Welcome to Growl Classic, I'm your host Superfan, Gio Boni, this is the Pond Piaz, we play the best moments highlights and fans electing clips from all 17 years of the Adam Corolla show. Maybe I can gain access to the ad free archives of the Adam Corolla show, as well as the Adam Doctor Drew show, and the newer podcast Feed It Out. Make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack, adamcorolla.substack.com. Sign up, subscribe, and listen ad free. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us at
[email protected], now on to the clips. For the first day we have Adam Corolla show 11/16, Todd Phillips, Toad Wet Sprocket, in studio, performing live, the episode also features Dean Dining, Randy Gus, David Wilde, not in this portion, Allison Rosen-Bride Bishop, are in, this one's from 2013, check it out. Make sure to check out Adam Corolla's sub-stack, adamcorolla. If you'd like to request a clip, please email us at
[email protected], now on to the clip. The slide is the same, seeing that I already forgotten we'd care, walk on the ocean, step on the stone, a flesh becomes water, wood comes home, walk on the ocean, step on the stone, a flesh becomes water, wood comes home. Back at my own stand, where the air makes you choke, and people don't know you, trust it is a joke, we don't even have pictures, just memories to fall, grow sweeter each season, so we slowly grow. Wow, I'm loving some soda, let's rock it. Thank you. Randy, play rings on the drums while I do my stamps.com spot, there you go, that's right, stamps. Oh, circles, stamps.com, bailing and shipping could be a challenge, not any more or not. Hello, and welcome to Pluto foe. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. For all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long, catch anchor man, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Welcome to the real world. Mean Girls. Side up. Tite and ink. From the key in the world. And so much more, for showtime, press nothing, they're free 24/7. That is so fast. On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Right, those Adam Cole show 11/16, tell the wet sprocket Glenn Phillips in studio, live, awesome. Great performance. So next, we have Adam Cole show 9/49, the very first one on one with Judd Apatow from 2012. It's Adam and Judd, one on one, talking about everything. Really great conversation. Hope you guys enjoy it. Oh, oh, oh, Riley, auto parts, yeah, they're in the business, keep your car in the road. You know that? They offer friendly, helpful service and the parts knowledge you need to maintain and repair your car. Oh, I got race cars. Race cars are funny. They're high performance, but they're simple. So you can work on a lot of the stuff yourself and that's why I always go to a Riley. They've got thousands of parts and accessories in stock, either in store or online. So you never have to worry if you're in a jam. Their team can test your battery for free in or out of the car. So if it needs to be replaced, they'll help you find the right one and if you need windshield wipers replaced, the brake light fixed or a quick service, they've got you covered as well. I've come in there scrambling before and been astonished and how friendly and helpful everyone is there and they know their stuff. They even held the door for me last time as it the one in Glendale. The professional parts people, the Riley Auto parts are your one stop shop for all things auto do it yourself and you can find what you need either in store or online. So Riley, right Dawson, stop by O Riley Auto parts today or visit them at orilyauto.com/atom. That's orilyauto.com/atom. Hello and welcome to Pluto foe. We're all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch anchor man, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix trilogy. Yeah, get it on, got to get it on no choice but to get it on mandate, get it on and welcome to the show. Got a special one on one with the meat of genius, Judd Apatown. Good to see you Judd. It's great to be here. Thank you for inviting us over to your place of work. Thank you for that intro. So I had one of the greatest experiences of my life watching this is 40 on a few different levels. One, I'm a massive Grand Parker fan. There you go. Huge Grand Parker fan, a nutty Grand Parker fan. That's a lie. And oh, I knew you were because there's no other way he would have played such a pivotal role in your film. So I'm a massive Grand Parker fan and I had Grand Parker on my podcast the night before. And I've been talking to our friend David Wilde from Rolling Stone and he keeps, he knows I'm a huge Grand Parker fan and he keeps saying, oh, Grand Parker's in this Judd Apatown thing and I'm in it too. And you're probably like me and it's probably one of the reasons your wife is busy you a lot, which is everything that someone announces you immediately downgrade. Like, all right. So he's decided, first off, it's not a Judd Apatown film. He's probably lent his name to something. It's probably some student doing something who gives a shit about Grand Parker. David Wilde. Come on. It's not like the camera loves you. This can't be good. Like this. Okay. So I was immediately doing this rounding down, which I do with everything, including things I'm involved in. Yes. So just round them down all the time. Your expectations always the number one movie as we tape this is Wreck it Ralph for this weekend, which I'm in. And at the time I was doing it, I was like some bullshit, Disney, something, it must be some parent company or some, some, some offshore company to Disney, this is probably going straight to DVD. I'd, I'd convinced myself this was biggest hit of your career. Yes. And although at the time, it was nothing, I didn't know what it was called an annoyance, a distraction at best. So I said to Grand Parker, oh, well, I'm going to see this Judd Apatow film tomorrow that you're still in or did they cut you out of it? And he's so genuine and so, I don't know. He's so gracious. He was like, no, I think I'm still in it, you know, and I said, well, I didn't know the movie was really the A or the B story or the B story is really Grand Parker. As odd as that is, yes, because I love those guys, like you love those guys who are, you know, he's one of the great rock and roll artists of all time. He, in a weird way, he never got gigantic like Elvis Costello did. All those guys kind of stole his thunder. He came out in the mid 70s and then suddenly the clash and punk hit and, and he never got giant. But to me, listening to him for the last 30 years, I just always thought, I love this guy. I love what he's saying. [BLANK_AUDIO]
funny. I think he rocks. He's got a strange voice. He's weird like me. And I think it sucks that the world has not embraced him like he's Michael Jackson. Yes. And that's always like a funny fight between me and Leslie, which is how many people I embrace like that who never got giant that I forced her to listen to all the time as if it is Michael Jackson. Every ride home from every night out with my wife because as I was watching the movie and I was just I was just seeing myself and my wife in these roles. Every dinner goes a couple glasses of wine, then a drive home, and then a me saying, let's see what the 80s satellite station is playing. And then it's a quick men without hats. And then I plug in my grand parker and I crank up a stupid faction or something as loud as I can. I go, but, but no one's ever heard this song. This will never nobody will ever hear this song. This will never get played on the rate of this. Nobody. They won't crack the 80s station. It won't crack the first wave station. They will not play grand parker. And then my wife, I can win her over. Like she'll go, this is good. I can't win her over. Never. Never. I've never really won her over to any of us. We had this yesterday with the Billy Joel song pressure came on. And I'm just as soon as it's on, it's like, dude, and I'm like about to have the greatest few minutes in my life. And she's like, I can't do it right now. I can't do the pressure. We gotta change it. And then she has her old version of songs that she likes. And I tolerate them, but she's a channel changer. Well, what I have, I have the greatest, you know, my wife's a nutty, a nutty Bruce Springsteen fan. So I have endless nights with Bruce backing up Graham. That's the bridge. That's our bridge song. So the movie I was saying on my podcast, speaking of your wife, who starred in the movie, I think there could be some Oscar buzz here. I really do. And I know it sounds like so much smoke being blown up, Judd Abtow's asked, but I really do mean it. I said her performance had a million layers to it. She, it wasn't just the comedic performance. I mean, and this isn't just a comedy. It's two hours and 19 minutes of 13 minutes. Okay, I say half hour shorter than the Hobbit. That's how I describe it. Right. It was a half hour shorter than the Hobbit of a sort of emotional roller coaster. And Leslie, your wife who starred in the film had great comedic moments and great moments of sorrow and great moments to sort of mix the two together. And, you know, there was laughing, there was crying, and I just thought as I walked out of the theater, I said, this could be an Oscar nod. Do you think that way? Well, how I was going is, you know, when you're in the world of comedy, you don't think about awards that much because for some reason, people seem to value pain and anguish and seriousness more than a rainbow of emotions in a comedy. I think what she does, there's just so difficult. And I mean, to go that deep into yourself, to reveal that much and be that vulnerable both in a comedic way and a dramatic way is, it's almost impossible. It really took a lot of courage for it to go that far. And yes, people tend to appreciate people who are in costume dress or are doing accents. And that kind of emotional realism isn't always, you know, appreciated as much as it should be. I certainly think she deserves the highest recognition. And I feel bad putting her through it. I mean, you know, the whole movie is a little bit of a funhouse mirror of our lives, things we're observing, things we're making up. And you know, it was both a joy and really painful to make the movie. Well, so many parts of the movie seemed like they were just torn from the pages of your life and your home life and your personal life. I mean, a lot of stuff seemed like well, you couldn't write that. Or you could write it, but you couldn't make it up. It had to come from somewhere, at least have some some kernels of truth in there somewhere. And so the film becomes pretty cathartic for herself and for you. And then you're having to direct your wife, which seems almost insane to me because I can't imagine. I mean, I can't have my wife drive the car when I'm in it unless I'm completely loaded, which is only half the time. I don't really have a problem with booze, but I mean, like an argument will break out, I try to write a book. And I said, listen, you're going to type and I'm going to dictate. And we got about a paragraph in and fist started flying and feathers and hair and nails. And I said, fuck it. I'm getting a guy in here to write this because this is never going to work. That's yeah. Now that's that's how it works with us. We just keep going. It's because, you know, when you make movies like this, they're a little bit like, you know, it's like a novel where a lot of it is truthful. A lot of it is made up to just make it work. But you are emotionally accurate as to the basic positions that everybody has. So Leslie will not barge into the bathroom if I'm spending too much time on my phone trying to escape everybody in the world. So the movie's a little bit like, here's what I think would happen. If she took the next step and we had a huge fight while I'm on the toilet, which on one level is funny, but also a real fight about like, why are you running away? Why do you need a break from us? Right. And so it's both comedic and sad at the same time. And for people who don't know, the story, this is 40, is the story of Paul Rudd's character and Leslie's character who from the 40-year-old virgin. So knock it up, knock it up. Oh, man, let me tell you my 40-year-old virgin story. From knocked up, and it's kind of interesting, because it's got a little element of, hey, we're the Jefferson's and we're going to spin this one off. And it's what happens. It's following now that couple, which I thought was really interesting. And the whole Grand Parker comes in when Paul Rudd quits his gig over at Sony, decides to start up his own label and is doing that same thing where you're going. But this guy is so good. Why don't people know about this? They should be waiting in line to get his album and all that. And Parker was great in it. And I'll get to more Parker, ask his thing in a second. The 40-year-old virgin story is funny because Ivan Rightman, who's not the nicest guy in the world. He's not an asshole, but he is one of these guys. He's got a lot of money. Time is precious. And when he gives you notes on a script, you should implement them. Otherwise, he's pissed off that he took the time to give you the notes and then read it and didn't see any of his notes and blah, blah, blah. So at a certain point, about 10, 12 years ago in the middle of the man's show, Ivan Rightman got hold of me and Jimmy and said, we should do a movie with you two. Like, I don't know. Like a road movie with the two of you, like Crosby and Hope and whatever. And we said, okay. So he said, go come up with some ideas and come back and see what you think. And I said, okay. And Jimmy and I thought about it. And then we thought, you know, it'd be funny. It'd be funny. Jimmy, you were like a 33-year-old virgin. You had the number wrong. I know. At the number wrong. You're like that. You're like 33-year-old virgin. And I was your buddy. And I was going to get you laid. And we went back and pitched it to Rightman. And Rightman, like someone's got to make a movie about my life where I pitch everyone their fucking ideas five years in advance. And he goes, no, no. He goes, nobody's going to buy a 33-year-old virgin. And we're like, well, we think it's funny. And he said, no, no, no, move on. Next idea. So we came up with the next idea. I had that a few times. I went out with the idea and had a few studios turn it down. Right. So even after, you know, I pitched it after Anchorman thinking, oh, now people will kind of be up for our kind of comedy and these actors and Karel was so funny in Anchorman. Sure. It seemed like a no-brainer. I had multiple people look at me like they had no idea what I was talking about. What is that? And why? And I know you'll never in the realm of comedy at least. You're just, you're just never trusted. So you just have to get enough juice to sort of be autonomous and do your own thing. No one believes in their own sense of humor. So especially in comedy, they like hiring people who have succeeded because at least they could tell their bosses, well, he succeeded on the last one. But if you haven't had a big hit, it's really hard to bring innovative ideas to people. But you have autonomy now because I'm sure, because when I walked out of the theater and I said, well, that was a rom-com, essentially, I'm sure, I don't mean that in a degrading way. But it was a romantic comedy and it was over two hours. If he had some guy, if he had a bunch of suits hovering around, they'd make sure it was under two hours. So he must have autonomy. That's what I thought.
