Giggling about gauchos, grudges, and getting jumped

(upbeat music) - Sup, gigglers. - Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. - Man, if I said shit, we can't be managed. (laughing) (upbeat music) - I'm in the day just got away from me. - Okay, I've been getting messages saying Hannah, how could you not say ganglion, gigglers? I did two episodes ago. - And it's gone, I'm off that. That was so last week. - We did a memoriam. Mercury and retrograde, I have other things happening. - We did a memoriam called, ♪ And the arms of angels ♪ ♪ With me ♪ - I was singing that all over the house and Des was like, I'm gonna divorce you. - Yeah, it's depressing. Because you can't help but think of the dog commercial. And it's just like-- - No, how do they make the dogs cry in the commercial? (laughing) I was like, did you put eye drops in that dog? I don't think dogs actually cry. - I feel like they jail. - Oh, I can't think about it. Oh, I cannot. - Okay, then let's start the week off with something that pissed me off. - Yes. - 'Cause that always makes you happy. - Yeah. (laughing) - That brings me joy. - It's simple, it's small. It's nothing to lose your head about it. - Well those are the best ones. - It's just something that I'm like, this is stupid and I hate it and it's a pissing me off. - What is the new thing with influencers on Instagram? Posting an outfit and then saying, comment, post, and I'll DM you the link. - Who the fuck put you in charge? - It makes me feel like we're in class. - I'm like, first of all, I'm not even following you so don't yell at me on my feet and tell me to do something. Second of all, you've now made an enemy of me, which means I will screenshot this, put it into Google search images, find it and buy it, sands your link, just to show the brand that they're getting more traffic and not on your pissing me off. - Well now a day down, trust anything. So I'm like, are you gonna get my social security number if I comment? - Also, I'm not subscribing to your sub-stack to get subscribe to your sub-stack. - Subscribe to your sub-stack. (laughing) - If you're not already subscribed. - Which by the way is free, we don't charge on our sub-stack, it's for the girls. We don't charge, the internet is free. How dare you come in and try and monetize or like whatever you're doing with your engagement and this tomfoolery, this trickery? - To publicly comment. That's a humiliation ritual. - I rather go into chat GPT and suck up all the water just to spite you. That's how angry you've made me. - But then you look, there's like 400 comments and I'm like, - I see people I know, I go guys. - Guys, have some cool, I'm like, don't do that. - But it is kind of gatekeeping too. It's gatekeeping to be like you have to jump over this wire and trip over this banana peel in order to get. - In the same vein, if I see one more goddamn video of someone catching their boyfriend cheating to find out it's an ad, all I've gotten invested. - I'm obsessed with your algorithm. I haven't seen one of those videos. (laughing) - I'm like, wait a second, I thought we were pulling up to this side, bitch's house. And then you're gonna throw a hashtag ad at the bottom of the ca-- - Cheating 20 if you want this new toothpaste. - No, I'm livid. I'm livid about it. I've gone into part two's. - Well, also now there's these AI ads that make it up dramas. And I keep being like, not interested, not interested. - Oh, I'm very interested in this. (laughing) - Tell me why I find myself watching like an AI, like full story that you can't-- - No, you're not supporting where we're at, I know, I know. But there's so compelling. (laughing) - Robot love is love too. - I was born in the wrong time because like, I'm sorry, I know that I fight against the patriarchy twice a week. But if you had put me in a house with four kids, a cigarette and some quailudes and a tele novella, no, I would have thrived. I would have thrived. Okay, I would have been Martha Stewart before Martha Stewart. I would have been creating marijuana brownies for the other housewives midday. - How do I watch this? Like, this is desperate housewives, actually. - Yeah, but like, it's the time period. - Yeah, it's the time period. I also, I would have just burned the house down and then been like, calls the crazy wife. (laughing) - Yeah, what would your character have been? - Ooh, I love this game. I would have been like, well, also your husband would have been secretly gay. - For sure. - For sure. - But I've been like the best looking couple on the block. - Yes, but like, you never touched each other. - He goes on a fishing trip every weekend, every weekend. - We're the same one guy. I'm like, it's like, okay, you and Don, again, how many fishing trips do you need? - You brought home zero fish. (laughing) - You brought literally, the cooler is empty every Sunday. But I would have like, I would have gone with that. - I don't know why I would have gone with it because it wouldn't have been accepted. So I would have covered for him. - Yes, and then you would have been like, it's us against the world. Although other women are jealous of me because of my amazing recipe of Ravioli. - People wouldn't talk about my lemonade. That's how like, in this bitch I'd say. - See, I would have been trying to do town hall meetings, trying to start a women's suffrage movement. - Yeah, you'd start like a neighborhood watch. - And finally, some of the girls would be like, you know what, we actually don't want this and we need to get hand it out. And then I would be like, okay, well, I'm nowhere to go. - I feel like you'd like come over to my house and be like, are you high? And you'd be like, are you not? How are you doing four kids? - I would come over to your house, make a plan for us to overtake the suburban patriarchy and you would agree because you're high and then the morning you'd be like, was my number? (laughing) - Okay, another thing that pissed me off. You said there was one. (laughing) I like, when you under promise over deliver 'cause when you say you have five, you can never live up to it. - Well again, I've been up for hours. I'm too clavvy's deep, I worked out. I like, I'm getting going on my Monday because I had a reset weekend, all weekend. - Yeah, wait, what pissed you off? I don't want you to forget. - Somebody DM'd me and