Gayish: 066 Dicks

♪ Tell me it gets better ♪ ♪ Say that it gets better ♪ ♪ O-P-S-I-O-P-S-I'm gay ♪ - Hello everyone in the podcast universe, this is Gage. - The podcast that would forget it's head if it wasn't attached to the end of its dick. (laughing) - You gotta bring that with you. - You can't remember shit. - I think that's so true. It's such a good thing that God decided to put it at the end and not like as a separate attachment. - I'm Mike Johnson. - I'm Kyle Gatz. - And we're here to bridge the gap between sexuality and actuality and Kyle. - Mike. - Today we're gonna talk about Dix. - Oh my God, this is maybe the moment that has been building up. (laughing) I can't think of an example or a metaphor for what might build up like this. - Being on the edge of excitement. - Yeah, just being like right there and then now we're just like releasing it all into your ears. I don't, yeah, I can't think of a good, but anyway. We're at yes, I'm so excited to talk about Dix. I have some, I'm just, I'm very excited about some things that I'm gonna get to share with you. - But first. - But first. - We're gonna talk about some other stuff. - Okay. - So first of all, a new report just came out today. In fact, that shows that it's the Gallup poll, the Gallup poll, the Gallup folks released their annual values and morals poll. It was conducted from May 1st through 10th and released today and found that support for gay marriage in the United States, do you think it's gone up or down? - Oh God, I'm gonna go down. - It has continued to go up despite, ooh, Darth Gido and his fuckedards being in the White House. - That's awesome. - Sorry, when I said I'm going down, that was a separate comment unrelated to what you were talking about. - Guess what we're up to. - Oh, like 52%. - 67% of American surveyed sex and sex marriage should be legally valid. That is, it was, it just crossed the 50% line in 2012. So it just is a meteoric rise in support for same sex marriage. The question specifically, and they've been asking this since 1996, is do you think marriages between same sex couples should or should not be recognized by the law as valid with the same rights as traditional marriages? When they first started asking that question in 1996, only 27% of the country said that they thought that it should be valid, and now we're at 67% more than two out of three people now. - That's awesome. - Although I don't necessarily like the wording of traditional marriages. - Yeah, well, I mean, I think that's one of those things where Gallup likes to be consistent, so they inherit their own shitty question from the 90s. - Yeah, that makes sense that they would ask that in that way in the 90s and not realize it. And then that lets them for sure track exactly, apples to apples, what has the response to that question been? - Yeah. - Those horses are really smart. - Right? They gallop up a storm. So there's that. There's that to celebrate. We usually talk about a lot of shitty things or I get indignant, and that's just, no. - On this episode, Michael get indignant. - Indignant, yeah. So then I'm gonna do one sad thing, and then I'll end with a happy thing. - Okay, okay. - So have you heard about Aaron Salazar? - No. - So Aaron Salazar is this guy who's gay who was found critically injured near the tracks of an Amtrak train. - Okay. - He was a passenger on that train, and he was found badly injured. And he's currently in a coma, he's not dead. Did I say he died? - No, he said badly injured. - Yeah, his brain injuries, a broken pelvis, and a mysterious burn on his crotch. - Hmm. - And he's hopefully gonna come out of this coma, but he texted his great grandmother, that his last known communication, he texted his grandmother. I have another layover in Sacramento, but right now I'm going to go get some food and explore with this friend I met on the train. And that was the last anyone heard from him. And so Amtrak is saying that there's no way he could have opened a door or a window without them knowing, but they got no such alarm. But that they don't think it's foul play, they think he jumped. But then his family is like, no, read that text message. He met somebody, it went badly, and he got pushed off of that train and somehow burned his dick. - Yeah, that makes more sense. Like if you're like, I'm going to explore with this friend, like that does not code for trying to commit suicide. - Right, yeah, exactly. - That's exactly. - That's like a normal person on a train thing, not like I'm about to end it all. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Also, I think it's really sweet that he texts his grandmother. - Yeah, right. That's, well, something else I thought of it is it made, maybe could be the friend, but could also be, like if it's a dude and-- - Where, what, do you know what this was? - It was in, it was California, the route was going from Colorado to Portland, Oregon. He's an economics major at Portland State University and was on his way back home from Colorado. And he had to have a layover in Sacramento, but he never made it to Sacramento because it was outside of Truckee, California, that he was found next to the railroad tracks, and they had him airlifted to Reno, Nevada. - Okay, I wonder if Truckee is like a, anyway, what I was thinking is it could, like if he's gay and the friend that he met is also gay, someone saw them. And, like-- - Yeah, where's the other guy? - Where's the friend, right? - Yeah, did it say, if the friend guy girl, non-binary? - Nope. - Okay. - Nope. - Yeah, where's that, oh, that's true. Like, if it was like someone else did it to boat, like, to them and so it wasn't the friend, the friend would probably be like, hey, cops. - Right, I mean, you would hope unless something, unless they're like, really scared or something, I don't know. - Yeah, that's crazy. - So, they're asking, settlers, our family is asking people to use the hashtag Justice for Aaron when sharing information on social media about the case. They've started a GoFundMe campaign to help raise money for his growing hospital expenses because he's in a coma and fighting it, and that's super expensive. As of last night, they had about eight grand that they'd raised. - That's awesome. - And anyone with information in this case asked to contact the Amtrak Police Department at 800-331-008. - Did you say the Amtrak Police Department? - I guess that's a thing. - Don't, shouldn't you contact the Police Police Department? I don't know, I don't know. - It seems like you wouldn't want the Amtrak people don't seem like they seem like they're trying to palm this off on him. Like, I would maybe contact the police police. - I guess, I don't know. Or like, NCIS or-- - You sure? - They call the actors on NCIS 'cause they can-- - Reno 9-1-1. - Yeah, these are all good piece of advice we're giving you. - The last thing, which is another happy thing to, like I made a shit sandwich to see how that worked. - Yep, yep. - So the Pope, Pope Francis has been on this sort of like apology tour for all of the diddling that priests have been doing. And he was talking to one of the victims. His name is Juan Carlos Cruz. He was his survivor of clerical sex abuse. And he's also openly gay. And he, the Pope met with him anyway and talked to him about his experience. - Are you saying met with him anyway because that is surprising that he met with a-- - Yeah, I mean, the Catholic church and gay people kind of have a less than awesome relationship. - Things haven't been going well. - Yeah, but he's still a practicing Catholic and met with the Pope. And I thought this was really cute. He told me, so this is all a quote. He told me, "One Carlos, the fact that your gay "doesn't matter. "God made you like that, and he loves you like that, "and I don't care." That was part of a two and a half hour conversation that he had with the Pope privately. And I just thought, oh, Francis, one of the other things Francis said was, the Pope loves you as you are. You have to be happy with who you are. The Vatican declined to confirm or deny the remarks saying to the LA Times, we don't normally comment on the Pope's private conversations. You might remember that the Pope had said before that if somebody's gay in searching for the Lord and has good will, then who am I to judge? Remember that helped thing on those 2013. The Pope has quite a few times. Without doing anything really remarkable like about church rules or church dogma, he at least while wearing the Pope hat says nice things about gay people sometimes, which is a huge change. - Yeah, that's so awesome. And hopefully that's a sign that the tides are turning. And also I just can't stop wondering if he fucks with his Pope hat on. - Yeah, he has to, right? - I would think so. How could you not? - Daddy. - Daddy Pope. - Papa. - No, that's really cool. I've heard, he's the most progressive Pope in terms of gay issues, but I've not heard that he's completely there. - Yeah. - It's hard to measure those things too. Like Trump is supposed to be the most LGBT friendly Republican president ever. - According to who, yeah. - According to who, and what does that mean? - Yeah, yeah. especially because it's fucking wrong. That's key. - Yeah, it's not. - That cannot be true, for sure. - Anyway, that's all I got, go ahead. - I had one thing I wanted to go into our listener mail bag. - Oh yeah, great. And our listeners are great. - I love them. - I know, we-- - Some of them are sexy. - Yeah. - Yeah. - How do you know this? - 'Cause I stalk them on Facebook. - Yeah, I don't tell them that. So I hope I'm not stealing your thunder on this. Oh, we got another message. Okay, we may have to reverse our decision that buy people don't eat pie. We got another buy, I'm buying a message. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We may have to concede. - Yeah, I know, okay. - Or they all started eating pie just to spite us. - Are they that organized? - Oh yeah, they have secret underground meetings. They have a secret handshake. - Okay. - Shake with both hands, that's what-- - Both hands at the same time. You'd have to crop one person without Mike and I are now doing this in the air to see, no, you would have to not cross and I would have to cross. - How do you decide who crosses? - That's the buy secret. - Oh, okay. - I don't-- - Is that like Oprah's secret? Is that what that book's about? - Oprah's secret is a book. - The secret? - Oh, the secret. Yes, it's about putting your bisexual intentions out there and the world will reward you with more bisexuality. - All right, I gotta go do my vision board. (laughs) - You redo it? - Yeah. - Okay, what happened? Where are we? - Okay, so I hope I'm not stealing your thunder because it's something you talked about. Jacob from Stockholm, Sweden. - I'm still like the internationalness of our audience. I just love it. It's so cool and I'm always so surprised. So these kind of emails are fucking awesome. So Jacob said that you talked about the rainbow house in Sweden, which is the first LGBT retirement home. - Yep, that's where I'm going, baby. - Yeah, yeah, Sweden. - I mean, Sweden already bombed dignity, like, so then, like-- - And they're hot. - And they're hot, like, nah, nah, no-- - Free health care. - Free health care. - Oh, so he said he's friends with someone that's the director of the board of the rainbow house. - Oh, yeah. - Can we do a live show from there? - Yes. - That would be so great. - Yeah. - Jacob, get us on their schedule. - Coordinate-- - Oh, what the retirement home? - Oh, I love that idea. (laughing) That's such a long pole of possibilities. - Whatever. - But I would, that would be-- - Vision board, Kyle. - Vision board, Oprah, secrets. Okay, and he said there's a documentary about the rainbow house coming out soon. There's a trailer on Vimeo, which I will post. Maybe this time I'll actually do it. - I think we're up to E. - E? Well, we haven't had the past, the past couple letters of kind of failed. - Okay. - So we want E to-- - Yeah, so I was just talking about our awesome, our listeners are except they fucking suck at texting shit when I tell them to. - Except season D's. - Yeah. - You mean us assigning listeners of work for a podcast they listen to isn't always a hundred percent? - Shut up. - Stop defending them. - What's who's E? What's E? - That's my middle name. - Oh, maybe I-- - It's perfect though. - Maybe I do have to do it though. - Great. - Anyway, it's a documentary's in Swedish. So I didn't understand the trailer, but I liked it. I made up stories about what it was about, and it was interesting. - Murnup meekdick's mirrored, my commander. - Let's talk about how awesome this is, and then talk about the only offensive thing we know about it, which is that whatever-- - Their balls are great. Mean balls, I mean. - I mean, who knows what they're-- - Rock with heat, and loot-fisk. I think that's Norway. I don't know anything about Sweden. - I don't know what you're talking about right now, so this is why I'm so surprised we have any internationalist. We're like butchering the shit out of everything about, hey everyone, it's not US, you're cool, welcome. - Hi. - I mean, if they're listening, they know. - They know us. - They know us, they know us. - The good thing is we fuck up a whole lot of other stuff to other than not, like we fuck up US knowledge, we fuck up non-US knowledge, so it's equal opportunity. - We're not afraid to fuck up anything, just try it. - Yeah, give us a topic, and we'll butcher it. Speaking of butchering, do you want-- - You're talking about Dicks? (laughing) Is that your segment? You're gonna go with that? - I mean, if one of our topics is, what's that Tammy, Tommy Lorde, Tammy Lorde? - Oh, that could. (laughing) - You're only allowed to use that word 'cause she chopped off a Dicks. - She's my only person that deserves it. - No, Tommy Lauren? - I don't know. - Who's the one that chopped off? - Oh yeah. - Lorina Bobbitt? - Okay, I got, I was in the Lorina. - No, you're nothing about the city. - You've served the city. - All right, okay. - Great, fine, inter-casual segue Dicks. - Insert the Dicks here. - Here we go. - Insert Dicks here. Let's get it going. You tell me stuff about Dicks. - All right, so first I thought that we would just go with the science. - Yeah. - And I have some incredulity about the science, which we will talk about later. - Okay. - But, of course you do. - There actually, so in 2015, there was a systematic review of the best research to date, it was a meta study. So they took all of the other studies and aggregated them to come up with information about Dicks and how big they are. Which I just think we absolutely have to start there. - Don't you? - I mean, it's the obvious starting point. - Yeah. - Exactly, exactly. - We're gonna take, I have some twists and turns, but sometimes you just gotta go with what's laid out in front of you. - Yep, so I'm just gonna kind of pop quiz you. What do you think, okay. What do you think, according to this study, is the average flaccid. - Five inches. - Oh, flaccid length of a penis. - Two and a half inches. - Three and a half inches is the mean flaccid penis length. That is if a staff person did the measuring. - Oh, that's important. - If you include self-reported, then somewhere between three and a half and three point nine inches. - Oh, it only goes up by point four inches, which that's what I would think would be like anywhere from three and a half to 12. - Right, yeah. - Somehow the upper bounds. - Right, right. Okay, so I didn't think about the order in which to do this. So interestingly enough, there really are showers and growers and there is no correlation between flaccid size and erect size. - No correlation? - No correlation. - Mike. - I, Mike. - Length of the flaccid penis does not necessarily correspond to the length of the erect penis. - Mike. - Growers and showers are a thing. - I usually, I mostly believe you could share. - I mean granted, like if it's like a seven inch flaccid dick, it's gonna be more than seven inches when it's hard. That part's true and real. - Sure. - But the point is you can't just, you can't, the science says, you can't just look at a flaccid dick and know with any sort of certainty how big that sucker's gonna get when it's hard. What? - Suckers is like a little bit opposite of anyway. That's, I had no idea. - Yep, you know, we're learning things about dicks already. - Dicks, dicks, dicks. Okay. - I think the average erect penises average size is five inches. - Okay, so, mostly the science supports you in that. There are lots of studies about average erect penis length. The Journal of Eurology did one in September of '96 that only studied 80 healthy males and they found that the average erect penis was 5.1 inches. - I've studied more erect penis than that. - Yeah, I've seen more than 80. - Yeah. - No, I'm bigger than five inches. - And the whole purpose of that study was actually just to provide statistical guidelines for counseling patients and whether they should have penis enlargement surgeries or not. So it's possible that the selection because it was North American men, but that like penis size augmentation was part of the study that that might have somehow affected the sample. - Or also, isn't that motivation to skew it towards, yes, you should get penis enlargement? - Oh, yeah, like, oh, they're doing penis enlargement surgery. Might it be so small? - Yeah, exactly. It'd be like, you know, Nestle sponsors like how delicious is chocolate milk a study? And it's like-- - It's pretty great. - Oh my God, it's so delicious. - 99% of people responded, they love it. - Oh, then again, chocolate milk is delicious. So that example. - A review published in the 2007 issue of BJU International. - What? - Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm just gonna take a little brief pause. (laughing) - That's the British journal of urology, but BJU's funnier. - Is it, is it, do the two people call it that? - Yeah, they do. - Oh my God, that's my favorite journal. - They did German-- - Job, aunties. No, I'm still, I can't, BJU. - Yep, yep, BJU. - I can't, okay. - BJU International. - Of course. - But it was 12 different studies, performed in different countries, several different countries. And, but they determined that the average penis length was between five and a half and 6.3 inches. And now I'm gonna have to do math. Hold on. Yep. Okay. And an Indian study of 500 men posted in the International Journal of Impotence Research found the average erect length of Indian men was 5.1 inches. So 5.1 inches seems to be the thing. Pretty common in studies. Pretty common. Pretty common. And more or less the consensus is that's average. Yeah. What do you think about that? By the way, I don't, I don't want to talk about the size of my penis. Is that weird? No. I feel like it's dick shaming or something. Like I'm good with the size of my penis actually. I just don't want to talk about it. I'm the exact same way. Like considering all the shit we've talked about, why is that the one? I don't know. That says something I think. Yeah. I just think that's a weird thing to talk about. So I'm on, I'm the same way. I feel pretty comfortable with the size of my dick, but like, yeah, I also don't want to say it. So does 5.1 inches surprise you or not surprise you? And how does that fit your personal sample size? It doesn't surprise me. I think only because I've seen that before. Yeah. In other places. So that doesn't surprise me. But what I, my personal sample size, I don't, you know, I just, I like a mouth. I like, you know, big and small. So one of the things I've been thinking about is 12 dicks. Thanks, thanks God for the dicks. 