Like over the cut, over the final cut, over the product. - Well, I have a good, excuse me, you cut that later. I have a very good relationship with the studio, but would they be happier if it was an hour and 42 minutes? Yes, and do we have those conversations? We do, but I do think that there is a moment where you start shortening a movie where it gets worse because you lose a lot of the characters and the colors and details that you need. So I like that range of just over two hours for movies and a lot of my favorite movies, like Terms of Endearment or at that length. Some people, they just want to get out of the theater as soon as they get in. They want a 90-minute movie. But if I like a movie, I'm not in a big rush to leave. That's my general theory. I feel like when a movie's a little longer, you're saying these people are worth your time. - Right. - And if a movie's awful in long, it is a painful experience. - Yes. - That's true. - Yeah, I feel sometimes like when movies are short, it's a little bit of an apology. Like it's a little bit of, well, we didn't have that much to tell you or we didn't have this. - I've friends who have movies that they're not working and they're like, yeah, but we got it down at 88 minutes. I've had friends tell me that they're having the issue with it's now too short. It's almost not even a full movie, and they just keep cutting to make it a, at least a pleasant brief experience. - Well, no executive ever got fired for saying, pace it up. - That's true. - And when in a place where nobody has a sense of humor, so nobody really has anything that can add to the conversation or to the product, they always just say, pace it up, and that's about it. It just be like, if you were a personal trainer who had no experience and didn't know what to do with a person, but always said, you should make your cock wider and just left the room. No one would ever fire you. I mean, you can't argue with that. - Hard to accomplish. - It's hard to accomplish, but yet you wouldn't go you're wrong, get back here, you're totally wrong about girls, you have no idea what you speak of. You just go, well, all right, but how do you do it? And then they go, well, that's up to you. But you should pace it up and widen your cock. And that's executive, just go, pace it up. That's what I want. - Well, it's a tricky environment right now because people are going to watch movies at home. They have the Netflix, they're TVs. Look how big my TV is. - Oh, is it 70, 60 or 70? - That's it at least, yeah, that'd be 80. So I've got a big TV there. And so why would you leave your house? So we're all trying to figure out what gets you to leave your house and pay way too much money for parking and $11 for one popcorn. And I'm hoping with this is 40, you leave your house because it's an original movie and it's a good movie. But you do really need some sort of hook. And for most people, it's just that it kicks ass or special effects or some visual thing that you can't experience on your iPad. You know, this world of human characters and having an emotional experience in the theater with other people is becoming a little more rare, but I'm still going for it, I'm still trying. - I love the, for me, I just know myself and I know that if I sit down and try to experience a movie, especially one that's over two hours, soup to nuts, it's not going to happen in my house. At a certain point, I'm going to announce, I've got to take a piss, I've got to get a drink, I've got to get some to eat. I mean, as long as there's that pause button that's just winking at me, come on, friend. Come on, we're good buddies. I talk to your thumb, he misses me, come on. You're not going to miss anything, it's pausing, right? - I'm okay with that, by the way. - I know, man, if it takes days to watch the movies, I actually, when funny people came out and it was long, I said, you know, people will enjoy this more at home 'cause they can go take a piss. - I found, but I find it takes away from my sort of overall experience. - Disappearing into it. - Yes, yes, the fact that the phone's ringing down the hall. - I'm not talking about phones, I'm saying peeing. You've got to shut your phone. - Yeah, no, I mean, my thing is, I'm in my environment. I am X amount of pace is away from my refrigerator, my computer, my whatever, and I can hear my home phone ringing down the hall and it pulls me out of it. So I like to go see it. I like funny people, by the way, quite a bit. And I thought, I don't know if it was underrated or didn't get its due, I'm not sure exactly how to describe that film. Well, the reviews were good for the most part. Some were mean. Everyone saw some, but I think that a movie like that, it was expensive because I wanted to show what a rich guy's life is like. So if you wanna say, okay, we're gonna make a movie about a rich guy and how, when he gets sick, he's in the same position as everybody else, you do need to shoot in some crazy $30 million house, which is expensive. - Right. - So it was an expensive movie. And it's a hard movie because there's not that much to root for. You're not rooting for Adam to get Leslie Mann to leave her family and be with him. You kind of feel bad that you're realizing that he's so damaged that he can't see how shallow he is. - Right. - But we know those guys and I wanted to spend some time exploring the darkest side of friends from our comedy world that no matter how much they get, they're still unhappy and to show how difficult it is to be friends with them. And a little ray of light that he's beginning to see that he should be a better person. But I liked exploring that. I thought a lot about people, like Dangerfield, who I would see at the improv, and he would go on at one in the morning and a bathrobe and he'd say to the crowd, yeah, life makes perfect sense and then you come. And then he would go on these really dark rants. He'd look at women in the crowd and go, oh yeah, yeah baby, you'd change my life, you'd change my life, you'd make it all work. And it was so dark and I wanted to talk about that, that fame doesn't make you happy at all. If anything, you're suddenly just faced with all the things that are really wrong with you because you can't still be chasing something and distracting yourself. Okay, you've won. Now you're just stuck with this asshole that you are. Well, not only that, I know you're talking about me, not only that, but when you're poor, it's bigger than that or I'll do a good, yes, ending with that, which is when you're poor, you feel like the reason you're unhappy 60 to 70% of the times 'cause you don't have money. That's true, yes. And it's a pretty easy math to do. There you go, fucking eating it, shaky's again. I'm bummed out, like if I could just afford something, the sizzler, I'd be happy, or if I could get myself into a car with some air conditioning, or man, if I could just get my own house or whatever, imagine the ladies I could get if I drove this car and had this kind of money and blah, blah, blah. So, and then you turn on the TV and every single image is about money and vacation and a big screen TV and a sports car and all that kind of stuff. So, if you don't have money in our society and you're unhappy, it's pretty easy to draw a straight line to just if I had money, I would be happy. And so the celebrity and the famous is part of it, but the fact that you have money and you realize it doesn't really make a difference in the happiness department, that's a bitter pill. And I don't know how poor you've been in your life when you had a grow up. - Well, you know, both my parents went bankrupt at some point when I was a kid and I got into USC film school and I had to drop out after a year and a half 'cause no one could pay for it. And actually the reason why I'm a writer is because I was doing stand up and I needed to pay my rent and I realized that none of these comics would write for other comics 'cause they wanted to be stars so they wouldn't want to give away any good jokes. But I had to pay my rent so I started writing jokes to make money and then that just took off but it was all because I had no money. - Right, and do you feel like you can change fundamentally who you are or who you were or this sort of nature, nurture argument and then at a certain point, nurture yourself, not your parents nurturing you, but how different can you be and is there time to change and how different do you feel? - I am shocked that I feel exactly the same way I felt when I was 13 years old and I can't shake it. And it's, you know, I really feel like you're wired in certain years of your life to be insecure or nervous, you know, just to react to certain way in certain situations and I have spent my whole life reading so much self-help going to so much therapy. But, you know, if I turned to walk out that door and you tapped me on my shoulder, I probably would flinch. - Right, more than was appropriate for knowing who's in the room. - Sure. - And my level of insecurity does not change regardless of how well things are going. And how do you balance that against reality? I mean, you know, you're very successful. You know, you've made movies that have grossed millions of millions of dollars that this next one's probably. I mean, like, honestly, as somebody who's seen a lot of movies and understands comedy well, this was just a very well crafted.
piece of work. Thank you. And it just there's some movies that make you laugh where you sort of realize, ah, maybe you shouldn't even be laughing, but you're laughing anyway. And then there's some movies where you go, geez, that movie was funny, but for some reason I wasn't laughing. And there's sort of all, you know, there's a part of you that watches a movie like a movie goer. And then there's a part of you that watches a movie like a professional. Like this is my industry. Yeah, I have not that I mean that my industry. This is the industry I could be in if I was in my industry. But this is this falls under the umbrella of comedy. And I'm going to watch this comedy as a viewer and then also as somebody does comedy for a living and sort of combine those two thoughts and share that experience. And the movie was just had a bunch of, well, obviously he had Cran Parker in it. So my pussy was moist going into it as soon as Paul Rudd explained that he had two albums on the Rolling Stones top 100 of all time. I almost like stood up when he got damn right. He does. But, um, but I just thought it was incredibly acted and very well directed and and but written in a way that was I I like something that's a little bit substantial. Like I love like I love like crimes and misdemeanors because I said the best. Yeah, because laughs and jokes are great and it's hard hard to achieve. But if you can work in a message and you can work in some some sprinkle some salt in with that sugar every once in a while, like then you've really made a product versus just a comment. I mean, that's the, I mean, that's for me is the trick when I'm making movies. I try to think of a premise that people will want to go to. I try to make it funny enough that people really like the movie. And then it's how much of that can I slip in? How much of, you know, my deepest thoughts and things I'm struggling with. Can I put in the movie while keeping it entertaining? And it's like you were saying about nature versus nurture. A lot of the movie is also about how do you, how do you shake who you are? Paul Rudd, you know, his dad is Albert Brooks in the movie. And when you have a dad like Albert Brooks, Brooks's character who's kind of overbearing and needy, it makes you the kind of guy that hides in the bathroom with your iPad. Right. And you know, Leslie's father in the movies played by John Lithgow, who kind of abandoned her to start a new family when she was a kid. And that makes you the kind of person who's desperately trying to get your husband out of the bathroom to pay more attention to you. And even though those wounds happened 30 years ago, it becomes your imprint for your behavior. And so a lot of the movie is also about these projections we put on other people. And it's what makes relationships so difficult is you're not just fighting with your wife. You're actually fighting with like your whole history of how you, your mother, how you perceive women, all your experiences. And that's why people go at each other so hard because they don't realize that's what they're doing. Yeah, that's where all the energy comes from. I mean, we've all seen it. I mean, when I used to be a carpenter, I'd go to people's houses. And I'd be talking to some woman about bass shoe versus quarter round. And she'd like, start crying and throw her hands up and go, I can't believe you screwed up the bass. And I would say to them, it's more than one woman in her house. I don't know you. I don't know where this is coming from. Obviously, I represented males and probably her father and God knows what the hell went on with him. But these tears from, we've known each other all of 45 minutes and you're breaking down into a heap. It seems like a lot for the relate constructions. Very stressful. Very superficial relationship we're having. Yeah, I would go into everyone's house. It was always weird because you're in their house. So it was sort of intimate like you're working in their bedroom and stuff. I always wonder if like a worker is going to sexually attack you. Yeah. So there's always that feeling that I don't know this guy. Oh yeah. He's alone in my house. Yeah. And and left alone. And it was funny. Every single, it was always universal that the men were scared to make a decision without the woman's consent. So if the man was there and I said, well, we're just going to go ahead and go with the dark walnuts instead of the cherry. Oh, because they're right. He did. No, no, no, wait. Tell Sharon come sound because he doesn't want to take shit about that. No, I wouldn't pick a knob without Leslie. I wouldn't pick anything. I mean, if someone says, what about this carpet? I'm like, you have to talk to Leslie. I the trouble I'll get into right now for picking the wrong carpet. Yeah, it's not worth it. You got to pick your battle. I would I would live in anything with any color just to not have those fights. See, I'm exactly the opposite, which is and I don't, I don't know. I bought a house. I bought our house without discussing it with my wife. Well, that's that's bold. Yeah, that's just bold. And she brings that up a lot. I know. Here's my question for you because I'm your relationship is confusing me in several ways. One is, how is it possible that you could buy the house and have her not kill the deal. And also the fact that she ultimately will enjoy the Grand Parker song and not get more upset make you shut it off. Well, the Grand Parker stuff, again, I'm preaching to the Parker choir here, but when you listen, when I force her, but she's not mad, you're forcing her. That's where it ends right there for me. She gets into the car and we just listen to the up escalator straight on through. She likes those songs. Like they're just good songs. It's hard to argue with a lot of those songs. It's not like, you know, my buddy who's sitting in front of you trying to get me into fish, you know, that's a hard sell. Like, look, I've not, I've not eaten any space cakes and you're not suckin' my dick and I'm not staring at a kaleidoscope. It's fucking high noon and we're in a car. This is a tough sell. The song's 80 minutes long and it's not going to work. Like, but the Parker stuff is short. It's poppy. It's got good hooks to it and they've never heard it before. So it's a good woman. You're married to a good woman. I'm married to a good, open-minded woman who says, I will give your, and I got her on to John Hyatt. So I started good. I started. I don't know if I can pull that off a little bit. I got her. I got her on to John Hyatt. John Hyatt, then I moved her. Hyatt was what you call stepping stone artist. You know, that's like the weed. Now I got her on the smack. I'm gonna get her mainlining the Parker any day now. Tyoff, baby. Now I enjoyed your movie last night. Oh, you did. This doesn't have to be just talking about my movie. Wow. So you sent over your movie and you know, people send over movies and you say, okay, I'm gonna put this in. You don't know the quality level you're gonna get when people slip you their movie. And so I'm like, okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna show Adam respect. I'm gonna, I'm gonna watch this. I put it in at about seven o'clock last night. I'm sitting with my wife Leslie and my daughter Iris. We let her watch our rated things. Sure. And unless it goes violent. Sure. And I think, I bet you I get 10 minutes out of Leslie before she wants 60 minutes. Right. And we watched the whole thing. We could not have had a better time. Wow. And the night before I made her watch like an art film that people think is is is a great, great art film. And then which she didn't care for thought a lot of it was false. And she said, there's not one false beat in in the hammer. There's not one false moment. Wow. And we were laughing our asses off. And the whole time we're like, this movie is great. How come I don't see this movie like that? It's on like HBO every five minutes. Thank you. A couple things. I have a theory on and again, that praise coming from from someone like yourself is to get me Leslie. She was laughing her ass off. We really did have kind of a great time and with my with my daughter. And also the use of construction detail as comedy really was making us laugh hard. The Jane Lynch scene was super funny. All the like the scenes at work were really funny. But Leslie's tough. I would not be mentioning her her name if she gave if she gave it to eight minutes because most people don't get past eight minutes. Right. I'll answer all those questions. And thank you. I have a theory that I'd like to float first, which is yes, people. I send the movie to people, especially people like yourself. And you know, the batting average on them seeing it is usually very low because people are busy. But I have a theory. And I I'm sort of a student of psychology. And the theory goes that most products are bad. Most DVDs that people, you know, I was on K Rock long enough and had enough people hand me their band tapes and CDs and stuff like that. Now, as they're handing them to me, and they're explaining their sort of a combination of Pearl Jam and up with people. And I'm already thinking to myself, okay, this is going. I'm not going to throw it into the garbage. I will show you the respect of not throwing this in garbage in front of you. But this is never going to make it into my CD player. But I wish my hand was a shredder. So it'd be nice or cooler my mouth because that'd be impressive. Or my ass actually would be the ultimate shredder. I will listen to those things sometimes. I think there's always a chance that now I'm not an enormous amount of stuff.
