Gold Digger Is Destroying His Life | Financial Audit

It's months ago, you almost moved out and ended the relationship. You're in a four-year relationship. You're getting married next week. You come in with a bankruptcy. You've previously left a marriage. I take care of you and all your kids. Then why when you get upset, throw it in my face that I'm not working? Because you complained that I don't do it. So you saw the timestamps? I went to accountability and it didn't show anything that he was on. It didn't show. Leave her. Do not marry this woman. She's a fucking crazy bitch, dude. There was quite a bit of like, stepdad. Put on there. My oldest is 14. Oh. I just launched my brand new cookbook, just pack a sandwich. It's full of budget-friendly recipes that I love. It was so good, I was really. Plus a few inspired by your favorite financial audit episodes. Don't, but don't. Right now, the only way to get a physical copy is with a full year of dollarwise. Go to dollarwise.com or click the link below to get yours. I want you to be on the next episode of Financial audit right here in Austin, Texas. If you think you have interesting finances, with an interesting personality or a story or a life or relationship, I will personally pay you to take time off of work, fly you down to Austin, get you personal transportation, a hotel, food, and we'll have a great time hanging out. Go to Calebhammer.com/apply or click that link in the description below. I'm Jamie, and I'm 34. Hi, I'm James, and I'm 36 from Louisville, Kentucky. And this is Financial audit. Hey, thanks for coming down to Austin, Jamie. What do you do for a living up in Louisville? So, I'm a licensed barber, but right now I'm a stay at home mom. Oh, kiddos, congratulations. How many kids you guys got? Three. So, 14, nine, and six. 14, nine, and six, okay. So, it is an interesting thing because everyone that comes on the financial audit, has horrible finances, and it seems that everyone that also comes on financial audit, has more kids than the average person in the United States by far. And you're already doing that because we're more below two kids per average couple. So, yeah, yeah. Okay, so you're making nothing. Wait, hold on. When people go stay at home mom from a career, usually it's because their kid is like super young. I mean, everyone's in great school. Well, what's she doing there in the day? Well, taking care of the household, really. Make sure kids get to go all the extracurricular activities. So, post-school, but what does she do from eight to three? Well, I mean, we have three acres, and I have a 100 square foot garden. We have two. How walking around to very much? Oh my gosh, yes, I am. I've lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of muscle. I had quite a few health issues. You've been working the cows out on the pasture, haven't you? Trying to save money where we can grow as much as we can. Yeah, well, and I've recently found out I have a corn allergy, but so I was trying to go more natural, less preservatives. This corn is in everything. Corn is natural. Well, corn is in everything. If I don't drink ethanol next time. Cornmeal, corn flour, you know, all that stuff. Sure. Because we're in Africa. So, you would be surprised, almost all cereals have corn millenum. You're eating cereal at 34? Okay. They're fighting, they're swinging, down those Anderson. James, what do you do for a living? I'm a maintenance supervisor for a private male house. Okay, what does that make? About 93,000 a year. That's why. Because Louisville, not a high-cost 11 city. I also started getting child support in August as well. Oh, they're not yours. No. Are any of them? No. None of them. None. Are you gonna do another little pop of the semen? She can't. Well, we'd have to do IVF. Yeah. And that's expensive. What do you mean she can't? She has no fallopian tubes. Oh, IVF, okay, are you gonna do you want to do this? Possibly. That's been expensive. Yeah, that's what I said. So, how many penises did you take? How many baby dens? One dad. One dad for all three kids. You know, how much do you get in the child support? Uh, 805 a month. What for three kids? Yeah, well, because they base it off my previous income. Your previous income, nice? Well, they can't base it off mine. Oh, nightdose. The ice. Yeah, so. Oh, my gosh, it was really messy. Like, cussed your game and wise and everything else. We gained more custody in September of last year, and I had to pursue the child support and everything. I think I'll see if I care later. But I need to know, James, what do you make per paycheck cycle? And what is that? What does that get about $4,700 a month net to bank? Are you sure? Like based on your pace, um? Yeah, well, it's because I have a, you know, retirement, uh, how much goes to retirement? I put in 5% and they match 5%. And then, you know, I have a union and dues. Oh, yeah, a union. What percent do they take? Uh, right now you're losing 45% of your income. And I know that's not all the taxes. You're not in the highest tax bracket. So something's, and if only 5% is going to retirement, there's something else missing. Well, there's health insurance. Yeah, health insurance. Well, it's like that. Uh, about 85 of a paycheck is not adding up. Okay, union though, union must be siphoning. Yeah. Well, I have paid to one for one is a union for, uh, uh, maintenance workers. And then I have to do one because I just want a distribution. I love those things. They're so great. Kentucky's eight taxes are pretty high too for his income doubt. But either way, like, I guess any taxes feels high. So I have health insurance, vision insurance, dental. Yes, yeah, it just all not covered. It's all, yes, very good. What's going on? What are we talking about? What's happening here? So I'm sick of being treated like a child in this relationship. Like we don't have a joint account. Oh, so I was wrong about the cow. It's a child. The way you're reading too. I mean, like, so before the child support started, if I needed cash, say like the kids need a money for a field trip, I would have to ask him if he could get the cash out. He and all the money. How many of you guys been married? We're not married Saturday. Well, hold on then. It's totally fine. Why would you have access to the money? You're not married. That's not point exactly. Some, like, just we have a shared account. You're not married. But me not working was a joint decision. Congratulations. It's still your decision in the end. Like he agreed to it, but it was your decision in the end. Did he agree when you made that agreement was the promise that you would get access to a joint bank in account? No, I mean, he didn't say that. I'm just afraid. Dang, shut the fuck up, dad. Well, I just, I mean, like, you don't. Oh, okay. So is that the move? We, we, we agreed. And the child support was supposed to start earlier. And there was a bunch of legal issues. State income taxes actually went down 0.5% this year, by the way. They actually cut taxes. Continue. But like the other aspect is I don't know where anything is coming, like, I don't know what's coming and going at all. So if, if, you know, is it your money? Well, no, but how am I supposed to manage the household, like, buying groceries, getting jobs? Yeah, like I get the dog medicine. So how do we communicate that then? Because that could be fair. I mean, I asked, like, I have to ask him what's available. He gives me a credit card to use for regular expenses. And I'll have to ask him how much is, yeah. I'll have to ask him how much is available. Like, can I-- Is she matching it out? Well, it has been. But I always, I end up keeping it down. I've never had late payments. They should be matching it out. Not on a regular basis, no. Then why does she have to ask if there's room on it? Yeah. I don't know. That's-- Do you, is he making you ask? I mean, yeah, because there's been times he's like, there's nothing on it right now. Okay, well, what am I-- Well, I tell her when she can spend and when she can't. I'm confused. Do you guys have the agreement that she takes care of the household and groceries and stuff? Yeah. So, what do you-- No, why then do you say what and when? Because it basically depends on paychecks. And when I've actually put, you know, made a payment towards that. So you're saying how much is left to spend? Yeah, what if there isn't anything to spend and she needs to get groceries? What happens? I find a way to make it get put money on that card. On the card, you don't do anything extra and on a debit card and on a backup. No, most of my debit card transactions are just payments. And I don't give a-- That you guys don't have a joint account. You're literally not married. I do not care. Okay. If you guys chose to have one together, then that's also fine. But like-- It's just, you know, it's just the whole thing of like, you want me to take care of all this stuff and I don't know wherever you stand budget wise. Like, I don't know what you mean. Why do you walk into the credit card just account as a viewer? Why can't you give a viewer access? Everything you know. I didn't know that was a possibility. Maybe. I don't have the account. It's all on Capital One app. So anything, if you log in, you're control of the account. Well, I know. But that's why I said maybe we can get some viewership access. Maybe-- I mean, I'm not opposed to that. But honestly, it's not-- She's not, you know, these were credit cards I had before I even met her. Does she have a budget? No. He went-- So a couple months ago, with all the wedding expenses and everything else and what was still owed, you know, to different vendors and stuff, we sat down and I said, OK, this is what's still owed to these people and when. What, you know, like, is this OK? Do we need to cut anything out? Like, hair and makeup or, you know, because his-- Was he paying for it? Was he paying for it? Yes. I mean, well, I mean, the bridesmaids are-- Well, because he told me I have it in savings. Everything, you know, is covered for the wedding and the savings account. Well, I found out, like this past week, that apparently there's no more money. And I didn't even-- Is it your money? No! But it's the he doesn't give me a budget or anything like I don't know where we're standing. Have you asked for a budget? Yes But it's never been stuck to so we wrote everything down I don't even stuck to what was the response when you asked for a budget, so we did download dollar wise And then what was your response when you asked for a budget? He didn't answer the question I just he didn't really give me one. I mean I had to get one with his for a budget because she is spending your money you guys aren't married So I don't really care about the joint access right now. I mean why wouldn't you give her a