George Santos | Club Random with Bill Maher

While you're remodeling your backyard to make it more, you know, Zen, we were remodeling our merch store to make it more random. We've slapped our new logo on t-shirts, tie dyes, hoodies and hats, and all with premium printed labels. Look, I wasn't kidding. We have it because tags are like the junk mail of clothing. All merch is available exclusively at clubrandom.com. Once again, that's clubrandom.com. I could tell when someone's lying. They even lied. We didn't lie. You've got it all out of your system. What was Christmas? I was there for 23 days and then the warden put me in solitary confinement. What'd you do? Hi. How are you? Look at how friendly. Every guest should greet me this friendly. How are you? Some of these motherfuckers don't even stand up. Oh, that's so bad. Well, because you deserve that stuff. You deserve for people who stand up for you. Some of them have been 90, that's why. Hey, see this thing? What is that? Well, now you're from Brazil, right? Yeah, my family's from Brazil. Okay. I was born in New York. George, we're going to have to get this. We'll get to it, yeah. Absolutely. This thing is I'm from Brazil, I believe. That took quite a really-- Yes, I had a friend who was an art dealer. And this is quite a valuable-- Is it like a bossa nova type band? Yes, and it plug it in. And these motherfuckers like they move. They move and play. It's fucking creepy. It's like, "Girl, if you put me up," or something like that. The faces are creepy. It's very like the shining. You know what I mean? Yeah, Annabelle meets the shining. Yes, but I thought-- Brazil, but you were born in-- I was born in New York City. Were you a parent from Brazil? Born in Brazil. It suits funny. My family is an immigration chain of chaos. Right, because you also say you're a Jew. Jew-ish. And your grandparents were in the Holocaust? My mother's grandparents, so my great-grandparents, were in Europe during the Holocaust. There was a dislocation. Because Jews. Jews, yeah, my mom was-- So they lived through the Holocaust? They lived through it, and they migrated to Brazil part of that great exodus. And then some genealogists from France, so hired by the New York Times, said, "I was lying. It's a story I was told my whole life." It's funny if we found out today that you've been doing the truth about everything. I'm not counting on that, George. Well, you know, look, I've been proven right on a lot of stuff in recent times. Well, okay, look, I'm not-- And again, I'm not here to Jewish again. I'm here to have a conversation. I'm not here to have a conversation. We're here to have a conversation. Have you seen this podcast? I have. It's, we could see it. I've just-- I've learned a guy who likes to fucking get high with somebody, and I love it. And maybe, I look, I'm also called Bullshit Bullshit, and that's probably good. That's right. Yeah. And then-- I'm sure you're enjoying it. I don't think I'm breaking news here. I'm the first one to see. I've said a lot of Bullshit in my life, and I have a very self-aware of that. Okay. Because-- Hey, I went to prison, Bill. Let's just put it that way. I heard you had a good time. But-- I don't know about that. No, I'm sure you-- It was a bad time. But the consensus is that you kind of pinocchioed your way into Congress. And I have to tell you, you repeat that again. I'm not here to attack you. But I mentioned-- By the way, I'm very excited you're here. I'm so excited. So like when they told me it came across-- It was last minute. Yeah, it was last minute. Chop was so great. I know you're-- Yeah, they are great. And I was like, oh my gosh. And I told someone who is a very dear friend of mine that is a 28-year-old person. And I said, George Santos. And she went, the liar guy. So that was like the-- Oh, wow. The person who's not like that much of a new sound. Yeah. That's what the headline was. But, you know, if you can tell me, like this, I thought it sounded like what they were saying was that your grandparents escaped the Holocaust by being born in Brazil. But you're saying they left-- So-- They lived through the Holocaust. Do they have stories of living through the Holocaust? My great-grandparents, not my grandparents. That's where the disconnect originally was. So my mother is born in Brazil to a Brazilian parent and a Belgian parent. My great-grandparents are Belgium, right? So my last name is Devolder on my mom's side in Santos on my dad's side. But you identify as a Jew? No, I identify as Catholic. I was raised Catholic. No. I say Jewish. I did that stupid 23-year-old man. I did a documentary. They made me do this 23-year-old man to prove it. It says I'm 33% Ashkenazi. So in the 23 and me, DNA-- But it wasn't-- Like, you're like me then. Like, Jewish is part of my genetic heritage, but-- But I'm not Jewish. I was not-- I was not-- I were raised Catholic. But I was not. Like, you were raised Catholic? Raised Catholic. Yeah, so we had the same thing. So I carry this on my neck. And I've carried it since I'm 15. I have a star, David, that was given to me by my mom and a Catholic cross. And I've carried this in my neck since I'm 15 years old. I'm 38 years old. Do you feel it wards off evil? I just feel-- [LAUGHTER] My mom passed away 10 years ago. So for me, it's just like, I don't know. It's going to die over my neck. And you're gay? I'm last I checked, yeah. OK. Because I feel like-- I feel like a gay thing. [LAUGHTER] Not if you don't suck dick, but-- [LAUGHTER] No. There's a lot to be unpacked there. And I'm not giving you the privilege of unpacking it. There was an old joke. It's a great one. A gay guy wakes up next to another gay guy in the morning. He says, oh my god. Did I commit a gay act? And the guy says, Peter Allen is a gay act. You fucked me in the act. [LAUGHTER] That's actually great. But so, but you're out of politics. That's good. Because I'm a recovering politician. And I never want to do anything in politics again. No, I don't think it was right for you. You're moving toward show business. And see, this is, I think, a good move. Because politics, I mean, you can bullshit a crazy amount, but there is a limit. There is. What's good for you is show business. There's no limit. It's just all bullshit. And so, I'm learning. Do you know how many people in LA actually say they represent me when they don't? Really? Oh, my-- so who does represent you? I.A.G. as a recent. Isn't that an insurance company? No, independent artist group. That's how much trouble this guy's in. Is agent is an insurance agent? No. I.A.G. is independent artist group. I just engaged with them. Who else do they have? Who are there? I don't. Really? You don't know? I don't. Is it bad that I don't know? Yes. Can you do this? Are you kidding? Everybody in this town, if you're switching agencies or you're thinking of it, you want to know, do they have people on my level? You know? I mean, I'm this level. I'm bottom of the barrel. I'm crawling my way up out of it. So I would hope they don't have people at my level. That's higher. So anything is up for me. That's why I'm not too picky. Wow. Very self-aware of that. I was going to say, you know, you're honesty comes out when it comes out. I mean, like, maybe I'm the whisperer. I don't know. A Trump like me. I'm getting along with him. There's a Trump blogger with him. We both. We both had a very good time, including me, contradicting him constantly. He never got mad. But, you know, they get mad when I report that. But that's exactly what happened. That's funny. But we're not here to talk. But you are a supporter, too, right? I mean, you were in. You won as a Republican. I was, I'm a very conservative Republican. Proud of that. Are you in the log cabin Republicans? At one point I was. They're not a serious organization. You don't think so. No, they're not. They're not. For people who don't know. Okay. That's the gay. The glorified sex club. It. Wow. Now, there's headline news. Glig cabin Republicans is the lobby within the Republican Party for gay Republicans, and there are a lot. There are a lot. Peter and Teal. I mean, you know, I mean, you can go back to the RNC Chairman Ken Melben, who was for KKL. I know. Quite a few in the closet. Uh-huh. What? Look, let me be honest with you. When I was in Congress, I was the first ever openly gay man elected to Congress. Well, and I served in Congress, I remember. You were the first openly gay man elected to Congress. Republican, yes. Well, here's the cruel joke of adulthood. Your enthusiasm for Friday night drinks never drops, but your tolerance for the aftermath falls off a cliff. You want to enjoy yourself. Meanwhile, Saturday morning is sitting there arms crossed, waiting to collect. That's why the team here at Club Random keeps Z-biotics on head. The crew has one before going out, and everybody still shows up the next morning, able to hit the gym, get through the day, and speak in complete sentences. Z-biotics pre-alcohol probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic invented by PhD scientists, Breakdown Aceto-Hoodahide. I can't. That's as best as I can do. You look it up. A byproduct of drinking alcohol. Pre-alcohol produces an enzyme designed to break that byproduct down. Take it your first drink of the night, drink responsibly, and enjoy your next day activity. They've sold over 14 million bottles and earned the trust of thousands. Try for yourself today and if you are unsatisfied, they will refund your entire order. No questions asked. Head to zbiotics.com/randomcoderandom for a 15% off your first order. Republican. I was a first Republican gay man openly elected Congress. There's been plenty who were outed, but I ran with that front line. I am gay. Yes. I was going to even have to fact check that your reputation speaks for itself. If you say you were the first Republican gay man, I thought, I'll say this. I thought it was Aaron Schocket, but apparently he was outed in an office, right? Former representative from what is it? Illinois? Yes, I'm Schock, right? Aaron Schock, right? Aaron Schock. Yes, I remember that name. You remember the Downton Abbey decor of