Gentleman's Moves! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Oh, yeah, all right gang. I'm talking about that American garbage special from are you garbage right here September 13th on our YouTube page? Yes, if you're doing already subscribed, please subscribe to our YouTube page We want to blow this thing up if you're an audio listener take a minute pull up YouTube Subscribes so you get notified and we're gonna be doing a live premiere of it that night We're gonna be in the chat to get you get you get your heaters get your beers the boys are throwing a gosh darn party September 13th American garbage our first comedy special do it. Yeah Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are Classy individuals or absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Hey, it's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy Yeah, okay, just a big old piece trash trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with titties and in no additions. Just hit a 920 on the pipe outside We're doing it again. You son of a bitch. What was wrong with that? I was right with it. Any of your woman skateboarding. That's pretty goddamn funny. I come from that's comedy At 920 has been around a couple of times. Uh-huh. You couldn't do that. Who used to do that? Who used to do that at the slam dunks back in the day They dress up as the only hawk. No, it was the was the was it was it amperney or it was a penny hard away penny hard away I want you to talk about penny someone someone used to dress up as a as a grandma. No, that was like god damn it Jimmy Johnson was his name. He had a big sneaker line for a while. That's yeah, I'm saying grandma's Kyrie I think did it. No, this is come on. Yeah, let's go nerd alert fucking fucking late 90s In the meantime, can you get on with the show? You play for the war was I think Charlotte Jimmy Johnson the football coach it was good. My coach coming in from across tables to call family episode Just the boys the bozos and the homies. Mm-hmm. He's my good pal best pal in the whole wide world. Some would say I would say He would say Hey, buddy CEO of our you garbage. Let's run down his resume real quick. See over you guys So borrow money or trash me at the end of this either way, I'm open CEO of our you garbage engineered the whole operation business wise Communically, you know, you know, you're really reaching when you ever you say engineered or architected you're you're really you are jammed The fuck up whenever you've said those two things. What are you talking about? I'm trying to be nice to give you company a fucking idiot Shut up and take it He's a good dad Makes hell of a scrambled egg. I'll tell you that Kevin Ryan King of burbs King of the board. Thank you. I obviously have a dad thing to talk to you about Do your little preamble. Go ahead It's such a dick Oh, you mean the thing where I thank all the people for listening and watching I already did that and I sent them all letter individually my hand is cramping right? What's up, everybody shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. It's always make sure you review subscribe And I do his full video available YouTube full video available over there on Spotify Yeah, we're killing it and those numbers are true to roof. What's We're back, baby. They're true. Let's go Really are man shout out there, buddy. That's the boys are back in their fucking cooking baby shout out to you and obviously patreon.com Those numbers are through the fucking roof as well. You go over there You get up to two bonus episodes a week plus the whole back I don't get hard feelings you get bonus AYG's if you know, you know, I'm just gonna start saying that if you know if you know Go ahead and a lot of people know. Go ahead and join the army of garbage 16,000 strong. Yeah, we're gonna launch a new tour. Mm-hmm. We got the new special the new tours all on sale Fuck, I don't know if we can say I say it's okay. Drop the link Okay, well, I don't know if that's I don't know if We got the new special timbre 13 new special American garbage film down there at side splitter's Tampa, Florida five nights great fucking shows Great, yeah, all are you garbage. It's our finest work yet. We're gonna be jobbing in September 13th on a YouTube page Start rallying around start following. Yes, do it. I've said this before if you if you if you view the program over there on Spotify Or if you just listen to the audio Take a second do to boys a goddamn favor. We're fucking we're grassroots bootstrapping this thing We couldn't went to a streamer. No, we couldn't have we didn't even try to sell it to them because they wouldn't return our calls No, obviously We they don't have fax mission Fully wrote them a letter. Mm-hmm. We want we want to you know, we're very for the people by the people We've the fans have supported us from day one So we want to just fucking put it on all of our stuff goes on YouTube that we're YouTube. We're a freaking YouTube outfit That's what we are we're young right to the people we're thinking outfit. Uh-huh. It's all YouTube You know, I mean you can use the new outfit. Hey down. We're back to brand new shirt. Uh-huh 46 jeans Which by the way I'm really 52s. No You can look at my bags. They're 46s. I was at a joint over there and the lower east side Doing a little window shopping I've got anything right now You know check I want to see what the full fashion was gonna be. Yeah, you know Mm-hmm. I want to be in touch with what's going on and I'm in this store. It's like a vintage store and They're like being real nice. There's this and nothing here's gonna fit me like oh, we have the we have a genius bar in the back But it's about G-A G-E-A-N. Uh-huh. I got you could rent jeans or something like that and I was back Zartoff out there. I was back there. Well, they're like nice jeans No, it's all about it. It's young guy stuff. You don't know. Yeah, and I was back then I was leaning on the bar and I'm lady came up and said you're leaning on the genius bar What do you fucking put a trolling for God? I was Jesus I got aggressive Yeah, I got to dinner first Um, and his lady came up and said I can't lean on the genius bar. It was a stone bar First of all, stop saying genius bars Please it wasn't like a glass like like a I like a jewelry store. I get when you're leaning. It's gonna shatter Uh-huh. I get that it was all stone I'm not the fuck she's a piece of lean on the bar and then another lady came up and was like do you want to look at something? I was like honey. I don't think anything's gonna fit me in here and she's like well, we have up to size 48 And I was like, oh, I'm a 46 and she goes I think we have a right She's like, I think we have one or two pairs. Uh-huh. I said, I'm fine. Thank you. Why not just say no things? Why why talk to you? Why put yourself in the negative light? Hey, do you want to see something? No, thanks. I'm okay Just she knows I'm fat. They know nothing fits me in there Okay, what