Giggling about scammers, skincare, and seafood

what's up gigglers gary fix the wi-fi manifest that shit we can't be managed i mean the day just got away from me hello my gondola gigglers hello someone dm me that that wasn't from your own brain that wasn't from my own creative brain sorry we're a little late today what's our excuse well i was just trying to think of it well it's time change and because i went out to eat last night like on a double date hannah went out to dinner and and then you and then you played paddle this morning and then this morning i'd paddle because i'm a retired old man so that was really important i'm so sweaty okay my paddle we planned this two weeks in advance it was 10 a.m on friday wait your mouth looks good today i wow it's better but it's getting so much better i'm i know it's not good because i'm still getting like people be laughing with me and then they give me that like a little longer extended look like okay that was a little weird well you can't laugh you can just smile but all i want to do is laugh you know it's my passion on this planet um i'm obsessed with my tiktok algorithm because i opened it up this morning and the first thing was this girl being like woke up feeling like page of sorbo and then in parentheses it said ivuti and it was natalie i think her name was natalie benson i want to give credit where credit to do was it wait yes iconic yeah i know natalie benson i was like oh i was like wait that's my friend but it's not my friend but i know we're on tiktok i love that i don't have a i don't know the weed girl that never came up for me well she's pregnant right now speaking of weed doesn't i just called an uber normally i call the uber but when he calls the uber it's like chaos and i don't know why i'm like where is it saying yeah like i know where it is he's it's chaos that's funny because i would i never let you call the uber well yeah because i've i lost trust from you because i was getting us camrys no hannah i wish you were getting us camrys you were getting us clown cars literal two-seaters i was like hello i have a long leg i'm i know i have my nubby legs they fit in anything i'm good with ubers because i never drive so like it's my only thing i know and i was rushing and i was like is that our car and he just was like yes so both me and him open up this car this man is sitting there smoking weed in his car he jumps up like we're the police and he's like whoa and we're like sorry wrong car shut the door oh i thought it was gonna be the driver no i fully was about to do a citizen's arrest and i said just don't smoke cigarettes cigarettes are bad for you weed is legal imagine you're just smoking weed in your car on a morning just starting your day off 10 a.m on a friday starting the weekend early and two random fuckers jolt in your car and go is this is this for hannah oh my god the paranoia oh my god he's probably still shaking i scared myself um okay so you had an eventful morning you're like oh i'm done for the day though when i have an eventful morning like after this i'm showering i'm putting on my hannah tea i'm taking a meeting or two and then i'm butter and i are passing out i never do this first of all i talked yesterday for like six hours straight about myself to all different people so like i'm oh my god i can't hear myself talk anymore like i can't hear another single thing be about me and i never do this but i was in la and i've never been to newport and so i was like i'm gonna take the weekend and like go on a little trip wait you're so cute so you never take a weekend i never take a weekend usually i'm like no i need to get back because i have more work stuff to do and you have a 17 step wellness routine i have a daphne photo shoot on monday that's like so important to me and i'm like oh my god i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so tired i'm so into my soul and i'm nervous because new york is getting a nor'easter with rain i thought that was only snow they're saying it could be like hurricane sandy-esque okay well my red eye on saturday night no that makes me worried for you not to be a mom and i was gonna make buffalo chicken dip this weekend in my crock pot you guys page is a full crock pot chef i'm getting like photos throughout the day no i mean you did savory sweet you did protein you did gluten-free guys on last sunday i did i talk about this did i not talk about my my pot roast i don't know i don't think you did oh my god it's been my whole personality i've been sending my recipe out to everyone i was like i made it up i made a pot roast in my new crock pot i made a i got those and i made those one thing about me um in my soul oh and i made mashed potatoes i knew those were red lobster white cheddar biscuits like very hanna coated of you they were so if you don't like a red lobster cheddar bay biscuit get the fuck out of my face why is it cheddar bay who cares i love it it just sounds so good cheddar bay biscuit cheddar bay biscuit also um but like when they bring it to the table i'm like well this is my dinner i'm not eating the fake lobster and you know what i think it's eight in a package and i was like oh do i really am i gonna make all eight and then i thought just make them i ate them all also who sat down and was like you know what lobster needs to be fast food mass-produced let's do that and then someone's like it's gonna taste like shit and they go but let's just do like cheddar bay biscuits in the beginning and everyone will forget i'm 10 toes down for red lobster i only want once in your whole life yeah okay when i was like really young like three four five years old i feel like my mom was like doing things and so i would be with my grandma and i assume she was like going to lunch with her friends now that i think about it and like taking me and they would go to red lobster so i was like a 75 year old woman at five and so like for my birthday i'd be like i want to go to red lobster i feel like red lobster it's a little redundant it's like what other color