Giggling about roasts, road rage, and heartburn

(upbeat music) - Sup, giggler? - Fairy, fix your Wi-Fi. - Man, if that's shit, we can't be manners. (laughing) (upbeat music) - I'm in the day, just got away from me. - What is up, my goulash, gigglers? Do you know goulashes? - It's feeling very fall. - You've no, it is fall. I was gonna say you have no culture, but it is fall. - Isn't it like ground beef? - It's a Hungarian dish. - Okay. - Anyway, welcome to the pod. - There's so many women of some of the week. - Yeah, nothing, no, it's a thing. I feel like the women are canceled. - I know, the truly, I think this segment is done. We did, in true giggly squad, fashion, we beat it the dead horse. - Like, can I do one, another one though? - Yeah. - Okay, so this video's going around to going viral of this woman's shopping and target, and she's being filmed, and you're from the, whatever. Anyway, a girl comes, sees she's being filmed by a man, and goes, excuse me, that man's filming you. - Oh, like, looking out for her. - Yeah, like, that man's filming you, are you okay? And the girl's telling, she's like, oh my god, that's my husband, it's okay. And the girl's still doesn't believe her. Like, blink twice if he's like, you're being traffic. And she's like, it's my husband, I swear. And she's like, okay, and then she stops and she recommends a product that she's looking at. And she's like, that's actually really good. Don't get that one, it's overpriced, and then walks away. And I was like, girlhood maxing. - Wait, I saw a similar situation like this happen. I wasn't involved in any of it, but I was my stranger. I'm across the street from a nursery school, like preschool. I watch a dad walk his daughter into the gated area, and there was a teacher there. He dropped her off with the teacher. He walked out of the gated area. He's on the sidewalk. The little girls, like, in the play area with the teacher. - He's lost me already, but (laughs) - Why was I telling that's so monotone? Sorry, I was mushrooming. - It was worth losing me. And that's. - I got lost in your eyes. (laughs) It was like, that's really pretty scary. - I didn't think it was scary. - If I can't see something visually, I can't understand it. - That's right, it's in my hands. - I know, but I, okay, so there's a, I can't watch the play area, dad play area walks out, okay? So the dad's leaving. He's, like, waving to the daughter. Like, see ya, after school, he's on the sidewalk. He's, kind of, like, lingering on the sidewalk now for, like, five minutes. He's, like, on his phone a little bit. He's just standing there. He's watching the daughter play. From an outside perspective, an outside perspective, if you didn't watch him-- - Drop her off. - Drop her off. If you'd be, like, who is this guy on the sidewalk just watching this little girl play? A car pulls up. A woman is in the car. She yells, "Hey, what's going on here?" The teacher inside of, like, the school is, like, everything's okay, and then I don't know what the dad said 'cause I couldn't hear, but he turned to the car, but I was like, "Woman, it's not, I'm like. " - Actually, I saw an article about a man who adopted his own child without a wife or a girlfriend, and people were, like, mind blown. 'Cause it's true, how many men do you hear? Like, I couldn't find the right person. So I just-- - Oh, I'm, like, a single dad. - So I just wanted to adopt. - Or, like, a single guy who gets a surrogate. - Yes. - Yes. - You never hear those stories. - You're just leaning out there. - They're out there, but-- - We've never come-- - It's not-- - Never come across my desk. - Somebody, you know, it did come across my desk. Someone was, like, Paige Ryan Murphy did make a Monica Lewinsky show. - No, people were messaging me. They were, like, last episode was the most chaotic episode. You guys have ever had an incredibly squad, and they were, like, Paige made up a show that's already been made. - I was like, genius idea. - You casted the entire show accurately with the director of the show runner, and they made me up. She goes, "What if?" This is crazy. - I think you saw it, and it just, like, subconsciously was in here, okay. - I had to. But someone said it was a one season of American horror story. It wasn't, like, it's not, like, the JFK junior. It wasn't, like, advertised as its own show. I want, like, a-- - A real Monica Lewinsky. - Yeah. - I want, like, multiple seasons. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Anyway, hi, how are you? - I'm good, I walked here, and it really threw me. - Yeah. - Got really-- - I don't know why you do stuff like that to yourself. I was not walking here, but I was getting out of the Uber, and there was two girls in front of me walking down the street. And all girls have the same conversation. It doesn't matter who you are, where you live, or who you're friends with. We literally all have the same conversation, and the girl turned to her friend, and she said, well, my mom said, I forget what the girl's name was. My mom said, I think she's cheating on you with a man. So she's like, so, and then she started talking Spanish, so I don't know the end of the story. - You know the end of the story, because you lived it. - I'm like, look, if your mom's throwing out that accusation, she sat there for a while. She thought, should I even say this? So the fact that she said it, and now we've said it, it's 100% fact, it's factual to you. That guy's girlfriend. That girl's boyfriend was cheating on her. - Shout out to her and her mom for being investigative journalists during this time to continue on last episode. - To piggyback and to piggyback. I was where, you just call me a pig. - Did we get over you walking here too quickly? Do we pass by that too? - My problem is I have one speed when I walk, and I'm not trying to be like, oh, I'm in a Yorker walk fast. I think I just have anxiety, and I'm like, you're walking, you're walking, you're walking. - I'm not like slowly walking anywhere, unless I'm on like, no, I'm not. Unless I'm like, with a dog who needs to pee, I'm not stopping. - Right, which I've never been walking a dog. So, after the show, I got back to like, this like, chic, cool West Hollywood hotel. And I don't know, there's something about like, after a long night in heels, like, they just-- - After our show. - After our show. - After our show. It's a different heel than you started the night with. Like, even, it feels completely different. - Yeah. - And it was like, the heels are a little big for me, and like, they just couldn't stay on my feet. So I had to walk through this like, and it wasn't just a lobby, it was like a lobby chic bar, which was like bright with like pool tables and couches, and everyone just lounging and LA is so like, whenever anyone walks in, everyone has like, look you up and down. - Yeah. - So I'm like, I have to walk 100 feet in these heels, and I swear to God, I was like, everyone was like, laughing at me, 'cause I was a deer in the headlights. I couldn't walk, but I was like, it's YSL, and I was just like, trying