Giggling about scammers, skincare, and seafood

(upbeat music) - Sup, Giggler? - Harriet, fix your Wi-Fi. - Man, if that's true, we can't be manners. (laughing) (upbeat music) - I'm in the day just got away from me. - Hello, my gondola, Gigglers. - Hello. - Someone DM me that that wasn't from your own brain. - That wasn't from my own creative brain. - Sorry we're a little late today. - What's our excuse? - Well, I was just trying to think of it. - Well, it's time to change. And because I went out to eat last night, like on a double date. - Hannah went out to dinner, and then you played paddle this morning. - And then this morning I'd paddle, 'cause I'm a retired old man. - So that was really important. - I'm so sweaty. Okay, my paddle, we planned this two weeks in advance, it was 10 a.m. on Friday. - Wait, your mouth looks good today. - Wow, it's better, but it's-- - It's getting so much better. - I know it's not good because I'm still getting, like people be laughing with me, and then they give me that like a little longer extended look. Like, okay, that was a little weird. - Well, you can't laugh, you can just smile. - But all I wanna do is laugh. You know, it's my passion on this planet. I'm obsessed with my TikTok algorithm, 'cause I opened it up this morning. And the first thing was this girl being like, woke up feeling like Paige the Sorbo, and then a parenthesis said, "I have a UTI." (laughing) And it was Natalie, I think her name was Natalie Benson. I wanna give credit, we're credit to do, was it? - We? - Yes, iconic. - Yeah, I know Natalie Benson. I was like, oh, I was like, wait, that's my friend, but it's not my friend, but I know we're on TikTok. - I love that I don't have a, I don't know the weed girl that never came up for me. - Well, she's pregnant right now. Speaking of weed, doesn't I just call the noober? - Normally I call the noober, but when he calls the noober, it's like chaos, and I don't know why I'm like, where is it? - Interesting. - Yeah, like I know where it is, he's chaos. - That's funny, because I would, I never let you call the noober. - Oh yeah, 'cause I lost trust from you because I was getting us cameras. - No Hannah, I wish you were getting us cameras. You were getting us clown cars. - Literally two-seaters, I was like, hello, I have a long leg. - I know, I have my nubby legs, they fit in anything. I'm good with ubers 'cause I never drive, so it's my only thing I know. - Your passion. - And I was rushing, and I was like, is that our car? And he just was like, yes, so both me and him open up this car. This man is sitting there smoking weed in his car. He jumps up, like we're the police. And he's like, whoa, whoa, and we're like, sorry wrong car, shut the door. - Oh, I thought it was gonna be the driver. - No, I fully was about to do a citizen's arrest, and I said, just don't smoke cigarettes, cigarettes are bad for you. - We just leak all. - Imagine you're just smoking weed in your car in a morning, just starting your day off. 10 a.m. on a Friday, starting the weekend early, and two random fuckers, Jolt and your car and go, is this for Hannah? Oh my God, the paranoia. - Oh my God, he's probably still shaking. I scared myself. - Okay, so you had an eventful morning. You're like, oh, I'm done for the day though. When I have an eventful morning, like after this, I'm showering, I'm putting on my hand a tee. I'm taking a meeting or two, and then I'm better and I are pressing out. - I never do this. First of all, I talked yesterday for like six hours straight about myself to all different people. So like, I'm, oh my God. I can't hear myself talk anymore. Like, I can't hear another single thing be about me, and I never do this, but I was in LA, and I've never been to Newport. And so I was like, I'm gonna take the weekend and like, go on a little trip. - Wait, you're so cute. - So sweet. - You never take a weekend. Usually I'm like, no, I need to get back because I have more work stuff to do. - And you have a 17 step wellness routine. - I have a Daphne photo shoot on Monday that's like so important to my soul, and I'm nervous because New York is getting a-- - Noreaster. - With rain. I thought that was only snow. - They're saying it could be like hurricane Sandy-esque. - Okay, well, my red eye on Saturday night. - No, that makes me worried for you. - Not to be a mom. - And I was gonna make Buffalo chicken dip this weekend in my crock part. - You guys page as a full crock pot chef. I'm getting like photos throughout the day. - No. - I mean, you did savory, sweet, you did protein, you did gluten-free. - Guys, on last Sunday, did I talk about this? Did I not talk about my pot roast? - I don't know, I don't think you did. - Oh my God, it's been my whole personality. I've been sending my recipe out to everyone. I was like, I made it up. I made a pot roast in my new crock pot. I made a banana bread. - In the crock pot? - No. - Oh. - And then I got red lobster sells frozen cheddar biscuits. I got those and I made those. - One thing about me in my soul. - Oh, and I made mashed potatoes. - I knew those were red lobster white cheddar biscuits. - Yeah, they were. - They had a coat of you. - They were so-- - If you don't like a red lobster cheddar biscuit, get the fuck out of my face. - Why is it cheddar bay? - Who cares, I love it. It just sounds so good. Cheddar bay biscuit. - Cheddar bay biscuit also, but like when they bring to the table, I'm like, well, this is my dinner. I'm not eating the fake lobster. - And you know what, I think it's eight in a package. And I was like, oh, do I really am I gonna make all eight? And then I thought, mm, just make 'em. I ate 'em all. - Also, who sat down and was like, you know what? Lobster needs to be fast food, mass produced. Let's do that. And then someone's like, it's gonna taste like shit and they go, but let's just do like cheddar bay biscuits in the beginning and everyone will forget. - I'm a 10 toes down for a red lobster. I only want once in your whole life. - Yeah. - Okay, when I was like really young, like three, four, five years old, I feel like my mom was like doing things and so