would lobster be like it would be funnier if it was like blue lobster and it was like a cute blue lobster so true sorry i don't what's on the menu like do they have like other fish this is so new york city of you no i know i'm being so pretentious no because it's true though but because new york doesn't have these like big no like when everyone talks about cheesecake factory i'm like we don't have a cheesecake factory in brooklyn you guys when like starbucks opened in parkland for the first time there was a riot because everyone was like keep small businesses alive fuck you starbucks and there was literally like people were um protesting outside the start like that was where i grew up so no we didn't have a red lobster have you been to cheesecake factory though in like i've never been to cheesecake factory in my life i just know they have like a huge menu or something the premiere episode of hannah and page try new things this would be my high i'm not making it to red lobster if i get high imagine me high at a red lobster i would oh my god i'd freak the fuck out i'd be like is this real lobster what is this what is this that is the question you have to ask in 2026 what is it yeah is this real there's no way it's all lobster i think they have like popcorn shrimp and they have like other different fish i think you can get like chicken fingers and fries like it's just it's really more a vibe it's funny people talk shit about mcdonald's but no one talks shit about the quality of red lobster do you think it's because they just like they don't promote as hard that they're like they don't say we're real lobster they're just like it's red no red lobster had like a big thing and then they went through bankruptcy no red lobsters been through it okay what's the respect on red lobster's name they've survived a lot they've gone out of business they've come back like i do have to say one thing about me i love a crab cake and they have a crab cake because you need to put crab in it just put me some bread crumbs actually on the flight here um i could smell crab cake someone brought crab cake on the plane no i think they were serving a crab cake because i could smell it do you remember when you're little and someone for the first time like you get sushi and someone's like you know that's fake crab and you're like that's a fake crab who was like i think that's a universal experience why would you call it crab if it's fake then just call it something else what is that if it's not crab what is it i still don't know is it crab or not i get spicy tuna what do you get oh yeah oh my god we never talk about this yeah i thought i was like not like other girls because i went through a spicy scallop phase i literally everyone was like california and i was like oh that's crazy because i'm doing spicy scallop you don't even you don't even know where i'm coming from well a california roll that's where the fake crab is yeah i think it means no i'm not even like they made it in a lab it's like a lab diamond for crabs I just always thought the crab was cooked, and then they put it in the sushi, and that's why they were like, it's not real sushi, because it's not raw. I think it's crab, like a chemist made it. And they were like, this smells like crab, it tastes like crab, let's call it crab. Let's move on to something we're more educated on. What are we educated on? Lily Reinhardt's press tour outfits. Yes, we are actually educated. I need to talk about it. That is where a stylist can take someone to the next level. I'm locked in on Lily Reinhardt right now. I'm locked in on her. She's promoting a movie, I think, like a rom-com. I haven't watched it, but the only thing, though, that is making me watch it, other than the fact that I enjoy Lily Reinhardt as an actress, is seeing her press tour outfits. She has taken every major rom-com and the star of that rom-com. And she's worn an iconic outfit from said movie. So, like, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days did the yellow dress. Miss Congeniality did, like, the makeover scene, the purple Hervé Leger. My Date with the President's Daughter, Miu Miu, made her a custom, like, velvet pink dress. It's just, it's amazing. Whoever thought of that idea should get a raise. And she looks happy. She looks like she's having fun. And press tours are hard. You know, you did it for one day. You did it yesterday. What was yesterday? Talking about yourself, you said? No, I was in, like, real meetings with real humans in, like, business meetings. Oh, I thought you were doing interviews. No, I wasn't just, like, glam and taking pictures all day. I actually had no glam. I did, I actually went to meetings, no makeup. Oh, you were serious. I was being serious. Not that wearing makeup isn't serious. I was actually more just really tired. No, but it means, like, you're literally just there for. The substance of the meeting. Yeah, I'm like, you know what I look like. Like, I can't. I was also so tired. My mom always tells me to put a lip on. Yeah. Which is so mom-coded. No, I mean, I had a lip on and I had mascara on and I had. Your definition of no makeup and my, like. I covered my blemishes. I did a little. There was concealer. There was concealer. Skin prep. There was skin prep. What am I saying? I went full glam. You go, there was Dyson hair wrap. Your no makeup was that you didn't have someone else do your glam. You did full glam. No, I've walked into meetings no glam. That's very different. Sorry. I'm so sorry. That is just how my brain works. Wait, someone said the meanest thing you could say to someone if you want to just be a bitch is in the middle of while they're talking, just go, were you crying earlier? Hannah, I'd actually start crying. I would literally start crying. That would make. If someone said that to me, though, that would make me laugh so hard. I'd be like, no, but emotionally I was. I'm glad that it's showing. My insides are showing on my outsides and I'm crying that I'm stuck in this conversation with you. You know how Gen Z will, like, say something and then they'll put, like, parentheses, like, derogatory or, like, complimentary? I do like when they do that. That's something where, like, if someone said that to me, I would just say, like, yeah, parentheses internal. Like, internally I was, but, like, exterior, no. I love saying parentheses out loud in a sentence. How could you do this to me, question mark? Okay, even though I played college tennis, when I go to the gym nowadays, I just wander around. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scrolling apps. I don't have a plan. There's definitely no progress. But then I found the Ladder app and it completely changed how I work out. It's an expert. It's an expert in strength training, not just a random content library. It's a real progressive program designed by certified coaches. You get a new plan every week that builds on the last. It's important that your workouts are connected. And it feels like having a coach right there with you. I personally need the reminders and motivation and cues. And it works on any strength training style you prefer, like Pilates, bodybuilding, dumbbell, hybrid strength, glute focus programs. And your progress is tracked automatically. It remembers your weights, reps, and sets. It's amazing. And it costs less than a dollar a day. That's elite level personal training for a fraction of what you'd pay in person. I love it because it's affordable and designed by certified coaches. Remove the guesswork with Ladder and get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do every workout. No thinking, everything planned for you. If you have an iPhone, head to ladder.fit slash giggly squad and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan. Use my link and get a free seven-day trial with no cost. No credit card and $10 off your first month if you join. Wait, so tell us everything about this event you did. Okay, the variety event that I went to was just, it was very surreal because the way they started it was just having Jennifer Hudson come out and sing a Dolly Parton song that she wrote for Whitney Houston. And you're just like, is this real life? Oh my God. When you witness someone's talent like that in person. Of course. Of course. Everyone knows Jennifer Hudson has like the most insane voice ever. Like we've watched her forever. I also didn't know she was the youngest woman to be, to be an EGOT winner, but whatever. Hearing it in person is just so. Well, you're, cause you're stuck on this podcast with me where I break into song. And so it's, it was probably jolting for you. My frame of reference really, it took me out. I had an out of body experience. That's Adela. And, and then just the most iconic women got up and gave such great speeches. Sharon Stone got up and gave a speech and she said. Oh, I love Sharon Stone. And I'm paraphrasing a little, but she basically said that there's no such thing as fucking your way to the top. You can only fuck your way to the middle and then you have to claw your way to the top. Okay, Sharon. It was just like inspirational. Also, I feel like women aren't doing that anymore. Like women are like, I'd rather die than touch your dick. I'd rather die. And then as a Gilmore girl lover, I watched Lorelai Gilmore give an award to Suki St. James and, and I actually texted my mom while it was happening. And I was like, Lorelai Gilmore just presented an award to Suki St. James and I wish you were here. Sounds like an event for the girls, girls. It was all gals. Girls, girls. And I loved it. Well, everyone wants to know, you did a speech alone with a teleprompter. How were you feeling beforehand? Cause I was like. I was nervous for you. Hannah. First of all. So I had to send my speech into them like two weeks prior. Send my speech in. They're like, it's going to be on a teleprompter. I'm like, okay, great. I get into the room. They're like, do you want to run it on the teleprompter? Like prior, like right when I got there, I was like, no, I can like, I've read it. I know what I'm saying. Like I can do the teleprompter. I go into the room that the event's in. I go, where's the teleprompter? And they go, oh, you see those two like glass things up. On the stage. That's the teleprompter. I go, that's not a teleprompter. Like that's like what politicians use. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck that thing is, but what are you talking about? It was a clear piece of glass on a black stand. I'm like, I literally don't understand what you're saying. Then some people got up and they were looking down at the podium. Like some people brought their own cards and I was like, oh my God, everyone knew the teleprompter was Fox and they brought their own thing. Also, you're dealing with like. Oscar winners and like they're performed for a living. I'm dealing with like A-list celebrities here and they like threw me in and I am very thankful, but I was like, I can't make. Queen Latifah was at the table next to me. Oh my God. So I'm getting up in front of Queen Latifah and her thinking I can't read good. Okay. I'm like, I popped my beta blocker an hour ago. It's wearing off. The good news is anyone who's a giggler there. No. You can't read good, but continue. So Molly Sims, my sweet, sweet, sweet angel, she gets up and she presents me with my award. And as I'm going to the podium, my dress rips. No, your vintage Prada. It wasn't vintage. It was 2025, but. Don't a stomp your Prada little honey Prada shoes. As I'm going up the stairs, my dress rips all the way in the back. I'm like, can anyone see this? Okay. How'd you rip it when you like sat down? No, I was like going upstairs. I think my big fat ass, like Jennifer Lawrence, didn't pull it up as I was like going up the stairs. It wasn't even tight fitting. What do you, how did you do that? I don't know. I don't know. Someone's been squatting. Someone's been getting her snaps. So, so in the three seconds that I have to hug Molly Sims and, and also think about this teleprompter, my dress rips. I get to the