was like, if you thought love Island this season was like a hint of red pill, you have to watch the newest season of Mary Defer's site. - This is one you could get into. - This is one you could get into because it's so outlandish that you're like, oh casting was given a very specific type of character that they want this show to like. - Is it religious? - It's not so much religious that it is controlling 101. Like there was a friend, it was so crazy that it was funny. Like I found myself laughing at so many different parts because I was like, surely this guy is like playing a character and seeing if he can like get away with it on TV. Very innocently, one of the guy that is supposed to get married, one of his friends just casually says, oh my God, like what if she's not into sports? - Which is a concern of mine. So I found it relatable. My ears perk up. I look up from my phone. - I look up from my phone. - It's a great phone show. And he goes, think I goes, not a problem. I've trained some of the world's best athletes. - He's not a trained. - Wait, is he talking about what if she's like, not good at playing sports herself? - No, like his friend was like, what if she's not interested in like doing all the insane sports you just listed? And he was like, well, if she's not, I'll train her. - Okay. - Like I'll just, he was like, I've trained so many great athletes. He's so scary and triggering that like, it's not even red pill, it's like this is, this is almost like an exception to the rule. Like this is not the norm. - Well, it's also kind of giving gay, like if you want her to be so good at sports, data football player. - Right, right. Where can people watch Marieta first sight? - It's on Peacock, which is, Peacock has actually been keeping me very fed. I just watched this other show. You would hate it, it's a period piece. It's called like Seeking Persephone. (laughing) Yeah, you would hate it. You would literally hate it. It was just like a little fort part, fort part little ditty. Nothing, nothing really. - Did you just say ditty? - Yeah, nothing really that groundbreaking, but I love a period piece. - Wait, speaking of, I love a summer, I love a horse, I love a period piece. Speaking of groundbreaking, it's been years. - Yeah. - It's been decades. We finally, we finally put out. - March. - March. - What has been keeping us? - Okay, we've gone through a lot throughout the years. With merch we've had many different. We've had a lot of change Changes and stages and vibes and we're also very picky when it comes to merch We both love everything. We brought back Some we listened to the comments a lot. So when you guys are like we need to bring this back I loved everything so much. I brought it to Italy lost it in Italy Oh my god found it when I unpacked because I put it in a secret compartment and not forget it I forgot it. I hate when you're too smart for your own good. I know. I know. You became a CIA agent in that moment when you were packing and then you were, well you also were dehydrated and fighting for your life at the time. You couldn't find a small compartment. But also maybe we don't need so many compartments when we're packing page. Well, I love it. I love it. I love a compartment. I love a pouch. I love a pouch. I love a packing cube. No, I love a thing inside of a thing. Speaking of housewives, I cannot stop listening to gorgeous baby gorgeous. Your energy is magic. And then people make it fun of her because she was like, if you listen to the lyrics, it's really helping people. And people were like writing the lyrics. They're like, that's helping people. I'm like, don't judge what helps people. Don't judge it. Being a pop star of any magnitude. I envy so much. It's something that like I personally know that it's not like I could never do. I'm not getting up and singing anywhere. But like in my head, like every girl, have I dreamt of like commanding a stage and being a pop star? I think there's a lot of professions that bravo people have like crossed over into and like excelled. Like comedy, writing, acting, you know, all the things. We haven't gotten like a legit pop star yet. But look, we've had Erica Jane. Yes, but I'm talking Sabrina Carpenter level. Like something where people are like, she was on bravo. But you're fucking tongue. Luan to the seps. Oh, either you're gonna say my Lord and say if you're Shina Shae. I'm saying Shina Shae is the closest thing we've had so far. I'm talking pop star who goes on tour. Yeah, yeah. Melissa Gorgah, a banger of a song, but then she never did any anymore. Yes, yeah. Yeah. So I'm waiting. It has to be someone from like, it has to be a young maybe next gen. Maybe it's Brooks. And I'd love to see it. No, I feel like he's too, he's too quiet laid back. Chill. He doesn't want to beat dancing on stage. Well, Meredith is like DJing, right? I feel like she's doing a really good job. This is gonna sound like narcissistic and like I need like real moms to weigh in. Do you ever like sit and think like what's your child's going to accomplish? Yeah, I just fear that she's gonna be haunted like me by never ending expectations. And pressure. And do you want to know my mom says to that? She says, if you have no expectations, that's exactly what you get. If you have high expectations, that's what your child will be. My Lord, I can't absorb both. And so I like the closer and closer I get to like being someone's mother and like not someone's child. I fear that I'm gonna be psychotic. Well, my one piece of advice as someone who had parents like your parents, who I think we have been able to chase a lot of dreams because our parents at no point gawked at any idea we threw at them. Great use of gawk. Gawk. They like like I was like mom, I want to be a comedian. She was like oh she's never like oh even when I was like oh I got it I asked I got asked to do a show. She was like maybe you shouldn't but like I support you. Like at no point where our parents like maybe you don't have it in you. Never came out of Kim Dusorbo's mouth. Never came out of Gary's mouth. That's for sure. If anything she was like and be the Prince of England. But I would say if you push your kid too hard into something that they don't actually enjoy. As someone who's seen this line the tennis world like you get a kid who's talented. If they fall out of love