to-- - That's why it's a windbreaker. - But what do you do when you're wearing uncomfortable heels and everyone's looking at you? Like, how do you maneuver that athletically? - Especially 'cause you famously say that you can fit into any size shoe. - When I was in ninth grade, my mom held a class in my kitchen. - That's us. - For all my girlfriends who could not walk in. - She didn't have my number at the time. - I think because, look, you started sport at a young age, so you're really good at tennis. When I first saw heels as a child, I was like, yeah, I love whatever the fuck those things are. I love them. So I've been truly walking in heels since kindergarten. - I know what it is. Heels are like ice skates. You either were raised on skating, or you don't know how to use them. Because I'm athletic, I could walk in a heel. No, I can't. - It's honestly, it's practice. - 'Cause I'm not hugging it in the right way. - You're not gripping at the right time. - I'm not gripping. And then I also, it hurts my toenail. I also have a wide foot. - I'm trying to picture how I do it. I guess when your toe is about to come up off the ground, that's when you grip. - Yeah, I do not have the right gripping situation. It's almost like soul cycle, when I know what I'm supposed to do with the rhythm of the flow, but you got to practice. - It's also kind of like diving into a pool. You can just go. You have to start out small, so you really have to start out with like a kitten to walk around, and then you have to build yourself up to like a five-inch stiletto. You can just be born in a stiletto. - I think we've all been there where you see a show you like, and I'm like, I'm buying it. And you put it on, you're like, I look great, but you did factor in like that you have to move in it. - And if issue is a little bit too big and you're not experienced in walking in a heel, you can't do it. I'd actually even say go smaller. - This might be too niche, but I'm an eight in sneakers. I think I'm a 7.5 in heels, and I've been telling everyone I'm an eight, and it's actually not my fault. I've just been sabotaging myself. - That's what it is. I think your shoes are a little bit too big for your feet. - Yeah. - And so then you feel like-- - 'Cause they were falling off as I was walking. - You feel like you've clown feet. - Yes, and there was this like Pete Davidson looking character like-- - Oh, no. - He was like 64 with a weird fucking mustache and like-- - Hair grown out. - And he was judging you? - Yeah, he was like looking at it. I was like, don't fucking look at me. You take a shower. Like leave me alone. Oh my god, he's so embarrassing. - And I was on such a high that night. Like I was like, I'm best friends with Kate, and Mindy loves me or hates me, we don't know. - Yeah. - And then I like lost all my confidence walking back into my room. - Did you watch the Kevin Hart roast? - Yes, I watched it from the beginning because I'm a researcher of the Art of Comedy. they will give men as much time on live TV as they want. - Once we hit our three, I was like, okay, wrap it the fuck up, why was it so long? - They like really went for it. - I think, I think Chelsea Handler got the respect she deserved. - No, she didn't. - If Chelsea Handler was a man on that stage, she would've had a rock entrance. And by the way, the rock came up out of the ground and they were like fireworks and they got like carried to the stage. - I thought he did horrible too. - Well, he was drunk and did 30 minutes. There were good jokes in it, but he, it's live. I think they should have, why do they have to do it live? - Okay, wait. - So when we were at the Netflix branch, sometimes I truly forget. - Sometimes I feel like there are situations where I think about, oh my God, I'm nervous. I don't have any confidence in this moment. And then there are other times where like, - You have too much confidence. - Yeah, and like, I'll take a step back and I'll be like, me, me. Show your mouth. (laughing) You shouldn't be so confident in this area that you have no idea about. Maybe, and it's not until it's an afterthought, which is not great. We're at the Netflix branch. This lovely man comes up to me. He says, hi, he gives me his job title. Pretty high up at Netflix in unscripted. And we're chatting, we're going back and forth. And he didn't ask me what I thought about their library unions. But let me tell you something, I told him what I thought. We're talking about like reality TV and we're talking about reunions specific. - Wait, no one's gonna want to have a business meeting with us ever because we repeat every business meeting on this pod for Badam. - It wasn't even a business meeting. He was literally asking me to like, pass something to it. - And before you say what you're about to say, I, on the corner of my eye, I'd left page for a second and she's sitting down alone with a man. - So I stopped my conversation, I go, hold on a second. I have to like, we might need to stop drop and roll. Like I don't know if she's safe. - Nobody talks about the look you give your friend who's trying to help you when you're really like, no, actually I am okay. - It's really ninja because you have to walk behind the guy. She looks at you, she can't make a weird face 'cause then she's putting a vulnerable position on. - So she has to do it through her eyes. If you weren't speaking, I'd be like, I need to get him out. - But you seemed very passionate about what you were saying. - I held in and tell them what you were saying. - And I don't even know how we got on this subject but I was like, I have watched reunions before of seasons that I've never watched of television just because of reunions, exciting, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And I said to him, I was like, except, I don't like that Netflix does the reunions live. I don't think you would ever be able to get the amount of content the viewer is looking for. And the specific content and answers they're looking for in one hour of live TV. I was like, you have to film that for at least eight to 10 hours, even to just cut it up into one good hour. And he just looked at me and he was like, I feel like he was kind of like, who do you think you are? But he also did kind of agree. And then I said like, by name, a host that I didn't think were very good that they should stop hiring. And then I think he did get a friend. He's like, she was just saying, welcome to the brunch. Happy to have you. I have thoughts. But live TV's exciting because there's this air of like something crazy can happen. Right, which I was going to say, I like that Netflix does live roasts. I think it is okay for that type of entertainment. I don't think reunions should ever be live. Well, the roasts now they can cut it down to like all the favorite one-liners that came out of those three hours. But I will again say, Chelsea Handler discovered Kevin Hart. She put him on her show Chelsea lately. And Kevin gives her all the flowers. Kevin's in love with her. But I felt like the other boys were, like even after she did her set-- She looked, she