am I gonna say? Oh, no, not today. They know what's up. It's like when I go to dairy queen. They give me a bucket You know that problem make your knees do You've been here all along, Mr. Foley. Uh, I think that's like self-talk. They say that just go ahead. You know, I've heard enough of that shit It's a fucking negative self-talk. I don't like the guy. All right. He's a bad guy Hey, are you sure heard of yourself? One thing I'm doing it performatively so you feel bad for me. I mean if you ain't everywhere Larry Johnson was the best guy instead of a bitch. I knew it was that I said Jimmy Johnson. I was close. I get the points, right? I get the money. Yeah, sure whatever you need Whatever you need What was the dad question? Well, okay. I picture see a couple weeks ago. I don't think you responded to me I'm not sure if you were speaking to me at the time. I Had this idea about it about gentleman's moves. Okay, because sometimes when I was on a thesis Sometimes you float over ideas You send them to the group chat and it's like him. It's like nothing. It's like the Arctic I freak out. No No, well a lot of times either stuff we do you know, it's something so basically can we should have an Instagram page and you go Okay, man Or sometimes it's my idea that we're you know, I've said the a week ago and you repurpose and send over I don't know sometimes I don't know how to engage with it. That's all. Yeah, uh-huh. You also sent it at 1.30 a.m I was just waking up Just getting over the genius bar. We're getting up early. I just we're a spitball and ideas there It doesn't all the time though. Not at that. It's like you're always starting shit And then I think I got to get in there because if I don't say something I'm gonna get trouble All right, when you want open the front door Is that what you think I know that's what I'm sorry. I just sorry. Sorry. We discuss business between nine and five Apologize. You know I'm on L.A. Times Let me get my head on straight. Um, gentlemen, what's at least in for loser as old Zing it's pretty good Luke cut that clip But not on the Instagram page. I was always I'd be it Gentlemen's move like when things are done. You don't they don't need to be done at Jones. Oh, like I said that I was at this I was at this restaurant and they I was nothing I was a connoisse. It was just a bar and restaurant the one in Midtown. Yeah, okay I was staying there Where I was taking in my cousin Ian um They had made or D's downstairs and upstairs. They don't need that made or D's there But they had them and the guys were great. Mm-hmm. They were just nice. It was cool. The gentleman's move having that I go By a lighter a to deli the guy lights it for me. Then then gives it to me. That's a gentleman's move Why is lightning for you gentlemen? He's showing you that it works. That's that's going above me. I'm saving him. Why because if he you give it to him I'm gonna come back and you come back with the fuck. Hey, let me get the black lighter You take it out there. That's the oldest trick in the book. You come back in it. It's don't fucking work Give me a new one. It worked. I it worked. I handed it to you guy. That's on you Like if I went out and Yeah, that's yeah, that's to not fucking get stolen lighters look He's doing that for him. That's his insurer. He'll get up to the camera. Oh take a look the eye in the sky. All right never mind Tell you what you start to get a little face in the world and Listen, you're never gonna cut it in this business If you take campus to take the legs out from idea. I thought they were doing it to me nice It's such a dirtbag move, too Yeah, what Hey, can you light it for me? It's not a gentleman, dude if you're going somewhere that's shopping you're shopping for lighters And go chicks. I blow up the condom of my mouth and let them know that it's no I don't do that Anyway, that really wasn't sounds like you have that wasn't a part of the pitch no of the segment Well, what about a debt? What's this one? What's the crack later? Have to do with a dad. It's not a crack letter It was a regular small bit, which I prefer my dad my dad started doing that he left get over Started doing that I never got it because it feels dainty. I always thought they were like women lighters You know what I mean for their tiny brains. No, get it Well, my stepmom used to use the guy with a small dick. I want the biggest one you got I got that big did jeep Hello ladies Croshing your your tiny little bitch car Look cock car you're in Ramin up Yeah, those big trucks seem so I don't have the energy the guys with the crackers on their car Fucking door young. I thought you're a young cool guy, not that shit. You're disturbing the neighborhood People trying to sleep six o'clock at night. Whoo-hoo. I hate that shit. Uh-huh. Um anyway, this is really what I was trying to wedge that in Yes, not so I'll guide you know what you bombed you bombed in a group text before people want you to try in front of a quarter million Bill's wrong that the swing who said that I don't know marijuana on signs Walking Phoenix never saw it. Yes, she did Don't say that. I'll think I'm crazy. We spent a whole car Are you fucking with me? We've talked about it on you guys are fucking around We've talked about it. I've seen the property of parts of it. We've talked about that movie I've yeah, I've seen so it was filmed in Buck's County. Yeah, I've said I've mentioned that When he was in Newtown, it was a big you said you saw sign. I've seen parts of it. Yeah parts of it You think you know a guy. It's crazy. You've seen it right Luke. Your name is Luke, right? It's actually not That's Lewis Buck Get back on drugs. I Saw a guy in a restaurant today. He was sitting at the bar having a beer reading the newspaper and you as a dad I know you don't read the newspaper We're going to bars during the day, but I could see I thought about you doing it It's kind of that's a gentleman's move sitting there reading the reading the paper to bar So you went under sitting the I'm sorry Well, I just I don't know it's just talking to you about it. Isn't that nice? Shit reading the paper at a bar sitting there I feel like if I don't agree that you're gonna go postal So yeah, that's a great idea man that we could we could read the newspaper then go watch signs I Thought that was nice. Yeah, I that's a guy that's calm cool collected. I like the romance of that for sure the romance banging it Because you're not a romantic lover. Yes, I am. I'm very Isn't it romantic? I have so many questions. What time of day was this? 4 o'clock in the morning After I was joined next little guy. No It was in the evening. It was after work. It was happy hour. You would call it. Okay. I don't Bibing that stuff. Well, we see you in biving. I did have a virgin Mary at the airport. Not that long ago. Pretty good I like to me. I like to the bloody Mary Nice. Yeah, but I only want that was a little too close We're not gonna be doing that. That's