his office? What about Larry Craig? Well, he was a cent. He was also outed. A senator. Yes, senator. You were all outed. I came to the fray, "Hey, I'm gay, and I'm a Republican here, my value." The Barney Frank did it as a Democrat long ago. Oh, no, no. Democrats have been electing the homos for years. Right. They have no issues with it. But for the Republican, it was a sort of a glass ceiling. You're right. And I was shocked. When they reported, also my race was the first time in history that the two major party candidates were gay. Because my opponent was gay. The only thing is, he was 68, and I was 34. By the end of this show, you're going to have me being gay. Yeah. It's like, I think your time and opportunity for that has come in God. I don't think you have that risk. I hadn't been on Santa Monica Boulevard here, the famous gay strip. I wouldn't know. They hate me, so I don't go where they are. Come on. You don't know. If I go to West Hollywood, they'll set me on fire. Why? Because you're a Republican. Because I'm a Republican. It's California. It's like this about the left. It's not the left. It's the gays. The left are very tolerant of me, believe me. Well, what they hate about you is that they are politically left and they see you as politically right. Yeah. And that is an intolerable situation for some people, which it's just tolerant left is not very tolerant. That's what I'm saying. That's what I was saying. You say that on your show a lot. That the conservatives are willing to come and take it, because the Dems won't come. Exactly. I call them out for it all the time. They have just had a terrible attitude about what sort of a monopoly on the truth they have. Yes, Trump is worse than anybody the Democrat. I get all that. I said all that before all of them did. It doesn't mean the search for truth ends there. That's the beginning of the story. There's a lot that goes on after that, like there's 77 million Americans who voted for them. It's like for them, it's like everybody who voted for Trump is Trump. And that's just such a simplistic stupid way to look at the world. Great. It's just obvious. Well, how about this? It's funny that on my way here today, I was watching stuff on my video, on my phone, in the plane, and a video popped up, and I have never seen it, and it's crazy, because I think I've seen everything from 2016, but it was a Michael Moore voiceover about the roundup of 2016. This is a whole new version of him talking about it, and it's funny because he's like, "And they referenced me all through election night," because he was alarming throughout the media, if you remember, in 2016, on your show, including saying, like you guys are underestimating Trump. I live in Wisconsin. I hear what these people are going through. Right. I hear what they want. You guys are discounting him. Right. And again, history shows that there was a level of arrogance. I mean, from George Clooney to Nancy Pelosi, and all the way through media, just like there's not going to be a Donald Trump president, well, not only there was a president Trump, there's a two-term president Trump. So you're going to have a hard time, you're saying, in this world of show business, and you're right. I mean, you know, they used to use this term blacklist, and then they blacklisted the actual term blacklist. I mean, that's, I'm serious. These people are out of their minds, and the blacklist was, as opposed, or no, the whitelist. Blacklisting was like from the, you know, in the McCarthy era, people, if you were suspected of being a communist, a whitelist is if you're a conservative in Hollywood. They will either not hire you, not work with you, snub you, as the writer Taylor Sheridan, the biggest, I think, bestest writer in television day. But he's perceived as a conservative. It's really not. But, you know, his show's, you know, Yellowstone, they're about America. It's not America. That ever takes place, you know, in a fucking magazine office in San Francisco. I mean, I a lot can be argued about the double worse prod in New York City, right? Every, but the most iconic movie in my generation is a double worse prod, and a proof of that is the sequel was just as good as the first one. It was. I'm admitting to see it. I mean, I will say this, look, Mel Strip, Mel Strip probably hates me, and everything about me. I'm going to give it to her. I'm not one of-- Exactly. I am conservative. I am very fiscally conservative, but I'm socially liberal. I'm a gay man from New York City, Bill. My conservative values spam from common sense, in a sense, where we can't spend their self out of that. We need to save, to get out of that, and we can't promote, you know, transfer tree for children. Right. Those are the things that-- I don't-- I don't-- and a lot of people like to say that I voted against gay rights. No, I voted against gender transitioning of children, and I stand by that vote. Yeah. And you can stand by that vote. George, I don't think, as a campaign manager here, that this is not the main problem we have. Oh, no. Of course. The main problem is that people think-- Oh, cheers. --chute. Great to talk to you. Cheers. We're just beginning. People think that you lied about your religion, your education, your answers to your education all of a sudden. Your job. Bullshit. Your jobs, your finances. My finances, I didn't lie about. Your charity work, and some of your things were so bizarre, like, like, why say you went to colleges when you know they can prove you didn't? So you know it's funny, and I've probably heard you say this before your audience probably. That lie started in a controlled environment to impress the GOP party chair. Big college guy, he's a Notre Dame grad, obsessed, refereed for Notre Dame, like, in his older age. And what is his job? He's a GOP chairman in Long Island, Nassau County, Long Island. Okay. I mean his approval. And this lie comes from--and again, by the way, I worked in the private sector without ever lying about my education. I mean, I was very--I worked for four major private equity, you know, mid-sized company from Met Global, which was a Turkish company. It's a Linkbridge investors, which was a startup, and then Harbor City capitals that, you know, blew up because the owner decided to go fucking sideways with things. But again, I had no involvement in that. I was an employee. So you were working in finance? I was--I was a private equity capital placement agent, essentially. That's literally what I did. I raised money. That's why I raised so much money from my raise, because I'm good at selling. I'm a great salesman. I can sell sand in a desert in a drought. So, well, that was my--that was kind of, like, my profession. So selling myself to the people wasn't so hard. Okay, but, you know-- But you shouldn't lie. Okay, you're excuses. You're right. You want to prison and 28-year-olds think of you as the liar guy. That's--so they're, you know, that's-- It's hard to lie. I'm in great sale. Well, I'm a great salesman. Yeah, I mean, Trump, I mean, obviously, has told more lies than all the presidents combined. I don't know that that's true, though. But you do know it's true. You know that even his fans say, "We take him seriously, not literally." He just--you know that he just pulls stuff out of his ass whenever he wants to. Can I-- Is it a lie? Is it a lie or--it is a strategic, like, disruption of the matrix, right? Like, I feel--and I'm not making excuses, but I'm going to throw this at you. Try that in a relationship. It doesn't want me. You say, "I'm not fucking the cocktail, waitress." It's a--it's a rupture in the matrix. That's not what I'm saying. Well, this kind of is what you're saying. We're redefining lying, yeah. No, no, no. I'm not--I'm definitely not going to redefine lying because-- After my entire experience, I look, Bill, at 38--at 37 years old, I ended in--I ended up three days after my 37th year birthday in federal prison, which was supposed to be an egregious seven-year sentence, which, you know, by the grace of God and President Trump. Pardon me. He commuted me. I'm an absolute felon. Commute. Oh, right. Okay. So, I'm very lucky. I'm very fortunate. I was given this amazing second chance, right? The point that I always get at with these conversations are, you're not--don't expect me to tell you a lie ever again, and it's, like, a lot of truth and abrasive. I feel like if this show serves as a new beginning, I have done a great service because, obviously, I see talking to you, and it is so different than what you get from through the press. Everything is filtered through the press, but I see you in the press. I see you're a nice guy, you're smart. You are good at politics. You have a very buoyant way about you that I could see why people--you know what's wrong with me? You did lie about things. Oh, no. I did. Okay. September rolls in with that fake new-year energy. Everyone pretends they're getting their lives together, buying planners, they'll ghost by Halloween. And in all this. Resetting, we skip the number one that actually matters, try 120 life. A once a day functional drink with ingredients that support healthy blood pressure. It's simple, drink it daily, check your numbers, see if it's working. Many people notice improvement in as little as two weeks. And if your numbers don't budge, you get your money back. No hoops, no awkward emails, no fine print, tastes great, made from a blend of superfruit juices and the powdered version has just one gram of sugar. Smart if you're watching Blood Sugar 2. Go to 120life.com. That is 120life.com. And use my code random for 20% off. Try it, risk free for two weeks. If your blood pressure doesn't come down, you get a full refund. Go to 120LIFE.com and use the code random to save 20%. Don't guess, start measuring. Nothing to lose except higher blood pressure numbers. Go to 120life.com and use my code random for 20% off. Use code random today. These statements have not been approved by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. It's a great deal of shame. What about the cats one where you neutered like 3,000 cats? That was so specific. By the