I spoke to the baseball team and worked with them for about an hour hour and a half And my first question of them was hey like can I just get a show of hands as to how many of you have talked to Psychologist sports psychologists for you know, you work on your mind in a certain way All the hands went up When I played I mean a little bit older than most of these guys But when I played like if one hand went up we would have just made fun of that guy after for seven days You know, so there's there has been a switch and a change and I think it's it's It's as important to me my bias view is the mindset piece is as important as your skill Like if you're gonna work four hours on your skill It's as important to focus just as much time on your mind if you want to if you want to be elite Yes, you can be I think you can be good and I think you can be great With a lot of talent and some hard work. I really do But elite if you want to be a national champion. Yeah, you have got to understand The systems and tools you have in place to handle pressure, adversity, dealing with failure and getting right into a successful mindset. Like all of that is so impactful too, or so important to be elite. - I couldn't agree more. And I think the moment I tapped into that mental mindset and not even just tapped into but like became obsessed with. And like so utterly passionate about it was when it was just like you opened Pandora's box and you're like, "Whoa, shit." Like I knew I was good, but I could be like excellent. And I think that that door opening and that awareness of your potential is so invigorating and empowering. But I still don't think there are enough conversations surrounding it for people to really buy in. And I think that's why it's so important that we're talking about it today. - I love that. And I think it's coming. And I hate to say this, but what I think of when you say that is sometimes it takes being injured or sitting on the sideline to be like, "Oh, now what? "What do I work on now that I can't sprint?" And it's like, "Well, this is where it comes in." So again, speaking with a lot of athletes that are injured, they're like, "I don't know what's going on." Or like, "Who am I?" Right, like those questions really pop up when you can't play. - Well, it forces you to sit in your feelings. - It's worse. - You'll notice questions and you're like, "Oh, shit." - Yeah, hi. - Yeah. - Identity crisis and I'm not even done with my sport yet. - Yeah, and now you're talking to like the five-year-old you that's trying to come out and you're like, "What is going on?" - Yeah, I guess it's a deep real fast. - There is a movement. I think it's really impactful. And sports in general is really opening up. You're seeing it with like Olympic interviews right now. The athletes themselves are starting to really open it up and set the trend and the behavior to be like, "No, I have to take care of me who I am as a person. My self-love, my self-worth." All of that has to go into the equation in order for me to perform like, how long would a floor routine be for you? A minute? - A minute and a half. - Okay, 90 seconds. You spend four years training for it. - Oof. - And in order for you to be-- - Sounds like a colossal way of stuff. - In order for you to be like elite for those 90 seconds. - Yeah. - You do have to do a lot of mine work. In that space, and I love that. That's what I love talking about. And as soon as you started speaking when we were walking on like, "Oh, the athlete beyond the performer." I was like, full stop. You're 100% doing this. And you are perfect for this. So I just so cool that we're here. I love this so much. So good on you for taking action too. This is incredible. - Thank you. - It was a lot of work, but I'm so glad I did it. I mean, shit. - It's the point. - I've called you and cried about it. You've seen some tears come from the grit and the grind of setting this up and making it happen. But in the best way, I truly don't think anything in this world is worth it unless it drives you to almost like a breaking point. 'Cause it just means you don't care enough. And I keep bringing myself back to that moment when I feel like it feels heavy or it feels hard or it feels grueling. It's like, it only feels hard and grueling 'cause you're holding yourself to an impossible standard 'cause you care so much and how beautiful is that? Like, this is the first time in your life since gymnastics that you care this much. And I think we relate to that so much with your newfound appreciation for your entrepreneurship and stepping into this very uncomfortable space of like being your own boss and running your own show and creating your own structure and your own schedule. Like, I don't think people understand how hard it is. It's fucking scary. - It's insane. You have the tap of freedom turns on as an athlete, especially in college. I mean, in the best way, I was an athlete in college. We don't have to think a lot. - No. - You got a class. - You're going to hold what to do. - Here's your schedule. You got a class. Here's what's going on. Meal prep wise, like food wise. Here's your timing, your whole day. Here's your training. Here's your books. Here's your tutor. And it's 10, 15 at night. You know, we're starting at six again. You don't have all this freedom. - No. - And then you get out. - Very little free one. - Yeah, and then you get out in the world and maybe you get a job and sometimes those are cool 'cause they tell you what to do the whole time. Then you jump into entrepreneurship world and you're like, wait, it's Tuesday, like 9/30. One, that's insane. - It's like the most, like it's the most great feeling while simultaneously being so scary. It's different. - 'Cause it's just like, I have so much freedom. Oh my god, I have so much freedom. Like, what do I do? I'm doing nothing. And I think also setting that standard for yourself on a day-to-day and creating that identity, like we talked about with identity and shifting and everything is just like, what is this expectation for myself? I want to set every day and what's this intention? Because if you don't have that, you have no structure and you will be literally like a chicken weight or had got off, which I was for the first year of my life in this new social media space. Like, I was living alone. I was dating some guy who was constantly gone 'cause of work and I was, you know, trying to do social media. And I'm like, so I'm like, set my phone up and like start talking. - Yeah, and it's a one that, like, what do I do? There's a lot here. - Oh my god, it was awful. And I'm like, I have never felt more alone. I've never felt less productive and just, I had no structure. And it was just like, until I realized I have free will and I needed to just sit down, you know, structure out my life 'cause no one else is holding my hand anymore. Is when it's really, thank you. Is when you really, I think, realize how much power you have in your day. But yeah, like, starting out like, how was that for you when you first? - It was wild. - I mean, you left a very comfortable, very secure position at Stryker. - Yeah, I don't think about it a lot. No, I don't think about it every day. - You didn't expect to keep you up as I am. - Of course not. - Oh, it was so comfortable. Christmas time, actually, I was with, it was just me and my little niece. She's 14, going on, I think, 30. But we're just driving around. We were doing some stuff for Christmas. And she's like, hey, can I ask you something? I was like, yeah, she's like, do you ever regret leaving Stryker? I was like, that's a loaded question. - 1,000 bricks just hit me as like, I don't really want to think about that. 2, you're 14, like, why are you asking me this? What is going on? But when you think back to some things that you've done in your life, you typically look at the stages that you were in. I was fortunate enough to play three years of minor league baseball, which was great. And you get to a point where you look around and this will happen, actually, I think I was lucky that I was able to do it this way. I was able to look around and be like, oh, these guys are pretty good. These guys are really good and I don't think that this quite fits. And ironically enough, the Pittsburgh Pirates thought the same thing. And so we had an 11-second meeting when they were like, you're great. We're just going to go a different direction and here's your plane ticket home and you're like, oh, baseball's done. - Wow. - Right? So your whole life, you're playing and you're in the newspaper and you're that in your hometown. - Yeah, you're that guy. - And 11 seconds later, you're like, okay, now I'm not. - That's heavy. - Yeah, it was a blast. And then, so flew home. - Can you tell he's very sarcastic? - flew home and then I was fortunate again to start working at Striker, which is a top three MedTech company in the world. And when you think of Striker, think of anything in the hospital. Literally, like the beds, the stretchers, hips and knee implants, the lights and the OR, they got their hand in the cookie jar everywhere in the hospital. What I loved about it was it was very numbers driven. Here's your quota, go chase it. We're going to kind of leave you alone to do your thing. - Yeah. - So, if you're an athlete who actually liked doing the extra work, who took care of the little things who was very focused on being diligently great at what they do. - Performance dramas. - I was like, oh, this is perfect. - Yeah. - You know, so this whole identity thing from the book didn't come to me till later. Because Striker fed that fuel. They were fuel for me with the same drive that I had playing minor league baseball. - Literally just copied pace to the corporate walls. - If I get up earlier, stay up later, do as much as I can during the day. I'm going to be successful. Narrative, right? That's it. Great. So you feed that what I now know to be an empty ghost over and over and you get to this level. And you're like, okay, I can do a little bit more and you get to that level and you're like, I should be happy, but I'm not quite. And then you get to it. - You're just chasing something that's not even there. - And so I think the identity thing for me is so impactful now looking