budget if you're putting the Responsibility on her plate to have to deal with all the household shopping so pretty much the I didn't really have a budget to give her because I mean Your income's consistent. There's a budget together. You can make a budget, dude Yeah, I just haven't really sat down and actually did it Why and we moved into laziness Well, this is congratulations the part where you get the vetter partner. I mean it's it then now financial Conversations are important to understand each other's personal financial situation now So that's where the red flag would come for him draining his savings right cuz it's like if he chooses to spend his money That's his choice turn out cuz that's not but you learning about it is where you can be okay Hey, maybe this isn't the guy for me cuz finances being one of the leading causes for divorce in this country So we moved into how we moved out a little bit last August and that's part of the reason I'm not working because Well, that's we're originally so we moved out we it's like an hour away and It was really difficult for me to find a barber position out there where I could make the Middle of the nowhere kids a bit. Yeah, well no shit then don't move to the middle of nowhere where there's less demand for services I don't have sympathy for a choice you made no, I'm just saying like it just there are circumstances that put us in this position I mean the transition went out middle of nowhere hit that's where his family is They're there you have to live near his family. That's what he wanted I mean you didn't have to you chose to and I didn't know this at the time, but our mortgage like the mortgage doubled and He with him not having a budget or anything. Well, yeah, but I didn't know it was gonna impact the finances as much as it has When you're getting into it like he didn't change really any of his spending. No, okay, listen I guess it's yeah, it is important for you to at least know the ins and outs before getting into marriage But until he doesn't married it's like not it's I mean it is his Well, I mean the whole it's good for you to know so you can walk away before you get into it What asking for access right now before marriage like I'm not really there Well, it's just like if he came to me and said okay This is what we have for grocery budget. This is what we have for extra expenses You know as far as like if there's a filter at the kids and shoes, you know school supplies I get like because they said he's lazy. So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna marry a lazy guy that doesn't care? Are you when did you say it was next week? Yeah, that's crazy Well, and then there's the whole pre-nups situation to because he has it. Yes He said and like I find the pre-nups how are you getting into a pre-nups? You're not in like that income type of situation What's your net worth? Oh, I have no idea what my negative like what the why are you pre-nupping her? Well, he's a gold digging whore No, that's what I know if she's had a previous marriage. Yeah, I want your way would say something nothing from that marriage. I mean Pretty much I wanted to know I want to protect my retirement because I do have a fairly substantial retirement right now It's about 130,000 But in the state of Kentucky income at your age Probably mind. Yeah, I mean in the state of Kentucky. It's protecting and she came in with what a bankrupt C already Also, you're just afraid of her financial mismanagement. Yeah, but I mean pre-nupt wouldn't really protect that in a marriage You just protect and then I also wanted I want to make sure like His own houses in my name. I just want to make sure that you know say she wants to up and leave you know Then I'm I have to sell my house Why would you get with the woman and marry her though? If you're afraid she's gonna up and leave if you don't have that level of confidence Why are you marrying her? Well, it's more prepared to the work prepare for the worst and hope for the best That's I mean that's my motto. How do you feel about this? So the whole thing? So I looked it up in the state of Kentucky Until the day we're married. I can't pursue his retirement up and like it's only until It only I could only get a portion of his retirement from the day that we're married So like everything he's already saved up for his retirement. I get it because that include compound growth in the market though I'm not sure he's gonna get the most of his growth Yeah, well, and then like he talked about his inheritance because his dad has a bunch of land But like it's in a trust so that I don't know that they're you know I Don't think there's any way I could have access to that unless his dad specifically added me into their trust and What was the other thing? When they're one of them are you insulted by her like what's the issue like it doesn't sound like you're that big of a I mean if you guys both agree for a prenup I also don't care consent in adults can do whatever they want unless it's like illegal. What do you cop? I Don't know if they're because I don't have access to anything and everything was supposed to be good And now it's not good is he potentially hiding something that I'm not aware of also at the same time you know Prena like that's what you're for. We'll get You think he has like a big thing a gold that he's hiding that's it for you. I haven't seen the prenup It hasn't been put in front of you. So how can I say that? I'm okay with it. I Like you can put in there like if he does something egregious then it avoids I asked him if we could add that in there and well You just said you're afraid of her getting up and leaving. I'm sorry But if you cheat or something have it be void. That was my whole point. That's fair. Oh, yeah I mean, that's only if you write that in there. Yeah, so write it in there and he Before marriage, but it is wrong with you guys. It has been such an argument. I asked him if it was that important I'm with been like six months. No I haven't seen it do a week from now if she doesn't sign it well And that's what I told him decision. I want to have to make I was like is your best man gonna walk up to me The day of the wedding and say here sign this prenup or everything's off and you walk away with nothing and nothing to show for it Like that's that's the point that I'm at right now like I haven't seen it. Well, exactly. So how can I agree to something that I haven't seen I have them And I has all your agreements in it and you guys can just sign it at the end or not. Okay, we'll get there But yes, of course if you beat her or something like that should be in there that she gets. Oh, that's fair. So you agree? Yeah To an extent she wants So the what she wanted in there is to want to meet have to support her kids. Well, no, after I didn't say so matter what yeah No matter what said but potentially like a savings account set up for them because And I figured that responsibility should fall upon their father. Oh, yeah As I've assumed responsibility to take care of them now But it like so he's been in their lives since the youngest was three like she doesn't Get like so he didn't choose to bring him into the world Just do it where he owes if he does something bad. I mean, I guess that's fair That's that's a fair statement. Now do you trust her that she can find a job? If we're just talking about trust and getting into this thing next week She says she moved to the small town and if I couldn't find a barber job do you trust her on that? Well, I Really didn't look at him into it at all. So I don't really care And he I've so how many did you apply to in the area? Well, I called a ton of shops I called over 10. I mean, I called them in like areas that were 30 minutes 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 So you call those of them don't have chairs open. Well, I know, but if you'll call and apply that's where you Figure out. Well, you don't as a so I would be an independent contractor Like so it's not that I'm flying. You can work if break clips for a second to make some money. They don't they don't accept barbers in my and Kentucky Yeah, yeah, so that Stylus, where's it called? Yeah, cosmetologist. You have to have a cosmetologist license to work at great clips So like fantastic Sam's a bunch of those like Franchise hairplaces that you would think of they don't accept barbers And I've offered to get like a part-time job or something to help with the situation. Why are you getting? Do you agree with the prenup or not if there's those stipulations in? Yes, so what's the two problem? Well, because I haven't Because every time I asked him about bringing up a prenup, he wouldn't put it in front of me It was just I'm gonna get to it. I'm gonna get to it. It sounds like you didn't marry next week without a prenup W for you But at the same time, I don't want him to Like I don't I don't know I just It's it's been a lot everything is oh It's been a lot. Let's bet a lot. Well, he has hidden stuff from me in the past that I wouldn't have expected and so that is a little bit But that's almost four years. I'm not four years. Yeah hidden from you That would make me concerned, but you are the one saying your vows in a week It wasn't financially like he he pays for an app called accountability Accountability accountable to you is what it's called accountable to you Contable to you Aff accountable all it does The number two, accountability software, digital accountability for those series about transparency, purity, and integrity, guard against temptations. (laughing) What the fuck is this? You flakes, what's wrong with you? What happened? - Had a gooning problem. - Who doesn't? - Well, it was to the point of affecting our relationship and I found out that there were some conversations with people at his work. - Oh. - Wait, what do you mean? - So most of it was before we became an official couple, but like we were supposed to be exclusive. I found something before he switched to a supervisor position where one of his co-workers was apparently grabbing his ass. - But so why aren't you telling her to stop, that you're with someone? I mean, I can see how that breaks your relationship. - I mean, right before the (beep) marriage though. - So that, I mean, that is a big part of why I've questioned so much about this prenup. Like, is there something that I'm not aware of? - But that's why you have the accountability app though, right? 