Give Me Everything with Heather McMahan

(upbeat music) - Yo, what the fuck is up? Welcome to my favorite lyrics, the podcast where we talk about music lyrics, except when we talk about other stuff. And today we've got another very, very special guest. She's got a special out on Hulu right now called by a thread. Go peep, it's very, very funny. Welcome to the show, Heather McMahon. - How are ya? (laughing) I told you offline, I sold a show a couple years ago, and I had a role written for you. And it's based off this guy who's an actual stalker in my life. - What? - He's a gentle stalker. - I saw your standup years ago and I literally was like, who could play this character like David? And we've never met, we've met once at a party, and I literally thought, no, no, no, no, you just, you literally could be so good at this role. I will show you this guy afterwards. And you're gonna see the photo and go, yep, I could do it. - Okay, sure, uh-huh. - He's a gentle stalker, like a buddy. (laughing) - Yeah, no, I hear what you're saying. I do just want to be clear, we did talk about this off mic. - We did. - We might be the way that the conversation went, was Heather goes, oh yeah, like I had to deal with Hulu and I thought of a role that'd be really good for you. And if the show comes back, I'd love to put you in that role. What's being added now is an interesting new detail, which is seeing saying I had kind of a strange man that was following around that made me feel uncomfortable. You got that kind of thing going. - You got that, no, you got something. I saw you on stage and I said, oh, I know what he could do. He could follow me around and scare me sometimes. - Actually, it's not uncomfortable. Because the whole thing is this guy's like, I've known him for 20 years. He comes up to my husband all the time, daps him up and he's like, man, when you kick the bucket, I'm right there. So he's not scary at all. He's like, I'm funny at bars. And he's just like, but also again, 'cause you're tall. - Yeah, okay. - You're tall. - How tall is this guy? - Same, hi. - Oh, what's your name? - My husband's tall, like I just need, I was trying to cast tall, attractive people. - This stalker was never spooky. - Never gentle, like fun. - What makes him a stalker? - I don't think he's relentless. And it's the only person, let me tell you what, I always like talk to other people. I'm like, do you ever have creeps that come to your shows? I'm like, no, it's only women. This is the one male figure that I'm like, okay, and it's the most gentle, most respectful thing in the world. I'm like, hmm, kind of sad. - It is. - Do you have any stalkers? - We'll see, here's the thing. I've had a couple strange experiences. - Yeah. - For sure. - With a female? - Yes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had a couple of, I've had a couple of those, but it never gets that spooky. It is, I mean, I feel like this has been talked about a lot, but this is a real difference between the interactions that like men who are in comedy, I have in women who are in comedy. Where it's like, if you, like every single woman has had a, who does comedy, has had a man who follows her around to show those, and like they need, like, I heard my friend Marie tell a story about, she was like, yeah, this guy was DMing me a bunch, then he came to my show with like flowers, and it was really spooky, and I had to get like escorted out by like the comedy club security. - And you don't even realize it till you've been on tour half a year. - And you're like, Mark? - Yeah, wait a second, you've been at six of these shows. - Yeah, and you've got all of my merch. In fact, you're the only person who's bought my merch, but thank you. - Shout out, shout out. - Shout out, Mark. - I've had a couple of like things kind of like that, where I'm like, oh, she's kind of odd, but like it's never gotten to any point where I'm, in the way that I've heard like my, my women friends in comedy describe. - I've had a lot of female stalkers. - Oh, what it was like. - Yeah, they're intense. You know, they're like, you think everything that I think, you're in my brain, you know what I mean? Where are you, girl? I'm outside in the bushes kind of thing. - They're like, I am you. - I am you, you are me, and we finish each other sentences. I'm like, Lindsay, I've never met you. I had a really interesting incident, and this was again, completely harmless, but this woman got into my dressing room. I was performing at Butler University in Indianapolis, and I get off stage, and I'm like taking off my whole outfit. Like I do a full change, because I wear like really like, you know, heavy feathered and glittered shit on stage. And I'm like, naked, and she opens the door, and she just goes, I found you, and I'm standing there, I cover my bed, and I just go, you did, I found you. - How'd she get in there? - She was in like, a lot of my fans were animal print, and they dressed up girl, and she just walked past security and said, I'm Heather's cousin, found the star dressing room. Now, here's the, here's the thing, it was half my fault. Where was security, they were eating a Chick-fil-A party platter that I had provided. You know, I was like, thank you guys for keeping me safe. - Sure. - See you soon, you should have waited. - You provided your own like, the distraction for the stalker. - Yeah. - Without a doubt. So I cover myself, I go, you found me, and she goes, don't worry, I'm not going to touch you. Which is the second thing you don't want to hear. And I said, can I put underwear on? - Because that means she kind of wants to. - She wanted to, she wanted to hug. And then she, I said, what's up girl? And then my buddy, Chris saw her, like, kind of pulled her to the side. And she said, I just want to see you want to come on our party bus and like, party with our girl tonight. It's Rachel's back to her head. And I was like, I, this is frightened me. To the core, I am out. Yep, yep. - Did she seem like on any level, she understood that what she did was weird? Like, it clicked when she, after she said, I found you, there's like, don't worry, I'm not going to touch you. I think in that moment, she panicked a little bit. - She's like, ah, okay. - She's like, so I'm being strange. - Yeah, yeah. - So I'm being, so I'm being strange. The fact that I walked in, no knock. - Yeah, no knock. - Maybe that's a little bit strange. - And you could see that I was naked. And if you want to be like, oh my God, so sorry, wrong room or whatever. No, no, no, just, but she was really intoxicated. So at that point too, I was like, eh. - She probably couldn't even do anything that strange if she wanted to, she's too lit. - Yeah, and my husband was standing off stage one time in Jacksonville. And this was like an insane show. And I come off stage and I'm like, good night, Jacksonville. And I walk off stage. And she's got kind of my husband almost by the collar. And she's like, tell her, you know me. And my husband's like, I don't know who the fuck you are. He was like, get off me. And within a split second. And I literally grabbed this one. And I get the fuck off. What are you doing? And she's like, no, I want to come backstage. I was like, okay, Melissa, the fuck are you? So it's really aggressive white women. - This is what I get. - Whoa. - Okay, which is one of the spookiest groups. - New one of the spookiest groups. - It's one of the groups you want. - It's one of the groups you want stalking you the least. - Uh-huh, the least is, it's creepy white women. 'Cause they will find you and they will do it. And they will, you know, they'll figure the fuck out. - They've also been empowered to think the world's kind of theirs. You know what I'm saying? - Is that a doubt? - Like, there's a, there's a type of white lady who's like, just been kind of allowed to do everything her whole life. And just as kind of like, yeah, one of my friends, my favorite color came on, tell the story about like a white girl fan who just like took his hat and put it off his head. - Yeah, like a stranger. And that is just such a, that's a white lady move to be like, oh, I can do this. What's, nothing, nothing bad's ever happened to me before. - No, nothing bad's ever happened. - Why would it happen today? - Or is like, you know, with the whole like, I don't worry, I'm not gonna touch you. It's like, 'cause they're used to just being like, let me get it. That's mine. They grabbed you on the shoulder. - I can have this, I can have that. I can have this, I'm gonna grab that ass. I'm gonna do the thing. Can I have your dirty underwear? Let's go. - Yeah. - As a white woman and as a part of that community, you gotta be able to, you gotta be able to look inside sometimes. - Sometimes, I'm very good at self-reflections. - And that's what you gotta be able to do. - That's what you gotta be able to do. - Was there, did you ever, did you ever, were you ever like a huge fan of anyone? Did you ever have like a person like, - Well, so actually speaking of other white women, one of my main, my main queen in comedy was Joan Rivers. So that was my girl. I would do her book signings, I'd go to all of her shows. Like that was, she was kind of my guiding light when it came to stand up. So yeah, I was kind of that stalker, a little bit. - Do you think she ever told a story about