I would be with my grandma. And I assumed she was like going to lunch with her friends. Now that I think about it and like taking me and they would go to red lobster. So I was like a 75 year old woman at five. And so like for my birthday, I'd be like, I want to go to red lobster. I feel like red lobster. It's a little redundant. It's like what other color would lobster be? Like it would be funnier if it was like blue lobster and it was like a cute blue lobster. - So true. - Sorry, I don't, what's on the menu? Like do they have like other fish? - This is so New York city of you? - No, I know. I think so for tenses. - No, because it's true though, but because New York doesn't have these like big-- - No, like when everyone talks about cheesecake factor, I'm like, we don't have a cheesecake factor in Brooklyn. You guys, when like Starbucks opened in Park Slope for the first time, there was a riot 'cause everyone was like, keep small businesses alive. Fuck you Starbucks. And there was literally like people were protesting outside the start. Like that was where I grew up. So no, we didn't have a red lobster. - Have you been to cheesecake factory though in like-- - I've never been to cheesecake factory in my life. I just know they have like a huge menu or something? - The premiere episode of Hannah and Paige Try New Things. This would be my dream. I make Hannah get so high. - I'm not making it to red lobster if I get high. Imagine me high at a red lobster. I would, oh my god, I'd freak the fuck out. I'd be like, is this real lobster? What is this? What is this? - That is a question you have to ask in 2026. - What is it? - Yeah, is this real? - There's no way it's all lobster. I think they have like popcorn shrimp and they have like other different fish. I think you can get like chicken fingers and fries. Like it's just, it's really more a vibe. - So many people talk shit about McDonald's but no one talks shit about the quality of red lobster. Do you think it's 'cause they just like, they don't promote as hard that they're like, they don't say we're real lobster. They're just like, it's red. - No, red lobster had like a big thing and then they went through bankruptcy. No, red lobster has been through it. - Okay, with respect to that red lobster's name, they've survived a lot. - They've gone out of business, they've come back. - I do have to say, one thing by me, I love a crab cake. - And they have a crab cake. - 'Cause you don't even need to put crab in it. Just put me some bread crumbs. - Actually, on the flight here, I could smell crab cake. - Someone brought crab cake on the plane. - No, I think they were serving a crab cake 'cause I could smell it. - Do you remember when you're little and someone for the first time, like you get sushi and someone's like, you know, that's fake crab and you're like, that's a fake crab. (laughs) It was like, I think that's a universal experience. - Why would you call it crab if it's fake then just call it something else? What is that? It's not crab, what is it? I still don't know, is it crab or not? I get spicy tuna, what do you get? - Oh yeah, oh my God, we never talk about this. - Yeah. - I thought I was like, not like other girls 'cause I went through a spicy scallop phase. - I don't have one. - I'm just like, "California, red california." And I was like, oh, that's crazy 'cause I'm doing spicy scallop. You don't even, you don't even know where I'm coming from. - Well, a california roll. - That's where the fake crab is. - Yeah. I think it means. - No, I'm not even gonna say anything. - Like they made it in a lab. It's like a lab diamond for crabs. - I just always thought if the crab was cooked and then they put it in the sushi and that's why they were like, it's not real sushi 'cause it's not raw. - I think it's crab, like a chemist made it. And they were like, this smells like crab, it tastes like crab, let's call it crab. - Let's move on to something where more educated on. - What are we educated on? - Lily Reinhardt's press chore outfits. - Yes, we are. - I need to talk about it. That is where a stylist can take someone to the next level. I'm locked in on Lily Reinhardt right now. - I'm locked in on her. She's promoting a movie, I think, like a rom-com. I haven't watched it, but the only thing, though, that is making me watch it other than the fact that I enjoy Lily Reinhardt as an actress, is seeing her press for outfits. She has taken every major rom-com and the star of that rom-com and she's worn an iconic outfit from said movie. So like how to lose a guy in 10 days did the yellow dress? Miss Congeniality did like the makeover scene, the purple air veil is there. My date with the president's daughter, Mu Mu made her custom like velvet pink dress. It's just, it's amazing. Whoever thought of that idea should get a raise. - And she looks happy, she looks like she's having fun and press tours are hard. - You know, you did it for one day yesterday. - What was yesterday? - Talking about yourself, you said? - No, I was in like real meetings with real humans in like business meetings. - Oh, I thought you were doing interviews. - No, I wasn't just like glam and taking pictures all day. I actually had no glam. I did, I actually went to meetings, no makeup. - Oh, you were serious. - I was being serious. - Look at wearing makeup isn't serious. I was actually more just really tired. - No, but it means like you're literally just there for the substance of the meeting. - Yeah, I'm like, you know what I look like. I can't, I was also so tired. - My mom always tells me to put a lip on. - Yeah. - Which is so mom-coded. - No, I mean, I had a lip on and I had mascara on and I had. (laughing) - Your definition of no makeup and like, I covered my blemishes. I did a little. - There was concealer. - There was skin care, skin prep. - There was skin prep. - What am I saying? I went full glam. - You go, there was Dyson hair wrap. (laughing) - Your no makeup was that you didn't have someone else do your glam. (laughing) - You did full glam. (laughing) - No, I've walked into meeting snow glam. That's very different. - Sorry, I'm so