Giggling about gauchos, grudges, and getting jumped

(upbeat music) - Sup, Giggler. - Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. - Manifest that shit. We can't be manners. (laughing) (upbeat music) - I'm in the day just got away from me. - Okay, I've been getting messages saying, "Hannah, how could you not say ganglion?" Giggler's, "I did two episodes ago." - And it's gone, I'm off that. That was so last week. - We did a memoriam. - Mercury and retrograde? I have other things happening. - We did a memoriam called, ♪ And the arms of angels ♪ ♪ With me ♪ - I was singing that all over the house and Des was like, "I'm gonna divorce you." - Yeah, it's depressing. Because you can't help but think of the dog commercial. And it's just like-- - No, how do they make the dogs cry in the commercial? (laughing) It's like, "Did you put eye drops in that dog?" - I don't think dogs actually cry. - I feel like they jail. - I can't think about it. Oh, I cannot. - Okay, then let's start the week off with something that pissed me off. - Yes. - 'Cause that always makes you happy. - Yeah. (laughing) - That brings me joy. - It's simple, it's small. It's nothing to lose your head about. - Well those were the best ones. - It's just something that I'm like, "This is stupid and I hate it." And it's a pissing me off. What is the new thing with influencers on Instagram? Posting an outfit and then saying, "Comment, post, and I'll DM you the link." - Who the fuck put you in charge? - It makes me feel like we're in class. - I'm like first of all, I'm not even following you, so don't yell at me on my feed and tell me to do something. Second of all, you've now made an enemy of me, which means I will screenshot this, put it into Google search images, find it, and buy it. Sands your link, just to show the brand that they're getting more traffic, not on your pissing me off. - Well now a day is I don't trust anything, so I'm like, "Are you gonna get my social security number if I comment?" - Also, I'm not subscribing to your sub-stack to get subscribe to your sub-stacks. - Subscribe to your channel. (laughing) - If you're not already subscribed. - Which by the way is free, we don't charge on our sub-stacks for the girls. We don't charge, the internet is free. How dare you come in and try and monetize? Or like whatever you're doing with your engagement and this tomfoolery, this trickery? - To publicly comment. That's a humiliation ritual. - I rather go into chat GPT and suck up all the water just to spite you. That's how angry you've made me. - But then you look, there's like 400 comments, and I'm like, "I see people, I know, I go guys." - Guys, have some cool, I'm like, don't do that. - But it is kind of gatekeeper too. It's gatekeeper to be like you have to jump over this wire and trip over this banana peel in order to get. - In the same vein, if I see one more goddamn video of someone catching their boyfriend cheating to find out it's an ad, all I've got invested. - I'm obsessed with your algorithm. I haven't seen one of those videos. (laughing) - I'm like, wait a second, I thought we were pulling up to this side bitch's house. And then you're gonna throw a hashtag ad at the bottom of the-- - Cheating 20 if you want this new toothpaste. - No, I'm livid. I'm livid about it. I've gone into part two's. - Well, also now there's these AI ads of like, make it up dramas. And I keep being like, not interested, not interested. - Oh, I'm very interested in this. (laughing) - Tell me why I find myself watching like an AI like full story that you can't imagine. - No, you're not supporting where we're at, I know, I know. But there's so compelling. (laughing) - Robot love is love too. - I was born in the wrong time because like, I'm sorry, I know that I fight against the patriarchy twice a week. But if you had put me in a house with four kids, a cigarette and some coirudes and a tele novella, no, I would have thrived. I would have thrived. Okay, I would have been Martha Stewart before Martha Stewart. I would have been creating marijuana brownies for the other housewives midday. - How do I watch this? Like, this is desperate housewives, actually. - Yeah, but like, it's the time period. - Yeah, it's the time period. I also, I would have just burned the house down and then been like, calls the crazy wife. (laughing) - Yeah, what would your character have been? - Ooh, I love this game. I would have been like, well, also your husband would have been secretly gay. - For sure. - For sure. - You would have been like, the best-looking couple on the block. - Yeah, but like, you never touched each other. - He goes on a fishing trip every weekend, every weekend. - With the same one guy. - I'm like, it's like, okay. - You and Don, again, how many fishing trips do you need? - You brought home zero fish. (laughing) - You brought literally, the cooler is empty every Sunday. But I would have like, I would have gone with that. - I wouldn't know why I would have gone with it because it wouldn't have been accepted. So I would have covered for him. - Yes, and then you would have been like, it's us against the worlds. Although other women are jealous of me because of my amazing recipe of Ravioli. - People wouldn't talk about my lemonade. That's how, like, in this bitch I'd say. - I would have been trying to do town hall meetings, trying to start a women's suffrage movement. - Yeah, you'd start like a neighborhood watch. - And finally, some of the girls would be like, you know what, we actually don't want this and we need to get Hannah out. - Yeah. - And then I would be like, okay, well, I'm nowhere to go. - I feel like you'd like come over to my house and be like, are you high? And they'd be like, are you not? How are you doing four kids? - No, I would come over to your house, make a plan for us to overtake the suburban patriarchy and you would agree 'cause you're high and then the morning you'd be like, lose my number. (laughing) - Okay, another thing that pissed me off. You said there was one. (laughing) I like, when you under promise over deliver 'cause when you say you have five, you can never live up to it. - Well, again, I've been up for hours. I'm too coffee's deep, I worked out. I'd like, I'm getting going on my Monday because I had a reset weekend, all weekend. - Yeah. - Wait, what pissed you