with it, they're not gonna reach their potential. So you have to make sure that like they like it. So like they're pushing them in. Make sure they like it. Or like give them some options and see what they naturally gravitate towards and then be psychotic with it. Like you fucking chose it and then like but I'm crazy like Till Shricker had a kid who I don't know she looks kind of athletic to me. She's like she's like six months old but the way she was navigating her I don't know and I looked at her I said you're like her hand-eye coordination at this age. And I said can I talk to you for a second. I pulled Taylor Donnery to the side. I said you gotta take 10 to suppose you gotta just roll it towards her. So you know that's so funny because like you think that you can spot athletes and I genuinely think that I can spot like a certain type of talent. Are we baby agents? There's certain people I've seen over the years on the internet met in real life where I've in my head been like you're gonna be huge like you have sauce. I feel like we both have that. Yeah. We both have this like yeah that person's got it. It's very interesting but we would be such bad agents. Wait speaking of the tennis world I must bring up Paige Lorenz and Tommy Paul's wedding. Yes. I thought one of the most gorgeous weddings I've seen on the internet in years. Wow. And explain. I thought everything was so perfectly like not overdone. It all floated. It gave a very like preppy old money vibe. It gave very someone said it was at Nate Archibald's house in Gossip Girl like his country home. I just thought it was beautiful. I thought her dress was gorgeous and then do you know Shay Sullivan on TikTok? She's blonde. Maybe. I don't know what I don't know if she was like on a season of Love Island or she's just like a famous TikTok or whatever but she got married too and oh yes I think I saw that. I mean she looked like a literal princess out of a story. Okay so you're loving what the girls are putting out right now. I'm loving it. I'm you know here's the thing. The thing I don't ever get involved in wedding TikTok drama because I'm like not planning a wedding. I've never been a maid of honor. Like I'm not I'm I feel a little bit removed from it so I never get like deep in the drama of it. You were my maid of honor. You didn't have bridesmaids. You caught my bouquet and which she did. It was a pre-planned bouquet toss that's I did steal the photographer at one point so my whole album is you. My wedding day. But the girls get torn apart torn apart and I'm not talking like third party anonymous forums. I'm talking right in their comments why would you do your hair like that. Like it's such an interesting like realm to watch because it's truly such a good example of like women just hating on women. That's girl-on-girl crime. You can't describe your wedding as timeless because then it's then you're stupid. You can't you can't say that you're different from other weddings because who are you to think that you're unique. It's there. It's very accusatory. It's scary. I'm so annoyed that you're telling me this because I was about to say on my feed one thing I liked about Paige's wedding is that I feel like a lot of the say what you want about New York City influencers they have each other's back like they were posting grid posting how fucking beautiful is my friends wedding and in that moment I felt a real sense of love and community and I'm like girls need to uplift other girls because it just makes us all stronger and powerful like the when men get successful they all just form like like these like crews and then just like continue to grow where I feel like women someone gets successful and they're like try to like batter down. I agree I feel like I see them on Instagram and I'm like yeah that like they're being nice to each other because you guys are so mean to that but that is like the patriarch is we talk about all the time and we say we're angry at the men but at some point we have to learn from the men and how they support each other and I mean Giggly Squad is two girls supporting each other we wouldn't be here without each other. Yeah why did my head just go two girls one cop. And that's why we haven't overcome the patriarchy. I think you show it literally ruined my child. No truly that was a millennial like why did we do that? Wait I have to add that to my bit about why millennials have TMJ my space stop eight two girls one cop. Why was that put into the mainstream? No because why was everyone passing it around and why was there no discreet? You know I never watched it because I'm a pussy. Oh you're such a I never watched it. I'm a prude baby I said I refuse to watch that. No that's so you. Actually the end of the day I'm saintly like that's why Kim likes me because I'm prude and safe. I remember watching it being like this is bad I shouldn't be watching it but I was like obviously I need to see what everyone's talking about for my own opinion. I had so much fun last night. Oh sorry. It seems like a weird It's like, "Well, it's like way." (laughs) Okay, so I went to this sushi place and there was a giggler who worked there But actually there is kind of a segue and I was like how like what's your favorite sushi and she was like Oh, I don't eat sushi But she works at the place. I was like that's iconic, but like at least If I worked out sushi place, I would have mercury poisoning. She's like eat this food gross I was like okay, and she goes no, I just have a really big fear of throwing up Not me, and I was like okay, but I Guess she's heard like if you get sushi poisoning you throw up. So she's like, I'm not risking that Oh, like there's more Scenarios in which you could get food poisoning from raw fish than the other. I mean, I think she's at the point where she has like a phobia where she's not like Critically figuring out she's just like I don't fuck with that. You know, yeah, she's keeping her walls up She's protecting herself. That's why I felt what two girls won cup. I was like, I'm gonna try to throw up today Oh Also, it was fake right? I Don't I don't think so if you don't know what two girls won cup is we're certainly not going to explain it on this pod because it was it's It's a personal Situation it must exist on the internet somewhere definitely exist somewhere. It was a video that went