5 inches again as the average. Like this came up when we were talking about coming out and how I didn't believe that 13 or 14 could possibly be the average for coming out because in order for like the giant, giant dicks that I have seen to be on that bell curve where 5 inches is average, that means I've not seen a fuck ton of two and three inch dicks, right? But like, there could be just a ton, a ton of four and five inch, like I've seen before inch dicks. Yeah. Okay. But enough to balance out all of the arm sized ones. No, not necessarily. That's true. But, um, well, how does that fit for you? You have your giant dick, so that doesn't happen with you. Yeah. It really doesn't. But, and this, I don't know whether to talk about it in this segment or not. I also, I also think, and this research has shown me that, uh, people's perceptions and what people say to each other and the mathematical medical statistical reality are so out of whack with each other, that the rational cynic in me wants to believe in the math and wants to believe in the science. Yeah. And, and say there are no dicks over nine inches, like the science is pretty clear on that, like that it's just that they are a statistical near impossibility. I have a segment about this. Okay. Okay. So we can talk about that later. You, you look at the curve though, study after study after study, it's like a 95% confidence that, that dicks will be no bigger than six and a half inches. Like anything over that is like statistically already and anomaly, much less the eight, nine, 10, 11 inch dicks, supposedly that I've seen and enjoyed. So, I don't know. I, I guess I feel like five or six would feel fitting to me as an average. I also think, like, this is one of the like ridiculous things about how we don't teach enough sex education in general in the US, but specifically gay sex education because I read some tweet somewhere, that doesn't matter. But it's like, okay, if we don't teach this, the place people are going to to learn about it is porn. And if that where you want people learning, porn's great love porn. Let's do it. Let's watch porn and good. But the biggest dicks in the universe, you're going there for your information, which is not standard. Yes, that's the, if that, that was true for me, that's the only place I learned about gay sex. And that is not where you want. So I think part, I don't know how much of this is like skewed by the porn. I've seen a pretty affair. I've seen a good amount of porn. I think so. You know, like a pretty decent, like there's that whole thing about like if you read 10 books covered a cover about the same subject, you're an expert, would you call yourself an expert in porn? Okay, really only 10 books. I don't know if it's true. What's like a quadruple expert? Or why don't know? Send a tuple expert. I'm, I'm a doctorate, a postdoctoral candidate in porn, then. Yeah. And it's like you don't want. So like that is not a good place to learn about dicks. And I actually like that you're talking about this because then it helps people, especially younger people who have not had experience with dicks. Yet feel a little bit more comfortable that like just, I mean, I think people generally get that dicks are bigger in porn, but like to know that five is around average, like hopefully that helps a swage. Yeah. Uh, so now I'm afraid to steal from your future segment. But are you going to talk about perspective? No. So I saw this pretty detailed analysis that showed the geometry of when you're looking down at your own dick and you're in a locker room. Uh-huh. And you look out at somebody else's dick standing away from you. The optics of that you will see your dick as being smaller than it really is by comparison. And that there's a lot of psychological study that thinks that small penis concerns that lots of men, lots of men are concerned about the size of their penis, like a huge percentage, but that there's actually an optical illusion going on that that you're you're dick from above does not look like everybody else's dick. They when you're looking out and that you will index yourself as lower than you actually are. Huh. The same is true. Actually when you look at dicks through the side mirror of a car. Yeah. Because dicks are smaller than they appear here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, only the passenger mirror though, right? Oh, is that true? Yeah. Oh, I don't know. Um, that's not this topic. Anyway, um, I, I would never thought I also know that like, uh, trimming your, uh, your bush, your goods, your, your, your jungle. Yeah. Uh, your pubic hair, uh, like make a difference in the perception of the size or at least that's apparent. Apparently that's something that I've learned or think I've learned from porn is because they all like either lock it all off or yeah. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Okay. So girth, we're going to talk about girth. Oh, I didn't know where there was more to the dick size. There's more to the dick size conversation. So one thing about girth is people don't know how their math works. Like there are some people who think when they say girth that they mean widths, which is, you know, lay a ruler across the shaft if you're dick, how wide is it? That's, they're talking about the, that's the diameter. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. So in order to get the circumference, which is that's what you should be using that is the girth, that's how big a round it is. So that would be take the width and multiply it by pi. But that's a here. What? It's just so funny that we're using geometry to help us measure. Yeah. But that only is only valid if your dick is perfectly spherical, which if it is, you're probably a robot. Have I seen a spherical? Not spherical, you know, a cylindrical, like, oh, spherical, you're right. I was thinking cylindrical, but spherical. Oh, even. Yeah. I'm guessing there are. So I, I always imagined it as the circumference. But like, I think there are probably like three people out there that were just like super relieved because they've been thinking about this. And now they realize it's the circumference and not the diameter. Yep. Yep. You're welcome. Those three people. You're welcome. Those three people. So the question I guess I have is, what do you think average girth is? I'm really bad. I can't picture. It's hard. It's hard to do. How long around three inches? So average. I've been thinking hard. Yeah, erect, erect girth. Yeah. Um, erect girth isn't always reported in these studies, but one that I'm interested in the BJU International study said the average erect girth was between 4.7 and 5.1 inches. But what's interesting about that is that it is also significantly higher on the length curve than the other studies. They said the length was between five and a half and six and a half inches, which is higher than most other studies come in at five, five point one, five point two. Does that mean British people have? Well, no, this, they specifically compared results of 12 studies conducted on different populations in several countries. Oh, okay. British dicks are bigger. Yeah. No, I don't know. Give some props to the British audience so that we gain our. Yeah. Go for British dicks. Yeah. I mean, they already have the accent. They don't need the dicks too. Um, but in a study of penis size where measurements were taken in a laboratory setting, average penis circumference when erect was 4.8 inches. Oh, yeah. I guess I cannot picture what that like inches around because yeah. Going back to optics also, your penis will look shorter if it is girthier. Just because of the ratio involved, your brain will interpret that as affecting the two because your brain somehow things all dicks are the same. same circumference or same width, but they're not. - God, it's an optical call illusion. - Yep. So, that's crazy, okay. - Things that do and do not correlate with bigger or smaller penises. - Okay. - Are you ready? - I'm ready. - Hand size. - Oh, am I guessing? - Yeah. - Yes. - No. - Oh. - Ratio between ring finger and pointer finger. - Ratio between no. - Correct, no. Lots of people think it does, though. - Oh, I've never heard that one. - Feet. - Yes. - No. - No, okay. - Hi. - No. - Yes. - Yes. - Yes, there is a small but statistically significant chance that the taller you are the bigger your dick is. - Huh. - Race. - Ah, fuck. I'm not. I don't want to be, well, okay. Can I take a brief pause right here to talk about? I mean, but just to say, before I answer this, we, what's something we've learned since doing this podcast that we're going to stop doing is correlating race and dick size. I think we've learned that that is like, you know, we don't want to like perpetuate those things and we, I know we've apologized for those in the past. So like, I don't want to, in general, connecting those is bad. Regardless of what the statistics say because you don't want to make assumptions about an individual person or, you know, perpetuate some of those stereotypes. So I think that's like just putting that out there before I say this, but I would say yes, race. - The belief that penis size varies according to race is not supported by scientific evidence. - Oh, that's even more, I thought it was like, I was saying that because I assumed it was yes, but that still wouldn't make it okay to make those kind of things, but, okay. That's really-- - Science says it's not okay, either a 2007 study reported that quote, there is no scientific background to support the alleged oversized penis of black people. Another study noticed that contrary to the quote, popular belief that black people generally have longer penile sizes. In reality, there is no convincing scientific background to support this idea. And a 2015 systematic review found it was not possible to draw any conclusions about size and race, not just black people from the available literature and that further research was needed to be conducted to come to a definitive conclusion. That's really helpful for me. I'm really glad I know that 'cause now I know that I was a little racist