way, so true story that. You cut the balls off cat. No, no, so that's actually a true statement. That was, that we were able to prove that one. Luckily, I was part of a program for TNR. Trap neuter release, just a. Redurap neuter release. That's what it is. It's an ace. Redu traps. No, you put traps out. Get the get get get get street street cats, right? Oh, we're not killing them traps. We don't kill them. No, I'm saying the traps don't kill them. They don't capture them. They just capture them. How do you do that? You put food in it. They walk in. They're starving. They're scavenging. So they walk in. You go, you find colonies. They come in. Wow. It takes them to the SPCA. They put them out. Neuter them. You stop the pluriferation. And you did that. I, I'm allergic to cats and I did that. I got deathly alert. I knew it. And from what I read, you estimate that you've cut off 3000 balls. Not just balls, but you get the gist of it. Yeah, that was that was the that was the number over the course of 10 years. Yes. Turns out that turns out your George Washington you never told a lie. No, no. And no, I mean, so, okay, so that one, what about volleyball in color? Well, look. I didn't go to college. So that was bullshit. Come on. Come on. But why George? Well, you know what? Back to the story, which will be a lie for once. This is interesting. Finish that. There was a one person audience lie. You need to relate with this man with sports because this is his entire vernacular. Everything is about the end zone. And I don't know the first fucking thing about football because you're gay. Cabo will die. So, I had to come up with sports. I knew. Tennis. I know a lot about tennis. So I've been just finished. My favorite player got smoke, which is alcarazza. I absolutely love him. Spaniard player. He's a prodigy, if anything. And quite a hunk to watch for the whole match, huh? That doesn't lie. Well, he was thinking in the towel. That doesn't hurt. He what? He was puking in his towel. Still hot, I bet. It's a very hot. Do I know? Okay. So, you know the guys. I know. So, he, I knew tennis wasn't going to be it. And I said, look, the only other sport that I can speak somewhat technical terms is volleyball. More soccer, but volleyball. I played volleyball in junior high, and in high school. You don't look like a volleyball player. I was, I'm fat now. I looked like the ball. But I looked like the ball. I wasn't fat. My whole life, damn it. Bill. Oh, really? No. So, you were young and spelt. I had it. Dude, I actually-- I know you athletic. No. Okay. I liked volleyball because it didn't work. When you're in school, volleyball's like there's like, I think 12 of these fuckers on each side of the net really barely move. Like you got to be really, you got to really go out of your way to fuck you chase the ball when there's 12 motherfuckers on each side of the net. And they were playing the sand, right? No, we were playing a court volleyball. Oh. So indoors, court, right? So that's the only thing I knew kind of technical terms. So I said to him, like, you know, chairman, I didn't play football, but I played volleyball in high. And that's where it all started. And I left that meeting. I really hope this conversation never has to be repeated because I can't remember the first or the last lie I told in there. But it was enough to impress him. The thing I wasn't counting on is that in the months to come, he started introducing me. He would always use a little political sports in you window to introduce candidates at functions. And he's going to spike the victory from the back of the court, and I'm like, oh, no. Oh, my god. And that's when it started. I'm like, oh, shit. I'm going to have to keep this up. And once you start telling one lie, I'm not saying you're a liar. But once you tell a lie, you got to cover up lies with lies and end in the rest of the fact. Well, I mean, first of all, I love hearing the details to these stories. And it's so interesting. It's like I was given something that was a rough sketch in black and white. And now somebody's putting in the colors. And I see the picture. No, again, you're still a liar on that. But-- Oh, terrible. And a bad one at that. But let me throw this down as a gesture to, you know, everyone in America is a liar. And I remember distinctly the year after I-- no, maybe it was my summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college, and I was going for this summer job. But it was so ridiculous, a door-to-door pot and hand salesman. [LAUGHS] Really? This is, like, 1976, and they figured what you would do, this is so sick, you'd go through the poem book and cold call girls who you've learned from their high school yearbooks weren't going to college, because they were going to get married and would need cookware. That's amazing. It is amazing. That's amazing. I wanted this job. So wait. And I did it. And I did it. And I did it. Big thick yellow pages and one hand and your book on the other hand. And you're like, yeah, no, she's definitely not. New yearbooks, yearbooks were in the library. So you look in the yearbook, and you find the bitches who were not going. [LAUGHS] Just so well. OK. Wait, hold on. Were they the pretty girls, though? Or were they the fat ugly girls? I would assume the ugly girls had to go to college, because nobody was going to marry them. And I certainly had it in my mind, oh, when I walk up to their house with this giant suitcase full of pots and pans, I'm going to meet some hot chicks. Why can't the salesman be the guy? It's like a perfect rom-com. Yeah. So when I went in-- How many of them did you bang? [LAUGHS] No, not quite after four days. Oh, and it's bad. Like, I remember in the interview, there was some question that they asked me. And on the spot, I made up a huge lie, because I knew I was trying to get a job as a salesman, and I spun this yarn about how I talked somebody out of suicide. And it came from-- it came from-- Really? It came from whole cloth. It just came from the desperation of, I need a job. I need an answer. Yeah. This one is a good one. And I could get this job, and who's going to check? And another life I saved, you know? So we all do what to a degree. OK, look. You may have taken a little too much of that. Ah, I can't. But prior to running for Congress, my dad is after a Brazilian, and the picture's out there to prove it. You're a proudly gay, Jewish, heterosexual, gay, are you a brain tumor victim? Then you have a brain tumor. You see, that story was stories that were fabricated, brain tumor, producer, and I never said those things. You'll never find record of me saying those. Really? Where'd they get the brain tumor? I don't know. The-- Who said it first? Hold, I don't remember. It's been a lot, Bill. Spider-Man producer. There's records of me on Facebook. I went to watch it, and I'm like, shitting on it. It was awful, because I don't know if you remember the reporting on it. What about the brain tumor? No, I'm talking about spider-producing Spider-Man on Broadway. Who did that? People said I said I'd never said that. They did? You said you-- People literally said that. I'll own up to any lie I've ever told. Right. I will not take-- No, if you had a piece of Spider-Man on Broadway, you'd be doing better. Oh, no. Well, that's not true, because it was a flop. Oh, it was? It was a total flop. That's what Spider-Man was like the most successful, and that must be the movie. It was canceled, like, months into it, because the whole acrobatics of it was a hazard. I think they went through multiple. I had to obviously read up on this after that. So why did you produce it? I didn't produce it. I just thought. When I was credited for it, that's actually in the Smithsonian Museum in DC. George San Jose once said he lied about producing Spider-Man. I'm like, I never said that. It's not even on the record. Well, you know, I mean, it's hysterical, because even though knowing the reputation you had and you admit some of these things, yes, lies, I still, when you present the case, well, the media got this wrong, my immediate reaction just is not, well, the media doesn't get things wrong. My reaction is, yeah, you know what? That could very well be true. I don't trust them ever, any of them. I have to read three of them to get the full story. Nobody ever has any interest. and telling you the full story. - Well, it's because it's not about being right. They want to shove their narrative down your gizzard. That's what they want to do. - We live in a time with the media where I am very critical of it because nobody is interested in being right. They're interested in being first. And if they have to make corrections later, they don't care, they don't care about the consequences. - You're so right, that's such a huge part of it. - This isn't my case, though. My case's a little different. I owned up to a lot of stupid stuff I did. A lot of inexcusably dumb decisions. And I've owned up to them in court. I've owned up to them to the press. I've owned up to my family, in the media, in Congress. I mean, time and time again, to nauseam. And I will continue to do so, so long as it's required of me. - What are the top five? - Well, I guess I can't even rank them like Goldman Sachs. - Oh yeah, Goldman Sachs. - And by the way, they can hindsight, who the hell would even think that's a good idea? I don't wanna be associated with Goldman Sachs. - Why would you wanna be associated with Baruch College? - Well, it's a great school. - Look, I don't trust much, and I definitely don't trust anything that makes Medicare more complicated than it already is. A lot of people selling plans get paid differently, depending on what they steer you toward. Which doesn't necessarily mean bad advice, but it does make you wonder who they're really representing. So the trick is finding somebody, whose only job is to be honest about it. That's what makes chapter interesting. They don't get paid more for recommending one plan over another, so they don't have a reason to steer you anywhere. They advocate for you, not big insurance. They are the only Medicare advisors that will compare every plan