'Cause you guys are (beep) - So, I'm sorry, that's insane that you guys are like. - Lately, it seems like there's gaps. There's like three hours where it's showing nothing and I don't know why. - Why would it show nothing? - Well, I don't know the app. - The only thing I can think about is show nothing, stuff, not doing anything on the ground. - Well, then he uses his phone for work. So if he's at work and it's not showing anything-- - Are you trying your phone to work 24 hours a day? - Well, most of my employees are out throughout. - I mean, are you on your phone every second of the day? - No, not at all. - Okay, so what? - Well, I found pictures from nudity pictures from people he worked with that he was, so she's blocked on Facebook now, but it was like, that took a lot, honestly. - So get her to block her or to get him to block her? - Yeah. - I suck with money, so you download a budgeting app. - You start with the classic one, why not? But everyone just elites it because it's way too complicated to use. So you go to every dollar, that's Dave Ramsey, the personal finance guy, right? Well, they're gonna force you to use it his way. That's not very personal finances. Rock 'em money, that he got a lot of commercials, but they're owned by Rocket Mortgage. Guess what they want to sell you in the end. Then there's the new guy on the block, Monarch. Hundreds of millions of dollars to private equity raising so far. But private equity doesn't have the best track record when it comes to private data. - That's why I like dollar-wise, built by these people just like you, four people just like you. No private equity, no gimmicks, just the best budgeting app there is. Download and I'll start the free trial, dollarwise.com, link in the description below. - Guys, you've known me since the beginning, and the fact is I just love building products that help people, and we're continuing to do that with the Caleb Hammer Financial Services. Listen, now you got personal loans that you can get the best rates on forever. You wanna use it for whether it's consolidation after you change your behavior, or you need a purchase, something that gets a good return out of investment. And now we got credit building as well. You can shop for the best credit builders that are either free, or low cost to you, and build that credit. We got debt forgiveness and debt consolidation as well. We got auto loans for your new card that are great rates, or you can refinance a horrible auto loan today. And not only that, now you can shop for the best car insurance out there. The thing is, we are building more and more of these to help you get the best tools and services that you can possibly get online at the best rates. So check those out at CalebHammer.com. All those links are below in the Caleb Hammer Financial Services. Check them out, save yourself a lot of money. - I saw a text between them where it was like, me, me, at this dock, you know, - A few years ago. - This was before you switched to the Supervisor position, like last September. - Okay, so me, me, by the dock? - Yeah, and he said it was because she didn't have a radio. So they would go to me and person, like, "Why are you texting that?" - No, that's an entirely different person. That was a way, as well. - Well, there were so many conversations, honestly, that it's hard for me to keep track of who was, what, when, where? - You were flirting with a lot of different women? - Yeah, kind of. - Yeah, and now, like, so that-- - You guys were together for two or three years at this point. That was about two. - Even still, it's crazy, dude. - What are you doing? - It wasn't just-- - That's not a good-ing problem, that's cheating. - It wasn't just women at work. It was also like, you know, like Reddit or Instagram. Like, if a woman reached out to him, he wouldn't start the conversation, but he wouldn't finish the conversation either. I mean-- - It feels good to get flirt, too. That's why sometimes it's like open flirting, you know, in relationships like we're allowed, 'cause it just, it boosts the ego, right? - Yeah, and a lot of it, you know, especially on our, from being a guy staying point, a lot of it's bots, and you're honestly just trying to see, is this a real person, or is this one of you care? - But why would you be looking into it? I mean, and this was at a time in our relationship when like, our sex life was not-- - You ever mess with telemarketers, when they call you-- - No, you know. - You don't do that when you're in a relationship, though. You don't, you don't entertain the idea of someone flirting with you. - What was happening during this time? - Like, our sex life was not great at the time. - Well, you were having a lot of surgeries and stuff at the time. - This was not during that time. - This was not after when I had been doing better. - I think the timeline might be a little skewed there. - No, when all this came up, when all this came up, and you, like, you had hidden, you said, you were gonna get off stuff, and then I saw you were still on Instagram, remember? - Yeah. - And you said it was because the guy at work was sending you Instagram brils and stuff, and, you know, and I saw, like, his Reddit, and he had a Twitter account, and, like, I didn't know how mad it was. - If it's all people, I have those accounts. That's not a reply. - But it was like, it was, like, all women, and there were, like, women masturbating in their way. - I'm Reddit? Or on Instagram. - I'm Reddit. Or, or, or, you know, or X. Like, you know. - Oh, stop, that's where I consumed. - But, like, that's all his speed was. It was pretty much just, like, women. - You didn't pay, dude, that's kind of crazy. - Yeah. - So. - Oh, dude, she would go into the laundry and find come rags. - Or, like, a computer. Remember? There was quite a bit of, like, stepdad. There. How old is this 14? - Oh. - Never had it, has anything occurred, nor will it ever occur. - Yeah, I've had to be candid. Like, it's not what I consume. - I, is more enjoy if you want to get into my gun shit. It's, like, just, like, casual couples filming. But, but the step, mother, step, father, that's, like, 80% of the, right now. - And, like, there were a lot of times when all this was going on where I was trying to initiate sex and he would be, like, I'm too tired, or, you know, and that's how I can get retired. - Yeah, but then, if I'm constantly being rejected, why should I still try to pursue? - And then, exactly, that's bad. - And that's bad. - You know, so, like, - You're not gonna find me being like, oh, no, you don't want, like, you will, the one thing I've been on your side for is one, don't flirt with coworkers, don't flirt with people. If you guys don't have an open flirting, whatever, whatever, that's cheating, that's bad. But also, it's a year ago, your sex lives are good now. And I'm also, like, I'm also on her side when it says, hey, don't watch, if you're turning her down. But again, that was a year ago. - And why the, do I give a shit? - We also, you know, came, had conversations, and I turn my eyes on February. So actually, that's not a year ago. - No, that's when she discovered it. - Oh! - Yeah. - Wait. Okay, make that make sense. Timeline for me. - Well, no, she discovered it. - Well, she's all, got my phone and saw that. - Oh, yeah, dad called. So I went to answer it, 'cause I know you're like, always wanna answer the phone. - You know, the past apps. - After the phone call was over, I saw Reddit and a video was up. - So, okay, earlier this year, he was just, - Yeah. - Maria. - Oh, well, that's actually a lot different than. - And this is not one of the things that she's going on. - This is just a few months ago. And we're getting married next week. - Oh, okay, well, that's actually different. Okay. - And then, like, and a lot of these conversations, when he gets really mad, like, he's punching things. We have a hole in our garage wall, a hole in where he punched the wall. - He's usually in a marry, then. I'm sorry, what the fuck is that? He's not a 14 year old kid anymore, like, teenage. - I mean, so like, it's not like it happens every single time. I mean, for the most time. - No, but it happens. You have kids. You're considering making another one. - Yeah. - So someone that punches holes into walls, that's not. - Well, and, you know, like, I've told him that I really think he should get into therapy. - Oh, that's great, but you're choosing to marry that next week before he did. How often does he get aggressive? - I mean, it just happened the other day when-- - What happened? What was the argument? - He's had, like, really bad allergies lately. Wasn't feeling great. And I asked him if he could help out, 'cause we needed to get a bunch of stuff done before the kids got home and we were traveling. And he got-- - It was a good job. The guy works, but okay. He got really defensive, 'cause I couldn't get everything done. - And you didn't ask me. You come in here and just start attitude, angry, vacuuming. - No, no, that's not what happened. - That is what happened. - No, because after we left the DJ, after we left seeing the DJ, I made a to-do list in the car. And I said, "This is what needs to get done. "Are you okay with it?" And then you said, "I made myself a to-do list. "Do you want me to make you one?" And I said, "No, I know what I need to do." - And I said, "No, I know what I need to do." in there. I said, "Is there anything else that we need at in there? Do you want me to make you a to-do list?" And you're like, "I don't need a to-do list." And I said, "Okay." So then we got home and you cleaned up most of the front yard and came inside and said, "I need a minute." So I was like, "Okay, fine." And I was doing stuff. And then I came in the room like 30 minutes later and said, "Can you get a hold of your brother-in-law about watching the kids?" But you didn't get a hold of them. You sent him a text. So then 30 minutes later, you're still sitting there. That's more than a minute to relax and refresh. And so I got frustrated. And then you got really mad. And one thing led to another and you said, "Why don't you be the breadwinner?" And then you punched something. See, what are we doing this? This is not necessarily not a great environment for kids if we're in the sleep. None of them were ever around. No. That's how it always starts. I've had it on the show. My dad would put his head through walls. What? Yeah. No, that was my household growing up. I had a bachelor marry in that. How are we from now? It's interesting. You keep being the victim in this story from your own words and then you're choosing to marry next week. So I'm like, I have a hard time like sympathizing when you're choosing to commit for life. So it's gone worse than before. It was like, "What are you choosing to marry then next week?" I tried to remove myself from the sit-so because when I feel myself who've getting worked up, I want to go to be alone. Sure, but you're going to hit something instead. Well, no, it's because she keeps following me. Won't let me leave. Why do you do that? She won't let me go reset. That is not. I've gotten much better about that. Maybe in the past, I did that. Just