Gillian Anderson

Hi, my name is Jillian Anderson and I feel non-plus about being a clone of Brian's friends. I sometimes go into this thinking I want an honest answer and now I don't want an honest answer. I'm a friend, books and pens, I can tell you that I'm going to be a friend, I can tell you that I'm going to be a friend. Hey there, welcome to "Colonel of Brian Needs A Friend", son of Sesson, very nice to see you. Nice to see you too. As always, Matt Gourley, pleasure to see you. And you, sir. Have you noticed anything different about me these days? I'm driving a different car. All right. I'm not going to name brands or anything, but I had a little difficulty with my car and I've been leasing it for a while. And I just kept having to go into the shop so I finally parted company with that car. I don't have a car, so my kids are out of town, they share a Subaru Forester that's maybe about, I don't know, seven years old. It's covered in dirt and I'm tooling around in this car, which is a very fine car, by the way. And by the way, not getting a dime from Subaru, I'm just saying it's a fine machine, but it's really funny because it's just a filthy car for some reason. I don't think my kids take it to wash it much. I don't know if that's what young people do is wash a car. I can't remember the last time I washed it. Yeah, and old people do, either way. And also, it's not my car, and I'm not, I'm not, I'm not yet to take it to the car wash. I'm tooling around on this thing, and I'm, sometimes I got the window down, I'm bopping to the tune, someone will pull up to a stop and they'll see me and I'll give them the nod. But I can, I know they're looking at me. Yeah, yeah. Like, why doesn't he clean his car? Do you think though that they ever think that can't be Conan? It's just a Subaru. They expect me to be in a, first of all, I'm gonna stick up for Subaru because I think it's a fine car, again, not getting a dime. But no, today I saw a guy looking at me at a stop sign and he kept thinking, I think that's Conan, but he looks like he's delivering pizzas. Yeah. I've always heard Christian bail drives like a really shitty early 90s, a coupe because he thinks no one recognizes him if they see him in it. Yeah, but then he has that bumper sticker that says, I am Christian bail. Oh, yeah, that always fucks it up. I'm Batman. Yeah, that's cool. I should just get a ton of bumper stickers and say things like, I am Conan O'Brien. Yeah, Conan O'Brien needs a friend. Yes, it's me. I'm Batman. I'm Batman. No, no, you're not. Well, I'm kind of Batman and I also for years I worked at night, you know, and you take during the day. You know, I did, I watched my parents murdered and it made me want to see the murder you sat and just like watched that implies like you knew it was going to happen. That's how I always, you know, that they always talk about the Batman story, like Bruce Wayne is in an alley and he witnesses his parents getting. But I think I like the idea more than he watched and maybe he heard his parents from troubling went, hold up. And he went and he got popcorn and he just, yeah, he sat on a trash can on that alley in Gotham. All right, Bruce, this will be formative. Yeah, we know what he really wanted to turn into an amazing superhero and he knew the best way it was to watch his parents get shot in alley. So he kept contriving situations, like, hey, what do you think's down that alley, mom and dad? I don't know, Bruce, let's not worry about it. I don't know, it looks pretty good. He tried that for, for at least two years. And then finally, he just took his mom's pearl necklace and this threw it down the alley and she was like, Bruce, you're an asshole. Help me help me, Bruce senior. I don't know the dad's name. Do you, Thomas? I looked right at play. Wait, you know what it was, Thomas? Guess what? This was a nerd sting operation. Oh, take him away, boy, I'm so glad I passed. You know what? I did this whole thing to get to this and then say, I wonder what that and also bladed that thing. I love. It's the mind. And he yanks it almost out of its holder up to his mouth and he went, Thomas. And did you notice there was a split second before he answered, but that wasn't because he didn't know it was him going, should I do this right now? That is actually correct. That is a hundred percent. And what was his mom's name? A Martha. Nope. Enid. No, it's Martha. I just made it. I thought for a second, his name was Wayne Wayne. There's an alternate. There's a way. Wayne would have been cool when Wayne Wayne Wayne Wayne Wayne promise never to get shot in an alley. And his wife's name was Lil Wayne Wayne Wayne and Lil Wayne went down the alley. I hated here. I hated here. Anyway, there's an alternate reality, but no one's asking. There's alternate reality, but you're still telling. Yeah. Version of Batman where Bruce and Martha get killed and Thomas, the father becomes Batman. Oh, yeah. I've know that Batman. He has a lot of trouble getting around. He's like 58. He's like, oh, get you, Joker. Gotta soak this hip first. Yeah. It doesn't really make sense. It was a big reveal. I just, I was just excited about it. Excited about what? The fact that there was alternate reality where the dad is Batman. That's cool. That's an alternate reality. That's cool. But let's talk about this before. I don't like portals in Marvel movies and I don't like alternate realities. Did you? I don't. Stick to one reality and write a good story. Hey, it worked for Hemingway. But no, alternate realities, you know, what if Bruce Wayne was allergic to corn? There's an alternate reality. What's your? What's your alternate? I was just going to say. You're an alternate. No, this happened last night because by now the summer spouses thing has come out and we were out in the lobby watching our three spouses do a podcast without us and it felt like an alternate. It did feel that way. It, uh, watching Tak Amanda Liza do a podcast and they were sitting in our exact places. It, it did look like, uh, this was some weird fold in time or ripple. They had the podcasts and we were disgruntled. Oh, wait, wait. What? Hold on. Let's get to that. What do you mean? Okay, you didn't like Liza being in your seat, you got, you got angry. You know, in the alternate reality, yes, because in real life, I know Amanda's very unhappy with you and text very unhappy with you and we all know Liza's every day is like, why did I make this deal with the devil? Yeah. Um, I think they all three took this thing as a launching pad to get out. Yes. Yeah, Liza misunderstood him when she showed up for this thing, she had packed a bag. She seemed disappointed when we were going home together and I got there and before she could get upstairs, I found a note. It said, if you're reading this, it means I've launched my own, I have joined Tak and Amanda and we've escaped our dreadful lives. I was like, Hey, what's this? And