available, walk through your doctors, your prescriptions, what matters to you. And if you're already on the right plan, they'll just tell you that. But folks who found a new plan with chapters saved an average of $1,100 on healthcare costs. Call chapter today at 9-8-4-217-3643 to get advice you can trust. That's 9-8-4-217-3643. - It's a very good story. - Oh, it is. - It is. I actually enrolled there, but I just never attended it. - You know, one of my first jobs ever as a comedian was a noon time show at Baruch College. It's just like 1980. - That's amazing. - Yeah. And like everybody was-- - That's before CUNY. - Well, it was like comedy was exploding. It was like the thing like this. So as soon as the disco ball came down, it was like comedy was the next thing. It was everywhere. Everybody wanted it everywhere. I did a lot of shows like on floors. No stage. - It's amazing. Yeah, that's awesome. - Yeah. And this is, you know, just stage. It's just like somewhere-- - It's appropriate. Jewish swole, Jewish comedian. - I'm not Jewish, and you're not Jewish. - I am Jewish. - I am like you. Black, brownly gay, heterosexual, brain tumor victim who survived the Holocaust in Brazil. - Oh, my goodness, this is amazing. - I expected no less. You should come, if I do a roast short Santos, you should come to roast me. It'd be so fun. - So who's gonna roast you? - I'm planning on doing a roast short Santos. - That's a smart thing. - You should come. - I will. - Here's an invitation right now. You should come. - Well, I don't like people call your people. - Only if I can go on first, 'cause everybody's gonna do the same joke. - That's fine. - You can go on first. Deal. - Okay, okay. - Deal on camera. - All right. - Won't go back on it. That would be fun. Do you know Jim Norton? - Yeah, well, I know of him. - I love Jim Norton. - Yeah, Jim agreed to do it. - Oh, okay. Well, he's a great-- - It's very funny. - You know, company to be in. - He's like-- - He's like, yeah, I mean, I'm doing one for Jesse Smollett next month, so. (laughing) - Oh, is it in Maga Country, Illinois? - So I am a little bit of a Maga Country downtown Chicago. - I don't know if I want to do two of those in one year. I don't know. I'll look into my schedule, but really, I would do one. - Actually? - No. (laughing) - You got me there. - You just never know. - He's the only player on this level that I can come up with. - He did special forces season four. - I did special forces season five, so. - What's that? - Oh, the Fox show that they put you through the special forces military training. - That one, you did that. - Premier's on the 24th of September. - So we haven't seen it yet. - No. - How would I have whatcha like? - It's insane. We were in the middle of the Malaysian jungle in an island called Langkawi. So I flew JFK Seoul, Seoul, Singapore, slept in Singapore because I needed a stop at one point, then went into Kuala Lumpur, then from Kuala Lumpur to Langkawi, which is a little beautiful, very common destination for like Australians apparently, 'cause you saw a lot of the Aussies there. And it was beautiful, right? I caught malaria. It was just lovely. - Really? - Fucky lovely. - No. - Well, it's a mosquito bite. - You got malaria? - It's a fever, it's bad. - Well, people used to get it. It was a killer of me. - Well, not anymore. - I was on it. - What do they do? - Why not? - I just had, I just had a, - The guys in World War II got it, fighting the Japanese. - And also they got it in Vietnam. - Yeah, but my point is, - So now they know how to handle it? - Yeah, there's a drug called, literally, malaria. (laughing) - It just squashes it. - It mitigates the effects. Essentially, I was taking the malaria. - There's no side effects. - There were side effects from the malaria? - Well, no, from the malaria. - Like what? - Like diarrhea. (laughing) - So the whole, the experience was very interesting. But again, not my first rodeo with some bizarre mosquito-borne disease, because I've had Dengue, which is West Nile mosquito-airborne, which Brazil very often. - Don't want that one either. - Yeah, well. - Wow, you've had Dengue? - Well, yeah, you go to Brazil as a kidney whole life, every summer. - Right. - You get Dengue eventually. - I just want it. - Takes one mosquito. - I don't go East of La Brea. (laughing) - I'm just mad. - Well, I just go everywhere. So that's, so, it was a great experience, but very humbling. - Oh my God. - Where do you live now? - I live in Pennsylvania. - Oh, Pennsylvania. - So yeah, I left. - What kind of a town? - I'm in the Poconos. - Wow. - Yeah. - I know someone from the Poconos. - Yeah, I live in the Poconos for the last two years. - Oh, that's awesome. So it's almost like a hallmark movie moves back to his hometown. - Well, I mean from New York, though. - Me to Hanson. - God, it was, it was, it was a lumber job. - No, he lives in the big city and he's hustling and bustling and, and he meets you there in the rural place. And it's like, how are we gonna make this work? - I know what you're married. - I married, yeah. - How long have you been married? - Five years this year. But together, we dated three years prior to getting married. So eight years together. We met on Grindr. On an app glitch. - You say that like it's a pricing. - It's, I mean. - We met on Grindr. - Well, most people fuck on Grindr. They don't get married off of it. That's the thing. - Well. - That's the joke, at least for games. - Fucking leads them to more supermarkets. - I've never met anyone that would say they, I met my husband off of Grindr. - No. - I'm yet to hear that. - That's right. - I've heard Tinder, but not Grindr. - Okay, but that seems weird. Because, okay, it's not only speaking from the heterosexual world and I am the most heterosexual man in the world. - I believe you. - Oh, it's true. - It was this. - The testosterone isn't. - I just don't have the, and I love the games, but I don't have, I don't have the chip, okay. But like, in the heterosexual world. - Yes, they're-- - I might get straight to the name 'cause there's so much to stop their own life. - They're made in here. There's certainly instances where two people hook up, as the kids say, meaning they just met, they barely know each other. They're both horny, they're attracted to each other, and they fuck. And then they actually find out they like each other. I mean, it's the old thing where, you know, I get this is not me now, but when I was younger, you know, you're safe sex. Oh, of course we're gonna have safe sex. And then you do. You fuck with a rubber the first time. And then a half hour later, you start fucking again, and she's like, what happened in the rubber? I'm like, well, that's when we didn't know each other. Now we know each other. You said, well, we don't, of course we don't know each other. Now we, I mean, for God's sakes, we just fuck. How much more intimate can you get? It does make people, like each other, and bond on a level that nothing does. - That's funny. - So, like, I can't believe that people haven't met on Grindr. - Well, I'm not saying-- - And then gotten married. - I haven't met. I'm not saying it doesn't exist. And I'm pretty sure in Bumblefuck Oklahoma, where they don't wanna talk about this stuff, there's probably a bunch of these gays that have done it or, you know, I don't know where else in the country. But in New York, it's such a CD detached environment. - I agree, so I mean New York and general. - In general, you agree. - And then Grindr is just elevated because it siphons down all the CD really detachment. - I lived in New York twice. I lived for-- - My condolences. - Yes, I lived in a predominantly gay area called Manhattan. - What part? Health Kitchen? - I did live in Health Kitchen. - Of course he did. - Of course he did. - Yeah, of course he did. - If you work in television, you live in Health Kitchen. - Well, this is before I worked in television. - Oh, really? - Yeah, this is 1980 when I was-- - Oh, my God, I wasn't even born. - Working on sawdust floors. Yeah. - Oh, that was a bit hot. - It was not. It was horrible, starting as horrible. - So, where do you wanna-- - Now, you're sagging into the show business. You're gonna fight the headwinds of prejudice against a conservative Republican and the other thing. - Felwyn, Ryer, Hayes, Republic. I mean, I have a lot of minorities lately. - I know, but you know what? My thing is, I think you should cultivate the gay crowd first because-- - They hate me. - They hate me. - They hate me. - We'll make them like-- attacked Trixie Mattel, one of the drag queens that you love the most. We had this massive feud on Twitter and I came out on top and they could never forgive me for it. True story, by the way. It's the funniest exchange of ever see a city United States congressman having with the drag queen. That was very, very fun. But I'll say this, I have to say, I have had an amazing experience so far in my christening of entertainment. I have been given so much grace. I've worked with people of, I mean, if you look at the cast, the special forces. You just said, people are fighting to represent you. Oh, no, no, not fighting, lying. But isn't that a form of wanting to rip? Well, no, I think it's because there's been a lot of, I have said a lot, a lot of nose to a lot of different projects because I didn't like either the title of the show or the direction it was going in, because in my mind, I said, I don't want to be associated with this or with that, right? If I'm going to build a brand new brand for myself, that's an oxymoron, I wanted to have something meaningful and I thought special forces when it came out, I'm like, okay, I'm way overweight. I have no business being in cameos and then jumping out of helicopters like I did. You know what? Everything that I did in special forces, I stand by and I'm so proud. It doesn't get you in shape. Oh, it could if it was in a short, it's a show, right? It's like, how fast can you get in a small, in a short production? How long are you there for? I can't say that contractually, because then it reveals like my duration, okay, but it has to be a while. It's not