teleprompter. My first thing out of my mouth is this is the most high tech teleprompter I've ever seen. You said that? That's how I started. Okay, good. No, it's good. Just say how you feel. I had to say how I feel. And that's what I learned from having a panic attack amidst a giggly squad show. I just said, I'm having a panic attack and I felt like it was going away a little. So I just got up there and I said, this is an insane teleprompter. And now I will proceed. Did you get a giggle? I don't know. Oh, you were blacked out. being. you were floating at that point floating above yourself i don't know because i don't know what happened when you get up there the acoust i felt like i was i felt like celine dion and i was performing wow wow wow as i talked it was a delay so i couldn't hear what i was saying how big was this room like it was at the beverly hills hotel like not that big i was like what's happening you've played places with three thousand six thousand people i know so i'm hearing you're hearing what you've already said oh no that's like when you're on the phone with someone and you're like i have to leave because i can hear myself by so i was going so slow once you get up there and you look at the screen it does look like a normal teleprompter but it was like you're like it actually was quite a good teleprompter i take back all the bad things i said about it everyone should implement these what is the technology that like you could do a teleprompter that you could do a teleprompter that you could do a teleprompter that looks clear but the front it has words but we still can't figure out endometriosis and now we've said it and now we've said so anyway so then i did i give my speech i walked back down and molly was like i could i didn't have time to tell you that the sound is weird and the teleprompter is weird and molly's like a mom she's like i'm so that was my bad she was like that's my bad and i'm so sorry um it was just such a fun it was just such a lovely night and i felt so honored and it was i was there for the purple leash project which is if you're in a domestic abuse situation and you are choosing between leaving your pet and not going the purple leash project makes it so that you can bring your pet with you because there's a lot of places that you go that you can go but you can't bring your pet and so it's like such a great charity and i was so proud to be representing them and my dress i it's my favorite dress i've ever worn i've ever put on my body i actually got it last year for something and then i decided i didn't want to go so i just like had the dress oh so you had it waiting for the right moment it spoke to you and that's my new thing now i used to be someone that's like i would shop for specific events and now i'm like no i deserve a little whimsy in my life if i see something and i like it i know i'll find it somewhere to wear it i want it i got it i love it i just like i want it when you see something that's so you yes how do you walk away from it i saw that dress and i was like no that is so mean it is smart though like instead of panicking whenever you have like a wedding or something coming up and be like i have to buy something like when you see something you like no you will have it's almost a manifestation like you see that gorgeous dress and you're like i will have something really important that i'm gonna need to look my best for and i will wear it that i realize when i shop i don't shop for like the person i am i shop for a made-up person yeah you do and i'm like like it's not for my body type it's not for any event i would go to it doesn't match anything i own like i'm insane i return everything you want to know what's crazy is every other situation in your life you never second guess yourself honestly i've been on zooms before where i'm like maybe she might take that back actually if we give her a minute she might step back in your fashion choices all you do is second guess yourself and i don't know why because you have the some of the best personal style i've seen no you do like you will take a risk you will like i see something on another girl and i'm like i like that i want to get it you make it up in your head oh thank you i do you know what it is though i think with like especially online shopping i'm bad with it because once it's on my body i can make a decision but just from looking i don't know well yeah some things have like no hanger appeal and some things look way better on the hanger one thing we didn't talk about that i'm shocked did you see that guy that pretended to be an nfl player and he was like scamming all the those women wait i saw that and i was like i can't right now what what is it about okay it's first of all great name sounds like such a quarterback of like whatever team i think it was pretending to be on the 49ers his name is dajon love great football name phenomenal put him in the hall of fame no truly phenomenal football name put him on my fantasy team now all these like different stories are coming out that not only did he like scam all of these women but he like scammed other people like out of money i think it was like it was up to like a million dollars that he scammed like all these people out of what i'm not understanding is that google is for free for free honey i've googled so many men before i've gotten places on google that i don't i have no business even knowing about this person like distant relative yep football's on every sunday you can't escape it how did he get people to give him money i don't know i have been going to sleep at night to the podcast is a scam fluencers i'm kind of obsessed with scammers it like and they have like calm voices so like it puts me to sleep i think there's different podcasts like some podcasts really help you fall asleep because it's like informative like ours i don't think is one of those like you're going to sleep you're like why are they what i think ours induces something it's certainly not it's certainly not calm and sleep that's for sure