sorry. That is just how my brain works. - When someone said the meanest thing you could say to someone if you want to just be a bitch is in the middle of while they're talking. Just go, we were crying earlier. Hannah, I'd actually start crying. I would literally start crying. That would make, if someone said that to me though, that would make me laugh so hard. I'd be like, no, but emotionally I was. I'm glad that it's showing. (laughing) My insides are showing on my outsides and I'm crying that I'm stuck in this conversation with you. - You know how Jen's able like say something and then they'll put like parentheses like, "Dragatory." Or like, "Complementary." (laughing) That I do like when they do that. - That I do like when they do that. That's something where like if someone said that to me, I would just say like, yeah, parentheses internal. Like, internally I was, but like exterior, no. - I love saying parentheses out loud in a sentence. How could you do this to be a question mark? Okay, even though I played college tennis, when I go to the gym nowadays, I just wander around. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scrolling apps. I don't have plan. There's definitely no progress, but then I found the ladder app and I completely changed how I work out. It's an expert in strength training, not just a random content library. It's a real progressive program designed by certified coaches. 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Wait, so tell us everything about this event you did. Okay, the variety event that I went to was just, it was very surreal because the way they started it was just having Jennifer Hudson come out and sing a Dolly Parton song that she wrote for Whitney Houston. You're just like, is this real life? Oh my God. When you witness someone's talent like that in person, of course, everyone knows Jennifer Hudson has like the most insane voice ever. Like we've watched her forever. I also didn't know she was the youngest woman to be an egot winner. But whatever, hearing it in person is just so, well, 'cause you're stuck on this podcast with me where I break into song. And so it was probably jolting for you. My frame of reference really, it took me out, and I had an out of body experience. And I was in it, I was on the man, that's a dollar. And then, just the most iconic women got up and gave such great speeches. Sharon Stone got up and gave a speech and she said, I love Sharon Stone. And I'm paraphrasing a little, but she basically said that there's no such thing as fucking your way to the top. You can only fuck your way to the middle and then you have to claw your way to the top. - Okay. - Sharon? - It was just like inspiration. Also, I feel like women aren't doing that anymore. Like women are like, I'd rather die than touch your dick. - Rather die. And then, as a Gilmore girl lover, I watched Lorelai Gilmore give an award to Sookie St. James. And I actually texted my mom while it was happening. And I was like, Lorelai Gilmore just presented the award to Sookie St. James. And I wish you were here. - Sounds like an event for the girls, girls. - It was all girls. - Girls, girls. - And I loved it. - Well, everyone wants to know, you did a speech alone with a teleprompter. How are you feeling beforehand? 'Cause I was like nervous for you. - Hannah, first of all, so I had to send my speech into them like two weeks prior. Send my speech in, they're like, it's gonna be on a teleprompter. I'm like, okay, great. I get into the room. They're like, do you want to run it on the teleprompter? Like prior, like right when I got there, I was like, no, I can like, I've read it. I know what I'm saying. Like I can do the teleprompter. I go into the room that the events in. I go, where's the teleprompter? And they go, oh, you see those two like glass things up on the stage, that's the teleprompter. I go, that's not a teleprompter. Like, that's like what politicians use. - I'm like, I don't know what the fuck that thing is, but what are you talking about? It was a clear piece of glass on a black stand. I'm like, I literally don't understand what you're saying. Then some people got up and they were looking down at the podium, like some people brought their own cards. And I was like, oh my God, everyone knew the teleprompter was fucked and they brought their own thing. Also, you're dealing with like Oscar winners and like, they're performed for a living. I'm dealing with like, A-list celebrities here. And they like threw me in and I am very thankful, but I was like, I can't make Queen Latifa was at the table next to me. - Yeah. - Oh my God, I love you. - So I'm getting up in front of Queen Latifa and her thinking I can't read good, okay? (laughing) I'm like, I popped my beta blocker and I don't know how it's wearing off. - The good news is, anyone who's a gig player there knew you can't read good, but continue. - So Molly Sims, my sweet, sweet, sweet angel. - She gets up and she presents me with my award. And as I'm going to the podium, my dress rips. - No, your vintage product? - It wasn't vintage, it was 2020-25, but. - Don't stop your sweet, sweet, sweet product. - Oh my honey. - I'm proud that she's, as I'm going up the stairs, my dress rips all the way in the back. I'm like, oh, can anyone see this? Okay. - How'd you rip it when you like sat down? - No, I was like going upstairs. I think my big fat ass. - Okay, Jennifer Lauren. - I didn't pull it up as I was like going up the stairs. - It wasn't even tight fitting. What do you, how did you do that? - I don't know. I don't know. - Someone's been squatting. - Someone's been getting her stops. So, in the three seconds that I have to hug Molly Sims and also think about this teleprompter, my dress rips. I get to the teleprompter. My first thing out of my mouth is, this is the most high-tech teleprompter I've ever seen. - You said that? - That's how I started. - Okay, good. No, it's good. Just say how you feel. - I had to say how I feel and that's what I learned from having a panic attack amidst a giggly squad show. I just said, I'm having a panic attack and I felt like it was going away