back. And I love to, you know, I do a lot of coaching with men in their late 20s, early 30s. I'm just trying to coach younger me to be like, this is all fine as long as we have a pretty good foundation as to who we are as a human being, right? Beyond the title, beyond any sort of external success, beyond your sport, beyond any brand that you're wearing. What's going on in here? Who are you? This is the power of the injury that I was saying a few minutes ago, like, that's what happens when you get injured. It also happens when you get to the point in life you're like, oh, like, I'm not that anymore. So who and what do I stand for, who am I, what am I about? You start asking questions that you're not taught in school. - Yeah. - That's when you start to flip into like identity crisis, but also like an awakening to be like, oh, that's just what I did. - Mm-hmm, it's not who I am. - Like, gymnastics is what you did and you're exceptional at it, but there's a whole human being on the other side of that. - Yeah. - That makes up a bigger chunk of the pie. I think so, yeah, so we can get into that. (laughing) But that was, you know, strike or fed that for a long time for me, and it was great. And I have nothing but high accolades for a striker, and I would tell my friends and family to work as striker. I love that place. - Yeah. - It just got to a point after 11 years, and I have five different roles, and I manage teams in Canada, the US, great run. - Mm-hmm. - And I was actually interviewing for another role, and I was like, I need to step away, and I need to go do something. It's just like the calling you had, it's the audience finally came through in my movie, and was like, what are you doing? Like, go do that. - Yeah. Now, I'm like, okay, no plan. There's so much more you can offer to the world than just getting the numbers and making a bunch of money. - And look, it comes down, I think, to like, what is your purpose bucket, right? - Yeah. - So if you have things in your life that I will just stay on strike for a second, but if you have things in your life where hitting a number because it does things for you financially, which allows that to be a tool to suit supportive family, or make it a tool for you in your life that feels purpose, give back to the community, whatever, great. For me, I didn't have, necessarily, I didn't have that family side, I didn't have anything really beyond me. So I got emptier as I kept going, and I was like, oh no, I need to go do something. - Yeah, yeah, I see what you mean there. That's tough. I feel like it's one of those moments too, where you're just like, who am I doing this for? - Sure. - And I've had that moment as well, where when I was coming out of gym, I panicked because COVID ended my career, and I was like, all get into coaching, I've always wanted to get into coaching, I knew I wanted to start a program somewhere, I knew I had the zest and the personality for being kind of a boss and like leading a program. And so I was like, maybe I could do that, got into it, hated it, and then I got into stunts. And let me tell you, I got my ass kicked. - So good. - For literally eight months until it finally clicked, and I go, who the, am I doing this for? - Yeah, what's going on here? - What am I trying to prove? - What am I performing? - I've already proven myself time and time and time again, and it's like, this is dumb. I'm exhausted, and I don't need to prove myself anymore. I actually deserve to have fun for once in my life, since I've held myself to such an impossible standard for the last 10 years of my career. Like, yeah, gymnastics was so fun, and I'm so passionate about it, and I love, love, love it. And I will always love it. But I had a bit of a toxic relationship with it because I took it to an extreme. And because I was so, like, bought into the point where it was like, I have nothing else. Like, this is it for me, you know? And when your whole identity and your whole worth is wrapped up in one thing, it's a very, very slippery slope, and it's very dangerous. - And it plays outside of sport. Like, we learn about what's called an if-then fallacy. So if I am a gymnast at UCLA, I'll be happy, I'll be good. Then you get there. If we win the conference, or if I become the team captain, then I'll be happy, then you get there. If I become a national champion, if I become an all-American, then I'll be happy. Then you get there. And you just keep going. - It's like, are you happy, though? - And it just keeps feeding this fallacy of like, it's nothing external. This is the hardest lesson we have to learn as athletes is nothing external solves what's going on internally. We want it to, and I think when we're 18, 1920, that works, but there is a point. And it's typically when school is done that you're like, oh, wait a minute. Like, who's in the mirror? What's going on? I'm not performing anymore. I'm not laying into my daily structure of being the athlete. I don't go home at Christmas and have my neighbors ask me, what's it like? Tell me more. I saw the article, that was so. You're just now. - Some normie. - Yeah, you're like, I love that. - No, I literally could not relate more because I think what sucks about society is as much as I love sports and I love how we hype up our athletes and they do deserve their flowers. You want 100%. But I think it's also quite toxic because when they're no longer that athlete, there's this such a steep drop off because I was even thinking to that extreme of an NFL player, your name is on the back of Jersey's. You're getting paid every time someone buys that Jersey. You get so much dopamine and so much reassurance in your worth from other people in external validation. How sad that when you're done, nobody cares. Nobody cares. - Don, vanish. - Not one person is going to check in. Yeah, maybe if you keep your circle close and you care about, and that's why it's so important to keep your circle close when you do make it to the big leagues or whatever because that's the only opinion that truly matters. And I remember reading something that I thought was so profound. And it was, if you care about the external validation when it's praise, you'll care just as much when it's criticism. - For sure. - And they were like, yes, it's great to get praised but it's a really dangerous headspace to put yourself in consistently because if it means a lot to you then, it's going to mean a shit ton to you when it's bad. And thank God I learned that early in my social media career because I don't have control over who comments what. And I'm going to wake up every day and if someone tells me I look like shit or I suck, I'm annoying or whatever it is, I think there's so much more weight to it if you care a lot about when people praise you. - For sure. - And thank God I have that balance now and I only really care about my circle and those are the opinions that matter. And yeah, you can just go to bed knowing like, my circle's good and no one else's opinion that actually matters. - If you can't, if you're not comfortable giving them a hug, if you don't exchange the words I love you or if you're not in a position where you know you're getting coached from somebody who's, this is their life, then we don't listen. - No. - If I don't want to give you a hug or tell you I love you or receive coaching, I think I'm good. - Yeah. - The tweet from somebody in Philadelphia, I'm good. You know? - I'm good. - But it's a skill. You have to work on shedding that, especially as a performer. - Yeah, and I also learned like, if you wouldn't ask that person for advice or you wouldn't want to switch lives with that person. - Ooh. - Their opinion shouldn't matter. - It's a fun one. - Right? - A lot of people hate from a not so great place and I think if you give power to that and you realize I wouldn't want to switch lives with you. - Nice. - So why do your words mean something to me? - Yeah. - And I think realizing that and also in just day-to-day, like, even stuff with, I mean, I think we all have a tendency to take things personally, it's just an inner nature. But like, out of the grocery store, if like the grocer guys an asshole you, you're just like, I hope that you find peace, you know? And I think it just makes you a better person, an overall kind of human because you just, you can't help but have empathy for people that are suffering and it's a really beautiful moment when you finally feel that peace in yourself. You don't feel like you need external validation and you don't need to prove your worth to anyone but yourself. And it took, it was a marathon to do that. And I'm sure you feel the same way with all of the stuff that you've kind of been through. - It's been a good run. - I mean, it's been a phenomenal run. But I think you're finally in that place where you're reaping all the benefits of your hard work. So I wanna know, how are you feeling? - I'm feeling great. Yeah, thank you. I, you know, one of my values is service. - Yeah. - And this is an exercise that I do with a lot of the athletes I work with. But if we're coming up with four values that you live on, and this is who you are, right? This is, if I talk to your best friends, your family, if I'm in the audience of your wedding type feel and I'm listening to your mate of honor or best man, like this is what I'm gonna learn about you. - Cool. - These are the questions we have to ask ourselves to get beyond the sport. What are the four values that you stand on? Service is one of mine. And what's powerful about when we start framing it that way is service can come in, for me, can come in a lot of different ways, right? You can be, you can coach a team, you can show up in the community, you can be a mentor, so you're not boxed into a title. You're boxed into your value, which can be pretty wide. If one of yours is making an impact, this podcast fits in there pretty darn well. You can also do it a million different ways. And so why I feel like my soul is on fire right now is because that vertical is fully lit. Like I get to go speak to companies and make an impact. I get to run workshops for Fortune 100 companies. Like what? I am able to spend time with Division One athletes and go back to help younger me. I coach men and I built a community