Gary Robinson: Clearing Away The Dark Cloud Of Depression

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Discover the support provided at Fetal.io, that's F-E-T-T-L-E-D-I-E. Hello and welcome to another episode of Me Head is Wrecked with Tony Kelly on your host, Tony Kelly, and yes it is another episode, but it is the final episode in season 3. And I can't believe it, but yes, here we are at the end of season 3. What a joy it's been to be able to do this many episodes of a podcast. I remember a podcast that I, a podcast episode I did during this season with Dino Hallen, the ex-professional footballer, and he said that I'd reached a threshold where so many podcasts out open, they go out of business after a handful of episodes. I think it was 18 episodes as the average that they last far, and God, we've done a hell of a lot more. I really should have written down how many I've done at this stage, but I don't know. But many, many more than that, over three seasons since 2019, it's a joy, it's a joy. This is the last episode of the season, I apologize first of all for the delay in between episodes this time for the regular listeners that have been on to me. I said I'd open the podcast by apologising because I realised that not everyone has followed me on my social media where I apologise previously for the delay in between episodes of course. Usually, it's every other Sunday, there's a new episode, and there's been, we missed one in between after the last episode of Ava Walsh, so I do apologise. But here I am with the final episode of season 3, and I'm delighted to be finishing the series with a bang with my guest Gary Robinson this week. But before we do that, I'd like to just have a bit of a chat with you as I do at the beginning of the episode about myself and stuff like that. So yeah, I mean, really, what's going on for me this week is a little bit strange and something I wouldn't usually be talking about on the podcast, but first of all, I suppose what I should say is there's a lot of joy in my life, and in our lives here in this household at the moment because we've adopted a dog, and she's a, a paisley is right next to me here at sleep on our little bed as I, as I talk about this. For those of you who know and follow me on social media know I have a cat, Jeannie, who I found on the side of the road in 2020 and adopted as he was a kitten, and he's been with me ever since. So I was kind of so against getting a dog, and when my fiancé Shun was kind of saying we should, we have the new house now and we need to get a dog and she's grown up a dog and I've never had a dog. So I was very kind of trepidatious with that and also with Jeannie, but she sent me, she sent me a post at the ISPCA, a week low branch had put up about this little dog, this little pop golden retriever that they had that had been mistreated by some idiot, shall we say, for lack of a better term, sent me a screenshot of, of paisley as she was called and still is, and I was just after right now to the shower in the gym and I looked at my phone and I saw her and I remember texting Shun back and just saying whatever we have to do, wherever I have to even walk, let alone drive, we need to adopt this dog. That was on a Monday and on Saturday we went up and picked her up and I have to say it was a month ago now for, going on for five weeks ago now and it is the best thing that's probably ever happened, we're in love with her and treating her well like she deserves to be treated and she's, we have her a month now, she was eight months, we picked her up so she's not a little nine month golden retriever paisley and she is now our world. So there you go, that's the happiness in my life. Well the sadness I suppose is as I was saying before I went down my rant about paisley, the sadness in my life at the moment is football related which is, you know, you're probably going, oh God, I'm going to fast forward to the interview. But it's true, I need to own it, I need to name it, I'm a Liverpool fan, those of you who know me or follow me on social media or whatever will, will certainly know that, but I am a big Liverpool fan myself and my dad are our season ticket holders in Anfield. So as I record this, it is Wednesday the 15th of May and on Sunday the 19th of May, Yorgan Club will step down as manager of Liverpool officially and again, those of you who are not football fans probably don't care, but maybe hear me out and those of you who aren't Liverpool fans are probably, you know, not Liverpool fans, you don't care, but I'm shocked at how upset a second manager of a professional football team leaving has made me to be honest. When he announced he was leaving back in January or February or whatever it was, I was actually struggling a bit with my own mental health after I shared on this podcast that, you know, the amount of grief I suffered last year and my family suffered last year and combined with the extreme highs of writing, directing and starring a movie that comes out in the cinema's nation void and a big premiere and red car bits and television interviews and radio interviews and being in full page spreads in national newspapers and all that kind of stuff combined with the grief and how that affected me post Christmas and all hitting that once and all that kind of stuff and I will go up one day to a text from a friend of mine, a comedian, Carol Spain, he won't mind me saying that Yorgan Club has announced he's leaving Liverpool and I didn't believe it but when I went on the internet then and saw that it was true, I actually went into a bit of another depression and it's, that might sound really, really weird, but what I've realised is, first of all, just accept that, that's what, that's the way you feel, the fact that it's a very professional football or Liverpool football club or Yorgan Club is irrelevant, it's just something that's made me feel this way but I'm going to the game on Sunday with my nephew Nathan, it's his 9th birthday ironically on the 19th of May and not only that, look listen, it's going to be lovely to be there for the occasion and stuff like that but what I realised is the amount of happiness first of all that Yorgan Club has brought into my life, my family's life and the escapism of it all, you know, I'll forever be thankful and forever have the memory of me and my dad and Nathan at four years of age when Liverpool won the European Cup for the sixth time and there's a beautiful picture, it's one of my favourite pictures I've ever taken, myself and my dad and we have Nathan and our arms together on that night and Nathan's in full occasion, it's, it was just such a beautiful moment and when they won the league the next year we had, we really created the picture and we did it a few more times with trophies that he won and, you know, I was there at the end of February this year and myself and my dad were in Wembley to see the win the league cup and to watch, you know, club lift a cup and it was just a beautiful emotional moment and I know it's going to be the same on Sunday but I just wanted to kind of deal with my own attributes I suppose year to, to the amazingly great times that the man has given myself and my dad and Nathan, you know, and I feel like it's brought us close or even if that could even make sense but the main thing that I think about is the end of 2020, you know, I've shared that many times in this podcast when I had my relapse when I was using drugs and alcohol again and I went to rehab in a place called Ashoree in Wixford in Ireland and it wasn't a bag of roses or whatever you want to call it as you can imagine, being in a rehab facility, it was Christmas time, it was COVID, I'd fall and spectacularly and there was some really, really hard days and nights in there and we had a small TV in one of the rooms that you could go on YouTube, it was heavily censored as you can imagine and control your own rehab facility, no connection to the outside world but when I was really after having a hard day in there, I'd go in and I'd watch YouTube clips of the comeback against Barcelona in 2019, when Liverpool were 3-0 down they came back and went 4-0, then lived in the trophy, all that kind of stuff, I'd watch it in rehab and go and be inspired, you know, and be reminded of how good life could be and the good times and stuff like that. And I remember thinking, yeah, life was really good then. These were really happy things and I can't be that way again and it has been, you know. So just