looked calm and after her set, they were like, thanks, Chelsea. Like if she was a man, they would be sucking her dick. I know they're only two girls up there. They only had two comics of women, which is bonkers. Right, right, right. Oh yeah. But Chelsea held her own and they like came at her like really hard. Like if they did the normal like you're a whore, you're old. But then they were like giving her like accusations. You know what's funny? Is that like men will always like criticize female comedy and it'll be like, all they talk about is like, they're vagina. Yeah, it's like, shame me that Joe. And it's like, okay, like you talk about what you know and like we have ones. (laughing) I don't-- I never did say why they got so mad about that. And it's like, okay, fine. But anytime they talk about a woman in comedy, it's like she's a whore. And it's like, okay, like think of a better-- Also worse. Chelsea doesn't just talk about her pussy. Chelsea talks about MDMA a lot. Chelsea talks a lot about drugs. She talks about her house in New Yorker, her dogs. Well, Chelsea has good life. Chelsea's worldly. In theory and stories that you want to listen to, that you're like, oh my god, I'd never find myself in that type of situation. That's why it's entertaining-- Also, Chelsea blew up because of being a good interviewer where she'd get her guests to open up and then shit all over them and people loved it. Chelsea lately was so ahead of its time. Like when they talk about like the boys of late night now, I'm like, right, but Chelsea lately was one of the funny issues like around TV. We love Jimmy Fallon. Would they have treated Jimmy Fallon like that? Oh no, no, they would have been-- They would have treated Jimmy Fallon. They would have treated Jimmy Fallon. You've done-- You've been this industry so long. I said, Chelsea, you old whore. Yeah. And look, I know it's a roast, but there was tension in the room. No one came for Regina Hall, which makes me respect. Turn away, where people were scared of coming for Regina Hall. But Chelsea, look, Chelsea laughed. She's an amazing sport. I just felt like considering who she is in comedy. So anyway, I'm just talking my own-- I'm just feminist nonsense. No, I was just shocked at how long it was. It was long. I also felt like Cheryl Underwood killed-- Yes, she did. Because the vibes were kind of-- Getting low. It was tough, and then she came out there, and she felt like she brought everyone together. Because they were making insane jokes about her husband who passed away, who she was down for it, because you can make so many jokes about it, and she was like, that's part of my life. But she came up there, and she said, we need to stick together. We have to laugh. We have to be open. We have to communicate with each other. So that was a really beautiful message. And then she fucking murdered. And she's like a Christian comic, and was so dirty. It was so funny. But when a comedian is not even bombing, just maybe one joke, I physically have to-- Well, there's this, I can't watch. There's a really smart roast joke, and then there's the edgelord roast jokes, where it's for shock value. It's like cringe comedy. And the only way it works is if it's smart. And sometimes they say it, and it's not smart. And you're just like, you just wanted to say that word. Right. Which is not a joke. That was just-- I hate cringe comedy. Well, cringe comedy is an art form that I'd say only Meg Stalter had to perfect it. She's perfected it. We're like, you sit in it, and you're so scared. But you're like, she'll take me through this. We will go through this. That's so true, because I don't find her comedy cringe. I almost find it like, it's a bit that I wasn't read in on that everyone else knows, and I want to know what it is. Yes, and that's how cringe comedy should feel. It shouldn't feel like everyone's cringing. Yeah. I don't even know how you perfect that. How many bombs did she have to do before she was like, and that's the perfect amount of cringe? Yeah, or just like how she comes up with-- Fucking genius. I'm like, I don't even know what that means. Well, she's transforming like press tours. We are sleep experts. No, we are. But we're also honest, and sometimes we don't sleep perfectly. Everyone's upset. A lot of things do keep me up at night. I have to have the perfect temperature. I have to have the volume at a certain level. And sometimes, Kitty, like, she's not an outdoor cat, but she will bring me treats in the middle of the night. And one of them is her stuffed animal mouse. And I'm like, thank you so much. I didn't need it on my forehead at 5 a.m. Well, keeps me up at night as sometimes my husband. Just having someone else in your bed. I told you not to. And that's why my mattress is amazing. Because mattress firm matched me with a mattress that has cooling technology so that even if my husband is warm, I stay cool. And that's why our marriage works. And mattress firm matched me with a mattress that has movement isolation. So if Kitty ever jumps up there and causes a ruckus at nighttime, I'm just not feeling it. Because Kitty's not light anymore. OK, I'm telling her you said that. You also can compare a tour bed to your regular bed. Oh my god, when I'm on tour, it just doesn't feel home. There's nothing after a long day jumping into your mattress from mattress and just feeling this is where I belong. And mattress firm truly-- I have the best mattress in America. I also have an adjustable base bed, which people don't talk about enough. What is that? Oh, you can go up and down. Yeah. Does it elevate my life? Does it vibrate? Sure does, honey. It sure does. I might not fit in in other places. And I might be lonely, but my mattress firm will always love me. I also-- I'm a bad shopper. But there's nothing more fun. Make it a day of it. Go to a mattress firm, get a sleep expert, and jump on all the beds. And they'll help you for what's best for your lower back. or like how the temperature you like or just the vibes. - I liked it so much I went twice. One time I brought my dad and I made him do it with me and then the next time I like really made my decision with my guy. - I should do it weekly. I love how you have a sleep mattress guy now. - Of course. - And like, hey, what's the new pillow? - When I sleep through night, I wake up so much more delightful. - I have more energy. I have a little pep in my step. So whatever is standing between you and a good night's sleep, whether it's physical discomfort or pet with the zoomies, mattress firm sleep experts will help you get the right mattress to help quiet the noise. - Because hear us out, it isn't just a mattress. It's your mattress and mattress firm sleep expert make it easy to find the right one. With over 200 hours of training, they'll figure out exactly what your body needs and you'll be waking up so well rested you won't even know what to do with yourself. More giggles, less groggy, that's the goal. For the great sleep you deserve, visit mattress firm, they make sleep easy. Also, I wanna just shout out people who blow their nose and somehow make that trumpet noise. Is it genetic or did they learn how to do that? 