and I don't, and I mean, yeah, I'm kind of serious, like I don't want to be. So that's definitely a behavior that I'm gonna change about myself is jokes about that 'cause I don't think that now I'm like, that's not cool. Although it's not funny 'cause it's just old and tight, like be more creative. But like, yeah, so I did not know that was just invented. So, age, some people think that older people have smaller penises. - Ah, yes. - No. You told me, oh no, you told me Ricky Virginia said his balls dropped, like it, okay. - Right, right, right. So there is a small but not statistically significant finding in one study that said that less than one centimeter of difference in older people and that that's more likely attributed to the hardness of erection than it is actual plumbing. - Okay, got it. - Sexual orientation. - No. - So this was tricky. Multiple studies have shown that homosexual men have larger penises. - What? - Almost an inch in some cases. - What? - But many of those studies were self-reported and one of the theories is that gay men are more endopenuses and are more endopenous size and are more prone to exaggerate their own measurements. - I feel like also we, especially with the hook-up taps, grindered all that stuff, we are so used to reporting our dick size and talking about our dick size, seeing other people's dick size and like kind of knowing what you need to aim for to get like to- - The urinal, don't miss, don't be on the floor. Unless there's a thirsty mouth that just, it depends on what you're into as all I'm saying. I call my friend a urinal because that's, anyway, sorry, no, that's not true. No, but I, I mean, maybe we're just more prepared with the lie that we've gone with. - It's possible, not all studies showed that though. Even if you try to correct for that, which is hard to do, but if you try to correct for that, there's still a statistical difference. Some people think that it might have to do with antigens that testosterone in the womb and testosterone differences hormonally can cause larger penises and that those same antigens that cause those effects are the same ones that can cause structural changes to the brain that make you gay. But the jury is out on that. - Huh, literally, is this gone to the Supreme Court? - Yeah, I mean, they're kind of busy ruining our rights, but they'll get done eventually. - Better Ginsburg? Super into this decision. - Yep, yep. - She needs to know. - Ruth Boner Ginsburg. - Ruth made her dick's bird. - That's it, I'm done. - All the math, all the statistics. - So much numbers, so I learned so much. I hopefully became a little less racist. I'm really excited about this. - Great. - Let me tell you about straight men sending gay guys dick picks. - What? Who are these straight guys? What are their numbers? - What are their names? What are their phone numbers? How can I get in on that group text? Yes, I did not. I've never heard of this until I was doing research on dicks. Which again, I know I mentioned this a lot. It's so weird to research dicks, but for like, but I want data and stories, not, it's just so odd. I did dick my 80 D meds before I started. - Yes, I do. - I wanna get like, just, just, just, just extracted. - So many dick puns. You're welcome. Okay, so I found an article on thecut.com. - It's a little problematic. - A little problem. - We're already, we'll nervous by E.J. Dixon. - What's the female? - It's a straighter name. - It's gotta be a fake name. - Okay, okay, okay. Like, hey Mike. - Okay. - I wanna take a little, little, little. - Gonna cut the balls. - I wanna cut the motion I'm doing is supposed to be taking the road list traveled and telling you about a different thing. We're gonna take a little side path, a little roundabout path. I wanna tell you about nominative determinism. Have you heard of that? - Nominative determinism. - Yeah. - Is that where you make assumptions or decisions about a person based on their name? - You're so close. - Really? - Oh my God, etymology. You're so good at words and stuff. - Bakes. - Just like me, words and stuff. You good at that. It's close, so the hypothesis that people tend to gravitate towards areas of work that fit their names. - Oh. - Which when someone named E.J. Dixon wrote an article about guys and dicks. It was like, that just came to mind. So we could be an article one example is, there's this guy who wrote article about polar exploration and his name is Daniel Snowman. And it's just like, so it's a hypothesis, but I just think it's really interesting. - That explains that on one of my former teams at work, I worked with not one, but two men named no friends drinks mountain dew. (laughing) - You worked with engineers, right? - That's okay. - Your name is Johnson and you're talking about dicks right now. - Perfect. - My name is Getson, I'm talking about being a slut. - Gets them, yep. - And it's us too. We're nominative, determined stick. - Gets Johnson all the time. - Yep, great. - We should get to, you're supposed to say that. - I love it. Okay, maybe that's just the end of my segment. - No, so anyway, this article is really good. I recommend reading it. It's really funny too, so apparently, what I learned in this article is straight dudes send other dudes, both Getson and Straight, they're dicks. - What? - Yep. - Okay. - Straight guys send straight guys, they're dicks. - Yes. - What the ever living fuck is going on. Straight guys are so gay. - Straight guys are so gay, if you needed more proof than I can't. - I mean, is it supposed to be just like, hey, how's my dick look, bro? - Okay, what kind of, yeah. I listed the, in the article, I found lots of potential reasons for this, and now I'll tell you. - I'm gonna drink my wine, listen. This is gonna kick back, you're gonna kick up your feet. - Yep. - You're gonna wrap it myself in a blankie. - You know, it's just everyone's snuggle on up. Just get come, sit by the fire, get comfy. This is gonna be fun. - Okay, first of all, something I don't like. Wait, don't get by that fire yet, 'cause we're gonna go with something I don't like. I don't know if she made it up or where, but she referred to it as brexting, like bro texting, or frexting friend, oh no, bro, sexting, or frexting friend sexting, which that doesn't sound enough like what it's supposed to be to, like, yeah, people need to be better at making up words. - Yeah, yeah. Like every once in a while, make up a word and I'm like, "Okay, it's middle of the road, but we nail it on the head sometimes." That's true. Yeah. And we also are doing this just like, spontaneous, like an article is someone thought about this and anyway, "Brexting sounds like what the British are doing." Sounds exciting to me, yeah. Somebody forced themselves to come up with the least bad option for their editor. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, "No, we can't use the word "friends" like Stingendic-Gonators. Anyway. You won't believe number four, but I don't think so. Okay. Some potential reasons are getting feedback before sending it out to a woman. Does this pick make my dick look small? Okay. Yeah. And she gave this example using like, like, anonymizing the names and it was like, you know, someone's sending it to a gay guy in a straight guy and the gay guy was like, "Okay, you need to like put a different filter on it and a different filter made it look better." So like, yeah, like getting feedback. I mean, and our hotline is 5-8-5-5 gay-ish. We will give dick-pick feedback to anyone anytime. And yep. Any hour. Yeah. Yeah. If you haven't gotten a response to your email, we are very sorry. And have you tried including your dick? Or any, just send any dick from the internet. Okay. Picks will be answered in the order received. We're opening up the, okay. So another reason to compare and learn. So like, for example, someone, she mentioned like, some people like, "Oh, I didn't know they could be curved until I saw my friend stick." So I actually think that's a really interesting, like, the fact that straight dudes are willing to do this, the fact that I don't know how pervasive this is, but the fact that it's even coming up in an article or as a thing, it really gives me hope about, weirdly, weirdly, it gives me a lot of hope about men and, you know, the kind of dropping the machismo and the homophobic feeling like, I think that's a really good way for kids or young adults or whatever to learn about other dicks. And I feel like chicks talk about their boobs all the time. With each other? Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Her boobs, but like, she, but like, listening to her and her friends, like they were talking about their bras and the right size. Do they, like, that was my cleavage look in this dress and like-- And do they also talk about their, like, periods and, like, vagina stuff with their friends? Yeah. Which I would think, yeah, and I don't-- Or borrow tampons from each other? Yeah. Like, like, just saying, hey, hand me one of those, like, perfectly acceptable conversation over wine and cheese or whatever, whatever ladies do. Yeah. And I feel like, so the stare, I don't know, I've barely hang out with women, that's not true. But like, you know, I would expect women to be more open about talking about those things and men to be more reserved and talking about those things. So it's kind of cool that that's maybe not necessarily the case. Another reason jokes, like, might send each other their dick wearing a silly hat or, like, you know, doing something funny. Yeah. Well, okay. So when I was in college in the fraternity that we didn't have phones, like, some people had cell phones, but they were fancy and text messages and phone picks, cameras on phones weren't even a thing, right? And-- But dudes would randomly, like, put their balls on each other. Yeah, you've talked about, like, the-- or, like, the ball, uh-- Or, like, structures, what they-- Yeah. Yeah, dick picks. No, no-- Or, like, dick tricks. Yeah, dick tricks. Like, pull their scrotum through the zipper of their pants and say, hey, look at this, I sat in some gum and ticket people to look and, like, making other guys randomly see each other's genitals was apparently hilarious. Yeah. Even when I was in the closet, I didn't understand it. But-- But you love it. Yeah. Yeah, so, like, it can just be not-- it's not a sexual-- I mean, none of these are necessarily sexual, but, like, it's not a sexual thing. It's just, again, like, I think it's not cool that it's, like, this is not a sexual thing. It's a part of my body, and we can joke about it. Yeah. Um, another thing one that I really like is, uh, about, uh, bonding and developing trust between each other, because if you have each other's dick picks, like, that's one, making yourself really vulnerable to your friends, and also, like, you're-- you know that if you fuck them over, they have something on you that they could, you know, potentially share with people, so it's kind of this, uh, you know, being really vulnerable and exposing yourself, uh, to your friends in a way that shows kind of trust. Yeah, I think Fear of Revenge porn is a perfectly healthy foundation for any friendship. I constantly worry that you'll plant a camera in my home, and then-- or that you already have, and there's a site called Kyle does what he does best.com. Order Dominos is the answer. Oh my god. I'm-- okay. You would-- I don't even want to talk about how much I do that. Okay. Um, so, also in the article, again, we've learned about so many interesting careers. So, uh, she references an expert, Jane Ward, who's the author of "Not Gay" Collins Sex Between Straight White Men, um, and Jane Ward, we-- just so you know, you love her. We love her, because she coined the term "bro job." Yeah. So, like, be on our show. What more could we ask of Jane Ward, you know, like, she's given us so much, but she also said-- I'm not sure this is not a pseudonym, and she's not a gay dude, because-- Well, all of this-- I kind of love that it's women talking about this, just because it-- I don't know. Um, I don't know why I love that, but it just makes it really interesting. Um, so, uh, Jane Ward said, um, like, kind of confirmed. I-- I didn't think this would confirm. It's not a gay thing, like, sharing these-- I mean, all the reasons I said were not because I'm gay and want to fuck you. Yeah. Um, so she confirmed, like, it's not gay-- part-- partly could just be about validation, and she said, quote, "the same way young women posting selfies on the internet shows a desire to be gazed upon, but doesn't mean they want to have sex with everyone looking at their photo." Yeah. So, the same idea of wanting validation, uh, through the pictures you're sending, maybe to your friends, um, could be what-- another reason why they're doing that. So, and I like the-- a woman was saying that about other women posting, because if a man said that that could be like, "Oh, women just want attention," you know, but she is as someone who wrote a book and, I guess, is-- oh, seems-- A scientist. Relish is-- I don't know what I didn't write down what her job was, or-- I just was so focused on brooch. I know she's an expert, 'cause she-- anyway, uh, yeah, so that's, uh, that's, uh, straight dudes sending everyone their dicks. Weird. I know. I had no idea. So, I want to talk about dicks in the bathroom. Yeah. That's where they go. That's where they belong. Uh, so, what I want to mostly talk about is I feel like there is this fear or worry that if a gay person is in the bathroom that you're going to look at other people's dicks. Oh my god. Oh my god. Internalized homophobia, gay or straight, but especially with my gay friends, if I don't know what a bathroom looks like and we're out at a place, I will not go to the bathroom because I'm afraid that the situation is going to arise where there will be unprotected visual dick access. Yep. And that I will look, or they will look, or they'll think I'm looking, or they'll feel uncomfortable and not want to go, or like, it is a, it is a serious cause of anxiety for me. Like, that sounds pathetic. No, no, no, no. It does not at all because I have the same thing. Maybe not to that degree, well, so one of the questions I wrote down to ask is, do you feel comfortable going to the bathroom so you answer that? Great. No. It's just right. No. If I know that there are dividers between the urinals or if there are stalls that everybody's expected to use and it's not weird or making you look like a chicken shit or something, then absolutely. If I know there are no dividers or it's a big old trough, no, no. And if I don't know, I will try to figure out a time when like, I'll actively, I'll actively pay attention to who in the group might need to go to the bathroom so that they don't follow me. Like, like, okay, they've all gone recently so it's probably safe to go now and scout out whether this is a safe bathroom or this person has had seven drinks, it's probably me and hasn't gone to the bathroom yet, so like this, yeah, even today, I, no, so I don't think it's weird at all. I totally have the same thing. Yeah, so it's very actively the opposite of what I think I, again, I don't know for sure, but I would assume what some nervous straight people are worried about, like, so today I was in the bathroom and, well, one, straight to, so I was finishing up, so I was just watching my hand, straight to coworker walked in, started peeing at the urinal and one, he just started talking to me, which that alone I, oh, gone, like I don't, I think some people did that to deal with their own anxiety, like they are anxious for the same reasons that we just enumerated and they deal with that by being extra bold and talking, like, hey, oh, this is normal, I'm just talking, we're just all distract everybody by talking about sports. Well, he was talking about work, which is like really weird to be like, hey, that meeting that's coming up tomorrow, and it's like, you're peeing, but then he's probably certain nobody's thinking about his dick. That's true. And I intentionally want to. I thought that was weird, but then two, I'm really specific, like I'm really worried that he is thinking that I might be trying to sneak a peek or whatever, so I'm very specifically not looking at him, even though we're talking so we're back to back and like it's like a very uncomfortable and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, so I just like said, if you need me to do something at work, ask me while you're peeing because I'll just be like, yes, just to get the fuck out of there, because I'm so uncomfortable. So I also am very uncomfortable in, and we're talking about like non-gay bar or not places that are like not gay space bathrooms. Yeah, I'm exactly the same way, so I think that goes against what you would think the stereotype of like, you know, creepy gay dude trying to sneak on dicks, like I think mostly that's just not a thing. The other thing I wanted to bring up is especially when you talk about bathrooms, dicks and bathrooms is the transgender in the bathroom debate, which like, we'll just go ahead and like blank it. That's super dumb. Let people use the bathroom they want, shut up, all the, all the, you know, people when people are like, oh, there's a, there's a boy in the girls' bathroom and then it turns out it's like biological. It's not even that there's a trans person, it's when they thought it was trans and it's actually, like you don't know by looking at someone shut up. So like, I'll just go ahead and put that out there, but what I'm really, what I think is so interesting is that that's the focus for trans people, but what, I don't know if just like those fearful, straight people, what like what they didn't realize is gay people in the bathroom with you all the time, like you can't, I mean, obviously you can't see when someone's trans, you don't know for sure, like that's enough. So like the, the thought that you can see it is a little bit of a myth, but like, especially like being gay, you do not know who's gay and who's not. You, that is not something you can see. You cannot tell by looking at someone so like there are gay people in there with you. How do you feel about that? Like anywhere would you, where do you want gay people to go to the bathroom? Like do you want, well, they want us to not be alive. So that's true. We want us to go into the bathroom that kills us, like I or like the bathroom that turns into like a, what's a gas chamber? The gas chamber. Yeah. It's like men, women, gays, and then there's like a weird smell from coming from the gays. Who knew that we would be talking about the Holocaust and episode about Dix? You know, maybe we weren't. You know, maybe this is just a casual reference to gas chambers that had nothing to do with the Holocaust. That's fine. We're going to brush past that very quickly. I work through the lot of exercise of like there are a lot of trans men who have had bottom surgery and they be standing up. There are a lot of trans men who have not had bottom surgery and there are devices that they can use that allow them to be standing up and I know that some do that. And I would imagine somebody can let us know that there are trans men who have not had bottom surgery who just go to the stall, they just be sitting down. Their stalls in both men's and women's bathrooms and then that's how they live their life. And then for trans women, there are no urinals, there's no standing up in a woman's restroom. So they go into a stall and they sit down and they pee. What the fuck is everybody so fucking bothered about? I don't, I don't get it. It's the myth. What the myth of that super right wing people have created is that that someone is going to sneak into a bathroom, say that they identify as the opposite gender than they actually, like pretend to be trans essentially to creep on women. Which if that's the case, that's straight, but like that's, well trans, I think you shouldn't correlate. I mean it's massage and mystic that women are the only ones that need protection. Yes. And it's all, I was just about to correlate sexual orientation with gender identity, which is different things. Like that's more about nonqueer people. You need to go talk to your like cisgender people about don't be a fucking creep. That's not trans people's problems. That's cis people. If they are going to pretend to be trans to creep on women, that's trans, that's, sorry, that's cis people's problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And y'all should stop being so fucking creepy y'all and cis as well, but I don't creep on anyway. I just think it's the, I think it's really funny that funny and a really sad way that like, I don't think they've thought about the fact that gay people are also in their bathrooms and like surprise, like we're not looking at your dicks either. We're not creeping on you. I mean, there's so much fucked up shit in the world that you really could just boil down to. I don't think people have thought about dot dot dot. It's so true. Right. Yeah. So that's bathrooms. Do you have, do you have something else? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Where do I want to start on this? I don't know. We may have to, Mike, we may have to do like, there's so much we could talk about for dicks. There's so much dick to talk about. Dicks is such a large subject to that it's a meaty topic. It's a very hefty topic that we just want to sink our teeth in to if you're one of the two guys that wasn't to that, anyway, I just, you know, just this is not the last you'll hear of dicks. I'm sure it's not. I'm sure. Anyway. Yeah. Where do you want? Where do you want to start? Okay. So, I, penis size is not a deal breaker for me. Never has been it. I don't think it will be. Same. And I'd like big penises. I've had, I have had, I'm really good at finding them. I enjoy them. Sometimes they're a literal pain in the ass. And I want to talk about this as part of my like size queenie part of me. I read a lot of forums and I read a lot of erotic fiction and a lot of that is related to like excessive penis size and even like fantastical like I read a lot of erotic fiction about like dude wakes up with a four foot dick. What does he do with it? Kind of stuff. Anyway. Gotcha. But I follow this forum called the large penis support group and I have since college, which is hilarious because I was in the closet and like it was before even met my ex-wife like clearly some gay shit going on there right. Yeah. Oh my god. You like this is a legitimate support group that they talk about big dick problems and you just love it LPSG dot org large penis support group dot org. And oh my god. I've been to that site. Yeah. And I didn't know it. They had a separate. Okay. This is. How to separate what? Okay. Did you know I have a thing for big arms? Yeah. Little bit. Let me let me break the news to you. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard. I've heard. First time you've heard that. There is a forum or a topic or whatever on there that is poems that involve a top fucking a guy where he flexes while he's fucking him. Oh yeah. Okay. Which is a really specific thing I'm super into. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I mean, the whole point. It was ostensibly started for like I have a giant dick and it's a pay I can't live like underwear doesn't fit me. What do I do? Like that's supposed to be the kind of support. It's not. It's just fucking like, letharist shit about big dicks. Yeah. But one thing that's really interesting to me is there's the studies that we were talking about earlier that say basically the theoretical upper limit for penises at least in published medical studies is nine inches. Like statistics would lead us to believe that there are no human penises bigger than nine inches. Well, not that there are no that like you are the point oh oh oh one or whatever percent if. Right. Okay. Okay. Far less common than my scruff would lead me to believe, right? Did I just fact you because usually that's what you do to me. No. I mean, yeah. Science. Facted. I've been fact. Yeah. Fact. I have been with scene touched played with putting me in different holes, various orify. I'm going to guess at least 10, would you say a handful of big dicks? Like at least 10 dicks that claimed to be and I sort of believed them bigger than nine inches. But like it is outside the statistical realm of possibility that I would have actually encountered that many that so like they probably were smaller and I just believed them. Yeah. Or believed it. And I could see like someone says they have a nine and a half inch dick and then you see it and it's bigger than average and then you're like, Oh yeah, that's definitely nine or bigger than anything you've seen before and you believe like whatever what it's massive, whatever number you say, I'll believe. Okay. Sorry. I just thought of a random story. Again, we're going to Robert Frost go down the road, less traveled. Do it. One of my favorite moments with one of my friends I want to say her name because I don't know if she should be embarrassed by this, but for some reason, we're asking some dude that she hooked up with or not marrying. I don't know. Anyway, like how big as dick was, she was like, wait, let me think. She put her finger into her mouth and then was like pulled it out and then was like on her finger pointed to how big it was. Oh my god. That's so fantastic. That was, I just, I love her so much. so much and that is one of the many examples of like, she's the fucking best that was so funny. Anyway, I just thought of that. - That's great. - Yeah, yeah. - So great. - I know, anyway, go on. - So, there is a forum on LPSG.org where a person has said that they will pay $10,000 to anybody who proves that they have a larger than 10 inch penis. - Huh. - It's been going for several years now, no takers. - What? - And so that and the science and then my tendency to think that human beings lie a lot and my tendency to not trust my own perceptions lead me to believe that maybe there are no nine inch plus penises. - I feel like I've seen porn that disproves that. - Disproves it or like camera angles, or like maybe he's only five foot two and has a normal dick, but it looks like a arm on him. - Yeah, yeah, maybe they got a little person to be his scene partner. - Yeah. - Okay, wait. I don't know if you had more to talk about, but this leads very nicely into my next segment. - Okay, okay, okay. - Can I do that or try? - I just, we can end this little segment just by saying that I am starting to be a giant dick skeptic. - Oh yeah. - And it's like that. - Giant dicks are the Loch Ness monster. Like, may not be real. - Over nine inches might not be real. - Like unicorns. - Like unicorns. I'm glad we did this out, like, so send me a picture of a unicorn, somebody out there. Like. - A unicorn dick. - Yeah, and I don't know what constitutes proof, but I would like some sort of reasonable proof that there are penises out there that are over nine inches, and not just like what people say, and not just what I think or feel or believe. - Feel, feel where. - I mean, there's some big dicks out there, but you know what? Like. - The fact that there's $10,000 out there, I wonder, like, the only thing I can think of if it just hasn't been publicized enough to garner the over 10 inch, you know, the 10 inch plus dick crowd is hard. They're a hard audience to reach. As a marketer, I often find myself wondering. - Actually, I would pony up my own gay-ish $1,000 prize for proof of a 10 inch penis. - Wow. - Yep. - Wait, gay-ish, is that coming out of, are you pony up my money too? - No, no, no, no. - Okay, I'll pay for it this way. - Okay, is it tax deductible or? - No, we're not a non-profit. - Is it Dicta-Dictable? - Dicta-Dictable? - Dicta-Dictable? - Dicta-Dictable? - Dicta-Dictable? - Dicta-Dictable, I don't know. - Dicta-Dictable. - I'll venue you $1,000 if you can prove to me to my satisfaction that you have a 10 inch penis. - Okay, so the person that sends it to you has to have one. They can't prove that someone else has an over 10 inch dick. - Prove to my satisfaction. - And I don't define satisfied Dicta-Dictable. - Yeah, that's what I mean. I don't think I necessarily need to see it in person, although that would be ideal. - You know, you just need to sit on it. You just measure, you have a ruler that's just stored right in your rectum. So, you know, they'll just measure directly. - Yeah. - Okay, so they can, in fact, prove that someone else has an over 10 inch dick. - Yeah, I don't know what proof means yet. Well, I'll figure it out. - I'll know when I see it. - And it's so weird, like, I've seen some dicks. Like, like, big dicks. - Apparently more than some studies. - Yeah, and it just seems, it's a mind fuck for me that like, they weren't actually as big as I think they are or something. - Well, that perception thing that you are the like, the geometry thing of viewing that, or that's still like, yeah, that'll be something that I think about. - I was at the Dildo store the other day, and I was like holding some of the ones that are just like ridiculous size that had measurements written on the package. And I'm like, okay, well, huh. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's, yeah, that's real big. Okay, but a nine inch Dildo, it's fucking enormous. - We should do a Dildo episode where we guess the size of Dildo. - I love that idea. - And see how close we get. - Yeah, all right, all right. Okay, so I'm gonna tell you about the largest recorded penis. - Okay. - However, this is self-reported. - Okay. - So, okay, okay. - This person may need to send you proof to get your money. - Okay. - So it is held by, held by, sometimes, actor, presenter, Jonah Fauci. - I know him. - You do? - Go ahead. - What do you know about him? - Let's see, so I met a person by that name on LPSG.org back in 1997 or '98. I was in college. - When you say met, like you've talked to him? - Virtually, we emailed back and forth. - You were a contributor to LB, whatever G? - Well, sometimes. - Huh. - And he and I exchanged email messages privately with each other. And then-- - Private. - Sorry. - And then there was a, I was still in college. So early 2000s, I'm thinking there was an HBO documentary. And-- - Do you remember what it's called? - She was on that, like, exposed, dick, private, something, like dick. - I didn't read it. - Huge ass cocks, thank you, a love story. I don't know. (laughing) Best rom-com I've ever seen. - But he didn't get hard on camera, but it looked real big. - Okay. - It might be the same 'cause this guy has also-- - 13 and a half inches is the claim. - Yes. - And that he's from New York wants to be an actor, but is kind of an ego, except he has a giant dick. - I thought he was kind of cute. I mean, I only saw that we could-- - Has refused to be actually, like, measured and studied on camera or scientifically or medically. - Okay, let me tell you, yeah. That sounds like the exact-- I think that's exact. That's so weird. You exchanged emails with him? - Yeah. - Huh? Huh? All right, so he, yes, trying to be an actor. And it says, like, when he was in his 20s, particularly, as he was trying to be an actor, he's by, he's most who's up to women, but sometimes men, and it seemed like he was, like, pretty dick chill, like, pretty chill about it. He was, like, sometimes he let people pay him to suck it or-- - Oh, what a cover. - You know, yeah. He let people take pictures of him in his underwear, like, he just seemed like, yeah. So he, yes, has appeared in some documentaries about sex or dicks. Like, there've been a few, and I didn't write down the names. - If I woke up with a 13 1/2 inch penis, I, everyone would see it. - You're just every, hey, everybody. - They wouldn't get to enjoy it in any way they wanted to. - Okay, I actually do think that, like, big, dick problems are a real thing. Like, it sounds, it's one of those things that, like, if all you had, all you could eat was chocolate. Like, that sounds great until you realize all you can eat is chocolate, you know, like, it's one of, I think it's one of those things that seems really great, but then it, anyway, so, yeah, he's also appeared on the daily show. He's apparently, apparently, in the daily show, Samantha, be tried to convince him to go into porn. - Great. - I don't know if that was a sticker. - I love her so much. - I know, she's great. He's a frequent guest on the Howard Stern show. - Great. - He hosts his own cable TV show. Unfortunately, devoted to the New York Yankees, I don't care about that, called-- - What a waste of dick. - Called Talking Yankees, hosted by Jonah Falcon, and apparently Howard Stern is a frequent prank caller into that show. - Great. - So, like, he's been in an extra on some movies. He was an uncredited actor in a beautiful mind. So it seems like some, like, you know, some, like, introductory actor work, but also, anyway. Yeah, so he has said, Rolling Stone, published an article about him in 2003, saying he had, as Flasadick, 9.5 inches, and erect is 13.5, which is exactly, you have a good dick memory. - Jesus. - I know. Also, I wrote down, because we're international, #gayishinternational, that is 24 centimeters and 34 centimeters, respectively. - 34 centimeter dick. - No. - No. - No, not real. - Well, all right. Hey, Jonah. - Prove me wrong. - Prove it. - You'll get $1,000. You'll get $11,000. Okay, here's some fun facts that I read, and they're just, okay, I don't know if it's true. Anyway, he says that so much blood flows to his penis when he gets hard, that he gets lightheaded. - Okay. Okay, okay. - No, I guess we could get his girth measurement, and then we could do 4/3 pi r cubed to find out the volume. - Geometry finally comes in handy. - Handy. - No, wait, 4/3 pi r cubed, that's a sphere again. There are no spherical penises. - There, no. - Be by times the diameter times the length. That's a cylinder. - Yep, I agree. Okay, he says that his foreskin can envelop a doorknob. - Whoa, whoa, okay. Okay. give you a moment to reflect on that, 'cause that's-- - I did see Howard Stern once where they had a pouch off and two people on Howard Stern's show tried to see how many M&Ms they could fit into their foreskin. And there's a guy that he put a fuck ton of M&Ms in his dick. - Do you remember how many? - No, like a hundred or something. - What? - That is not so many M&Ms. - That's not a thing. - He was stopped by the TSA. - I did hear about this. - San Francisco because of the bulge in his pants. Of course in San Francisco. That was a faggot that was like, excuse me, sir. I see a bulge in your pants and I need to touch it. Oh my God, that's a start of a porn. - Yeah. - We need to pull you in the back room. And-- - Would you like a private screening? - Wink. - Yeah. - Gay Wink. And then he also agreed to donate his penis to the Icelandic phallological museum. - Oh. - Also known as the penis museum. - He won't need it anymore. - After his death. Well that was assumed, but yeah. Yeah, he did, yeah. - Fantastic. - What? - I don't, I feel weird. I'm super fan of like, when I die, I'm just a corpse that is just gonna nurture the earth with my sweet, sweet dead body juices. - Take whatever you want, yeah. - So yeah, I'm like, I'll donate everything. I used to feel weird about, you know, it asks you if you want to donate your eyes and I used to feel weird for some reason that I was like, "No, I don't fucking need my eye." Like, yes, take everything. Use me to strip you for parts, give me not-- - Take me, baby. - Take me at, in every way you want. But like, there's some reason, even though that's where I am with my body, like just donating your penis to a museum, just I don't know. That's just like a wee, I guess I just need to like, sit on that a little bit, just to like get used to it, but like, I don't know, just seems odd. Anyway, that is Jonathan Falcon, the supposedly largest recorded penis. - So, yeah, huh? - I remembered a segment that I forgot to talk about. - Yeah, let's do it. - Did you know that dick transplants are a thing? - Wait. - What? No, I had no idea. - Yep. So, April 24th of this year, John does Hopkins Hospital in the US successfully transplanted a penis and scrotum on a war veteran who had suffered injuries while deployed in Afghanistan. It was a 14-hour surgery, nine plastic surgeons and two urology surgeons transplanted an entire penis, scrotum without testicles and partial abdominal wall from a deceased donor onto a veteran who wished to remain anonymous. His junk had been blown off by a bomb. - What? - And they are hopeful that this transplant will help him restore near normal urinary and sexual function. - What? - And they say, while it's possible that reconstructive penis using tissue from other body parts, a prosthesis implant would be necessary to achieve an erection that comes with a much higher rate of infection, but just transplanting a penis has just as much of a chance of working, retaining sexual function and feeling, and so that's gaining acceptance as the way to do this for people who have lost their penises in accidents. - That's crazy. - So, a couple of things, first of all, first of all, the reason it was only a scrotum transplant is apparently they're so good at it now. Had they also transplanted the testicles, they're ethical implications because they would be the biological children of the dead person. - Oh fuck. - Not of the person who had received the transplant. That is a crazy new world of like, right? - But then you want that person to be able to father children, but then you don't want, oh god, that's, I, wow, who knew we would get into these kinds of ethical considerations when talking about an episode about Dix? - So, the other question I had, of course, how do you pick a size? Like, what if, what if, I don't think they have a buffet of dick options? - That's the question, though. Like, what if, what if you had your dick blown off and then you got like a major upgrade? - Should've got my dick blown off, or, I think you're doing it. - Yeah, but that doesn't change any dick that you get. You're like, like a long, you're not gonna be like, oh, only give me the most pristine of, give me the lexas of longs. - Yeah, but like, what if you had this like a, like a three or four inch penis and then it got blown off and there's nothing wrong with a three or four inch penis at all, but it got blown off and then like, you have the surgery and then you wake up, like suddenly you've got an eight inch dick. - Yeah, it is like any kind of, if like, adjusting to a new dick sounds very, like, I just do a new lung, you don't think about that, you don't like, you know, it's not something you're actively like, ooh, this lung feel, but like, to adjust to a new dick? - Yeah. - What if the race is different? - Oh, you got sad just that I'm sorry. - I don't know, no, not sad. I just, I didn't even consider that at all. - Well, it's because I think I'd be so happy to have a dick, I wouldn't care what color it was. - Oh, I don't think I would care either, but it's just like, it'd be an interesting, like, hey, imagine how to hook up. Like, yeah, meet somebody and you take them home from the bar and you like, unzip their pants and like, it's just like. - I'll just say color. - To a new, wrong color. - Here's like, okay, here's the thing. (laughing) - I wasn't born with this dick. - I was in Afghanistan and things went wrong. - That's, I mean, that's really cool. So I don't, like, I want to, that's awesome. And that's, like, awesome, especially for those people to be able to feel like, I wonder if that has any implications for, I mean, it has to for like, people that have like