off? I don't want you to forget. - Somebody DM'd me and was like, if you thought love Island this season was like a hint of red pill, you have to watch the newest season of Meredith Hercyte. This is one you could get into. - This is one you could get into because it's so outlandish that you're like, oh, casting was given a very specific type of character that they want this show to like. - Is it religious? - It's not so much religious that it is controlling 101. Like, there was a frame. It was so crazy that it was funny. Like, I found myself laughing at so many different parts because I was like, surely this guy is like playing a character and seeing if he can like get away with it on TV. Very innocently, one of the guy that is supposed to get married, one of his friends just casually says, oh my god, like, what if she's not into sports? Which is a concern of mine. So I found it relatable. My ears perk up. I look up from my phone. - I look up from my phone. - It's a great phone show. And he goes, think I goes, not a problem. I've trained some of the world's best athletes. He's not a trained, there's, wait, is he talking about what if she's like not good at playing sports herself? - No, like his friend was like, what if she's not interested in like doing all the insane sports you just listed? And he was like, well, if she's not, I'll train her. He was like, I've trained so many great athletes. He's so scary and triggering that like, it's not even red pill, it's like this is, this is almost like an exception to the rule. Like this is not the norm. - Well, it's also kind of giving gay, like if you want her to be so good at sports. - Data football player. - Right, right. Where can people watch Marita first sight? - It's on Peacock, which is, Peacock has actually been keeping me very fed. I just watched this other show. You would hate it, it's a period piece. It's called like Seeking Persephone. (laughing) - Yeah, you would hate it. You would literally hate it. It was just like a little fort part, fort part little ditty. Nothing, nothing really. - Did you just say ditty? - Yeah, nothing really that groundbreaking, but I love a period piece. - Wait, speaking of, I love a summer, I love a horse, I love a period piece. Speaking of groundbreaking. It's been years, it's been decades. We finally, we finally put out merch, merch. - What has been keeping us? - Okay, we've gone through a lot throughout the years. with merch, we've had many different. We've had a lot of changes, changes and stages and vibes and we're also very picky when it comes to merch. We both love everything, we brought back some, we listened to the comments a lot. So when you guys are like, we need to bring this back. I loved everything so much I brought it to Italy, lost it in Italy. Oh my god. Found it when I unpacked because I put it in a secret compartment and not forget it and I forgot it. I hate when you're too smart for your own good. I know. I hate know. You became a CIA agent in that moment when you were packing and then you were, well you also were dehydrated and fighting for your life at the time. You couldn't find a small compartment, but also maybe we don't need so many compartments when we're unpacking page. Well, I love it, I love it. I love a compartment, I love a pouch, I love a pouch, I love a packing cube. I love a thing inside of a thing. Speaking of housewives, I cannot stop listening to gorgeous baby gorgeous, your energy is magic magic. And then people were making fun of her because she was like, if you listen to the lyrics, it's really helping people and people were like writing the lyrics, they're like, that's helping people. I'm like, don't judge what helps people. Don't judge it. Being a pop star of any magnitude, I envy so much, it's something that I personally know that it's not like I could never do. I'm not getting up and singing anywhere, but in my head, every girl, have I dreamt of commanding a stage and being a pop star? I think there's a lot of professions that bravo people have crossed over into and excelled, like comedy, writing, acting, you know, all the things. We haven't gotten like a legit pop star yet. But look, we've had Erica Jane. Yes, but I'm talking Sabrina Carpenter level, like something more people are like, she was on bravo. But you're fucking tongue. Luanda LaSeps. Oh, either. You're going to say my Lord and Savior, Sheena Scheib. I'm saying Sheena Scheib is the closest thing we've had so far. I'm talking pop star who goes on tour. Yeah. Yeah. Melissa Gorga, a banger of a song, but then she never did any more. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm waiting. It has to be someone from like, it has to be a young, maybe next gen. Maybe it's Brooks. And I'd love to see it. No, I feel like he's too quiet late back. Chill. He doesn't want to beat dancing on stage. Well, Meredith is like DJing, right? I feel like she's doing a really good job. This is going to sound like narcissistic and like I need like real moms to weigh in. Do you ever like sit and think like what's your child's going to accomplish? Yeah. I just fear that she's going to be haunted like me by never ending expectations and pressure. And do you want to know my mom says to that? She says, if you have no expectations, that's exactly what you get. If you have high expectations, that's what your child will get you. My Lord, I saved your camp to soar both. And so I like the closer and closer I get to like being someone's mother and like not someone's child, I fear that I'm going to be psychotic. Well, my one piece of advice as someone who had parents like your parents, who I think we have been able to chase a lot of dreams because our parents at no point got that any idea we threw at them. Great. You said Gawk? Gawk. Like I was like, mom, I want to be a comedian. She was like, oh, she's never like, oh, even when I was like, oh, I got it, I asked, I got asked to do a show. She was like, maybe you shouldn't, but like I support you. Yeah. Like at no point where our parents like, maybe we don't have it in you. Never came out of Kim's sorbos mouth, never came out of Gary's mouth. That's for sure. So, anything she was like, and be the Prince of England, but I would say, if you push your kid too hard into something that they don't actually enjoy, as someone who's seen this line, the