Giggling about soft smiles, summer reading, and running

what's up gigglers gary fix the wi-fi manifest that shit we can't be managed i mean the day just got away from me hello my my gigglies um we're back we're back i did just wake up from a nap yeah i think that's that's why i'm a little my mouth's a little sore and we talked a little in the beginning to get hannah warmed up to now we do exercise now we do red leather yellow leather seashells by the seashore um hannah's about to start her show so she's it's start we're in it yeah you want to know what i feel like a lot of people were like what's the vibe of what's the vibe of the summer what's the song of the summer what's the saying of the summer for the gigglers sorry we're having an intense summer because hannah can't move her face not only is she working with no movement but we have to keep abreast on what's going on um i declare it right now it's soft smile summer hell yeah it is i've changed who i am i'm an ice queen okay i don't smile at anyone i don't laugh at anyone nothing's funny um and look i do have to say thank you for all the feedback from the pod i'm still getting it i'm like refreshing youtube and reading all the comments the one thing i didn't think was gonna hurt my feelings that did is i'm getting a lot of people calling me kira knightley why would that hurt your feelings because it means my jaw is not moving and i look like this and i'm like i don't lock jaw she's gorgeous but i can move my jaw you are kind of giving a little bit british okay i actually was so excited to see you today because i thought i was gonna hop on and you're gonna be like it looks so much better you look so good but the problem with page is she's brutally honest with me to the point that yesterday i sent her a photo of myself and didn't get a response and then said made a joke like sorry i look ugly i know you hate when i look ugly and she was like thanks for ruining my night what about today when i was like you sent me a meme about how like your can't take anything serious and i was like this is me for the next six months and you were like six i'm very fragile right now you can't make those jokes no i know no i know no i know and it's not funny i know women of some of the week yeah not my injector i'll take her over to my segment and it's not funny and it's not i've gotten like a wide variety of people reaching out being like hey you'll be good in three weeks and then some people who are like hey like it took it took it's it took me 10 months it's still a thing but it's like rare like not all the okay well when's the last time you went and had it done before this time sorry excuse you sorry because it was a serious moment can you not just everything's a fucking joke to you some people are fighting for their life right now you're making little hiccups cute little hiccups oh my god i was just laughing so hard i almost started drooling some of us are just naturally drooling because they can't oh okay so i got it last time october yeah i don't even remember when it went away because i don't know like i didn't know what was going on october and you got it in june okay okay okay i have to also give an apology aren't you dealing with enough right now who are you apologizing to i was saying everything was going well in my life at last pod and i listed a bunch of things then people were messaging me they were like why didn't you say your marriage what's going on in your marriage okay i don't want you but like i'm not having like crazy ups and downs in my marriage where i'm like we had a good month this month thank god like sorry we don't think of him we don't it's not part of my day-to-day like drama thank god in marriage right but then also and then he was like why didn't you say like i was there to help you because like dez has been my rock i've put all my anxiety into him i've been calling him he's been so positive with me except he also was like oh no like i had testicular cancer do you have some he's like oh you have both your parents still he's like oh did you not tear your acl and it still it still hurts so that's why dating an older man he puts life into perspective i think the good thing about dez is he does let you be he does let you feel sorry for yourself the allotted time that is healthy to feel sorry for yourself and then he makes you get it together yeah and like he's making me laugh which is making it worse but anyway how are you i'm good i'm i texted hannah and i was like do you think we could do the pod tomorrow because i'm in the trenches of packing nighttime outfits packed daytime outfits packed got it skin hair makeup packed i just have to do bathing suits and cover ups shoes jewelry accessories hats how do you pack hats i just stuff them i stuff them in there and then i like if something happens to them and they get fucked up i try to like reshape them wherever i am because i can see you going for some hat looks this summer i have one ridiculous hat look that i'm just like where am i even wearing this but i'm not one of those people that wears their hats on the plane like in the care like i can do it in my carry-on but i'm not wearing it on the plane i'm not i judge people's hats like if they're gonna wear it i'm like that's the one you wore that's the one you're saving okay well here's the other thing i never lose things and i'm missing one of my straw hats and i'm just like former page where did i hate losing things you would hate my life