rampant in the year What what year was that 2006 2006 everyone was talking about it could have even been younger It shaped us our psyches now that the internet is so vast and there's so many videos and so many trends I feel like generations like there were certain things as a whole It's a generation you heard and you knew are there things like that Well, this is what's crazy and I could list them. See here as a man Two girls one cup the guy who sucks his own dick the guy that sexes took his ribs out psyched his own dick This was our pirate story Our lore Like there's another one there's definitely something they have it now, but two girls one cup for example That would have been viral for four days. Yeah, and everyone would have moved on. It's like movies Do you remember when like a movie would come out like like inception when inception came out everyone was like talking about it for like Four months like the devil wears proud of two done done I feel like that was so quit. It was like it. It's the premiere and now it's like we don't care like when a movie would come out like When Pokemon the movie came out that was a I was celebrating for a year Rugrats on an orange VHS Why wasn't everyone doing colored VHS? I remember getting that VHS and being like so the branding everywhere else just doesn't give a fuck No, the high you would get like we had we loved watching Power Rangers. I didn't like I would watch it But I didn't get like high off of Power Rangers, but like some of the Power Rangers were hot Yeah, but it was a lot of action for me like I was like okay, take like take a seat true It wasn't my vibe. I watch a documentary that basically said like a ton of the Power Rangers are arrested or dead now well childhood stars Do you ever feel like when you go to the gym you don't know what to do or you're tired of doing random workouts from YouTube that you don't even know You're doing correctly. Well ladder gives you a real plan from an expert coach I personally need a little guidance when I go to the gym I love someone telling me what to do and having specific goals whether you're learning to grow your glutes Grow your biceps get to find abs and prove endurance ladder will get you there with expert guidance Having a plan beats random workouts having a coach progressive programming training with intention is all how champions are made and ladder makes that Accessible. I literally used to wander around the gym and take selfies and then like talk myself out of stuff And I had no plan which meant no progress Then I found the ladder app and it completely changed how I work out Ladders and expert strength training plan not a content library. There's not random influencers or challenges It's real progressive programming designed by certified coaches And you get a new plan every week that builds on the last all the workouts connect and it feels like having a coach right there With you to help you with cues reminders and motivation and it works for any strength training you want from Pilates to body building To hybrid strength glutes Pre-post natal whether you train at home or the gym. There's a plan for you and your progress is tracked automatically I love using it for dumbbells and kettlebells because when I'm doing that alone I literally give up but this guides me in the right way So I feel like I'm not going to get injured and I'm actually making progress It's like having a personal trainer in your headphones that provides a structured workout plan and it's less than one dollar a day Versus let's say a hundred dollars a session with a personal trainer the ladder app removes the guesswork Get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout. No thinking everything planned for you If you have an iPhone head to ladder.fit/giggly and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan Use my link and get a free seven-day trial with no credit card and ten dollars off your first month if you join side note I had like I was really enjoying the world cup because the guys are so hot and then the guy I was getting a crush on At the end strangled someone Sorry, I love a bad boy. That is like you actually went through the perfect span of time with Data like it started about four months ago. Yep, that you first saw You didn't really get to know him to the last like two months and then when you're in it You're like and everyone loves you everyone I've introduced you to all my friends like it's amazing We're definitely gonna start like fully dating he took someone I like open my phone and I was like Oh, my man's a little emotional right now, and then I'm like, oh, he's choking a man's a death So I'm not proud of his actions and like you have to have a dog. Yeah, cuz I can't continue like this I saw a headline. It was like man choke someone. I'm like not my crush not my crush on the field Yeah, or like in the wild in life. No fully like the games over Tuck his hand to the back and then I should go. Yeah The bar is so low Could you imagine? Oh also You know, I love Justin Bieber. Yeah, it's just with great power. It comes great responsibility Justin Bieber for the halftime show of the World Cup decided to just show up with a guitar We cannot Annable man to just take a chart places show up outside of their own Home in which they pay taxes. I don't want you showing up in your own home with a guitar Yeah, no, I know but and I know these men saw that I'm like I could do that and you have to stay alert because in the summer There's a lot of random bonfires that happen in people's backyards Yeah, and that's almost like a silent call to them They think there's something about the fire. It's because it's the devil And now with chat GBT you know, they're putting together trying to impress you with some song made by robots And we're not haters of music, but like take out a JBL Portable speaker they sell them everywhere all shapes and size and we write at John Spotify playlist and group and playlist on Spotify and let it I don't need a live performance while I'm trying to just enjoy a hot dog. Also, I don't know where to look when they're singing I'm like do you want me to make eye contact with you? Do you want me to look away? Am I supposed to be smiling? I don't want to do with my hands. It's really worse than people singing happy birthday to me This is so off track, but I just