as a little tribute, I suppose, the podcast, he'll never hear it, but I think it's important, you know, to York and Clark and the amazing times he's brought to myself and to my family because it's been a hell of a ride and I would like to say I'm looking forward the Sunday, I'm not, I'm not because it's going to be emotional and it's hard to bring up sad emotions and to feel sadness and to, I'm not ashamed, I'll probably cry and I'm feeling on Sunday, but you look, very grateful that I get to be there. Anyway, this week's episode is about all that kind of stuff, but it's about finding your way into feeling emotions as a male, I suppose, and talking about them. My guest is Gary Robinson. Gary is a friend, I'd like to say. Gary reached out to me a couple of months ago and said he'd be interested in coming on the podcast and I thought, okay, okay, that'll be interesting. So we met up and talked about Gary's story, I didn't know anything about Gary's story. I knew Gary way back in the day I was playing youth, soccer or football, I was 17, I was playing for a club called Delasal in Waterford, I was 17 playing youth football and Gary was playing Premier Division as a, the men's, I suppose, you would call it, when you graduate from being a schoolboy to a youth to a senior football, Gary was playing Premier Division, probably the best player in the team, one of the best players, that's, I loosely knew Gary then, I was a kid and even though Gary's only two years older than me, it felt like a huge gap at the time. And that's really only new about Gary until recently when we started speaking about doing this and I realized that Gary's story was very inspirational, he was very brutally honest at me about what he'd been and where he'd ended up and he's very brutally honest again in this chat. Gary, Gary, I suppose as a younger man, a young boy, show great promise in sport, thought maybe he'd be professional sportsman, whether it be a soccer player or whatever, didn't happen for him and then his life became, go to work, get your age packet, go drink it and that's how he lived his life as he taught me and it tells me in this interview. And he taught that's what life was going to be about until I suppose depression caught up with him. Disappointment of what life possibly could have been and never wise caught up with him. And he tells his story so eloquently and so honestly it's a really beautiful listen to him no longer wanting to live his life that way and deciding that he needed a change and now doing something that he loves which is I suppose being a life coach helping other people who've been where he's been. But the most important part of this chat for me and what Gary does is what this podcast originally set out to be and it's about men talking. It's about male mental health and it's about men opening up and saying there's something wrong and I need to fix it. Not being too ignorant, too proud, too pig headed. Just saying I'm not right and I'm going to get it sorted and that's really what this chat is about. Gary and that's what Gary's story is. I'm not right and I want to get it sorted and believe me everything can be sorted as long as you're still here. So listen, without any further ado, please my final guest for season three of the podcast Gary Robinson. How are you? I'm good. Thanks for having me on Tony. Welcome to the kitchen table. This has somehow become the new location. A lot of people have studios and I like to do it at the kitchen table. Perfect. Yeah. I think it's kind of like like I was just saying before I called it. This podcast is about brute honesty and it's about realness I suppose if I can be so bold as to use that statement in 2024 and like I think like if you're going to talk honestly with someone you do it over a cup of tea at your kitchen table. Yeah. So even though this is an audio podcast and not video, I feel like it adds to it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So what's going on? Oh, good. Well, I started I suppose if we want for those who don't normally. Yeah, let's get into a bit of background. So right now at this moment, I'm I'm I'll call me what you want to mentor a coach, a lifestyle coach, a mindset coach, mental health coach, whatever it is, I basically help people who are feeling like shit. Yeah. And that's it. And I kind of do four or ten week program dependent on how in the whole bad it is. But if we rewind, I suppose to my younger days, Steven Street, I went to school, loved it very much. Actually, I was invited back last week to for her to treat compared to Steven Street school. We didn't give the six class a talk. Okay. And Son was in there. Wow. Yeah. So just for people because we've a lot we've a big international relationship in the state and stuff like that. So Steven Street is in order for city in Ireland. I will give the intro to this and I'll say that we're both from order for it here in Ireland, though, like on a soft Steven Street is a primary school. Yeah. So in America, it will be first grade to six grade. Yes. Yes. Yes. In England, I have no idea. Yeah. But you get one point. Yeah. Four to eleven. Four to twelve. Yeah. Twelve. There's a couple of twelve and one or two tortinos, but tortinos would be to call off. Right. Okay. Before you go to the second grade school. So I went in there. Actually, it brings me an anglacy to the point. I went in there to give a talk about, I suppose my own business and how the school has changed. Right. You know, and how I transitioned into second year. But I loved, loved primary school. Right. I just, it was, maybe something to do with sport. I was very talented at sport and stuff. But the teachers just leave me way more. Yeah. Of course. No homework standards. Sure. I was training. You know what I mean? But we were, I was there given a talk. And my son was in the class. I was, I was a very proud mom to get to go in and give a talk about kind of mental health and how you feel to a lot of twelve year olds, basically. Yeah. You need to be careful what you're saying. But the teacher of my son is called Mr. Mars. And his dad taught me in the same year, nearly 20, I'd say, what was 20? His father taught you. Three years ago. Yeah. Wow. His father taught me. So Mr. Mars as well. He went down to be the principal of Steven's. Right. Okay. So what he showed a picture of us when we made our confirmation because the Lazarus just after making what year did you make a confirmation? Ninety five. Right. So, so we're going to have a picture of where we're at. Yeah. Nineteen ninety four. Yeah. A long time ago, right? Yeah. But it was funny because my son's teacher at the time said, see that picture. Yeah. Gary said, yeah, my dad was on about three hours sleep every night because I was about two or three years of age and I never said, but you would have never known from the teacher because you're so nice. Wow. And you just never know. And when I was talking to the lads, I did ask them at the end of it. I said, can you do one thing for me? I said, if you haven't listened to anything, I said, can you all look at each other? So I made them turn around and look at each other and look at all our friends and maybe look at people they didn't, they didn't like you. Yeah. Yeah. And I said, can you just be nice and just be going to each other? Because nobody knows what you're going through. You don't know what the person next door to you is going through what he's been through an hour ago, what he's been through a week ago, what he's been through last year. Yeah. And they all looked at me and go, oh, no one talks about you. No one knows. So there could be kids in there with anxiety. And it's getting from that age, showing it's getting from that age, you know, like 13 up to whatever does kids suffer in anxiety. Lot of people stay with phones, but that's that's a whole not our podcast, right? But I gave the talk on, yeah, kind of mental health. And you know, you have a choice. You have a choice. What way you want to feel when you put your two feet on floor when you get off from bed in the morning, right? Yeah. So that was the thought in Steven Street. So I left Steven Street and went into secondary school at about 13 and didn't like it at all. Yeah. Didn't like it at all. And only far sport sports would be the major impact of my life. So you go to tell us our college, you know, we went to the same school. That's where we get up. Yeah. So we went there and didn't like it at all. I don't know where it was. It was