it's been a mile in these little batons no i could never do it i don't even know where my little batons are because i don't have them and i lost them no i have like a running list of things in my head that i'm like i need to check in on that because i haven't seen it and then like i have a rotating thing so like i know where everything is so you would never lose your wedding ring for two years no and not even try to look for it because you're like we'll deal with that later we'll wait till my mom finds it no no i couldn't i couldn't it would like ruin my day i have to like remind myself that it's things and they can't love you back and so it's like if it goes it goes oh yeah i forgot you're in like a toy story situation i have like my own stuff that i need to work out but in the midst of packing missed no you said it right oh okay but you really hit every every consonant somehow mid is just in the midst of my packing i was watching the dallas cowboy cheerleaders sweetheart i don't even i never know what the name of the show is yeah you know what i'm talking about mormon wives secret yeah yeah housewives mormon religion secret cowboys dallas island love no because why does netflix give every show an insane name and like reality shows specifically it's like i don't need a thesis for the name of the show give me like like give me og laguna beach okay got it i don't need la confidential secret society hot wives la nannies yeah whatever that yeah they're that's so true they put me on the show put a full imdb page in the title anyway so i'm watching the dallas cheerleaders and like i didn't watch the show like when it was on tv maybe i saw like a couple episodes but there are just like certain things that you're like yeah i'm gonna let it slide because like they're in dallas like what what are we doing you know like i'm enjoying the show then it gets to a part where the main girl okay now she became the main girl essentially because when you were watching her on tv you were like captivated mesmerized dare i say she had the sauce she was an incredible dancer she's gorgeous like i don't think i've ever said this phrase in my life but sweetest pie like just the cutest sweet like everything she ends up becoming like somewhat the face of the show in the past three years that it's been on netflix at the end of this season she decides that she's not going to come back for this not going to come back for next year she's like turning in her uniform. She just Oh, they have their boyf it too sometimes some of their like husbands or boyfriends are in it now when she's deciding if she's gonna come back for the next year she gets hurt and her boyfriend says something while she's sitting on the couch that i was just like oh that's like so interesting and i'm trying to think if like my significant other said said that to me in that moment would i be pissed so now mind you she's an athlete she hurts herself she wants to finish out the year I love how you're like would you start a fight let me tell you the scenario yes and he goes selfishly I'm kind of happy because I get to spend more time with you I don't hate it okay I don't hate it because I was literally dealing with that just now with my mouth situation just to bring it back to me because you you didn't ask me about it the last two minutes no but this is a good no this is good i was like if i lose a if if i like don't travel and i'm not like working right right i get to spend more time with my family right okay but what you're about to do you just found out about two months ago yeah what this girl is doing she worked your it would be like if you were in playing tennis and it was like the final year your senior year you hurt yourself and your boyfriend's like fuck it we can like sit on the couch together i think he was trying to find the positivity in the situation i wouldn't like if he turned it into like you're never around and like i hate it let me give you more to the story he actually quit his job because her fame got so big overnight that like she's now all of a sudden like a netflix star and i'm sure she's getting brand deals and whatever she quits she worked at a florist shop adorable i mean i can't she quits her job she's like doing influencing full-time on the side i don't know people work actually worked at florist shops i thought that was just in movies i think she like volunteered to like i'm like oh she's a made-up person she's a butterfly catcher she makes rainbows no she's like literally perfect he quits his job to help her for whatever reason they can't make it work it seems like she got really big the whole country was watching her she blows up into like this instagram influencer this like netflix star she gets obviously inevitably a lot of hate along with a lot of love i don't think she was expecting as much hate i think it really did something to her she was like i work at a flower shop right rather and like what are you hating on her for rather than kind of like persevering through it she was basically like i think i might take a step back and she had just got only been married for a year but i can't help but think he was scared or he didn't want her to continue to grow with her fame or like whatever and he didn't want her to do the show anymore and he didn't want her to be on the team anymore i also could be making this up you could be fully projecting i could but he went on a pod and he said her dream wasn't to be a netflix star her dream was to be