focused on men's health. Like all of these things are just underneath the service bucket. - Yeah. So foundations are running. - That's why I don't want to sleep. I'm like, let's go, because you finally unlock, like, oh, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is the, you know, a lot of people right now, and I think social media is a monster for this. A lot of people right now are chasing, what's my purpose? What's my meaning? You're finally understanding that they could create work out of passion. - And now? - It's so cool. - Comparing to people who are doing it. So now you're, it's like I'm trying to find it, but I'm also comparing to people who are doing it. Well, also like I'm losing my own value here. I mean, I dumb it down to like your purpose and your meaning of life, we each have a gift. Find your gift, give it to others, right? So your meaning is to find your gift. Get into it, figure it out. Values what lights you up, listen to that. I think it's whispering to all of us, listen to it. Like let it in. Your purpose in life is to now share it. Figure out a way to do that. If you want to coach, you want to start podcasts, you want to, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. And the reason that I am now at this point like, oh, light bulbs everywhere, I wish I did this at 25, and the reason I love coaching 25, 30. - Yeah. - Is because this is so impactful. And it makes you feel internally like, I don't need the validation from the dude at Trader Joe's who's having a tough day. Like I'm doing me. And I like that. And I'm helping other people like, let's go. - Yeah. - And that's where like this stage that we've gotten to know each other in is so powerful for me. And I feel like you can't lose when you're in this. It's not a game, this is not a win or loss. - Yeah. - It's just continuing to evolve and adapt into your values, that's it. And when you're on that path, people can also feel it, right? Like people will watch this podcast, people will talk to you in the community. Anybody who comes in contact with you will never question you doing this. They're all gonna be like, oh yeah. Why? Because you're on fire with it. It lines up so well with who you are. This is nothing to do with 90 seconds on a floor routine and getting a perfect 10. This is everything to do now with turning that into an impact, into serving younger you, into doing something bigger than you. So yeah, that's where I'm at. And that's where I'm like on fire. - I mean, I can tell every ounce of your being is doing exactly what you were put on the Earth to do. - It's sweet. I think that's when it's like, holy shit, I'm on fire. - Yeah, that's the like, oh, now we go. - Now I understand. - I don't need anybody else. I don't need outside validation. I don't need to compare myself. I just need to go. And now, our biggest source of friction in life, I think, is when we get to that point and then ruminate and don't take action and we sit and we think about, I have a PhD in rumination. Like I can sit and overthink with the best of them. - Oh, same z's. - Yeah, right. - But if we don't take action on what our soul is calling into us and like this whisper is now turning into a louder voice, if you don't take action on that. - Yeah. - Oh, that's it, you're in jail. - I literally called you the other day and was like, I'm anxious. I heard recently from a podcast that in order to combat anxiousness, you have to take action. - You have to do something. - And I literally was like, I think I just have to start doing things in order to eliminate this overthinking and this propensity that I have to just get in my own fucking way and self-sabotage. And it's honestly such a gamefinder to just be like, I can control my controllables and I can take action and it will get you out your head and realize like, I now have momentum and then it builds confidence and it builds self-trust and it builds this like, again, like you're kind of igniting that fire and you're keeping it lit and you're nurturing it and it's like when you continue to do that and you kind of roll with it, your soul sets on fire and you just can't put it out. - Yeah, you think being ready is a feeling. - It's not. - Ready is not a feeling. - No. - Ready comes from doing. - Yeah. - So that jump into using courage to take the first jump and go is that's when people start to feel like, oh yeah, that makes sense. I know you're not just thinking about it now. I'm seeing it. The way you talk about it is different. The way you're showing your energy around you is different. And that's when you're like, oh, soul is on fire. Now, what's sick about the athlete in us is, you could argue you have an elite drive, right? So if you are ruminating with an elite drive, this is anxiety, this is stress, this is overwhelmed, this is all the crash out. This is like, oh my God, I'm so stuck because you have a monster drive and you're not doing anything. - Yeah. - Because you're overthinking and so it's like, put that aside. What is one thing we can do in the next 10 minutes that will get you on your path, do it. And then you just keep moving from there. That's how you get ready. - You know what it kind of makes me think of is like a bit of an analogy, but it's like having a Ferrari in the garage and you're revving it and the car is on, but the garage door is shot. - Nice. - And so eventually you're gonna kill yourself. - Yeah, yeah. - Because you're not supposed to be in there when the car is running. Very dangerous. - You have a big engine, you're not going anywhere. You're gonna get poisoned. But the door, it's like it's the act of putting in the garage code and opening the gate and letting it rip. And I think when tying it back to you pushing me over the edge to even launch this podcast in the first place, if you don't have people around you that truly believe in your vision more than you, it's not gonna have that. - Yeah, your environment's very important. Being a sole individual, you can go very far. You can go a lot farther and a lot faster when you have a community in the village behind you. - 100%. - And I feel like you are such a huge inspiration to me with that because I remember when I first moved here and I first met you and we went on a walk and it was like, you knew everybody. And I was like, how long have you lived here? And you're like, no, two years. And I'm like, how do you know so many people? And the coolest part for me as well was like, you were such a big supporter with zero context. You barely knew me and you go, how can I support you? And I was like, oh, I really want to like be more involved in my community. I've never had a community before. I've always been far away from my friends and you know, I've never really been able to walk anywhere. Like this is so nice. And you were like, cool. It throws me in four different group chats, four different people. Got me into Beach volleyball. He's a little of the reason. - Oh my God. - I'm in Beach volleyball. - He's a little of a player, yeah. - And like, you're the reason I've met some of the incredible humans that have helped me make this dream come alive. So I guess like my advice to everybody is like, be like Chris, be that supporter who's just like, you just set people up for success because you care to help people. Like, again, I think it's just, it speaks volumes to who you are and your DNA and why there is no doubt in my mind, you'll be successful at what you set your mind to because you're like me and if passion's the drive, it's you're on the Autobahn. You're in full motion. So. - You make it really easy. - Thanks. - Try. - I think the passion piece is really important too. Like for me again, in my 20s, it was how many numbers can I collect and like, smash through quotas at striker and just get on stage and like, passion, right? - That was your three talking. - Yeah, that's not really like, yeah. - Yeah. We did go, we did spend like four hours talking about the anyagram as well. He'd never heard of it. It's why I like went on to Android and he's also the same number as me. We're in eight. - Yeah, we're both eights. - But that passion was again towards something different. Now, I'm so full when you say things like, thanks for helping me get involved in the community because it just, I know that it ignites a bigger flame for you. So that's the service piece that like, can come in many different ways. But it means the world to me to have, to come across somebody like you, first of all, who's on fire and to be able to just simply help, right? And I think this is what happens as we get a little bit older, especially most athletes are on a team, right? In some way, even if you're playing tennis or golf, you're still on a team. - Yeah. And you're typically in a locker room, tend to sometimes 80 people. But you're part of this community. You get out of that school environment, you get out of that sport, and you get into that place where it's like, okay, now I have a million friends and I'm kind of collecting friends as I go. There is a peak to that where you start shedding friends. And you start kind of, maybe not. This is the path I'm going and maybe we don't align. Or this is where I'm headed. I would like to be around some people that pull me up. - Yes. - Right? And naturally, there is a shedding to that. - It's sad, but it's so sad. - And it's lonely. - It's the hardest thing to do. This is an entrepreneurship. This is life where you start to see values and where you're going be a little bit different from who you were in the past. And part of that seeing it and being aware of it is now like, oh shoot, one. Now I have agency, I have to act on that too. I don't know that everybody that's been in my life up to this point is going to help me get there. - Yeah. - So what I think we can all do is one, be on the look for people that you can help bring up, right? But two, make sure you're in the room that you're uncomfortable in being in because there's people that could pull you up, right? So that's the loneliness part of like evolving and adapting is looking for those new lanes with new people. And I think, I think, less is more in that equation. It's not always adding-- - Quality of our quantity. - It's not always adding how many people are in