145. GOD IS A DAD (RE-LEARNING HIS HEART TOWARDS YOU)

♪ You need that ♪ ♪ You need that ♪ ♪ You need that ♪ ♪ You need that ♪ - Hey guys, welcome back to the Handlebar Podcast. Before we jump into today's conversation, I just wanna take a quick minute and say thank you. Whether you've been listening for years, or this is your first episode, we are really grateful you're here. Handlebar has always meant to be a resource for you to help you walk with Jesus. So we wanna ask if the Handlebar Podcast has been impactful to you, would you consider giving? Everything we do here is funded by listeners and supporters who believe in what we're building. The conversations, the books, the events, all of it happens because people choose to give and help carry it forward. You could head over to our website, thehandlebarpodcast.com, to make a donation, or submit a question for a future episode. You could also grab some merch, sign up for our newsletter, or learn about more opportunities like how to be a sponsor of the podcast. We're so grateful for everyone who listens, shares episodes, and is a part of our Handlebar community. So again, thanks for being here. All right, let's get into today's episode. - Here we are guys, me and Sarah Beth are here to talk about the book, which is crazy. - It is. - It feels so far from-- - I've had the chance to talk to Aaron about this already, but I have not had the chance to unpack the book or talk about how we got from sitting around the table. What I remember, I know you guys kind of talked about remembering how it started. I remember-- - I want to hear it from your perspective. - Meeting so long ago at Pytop, and we were like, so generally anything you want to try guys, and it was not at the point of vision or details, but we talked about all the things we could do, and literally throwing out an idea of a book, throwing out an idea of going to a city and doing an event, and just being like-- - This was like at least two-- - It was a long time ago. - Two and a half years ago. - And obviously, we really just brainstormed that meeting, and it was later that the seeds germinated and really-- - Stuff started to happen. - Aaron boldly pushed us through this project. - We all got to know it at some point, but we're really thankful for him. - Yes, oh my gosh. We would have gotten it done without him. - Because we wouldn't have-- - Yeah, we would have never done it without him. And so, balls were dropped, usually being picked up by him and pushing everything forward. And I really cannot believe that, I'm holding something in my hands. - I know, and it's red. I'll never forget, when we were getting in bed, and Aaron was like, I think it needs to be red. And then, like a year later, we were talking about the little details, and he's like, what do you think about Lavender? And now we're literally looking at the red, black, and the Lavender handle bar, and it's so fun. Just the little things that God actually really does care about. - 100%. - But it does, it's been through. - You will never lose this book on a book. - I know, I was like-- - If you're like, where'd my handle bar book go? You're like, well, it's the very bright red one. - My hand on red one. - So, yeah. So in time of need, look for the red book on your book show. - There you go. - Because we poured our hearts into this. Another thing I wanted to say was, early on when Aaron, and I were talking about, like, what do you want to do? What should the book be? What should we. And we kind of talked about, well, we both been on this journey of the heart and the soul and like meeting God in new places that have really helped us in our friendship with God, living daily with Him, not necessarily talking about the things we've done for God or our giftings or just like-- - The day in and day out. - Yeah, it's like, we tried to think about when we go home, what actually sustains our relationship with God. - Because you had just gotten married? - Oh, yeah. - No, you guys are about to start. - Absolutely, yeah. - So fun. - I'm gonna need this book again. - Yeah, I'll be saying it. - And everything in it. - Yeah. - Because it is the stuff that has literally kept me with Jesus every day. - Yeah. - And that's what I, that's what me and Aaron said. I remember us talking and saying, let's only put things in this book that actually have changed our life. - Wow, that's really good. - And so that's why we landed with so many practices and different nuggets that are literally from the Lord, things that he shared with us. And I know that that's also how you showed up. After reading what you contributed to the book, it's just full of your testimony and hearing his voice and things that came directly from him. And I've been super moved, like reading through any of the parts that you wrote, Elyssa as well. - Oh yeah. - And most of the book is actually Aaron, because he, I mean, and it's beautiful, the stuff that he has written and encapsulated here. He's given us so much of his life. And we really believe in this book. We think you should read it. We think you should go through it with your friends if you're a youth pastor, like do it in your small groups. - That could be great resource for small groups. - We do it in our School of Ministry in the small groups. And we just really believe in this because it's actually our life with God in a book here. And so you and me are gonna talk about the section, the revelation of the Father. - Maybe you my favorite. - Yeah, I mean, it's so good. - It's so good. Me and Aaron were saying that the first section is called slowing down. And once you slow down and you get in a rhythm of rest and that's when you begin to meet the Father. 