the last time you stood in front of the door and wouldn't let me go out of the door because I was trying to go calm down. Because the time over that you wouldn't stay at your dad's and you didn't tell me until you said, "I'm going to go hang out at my dad's for a little bit." And then you stayed the night and I didn't know. So? And well, the kids were at the house. Your kids? Yes. They were at the house and he did. I'm married. He just left. And you know, like I. I told you where I was going. I just didn't tell you how long I was going to be there. You should have left. Next to me after you left. And so, like, yeah, in that moment, I didn't do the right thing and I got in your way and I said, "I can't have you go stay at your dad's again." Get in the way. What do you think that's going to do to someone that's fired up? This person is deescalating because they know they get too. So angry. They hit things that they're trying to walk away and you get in their way? Well, so the thing. Because wrong with you. I did get out of his way after he was like, "I need you to move," you know? And I said, "I just. I can't have you go on your dad's again." Which, yes, you can, by the way. So, I mean, I've. There's been times where we almost split up, where I was willing to walk away and start all over again. One. Because, I mean, it's happened several times in the past year. In the past year. Have you left? I mean, no. Left. Because, especially with. What do you mean then? What are you saying? It's. It's pretty complicated. Uncomplicated with words. So, just put that custody agreement because I've been back and forth so much with my ex. He has constantly fought me to gain more custody. And I. So, you can't leave him? I'm a little worried that I'll lose my kids if I do. Why? Because he makes all the money? I don't have a place. I provide a stolen environment. The reason you're getting married with him is to keep your kids. I mean, until six months ago, you almost moved out and ended the relationship. That was six months ago. But you didn't just to keep the kids? No, because he got the accountability app and he talked to his dad about it and his dad gets alerts and stuff. And he was talking about going to therapy. Well, I didn't want to be the only one. So, six months ago, he talked about going to therapy, he hasn't gone to a therapy in six months. When he talked about it and you're getting married next week. Is there interesting choices you're making? Listen, here's the thing. I might be on your side for this conversation. The reason I'm pushing back so far is because you're choosing to get married next week. You're playing victim and then you're choosing to come into it for life. So, I'm like, what am I dealing with? She's a. What can take it that far? That's why I said he a. Overall. So, six months ago, he got the accountability app. So, what does it do? So, there's certain settings where it'll flag. If he gets on Reddit, it'll send in a alert. Or if he doesn't have. There's other things on Reddit besides Gooney. Well, I mean, that was pretty much. That was pretty much all that was on there. I mean, like, Instagram was the same thing. Because there was even a point where I found out he was using a. What was it? Wallpaper app? Or wallpaper thing to watch. Because it was on his computer. So, like, I don't get notifications for that. What? I don't know. The wallpaper engine is what it's a program. It's interactive wallpapers. I never would have guessed that you could get on that. Oh, that's what happened. Wow. It's almost like you could have said that. People don't know how to do podcasts. You're watching. Yeah. Via wallpapers. Yeah. And he didn't. He didn't tell me about it. At this point, I was asking him. What does this post accountability app? Probably March? See a lot of watch. No, I'm not comfortable with it. But your sex life is improved. He's kind of under control. Yeah. I mean, we also. Why can't he watch porn in a healthy way? I don't know that he's capable of it. Maybe not, but the thing is he's fixed what you've asked for. Well, I mean, the anger issues have been worse. Well, that has nothing to do with gunning. I mean, some people might argue. Well, maybe, I guess, but he has to fix it when you're getting married with him next week. So. A lot of the times is I'm the one pursuing intimacy. Sure. And like, he turns me in. You turn me down about half the time. I'm too tired. Okay. How many hours do we see work? At work 40, but then I've mostly also been renovating the house. It's a lot to be tired sometimes. And I'm. There's a lot to say no as long as he also says yes, others. With recently, and like this came up since getting accepted on the show, I, and the hiatus of sex, they're like, there's the gaps in the accountability, like, reports. And so I went to his Google Play history and sell WhatsApp Messenger. And give him what's happened in the past. What the fuck are you doing on WhatsApp? Nothing. Show me then. Okay. So that, you know, like that's been here. Well, you got to pull it up. He doesn't know. I don't have what's that. I don't know that. Okay. What'd you see on the Google Play store? I mean, I've just so right, like the day before we were supposed to go for this 30 day of no sex is when WhatsApp Messenger popped up. In what way did it pop up? Well, it just says that he visited WhatsApp Messenger. And then they were more times after that. Make sure you're watching. He's, he went into Google Play to download WhatsApp. And I, he has three different emails that he uses. And I don't know that which one it was. And if it's not a device that you recognize that I'll give, make sure he's logging in with his default into WhatsApp. And he, what do you mean he visited it? How did it, in Google Play, you said he visited it? It just shows me. It just shows when you get on, like when you use an app, basically, like I think Apple has something similar, like Apple Play History or something. And what's he doing? He has, he's putting in his data births. He's signing up. No, this doesn't make sense. Log into your accounts. I don't have one. The only thing I can think is it's, I have a coin sorting game. And then you can watch as the past levels. Well, and I don't understand his why, like, that's what that's what it's asking me to do with this phone. I've had this phone over for the last, what, three years. Okay, go ahead. So, and he, he has a work phone as well. That I don't have access to. Like I don't know the password number. He didn't bring his work. But I'm not allowed to do, like it's monitored by the IT service at my work. If anything is going on there, I, I'll get fired. That's fair. That's fair. And I know it's workplace there. So, you know, but it's just like, why is it saying that you have a WhatsApp Messenger? If you, like, why, that you're getting on, I have to set up a profile. But at the same time, it doesn't show it up on accountability. Like there's gaps in accountability when it says you're on that. And it doesn't show like that you're on the coin game or anything like that. It's just blank space. It's like one of my work. So, sometimes I'll be playing the coin game, or I'll hit home. What you don't understand is it, it should still show that. And it's not showing that. There's just nothing. I'm not a software engineer. I don't know how that happens. Well, and I, like, so there's, if he puts it in power saving mode, with everything that has happened in the past. And well, there was also when he had, he got, he downloaded mods for, what was that game? Oh Skyrum. Skyrum. He had changed it to where. So, because it was like all women with like giant boobs that were super bouncy. And then when you took the people into a house or something, they were in lingerie and you could have sex with them. - When? - This was what, April? - Well, no, that's 'cause I've had that mod pack on there for, you got no cello. - Well, and then you tried to tell me you didn't know about that stuff. And you were like, well, they could be naked. It could be worse. So you either knew about it or you didn't know about it. - Well, I didn't know the details of all the mod packs. There's like 3,500 mods in the downloads and a pack. - And you had to press certain buttons to activate the mods. So if I just got on there, I wouldn't have seen it, but I was looking at that and then it said, do this and then it changes the whole game to. - Like I said, basically sex land. I mean. (upbeat music) - Brother, you're a smoker. - Yeah. - Oh, you people are disgusting. - You're actually a bit crazy though. - Okay, but to be honest. - I mean, if you look back at everything, I feel like it's appropriate for me to have questions and try to understand what's going on with it. - Hold on, hold on, there's a difference between questions and going, "Bat shit crazy." - I don't think this is "Bat shit crazy." I mean, you know what? - I don't know, this is, I couldn't be with this, but since you've confronted me about it, then I agreed, I've tried very hard in having. - You haven't gone to therapy. - I agree with you on that. - I agree with you on that, but you're throwing up like the secret, what's the app, TikTok, all this stuff? I'm not seeing. - Well, anytime you have questions, I give you my phone and let you go through it. - Well, I mean, like I said, there's also your work phone that I don't have access to. - Which is very strict. Is what you say? You know, and give in like conversations between co-workers in the past. - In the past. You're dude, you're beating her. And now, this is so weird. Like, I swear, men don't do this. Women do, only women do this. Where like, he legitimately did something bad. - Yeah. - Okay. - Quiet bird woman. The thing is, I mean, he'd shut the fuck up smoker, lung cancer, future nasty mother. So, shut the fuck up, I'm talking. Guys, I'm sure you make a point. And I was actually gonna be on your side for a second. You (beeping) Men don't do this, only women do this. Where a man did something bad a year ago. Worked to fix it, they fixed it. And then a year later, a woman is still like, destroying him for it, even though he's already fixed it. Like, I don't understand. - I mean, it's because there were so many times where he said it was fine. And then I found out it was not fine. - But then, all right. So, at the same time, we've had made agreements. And I take care of you and all your kids. I've, all their needs are taken every day. - We've both made, I mean, it's not. - Everything has been taken care of. - It's just, expect, you say you, you're trying to change and everything. And, but you haven't, like, what I've told you in the past is you can't replace one thing. There's gotta be a fill-in for that space where you were spending all that time looking at then everything else. - Does it matter, dude? - Well, but if he lied to me repeatedly over months and I had to-- - It pisses me off that you're like, I'm actually trying to make, I've made these changes. And you still accuse me. I mean, if I'm being accused, why not do the crime? - I, I, if I'm being accused anyway. - Look, bad credit or no credit is expensive. 