thought of it and it's so Hannah coded. I've been like I Think it's because in Italy they don't really like believe in breakfast like they have like a sweet breakfast And you love and I love a sweet, but like you truly can't do it every single day. And they're not big on eggs I which I just find surprising, but whatever I'm not gonna debate the whole Country on their breakfast practice is who am I? Wait, they love a frittata. They don't really though like from going to Italy for five years now like I will say They don't want to they don't want to do you think they don't wake up early? They definitely don't wake up early. Yeah, and they don't want to Change and who am I to make them change? That's why they like making breads because you can make that like Any time you're all about like simple dishes are simple and it's a couple ingredients But anyway, they could they could be doing scrambled eggs like so well I feel like and they're just like not but recently I have been putting Cottage cheese in my scrambled eggs Like whisking it together and then Hannah, it I'll never go back to like cream or milk or anything Wait, someone messaged me that and I was like how the fuck did I not think of that woman in some of the week Yeah, putting cottage cheese in your eggs because it's protein. Cheese. Yeah And you could get you could use lactate dairy free cottage cheese if you want to get real careful Do you want to know what else I've been fucking with heavy? Mm-hmm making my own overnight oats solely because I like the little containers that you do it now It's giving tradwife. No, it's you know Do you put a little like like what are those? Yeah, it's over it Yes, I've been making them cutest though. You know you could try $20 at a farmer's market. - I've been unscrewing them, grabbing a spoon. That's mini as well, because it matches the cup and giving it to a man. And I want to kill myself. - There is something fun about it. You feel like you're conning him when you do it, 'cause you're like, I put a fucking napkin and I tied it around a jar and you're getting off to this. - Sometimes I'll do a tradwifey thing and I'll get mad at myself. Because I'm like, why can't I weaponize my own incompetence? - Well, you have to talk to me. - I try to make coffee in the morning and he's like, you're not, there's not the right ratio. I'm like, oh no. - I'm like, the taco seasoning doesn't go in yet. (laughing) - Keep it a minute. - Oh my God. - Wait, so it does? Okay, one thing about our marriage. - Yeah. - He thinks it's like scientific. Like he has like a disease. I think he just needs to grow up. - Okay. - He hates garlic. - Grow up. - Grow up. - I come from an Italian family. He goes, oh yeah, I don't like garlic. I was like, oh that's literally birthed to me. I was birthed from a garlic clover. - Sorry, my perfume is garlic. I brush my teeth with it. Like what? - And so he was like, no, it's just like a family thing. Like my brothers don't like it. My mom doesn't like it. And I was like, no, I'm just fucking marrying an Italian 'cause this is like in my veins. - A family of freaks. - So my mom gave us cucumbers from her garden 'cause she's perfect. - Of course. - And we made these like, okay, this is turning into Bobby Flay. Be Bobby Flay. - We got like pre-marinated skirt steaks. Hot take, skirt steak is the most underrated best steak out there. I digress. - And it's affordable. - I love thinking about it wearing a skirt. Like I'm like, oh dude. - That's what you love a skirt steak. (laughing) - I mean, two top center cut. Like this and flow as well. - Skirt steaks are the drag of steaks. (laughing) The drag queen's of steaks. (laughing) - Do you think of like some burly man who just like killed a cow? And he was like, call this piece of skirt. (laughing) Okay, yeah, I love it with a ruffle. - Sure. - Pencil. - So it was like a human skirt steak. And I was like, oh my god, what if we cut up some cucumbers, put in some Greek yogurt and made like a little, no, I know. - Made a little taziki. - No, literally. So I was feeling myself. And then you have to season it. And I, of course. - So I see that we have like salt, pepper, garlic powder. I'm like, I know he hates garlic, but I'm like, I wanna throw on some fucking garlic, right? - Nobody can tell a garlic powder. - But this is me and does having a wild night. (laughing) And my only job was to make this salad. So of course, I like try to poison my husband. - Yeah. (laughing) - He's doing everything else. And he's like, just make this salad. I'm like, okay. Um, he takes one bite. And he goes (exhaling) - He can taste it that much. - He was like, how much garlic did you put in that? I was like, I didn't put, first I tried to lie. I was like, I didn't put garlic. - He were like, none. - And I'm like, oh, maybe there was like a little bit. And he's like, this is all garlic. I didn't make a separate one for him without the garlic powder. - Oh, I wish I could have tasted it. - It was so good. It wasn't a lot of garlic. It was enough to just give it some, and it's a qual. - You don't have to tell me, girl. - By the way, this is all so marriage. I'm looking at the last text I sent to his yesterday. This is so marriage. It must have been at like 10.30. I just texted him. Why is the door keep opening and closing? (laughing) - He comes and he goes, - Why do you keep breathing in and out? (laughing) - He's like, sorry. I was going outside and I came back in. I go, well, it's a lot of doors moving. I'm just trying to watch TV. Why are people moving? - When I was little, when I was younger, I only paid attention when it was things that perched my interest. So I would have specific words. Like skirt steak is a great example. That would have peaked my interest. And when someone would come in and out of the house repeatedly, my grandma would always say, "It's crossgates mall in here." Which was like our local wall. - That's literally what was happening. I mean, it was like maybe five door slams that I was like, "Okay, I say it to this day." I mean, what is it crossgates mall? - Also, it's me and him in the house. I'm like, how many people are frallicking around? That's like whenever we couldn't open a door or something, my dad's always like, it's like getting into four knocks. - Well, that's like a common one. That's like it. (laughing) - You're