'Cause I think about the life Jesus lived. He was not a rush. The way that he met the Father was going up on the mountain to pray, probably at really odd hours, you know, where and he was alone, right? And so that I think once I started to learn about living a slower life and incorporating Sabbath, going at Heaven's pace, that's when this became really real to me. - Absolutely. And I think it's like even logical. - Aaron starts this chapter by talking about a sermon that he preached and then he shares a story with Rosie about really about shame. And it's a picture of the Garden of Eden. It's a picture of our need for our Father. And he talks about this moment with Phil Smith that we've mentioned a few times where basically certain denominations have kind of put the Holy Spirit on a backseat. But I'm the spiritual Father of Phil Smith says, I'm concerned we've put the Father on the backseat. - Yeah, and we got a bunch of charismatic orphans. - Yes, and we act like orphans because we don't have the Father. Now if you look at the Holy Spirit's called the Spirit of the Father, and this is just where Aaron takes us is to this like we have a need and our need is Abba. - To be Father. - The Spirit actually cries Abba. This is our deepest need is to be reunited with our Father and to be defined by his voice, which is where Aaron takes it with the story of Rosie. So really, I love that section and it intros this whole part where we go to those places. And you, I would love to hear you talk about just your encounters with the Father around beautiful innocence, that section that you wrote. But really just this whole section is us talking about our experiences. - Our history. - Going back to those places being reconnected with the Father, which was Jesus's whole intent. Jesus is the way that the Father is our mediator, which if you think about it, if somebody's gonna be called mediator, it means they're standing in between two people. So we lost in the garden, walking in the cool of the day with our Father, on just full communion. This is what Jesus came back to restore and it's only fulfilled when we look at the Father and when we listen and we let them love us. - And we let Jesus lead us to the Father. - Yes, he is the way the only way. - Yeah, this whole thing, like the gospel, the whole point is a Father who wants to get back with his children. It's not like I'm just a sinner and Jesus can save me. It's like, okay, but it's all about God, the Father, wanting to restore connection and relationship on earth with his children. - Yes. - So yeah, I'll jump in and talk a little bit about this chapter. I'll kinda summarize and then I'll read a little bit, just a little excerpt. But when I sat down to write this, I really just had Aaron would kind of, we'd sit down after the kids went to bed and he'd be like, okay, I want you, I think you should write about the Father. And I'll never forget I would choke to a coffee shop and I'd be about to write and be like, I don't think this is my vision. I think this is Aaron's vision for the book and he needs to run with it and whatever. But it's so cool looking back on those times where I really had to press through and be like, no, this is mine to share like this. And so I just began diving into, he's like, think about your history. Think about the past decade, like where would he come from? - Really midwife in you. - Yeah, you and I listen to, I would hear phone calls. Like, I don't know what to write about. Well, she wrote about this, we love Aaron. Anyway, so I sat down at a coffee shop one day, I had like, I don't know, three hours, I think. And I realized like, whoa, I can't just start writing. Like even if I spent time with the Lord that morning and I was in my word and whatever, I would have to really connect my heart to him, which. So anyway, I start writing and I start thinking about Luke 11 where in verse one, it says, when he was finished, one of his disciples said to him, "Lord, teach us to pray." Jesus has just preached and they say, "Lord, teach us to pray." And Jesus answered with verse two, when you pray, say, our father. Now I've grown up my whole life hearing the Lord's prayer, our father who's in heaven, how it would be that name. But I think I wrote about the fact that we've kind of taken the father out of praying. But it all started with our father. And what's so interesting about this is that up into that point, no one had addressed God as father, which was shocking to me. He was Yahweh, Elohim, Adonai, El, but not Abba. So these disciples are looking at Jesus like father. What do you mean father? And then they're like, show us the father. And he's like, well, if you've seen me, you've seen the father. It just keeps going. Excuse me. But then I, so I start off with a little bit of scripture and then I think what I knew I needed to write about even though I was nervous to do it is just my own personal experience through writing a song that I wrote originally from my daughter Rosie. It's called Beautiful Innocence. And I basically just tell the story. I'll summarize it where I was driving to a