tennis world, like you get a kid who's talented. If they fall out of love with it, they're not going to reach their potential. So you have to make sure that like they like it, so whatever you're pushing them in, make sure they like it, or like give them some options and see what they naturally gravitate towards and then be psychotic with it. Like, you fucking chose it and then like, but I'm crazy. Like, Taylor Shrucker had a kid who, I don't know, she looks kind of athletic to me. She's like, she's like six months old, but the way she was navigating her, I don't know, and I looked at her, I said, you're like her hand-eye coordination at this age. And I said, can I talk to you for a second, and I pulled Taylor down to you to the side. I said, you gotta take ten to suppose, you gotta just roll it towards her. You know that's so funny because like, you think that you can spot athletes and I genuinely think that I can spot like a certain type of talent. Are we baby agents? There are certain people I've seen over the years on the internet met in real life where I've in my head been like, you're going to be huge, like you have sauce. I feel like we both have that. We both have this like, yeah, that person's got it. That's very interesting. But we would be such bad agents. Wait, speaking of the tennis world, I must bring up pagelorans and Tommy Paul's wedding. Yes. I thought one of the most gorgeous weddings I've seen on the internet in years. Wow. And explain. I thought everything was so perfectly like not overdone. It all flowed, it gave a very like preppy old money vibe, it gave very, someone said it was at Nate Archibald's house in Gossip Girl like his country home. I just thought it was beautiful. I thought her dress was gorgeous. And then do you know Shay Sullivan on TikTok? She's blonde. Maybe. I don't know what, I don't know if she was like on a season of Love Island or she's just like a famous TikTok or whatever. But she got married too. Oh, yes. I think I saw that. I mean, she looked like a literal princess out of a story. Okay. So you're loving what the girls are putting out right now. I'm loving it. I'm, you know, here's the thing, the thing. I don't ever get involved in wedding TikTok drama because I'm like not planning a wedding. I've never been a maid of honor. Like I'm not, I'm, I feel a little bit removed from it. So I never get like deep in the drama of it. You were my maid of honor. You didn't have bridesmaids. And you caught my bouquet and when she did, it was a pre-planned bouquet to us. I did steal the photographer at one point so my whole album is you and my wedding day. But the girls get torn apart, torn apart and I'm not talking like third party anonymous forums. I'm talking right in their comments, why would you do your hair like that? Like it's such an interesting, like realm to watch because it's truly such a good example of like women just hating on women. That's girl on girl crime. You can't describe your wedding as timeless because then it's, then you're stupid. You can't, you can't say that you're different from other weddings because who are you to think that you're unique? It's very, it's very accusatory. It's scary. I'm so annoyed that you're telling me this because I was about to say on my feed, one thing I liked about Paige's wedding is that I feel like a lot of the, say what you want about New York City influencers, they have each other's back. Like they were posting, grid posting, how fucking beautiful is my friend's wedding. And in that moment, I felt a real sense of love and community and I'm like girls need to uplift other girls because it just makes us all stronger and powerful. Like when men get successful, they all just form like, like these like crews and then just like continue to grow where I feel like women, someone gets successful and they're like try to like batter down. I agree. I feel like I see them on Instagram and I'm like, yeah, like they're being nice to each other because you guys are so mean to that. But that is like the patriarchy is we talk about all the time and we say we're angry at the men but at some point we have to learn from the men and how they support each other. And I mean, Giggly Squad is two girls supporting each other, we wouldn't be here without each other. Yeah. Why did my head just go two girls one cop? And that's why we haven't overcome the patriarchy. And I think you show it with my, that literally ruined my child. No, truly that was a millennial like, why did we do that? I have to add that to my bit about why millennials have TMJ. My Swiss top eight, two girls one cop. Why was that put into the mainstream? No, because why was everyone passing it around and why was there no discreet? You know, I never watched it because I'm a pussy. Oh, you're such an idiot. I never watched it. I never watched it. I'm a prude baby. I said I refused to watch that. No, that's so you. Because actually the end of the day I'm saintly, like that's why Kim likes me, because I'm prude and safe. I remember watching it being like, this is bad, I shouldn't be watching it. But I was like, obviously, I need to see what everyone's talking about for my own opinion. I had so much fun last night. Oh, sorry. It seems like a weird segue, because, I don't know, I don't know. Well, okay, so I went to the sushi place and there was a giggler who worked there but actually there is kind of a segue and I was like how like what's your favorite sushi and she was like oh I don't eat sushi but she works at the place. I was like that's iconic but like at least If I worked out sushi place, I would have mercury poisoning. She's like eat this food gross I was like okay, and she goes no, I just have a really big fear of throwing up Not me. And I was like okay, but I Guess she's heard like if you get sushi poisoning you throw up so she's like I'm not risking that Oh, like there's more Scenarios in which you could get food poisoning from raw fish than other. I mean, I think she's at the point where she has like a phobia Where she's not like critically figuring it out. She's just like I don't fuck with that, you know Yeah, she's keeping her walls up. She's protecting herself. That's why I felt what two girls won cup I was like I'm gonna try to throw up today Also, it was fake right? I don't I don't think so if you don't know