good look what was he in biving on? I had like a light beer. You know There's nothing to guy's just sitting there slow drinking a glass of beer. It's nice. Yeah, it's crazy to me. I know I Yeah, you gotta shoot that buddy Got something to back that up right pal bitch sitting there reading the Wall Street Journal or something like that Just, you know, he had it all spread out. I don't know. It's kind of like dad shit. I could see you doing yeah I don't know. I don't think I've ever read the paper so I'd have to get in on that new form of media You know, then it's danger my fingers, which I probably don't like that much I could have a beer eat my gold fish. I Tastes I could have a beer and scroll I could do that I could do that for you. Yeah, but there is something I like to find it Sorry, not like the financial news or anything like that. Take that, you know, I'm not whatever reals. Yeah shirts You know, it's crazy. I was I was with my family and I seen a choice and I never thought about it that way as you know I said where a YouTube family over here, you know the younger kids are They'll watch YouTube shorts on TV How they flip them. I think it's just auto does it. Oh, I can't do that. I got to have control We were down the shore and like they just have it on in the background and it's like 12 seconds five seconds a minute. What are they doing? They're just like just what it's just they that one was fun I don't know I walked in ago. Are you guys watching YouTube shorts on on a fucking flat scrub plasma flat screen right now and they were and my sister something I Sister law was like, oh, yeah, I mean, they don't have the kids don't have Phones why the young kids don't have phones. Oh, yeah, like a fucking seven-year-old doesn't have a phone What do they want have they watching like clips like any man and stuff like that? That is all the YouTube shorts. I get to Christopher Boltus auntie's top 50 lines What about a shot where I ran? Damn yeah, they're just and it's just like I don't know. I just blew my mind We're like going back in a circle where it was like shorts or the thing and it's like now you're watching that on the fucking Big screen crazy. Yeah, I gotta be able to control it I know I catch a bad one. I'm Done beat it. I want to see how presidents eight and those battles that they have Those AI the AI battles and the and the AI things with the tooth Show and teeth then the two smiling when you put a little bit of wax on it. I don't know about that I do it. There was one one big dad thing full-blown suburban dad thing I did This morning. Oh yesterday afternoon, but then it came into play this morning. I felt really lost out through your keys got in the car and drove away buddy I'm thinking about I remember my dad pulling on a driveway a couple of times. I didn't know it's coming back You would like do the pulling out really hard for a fact actually getting a car Back to him earlier. Court of course light. Court of beer. Did outside smoke cigarettes Probably did something broke crazy gentleman's move gentleman's move falsely abandoned your Threaten your kids tell me you're going to leave and never see him again. That's how you fuck get the heart going on a Sunday night right before Dinner come back with the cheapest beer they had at the fucking at the corner store Crank more bro reds. Yeah, and go I can't leave her. She gets hit if my pension. Yeah, I feel you God love him Can't we got to him about square square Thanks for today's episode comes from square the system powering like I don't know Half the places that you go Right if you have here a tap to pay anywhere and thought I don't know how to do that. That's pretty fast pretty quick It's not squirrels in there. It's square. Uh-huh So do yourself a favor get over to square you got a small business. You got something going on you little side hustle You want to turn into more professional operation use square everybody's doing it. Yes, uh, we I mean we use it on the road We use square If you've bought merch at a live show about a being about a boom tip to do if you met right guy He's over there. You're tapping you're swiping. 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Let's go filet menu A in every box for a year with free shipping as always that's butcherbox dot com slash garbage again Butcherbox dot com slash garbage be sure to use our link so they know we sent you That Put you were saying I mean and maybe I'm just I've always I'm a I'm a I'm a dirt bag dirt bag is more I'm a dirt bag We're you know we were talking recently. I think you were talking about the trash in the car and just That's a that's a parent thing. I don't fault you for that. Well, it's not getting in it. No, I don't like that sour milk smell In like family cars. That's we don't have that but I'm not getting in there You combine try to pick me up a walk in the car Nah, you're right. I'm a I don't I don't I don't even want to bother you But go ahead. I got the car. Yeah, I can drive you home. Really? Yeah, where the fuck did I park? Oh, yeah, okay You drive me back to Brooklyn. Oh no, we just think I lived I'm not a name is basement. Hey, then I have a girl 50 exactly where 50-year-old man successful owns a business then they lived in the basement and fucking Bushwick. Shout out to Cousin Ian over there. Yeah. Oh, we man Loving that neighborhood too. I had a celebrity signing over there Ian finance lives above you Holy shit. Mm-hmm. I'd now it's uh a lady who does Not a celebrity that You do that a lot what you don't know the guy meant the guy from the day not him the other guy That's how you get back to your messy car and I will not ride in still What I know who was it she does Facebook marketplace fines. Oh my god, but she's really cool with it. She does like retro stuff I don't want to say I'm afraid to say it's called it's called don't say it then if you're afraid to say it Well, it's just there's a bad word on okay, then don't say it's not said like that. Well, I would say I don't know I've never heard you I've never heard you say a bad go. It's a bad word. She it's like Facebook marketplace sluts or something like that She always says like you've never typed that into a search bar. How do you think his double? Hey sluts. It's for like girls for like getting retro stuff But she opened up a store and she has like conversation pit couches and stuff like that. It's really cool She was waiting outside of a restaurant. I Don't want to say hi because I wasn't sure if she knew who I was and that would look like an idiot She's probably she's probably telling her friends. I saw that podcast what I Don't want to say hi to him. I'm good. Shoot Yeah I call that vintage stuff. Okay, chose a bird. She likes all that Officially, I think the kids are calling it unchopped wash. Yes, you're wrong I'm not you are. I got excited. I put a fucking a pack of baby wipes in the car that live in the car just to clean up Nesses and stuff like mainly for