she went, Oh, don't mind that. It's a creative writing assignment. But then I noticed out of rags, she had made a rope that went out the window that doesn't make sense, because she came to the podcast with me anyway, maybe took that too far, but back up the front door. I think what's that? Our front door doesn't work. Oh, it doesn't work. Yeah. You don't have any other door. Fire department keeps saying you need to change that and my door is really need to open. Back door doesn't work either. How do you get in and out? I go through the chimney. To me, every day is Christmas. Oh, my God. Imagine if Santa Claus was honed. You imagine a lean sarcastic Santa Claus? Every child would be given a stamp that just says invoice or something. The only way they get presents is if you wake them up and they laugh at something he does, that is they don't. No, that's the nice list. Yeah. Yeah. It's me as Santa flying around looking at a list of kids that find me amusing and out of six billion kids on Earth, there's three kids on the list. It's just a lottery. Yeah. It's just three kids on the list. Yeah. And they just have to be kids that know that's the rules and they're like, wow, great anecdote about the 90s. I'm going to say we should examine this opening because it might be one of the dumber ones. It's pretty dumb. Yeah, pretty dumb. Yeah. Pretty bad. But I did learn the Wayne parents names. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. My guest today is an Emmy award-winning actress. She's probably out the door now. I would be. She's idiocy. Where's that alternate timeline? How do I get that? She started as agent Dana Scully and the ex files of course. Now you can see her in the new movie Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Myasma. They stole my title. She's so talented. She's incredible. And thrilled. As her first time on the podcast, I can't wait to chat with her today. Jillian Anderson, welcome. I'm thrilled you're here. And I realized this morning, I think the last time we chatted was 1995. And you came on the late night show. I was a baby. You were a baby. Somehow. You were grown up to me. I probably was. You were an adult. But I look at it now. You are a baby when you come walking out. I look like a slightly older baby. And I definitely look like someone who should not be having a talk show posting a show. I'm glad that we can reunite now when I'm a little more seasoned in time. And I'm old enough to know what non-plussed mean. There's so much to talk about. You have a new movie with one of my favorite people, Hannah I'm Binder and I was going to start with this fact about you that I didn't know which is that in your class you revoted girl most likely to get arrested. Correct. And then you made good on that. I did. You got arrested. I did. For breaking into your own high school. Yeah. Well, we were trying to glue the locks shut so that people couldn't go in the next day. Or get out if there's a fire. It works both ways. Yes, but there weren't any people in the building at the time. It was it was the middle of the night. That's an aggressive prank. Yeah. That's that was kind of me at that time. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you had your hair was shaved on the sides. You were. Yeah. You went through like, is it a punk phase? What would you describe it? Yeah, it was a punk phase. But I had very point. I had pointy buckle boots on. And uh, they were, they had a very thin sole. And so when the security guard was chasing me through downtown Grand Rapids, I stepped on a nail. And that's what slowed me down. So we're not for the nail. We're not for the nail. I would have outsmarted him and I would not have been arrested. But because I'd been, let's just say I was doing a little crystal meth at the time. And I was in a really good mood that I managed to talk them out of breaking and entering and just into trespassing. Oh, but my boyfriend who was with me at the time who was considerably older than I was went back to his apartment and smoked some more dope and just kept drinking the night away while I was in prison. Oh, with a nail through your foot, whacked out on crystal meth. But anyway, they tell her your crystal meth story. Okay. So about four hours ago, I find it looks like just a little dust to me. I'm like, I'm going to put that in my nose. And then I found a gun. It just goes on and on and on. Um, you're sort of bifurcated past of being, you know, I think born in London, but then moving to no born, born in the States, but then you move to London, move to London. Yeah. Go up and London until 11. But then you move back. And then I move back post ex files. I move back to London. So been there for 24 years. But I have this theory that just bear with me. Yeah. You're funny. You're so not plus. Sometimes, uh, I find that really creative people go through this period in their youth when they kind of don't know who they are. And that might be fuel. And if you're in grand rapids, but you have a, uh, a, a British accent, and you don't quite know how you fit in that maybe that's fuel. Oh, 100%. I mean, I think when I you know, when I first got there, I did have a British accent. I worked very hard to, to erase it. But it would pop up, you know, in restaurants, when I'd be ordering, uh, you know, or trying to show off or something like that, it would, it would pop up. But, you know, because it was my first language, my first dialect. So to speak the first time I spoke, it was with a British accent. Um, it was so ingrained in my system that it's, it's near impossible for me to be around Brits, um, without falling into it. It feels more, it feels as intrinsically hard of me as my American accent. And did a thing with Hugh Laurie once, uh, on the set of house. And he was playing Dr. House in this little thing we did for the Emmys, I think. And someone on the crew was British and said something to him. And he was like, Oh, my God, please don't, because he, yeah, if he heard the British accent, he would fall back into it. It was quite disconcerting like a, but I could see that he just couldn't have it around. Yeah. Sometimes if I'm doing interviews that I know we're going to go out in the States, but the interviewer is British, I have to really focus like really, like almost split my brain to keep it American. I always think it's funny if I think of, even think of, uh, um, someone from the UK trying to lose their accent, because I love that accent so much too. You know, I, I come from Boston, Massachusetts. And that's an accent you want to lose. And I don't care who, from Boston, here's that, that had to go. Um, and if I, you know, or from Cranston, Rhode Island, that accent has to go. But when I, whenever I hear someone with a, with a British accent, I just think it's fantastic. I'm envious. I think it was, uh, an attempt initially, maybe to, to feel like I fit in. And then also because, you know, when I was