on the cheerleading team and then he was asked a question like what were his thoughts on the cheerleaders like getting a raise and he was like no comment no you're right you are you're look has your intuition ever been wrong never why would i steer you in a different direction i didn't say did he leave a banana peel on the floor for her to trip like was he did he injure her i can't prove it yet but if you give me some time and a sharpie i could figure something out give me a whiteboard and we'll be there in about 20 minutes um no looking at that perspective him not working and then like commenting on like how much money the girls are making and also like yeah if you don't go on a podcast unless you've done something well also a lot of the girls obviously had to have second jobs because they were making nothing and i think still have to have second jobs they're making a little bit more and now in today's day and age they can supplement with being influencers and like take a little bit of a rest except the two coaches don't love the influencing yeah which i'm like get with the time like no but it's like then pay me what this brand deal is gonna pay me well they give we struggled because the coaches were both on the team the vibe they give is we struggled we had to deal with it so do you like that's the energy it gives and it's like okay well that would then what's the point of women helping women what's the word um when everything's more expensive over time inflation period yeah also just because it was fucked up in the past doesn't mean it has to be fucked up now i still haven't got myself to watch it because i i can tell i'm gonna get pissed off i think for me why i was like triggered by it is because i am someone that can also get down and be like maybe i shouldn't even do this because everyone's gonna hate it and like i can't really do it and i need to be with someone that's like what the hell are you talking about like go just try it go do it like whatever if i had someone that was like yeah this is really scary maybe you shouldn't it would i couldn't i couldn't do what did he do for a living before that's an excellent question i want to say he like worked at like a hardware store i hate to do this but if the roles were reversed and like he was a normal guy got on this netflix show blew up none of these guys are staying with like the girls who like love them for them right like i always you know who i always think about anna ferris and chris um pine no prat i just always think of like men who like have blown up and then left their wives not to feed into horrible rumors online yes because i would never we would never but people are like coming for rihanna and asap rocky's relationship right now have you seen no what are they saying i guess he like went on stage and talked about like how girls in phoenix are beautiful or something and like i don't know met gala people thought they were fighting i saw met gala people thought they were fighting and people have turned people are get out interesting but it also makes me think like how quiet she's been in her career i like never i mean she's a billionaire and running fenty and doing amazing but like in terms of her art i always wonder like i don't know well can i say something that i've actually never really liked him because one time i saw a clip like i've liked his songs before but like a couple years ago this is maybe like four or five i actually have no idea three or four years ago i saw a clip of him on a podcast and it was like i forget whose it was and i don't even remember what they were talking about i want to like him modeling but it was he said something like oh well i should get taken shopping because i'm so good looking or like yeah i think it was like around when like those videos with like laurie harvey when she was like talking about how she's the prize then like his resurfaced i think that's when i saw it and you you hate that and i was just like what no like this is oh my god i saw a clip the other day you know the we met at me i love that girl she had some guy on her podcast and he was like here's a tip for the girls like go up to guys at a bar and like buy him a drink and i'm like over my dead fucking body why don't i open the door for him as well pull out his chair and then buy the dinner like no no we're not we we're not throwing him off one night and just like going i'm being like hey let me buy you a drink every time you approach a man you can get murdered so why would i also pay to get murdered also my makeup costs more than this drink my outfit costs more than this drink like i don't need you to buy the drink it's not about the money it's about the gesture if i needed someone to buy me a drink i wouldn't be standing in a bar that'd be insane i can't afford it why would i be there like the men have really literally lost it but yeah we have no idea what's actually going on with any of the celebrity relationships but it is so fun to take a clip and be like this is what's going on yeah i love it hannah and i are always on the go and the number one thing hannah likes to do when i say i'm hungry is offer me a bar a david protein bar to be specific david's hero protein bar has 28 grams of protein 150 calories and zero grams of sugar each gold bar features an indulgent doughy texture studded with satisfying chucks and air crisps their bronze new bar is still high in protein with even more decadence it's 20 grams of protein 150 calories