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Him being fixed, you're treating him the same as someone who's actively doing it. - Well, I mean, that's part of the reason why I thought therapy would be so, especially with the punching walls and you know, like it's really, really uncommon for if he walks away from an argument to come back and like resolve the issue. I have to say, well, can we talk about this? I'm, you know, I'm really at that. We didn't, you know. - What was that? Every video game of history of humanity downloaded. - We didn't, you know, it's not resolved. - Okay, you can't tell me you've never had a TikTok when you have had TikTok installed on this phone. - That's my name when you were looking for it installed it. - Well, because I did. - She was looking for an account. - When I first found out about everything. - You installed it? - I'm pretty sure I did. At least the TikTok, because I saw it in the Google Play history, like it said, no, but it said you installed it before that. And that's why I-- - I mean, Google Play history. - Like it was so cute. - You had a kick, you had a kick, K-I-K. - It was a kick. - That chatting. - What is kick? - It's like WhatsApp. - He's also had Tinder and Bumble, but again, that may have also been years ago. - Yeah. - 'Cause it didn't really get, like, that's just some stuff that's all been, it could have been in the last 10 years. - That's what I'm saying. - I think is what I had seen. So, I mean, it just, there's been a lot that's happened in the last year. You know, a lot of it, I wasn't aware of. And so, with me not having any knowledge of the finances and everything, and then the pre-- - Is it coming back to-- - Well, yeah, because it just, it's the whole trust they show. - You should have now. - I guess, but you're the one projecting no trust. And I know it's from something you did in the past, but it's from that. Like, listen, he doesn't have any of the apps installed. He's never had WhatsApp installed. That's never been installed once. So, your story is immediately collapsing. You're crazy. - Well, I have-- - Here's the shut the fuck up. - I have screenshots that show. - Show me. Show me. - Okay, I'm pulling it up. - Here's the thing. You can go to takeout.google.com, do, deselect, all select, only Google Play Store, and export. - Yeah, and that's what I did. - So you saw the timestamps? - Yes, and then I went to accountability and it didn't show anything. That he was on-- - It didn't show anything. It didn't show-- - Leave her. She's a crazy bitch, dude. You've done a lot of bad. You're not good, and you should inform her more of what is happening in the finances. Even though you're not required to share anything with her account access and stuff, especially pre-marriage, she's the bad shit crazy. If she's still punishing you from something at the earliest six months ago that you haven't improved on dramatically, she will punish you six years from now. She looks like a bird. - This is why I'm kind of pushing for that pre-knop. In case she continues to punish me. - No, push for the leave her. Trust me, trust me. She's an Austin one, a Kentucky three, you can find many. - Wow, that's something. - It's reality. - Okay. - You have sounded reality, I mean, geez. - You have sounded like nothing more than self- victimizing crazy this entire episode. - How? - Honestly. - How? - Yes, how? - I wanted to be on your side. The thing this you were saying, if all true, I would have been on your side, but they're not. Your screenshot better show some damning prove. - Oh my gosh, I'm trying to find it, okay? - I mean, at this point, should we even get married? - I would say no. I would say no. - No. - Might be worse the loss of funds. - The loss of funds. - Of all the things I've already paid for. - Oh, who gives it? - This is for decades of misery that she's about to cause you. - Yeah. 'cause it's all that misery. That's all, that's all that. - Look how you're shooting this man who did fix the thing. Listen, if he was doing this shit now, I would be on your side that he needs to fix it. He fixed it. Why are we literally destroying him for something he has already done what you've requested, except for therapy? But honestly, it sounds like he's fixed it without therapy. So like at that point, it's just performative. - Well, it's not just about the stuff. It's also about the anger and. - The anger thing I'm on your side with, but why would you want to marry someone with anger issues? 'Cause it's not, it's not like it's all the time. It's not, I mean, but. - So you don't, so it's not a problem. - It's more so. - It is, but. - Lately, it's been worse. And I don't know if it's 'cause of the stress. - And you're gonna marry that. And you're gonna marry that. - Let's see these screenshots. - I'm looking for them. - Do you really have them? - Yeah. - Really? - I mean. - 'Cause I. - I haven't done anything nefarious. - Okay. - I think I deleted them 'cause I didn't want you to see them. - Then go to your deleted photo. - Well, that's what I'm about to do. - Like I said, I give you full disclosure to my phone. - Why would she want me to see the proof that backs up your story? - I didn't want him to see it because. - To see go through your phone? I do not. She's a crazy. And she looks like a transition to Mitch McConnell. There is no reason for you. - Who applied? - I did. - That was a mistake. - Oh, okay. - So where are they at? - I'm home my gosh. - We're waiting. - And I'm looking. I have more trash in here than I realized. - And here's the thing. Also, it's like nearly every time that someone is being accused something, the producer tends to find at least something that would suggest that the accusation is correct. Through the deep dive and everything, there's nothing on this guy. - Through the deep dive? - Yes, she does separate interviews with him. And we always find a hint. There was nothing, except for the anger thing. But again, if you don't even care about it enough to call it the marriage, then why do I care? - So when all this came up, I was talking to, was it, and she said, don't bring it up to him, bring it up at the show. - Sure. - So that is part of the reason. - Oh, but trust me, the producer's deep dive. - I mean, and I sent her the screen shots too. - Devon? - I sent you the screen shots. - Okay. - She never got screened. You're in a while. - It's like Devon, it was Jen. - Ah, our story producer. - Yes. - Oh, let's see, let's see if they're there. - Yeah. - Girl, I'm gonna give you every chance. - Well, that's okay. - I'm gonna give you every chance. So we're gonna give her a responsibly spun, and I'm gonna go pee. - I had to clean a bunch of stores on my phone, so I deleted a bunch of stuff. Like, a lot of it was, when I was in barber school, so it was wasting a bunch of storage space. - Oh, shut the fuck up, you excuse making whore. You're not a whore, I'm sorry. - That was, that's one thing I'm not. - Every other insult I said was true. - In your opinion. - What? (upbeat music) - Is there anything on your work phone? - No. And then as far as the prenup, why is that still so important this close to the wedding? - Like I said, you come in with a bankruptcy, you've previously left a marriage. - Okay. - And in his-- - And he was a serial cheater. - But he also didn't have anything. - I didn't go after his retirement. - Which I would have. Yes, he does have a retirement. But I just was ready to get out of that relationship. - It's almost not my problem. - I know it's not your problem, that's why I'm in therapy. - I mean, as far as I can tell, I've stepped up. - Yeah, and then you throw things at me like, why don't you be the breadwinner, the minute I start to get upset and frustrated. You slap me in the face with, you're not working. Even when I've offered to work, you have said, I'd rather get a second job than you go to work. - Yeah, because that would be better for the children. You being home helps them a lot. They have excelled with this arrangement. - So you throw them, why say stuff like that? If you're just sitting, you're saying that-- - But if you want to get a job, I have never said-- - I have never said-- - I have never said, don't go get a job, never once. - But, okay, so you haven't said done. You have, you said I would rather get a second job than you go-- - I would rather it. But if you want to get a job, go get one. - But if the whole conversation is we've had, is that things are, I would like how things are run at the house. - I do, I do. - I would say, then why when you get upset, throw it in my face that I'm not working? - Because you complained that I don't do enough. - I just wanted to-- - And I do everything. - To finish outside, I asked you to do one thing that you didn't have to get off the couch to do. You didn't, you texted him. You did not talk to him, you didn't have a conversation. Didn't that, reaching out, and then he texted me back 15 minutes later. - After we had a fight about it. - Yeah. - Because if you just called him-- - Because if you just called him-- - You were patient enough. - Oh my, it'd been 30 minutes. And I told you I hadn't talked to his sister, to your sister, and then I sent the text, you gotta reply, but you weren't patient enough for that to happen. Why does it always have to be your way? - I'm not saying it has to be my way. We both agreed that there was plenty of stuff that needed to get done, and we were trying to get it done before the kids got home, so we could spend time together with them, and then when it came time to do it, you're like, I need to go relax, and hour later, you're getting pissed, because-- - No, I'm getting pissed, because you come in there just angry. You just sound like, hey, can you help me do this? Your tone, you come in here, just all hyperventilating and all up in arms. And of course, yes, that's going to get a reaction to me because I told you, like, I needed a time to relax, it's not saying I'm not going to do it, because what did I do? I went up there, cleaned the kitchen, we were getting home at four o'clock, and it was 2.30. - Yeah. - So at that time-- - The stuff we need to get done, if it got done, and less than an hour and a half. - I still had to run to the store to get them stuff for breakfast and for them to be watched, so they had food there that they'll eat, and you know, and I had to cut yours and (beep) and tear. - You're also a stay-at-home mom. - Yeah. - That's our partnership. - Okay. - And