just so big and just dark or whatever it was. Yeah. Again, to give a bit of context for the listener, not from where we're from, like, it's a massive, massive, massive building. It's joy. It's, I don't even know how to, it's like an old, I don't, it's an old college. I think the first X-ray in Ireland was taken there. A lot of history in that building. Something like a Harry Potter. Yeah. That would, that would actually be a really good way. And then they, then they built on again, probably before you and me got there. And then when we were there, they were building again. It's, it's absolutely gigantic. So when I left, yeah, when we left, I'd say Tony, they built an order of big extension on it again. Did they? So they have a new work. I know, I, I started in Delosal in secondary school in 97. Yeah, 97 I went to, yeah, September 97. So they were building when I was there. But it's just, but anyway, it's a very intimidating place for a bit behind. It is. And I think that's what kind of, because I didn't have much confidence, even though I was, I was talented at different sports. And it's only now I'm realizing how talented I was, but I never kind of worked hard enough because the talent was there. So that kind of, I don't know, spoiling to have been a lack of confidence, I suppose, in my own ability to deal certain things. And school, I don't know, I had a few friends in there, like, well, lots of sport friends, but not friends you could kind of chat to like, you know, just a bit. So what sports did you play in school then? So soccer was a big part of my life and squash was not a big part of my life. So they were the two main sports. And then I was just good at GAA as well, just from the handley coordination all that. So I would have went to represent school in Ireland and I got an Irish cap out of it, which is a really real moment for me. And I brought that into the Steven Street Lads, just to explain to him that I wouldn't God. this without this school leader. Okay, so to transition into Stephen Street into primary then into the secondary like it wouldn't have happened because I was so happy in primary and I suppose that's where I got really good at talk because I really enjoyed it. Okay, so going into secondary then I was still good at it but like I could have enjoyed it a lot more and I don't know whether that had to do at the school or the teaching or whatever it was. Yeah, the confidence was a bit of an issue with me Tony and no one would have guessed it. Yeah, it's a funny thing listening to that because I'm the opposite. I hated primary school. Right, I hated it. Really and I still even I was talking I did a thing last night and I was talking about like I absolutely hated it. I was a year year are more younger than all the rest of the lads. Yeah, I had turned four about three weeks before I started school so that's a baby like yeah, they more or sent me to school and all the rest of the lads I was probably I don't know how much younger but a lot younger and everyone else and it wasn't until I went to transition year. Right. At 15 that I kind of started growing into myself, realizing what I liked, what I was about and from four, 15, six years I absolutely loved being in school and I hated everything else so it's kind of the opposite. Yeah, which is interesting. Yeah, I don't know what it was as well when I was playing soccer and that I kind of got knocked a few times on different trails and stuff and I went for a week's trail and in Portsmouth at the time as well in secondary school and I was supposed to be going back there but I never got a call back and all these little things knock your confidence. Now that's something I'm glad you brought up because I've had a couple of ex-professional footballers and stuff boxers on the podcast because I'm really interested in the athlete mindset, especially the weight level and how you go from being a big fish in a small pond to over there and there's a hundred of you. Yeah. Like what's it like to be say what weight were 15 or 16 when you went over? 16. Yeah, so you go over 16, you're obviously have to get in-capped for Oren schools, you're clearly excelling as a young athlete and you think maybe I can make a career out of this and when you don't get the call back what's that like at that age? It's a weird feeling because when I went over there and it was a week after I didn't take to me two-kindly at all and I think I was even just a thing back then like an Irish lad coming over trying to take me spot and I got kicked around the place for a week and you couldn't but back then you could go in the troll attack or a troll challenge and you know get up and you're all right but I wasn't like I was feeling them but I still don't well and I played to my best ability. I've supposed to get a call back but it never came. I think Portman went bust at the time I went into receipt. Oh wow, okay. So it was like the whole and usually when you're when you get one you get an order. Yeah and a couple of mates who have to get in different trolls like Darrymorphine stuff after getting loads of different trolls. Few other people that I knew as the others with my next. Yeah, yeah and they never came. Try how could it not be? It's the same. It's less an limited age role man and I see all their comedians and stuff a lot of actors getting power. Well, hang on there. Where's mine? Yeah. So it that doesn't change so but like at least I'd like to think at this age I have the ability to go well I didn't get this one but I got this one. Right. Or I have this coming up. Yeah, yeah. Whereas when you're 15, 16 and especially at that age you're kind of going well there's Guy Robinson, the footballer. Yeah. You know when it becomes almost your identity at that age. Yeah. So I can completely understand how your head can start looking at Darryl or people like that. Yeah, and it does and then like that was 50 years. So then it's six years in a coil and then you're kind of wondering well I didn't want to do anything else only only this. So what now and that's where I kind of get it and get on school because everyone had a few plans after college. I didn't. I went straight into a factory and that's when I look back on it now that's where I kind of what started right. So there was no real plan. That doesn't have to be a plan either Tony. But yeah, you kind of have to enjoy what you're wanting to do next. So Bosch and Lam was after school. I don't really even I didn't want to be parents like they convinced me to do it because I was never in school from built 5th, 6th, 6th, I was always off messing on a dog or whatever. So that was just same. Yeah, one of the things. So I went basically from a secondary into Bosch and Lam factory and wardford that employed over 1100 people at the time and it was three shifts and I was 18 and coming out of school with straight like I last let's say two months I just deployed and back I was trading on stupid wages for an 18 year. Yeah, well go through that for us because like three shifts right. We all know what that is. We come from wardford to city that has a lot of factories and especially as always had. So we know what that is. But I've said that to people from outside of like I'll play some island and they don't know what it is. Yeah, so explain to us what what three shifts is. So three shifts is a cycle of like so you do a day shift which would be eight to four. You do an evening shift then the following week which you go in at four o'clock in the evening to 12 o'clock in the night. And then the following week then again you go in you do a night shift which is 12 o'clock in the night until eight o'clock in the morning. Oh my god. Right. At 18. At 18 yet. And I loved. Okay. Because the money it was money for Jan you could actually go in Tony. You could go in and you're going out clothes as such. And you weren't getting dirty or any kind because they're just inspecting contact lenses. Right. That's a twin pair of jeans short t-shirt and you could literally go over after. Wow. And that's what I spent a lot of my time doing to be honest. Okay. I've met my wife now at 16. So we were still living at home at 18. And by the time it was 21 I had my own house. Yeah. So we moved very like right now. Okay. So a lot of power to you. A lot of a lot of drink kind of the career the soccer career was over you know at 16. 