you? - She did tell a story about me, but it's funny, I'm friends with her daughter Melissa now, but I would go to her book signings and she would recognize me, like, oh, you again. But she kept saying she was like, you've got a hootspot. I'm not worried about you, you're gonna make it. - You did a pretty good Joan for like one second. - Yeah, thank you. - You said, oh, you were good, I was like, oh, you were good. Yeah, I heard it. - And when Joan died, people sent flowers to my house more than like after my dad died. And I was very close with my dad. People were like, is Heather gonna be okay? And I'm like, Joan's gone. So she was really my everything. - In the sense of like in the comedy scene? - No, I didn't have anybody that I like stalked in comedy. I think like, I don't know. The comics that I looked up to the most were, they never felt like around. Like when I was a kid, it probably would have been like, Chappelle, but there was no, he also was like gone for like a lot of my like teenage years. So like, there was nowhere for me to like get close to these people. Or like there would have really been a time where it would have been Kanye. Or like if I could have gotten near him, I would have done whatever I could to make that happen, but now obviously it's different. - I saw Kanye was walking down somewhere in the West Village just probably eight years ago. And when I tell you, it all happened like in slow motion. I, somebody stopped me. They opened a door. He was coming out of the back of a studio. And he was like hammered and he was opening the back of a limo and like got into the back of a car. Like when people still took a limo and shut the door and just took off. And I was like, by myself, I'm like, did that just happen? Like what's that Kanye? - That's exactly how you want to see him. - That's how you want to see him in the wild. - Yeah, yeah. - Really like doing the exact type of shit to imagine he'd be doing. - Exactly. - Only like, 'cause I imagine he's like drunkenly stumbling into like helicopters. - Yeah. - And like jumping into a helicopter and taking off to like Abu Dhabi or whatever. - And then yeah, that is the only, that's really the only way you want to envision him, too. - Exactly. - Now is there a musical artist that you would just like, who were your Beatles? 'Cause for me, it was The Spice Girls. Growing up that was my first concert. I was never into like in-sync and backstreet boys. - Okay. - Hear me out, I never went through like a power lesbian phase. I mean, physically I definitely did. But I, like fourth grade, I was like wearing a blazer and duck head shorts and like, you know, I had a remax office, okay. - Your parents got you a blazer? - I had a blazer. - It was a hit me down for my dad. But I was so obsessed when The Spice Girls came out and I remember all my girlies, they had like in-sync and backstreet boys and like 98 degrees on their walls. I was like, these guys are fucking ugly. I couldn't explain it. Nothing tickled me in a way, but The Spice Girls like spoke to me. And that was my first concert ever. - That's interesting. - And Ginger, I don't know how much you know about The Spice Girls. - A little bit. - Ginger, the red head. She had just quit the band, okay. So they came to the North American tour. But I'm like, this is Atlanta. I'm like, obviously she knows I'm dressed as her for the show. She's gonna come back to this, this one. So all the girls come out. The four girls come out. Baby, scary, posh, sporty, no ginger. And I am like sobbing. - I mean, I'm fourth grade. What is that, eight, seven, eight? - Ten. - Yeah, so I'm like that. I'm so bad with children's ages. 'Cause I don't have kids. I'm like, oh, you're in the fifth grade, you're 47. I don't know. - It's hard to know. - I really be looking at kids sometime, and I'm like, yeah, you could be seven or 13. - Yeah, I'm really mad. - You're one of those. You're in that range for sure. - So I just cried, and my dad took me to the concert, and he was like such a G. He would take us to all the cool concerts, throwing up, but that was my moment. And I'm telling you right now, if the Spice Girls, they keep like teasing something, if they go back on tour, that will be my Ares tour. Like that, I will spend every last time that I have going to every single show. - That would be, that would be really fun. - Yeah. - I feel like there's not a lot of, I guess no, Backstreet Boys did a reunion. In sync, it said they would do a reunion, but-- - Yeah, I think JT is holding back. - But, yeah, Justin won't do it. And so they're like, all right, no, but I feel like the, yeah, the Spice Girls. - Justin probably needs to do it. - It's probably time. - Probably time. - Justin, Jim, if you're listening, and we know that you are, what better time than now? - Should go back on the road with the boys. - Go ahead and get that good will back. It slipped through your fingers. - A little bit. - Yeah, slipped through your fingers and you held onto it for quite some time. - And you might need the boys to hold you up. - You feel me? - You gotta get back to the top of the pyramid. - Come on. - You need the other boys holding you up. - Come on, and that's a documentary. - Right there. - That's, come on, the documentaries right there. I'll watch it on Netflix. - I will. - I'll watch the return. That was, of all those types of groups, and sync was probably, those were probably my guys. - Yeah. - Those types of, like, 90s, like, boy band, girl band. But I did see Spice World a lot when I was little. - Oh, the best. - I haven't watched it as an, I probably haven't watched it since I was, like, seven years old. - Well, it's also impossible to find. - Really? - Just so you know, you cannot find Spice World anywhere. - What do you mean? - Can we fact check this? There is no, the Spice World, you can't get out on, like, iTunes, like Amazon. I think you have to buy it on the actual DVD. - Oh my God, you're right. - No, you have to, like, physically buy the VHS tape. - Interesting. - You can't stream it, they're hiding it. - What? - Uh-huh, what happened? - They're suppressing the Spice World. - Do you know what's going on with this? - I don't know what's going on, but I would like some more information. - 'Cause you can get, you can get everything. - You can get everything. - Everything's attainable. Wait a second. Okay, maybe, you, it looks like you can maybe buy it on DVD. Maybe, depending on if that's what this is. - I will purchase. Go ahead and-- - You shall not rush to live behind that chest. - Yeah, Windsor birthday. - At March 15th, it doesn't matter. - Okay. - Just get it. (laughing) - Halloween's coming up, I just need something to fill the void. - When's the last time you saw it? - Mm, probably a couple years ago. - Okay. - Yeah. - Does it, did it hold up for you? - It held up, everything holds up. It, that was just, when they came out, it was, I was at such a peak moment in my childhood and being like a little chubby girl that I was just like, I can do anything. Every girls are so cool. And I always was just very much so into Spice Girls. - That's incredible. - Yeah. - Spice Girls, if you're listening, we know that you are? - We know that you are. - Make the DVD accessible to the community. You'd like to tap back into that. Send a copy, send a signed copy to Heather. - I would love one. - Come on. - And I was actually just out the today show this morning and Victoria and I just cross paths. She was on the segment before me and I just missed her 'cause she had a lot of security. I was like, are you kidding me? But when I moved to LA, I started working at this gym called Soul Cycle. And my feet were, you know, it was all like, it's not cool anymore, I don't know. - You said like it was a secret private place. - I don't know, like-- - Yeah, so I used to work at this special food spot called McDonald's. I'm not sure if y'all ever got tapped into that. - Listen, I worked there in the prime years when people fucking went, okay? And my first week on the job, it was Scariest Spice and Victoria. So, posh spice and Scariest Spice. And they were apparently beefing at the time. And one of my managers was like, hey, they're doing back-to-back classes and you have to make sure that they don't see each other. - Do you know why they were beefing? - I don't know why they were beefing. I think they're cool now. Because she was like, don't call me scary anymore, can I get a different? Can I swap my name out? Everybody has a pretty normal descriptive name, and my name's Scary Lady. - But let's Google, I don't even know why it's a scary. I think, oh, okay, okay, you know what? You said, I didn't. Okay, that's a white woman. I think she's very warm and above her. - Sure, I never wanted to call her that. I never wanted to call her that. Scary Spice, if you're listening, we know what you're. I never wanted to-- - No, me, we love you. - I never wanted to call you that, but that's just the name that was given. I would have called you whatever you told me to call you. - Warm and inviting and muffin. - Yeah, beautiful Spice. - Beautiful Spice. - Incredible Spice, the most beautiful Spice. I would have called you that, but you said I had to call you scary. - So, well, either way, I had to keep them away from each other. And it was one of those moments where like, you know, the color drains from your face. And you're like, wow, my childhood was alive. Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - It's tough, it's tough. I mean, it's also, it's, unfortunately, you realize that that is the story behind like anybody, any group that gets big in that kind of way, even groups that don't get big, you know? At some point, there is always like a, which makes sense. - Well, I just watched the Travis Barker documentary. And then I find out that they hate, that Blinkwin, any two hates each other, and they don't talk for like 10 years. - It's always that. - It's one of them gets cancer. I'm like, what are we doing? - It's kind of always that. - All the small things that like, I was either a work-tour kid or a Spice World kid. That was it. - Mm-hmm. - Those were my two genres that I stuck to. - Huh. - Uh-huh. - Okay. - And then I also did a dip big jam band era too when I was in college. - Who jam bands like fish? - You like fish, whites, red panic, mo, string, cheese incident. - Grateful dead? - Oh, the Grateful Dead huge. - Okay. - Mm-hmm. - I see. - Yeah. - And this is in Atlanta. - This is in Mississippi. So I went to the University of Mississippi. - I see, Ole Miss. - Ole Miss. So you gotta imagine me in like a North Face jacket. You know what I mean? Mark Jacobs purse. I've got my rain boots on, and I'm like feeling the vibes. - I'm from Texas, so I-- - You get it. - I understand what was going on. - Where in Texas are you from? - I'm from right outside of Austin. - Oh, hell yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I grew up like 15 minutes from the UT campus. - Oh, great. - So what was the vibe when you were like at that age in college? - In college, like for me? - Yeah. - Or for like what white girls had going on? - No, no, for you personally. - Interesting. - If you do, if you can't get in touch with the white girls' history, I'll be very impressed. - Well, yeah, I mean, I at least saw what they had going on. I remember there was a specific type of Nike shorts that all the girls had, and you-- I don't even have to say it to you. - The Nike rolled shorts? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then we would wear a giant fraternity t-shirt that was like a double XL, and then you'd wear a pair of new balances, that's all you wore. It looked like we had no pants on. - Yeah. - And a North Face jacket. - That's a lot of, it was a little too hot for that where we wore, but if it did cool down, they was putting the North Face quarters up on for sure. - Me personally, I was experimenting with stuff during college. - For you. - Yeah, I was trying a lot of things. I had an afro that I cut like a part in, just like a civil rights leader. I thought that that was really cool for some time. There was also a time where I was wearing like, I was really on like Tumblr and stuff like that. And there was a time when like on Tumblr where Frank Ocean was wearing this bandana. And I thought that was really fly. So I was wearing like, I bought one of these bandanas and I was like wearing this around college campuses with my afro with the civil rights line. So I was trying a lot of stuff. Just trying to figure out who I was. And then were you like a communications major? - Yeah. - Yeah. (all laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah. - So you could sniff me out of the way when I could sniff you out. - Yeah, so I was a communications major until I did a radio internship that I didn't like that much. And then I became a psychology major. - Oh wow. - And yeah, and then I ended up doing stand-up comedy. - Exactly, 'cause you realized we all have mental illness. - Sure, I was like, what am I gonna go into academia? - Yeah. - No, no, no. I need to hang out with a bunch of actual crazy people and say silly shit on a microphone. - Good for you. - Sure. - Hell yeah. - Wait, speaking of which, I wanted to talk to you about this because it's like, you've lived in New York and LA previously. - Yeah, I've lived New York on and off for years in LA, but I'm back in Atlanta. - It's, I was just thinking about this 'cause I grew up right down the street from UT. Did you feel this when you were in New York or LA at all? Or it's like, this past weekend was UT OU, which is like our big rivalry game. And like I've watched pretty much every single one of them since I was like little. It's like that game and the A&M game are like the big University of Texas games. And I looked around and I was like, huh. No one in my life in New York City cares about this at all. I don't have a single person and where we're from, it's like that's, it's on everywhere. Everybody's talking about it. And I really like, I was like thinking about all my friends and I was like, I don't have a single person in my life who knows or cares anything about this or would think that it's important. - Imagine being an Ole Miss fan, okay? - Well sure. - The Ole Miss, I went to the Ole Miss LSU game this year on the field like this is my alma mater. Like I'm bleeding out for this school. - It's the Lane Kiffin thing. - The Lane Kiffin thing. And like it's a lot of like my buddies in comedy would be like they would check in because they knew it was a big game for me 'cause of the drama the Lane Kiffin. But they don't understand. I'm like, no, I bleed out for this school. Like this is, I love this. - It's really deep. - It's really deep. And SEC is different. You know, I feel bad for like when I first started in comedy and I'd be like in my improv troupe, everybody went to like, you know, Brown or some sort of like - Wesley and I, Oprah and EWIU, like places with no sports culture was so ever. - They had no idea where to put me 'cause I would walk in and I'm like a sort of, I have my hair blown out, my hoops in, like full beat. Like I'm like, hi, I'm your former 40. - No, this isn't in New York. - I'm like 23 and just moved to New York. I'm at my UCV classes. And everybody is like-- - It's so not the vibe there. - It's so not the vibe. Everyone's looking like a fuckin' slob kebab. And I come in and I'm like, could y'all put on some fuckin' lipstick? What are you forming here? What is wrong with you? - Sure. - And then I would win these guys over 'cause they were just like, you know, oh, University of Mississippi, can you read? And I'm like, I'm funny as fuck motherfuckers. So just sit the fuck down and let's like, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be cursing at you. - You can curse. - Which is remembering UCV and some of these guys who were just like zips apps off and you're like, shut up. - Some of these-- - Shut up and go to a football game. - Well, and you know what ends up happening, especially in those spaces and just like, in certain, especially in like improv comedy spaces, it ends up being these guys who are never cool at any stage of their life, never had anything cool going on, but they can go in there and they're the shit. - Yeah, I remember it, I won't say too much about it, but I just, working it as an L, there was a-- times where I was like, wait, so, so that's a cool guy in here. That's who, this is who's like, that's who's the man here. It's that guy. It's that guy. That guy's never been the man in his life. No. And some people really let that get to their heads. Yeah. And then I'd imagine at UCB, there's a very similar type of thing going on. It really, it was hard for me to find my footing. And then finally, an agent told me, she was like, listen, sweetheart, she's like, you commercial, move to LA. Yeah. You could be, you need to be on a sitcom. Like, you're funny, you're big. You like, go do your thing. I was like, trying to get on like, the Harold team and like, do cage match. And I just like, could not get, I always, it was a different flavor. And I was just like, I'm not going to fight this. I'm a one-woman show. I need to just go and do that. And that's what I did. But I 100% hear you, you know? I think a lot of stand-ups have that sort of feeling around like, I've never even, I've never even tried improv. Yeah. But I just, I've looked at it and I've thought about doing it. I've had a lot of friends who were like, no, it's been helpful to me in these ways. But I'm just like, I'm not a team player really in that kind of way. Yeah. I like to do my own thing and I don't want to, I'd be so pissed if I was on fire and somebody else wasn't. Yeah. I'm like, I'm being like a giraffe and I'm being incredible at it and they're doing some other weird shit. Oh. Yeah. If you're not, yes, standing when I'm bringing to the table, I'm, we're going to have a real problem. And I also realize like, with stand-up, it's very similar like the sports I grew up playing. I played golf growing up. And that's a solo sport. Like, you're on a team. And but stand-up and golf are very similar. You will blame anybody but yourself if you have like a bad set, a bad night or like if you're playing golf and you, you know, hit a bad shot, you're like, it's hot out. There was a wind. I'm, you know. You're like the course. This course is gorgeous. They reset the bunkers too far back. They set it up. Oh. Like, because normally it's not, it's not like that. You'll play. I've played some clubs where I'm just like, where the set didn't go great. Uh-huh. And I was like, well, but look at how high the ceilings are. This place is the clubs built like a cheesecake factory. I don't have anybody supposed to succeed in here. We're in a mall. We're in a mall. The ceilings too low and I got overheated. I'm like, I literally feel like a caged animal. Right. I'm a court jester. All you want me to do is shake my tits and make you laugh and actually you need to turn on the air conditioning. Right. How am I supposed to perform in these conditions? I can't. Come on. We get it. We just, we, we will find a solo sport people. We find something they can blame about. Yeah. It is. It is what it is. Sometimes you got to look in the mirror. Sometimes that's on you. Uh-huh. I love that you're from Texas. I love that you're a UT kid. Like a morning. Yeah. Southern energy. About you. We're Southern people. We just find each other amongst the chaos and the elite of these Yankees up here that we have to deal with. Wait. Can I ask you something? Yes. Because I just watched this documentary yesterday about the, about Michael Orr. Okay. I just watched it. Okay. Where were you when your life when the blindside came out? So where was I? What year did that come out? Like 2009. 