'Cause I look, people like a loud sneeze, every now and then I'm like, feel that orgasm. Like lean into it, but I was on a flight and this person was blowing their nose like a trombone to the point that it startled me. It was like, and like everyone was shook and I'm like, is that genetic? Is your nose canal like a certain angle that it comes out that way? - My favorite thing ever is when Kitty sneezes. - When your cat sneezes, you're like, there's something that reinforces that they have organs inside their body and you're like, oh my God, I forgot you. - Well, the best part is there's no lead up, so they just go, (laughing) and then they're scared. - They're like, which is like my wife's grease her head. Where were you on a plane? - Oh, oh. - Like I was sleeping on a plane. - Yeah. - So basically I think the most comfortable place you could be and then someone takes a band, a film marching band. - The only thing I will say is I have been the person on a plane that's like so stuffed up and I'm like, I don't give a fly. - No, I'm okay with that. You just don't have to, what's a, you don't have to. - Yeah, you don't do it enough to think about how stuffed up that guy was that he had to blow that hard because of the pressure. - But that's the thing, you actually don't have to blow hard on a plane, you could do a lot of little blows. That's what I do. I'd be like, you have to go, (screaming) our podcast content has gotten more riveting over the years. - Well, it says it's funny 'cause I don't think he actually listens, but occasionally I'll be like, what'd you talk about? - My blackout. - I'll be like, I don't know, or I'll be like, chess and he's like, oh, that's really unique. I'm like, it's actually not, it's pretty predictable for the pot at this point. Like the girls are like, chess, boo. - No, I literally talk about things that I would call you on the phone to say, like, I'm back to hair cycling. - Are you? - Are you? - I'm getting back to washing once a week. - You exhaust me. - You exhaust me. You exhaust me. - I know. - Like, I can't keep up with, what were you doing last week? - I mean, I'm going to get my second micro-needling in three weeks. Like, where are you? - True. - I need to stay on schedule. - Why did you decide to go back to hair cycling? - I don't know, it just kind of happened. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I feel like it's easier in the summer. And it's easier, my hair is longer for whatever reason. You can do more with your hair greasy and long than I feel like you can't shorten long. - For short and greasy. - Do you think we're turning into the same person? - Yeah, I do. - 'Cause now you have longer greasy hair. - I know. - No, like, sometimes people will sit, like, comment pictures, like, you guys look alike. And I used to be like, you guys are insane. - And you go, don't. - And now, we're still looking at each other. And I'll be like, Hallie, we're not sisters, we're twins. - We'll have the same facial expression 'cause we're like, so connected emotionally. So like, when someone's like, take a photo, we both have this, like our eyes have the same thing. - Our eyes are getting smaller in our mouths to do this thing where it's like, like, we have a secret to tell if we can't, it's literally we make the facial expression of, I have to tell you something, but I can't do it right now. That's the facial expression. And I know exactly what we're talking about. - You know, the second the photo's over, I'm about to whisper something stupid. - Wait, someone came up to Hannah at brunch, this is the most diabolical thing ever. And of course, it was a man, 'cause no woman would ever put another woman in this situation. Guy comes up to Hannah at brunch and goes, I have to tell you something, but I can't do it until later. - And I literally, in my head, was like, all throw up. (laughing) - All literally throw up. - No, this is like a famous comedian. And I'm like, hi, and he goes, I tell you something. I go, tell me, he goes, can't tell you now. And I go, I'm not sleeping tonight. - No, literally, I was like, we have to perform tonight. How dare you? - Don't have his number. Texted his assistant yesterday. I try to be cool for like two days. And I DM to him, I'm like, what's the tea? Didn't respond. Obviously he's busy. I see him on Netflix, like he's doing stuff. But I'm like, you started this with me. So then I have all I have. - And it's all I've been thinking about. - I have a assistance contact. So I texted his assistant yesterday. And I said, hey, you can give him my number. He wants to tell me anything and she's like, what? I think she's, who knows if she even relayed that to him. She probably was like, you know, I'm protecting him. - No, I'll freak out. And I know he's busy. Like it's the Netflix is a joke. So I know he's not just like sitting on his phone, but I'm also like, now I'm making things up. Like I'm like, I have a full story of what he's telling me. And to watch it, 'cause he's a this and I thing. 'Cause he's a boy. There's a chance it's like a really bad piece of gossip. Like it's like, I'm someone's cousin and they know who you are. - Yeah. - And I'm like, that's what you can't be up from REM sleep for a week, 'cause someone knows someone knows me. - I've thought about it non-stop since it happened, because it's such a great example on how men and women are different. - He's quite mentalizing. He forgot he told me that. - Well, 100% forgot. And women also make decisions based on how other people are going to feel. - So, and men have never thought of that in their lives. - He's literally like, that was crazy poison me. - Men go throughout their day checking off their own to do less. - Yes. - You have nothing, and you have nothing to do with it, babe. - Also, by the way, there's something about womanhood. I don't care where you are. You can always tell me the gossip. The first, the gossip can be right there. - Yeah. - We're finding a way to, 'cause women we have to communicate with each other to survive. That was such a man thing. 