17. So like you're finished then like you know. Yeah. And so basically I just like go with that and just decide that this is it. This is what I'm going to be doing now for the rest of my life. I wasn't overly happy about it. But I never really taught long term. Okay. Jesus when I get to 34 what way I'd be feeling about this. Okay. So never taught that far ahead because things were good with my girlfriend at the time we had our house. Everything was. Celtic toy gun. Everything was great. There was money everywhere. Yeah. And what's going for a loan. How much do you want? Like it wasn't can I have this much? Yeah. You can have anything you want. Crazy. So that happened like so I spent nine years nearly ten years in Barcelona. Okay. So I did it left at about 38 to basically get a day job right. So a day job in a warehouse. So I wanted to offer the tree shifts because it was tough going. And then we were fat. Easy when 18. Oh yeah. But when you're at 38 it's not great. Oh it's tough. And some people love it. Right. Great friends out there and still are friends with them today. So bought me a wife at home when Illinois and she was at home on four to 12 so she was finishing at five o'clock. So we wouldn't see each other for about two weeks. All right. So eight to four you would you get the deal tickets and then I find on the weekends I was missing stuff. I still playing soccer with the local soccer club. Yeah. But I'm very tired playing it. Going in on nights after playing at 10 o'clock no more and not going back to bed. Like it's a crazy lifestyle. So you're 38. This is what we're talking about. Yeah. I mean 28 leave in Barcelona. Okay. But you're still playing. Okay. Yeah. Sorry because I was going to say we're still playing soccer. I talked to you. Yeah. Still no. I'm actually playing now. We get to that later. I'm still I went back playing last season. No because you're making me jealous because I had to give up playing. I was 28. Right. And every year I think every single year I go I go back playing. Yeah. I got to play. I'm when I was getting to 35 I went I'd play four division. Yes. I'd be able because my ankles went my knees went and my hips. I can't everything. So I remember saying I go back playing four division when it turned 35. And I was in rehab. Which is obviously I've told the story. But I was in rehab. Christmas 2020 when I was 35 and I was in good shape and I was alright. When I get out of here I'm going to go back train and when Covid lifts and I'm definitely going to play four division when I'm 36. I was in rehab doing a circuit training that they just you know obviously it's very light. Right. Tour me MCL doing a squat again. I can't do anything. I was there walking the dog this morning in the in the beach here and I walked on a rocky surface and went over on the ankle. I can't do anything. So listen to you saying you're still playing ball or whatever. I had to just stop you there and go I absolutely hate it because it's for you. I don't handle equal ordinances. It's nothing. It's new gunpool but that's it. Anyway. So look your your it's because you're working in a factory your wife your shifts are crossing over and you're kind of nailed all of a sudden starting to realize we'll hang on now. Yeah. And my waist and loyfe would I be right and saying that. Yeah. Yeah. And it was if we go back a few years as the two tails and eight I got married. Okay. Um two tails and eight I got married yet and I got married being like obese. So I weighed in at 17 and a half stone. What? Yeah. Crazy. Go away. Yeah. I don't a lot of drinking don't you. Back then. Seventeen and a half stone. Yeah. It was yeah. Seventeen and how and how I know that is because when I was getting married on the day I was getting married so we all went up to the parents else you know where the groomsman and all that. Yeah. Had a and it'll throw you up or I'll have you a glass of champagne for George. I was getting dressed and there was a weigh-in scales there and I jumped on the weigh-in scales like and I saw it. And what I think to do right before I get married. We're a suit right you know I'll add but it didn't it didn't really bother me at the time. Seventeen I'm going to do this for I want to put an interpounds for what was. Oh Jesus. Pounds. 238 pounds or too far. He said that. Yeah. I can't believe that. Yeah. Yeah. You'd never you wouldn't you wouldn't have known because I'm a big fell anyway. Of course. Big legs and stuff like that. So it was but when I looked back on pitch as me face like was swollen. Okay. Big belly army like you know. So you're you must have been doing a lot of drinking. Yeah. So you're still playing sport. Yeah. I was still playing sport but not playing it very well. Yeah. Of course but still my point is you're able to exercise and when you're training like it's obviously. No. No. You were just ton of up for matches. No fucking. It's not training and really drinking probably would have started on the Wednesday and this was the thing when we were walking in shifts so we had them. I changed from the tree shift pattern to another tree shift so it could be within at six o'clock in the morning, two o'clock in the evening, but then it was two o'clock in the evening, the 10 o'clock in the night, the following weekend. So you could go out at 10 o'clock, right? So yeah, finished kind of, you get ready, you're in timber, quarter past ten and I might happen Wednesday, Thursday, all of a sudden it's Friday, it's just the weekend, then it's Saturday, it's been all day on it's Saturday and you had to recover, Sunday you go for a cure. I'm just going to take a brief pause here to remind everyone about our wonderful sponsor, fettle.ie. Life's challenges can sometimes be a bit much and we all deserve a support of ear when we need it. As Ireland's premier online therapy platform, Fettle offers professional assistance for a range of conditions right from the comfort of your own home. If you've ever considered therapy or just need someone to talk to, now is your chance. For our listeners, there's a special offer. Use the promo code pod 10, that's POD 10 and get 10 euro off your very first session at fettle.ie. Remember, it's okay to seek support. Check out fettle.ie and take that first step towards mental wellness. Now, let's get back to the podcast. So it sounds like, and you won't mind me saying alcohol was it was a big factor in your life. It was. You were living to drink basic. Yeah, I was and yeah, I was living the good life as they say, which is full of shit. Yeah, because there's nothing good becomes of drinking that amount of alcohol, but before a couple of years before, I talked about ruptured migraine on holidays and that's what kind of on holidays jumped into a freezing cold pool and status women and bank gone. And I didn't go to talk there and didn't bother just kept on drinking just to give it a pain. So that happened. I never got it looked at until a few years later. So all these factors that, you know, do I just do I have a negative very negative impact on my life at the time. So we got married, came back, decided to deal something, built a way, came back off the honeymoon. And so it took me about nine months, lost a shitload of weight, got down to 13, half tons, last four. So we're just watching we do it cotton, the alcohol and come for walks at the time, not running, playing one or two game against the ball, if I could cut me grind was just. Yeah, so that was that yeah. So I went from Bosch and Lam to a day job in the warehouse after age, after nine years, I would say. And thought then this was it, right, this is this is, you know, that's grand. I didn't like the tree shifts anymore. So I get a day job and everything will be rosy until there wasn't. Okay. No, that's six years on a day job, too. Grand grade may have some great friends still. I mean, you say it wasn't. What do you mean? It wasn't what I wanted to do. Okay. So Bosch and Lam was never what I wanted to do. Going to work in various, even though I had a good job in there and like I cleaned the ladder as I say, but there was only so far you could get it's good at my job. And it's still wasn't what I wanted to do. Yeah. So how was it affecting you mentally when you're doing this then? What were you feeling? You're trying to go down your drinking? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the drink was gone. I had kind of fixed me grind. So I started doing triathlon and stuff and swimming, which when I stopped playing the soccer at about 27, 28 at the time because of me grind, just you saw from the injury. So the swim and helped, the triathlon's helped. But like everything then, it was like, if I didn't want to do something, I'm going to do it a hundred percent. So I went mad in to deal with triathlon. And I kind of, when I look back at a Tony, the sport was taken away from the career as such. So when I was doing sport, even if I didn't like where I was working, I kind of subsidized it. Do you know what I mean? Just grand, I'm training. Still not looking into the future when you kind of have to stop training. Almost replaced the alcohol for training then. So I replaced the alcohol for training. That's what I don't. And I decided to take up a new sport in triathlon and so the job was grand then. But to get back to your point, I still wasn't 100% present in there. So it was, yeah, do me a job. Okay. That's grand. You know, I go home and I deal with whatever it is they want. That's grand. Yeah. I get home, the wife and then I just go train again, I'll re-go away with what we do with something. Yeah. So yeah, to be present, I suppose in your job says a lot. So I wasn't really doing it. So I was kind of doing that 80, 80% to know enough fully committing to it. So that I stayed in that job for about six or seven years, I think. And the same kind of thing again, this is not what I want to do. So I left there for, um, to get it to start work and WIT at the time. So the CTU nail. So, um, done that for two years. What were you doing now? I was in the 10th and there like a portrait. Okay. So helping the portrait, you would mean clean up, don't you? Okay. But it was the handiest job I ever done. Okay. Okay. The grandad used to do that actually back in the day. Yeah. So it was there. And then this was another like, this is what I do. Because there's a big pension and I'm ever going to let go, you know, everything is rosy. It's eight to four or whatever that is and the wife was working in there as well. So sure, this is great. What is your wife do, by the way? So she was in the international. She works in a CTU. Okay. She's there now about 20 years. Dealing with the international students. Yes. So she's, um, doing the registry now. Right. Because you can transfer into different jobs, which is great out there. Okay. So what I tried to do that I never intended to be an intended out there, but whatever, um, I could not apply for any jobs. They don't WIT admin jobs. So that's what I kind of wanted to do. Okay. What I thought I wanted to do, right? Yeah. But, uh, turns out I couldn't do any of that because I was kind of support staff. So that's the two years in that and moved on again. Right. To, um, if I'm not a pharmaceutical company. Okay. Not a factory. So this is when it was kind of starting to, uh, the mental health comes into us. Yeah. And the not feel well. And to go back to what you're saying, how are you feeling? Yeah. So it kind of started if I'm honest from WIT. Okay. I look back at it. And how long ago was that? Oh, that was what I mean, I thought the thirty five, thirty four, thirty four, right? So before COVID, and all that. Yeah. Before I go over. So it sounds to me. And this is only from listening to your story, like as if you were searching for something, and all of that. Yeah. You were looking to fill the guard hole as we say in recovery with something. Yeah. And there was nothing like you would have never guessed it when I was working in WIT that WIT that I was, um, soft from mental health issues. Because I had a great poker face, right? Right. So everything grand yet. And I don't, we wouldn't, as well. I don't know is it as main? I don't talk about what we feel like. Of course it's as main. That's what the podcast is about. I don't get on with it. But, um, so even when we asked her, she's very supportive of me. Uh, she kind of noticed me move droppin or whatever that is. You okay? Yeah. Grant, not to worry about it. So that went on and on and on, like for three or four years, I'd say. Just saying your grand, but not being grand. But I wasn't fucking grand. Yeah. And this is the thing. And so when, when you don't talk about a Tony, Dan, it's spoils. Dan, you're in trouble. Yeah. Because, well, three years of feeling like that and opening your mouth is, I mean, that's the very definition of what they talk about with me. And isn't it? Yeah. Well, my way is your head. Tell me what, like for three, like, what are the thoughts? What are the feelings? Just, as I say, I said it earlier, like not being present. Right. That's a, that's a huge thing. I have our first song. He was about two or three years of age. And I wasn't present. Although I love them to bits. And I was in the world at the times of life. But it's, you're still missing something. And from the outside on, everyone is looking at you and saying, he's some life. Love the house, beautiful life, lovely child. And to me, it was like, well, that's not enough. Like, yeah, something I need more. Something I haven't done. Yeah. I'm searching for something. Yeah. And I can't find it. Don't even know what it is. Right? So it was a hard place to be because you're forever thinking to yourself, then, what are you doing here? Yeah. Like, what's, what's the story? What are you doing? And I couldn't answer even. You know, I just couldn't answer. So I left WT then, after two years, I left for another pharmacy hospital last at six months there. And I remember, Tony, there was times what I would have been like crying myself to sleep, like sobbing. And we both wouldn't even know it. Like, you know what I mean? She copped at a couple of times, saying, you're alright. And over there, yeah, grand, like, and that, when she kept asking me then, it's like, I don't want to talk there anymore. So she actually didn't know what to do with me then. And at any point, did you go to a doctor and say, like, well, I'm crying myself to sleep. I'm so bad. Eventually. Okay. Eventually. Eventually. But I'm so stubborn as well that I tell it like, oh, I don't need to go to the doctor. Jesus Christ. So I remember ringing with a car park, crying as well. I can't go into work. I see the car you need to come home. I don't know what to do. Like, so I'd go back in to work, or whatever. I'm able to ring in sick the next morning. I remember driving in to a farm studio with a company, I got a job before parking in the car park, ringing my bathroom. So I'm sick, I won't be in a drove vehicle. And you were sitting in the car park? Sitting in the car park about the clock and I couldn't. It was like a, like a black cloud over here. That's what I was like. And you would, you would get this. Yeah. I think a lot of people would. Yeah. And it's like, so drove home, had a cup of tea, grand. The child was in daycare, seldom was in work. Nobody really knew. I was just sitting having a cup of tea. Just fucking wondering what the fuck was going on. And I don't that far away. Like, I don't that far away, way too long. And I remember one day, this is at the point where Selma and my wife started to get worried. Naturally, I'm fucking obsessed. And what else is there? So she, she don't want thing. I never wanted to do it. But it actually helped me. She rang me parents. Yeah. So my dad, and I, we wouldn't talk where we wouldn't say we love each other. All right. And my dad, it's. Yeah. You're not very father and son. Yeah. Exactly. Right. But we do. Right. There's no worse to nothing. We won't deal with each other. But there was a knock and an upset to me, even they will think about it. Right. There's a knock on the door. Now, certainly not having a cup of tea. Don't know what I was doing. And "Okay, knock on door, I thought it was a postman." I said, "What the fuck's that?" And you know when you're at low, you're like, "Yeah, I do." That was my father like. I said, "What the fuck, what's he doing?" He never calls, like, great, 'cause I'd be at work anyway. So he called in and he said, "Well, what are you doing?" Selma's talking, I knew, damn, like she was out there. - Saying about that. - She couldn't help me. She didn't know how to, wasn't her father at all. Nobody who could help me don't, actually. To us, nobody could, especially in my family, I just didn't want to talk about it. So Ed Farrer came in, we had a chat. And he said something, which I didn't like, which was his way to deal with things as well, like he said, "You just gotta get on with it." And I said, "Oh, fuck, I have been doing that, like." - This is what I have been doing, but it wasn't his fault. Because I've never talked about it to him, right? So