2009. So that was my senior year of college. Okay. Okay. See, I might have been at the school at this school. At the same time. Whoa. Okay. Um, I feel like I have to dread lightly. Sure. Cause this is actually connected to your like, but I have a joke at my new special about Lee and Dewey. Yeah. Because it's so wild. Like I have this bit of my special about a people always think I'm MAGA. Okay. Everybody wants to be like, Oh, she's MAGAGE. Meanwhile, you come to my shows. I'm the most outspoken white woman against MAGA. I think people, I think people can flate Southern-ness to MAGA-ness, which, which can be the case. Right. I'm a rapper and like know a lot of people who like are in that kind of like, in space, but like, it is not. There's also a big population of like folks from the South that are like, fuck that guy. Fuck that shit. And I think I grew up in Atlanta. Well, also, I think too, which is so annoying. Like one of the gay and cities in America. Exactly. I've heard about Atlanta. So I have a joke about like, Oh, my God. You must think that I'm Lee and Dewey. And like I always say, as Ole Miss fans, we were blindsided by the scandal, the blind side. Of course. But when that came out, we were like, wait, what? Yeah. Not everybody was on board with the whole thing. Really? That threw me for a loop. It fucked me up. I believe it. It's kind of a crazy story. It's a crazy story. Yeah. You know, I don't know where they stand right now. It seems like they're not. Yeah. I don't think they're good. I don't think it doesn't seem awesome. Yeah. Also, yeah. I think I would feel pretty crazy if I was like, Oh, yeah, this is my family. I like love these people. And then they put out. And then they co-sided a movie where it looked like I like didn't know what words were. Yeah. Every, all this seems to be them like handing him a piece of soap and he's like, what do I do with this? It's like Jesus. If those are the people who said they love me and then they were like, yeah, no, that movie's pretty much how it worked. We taught him what a shoe was. Yeah. He'd be like, yeah, fuck you, man. That's a mean of shit. My bed is basically like, you know, oh, you think I'm a white woman who has a Taco Bell franchise and I'm driving down the road in Memphis and my white Lexus on a rainy night. And I see a little black boy on the side of the road and I roll down the window and I'm like, are you good at ball? Get in. It's unbelievable that that is actually kind of sort of, I guess, what happened? I don't know. In the, they showed a clip from the movie that was so crazy, where she like, Sandra Bullock is like showing him around, like showing him a room and he goes and she's like, this is going to be your room and he's like, well, I've never had one of these before. And she goes, what, like your own room and he goes, a bed. And it's literally, it's his friend who we grew up with being like, we had beds. We were poor, but we had, he had a place to sleep. He'd seen a bed before. This is nasty what they're doing in this. And I was like, yeah, yeah, I never liked that movie for, for, for what it's worth. Well, listen, I respect that. I am also just like, I need to watch the documentary and see exactly what having, because we saw, we heard all the rumors and then it was just like, God, it wasn't something pure. It looked so nice. It looked pure. It looked sweet, but that's never how it goes down. Unfortunately. Yeah. And listen, as an Ole Miss fan, I'm constantly having to like change the narrative. Like, I went there and I'll be honest with you. I had knew nothing about Mississippi and I showed up to Ole Miss, like, I was a brat from Atlanta. Like, what is the capital of Mississippi? And they're like, Jackson, I was like, Ville, Florida, I don't know where I am. Did you ever want to go to UGA? No, we were a Georgia Tech family. I see. Did you ever want to do that? No, I was not smart enough to get a Georgia Tech. Not even close. And I went, I did theater. So I knew that like, that was, that was an engineering school. So I was either Alabama or Ole Miss. Those were the two schools that had rolling in mission because I didn't get into my dream school. I thought I was going to get a pepper nine in California. And do the other-- Well, then you would have been Zipps up. Then I would have been Zipps up. I would have been a whole different thing. That's-- They would have gotten-- And the NAR and Zipps up. They would have got you out them heels and into some dirty converse. Exactly. And I didn't get in. And it was a blessing. And so I ended up visiting Alabama. And I was like, oh, Tuscalooses is a shithole, sorry it is. And I called my dad and I said, literally in the middle of the night, I go, pick me up. I just saw me in short cooking off a chicken tender. I got to get the fuck out of here. And my dad picked me up. And then I said, looks like I'm going to Ole Miss. And I showed up at orientation. I had never been on campus. Whoa. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, you just were kind of like-- Why Ole Miss? Why not at different? Why not at LSU? Well, LSU, no, absolutely not. But Alabama and Ole Miss still had really good theater departments. Okay. So my college counselor was like, hey, these are-- he was like, I think you would actually thrive at Ole Miss. Mm-hmm. I show up on like, everybody here is attractive. Yeah. It's like the most fun party school ever. I joined a sorority. I had the best four years of my life. I got a great theater education. And I was like, this is a blast. I even own a home there now. Like, I go back and rent it out for football games. And my husband who went to Penn State, he's the biggest Ole Miss fan now. Like, it's just good people. Yeah. So, but again, Oxford is like a very liberal town in a very conservative state. It's tough. That's the southern thing. Yeah. We're like, we're like, we're on the normal people, you know? Sure. You know, honestly, I didn't know that. I think in my mind when I hear Ole Miss, I'm like, I don't want to go over there. Yeah. And maybe I'm wrong. Yeah. Maybe I got to open my mind. Yeah. Oxford's a very cool town. Okay. I think you'd love it. I think you would. One of these days, I feel like they'll have to play UT there at some point. I might go to the UT Ole Miss game. Yeah. It's awesome. It's a good time. Let me know if you need any wrecks. I would love some wrecks. And good comedy city, too. Different comedy city now, which is a little other. Yeah. That's a whole lot of conversation. And whatever side you're on with you. I bet you we look at it the same way. Yeah. Yeah. Are we doing lyrics? We're about to. This is usually how it goes. Usually I talk about, I talk about truly whatever with my guess, whatever we find for the first half. Okay. And then we dive into something. I just want to make sure I wasn't like fully derailing us on Spice Girls and Ole Miss in the blindside. Okay. And the show is. Great. You can't do us with some lyrics. I did. You can't do us with the good hand for. I think I. And they're not like poignant lyrics. It was just when I was thinking about songs that really like put me in the fucking mood. Yeah. Is for me, it's these songs. And I think we've got to start here because this is an artist who's been very, very big part of what we've talked about on this podcast, somebody that I think is a pioneer or somebody that's running for president. Oh my God. A sweet soldier boy. We got to start with, give the name of the song and the artist to the people. First of all, it is "Crank That" by Soldier Boy, fun fact about Soldier Boy. So when he first started to come on the scene, he performed "Crank That" soldier boy. He always quotes, "Crank That" soldier boy, Soldier Boy performed "Crank That" soldier boy at a bar in Oxford, Mississippi when I was in school. I think he's from Mississippi. He is from Mississippi. He's from Batesville, which is about 45 minutes north. So I want you to imagine being a freshman, young girl, Justin Russell sorority at the bar with a fake ID in Mississippi, and Soldier Boy is dancing on top of the bar. And we are all learning to Superman, that hoe before anybody else. Oh yeah. This is an incredible story. It's, that's