botched circumcisions or, you know, you hear about people that like, try to race someone who was biologically born with a penis and then had something botched and then they try to raise them as a female and it doesn't totally work out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And so that'd be a cool, although thinking about a dead baby dick that you're, and then I don't know, I don't want to say. - Did you just say dead baby dick? - Well, 'cause I would assume you don't want to put an adult dick on your circumcised baby, like-- - Yeah, that's true. - So I think you would have to-- - Especially when you're just in what happens when they go through puberty. - Nothing, nothing. Oh, I don't know. There's a triple in size again. (laughing) - This is where Mike, we're the most terrible people that have ever existed. - We're in this odd area of talking about dead baby dicks and I don't necessarily want to stay here for too long. - I think it's part for the course. - You know, okay, this is it. All right, let's do it, let's talk about. - They did manage to get a quote from the guy after he woke up from surgery. - The veteran, the-- - Yep, he said, "When I first woke up, I felt finally more normal with a level of confidence as well. Confidence, like, finally I'm okay now." - Yeah. - That makes a ton of, like, I can't even imagine if I had some kind of accident or something happen, like, just the adjustment to, you know, it doesn't, it doesn't and shouldn't make you any less of a man and, you know, you should still be able to live your life and everything. But yeah, I can't imagine the adjustment that that would take. So that's really cool that that's an option. - Right. - Also, dead baby dicks. (laughing) Okay, let's take a break. - Let's take a break. - Break, break, break, break, break, break, break. - Dude, don't break my dick. (upbeat music) ♪ This is the park where Mike and Kyle take a break ♪ (buzzer) - Hey Mike, hey Kyle, are we back? - We're back, we're back. Hey everybody. - Hey everybody. - Hey, hi. - We're gonna do early, our gayest is straightest. - But first. - But first, our website, La La La. - I am drunk. - Yeah. - We're back. - We're our normal selves again. - We're back. - Our website is gagepodcast.com. - Our everything on social media is @gagepodcast, which includes Twitter, Instagram, YouTube. If you do like slash groups slash gagepodcast, that's Facebook and join our Facebook group 'cause we talk there. And then people like, there's been just a lot of posts about like really wide variety of topics. - I love the gage agenda. I wish that they would call themselves that though, 'cause I'm trying to make this fucking stick and it's not sticking and I blame them. - You order, you not you? - What? - You're not blaming yourself? - I don't blame myself for anything. That's not true. - Okay. - I'm so hard on myself. - Yeah. - Okay. Anyway, what's the next thing? - Oh, do the phone number. - Oh, our hotline is 5855 gage. That's 5855429474 standard rates apply. And we get voicemails and text messages from there. So talk and type away. - Yep, type on your phone. - And our email. - Our email is [email protected]. - Great. - And we're at 90 reviews on iTunes and we just wanna get to 100. - Review, rate, review, and rub scribe the three R's. - The three R's and help us get to the triple digits. - Yeah, help me get to the double digits. - What? - 10 inches. - Oh, okay, also send to that thing and get $1,000. Gaze in Stratus. - Stratus in Stratus. You wanna go first? - Yeah. - Okay, so the Stratus thing about me this week, I've been having some weird medical things that happened and I showed my dick to a lady, doctor. - She was a doctor, but I showed my dick to a lady. - Not just another patient sitting in the waiting room. - Don't tempt me. - Do you, do you think, - I think this looks weird. - Okay, did the lady doctor, will she cash, will she into it? - I mean, she started drooling. - But that's your use to that. - Yeah, I get that. - Yeah, I get it. - You also dip your dick and chocolate before you show it to lady doctors, so. - Yeah, oh my God. That's what you like Nutella. - It's like, hey. - The dick opportunities. - Dip it in this. - The gayest thing about me this week, I just, I watched Baywatch. - I watched the Baywatch movie with Zac Efron in it so that I could watch Zac Efron in it. - Oh yeah, I mean, that, I think that's what they were. - Fucking, he's so fucking hot. He's so fucking hot. - Yeah. - And there are people who think he is not hot and they are stupid. - Ooh, people who, I think, I think it's mostly people who remember him being Sharkboy, or, no, that's different. - High school musical? - Yeah. - Sharkboy is fucking, the Twilight Werewolf hot boy. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, go ahead. - Um, watch Baywatch, I think could have leaned straight as if it was back in the, - Right? - Yeah. - Right, no, but it was just for Zac Efron. Matt Brody. - Was that his name? - Yeah. - He looks like a Brody. - Yeah, and he had to take a shirt off for no real reason. - Yeah. - Was it actually like, kind of progressive 'cause, you know, it used to be just about the ladies and now there's, it's both. - Yep. - All right, my gayest thing is that I went to the teak Swift concert. - Taylor Lautner. - Taylor Laut, oh, I see, yeah. - You went to Teeswift? - I went to Teeswift, I saw her in concert. I actually, we had like, really good seats. And it was-- - Did you hold hands? - With Taylor? - Yeah. - Do you don't mean that? - No, I mean with Jack. - 'Cause last week we said that you were gonna hold hands and then see if any anti-k-marriage people like got in your face. - No, that didn't happen. I was too excited about Taylor, which is also part of the gayest thing about me. - Did you remember the Jack was there? - With Taylor, it was just like, she came on stage and like all eyes on her. - Well, sometimes he brought me wine and then I was like, "Ooh, hey Jack." But I, yeah, she, something I actually really liked about the concert is I heard, it was like, she will start promptly at, like, 8.30. Because, and she will end promptly at this time. It was like, someone said very specifically those times and it's like, "Why is no artist?" 'Cause she knows she has a lot of young fans and it's a Tuesday, so that is when the concert was. So like, she knows that she needs to be, you know-- - They have a nine-night time. - Yeah, they got a nine-night time. - Yeah. - It's a school night. - Yeah, so I thought that was really cool to like think about your fans in that way. - Yeah. - Know your audience, man. - Yeah. - That's what we talk about, Dix. - That's good. - We get you guys. - Sorry, straight guys, sorry. - No, they're so interested. They love sending their Dix out. They love hearing about Dix. - Sorry, Lesbians. - Sorry, Lesbians. - Do you think Lesbians will listen? - Yeah. - We've got two. - Yeah, 'cause we've gotten that, because Lesbians sometimes watch gay porn. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - They're cool with, everyone is cool with Dix. - Right. - That's the lesson here. - Me to be fair, without Dix, none of us would be here. - Yeah, but you could say the same about the genus. - I would, and I do, and I have, and I can, and I shall. - You do, you have? - Yes. - On many occasions. Okay, my streetest thing is, so I saw this post on Facebook that I really liked. It was like, hey, now that, you know, Pride's coming up, if you see a couple that appears to be an opposite gender, like straight looking couple, keep it, and then, you know, what a lot of people do. Like a straight people are ruining pride and blah. Things to keep in mind might be by, by people totally belong there. - Yeah. - Could be trans. - Yep. - Again, you can't tell that someone's trans, just by looking at them, totally belong there. Asexual people, they can be in relationships and totally belong there. So, even, I feel like, because I'm gay, I am supposed to, everyone in the queer space I'm supposed to know about, already know this information, be so on board and all that stuff, which I am in my mind, but even I forget some of those things. So, it was really nice to have that reminder. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Which I feel like you would only expect, because the stereotype would be that that's just straight people that need those reminders about the queer world, but it's not just them, it's actually everyone. - Yeah. Basically, don't be a dick. - Don't be a dick. If people aren't being a dick to you, just like, you know, just love them. - Yeah, grab them by the dick and love them. - No, just be nice to each other people. - Can you imagine if Trump had said, grab them by the dick, it's like what, how the reaction would have changed? - Yeah, he wouldn't have gotten elected there. - No, yeah, because being gay is more terrifying than like sexually assaulting women. Anyway, that's a weird, great way to end. - So that's it? - I guess so. (laughing) - That's fine, that's it. This has been gayish, yeah. - Special thank you was always to Charlie Finn for the use of our theme music. - And thank you to Dix, every shape and size, just, you know, just keep putting them into me. - And thank you to Jonah Falcon for your just gigantic make you pass out when you get hard. - Your future $11,000 winning dick. (laughing) - Yeah, ooh, thank you to T-Swift. - No. - I'm definitely a swifter. - A swifter? - I don't know what, her fans-- - You put a cloth on your head and rub it against the ground? - No, as I'm listening to, I did something bad. (laughing) - That's it, that's it. - I do. - Great. - This has been gayish. - I am Mike Johnson. - I'm Kyle Gets, until next week, be butch, be fabulous, be you. - Don't be a dick. - Don't be a dick and fluff dick. - Bye. (laughing) ♪ And hear me ♪ ♪ As I will sing ♪ ♪ Hey, and by the way ♪ ♪ Do you hear what your words bring ♪ ♪ O-P-S-I'm gay ♪ (upbeat music)