but they're like two calm girls being like so then i'm like i'm gonna sleep i'm gonna sleep i'm gonna sleep i'm gonna sleep and she did you know she lied to everyone that she was a princess and everyone believed her and that kind of stuff i just think it's creative i think it's creative and fun um but i when i was at wisconsin i had a guy friend who was like really big but he wasn't on the football team but he would go to the front of the line to get into the kk because the kk lets all the athletes in so he would and someone was like he's not on the football team and he's like i'm six six i am on the football team and like they weren't gonna google and he just would walk with the guys like there were all these cons and he was like i'm not on the football team and he was like i'm not on the with like trying to get what the athletes wait that's a man in stem i feel and that is an entrepreneur that's an entrepreneur hold on i'm going to do something so hanna coded right now but i want to talk nose and i want to that was so random because i actually don't think i've ever seen you blow your nose i thought you pulled a tissue wait you know what i've never seen you like really sick okay you don't put that in the ether no i'm just saying like when's the last i don't think you've ever texted me and been like i'm really sick i do have emergency every day no you have a crazy immune system we don't talk about it i do get i'm like exhausted and i deal with anxiety and depression ac and adhd and ocd undiagnosed but like when's the last time you had a yeast infection oh no honey my vag is ph balanced you never have an ailment other than like muscle related i can't smile also by the way i played paddle this morning fully bleeding yeah other than like that stuff i mean i mean like internal i'm a six-year-old like the second point i'm i fell and like bleeding everywhere and i'm like let's go like i'm a baby no what i'm doing that's really hanna coded is i'm timing my room service so that when the pod is completed my room service will be arriving people were upset about the sushi last episode upset about the what because the sushi because the sushi arrived and they were like why would hannah order sushi right but what people don't know is sometimes page will be like i'm coming home i'll let you know when and then we'll record and she'll like out of nowhere be like i'm ready in three minutes and then i'm like that's crazy because my food just got here but it's okay because let's record now did i eat the sushi that sat here for one hour yes was the room air conditioned yes i lived it i was okay wait they were mad about the timing of everything are they mad that you ate our old sushi but like mad is a strong word they just were concerned for me you didn't put it in the refrigerator no but um that's why i think my immune system's so strong because i challenge it every day there are certain things that if it's not cold i can't eat it and one of those things is fruit oh i can't eat warm fruit see i don't hate a little warm peach other than a banana okay or a little warm um pear you know i don't like or a little have you ever tried cooking an apple a hot apple hannah i've been living a double life because i've been at home cooking no i know and you try to hide it from me because you think that i'm gonna judge you i made apples with cinnamon brown sugar and a little bit of white cake mix and i just like made and then i put it over warm ice cream or then i put over vanilla ice cream you've been working every day non-stop this whole month when were you like and you know i have 40 minutes to prepare a souffle and i know people are gonna be like oh it's because she's in a relationship and she's doing it for a man this man will not eat any of this shit oh yeah he's healthy everyone was like oh my god you made him a banana bread i go that man will not even look in the direction of my banana bread and that's why i made it that banana bread is for me he did eat my pot roast and love that yeah he likes protein yeah today there's two guys who i was playing paddle with we're like talking and i walked up to them jokingly and i was like you guys talking about protein and they were like oh my god i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this and i'm gonna eat this i swear to god hannah that's amazing he was like i'm trying to get it more in my diet and i because you know the way they were standing and talking i'm like it's giving protein um wait i feel like i low-key know exactly like the i can picture them also there's been multiple men it's because i do crowd work so much so it's like my trick where i meet them i ask them where they're from and when they say connecticut or westchester and they have like a douchey hairdo i go did you play lacrosse they go how'd you know and i've been right 100 of the time so i think i'm okay for now wait so i put everything into my cart prior to we starting the pod okay and now it's saying that i've timed out and so like this has really turned into a hannah burner experience because i don't trust the internet i don't trust the wi-fi i'm like how could i have time to no i'll actually murder someone how intricate was your order well it was like was it the eggs benedict was it the kids pancakes yeah and is it the almond milk or is it the oat milk with like a set yeah i embarrassed myself the other day because i was at someone's house and they were like do you want coffee and like look i'm annoying i'm annoying with my coffee because i'm like i'd rather not have you make me coffee then you make something like i can't drink and i was like do you have oat milk latte with like spandau or vanilla and they looked at me like i was crazy and they were like i'm not drinking i'm not drinking i'm not drinking i'm not drinking and they were like this is a home you know what actually i just threw away in my refrigerator um iced or chai latte in case you ever came over but it went bad okay well that's good that's good thank you because i would have just not i definitely