that's, that's, he helped me to understand. - And also just to interject as well, not only that, but your dad, my dad, me, you, by the way, didn't have fellas like me and you or anyone coming into school when you're in 11 or 12, going, "Lads, be nice to each other." - There was none at all. - It was just getting on with us. - Yeah, there was none at all. And five brothers, yes. So he could imagine five brothers one sister. So that, he was old. And that small one, he was some Philips tree, they grew up in. So it was much like a doggy dog war. - Of course. - There's nobody, they're all made. There's nobody to talk about anything. So 100% to us, but it struck a chord with me. And it was there, "Well, I can't just get on with it." Because that's all I've been trying to deal. So look, we had a chat and I remember the two of us were had two years in our eyes and that and we didn't know how to deal. So we're going out of chat and say, "Look, I'll try to swap myself out." But I didn't really. I just kind of wanted them to go. - Of course. Yeah, look listen, it's no difference. From what I'm hearing, it's no different than anyone I know myself included who was in active addiction. - Yes. - Wherever you were drugs or like, "Oh, they're both." But yours seems to have just been the misery of the depression. - Yeah. - That you were almost wallowing in, if you like. - Yeah. - Was there ever a point where you're like, "I don't want to be here anymore?" - And I thought, it didn't get that far from me because I don't know what it was. There's resilience there within me. So I was always going to try to fit myself just at what point did I? - Yeah. - Like, am I going to lead get like, answer a question, I suppose. Am I going to let it get so bad that I might be thinking about it so I don't know. It never came to that. - Yeah. - Because I suppose, I'm going to bring me parents on my parent call and over. And he did. He called over, I suppose, and it still upsets me. Of course. - He called over when I needed it most. And that's, it's even harder to overcome. - Of course, I get upset. - And like, listen, this is again, and it's a coincidence we're having this conversation today because I had it last night with a thing I was asked to do as I was telling you. And I asked these people who asked me to talk to him. I was like, "Why did you ask me?" And they said, "Well, from here in your story before, the reason why you're here is because you got help. You had support." - Yeah. - And it's the same thing that you're telling me right now. - Yeah. - And that's what a lot of people need to hear because I think when some of us feel the way you were feeling, the way I was feeling, all you want is for someone to tell you they care and that it's going to be all right. - That's it. - They want you to be well. - Yeah, and when the knock was at the door, it was like, as I said, I was sorry, it was like the postman but it wasn't. And I was kind of, I was, I was happy and I wasn't happy that it was him. So he could kind of see what I was at. He could see I wasn't in work for no reason. Like, I was just sitting at home. So that was kind of the turning point, I suppose. When the wife, when my wife realized that, okay, I can't really help him. So as much as she wanted to, she did help me. Right, she helped by calling someone else. - There you go. - The person that I, at least expected to turn up the door, turned up the door. So I went from there. So the sister rang me then because they would have contacted me. So I only have one sister. So two of us, and she sent me a message and then rang me. So she said, "Can I take it to the doctor?" And this way the doctor comes in, right? So this day, I didn't happen straight away. Took a few weeks. That's what I was just being stubborn, right? - Of course, yeah. - And after the kind of cry I had, when my father went, I kind of felt all right again, but I wasn't. So took me to the doctor and I'd say about three weeks after my dad called over. And I remember going into the doctor and he's a young doctor and he said, "You're all right." And I didn't even answer. I just started crying and writing. For 20 minutes started. He didn't, we didn't say a word each other. He said, "Will you come back and see me?" I said, "I will." And my sister was waiting. I saw it because my wife was in work and the child was in a chair wherever he was. And I felt better, right? Just when I'd even talked, I just opened it up and just, the floodgates, I hope. And right, he said, "We'll call back." And I called back a few days later. I said, "How are you getting on?" I said, "No, I'm not saying anything." I couldn't believe I taught him after I deal with it 'cause I just broke there on the front of him. And I don't understand again. So obviously, yeah, just started crying. - Yeah. - And it was a bit short at this time, right? - What did he do? - It lasted long. But he said, "Okay, what do you want to do?" And I said, "I don't know how strong I am." I said, "Look, you're oppressed." I said, "And would you like to try certain tablets and stuff?" And I said, "No." And he said, "Why not?" I said, "Because of me personality, when I do something, I'll deal with 100 percent." And he said, "But we can win you off him." And I said, "I don't want to do that because, if I'm feeling good on him, how are you gonna get me not feel?" Like, "Yeah, come off him." I still want that kind of feeling. I have to sort this on my own. So he gave me the prescription. I went to the room about three or four times. Every time he gave me the prescription, like, "Look, he's controlling." And I just walked out and I fucked him in the bin. - These are anti-depressants in the room and there. - It's just true in the bin. Every time, like, four times, believe it or not. And I said, "I need to find some way to fix myself when I wish the tablets, our tablets." Now, it's far some people, it's not for others. - Yeah, absolutely. - And it works for some people. And I know people who aren't and they couldn't leave without me, and they love each other. - And my love it, but that's just. - There's some of my own experience while I've been on and off, and I haven't been on anything for years. But when I had, you know, websites that I've been in rehab, when I had that slip in 2020 when I went back to drinking and using and stuff like that, I went on an anti-anxoid, anti-depressant thing, just as we call it with my doctor, the steady-dyship. - Yes. - I went down for a bit of month before I went into rehab. The month I was in rehab, the month I got out, and I came off. Just the steady-dyship, and it worked. - Yeah, brilliant. And that's what he said. But I wasn't just convinced to work for me. - That's fair enough. - So I didn't want to go down that road, just in case it didn't work, right? - Right. - And so I went looking for alternative medicine as they call it, and I started searching on Google and all that stuff, and I found my own mentor, which had been true at all as well. A lot of drugs, alcohol, depression, you name it. And I reached out to him online, and would you believe it on you? I reached out to him by saying, "I want to lose a bit of weight, would you be able to help me?" - Oh, you didn't want to tell him that you had mental health issues. - I still, I find that now even my own practices, like people would come if I weight loss rather than, 'cause they don't want to say it straight away, until you get to know him. So I don't have a lot of work with him, and I don't, everything he said, and more, I just kept on, but he was telling me to deal, I don't have a lot of all mindset work time. - Okay. - Positive habits get rid of all the negative shit, like he actually convinced me that I wasn't impressed. He said, "Maybe I'm not impressed." So I started thinking about it a bit differently. And maybe I was just going through a low mood, he said, "Maybe I was just in a low fuckin' mood." I said, "Maybe I right, like," and he said, "Just do what I'm telling you "for the next source, a 12 week program." And within six or seven weeks, my life basically doesn't flip on a tail. And that's the power of your mind, right? And I can't stress that enough, and that's where I set it to kick some back in Steven Street. You have the power in the morning when you put your two feet on the ground to wake up and decide what way you want to feed it to fact, right? And that's it, and when he told me that, it was like, "I still didn't believe him." I started doing the