make sure all the bills get paid. - I haven't been able to be home as much, because I've been doing a bunch of stuff for the wedding and I had the Bachelorette party, and like, you knew all this was going on. - And that Bachelorette party is a need. - You went on a Bachelorette party. I mean, like, and I, mine was planned much further in advance than yours, and I changed it, so it wasn't going to be as expensive as it was originally going to be. I mean, I was out of, I mean, I did get the shirts and the leggings and all that. - You waste money on that, that was not, you don't need a whole outfits for that. We don't need outfits for after the wedding. That's, it's stuff we don't need. - Well, I didn't, I didn't, I canceled the order for the wedding party stuff, and originally, I was going to be paying for that and then my alterations for my dress were a little bit expected. - You've already been in a walk-in too. What is wrong with you guys? I was, I was taking a pee. - Argument. - It's just, there's. - Oh yeah, you guys are really ready for marriage. - Arguments. - Okay, I did get a screenshot. It says visited WhatsApp Messenger, but I do think it is that game thing 'cause the reality is you never download it. I care it is. - Okay, so, but I wasn't lying. Like, I did see something. - That he visited I guess. - I did see something, and that was part of like. - But you say he has a hidden WhatsApp account and hidden TikTok. - Well, I said I didn't know. - I didn't know, because a lot of his, you accused Devon to be clear that you think he has a hidden TikTok account and was that. - Because I didn't know he had a Twitter before all that stuff about Reddit and stuff came out. - Hey, it does, most people have a Twitter Facebook Reddit. That's not what's crazy. I know he had bad stuff on there, but that's not inherently crazy. What's happened? One of the most down, I don't, I don't think I have it, but it's like one of the most common apps in the world, they wouldn't have like blown my mind. - Well, it was just because there were the lapses and the accountability at the same time that that was showing up. It didn't even show that he was on the coin game. - Why would that happen? - Only thing I can see, 'cause I wasn't using my phone. - How many times have you watched that month? - None. - Really? - Yeah. - Why? - 'Cause I've made an agreement. - How many times have you masturbated? - None. - It would have been okay if you did. I care about it being under control and not addictive. - Nope. - Then I haven't. - You believe it? - We did make that agreement. - That's it. - What are you doing here? - What do you mean, what am I doing here? - Why are you just seeing here? Just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! - Is that doing anything? - What? - You don't think it's doing anything? - No, because in the past, he had said he wasn't. And then I found out he wasn't. He was lying to me. - He's not past. Okay, so here's, here's why I was questioning it though. It's my whole point. That's why I had questions, because of what happened in the past, because I wasn't sure if it was a relapse or something like that. And he didn't want me to find out about it. - So here's what she's saying. because you lied about it in the past. She will forever think that you're lying about it now, because she will never be able to move me out of it. Because you have given no indication that you are breaking that trust now, yet she is bringing it up. What would stop her a year from now? Two years, 10 years, 20 years. - I mean, deathbed. - Trust is the easy thing to lose and a hard thing to gain. - It is, but guess what? This is what you're committing to. - Well, I'm, we've talked about after, we're married, do you couples counseling and stuff to help work through yourself? - Do you forgive him? - That's a loaded question. - For the past mistakes. If he was doing something now, I don't know that I-- - Do you forgive him for the past mistakes? - Yes. - An act like it. You're projecting on him like he's doing something now. It was, I have my own thoughts, I'll admit to that. And. - Okay. - It's just like-- - Wait, I'm pissed, you're accusing me all the time. - Yeah, I really accuse you all the time, though. - Quite often, actually. - Outside of this, what's that stuff? - Yeah. - When was the last time that I've accused you of anything? - Two weeks ago. - What do you mean two weeks ago? - Two or three weeks ago, I'm not, time's kind of fuzzy, but you just asked, you was, hey, can I see your phone? - And of course-- - The thing is, that's interesting. - Yeah, go ahead. There's multiple people in this room when we're making this show, and one of them, I don't know which one, but they're saying, they think, you know, I'm trying not to read into it too much, but to me, it's like she wants him to be doing something bad because either you're doing something, or you just want to get out of the marriage. I mean, if that's the case, then just tell me. Like really trying to, it's almost like, you know how like in those cases that are happening with like me, 2.0 and stuff like that, and people are like cheering for who have happened, or cheering for who not have happened, you're like cheering that he like did something bad. Like you can like question like, what if, and then if you find out he didn't accept it, don't cheer for the bad thing to have happened. That's really weird. - That is probably something I need to work through because there's been plenty of time. - Don't marry this creature. - There has been plenty of time. - Put her back in the wheelchair, we'll enter the senate and she'll be there on productive as always. - Again, your past stuff's not, not. - But I don't know. - But I don't know if it's happened in our relationship too, is the other thing. - But it's done and you said you forgave him. He's worked on it. He's done what you asked and required. Oh, don't enable that. Don't touch that. Who's finances am I even looking at? - Mine. - Mine. - It's both of ours. - Okay, and where you might be combining them, I wouldn't recommend you guys getting married. How much are you going to lose in the wedding when you inevitably back it up because you're going to become sane in the next week? - Probably about 20, 15, 20. - Worth 15, 20 years of misery. - That's about $1,000 a year. - What are each other's financial scores? - Zero independently right now. - Zero being the worst, 10 being the best. - What do you think you guys are independently today? - Probably a one. - What the factors are, but three. Just in general. - Okay. - If you want to figure out where your hammer financial score is in detail in each category, all you have to do is take a free assessment. Just take a few minutes to figure out where you stand, where you're failing, where you're doing great at Calebhammer.com. And if you don't want to be like a guest that ends up on the show, I mean, they download it. Don't want it otherwise. Now they get it for free forever. But you can get a free trial to see if you like it. And if you do sign up for the annual version that saves you nearly 15% or 50% on your money. So check it out at L.O.I.s.com. It's gonna be good. It's gonna be good. And as we get into these finances, the reality is, like I don't think you should marry her, but like her best friends are begging her not to marry you. They have this huge thing against you and we're calling one of them in the post show. And they're literally, they have committed to trying to get her to literally not marry you today. But before that, debt, her parents, who I assume only you owe your parents, right? 'Cause you guys have been pretty separate. So why do you owe to your parents 13,000 hours? - When I was pregnant with my youngest, my ex, he got hit by a drunk driver and his car got totalled. And then he was driving my car to work and hit a deer and it got totalled. - Okay, this was 14 years ago though. - It was, no, it's not 14 years ago. - So you're all your youngest. - My youngest. - Still six years ago, that's pretty good. - Well, yeah, so my mom had recently got a settlement 'cause she got injured at work and offered to buy the car that could fit all the kids 'cause we didn't have the money. - I didn't still owe on it six years later. I get it. Your mom got your car, okay, I got that. - Because. - Didn't need the whole thing. But why do you still owe? - My ex didn't pay anything towards it. - So why haven't you? - I have, it was originally like $28,000. - Do you have a minimum monthly payment you paid to her? - So as of right now, they told me not to worry about it because he's doing work on their car. - No. - And it was I was waiting on the child support and they knew with the wedding finances and stuff that they didn't want me to stress about paying them 'cause they said they were doing fine currently. - Okay. - So their car, their current car, had a rod knock. So basically bad motors. - Yeah. - So they had an extended warranty and they said that they weren't going to run. - So you're working on it as late, but yeah. - I understand. - They said they were doing it. - Why do you owe your sister $450? - Because she helped me get into my first apartment after the divorce and it was four years ago. - It was four years ago. - It can't be $450 and four years. - And it was like 1,000. - You've been five, one, two, three, four, five years? - Four, five years. - What was your divorce? - It was, I'm gonna end up 2022 and I was going to school full-time and working full-time. - Oh, you're working full-time, very good. - So, well, because I left my previous marriage with pretty much nothing. And I was having to basically start from scratch. Furniture and-- - Welcome to you getting divorced. I don't know, you chose it. - Okay, I understand that. I'm just saying like there were a lot of, and I've had quite a few health issues where they were-- - I can see, try not to be morbidly obese. - You've paid an average of $9 a month to her for four years. $9 a month, that's the best you could do. - I mean, sure, there were probably times I could have given her more, but she told me to give it to my parents. So, I was-- - And guess what, you still heard them a lot. - Okay, I don't know. It's just like, I do kind of have it out against you right now. It's just 'cause I hate people that make themselves out to be a victim and then accuse people of stuff they're not doing right now. Trust me, I'll get on the accusation train. If we have stuff to beat them up with, and shit down his throat, my favorite thing to do. - Yeah. - That's my kink. (laughs) - Okay. - I just-- - Well, and then as far as my sister, she told me this past Saturday that she would waive what I owe her-- - Wow. - To show that me-- - I'll get you a great sister. I couldn't even do 450. - So me, the star-fresh. - Yeah, that's what it's gonna do. That's okay, we'll believe you real in name. - 689 O-D-O's, lows. Yeah, that's a betta by a water softener. - Oh, it's you. - Yeah. - Oh, I mean, well, I guess we did. - Who's credit? - Who's credit is that on? - It's yours, okay. - So, water softener, gotcha. What's the minimum of the payment for the 53 bucks? - 'Cause we've had time, they had us on a boiler alert. 