'Cause also, we were in an open brunch. Like, when you're in an open area, your words just disappear. There's no echo. - Also, if I-- - Pull me aside! - If I-- - Pull me aside! Pull me, there were so many crevices where you could have pulled me aside and whispered something in my ear. Like what? Paid, it was a mansion. There were 18 rooms. We could have gone in for you to sit down and tell me what the fuck was going on. - Not in the history of womanhood. Has a woman ever come up to me, said, "I have to tell you something so important "but I have to tell you in eight hours." Babe, they, in fact, invented texting in the year 2000. Whip out your phone and type it right now. - Wait, the most part is I try to put it onto you. Did you see that? He looks at me and he goes, "I got gossip. "I go about her." (laughing) 'Cause immediately I'm like, "I've been so good. "I don't, I don't say anything. "I don't say anything. "I don't do anything." I'm not allowed to comment on anything. I'm not allowed to look at comments. I'm literally at peace. I don't go on to her website. - Yes. - I'm at peace. So when someone says I have drama for you, I go, "It better not feel like it can be me "because I've been doing everything I'm supposed "to do for the universe to give me the fuck alone." So I literally go, "It has to be her. "It has to be her." She's not here than me. - I'm like, first of all, you know I'm in a way dressed like nothing bad can happen to me today. - He looks like he goes with that on me. - Not her. - You and I'm like, "Why?" - Not Ron, not Hermione. - Hermione. - Yeah, but also one thing about me and you. And I think you like this about our friendship. Even though I'm gonna say you hate it. - No, even though I'm married. - Yeah. - I should be boring. Like I shouldn't have any gossip. - Anywhere I go. - It finds me. - It finds me. And I know those people are like, "I'm not the drama. "It finds me." But like, I have bad luck with certain social situations where like I find myself in pickles often. And that's why I try to be selective about when I go outside. (laughing) 'Cause it has to be like emotionally be able to carry it. - You have some type of magnetism to you. And I don't know if it's like of your own doing. Someone say you got your substance and some situation. - Okay, I'm not completely innocent. 100% I'll take accountability for that. But I call it the subway test. There's like 50 people. And then there's a crazy person that comes on the subway. They're gonna go up to someone. - Yeah. - It's always me. - Yeah. - Like they literally find me and go beeline to me. - You have an aura. - And some type of aura that's like. - Someone say it's a star power. (laughing) Someone say I mean character energy. - I mean he's like, "I wanna talk to you." But I'm normalizing in your 30s knowing that your 20s, I feel like you're trying to be the main character. You're like, "What's my character? What's my vibe? Who am I? I'm the main character of this book. What's my story? I'm working on getting into a situation and saying you don't have to be the main character, which is difficult for me, but healthy to be like, let's be a side character in this story. - Yeah. - Let's watch other things. Let's just get back and then go home and you're not part of any drama. - Drama. - You're not part of the main storyline. - I used to, like, someone would tell me something and I'd feel like I had to fight for them or I had to, like, say my piece. - Yeah. - And I was, I've been looking at all clips of you of me, or you don't say anything. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I'm like, what if, Hannah, what if, what if you just shut the fuck up? - What if you tried that for a little bit? - What if you shut up and-- - Well, someone argue that you're being selfish by trying to get in the middle of everything, but I would say that that's wrong, that you truly do always want, like, justice for the underdog, where I'd actually argue, I'm more selfish, because I'll be in situations where I'm like, I could say something right now, but what will that do for me? - I would say that you're better at politics than me. - Yeah. - You're thinking big picture, but I do, like, even when I was little, you fight the good fight. - I would always be fighting the good fight, but it doesn't always feel good after. - I'll pick and choose on those, but you do, when you, someone fucks with you. - Yeah, well, that's, yeah. - I feel like in public settings, I can be pretty quiet. Like, if someone's rude to me, I like, don't respond. - Yeah. - Like, in New York, when someone yells at me, or like a car honks at me, I'll throw a bird up every now and then. - How could you say that, flip in the bird? Am I literally in the seventies? Well, I was just gonna say, my dad says that. - How often do you flip the bird, like, per year? - Not enough as I should. - Well, you should, 'cause you have the perfect finger for flipping the bird. The guy like, "Oh, you can't tell what you're doing." - Well, we don't drive, though. Like, so I don't feel like we're, 'cause like, face to face, I'm not flipping the bird to someone on the sidewalk that's insane. You're a crazy person. In the comfort of your car, I feel like I would be giving the finger more. - What level? - I'm in middle school and someone said that, if you put your pinky up, that was giving the finger in Chinese. - Who made that up? That was the thing. - I do vaguely remember that. Someone who went to China and came back with. (laughing) - Some worldly knowledge. Someone who thought they were bilingual. Alas does. - Yeah, why would that start? - I think this is an important question. When you're dating a man, and you won the car with him for the first time, how much road rage is, how much road rage is acceptable? 'Cause I feel like if he has no road rage, he's getting taken advantage of. - It's so interesting 'cause like, being in the car can immediately give so many X. - It can make a break a relationship. - Yeah, it really shows someone's aura. - Yeah, like, I don't care if he pretended to be nice to a waitress for five minutes. How does the act when someone cuts him off on the road? That's his true character. - I don't want him to lose control, and I don't want any violence. (laughing) - But I love a little under the breath cursing. - Yeah. - That actually turns me on. - I don't know if I've like, been in the situation in truly the last 10 years, where I've been like, loaded. Your road rage was out of control. Like, there's a natural like, this fucking asshole. - Yeah, I think that's appropriate, but I think if you're actually one time. (laughing) - I knew that you had to sit in it for a little. I go, that can't be right, page. You've dated psychos. - Yeah, I was like, this isn't. - That's not checking out that you haven't been in a road rage situation. (laughing) - Also 'cause you were dating people who were like driving at like 18. - Okay. - Like in New York, no one had a driver's license. - Oh, at 16, or 16, yeah. I'm like eight, that's what you do. - You're gonna go, when they've had their license for two years. - Okay. - I didn't, does it the first guy I've dated, no. First guy dated with a car, I was like 24. - That's so interesting. - Yeah, like he had a car and I was like, he has a car. - Wow. - I was like, you have a fucking car. - Wait, that is so crazy. - 'Cause the guys didn't have cars. It was like a walking town. One of my teammates had a car and she was like the shit. - Oh my God, so much happens in high school in like the suburbs in your car or in fields. - Yeah, I was in fields a lot. But what was I saying before? - What did the guy do in the road rage incident? - Okay, you know in New York City, where like obviously there's so many intersections and they're so pivotal like to each other. And if you get, you're in like rush hour traffic and you get one bus and the bus is kind of just like, fuck you guys and they're in the middle. Well, that was happening. And I think I was on my way to the airport. And this man got out of the back of the Uber. It wasn't as good. He wasn't even driving. - No, no. - He was a tag team. - He was a school bus, but it was like a, some type, not like a Greyhound bus, but some type of like tour bus or like something and got out and went up to the bus and was like, you're fucking it for everyone else. But not in a like, sleepy day. - And you were like, wait a second. Can I do a photo shoot on this bus? 