Gambling With Our Lives | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

- 100% - (mimics guitar music) - Welcome to the final episode ever of Two Bears One Cave. It was a blast while it lasted. And we're here to sign off. We thank Stavi and Chris the Stefano for taking over. We know you enjoy them and you will continue to enjoy them. - Bert, good to see you. - Good to see you. - Did you watch any of the episodes? - I watched like, I saw parts of it. - You don't watch any fucking podcasts. - That's true, but I did watch, I did watch parts of it. I started the first one, I watched about 25 minutes of it and then I would pick up little parts of the other ones. - Yeah. - Did you watch them all? - I watched everyone, I watched everyone. - Yeah, no. - Yeah, no, I watched the clips. I just know they were trashing us, telling them, at the whole time. - They were great. - Stavi's so fucking funny man. - They're both. - The Stefano is, I think Chris is fucking hysterical. I think he's one of the funniest guys alive. - I totally agree, they're both just out of this world. Charismatic, funny, I mean, they're so entertaining. Like whenever I do a podcast with them or even see them socially, it's always nonstop laughs. - Did you see Chris on hosting Kimmel? - I did, I watched his monologue, yeah. He was great. - Fantastic. - His monologue was so natural. - Yeah, he's the man, dude. So fucking funny. - What do you think the model's gonna be for saving the late night genre? - I think it's done. - You think it's done? - I don't think. Well, I mean, unless they complete, like, here's the thing. When we were kids, you know, there was 25 channels and then the late night format was the place for this comedy to see celebrities to have these conversations, like, you know, it was access to all that world. Now, you know, people follow those same people on TikTok, on Instagram, on podcasts and videos and they have access that is like more authentic and more detailed than a four minute panel conversation. Like they're just, that whole younger generation is not like, oh, I can't wait to see Sidney Sweeney on a late night show because they can like watch her engage in a more like authentic way, detailed way through all these other outlets. So I just feel like they have to, they'd have to reframe the format. - But ultimately, everything is clips. This is a really fascinating jumping off point. - They make those shows for clips. - They make them for clips. - That's what they make, yeah. - I mean, I listened to someone talk about making a TV show and I heard the guys say, are we doing this in vertical because people only watch the clips? And then I was like, did you just pitch shooting a TV show in vertical? - That's crazy. - So that you can get the clips? I mean, honestly, I mean, everything's just clips, kids only watch clips. And so, and what's funny is the late night format is clips. That is what they're trying to do is make the most interesting thing, the most the thing you talk about. So they are trying to pre-make the clip for you to watch. But it needs to be longer format to get the clip in a weird way. - Yeah, yeah, I just, I feel like that type of the late night show, to me, if it hasn't run its course, it's running it. I mean, I don't see 10 years from now as having that same format. I just don't, I think it has to, it has to evolve into something else. They have to rethink it. - Don't you feel, okay, here's the question. The first question is, how did you feel not having a podcast for a month, two months? - Fantastic. It was the best, it was the best. I would love to never do this again. - It was the greatest feeling I've ever had in my life. To not, to, oh, you know what I'm saying? - You know what I'm saying? - You know, so funny. I've never been funnier in my entire life. - Then when you were there? - When I was there, casually funny, just talking to people and making people laugh. And I think because I'm talking so much, I forgot what it's like to be a regular person in conversations with people and be spontaneously funny. - Yeah. - And my standup was so, everything I thought went on stage, it didn't go into a podcast. - Right, yeah, that makes sense. It's great. You should do less podcasts. - Do you have my podcast? - I mean, do you know how much content I put out? - I, no, I mean, I have an idea. - Three podcasts. - Yeah. - I mean, we can think about this. Three podcasts out of seven, three a week. Out of seven days. - Yeah, it's a lot. - Yeah. - Yeah, I know, it's time to quit. - Okay. - Great, I love you. I'll see you in Saturday. - Yeah. - Are we saying bye? ♪ Bert, Tom, Tom and Bert ♪ - How do we make this to make us happier? Can I tell you? It was so fun. And then I did one podcast with Jeff Foxworthy. - Yeah. - And I was engaged and I was interested. - Yeah. - And I hadn't done one in two months. And I was like, and I was, I was present. It's like, it was crazy. It's, it's, yeah. I mean, I, there is such thing as doing too much, man. - Buddy, I lived the life where I wanted to prove to everyone. I could do everything. - Yeah. - Like I literally was like, and then, and I remember when you said, when you said, we need to take time off from two bears to do our shows, I was like, I was so defiant. - I know. - Because I'm still subscribing to that model of, it's gotta be released every week. It's gotta be released every week. It's gotta be released every week, every week, same time, same time, same time. No matter if it's good or not, it doesn't matter if it's good. It's just, it's gotta be released. If it's good, I don't care if it's good. It's, it didn't get released. Like that's the mentality I've been at. And I, and, and I, you know, some, I don't know. I don't know. I, you know, I'm not, I am absolutely not Joe Rogan who can put out amazing podcast seven days a week. I mean, he can do, he, I don't know how he does it. - I don't either. He's also just, you know, wired differently. - He's so different. - Yeah. - I mean, would you? - But we'll go ahead about what? - No, no. Look, you thought that, but then you did take time off, and then you saw that the other thing that you were putting your energy into, thrived and it did better. You thrived in the business exhausting yourself. Like, I mean, like, I mean, we're in the business. We right now are in the business that everyone is dying to get into. And we are in the top 5% of that business, and that we're monetized. You have sponsors, we have companies. Like, I mean, you look at like, what's your name? Amy, Amy, Amy Poler. - Yeah. - Amy Poler is her, the blonde lady. Amy Poler, I mean, this, I don't mean this like shitty, but like, it kind of broke my heart. She is one of the most, if not, one of the top 10 female comedic actors, not just of regeneration that we'll ever know. She is, I mean, Parks and Rec is one of the funniest shows that's ever been on TV. She's