growing up in the UK and I, you know, I spoke like a Brit, my parents were referred to as the anchor. So I was teased because my parents were yanks. And so, and then when we visited America, it was so sunny and sugary and it represented lightness and joy and possibility, as opposed to London at the time in the 70s, which was, you know, mashed potatoes and curry. Um, um, you said mashed potato was like, what's run with that? Every meal for me. But yeah. Well, also the 70s is in Britain, and, you know, in, in England, famously, uh, kind of depressed and very, very depressed. Yeah. And, um, and so I think I, you know, I was almost forcing myself to, to switch. I was also very surprised at just how young you were when you started ex files. You're 24. And you lied to the producers and said you were 27. I'm not sure what, what difference. Three years. Yeah. Oh, is it three? Yeah. I'm really glad I tried it. Right. Could you check that on the internet, please? Yeah, but that is so young. Yeah. To get. Yeah. I mean, I was playing somebody who had degrees already and had, you know, was already in the FBI and had gone through medical school. So, you know, I should have been not 24 for it to be real. Sometimes when people have that success and they're young, they don't enjoy it. Did you enjoy that fame for, you know, that you didn't enjoy it? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think we were very lucky that we were shooting up in Vancouver for the first five years because, you know, when we were in LA, you know, we had the experience that a lot of celebrities did at that time, which has followed everywhere and chased down the street and photographed with the kids in playgrounds and all that kind of stuff, which I found disturbing. And that really angered me. I pointed my car at many paparazzi over the years. Yeah. And so being up there and not having that, it just didn't exist up in Vancouver. It was very freeing and also, it just felt like it was separate from the business. Yeah. And I think that kept us a little saner than we might have gone. Plus, the schedule on a show like that in X-Files in particular was grueling. Yeah. And sometimes that's the savior. Like, I always found a lot of times the work. If I have to do a intense amount of work, it saves me at the same time because I have to be locked in. If you're in Vancouver and you have to be on set at, I don't know, five, six in the morning and productions go on and on. This went on for nine years. Yeah. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. As you know, you start at 5 a.m. But by the time you get to Friday, your call time is 1 p.m. because you have 12 hour or 11 hour turnarounds. And so we shoot until the middle of Saturday. And they were, you know, 16, 17 hour days. And we shot seven pages a day. You know, it's mostly the two of us pretending to be the smartest people on planet Earth. That's dense dialogue. Yeah. I mean, the speeches are fantastic. But they are so, they're, it's interlocking pros. I mean, you guys were so good, but you could just toss it off. But I know that that was in took an incredible amount of work to get there. Yeah. It did. Chris told me, I mean, that there was a particular way that we used to speak in the show that it wasn't a normal rhythm and syntax. It was slightly backwards. Which felt like it was almost part of the, the, the cryptic aspect of the series. And it wasn't until we were working on this, I think the second feature. And I was sitting in a parked vehicle waiting to shoot and our showrunner and creator, Chris Carter came up to me who was directing the feature. And he said, he looked at my sides where my lines were. And he said, look, no widows. And I said, what are you talking about? He said, no widows on the on, you know, your little paragraphs that each character has. The word went all the way to the end with the period. So there wasn't any, you didn't like end halfway through that line. So it was a perfect, so the perfect rectangle. So the dialogue was designed visually wow that's so you're struggling wow you're struggling with his OCD yeah that's incredible just so it looks a certain way on the page yeah it's frustrated I love him and I appreciate him and I don't need to call him out because it's just it's such a fantastic it's like it says some I mean it's like was that his term widow so I don't know I have a word broken in half I guess it's yeah it's lost its other half you know so yeah I guess or or or even the line is broken in half yeah the actual yeah I love that and I'm gonna start structuring the podcast that would just adjust the margins no if we go down this rabbit hole for the entire chat with Jillian we never get out of it her publicist crashes through the door enough yeah yeah what if you switch the fun thanks so now show had an incredible impact and famously there's this you know term the scully effect were a lot of young women were watching and they it was unusual at that time sadly but yeah to see a really smart empowered independent woman on television who was incredibly well educated and confident and and then equal to her yes yeah yeah and so yeah not a bobble not you know and and this was a lot of women have said they saw that show and it made them want to go into stem made them want to maybe try to be in the FBI try to which is remarkable yeah I still have people coming up to me and telling me that they are in you know a physicist because of scully or a police officer or a you know name the fill in the blank yeah it still happens yeah that's all I mean that's a I don't know it's a nice it's a nice gift I mean it's it's been written into textbooks and stuff and still you know not only does it still exist in a way even though um you know it isn't that a a weekly TV show but there's a lot of people whose lives the show really affected whether they watched it with their parents who's no longer alive or they watched it during a difficult period of time for them or they're I know I stop people that come up to me they say they watch it every day they feel like a right of passage for them to pass it on to to their kids and so there are all new generations that are discovering it it's just pretty awesome yeah you can you make friends with all these people you haven't met you know we're in a way you have this very powerful connection which is nice and it's enduring I applaud you and I also applaud myself why you I just thought it for symmetry you know looking at how we look on the page you want to have make sure that you're in his blood and this is the time we can have a widow you you want one of you have so many great performances but I love the show the crown and you played Margaret that you're on the crown and you were stunning absolutely stunning Margaret thatcher fascinates me I know that she's very controversial to say the least in England but you made me sympathize with her I was really blown