But I have made the mistake of not looking at things that people said, "Oh, you should look at that." I didn't, someone gave me foot fist away, the Danny McCoy, Joe DeHill movie. - Sure. - And I had it sitting on my desk for six months. I did not bother to look at it. And then Adam McKay saw it. And him and Wilphail released it under there, their banner. And I just waited too long. And ever since then, I try to look at as much of it as I can, tiny furniture, the Lena Dunham movie. Someone said, "Hey, you should see that. I watch it that night." I'm like, "I am not going to screw up again." - I did a foot fist away, and your movie as well, where I thought, "Well, this is great. It's really, really good." - I thank you. And I think psychologically, most people, friends included, assume it's going to suck because they do the math. Like, look, it's hard enough to make a comedy. And it's hard enough for people who make comedy, for the professionals to make comedies. You don't do this, how you're going to do this. And so there's a certain amount of healthy skepticism and it's based in reality, which is every single time someone hands me one of these things, nine out of ten of them suck. So instead of seeing it and having to lie to you, and say, "Hey, it was cute." That was pretty good there. Jane Lynch was fine. You cannot see it and thus save, protect yourself from having to lie, because it's much easier to say, you know what, I'm sorry, I just couldn't get to it, than lie, for most people emotionally. - I'm trying to think what I would have done if I hated it, because I guess I'm taking that risk by watching it, that if I hate it the next day, I could say, I didn't see it, or would I just look you in the eye and tell you what was wrong with it, which is probably what I would have done. - Really? - I think I probably would have told you what was wrong with it. - Just because as a professional, to show you that respect, and then maybe it would be helpful to hear someone not bullshit you, I think I might have told you, well I guess it depends on how bad it is, 'cause some things are so bad, you feel like people are insane. You literally feel like, "Oh, this person's literally lost their mind." And then some things are too bad, 'cause they're like too dirty, or like their pitch is wrong. Like it's really gross. What was, I thought, interesting about the movie, was that the tone was just right on the money. That was just, you know, it was really funny, but it was realistic and it was really, completely tuned into your comic sensibility, in a way that was really surprising. And surprising that there's not more. And then I instantly felt like, why hasn't he made another movie or done something else to follow this up, since this so clearly worked so well, even if it's just a demonstrate to somebody else that you know what you're doing? - 'Cause I don't get to make movies, 'cause there's a list and you're on it of people that get to make movies and then there's everybody else who paid for it. Well, we paid for it. But we have to try to, you know, it's one of these things where people say to me all the time, "Hey, when are you gonna make another movie?" And I go, well, soon as I find another million bucks laying around and I get another year off, I'll make another movie, except for, I don't know when I'm gonna get a year off. And I don't know what I'm gonna do. - It's like a Howard Stern thing. - Yeah, it's hard. - He made one really good movie, and you think, "Well, now we'll make another movie," but he's just basically too tired. - Well, that movie was shot was funny, because there's never a good time to make an independent movie. Meaning the good time is when you're out of work and you're 21 and you're gonna max out someone's credit card, but not when you're working. And I was working full time doing morning radio and other jobs. And I was just getting up at five every morning and doing four hours of morning radio and so on and so forth. And I had a two week break, like a Christmas break. And I knew the shoot would be about four weeks or 23 days or 22 days or something like that. So I said, "Look, we can shoot the first two. "Well, I have two weeks to shoot. "I have twins who just came home from the hospital "when we started." This is another one of those. - The first timing you ever knew is my things. But I said, there's, I said to my agent, who was trying to talk me out of it the whole time, 'cause like, you're not gonna make any money. And again, how's this gonna work out? And who wants to see you do this? And there's a lot of like, you get punished in this town for being good at one thing if you want to try to do something else. You know, they go, "Well, you're a radio guy. "Radio guys get punished." - You can't make a country album. - That's right. - Jesus. - You'll read my mind. - No, the radio guys are like low, pretty low on the food chain, on the comedy food chain. - But you define yourself as a radio guy? - I don't, but no one's gonna let me make a movie. It's really how it works. And I realize that. So I was like, we're gonna have to make my own movie because no one's gonna let me make. No one's gonna have me star in their movie. It's a lot of like, confusion. You wanna do what? What makes you, a lot of like, why can you act? Then we say that like, what makes you think you're gonna act? And I'm like, you think Rob Schneider is a great Desvian? You know, I mean, you don't have to act. - That's the copy guy, come on. - Yeah, you just gotta act. - And it's a little surprising that you're acting is good. That is what they when the movie starts you're like, oh wow, he can act. And then you do have a beat where you're like, why can he act? Thank you. No, that's, look in a very positive way. Like, wow, he's very likable and he can act. And he's very comfortable with himself. And it's a very like a pleasant surprise. But I guess it is a surprise only because was there something else you had acted in before that? - No, I wasn't, I didn't have a resume of doing like shitty. - Yeah. - I mean, I did some telenovelas in the 80s. (laughing) We hardly talk about those. No, that's the point. It's how can you be this morning show or this late night radio show or whatever personality and then do this. You can't do this or that. You know, if somebody said to me, what do you think Paul Rudd would be is a morning radio show guy would be probably suck. And then they'd go, why? And I'd go, 'cause he's good at that other thing. That acting thing. And they'd go, yeah, but why couldn't he do a morning show? I'd go, please. - Well, like I hosted America's Top 41s. I filled in for Ryan Seacrest and I don't know why he asked me to do it, but he did. And I spent the whole morning just making fun viciously of every single artist and really making fun of their names and everything about their music. And then, no one ever mentioned it to me ever again. I think quietly someone probably said, what, how did this happen? This was a terrible, terrible mistake. But I think what the real lesson of the hammer is, is that, and it relates to like, this is 40, is there's a kind of a madness to making things. When we made this is 40, it's kind of a reckless act because my family's in it. I'm trying to say something really personal, but I'm also trying to be universal to everybody else. And it really could go wrong in a thousand ways that are humiliating and could cost people a lot of money. But you have to kind of just be so passionate that you have to make it. You have to just do it. And it's like the follow-up to the hammer. When you have an experience where you make something and you're proud of it regardless of distribution issues or people wanting to give you money for the next one, the way people succeed is you go, fuck it, I'm making another one. I don't give a fuck. I'll make the next one for a underground with the new Canon camera. And if that's where someone's passion is, they have to do it. Lena Dunham's movie costs 45 grand. And that's what's happening in film, which is the good stuff is cheap. A lot of the good stuff is going under 7 million or 5 million. Sometimes it's like the next Noah Bomback movie I heard it costs half a million dollars. And so that's how good things are going to get made. And it's going to be hard to make expensive dramas or comedies. But that's the future. I mean, obviously, it's so funny because everything, if you just sit back and look at it, even stuff like starting a family, it all sounds insane. Like, how's this going to work? This is never going to work. I'm twins, it doesn't work at all. It's just going to be a disaster. And I'm sure that you have-- that this momentum, like you get a personal momentum. And it can be a positive or it can be a negative. I mean, there's-- you know that once you start doing things, it's easier to do the next thing. You become a kind of Richard Branson type or something, where you go, fuck it, I'm buying an airline. And everyone's got to go, are you fucking nuts? You're buying an airline? Yeah, why not? But once you've bought an airline and got that running, is there any idea that Richard Branson can float? Where somebody in the room goes, no, boss, you're high. That's never going to work. I'm going to start a record label and sign Janet Jackson for 40 million dollars. I was, by the way, picturing you, filling in for sea crest with coming in at number 18. Someone else who isn't Grand Parker. Her name is Keesher J. Low or something. But anyway, she's not Grand Parker. So you get a momentum where you go, fuck it. And they all sort of build on each other. And you go, I can do the next one, because I did the last one. and do you know
I was thinking about this on the way in, and that the scary part about making a movie is, it's this thing of, there's always this fear that you get halfway into it and you look around and you go, maybe it makes no sense at all. Maybe this wasn't the finest idea. Do you have that when something's good, like, I don't know, something like 40-year-old virgin when you're having all those great scenes, just all those hilarious scenes? Was there a part of you that you got into that and looked around halfway at some point when Jesus Christ is going to be awesome? There is. I mean, I try to edit the scenes as I go and make the editors show me cuts of everything every day so I can get a feel for if it's working. But you are always terrified that you're completely wrong. So when we were making the 40-year-old virgin, we were coming off of Anchorman and Carell was so funny on the set, I've never seen anything like it. He could just riff in that character all day long and it was clear to me, oh, this is like the funniest guy, F, or this guy is so on his game, it's ridiculous. And then a week before shooting started, there was a show that he was a supporting actor on. It was a series they made six of and they were just burning it off and he had a terrible part on a terrible show and I just happened to see it like three or four days before shooting started. And I thought, well, it's okay, it's just a bad show. And it really scared me to my core that the movie was going to be bad because I thought, oh, look how wrong things can go. And it's something that's so wrong, look how Steve doesn't work at all. You wouldn't know he's like one of the great comic geniuses from this and it scared me. And an anchor band. He played such a crazy character. Now you're asking him to play a straight character essentially. Yeah, I wanted him to play it subtle. I wanted him to be real. It wasn't like a loud obnoxious virgin. In fact, they shut the movie down after three days, the studio shut it down because they didn't get what we were doing. They thought really much like an independent movie. They said that Steve looked like a serial killer like Jeffrey Dahmer and his members only jacket. And I think they just also didn't know if this subtle approach to the performance was working. And that'll scare you to when people think it's so unfunny that they pull the plug and pulling the plug costs like a half a million dollars. It's not right. And that happens on every movie. You get the plug pulled but there is a moment right in the middle where you do think, does this make any sense? I always think about the end. Does the end work? Will you feel like you've been through something and it's earned or is it just going to peter out? Right. That's why I wish you a lot of footage for the end because it's hard to get at them. There's only so many ends to movies. Everything works out. Everything kind of works out. Everything doesn't work out but they learned a lesson. Or it's just like a coin brother's life is fucking awful and that's it. Right. And you're always hitting one of those categories and trying to do it in a way people haven't seen a billion times. Well, the catch 22 of the ending is especially taken from a guy made a sports movie because when you make a sports movie, you get one and a half options on your endings like, does this guy win or is that guy win? And if you go, well, if this, if it all works out, then everyone saw it coming. No, but that was so easy. That's a great original. I don't want to give it away because I think that I am promoting this movie. It's probably on Amazon. And so I'm not going to give away the ending, but that, you know, we had that with Talladega Knight. Well, does Ricky Bobby just win the race and then at some point someone realized, oh, maybe, maybe he doesn't. You know, and there's another way to go about it. And that's the hardest part about all these movies is that little grace note at the end that you land on. My favorite one is the end of Terms of Endearment because it ends the funeral and everyone goes dead. I mean, it should be the saddest ending ever, but it works because Jack Nicholson shows her kids his pool. And he's like, you want to see my pool and suddenly there's hope. Yeah. I love, I don't know why I was thinking about parenthood the other day. Yeah. And I was trying to picture the movie where it ends. And maybe I was thinking about your movie, but where it ends with the baby. And you think the baby is the baby of the daughter, but it's the baby of the of the mom as I recall. Yeah. No, it's a great. It's a great movie. Definitely we thought about parenthood