what people don't realize. So much shit has popped off in Mississippi. So we were Superman in that hoe. Very early on. And this was before the song became a big hit. Because it, wait, it says, wait, it says it was released in 2007. So he was, he was popping all of his music. He was coming dropping off mix tapes down at the Square in Oxford. Like this was a vibe. So if 2007, I was a junior. Okay. And you, and you saw a young soldier boy at the bar. I saw a young soldier boy. Then is anything. Just a real slim man. I mean, he also was like, when this song came out, he was like 16. Yeah. So he's like, I'm true. He was a teenager. - You're both not legally old enough to be in the bar. - Yeah, and they're all we're cranking it. - When we were cranking it. I mean, when you have lyrics like, you know, let's see. Just, I mean, let's get back to the basics, which is just over and over again. Watch me crank it, watch me roll, watch me crank that soldier boy. That's Superman that, oh, now watch me do. Now, watch me do, watch me do, now watch me do. - Well, I've never heard it that way. - When you put it that way, you feel something, don't you don't? (laughing) I've never heard anyone give me the lyrics in that type of way. Yeah, it did make me think about it different. I'll say that. - Yeah. - I mean, watch me do that. I say that sometimes when I'm like feeling my outfit. I'm like, watch me do. You know, I feel cute, watch me do. - Yeah, I like that, yeah. - Where were you when you first heard soldier boy? - I was in high school. I was in high school when this was going on. And I remember similarly, I mean, this song became such a huge hit. It was such a phenomenon. We were all like doing the dance. And then I remember for like a pep rally. I played football in high school. And I remember being at a pep rally. And the band played it. And then like the dance team like came out. And like did the whole thing. - Forget it. - It's as excited as I probably ever felt as a teenager. It really like sparked something in me. 'Cause it's just like if you were the right, I could see how if you were like 30 when that song came out. You're like, this is y'all. - Oh my god, what happened to music? - Yeah, which is like a big thing that was going on with him. Is like people were like really the older folks are really like, this is like, this is bullshit. And like what happened to like, Noss. And like the, and Tupac and the real, but like if you were, I was maybe like 15 or 16 when this happened, gospel. - Gospel. - Gospel. Might have been the best song I'd ever heard of my life up to that point. - You did a good point there. Because this, I feel like soldier boy, may have been kind of the guy to take, the artist to take goofy lyrics to the next level. You're not wrong. Gucci man followed behind that. Gucci was getting a little goofy. - Gucci had a different thing going on. 'Cause Gucci was actually like a street guy. So he was talking about that. But then he could also be playful too. - He could be playful. And that was the thing. You'd hear some of his letters and you're like, okay, Gucci. - He is funny. - He is very funny. - And Lana's finest. - Yeah. - I'm about to read this out. - But this is like real goof. - This is, it's so silly and it's so loose and it's so fun. And like kind of only a teenager could have made this. - I mean, one of the lyrics is Super Fresh. Now watch me, Jock. Jock and I'm them haters, man. When I do that, soldier boy, I lean to the left and crank that dance. And that's the thing, dude. He really started the dance movement. After that, think about how, like we, now 10 years later, or 20 years later, we have the, what is it, swag surf? Yeah. - I mean, swag surf came out, not that far apart from this song. - Really? - Yes. But I do think soldier boy, especially like in Atlanta, which is where he like moved after the song popped off. There was such a craze of like all these different dances. It was like, it became, it was like crank that SpongeBob, crank that, crank that Batman and crank that. - You weren't doing a wobble or the stanky leg? What were you doing? - Well, I wanted to ask you this as a ATLIA. Were you ever, were you ever snapping? Were you ever-- - What's I snapping? - Were you, was this happening in your life? - I'm so sorry. (laughing) How dare you? Was I ever snapping? - Yeah. - Actually, you want to know a really crazy fun fact. - I would love to. - T-Pain lived two doors down for me. (laughing) I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. I'm saying it, it's fine. T-Pain, we live in this gated community. T-Pain moved two doors down for me. So I go to college. My dad is head of the H-O-A. My dad, who has since passed, cool as fucking guy. My dad was a music guy, like cool fucking guy. So he calls me one day and he's like, "Your mom's saying some rapper moved down the street. "Can't wait to meet my mom's in the background." My mom's for Bosch. He's named Acorn. Acorn, and my mom thought it was Acorn. I'm like, no. - Different guy. - Different guy. T-Pain's like 20 years old, maybe 21. He just made it big, moved into this nice house and he parked his, he parked his big tour bus on the street. - Awesome. - And my dad was like, listen, there's some old fucking crotchety white people in the neighborhood. Let me talk to your manager. Let me make sure we figure this out, 'cause you're a good kid, you're young. You just moved in, you're making money. My dad couldn't believe that this kid could afford this house in the sense of like, you know, this was like-- - He's literally a teenager. - Nobody should be able to afford a house for like 19 or whatever, 21. - Yeah, and he ended up being so nice. But then, my dad would always try and be like, I'm really trying to help this kid out. But he had like some shitty manager. Well, I think he ended up like being a ski spell. I think my dad was like, you gotta get rid of this guy from Miami. He was like, no good. But yeah, so T-Pain was also like, that was the fucking coolest that he was, lift your doors down for me. - Did you ever interact with him at all? - Whenever I come home from the summer, he was always on tour. But, and then I don't think he lasted in the neighborhood very long in the sense he was like, I gotta get my own house with a gate, like, fuck these people. - I imagine he was like, yeah, like, T-Pain don't need to be living in a neighborhood. - No, he does not need to need it. - He needed to move away. He need to be out with some land. So we can do T-Pain stuff. We can do T-Pain stuff. And like, talk about a full circle for him. Like, he is popping off. I know he likes, like, streams and shit. - Yeah, yeah, he's like a big, like, twitch guy. - Big twitch. - Yeah, sure. - But I grew up in like T-Pain is like, that's my heart. - Yeah. - No, I feel like you feel negative about it or-- - Not in the least. - Okay, god. - I'll never say a bad word about T-Pain. - Yeah. - I'll never say a negative word about T-Pain. I think much like Soldier Boy, I think he was a pioneer. I think he didn't invent auto-tune, but he certainly popularized it, which is now something that, like, the vast majority of artists use. And he was like very much denigrated for it in the moment. Like all pioneers, you know, when you the first one to take those steps, people are not gonna understand you. - They're not gonna get it. - But then we go, but now we look back and we're like, "Oh, he was actually on the forefront of something." - Yeah. - Also, Soldier Boy, and I've said this on the pod a thousand times, he was the first internet rapper. He was the first guy to like really be like, "Oh, I'm gonna use the internet to like, propel myself forward." - Did he soundcloud it? - No, before soundcloud even existed. - So where was he putting it up? - He was putting it on all kinds of like weird little like, I mean, and this is like, YouTube is like just getting started. - I just say, like, was he like going up on like, E-bombs world? - Probably that, like, all kinds of like, this is before there was like a centralized like, "All right, everybody on the internet is like using this thing." I think Myspace, I think he was putting itself on Myspace. Yeah, it must have been that time, and then probably like early, early YouTube. I think he was like on YouTube like right when it started. - Oh, shit. - And use that to like, rack up all these views. And like, also he was really big on like ringtones. - Yeah. - That was like a profitable. - Funny, my ringtone on my blackberry was, - Like. - He asked me through the phone. He asked me through the phone. Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. I'm just admitted to speaking of which. - I had a crush on this guy, okay. And when he would call, I said, and remember what you could say at like specific ringtones, but it was, you never be caught dead having like, a actual real song, right? - Yeah. - Kiss me through the phone, and he would call me, and I'd be like, stop. It's my man. Look at that, I'm so embarrassed. Like a baby, baby. I know that you like me. You my future wifey, soldier boy. Tell them, yeah, you can be my Bonnie. I can be a Clyde. You could be my wife, text me, call me. Kiss me through the phone. I'll see you later on. So I wanna imagine, right? Like, get your phone. Is it like, you know what I mean? This is before FaceTime. What are you doing? - FaceTime was not popping at that point. - You're just like, kiss me through the phone, baby. What are we doing? - Yeah, I mean, I think very similar to you, like when this song came out, I was in high school as well, and there was a girl, I was seeing a girl who went to another school in the area, and that was like very, that was like, that was art. That was art shit. - Yeah. - 'Cause we couldn't see each other. We didn't go to the same school, so we couldn't see each other all the time. - Would you get kissed through the phone? - Yeah, very kissed through the phone. That woman ended up ghosting me. - Yeah. - She ended before ghosting-- - Fother through the phone. - Well, that's a different thing. (laughing) - That could mean a couple of things. - Yeah, ghost me through the phone. That's bad. - Yeah, yeah, it's, you know what you did, Brenda. - Oh, my name was Brenda. - Her name was Brenda. Still is, probably, yeah. - Brenda just seems like such an old name for somebody in their, your age that will be dating. A Brenda? - Yeah, she was very mature. Also, she was very mature. She had, you remember the rapper Eve? - Oh, yeah. - Of course, she married the billionaire. - She married that rich, Austrian guy or something like that. - This girl, this girl Brenda, my high school girlfriend, she had the Eve paw print titties on her, her tattoo's on her titties. - No, she did not. - She did. - That's hard. - She must have got it like 16. She had the paw print, yeah, tattoo. - Yeah, the titties, the titties. If I was gonna get, I mean, I've got larger titties. If I was gonna get any tattoo, it would probably be the clause because my nicknames Heathcat. - Well, yeah. - So, I mean, honestly, I missed opportunity. - Yeah, hey. - I had to Brenda. - Hey, it's never too late. Hey, you know, Brenda, I'm past it now. - Yeah, we're over it. - It hurt my feelings actually a lot back then, but also she popped up dating a different guy from my high school. Not even a different, not even a guy from her. Like, truly, one day I just like never heard from her and then I was like, oh, wait, she, wait, she's dating that guy now? There's a guy I've played football with. Oh, I remember. - Oh, we don't forget. - We don't forget. - We do not forget Brenda. - Hey, but you know, we'll always have that time. We'll always have Kiss Me Through The Phone. We'll always have Soldier Boy. - So good, that just, oh my god. And another, like, I also grew up in the 36 mafia area. - Okay, 'cause-- - Can I tell you how they're doing a great job at these segues. You couldn't be doing, you couldn't be doing better. Normally, I gotta lead it. You're doing your own segues and leading us. No, you're, I like it. I'm not mad at it at all. You're taking work out of my hands. - As a podcaster, and as, you know, I just know, we gotta keep it going. Like I just see where we're going. - Yeah. - Okay, but speaking of like prime time and Ole Miss, 36 mafia would come down and perform at the fraternities. Okay, we would go up to Memphis, go to bars on Beale Street, go see Project Pat, everybody. And when I really think about it, like, probably, 36 mafia goes harder than anybody. Okay, and that's something for me, like the core of who I am, if I'm having a bad day, I put on any 36 mafia song, and it will fuck you up. Talk about lyrics that you're like, what the fuck? And you gotta let it ride. And sometimes I just sit in silence in the shower and I like play 36 mafia. - Do you play this song ever? - I do, pop in my colors one of my favorites. Pop in my color reminds me of times when I'd be doing drive buys down fraternity row, looking for some scandalous boyfriend. But I mean, okay. - Wait, I'm sorry? - Yeah, can you explain that really quick? - So when the girls, oh my god, somebody was cheating on me or whatever, we'd all pop into our jedda and then we drive down fraternity row and we'd be looking for that dickhead ATO or the capacig, you know what I mean? That was, we would blast three six mafia while we did drive buys. And our drive buys were just driving and saying, - Like are you just looking for the car? - Yeah. - To see if he's somewhere that he's not supposed to be. - Exactly, we're not like shooting you while I'm, yeah. - Yes, we were just, we were doing our fraternity drive buys. - Okay. - We were like, is he where he is or is he on a date with a fucking fine mute? Like that was the vibe. - Did you ever find somebody doing something where it's supposed to be? - Oh, you bet your ass, you did. I had a girl one time, I was dating a guy in college. I had a girl who was a fine mute. She called me and she was like, "Hey, aren't you dating this guy?" And I was like, I sure am. She was like, "Oh, I hooked up with him last weekend "because I was at a town at a dance conference "because I also danced." And I said, "Interesting, interesting. "I'm out there being flexible doing the split somewhere, "competing, trying to better myself and my career." And he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. So I told him to come over and all my girlfriends were like, "We're gonna do the dirty work for you." So they hid in the closet, he came over and I was like, "So this girl Chelsea told me, "X, Y, Z, D, D, D, D, D, D, D." And he was like, "Put his head down." He was like, "Yeah, I did." And then all my girlfriends jumped out of the closet and they were like, "Get, they had a trash, "Get in this bag, you piece of trash, fuck you." And I just stood there and I want my first floor condo and I just like unrolled the blinds and I was like, "Fuck you, yep." - I really thought-- - They chased him out. - I really thought you were gonna be like, "Yeah, all my homegirls hid in the closet "and when he admitted to it, we beat his ass." - No, we did not beat his ass. - We put, we put hands on him. We put a bunch of quarters in a sock and we went to town. - We wanted to trust and believe. I had the, I had the girthiness to beat an ass, but I did not beat that ass. - And they said, "Let us, you take the high road, "we're just gonna, like, belittle him." But then everybody in the condo complex came out because then he ran to his truck. I was trying to get in the truck to ski, ski. And everybody was like looking over like, "What the fuck?" And I was like, "Get in this trash bag!" But then I would listen to pop in my-- - You did this trash bag. - And then I would listen to pop in my collar. So, okay, like, let's take a, you know, I'm dirty Southern, French braids, gold teeth, eyes. I'm out here making sense plus I'm out here making dollars. I keep a bad broad, though, and a popped collar. You know, it's all about him. You wearing a nice crisp shirt. - Yeah, of course. - Getting bad broads. I mean, there's some other great lyrics in here. But I love it. I ain't no pimp. I just love to borrow paper from a fat bitch, a ugly bitch, a model for real. I mean, period. - Yeah. - And that, when I die, put that on my tombstone. - Yeah. - I paper from a fat bitch, a ugly bitch, a model for real. - You know, I like that because we talk a lot on this show about, I think, some rappers feel the, some men in general, I think, feel the need to be like, I'm always with the baddest bitches every day, another bad bitch, it's always, I respect that he is like, "No, there's a wide variety of things that I got going on." - Got a couple of uncles. - Yeah, he's like, "Yeah, he was like, "someone was big, and I like my big girl." And I ain't done wrong with that. I'm, yeah, and sometimes I'm getting out of the big girl. Sometimes this girl's straight up unattractive, but she's got other qualities that I care for. - She counts my cash. - Yes, she counts my cash, and that's something that's valuable. So just 'cause she's ugly, don't mean that she can't be an important part of my life. And then, yes, sometimes the models is in there too, but rarely. - Rarely, but. - Every day can't be a model day. That's why it's the last thing he said. That's why he was like, he's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah." He's like, "That bitch is for sure." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He's like, "That bitch is a ghost, "but then I got a model for real." - Every now and again, every now and again, I go to New York, I see, you know, I see my model chick as well. They all serve a purpose. It just, I mean, and we also got, look at these on the song, Sippin' on some surf. Stay fly. - Yeah. - One of the greatest songs ever written. I mean, these are just really, these are songs that are just such core memories of me, like, driving on 55, going up to Memphis. No, you know, in my little Jetta, just with not a care in the world, with three of their bad bitch white women in the car, fellow Delta Gamas, and we're like, we're going to a three, six mafia concert. I was just, those are core memories for me. - Speaking of a core memory, speaking of people who are important to you, you've struck up a relationship with someone that hasn't been discussed much on the podcast, but he's, he's got a lot of lines that I feel like are worthy of this show. Tell us about your relationship to Pitbull. - Oh, my God, Pitbull, Mr. Armando, Mr. Worldwide, Mr. 305. - Dolly. - Dolly, so Pitbull is everything to me. Literally, we're about to do the song, give me everything, but I started dressing in drag as Pitbull about 10 years ago, and it became like this huge thing. Now, everybody goes to his concert, dresses him, and so he broke the Guinness Book of World Records as the most amount of people this summer in bald caps, and he called me and he was like, "Hey, I need you to be a part of this." Like, you know, and we'd never met before. And he texted you like, like Pitbull. Like he was like, "Dolly in the text." (laughing) And he's like, "Heather, I need you to come to London." And it had like 75 exclamation points. So. - That's exactly how I would imagine he texts, and it's so awesome. It's so awesome when famous people are exactly the way that you imagine them. - Yeah, that's incredible. - He's the nicest fucking guy. - I believe it. - And let me tell you, you know, I've said this a million times that they say, "Never meet your heroes." He is it. He is the shit, but it's so wild. Like, obviously, I'm a very attractive woman, but I am able to morph into him in a way that's unreal. And when I was walking through, I'm walking through Hyde Park. They did this whole thing where they, they had like 70,000 people in Hyde Park, and Keshe was performing before he goes on. - Wow. - So I have a camera crew following me, 'cause I'm doing like roving reporter stuff or this countdown for Guinness Book World Records. So everybody starts following, and kind of like mobs me at one point, 'cause they think I am actually him. That's how wild I can look when I really do professional prosthetic drag makeup. And I had to be like, "No, I'm a woman." Like I put a wedding ring on, like, it's not a remando. - I'm gonna need to see some of these pictures. - You're gonna die. You're literally gonna be like, holy shit. And then after I meet him, and he even was like, "You look more like me than me." And I'm like, "Yeah, I told you." - Uh-huh. And where did this idea come from? - I love, I was never like, wanna dress as a hot girl for Halloween. I always like to dress up as, you know, funny characters of dudes, and one year I was just, I think my dad had just died, and I was depressed. I'm like, "You know what? I'm really gonna make myself giggle." And I decided to do the ball cap, and I can do really good makeup. And I just did it, and I took my friend's kids out trick-or-treating, and it was like 15 minutes till they realized it was me. They just thought I was some like weird dude in the neighborhood. I'm like, "Can we help you?" And I'm like, "Guys, it's me." Uh-huh. And then it just took off. And so my first two tours, I would always open, like a lot of my fans knew me as my Pitbull character that I do on mine. So then I would open for myself as Pitbull with like a video. And if you've never been to a Pitbull concert, I always say this. - I haven't. - It will change your life. Pitbull, you don't realize, you know, every lyric to every song. You're like, "Oh, it's just like ingrained in your body." - Interesting. - You go to a show, and he is part motivator, part sexy daddy, part changing the world. His dancers are called the Hot Ones, like the realist. They are the hottest one you've ever seen. They're wearing nothing but a tampon string and booby tassels. And they come out and they're literally like, fucking shaking their ass, twirking. And then he'll say the most like prophetic thing. He'll say something like, "You know, every day above ground is a good day." Uh-huh. And also you should, you should donate money to your, you look a library because kids need books out of read. Kids need books, they need to learn how to read. Ha-ha-da, like, now everybody grab somebody's asshole. Let's do this. And you're like, "I don't know what just happened. Am I supposed to grab an asshole? Am I supposed to donate to a library?" What is happening? - You gotta do it all. - 'Cause that's what his life looks like. His life looks like assholes and libraries. That might be the name of the pod. - And when you go to a show, your mouth is a gate. You're like, "Oh, it is the sexiest woman you have ever seen. "Just, it's the best." And then he's also very motivating. It's really, it's a bizarre emotional rollercoaster going to one of the shows. But it's so much fun. - I gotta go see him. - Listen, let me take you, let's just do it. - I have a friend who's a family has a place in Florida. They're like, second, they're like a beach house. - Yeah. - Is like a couple houses down from pit bulls. So they like pointed, they were like, "Hey, you know that's pit bulls placed down there." And I was like, "Wow, I'm so close to greatness." - Well, if you ever wanna go on the boat, he allegedly said he'll take me on the boat. So I would love to bring you in. - I believe that he will do it. I don't think he would say something like that if he didn't mean it. - I don't think he would either. - And I'm so curious to know what a pit bull party is like. It's probably unlike anything, my mind is even comprehended. - But he's also like a very sweet family guy. And I also met little John too. And little John, I was totally nice. I met little John. - The best, nicest guy ever. And I was like, "What do you do for a party?" He's like, "Please." He's like, "It was sleep. I'm too tired for this." - Well, these guys are like 50 now. - Exactly. - So it's like they probably can't be fair enough. - And I did tell little John, I was like, "Listen, I'm not trying to age myself or you, but I need you to know that you, every song that you wrote that I came out when I was in high school, like that changed my life. Like when you came on, people would like throw their fucking Arnold Palmer's out the window and run to the dance floor to grind. So thank you for everything that you've done." - First time I ever got grinded on was to Lil John's songs. - Of course it was. - The unit was like, "Yeah, I was really popping." Like my first like middle school dance was like, real Lil John heavy. Lil John and pretty Ricky. - Oh, pretty Ricky. - Yeah, which was, I was just having this conversation with my friend the other day where it's just like, pretty Ricky came out when I was, when I went to my first middle school dance. So I'm like 13 and I didn't know that people were grinded. Like I didn't know grinding was what went down. And literally like pretty Ricky's such a sexual song, grinded on me. Literally is like song, it's like a song too, like roll your body too. And I was giving it everything my little 13 year old body had. I was giving this girl everything I got. Boy, my hips was doing as much as they could. And it was such, it's such a like core memory for me. Like such a fun. Like it was so, it was like the most sexual thing I'd ever done at that point in my life. And I still think of it very fondly. but I was imagining like there's also when it does. that has to be watching this happen. - Did you and that being a gym teacher going, what the fuck is happening right now? - I didn't consider that until right now. I didn't consider that there must have been an adult standing in the cafeteria being like, Jesus Christ. Either either being like, this is disgusting or being like, what's going on over there? And I don't know what kind of person was watching us, but they didn't stop us. - We weren't allowed to have like a dance at prom 'cause I went to this like really intense private school. So the parents had to put it on 'cause the school couldn't be affiliated with the grinding. So the parents were like, this is so ridiculous. This school is so tight. And then they would put on the dance and then they were all standing ground being like, our children are whore. - Like, oh, hey! - Make it stop. - Did they let you grind? - They let us grind. And then the parents were all like, you know, quick meaning like, "Huddle, what is happening?" 'Cause then like from the windows to the walls the sweat dropped out my balls. And it's a bunch of-- - And it gives no every single word. - Every single lyric. And we're all in like our school uniforms just grinding and screaming. I mean, that was just the best. It does not get better than that era of music, particularly rap music. It does not get better than that. It's just fun, just fun party stuff. - Yeah, just fun party stuff. - Wait a second, I forgot. You didn't even get into the Pitbull lyrics. - It's just, this has given me everything. It's a song with Afrojack, Neo, Pitbull circa 2011. And it's, I mean, okay, let's just start at the top, you know, me not working hard. Yeah, right, picture, picture that with a codec. And better yet, go to Times Square, take a picture with me with a codec. Took my life from negative to positive and I just want y'all to know that. And tonight, let's enjoy life. Pitbull, Nyer, Neo, okay, Nyer. Who's, you know, Nyer is Afrojack. Sorry, that's like, I think he's real name. I was like, that's weird. But I mean, like, it doesn't get better than this. You know, I'm, I mean, what else? I might drink a little bit more than I should tonight. I might take home, take you home with me if I could tonight. And I might make you feel so good tonight. Like, come on, 'cause we might not get tomorrow. - And tonight, I wanna love you tonight. - Okay, we can't say, give me everything tonight. ♪ We might not get tomorrow ♪ ♪ Let's do it ♪ ♪ Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh ♪ - That's a nightmare. - Uh-huh. - Come on, incredible. - It