would have checked the expiration date my brother got it and then i just thought i'm gonna keep this because what if hannah comes over like at all next month do you know what i like to do make a latte and then put some of the chai in it with the latte and it's really nice i don't like i don't like anything about chai yeah or matcha but it's okay i tried when in la you do as the la laians do laians do i i tried an iced matcha and let me tell you that shit was disgusting did you put sugar in it it was a frozen matcha did you put sugar in it i tried someone else's i didn't order my own it's giving i don't like cats and i'm like well did you have your own cat or are you walking to someone's house no you know what it's not giving that you were like i just got an award from purina bitch how dare you no i i've tried it in so many different forms i i think i try matcha at least i try and try it at least once a year i love matcha ice cream i love matcha cookies i love matcha lattes and like what's mochi i feel like i don't like that either and everyone loves that like i want to like these things i think they're good for you they're adorable like a little mochi i i've ordered mochi because i've because it's cute that's the name of that's the name of a white girl's cat mochi no no someone's making fun of white girls that's they name their cat japanese names like it's sushi and that kind of stuff oh speaking of cats i thought it was so iconic that cats have colonies are you familiar with this no there's like things called cat colonies where it's basically like a group of cats that are out they're like a gang like a group of street cats street cats but they all like look out for each other they hang out together they get food together they're a cat colony and i just thought that was really empowering like they're all girls girls they're like we're in this together babe it's giving girls going to the bathroom together because like if dogs had a colony i'm like people are gonna get hurt but like if cats have a colony you're like they're cute they're like they're doing cute things together dogs i'm like they're gonna attack a family i also like i'm i'm starting a rumor i'm making this up right now but i also feel like dogs are getting each other pressure and i feel like they're pregnant more than cats are i don't know cats do multiply do they like a lot yeah yeah yeah well there's so i might get into trapping are you familiar with trapping and it's not yeah i yeah i'm familiar with different forms of trapping which one are you talking about not ali wong trapping a man trapping where you like go out looking for stray cats and you trap them how however however you oh there's not like a preferred method it's just like i think you could put food in like a trap yeah and they go in and then you trap them but like there's people who their job is to trap cats and then you take them in and you trap neuter return tnr which means like they're a feral cat but like you want to neuter them so they don't keep multiplying oh so my hypothesis is so wrong cats are fucking cats are and they the way they fuck is like really dramatic they like wait they're like well it's actually so girl coded they hate it like if a cat's have sex this is what it sounds like they're like wait i've never seen a cat no cats having sex you're like get your paws off of her wait i've seen so many dogs huh kitties like never humped anything dogs are doing doggy cats are like no that's actually terrifying now i like feel like i'm gonna google when we get off this like cats that's why you have to neuter all your cats you don't want them to have to have sex don't and cats will like get pregnant at like like five months old they're literally teen moms mtv that is sad well the cute thing about cats is when they have babies they come out all different colors i do like that so they're like someone's dad was calico i do like that because i've seen um cats like on the internet that are related to daphne but they don't like have the same face or like coloring at all speaking of dick i wanted to bring up um there's this saw this new that's so crazy because i was gonna bring up my jaw touche keep going what do you want to go first um so sharon horgan is this incredible genius irish actress writer comedian she has this show called youth on hbo that just came out and it's basically about like being in your 60s and like what your sex life is when you're single in your 60s and it's actually really iconic and important what is it like well she's like gorgeous and it's basically like you're like oh girls are just girls like you're just a girl yeah so anyway she talks about she was hooking up with this guy and then her friends are like you gotta date someone new you gotta go to a blind date and she looked at them and she's like but that means i and i'm like no one talks about the mental load of having to deal with a new contraption yeah and i know they're all the same but they're not it's like they all come at you and it's a different it's a whole different jungle gym every time and that's why when girls like hook up with a lot of guys in a short period of time i don't judge i think it's gorgeous but that's a lot of new dick to deal with and then some of them some of them are circumcised some some are curved some some are chodes some some are good looking you're like you're good looking no summer i'm like okay and then some you're like that's why cats are yelling and then they all feel different like it's literally like driving a new car every day i'd be like i'm good i don't know where the park is i don't know turning the shower on in someone else's home you're like is that the lever for you or no why am i burning my back right now i thought i turned it right but i guess you turn it left with this situation um it's literally like if you drive your car and then one day it's a stick shift and you're like i just want to go on a new date and now i'm having to deal with a stick shift i've learned this before so i just want to let the girls