a day. Like I said, I can't say that. Wow. That's very, yeah. No, I get it. It's like, it's a quick production, it's not a very long run, it's a, so imagine putting that, it's intense, it's a lot of stuff like, I know you're actually sleeping intense? Not tense, but like what, like a barricade would be for, you know, like in a barricade, maybe a barricade? Barric, sorry, not barricade. Yeah. Barric's would be for, forgive me, afforded sleep. And what about the food, they provide it? They provide it. Yeah, it's very, I mean, look, there's so much you can fit into a production, imagine if we had to actually do slop line up and then actually cook, so they cater it, we serve it, you know, the interesting concept. They're there, but for the grace of the God, I don't believe in God, because like the things people do for fame, like I love being on TV, only because I love the actual job I'm doing, but I don't need it. And like if it ended tomorrow, I mean, I'm not gonna, you wouldn't be mad like this. I'm not gonna like the fucking scorpion, the crazy shit people do just to stay in the public eye. I'd be like, you know, whatever. You know what's amazing to me? Guys will drop three grand on an 85 inch OLED TV for maximum football Christmas, then cook on a scratch $20 pan from college. So the picture is flawless and the burgers are welded to the bottom of the pan like dried cement. And there you are, missing the third quarter scrubbing like your destroying evidence. That's why the team here loves hex clad. Throw them in the dishwasher or wipe them clean in seconds. Use metal utensils, these pans don't need to be babyed, they take up to 900 degrees in the oven. Stay cool, stainless handles mean you're not burning your hands. And they're backed by a lifetime warranty, so this is the last cook where you'll ever buy. Go into football season with cook where that makes game day meals harder than they need to be. Upgrade your kitchen with hex clad and make cooking, hosting and clean up easier all season long. For a limited time only our listeners get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com/random, support our show and check them out at H-E-X-C-L-A-D dot com. Make sure to let them know we sent you. I look at it this way. For me it was more for the experience because I think there's a thing about when you're trying to overcome the amount of odds I created for myself, people want to see a little bit of you being humbled and broken down and I thought, a little, well, there are a bunch of bitches who want to see humbling 24/7. True. I gave them as much as I could on the show. And I'm very proud of what I put forward. Bill, if you look at the cast of people that were on the show, you couldn't, you could not create this line up even if you in your wildest dreams. I mean. Can you tell us that? Yeah. Oh, my God. Candice Cameron Brue, like DJ Tanner from Full House. She's on there. Candice Cameron. Then you have Dave Sharfe, Baywatch. Baywatch. Oliver Hudson, great actor, right? You have Ruby Rose, controversy queen herself, right? With the recent Katy Perry stories. And then you have football players, like Lashon McCoy from the Eagles, the Philly Eagles, retired football player. Maxim. Oh, my God. It's like a virtual winstack of the deal. It's insane. It's like, it's a hodge. I think, wow. Are you familiar with the housewives of Beverly Hills? Am I familiar? Oh, my God. Brandy. Brandy. She's on the show. It's like, you couldn't make this up. No. It was. I certainly couldn't because I don't know these people. I couldn't make it up at all. So my point is they're very different people, different walks of lives. And I thought it was great. I thought it gave us a great opportunity to showcase who we truly are outside of whatever the media said. Well, you know what, George Santos? I need a new guilty pleasure show and I'm going to make this the one. Okay, so where are you going to morph into after this? So this will introduce you to the world of survivalists. Well, yeah, it's definitely not what I don't see myself becoming a perpetual perennial contestant on reality shows. I will do the ones I find. I do. You see, I think that's the easy way to do it. I don't like easy things. I mean, so I'm going to try to develop something else. Well, we have a few projects on fires and you know how this is. You'll have like 10 not fires on the fire one will sell. So. Buying is kind of the easy thing. Yeah. Come on. I guess. Like I said, we all do it. I guess. No, you're right. You know, but look. But it can't be five. My entire 30 years. It should. And no, you know what else I learned? I, you're a look younger in person. I didn't know you were 30. I wouldn't have actually guessed. I thought it was older. No, like crazy. I got elected at 34. Yeah. But I would have guessed a little, I mean, I saw you in that fleece thing with the sport code. It just, you know, kind of had an older look. It was like where I'm from. That's kind of what we do. Well, Islanders, we kind of do the whole quarter zip with the jacket over. It's a thing. It was a little Palm Springs after the Tonys, you know, could be, could be, we get that Bernie, the break, the breakers, you know, very the brand anyway, but I say you're at the breaker. So maybe that rubbed off on me. I spent 20 years. I spent a week a year at the breakers. Oh, the breakers, yeah. Which is the Palm Beach. The big hotel in the Palm Beach. Yeah, it's so nice. I stayed there once. They were snobby as fuck. They did not make me like them. I love them. Ah, good. Then tell them they should have been nice. You know what it is? It's not me. That likes it. It's my husband who likes it. So I do it for him because he puts up with all my bullshit. So I, that's our sport, you know, this every fucking married person says the same thing. They put up with my bullshit. That's true. I, I, again, I never got married. I'm actually gayer than you in all this way. You've engaged in gay relationship. Well, and I didn't know how to get married, right? To never get married. Yeah. Much more of a traditionally gay thing. It is, yeah. It is. It's a hundred percent. I'm actually in a way, gayer than you. My lawyer says that's it. There's a joke. He's been married four times, but one of them was a gay marriage, because he never got married. He just lived in that there. Joe, we always make fun of him with that. Oh, I forgot what I was going to tell you about it. Sorry. No, no. About putting up with the other partner. Yes. Thank you. Yes. I, every married couple says that they put up with my bullshit, and it just never computes with me. It's like, if there's even this element of, I'm putting up with a lot of bullshit with this person, why do you want, and then they go into some song and dance about, oh, but the great parts. And then one of the great parts, and it's just like, it just always seems outweighed by the. Well, when I say bullshit, here's what I come up with, okay? He never wanted Spotlight. Matter of fact, I did a great job in horse trading with the media. A lot of people asked me, how did you get your husband to not be sucked in? Would do they interview him, too, because I didn't even know you had a husband. Oh, yeah. So, I think he stayed out of the spotlight pretty well. Well, no. I horse-traded. Every time they would say, oh, we're going to go after Matt, I would give them a scoop. Wow. Now, that's noble. Yeah. I would fall. I fell on several swords to keep my husband out of it, because he didn't seat this shit I did. Noble? Honest George's. I don't know about noble, but I think it's fair to not drag your partner into your mess. I think that was a fair thing. No, that's very no. It is noble. It is noble. I threw myself on a couple of swords to keep his world somewhat in that. That is not something everyone would do or does do. Well, he deserved it. Yeah. And he stood by me through my worst love. What people do crazily selfish things. I mean, people were like, you know, give a kidney. And then as soon as you're better, though, the guy will leave you. You know, like God, that they're just crazy, selfish things people do. So it's always noticeable. - Look, I'm gonna say this to you, Bill. For me, the entire existence of being called a liar is a struggle because if you talked to anybody who's known me prior to me running for office, I had a reputation of being blunt, rude, honest, to a point where I would offend you. Like, these were things that people knew. Like, people were like, oh, I can't with George. He just thinks he has to tell us what he's feeling at all times, no matter what the consequences are, right? And that pissed people off often. So to then evolve to the big liar, I have friends who like, I still can't get past the big, okay, so you told a couple of lies, but if people really knew who you were, and I'm not saying this to gain favor, I'm just telling you interactions I have, but Debbie, who is, you know, she's my assistant nowadays, she's my executive assistant, she runs my whole life, shout out to Debbie. She's been friends with me prior to that for 15 years. She was the one saying, why did you lie? What is, why? You could have done the rags to riches, which would have been much better. I said, I needed to have sports in you and those friends, the fucking chairman, and then everything went off the rafters. She's like, oh, so that was like them a guffin, that started the whole thing. It started with that, and then it just kept it evolved. I for one, thank you for a form man, and I'm gonna stick up for you, but I got one question. George, when I came in, I was wearing a watch. Where did you watch it? You just, stop, I saw your watch, no, that's a bullshit. That's funny. What is it, is it a Daytona? It's a Rolex bit. It's a Rolex Daytona, is that what that is? I don't know, I didn't know the watches. I didn't wear a Rolex for you, I'm wearing a manga, you see? I'm a man of the people. Well, you know what? I hate to tell you, but your road may lead back to politics. I don't want to. Maybe, yeah, I don't want to. No, no, wholeheartedly. If I go back into politics, there's a stipulation that my husband has as