away there's a there's a part in your performance where thatcher realizes she's losing power your depiction of her this can this mean famously this woman of steel the iron lady it was just as fantastic and I'm wondering how do you approach okay you're going to play someone everybody knows this person thousands of hours of footage ever but you made her your own I don't even understand how that I know it's called acting but I don't know how you take on a project like that so I I knew I was going to be doing it for some time so I had a good run up to it and although the scripts weren't written yet as you say there's there's a ton of material out there she'd written a couple of autobiographies and so I started listening to one of them on repite in in my car when I was driving and I did a lot of driving at the time with kids and stuff and so that was one way and there was also a series a BBC 6 part series that happened to exactly during that time while I was doing preparation which was also the most personal take on her the most insight into the behind the scenes of her life during those years and some of the most helpful footage that was in there which had never really been seen before was there were a couple of interviews that she did where she doesn't know that the camera is rolling so even though you've got these you've got other documentaries that I've been made about her or little snippets for TV shows you know when she's showing people around number 10 or she's you know got her apron on because she's in the kitchen and she's making coffee for her ministers or whatever it is she's still on camera so that's a a public version of herself trying to be the every woman you know and but these moments before she would do an interview she didn't know the camera was rolling and she was going through her lines in her head or one of them was practicing a speech and she was you know working on the lines in her head she was bending down to her purse to take a sweet out and put it in her mouth I mean these are like gold right you don't get to see that stuff and so the mixture of the little tidbits of of pseudo behind the scenes that you got to see in this dark and also these these moments of vulnerability were really really helpful and you know one just starts it was important to maintain for instance a little bit of my own voice within her voice to not push too hard into into her I really didn't want it to feel like it was pantomime and there was enough with the costumes and with the wig and her particular walk and all that that you could they would be quite easy to kind of slip into that so somebody said something that was really valuable which is you get quite a lot for free when you cast me as Margaret Thatcher so I don't have to work for those things that I know you know just in terms of my seriousness or my abilities to look like I might be intelligent even if I might be thinking about my socks or you know what I mean I just have a resting intelligent face even if I'm the least smart person in the world right so resting intelligent face I love that I'm gonna try and it's not working it's not working I'm looking even dumb or somehow and so that was really helpful because it felt like I could let go of trying to fill in those blanks and just work on anyway so but you know with that as with anything you try you prepare you do your best you show up and then you just I mean I really felt like I was like crossing my fingers before it came out because I didn't know I didn't know if it would work I didn't know if I'd be ridiculed I didn't know people who really knew or would say oh I want a joke I mean why did I cast her in the first place you know I mean you don't know and so it was it was nice to get yeah it was absolutely spectacular and I know stage is a big part of your life you did this productions of a street car oh I know I'm sorry um that's not what I was going to say oh okay yeah um it was a different production Oklahoma you were fantastic you were just perfect no your street car is just kind of famously amazing I know that you've talked about the anxiety you have when I see when I go to the theater even though I'm nominally in show business I am terrified four actors going up on their lines yeah it can be hard for me to relax and you know obviously if it's someone like John let's go and in giant I I know okay I'm John's John's got this you don't have to worry but I I can't imagine being more terrifying than being in front of an audience and going up on your lines thanks thanks thanks thank you so much I'm about to do a play I start rehearse on next Monday okay thank you I'm really you know I was really nice having you so let's see it'll be 32 years until I see We're like comments that pass each other. But not in a good way, but you're so, but you're, I don't know, it stunned me a little bit that that would be a concern of yours when you're so good. Oh, it's always a concern. And also just brain stuff, you know, as we get older. I talked about this all the time. He was just talking about this before you came in. Yeah. I came in this morning and I put, I mean, I realized on the drive to work that my wedding finger was on the other hand, you're wedding finger, you're wedding finger on my wedding ring. I'm telling you joke about it, but I'm telling you there are days when I'm convinced. Yeah. I mean, that's a very primal thing to do to put to switch the rings on the different hands. I don't know. It's just brains. I also had a lot to drink this morning. Yeah. That's, that's more, but I just know the brain stuff, I can't necessarily rely on it or I don't feel like I can 100%, I know other actors who, Olivia Coleman famously will memorize on the way to work in the car, the paragraphs and be ready and word perfect. I would literally give my lower half of my body for that, for that, for that. So specific. Tell him. Can you walk around on stage? Yeah. That would be his problem. She only plays Franklin Roosevelt, she's playing Roosevelt again. Yeah. So, you know, I'll do my best. Well, I'm sorry, I wish I could encourage you, but there's nothing to indicate that this, you're going to make it in the theater. It's just nothing. You're in terrible trouble. Wow. You know, I mean, you know, if only he had done some past work that would recommend, let's talk about teenage sex and death at Camp Myasma. I knew nothing about the film. I got to watch it last night. I love going in knowing nothing and whenever even someone tries to tell me, sometimes in the notes, they'll say, you know, this is about, and I intentionally don't look, but it has a fantasy element to it. The visuals, it feels, it's a heightened reality. It's really great. It's you, Hannah Eindbinder, I adore her. And so when I found out both of you were in this, I was like, I am down, I'm going to like this and I really did. It's unusual. It's, I haven't quite seen a movie like this. So