'Cause there was like a pipe burst or something, I mean. - You get him on and bleeped that too. - Oh. - You didn't bet at this. - Let's pull it up to the interest rate. - Ah, that's fine. - Okay, Capital One clicks over. Who says this? - Me. - Ah, there it is. - Well, there's one that I-- - No, this one says. - Okay. - What the fuck did you do, dude? What is wrong with you? Okay, he doesn't pay it off of the money. Is this the one you give her? - Which one is the balance? - Quick, so. Dude, is it $13,478? - No, that's mine. - You make so much money. What the fuck are you doing? Hold on, okay. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't marry this. Neither of you should marry each other for a multitude of reasons. This is an insane-- - I said shut the fuck up. - He's spent-- - I did it. - He spent $2,469. Shut up on this while he's doing it. Okay, go ahead. - Wait, okay. I don't know. What always being put on that car? As far as like bills. Or any bills being put on that car? What bills? - Electric water. - I thought you paid the electric from-- I thought they came out of your like bank account, nine. - No. - Credit card. - No. It's the only thing I use in my bank account for is the mortgage and then I transfer, and I make payments on the credit card. - No, there was not utilities on that. - Really? - Yep. - So like that's you spending money on yourself in a month. And that's about what I spend for the whole household. How does that work? 'Cause I'm getting it for two dogs, two cats, two adults, and three kids, and budgeting it for about 2000, if not less. Like budgeting going in the grocery store, looking for coupons. Look, like trying to find cheaper. or meals that aren't healthy. I mean, everything, buddy. The 629 years to pay off, how much you smoke? That's not, you're not gonna be alive for that. It's $444 a month, you owe towards this. - And I don't even know what the monthly payments for those are, for the credit cards. - I just said $444. - I know, but I meant, like, he hasn't communicated at all what the minimum payments are on the credit cards. - That's not good. You should be, oh, I'm not, like I said at the beginning, you are not entitled, or she's not entitled to have access to your accounts and all this stuff, pretty marriage, all this stuff, I don't really care. - You should communicate what your financial situation is. So she can make, she, why would you not communicate any of this to her? That is disgusting behavior, going into a marriage guy. - Well, most of it is, honestly, it's like, nothing's ever been a late payment. Everything's always been unpaid on time. - Well, and when I've brought it up in the past, it's like, it's my money, so I'll spend it on what I want. Say that again. - You've said that before, it's my money, so I can spend it on what I want. - But here's the thing, and this is what's with me. I hear that, I leave. You heard that, you're getting married with him next week. - I did, I did it on what the fuck? - I didn't know where it was at, like, I thought. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Him saying it's my money, I'll spend it on whatever I want. When you've asked what his financial situation is, he said that, and then you marry. So like, what can I do? - He told me he made cutbacks, that he wasn't spending as much. - Well, cutbacks even mean without context in one of the things. - Not buying three red bulls every day. - He can buy three red bulls if it ain't, if he's not carrying high interest rate credit cards and he's contributing to retirement, well, he can do that. Him doing that, or cutting back, or not doing that, is all dependent on the context, and you don't know the context. - Well, and when you asked what the context he said. - And when you asked what the context he said. - No, you're getting married next week, and he said it's my money, I'll spend it on whatever I want. - Not make cutbacks. - This is cutbacks, go for yourself, you little cunt. - Now, I'm talking about you don't know. - What were you spending before? If this is cutback, what were you spending on yourself before? - True. - Like, I mean, I switched to role-in-mone cigarettes as opposed to spending, actually buying them. - I mean, which is a fraction of what that cost is. - Talk about stopping smoking in the past. - That would be a good little thing to do. - And like, and I've told you, I'd be able to play with you. - Well, sickies, you doing on a daily basis there. - About a pack a day, which is about 20. - You are gonna die. - He's been like a pack and a half a day before, too. I mean, we've had a very serious conversation about this. Like, I don't want to only have 10 years with him because he's smoked for the past 30 years. I mean, like, and-- - It's possible? - It's, and like, I know like his dad is a big advocate for him quitting. - Well, who would it be? First of all, it smells like, should I take? You know why I went to the bathroom to wash my phone? Because my hands felt like fuckin' nasty sags. - I mean, and like, if I've also told him, if we did decide to have a kid, I wouldn't want him to be 'cause smoking for them. - You're not even close to being able to have a kid together. - Okay, but I'm just saying this is-- - This is maxed out. - Dot cards maxed out? - Oopsie. It is pocket sword. So you are video game spending. - You spend money. - Oh yeah. So now it's pretty one-cent, so gaming. So phone gaming. He stopped in and got some red balls. Venom machine. Venom machine. Red balls. Red balls. Red balls. Pandora music out of all the things. - Like you've been saying that we're in this position because of the money spent on the wedding. But you're spending this amount of money on eating at work, cigarettes, and red ball games. But it's my fault that we're in this financial position because of the wedding. - Maybe I'll see your spending. - You've been, I mean. - Not making, you haven't been budgeting at all. - I mean, you wanted the wedding this year. - I wanted to push the wedding at least back a year. - I pushed the back permanently. 'Cause I was trying to get this caught up. - Well, I didn't know. Where we were at, finding it. - Well, we had a big ol' fight about this year. And you were just adamant 'cause we got this venue to do it. - Well, okay, so we, I got my tax return and he said if I could pay for the first deposit on the venue, then we could. - We could have went to the courthouse and been, and then. - Well, and we also talked about having the wedding on the property and we were price checking stuff and you said, "I don't wanna do any manual labor "on my wedding day." So I'd rather pay more money. - And this is your second wedding. - I didn't have a wedding with the first marriage. And you know that. - I'm not sure for that. - I didn't even have a wedding dress for my first marriage. - We went to the courthouse. It wasn't a special day or anything. It was 'cause he was gonna be joining the army and that would took three years. So, you know, that was done on my part, but it is what it is. It happened and so that is part of the reason why I did want a wedding with him because this is supposed to be it. It's supposed to be me and him for the rest of our lives. - Yeah, it shouldn't be. Billiards, he's been a hundred and six hours there. Red bulls, red bulls, Chick-fil-A, red bulls, red bulls, red bulls. - We just talked about red bull. And you said, "I'm not getting red bull every day anymore." - It's not every day. - We just had that conversation, it's hot every day. It's often enough. I mean, I've told you that I could get the energy shaker, mixer things that you could just take to work. I mean, and then you don't have to go get the red bulls. - It's 40 cents a serving. It's incredible. Get liquid assets now. That's our flavor. - It's actually pretty good. - It is very good, I would say. 40 cents a serving. My discount code, stop sniffing. - Oh, I know this is- - There's no burgers in here. - Break down, honestly. - $6,032.95 with $194 minimum of the payment on your second quicksilver card. - That's the one she used that I gave to her. - Yeah. - And it's the same amount of bull shit on a second thing, including like, I think I think he got his wedding suit there. And it's all restaurants and it's all bull shit. And almost the amount of money spent on bull shit on his credit cards alone. I thought he was, I thought he was doing a prenup 'cause he was financially well, no, he's not. He's financially fucked. - I don't, I don't know. - I do, but the other thing is like, I can't go back and look at any of this stuff because I don't have access to it. - We're doing it now. - $1,503.93. So if you can't look at it, don't tell me what it is. I'm telling you what it is. - I'm not saying you're not telling me. - $192.71 a month with $1,503 a day and when you can't look at it. - I'm telling you right now. If you shut the fuck up, what is wrong with you? He spent more than he put towards it. - No interest is occurring must be in an interest rate period. It is until early next year. It's only a few months away. - Which card? - 'Cause you were talking, Will the Beast? Amazon. - Oh, yeah. He's told me that he does the, he selects the interest-free payments on that. So. - Yes. - I have a card. - That's why I said they were interest-free. It's not early next year. You f*cking yapping hyena. - I have a card that is interest-free until April. So that's why I misheard what you said it. - I said it was here. - Well, I didn't hear that part. - 'Cause you were talking. She does it. Believe it or not, hey guy, Amazon. Interest-free on there. Okay, you. - This is a relian? - It's a relian, yeah. I can. - Yeah. - I couldn't figure out a save. - Yep. - Yeah. - That, yep. Sure, you put an payment towards it. You got fees, you got purchases. There's your card. So it's not like you don't have a credit card. It's fine on it. But $857.42 of the $45 minimum of the payment. Got a protection charge, monthly maintenance fee. - There's a lot of fees and interest. - Yeah, well 'cause that, I'm trot. The plan is to pay down-- - Oh, it's a 36% interest. - Yes, so once I have enough available balance on my other card that's interest-free, I'm gonna transfer that balance. - Oh, great. - Cancel that card. - I'm gonna fix your behavior. - I'm gonna cancel that card because just the fees and everything alone is just not worth having. - Yeah, she's over the limit on these by the way. - That's who you're marrying. - Listen, maybe that's a valid excuse, but here's the thing. On the Olo card, she's also over the limit. So what just happens across the board? - Yep. - You owe $2,519 when the limit's $2,500. - I gave you the money to pay for. - I know, okay, that one. - She put $27 to it. Why was there a fee charge? I'll tell you, would you like to know do you want to read what that is down here? - No, he knew-- - It's down there. - He knew there was one light fee because he didn't have the cash to cash at me so I can make the payment. So I was waiting for the child's full pay. - You're gonna see the trim whether she has ever excused in the world except for any accountability of her own. - Well, try to hold me accountable for everything. - It seemed like the child's appointment-- - Things you've already fixed. - A regular base, like a scheduled payment, and then it came late, so-- - Yep, a house, $244,113.75 with us. A very happy marriage is gonna take place. Of a $2,178.39 minimum to payment. 