and zero grams of sugar each bronze bar features a smooth decadent marshmallow base with a flavor filled layering airy crisp and chocolate flavored coating some of my favorite flavors are their cookie dough caramel chocolate crunch and the peanut butter of course so don't just take my word for it try it for yourself david is offering our listeners a special deal buy four cartons and get the fifth free when you get the fifth free when you go to davidprotein.com slash giggly that's davidprotein.com slash giggly and then taylor and trev the wedding's coming up there's there's murmurs but they're doing great job at um keeping it quiet apparently i think they like haven't sent anyone information which is like so funny like did you get the wedding blues was it before or after it's after no i had after my wedding i was like thank god nothing went wrong everything was fun everyone had fun photos were great i feel amazing people were like once it's over it's like you've nothing to look forward to like for me first of all also that right i wasn't looking forward to it like it was the best day of my life and second of all i was like just so happy it went well and i had i was just like grateful do you think taylor swift is gonna like have the wedding blues or do you think she's like this is like a great day but it's not the best day of my life i think she'll feel that way but i mean i do think she's like a little more romantic than me like i think she cares about the wedding more than me she's a little and i'm not trying to be like pick me like like you can't remember weddings i'm chill no it's more just like i actually didn't like the attention of like when i force people to come to an event yeah like i like people want to come to see me like do stand up not like cousins being there being like we had to drive from the airport i don't know like that's just what i'm thinking like it's like inviting people to a dinner for your birthday i'm like these people are busy do they want to be here like that's my own issues yeah you know so wedding is like that times 100 also it is nerve-wracking like i got nervous when i was walking down the aisle of course i cried when you walked down the aisle oh i forgot you were there is this because i was mean to you this morning in dms no it's just i have a mental illness where like i don't know who was with me at any time yeah well also i feel like you like black out at your wedding yeah i don't know who was with me at any time i don't know who was with me at any time yeah like me and you didn't talk no you don't talk to people you know at your wedding can we talk about mindy kaling oh my god okay everyone needs to watch not suitable for work do we want to tell them from day the day one how this how we got involved we got an email we got an email yeah from the mindy kaling and i i was just like oh my god obviously we're doing this and it was right before thanksgiving right i thought it was spam i was like mindy kaling didn't write us an email okay is she asking for 500 grand also to send to a foreign country was this before thanksgiving or before christmas i have no recollection of time i want to say it was right before one of the holidays well the problem with tv not the problem but like you shoot something and then it's like years before it comes out anyway so we go and we like yeah we like kind of had lines and hannah had one wait i was about to say i feel like i was well behaved during this and i i didn't do anything wrong never mind continue and here's the thing when we get there we're like obviously so giddy so excited this was production's last day of filming so like every single person was like and this is the last day and we're finally done and like we're we came in we were like hi nice to meet everyone how are you honestly it felt like we came in at the end of a reality show and everyone was already like fighting and hated each other and we were like what's going on here tell us about yourself honestly the cast the crew everyone was so sweet it just was like they were wrapping up like they were like thank god it's the last day and page were like so where do we stand nice to meet you but what was the old lang syne okay so we're like we're just crazy because now i'll never forget it ever so mind you page is really good at memorization i'm not and but we were in our trailer practicing our little asses off like we were like again again like russian gymnastic coaches i was like no you then finally i was like okay we got it and then i just hear hannah like doing it to herself like in my god you get like it's the first time okay here's the thing acting with you is the first time i ever see you double check your work that's the way i can describe it like anything else we do like giggly squad interview podcast hosting you're like we got this like not like you're not like maybe you should double check your work which calm no which calms me down yeah then like we went into a set a setting like that you're like let me just practice one time and then that makes me nervous because i'm like wait you you're unsure about yourself who's driving the ship yeah i'm like no no no no you can't be unsure it was okay can we try to win my game we were doing good and i was like we're gonna crush this like we were vibing my last line or the last page i'm basically it's about we're celebrating um old lang syne we're celebrating new year's eve yeah and i have to say the word old lang syne mind you i