the, at the show. It's, do I have 10 in the front row who are like, - Who's clapping a lot of us, yeah. - My dogs, they'll go through anything with me. You want that. - I love that analogy because it's literally so true. Like, you could have millions of people in the stands, but if they're not clapping. - That's quiet. - It's really something. - And it's lonely when it's not, yeah. - And it's painful. Like people praying on your downfall or people just being jealous or outright, just not supportive of you and your dreams. And that silence is deafening. - Yeah, and it's longer than you think. - Yeah. - It's not just like, okay, I'm just gonna go jump over there and start running on that path. It affects you a lot more than you think. - It's a thing. - I mean, you've literally been around for like me having to shed friends and I was devastated about it. It's so painful. And I think what we don't realize too is like, not only are you mourning friendships that you thought were gonna be around for the long haul, you're mourning yourself. - 100%. - You're shedding skin that you thought was gonna be around for a while. Like, I mean, you came into my life around the time that I was still kind of mourning my last relationship. And it's like, you've kind of seen me do this, and then finally get to here. - Yeah. - And I don't think we give ourselves enough credit as humans for how, Emotionally like traumatizing going through something like that can be I Mean we've talked about break. I was just like fuck dude like I I want to get into this because I think it's really important Is what I call and teach the road trip test. Oh, and I want you to picture going from Seattle to Miami or L.A. Did you're about to do that? I got a road trip coming up pray for that man or like an L.A. Didn't you a New York like just a long stretch? You've got five six days in the car You're driving and Somebody's in the passenger seat. Okay on that road trip. You're gonna be hungry You're gonna run into traffic. You might get a flat tire You might run out of gas. You might have to stay at crappy hotel in the middle of nowhere You might have to eat crappy for a day or two right things will come up that aren't great. Yeah, bumps in the road bumps in the road Who do you want in the passenger seat? Do you want somebody that's Criticizing you that's why did you get a flat tire and you're like obviously yeah, completely eating here because we're in the middle of Or do you want somebody who's like that's fine like I'll look up some food in an hour. Yeah, don't worry I'll help you with the tire or there's a gas station up here. I see you're getting low. I don't think Who do you want in that passenger seat? Do you want the critic or do you want an ally? I love that and this is the way that I want us As athletes coming out of our athletic time This is the way I want us to speak to ourselves. I want us to create a friend Internally because when you go through this shedding period and you step into that New space or down this new path you need you More than anybody else you will get so lonely because even those that love you the most your family might be like What are you doing? This isn't who I know yeah, and now what what will big love will trigger big fear? So now I'm kind of worried like this is new for you. Are you sure? Okay, I'll support you but like from afar. Yeah, and you're like oh and you have to look in the mirror and be a friend to you So one of the things that is popularized on social media that I cannot stand is You versus you this whole you versus you thing where it's like you have to get up and get better every single day You have to beat yourself yesterday. You have to know it's not a friend internally now Do I subscribe to the idea that we should it's healthy to continue to improve? Yes, I love this. We are very growth mindset people keep rolling. Yeah, however You need to have you need to have a friend along the way You can't just continually beat yourself because you won't be able to sit with an accomplishment You won't be able to feel proud. You'll never feel good enough. This is the empty ghost You have somebody in the passenger seat who's constantly like You're getting too close to that car. You're not going the right speed. Why is the weather bad? You're like I don't even control it. What if you want somebody in that seat who's like I got you I believe in you. These are our values in this car. This is what we're about. I believe in you so much Let's just keep rolling. That's the friend that we need. I love that Yeah, I love I thought you were going with you know the relationship thing with you know Who you date should be someone that you know is having a good time You gotta do yourself first. It's so true and I Then you don't know you also don't know what you want until you date yourself and you figure out what you need and what you want and like where you Can like what you can bring you the table as well and I love that analogy so much because it is such a strong visualization of like I can I can't think of any of my exes. I would want to go on a road trip with you know and she like that We're like even friendships as well like all these people are going to support you and and Are you gonna have a good time together like at the end of the day like life is so short. Yeah, why are like why are we forcing relationships or friendships Or connections where it's just like well, this is what we're supposed to do. Yeah, I know I'm like told I'm supposed to You know get married eventually and do the things but it's like Why though and like what what is the purpose of having a partner in life nice because at the end of the day if you're ops It's gonna be a really tough life and I think we're all so brainwashed to believe that unless we're married We're unhappy and we're you know being single socks and it's so lonely all of the I would much rather be with myself Than be with loser and guess what you attract something really healthy in that space. Yeah, you're not you don't need to call in something externally this all goes back. It's beyond relationships too. This goes back to do you need validation from your coach to feel confident And if you don't get it if you don't if you don't get the text from your parents Do you feel like it wasn't a good day? Yeah, you know, so it's all of that when we make a good friend internally It's like it the metaphor of living alone running your own business doing your own thing You actually become really healthy that way. Yeah, and if you if you form something healthy Then you're in a great spot. Then you start calling in people that are only gonna bring you up because you have you you're good You it's you with you. It's not you. Literally like my bestie's Interlocked arms with me and we're just walking along you imagine to you just walking along Be a lot to me. Yeah, be a lot. Oh good luck, world That's That'll be a crazy sight. Yeah, that's for sure I want to get into I get to This is so fun full circle. So full circle. I Am such a huge advocate for gratitude So when I saw that book I immediately was like I need more gratitude in my life You can never have too much gratitude in your life. It's right gives you perspective It gives you joy it gives you love it opens the door to so much that life has to offer and I think we're so busy chasing This validation like you said or like chasing What I were looking for the negative that we forget to look for the good and I Want to hear kind of the inspiration behind this book. Yeah, you wrote and I already read the whole thing So I don't want to give too much away. You should go by but it's just so it's so good. Thanks for the plug. You're welcome, of course So this book it's called I get to very simple mindset shift you can see the title and be like yeah, I get it right like I don't need a PhD to figure this out and What took me about two years to formulae and conceptualize and research and get into a book was like oh There's a lot more happening here when we start using this simple little thing. This is right. Yeah The genesis of it was I was really struggling mentally and I'm I'm very cautious with the term depression because I think there's wide swings to depression. I'm 100% I was depressed And I'm in this nasty funk where I know I should be doing more. I know I'm capable of more. This is the high drive without high purpose and In the span of three months I Had I didn't Ironman sick like physically sick. I had COVID. I can say it now I had COVID during an Ironman, but I had to do the race to feel better that didn't work I've been had a massive panic attack. I only needed one like for those out there that I've had one you get it I get it debilitating I'm on my kitchen floor like staring at a rotting blueberry like what is happening? Well, you also I think psychologically you actually feel like you're dying like they've said full control full loss of control Yeah, yeah And then I had a really bad ski fall and I've been skiing for a long time and I was barely doing anything on at the time And just the way I fell my arm was above my head down the mountain the whole my whole shoulder obliterated So they had to put it back together put a bone back in that's exactly what you need while you're already down Yeah, kick a horse like that was like this is the injury piece that I'm passionate about was like oh now I really got to sit with like what's going on mm back to the Ironman the first one that I did when I was sick I'm in the hospital on a Friday the race is Sunday morning fever Cold sweats. I had eaten. I just remember feeling trash and the doctor comes in and He's like there's no way you're doing the race and I was like I'm a hundred percent doing the race So figure this out. It's your job. It's your job. I'm doing this. He's like oh my god So like do you want a bunch of steroids and I was like no, I'm good I don't want those in the system. They're not gonna do anything, you know 24 hours and I think your ego is like Broad dog it and then he's like do you want an inhaler? And I was like oh, I love an inhaler So I took an inhaler with no food no nutrition no sleep a fever into a full Ironman which for those that aren't aware 4 miles swim 112 mile bike in a marathon 26 mile run in one day