when we were making this. It has very similar notes of that. I felt notes as one of my favorite movies in terms of lots of comedy, lots of truth, lots of layers, lots of laughs coming off of tension, you know, where there's a couple of beats where the movie is comfortable enough in its own skin to go. I don't have to dance and tell jokes. I can we can have a serious moment or real moment here. And then the comedy is going to pay off that much more when we have just a couple of like or we're secure enough with our product that we can actually just be interesting for a moment and not be funny. Yeah. And you feel when you watch it that it really is personal to Lowell Gans and Pablo Mendel that that was their moment where they were on top of the world. They could do almost anything they wanted to do with Ron Howard. And they made something really personal that was real and funny. And that's how I felt like, oh, I'm allowed to do this now. I probably won't be allowed to do this for long. I can slip this in and with a lot of freedom and to see what happens. Well, what is so then as I was watching, I was thinking, I bet Judd, I mean, so Judd has a serious side and and then the comedy could be born out of some of the some of the pain or neuroses or whatever. But then I thought, you know, Woody Allen's done it and the other guys have done it. Bill Murray, different degrees of success. But I bet Judd has just a very straight movie in him or that he's been thinking about or wanting to do. I mean, without it with something that would not be called a comedy. I guess I, you know, I just think everything in life is funny. So it's hard for me to go into full drama mode because I think that our whole existence is ridiculous. What we're up against is ridiculous. What we're in denial of is ridiculous. And so it's all ultimately comedic to me. So when I see any movie that doesn't have any humor, I think there's something wrong with those people because it's just even at its worst, it's comic to me. But it's funny because we were talking about a review that came in for this is 40, which is a positive review. But if you tell that person would rather there be less humor like the one criticism was that it was, that it was so funny that they wanted to, they wanted a little more settled down dramatic moments in it. And that is the dance of being funny as once you're funny, you have to set a certain pace and rhythm for how funny you're going to be for an entire movie. And it is fun to be less funny sometimes. I enjoyed that and funny people, you know, the dramatic scenes where I love it is I'm an executive producer on Lena Dunham's show Girls where there is no audience. So we can do big scenes or full episodes that are not funny at all, and it's fine. You can do that on TV now on shows like Mad Men where they're, you know, it's all kind of funny, but they're dramas, that's the great space to do that. Your, your daughters in the movie were unbelievably good, like as I was watching, I was sort of just thinking, you know, this is a blessing and a curse like as a dad, you know, it's sort of like, you don't want your daughter to be a pig, but you don't want her to be Cheryl Ladd either because you're going to have a bunch of dudes calling up at all hours and it's like you'd like them to be like, you know, attractive minus the huge rack and the ass that doesn't stop. You know, like, you want them, you know what I'm saying? You have these talks, you have these talks, yeah, like a cute, I say to my wife, is this ass going to stop? What is this ass ever going to stop? We want it too. So I, your, your daughters are so, uh, Mad and Iris are so compelling and so good in this movie. And then of course, you have your wife as well, like, uh, I don't know what you do. Like I, I mean, what happens when they just announce, look, I want to be, I want to be emancipated, I want to be a scene, I don't want to be, I want to be like Drew Barrymore, I'm dropping out of school. I'm, I'm, I'm hiring, you know, an attorney and I'm moving, I'm moving on. Like, can you, do you want that for them? Do you want to rain them in and go, look, this is a special occasion, daddy directs you in a movie that he wrote, but you're not going out and starring in everything that comes out. So that's, that's, uh, the debate that we have in the house all the time, uh, which is when I think of a movie and, and want the kids to be in the movie, you know, it's partially because I don't want to meet other people's kids and I know it'll be so much better. It's their parents. It's not the kids. Let's be honest. Sometimes the kids, uh, but, but, um, but I know that if, if my kids, uh, Leslie's kids are in the movie, we're going to get a dynamic that you've never seen in a movie before with like a level of truth of how this family operates and that was exciting to me. I didn't think a lot about if they were great.
What I thought was if they are awful this is just a worldwide humiliation for my family if my kids are terrible Well, people are gonna look at you as a narcissistic asshole cuz they're gonna be like look at this guy I wouldn't even hire professionals puts his own family in there Well, I wouldn't mind I wouldn't mind that I just would be more worried about about them But so I tried really hard to make them you know to support them so they could do a good job And they are really hilarious. They've been watching us do this for a long time and they're good actresses But they're really interesting people so I was proud of that and proud to show that off Where we get in trouble is well, what if someone you know wants mod to be in a horror movie that shoots in Shreveport, Louisiana for four months. Am I gonna go? Right be a stage dad and sit on the set and you know and watch that and That's not really what the purpose of this was So our theory is this is it. This was just a one time Now where that breaks down is my daughter suddenly getting Offered something yeah, that we're jealous of What my daughter Anderson called mod what do we do? So we don't know what's gonna happen though, but you know, it's funny. She's got like 90,000 Twitter followers Yeah, and she's really interesting and funny and she writes for all these internet sites like hello giggles So I figure if I could teach her to to do a lot of things You know where she can she can act but she also can write and You know she likes to sing and Broadway type stuff then maybe you know, she'll find something that she likes to do But you don't want them needy for a claim or needy for approval like life isn't good unless I'm in a movie That's the part that We don't want we want this to be somewhat of an aberration But also something that says to her well, you have talent work hard. Maybe you'll be able to do something right and you as a former performer Don't pop up in this movie. I don't believe So you're sort of leading by example, which is daddy used to slay audiences, I did not slay audiences. I was not very good Okay, nice as sammies by the shore, right, but daddy slid gracefully behind the camera. That's right Yeah, so and then what about you doing acting and some of these things are you know, I did a I the only time I ever did is I did a cameo in funny people which I cut out which was which was a funny scene where Adam was shooting a Sequel to a hot dog eating competition movie and I was the director and I was trying to convince him to eat five hot dogs in one take Because it was a big crane shot and I there were no edits and I need to see him eat five hot dogs in this one shot And then it was Adam's just going no, not gonna happen We're not gonna happen and then I say what if we do one take and he's like nah, not gonna happen What if I do it in two pieces and it was just me Convincing him to eat five hot dogs and it was pretty funny But the movie was long and I removed it, but my stiffness was what was interesting about it because I've never been a good actor You know, you know, it's a good ploy. I would recommend for you and all your future endeavors You just go talk to your AD and your you know the camera guys and everything and go look don't roll on this one like don't burn any film or digital or whatever But put one scene for you in every, you know, whatever you're playing the UPS guy you're playing the director playing whatever and Then you cut it out. It's never in. Yeah, the point is is then when you get shit from whomever about cutting their shit out You go hey, I cut myself. I cut my shelf. I was the first guy cut out my film I know what it's like to be cut out film. Obviously we're fat with cut my scene out So don't complain about your see you just put a little scene of you that's just waste That's just an appendage. It could be cut off like a lizard's tail. Yeah, that would never grow back You just put that in every single move and no one ever give you any shit. That's a good idea But it's a good I was now I feel so again like so naive talking to Graham Parker the day before going to the cut Yeah, did he keep you? Yeah, I kept so much gets cut out. I didn't know he was in ten scenes He's he was very very good now, you know, the here's the thing with Graham to get back to the most important part of this sure I knew I needed a guy who was willing to be on screen as a guy who can't sell any records whose career Highlights were behind him. So we were sitting around like who should we get it? What about the guy from XTC sure to what about Joe Jackson and we know we just made the list of all the people that we really like But who aren't selling a lot of records? Oh look sharp and I'm the man nothing better, right nothing better nothing bad And and and the zillion records after that and so so we started You know trying to figure it out and then a friend of mine said look at Graham Parker's website And he had written this essay about how he wanted to have his music in more movies and he signed a new publishing deal And I read it and in the middle it said are you reading Judd Appetow? Wow And I thought well that is a sign that's just a weird Weird sign and then I went and had lunch with him and started delicately Telling him the story and he was just so amused by the idea of the musician who can't sell any records anymore So that because you need a guy on set who's not going to be sensitive Sure when you talk about it because it's unfair to most artists can't sell records anymore I've had that like when I used to do the man show you'd have that thing where it'd be like Yeah, no poly sure we're really interested in having you do a reoccurring feet Uh, well tenant working title douchebag of the week, but we haven't It's not I'm obviously there's some room for modify Poly but but I understand it's an homage. It's not we're making we're not making fun of you Like yeah, I've had that it's a sad time. It's like Larry Sanders We would have to have those conversations with people at the Larry Sanders show the funniest one was Bob Goldford was on the show And was you know hilarious. He's always been you know one of my favorites and He didn't realize that in all the scenes around him people would be shitting on him Right and making fun of him because that's how the show worked You know in the next scene whatever celebrity left the writers were gonna trash him and and he said To Gary he's like I didn't know that you guys were gonna gonna do that because I think it just said it bothered me because So much of what you said was true like a really bothered me He is a Bob's a friend And a very sensitive guy. I think a lot of comedians He's so great. I mean, I love what he's done. I mean when you talk about like, you know Just shooting that next movie. I lived with Adam Sandler when Sandler shot shakes the clown I mean this is one of the biggest moments in our lives What Sandler is making a movie with Bob Goldford and and Tom Canny and and Robin Williams was doing a big cameo in it and I remember me and Sandler going to To Bob Goldford's place and then Robin Williams came over and I were just like kids and then suddenly Robin Williams is there And our minds are blown we can bear a speak sure and then like he was very quiet He wasn't in like being funny mode But then maybe just once he said like one thing like oh look at Prince Well, we were like oh my god. That's the best moment of my life. Robin Williams the device. I think he's like a cockroach Which is like he's either standing still or he's going a hundred miles an hour like you don't see cockroaches Jog yeah, no like a cockroach. It's certainly making his way across the kitchen floor But it doesn't seem that much purpose. It's either he doesn't have a dimmer switch I think once either either to get the Baptist minister or you get you get nothing. Yeah. No, I so But Goldford yeah Goldford that was like at the you know the big moment in In Sandler's career. I remember he had the one joke where he said what are you doing in Sandler says nothing Just been juggling and shit and we thought that was the first laugh Sandler ever got In a move. How is that everyone is managed? I feel like this town is either half of them or friends with Robin Williams and the other half as friends with With Adam Sandler and then there's me I feel like I'm the only guy Who I I like both of them I respect both of them But I everyone's like I am me and Sandler back at NYU or Robin and San Francisco What happened? What we but you came out of where North Hollywood? I came out of North Hollywood Yeah, it might be the problem. You know me and Sandler we lived on Houston Street. We lived on Houston. I grew up on Houston. That's where we lived right by like the The Odyssey video. Yeah And we live there like a 1990 91 so we should have brought Shimmer. What were you doing in 90 91? I literally grew up on Houston street which is spelled OU not Houston I it's not or no mate. Maybe spelled fanatically. I'll figure that out It's in my book anyway. My family's house is on Houston street in North Hollywood and I Got out of North Hollywood high, which is down Magnolia boulevard there from Odyssey Odyssey is a like a blimp hanger for porn and Have they had like that huge porn section in the back. Yeah. Yeah, it was Houston with a you right. It was like Ten it's to be it is it there? Yeah, yeah, Odyssey. Yeah, it pretends that it's for normal movies But really that's just a front of nine billion movies and right and and so I grew up there. I went to North Hollywood high. I got out of North Hollywood high I started cleaning carpets and I started digging ditches and then I just started working construction And I never really knew comedy was was a viable, you know way