don't know where i've been my entire life never heard this before and everyone's like you know the song that like and hannah's like four hours and was like no i've lived on this earth my entire life i've never heard the name of that song obviously dez who's born in the fucking 80s was like how the fuck do you not know what old lang syne is and i'm like i can't talk to you right now so then for some reason like you know when you can't remember a word because you don't know what it is also everyone kept going old lang syne i'm like this i've never heard this word you guys are making this word up you're making it up and then they're like playing the song for me and i'm like yeah i know that song no one calls it old lang syne no one's ever called it anything in front of me so i'm like wait plus we're in like it's supposed to look like we're outside but like we're not and so we're in like furs and hannah's i'm in a fur with with a uh what is it called earmuffs for earmuffs inside and i'm sweating i'm feeling it hannah and i have this joke that like every time we get our makeup done like no matter what we're doing like 10 minutes later hannah like doesn't have any makeup on like you'll see the raw pink skin on my face my face like a like a new chicken i have really like slippery skin when we're on tour by the second show page is like did you just wake up in the morning like where is anything you put on your face why is that has anyone what primer are you do you use no really no i don't use i don't use it well there we go here we go well first of all we meet ashanti oh yeah only you so tiny in person by ashanti everyone needs to listen to right now oh i thought you were saying to like no the song only you like only page i can't wait to get next to you um i just can't leave you alone maybe when the mouth is yeah that was just because that wasn't because of my actual singing voice no wait wait wait we know i'm the songbird of our generation so ashanti put her in my pocket um we come on i'm like ashanti we're obsessed with you we love you so much and in my head i'm like do not fuck up in front of ashanti mindy kaling's entire production yeah and page who already is doubting you it was one of those lines where like it's like kind of long and old lang syne was the last word so i would do this monologue and then get to it and like you know when your brain just short secrets and i'd be like zing line oh no you were literally having an adult does he like you were i it was like we would say it back to each other like old lang zine and you got it and then she'd do the whole thing like she couldn't just do that part she had to do it in its entirety and it was here's the other thing well why how we're different when you mess up or like get embarrassed by something you're which i find so fascinating you're louder like you you call more attention to yourself almost as if to be like look at how much i fucked up everyone should see this you like like ultimate humiliation where i if i fuck up or like i do something silence i've actually slipped into the back of the crowd like you never see me again like i'm running away i'm leaving i feel like that's a stand-up comic in me to like say what you're feeling like yeah just be outward about the moment but like it wasn't a scene of me and page like we had real actors on set and a messed it up oh i mean we had to have done it at least 15 times right 15 to 20 times i would say here's the other thing that like that like you don't people don't realize you're doing it you're doing it 10 to 15 times from one angle then you're doing it another 10 to 15 times from another it's a whole thing it's so funny i like forgot that happened like i blocked it out that's how i deal with humiliation i'm just like um yeah that wasn't me that's actually probably really healthy yeah i'm not like it's not keeping me up at night i'm like old lang syne's a crazy that's not english so that's not my fault that i couldn't learn a new language day of i'm getting a cyst pimple on my chin which is like ruining my whole trip i'm the wrong person for you to complain about that too right now but i totally support you but i would you i would trade bodies in a second if i could yeah so let's talk about it like you're starting tomorrow and what did anyone say um okay i i showed up honestly i'm getting better at not smiling that's my problem because before i was like just smile push through and now i'm just a nice queen did you tell nana i told nana but not like i didn't send her any photos she's kind of like you yeah you can't send her ugly pictures or she's like why would you put this on my phone why they just attacked me why'd you put this on my phone i just had an old memory pop up actually we'll put in the newsletter of nana at my wedding doing an outfit check and she's literally telling every single thing she's wearing like down to the earrings she's so fucking cute remember that day she couldn't wear heels and she was pissed because she had like done something to her foot yeah she was like fully injured and she was upset i think she was still wearing kitten heel yeah how are we related yeah she was wearing a little wedge and she was like apologizing to everyone she was like i'm so sorry that i'm wearing these disgusting little wedges she's like i don't know if you've noticed but i look like a clown it honestly i like i felt so bad because i was like i know i know that you can't even enjoy the day because you're