what two girls won cup is we're certainly not going to explain it on this pod because it was it was It's a personal Situation it must exist on the internet somewhere definitely exist somewhere It was a video that went rampant in the year. What what year was that 2006? Everyone was talking about it. Could have even been younger. It shaped us our psyches now that the internet is so vast And there's so many videos and so many trends. I feel like generations like there were certain things as a whole It's a generation you heard and you knew are there things like that? Well, this is what's crazy and I could list them see her as a man Two girls one cup the guy who sucks his own dick the guy that sexes took his ribs out psyched his own day This was our pirate story our lore I think there's another one. There's definitely a thing they have it now, but two girls one cup for example That would have been viral for four days. Yeah, and everyone would have moved on It's like movies. Do you remember when like a movie would come out like like inception when inception came out Everyone was like talking about it for like four months like the devil worse proud of two done done I feel like that was so quick. It was like it's the premiere and now it's like we don't care Like when a movie would come out like when Pokemon the movie came out. That was a I was celebrating for a year Rugrats on an orange VHS Why wasn't everyone doing colored VHS? I remember getting that VHS and being like so the branding everywhere It just doesn't give a fuck know the high you would get like we had we loved watching power Rangers I didn't like I would watch it But I didn't get like high off of power Rangers, but like some of the power Rangers were hot Yeah, but it was a lot of action for me like I was like okay Take like take a seat true. It wasn't my vibe. I watched a documentary that basically said like a ton of the power Rangers are arrested or dead now well childhood stars Do you ever feel like when you go to the gym you don't know what to do or you're tired of doing random workouts from YouTube that you Don't even know what you're doing correctly. Well ladder gives you a real plan from an expert coach I personally need a little guidance when I go to the gym. I love someone telling me what to do and Having specific goals whether you're learning to grow your glutes grow your biceps get to find abs and prove endurance Ladder will get you there with expert guidance having a plan beats random workouts having a coach Progressive programming training with intention is all how champions are made and ladder makes that accessible I literally used to wander around the gym and take selfies and then like talk myself out of stuff And I had no plan which meant no progress Then I found the ladder app and it completely changed how I work out Ladders and expert strength training plan not a content library There's not random influencers or challenges. It's real progressive programming designed by certified coaches And you get a new plan every week that builds on the last all the workouts connect and it feels like having a coach right there With you to help you with cues reminders and motivation and it works for any strength training you want from Pilates to body building To hybrid strength glutes Pre-post natal whether you train at home or the gym. There's a plan for you and your progress is tracked automatically I love using it for dumbbells and catabels because when I'm doing that alone I literally give up but this guides me in the right way So I feel like I'm not going to get injured and I'm actually making progress It's like having a personal trainer in your headphones that provides a structured workout plan and it's less than one dollar a day Verse let's say a hundred dollars a session with a personal trainer. The ladder app removes the guesswork Get a real coach in your ear telling you exactly what to do for every workout. No thinking everything planned for you If you have an iPhone head to ladder.fit/giggly and take a quick quiz to find your perfect ladder plan Use my link and get a free seven-day trial with no credit card and ten dollars off your first month if you join Side note I had like I was really enjoying the world cup because the guys are so hot and then the guy I was getting a crush on At the end string gold someone Sorry, I love a bad boy. That is like you actually went through the perfect span of time with Data like it started about four months ago. Yep, that you first saw You didn't really get to know him to the last like two months when you're in it. You're like and everyone loves you Everyone I've introduced you to all my friends like it's amazing. We're definitely going to start like fully dating he took someone I like open my phone and I was like oh my man's a little emotional right now and then I'm like oh he's choking a man's a death So I'm not proud of his actions and like we have to have a dog. Yeah, cuz I can't continue like this I saw headline. It was like man choke someone. I'm like not my crush not my crush on the field Yeah, or like in the wild in life. No fully like the games over Took his hand The bar is so low Could you imagine oh also You know I love Justin Bieber. Yeah, it's just with great power comes great responsibility Justin Bieber for the halftime show of the World Cup decided to just show up with a guitar We cannot Enable man to just take a good show Show up outside of their own home in which they pay taxes I don't want you showing up in your own home with a guitar. Yeah, no, I know but and I know these men saw that I'm like I could do that and you have to stay alert because in the summer There's a lot of random bonfires that happen in people's backyards Yeah, and that's almost like a silent call to them. They think there's something about the fire It's because it's the devil And now with Chatchee BT you know they're putting together trying to impress you with some song made by robots And we're not haters of music, but like take out a JBL portable speaker they sell them everywhere all shapes and size and we write at John Spotify playlist and group and playlist on Spotify and let it read. I don't need a live performance Well, I'm trying to just enjoy a hot dog. Also, I don't know where to look when they're singing I'm like do you want me to make eye contact