'Cause I really like the back. - Okay, well, I'll never forget because I was sitting in the back seat. I was eating a five napkin salad. And it was the day I discovered, have you ever had five napkin? - It's not five guys, right? - No, it's like, I think it's, I'm up or west side, 'cause it was different. - I actually, I visualize it. - And I'll never forget that day because it's the day I discovered one of my favorite salads. - Wait, it's really I'm trying to enjoy my salad. And then this sound becomes it. - I get this annoying boy. - Him getting out of the Uber's fucking crazy. - No, it wasn't. This was before the egg was invented, but I knew that I felt it right in that moment. - How did he come back? Like was he like, got that guy? - Yeah, he came back like, and nothing happened. And I was like, you, - You're not moving the bus. - Yeah, you're not Thai penning tent. Like, literally, get a grip, dude. Like, you have a vest on. - You've never named real Thai penning tent before? - I was waiting for the perfect time. - Also, it's funny 'cause I'm a passenger princess, so I observe. It's actually the one time that I observe and sit back and observe. And I love when people get mad 'cause people are cutting them off, but then I watch them cut someone off, and I'm like, guys, but I guess that's life. Sometimes you're the asshole, and sometimes they're the asshole. - And then there's people like me. It's like, I didn't know I cut you off. Like, sorry. You know, it's not everything is about you. Like, I was in my own world, I was vibing. Like, you don't have to give me the finger because I didn't know. - I haven't driven enough. I've been like, yeah, someone's like honked at me before, but I, and yeah, they actually really hurt my feelings. (laughing) - I wanted to be like, I'm two weeks in. My husband is disappointed at me, the gig there's want me to pass a test. I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, we're in fucking West Hampton. Why are you fucking honking? Where do you have to go? - I am nervous. Like, I haven't driven in so long. I'm nervous it is kind of like. - I told someone-- - You don't use it, you lose it type thing. - I told someone this summer house story recently about how I got in trouble for not driving. - Yeah. - It's my favorite story. - Do you know something I never talked about, something I did threaten in summer house with a couple of times that like I should have followed through on it was because we had to drive to the Hampton's every Friday. My dad would call me every Friday and be like, I don't give a fuck who's in charge down there. You tell them, I said, you're not driving. And I'd be like, God, I can't say that at like 27 years old, that my dad said I can't drive to the Hampton's, but 100,000% that man was right, I don't know how. - Not everyone's comfortable with a five hour drive on a highway. - With five people in the back. - And these were trucks, we were driving. - The amount of times I was responsible for over four people in the car to drive for four hours on one of the busiest highways in the country. - But also not even to get to the highway, you had to get through the city and everyone was trying to get out of the city. - And I had never driven in the city before. - Oh, that's so scary. - Until then. - So yeah, I got called out 'cause I never drive. And everyone's like, Hannah, you're a selfish bitch. And I was like, I don't know my driver's license. Do you wanna die? And then afterward we're sitting in the bed and you were like, I do have a driver's license but no one's mad at me. And I was like, you're an icon and a legend. And, but I was also thinking like, I remember you would show up hungover. - Yeah. - Like you'd show up my eyes were looking-- - Like sunglasses. - You were like seeing colors and you had like, you had like a scar front. Like that's just how you remember. You need to be like, you want this toilet paper that we had and you sit as a pillow if anything she's resourceful. And I was like, no one talks her. She's going through it. And I was like, you know, we're about to drink all weekend. And you were like, I know. - Yeah, but that was my 20s. Like, and I'm so proud of her. - I'm so proud of you. - Now she is one spicy margarita. Listen to what happened to me. What happened? You tried to get me to go out again, you little drunky. - Oh my god. - I saw something out of her. - Wait, when did I go out to dinner? Saturday night. - Saturday night. - I got to dinner Saturday night. I'm like feeling myself, whatever. Last night, I wake up at like, I don't know, like 5 a.m. This has been happening to me every single night. I wake up at like 5 a.m. I have the worst heartburn ever in my whole life. I'm like literally, I think I'm having like a heart attack. My like acid reflux is so bad. - But you don't even eat big meals. You eat a ton of little ones. - It's, yeah, but I think it's because I eat such like spicy and I had like two spicy margaritas like the night before. - Oh yeah. - I wake up at 5 a.m. I end up throwing up. - The least surprising thing you've ever said. - I end up throwing up because my acid reflux is so bad. - And where's Kitty during this? - Kitty's just like, like she's sitting there, but she's like, okay. - Okay. to go with you. - Yeah, I can't, we'll be with you in two seconds. Whenever I can't find her, I just go into the bathroom. I'm like, she'll be here in a minute. Okay, so I'm up at 5 a.m. I'm throwing up because of my acid reflux. I end up just being up, I start doing things. I end up putting a workout set on. I'm doing my laundry. - I'm turning a negative into a positive. - I'm peak doing shit at 8.30. Then 9.30 a.m. rolls around. I realize I'm getting a little sleepy. I want to take a little nap, I take a nap till 11.30. I wake up and I go, did I crack the code on the best schedule ever? Like why aren't people doing this schedule more? And then I realize, that's the schedule of an infant. (laughs) - I woke up, threw up, played around for a little bit, said, "Mom, I'm tired." Go back to sleep. - All the more new. - We've all had 11 o'clock. I've been like, I could nap right now, but that would be depression. - I had a boyfriend for a couple of years on time, and he would say, "Page does this thing "called morning naps." And it was in that moment that I realized he was in fact right, I was too, I'm sure. (laughs) - But a morning nap. Like if you wake up at like, you're one of those people that's like, I really want to be a morning person and wake up and like, work out. Why aren't more people doing that schedule? But I guess the full eight hours is really what you need