a little. So I just got up there and I said, this is an insane teleprompter. And now I will proceed. - Did you get a giggle? - I don't know. - Oh, you're blocked out. being. [LAUGHTER] You were floating at that point, floating above yourself. I don't know because I don't know what happened when you get up there. The accuse, I felt like I was, I felt like Celine Dionne and I was performing. Wow, wow, wow. As I talked, it was a delay, so I couldn't hear what I was saying. How big was this room? Like it was at the Beverly Hills Hotel, like not that big. I was like, what's happening? It was playing places with 3,000, 6,000 people. I know, so I'm hearing, you're hearing what you've already said. Oh, no. That's like when you're on the phone with someone and you're like, I have to leave because I can hear myself by. So I was going so slow. Once you get up there and you look at the screen, it does look like a normal teleprompter, but it was like, You're like, it actually was quite a good teleprompter. I take back all the bad things I said about it. Everyone should implement the teleprompter. But what is the technology that like, you could do a teleprompter that looks clear, but the front end as words, but we still can't figure out endometriosis. And now we've said it. So anyway, so then I give my speech. I walked back down and Molly was like, I didn't have time to tell you that the sound is weird and the teleprompter is weird. And Molly's like a mom. She's like, I'm so, that was my bad. She's like, that's my bad and I'm so sorry. It was just such a fun, it was just such a lovely night. And I felt so honored and it was, I was there for the purple leash project, which is, if you're in a domestic abuse situation and you are choosing between leaving your pet and not going, the purple leash project makes it so that you can bring your pet with you. Because there's a lot of places that you go, that you can go, but you can't bring your pet. And so it's like such a great charity and I was so proud to be representing them and my dress. It's my favorite dress I've ever worn. I've ever put on my body. I actually got it last year for something and then I decided I didn't want to go. So I just like had the dress. Oh, so you had it waiting for the right moment. It spoke to you. And that's my new thing. Now I used to be someone that's like, I would shop for specific events. And now I'm like, no, I deserve a little whimsy in my life. If I see something and I like it, I know I'll find somewhere to wear it. I want it. I got it. I love it. Oh, I just like, I want it. When you see something that's so you, yes. How do you walk away from it? I saw that dress and I was like, no, that is for me. It is smart though, like instead of panicking whenever you have like a wedding or something coming up and be like, I've to buy something. Like, when you see something you like, no, you will have, it's almost a manifestation. Like, you see that gorgeous dress and you're like, I will have something really important that I'm going to need a look my best for and I will wear that. I realize when I shop, I don't shop for like the person I am. I shop for a made up person. Yeah, you do. And I'm like, like, it's not for my body type. It's not for any event I would go to. It doesn't match anything I own. Like, I'm insane. I return everything. You want to know what's crazy is every other situation in your life. You never second guest yourself. Honestly, I've been on zooms before where I'm like, maybe she might take that back actually. If we give her a minute, she might actually take that back. In your fashion choices, all you do is second guest yourself. And I don't know why because you have the some of the best personal style. I've thought that you do. Like, you will take a risk. Like, I see something on another girl and I'm like, I like that. I want to get it. You make it up in your head. Thank you. I do, you know, it is though I think with like, especially online shopping. I'm bad with it because once it's on my body, I can make a decision. But just from looking, I don't know. Well, yeah, some things have like no hanger appeal and some things look way better on the hanger. One thing we didn't talk about that I'm shocked. Did you see that guy that pretended to be an NFL player? And he was like scamming all the those women? Wait, I saw that and I was like, I can't right now. What is it about? Okay, first of all, great name sounds like such a quarterback of like whatever team. I think it was pretending to be on the 49ers. His name is Dejan Love. Great football name. Phenomenal. Put him in the Hall of Fame. The truly phenomenal football name. Put him on my fantasy team now. All these like different stories are coming out that not only did he like scam all of these women, but he like scammed other people like out of money. I think it was like it was up to like a million dollars that he scammed like all these people out of. What I'm not understanding is that Google is for free. For free, honey. I've Googled so many men before. I've gotten places on Google that I don't I have no business even knowing about this person. Like distant relative. Yep. Football's on every Sunday. You can escape it. How did he get people to give him money? I don't know. I have been going to sleep at night to the podcast. Is it scam influencers? I'm kind of obsessed with scammers. It like and they have like convoices. So like it puts me to sleep. I think there's different podcasts. Like some podcasts really help you fall asleep because it's like informative. Like ours, I don't think is one of those. Like you're going to sleep and you're like, why are they what? I think ours induces something. It's certainly not it's certainly not calm and sleep. That's for sure. But they're like two calm girls being like. So then she did, you know, she lied to everyone that she was a princess and everyone believed her. And that kind of stuff. That's creative. I think it's creative and fun. But when I was at Wisconsin, I had a guy friend who was like really big. But he wasn't on the football team. But he would go to the front of the line to