with you? Do you want me to look away? Am I supposed to be smiling? I don't want to do with my hands. It's really worse than people singing happy birthday to me This is so off track, but I just thought of it and it's so Hannah coated. I've been like I think it's because in Italy, they don't really like believe in breakfast like they have like a sweet breakfast and You love and I love a sweet, but like you truly can't do it every single day and they're not big on eggs I which I just find surprising, but whatever I'm not gonna debate the whole Country on their breakfast practice is who am I? Would they love a frittata? They don't really though like from going to Italy for five years now like I will say They don't want a they don't want to do you think they don't wake up early? They definitely don't wake up early. Yeah, and they don't want to Change and who am I to make them change? That's why they like making breads because you can make that like And you're all about like simple dishes are simple and it's a couple ingredients But anyway, they could they could be doing scrambled eggs like so well I feel like and they're just like not but recently I have been putting Cottage cheese in my scrambled eggs Like whisking it together and then Hannah it I'll never go back to like cream or milk or anything Wait someone messaged me that and I was like how the fuck did I not think of that woman in some of the week Yeah putting cottage cheese in your eggs because it's protein cheese Yeah, and you could get you could use lactate dairy free cottage cheese if you want to get real careful Do you want to know what else I've been fucking with heavy? Mm-hmm, making my own overnight oats solely because I like the little containers that you do it. No, it's giving tradwife No, I know. Do you put a little like Like what are those Yeah, it's over it Yes, I've been making them cutest thought you know you could try $20 at a farmer's market. - I've been unscrewing them, grabbing a spoon, that's mini as well because it matches the cup and giving it to a man. And I want to kill myself. - There is something fun about it. You feel like you're conning him when you do it 'cause you're like, I put a fucking napkin and I tied it around a jar and you're like getting off to this. - Sometimes I'll do a tradwifey thing and I'll get mad at myself because I'm like, why can't I weaponize my own incompetence? - Well, you have to talk to me. - I try to make coffee in the morning and he's like, you're not, there's not the right ratio. I'm like, oh no. - I'm like, the taco seasoning doesn't go in yet. You have to keep it a minute. - Oh my God. - Wait, so it does? Okay, one thing about our marriage. - Yeah. - He thinks it's like scientific. Like he has like a disease. I think he just needs to grow up. - Okay. - He hates garlic. - He just needs to grow up. - Grow up. - I come from an Italian family. He goes, oh yeah, I don't like garlic. I was like, oh, that's literally birthed to me. I was birthed from a garlic clover. - Sorry, my perfume is garlic. I brush my teeth with it. Like, why? - I didn't know so he was like, no, it's just like a family thing. Like my brothers don't like it. My mom doesn't like it. And I was like, no, I'm just fucking marrying an Italian 'cause this is like in my veins. - A family of freaks. - So my mom gave us cucumbers from her garden 'cause she's perfect. - Of course. - And we made these like, okay, this is turning into a bobby fly. Be bobby fly. We got like pre-marinated skirt steaks. Hot take, skirt steak is the most underrated best steak out there. I digress. - And it's affordable. - I love thinking about it wearing a skirt. Like I'm like, oh dude. - That's what you love a skirt steak. (laughing) - I mean, two top center cut. Like this and flow as well. - Skirt steaks. - Skirt steaks are the drag of steaks. (laughing) The drag queen's of steaks. (laughing) Do you think of like some burly man who just like killed a cow? And he was like, call this piece. - Skirt. (laughing) - Okay, yeah, I love it with a ruffle. - Sure. - Pencil. - So it was like a cumin skirt steak. And I was like, oh my god, what if we cut up some cucumbers, put in some Greek yogurt and made like a little, no, I know. - Made a little toziki. - No, literally. So I was feeling myself. And then you have to season it. And I, of course. - So I see that we have like salt, pepper, garlic powder. I'm like, I know he hates garlic, but I'm like, I wanna throw on some fucking garlic, right? - Nobody can tell a garlic powder. - But this is me and does having a wild night. (laughing) And my only job was to make this salad. So of course, I like tried to poison my husband. - Yeah. (laughing) - He's doing everything else. And he's just like, just make this salad. I'm like, okay. He takes one bite. He goes, ah. (laughing) - He can taste it that much. - He was like, how much garlic did you put in that? I was like, I didn't put, first I tried to lie. I was like, I didn't put garlic. - He were like, none. - And I'm like, oh, maybe there was like a little bit. And he's like, this is all garlic. I made a separate one for him without the garlic powder. - Oh, I wish I could have tasted it. - It was so good. It wasn't a lot of garlic. It was enough to just give it some jinnice qua. - You don't have to tell me, girl. - By the way, this is all so marriage. I'm looking at the last text I sent to us yesterday. This is so marriage. It must have been at like 10.30. I just texted him, why is the door keep opening and closing? (laughing) - He comes and he goes, why do you keep breathing in and out? (laughing) - He's like, sorry. I was going outside and I came back in. And I go, well, it's a lot of doors moving. I'm just trying to watch TV. Why are people moving? (laughing) - When I was little, when I was younger, I only paid attention when it was things that perched my interest. So I would have specific words. Like skirt steak is a great example. That would have peaked my interest. And when someone would come in and out of the house repeatedly, my grandma would always say, it's crossgates mall in here. - Oh, it's like our local mall. - That's literally what was happening. I mean, it was like maybe five door slams that I was like, okay. I say it to this day. I mean, what is it crossgates mall? (laughing) - Also, it's me and him