it's Jane Schoenbrun, who did, I saw the TV glow and we're all going to the world fair. And this feels very much like it's in conversation with TV glow in a way, but it's a queer slasher film and there's a lot of blood, but it's very funny and it's not very scary. It's really funny and the blood often feels comedic. It's not, it's almost, it's, it's, yeah, it's money Python blood, you know, someone's head will get locked off and just an amount of blood coming out of the neck and the force with which it comes out is cartoon. It's a cartoon. Yeah. And in places, but I think what I liked so much about the story is Hannah is looking for Jillian, who's this reclusive, you know, reclusive actor who is in this very famous slasher film and has, has retired and is living up in the area where they shot the film and I love you don't want to be told the plot when you're telling everybody, oh fuck you, you know, right? And let me tell you who did it, but there have been many, many iterations of this film that been many remakes that have kind of bastardized it over the years. And so Hannah's character, Chris has been given the opportunity to remake the film as she believes it should have always been remade in its second iteration. And so she, she comes looking for me to convince me to be a part of it. And, and then it kind of turns into a bit of a romance. Yeah. And I love that your, your characters are rewatching the old movie up at the camp where they shot the movie. It's, it's, it's, it's like an Escher drawing, the hand drawing the hand. It's this great conceit that they're in a horror movie, but they're studying a horror movie. I think you'll really love it. I have to check it out. And now you know what it's all about, but I haven't really given much away or have I? It's just a lovely film. It really is. And so I'm happy for you about that. And I really also want to talk about more because this book, I believe, will be coming out in September. You put out a book called Want. And it was, I would say like a labor, what would you call it? A labor of love that you, this was something you really, this is something you really wanted to put out there. Yeah. So I was actually approached what, while I was doing sex education, which was a series I did on Netflix, I was playing a sex therapist and to Asa Butterfield's character as my son. And a lot of publishers had approached me through my book agent, saying, you know, would I be interested in doing a book as a therapist or talking to women about their sex lives, etc. And, you know, she had rejected a few offers. And then she had an idea, which is in '73, which is the same year as Robi Wade, Nancy Friday put together a book called My Secret Garden. And it was a collection of letters that she had collected from her community of friends and women writers. She asked them to anonymously submit their fantasies to her and then she published them and she wrote introductions to the book and to the chapters. And so the idea was that we could do one again and see if anything's changed since the '70s, given, particularly given the state of the porn industry and our collective addiction to it and just how much sex is out there and available to everybody at all times. Has that affected our ability to be honest with both ourselves and our sexual partners about what it is that we are our deepest most intimate thoughts. And also shame around it. Is there for me, I was really interested to know whether there was, whether because of how second nature, sex and sexuality and such the forefront of so many conversations and advertisements and TV shows and etc. these days, has that had an impact on women's internal lives and their sense of themselves, their bodies, their levels of self-acceptance and shame etc. And so what when she, my agent brought up the idea of doing this book, it made sense to me. Like because I was on the show, I thought it would be really interesting to know the answer and I thought, you know what, it makes sense that I do this based on the character that I play based on the fact that simultaneously I was also launching a functional drinks brand called G-Spot. I was going to ask you about G-Spot. I'm going to have to find it. I'm just about the soft drinks, I can never, every time I look, I can't find it. They say, no, it's right next to the Pepsi, like I still can't find it. I'll send you so long it was next to the Pepsi. And so I thought that would be a great idea. So we pitched it out and we both with Bloomsbury and Bloomsbury, we set up a portal, a secure portal and invited women around the world to send in letters and we got a lot and we narrowed it down to 174 and I wrote introductions, introduction to the book into the chapters and that was want. And it had, I remember about a, shortly after I had put the call out, so to speak for women to write in, I was doing press for a Netflix film that I did called Scoop and I was in New York talking to women journalists and they didn't want to talk about Scoop. They wanted to talk about this book that I was, that I was about to do and I thought this is really interesting. There is actually a big appetite for it and women are curious and you know, it did well enough that we thought we'd do another one and try and reach even more. Women, the point of it is for it to be as inclusive and diverse and raw as possible. And I think that this new one is even bolder, even more audacious. And yeah, and I'm, there's some really extraordinary letters. Well, the fact that there's this, I mean, it needs to be anonymous so people feel completely safe. Yeah. And I don't know how you grew up, but what's fascinating to me and I, you know, love my parents and how to, I think, a happy childhood, but sex was just never discussed in any way. And it was almost nullified. It's just not a thing, even though I'd look around and realize there's six of us, born, born literally like 10 months apart. So something's going on somewhere, but it, and that was the going on somewhere. Yeah. Charlie, something's up. I'm a good detective, I have my little Sherlock Holmes cap. And I think, however much that was so for me, even probably more so for, you know, the women in my family. I think it was really, you know, that's just not something that exists or desire or anything like that. It was something that wasn't discussed. And so it shouldn't be shocking. It shouldn't be any kind of revelation, but flipping through the book and just reading all of these fantasies by these different women is incredible. Actually, it's really amazing who knew that they could feel pleasure. What? Women? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. Well, women I've been with. Well, maybe not that. Definitely not. I mean. I'm saying. Yeah. Some of them have written into this book, and they haven't even redacted your name or theirs. My wife wrote it in seven times to this. I can tell. She's nice. But also it was remarkable about it. Is there such, you know, there's such tenderness and joy and so much heart and loneliness. And, you know, there are women in there who are, you know, haven't even, you know, have maybe just gone through puberty, girls. There are women who haven't lost their virginity yet. There are women in their 70s who talk about just wanting to be kissed and held because they've never really had that in relationship before. And it's, it's really remarkable, but it also, it begs more investigation when you start to read it, or even if you imagine yourself writing a fantasy down, you know, the transference from it being in, you know, the sacredness and the secret space of your mind to transfer it onto a piece of paper or onto a computer little on, you know, send it through the ethos to a publishing house, but that it's, once you start to ask the question, you know, what is it that I, you know, what is it that I want? Was it that I dream about? What's the gap between what my fantasy is and what my experience is? A lot of people, if they fantasize, wouldn't necessarily want the fantasy to actually happen. But if it, it, you start to ask questions about, you know, what, am I getting what I need in the area of my life? And if I'm not, how am I participating in the, me not getting that, you know, and therefore, if I am, which is, if I am complicit in that relationship of not getting what I want, also are there other areas of my life that I'm, that I have needs and wants that I'm not expressing and I'm, I'm keeping myself from experiencing the fullness of what I could in my life. And so really deep questions start to take place when you start to interrogate these things. And I think phones and the ubiquity of the internet has really complicated things because there's a whole generation that feels they can get a lot of their needs met just on their phone. And what is that interrupting? What is that dampening? I was listening to a long, I think it was a New York Times podcast about it where they said people that say why risk going out and meeting people and possibly getting rejected and having all the discomfort and weirdness that might go with a hookup when I can stay in and watch pornography and I'm safe and no effort. So, you know, it's really great that you're doing these books. It really is. And I'm sure a lot of people are getting a lot of solace information and not feeling alone, not feeling like, oh, this is just me, I'm ashamed, something's, I'm a freak, something's wrong with me. Well, we, I've done some events to raise funds for charity around it. I did in the UK, the Barbecue and Royal Abber Hall did events, you know, in full houses inviting, you know, women and men and everything in between, hearing celebrities, a handful of celebrities reading from the book and just this sense of unity and recognition and joy and hilarity and in this new book, the two letters that I talk about the most, just one for the juxtaposition, but also because of just, it shows the, you know, the, the, the, the multitudes of complexity within a woman's experiences, one woman who fantasizes about being in a vat of spaghetti and naked and she's sliding around and there are meatballs sliding around and that was my, that was my, well, thank you so much, it's gotten so much attention that one. I love spaghetti. I really had nothing, it was not a erotic fantasy at all. It's just she loves spaghetti, yeah, yeah. But it's really, it's really delightful and everybody, you know, it really sticks in people's minds. Yeah. And then another woman who has recently had a double mastectomy who is, you know, curious about not just relearning her new body, but having the experience of learning it and feeling it again through, through somebody else in their experience of it. So looking forward to having a sexual experience. But with this new body and exploring what, what, you know, the different ways that she can feel again, something that she hasn't for quite a while. And, you know, obviously that's incredibly moving and, you know, extraordinary that somebody took the time to write about that and to send it in and to share that very vulnerable experience. So there's a, a very wide range of, but also I'm sure healing for them to get this book and see that they're in there and they've, they're being heard in a very powerful way. Yeah. I've got one more story, which is at the last, the penultimate event that I did at the Barbican, Olivia Wilde read a particular story about a woman who fantasized, who moved into a new neighborhood with her husband and good friends for, they've been married for a long time. And there was a woman who lived down the street in her new neighborhood and she fantasized about her after the show. I did a meet and greet to raise more money for charity and a woman was there and she said, my letter was read tonight. Oh, wow. And I said, wow, which one? And she said, if you don't mind telling me, she had a meatball on her head. She said the one that Olivia Wilde read, and I was trying to think, I was trying to think, and she said, and this is my new partner. Oh, wow. That's great. She was actually there sitting in the audience with the woman that she was now partnered with having fun and sides about. And I have to say the book is not a proponent for leaving long term relationships and, you know, throwing a wrench into your lives. At the same time, you know, that's an extraordinary story and experience and those things happen for people. It's remarkable. It really is remarkable. Just want to make sure that, yeah, WANT is the original, which is always available and more is coming out, I think, in a couple of weeks when this drops. It's September 10th. I thank you. Yeah. And Teenage Sex and Death at Camp Myasma is a wonderful film. It doesn't roll off the tongue that time. But it's really wonderful and it has been way too long since I had a chance to talk to you. And you're remarkable. Really are. And so thrilled that you could make the time to come in and talk to us. Thank you. Really great. Thank you. That was such a pleasure. It's nice to see you again. Nice to see you as well. Well, that's our time. I've never ended that way. I'm pretending we're a radio show now. It's news and weather now, 10 on the 10. Oh. By the way, the wellness drink. Oh, yeah. So is it? - It's not actually a, it's not actually one of the straight, no, no, no, it's like a, it's a healthy functional soda. - Okay. - So it's got adaptogens and utropics in it, like lion's mane and cordiceps and et cetera. And it's, one is called lift and it's red berries and Sarawak pepper. And there's one called protect, which is ginger and peppercorn. It also has turmeric and vitamin Bs and seeds and stuff. And then there's sooth, which is scarlet apple and sage. And it's got chaga and it's got a lot of sage. It's apparently really good also with gin. But I'm listening or you could just