livid like i get it everyone's staring at these gross ass little wedges meanwhile i like can't brush my hair oh also does the specials out you watched oh my god that's what i meant to bring up to you it's so good i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so good yeah i have some geekers messaging me they were like they were like because you love him we love him that's the only reason we're supporting but we had we really enjoyed the special no it was so funny i was so proud of him well you texted it's funny you texted us in the group chat and in my head i was like if they text it alone that would be like black magic would start happening like i feel like you guys actually are scared of like if you two actually put your heads together and you're like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry to like cast a spell on someone let me see if i texted him oh you know what it was i dm'd him yeah on my own and then yeah texted it in the group yeah no texting like your friend's husband alone it feels like when like hr like calls you you're like wait how do you have my number and also like no this is scary if someone's boyfriend's texting me if it's not about a ring i don't want involved yeah don't involve me actually my friend katie her husband did um like live updates while she was in giving labor giving a birth like having a baby to who like was doing them to all of her friends so like put everyone in like a big group chat it was just doing like live updates wait that's hilarious that i appreciated was he good at like giving details yeah he did fall off quite quickly because i'm like that's not doesn't sound like a good job for him i'm like give it to the mom give it to the aunt give it to a gen z cousin no he did a good job because he is quite funny so um they were like cute little paragraphs but anyway we also have an update um the nun podcast dm'd us stop sisters of mary op and they sent us the sweetest message they said of course imagine they sent a really bitchy message they go next time tag a bitch imagine two nuns were like hey you fucking twats they go our culture is not your costume we're not praying for you you're off of the pray party so they said hey thanks for tagging us in your video it was a delightful take on your podcast a delightful take i need to say delightful more in my everyday jargon delightful tag she goes i love that we share a real love of laugh after you wouldn't believe how much we laughed okay maybe you would obsess with them they're hilarious i'm obsessed let's just say the podcast is true to life it runs deep in our tradition this is good for the gigglers it's good to know that nuns know us she basically said laugh to your heart's content you've broken free from evil laughter is the right response and ever since then we take the chance to laugh for every good reason um may your days be filled with genuine laughter that comes from no one god's love thank you sisters of mary that is the sweetest i think they just blessed us i know is that so nice bless you like that was a bless is your mom's gonna be so happy my mom's gonna be she's like you're going to heaven now this is a mary do you know that my mom and dad watch our podcast every night while they watch dinner or while they eat dinner they watch it on youtube no i'm gonna cry i'm gonna cry i go mom but it's only two times a week so what are you doing the other nights and she goes well we watch the same one until the new one also meanwhile your brother's like hey i'm here she's like mom we don't like anything else on tv and we just watch you guys oh so i love how they're probably numb to it like in the beginning they were like i'm not sure about her and now they're like oh hannah's the sweetest kindest most innocent girl we've ever met she doesn't mean anything my dad will call me and he'll be like you know you just like sit there and you just laugh at everything hannah says you just i've never seen you laugh at anyone you just think everything she says is funny i'm like because it is okay sorry for laughing with my friend sorry the sisters of mary told us that it was a good to laugh because then it gets evil away we literally are curing evil spirits yeah we are also i posted a stand-up one of my favorite jokes from the stand-up special was making fun of guys going down on you yeah and to make sure guys go down on you early because you learn about who they are as a person when they're going down on you and i say like if a guy if you know a guy who's going down on you don't know how to get him to go down on you i say you should just push his head down do you remember that being a thing yes you're like still is no i remember it being like a like a controversy like i remember girls talking about i remember girls saying like and then he pushed my head and another girl being like are you kidding me like i think it's so feminist to push a guy's head yeah lightly nicely but like to be like and no kissy kissy that's hilarious but um at the end the end joke i basically it ends with a period joke and i was looking through the comic comments and sometimes the posts hit like just these random men and these men the comments are so funny like guys i really get the biggest kick out of it this guy goes girl comics all they do is start with sex and then end about their periods and i was like that is so fucking true steve like basically how every girl comic talks about sex and their periods and then this one bit i posted was