to make a living. And somewhere in the early 90s, I was living in La Crescenta with a couple of guys in a rental house. I was teaching boxing at a place called "Botties in Motion" and I was swinging the camera. Why did they take a movie? They got a lot of coverage. I know "Botties in Motion" got a lot of coverage. Yeah, I don't know. And by the way, if you want to know what I was doing, all you have to do is watch the movie. That's what I was doing. That guy, Oswaldo, was his name is Oswaldo and me and him work construction together. Same guy. Yeah. I was like, "You're gonna teach you how to act." I was like, "You don't even have to act. Just be yourself." And then I realized nobody could understand Ozzy speaking. So if you watch the movie, you'll notice that every time he says something, I go, "I'll repeat it," or someone else will repeat it. So he'll say, "It's good here." Yeah, amazing hair. But who told you about comedy? What was the lead to do comedy? I just knew I knew I was funny and I knew I was good building, shit. And so I just was very pragmatic about the whole thing, which is I and I would encourage everybody to do this where you take a little inventory of yourself, but realistic inventory. What are you good at? What are you not good at? What could you do? And what shouldn't you do? I was a bad student. I was bad at many things, but I was very good mechanically. And I thought I had a good sense of humor. So the mechanical part, I was already doing, driving a truck, swinging a hammer and all that. And I knew that sucked. Like that was not a bunch of money and a life that didn't involve travel or women or intrigue or anything at all. Well, you're a lacquer center, though. Yeah. So I was in lacquer center and it sucked. So I was like, "Well, I do this and I'm good at this and this sucks." So there's this other thing, which is comedy, which I think I can do, which has potential. I mean, who knows? Look, I don't need to get to the top of the heap. I can just make a living. I would have been more than happy just to write for a greeting card company or just get on some sort of animated show and just write jokes or something. And so I said, "Well, let's start pursuing that." So I went to the groundlings and then I eventually met Jimmy Kimmel and I taught him to box because they were doing some radio stunt and he got me on the radio and one thing went to another. But lots of-- So you didn't start from Stan that you started from-- I did a lot of open mics. Yeah. See, the stand-up thing is tough because when you're starting out like yourself, like you and I probably not put on this earth to do stand-up, but you're funny enough that you can do stand-up and because there's no other outlets or there were no other outlets, you end up. So it ends up being like this sport. It's kind of like you're in Mexico and your sport is ultimate frisbee. But they're like, "We got a soccer ball." And you're like, "I like ultimate frisbee." And they're like, "Yeah, but we got a soccer ball. So play soccer." But you're doing it now. And you go, "All right, I'll kick the ball around and you're good enough athlete that you could be good enough at soccer to kind of make your way onto the team." And yeah, I do stand-up now and I do it sort of like you do your movies minus the payday, which is I do stand-up mixed with stories and then mixed with like some inspiration and some stuff minus like joke, joke, setup, joke, whatever. Like something that can be a little more personal and more human. Like theaters or what? Yeah, theaters. And it depends. Oh yeah, town hall. Sorry, town hall in New York. That's a big, that's a big place. I saw a man I've seen a lot of people in town hall. So a lot in Wayne, right in town hall. Some may say too big. I'll check it out. I'll see how that goes. I think we still got a few left. Really? You need me to tweet some plugs? Oh, that would be that would be massive. That would be massive. Yeah. And again, see it's a weird thing because- And you were Dennis Miller at the City National. Oh yeah. Grover. Man. Right. I used to open up for Dennis. I opened up for him at the Dallas improv. I've been to the Dallas improv. We are I think I have a talent. One of my first gigs ever was writing the pre-game show to the Paul Simon live in Central Park concert and the pre-game half hour before the concert was Dennis Miller just doing like a funny comedy special about Paul Simon. And so I got to hang out with Dennis, watch like the rehearsals, watch Paul Simon rehearse and then go to the show where I had the pass where I could be in the front row is like 400-500,000 people there. And I can watch Paul Simon from like one foot away. It was like the greatest thing in my life. Wow. Yes. You can't see him if you're more in five feet away. That's true. You gotta be right up there. He dips away quickly to earth. He goes around the curvature. Yeah. It's weird because like if we go to the if I go to the more theater in Seattle, 2000 seats and it'll sell out like that because I don't know why but that's me and that's Seattle. And then it varies. Like some places Boston great. New York usually good. Maybe the storm has slowed this one down a little but with your tweet. We're going to have some impact. We're going over the top. I you know I look at I mean I I lost my radio career you know three and a half years ago and I had to go out and do stand up like for a living for like the first time ever and it was weird and it was kind of good sort of I don't know humbling and good in a certain way like. Of course is it a figure out what you're thinking about and who you are? Yeah and just like physically get out and do it like like it's so easy when you become an adult to get away from the things that aren't in your wheelhouse. I mean I think about this all the time which is when you're young you go well I'm no good at math and someone goes well too bad you have an algebra class and you go yeah but I don't like algebra they go well go fucking crack a book and see if you can get better at it you just do it and for the geeks it's sports and for the jocks it's the classroom but we all have but your force to go out. You know your geek you're still forced to try to climb that rope at gym class and then you become an adult and you go fuck it I'm never climbing another rope or my case I'm never reading another book. I'm mad when my kids want to play sports. Right I never right I never I'm never going to go anywhere near any of this shit I'm not good at I'm not good at it so if you're not good with music you don't work on an instrument if you're not good with language you don't work on a second second language but then it kind of stunts growth in a certain way you get really good at what you're really good at already but you stay way the fuck away from the stuff that you that you might be better at than than you think but you're you're too insecure to go back there. Like yesterday I took a spinning class for the first time. Really. It's a soul cycle and took a spinning class that is out of my wheelhouse. Wow took a spinning class. That's right it only took me 40 almost 45 years to get there. And how was that? It was my ass hurts today. It hurts and but I didn't get injured. It made my wife very happy to see me. I was going to say this feel quickly based. Oh well I've made her very happy for me to go and probably something I should know should go. Do you do things like that? Just like spinning. Yeah like a formalized exercise class thing. No, I mean I boxed it a little bit. Yeah because I used to work in that world and it feels weird to go back as a civilian. I'd rather be the guy walking around yelling your last easy day with yesterday and stuff like that rather than the person's on the other side of that. And I do I was teaching my son had a box a little bit of six and having some fun with that. I was both boys or a boy and a girl. Wow you know and was that it you have two. That's it. Wow you did it perfectly. You did it perfectly. Yeah yeah boy and a girl because then they kind of like each other. Right. You don't have like a full on sibling rivalry six is the best age ever. Oh six is like you're finally past them trashing the restaurants and you could go out and they start talking to you like real people and they're funny and cool and but they will go to sleep. And I'm saying yesterday you can actually like have them do some bidding for you like they're they're their mind is awake enough that they could go to the kitchen and grab you a beer and bring it back to the room you're in or go they can go fetch things. Sure. And I said yes and my podcast I was sitting at the park with them over the weekend and I heard a socket at a small soccer team and junior soccer team and the game was over and they did a sort of two four six eight who do we put you know for each team has to congratulate the other team and the one team said Germany Germany yay Germany and I what the fuck first of no one never appreciated Germany and I thought this is weird and I thought did I hear that I was a hundred yards away but I thought this is funny and I told my daughter run out there and go ask him what team they just and then run back and she came back with both teams and it was nice because because I didn't want to walk up there, it wasn't. It was Germany.
and Spain or something like that. - That's the names they use in soccer. - They decided to go international, but then like I said, it's gonna get complicated 'cause you have Mexico and you have, you know, Somalia and you have some places that possibly an ethnic cleansing. - That's right. - You know what I mean? And then you have to go, "Who do we appreciate?" - Chechnya. - Yeah, Chechnya, yay. Yeah, it's gonna get weird. And maybe they won't go that deep. But either way, just appreciating Germany sounds. But they're all bummed they're on Germany. - Are there Jewish kids on that team? - That's a very, that would be my next question asked my daughter to go mule over. - And how much will the parents complain? - I should explain or at least take a moment and tell people that, oh, Judd, I should give you some of my delightful man, Gria. - I'll take it, what is it? - It's like Sangria. - I like it, I like it. - With a little punch to it. - Okay. - It's got that. - Where do I get it? Ah, main gria, you can go to buymangria.com. Man knows how the game has played. I love that. And if you want to support the pirate ship, again, fired for my radio gig. And obviously my independent film career, not paying the bills. You can go to atomcroll.com and you can get any of Judd's movies, TV shows, any stuff you're gonna get off Amazon, you go to atomcroll.com, you click through the banner, then you get Judd's library. - And then you get a little taste. - And I get to what might be. - Okay, let's talk about what you could wet your beak with, 'cause I have things that are coming at me. - Please. - Okay. And you could help atom, which is important. The soundtrack to this is 40 with the music of Fiona Apple. - Yeah. - Enzy Buckingham, the Punch Brothers, Wilco, Ava Brothers, Yoko Ono, and Paul McCartney on the same record, Paul Simon. That's a good one. The movie Heaviewaights. The first movie I ever wrote comes out December 11th. You could buy that right now. You could pre-order that. - Wow. - Amazon Heaviewaights. We've made this a whole documentary about us making it. A lot of outtakes of still being mean to kids, which is fun. Also, ready, you're gonna make some money on this. Right now, this is gonna be a big day for you financially. Girls, season one, DVD, also out around the 11th of December. You can buy the whole thing with the commentaries and the making of girls. And it's actually really, really good. So those three things, girls, Heaviewaights, soundtrack to this is 40. And also, you could always buy freaks and gigs and undeclared on DVD, as well. Also, just to speak about girls, Lena Dunham would be one of the few chicks you could get caught beating off to and probably get a pass from the wife. - I don't think I would get the pass. I would-- - Well, you're too close. - I'm friends with her, so-- - You're too close. - And we're creating-- - No, not you. - Yeah, not me. - Not me. - Other people. - One. - Other people. - Yeah, you get caught on the milk and in pop and website. You're gonna have a-- - Do you ever get a free pass? - You ever get a free pass? - On the beating off? - Yeah. - Yeah, but to a specific person. I mean, you get a free pass like, oh, I was alone and you could say I was thinking of you, but do you ever get a free pass where there's actually like a picture of someone else around or someone on the computer? I don't think you get a free pass. - Yeah, oh, you mean like when I use the liquor store to Coddy Girl Cardboard cutout? - Yeah. - Yeah. - No, that's not a, you don't get a free pass, though. - No, well, how big a price would you pay? - Well, it's, how long would your wife hold onto that? - It's hard to tell. I don't know that, you know, she has a kind of emotional tupperware that gets burped quite a bit and that doesn't seem to be affected by time or sunlight or anything else. Well, women have that, guys don't in the terms of, I don't think I hang on to that much stuff, but it's usually because I'm tuned out when it's happening. So it's like getting into a fight when you're drunk. It just doesn't haunt your soul that much and doesn't impact you that greatly. As long as you, as long as you, there's no brain damage, it's much better to get into a fist fight when you're shit faced. And I'm sort of emotionally shit faced in a lot of discussions I have with people that are-- - You forget, you forget what you're mad about. - Yeah, I'm a little more reptile than human in that department. Once when my wife and I were in the middle of kind of a real fight, I literally fell asleep in the middle of the fight and it wasn't the middle of the day. It wasn't even nice. - Wow. - But I just literally fell