like, "Okay, that's fair." - I fear that is like, what is Fort Knox? - Fort Knox is like a military base that's like like a lot of security. - Yeah. Yeah, well, they said it actually on Rhode Island. So it was like, it's like getting into Fort Knox and I was like, "Oh my God, my grandpa says that." Speaking of old people. - I love learning things from reality TV. - That's the only way I learned. So at the sushi restaurant. - Oh yeah, we forgot about this one. - I sat next to the most iconic older lady to the point that I was like, I need to be her. Like, I need to be in her body and be her. I find out she's so glamorous, she's sitting there. She tells the sushi guy, like, all the things she doesn't eat which was like kind of like every fish. And he was like, "Gotcha." And he was making her shit and she's just sitting there. And she was telling me places to travel. And then I was like, where are you from? - Like how old? Like 80s? - Mm-hmm, okay. - She's the way you're from. She was like Brooklyn. - Maybe you met yourself in the future. - No, I was like, wait, I'm from Brooklyn. And she's the way you're from, like, Park Slope. And she's like, I'm from Flatbush. And she's like, all these people want to move to Brooklyn. I want to get the fuck out of Brooklyn. She's talking about it. And then she goes, "You know who I went to high school with?" Judge Judy. - So then I'm locked in. Then I'm not even eating my sushi at this point. I said, "Wait a minute." - You're gonna have to tell me everything. - Everything. - I'm obsessed with Judge Judy. And she was like, you know, one night she got too drunk. So we jumped her. - It's always some bitch from high school. (laughs) Like, you're 80 get over. It's always, 'cause you know, a hater who's ever been stunning, has their bag, has ever hated on me. But like, some old bitch is still gonna hate on Judy. - You know something? I just is like, what are you talking about? I'm like, you are gonna, you can never guess. This bitch jumped Judge Judy in high school. - Imagine that's Judge Judy's origin story. She's like an all-stand for justice. (laughs) - I rest my life. (laughs) I'll stay for justice. That's why I put down the mallet. - Also, why? Did she say why they jumped? - Well, she said, if you get too drunk and you're embarrassing yourself, you're gonna get jumped. And I said, that's why people back then had a character. 'Cause nowadays, people just go behind usernames and talk shit, jump someone's ass and let them know where you stand and fight it out. Also, I was like, Judge Judy, and then we didn't, there was no follow-up. I was like, okay. (laughs) And then we just enjoyed the week. - Oh, my God. - But like, this is why I fuck with old people. You're not gonna be sitting next to like a 24 year old and they're gonna have that kind of lure. - Jumping, Judge Judy is a crazy, it's also a crazy thing to like in the first meet, the first four minutes of meeting someone, like saying that. Also? - Also, jump, saying jumping someone, that's what people don't do that anymore. - Especially at 80 years old. (laughs) Also, going to school with someone who becomes, I'm talking like, a list. Like, would you say, Judge Judy's a list? I was. - Yes, yes. - She's anyone in the world knows who Judge Judy is. - I feel like everyone knows who Judge Judy is. - Does anyone know her last name? No. But neither, no one knows shares. - Oh yeah, I was just gonna say Madonna. (laughs) It's been done before. Thinking about like, but I'm sure there's people that hated Judge Judy like growing up. There's, she's a human. Like, she obviously had people she didn't get along with. But I always wonder what it's like going to school and like disliking someone and then seeing them become like, I'm sure there were people in high school with Kim Kardashian that was like, I hate you, like, Kim, you're never gonna be famous. Like, things like that. I just always love that lore. - There always is, 'cause like, you don't try to be that famous unless. - Someone's pissed you off. - Yeah, yeah, 'cause it's too much work. - Remember when Lady Gaga said that someone made like a Facebook group that was like Stephanie, you will never be famous. - But that's 'cause they saw something in her. - Girls are so diabolical when they're mad. - Can we declare no more girl on Girl Crime, please? Next time you wanna say something bad about another girl, say something bad about a man. Let's just start with that. Well, I got on, of course, as like, algorithm where this girl was like, imagine if we said we wanna start taking away men's rights because they're the most 98% of violence is coming from them and we just don't think they should have rights and they shouldn't vote. - I saw a TikTok and it was a girl posting and it was like her face and it was like her looking beautiful and the caption was just like this and like hitting them in the face. And like, and the comments were all girls being like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And some guy commented and was like, okay, but like, wouldn't be cool if we posted that. And everyone like replying to him was like, You murder us. - Yeah. - It's only funny to girls because they don't do it. And it was just an interesting. - I was somewhat saying girls don't, like statistically girls don't murder, like that's not our thing. - Well, 'cause we can control our emotions. - But we also can like, we'll like emotionally like terrorize you. - We put it into needle point. - Yes, but we will not murder. But they said the only time it's murder, like pretty much a hundred percent of the time murder. - I love putting out stats is based on like, we've been abused for years and it's reactive abuse. - There's not a lot of crime of passion with women. It's the crimes of passion are more with men. - Yeah. - But there's obviously definitely crimes of passion. - But then what's weird about men is like, my man like strangled some guy yesterday and I swear they're probably getting beers today. Which like, that has to be studied. - They have a low IQ. (laughing) - Well, the headers that they do in soccer, that's a known talking about CTE with that. - I know, I know something else I don't respect men for. I think that they have a hard time holding a grudge. And I actually think seeing, I see holding a grudge as something really, you gotta have