know that you're seen and like it's not just it's a whole different scenario and granted guys like yeah every vagina is different but like they're not getting inserted into by it but also don't you feel like your brain does this thing that like when you start to date a new guy you like can't remember what the old guy's penis looks like you're like this is dicks like i've dated people before and they're like oh like did he have a big dick and i'm like did he like i'm like i genuinely can't remember it's funny i remember the huge ones and i remember the small ones but i don't remember the ones in between which kind of tracks yeah i guess there are two coming to my head right now that yeah like i remember where i'm like he had everything but but then you guys know i've broken up with men because they're too too big you can't have you it's not sustainable british dave oh but is that why you broke up though no but it was a factor it was a huge factor actually and he lied to me because i was like has this been an issue with other girls like that i have to do a full meditation routine to relax enough to like get it like halfway in oh my god he was like no this never happened before and then at the end of our relationship he's like yeah you know it's been a big issue and i'm like okay thank you because i thought i was like or i was like do i have the tiniest pussy that's ever happened sorry mom sorry mom dad bobby flay whoever's listening you know what's crazy if a man ever had this conversation on a podcast i'd burn his house down no but it's completely different because men use their dicks for violence we're allowed to make fun of it it's why i can talk about domestic violence yes i'm not going to right i was giving you a platform if you needed it i wasn't going to silence silence you page is trying to talk about domestic violence and hannah kept talking about um but i do say as someone i forget my past i was like obsessed with dating guys who were like over six six yeah but the thing is when like six six guy has like a normal shaped penis it looks small why are you whispering i don't know i feel like i know you mean though i know you mean this is the thing brush dave was like six nine and it was like large for a six nine man no i i don't remember him being six nine like i remember him being tall but you were drunk yeah i was drunk the majority of the time i met him i really was wait okay my new thing is and i need the gigglers i need the real dr gigglers because sometimes i will say something and i'll get some girls and i'm like i know you're not a doctor but then you get some girls and they're like yeah i went to stanford and got my whatever i have this overwhelming feeling period help and i'm freaking out how do you get no no and i'm freaking out i have an impending doom it's like i forgot something but i don't know what it is at all times do you have anything that big pharma makes for that no i feel like my job might be off balance this is serious what do you mean off balance like not on the right track yes i feel like my job might be off track i know what you should do what i know this med spa in miami you get master botox it'll even usher right out you know how i like love getting a massage i'm like i'm not a massage once a week i'm gonna tell her because she said one day she was like i'll put my fingers in your mouth if you ever feel like me and so i think i'm gonna do that next week do that for sure i feel like i i don't know you have tmj potentially i don't think i do because i'm not sore does it hurt no this is just me analyzing my i was gonna say i think you overanalyze things speaking of realizing how's your one eye excuse you you know what the lady said when your eyes is wonky have i offended you this morning in some way oh no i want to let you know that i've never seen a difference in your eyes i have to be really really tired and yeah and so i did see her pop out a couple times this month where i was like oh maybe before 11 p.m is where it's our sweet spot um but recently she's honestly i feel like i've had other issues my jaw's off track i can't worry about my eyes right now is it affecting your speech no no it's all cosmetic but i'm thinking maybe my jaw's off track and that's why my eye is off track oh you know what it is i just want to go to korea for like three months and i just want to do all the beauty things that they do and they like they have this whole thing where they just like realign your whole body and it changes your whole face shape and i want to go and i just want to see i love that speaking of korea yeah did you see the drama with um fenty beauty and um huda beauty huda beauty and what was the other one they all came out with the same product like on the same day all came out the same product on the same day and they basically were like our korean distributor lied to all of us and said like we're the only ones doing it so but it's but it's basically this product that you make your own eye masks it like cuts the eye mask yeah it's like the gel of the eye mask and people are already saying like you actually it is going to be a drier eye mask like it's not even like worth it as a product but it is so interesting to just see how these beauty brands work as a whole where someone was like guys everyone's using the same distributors and like no one really has that different of a um product unless it's like a truly invented new thing the biggest invention in that product was the container like it's still the same eye patches the gel eye patches that everyone has and you could put slightly different things in it but they were saying that like for you to have a completely different product would take months and months and months and months of research and testing and blah blah which these people aren't doing so like honestly like it takes doctors someone even said they were like do not buy an expensive moisturizer like the moisturizers nowadays are this is my algorithm on tiktok mine is like de-influencing tiktok everyone's like down to this