7% interest, not the best. But is what it is, I'd refinance only if you can get 2% off that. - Yeah. - Of the balance that you owe $244,000 on, it's probably worth just about $259, so. - That's a two crazy. - You! I'm interested for you. for a moment, but not for much longer. Yo, 23,000, 269 on something. Service finance company, what is this? - What is it? - What is it? - Yeah, basically foundation on the house. - Better've gotten insurance from it now. - Insurance. - Like, it better be covered that, what the people that fixed your foundation if it happens again, they're fixing it. - Yeah, yeah, it is. Most definitely. - When does that interest free end? - I think April. - Yeah, and it goes through a decade, too. So it's about to be, what's your normal momentum to payment on this? - Have you been paying on it? - I have not. - But it says total amount to do zero. So you don't owe anything during the zero percent? - Yeah. - Well, shit, I mean, it's gonna be (beep) I don't know what it is, but it's gonna, it's deferred interest on that one. - How much interest is gonna, how much interest? - How much interest? - I just thought it was gonna be insane. - I don't think we're it's occurring. - It didn't start until. - Oh, one of them was, it's, it doesn't start accruing interest until 2028. - No, but he got new windows too. - Oh my gosh, you got new windows too. - So the amount of money you've put in this house that you only have an equity position of like 15,000 hours to the new spent like 100,000 hours on this. - Wow. - Yeah, you got new windows. You also, you say, oh, 9th. - What? - It was just one door and one window. It just not like we replaced all the windows in the house. - I don't give a (beep) - Burnt woman that probably flew into it. (laughs) - I don't know who removed the deck. - Okay, 9,679 dollars and 26 cents. Minimum zero again, is this in the same situation? No, it's accruing it. 24.99% interest, yes. Creature, if you listen to what I say. You (beep) - He hasn't pulled me out. - And I was asking him. - I'm answering, you actual creature. - What is the minimum worth of payment on this? - I think it was, to get it off paid off in a promotional period, it was like $300 a month. - $300. - Something like that. - Oh. - Oh. - So we got rid of this storage unit that covers most of that payment. - Is that where you keep her? - That's, he's paying for it basically for his sister and her family. And you just got that key. - $100,000, $700, $47.36. Oh, no, new balance to $16,000. I'm more Windows or something now. - Is that the other? - No, that's where the floor is back in the house. - People guys are crazy. What's the minimum amount of this? 'Cause again, it doesn't say, I don't remember. Oh, good. What is it? That expires, the promotion expires next year. - That wasn't my question, which? - Great, she can't tell me, wonderful. That's helpful for budgeting. No shit, you can't, budget. - Payment due date October of. - Yay, you have student loans through federal student loans, $17,530 in 29 cents. What's your minimum to payment? And my student loans, so I'm on a repayment plan right now, so it's $10 a month. - Okay, and what about for Ed Financial? - It's all of them, it's $10 a month. - So you're between? - No, no, and Ed Financial, several $17,530 with, no, no, and Ed Financial, $8,668. - 'Cause 10 bucks a month. - The repayment plan that I picked, it said that when I make the payments, it will take away the deferred, like the interest. - Also. - Any other fun facts you wanna give me? - Okay. Car, we have a vehicle of some kind, what is it? - I have three. - Okay, wow, you. - Well, all of them are paid off. - Yeah, they're all paid off. - Oh, I see, oh, okay, this is a checking account, right, I see no. Transferring things back and forth, ATM withdraws, he's going to the strip club. - Well, that's probably new to you. - Yeah. - A lot of after paying Amazon, you're checking account, and wine, wine, wine, wine. Yeah, I can tell that brain is. - What alcohol is them over here? - I do cook with wine too. I mean. - No accountability from this woman at all. - No, because she is like, she's insane. Guys, you need to get the fuck away from her. I mean, he drinks just as much as I do. - That's true. I do drink. - What was wrong with you, dude? You guys suck. Let me see if I can even budge you guys as a couple. And again, tell me the minimum you payment for the. $9,679 debt. If I'm equating it to like the $23,000, I'm going to say it's about a $175. - You don't know what that means. - You guys suck, man. I don't know how you guys have made it this far in life. - Okay. - How's it been pretty good to about three, four years ago? - Well, I mean, you said when we moved in the mortgage doubled was the biggest impact. - Well, I just spent $2,000 minimum last month, most likely $3,000 on bullshit. Yeah, it's not the mortgage. It's your behavior. You have no self control, your preacher. Your minimum to payments including the mortgage is $3,750 and $1 and 10 cents. What's your utilities costs? All combined monthly basis. - Badge about $3.50 for. Oh, if you want to include internet, about $4.50. Phone bill. Tell that. - That's $100. - Yeah, $90, $90? - That's $90 or $100. What do you give you guys? - Gas from drive drive. - Oh, I'm about probably 200 a month. - I'm about 150. - 350 and car insurance is, it's like 230. - I have no idea we're all on the same plane. - Necessary food. You and the kids, you should be able to do about $800. Mail prep, mail plan, warm it up food. Not cooking with as much wine. - Yeah. - Allegedly. TP fund, anything else to survive? That is $300. Some nonsense school supplies. Some nonsense more tampons. Some nonsense, blah, blah, blah. It changes what it is every month. So 300 should maybe 350. I'll put it for the family that size. Medical health care, their co-pays on a monthly basis. - I got co-pays. - Co-pays. - Co-pays, 25, 30. - Well, with your prescription. - Co-pays. - It's about 45 bucks a month. - 45 bucks a month. Subscriptions, I'll try 75. I'll try 100 'cause there's so many people there. You have any pets? - We have $200. - Two cats. - $200 pet insurance 'cause you can not afford to care now. - Well, no, but okay, no. - They do have a payment plan if anything major comes out. - So you want to get into a debt instead of insurance to prevent a debt? Where do you go to get insurance? - I've never heard of that. - You know, I'll send you a lot of things after that. - Okay, 'cause I've heard of a lot of like really skevy insurance. - Yes, there's not exactly where it's going to get you good ones. $200, how much for pet food and pest supply? That's like $50 a pet by the way. - So, well, actually one of those, we're not going to get insurance. She came with the house. She's a barn cat. - I think $150, how much for pet supplies, pet food? - 'Cause they get heartworm medicine. That's about 30 a month. And then dog food is probably 150 and cat food is like- - That much for dog food. - 'Cause they eat a lot. - So how much total guys have added up the rest of it? Oh, it wasn't keeping track. - It was say 230 for their medicine. They're monthly heartworm medicine and all the food- Five hundred and six thousand five hundred and forty five dollars a month Choices you you're under by a thousand dollars a thousand forty you guys are I don't get married I think that's what we all learned. I don't even care. I'm not giving you guys any Like what the you guys are broken you can't afford to survive you need to get a Job why are you at home? Well, I've talked him about getting a job and he says no. He's wrong. I don't care Don't get married Okay, I guess you what your friend has to say clearly Maybe there's a great just shit or her friend is about to learn that she actually just is Enabling a crazy We'll forget that out in the post show their hammer financial scores go for yourself Get yours a kill hammer.com. Promise you won't get that one now join hammerly the best membership on YouTube with over 175,000 monthly after members for a reason because it is a 20 minute Extension of this show where we find out crazy things called the photo plus three premium shows every single day just like this one Six days a week check it out join on YouTube or join on the hammer lead app where everyone to be is the same membership see there Hey, you are suggesting that they shouldn't get married go in. I want to hear why So they're having a couples argument. No, that's your ammo And your friend is a psycho. I don't think she's psycho. I feel like she is working on herself Are you excited? Yes, I am we have a special week only for hammer early members We have seven girls coming in for a pot the balloon challenge I wanted to give out a little present with my three days While we eat in your last meal on this week's Fat and Fatter, we're also I'm also gonna be doing all the breakdown and off topic. - Honestly, I feel like (beep) (screaming) - She wants to know if you would pee on her. - I don't know about that one. (crickets chirping) - Make sure you click that "Join" button to "Join Hammerly" then I'm one membership on YouTube or the link below or down below in the hammerly and I ever go to hammerly.com to say "Membership on All Platforms." Join us for our week. - I want you to be on the next episode of Financial Otter right here in Austin, Texas. If you think you have interesting finances with an interesting personality or a story or a life or relationship, I will personally pay you to take time off of work, fly it down to Austin, get you personal transportation, a hotel, food, and we'll have a great time hanging out. Go to katelaphammer.com/apply or click that link in the description below. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)