work anyway, and I started working. Gratitude was a big thing. - One hundred percent. - Gratitude. I was grateful for putting on my socks. - Yeah. - Put on my runners. We grew up with a wife in the house I had, my kids at the time, like, it was a major torn in mind. - Do you physically do a gratitude list or not? - Yeah, and I do, if I ever feel a bit curious, I'll just get a pen paper, I'll just toss. - Yeah? - I do, it does. - Yeah, it disappears like, and might disappear now straight away, you know what I mean? But by the end of the day, you look at that list again, and then you wake up in the morning and you'll feel a hundred times better. And I get people to do that, still who I coach, to this day, a pen and paper. Like, think in ink as a good friend of mine who's to say, right? And it's powerful because when we write it down on Tony, it's like, there's 99 problems could be in your head, and you could get rid of 98 of straight away. And just one, you might have to tackle a bit differently. And it really calms the nervous system. - It does, yeah. - Right? So, if I would say he was huge power to my life, right? And still good friends who know he's living with him all the time, we often have Zoom calls. And he came over there a few weeks ago, we saw him, and we all made up and played soccer. - Lovely. - But he was a huge factor in my life. And within the seven weeks, he said, "Gar, did you think about what you want to do?" Because we still haven't got that, right? And after turning around what I was going through the last three years, to turn it dead into like, "Geez, I feel amazing." And like, "Oh, this is what I want to do. "I want to help people who are struggling like me." And I want to help them overcome it too. And he said, "That's what you're doing, honey." And I said, "What do you mean, that's what I'm doing?" He said, "You're going to do that." And I said, "Sure, I can't. "I have more of what you're doing. "I mean, I'm in another factory now. "I can't leave that to pay the bills." He said, "You can still stay there, but you can see it all. up your own practice and start doing a power time. I said I don't know when he said well he said if you don't do what he said what way you feel when you are sixty five or seventy years of age and he said I'll regret it. So he said well we don't live with regrets he said so go do it and he pushed me now so this is that's still four or five weeks to go within the program so it's a turn from helping me mental health into running my own business within four weeks like and there was a redundancy going within a honeymail era space where I was where I had left the horror fantasy musical which we skipped but I left that after six months to take a power time job in honeymail era suppose it's been two years there they were given redundancy took the redundancy only a small redundancy I took it anyway and decided to open up my own business in the middle of the pandemic right and that's that's where I started and I suppose to go back till you did you ever know what you wanted to do I didn't know what I wanted to do until about four years ago right like thirty seven right isn't that mad yeah well so to anyone even to anyone listen you don't necessarily know what you have to do but I would say like that you need to enjoy watching yeah right which is major yeah well the biggest thing I heard there was your three years are more under this cloud of depression or low mood or whatever you want to call it trying to find everything you could to fill it and when you found the right thing for you yeah it only took you seven weeks to turn it around yeah so three years yeah in a hole yeah seven weeks it's it's crazy when you think but I actually don't treat I try to train myself out of being depressed that didn't go too well right so just let the boring out but I couldn't I was talking to a very good friend of mine last night actually we're we're moving from tremor into town and we're just standing there talking at the car and he said to me because we both play squash and he said I can pinpoint it he said I used to train on the court for forty to fifteen minutes absolutely destroyed couldn't walk anymore feeling great into the dress room take off the runners bang cloud right like that's when I kind of said okay this is more than do you need to go fix this like because it's not a physical thing he can't train I say I heard this one yeah like yeah it's the mind yeah so whenever anyone comes to me although I do incorporate movement into helping people it's a lot of it's mindset yeah because Henry Ford's had a great Tony if you think he can or you think he can't guess what you're actually you're right and it's so so true the gratitude list thing for me is is huge as well there was a we don't do everyday nail but last year in particular and I was finding myself in a bit of a rush I wasn't sure we hadn't got the deal for the horror to come out in the cinemas and stuff yeah I didn't know what was going to happen and it was a kind of a moment where I remember jargon actually around the park in in order for it was going maybe no one will ever see this film yeah there's been so much hype about it yeah but maybe it maybe nothing will happen now and I can't handle that right and I spoke to a few people I know were in recovery with me and they like to deal gratitude list I was like oh that's come on please yeah so what I started to do was um I started a few of us all didn't know more we got woke up what are my intentions for today yeah what am I going to do today what do I want just from today and it could be as simple as I'm going to walk the dog and I'm going to come home and record this podcast of Gary yeah that's my intention today right but what are one of the 10 things I'm grateful for and then we would send them to each other and we'd have to be countable to each other yeah and we didn't like what you said we didn't and I also had a notebook where I would write it into that as well yeah and within a couple of weeks it had all changed and everything came together and everything was all right yeah but I don't I I could be wrong but I genuinely don't think I think without doing that exercise and change in that mindset I don't think things would have came together to get it genuinely yeah yeah no they don't and I I can I have them so what my um coach I'm into at the time used to get me to do was write out like it's a your perfect day right right out you're leaving it in the whatever it is you're leaving it but it's in it's in the future right and it just changes your like talk process straight away so I had it on you can send me we're in a clean out the attic we found pages and pages that I used to read to myself every night and every morning I kept on reading stuff so I had them I think honored that I'm saying I know helping people overcome weight loss and depression or anxiety whatever that is I am talking to a client who are going for a walk in the park and literally like that came through within seven to eight weeks like you know when you go back and read that it's like that's powerful it's very powerful yeah now there's one thing Tony about doing the perfect day and doing your bad shit but you have to act on him too like it's like I want to win lottery but you don't go by take yeah you have to you have to put in the work yeah you do like and it's constant like I know you've even my business open three years now we're nearly four and some days I talked to you before we started this podcast a some days I didn't want to do it anymore but you need to keep going right because if you do something else will happen and something bigger will happen again but keep believing in yourself and keep keep going it's the be consistent yeah and I think like I've been very negative in the past yeah and I listen to things like this or read things and they go that's easy for them to say no but it's having sat here now on the other side of us yeah you know I haven't had my piece of success and all that kind of stuff it's real yeah it's real and I used to think oh I've been doing this for a week now I've been doing this for a month now and it's not happening yeah but it's it really isn't like that and I might have been doing those things by the way but not leaving me room playing the play station all day yeah yeah letting people know sneakily drinking whatever I was doing yeah notness changing yeah but I want no chasing yes you have to go actively seek it right yeah and as that was a