down to this oh how un-fun i know i love it i'm like tell me not to buy shit like don't buy an expensive moisturizer as in like a they basically said nowadays the technology is so good for normal moisturizers that like the really expensive ones aren't actually that different yeah i agree with that we're like i guess serums i think is different or like certain active ingredients retinol is different but like moisturizer we're at the point where like it's all good i actually agree with that like i think you can get all of your skincare at cbs the only time i'm getting other skincare is like when i get like my tretinoin from my dermatologist like anything i'm getting from a dermatologist that i can't get in the store then i'm like you loved saying tretinoin just now tretinoin i love my tretinoin i use tretinoin you need to get you need to start using tretinoin are you gonna name your kid tretinoin tret wait tret name your next cat tretinoin per se and tretinoin no parent tret this is the kind of creativity we have to have with our names okay we can't name everything every cat mochi wait per se and tret are tret does sound like a guy that gave me a chlamydia though it's like his middle name is owen yeah tret tret tretinoin wait i'm upset no i love that so much no but seriously you should start using tretinoin you're 35 why are we named why are we age age no it's just it's good to get into into the routine now of tretinoin i actually can't stop saying that i'm 35 to people you love being 35 also you don't care about age no i'm like respect me i'm 35 but also i'm insane where i met a girl who was like oh i graduated in 2022 and i was like did the math and i'm like yeah you're out of college we're the same for both two girls out of college like i was like hi girlie that's crazy no in my head i'm 27 yeah i'm like you're 24 i'm 27 plus a couple years whatever but i love i tell everyone i'm 35 because i use it for excuses for things i'm like well i'm 35 i'm not i'm not going there i'm 35 right up until see i think my jaw went like a little that way anyway i feel like you're actually been jealous of the attention i've gotten from my mouth and you're making up this like this jaw problem oh really because as someone who had a frozen chin two months prior to your jaw massacre people didn't care enough about it and that's why you're freaking out on me now now i forget what the fuck i was gonna say and it was actually good what were you saying you were gonna say oh shit you were gonna say um wait rewind grace rewind wait what were we just talking about though and i didn't get my breakfast order in and i'm freaking out no i was saying you're you said you felt your jaw on the line yeah but it was before that that was like a side note oh okay so you interrupted yourself and then interrupted you interrupting herself wait you know what taylor said the other day that i thought was just so funny because a lot of times i say mean things about gen z and gen alpha and i really i don't mean to i don't want to be at war with them yeah taylor was describing someone and she was like you know like that millennial like fake mustache and i was like oh oh my god oh my god you mean when we'd write with sharpie the mustache and put it on our finger under our nose yeah or like just things had like fake mustaches on them like you would go and buy a mug and it'd have a fake like why like millennials went through a really weird fake mustache phase like well that was our like peak humor i feel like there's even like pictures on the internet of like people wearing fake mustaches at like party well like yeah when you go to a wedding you like put a fake mustache in the yes like why was that like a core part of Well, that's key millennial. Like I'm being so crazy right now. now so silly different you had a side bang taylor swift is now doing this like shag like full i saw a picture of her at the football game last weekend i thought her bangs looked so good it's just making me nervous for the future well stassi also showed up to the variety event in like a somewhat poof and i said yes girl like i want it back i knew you loved her hair and it looked chic i loved her hair chic yeah so i'm just keeping an eye for that no i'm like living in my bang era i'm like i'm like i actually now that i didn't get room service i might go to breakfast and i might do like yeah just like side parting it up sorry i love that you're like showed up with no makeup fully blew on my bangs for 40 minutes though this is my you know variety hair i haven't washed it yeah and besides that i'm owing to in fantasy football no so like my friends don't really respect me right now so like when i talk everyone's like shut up you fucking loser every guy i pick like loses their leg like the first he every guy's getting carded off because they got hit by another huge man yeah like no shit he dislocated his shoulder like all my guys are are injured yeah so i'm like can you guys be a little more careful and gentle with each other when you play i think the point is to not get hit right guys here's an idea get the ball on the other side i don't know maybe catch it and run away from the guy chasing you you slow poke also i would just just fall before they hit you like it's so dramatic you want to get hit i would literally like i'd pretend i'm dead pretend you're dead first that's what the quarterbacks do because they don't want to get hit i actually do low-key feel like i would be good because if i see a guy coming at me yeah i'm running the other way oh my god i'm me playing football is a cat having sex have you ever seen a cat get caught by anything no she's out she's out of here cats would be so good at football if they had thumbs i'm literally i'm not gonna be able to do that i'm not gonna be a picture of a cat having sex because it's actually like i need to watch a video google it it's really upsetting it's gonna ruin your week whatever i'm a masochist anyway everyone enjoy your weekend thank you for giggling with us we love you so much bye