me. It's nice. I got to tell you I had a sizzle this morning Bork roll egg and cheese got all over my face. I don't want a bagel. Yeah So odd to me Why slavery in that? I sought a pork roll on a cheese on a croissant would be good Sure, I see what you're saying. I don't like that. I live in Philadelphia. Pork rolls like breakfast, Salami. I don't know. Yeah, it's a it's a good. Yeah, it's a good yeah Yeah, there's a bunch of Italian goons in North Jersey going to the Some boys Really picking your battles the day aren't you? But it just and then I had a bunch of cheese on my face with the wet wipe changes the fucking way Not a baby, it's a baby. So it smells like baby. No, okay at that now the wipes are like which I like that was my biggest problem using baby wipes Everything's like non-smell, not it's like these are your cold water wipes for that they go why and we are 99% water Now a little fragrance. Yeah, no we're fragrance read though. Really? Yeah Dipers fragrance free. No kidden. Yeah, we kind of a fragrance. Yeah, but when it's too much and you're around it all day What I was wearing perfume all weekend. Let's see weekend. I know I ran out of clover in a clone and it really doesn't matter It's how it's how the scent attaches to your pheromone What are you? Hey, just a guy lives in a basement Where's perfume Yeah, Ian's yelling down at you Who's a little basement slide collected moths instead of butterflies? Listen your your tootsie weekends are neither here tootsie weekend. I like mainly weekend. I like to smell nice I stopped smoking I like to smell nice. You know what I mean? I need a little spritz or something Okay, I mean You seem oddly defensive over this you call me a tootsie. Yeah, well, you're wearing perfume all weekend That is a tootsie weekend. You know tootsie Luke look tootsie look and we get a definition of tootsie weekend That's something that one of your loser friends told you in like sixth grade. It's not gonna be on the internet and a major search engine like Google I'm a big man Look tootsie weekend They're giving me nothing. I got like a tootsie brunch. What's that? I don't know it's some some girls on the today show doing like. Oh, you're in a drunks Let me go urban dick urban. Yeah, it's on urban dick. What's urban dick? Don't act like you have never typed that into a search bar A weekend where a man dresses and assumes a female identity to see what it feels like to live as a woman Hi doing a K a a tootsie weekend a K a fully Indian this weekend Leave my friendian finance out of it It was a lady's perfume my girl's perfume Okay, I took my wiener back. I know Tron with that I don't got enough to tug back It keeps popping out Like a door stopper Yes, listen, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands gang as you know when you join the old patrony We'll answer your garbage questions on the friggin air This one's from Ryan is a garbage if your family member refers to seniority levels as the number two guy seniority levels instead of saying like that's the vice president. It's like that's the he's the number two guy down there That's big, but my brother does all the time right hand man That's that's Jimmy's right hand man for a lot of he made his bones being Jimmy That made his bones is a big dirt back He made his bones being Jimmy's right hand man for a long time. He ain't tough. You made your bones getting his getting his coffee Yeah, am I your right hand man Look It's next question. Did you read hand man? I don't have a right hand man. I'm a lone wolf Baby wipes a messy car. Uh-huh. Are you living in a basement where perfume right now? I smell good trying to tuck your wiener in right here. I can't Um, yeah, that's trashy. I like it though because I mean like what would you What did your family say? They wouldn't say that. That's blue collar dice executive president of-- - No, what do they call it, the sea suite? Like, what is that executive level? They, like, what is that? Like CEO, CMO. - Exactly. - Sea suite. - They say like, he's a sea suite executive. - Sea suite. Like, sweet like sugar? - No. - You wish, sugar lips. (laughing) Like, my glitter? - What's that saying, a little sugar in the gas tank? - Huh. - I think that's a bit of a tootsie weekend insult. (laughing) Got a little sugar in the tank. - You leave me alone. (laughing) - Okay. (laughing) - That wasn't a real manly responsibility there. You start crying. (laughing) - It's not what you said, it's how you said it. - I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed. - Sea suite. - It's like a suite, like a hotel. - Yeah, a hotel room? (laughing) - You're not staying in Los Angeles? - Yeah, this guy. - Regular room. - Well, what have you done to deserve? - Not a regular. - Hey, listen, I put us in here, be ambitious. Screw that up. I mean, I don't know what you want to do. You want to stay up all night? - Okay. - Thanks, question. We'll give it up. - Sea suite, what do you mean? - Like sea level, like sea. Sea for corporate. - Yes. - Like, is the chief marketing officer. - CEO, CMO, CFO, the sea level. - Yes. - The top brass. - Yes. - That's what everybody does. - But why you say suite? - That's what they call it, I think, right? I don't know. - SUITE. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That, you're never making it. (laughing) - I'll be right hand man. - It'll be at number nine, guy. - I'm cool with that. - Not 10. - It's anyone with the word who their title begins with chief. - Yeah. - So chief executive officer. - Oh, the sea suite. - Yes. - Where all those guys sit when they go to football games. - Sure. - Right? - That's okay. The suite. Other in the sea suite. - No. - I thought it was one guy that had all those titles. Like he was the CEO and the CFO or whatever. - No, so every single person has that title. And then that top floor, wherever, like they have the penthouse. - That's the sea suite. - Yeah, I get that. - Okay. - Gotcha. - Up in the sea suite. - He's up in the suite. - That's Jimmy's right hand man. They don't talk like that. - Nah, your dad would never say, unless he was trying to talk about a guy who's connected. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Tony's right hand man. - Anthony Piligio works here. - Yeah, that's a tough one. - Wait a minute. I have a question. - Was your dad ever a vice president? - No, my mom was. - She was. - No, my mom was, yeah. My mom was. - You would see. - My mom was president. - The mom was sea suite. - Yeah. - He was in the sea suite. - For you. - Or a lowly e-man. - I'm in the bleachers baby. - For extra large. - With the real people. - Yeah, that's pretty good. - Yeah, we don't have any. - Work your way up. - You gotta work your way up. - Yeah. - Real non-commissioned officers. - Or whoever gets commissioned in the field. Got to kill a bunch of Germans first. They got to college. - I've never Luke's parents told me to kill. That's who my family killed. That's who my family did. Shot at whoever Luke's family decided we were going after. - Fallen orders and took the fall. - The Ryan story. - It's a massacre in Korea. - Holy shit. - Oh, man. All right, let's see. This is in the same world. This is from Eric, $10 broke. He never had one red. Ever say, "Why can't I do that?" After watching the big short. I think about that all the time. I remember hearing, I specifically remember the day, the weather, and it was the morning. I was walking into high school senior year. It was 1994. It was like the beginning of May. And I heard the word Yahoo. - Eric, oh, hey Yahoo. You're in the wrong class. - It was you. - No, and they were like, it's gonna be big. It's gonna be big. Somebody was saying it. I don't know who it was. Probably some chick, no one made it. Rollin' in. That was one of my buddies. - Okay. - You were in bed with her. - And I remember them saying it's gonna be big. If I just would have put like, - See, this is every day, did that. Well, your version of that, my version of that was-- - 30 grand in that. I'm a billionaire, right? - You get 30 grand, huh? You don't have 30 grand now. You're cute, a little girl. You're all cute, you know that? Our big thing was every single dirt bag. Every single dirt bag friend of mine who was like, barely hanging on, on parole, like in high school, and like probate, like everything. - Going, we just gotta come up with the next Facebook. We just gotta come up with the next Facebook. Look at that, Facebook. - Fucking nerd. - Yeah, that and I want my one kid, a couple of years older than me, tried to make a Facebook and then tried-- - Facebook page? - No, like a new social network. - What was it? - I forget, but I could probably find it, but he kept inviting all of us. - I don't need to be chatroom with him, cranking it. - Yeah, he tried to get us all to, that was like a thing where it was like, we're gonna, that was like our Wild West. - I just heard it on Instagram. Meanwhile, we didn't know they were like billion dollar entities to begin with, you know what I mean? - Well, yeah, you gotta get the seed money. That's another thing nobody says in corporate America. Get seed money. Seed money is when you're-- - No, seed money might be like-- - Investors. - Yeah, but what? - Seed money, I mean, that would be a real thing, you want seed money. - I know, but that's something trashy people would say. - No, that's what I'm about. - Yeah, no? - No, seed money, yeah, like you just, that's the start of a company up. - Yeah, the money to start it. Give him his seed money. - I just heard a really good idea today that it's another one. - What the fuck, why didn't I think of that? - You know, like when you didn't have your credit wasn't good and you had to like ask your parents or somebody to be a guarantor on your apartment, like if you were in an apartment? - You're in a bad spot. You just heard this today. You just described all of all these things. But, yeah, sure. - Your income does good, but your credit's really bad. You have to, you still, you know, they're tough in New York. City specifically. (laughing) - 38. - They have companies now that are third party guarantors. You pay them a fee and they guarantee it. They bond it out. And then if you don't pay for whatever reason. - Oh, oh God. - They come after you. - Short that company, that's bad, that. - Why is that bad, that? - Bad debt. - Bad debt, what do you mean? - They're chasing a bunch of people. - What are you getting into? - Nothing. - This ain't good. - I just heard it. (laughing) - I didn't say it was taking anybody up on it. I'm just saying that's a smart idea. To become like the parent. Instead of the parents, it's like an insurance company. - This is like the big short part, too. - What are you talking about? Who's fucking running out on their lease? - They said the same thing about mortgages. (laughing) - I don't have five homes. - Good luck with all that. - I don't, I wouldn't do that. - Why? - You know what? - I mean, say I was doing it. I'm just saying it's an interesting idea that we could have got in on like Facebook. - That's a smart idea. - It's all personal. - It's just a hat. - It's just so, it's just so happen. This just loosely came up in dinner conversation. - No, I was talking to my property manager about it. - Ian? - No, for my whole department. - Okay. - Eeeeeeeease episodes brought to you by Yahoo. - No, brought to you by Insurance. - Is that what it's called? - Hot comp. - Oh my God. - Hey, why are you looking up for you to talk shit about it? - I know how these companies work. - You don't know how any company works. - No, you don't know how any company works. - I know, this one works. - There you go. - You two make fun of me. - Yeah, it's pretty. (laughing) - That's all right, you're pretty good at that. - Are you talking about, you were from the flat house, the Doody's house. - Punk. - And you had the long hard, do you really paint yourself? - Oh, I didn't. - Well, yeah, it's all self-inflicted, fucking bad decisions. - Either way. (laughing) - You're the king of it. - What do you got? - Please be good. (laughing) - Do not buy. - What do you got? - Okay, the fee's not crazy. - No. - You have to sign something, so it's not just about you, they have to, listen, I don't know anything about anything. - Well, I don't want to hear that. (laughing) - These, I would, you have to, they have to be able to get your money somehow. - Yeah. - They're not taking your word for it. - No. - So what do you get, what's it called? - Well, they bond out a year's rent. - I don't know, I don't even know what bond out means. - You said it and I wanted to say, to look cool in front of you guys. - Did I? - No, no. - Unless you're getting a tooth bond for someone like that. That looks, you're good, you, it's that. (laughing) - So basically, you pay a secure, you're paying a security to pay. deposit extra to them yeah to make sure that yeah you don't run out an extra security deposit how do they make money off of that yeah what if I did disappear not me the royal me I'm not to speak every one two three they have to listen there's no way they're taking 3500 a one-month rent and going we're going to guarantee stop being such a boomer in a curmudgeon he's explaining it to you I know but no business would do that you're dealing with you're dealing with it is I understand that they have to guarantee their money somehow do you get that right yeah so they're so say you say the part and not you know H moly disappear credit's good it's not how do you know you said it fuck and also you I don't know you're you're bringing these fucking whacked out fucking I have them in here for a meeting this morning they have to guarantee their money somehow right yeah so for let's just say that the rent is 3500 just make it easy $5,000 a month right that's 60 it's $60,000 a year what that's $60,000 a year so they're going on the hook for $60,000 if you don't pay anything right all for five thousand