The average male time for a marathon is 12 hours and or for an Ironman is 12 hours and 38 minutes to put it in perspective That's a good day. That is long a act. It's a good day And my floor team was a minute and a half I just need a childhood drama in depression to prepare for that. Of course anytime I know any time I see anyone Running a marathon. I go, you okay? Yeah, we haven't opened up the wound box yet. Yeah, so let's get let him go so I get to the race and During the swim my lungs are barely moving and cooperating really hard swim On the bike is where I get to starts the show up call a divine intervention call it whatever you want whatever you're into For me this voice came to me. I was like you get to keep going and I start talking to myself out loud Being like I get to I get to climb this hill. I get to keep pushing today There was a point where between the swim and the bike you go into transition where you get out of your Swim gear and you get into your bike gear And I'm literally talking to myself and I'm like thanks for being here today I said it so loud that I volunteer next to me was like oh you're welcome I am but I'm talking that's how crazy the day was And I've got a fever going and the whole day was just a battle obviously of like what do you have in you? That was you versus you that was you versus you But it turned into you with you because I became a friend and to like okay, like I'm gonna pull you up I'm gonna pull you through this if I had a lot of fight internally I would have lost that day. I had a friend and that friend was gratitude because I just kept being like okay It's keep pushing. I don't need to set a record. I don't need to my time goal is like 11.30. I finish in 16 hours They shut the race down at 17 by the way, so it's not like I was like I keep the lights on I'm coming right So a 16-hour day with COVID the whole time I'm telling myself I get to do this I get to keep going I get to keep going yeah that night that finished line highest of highs that night into the next few months Lowest of lows because I was like oh that didn't work the race didn't fix me But that's the genesis of where I get to started Skifall six months later now I have to sit and I'm like Okay, I really need to get into this I get to stuff Yeah, and you have scar tissue you have seven new screws in your shoulder and for somebody who's been athletic their whole life The win for me some points during the day was like getting my arm on the the slide board getting that just one more inch Yeah, such a win I get to do this and then it just becomes I get to touch the wall and I get to move things I get to take a cup down 15 months later. It's like I get to do a push up That's so much gratitude and it's fuel. Yeah, and it's an endless source of fuel And so the first gift from I get to is gratitude and it's a party you can be at all night long There's no side effects. This thing is wonderful. There's science never runs out There's science in the book that shows good things are happening to you your social circle those around you like It's extremely powerful. I love that the challenge is we're not wired to think that way No, we're wired. We have about 70% of our wiring will bring us towards negative We want to be negative bias in a way that wants to protect us. Yeah, yeah, we're fear based Mm-hmm. I don't want to really go there because that's new to comfy got it I don't want to try that. This is what's so cool about what you're doing with sportswap is like people love this because you're trying it And you're looking like a crazy person playing rugby People relating to that being like I don't know if I would try that. Yeah, right because we're all fear based We want to be protected. We want people to like us pretty simple Gratitude is not natural. You have to fight through fear to get to gratitude. You have to fight through negativity to get to gratitude the aha for me and that space was Fear and gratitude cannot exist at the same exact time. They're housed in the same part of your brains my coach used to say that This is coach Val. Yeah, you need to see you need to meet me vis-vis she's a legend I mean, there's a reason why she's one of the most profound. Yeah, I'm hearing of successful No, she's lost ever and she probably ahead of her time. Well, she was also like best. She's with John wouldn't so she really Like preached to the choir with that one. Yeah. Yeah, sorry content No, and that's the trick is like you can cancels it out you can allow fear to enter This is I work when I'm talking to my athletes about like the game and the pressure I want your first thought to be there and this applies to life your first thought is fine That's human let that be if you're afraid of it. That's fine Then you get a pause this is where you step into agency and that pause leads to your second thought This is where I get to comes in let your first thought be anxious fear nervousness fine. Don't fight it Deep breath pause now. What do you get to do? Where's the reframe and when you reframe with gratitude the fear just goes? Oh my god. It's out of there It's gone. Yeah, if you fight it if you sit there and be like I don't want to be anxious. I don't want to be fearful I don't want you're losing. Yeah, you're in a you're in a fight with Professional boxer and you have no idea what you're doing. You're losing you're just continuing to get punched But letting it in take a breath get into that second thought then your second thought drives behavior So now you have I get to moving with gratitude and now you're acting from gratitude. Oh Great not as difficult as I thought also people around you are feeling this and they're like what's going on here? I like this, you know and so it's a very powerful agent in our subconscious working and and to help us be consciously aware of like how we're acting how we're showing up And it's a very simple mindset chip and I think that's what makes it so powerful anybody can the guy trader Joe's can read this Yeah, somebody solving nuclear it's so relatable. It's easy. Yeah, it's digestible. It's It resonates with everybody because I do think like If you didn't have that moment in the race like again, you like you said you wouldn't have finished because yeah I genuinely think that people have not understood the power. Yeah, and so I love that you're like shedding light on it and you're like I've lived it I experienced this massive profound feeling of I feel like shit. I want to die. I literally need to go to the hospital right now. I was just in the hospital five hours ago I have five hours left of this race the sucks and My coach is saying brace the sock. Yeah, get in it. It's gonna suck. Mm-hm. You expecting this gratitude Shift to like eliminate the sock is not realistic. It's embracing the sock. It's loving the grind But it's also Find the gratitude and being able to actually do those things. Yeah, I mean shit Think about people that are in the hospital on their last breath. Yep, praying that they could go outside and walk one more time And you can't get up and walk outside for 10 minutes. Yeah, I get to like it's huge. There's a There's something called proximity bias in which you know, they're starving kids in Africa. So finish your meal The problem with that is I don't I'm not around them a lot or ever so that doesn't really Where the the big proximity bias if you are that the power comes in is the 545 gym session in the morning That you don't want to go to and you open the door and you flip the lights on and you know, you smell the gym and you're just like Do you have to be here or do you get to be here? Yeah, it's that moment is your choice and that literally sets up your whole day This is well beyond sport. This is I have to be up with my kids rocking them back to sleep This is I have to do the dishes. This is I have to get a report done by Friday I hate to be the one to tell you it's happening anyway. Yeah So if you can step into a little bit of agency and just own that a little bit and get into a little bit of a shift to gratitude Your day gets better. Yeah, you're doing the dishes anyway. So like let's have some fun with this thing Yeah, I always say also like look for the good. Yeah, and I think the moment you look for the good good comes to you I read your book. I know what goes on in there. It's very fun stuff But I was wondering when did the Sorry spoiler alert if you haven't read yet There's a moment you said in the race was it the first race or the second Ironman race where There was a man. Oh, with the tattoo who said I get to this is nuts. This is so crazy. This gave me chills when I was reading this is it This was like okay, you know the whisper I was talking about earlier This was the megaphone in your ear like this is your last chance. Yeah, okay. So full Ironman was my first one sick depressed As soon as I was done that and a couple weeks two weeks after that race. I was like, oh, that didn't work Mm-hmm. I'm so sad. I'm still really sad. Yeah, I'm sadder if that's a word. I'm gonna do another one Because why not because if I can do another one when I'm not sick This will work. This is how sick we are as athletes and what I've been trained my whole life is just push yourself And if you push yourself as far as you can good things happen So that Ironman did not work the first one when I was sick. I signed up for a second one Enter panic attack enter ski fall During ski fall rehab I was like I need a goal to like work towards so I signed up for a half Ironman a distraction. Yep a half Ironman 18 months after my surgery And so PT was like that's impossible and I was like this is possible And so I worked like crazy. I was I was more diligent about PT than I was training for an Ironman Like I needed my shoulder to come back to life That's not shocking at all. You will leave the best work ethic. Yeah, but Sitting on my parents couch Going back six months to that Ironman being like what was that I get to stuff like what exactly was going on? What is this then I start being more aware of it using it more during PT And now I get myself to a combat the comeback race, which is a half Ironman I'm in Tennessee And there's 3,400 athletes in this race. Wow and I'm back. I'm healthy. My mentors are much stronger