big thing I got from up not my own business so I went on social media and that's that was tough in itself for the first two years because you're you're getting out there and you're putting your face out there and you're trying to tell the truth you're trying to tell your own story and you know people even relations friends they never even say Jesus well done are you know you're doing great or whatever that is they'll watch but they won't ever comment they won't ever like they won't ever do that and they won't ever like say well done and that was a hard thing to for me to deal with because I'm the kind of person you've got doing well I tell you yeah like I think it's is it worth it it's just I don't know what I do I don't know is it just a people thing I don't know because the other thing the other part of that is when you're starting out and trying to deal with there'll be the people who will watch or won't say well done but then when you get there yeah those people will all say well done and there'll be a new code of people who'll start not telling you when you're getting so like what I learned is what other people think is none of my business yeah and you must see that right even the success with the holder and being in the American and all that stuff like you must get you must have got that a lot but that's what I'm saying it it's either you'll there's the from my own experience yeah there's the people who when you're trying won't help or won't give you a part in the back yeah then they turn into the people who are your biggest supporters when you get there yeah yeah and then there's other people who are maybe supporting you are not even much when you're trying and then when you get there it's radio silence but you can see that they're watching every yeah but and you hit the nail it is really none of your business no because how many even when I'm on so how many stuff do I score across what else like like you know yeah it's impossible to do at all yeah of course but that was that was hard to deal with but now it's just I don't care I'm doing it anyway and that's the thing you have to be secure in your own not only ability but your own achievements as well yeah yeah yeah and the friend of mine said that he's actually an alcoholic last night and he said to me you have to when he came out of us he said you have to just love yourself yeah that's the truth it's huge in a self image like it's huge like all all all you have is yourself yeah and and like there's I'm gonna quote from RuPaul's Drag Race the show RuPaul the famous drag queen queen the drag she ends all our shows by saying if you can't love yourself hell in the hell are you gonna love anybody else yeah and that's like that's it's simply so funny for me to be caught in a drag queen a calm you know yeah yeah but that is yeah the wisest advice you're probably ever getting your life yeah what's brilliant and I even the lads I over tell me on 10 hours he's 12 he's going in second red issue and Lewis is seven he's in Steven Street as well but like it's it's that kind of thing like you don't don't compare yourself to anyone else you compare yourself to you I just try to be better than you were yesterday if you keep doing that like that most can go around all the principles you've spoken about to me are what are you what are you learned through the various programs of AA or whatever you're in rehab or whatever that that program all the same things that I do to keep well and all the things I did to get well are all the things you're talking about just told differently yes yes exact same thing your your mentor yeah it's like a sponsor for me yes yeah the your kind of writing things down a positive mindset is the 12 steps yeah that's 12 weeks is the 12 steps it's the same exact thing yeah it's just done a different way and through depression but you versus recovery from alcohol and drugs for me yeah it's exact same thing but my point is that program whatever you want to call this works yeah I thought but you need to put in the work don't you you know the moment there's there's a thing I read there on social media like a coach won't make your face or a mentor won't make your billionaire like at some point you're going to have to do the work yourself it takes me to do it you know what I mean but it's down to you at the end of the day yeah and when when you start doing that like and being consistent and being disciplined Again, it starts to change, I can there you go, fuck yeah, this is it, this is it. Yeah, because I'm putting in the work like it's brilliant. Yeah, tell me this Gary. How can people find you on the social media? So Gary Robinson coaching Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, you name it started to take talk. My kids are showing me how to use it Okay, I can't get there. I can't get there. I love it. I scroll through it, but even a little bit of content to have on them. My own comedy videos and stuff I just don't understand. Yeah, it's not and it's just just not an avenue of being on board. It's And I have, there's a new opportunity, you know, which came to me last year, but that's the thing we're talking about. Resilience, right? And keep going even when you don't want it. So I'm on a new venture now with a new crowd. It's something similar to what I'm doing as well. But we just we do within corporate companies. So yeah, I'm looking forward to that and all good things. How your life can change if you decide to change us. There you go. Gary, thanks very much. Thanks a million Tony. All right, I'm sure you'll agree. A beautiful and honest episode and chat with Gary. Thank you very much, Gary, for coming on, delighted to have you here. And I enjoyed just a Gary company for the afternoon when we recorded that. No, so that's it. Season three of me head is wrecked with Tony Kelly is done. We're done. Now, I know you're probably thinking it would be a season four. As this recording goes out, yes, there will be a season four. We're going to take a couple of weeks off. We're going to regroup. We're going to chat to the sponsors at Fetal. Thank you. As always to them, brilliant and beautiful partnership to have for this podcast. We're going to make a plan about what next season is going to be about. And we'll be back. We'll be back soon. That's the plan as it stands. So if you're a regular listener to the podcast, a lover of the podcast, thank you. We'll be back. Don't worry because there's been people asking. So yes, that's what's going to happen. We're going to come back with a season four as things stand at the moment. So thank you all for listening. Thank you for being with me. If you've just discovered this podcast, hello, give us a follow on whatever you're listening to at the time, whether it be Apple podcasts or Spotify or whatever it is. Give us a follow. Give us a five-star review. It helps bump us up the algorithm. I really appreciate it. Our follow me head is right to Tony Kelly on Facebook are at its Tony Kelly on Instagram. It's the only place you'll find me and it's the only place you'll find the podcast. Facebook me head is right to Tony Kelly. Instagram at its Tony Kelly. And the last thing I will say is if you haven't seen the horror yet, my film that gets off the talk about on this podcast, it is now available on Apple TV to rent our boy. And hopefully when you listen to this, it will be out on prime to stream as it is coming out very soon as well. So I'm very happy with that. Very happy to report that you can see it in your own home now after the successful cinema run of six weeks. And I think that's for me, this podcast was something that kind of got me back out there and the horror is the result. So it's the best way I can leave season three is to say, you can now watch the horror in your home on Apple TV, hopefully on prime on streaming. As it isn't right now, when you listen to this, it might be it's coming. We've signed the contract with Amazon. The Google Play Store or even you can rent our boy through YouTube. What a wonderful world and an amazing technological advancement world we're living in. Until next time, until season four, I've been Tony Kelly. This is me head is right to Tony Kelly. And I will see you all soon. Good boy. Winning never sounded so good. What would you do if you won big at Crown Coins Casino, real people win real prices every single day? Hi, this is Michael from Georgia I 140K and finally renovated my home. 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