dollars Luke what's up with that well I see it says they also work very closely with the leasing agencies FBI a dog about a younger track hot lock loaded on your motherfucking is down that's all I want to come and get me I'll dress up like him no I want the real guy I want dog just let him come and get me I want dog to bounty hunter here I'm yelling out of a bank would have made a phone get me the dog that's they they're calling me to talk to you I want a parliament one hundred is that kippy out there smoke a hundred with me I'm sorry buddy I got a gym dog it's okay man it's okay we just all want to go home today Hank I don't think lollipops did only got dog treats not bad though what are you doing give me my plan a lot of banks have dogs a lot of TD banks of six Avenue have dog treats what do you think Luke I just I don't like any of this stuff I mean like shady no I'm walking it's it's a real company and like why no it's a real company I mean you never I mean is that the threshold now we're a real company he's a he's the head of a real company at the end of the day I hate that what's all right listen all that I haven't doing calculated what saps and they've been killing killing even hanging out with I did one to the lady that answers the phone of my doctor's office she was dying you hit the doctor's office with a lot of up yeah she were confirming an appointment I was like what's that she lost it wow sounds like a great doctor's office you get I mean lost it on me like sir this is a professional thing you can say something kid what do you think about ultra oh lot of ultra yeah the desperately need a nicotine pouch every 15 minutes just to feel normal that's no way no how many patches how many cups of coffee how many energy drinks how many energy drinks did you need Kippy never enough I got all sudden you're crashing you got the withdraws you got that is you got to that isn't it funny how we all really think that that that that everything in power to be healthy go to the gym eat well eight hours of rest all that stuff do you rely on chemicals for the energy for your body what the hell you doing huh do yourself a favor go over to ultra and get yourself straightened out my opinion the right way I'll see you mean alpha GPC vitamin B6 huh B12 double that B2 B6 double a boom B12 you got bound they got everything for balanced energy and mood a newtropic for enhance mental processing an amino acid for promoting calm energy and attentiveness for a cleaner smoother energy boost than caffeine they were nice enough to send some over here to the boys and I got to be honest with you it's changed it's made a shift on the team the the the energy drinks are less and less the you know it's a greater 64 divided by 17 equal parts of the segment yes it's a listen it's a great pouch if you're fasting or on a diet ultra pouches actively actually help you quick cravings and press appetite by keeping you locked in to achieve your goals you're seeing them everywhere they're blowing up ultra is the ultimate kill free pouch delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine new customers can use code garbage to get 15% off at take ultra dot com that's take ultra dot com for 50% off with the code garbage after you purchase are gonna ask how you heard about them support our show and tell them a boy sent you dead dead dead all right listen we got to get back into this please enough Luke nothing with Luke's personal problems enough with Luke's financial was we wish you well good luck with all them now there's another is another this is Joey Pepitone Tree RBI's my mom passed her to 2007 PT cruiser to me 100% free with low miles do I use it as my whip or do I sell it what would you know there's gonna come a day with air what would ensure rent do I don't know all them up please um say you're me say you're me look can we get the Kelly blue book or what a what a 2007 PT cruisers going for 2007 it's an old car gotta be burgundy think that's all they made burgundy I feel like there was a gold there was like the 10 and what happened to us when those things came out we were right there on the edge yeah we they were they were just a miss we could have we could have been a completely different country if those things come in the the Chrysler 300 or whatever they were yeah the 300 was all right you think it was fine no it was fine you think the reviewers are bad they were fucking running people over how I didn't know about that oh yeah it was bad it's bad I have never heard of that huh huh uh what do you got on a PT cruiser they got to go for like eight grain five grand 2005 2007 though just fucking 20 years old yeah like five grand yeah five grand depending on how good it is just say you can get so let's say well you'll get five for it how long do they run you'll definitely get five it says low miles so like I know but I'm saying how long I'd say get the five grand and get out I know but this sounds like this that I I doesn't have a car is saying should I use it as my whip or not there's no way someone's given a 2007 fucking PT cruiser and he already has a car so it's either car or no car well you get you get rid of that for five G's you buy an older camera with more miles on it which is gonna last you longer you take the rest of the cash and you put it all insurance or maybe that could get you something to finance too maybe oh yeah 100% pull up my damn if it's a convertible is there is there is more yeah it's it's more if it's a convertible really how much more they start the regular PT cruiser starts around 2500 and then the crew the convertibles are gonna get you closer to five I don't know the convertible does make more sense for that that's a car you want to be seen you know what I mean you want to that's a show that's a that's a that's a that's two miles an hour so although 24 it was for retired people I don't know see if you can get like if you type in PT cruiser like sales pitch or what it'll it'll give you like the who it's for like what happened all those like their corporate take what happened all the Beatles that were around I think they disbanded at some point I think Yoko had a problem you done okay yikes yikes are ruining remember when they redid the Beatles and they came with a sunflower yeah you couldn't you couldn't what a fucking A what happened at them they're just gone yeah that's weird they're driving them in fucking Iraq or whatever 50 cow on it take it on the fucking SS the fucking intrepid or whatever fight the hooties in a beetle fucking daisy cutter blow that thing off shit fucking Natalie and brulee are playing that's worth a investment what do you got the cruiser PT cruiser was designed for everyday drivers looking for an affordable practical and distinctive vehicle with a 1930s retro style I don't want the age fully spin version who was in it budget conscious buyers style figures that's specifically what I asked him for it's boom it's a boomer car target audience and