he will divorce me, and I love him too much to do it. But I feel like you're almost the perfect guy for the post literal age that we live in. Like you represent a large portion of America. Liars. Come on. No, I'm kidding. That's not fair. No, that's not fair. I'm just saying, maybe I had it backwards. Maybe politics, actually, you can. I mean, you just look at what goes on and what they say. And I mean, you defended Trump for it not being a liar. Just, it's so casual. I don't even, most of it, they didn't even bother me. I just accept it. Like when he says, not on big things, but like he was at his midterm convention in Dallas last week, you saw that, I'm sure. And he said, you know, the place is packed. You could see it wasn't. There are people waiting outside to get in. There was no one outside. You know, I mean, when you can catch someone in real time, so obviously, it's just like, well, we're obviously living in an age where enough people just don't care. They just don't care. Well, the same thing can be said on both sides. Look, true. I'm not saying that. Yeah. It can. I think, yes. Bill, if you, if I permission to give you my candid and very crass approach, I think we're pretty good friends by now. They're all full of absolute shit. It is, you know, former United States Secretary of the Interior, Congressman Ryan Zinke from Montana. One of the first things he said to me was literally like, "George, you see all this?" It's all theater. Just remember this. You have one of the best seats in the country. And, you know, Ryan Zinke was somebody I looked up to as like a statement. Yeah. And when he said that to me, I'm like in the middle of scandal doing, I was just like, excuse me. What are we doing? Right. Like, what? And I witnessed it vote after vote. Bill, if I tell you, I was forced because you have to vote. You got to pick a side on an issue, right? Yes. No. Present is essentially flushing your vote on the toilet. So you pick a side, right? The less of the two evils. If I tell you the amount of times that the votes were just bullshit, messaging bills. That's what John Federman says. They always-- All fucking caboobly theater. Exactly. And at the end of the day, it ends in pizza. You know what that means? Yeah. You order pizza. Pretty much. Yeah. And nobody cares. I agree. Because they will end whatever their mischegost is on the floor, go and do their backroom deals and the Jeffries and Johnson or Jeffries McCarty, whichever iteration. Pelosi. And whoever. Yeah. They get to gather daily. They smoke cigars, drink scotch or whatever the fucking is that they enjoy. And then they ram it down the conference and the caucus is thrown and says, this is what we're doing. We're sheep. We go there. Yes. But this is what leadership told us to do every now and then you'll get a rogue. I happen to be one of those rogues who kind of go against the grain. Oh, the scolding. I will never forget. Now, that all brings, like, utter truth to me. And it is exactly what John Federman says. Because-- No. I love John Federman. I do too. I do too. I love him. I have told the GP. I will vote for John Federman. I don't care in which party he is. Okay. I don't want him to join the GOP. Federman. Right. But they always get on him for not-- he misses all these votes and he says, you know what? Your votes are bullshit. It's all the thing you were just talking about. And I'm just not going to play your stupid game and, like, waste my time-- It's a waste of time. It is a waste of time. It's a waste of money. I would get so frustrated. really designed so that power is in three different quarters. Well, not quarters, thirds. So that nobody can get too powerful. Well, it's so out of whack because the legislator branch just has abdicated the whole thing. - It's literally put its legs in the airs and you're just rimming it. Whatever you want, you get out of them. They have no teeth. It's like a bad porn actor who doesn't know what to say when. Like literally, it's not bad. They've been rates, time and time again, either by the judiciary or the fucking executives. - When does a porn actor say when? - That's a great, I don't know why I said that. - I don't know what that means. - Doesn't the director say? - I guess, I don't know. I thought that was, I don't know. That's one of those improv moments where you just say something now. - I would like to be on a porn set and watch. - You should. - I shouldn't, but you should. - Why not? - I would just like to see how the director, you know, like, okay, you know, I believe it's a very matter of fact industry. - I do too. - That's my thing in my head. - I do. - I think, now lick his balls for two. - Yeah. - And then turn it, turn it, turn it right, yeah. - The problem is, I wanna know. - Lunch. (laughing) - The question is, is like, what do they do to be able to perform? Like, I'm sorry, as a man, I'm telling you this. I can't perform if the window curtain isn't open. I'm like, no, I can't do this. - The people. - Who should actually get all the credit in the world in the porn industry are the ones who did it before Viagra. These, they're on Jeremy's, excuse me. I think he's in trouble with the law, but I mean, like, he had to get a real erection. Now, they just take pills. - Is that what it is? - What, you're a gay man and you're asking me about Viagra? - I don't take Viagra, I'm 38, I don't have that issue. - Well good, a lot of guys that age do. - Really? Are you kidding? I don't, you know what? I don't think that my friends who probably have E.D. are gonna be like, "Hey, George, I have E.D." and I'm thinking, "See all this." - Yeah, I agree, I don't know, but, you know, I mean. - That's funny, that's interesting. - It definitely is. - I think porn is the reason, though, for a lot of E.D., if that's the case. - There's an addiction element to it and an expectation issue. So, I avoid porn personally in my life, because I think porn creates a delusion of expectation of what sex is. And it creates this, I will never be able to do it. Buddy, I'm not gonna put my head, my foot on nobody's neck and fuck them as I do that. - Is that what people do? - I mean, that's what the porn is really theatrical. - How could you possibly have your foot on their neck and also. - Well, that trust me, there's fucked up shit that goes on in porn. - So that's why I don't consume it because it's just. At a younger age, I think every young man kind of gets through the porn phase and then you're readily, like, fast like that. This is not real life. And then you move on to, like, all right, let me go figure out how sex is done. It's just not a healthy environment. - It possibly isn't, but I'm still a young man, so I'm not giving it up. (laughing) I don't understand. - Who's your favorite porn actress? - I don't understand why you can't have both. - Well, who's your favorite porn actress? - Well, I don't get their name. (laughing) It's not a name thing, I don't write to them. It's not like what I don't really don't understand is younger men, and they're by the millions who are on only fans or anything else where they must know in a part of their brain that somehow processes some sort of logic and factual material. They must know that maybe they're not even talking to this real girl, and even if they are, she's doing this with, like, thousands of other guys. And how is this possibly specialty or. convince yourself that this is some sort of a girlfriend and wouldn't your time better be wasted instead of tipping someone over a texting situation to actually-- - Or how about higher your local escort? - Yes, pro-local business. At least that's a human being. - Yeah, I know you'd be good at. And it's not come down at all. It's really a great show with the great history, Hollywood squares. - That's what you'd be the great. - So, yeah, make it cool. - Yeah, they love it. (laughing) - I'll give you my 10% agent, make the call. - They love a good gay center square. - Yeah, I want to be the next Joan River. If you ask me what I want to do, I want to be an absolute asshole with a carte blanche ability to just-- - You're right, that's great, yes. - I wrote the sassiest Met Gala article for the Daily Mail this year. It had such traction. It, I mean, culture went nuts over it. I mean, the amount of people who wrote about my article for the Daily Mail and the Daily Mail took a big risk in platform, I mean, and it was a home run. 'Cause again, I've been doing this thing on social media. I don't know if you've ever seen it, but every year I criticize the looks of all the desperate bitches on the White House Correspondence Gala. I've been doing it since 2022. And it's just gotten more and more viral throughout the years. I mean, some of these bitches blocked me on Twitter because they don't want to even see Sonny Housen, one of them doesn't want to see what I have to say about their outfits. And I really enjoy that 'cause I grew up in the day and age and era of fashion police, which on Rivers. - Yeah, your situation is-- - And it's fun. - It's called dress banter. - Your situation is completely irreparable, I believe. - I appreciate that. - No, because-- - Genuinely, 'cause I know you would've eaten. - You didn't like, I would not. Because I didn't kill anybody, right? - No. - That we know of. - No, I didn't. - Okay, not. - And I mean, if you're like, you know, again, my watch is there. - Your watch is there, stop it. Stop it. - Stop it. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - I'm not gonna step. I don't have sticky fingers. (laughing) - But I have a very creative imagination. - Even if you're not sticky fingers. - Even if you, you know, kind of grifted or embezzled or something from shit, there might be some rich fucks who had it coming. It wasn't like you took it out of the mouths of, you know, starving orphans or anything, did you? - No, look, I like to, this is something I like to square away because there's a, and I'll strike a serious tone for a second. I don't wanna be serious, 'cause this is not being right. - I'm putting the joint down. - There is this perception out there that I committed, aggravated, identity theft that I stole credit cards and I went on shopping sprees. - That, I heard that. - That's not true. - Another one we got to. Let's hear this story. - And I gave the facts. I was accused of going to a Mez, Farragamo and Tiffany and Co and spending all this money. - Good taste. - Well, it's funny though. Did you know that I bought 22 ties from Farragamo? Do you know how they do little animals on their ties? Farragamo, they have those little birds, elephants, whatever. I bought-- - I have the shirt with the lizard. What is that? - That doesn't cost. - Anyway, so Farragamo makes these ties with little elephants red and blue. - Really? - Yes, it's a very-- - Farragamo does this. - Very, it's their thing. - It's so corny that it's hip, is that? - It's hip, it's cute, it adds fun. - It sounds awful, but okay. - No, no, no, it's actually very tastefully gone. It adds, I guess-- - Elephants, you say. - Elephants, dogs, you name it fish. - Elephants. - Elephants. - Whatever, say animals in general print. Sometimes it's like, I don't know, balls, like sports balls, or like football, soccer balls, tennis balls, but the point is they had just had a collection. I'm a big Farragamo client. I wear a lot of Farragamo. It's my favorite brand, it's very aspirational. It fits in my budget, essentially, right? So when you get elected to Congress, you have to now go lobby the steering committee, which is a group of like 26, if I'm not mistaken, including the speaker, who get to vote on where members serve, which committees. I going in, I was a superstar. I flipped the Biden plus 10 seat, I won by eight. - Right. - I was a 16 point swing, I won by eight, that point. - This is Suffolk County. - Nassau County, nine points. So I grew up in the area, you know? - Really? - New Jersey, yeah. - Oh, I didn't know that. - I grew up in Jersey. - I really thought you were from California. - Oh, no, no, no. - Oh, I didn't do my research. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I went to school at Cornell, up in New York, lived in New York twice. - What a show of Cornell is turned out to be. - We're talking, yeah. - You wouldn't be allowed to stay class as a couple of years ago if you were Jewish. - God. - So anyway. - So awful. - So what we do is we put together a packet. Here's why I should be in session. So committee, I wanted to be on foreign affairs and on financial services. Worked in finance and adjacent sector for years in private equity. And I'm fluent in three languages outside of English. So I thought foreign affairs would be a perfect fit. And it's my passion. I enjoy foreign affairs. I enjoy international policy and all of that stuff. So that was my in, right? So I lobbied for that. You create a package and you give a gift. It's a bribe, right? But it's a gift. I went to Faragamo and I bought 22 ties for the men, right? You know, red elephant ties. G.O.P. elephant, get the-- - You really think these-- - On the nose? - You really think these fucking shit kickers are going to appreciate Faragamo? - Some of them did because they all used to getting these bribes. - He had, got a fucking donkey owner on the desk. - That's gonna look real good with my boots. - So that was one. And then for the women, I went to Hermes and I bought, there was only two women in the fine, in the steering committee, at least the phonic and Kathy McMorris Rogers. I bought them a little like silk square like that they can tie around their neck with elephants. - Can't go wrong with the scarf. - And I bought a scarf. - You cannot. And I bought a ballpoint pen, red point and ballpoint pen from Tiffany for the women. So that's those purchases. They said I went on shopping spree splurges. I proved this to the fight and to the ethics committee and to the DOJ, but they insisted in saying that that was a misuse of campaign funds. That's covered, at least for me, it wasn't, right? And I put out receipts, I've showed the proof. Some members actually went on the house floor and voted to a fucking expel me, wearing the tie I gave them. Okay, that's the irony of the situation. So that's kind of, that's the embezzlement. That's the credit card that people say, I stole money from my campaign. My crime that I wholeheartedly owned up to is I straw donated to my campaign. I took money, gave to my campaign and because I wanted to look more impressive instead of showing the loan, because I had already loaned a shit ton of money to my campaign, I said, just put down my family members and a couple of friends, I sprinkled a few friends in there. That's fucking identity theft, you're not supposed to do that. That's my crime bill, that's literally the crux of the crime. - And have other people done that? - Yes, nobody's ever been federally indicted. It's resolved usually with the FEC, the Federal Elections Commission. - Oh, is that right? - And it's a big fine and, you know, shame on you, I went to prison for seven and a half year sentence, which was wild. - What was prison like? - Awful. - I'm sure. - When people tell you, just not having your freedom. - It's a country club, it's a camp, first of all. I was in prison. - No, prison is not a country club. - They've been the best. - They said it's a rundown country club. I mean, like, not even the right, and I've been to rundown country clubs. That's all I could afford. So I had to tell you, it's not. - I hope it wasn't violent. - No, not at all. I will say this, it wasn't violent. It was violently mismanaged by a content warning. - Did you meet anyone? - No. - I was, I wasn't there long enough for that. - I'm just curious. - My husband visited me every weekend, okay? - Do you get, do you get, you don't get, you don't get conjugal visits in federal prison? - Do the heterosexuals? - No, not even, not in federal prison. - But if they have conjugal, did the gay get it too? - Yeah, everybody, so long as you're married, I guess. That's the rule. The, my prison experience was very bad. I was there for 23 days, and then the warden put me in solitary confinement. - Oh, there was you do. - I did nothing. It was under the predicate. It was right in the yard. - No. - I was in the kitchen. - There was fight over you, that's it. - Oh yeah, my milk trick rings all the voice of the yard. (laughing) And they've never seen milk shake like mine in prison. (laughing) - Oh my God, what am I saying? I think I've caught that guy already. Jesus Christ. - No, this is the exact kind of thing you should be doing. - Oh my goodness. - You're good at this. (laughing) Actually, I don't think there's any bullshit that happened today. - Well, I think everything, everything you told me, it just, I can tell when someone is lying. - You know what? - Now you know what? - I can tell when someone is lying. You know what? - You got it all out of your system. (laughing) - For a lifetime. - Yeah. - That's like, I think the only lives I'm going to reserve that are for my kids. - The campaign slogan, I'm due for the truth. (laughing) (laughing) - I would run on that one. It's time for the truth. That's like campaign slogan. - You know it's funny. I told my sister this. I'm like, I'm going to reserve all the lying I have left in my life for my kids when I'm in a store. We'll buy it later. - You know you have kids? - We're in the process of- - You can't. - Process. You know you can't get pregnant. - Surrogacy. - Yeah, sure. - We're gonna serve you. - No, I know that. - Sure you do. - Well, nowadays they talk about pregnant men. - Oh, stop. - I know. Right, that is. See, this is, I mean, and look, it's good that the Republican Party would have somebody who is gay and can make this case the way Andrew Sullivan does, who is center right slightly, but, you know, is-- Barely. Barely center right. I say-- And he-- I think Andrew is more center. Yeah, I know. Well, he's, you know, we don't agree on Israel, but everything else, I think he's just so brilliant. And-- And then Israel become a wedge issue. It's so crazy. I can't even-- I mean-- I mean, look, you're talking to the guy who lost his mind. Do you remember my, like, meltdown in the hall of the Congress over the guy who, what I was holding, a staffer's baby in the cost of weeks? Yes. And I melted down-- like, I don't understand what's controversial about the thing. Like the Jackson. Once. [LAUGHS] And the hell does baby over about it? In Berlin. I remember that. I remember that. I remember that. Was that Shiloh or was that parents? I don't know. Berlin. Yeah, no. He wasn't. Was it Shiloh or parents? I don't-- Oh, the blanket, sorry. I don't know. Those wild. But he dangled the baby over the-- With his frail grip. Because he was left. You know, and-- He was so frail. No, I mean, thank God they never got him anything else with kids. [LAUGHS] I don't know. That was his one dark mark with him and children. I'm doing that perfect record. No. It is amazing. He's guilty of sexually molesting kids. I really don't. Exceriously. Again, at this age, I can tell who's a liar. These kids are not-- these men now, you're not lying. I've-- based on everything that I've consumed, I kind of buy into the-- it was a money grab. I really do. I did buy into that. You-- you were an adult as this was unfolding, so you probably had a better-- It's come on, man. Did you watch the movie, Michael? Yeah. His nephew looks just like him in it. It's crazy. I blame Joe for everything. Oh, Joe's a monster. Big depicted him too nice in this movie. I mean, everything at all. AI, I blame him for global warming. And they're not just Michael. I mean, this guy was like-- he was like the-- Like Lex Luthore. And Joe was like, exactly. That is who the Spider-Man, whoever, should go up against. Is Joe Jackson. And the real Joe Jackson, even worse, than the brilliant performance by Coleman Domingo, right? Yeah. I mean, but the real one, even worse, even creepier. Coleman Domingo did a great job. Yeah, he did. Amazing. He was a better Joe Jackson than the one from the original Jackson Five movie. What's the original? The first movie that they did about Michael Jackson's life. What's the name of the actor who plays his father? I don't remember. Like in the '90s, they did a Jackson