to be like healthy. - Well, Des wakes up at like 6 a.m. And at like seven o'clock, I put on a movie to put him down. And he immediately is out. And I'm like, he's had a long day. Like I woke up four hours ago. He's been up for like 16 hours. (laughs) Sometimes he'll wake me up and he'd already be like, I went on a run, I played 18-hours of golf. - Right. - I changed my name. I like, I have a new family. - He does this for me. - He's like, I just went and hung out at the DMV, just for fun. Just if they needed an extra hand. - He fully wakes me up. Do you wanna, wait, you really made us laugh? Paige called us in the morning and said, "Happy Mother's Day, Des." Because he takes care of the family. And as I say, "Happy Mother's Day, Des." He wakes me up like he, he-- - I know that as a Scorpio, his mental load is like, you wouldn't even be able to scratch the surface. - I put a lot on that man. - I put his mental load. He's stressed, he feels everything. But he holds it together for the family. He literally did a thing. You know when your parents wake you up where they're like, "Get up. Don't make me say it again." He said that to me. And I was like, "It's Sunday." - I never tell the gigglers that one time, Des told me something, but he didn't want to tell Hannah 'cause he didn't want to stress Hannah out. And then Hannah told me something, but she didn't tell Des because she didn't want to stress Des out. And I was like, "Get me out of your perfect love story. For fucking freaks, literally, it leaves me alone." - That's our foreplay, not telling each other things. - Things that were like just out of the outside. - But then we all had to act all weekend. We both were fine. And then finally you go, "You guys both know about this." And then I was like, "I'm just fucking telling me I was pretending everything was okay." And he was like, "So is I." - And it wasn't. - I'm like, "Get out of my apartment." - But you and Des together is too powerful. I don't like when you connect too much. - Someone said they were listening to "Gigly Squad" from the beginning. - Oh my God. - And like, 2022. And I just wanna know like, how dumb were we in 2022? 'Cause you know people go, "People change." I think you actually can see like us changing. - Or lack there. - It's exactly the same. I don't know. I can't get myself to listen to it. Like, 2020 was when we started. - What a time. - Which doesn't, 2020 feels like two years ago. But it was six. - Do you know what 2006 was 20 years ago when the Devil Wars product came out? - Yeah. - 20 years ago. - We've been friends for-- - I'm only 20 years old. - We've been friends for 10 years, really. Probably, because if you count like, meeting on summer, how's we really met that like year before? - Yeah. - 10 years. - You know I had this thought the other day because I was, I'm always like doing my hypothetical bachelor at party in my head. - Sorry, I'm not sorry in the patriarchy, but so I'm always like planning my hypothetical bachelor at party. And you know how people will always say, "Oh, don't trust her if she doesn't have any like childhood friends." Or like, or they'll just like, or they'll say different things like, "Oh, she always has a falling out with a friend." Or like, girls that have big, or even the opposite, girls who have big groups of friends like can't trust them, 'cause they're not close with any of them. - Or someone said, "If you just have childhood friends, you can't make new friends, that's a red flag." - Either way, you're wrong everywhere. - Either way, and I would always kind of get down on myself 'cause I remember like, if I had a falling out with a childhood friend, I'd be like, "Oh my God, what does that say about me as an adult?" Like, am I not as nice as I was, whatever. - Are you a girls girl? - Yeah. - Are you even a girls girl? You knew a girl and you weren't nice to her, your girls girl? How many girls do you have in your life? Oh, you do girl, girl, girl? I'm a girls girl girl. - Wait, why? Is that the perfect act? - I do, because that's when I see a comment. That's how I read it. Is she even a girls girl? Have you even met a girl before? Are you even a girl? Do you even a girl? - No, I love when people do like full dissertations on the internet and you're like, "Wow, that's a really good point." And then at the end, they'll be like, "And she's mean." (laughs) You're like, "Okay, so whatever." I always think about that how women get yelled at for any type of friend they have. And then I was thinking about men and how they always have so many group chats. I have so many girls in my DMs being like, my husband's group chat is like 14 of them and they all played little league together. Like, it's only, okay, that's what we're in front. Anyway, I feel like I figured out. Men have a ton of friends and they don't have falling out and they have different groups of friends from different parts of their lives that they're still friends with because they have low emotional intelligence. - Yeah, they don't talk about anything. - If you talk about anything, you'll never fight. - Yeah, they don't, like, even if they do get into a fight, they don't even talk about that fight, they just get over it. - Even if they get gossip, it dies with them. Like, they don't tell anyone it. We're like, think about every problem in a girls group. It's because eventually one girl says something about the other girl, the other girl agrees or disagrees and then immediate beef. - Whenever I'm in a friend group, there's that initial high that you're in a group and you feel like you belong to something. - And then an immediate fear of, oh no, like, there's gonna be drama. And the second a little whisper comes in that like, so and so said something about you, you're like, oh my God, I can't do this. - You know what we have to make sure of? - We have to make sure we're in the same mom group. - Oh no, are you a girl, mom's mom? - Mom's mom? - Are you a mom's mom? - Are you a girl, mom, mom? - Have I been, have I been, obviously, the thing on the, wait, I know what it is. I sound like a, I'm in a Swedish club. Are you a girls girl? - That's a girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl. - Someone could do like a remix. - Yeah, like, six, five, little. - Feels good. (laughing) - We imagine guys being like, is he even a guys guy? (laughing) Are you a guys guy though? - No, truly. - Actually, the roast was, oh my God. - What, my favorite part of the roast? - 'Cause look, say what you want. The man's gone through some stuff. - Yeah. - Cat Williams inspired me to be a standup comedian. - His, he did phenomenal. - His opening of that special where he walks on and he goes, every day I'm hustling, is the best opening of any special. Anyway, his career is, you know, there's been some craziness, I think he got in a fight with the eight-year-old. - Who knows? - Did it? (laughing) - Which is hilarious. - Yeah. - So him and Kevin have beef, because he just like, talked really bad shit about Kevin on Channel Sharp's podcast about how Kevin's like an industry plant, da-da-da. And