song writing session one day. And one of my friends who I was writing with said, what's inspiring you right now? And like I'll say this in the book, but my baby sitter had canceled last minute so I brought Rosie and she was six, seven months old. Which at the time I was like, how am I going to write with this baby? And now I have almost four children and I'm like, that was piece of cake. Like you could write with a little six month old sitting on the ground. It's not the big deal. Anyways, it's funny. But I said the thing that's inspiring me is Rosie. Like I've just become a new mom. I want to give her the world. And he's like, he keeps asking me, so what else? What else? I love this about him. And he said, or I said, well, she's so innocent. And I don't want her to lose her innocence. And so got on the piano, started singing fast forward, three years later. I'm sitting at my piano again. I had-- Aaron is always my like-- he champions all of my songs. So for those three years in between writing it and what this story I'm about to tell, he's like, put it out, do something with it. And which I love about him. And at the same time, I was hearing the Lord say, whenever I'd go to him about it, he was like, no. This is like, wait, do not. And I even went and tried to track it one day. And I knew I was in disobedience the whole time. And it flopped. I came out with like a totally different song. I went in with my encounter, my melody, and I came out with a different song. And I was like, what just happened? And God's like, that's a waste of time. I said, wait. So three years later, I'm sitting on my piano, long story short. I am dealing with just something that's eating away at me. And all of a sudden, I hear this voice starting to sing the song over me. When these three years, I thought, I wrote this for my daughter, me and Aaron, we're like, let's put it out. It'll be, you know, for Rosie. And maybe we really sit on-- Yeah, we were just being human. Yeah, and like trying to be creative. But really, we needed the leadership of the father. And anyway, he just started singing this part over me. And so I'll just read a little bit. Yeah, a re-suction. Yeah, so I'm just crying on my piano. And this is-- yeah, it says, but then I heard a voice begin to sing. Oh, I saw an older man standing next to me. I didn't recognize him at first. But then I heard a voice begin to sing. Don't you lose your innocence. It's beautiful to me. But if you lose your innocence, come running back to me, which is the part that I had originally written for my daughter. Hot tears began to pour down my cheeks. I knew that voice. It was my father. He was singing my own song, the one I had thought I had written for my daughter back to me. I wept even harder. I ran into his arms. He knelt down the way a dad does after a long day of work, and I melted into him. That song was never just for Rosie. It was for me. It was my song of deliverance. Each lyric, each melody broke shame off of my life. Shame will keep us from running to the father. I had believed he was angry with me, that he didn't have enough time for me, that I couldn't ask too many questions without annoying him. But in that moment, all those lies dissolved. We were one. He was holding me, singing over me, dancing with me. I'll stop there. [INAUDIBLE] So it's really just my own experience of encountering the father and how that has changed everything in my life the way I mother, the way I'm a wife. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. Thank you for sharing that. This is so, so, so beautiful. Something that is standing out to me is this section that you read where he begins to sing over you. It's over two pages, but it starts on page 139, which I love, because it reminds me of Psalms 139, where he sees us. He knows us. He saw our unformed substance. Like he-- The father has this different relationship with us, and he can say things that completely redefine who we are because of this place that he holds. So if you're reading this, go to Psalms 139 as well. Yeah, that is so good. But really, this is such a beautiful encounter. And it's crazy, because as I'm reading this again, it dovetails so like, in a way, we couldn't have planned with what I wrote in the next section. Yeah, we weren't like-- Yeah. And then when I really-- You really think you write that, then I'll write this. Yeah. We were-- We were-- We were-- We were trying to fit it in. We just were like, this section's going to be about the father. Yeah, that was it. That was it. That was it. That is so true. And so you wrote this thing here that says, "Shame will keep us from running to the father." Well, where your chapter starts in Luke 11, mine starts in Luke 15. Oh my gosh. We could talk about it. And I actually put the whole-- the passion translation, because it had been inspiring me to see the father in a different perspective. So I put the entire story at the beginning, just to read. And then my section, the father's eyes, is a reflection on that story-- Wow. --with the prodigal son and the older brother. And I basically say, I would like to invite you to see this story as a story about eye contact and how we lose it, where our eyes and focus go, and what the father's actually longing for us to do, which is to look at him again, and find his eyes. If we can find his eyes, everything will change. And I just see your personal encounter