Five movie. They did? They did. I can't remember the name of the dad in that movie. But that was before the unpleasantness. Yes. Yeah, it was the part. And I noticed this movie stops just before the-- I think there's a part two, that movie leaves in a cliffhanger. No one wants to see part two. I do. I want to see how they depict it. I want to see how the family estate depicts it. Notice how they also left Janet Jackson out of this movie. Why? I don't know. I'm just saying she's not in this movie. She is not? No, Latoya is, but they don't talk about-- Janet doesn't exist in this movie. I got a great idea for you. You should do a show like The Fox Show, The Five-- Yeah. --or The View. I love The Five. Really? I love The Five. I love The View. I think that the format-- I love the View, too. I do love it both. I think the format, I haven't been on either. Well, the Five doesn't do guests. And the view, the opportunity to go on was not the right timing when they insistently asked me. And then, whoopi gober said that that was a line. And I had to go post all the emails online and say, like, you're lying. I receive, I think, seven or eight very insistent emails trying to book me on The View. It wasn't the right time. But I love the format, because it gives dialogue, debate. And that's what I love. I think we don't all have to agree, Bill. I would be bored out of my mind and put a bullet in my head if everybody became symbiotic and agreed on everything. Life would be so fucking boring. I'd probably be drunk half of the time just so I can forget that it was so perfect. So I like debate, the expression of thought, and having a conversation like this where we don't have to agree. I was in an airplane today, and Billy Porter was in the plane, the actor. I'm a big fucking fan. What was this air gay? Delta Airlines is as close as air gay as it gets. I think all the gays love Delta for some reason. There's just a law that it's apparently the best airline, best in class. My fucking first class, the seat didn't recline properly. The Wi-Fi was out. I'll let you finish this story, but I gotta tell ya. Before you came here, I heard all these things, including like he says he's gay, and I was like, I don't know if you had, I think he just said it because that was like what would work in the election. They'll get the Democrats to vote for him. And now that I meet you, it's like Charles Nelson Riley, which I mean, it's a compliment. Warhol and straight-close. You know what I mean, right? It's like, not just gay, but like really good for show business gay. So you should say yes. Please say yes. Say better than Andy Cohen. I like Andy, I like Andy. I know what to say better than Andy Cohen. Just look at this and watch. I don't want to piss it. He hates me. Really? Oh, he hates me. Well, then I hate that. So you should do a show with Ann Coulter, and-- I would put a bullet in my head. Really? I find her to be the most miserable, or munchered on television. You'd like a review, actually. She hates me because she's friends with a kid called Ryan Gradesky. She's obsessed with him, hates all the other guys. So you can only have one gay at a time in her life. She's robberable. Anyway. So she do a show like the five with the most outcast people. Head Coulter? That'd be funny. Yeah, but people who are their outcast, but Ann Coulter, I mean, she does say some things that are like out there from my way. Very intelligent. Very intelligent. Very intelligent. And very often, she literally, like, you know, she just is-- You know, I am stealing this clop. I don't care what you say. Yeah, absolutely. Call the cops, I mean. Call the random. I'm going to drink all my stuff. I want him to. I want you to have it. But a show like the five, but gayer, you know, like just the real raw sort of-- I mean, that's not what the view is doing. The view is like super woke, like stolt of fire. And the five is a little stiff. Five is a little stiff. It's corporate. There could be a show like that. It would be huge. It would be huge. And it would just be like, do this. You know, a lot of laughing, a lot of just like-- this is what I really think, and I don't care who knows it-- people who have nothing to lose because they've already been canceled within an inch of their life. Yeah. That is a freedom. I say that I have a freedom that most wish they had. I have no secrets left, Bill. Right. Nothing left to hide. So I can really operate in transparency at all times without the fear of, I mean, the worst things that could have ever come out about my life came out. I mean, I did carnival at the age of 18 in Brazil, dressed in drag, and all of a sudden, people gave me a career as a drag queen. So I'm just like, and that's pretty embarrassing as a Republican. And I'm not embarrassed, but it had fun. I was 18 years old. As I said to TMZ, I assume I was fun and had-- I was young and had fun at a festival at La Guardia Airport when they press me on it. But back to my thing, I'm in the airplane. Billy Porter is like three or four seats behind me. I'm a massive fan of American Horror Story, and he is so great in America. Right, sure. Him, Angela Bassett. These are people I really look up to. I'm a fan, Angela Bassett's my favorite actress. I love her. When people ask me, who's your favorite actress, Angela Bassett? Top of the law, I don't care. There's no one that-- maybe Angelina Jolie second, whatever. But-- Angelina Jolie. I love her. Really? I love her. I think she's so-- and her dad's so great to me. I love her dad. He's a great man. I know that there's issues there. I don't know. John Voigt. John Voigt, yeah. He's such a good guy. I mean, he's not my politics, exactly. But, you know, I'd love to talk to him. I mean, I like it. We've invited him. I want him. He's super fun. I mean, I've been in his presence a couple of times. I tell him, tell him to come here. I'm not friends with him. But if I have an in-I'll try my best. But my point is, I want to approach Billy. Like, I genuinely want to approach Billy. I'm like, I'm a fan. I want to say, hi, I love your work. But our difference in politics is so stark that I'm afraid. And then I think I could be wrong, right? But we cross paths in the-- going to the bathroom and coming back. He hissed at me. And he has this thing about where he does like-- And I'm like, did he hiss at me or did he smile at me? And I don't know. And I'm just like, this was an interesting interact. Maybe it was a flirtatious who-- And then I go, not coming from him for me. No, thank you. I know it's not. So I mean, and that's what saddens me. That we've become so divided as society that we can't have conversations with people who politically disagree with us. But we can have conversations galore on A to fucking Z. And we pick P for politics every time. There's like 20. six letters in the alphabet, and we get one every time. - Here's what we do. First of all, we've got to everybody, not just you and I. We all have to like work on this project of making this ostracism that the left engages in uncool. - It is uncool. - It is uncool. It's super uncool. It's super intolerant. It's super everything they think they hate and they're supposed to hate. It's just uncool. - It's just uncool. It's uncool. - It's so mean girls. You can't show the-- - Don't compare to mean girls because mean girls is so great. - Okay. - Everybody has a bird book. I have a bird book. - So the cover of my bird book is Kevin McCarthy. (laughing) - But George, you're not going to like this part. - Please help me. - All right. We got to get your trainer. We're going to fucking give you a makeover because you're a nice-looking guy. - Let's go. I got to lose weight. I'm so fat. - You're exactly. - I'm so fat. I can tell Terry the bro and I said, "I need to transform myself." - You know who you are? - Tell me. - You're Chris Pratt. - He was like this schlubby guy, but you could see underneath. - So hot, though. - You could see underneath. He's got-- he could be a handsome-- - I look hot like Chris Pratt after a transformation. I'll just go fuck myself literally. (laughing) - Well, that's not part of my plan. (laughing) Okay, you get all buffed up and chiseled. You're a nice-looking guy. You can pull this off. - Oh, let's see it. - And then these fucking hypocrites who are shunning you because of your politics. - You suddenly find a way to forgive me before. I guarantee that-- - Well, isn't that the same thing with Chris Pratt and Matt Damon? Because they're somewhat conservative or viewed as conservative in the media and they have a little shit, but they still do great work. Why? 'Cause they're fuckable. If you're fuckable and you're conservative, they still might give you a chance. - I don't think he's a conservative. He's married to a Kennedy. - Who? Chris Pratt. - Yeah, but he was married to what's her name, the comedian. - Yeah, she's fantastic. She's in the-- - Anna Fratt. Anna Fratt was here. I think she's fantastic. - He's fantastic. - He's so hot. - I watch this movie just because I think he's hot. I watch his movie, or live this year. - Or live this year. - That should be, you should per se. - But you watch that? - I think I know where-- - He was in theaters earlier this year. - Yeah, he was-- - The AI judge. - Yes. - Or the AI judge. - That actress, she's phenomenal. She's in silo. - Yes. - Oh my god, obsessed with her. That's my guilty pleasure, silo. 'Cause I love dystopian. - So you put a picture on your wall of Chris Pratt. And it's like, that's what you-- - I mean, as soon as that happens, I'm telling you, that's what's gonna happen. All right, I gotta go, 'cause it's still a work night. - I appreciate it. - I mean, it's so much fun. - Thank you so much. - I really appreciate it. - George, you like my watch. (laughing) - You like your watch. - Oh, I do. I'm sorry. - I'm just gonna say, before I leave, if you could just put it back, you could have my-- - Yeah, I do. - Thank you so much for having me. - Yeah, that was so much fun. - Oh my god. (upbeat music) - You've been here a lot to think about. - I appreciate it. - For your future. - May I on my-- - Yes, all right. (upbeat music)