get into the KK because the KK let's all the athletes in. So he would and someone was like, he's not on the football team. And he's like, I'm six six. I am on the football team. And like they weren't going to Google. And he just would walk with the guys. Like there were all these cons with like trying to get with the athletes. Wait, that's a man in STEM. I feel like. And that is an entrepreneur. That's an entrepreneur. Hold on, I'm going to do something so Hannah coated right now. But I want to know, that was so random because I actually don't think I've ever seen you blow your nose. I thought you pulled the tissue. Wait, you know what? I've never seen you like really sick. Okay, don't put them in the ether. No, I'm just saying like when's the last time you had the flu? Like I don't think I've ever I don't think you've ever texted me and been like, I'm really sick. I do have emergency every day. No, you have a crazy immune system. We don't talk about it. I do get, I'm like exhausted and I deal with anxiety and depression and ADHD and OCD undiagnosed. But like one's the last time you had a yeast infection. Oh no, honey. My vage is pH balanced. You never have an ailment other than like muscle related. Also, by the way, I played paddle this morning fully bleeding. Yeah, other than like that stuff, I mean, I mean like internal. I was six year old like the second point I fell and like bleeding everywhere and I'm like, let's go. Like I'm a baby. No, what I'm doing that's really hand-accoded is I'm timing my room service. So that when the pod is completed, my room service will be arriving. People were upset about the sushi last episode. I'm sad about the what? Because the sushi, because the sushi arrived and they were like, why would Hannah order sushi right before the pod? But what people don't know is sometimes page will be like, I'm coming home, I'll let you know when and then we'll record and she'll like, I don't know where it'd be like, I'm ready in three minutes. And then I'm like, that's crazy because my food just got here. But it's okay because let's record now. Did I eat the sushi that sat here for one hour? Yes. Was the room air conditioned? Yes. I lived it. I was okay. Wait, they were mad about the timing of everything or they were mad that you ate our old sushi. But like, mad is a strong word, they just were concerned for me. You didn't put it in the refrigerator? No. But that's why I think my immune system is so strong because I challenge it every day. There are certain things that if it's not cold, I can't eat it and one of those things is fruit. Oh. I can't even warm fruit. See, I don't hate a little warm peach. Other than a banana. Okay, or a little warm pear. You know, I don't like pears. Or have you ever tried cooking an apple, a hot apple? Hannah, I've been living a double life because I've been at home cooking. No, I know. And you try to hide it for me because you think that I'm going to judge you. I made apples with cinnamon, brown sugar, and a little bit of white cake mix. And I just like made. And then I put it over a vanilla ice cream. You've been working every day on stop this whole month. When were you like, and you know, I have 40 minutes to prepare a souffle? And I know people are going to be like, oh, it's because she's in a relationship and she's doing it for a man. This man will not eat any of this shit. Oh, yeah, he's healthy. Everyone was like, oh, my God, you made him a banana bread. I go, that man will not even look in the direction of my banana bread. And that's why I made it. That banana bread is for me. He did eat my parros and love it. Yeah, he likes protein. Yeah. Today, this two guys who I was playing paddle with were like talking. And I walked up to them jokingly. And I was like, yeah, talking about protein. And they were like, yeah. - I swear to God, Hannah, that's amazing. - He was like, I'm trying to get it more in my diet. 'Cause you know, the way they were standing and talking, I'm like, it's giving protein. - Wait, I feel like I low-key know exactly. Like, I can picture them. - Also, there's been multiple men. It's 'cause I do crowd work so much. So it's like my trick where I meet them. I ask them where they're from. And when they say Connecticut or Westchester, and they have like a douchey hairdo, I go, did you play lacrosse? They go, how'd you know? And I've been right 100% of the time, so I think I'm okay for now. - Wait, so I put everything into my cart prior to, we're starting the pod. - Okay. - And now it's saying that I've timed Owl until like this has really turned into a Hannahburner experience. Because I don't trust the internet, I don't trust the Wi-Fi. I'm like, how could I have timed, no, I'll actually murder someone. - How intricate was your order? - Well, it was like, was it the ex-benadak, was it the kids' pancakes? - Yeah, and it's at the almond milk, or is it the oat milk with like a sat, yeah. I embarrassed myself the other day 'cause I was at someone's house and they were like, do you want coffee? And like, look, I'm annoying. I'm annoying with my coffee. 'Cause I'm like, I'd rather not have you make me coffee, then you make something like, I can't drink. And I was like, do you have an oat milk latte with like, splendor vanilla? And they were like, I was crazy. And they were like, this is a home. You know what? Actually, I just threw away in my refrigerator. I used to try latte in case you ever came over, but it went bad. - Okay, well, that's good. That's good, thank you. 