in the house. I'm like, how many people are frallicking around? - Yeah. - That's like whenever we couldn't open a door. Something my dad's always like, it's like getting into Fort Knox. - Well, that's like a common one. - Oh. - Yeah. (laughing) - You're like, okay, that's-- - I fear that is like, what is Fort Knox? - Fort Knox is like a military base that's like like a lot of security. - Yeah. - Yeah, well, they said it actually on Rhode Island. Someone was like, it's like getting into Fort Knox and I was like, oh my god, my grandpa says that. Speaking of old people. - I love learning things from reality TV. - That's the only way I learned. So at the sushi restaurant. - Oh yeah, we forgot about this restaurant. - I sat next to the most iconic older lady to the point that I was like, I need to be her. Like I need to be in her body and be her. I find out she's so glamorous, she's sitting there. She tells the sushi guy like, all the things she doesn't eat which was like kind of like every fish and he was like, gotcha and he was making her shit and she's just sitting there and she was telling me places to travel and then I was like, where are you from? - Like how old, like 80s? - Mm-hmm, okay. - I said, where are you from? She was like Brooklyn. - Maybe you met yourself in the future. - No, I was like, wait, I'm from Brooklyn and she's a where you from, like Park Slope and she's like, I'm from Flatbush and she's like, all these people want to move to Brooklyn. I want to get the fuck out of Brooklyn. She's talking about it. And then she goes, you know who I went to high school with? Judge Judy. - So then I'm locked in. Then I'm not even eating my sushi at this point. I said, then you're gonna have to tell me everything, because I'm obsessed with Judge Judy and she was like, you know, one night she got too drunk. So we jumped her. - It's always some bitch from high school. (laughing) Like you're 80 get over, it's always I, 'cause you know a hater, who's ever been stunning, has their bag, has ever hated on me. But like some old bitch is still gonna hate on Judy. So then I just, it's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, you are gonna, you can never guess. This bitch jumped Judge Judy in high school. - Imagine that's Judge Judy's origin story. She's like, and I'll stand for Justice. (laughing) - I'll stand for Justice. That's where I put down the mallet. - Also, why did she say why they jumped? - Well, she said, if you get too drunk and you're embarrassing yourself, you're gonna get jumped. And I said, that's why people back then had a character. 'Cause nowadays people just go behind usernames and talk shit, jump someone's ass and let them know where you stand and fight it out. Also, I was like, Judge Judy, and then we didn't, there was no follow up. I was like, okay. (laughing) And then we just enjoyed the way. - Oh my God. - But like, this is why I fuck with old people. You're not gonna be sitting next to like a 24 year old and they're gonna have that kind of lure. - Jumping Judge Judy is a crazy, it's also a crazy thing to like in the first meet, the first four minutes of meeting someone like saying that. Also. - Also, jump saying jumping someone, that's what people don't do that anymore. - Especially at 80 years old. (laughing) Also, going to school with someone who becomes, I'm talking like, a list. Like would you say, Judge Judy's a list, I will. - Yes, yes. - She's anyone in the world knows who Judge Judy is. - I feel like everyone knows who Judge Judy is. - Does anyone know her last name? No. But neither, no one knows shares. - Oh yeah, I was just gonna say Madonna. (laughing) It's been done before. Thinking about like, but I'm sure there's people that hated Judge Judy like growing up. There's she's a human. Like she obviously had people she didn't get along with. But I always wonder what it's like going to school and like disliking someone and then seeing them become like, I'm sure there were people in high school with Kim Kardashian that was like, I hate you, like Kim you're never gonna be famous. Things like that, I just always love that lore. - There always is, 'cause like you don't try to be that famous unless. - Someone's pissed you off. - Yeah, yeah, 'cause it's too much work. - Remember when Lady Gaga said that someone made like a Facebook group that was like Stephanie, you will never be. But that's 'cause they saw something in her. - Girls are so diabolical when they're mad. - Can we declare no more girl on Girl Crime, please? Next time you wanna say something bad about another girl, say something bad about a man. Let's just start with that. Well, I got on, of course, as like algorithm where this girl was like, imagine if we said we wanna start taking away men's rights because they're the most 98% of violence is coming from them and we just don't think they should have rights and they shouldn't vote. - I saw a TikTok and it was a girl posting and it was like her face and it was like her looking beautiful and the caption was just like this and like hitting them in the face. And like, and the comments were all girls being like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And some guy commented and was like, okay, but like wouldn't be cool if we posted that. And everyone like replying to him was like, you murder us. - Yeah. - It's only funny to girls because they don't do it. And it was just an interesting. - I was somewhat saying girls don't, like statistically girls don't murder. Like that's not our thing. - Well, 'cause we can control our emotions. - But we also can like, we'll like emotionally like terrorize you. - We put it into needle point. - Yes, but we will not murder. But they said the only time it's murder, like pretty much a hundred percent of the time murder. - I love putting out stats is based on like, we've been abused for years and it's reactive abuse. - There's not a lot of crime of passion with women. It's crimes of passion are more with men. - Yeah. - But there's obviously definitely crimes of passion. - But then what's weird about men is like, my man like strangled some guy yesterday and I swear they're probably getting beers today. Which like, that has to be studied. - They have a low IQ. (laughing) - Well, the headers that they do in soccer, that's a non-talking about CTE with that. - I know