here as him really finding you. And I would say my whole section about the father's eyes has been also a lifelong, just journey with the father. And learning that a God that has fell far away, I couldn't find him, has actually never taken his eyes off of me. And every time I look for him, I find someone that has been looking for me my whole life. That was hard to believe. My story with my dad's really complex. He passed away when I was eight years old. And I would hear these stories about him and how amazing he was. But if I looked for him, I couldn't find him. So I formed a relationship with God that was similar, where I know your legacy. I know who you were to all these other people I know. But for me, it's really up to me to live a life that's worthy of that legacy and your name. But I can't really talk to you. I can't really find you. I can't feel your arms around me or see your eyes. And because of that, I back to like in orphan internally, just feeling like it really is all up to me. I don't know how to ask for help. And anyone who has tried to serve God without him, without going to him directly, without him being your source knows that does not go well. It tears you up internally. You can get to really weird places. I was going to say what was the fruit of the bad fruit of that in your life? Oh my gosh. Self-medicating performance. It turns into the place of church or ministry now becomes where I get the affection. It becomes where I get where I sort of see if I'm doing well. Wow. Because I don't have this other person cheering me on, telling me who I am. That I was made for. Yeah. And Jesus really teaches this to us. By the way, that he lived, he does nothing without the father without seeing the father do it first. He talks about how we're branches on a vine which just speaks to like, we need a source. We can't be the source of anything. And so I have encountered the father now in this eye contact, in this gaze. Wow. Jesus has eyes of fire. I think the father is the same way when you look at him. It's his burning love. I think Jesus's eyes have fire in them because he's also looking at the father. Gosh, that's so good. I've gone on so many deep journeys with God around this eye contact. But basically in the story of Luke 15, I realized still now, I struggle to believe in a father that's that good, that this son is coming home and you can read the section, but he's coming home and the prodigal is giving the speech, like his own narrative of what he thinks should happen, which is crazy 'cause he's the one who's in shame, but he's telling the father, I know I'm not worthy to be called your son anymore. Like he's making all these decisions without the father and he's gotten to these weird places because the father's not been involved and the father knows if I can just get to him. So once he sees those steps coming home, it doesn't matter that he's so deceived about who the father is, the fact that he took steps towards the house, the father sprints to him and interrupts that speech, shuts it all the way down and he's like, my love, I will love you back to who you were really called to be. I know and I'm now actually in this moment being reminded of another song that just led me on this journey that informs a lot of what I wrote, but I was actually sitting in the prayer room at IHOP years ago and this girl began to sing a chorus, you don't wait till I'm clean to embrace me. Could it be your embraces, my cleansing? And just this, this is our relationship with Abba. He doesn't need us, we need him, yet he is the patient one. He is the pursuer and he doesn't need us to clean up our acting, he's confident in his ability to wash us, to clean us, to bring us back to who we really are. - Through his son. - Through his son, yes son is the way. - And love that you said there's fire in Jesus' eyes because he's looking at the father. - Yeah, he's been loved by Abba. - Yes. And so the stuff in this chapter that I wrote it really did change my life. And I was actually reminded too that around the time I think when I started writing this, there was something crazy happening with our students and we did a prayer set together where we sang about his eyes. - I didn't find that. - Yeah, and somehow this flame that is talked about and in the eyes of Jesus, like I said, just in God, even though a fire feels like so intense, I believe the light of the father's face that's talked about in the scripture, it's the same fire in Jesus' eyes. And when we find that place, that light, it's where we actually come alive and it's also the safest place for us to be. Inside the flame, exactly. Inside the flame of his love, but the flame that is his jealousy and the fear of the Lord, it's the safety of the father's embrace. So that's really what we're inviting you into in this whole section of the book. And we're so excited to share this with you guys. It comes out officially on August 25th. You can pre-order the book before that. I think now you can pre-order the book. So go ahead and do it. We want to hear too. When you start reading, please share with us how the Lord encounters you through this stuff. So-- We love you guys. This book is meant to be a resource to you. It's an offering to the Lord first and foremost, just from our lives. But we really wanted it to be a resource for you on how to connect with the father. So hope it helps. Love you guys. Yes.