asleep. - I'm conscious that she was like, I cannot believe you literally just fell asleep. I'm like, I got stressed out, I don't fell asleep. - Wow, you're like one of those goats. - Yeah, exactly. I'm like, I alligator, I run my belly, I just went down. - Wow. - Just a goat that does that, I can't feel those fucking goats. Anyway, let's pay some quick bills over here. Ah, Trojan, well, you don't have to use that with your beautiful wife, but a lot of folks want to play it safe and maybe do. - Well, you don't need any more kids, do you? - No, I think we're, you know, we didn't go for three, just like you three is a whole other level. - Yeah. - You're pushing your luck at that point. - But when you get a little older, you're gonna wish you went for three. - Not that Trojan's not a good product, 'cause it's a fantastic product. - Oh yeah. - I got the pleasure back. - When I was a kid, I had the same Trojan in my wallet for about six years. That's how good a product is. And then it still worked. It still worked. - Back when they used to have a drawstring, back in the old day. - I had a joke in my act where I used to say, I had a Trojan condom in my wallet for so long that it melted and turned into a diaphragm. - They have the pleasure pack, I should tell people that is four varieties of premium quality Trojan condoms for one great price. And they got the lubricated for the comfort there and the sensitivity. I'll tell you, it's not like you're not even wearing a condom anymore. I'll tell you. And stopping all those nasty things that wanna hop on your dangling and vice versa. You know, hey, it's a jungle out there, people. Gotta cover up. Each condom is triple-tested to help ensure reliability. Now, there's a gig. - I thought the guy had to bend in Jerry's tasting plant had a gig. This is the gig. This is it. - I've got to submit this. - This is a gig. I got to submit an application. Lickety, lickety, split. Anyway, you can count on Trojan America's number one, most trusted condom brand. And. - Did you just make a lot of money on all that? - I think we did. - I think we did. Also, like I said, like Judd's gonna be tweeting about Town Hall. That is Saturday night, tomorrow night. New York City and Grove Anaheim. I think me and Miller got that place sold out pretty good, so don't bother with that. - He kills so hard, Dennis Miller. - He is, I know, that's the thing. Like I'm a little bit scared because it's like, you know, the same way I feel about sort of like, whoever dated Jennifer Aniston after she was married to Brad Pitt. Like, geez, that guy looks pretty good within his underpants, doesn't he? - You got Dennis Miller after the election? - Yeah, like I'm gonna rip that house down. Whatever happens. That's a big mess. - Yeah, I'm going on first. I'm not going second. I'm going on first. The movie, and like I said, I was really trying to watch this movie because I wasn't sitting in a crowded movie house because it was a preview. But I really think this movie is important. I think it's really good. And I think it's not only a good movie to watch with your wife and it's nice that you don't have to get into that, all right, flip a coin. Whose turn is it this weekend? Are we going to see the notebook or are we going to see Transformers 5? Like, are we, what are we going to see? I was proud of the hammer because I'm proud that your wife enjoyed it and you enjoyed it as well. And I think it's nice to make something that kind of walks that line between the male and female and their different sensibilities. But I not only think Judd's new movie is important for couples to see, but I would urge bringing kids probably 12 or older to check it out as well. Because you get a, it's just a very nice peak behind the curtain of really what's happening in people's homes and even the homes that you don't think have these kinds of problems or maybe they don't have the same problems that your home has, but rest assured there are problems. And we all live in there. It is in theaters December 21st. You can go to the website. This is 40movie.com. And again, I think your wife, Leslie Mann, is going to get some notices Oscar-wise for this. When does that all come out? This is December 21st, so it's this year. It's in under the wire. When do you hear about that? Or for good or for bad? Probably in January, I guess. And I really, we had Kristoff Waltz on my program right after he didn't glorious passers. And I was like, buddy, you just won the Academy Award. And he was like, oh, please. And I was like, you fucking won it in three different languages. Believe me, believe me, won it. And I just think Leslie was, I know it's weird to talk about Oscar, whatever, for comedies. But she was that good. And it just showed that much. Well, I'm very proud of her.
I'm very proud of what she did and I'm kind of shocked and amazed at what she does and what she's willing to do as much as anybody else. It was just a tour de force and Paul Rudd was great and your daughters were great and it's just a great and important film and you guys should all go check it out. Again in theaters December 21st this is 40 and Judd I'm going to make that next movie get damn it. Come on. What are you waiting for? Why are you denying us? When it ended I'm like why would you not just go make another one? This one totally is great. Why stop? Come on. Don't be lazy. That's it. I'm going to make another movie. Write it on the plane and the way to do the Dennis Miller gig. I'm driving to that but on the way to Town Hall. Town Hall. I'm going to write it. I think it's still available. All right so until next time this is Adam Crawler for Judd Apatow saying Mahalo. All right those Adam Cole show 949, one on one with Judd Apatow. Next we have Adam Cole show 1444 featuring Arnaz J, Death Frackai, Alson Rosen and Brian Bishop. This one's from 2014. Check it out. Speaking of last night World Series, some game. I was feeling pretty good about my son who wanted to watch replays of the NFL week that happened prior to this. Wow. And I said it's the seventh. I want to sit over the World Series. I said seventh, seventh game of the World Series and he was like yeah but baseball blows. Did he work the move the needle come in it again? No. He worked the baseball's boring and it sucks and I said absolutely correct. So you know there's a correct answer but this is the seventh inning or the seventh game and this is ironically was about the seventh inning. And it's a one run game and we should definitely hang out for the next 25 minutes and see how this one ends. Even if you're hot or cold on baseball, medium cool, this is as good as it gets. The thing that's great about all sports is the insane unknown, just the machinations, the different ways that things can happen. The vagaries. The vagaries that you never knew you just go all right if he gets a single here then they got a guy on first but not the guy booting it in center field and then the ball rolls to the track and then the guy at the track boots the ball. And then the guy was running it out, it's got no wheels and I was going and saying now I was yelling at my wife, the guy at third base, the coach should have sent him. Really? Definitely should have sent him. You think so? Well and here's what I said although she was tuned out and it drives me nuts when I call shit and then people are tuned out. I said he should have sent him. What does that mean? Send him home, waved him around but don't don't hold up at third base. Don't hold up at third base. Go ahead and try to go home. Go home, go home, go home. Because there were two outs. Check, check, check. There we go. They were down to their last out. If they made another out, they give the whole world series over. Gary, you can stop it when I tell you to stop but you'll see at a certain point, the runner is almost halfway between second and third. When the guy's still on the, still, I didn't show it from the angle but still, still on the track picking the ball up. The guy's halfway. Now the guy who's running doesn't exactly have wheels. But here was what I likened it to because I like to do this in front of my children. If ISIS or Al-Qaeda jumps you in the parking lot and says get in the van, once you're in the van and the doors are closed, that will be about it. You'll just be in some bunker somewhere, where doing videos with a guy, hearing a guy sharpening a sword and you'll be thinking, I did have an opportunity. And that opportunity, go let the kid now take you to a second look here. Right. When I was standing in that parking lot of Costco and Glendale, I really should have made a move right then. Now, there's a pretty good chance you would have gotten shot in the back as you ran. Is that why the runner now going to third base? Yes. But that was your opening. Right. To Lynette, I said, the guy who's pitching for San Francisco is pitching lights out ball. The next guy is going to get up. It's going to pop out. Right. And that will end the game. The percentage of the next, the guy who's pitching is setting records. He's a dominant pitcher Allison. Not only dominant, but when they start going back, they're going back dates where guys are named whitey. When you're when they're when you have to go back and find out that shoelace whitey brown was of the. Yes, he's been doing better than better than pitchers that were named after girls. Christie Matthews and in Babe Ruth. Yeah. Those are the pitchers. Any time Madison on other girls named Madison Bumgarner. Bumgarner. If there's ever time when they have to go back to find a guy named whitey to compare your stats in a world series, that is great news for you. He says this is not going on in 89 years of the world series. So the guys, the guys pitching lights out ball. Right. And in my opinion, there's little to no chance that the next guy is going to get up and get a base hit, which is what he's going to need to get this guy. Not a long fly out. Right. A base hit. And by the way, I've been watching for the last four innings and this is the only hit I've ever seen. Right. So unfortunately, this guy doesn't have wheels, but the shortstopper, whoever went out and cut it off. Shortstopped. He went and one hopped him. He clearly feel that he was going to have to turn around and he was going to fire a strike, which probably under the heat of the moment would have been a one hopper. I'm guessing to home plate and the catcher would have had to handle it cleanly and apply the tag cleanly, which he probably would have done, but he may not have. Yes. If there's a 20% chance you score on that play by sending the runner home, it's better than your 2% chance the next hiter gets a hit. And I think four percent. I would have had it a little more of a 60/40 split because the shortstop would have had to turn and fire a nice ball. And a lot of that's a tough throw to make in that situation. Yes. And oftentimes the catchers don't cleanly receive the ball. And if that plays not perfect, that guy scores. If the right throws two feet of the right. Now I said to Lynette, well, she said then why didn't he go? And I said, there's a third base. I said, I stopped it and I pointed to the third base coach. And I said, see that old guy standing there? He had to make a decision and he had a window of about 1.3 seconds max to make the decision. So swing my arm around, meaning go home to the plate or hands up, hold up, wait at third base. Now, first off, he was dealing with, and this is why sports are great. He was dealing with what would you normally do in this situation? Well, normally you would hold the guy at third, but that would be in game number four of the World Series in in in number five. This isn't the end of the end of the end. This is a door die. This is two outs, ninth inning, seventh game, guys, pitch and bum garners, pitch and lights out ball. And that poor 61 year old guy could not process all that, but I said more importantly to Lynette. This guy, if he waves his arm and that guy gets thrown out at home, he's the goat. He will be blamed for the loss. And by the way, this game's going to end right now. If he waves his arm, two and a half seconds from now, this game could end at home plate and everyone's going to be booing him. As opposed to if he holds the runner, stay on third, next batter's up, the flame still flickers. You know, they're still, they still could read read the safe, but wrong choice. We think so. Yes. And then the guy, the next guy popped out and I looked at Lynette and I said, what I tell you is going to do? And then she looked up from her computer and said, what? And I said, I told you they're going to hold, they hold the guy and the next guy is going to come in and just pop out. She's like, yeah, is that what you said? Then he popped out, right? And it's like, this is never how could it so unsatisfied? It's so unsatisfied. It's so unsatisfied. So wait, is the coach not the goat? No, because no, because 100% the wrong decision it was. He's the most people not think it was the wrong decision. There's a lot of negatives in that. What do most people think? Well, the problem, the reason he's not the goat is because he didn't stick his neck out. He made a TV executive decision. Yes, he did a TV executive decision, which is the proper decision to make is to hold the guy at third base. That's what the manual says. He wasn't factoring in the guy who was pitching, who was getting everyone out constantly in an crazy zone. And that the next guy would come in. He wasn't doing the math. He just like, this is what the book says. It's sort of like they do it in football. Go for two. Don't go for two. Whatever it is. As long as you don't deviate from that, you will not be the goat. Right. And now you see it in sports a lot when a manager or coach makes a decision immediately, everyone's like, what are you doing? What was he thinking? That wasn't the situation. That was, oh, they're holding them. Okay. It wasn't even their holding them. Okay. That's what they should be doing. The book says. Yeah, that's what the book says. I'm so glad you're interested in this play because obviously I'm a giant span. I was dying on that last play. Let's back up a second because if he had scored on what was essentially the inside the park home run to tie the game in the bottom of the game.