something else I don't respect men for. I think that they have a hard time holding a grudge. And I actually think seeing, I see holding a grudge as something really, you gotta have gumption. - You know, you gotta have ambition to hold a grudge. You have to believe in something. - It takes daily work to hold a grudge. You have to make a decision every day that you're gonna hold that grudge and stick to it. - And that's a discipline. - If you can hold a grudge, how can you hold a relationship? - How can I trust you? - There's not a person that you've hated for years. I can't trust you. - Every now and then you do forget something though. But it's 'cause you have so, you have so many grudges you actually have like too many grudges going on. And then you, but then you jump right back on. Yeah, once you remember. - Once someone reminds me of what that pitch did, I'm right back in the middle of it. - Low key, I am so proud of myself though. Like, 'cause it's starting to happen with me where you're like, do you remember when this person did this to you? And you forgetting that someone did something like horrible to try to ruin your life is such a win. Like, that person is so small in your life that you forgot when you were the center of their existence to try to take you down. And you literally forgot that they did that. - Sometimes I have to limit my phone calls with Stephanie because she'll tell me things from high school. And like, I'll bring someone up and she'll be like, "Page to that person, hate you." And I'm like, "I don't recall." And she'll walk me through a whole story. I'm like, "Well, I gotta go." (laughing) Like, that's traumatizing. I went through that. She's like, "Yeah." You were right there, like, "No, good." - Anyway. - Also, I had a really good date with my mom, but I just, we got pedicures. - She says she was priming your feet for the next time you see each other. - But I have to say my mom is so old school when it comes to pedicures. She comes in and the ladies like, do you want regular or gel? - Did she bring her own color? - No, that's camera circle. - I was gonna say, I could feel the norm being like-- - That's what Diana would do. - Yeah, Diana would be like, "I got the perfect one." You used that. - That's what Diana would do. But my mom goes-- - Nana's is like discontinued, but she ordered like 100 bottles. - That's how she is with her lip stain. (laughing) - That she reapplies after every time she chooses. - She got like a Givenchy from '19, like '87. - Yeah. - It's a shade that I've never seen before, and it only works on her face. - It has like poisonous berries that they don't make it. (laughing) - It's like not FDA-approved. - No. - 1992, they ruled it illegal. - It's been banned in Canada for sure. (laughing) - For sure. - There's red dye 40. There's red dye 40, you can guarantee that. So my mom was like, "I'll take gel." And she goes, "Well, I don't do gel." And I'm like, "Mom, gel will last like a year on you." And she's like, "But it causes cancer." And I was like, "Mom, let's be fucking crazy today and just get gel." Okay? And she's like, "Okay, cool." So we get there. And immediately I'm pressing the buttons. Like I'm fucking getting my (humming) Look over. I'm like, "Mom, press the massage thing. Get the massage going." - I don't. - She was like, "Okay, I'm like, that's the whole point of it." - Yeah. - She's getting the back massage. - I have to focus. - I'm on my phone though. I'm fucking, I'm sending emails. I'm texting. I'm like, doing whatever the fuck I have on my phone. Listening to music, whatever. Which is raw dogging or pedicure. (laughing) Just staring straight forward. And that complete piece, like not weird. She's just enjoying the moment. And then I realized I'm being, I thought she was on her phone. I realized I'm on my phone. And then I put it down. And I'm like, "Okay, I guess we can talk." But I'm like, "She didn't even consider taking out her phone." - Didn't even think of it. - The good old days, you used to just get pedicures. - Now I have like a to do list when I'm getting a pedicure. I'm like, "Great, I'll knock this out while I'm getting a pedicure." - Listen to seven audio books. Back then, what did women do when they were getting, their nails done? They talked. - They gossiped. - They gossiped. They talked to their technician. They went at the same time as their friends. They sat. They had a key. - They had a community. - But I'm getting my nails done. I can't be on my phone. 'Cause you're getting your nails done. How are you? - I try to watch the tennis channel from my phone. - I watch TV. - But also I try to avoid getting my nails done at all costs. - I know you know. - And these guys are not good. - But no one ever calls you out. Like I literally had to come home, get my nails done immediately. - What, you're so jealous of me right now? - Well, because your nails like last so long. - No, it's 'cause people have low expectations for your page. (laughing) Excepts, can we just say, a lot of comments think, "Henny, can you clean your screen?" "Henny, can you clean your screen?" - I think it's more the glare from the sun. - No, I cleaned it for the sun. - Oh, okay. - But guys, can someone have an aesthetic? (laughing) Can it not. - That's your vibe. - That's my vibe. Also. - Vibes might've just had a grilled cheese sandwich. - I don't know. You don't know my life. - Why are you dressing like me right now? - Yeah, I know. I just put my hair up and I was like, it's giving soccer teams. - No, but you know I love a polo. Like a grandpa polo. - I've been loving them this summer because they're just like easy with like sweat shorts. - Yes. - Like for lounging, but like what if she goes on a walk, you know? - I'm obsessed with a cool lot for summer. - Because I don't want to wear tight capris and I don't want to wear long and I don't want to wear too short. There's something about a wide, long capri that I'm like digging with a little kitten heel. - In the year 2005, I first saw a pair of goutro pants. And let me tell you, my life had been changed ever since. I think about goutro pants. - Once. - Once again. - Once again, in a good or bad way. Did you wear goutro pants? Because they would have been so you, they were like stretchy yoga material. - Oh, yes. That were like a bit, yeah. - They were at