gumption. - You know, you gotta have ambition to hold a grudge. You have to believe in something. - It takes your daily work to hold a grudge. You have to make a decision every day that you're gonna hold that grudge and stick to it. - And that's discipline. - If you can hold a grudge, how can you hold a relationship? - How can I trust you? - There's not a person that you've hated for years. I can't trust you. - Every now and then you do forget something though, but it's 'cause you have so, you have so many grudges. You actually have like too many grudges going on. And then you, but then you jump right back on. Yeah, once you remember. - Once someone reminds me of what that pitch did, I'm right back in the middle of it. - Low key, I am so proud of myself though. Like, 'cause it's starting to happen with me where you're like, do you remember when this person did this to you? And you forgetting that someone did something horrible to try to ruin your life is such a win. Like, that person is so small in your life that you forgot when you were the center of their existence to try to take you down and you literally forgot that they did that. - Sometimes I have to limit my phone calls with Stephanie because she'll tell me things from high school and I'll bring someone up and she'll be like, "Pager that person hates you." And I'm like, I don't recall. And she'll walk me through a whole story. I'm like, well, I gotta go. (laughing) I'm like, that's traumatizing. I went through that. She's like, yeah, you were right there. Like, oh no, God. - Anyway. - Also, I had a really cute date with my mom, but I just, we got pedicures. - She says she was priming your feet for the next time you see each other. - Yeah. - But I have to say my mom is so old school when it comes to pedicures. She comes in and the ladies do want regular gel. - Did she bring her own color? - No, that's can't deserve it. - I was gonna say, I could feel the norm being like, I don't know. - That's what Hannah would do. - Yeah, Hannah would be like, I got the perfect one you used that. But my mom goes. - Nana's is like discontinued, but she ordered like a hundred bottles. - That's how she is with her lip stain. (laughing) That she reapplies after every time she chooses. - She's got like a Givenchy from 1980s. - It's a shade that I've never seen before and it only works on her face. - It has like poisonous berries. - Yeah. - It's like gold making. (laughing) - It's like not FDA approved. - No. - 1992, they ruled it illegal. - It's been banned in Canada for sure. (laughing) - For sure. - There's red dye 40. There's red dye 40, you can guarantee that. So my mom was like, I'll take gel and she goes, well, I don't do gel. And I'm like, mom, gel will last like a year on you. And she's like, but it causes cancer. And I was like, mom, let's be fucking crazy today and just get gel, okay? And she's like, okay, cool. So we get there and immediately I'm pressing the buttons. Like I'm fucking getting my, look over. I'm like, mom, press the massage thing. Get the massage going. - I don't. - She was like, okay, I'm like, that's the whole point of it. - Yeah. - Like massage. - I have to focus. - I am on my phone though. I'm fucking, I'm sending emails. I'm texting. I'm like, doing whatever the fuck I am on my phone. Listening to music, whatever. Which is raw dogging or pedicure. (laughing) Just staring straight forward. And I complete peace, like not weird. She's just enjoying the moment. And then I realized I'm being, I thought she was on her phone. I realized I'm on my phone. And then I put it down and I'm like, okay, I guess we can talk, but I'm like, she didn't even consider taking on her phone. - Didn't even think of it. - The good old days, you used to just get pedicures. - Now I have like a to-do list when I'm getting a pedicure. I'm like, great, I'll knock this out while I'm getting a pedicure. - Listen to seven audio books. Back then, what did women do when they were getting, they're nails done. They talked, they gossiped. - They gossiped, they talked to their technician. They went at the same time as their friends. They said they had a key. - They had a community. - When I'm getting my nails done, I can't be on my phone. 'Cause you're getting your nails done. How are you? - I try to watch the tennis channel from my phone. - I watch TV. - But also I try to avoid getting my nails done at all costs. - I know, you know. - And these guys are not good. - But no one ever calls you out. Like I literally had to come home, get my nails done immediately. - What, you're so jealous of me right now? - Well, because your nails like last so long. - No, it's 'cause people have low expectations for me, Paige. Except can we just say a lot of comments think, "Henny, can you clean your screen?" "Henny, can you clean your screen?" - I think it's more the glare from the sun. - No, I cleaned it for the sun. - Oh, okay. - Okay. - But guys, can someone not have an aesthetic? - Sorry that that's your vibe. - Let's leave my vibe also. - Vibes might have just had a grilled cheese sandwich. - I don't know. You don't know my life. - Why are you dressing like me right now? - Yeah, I know. I just put my hair up and I was like, it's giving soccer teams. - No, but you know I love a polo. Like a grandpa polo. - I've been loving them this summer because they're just like easy with like sweatshorts. - Yes. - Like for lounging, but like what if she goes on a walk, you know? - I'm obsessed with a cool lot for summer because I don't want to wear a tight caprice and I don't want to wear long and I don't want to wear too short. There's something about a wide long caprice that I'm like digging with a little kitten heel. - In the year 2005, I first saw a pair of goutro pants. And let me tell you, my life had been changed ever since. I think about goutro pants. - Once. - Once a year and a good or bad way. - You, did you wear goutro pants? Because they would have been so you, they were like stretchy yoga material, the caprice that were like a bit, yeah. - They were at limited to, I wore them. - They had a fold over, they were everything to me. And I feel because capris have come back so strongly in the past like two years. Goutro pants are on the horizon, and I'm hoping, I'm hoping. - I'm hoping. - I'm hoping that there, it's like two years down the line, three