have gin. - No, but it's a really good extra, too. But yeah, and then there's what's now called awaken, which is a bit of an aphrodisiac, which we have actually wrapped in collaboration with Moby for the film. And it's usually purple and the liquid itself is a beautiful purple color because it's got butterfly pea in it, which is, it's real, like scientific name, is clitorolire or something like that or something with or a clint in it. But this is the one for me. - But it's a very, it's a, yeah, I get your blood pumping a bit. Anyway, so we wrapped it like the movie with little death on the front and stuff. And so it's, - I'm gonna check that out. - That's really good. - That's not really good. - There's passion fruit and habanero that one. You know, we'll get some, we'll get someone bring it in here and have a tasting. - I will, I will get some sent to you guys. Don't worry about it, I'll get some sent. - Well, thank you so much. Again, it's amazing. - Yeah. (upbeat music) - Okay, David Hopping has an item he wants to bring to our council meeting. What do you got there, David? - Thank you for having me. - I have found a quiz online that is called Plotonic Healthy Relationship/Friendship Quiz. And we are gonna find out if you two have a healthy relationship. - Okay. - This is all gonna be really Sona's answers. - Yes. - You're welcome to chime in. - Yeah. - But there's 20, there's. - We'll do as, no, we'll, no, we'll just do as many. - Yeah, just, so this is a quiz to determine if we could have a healthy Plotonic relationship or if we do have one. - Yeah, we do have one. - Okay, so we're gonna start Sona. Number one. - Yes. - And supportive of your passions, work hobbies and other aspects of your life. Yes or no? - Actually, yes. He is very, very supportive. - Yes. - Does he encourage you to try new things? - Do you encourage, yeah, you do. You encourage me to get outside of my comfort zone. - Yeah. - Until like I do suggest you know, try doing some work at some point. (laughing) That's it, that's a new thing. So yes. - Does he listen to you when you need support? - He does. He actually, you know what? I thought this was gonna go another way. - What's going really well? - Like does he smack cookies out of your hands? Do you expect your boundaries, physically, emotionally, related to your time or otherwise? - No, boundary, no. - I do not. If she's eating any food item and seems to be enjoying it, I will slap it out of her hand. - If I'm wearing a hair bun, he will slap it until it unravels. - Yeah. - He constantly shakes me and-- - I'll just just shake some sense into you. - Oh, thank you all, thank you very much. - Does he create opportunities for you to spend time with people other than himself? (laughing) - Are there people other than myself? (laughing) - That would be a no. - That's a no, that's a no. - That's a no. - Does he encourage you to balance your time between the relationship and other aspects of your life? - You know what? Yeah. - I think I do. - You do that, this is sincere. You do. - I do like when you take care of your kids and when you, you know, I have fun and-- (laughing) - Yeah, you haven't helped the approach to it. - Does he respect you for who you are and doesn't try to change you? - Oh, no. He doesn't respect me. Actually, I mean-- - I did try to change you for a long time and then I gave up. - I don't know if you respect me for who I am. I think you tolerate who I am. - Oh god, no, no, no respect. - So we're gonna say no. - No respect. - Is this person not well liked by your friends or family? - Oh god, no, they love him. - Come on, it's nice to see you. - I know, that's one of the most frustrating things about-- - 'Cause your dad, no, I do an impression of him where I put my finger under my nose and pretend it's a mustache. - Yeah, when you call him "Jepetto" and stuff, he knows all this stuff and he still likes you as a person. I think he knows it's good stuff. - Oh god. - Does he text or call you constantly wondering where you are? - I mean, yeah, yeah, back in the day, especially. Has he ever accused you of not being a loyal member of this relationship? - No. - I haven't. - She is, I've always said, for all of her flaws and there are too many to count here, she's one of the most, she's, I trust Sonia with my life. - You know what, you know I'm right or die? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay, does he tell you to change how you look? - Yes, he does. - Yeah, she's got a chance. - Yeah, like you talk about me getting an industrial press to straighten my hair. - Yeah, but also your clothes, I give you a hard time if you wear the same leather jacket for years and years and years and years and years and years and years on it. - That's a big yes. - Like to everything? - Big yes. - Because he make you check in a lot to update him on what you're doing. - Yes. - Yes, I do. - Yeah. - Um, Derek, I'm curious to see how this is gonna end up. - Always tells me I need to support them and it's never there for me when I need support. - Wait. - No, I support Sonia. - That's like kind of the first question. - Yeah. - Does he ever make you feel bad about yourself? - Yes, all the time. - Absolutely. - The only way to fix Sonia is to get her to realize the monster she already is. (both laughing) - Oh my God. - Does he ever limit your access to your own money and does he control the finances? You share responsibility. - Oh my God. - Can I say, if I could control Sonia's money, I would, because it would be so much fun, but I don't do that. - He is the source of my money. - Yes. (both laughing) The Golden Goose, has he ever spread a rumor about you? - Yes, all the time that I steal that I am-- - That you floated to this country? - Yeah, that I floated. - There was a go-to-tack in Armenia. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You're about to build a boat out of some fatch, put you in the ocean, you floated. You came, I think I said you came ashore somewhere around San Diego. - Yes. - And that's when I found you and taught you to put on clothes and how to speak English. - Yeah, like I jumped out of a, I think your words where I jumped out of a bush when you were walking down the street and I was like, it was only fair old creature. - That's what I said to Rolling Stone Magazine and they printed it. - Yeah, they printed it. - Yes, yes, yes. - I hope this answer is no. Does he ever pressure you to engage in physical touch like hugging or holding hands, et cetera? - I mean, not sexually, but he, you know. - No, no, I ask you to do anything. - Oh, no. - No. - No. - Of course not. - Does he ever blame or shame you when you ask for help or support? - Yes. (both laughing) Does he ever make you feel like you need to change part of who you are and that you can't be your authentic self? - Yes. - Yes, absolutely. - I don't like your authentic self. - You ever feel like you're walking on eggshells around Conan? - Yes, absolutely. 