limited to, I wore them. - They had a fold over, they were everything to me. And I feel because capris have come back so strongly in the past like two years. Goutro pants are on the horizon and I'm hoping, I'm hoping. - I'm hoping. - I'm hoping that it's like two years down the line, three years down the line, and we're hoping for it. - We're hoping for it. - Because honey, we'd be living if goutro pants were in style when we were popping out kids. - Oh my gosh. - Yeah. - Also, women are some of the week. This girl invented a jacket bag. - Wait, did you see this? - No, but congratulations for her. Wait, I ordered a romper and a pair of leggings that are supposed to help your digestive system. - Well, I also ordered a vibration plate yesterday, so. - You're a little bit late on the mark, but (laughs) - Dad's was like, what the hell is this? - The brand is called CEAN, lymphatic compression leggings. - Are you gonna wear it on, I'm gonna see. Are you gonna wear it on planes? Or on your daily-- - I was gonna wear it on a walk and just see. - Okay. - And then figure it out. - Okay, at some point we can, we can't squeeze out every drainage of-- - At some point, talk therapy is not the same. (laughs) - At some point in the community-- - At some point in the community. - Block back. At some point, put your phone down. (laughs) - The constant need to improve is exhausted. It's overwhelming. - But this girl, basically, why don't I, it really brought me back. Do you remember when you'd go to a bar? And it was really cold out. And you were like, I have to wear a jacket. And then you get to the bar and you put your jacket down and you go, there's a 50/50 chance that I'm ever gonna see this jacket again. And then you live your life. - No. (laughs) - No, because that jacket is my world, that's my life. - You would wear the jacket at the bar? - No, I would carry it around with me because I rather die at the thought of this jacket going home to someone else's apartment, not being cared for, not being loved. - Oh yeah, I forgot. - Essentially being kidnapped. - I forgot how you feel so connected to inanimate objects. See, I had the same winter jacket for like 10 years. I was like, someone pleased to be in my jacket. - And like if I forgot it or someone took mine instead of theirs, I would be like. - Yeah, you'd call 911. - Yeah, I'd be really upset I'd have to go replace the jacket immediately. - No, I'd see a pile of jackets. I'd put mine like under the pile and then you pray And then you just go off on your. night and then at the end of the night it's chaos so I do a secret hiding spot if I was like somewhere that like I had to put it down and they kitchen or something or like make friends with bartender and be like I'm not putting it in the pile of other jackets but my jacket was gross or we would do no jackets and I would just dress with like a belt as a skirt and a top full of hope and then just like get pneumonia and go we were tougher we had we had better immune system for stronger yeah we hadn't lived through COVID-19 like we had dreams we had a hundred percent we were full of life we're full of school she I got half my eggs gone like I can't keep internal heat anymore how would I do that you could just poop on demand bags yeah are you kidding so this girl invented this jacket that you go to the bar in your jacket and then the jacket folds into I swear a really cute bag and then you just like put your stuff in it where's your stuff while you're wearing the jacket you can have it in a purse and the purse goes in that because it's like not like a time it doesn't turn to tiny purse it's more like I'm intrigued a bigger purse it's it's it's really it's cute to the point that it's like I'd rather hold that than my jacket all night like I really would have thought that like ballet flats that not ballet flats but like sandals that turn into heels would have been like more of a thing I thought there would be more like innovation and technology and certain like for sure well all of us were like wouldn't it be crazy if like your heel could turn into like I want like robotic like yeah and it like goes up but um this the spanks lady whose iconic created the sneaker heel yeah let's be serious though but but that's not your brand um maybe one day and maybe one day we won't we'll invent a tampon that isn't just a cotton ball shoved up your pussy but so everything pussy I know you hate that sometimes it's just appropriate it's just harsh on my ears you know but that's my internalized misogyny like I can't hear the word pussy but like she said pussy multiple times this episode yeah somebody DMed me and they said I that over the weekend they said to a man can you take the dick out of your mouth she was like and I'm not gonna lie it hits so hard people were like what I was talking to two people yesterday trying to explain how I couldn't speak in the beginning of the master massacre yeah and it took all of me to not say I sound like I did dick in my mouth because it's really the most accurate depiction of yeah we couldn't get closer but it wasn't I didn't know these people won't have to say that so I said marbles but in my head I'm like marbles doesn't do justice it's a dick it's fully a dick I think that's I think that's I think that's we've done our job we think we're I think we're done here I think when you go on I get in the car when I say talk therapy is it's inevitable at this point last summer I was doing EDMR therapy every single day so and people are begging for it back people have written in wait my old makeup mat now my old makeup artist obsessed with crystal just tagged me in a full like of my smile and all these photos of me like really happy smiling and I that's what I woke up to today and did you see that people are commenting on things that are happening in the bravo sphere with your face it's just like one thing about me you've replaced the little girl in the back seat going like that you've replaced her I do have to say maybe my my favorite accomplishment of my career because I love being a meme if I can bring joy to anyone and make make a comment that much funnier that's what my purpose is you're this Gen Z's two girls one cop and that's the callback and that's a callback okay we have to get off stop talking I love you I love you goodbye goodbye get our merch