like all of it so this guy's head was like exploding he's like she talks about sex and a period in one joke what the fuck god forbid we talk about what we know i was like i talked about my husband's dead parents in the last clip so i i do have range so how dare you how dare you take it up with him do you get sad when i go to italy for two weeks like no just knowing that i'm not going to be able to go to italy for two weeks and i'm like if something were to happen you can't get to me great question i love it you're trying to instill anxiety like i am far away i've never been more anxious than when you were in fiji which is really weird because it was before that thing happened to you but i just remember looking at my phone googling fiji and it was the middle of the ocean and i was like do they have like dunkin donuts like are you okay no i had to go home but you're going to go to italy i honestly feel like i like live vicariously through you like i feel like i'm about to go to italy like i'm like what are we wearing what like send me the food like and i don't have to deal with any logistics and that's how i felt when you were in sports illustrated i was like and now i don't have to prep for that yeah you didn't have to do this that's literally how i feel like i'll have to pack i'm gonna have to find boats i don't have to get hotel reservations i have to sit and wait in line for things but i get to get see all the the fun of it all and then like it's gonna be so fun when you get on the phone you'll be like i just had a gelato like i'm excited for that that's so funny because i texted my dad yesterday and i said dad i think we're gonna get more ice cream in the middle of the day this year oh yeah i was gonna say compared to you because now this is like your third or fourth yeah like similar trip i love that you guys are like this works we're doing it again what are you what are you changing what do you think you could do better this year that you've done in previous years besides different invites i'm assuming i actually think i could eat more because okay here's like one of the one of the ways my anxiety also like manifests if everyone's like dinner at 7 p.m like okay everyone's going back to their room getting ready for dinner like oh my god i've been hungry all day i didn't eat lunch or late because i wanted to be hungry for dinner right when i sit down to dinner not hungry like can't eat when i'm told you have to eat like i rather go back i rather sit at dinner not eat go back to my room order room service eat yeah like i don't know why that happens to me i have the opposite i sit down at dinner and i'm like i'm so hungry and ravenous i i'm gonna embarrass everyone around me by how hungry and how fast i'm gonna eat this food and i wish i could be normal and not shove this entire pancetta in my mouth well italy really is the perfect place for you because if you don't eat your whole plate so like then it's stressful when i'm not hungry and i'm not eating because then they take offense to it and they come over and they're like what's wrong with you what's going on like you didn't like it like i'll bring you something no no they show up with a fucking gun and they say what happened yeah and so i'm like they're literally holding me with a knife like i'm like i don't i'm like i have anxiety and like here's the thing like everyone's eating and i if everyone's eating then i can't they're like was the sauce not the perfect because it's the best sauce in all italy so i'm going into this trip mentally telling myself you're eating when it's time for dinner you but i don't think that's gonna work that's not gonna work you can't just tell yourself to do it what you have to do is not make a big deal about it okay act nonchalant about it yes like like like you're about to pet a cat so not worry about what time i'm eating lunch because in case i'm not hungry for dinner but it doesn't matter if you start obsessing over like being ready to eat the second you get there your body's gonna be like this is what we were stressed about well i think it's also because of course of course i have this like weird thing where i can't go to the bathroom when i'm on vacation so like i'm backed up for a couple of days i didn't want to factor that in yeah so i think it's like a lot but it's only it's only ever on vacation actually no sometimes like on tour were you backed up well we had other no but sometimes if i'm going out for like a saturday night and i'm going out with like four couples i'm like i'm not hungry but if i'm going out just like myself i'm hungry it's crazy though because when i when i rarely can't eat i get so embarrassed like yesterday on set i was like obviously a little nervous and they brought me food and i tried to eat and i couldn't eat and then afterwards people came in and i like hadn't eaten and i i like had to say something i was like i'm sorry i ate a lot of mashed potatoes our lives are so different right like where where were you eating mashed potatoes prior to they had brought me like a thing of mashed potatoes and all this meat and like whatever and i didn't eat any of the meat but i did eat mashed potatoes and i was like there was actually a lot of like i was trying to explain to these people that i ate more than it looked and then one thing that i've learned no one gives a fuck about what's going on with you no one gives a fuck i'm looking around with no fucking smile no one's noticed no one's noticed