because that year and a half I took and I went in on like shadow work and a lot of trauma work and bunch of therapists and like life was hard But so necessary. Yeah, like the biggest gift of my life was that ski fall Slowed me down and said look at all of this. God really said sit down. You're done. You're done or it is saying you're gonna end well Okay, so I go to this half Ironman 18 months after ski fall I'm using I get to I think about I get to a lot. I get to at that point was like a bunch of sticky notes on my wall I've been talking to my friends about like what do you guys think this is? I'm starting to cook But I don't know what it is. It's not crystallized by any means. So I'm like maybe there's a book here. I don't know Have you ever written a book before that? I have an athlete workbook That's out there, but that's like a 50 page not like a real book, right? Yeah I had a great race this half Ironman on the comeback tour phenomenal race the day went to plan I could not have been happier and healthier nice Done the race and I walk about 200 yards 100 to 200 yards away from the finish line And I'm by myself and I'm like Utopia Utopia. I'm like. Oh my god. Yes. Like all that work Just you for it. We're good like we're healthy. We're good And this man comes over and no mind you nobody's around me. This is like There's 15 to 20 feet of nobody around me. Uh-huh. I'm kind of leaning up against the fence this man comes over He's like man I want a great day for a race, huh? And I was like, yeah, like incredible day, perfect day, awesome day, I don't know. And he's like, man, yeah, we're just lucky that we get to race. And I'm like, mm-hmm, we are, what's going on? - Who are you? - He's like, he says, you know, this is a big comeback race for me. And I didn't want to jump on top of it and be like, oh me too, let me tell you my story. - Yeah, that's not true. - He was like, this is a big comeback race for me. He's probably in his 50s. I need to find this man. So social media do your thing. He was chatting to get Tennessee half Iron Man, May, or up 24. - We need to find this man. - Let's find this man. - It could maybe reach out to like the Iron Man and see if they have records. - And this is why he's like, big comeback race. I was like, that's amazing man. Good for you. How are you feeling? And he's like, I feel great. He's like, but I constantly think about my friend during training. We were out riding our bikes. We got hit by a car. He took the worst of it. He said, every bone in his, the left side of his body, his friend's body was broken from the car hit. - Wow. - And he's like, my friend is literally working daily to learn how to walk again. And he's like, I get to race for him. So now you have purpose at play. You have a big identity shift. You have this whole thing. And I'm like, oh, then he goes. So I got this for him. And he turns his body, which had been to his side. So now I can see it. And he shows me his form. There is a tattoo. And this is not a, this is not a tiny tattoo. There is a tattoo in big block, black ink from his wrist to his elbow that says, I get to. - Shut the front door. - Big black ink. And I'm like, oh, okay. - Okay, go ahead. - I was so into him and his story. And then at the same time, there's this movie playing where I'm like, got it. Like, thank you. Like, there's no, 3400 athletes. The universe literally slapped you across the face. - Put it all together in a man with a tattoo of I get to. - What? - Comes to me and is like, oh, yeah, I got this. And he's like, it's pretty powerful mindset shift, huh? And I'm like, are you from Earth? - Are you a, are you a, are you an angel? What are you? - He really was an angel. - Yeah. And so I was just like, okay, I'll write the book. I got it. Like, I need to get home now tonight and start writing the book. And then you fast forward about another 20 months or so of research. I put a lot of travel in place in that space to just open it up and take time to write and be by myself. And a lot of like, what else is happening? I don't get it. There's gratitude. And then you have more gifts from that. There's a growth mindset that we're feeding. There's resilience that we're feeding. You start creating an identity when you start stepping into that agency. And you grab an awareness of time. - Yeah. - I get to be here right now. This puts you in the moment. Doesn't, I'm not worried about tonight. I'm not worried about this morning. I'm just right here with you on this podcast. I get to be here. And so when you start looking out of that way, you're like, yeah, simple mindset shift. Massive amount of gifts. Can I put this in place? Yeah. And here's the equation. Like, find your breath after your first thought. Get to your second thought with that gift too. And the best way to do it is to make a joke of it. Make this funny to start. We can teach ourselves a new habit if it's playful. This is why we learn fastest kids. If it's playful and it's fun, start using it. I get to do the dishes. Ha ha. Start doing it that way. - Yeah. Use it on. Make it fun. - Oh, it's also this thing around. - Yeah. - And then you get to the work demands and the life demands. And the big ones that you're like, this is draining me. I get to work on my skills. I get to learn. I get to impact others. I get to be a great coworker today. Then your life just kind of takes a deep breath. And it's like, oh, all these good things are happening. - Put it into perspective. - Yep. So it's powerful. - That's insane. - Yeah. But the tattoo is wild. - That is so insane. - Angel Man, we need to find him. - Yes. - You know his name? - No. Nothing. - Wow. - That's it. - Are you sure he even raised that day? - There's a good one. - What if they were like, there's actually no record of a man with a tattoo. Like, how wild? - We'll write that book. - Yeah. - That's what he said. - Yeah. - Yeah. That was, there's a parable about the feather, the rock and the car. And sometimes the universe is coming to you with a feather. And it's a tickle. - Yes. - You kind of feel it, but you kind of don't. You're like, oh. And you're moving on. It doesn't interrupt your day by any means. - Yeah. That was that thought in the middle of your first assignment. - What was that? - Yeah. And then the rock, the universe is like the feather didn't work. Let's go with the rock. And the rock leaves a bruise. You probably talk about it with some friends. You realize it. - Yeah. - But it's also gone in a very short amount of time. - Bruise goes away. - Bruise goes away. Then it's the car. And you can look at it at the car in a couple different ways. But the something of impact is now hitting you. This is my ski fall to be like, wake up. - Yeah. - So you add those things all together. And I'm like, I don't have a choice, but to write this book and get it out. And I don't, this is the power and the fun and the hard part about creating and being an artist in a way. You don't know the outcome. I don't know what the outcome of writing a book called that I get to is, I have no clue. - There's no playbook. And now I'm speaking to Fortune 100 companies. I'm flying around the world speaking about this thing. People are buying this book organically. Are you kidding me? - Yeah. - Like how lucky am I to have gone through what I had to go through to get myself in a position to write this book. And now it's out there and I get to impact other people. None of that makes sense. Like nothing we create is, nothing we create of values is created alone. And when you start seeing the feathers in the rocks and maybe a car, you're really like, okay, I got it. Like this ain't just me. Like this is what we need to be doing. - Yeah. - And so that's like, that's the guts of I get to and like where it comes from. - That's so powerful. I love that. - Pretty great. And it reminded me so much of this. So this is a bit of a crazy situation that happened recently. But I think what you're saying that is gonna be so special for people to hear is the like reflection on what you had to go through in order to get to where you are. We'll make every adversity in the future feel like a gift. I get to go through this because I know that the peak is gonna be so freaking sweet. Like this valley is deep as hell. And we're in the trenches and we're fighting and we're in survival mode. But how sick is that view gonna be when we finally get to the top? And I think for me like what I had to kind of realize recently it was a bit of a serendipitous moment and I actually called you after because I was freaking out. But I had just gotten done with brunch. I got back from a really like difficult and challenging trip out in Montreal. I spread myself way too thin. And I was kind of slipping into this victim mentality of like I'm so tired, I'm so sick of beating myself down. I feel like I'm holding myself to this impossible standard. I wasn't living in the gratitude. I wasn't excited about the days because I felt the days like felt daunting because it was I was holding myself to such a high standard. And I was walking home with one of my best friends and my ex drives past my house. Not, not on any other street, my street. And I'm like, God, really? My street? - What's playing around here? - Like, he knew I'd be walking around my little town and my ex just happened at the exact time that I go to turn on my street. He's passing by me. And this is the first time I'd seen him since the breakup. And it was so much emotion over me in such a short period of time. I felt like I blanked and I watched like a projector screen just pop up all these memories of us. And then it went to this really dark place of like all the crap that I had gone through and suffered through and the breakup. And it was like my, that whole relationship flashed before my eyes in less than five seconds. And so I quickly, you know, scurry back to my house and my friend Alana's with me and thank God someone was with me to like, talk it out and just like get out of my system. And she was like, how are we feeling? And I was like, my body's panicking because it was triggered by, I mean, if anyone that's ever been through a breakup, you know that feeling of like gross. Like that's just an awful feeling to see someone that you loved so much