they don't fuck with each other. - Yeah. - Cat Williams shows up. - And he calls Kevin is Shannon Sharp. - He's, he was a football player, I think, or he does like sport stuff. - 'Cause I was like, "Why does everyone, "every guy I've ever met know who that like, know who it is?" - And people go on his podcast, and I guess he gets a lot out of them. - Yeah, I've seen that, but I didn't know what his like initial phase was. - Yeah, how he started. - He looks like a football player, like he's jacked. So apparently Kevin Hart was supposed to host the Oscars, which is funny, he got that gig, he would have kept it forever. - Yeah. - He's a really good host, but he had a homophobic tweet come up. - Mm-hmm. - Cat says what the tweet was, which was if I had ever had a kid who was gay, I would take a doll house and hit him in the head with it. And Cat goes, "And that's the gayest way to deal with it." (laughing) To deal with your kid at PCA, why? And then he goes on to be like, Cat, he goes, and then you created a vegan restaurant chain, gay. And he goes, "And you're always hanging out with all these muscular men and the rock." - Gay, like he goes up about how gay it is, which is really funny. And then they have this beautiful moment where they kind of say, like, let's make up, like let's call this beta spade, which like is so boy to be like, let's not talk about any of the things that we're set or don't. - I'll trust you right now, if you trust me. Let's move on. - And it's literally the worst things ever. like you were at a ditty party. Like if somebody tweeted. that page to Sorbo is actually been seen at a ditty party and done like weird to it. - I'm never, not even am I never speaking to that person again. I'm literally-- - No, guys. - No guiding your house down. - Guys will get into physical altercations. - Yeah. - And like still invite them on the batch or party. It's like, well, he was invited. He'll be fine. After a couple of beers, he's really fun actually. - They also can do the most insane things. Like the amount of times I've heard guys be like, "Oh, I became friends with him because we were dating the same girl." And then like, and I'm like, that's kind of fucked up. - Well, it's like the most random thing. Like, I'll see two guys sitting next to each other at my stand-up show. And like, they'll immediately become best friends after saying like four words to each other. Like, our guys now bring, like, we're hanging out tomorrow. - Well, they say because they don't have, they don't feel competition between each other because there's enough seats for all the men, but women feel insane competition because there's not enough seats for us. - Well, it's like, 'cause we are like trying to protect. - No, they're protecting. And we're the attackers. Like, we have to get power. So we have to like show man over the weekend. I said, "Yeah." And we're the only species that's attracted to our number one predator. And he looked at me and goes, "Oh." (laughing) He goes, "It's seven a.m." Go back to sleep. - I was just asking if he wanted still or sparkling. (laughing) - Anyway, do you know why I couldn't go into dinner that night? 'Cause I was editing the podcast. (laughing) I didn't take all day. Funny for my life, shout out to Grace. We respect your work. - No, we really do. - Back in the day when I was editing the pod, we didn't have video. - Right. - Now it's like, there's video. There's baked in ads. There's like, - No, she does a lot. - She's, she's talking to the CEO of Duncan before she got, like, it's crazy. But Grace sent me a photo, which I'll put in the newsletter of her floating in water, saying, "Me while you're fighting for your life." And you know what? She deserves it. - She does. - She deserves it. It's important that you make sure that your employees take breaks. - Take a rest. - Yeah. - No, you have to have good benefits and resting days. - Yeah. - Josephine literally takes off whenever she wants. I'm like, yeah, girl. Mental health day for me too, actually. (laughing) She tells me when she thinks we should take a day off. - She goes, "Thank you on too far." - She's like, "I canceled everything." I'm like, "You can't, she goes for the long weekend." - One day? - One day she really did call me and she goes, "I think you're gonna be tired for that in two days, so I'm gonna cancel it." I'm like, "No, we can't cancel that." She's like, "No, I'm gonna." - I do love that when someone put something on my schedule and they're like, "Are you sure?" And I go, "You're so fucking right. I'm gonna be, I'm not gonna make it." - One thing we can't cancel is, well, it'll be today, Tuesday, May 12th. Daphne Summer is launching. - Oh, Daphne Fits. And I really, like, I've been trying to make a bloomer for a really long time. - Wait, what is a bloomer? - Like the little shorts that look like, 'cause I feel like they're more pajama than they are going out, out. - Yeah. - And in the summer, I wanted a little strip. So I've been trying to make them in different fabrics and we finally figured it out. So they're launching. - Woman is dumb. - And we just have like cute little like sets for over bathing suits. It's really fun summers. - How many pieces? - A lot. - You, I don't know. - I'm not involved in that part. - Well, the full summer collection. Like there's like three different pay-ons matching tops. - I'm just like so happy for you, 'cause I feel like you were meant to say, I came out with a collection. You love saying we're collection. - You are the collection. - I really am trying. And I'm really trying to lean. I'm leaning into Daphne this summer. Like I really just want to lean into it. - And our show. - And Giggly's wasn't for God much. - So much. - It's so much fun. - Actually, I just realized. - Oh yeah. She goes actually, never mind, I have to go. Forget all that. Oh, I want to leave us on a mental health moment. - Okay. - I was getting a spray tan at 10 p.m. in LA. - Boom. - Period mental health. (laughing) - I was talking about asking her about if she does a lot of weddings, 'cause it's like wedding season. And she's like, you know what's interesting? When a bride is really crazy, more crazy things happen to her, the weekend of the wedding, or when a bride is calm, less stuff happens to her. And I was like, that is so life. Like when you come in with bad energy, bad energy finds you, it's almost like you, you, kind of, you manifest craziness. We're like, not that crazy things aren't happening to the com bride, but it doesn't like extrapolate. Like it doesn't, crazy word. - Yeah. - It doesn't like build and become more chaotic. - It's like if you're in a China shop and you're a bull. - Yeah. - If you strip on one thing and then you stop, it's like you tripping and then getting mad and then you hit something else and that hits something else and it becomes crazy. So I just want everyone to leave with that. Be, try to be the com bride and the world will respond to you. - Love that. - We love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling and we'll talk to you later. Bye. (upbeat music)