'Cause I would have just not, I would definitely want to have checked the expiration date. - My brother got it and then I just thought, I'm gonna keep this 'cause what if Hannah comes over like at all the next month? Do you know what I like to do? Make a latte and then put some of the chai in it with the latte and it's really nice. - I don't like, I don't like anything about chai. - Yeah, or matcha, but it's okay. - I try to, when in L.A. you do as the L.A. - L.A. you instead? - L.A. you instead, I tried an iced matcha and let me tell you that shit was disgusting. - Did you put sugar in it? - It was a frozen matcha. - I tried someone else's in order my own. - It's giving, I don't like cats. And I'm like, well, did you have your own cat? Or are you walking to someone's house? - No, you know what? It's not giving that. (laughing) You were like, I just got a word from Purina, bitch. - I have to carry you. - No, I've tried it in so many different forms. I think I try matcha at least. I try and try it at least once a year. - I love matcha ice cream. I love matcha cookies. I love matcha lattes. - And like, what's mochi? I feel like I don't like that either. And everyone loves that. Like, I want to like these things. I think they're good for you. - They're adorable, like a little mochi. - I've ordered mochi because I've. - That's the name of a white girls cat. - Mochi. - No! (laughing) - Someone's making fun of white girls that they name their cat Japanese names. - It's today? - Sushi and that kind of stuff. Oh, speaking of cats. I thought it was so iconic that cats have colonies. Are you familiar with those? - No. - There's like things called cat colonies where it's basically like a group of cats that are out. - They're like a gang. - Like a group of street cats. - Street cats, but they all like look out for each other. They hang out together, they get food together, they're a cat colony. And I just thought that was really empowering. Like they're all girls girls. They're like, we're in this together babe. - It's giving girls going to the bathroom together. - 'Cause like if dogs had a colony, I'm like, people are gonna get hurt. But like if cats have a colony, you're like, they're cute. They're like, they're doing cute things together. Dogs, I'm like, they're gonna attack a family. - I also like, I'm starting a rumor. I'm making this up right now. But I also feel like dogs are getting each other pregnant more than cats are. - I don't know, cats do multiply. - Do they? Like a lot? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - Well there's, so I might get into trapping. Are you familiar with trapping? And it's not? - Yeah, yeah, I'm familiar with different forms of trapping. (laughing) - Which one are you talking about? - Not alley-wong trapping a man. Trapping where you like go out looking for stray cats and you trap them. - How? - However, however you, there's not like a preferred method. - Well, I think you could put food in like a trap. - Yeah. - And they go in and then you trap them. But like there's people who their job is to trap cats. And then you take 'em in and you trap neuter return, TNR, which means like they're a feral cat, but like you wanna neuter them so they don't keep multiplying. - Oh, so my hypothesis is so wrong. Cats are fucking. - Cats are, and the way they fuck is like really dramatic. They like-- - Wait, they're like, well it's actually so girl-coded, they hate it. Like if a cat's have sex, this is what sounds like. They're like, (laughing) - Wait, I've never seen a cat. - No cat's having sex. You're like, get your paws off of her. - Wait, I've seen so many dogs, huh? Kitty's like never humped anything. Dogs are doing doggy cats or like-- - No, that's actually terrifying. Now I feel like I'm gonna Google when we get off this like cats. - Well that's why you have to neuter all your cats. You don't want them to have to have sex. Don't, and cats are like a pregnant at like five months old. - Yes. - They're literally teen moms MTV. - That is sad. - Well the key thing about cats is when they have babies, they come out all different colors. - I do like that. - So they're like someone's dad was Calico. - I do like that because I've seen cats like on the internet that are related to Daphne, but they don't like have the same face or like coloring at all. - Speaking of Dick, I wanted to bring up. There's this new-- - That's so crazy because I was gonna bring up my jaw. - Toshay. - Keep going. - What do you want to go first? So Sharon Horgan is this incredible, genius, Irish, actress, writer, comedian. She has this show called Youth on HBO that just came out. And it's basically about like being in your 60s and like what your sex life is, when you're single in your 60s. And it's actually really iconic and important. What is it like? - Well she's like gorgeous. And it's basically like you're like, oh, girls are just girls. Like you're just a girl. - Yeah. - She talks about she was hooking up with this guy. And then her friends are like, you gotta date someone new. You gotta go to a blind date. And she looked at them and she's like, but that means I have to deal with a new Dick. - Yeah. - And I'm like, no one talks about the mental load of having to deal with a new contraption. - Yeah. - And I know they're all the same, but they're not. It's like they all come at you and it's a different, it's a whole different jungle gym every time. And that's why when girls hook up with a lot of guys in a short period of time, I don't judge. I think it's gorgeous, but that's a lot of new Dick to deal with. And then some of them, some of them are circumcised. Some are curved. Some are, some are chodes. Some, some are good looking. You're like, you're a good looking miss. - No, some are, I'm like, okay. And then some are like, that's what cats are yelling. And then they all feel different. Like it's literally like driving a new car every day. I'd be like, I'm good. I don't know where the park is. I don't know. - It's turning the shower on and someone else is home. You're like, is that the lever for you? - Who are you? - Is that home? This usually works. - Why am I burning my back right now? I thought I turned it right, but I guess you turned it left with this situation. - Yeah. - It's literally like if you drive your car and then one day it's a stick shift and you're like, I just want to go on a new date and now I'm having to deal with a stick shift. I've never learned this before. So I just want to let the girls know that you're seen. And like, it's not just, it's a whole different scenario. And granted guys like, yeah, every vagina is different, but like, they're not getting inserted into by it. But also don't you feel like your brain does this thing that like