years down the line, and we're pregnant for it. - Oh, 'cause honey, we'd be livin' if goutro pants were in style when we were popping out kids. - Oh my gosh, yeah. - Also, women are some of the week. This girl invented a jacket bag. - Wait, did you see this? - No, but congratulations for her. Wait, I ordered a romper and a pair of leggings that are supposed to help your digestive system. - Well, I also ordered a vibration plate. - Yesterday, so. - You're a little bit late on the mark, but. (laughing) - Desk was like, what the hell is this? - The brand is called CEAN, lymphatic compression leggings. - Are you gonna wear it on, I'm gonna see. Are you gonna wear it on planes? Or like on your daily. - I was gonna wear it on a walk and just like see. - Okay. - And then figure it out. - Okay, at some point, we can, we can't squeeze out every drainage of. - At some point, talk therapy is necessary. (laughing) - At some point, I'm gonna. - At some point, I'm gonna. - At some point, put your phone down. (laughing) The constant need to improve is exhaust work. It's overwhelming. - But this girl, basically, when do I, it really brought me back. Do you remember when you'd go to a bar? And it was really cold out. And you were like, I have to wear a jacket. - Yeah. - And then you get to the bar and you put your jacket down and you go, there's a 50/50 chance that I'm ever gonna see this jacket again and then you live your life. - No. (laughing) - No, because that jacket is my world, that's my life. - You would wear the jacket at the bar? - No, I would carry it around with me because I rather die at the thought of this jacket going home to someone else's apartment, not being cared for, not being loved. - Oh yeah, I forgot. - Essentially being kidnapped. - I forgot how you feel so connected to inanimate objects. See, I had the same winter jacket for like 10 years. I was like, someone please stay in my jacket. - And like if I forgot it or someone took mine instead of theirs, I would be like. - Yeah, you'd call 911. - Yeah, I'd be really upset I'd have to go replace the jacket immediately. - No, I'd see a pile of jackets. I'd put mine under the pile and then you pray and then you just go off on your, night and then at the end of the night, it's chaos. - I do a secret hiding spot if I was like somewhere that like I had to put it down. - Put in the kitchen or something or like make friends of the bartender and be like. - I'm not putting it in the pile of other jackets. - But my jacket was gross. Or we would do no jackets and I would just dress with like a belt as a skirt and a top full of hope. - And then just like get pneumonia and go. - We were tougher, our immune system was stronger. We hadn't lived through COVID-19, like we had dreams. We had a hundred percent. - We were full of life. - We were full of school. - I got half my eggs gone. Like I can't keep internal heat anymore. How would I do that? - You could just poop on demand bags. - Yeah, are you kidding? - So, this girl invented this jacket that you go to the bar and your jacket. And then the jacket folds into, I swear, a really cute bag. And then you just like put your stuff in it. - Where's your stuff while you're wearing the jacket? - You can have it in a purse and the purse goes in that. 'Cause it's like not like a time, it doesn't turn into a tiny purse. It's more like. - I'm intrigued. - A bigger purse. It's real, it's cute to the point that it's like, I'd rather hold that than my jacket all night. - Like I really would have thought that like ballet flats, that not ballet flats, but like sandals that turn into heels would have been like more of a thing. I thought there would be more like innovation and technology and certainly. - For sure. Well, all of us were like, wouldn't it be crazy if like your heel could turn into like, I want like robotic like, and it like goes up. But the spanks lady whose iconic created the sneaker heel. - Yeah, let's be serious though. - But that's not your brand. Maybe one day, and maybe one day we won't we'll invent a tampon that isn't just a cotton ball, shove it up, you're pussy, but. So everything's pussy, I know you hate that. - Sometimes it's just inappropriate. - Sometimes it's just harsh on my ears, you know, but that's my internalized misogyny. Like I can't hear the word pussy. - But like she said pussy multiple times this episode. - Yeah, somebody DMed me and they said, I, that over the weekend they said to a man, can you take the dick out of your mouth? (laughing) - She was like, and I'm not gonna lie. It hit so hard, people were like, what? - I was talking to two people yesterday trying to explain how I couldn't speak in the beginning of the master massacre. - Yeah. - And it took all of me to not say I sounded like I had a dick in my mouth because it's really the most accurate depiction of it. - Yeah, we couldn't get closer. - But it wasn't, I didn't know these people well enough to say that. So I said marbles, but in my head I'm like, marbles doesn't do justice. It's a dick. - It's fully dick, I can't like this. I can't like this. - I think that's, I think that's what we've done our job. - I think we're done. - I think we're done here. - I think we're new gone. I think I'm in the car. - When I said, I can't talk therapy is it? (laughing) - It's inevitable at this point. Last summer I was doing EDMR therapy every single day. - And people are begging for it back. (laughing) People have written in. - Wait, my old makeup, not my old makeup artist. I'm obsessed with crystal, just tagged me in a full, like, (singing in foreign language) of my smile and all these photos of me, like really happy smiling. And that's what I woke up to today. - And did you see that people are commenting on things that are happening in the bravo sphere with your face? - I mean, it's just like. - One thing about me. - You've replaced the little girl in the back seat going like that. You've replaced her. - I do have to say maybe my favorite accomplishment of my career, 'cause I love being a meme. If I can bring joy to anyone and make a comment that much funnier, that's what my purpose is. - You're this Gen Z's two girls one cop. (laughing) - And that's a callback. And that's a callback. Okay, we have to get off, stop talking. I love you. - I love you, goodbye. - Goodbye. Get our merch. (upbeat music)