no longer being your life. It's just a painful feeling. And you also, it kind of breaks and shatters that. Oh, they don't exist anymore, you know? But it's like, no, they're still out there. They're still walking here. And immediately she shifts it into gratitude. She goes, but how amazing that one, there's person, you saw this person and this person may have seen you, but they didn't see you. You weren't like, you're not that girl that he was with. And you're not that girl that he dated anymore. And, and then all of a sudden it was like the snowball effect of like, if it weren't for that breakup, you would not be living by the beach. - It was your car. - You would not be in your favorite city. You would not have met all these incredible humans that you now get to call your friends. You would not be playing Beach volleyball on the weekends and challenging yourself in new ways. You would not be launching a fucking podcast. And for me, it was that immediate shift in gratitude. And I go, well, if that's what it took to get here, to where I'm at, to achieving my dreams, I would have gone through that breakup 10 times over. - That's the question, would you do it again? - Yeah. - One million times over. - And you know your own purpose, right? - Because that was that little amount of pain was worth everything that I'm experiencing now. and I think anyone who has a question, I think. that's going through a breakup right now, that is so important to note that the moment you flip that switch and you understand that the universe isn't going to do something, that's not actually meant for you. We try to fight it, we try to rationalize it and we try to do it for the plot, do it for the drama, but at the end of the day, if it's not meant for you, it won't be yours. I think accessing that on a day to day and being around people that also have that same mentality is like, it's this infectious environment of just constantly bringing you back to your why and constantly bringing you back to gratitude. I love that. I think, too, there's a piece to being so close to what you are supposed to be doing. Yeah. I mean, I haven't, I mean, where we're recording, I haven't launched yet. Right. So that's also what I think that was like freaking out. That's right. And this is like, you get tested along the way, but you get tested at the very end. It's like the, it's the last hurrah of your fear of being like, are you sure? Yeah. Are you ready for this? Here's one more. Just to make sure. A little bit more for you. Here's somebody you haven't seen that meant a lot to you. Here's somebody you haven't seen in a long time on your street. Yep. Here you go. Like, how are you sure? Are you ready? You ready to stop stepping into spotlight with that? Yeah. And you're like, oh, so yes, the whole like life is flashing. That's literally what's happening because you are about to shed that girl. Yeah. And now you're like, I'm going to step here with purpose. Yeah. I don't even identify with who that person was. Amazing. So in a wholehearted way, thank you for the hard time. Thank you for driving past my side. Thank you for that. Thank you for the ski fall. Thank you for the breakup because that's the car that is like, change your path. Yeah. And hurry up. And then you get tested a long way. But there is no bigger test than the 11th hour of I received a call from the striker who I used to work with. And, you know, I'm starting on this entrepreneur thing. I'm trying to get speaking going and I'm trying to get some coaching going on all this stuff. And it's hard. And I want to be in it. And I love it. And then at the same time, there's financial predictability is difficult. It's unstable. Yeah. The cortisol is up. Training goes up. Always. Yeah. But we train a lot. We got trained. And I got a call. And it was like, it was a very nice humbling, wow. Thank you. Call. And. Here's emotional and financial stability on a silver platter. And to do something you're good at. To do something that you've already confirmed that you are great at. To go run a team and be great at it. Yeah. For some people. Yeah. And my first thought is. Yeah. That's a very attractive offer. Yeah. And four seconds later, I'm like, this means the world to me because it means I had an impact when I was there. You know, like, thank you for that. Yeah. It confirmed. Thank you. All the hard work you put in was worth it. And. And. I got to keep going. Like, I have, there's no way. I mean, I got the tattoo. There's no way I can't keep doing this. Do it for the guy with the tattoo. And so that's the, that was a, that's a test. And we literally talked about that as well because you were like, hey, can we go for a walk? I need to walk a clock in my life. Why is this here? Yes. And I literally told you, I was like, I've heard in psychology, there's this theory that the universe is going to test you until the very last second of the decision that you have to make. And look at your life now. Yeah. Like, that wasn't even a month ago, two months ago. Yeah. Right before Christmas. Yeah. A couple of months, for sure. Yeah. Well, like, the turn of the calendar for me was fire in all ways. Like my, my February, March, April or busier than my last 18 months. And so I was, imagine if you said, yeah, imagine if you were like, actually, I will take that job because that's you saying yes to them is saying no to yourself. There you go. Which I think it was a really powerful thing that you said yes to yourself, even though the yes was a very large question mark. Yeah. Pay attention to that as life is playing out because those are very important to see. Yeah. I love that. Okay. I want to quickly do my favorite little segment. It's called Dear Athlete. Yeah. It's like Dear Abby in the advice column in the newspaper. First one, I saw this question that was submitted and I immediately thought of you. Okay. How do I separate my identity from my sport? Oh gosh. Yeah. You helped me. You gave me like a tool. Can we tell them what this is? It's so cool. Yeah. Absolutely. There's a name for it, right? Yeah. Okay. So it developed a tool called the Identity Compass. You developed it. Yeah. It's mine. It's me. That's me. Casual. I thought that you took that from someone else. Not that one. No. Most stuff in general is adopted from others, right? No, but this was yours. This is mine. Yeah. Trademarks. So think of just think of a compass. Okay. This is the four points. And I just want you to have your four values in place as those pieces to the compass, right? Yes. So for me, it's honesty, communication, joy and fun are kind of the same one for me and then service, right? So honesty, communication, joy, fun, service, those are my big four. Love. And so when any sort of decision comes to my life, if it doesn't fall in line with those four, it's just to know. Yeah. That's bad. It's just as simple. No. So one of the strongest ways to get away from sport is the conversation with yourself needs to go into like, that's just something you did. Now, let's think about the big pie around you. What else are you? What else do you do in your life? What do you care about? What lights your soul on fire? Who are you outside of sport? Part of that is knowing your values. And that's why I love to start there. And what we worked on was like, let's just build an identity built on values. And what's really important with that is your values don't change. Your sport changes, your job title changes, your titles in life, the external world changes. You can be a banker for 40 years and that bank can close on a Tuesday. Yeah. Wednesday, you're not a banker. Yeah. Who are you? Same thing with athletes. We're athletes forever and you could argue you are for your life, but you're not in that sport at your peak for a very long time. When that ends, who are you? It's a tough quilt swallow. Are you? Yeah. And when you start to develop that foundation, everything can build from there. It's a simple tool, but it starts there. And then what's really important in the middle of that compass, I want you to write out an I am statement, finish a sentence, I am, fill it with whatever you want. As long as it's not tied to any sort of outcome, I am someone who makes X amount of money. We're not doing that. I am someone who works at this place. I am someone of service who continually tries to get better, because you can control that. We're in that. I can be in that space all the time. Yeah. Nothing's going to change. I'm a great friend. You can be a great friend, though. Keep going. Yeah. Right. So you got your values and your great friend. This is now, this is actually who you are. This is like the five year old in you that got masked and distracted by being a phenomenal freak athlete. Congratulations. Now you have to deal with going back to what did you love doing as a kid? You know, who were you? I don't like your soul. I'm fire. That stuff is still in there. And so developing your four values, a little IM statement, something well beyond sport into if you need advice into something that's of service of others. Love that. I am someone who serves others. When your impact is greater than yourself, when you're serving something greater than yourself, your motivation is at its highest form. That's their science to that. Love that. Get away from the title in the sport. Get into who you are. And that's the cleanest break. It's not the easiest thing. Cleanest break from like, Oh, yeah, I was a gymnast forever and you still have that. But now you have these things here and this is what's more important. And I think what's really cool about that as well is those cannot be ripped away from you. That's right. They can't be taken. And it will be giving you more confidence than any award accolade title medal because it's yours forever. And it means something. And it has meaning and it has impact and it has weight because I remember like even talking to some Olympic athletes and how hard it is when they have the Olympic drop off, right? The calm down is crazy. They're like, a lot of these athletes, like my friends are the Olympic BMX rider, I can't eat my medal. I didn't make a lot of money. The medal was great for like a week, but now it just collects dust in my closet. And if that's the one reason