100%. If I wear a shirt that's slightly different than what I normally wear, I'm worried. And I think everybody is that you're gonna make a, if God forbid, I wore a denim jacket. You can be like, hey, a lentil called and he wants a shirt back. (both laughing) - Not only would I say that, I do say that. (both laughing) Does he ever yell a little or humiliate you in front of other people? - Oh my God. - Yeah, I see where this thing is going. - Does he ever? - Yes. - Does he ever grab, push, shove, kick, punch, slap, or hurt you physically in any way? - Yes, absolutely. - 100%. - Every single one of those. - Everything you lifted. - And also, is there a place you can write every day? (both laughing) - Is there an unceasing box? - Great. - Does Conan ever have big mood swings? They may be yelling at you one minute than apologizing the next. - That is Conan. I am six feet, four inches, 193 pounds of mood swings. - All right, three more questions. - Yes. - Does Conan ever try to control what you do, who you see, or how you spend your time? - Yes, absolutely. 100%. - Yes, yes. - Does he ever get jealous or possessive? - Yes, when I was working for you. Ah, I wouldn't say jealous or possessive, but you'd be like, I should be the number one priority in your life, things like that before I had kids, of course. - I still think I should be the number one priority. - All right, okay, yeah. You're just kids. I always get other ones. - That's why he called them Rubbentug and the belly, 'cause you were angry that they were existing. - Yeah, you started, they were growing inside you when I was enraged. I think he said that to Shaq. - He did. - Yeah. - What did I say to Shaq? - I think when you were talking to Shaq, you said how you wanted to call Sonas kids Rubbentug and Shaq liked it. - And he invited. - Do you remember his suggestions for names were Mark and Marko? (laughing) - You were the same name. - Yeah. - I did say he'd do an icy hot commercial. (laughing) He'd do one and he'd give the proceeds for their college fund. - Nice. - So, okay. - All right, last question. Does Conan ever put you down? Call you names or criticize you? - Oh my God. - Yes. - I don't understand. A bunch of these questions, I feel like they know me when they're made. - Really, this is from like a university website too? - Yeah. - Okay. - Okay, so now I need to tally these up. - All right, you be tallying. - I want everyone to take-- - You be tallying while Sonan and I talk. - Yeah. - You know, I don't know, I think this is gonna go poorly for me to test. That's my, you know, it's one of those things where I don't even need the driving instructor to tell me. - Yes. - Because there's a postman on my windshield bleeding out. So, I don't need to be told that this test didn't go well. I know that, but the facts remain. I love you, I care about you. A very important person in my life. I'm very proud of you, but my behavior towards you is completely insane. - It's a porn. - A porn. - It's everybody. I mean, what if Blake got the question, does he ever beat you or can you? - Blake, because of his size and strength, I am allowed to actually hit. - Yeah. - It's Blake, and like, maybe now it's down to, 'cause people that write for me, a lot of them can't handle it. - It used to be Michael Coleman was the main, Michael Coleman. - Yeah, I'm like, it's a terrific writer, Matt O'Brien is still-- - Matt O'Brien's still. - And no relation, but Matt O'Brien, yeah, I will, I will pummel him. And if I see, if I just saw, you know, a caution sign on the side of the road, I would pull it out of the ground and be beating him with the iron sign. And that's, and that's my way of showing love. - That's true. - Yeah. - I'm more worried the days you don't hit me. - I know, I think that's the thing. If you did like, respect me and didn't make fun of me, and I'd be like, we need to get him to a hospital. - Yeah, I remember the first time you made fun of me, so I'm gonna pull me aside and was just like, just say, you know, that's a really good thing. - Yeah, you want that? This is how it works in abusive relationships. - You've made it, David. - Yeah. - All right, do you want the results? - Yeah, let's hear it. - You guys scored 24 out of, it just has 30 plus. You are most likely in an abusive relationship. (laughing) - Oh, I could have told you. I could have told you that. - This isn't meant to name your experience and just hopes to serve as an opportunity to connect you with people who can help you. (laughing) If you feel unsafe with this person, help is available. - Yeah. - I love that, first of all, this is just between us, this will never go out to the larger world. And, oh, are these microphones? - Yeah, they are. - They are, they are. - And cameras. - Yeah. Yeah, that's, well, there you have it. - There you have it. - And I don't dispute any of that. And I would have, the first question should have been, is Sony an abusive relationship with you? And I would have said, oh, yeah. - We could have skipped over. - We could have been done in one question. - The first question should have been, do you work for Conan O'Brien? (laughing) - A true monster, a true monster. - But I meant what I said, I love you. - Yes. - I care about you. I don't hit you, you know, I bat it food out of your hands, and I will, if you have your hair up on the top knot, I will knock it loose, so it has caged down. - Yes. - But physical stuff, you know, I make sure that it's someone like Blay, who can really take it. - Yeah, that's really me. - And Blay, you're free to make it stop at any time. Maybe, we'll see. - I think it's an honor. I don't know how you feel. - Well, Blay, you can say, you know. - I love getting abused by you. I don't know what that says about me. - There's fans who probably wish they could get the hit back. - I know, but you're, yeah, this is the best job I've ever had. I'm not going anywhere. - I honestly think it's great. It's like brothers. - Yes. - It's like we're saying. - Well, I grew up, all I did was my brothers and I would fight, it would be fake fighting, but it was a lot of, so that's just ways in which my, many ways in which my development was arrested, if you will. - I think we're all substitutes for your siblings. - Yeah. - And that's, you know, we're all paying the price. - And there's the pain the price, too. (laughing) - You think I moved on from them? I just got more. All right, well, David, this was a really good idea. Thank you. - This is fun. - Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Mack Gourley. Produced by me, Mack Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leo. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Con. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of serious XM when you sign up at seriousxm.com/conon. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien, Needs A Friend, wherever fine podcasts are down the beat.