doesn't get better than that. And you know what, at the end of the day, if you're having a rough day, or you're like, don't know what to do with yourself, listen to Pitbull, because he's gonna tell you, took my life from negative to positive, and I want y'all to know that. - I, you know, I hadn't thought of him as a motivator until you mentioned it, but you're right. Every single one of his songs has this theme of like, hey, whatever you're going through. You can make it, you can make it to the next day. - I knew my rent was gonna be late about a week ago. I worked my ass off, I still can't pay a dog. - But I got just enough to get up in this club, have me a good time before my time's up. Uh, I'm sorry, that is the greatest lyric of all time. - It's good songwriting. - It's great songwriting. - It just is really good songwriting, and you know, and that's why Pitbull, that's why he lives a nice life. - That's why he lives a nice life, nice life, and that's why we're going on the yacht. - And that's why Pitbull, if you're listening, and we know that you are, we'd love to take a trip on the yacht. - I'll be really respectful, and I'll pour up a glass of wine. It's kind of walk around, talk to everybody. You know, normal conversations. - I'll be a shark cuterie. - Whatever you'd need me to bring. - Well, we'll be right back in, and whatever you want. - Whatever your stipulations are, I'm ready to, I'll buy a boat shoe, I'll get back into that bag. - Oh, that boat shoes, those were good days, the old sparey days. - Yeah, I was absolutely a part of that. - Yeah. - We're gonna get ready to get into, do we have a voicemail today, Carm? We're doing an email today. - Oh, we love this. - Okay, we haven't done an email in a minute. - Oh, cool. - I'll read it for us. We've got an email from, I want to say it's Nadia, who lives in LA, by way of Atlanta. She said, "Hey, Devon and Friends, "so I'm a product of the '80s and practically grew up "with new addition being a huge part of my life's mixtape." With that, my favorite lyrics for today comes from the song, "You're not my kind of girl." She says, "I always found it funny how the entire song "is just a bunch of love bombing, "but ultimately he says he's just not into her. "Interestingly enough, he never says why." Then she says, "As a person who's lived this scenario "more times than I care to admit, "I can say with 100% certainty "that the reason he's not into her "is because she's plus sized." The lyrics say, "It's not your looks, you're very pretty. "It's not your style, the way you dress is so fresh. "It's not the way you carry yourself." But ultimately, she goes, "Ultimately, "he just doesn't want to say that she's fat." (laughing) She goes, "My theory is he actually does like her, "but because his guys give him shit "about every girl he sings about, "he goes, "Oh, they're definitely gonna clown me for this one." So he lies and says, "He's not interested." Meanwhile, the guys are like, "Dude, what's wrong with you? "She's low-key a batty." And she says that this song is just Ralph Trezvant from a new addition seeking approval from the guys. - Ooh, okay. - From Nadia. - From Nadia. - Okay, have you ever been in a situation where you've been like, I know that this is, you know, maybe it's not the cutest girl. I can only imagine you get very attractive women though. - Hey, I've lived a nice life. - You've lived a nice life. Okay, but if you ever had somebody where you brought home for like a personality hire and your friends like, "Come on, dog." Like, what are we doing here? - You know, yes. - Yes. - We don't have one. - Yes, of course, especially in college, certainly there was like, there was a person or two that I was like, "You know what, I like hanging out with you a lot." But this is not really gonna be something that, people aren't gonna high-five me on the other side of this. People are gonna be like, "Hey, Dev, I'm proud of you." They're gonna be like, "Hey, man." And so, yeah, this is certainly an item out, have you had somebody like that in your office? - Yeah, I look at it basically anybody I ever dated before I met my husband. And I'm like, "What was I thinking?" And not like they were like horrible people, just like, "You." Okay, and I mean that in a way. And I don't know about you. I've not had like many great loves. Like I realized once I met my husband, I was like, "Oh, I never even had my heart broken." If I was like cheated on or like whatever, it was more like an ego bruise. But none of these people, I was ever that emotionally connected to where I was like, "This is the one." Like anybody I dated in college was like, "I'm moving to New York, I'm doing stand-up, by staying at Mississippi, I don't give a fuck what you do." Oh, you cheated on me, like, bring your house down. I don't care. Like I just was over it. And they were definitely when I look back, and I run into, you know, excess sometimes that football games at Ole Miss now. And I'm like, "Okay." (laughing) - Well, especially like down the line where you're like, "Huh, so that's yeah." - And my husband relentlessly teases me about it. He was like, "This is one of them." He was like, "What the fuck?" - Especially some of those, some of those like SEC guys. So what was SEC guys like, you know? - Our monsters under a bridge telling you riddles to pass. Yeah. - There's just, there's just something about some of these, like, these like Southern, like kind of fratty guys where they age so poorly. - So poorly. - And it's like, and now you can go back, there's certain guys like, "Oh, get on Facebook." And I'll be like, "Whoa." - Yeah. - We have, I know we're like older than we used to be, but it's just like, you've got to, somebody's got to introduce you to a moisturizer or something like that. - You moisturize your, we need an exfoliant, we need a laser, and they still have the same croquis on around the same shirt, and they're like duck hunting in the winter, and I'm like, "Live your life, but my God." - And they have not let their hair go and it's timed. - It's time to go. - Yeah. - It's time to go. - You gotta go ahead and get the surgery. - They think they said the frat swoop, but there's one strand of hair. - Some of those guys. - The home overbade, that frat swoop is now just a comb over. - Some of those, some of those frat dudes sometimes can age so bad. And sometimes I look at some of those guys and I'm like, "You gotta stop doing cocaine, man." You gotta stop doing cocaine, brother. That's, you gotta leave that behind, it's on your face. - It's on your face, the eyes are sunken. - Yeah. - It's while going back to college now because all the guys dress like Morgan Wallen. They all wear, and you listen, you're from Texas, so they always wore probably like the tight jeans. It's normal and awesome to see somebody in cowboy boots. Now every kid at Ole Miss wears like these tight jeans, and they all kind of have the Morgan Wallen mullet, and they wear their cowboy boots. It's a very bizarre look. - I'm not 100% behind it or understand it. - So the frat of our youth is gone? - It's totally gone. - Interesting. - Everybody would wear like a, you know, their dad or like their grandfather's oversized blue blazer. Nothing was fitted. These guys are wearing tight shit. And everything's very fitted. - Trying to show the goods off. Uh-huh, who knew? Who knew? And I'm just the old lady smoking a cigarette in the grove like, "Oh God, I hate Morgan Wallen." You know, he's, he's done a lot of things. - He's done a lot of things. - Every story I've heard about him, I'm like, he's, he's got a lot of bad stuff going on. - It's not my cup of tea. - Yeah. - I'll just say that. - Fair enough. - You can tell I'm more of a project pack kind of gal. - Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. - Mm-hmm. - Heather, thank you so much for being here. - Thank you for having me. This is such an honor and pleasure. And I will still cast you as my stalker if you're down. (laughing) It's a very funny role. That's why I wanted you for it, okay? Relax. Handsome and funny. Shut the fuck up, Devon. You're gonna like it. (laughing) - Thank you, thank you so much. Thank you for considering me. - Hey, thank you for considering me. Thank you for having me. - Thank you for being here. Y'all go check out Heather's special. It is available on Hulu, right? The fuck now. Do you have anything else you'd like to plug for the people? - Hey, I also got a tour coming out. Get your tickets at HeatherOnTour.com. We're going back on the road. 'Cause you know, we could never just go on sabbatical and take a rest. So we gotta start on a new hour. So I'll be on the road and check out my special. - Yeah, Heather. - There you go. - Thanks again for being here. - Thanks for having me. - Bye y'all. My favorite lyrics is a production by disco nap. If you guys like what you hear, leave a review and tell all of me about the show. And make sure to follow us at my favorite lyrics pod on all social platforms. Except for Twitter, we offer that. You can learn more about this week's guest and the my favorite lyrics team by checking out the show's notes. And thank you to the guys that made this show happen. Executive producer, Lauren Mandel. Producer, Carmen Carrigan, our editor, Nicole Lyand. And yeah, that's all the people that I'm gonna thank for now.