when you start to date a new guy, you like can't remember what the old guy's penis looks like. - You're like, this is dicks now. - Like, I've dated people before and they're like, oh, like, did he have a big dick? And I'm like, did he? I'm like, I genuinely can't remember. - It's funny. I remember the huge ones and I remember the small ones, but I don't remember the ones in between, which kind of tracks. - Yeah, I guess there are two coming to my head right now that I, yeah, like I remember where I'm like, he had everything, but then you guys know, I've broken up with mine 'cause they're two big, you can't. - Have you? - It's not sustainable. British Dave. - Oh, but is that why you broke up, though? - No, but it was a factor. It was a huge factor, actually. And he lied to me 'cause I was like, has this been a issue with other girls? Like, then I have to do a full meditation routine to relax enough to get it halfway in. Oh my god. He was like, "No, this never happened before." And then at the end of our relationship, he's like, "Yeah, you know, it's been a big issue." And I'm like, "Okay, thank you." Because I thought I was like, or I was like, "Do I have the Tonya's pussy that's ever happened?" Sorry mom. Sorry mom, dad, Bobby Flay, whoever's listening. You know what's crazy? If a man ever had this conversation on a podcast, I'd burn his house down. No, but it's completely different, because men use their dicks for violence, we're allowed to make fun of it. It's why I can talk about domestic violence. Yes, I'm not going too right. I was giving you a platform if you've needed it. I wasn't going to silence you. Paige, just try to talk about domestic violence. And Hannah, I kept talking about British Dave's dick. But I didn't say yes to someone. I forget my past. I was like obsessed with dating guys who were like over six-six. Yeah. But the thing is when like six-six guy has like a normal shaped penis, it looks small. Why are you whispering? I don't know. I feel like she's-- I know you mean no. I know you mean. This thing, British Dave was like six-nine. And it was like large for six-nine man. No, I don't remember him being six-nine. Like I remember him being tall, but-- You were drunk. Oh my god. Yeah, I was drunk at my dorm majority of the time I met him. I really was. Wait, okay, my new thing is, and I need the gigglers. I need the real doctor gigglers. Because sometimes I will say something and I'll get some girls. And I'm like, I know you're not a dog. But then you get some girls and they're like, yeah, I went to Stanford, I got my whatever. I have this overwhelming feeling. Period. Help. And I'm freaking out. How do you get-- No, no, I'm freaking out. I have an impending doom. It's like, I forgot something, but I don't know what it is at all times. Do you have anything that Big Pharma makes for that? No, I feel like my job might be off balance. This is serious. What do you mean off balance? Like, not on the right track? Yes, I feel like my job might be off track. I know what you should do. What? I know this medspan Miami, you get messed up or Botox. It'll even usher right out. You know how I love getting a massage once a week. I'm going to tell her because she said one day she was like, I'll put my fingers in your mouth if you ever feel like me. And so I think I'm going to do that next week. Do that for sure. I feel like I don't know. You have TMJ, potentially. I don't think I do because I'm not sure. Does it hurt? No. This is just me analyzing my-- I was going to say I think you overanalyze things. Speaking of overanalyzing, how's your one eye? Excuse you. But you know what the lady said when your eyes is wrong? Have I offended you this morning in some way? Oh, no. I want to let you know that I've never seen a difference in your eyes. I have to be really, really tired. And so I did see her pop out a couple times this month where I was like, oh, maybe before 11 p.m. is whereas it's our sweet spot. But recently, she's been fine. Honestly, I feel like I've had other issues-- my jaw's off track. I can't worry about my eyes right now. Is it affecting your speech? No, no, it's all cosmetic. But I'm thinking maybe my jaw's off track and that's why my eye is off track. Oh, you know what it is? I just want to go to Korea for like three months. And I just want to do all the beauty things that they do. And they like-- they have this whole thing where they just like, realign your whole body and it changes your whole face shape. And they want to go. And I just want to see. I love that. Speaking of Korea. Yeah. Did you see the drama with Fenty Beauty and Huda Beauty? Huda Beauty. And what was the other one? They all came out with the same product on the same day. All came out the same product on the same day. And they basically were like our Korean distributor lie to all of us and said like we're the only ones doing it. So but it's funny because it's been done before by like smaller brands. But it's basically this product that you make your own eye masks. It like cuts the eye mask. Yeah, it's like the gel of the eye mask. And people are already saying like you actually it is going to be a drier eye mask. Like it's not even like worth it as a product. But it is so interesting to just see how these beauty brands work as a whole. Where someone was like guys everyone's using the same distributors. And like no one really has that different of a product. Unless it's like a truly invented new thing. The biggest invention in that product was the container. Like it's still the same eye patches, the gel eye patches that everyone has. And you could put slightly different things in it. But they were saying that like for you to have a completely different product would take months and months and months and months of research and testing and blah blah which these people aren't doing. So like honestly. Like it takes doctors. So when even said they were like do not buy an expensive moisturizer. Like the moisturizers nowadays are this is my algorithm on TikTok. Mine is like de-influencing TikTok. Everyone's like dance to this, dance to this. Oh, how unfun. I know I love