appeal budget conscious buyer why old I'm in generation X practically no other 50 year olds like fucking really jockey into being a different fucking generation she's shut up and go to work guy you can't you can't you need a guarantee for your lease shut get my faith start calling UK puts in my reusable shopping bag for when I go to Trader Joe's and shower in the public restroom I put on a white shirt tell my work It's gonna be quite a place to eat. My lunch Target audience in appeal budget conscious buyers style seekers practical users And customizing about that Sounds like I mean sounds like the bt cruiser is the core for you. Yeah, you are the pt cruiser of grown men You really are you were right there and you took a left and and now you fucked it all up wait say it again You're you're the pt cruiser of grown men you were right there where Where was I On the brink of having it together You're nuts. That's what I'm saying and that's you you pt cruiser and the culture decided to go a different way Go a different way which way the insurer right away I'm better now than I was before Yeah, you really pick and choose the window to look at Right now it's a basement window Hey, there's a sewer drain there, which have people coming out of them I know that I got people coming out of fucking swords. It's crazy. They're doing something. I don't I kind of like it But I don't know they're doing something. Just the one guy hop out and then like yeah, they look like they're wiring something down here I think good I got bigger problems Please take me out Give you my address All right, let's see here This one's from John this is Johnny 5,000 first time long time Johnny not so much a question but a story So my buddy went home from the bar drunk in order to pizza hut for delivery He sat in the chair on the front porch waiting for it to get delivered and he passed out The driver showed up and saw him there sleeping She beeped the horn in the car a few times trying to wake him up, but he didn't move She figured he was dead and called 911 Two cops the fire truck and an ambulance showed up the cops fuck The cops woke him up questioning him and realized he was fine. It was a big scene Just to wake a guy up after they left he went inside Nate the pizza What the fuck man? That's a woman response to that. I mean, listen I'm all about see something say something, but what the fuck you that nudge them something. I mean if he's daddy's not gonna attack you But then if I understand if you're if you're a lady, you're you know, you're the middle of the night That could be a set up. It could be a set up for anybody You know what I mean? That's something Grab you that's something fucking the crazy dad in neighborhood would do on Halloween He dressed up like he was a scarecrow and then scared this shit out of you Then I couldn't sleep for a week all over a fucking mini Kit Kat Fucking dickhead I don't know where I don't know who we were as a family as a group of people But someone somehow we got on an unregistered I never told you this story. I think about it all the unregistered. It was unsan No like an unsanctioned hayride Unsanctioned it's someone in the neighborhood put to get it wasn't like we went to like fucking shady broke farm paid our eight dollars got on Went some drunk on a lawnmower. Yeah, I never told you this. I must have I feel like I feel like you made that same joke before I remember being say make a lot of the same. That's insured joke 100% bonded sure and um Yeah, we got I don't remember I remember my neighbors being there and getting on and me being like this Don't smell right at all and then in the distance. I don't even know where we would have went I don't think I would ever there was a guy on a horse at night time Wait, hold on. Would they pick you up? I feel like in front of my house. They have to use the living And then a farmer on there for miles. That's what I'm saying. You're like a quarter mile street road Guy pulls up on a tractor an old tractor or a lawnmower? No, like a like a like a it was like a Like an auto like a rot like a truck like a big farm truck kind of Farm truck. What's a farm truck like we have something to deliver mulch in But without like the the states the stakes on the side kind. Oh fuck. What do they call state body truck? Yes Um all one of them kind of uh-huh with like bales of hay and like we got on Oh, you got in the back of that and we drove to like I don't know where I was young I'm gonna be like this don't this thing pass in the sniff test at all. This has fucking molestation I don't see a cup of cider And this guy they did like an ikabod crane type deal Where he was the headless horseman driving No, he was like we went to somewhere. He was on a ridge a guy on a horse Headless and I went you Turn the lights on get my Denise on the line Call my dad. That's a wrap. That's a wrap on gibberino. Somebody grabbed my umbrella, please I'm leaving Dude wait was he in the distance? I still don't know how they got the sky to play ball because it was like it was the silhouette of them And he rode up and stop and did that john not to horse up. Yeah. That's a good steed right there. I was impressed I'll give you that but I said get the fuck up out of here. I said teenage you're on a dog We're gonna have a horse in this neighborhood Don't keep me pissing off of it. I clean him up that shit no more Just had to got him Benzery done hold that mo Fuck that. I gotta ask somebody where the fuck they took us. I've told this a million times But thanks boss cops don't have any money I'm a broke man boss cobs in Wilkesbury would have the they'd send the a fake witch across Street from one building to the other. I wrote for a zipline Yeah, fuck to me up. I don't a horse. That's you can't do that the kids wait. Your parents were with you They just put you on a truck. I don't think Denise. I think we got on with my neighbor. I don't think Denise is probably working or something It was Harold knowers picking up sidewalk Hey, my god, he stinks Oh, how could you he's a big how could you how could you And now Denise will hate you when I know no face it smells. I have no, I don't do that Oh, no, she like blue cheese What do you think? I meet mate, maybe all like a hot wing or something like that now Uh, maybe maybe like a maybe maybe Yeah, she's not a what's her favorite condiment? Do you know of the water? I don't know ketchup. I don't think she's a big ketchup guy get her on the phone. She doing nothing Call her up. I didn't say that in a derogatory way I don't know. I mean call my mom asking what a condiment favorite condiment. Yeah, Mr. Company over here Getting sure right on the phone. You're really in the C suite. You're not calling it. I want me to call her. What the fuck All right, I'll call her. Hit me up. Yes, Curtis. I need to take care of you I bet she would know she wouldn't. I know what I'm talking about. I'm a safe bet. I'm on the rise. I'm killing it I don't know you're