you think you were put on this earth. If then fallacy, if I'm Olympian, then I'll be happy. It's tough. It's tough. It's a tough lesson to learn. It's a tough pill swallow. But yeah, I think it's a really cool thing that you've created where it's so empowering because you know it's yours. Get outside of you. And it was weird. It is your identity, but you have to get outside of yourself in order to find that. Kind of a fun little. Yep. I love that. That's so cool. All right. I'm going to piggyback on his because that's phenomenal answer. I think for me is what's really helped me separate my identity from my sport personally is also just doing things that I love again and tapping into that inner child and it just so happens to also be my job, which is really fun, like doing a sports swap has been and so healing for me, even though it seems so sophisticated. level and it's just kind of this fun little series I do on my YouTube channel. Every time I do what I leave feeling so like whole and I feel like I'm I'm yeah I'm giving back to the child that didn't have that childhood. Unlimited fuel. Yeah. How do I stop letting failure define me? Well we have to define failure. That part. What is it? He's so smart of calls. I think failure is overridden. Okay. I think if you're not failing, you're losing. And that sounds really backwards and confusing to people who are very winning mindset. But I never won growing up. I was one of the mediocre ones. I have I still to this day have raging ADHD. So I could never really fully dive into my craft the way that I either saw my teammates or just like my teammates were just more naturally down to the me. And so until I understood the power behind the mind and also putting my head down being humble and really grinding and falling in love with the process. I think hopefully I never developed a strong reliance on winning. But I still was terrified of failure. And I think now it's like I feel more than I succeed. But what's crazy is I failed my way to success. And I truly believe that if you're not failing, you're not going to win. Yeah. Failures. It's a tough one because for somebody who's very fixed. So growth versus fixed mindset. Growth is like I want to take on more. I want to learn more. I'm very fluid. I don't need a result. I'm very into the process. Athletes are not that way. We're very fixed. I want you know, I want the A in school. I want the medal. It's not even like you want it. I think we're just conditioned to believe that we have to want it. You can say the athlete in us wants that, right? Yeah. But I think also everyone around us is like, well, you're an athlete. You need to be doing this, but you're told every day you're training for that first place spot. It's a massive. You get a number right away. We literally are just for living. So in a fixed mindset, failure doesn't exist because failure is evil. In a growth mindset, failure is feedback. It's growth. It's feedback. Feedback is learning. Learning is knowledge. Knowledge is power. Yeah. Ready for that. Taking what we're going through not as black and white pass fail as feedback. We're learning. Yep. Right. We're getting better. We're gaining knowledge along the way. We're becoming more powerful. Here's the question for for that question. If you were to create a champion two years from now, I'm going to hand this person to you, I want you to direct their entire life for the next two years, and then I guarantee you they will be a champion. So now you're in control of the process. What are you going to put them through for the next two years in order for them to be a champion? Well, I actually want them to get hurt a little bit. I do. I want them to face a bunch of adversity. I want them to go through some pressure. I want them to fail. I want them to fail. I want them to fail. I want them to fail. Because I will see and we will create an environment where they're just going to be learning the whole time. And resilient is all hell over and over and over. So it's not failure and winning. It's not it's not black and white. I don't even believe in failure. I don't think failure should even be a word in our dictionary. It's just fluid. It's just learning along the way. We're just learning. You're trying. How cool is it that you're brave enough to even try when 90% of the population is too scared to even take that first step. That's success to me. Like you try. Think about all the amazing people that became successful later in their life because they failed and they failed and they failed. They just learn. They just learn. They just learn and you use that and try and try and try. Think of like they just think of failure as a level up. Yeah. It's just continuing. It's closer to success. And also what does success look like for you? It's again, it's like, if not, then when? And I think to me, one succession being my dictionary, but two, like, if I'm trying, I'm succeeding. Because how many cool stories are you going to have when you're 90 years old? Look at all the random shit I did. I was never the best. Okay, well, what's the best? The best is the one who shows up. Yeah. Has a good attitude. Has fun. Yeah. Says fuck it. Enjoys their life and inspires other people while doing it. And I truly think that living like that, you'll never fail. I'll put. Yeah. Wow, we're like so profound. We should like speak to large people for a living. It's almost like you are a keynote speaker. I don't know. Yeah, it's out there. Crazy. Did you know that? You inspire people for a living. Okay. Last one. I feel like my career has no meaning. What do I do? What are we asking our career to solve for us? What are we looking for the outside world to solve for us? Yeah, it ties back to the internal. There's a ghost and meaning and purpose. What is your gift? And are you helping others with that? Yeah. Right. Now, work is very interesting to me because I think work can actually be a tool. And I don't I don't think it's very healthy for every single person to be like, work isn't my full purpose as a banker. I'm going to quit that and just get on this path. I don't know that's healthy for everybody. I don't think so either. I think you can do the banking thing. And if it doesn't light your soul and fire, it can still be used as a tool to serve. It funds a purpose, a life that you can chase that has passion in it. Like if you really want to travel, like one of my best friends, Corey, she loves to travel. She loves to do really cool shit. But she's also likes having stability. So she has a corporate job, but it's remote. And so she knows that that's what's paying the bills. It's not light in her soul and fire, but it allows her to do the things that light her soul and fire. It allows that flexibility in her schedule. And it creates a space where she can be passionate and feel like her soul is on fire without the stress of financial, you know, it's just 100%. Another thing in there too is like in this world, try some other stuff. You can keep the job. Just make it a job. It's a tool for now. And try some other stuff and see what else maybe some other things feel good for the time being. The layer deeper in that is what are we solving? What are we trying to solve with the external world and the internal world needs some help there? That's a cry. And that's your five year old being like this isn't there's a wound here that this isn't working. This is me doing an Iron Man sick thinking that it healed it. And it didn't. So what is our job trying to heal? Yeah, what's the bandaid? Because you get another job and the wound is still there. And it's a bandaid for a year and then the next one and the next one. So the meaning is, you know, what is your gift? Are you sharing it? Are you helping others? And what is that little five year old, if you will, trying to scream at you? This could be a feather or a rock. Yeah. What is this trying to get to you? I just think the biggest thing is listen to your heart, listen to your body, listen to your gut. Yeah, it'll tell you. Yeah, I think if you know that you have more in the tank, explore it. Don't throw everything away for it, just yet. Yeah. Maybe if there is something there, I say full send because we're full send kind of people, but explore it. Ask questions. Yeah. Get curious. Yeah. I think curiosity is an extremely unexplored emotion and feeling because we're so scared of messing up or not having stability that get curious. I don't know. And I lived at home until I was 25 because I was curious. I'm like, could I do social media full time? Could I turn this into a career? Yeah. And I held on to coaching because I knew it had stability, not really, but like in my head, it did. It was like, this is a job that I know I'm going to do every day and whatever. And it took having to quit that job in order to fully commit and dive into this thing that I, it was a lottery ticket. It was like, fingers crossed. Like, you never know. But yeah, it's just like, you don't really know until you explore it until you get curious about it. And like, if it lights your soul on fire, odds are 10 to 10, you're going to, yeah, you're going to pull it off. If you're stuck in meaning, just ask yourself, who are you helping? Stop thinking about no offense. Stop thinking about you. Ask yourself, who are you helping? What impact are you making? Get into that. Get into that lens. And I think you'll be it on the answers there. The clarity will come. It's always so fun talking to you. So fun. Thank you for coming. Thank you for having me. This was a nice stroll on the strand. I know you're sitting. He's like my neighbor, so this is just another chapter. This was awesome. Thank you so much. Of course. I'm glad everyone could tune into our walk-a-clock chat. Yeah. This is it. Every time we talk, every time we talk, I'm like, damn, I wish my camera was on. I wish the mics were, we're hot right now. But I cannot wait to see all the amazing things you do. You too. Be sure to follow him on everything. He's going to do some really cool stuff if you guys know of of anyone that wants to be a part of the world. wants to be crazily inspired, higher than man. - I get to, let's get it. I'll see you guys next Wednesday. Goodbye, so long, tata. (laughing) (upbeat music) [MUSIC]