ninth and game seven with two outs that would have been the crazier than the Kurt Gibson on run the craziest play in baseball history right tie the game at home game seven two outs while slow whitey inside the park over on sand now there's a few things I always also look at because I'm a feelings based I always look at the person when laughs but I always think about who's bad I like I immediately go to the center field there yes completely booted that ball Gregor Blancke and then the left fielder who booted it too and I like it does booting mean chase and not not catch it he's where they're running around trying to get a record Blanco whiffed on the ball he did oh to something you talk about a lot which is you want to be either in the ocean or up on the beach not getting pounded by the surf Gregor Blancke charged the ball super hard in the life be don't be in between yeah he charged it to make the catch and then pulled up in the last eight feet before the ball came in realized I'm not getting to this and he should have never done it because it's a situation where you have to keep the ball in front of you because there's two outs and your pitchers pitch and lights up all you can't give up a double because the guy will score from second base single means he should have done with the third base coach that which is playing it safe if you just give it up a single one of the chances the royals get two more hits off right not gonna happen but in his mind he's like game over well imagine the game ends with you laying out stretching out and sliding and robbing a guy of a sure hit and by the way that's what lead sports center yeah and then that's iconic image that goes on a million years after your dead it's in the Smithsonian when the game ends they always have the guy who made the last out so diving catch and center field in his brain there must have been a I'm going for the gym when you're literally and then at the end the last five steps was a oh shit oh shit oh shit he charged too hard it got past him and if you could explain I was foot slips just yeah it wasn't the glove he wasn't playing it's safe that so if that game had been tied up I would have felt horrible for that 26-year-old Dominican guy because he would have then gone to his grave going I fucking booted that ball and cost us the game because what would happen is here's what would happen that guy would have scored if he would have scored the next guy would have got in and popped out and they got would have gone in extras and he would have went fuck the next batter would have popped out if I just kept it in front of me would have stopped and he would have been the goat and had to deal with that and I always think if you that's sort of Bill Buckner thing which is Bill Buckner's a famous goat in World Series history because he had a lot of very easy ground ball goes on curb your enthusiasm right yes yes he was so the your world's collide people the I feel horrible for anyone who has to wear that hair shirt around for the rest of their life and this guy and baseball fans because they have nothing to do are more relentless than other fans I'll get into the down time in the baseball fans for a second but for some reason football fans have a shorter memory and basketball fans have a shorter memory because I think the game is sped up baseball players they literally sit around and talk about shit that happened in the 20 stuff like that like old 89-year-old guys are still talking about shit that went down before World War I yeah they literally it's it's it's it's it's it's it's a history such a part of the game that you're you fucking up then becomes part of the history which is part of the game NFL it's like first off half the players in the league don't couldn't name 10 players who played eight years before they came into the league I mean it's just as no it's just no it's no history so I've let us isn't but it's no it's no real history baseball's all history so that would have just gone down and that would have been yes I was screaming send him send him but that poor old guy had to make a decision in a split second and he wasn't gonna end the game on his watch and he would have been a goat by the book it was the right decision like I said I'm a giant family part of me wanted him to get sent because that would have been a definitive end of the game or greatest playing World Series history but it would have been a moment that we yes but again it was outside of the van lunge at al-Qaeda guy what were the chances that it would have worked I would I would say coin toss in it if you're on on a positive side and on a negative side maybe 25 20 25 percent you saw the runner rounding the bases looking at the wall if he had been head down sprinting out of the box I bet he would have scored but he was kind of oh the ball's gonna get caught oh no it's not oh should I stop well he thought he thought he was gonna get a single then he thought he was gonna get a double then he thought he was gonna get a triple but he was running as if and if he just put his beard down and kept going either way I was saying send him because he's gonna pop out and it didn't give a shit and near to sunny who was playing on it was sitting but he hit the ball to the moon why doesn't he using his tablet yeah he hits the fucking tee to the moon so that was a exciting exciting and exciting for Brian as big a giant fan that was awesome I mean I think royals fans and sports fans general congee is a good series and what seven games that came down to the bottom of the ninth came down the last pitch of the game pretty much and then I got obsessed with what I always get obsessed with especially in it's something I never noticed before but now now I got a 60 inch plasma and everything's in high-def and it's non-stop spitting it is an endless on the job of spitting now the picture for kc has a nervous tick when it comes he does it yeah yeah you see making a little little trough with this lower lip doing a weird kind of spit like weird sprinkler thing and then and then a big spit and then back to weird like dipping some of them are dipping some of them are eating seeds but most animals dipping enough for everyone else the the guy who hit the triple at a huge thing a dip in his mouth so that you could see his fucking brown lower teeth and the jaw started hanging out by the way I don't think that there's no way that dip speeds you up around those bases and then when the last guy who batted does the move for kc does the move where he does he shoots a seed out then he shoots the husk out then he shoots some spit out then he shoots some husk out and I said it's weird to like I can get no traction with this I just go look how about this rule with all the high-def and in the spitting is not oh once in a while you see somebody on the team spit from you know but that's from the good year blim they go to the dugout I fucking with Tivo I counted out they go to the dugout for four second shot some guy a big hand that's literally just dumping spit everyone's just dumping spit everywhere they go tight on the picture like when the picture standing there looking for the sign up on the mound their his head is taking up the entire screen and he's doing this is weird lower lip service prank I don't even know what it is then he takes his whole hand he puts it in his mouth like he just growl and I was funny because the last what is that what's the whole hand in the mouth got a grip on the ball the last talking this on the fingertips the by the way before this discussion it was twenty minutes of me sitting in the kitchen watching Lynette load the dishwasher but every single glass had been thoroughly with hot water cleaned out to the point where it was spotless and fine and I was like just put on the rack I like it clean it's clean right now there's nothing on it it's completely clean it's utterly clean just put it on the rack right now I want it clean high I want I don't want any bacteria there is no bacteria it's not like I was steeping chicken parts or something in there there's nothing in there just put it I want it in here I was like okay but it doesn't it's not going I have this conversation and it's a weird one but I have it a lot with a lot of people which is I'm not here to criticize I only want to focus on things that make sense in you know your feelings based you loading and unloading that it's just creating extra work for you but my I don't understand is the step of rinsing it out beforehand if it feels like a one of the understanding over the sink the sink is running of hot water on it and the glass is perfectly clear and perfectly clean now put it here no it's got to be I want the hot well you know I want it steamed or what okay fine I listen I as I say look we were talking the other night you know the most germs in the world on the coffee pot all the fucking people in the bathroom opening the door with their sleeve lifting the toilet seat with their foot making the whole thing that's fine except for all the germs are on the coffee pot and by the way people pour the coffee then they walk out and they grab a bagel or donut and they walk back to their desk and eat it with that exact same hand the hand hand on the fucking coffee pot handle and don't think twice about it because emotionally it's not moving their needle at all emotionally fine it's it's coffee I like coffee coffee's nice coffee's warm coffee's inviting and there's a donut that's fine how many times have you seen the person tear the croissant or the donut or the bagel and half and put the thing in there everyone walks up they don't pick it up with their fucking sleeve
or clean acts or tongs or anything they just pick it up the butter it up and lead it well that was just in someone's hand they had to grab urine because they had to tear in half they arguably had a better grip on your side they threw it down and you're back in there with the sleeves and the opening the bathroom door with your foot and all kinds of it's great except for it doesn't make any sense at all and all I ever say to everyone is let's just do what makes sense let's just do what makes sense just do what makes sense and it's like no I I want to do it this way I feel much better about it this way but there's no scientific anything that can back up that manner that you're doing that's creating a whole bunch of extra work for you and it's like understood I like it this way which is it's fucking weird to me now and by the way the entire the entire country is this I mean it makes sense what you're saying but I'm just thinking the person who says to you uh-huh I get it but I like doing it this way I'm wondering if they actually don't believe what you're saying they act as if they don't believe what I'm saying and there's this new gray area now with people where again where it's like you say to somebody uh I talked to so and so did you pay him for that gig I thought I did you thought you did because he said you didn't well maybe I didn't well you didn't wait a second ago you said you thought you did did you really think you did why are you being a dick yeah that's that's that's that's my relationship with other humans on the planet but you're acting like a dick what I'm saying is is their actions would suggest they don't believe me but that's not that's that's that's almost too high an order of thought right they're not going to commit they're just going to go with what makes them it's it's much more just superstitious native like this is the way I do it and I'm always like do does anyone want to listen to the guy who never gets sick who owns everything or should put it that way I'm gonna listen to that guy I am the guy never gets sick who owns everything is maybe maybe I have maybe there's some insights I have maybe there are a couple of techniques I know in life that may for owning and not getting sick for owning and not getting sick but that doesn't by the way that those days are long gone like whatever you have done what no meaning done for me lately Adam meaning the back to baseball my batting average is pretty good I don't know how to pants good or is it I don't bet on a lot of my pants are lower I don't bet on a lot of fucking I don't bet on a lot of dogs I don't I don't make a lot of like decisions that I regret you know and then like when I say like this is good it's usually good but it's not that people they do not they don't think you're a liar it's just this is the way I do it it's it's basically it's like you know the it's it's everything in life like we talk about like look you're you're not religious you're not superstitious but if we're getting on a plane we're not gonna talk about plane disasters it's just not we're not gonna do that you know it has nothing to do with this flight but still that's not gonna be a topic it's gonna be on the table right on right yes there's that it's that kind of a thing but either way it's spitting it's spitting it's more spitting it's spitting it's spitting so I say to Lynette what the fuck like now with high death and everyone with the 65 inch plasma how about this rule no dip when you're walking a home plate or if you take them out look eat lay out a full fucking Caesar style buffet in the fucking dugout but once you go out to perform what you're being paid millions of dollars to do I look have you ever seen Kobe Bryant running up and down the fucking hardwood with a burrito in his hand and go and ask going oh hey hungry I know he's got to eat honey why can't he eat I want some big deal or or just sitting on the bench with some nachos between his legs or something we've carved out three hours where you do your job can you not eat during that period I will schedule the game when you eat lunch one two good we'll make the game for three and then you'll be home for supper at seven like but during this period can we can we just not I mean look I a lot of you guys smoke weed lot of you guys like to have a cold one lot of you guys like to eat pussy but during this three hour period can we limit that can we not eat snatch during the fucking three hour period or is the answer I like eating pussy I think for some pussy helps them play ball yeah you're getting paid millions of dollars a year can you leave the fucking seeds in the dip in the dugout so these guys all come up the home plate or take the mound it's yeah and they're spitting all over everything spit just flew out of your mouth yes and Lynette's like uh she does what everyone does it's baseball they they just that's what they do what are you gonna do say no and I'm like absolutely exactly absolutely I want I want to take a sharpie and I want to erase the San Diego Padre's logo and I want to put a swastika on there how about that no the answers no you don't get to do that poor part it's a game I picked them specifically because I have an angel tie up I have a delicious one the point is this the answer just be no and I'm not saying you can't dip or eat seeds when the games over but during this window just like in basketball just like in football you don't see fucking Peyton Manning eating a fucking grinder or a hoagie on that it's no it's not during this period of time all right and how about this how about just this as a start eat all the seeds you like chew all the dip you like but before you head to the on deck circle or before you take the mound how about you rinse out with a little tap water and just for the for the very brief time you'll be at the plate the 86 seconds you'll be at the plate you won't have to engage you cannot engage in this activity that's super gross and high depth for just this one moment in time yeah yes but that sound sound fair yeah and then hey pitcher you'd like to get back to your seeds in your