about to say I'm on the rocks Hello, what are the doctors appointed? Let me call you right back. I'm Ellen Mary Boone Hello Hello Oh, one of the kids answered. She's at my sister's house They're probably talking shit on me Now that was my sister Called your sister. No, she's at my sister's and one of the kids probably has her fan. You just scared to shit out of that kid Well, hello. Yeah, see on your scan. You're the headless horseman. Yeah, right. It's a big headed horseman Whoa a headed horseman oval headed horseman. Even oval head. We talked about the oval Okay, what's next? What's the crazy price? Correct the whip guy pivots real quick. Um, this one's from Tom. Do you currently own a scrub daddy? That's a great one They're classy. I mean, that's one of the greatest inventions of all time. We have two of them. I like him in the shower I swear to God. Yeah, they really exfoliate I just the names trashy. I like that guy, but he's it. He's a he's a dork. What's his deal? That's filling that shark tank, right? Yeah, for a Philly company. Huh shout out to them. Go birds Yeah, there. It's just like anything with daddy on it can't be clad, you know is like Hmm what name something. I mean that's my take daddy Yankee I Mean hit maker, but yeah daddy war bucks But that was poor people calling him daddy war bucks Right Oh daddy war bucks. Oh who you fucking and now it's who you fucking daddy war bucks? Oh daddy war bucks Was the guy's name war bucks believe so, but to me that's even that per whole perspective is through a poor person's lens Well war bucks. Did he make his living? Did he make money off the war Oliver war bucks Oliver war bucks. How's it spelled? W-A-R-B-U-C-K-S. Yeah, wow that was a slight that Military industrial complex I believe Daddy war bucks over here. Actually I had no idea No, I mean that's an insult now fucking daddy war bucks over here. That's someone's going. You're not better to me He produced munitions and manufactured weapons during World War one Holy shit and his last name was war bucks. That seems like a cool. That seems like a coincidence I don't think so he was named before he became a munitions manufacturer The character, right? He's a fictional character. I'm aware of that, but still who the fuck was buying that? What? What? What do you not get a whole C-suite thing should have been like McMillan or somebody like that Would have been some Irish Yacht that worked his way through Tamini Hall He did he had a humble beginnings. He started out working as a foreman in a rolling mill and later owned a small machine shop Huh, and then made started making bombs to kill the Jerry's World War one. What did mommy look like she was out of the pig? I know Let's see here This one's great. This one's from are you besor a $10 homie long-time listener? Is it trash if you have the most basic basic insurance on a 2001 cnn and you get into a car crash on a wet road Knowing you're at fault for not paying attention yet. You tell everybody you just got side swipe by some random dumb girl Who was waiting and you're waiting on a settlement to fix up your car always love the lie always somebody wasn't paying attention They were texting blah blah blah blah blah not my fault keep it moving you don't have liability the best thing that can happen to you is a is a hit and run That's the best it's gonna get Somebody hit you and takes off If you hit someone you're covered right yeah, yeah or You know you accidentally bump into somebody and you don't realize it and you take off throw your plates burn the car I didn't say anything about that. Mm-hmm, but yeah, that's somebody hit somebody hit me in a parking lot That was always if I lived at home and owned and had a car like if I lived in my this goes back to take the house I couldn't have the cheapest insurance. Oh, no. Yeah, you got to have liability and I was never on that. I had to have my own I had to get my own thing. I remember so fucking expensive It was like the fuck was wrong with them. They were like no because I'll take the house So I had to have my own personal policy They made me carry a huge fucking thing the liabit. I wanted to go to the general. I keep illegal for less You know what I mean sure and I kept going why can't I just do that like I don't have it was like a hundred and eighty dollars a month or something It was like expensive and everybody else was on their parents plan being like oh mine's like 71 dollars And I had if I'm working to act me. I got to come up with a I'm working to act me four times. I got to come up with 180 books of a month I was like I was making probably a hundred bucks. I'll Meanwhile you to deli man's right hand man Slicing it razor thin. I'm the number two in court. Yeah, um pulling Whoa bug man on the fritz. Hey, that's insurance. No bug man Okay, it doesn't exist anymore um This one's from uh All the toast $10 Glugmeister how often are you drinking straight from a two-liter? I don't like it. I did it a few days ago out of a DC two-liter. I don't like it. It doesn't When it's too full you don't get a good Angle and weight ratio. It's not a comfortable drink And usually by the time it gets too low, it's flat I'm not about I'll do it. I've done it not my go-to Henry sir It is My absolute favorite thing. Oh and everything you just described Flat soda or going flat About a quarter Half a two-liter left In the fridge. You know my theory. You know my theory. Please don't tell me What's my theory Luke? It's already been discussed What is it? Check to check every other episode we've ever done It's logged into public knowledge. Everybody knows it. What if somebody's new to the program? They're not it's a family episode Got to say it anyway. Uh-uh. Ensure rent Can I say it without you trying it in? Go ahead Don't fuck this up. What? Don't I got a Burger King take Tell me I can't do I figured out what it is Then say it What say my theory I think drinks get colder when there's uh when they're already a portion of them is already drunk and you put them back in the fridge Yes, and when you get a fucking Pepsi that's a little flat in the middle of the night when you're dying a thirst You grabbed that two-liter and you feel like the Hulk drinking it. Oh So good now not my cup of tea. It's trashy. You have to be so secure when drinking it too I do think like it's like it's the plastic if you do it one-handed the plastic might go on yet spills over you Yeah, no, it's yeah, it's not it's it's a slop boot little worth it or for any Fucking vomit. I do want to be rude. You vomit. It's a slob move you one hand. That's a great line. It's a slob move That he's that he's slob bucks over here We gotta wrap it up That he's slob bucks. Oh gag brand new special American garbage premieres on YouTube September 13th If you don't subscribe to the youtube page do us a favor go over there and subscribe It's gonna be a big hit. We want everybody to enjoy it. We love you so much and we'll see you three days. Who's