everyone's worried about their own shit no one cares no one cares no one cares that's another part of anxiety like oh my god everybody's looking at me everyone thinks i look like soup no one gives a shit they're all worried about their own shit they're in their own head thinking the same thing you're thinking but then something like old lang syne i'm like everyone's like you should know what that is well what if you went there and said i know i'm not gonna eat i know i'm not gonna eat at this place i'm gonna take it to go tried that you've tried yeah well it's now it's become a thing um even it's become a thing even to the point where my mom's like i'll push the reservation so now we go to dinner at like 8 p.m to make sure that you might not be hungry yet yeah yeah yeah yeah but you know what it's a beautiful problem to have it's that you're in italy should we eat the pesto now eat it later so my thing is i'm just gonna eat all day and say yeah and fuck it i don't care i'm just eating when i want to eat i do think also vacations having like set times to eat with a group is fucking stressful well this year i told my mom to leave like a couple days where there's no dinner reservations because sometimes it's too much like you literally i'm like i'll actually throw up if i put another thing in my mouth yeah and it's also like becomes like a military operation when it's like and then we go back and then we shower and then we come back out and then we change then we go shower again and then we sleep and then we wake up the menu is the same every single place what is the menu it's just like pastas and it just says pasta like seafoods and like but it's like the sit you get the vibe like i literally get linguine like linguine and clam ravioli there's gnocchi there's spaghetti there's everything obsessed whatever i'm so excited i'm really excited i got a new book and i'm excited to read my book and i'm excited to talk to my mom tell the club what the book is oh it's called magnolia park and a girl dm'd me and was like it's a big it's a big book how big are the words we'll say but she was like it's about socialites in london and it's like chic and cool and i feel like you would like it and so i'm gonna try it and i'm giving my mom i i'm giving that to my mom for her to read on the trip wait my mom read it too yeah we're just like i love being in a book club that's so fun i really enjoy reading recently it's just like wait what have you read since the first one that's it you literally like i read all the text messages something i didn't see you going to barnes and noble taking a book reading the back of it and being like i love reading i love books they're so pretty what is on the week i didn't know that lisa barlow has a song out what is it gorgeous baby gorgeous wait i haven't seen it well i posted a photo of me not smiling in this uber and the song was recommended and i pressed it and it was cute and i thought this is no hate no t no shade i love taylor swift i'm a swifty i thought it was a taylor swift song no way wait i need to play it now she has like a like nice voice like yeah it's auto-tuned and stuff which housewife doesn't auto-tune like right let's stop who's charlie fucking xdx is auto-tuning don't get mad at lisa barlow but like it was low-key i thought it was like kind of a bop bop nice yeah you love lisa barlow right yeah i'm gonna look out for that i think you guys should look out for that um what is pissing you off this week honestly i didn't have anything pissed me off really this week other than like the usual wait did i tell you speaking of you reading do you know i woke up this morning and i ran on the treadmill oh you're going through i do triathlons now no i'm in a dark really dark way how long how far well i got there also this is a foreign i'm in a foreign country yeah i'm in toronto i'm in a foreign gym never you know like i like to go to a gym that like i've scoped out before i know where the things are i go into this gym blind thank god there was no one at the treadmill and i ran for like 10 minutes at like five and a half which i thought was really good walked then ll cool j head sprung came on that got me through another 10 minutes on and off try some 12 330 i just feel like i need i want to sweat more faster and then i i did it and i actually felt really good about myself but also i felt like weird like why are you doing this but i was like i have to sweat this out and then as i'm walking some man was like hey i loved your special and i was like i'm really like vulnerable at the gym right now i i can't smile right now i just got botox in the wrong place and i'm like i'm not and I don't feel good, so besides getting accosted, that's like never happened to me before and i don't know why would it happen now i don't go i don't go to those places types of places all the decor also like the floors everything's black and it just seems really depressing like why can't we make it a light situation there was lights it was nice but like why are gyms so dark like give me some i want like a pilates studio vibe where's the candles like a girl no like let me run on a treadmill but also like a sound bath be going like yes wait what's palo santo where's the palo santo i've never said palo santo in my life um you guys thank you so much for giggling thank you um for helping me through a dark time and everyone send page well wishes for her travels to italy thank you and we love you so much see ya bye