dip here's your incentive go out there throw three pitches have them all be grounders to the shortstop and you can run back and get your precious seeds in dip let's beat up the game why it's disgusting and it's like well the players association would never go for never go for not eating while you're batting never go for not ingesting tobacco it's the by the way the fucking the dip is as dangerous or almost as dangerous as smoking I mean it's up there it's not it's not it's probably statistically not as what's definitely not a happy alternative dfg hell yeah hey diffract guy what's up to live in this dream yeah dfg it's been too long how it's with this the death that I'm going to do I dance on on fainted if with a clean up those pumpkins that's right that's a first that's a first thing dfg ever said to me how we got through what's up bro what's up bro hey were you going to do some jv or all balls like a Halloween style version hell yeah but dude I never know anybody has gotten um lip cancer from dip oh well you you hang around a bunch of 20 something year olds but when these guys get older man it gets ugly they get a they get it up there lips and jaws and everything I'm giving a grizzly winter green pouches out for a trick-a-tree candy oh no no you can't give dip out are you well you're not they don't like it I'll take it oh you're talking about the actual the pouch that come out for kid no no no the pouches the whole thing's giving dinner bro I would love by the way I would this one I'm going to do oh my god are you ready set up the go pros okay I'm going out to Santa Monica I'm going to give out powdered candy cigarettes and the little grizzly dip pouches okay those would be the only two options when the kids come by it's going to be so awesome to have that uh that's one thing for me that is a fucking awesome poor call and porch arguments and I'll be like they're yeah they're called candy cigarettes candy cigarettes there's uh there's candy corn it's not real corn if your kid was allergic to corn they could delete candy corn yeah that's right and the grizzly pouches those are smokeless that's right yeah you're coming out ahead the greatest awesome porch argument ever all right so dfg where were we oh dude I think we will um I was going to ask you some JB uh all ball questions all right I think we have a they have an intro right now man grilla presents the deaf rat guy and jv or all balls he calls from the friday house on to the show the deaf rat guy hearing him hey bro he's hammered all day long with croutier moves and by the air they chug some friends she'll potato come and then they'll be cooking
There's something special, he'll make the call. So now it's time for TV or all balls. All right, DFG. Hell yeah. What do you think about Mooth always threats me up like a lady, like a hot chick. This year he's going to be a sexy Ebola nerd. Uh-huh. Yeah. It's timely. All right. Now Mooth is the one who had wood during the halftime of Super Bowl where Mick Jagger performed, right? Boy, he had wood wrestling all the time with other dudes. So you're a little like that friend. Yeah, no, I understand. But she'll nervous about Mooth, like, you know, he maybe, he might be gay, he goes as a woman. Everybody-- Where are you? He's by. Oh, you think he's by? He was. Oh, he's not by any more? He's eight. Uh-huh. He's eight, uh-huh. He's not having no sex now. Not yet. I don't know, dude. He's a freak, dude. But tonight he's dressed-- he always dressed it up like a chick on a-- Yeah, I'll tell you, I've gone as a chick many years. I would say if there was a guy and you thought, I don't know if that guy's gay or not, he would never dress as a chick on Halloween because he wouldn't want it. He'd overcompensate. Yes. He'd go super masculine. Right. Mm-hmm. So, uh, I'm going to say, uh, all balls. It's not JV. Yeah, all balls. I feel like it's JV. I'm sorry, Adam. I just think it's a little, uh, typical and cliche. JV, dude. All right. JV. All right. JV. All right. Why don't you just go ahead and get, you know, save some makeup and just put a cock in your ass now. Oh. Wow. Is that a makeup saver? Oh. Oh, I see. Right. Okay. All right. Listen. I hope Moose doesn't listen to this podcast. I don't know what he's doing, dude. He's up in Francisco. Oh. He's celebrating. He's working for the San Francisco jacks and Halloween is like their Christmas. Oh, that moves. Oh, that jacks. Yeah. That's, yeah. Well, we can get into that later. All right. Anyway, um, um, what, um, oh, hell yeah, mm-hmm, oh yeah. Yeah. You think about it when the kids are used eggs to egg houses. Mm-hmm. Uh, you know, it's weird because, uh, I enjoy eating eggs, but people always say, oh, it'll take the paint, screws up the paint on the car and screws up the, it's weird that something you eat so readily and serve your kids on a daily basis takes the paint off of cars. Does it really do that? Everyone claims that it really fucks things up. Uh, the thing about eggs is they're a little bit, I love the notion of hucking things, but the egg is a little aggressive. First off, if it hits you, it's going to, if it hits you in like the eyeball or the orbital soccer, so it's going to fuck you up a little bit. Number one, number two, you could throw, you could bust a window with an egg probably pretty easily and you can kind of, it makes enough, now if it then dries over and night and like I said, on the car, it kind of, it's hard to clean off and all that kind of shit. Plus, you know, just the hucking of food, especially a protein. Yeah. You know, Gallagher's smashing melons is one thing. This is a protein source. Sure. Uh, I want something in between toilet paper and eggs. Okay. The toilet paper is a pen in the butt too. Yes. It's, it's not quite, you know, it's like, uh, toilet paper is too light, eggs are a little, a little too aggressive. Water balloons? Yeah, but then that's like, you could sleep through that, you know, that, that's okay, but you have to hit the person with it. Uh, I'm going to say, I'm going to say JV, I don't like throwing eggs at people. I've never saw the appeal. I say JV. I think JV as well. All balls. You throw, throw them at people, throw them at the house. Mm hmm. Like, who would you throw it at, like Ashley's house or something like that? I like the Dean you find out where he lived. Uh huh. Or do a professor that gave you a bad grade or, or failed you because maybe you've showed up late or didn't go to the class, the whole semester. Yeah, but then don't you think you should fail if you don't go the whole semester? To do you want to make that Dean or professor, you want to make the, the house look like it, it will, it will white, it's going to be yellow the next day with egg. Right. Yeah. With that. All right. Yeah, well potato potatoes up there too, right? No, you could throw yourself. Yeah, yeah. I got a potato gun. That's right. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah. All right. Uh, give us two more. All right. Hell yeah. Mm hmm. Um, playing Oki. Oki candy corn. Oh. Oki cookie is bad enough. But Oki candy corn. It's a small target. Well, Oki cookie is. No, it's played. I, I sure do. But if the listener would like to know that perhaps someone should explain, but I, I am familiar with this game. I have no idea. Hey, Jawson, if you, uh, if you, if you toss out to Gary, Gary can find, um, Hey, DFG. Hell yeah. Uh, remember, you used to watch the man show back in the day, right? Yeah. Yeah, we defocked. Yeah. There was, uh, I think there was a man show. The juggies. Yeah. There was a man show. Frat House. Kit for kids like play. You know, it's a sort of GI Joe's. But Frat Boys. It was a whole like, you know, Barbie Streamhouse, but it was like for nine-year-old boys. Uh, that bit, I think may have involved Oki. Do the combo of the cookie. Well, I think we'll, uh, I'll show you that bit if we can find. I haven't seen it in a million years. Do you remember that bit, DFG? I think it will. Frank got super hero. Yeah, something, something like that. All right. So Oki cookie. Uh, so whoever finishes last has to eat the Oki candy corn. Hell yeah. Now, um, in a way, there's a, there's a part of me. Does everyone come on one candy corn? I, I don't, I think that's going to be a tallish order. It's a small target. Yeah, no, I, I'm picturing more of a, uh, uh, a yellow cup filled with, uh, candy corn or something. A bag full of them. A bag full of them. Yeah. Um, so on one hand, it's one of those things where you go, oh my god, no. On the other hand, it's kind of like when you someone says, I went over Niagara Falls in a barrel. You're like, I could never do that. But I kind of respect it. I kind of respect the crazy challenge. I mean, that's, that's it. And this is a crazy challenge. That's a crazy challenge. Yeah. I say it's, uh, literally all balls. I can't see a benefit to this. I say JV. I appreciate the seasonal aspect. All balls. Wow. Yeah, it is all balls because there's exactly what it was saying. It's like, um, the adrenaline rush you get from not eating. It's not every candy corn is covered in jizz. Yeah, no, but for me, no, I was saying it's more like being on a really laser focus. And not be the last one. DFG saying there are some candy corns you could enjoy. Ah, candy corns. Yeah, okay. I get you. All right, safer than the cookie. Cookie is covered. Yeah, I understood. Understood. All right, give us one more DFG. All right, look, I just do a speed round, bro. Okay. Grimmis for McDonald. All balls. All balls. JV. Pink guy. Well, it's not pink guys. It's earning it. Or giving it. You know what I mean? It's like nobody likes crabs. But if you got it from a supermodel, I think we'd be okay with that. So I'm going to say, surprisingly, all balls. JV. JV. JV. Oh, all right. Pinky, pinky. All balls. JV. Oh yeah. JV. Fall into world series. Default classic. Oh, the fault classic. It even sounds boring. Sounds like a golf tournament. I'm going to JV. All balls. JV. JV. Hell yeah. It's called the world theory. Yeah. Thank you. All right. I love goblins, bro. Goblins? Yeah, I think it's JV. I'm tired of goblins. All balls. Yeah, I'll go all balls. They're all balls. Shit. I hate to talk about JV. Hold on a second. One more. One more in your speed round. Okay. Not letting others define you. I think it's JV. I think telling people not to define you is like telling people not to judge you. It's impossible. This has got to be all balls. All balls. It's all balls. Never let people define you, especially others. Don't let other people define you, especially others. Hell yeah. Okay. That's a good positive note. That's like a good Rihanna themed song, you know. Okay. Thanks, DFG. Hell yeah, bro. I just want to give a shout out to my Twitter and pushy's uncle dudes getting over Ebola. Hell yeah. The half of Halloween is feeling segregation. Yeah. A quarantine, right? Yeah. For a quarter of another quarter of a month or some shit. Yeah. Okay. So, pushy's uncle got Ebola. He can't be positive. Okay. All right. That's enough. All right. DFG. You can go at the death frat guy on Twitter if you want to send DFG out somewhere.
and it's a symptomatic until he started fire holes in the diarrhea from his ass right that's it yeah he bowling was like a wolf reed crawled up his ass and was fighting to get out of him he's an eloquent man poochies uncle he should get him on the show so wild he's scriptive all right thanks the fg oh yeah bro all right that was jv or all balls with death frat guy brought to you by man greya let's see our next j comedian is a here waiting to come in we'll bring him in a second we have the man we have the man show on a fraternity action heroes okay I'll run you there fraternity action heroes five tough guys one tough fraternity smiddy will joe big Dave pooter and the toad I'm the evil Dean and I'm gonna shut your house down if you don't pass tomorrow's exam forget you Dean we're going to recruit them a dead fever to pick up some ecstasy for our party with the campfire collect all five so you and your friends connect out classic fraternity rituals fraternity action heroes okie cookie sold separately for them are like traditional figures in the one fat guy yeah toga yeah yeah I'm with a toad yeah I remember having a nice conversation with the the all the ladies at comedy central were 51 year old ladies and I was like they're like Adam what is an okie cookie well it means different things to different people but I do know this okie is not on anybody's no fly I mean you know FCC you can say okie all day long and of course cookie and what's better in a cookie so you know you I'd be talking to Debbie Liebling going well for you know you can say okie cookie I mean that much we know I don't know if we can show one of the lads eating a nookie cookie that I might be you know crossing line but she'd be arguing no okie cookie and we'd be like well let us just show the cookie but not okie and they'd be like and then she'd be like well let me go down the hall and run it down one of the lawyer talk to the lawyer about it like all right well you'll be you know get back to us pretty quick on this okie cookie thing because we're running this thing and you have these thing well well if you run it for the audience because we're taping two shows and I can we edit out the okie cookie if with it standards and practices well it might be tough to carve the okie cookie out of the and it's like it's like two adults on a 22-minute conference call about the the okie cookie the cookie is okie that may be there's my entire life was arguing about that kind of stuff with some and by the way all all nothing amounts to anything like you have these super heated arguments that go on for sometimes days on and off and then you blink your eyes and 12 years passes and no one gives a fuck no one brings it up no one gave a fuck back then nobody gave a fuck back then either it was just somebody was getting paid a lot to pretend like they gave a fuck and you were going to get into an argument with them all right we will bring aren't as Jay out all right that's Adam Cole show 1444 that does it for days full of classics mixture to tune tomorrow for an installment until then hello and welcome to Pluto for if you know the name of the movie would like to see just stream it for free on Pluto TV we're all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long catch anchor man the legend of Ron Burgundy fantastic the matrix trilogy welcome to the real world mean girls side up and so much more for showtime press nothing they're free 24/7 that is so a fact on Pluto TV stream now pay never podcasting isn't just about talking it's about growing engaging and monetizing and that's where podcasts one pro comes in whether you're an independent creator or a major brand podcast one pro gives you the tools you need to take your podcast to the next level we're talking about premium hosting advanced analytics dynamic ad integration and expert distribution all designed to maximize your reach and revenue plus with access the podcast ones industry leading network you'll be connected to top tier advertisers and a massive audience it's time to go pro and turn your passion into profit visit podcast one pro dot com to get started today podcast one pro the power behind the podcast hello and welcome to Pluto foal if you know the name of the movie would like to see just stream it for free on Pluto TV we're all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long catch anchor man the legend of Ron Burgundy fantastic the matrix trilogy welcome to the real world mean girls so much more for showtime's press nothing they're free 24/7 that is so a fact on Pluto TV stream now pay never
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