it. I'm like tell me not to buy shit. Like don't buy an expensive moisturizer as in like a. They basically said nowadays the technology is so good for normal moisturizers that like the really expensive ones aren't actually that different. Yeah I agree with that. We're like I guess serums I think is different or like certain active ingredients written all is different. But like moisturizer we're at the point where like it's all good. I actually agree with that. Like I think you can get all of your skincare at CBS. The only time I'm getting other skincare is like when I get like my treadmill in from my dermatologist. Like anything I'm getting from a dermatologist that I can't get in the store then I'm like you love to say tretinoan just now. Tretinoan. I love my tretinoan. I use tretinoan. You need to start using tretinoan. Are you gonna name your kid tretinoan? Tret wait tret? Name your next cat tretinoan. Per se and tretinoan. No! Per and tret. This is the kind of creativity we have to have with our names okay. We can't name every cat mochi. Wait per se and tret or tret does sound like a guy that gave me a committee though. It's like his middle name is Owen. Yeah. Tret. Tret. Tret Noan. Love that so much. No but seriously you should start using tretinoan. You're 35. Why are we name? Why are we age age? No it's just it's good to get into into the routine now of tretinoan. I actually can't stop saying that I'm 35 to people. You love being 35 but also you don't care about age. No. I'm like respects me I'm 35 but also I'm insane where I met a girl who was like oh I graduated in 2022 and I was like did the math and I'm like yeah you're out of college. We're the same for both two girls out of college. Like I was like hi girlie that's crazy. No in my head I'm 27. Yeah I'm like you're 24 I'm 27 plus a couple years whatever. But I love I tell everyone I'm 35 because I use it for excuses for things. I'm like well I'm 35 if I'm not I'm not going there I'm 35. Right up until see I think my jaw went like a little that way. Anyway I feel like you're actually been jealous of the tension I've gone from my mouth and you're making up this like this jaw problem. Oh really because there's someone who had a frozen chin two months prior to your jaw massacre. People didn't care enough about it and that's why you're taking out of me now. Now I forget what the fuck I was going to say and it was actually good. What were we saying you were going to say oh shit you were going to say um wait rewind you guys rewind wait what were we just talking about though and I didn't get my breakfast order in and I'm thinking yeah No I was saying you you said you felt your jaw on the line. Yeah but it was before that that was like a side note. Oh okay so you interrupted yourself and then I interrupted you interrupting yourself. Wait you know what Taylor said the other day that I thought was just so funny because a lot of times I say mean things about Gen Z and Gen Alpha and I really I don't mean to I don't want to be at war with them. Yeah Taylor was describing someone and she was like you know like that millennial like fake mustache and I was like oh oh my god oh my god you mean when we'd write with sharp be the mustache and put it on our finger under our nose. Yeah or like just things had like fake mustachees on them like you would go and buy a mug and it have a fake like why like millennials went through a really weird fake mustache phase like well that was our like peak humor. I feel like there's even like pictures on the internet of like people wearing fake mustachees at like party. Yeah when you go to a wedding you like put a fake mustache in the food. Like why was that like a core part of our? Well that's Kimmelennial like I'm being so crazy. Yeah, so silly and different. You had a sidebang to Swift is now doing this like shag like full. I saw a picture of her at the football game last weekend. I thought her bangs looked so good. It's just making me nervous for the future. Well, Stasi also showed up to the variety event in like a somewhat poof and I said, yes girl, like I want it back. I love her hair. I love her hair. And it looked chic. I love her hair. Sheik. Yeah. So I'm just keeping on eye for that. No, I'm like living in my bang era. I'm like, I'm like, I actually now that I didn't get room service, I might go to breakfast and I might do like, yeah, just like side partying it up. Sorry. I love that you're like, showed up with no makeup, fully blow on my bangs for 40 minutes though. This is my variety hair, I haven't washed it. Yeah. And besides that, I'm owe and two and fantasy football. No. So like my friends don't really respect me right now. So like when I talk, everyone's like, shut up, you fucking loser. Every guy I pick, like loses their leg. Like the first, he, every guy is getting carded off because they got hit by another huge man. Yeah. And I'm like, no shit. He dislocated his shoulder. Like all my guys are, are injured. Yeah. So I'm like, can you guys be a little more careful and gentle with each other when you play? I think the point is to not get hit, right? Guys. Here's an idea, get the ball on the other side. I don't know. Here's like, yeah, maybe catch it and run away from the guy chasing you. You slowpoke. Also, I would just, just fall before they hit you. Like it's so dramatic. You want to get hit. I would literally like, I'd pretend I'm dead. But you're dead first. That's what the quarterbacks do because they don't want to get hit. I actually do low key feel like I would be good because if I see a guy coming at me, yeah, I'm running the other way. Oh my god. Look at that. Look. Oh, me playing football is a cat having sex. Have you ever seen a cat get caught by anything? No, she's out. She's out of here. Cats would be so good at football if they had thumbs. I'm literally, I need to see a picture of a cat having sex because it's actually like, I need to watch a video. Google it. It's really upsetting. It's going to ruin your week. Whatever. I'm a massacist. Anyway, everyone enjoy your weekend. Thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much. Bye.