one of the funniest writers, directors, she is a prolific talent. She is a prolific talent. I will never be as talented as Amy Poler in any facility. And yet, here she is doing, like doing a podcast. And it's good. It's really good. It's by the way, it's really good. - It's really good. - It's really good to see you. But why, what are you doing? Make fucking movies. And so what I'm saying is, Amy Poler realizes that the business we're in right now, like making movies and television shows, that's dying. This is the one thriving. She just hasn't, she's the first one to get to the oil rig and going, oh, this is cool, we're living on the ocean. And we've been living on the oil rig for 15 years going, it gets on. - Well, I mean, it's new to her. So maybe it's exciting and fun to her. - It's her podcast is great. - Yeah. - She's really good at it. - But that's because she's talented at anything she does. It's gonna be amazing. - Yeah, I agree. She's great. She's really good, man. - Do you think, and maybe she's having fun? - Do you think she feels about film and television, the way we feel about podcasting, and we feel about film and television, the way she feels about podcasting? - It's perfectly, I mean, possible, you know? Like, I mean, she's obviously like killed it in that space. So, maybe she's just like, I don't know. I don't know, maybe she's bored. Maybe, I don't know. So maybe she's just like really having a good time doing these podcasts. - Amy Poler, will you breathe some life into our podcast and be our guest? - I can answer for her. No. (laughing) So, we took our time. You did your show, FreeBirt. Did you have a lot of fun doing it? - Yes, I had a blast. - Yeah. - I had so much fun. It was the funnest two months of my life that I've had in a very, very long time. - Yeah, same dude. I had the best absolute, like, I mean, And I really felt like I was a make-up winner. kid. They were like, you want to be in a movie? Yeah. And then I showed up every day just like giddy. Well, not just it's not just that. That was like they said, do you want to be a movie and you get to be in control? Yeah, that's true. That's the fun part. Yeah, like everything from the script to casting choices to like, yeah, there was there was a lot of creative in your cast was incredible. Dude, I, I, I know it sounds like you probably hear people do this when they complete shows and movies. I cannot believe, I cannot believe who we got and I cannot believe what they brought. Like they were all just outraged. I mean, you know, we had Luke Wilson, who I remember that we were like on our third day and he has this monologue that he delivers to me and Tim Bolts, who's unbelievable. Tim Bolts is one of the funniest people I've ever been around. He's so good. He's so good. But he's, Luke's giving us this speech and it was like the third take and he did something different in the take in this monologue. And I realized that I'm not acting in the scene. I'm just like, we're just watching him, you know, and like, like genuinely reacting to him. And when they will cut the director, Tyler Cornatt comes over to me and he goes, that's a movie star. And I was like, yeah, I go, yeah, I see which like, when you see like what something people do in certain moments, you're like, oh, yeah, that's a movie star. Like that's why that's why we've known who this guy is for 30 years. Yeah, like he's just Tim was unbelievable. Arturo Castro, who he did, he did some bad thoughts with me and we got him to be like a part that's like the heart of this movie. Just incredible. The guy, the guy can do anything and he would come in every scene and have like 15 ults just like off the top of his head for things and we were like, yeah, just sure. Try them all. Like he was just incredible. Genesis Rodriguez, just like a dynamic actress just can do like, you know, just, I would just like follow her lead and like, I'm just like watching her. I'm like, oh, this is what we're doing. Okay. I try to like just throw myself into she could just do, you know, throw a look and like convey, like just emotes so much. She was unbelievable. Frankie Kinyonis is in it, dude, he fucking steals every scene that he's in. And he was the first one when I read the script. I, you know, my managers were on set and they were like, they go, we remember that when you read this, you said, Frankie Kinyonis has to play this part. And we didn't know if we were going to get him. And it was like the third day of him working where he was like, oh, I get it now. He goes, I get why you said that I like, he just, he's going to, if this movie has any exposure, he will explode in popularity. He steals everything that he's in. It's just, it's incredible. Like, yeah, I was, I was just fucking blown away by all of them. Game on, week one starts now. And every touchdown brings you closer to a payout with Draft King sports book and official sports betting partner of the NFL. This isn't just football. It's first touchdown fireworks. Anytime TD rushes and live bets that ride every momentum shift at Draft King's every play is your next shot to win. 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Him's brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatments that put your goals first. No hidden fees, no surprise costs. Just real personalized care on your schedule and take it from a guy who's been on minoxidil since he was 22. It works. I am 52 and I still have hair. I have fought for that hair. Fight for your hair. Fight for your youth. Get on him's right now for simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, ED, weight loss and more. Visit hymns.com/bearers. That's hymns.com/bearers for your free online visit hymns.com/bearers. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monoxidil, infinite stride, prescriptions, requirements, website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. I got John. I saw John. I saw John in it. That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that you got John in it. He started a podcast. He started a podcast too. Yeah. He's in a podcast. Yeah. There's my mom and sister visiting. My mom was like trying to steal props. She was like, can I have this? I'm like, no. Why? I'm like, because it doesn't belong to you. That's great. It's unbelievable. And there's Tyler Kornak. He was so fucking good, man. Just really unbelievable. So good at it. Oh, there's Ronald Trujillo, who has been in everything. He was in Apocalypse. I didn't even realize that he was in Apocalypse. The guy dressed in blue. He was like the one of the leaders of the trot. He told me he was eight hours in makeup a day. And that movie was supposed to take three months and it took 11. It took 11 months to do that movie, which is it's one of the all-time great from their Sergio. Hit his profile. This guy, you see it, the like the identifier there at the bottom left. Yeah. Hit his, hit his. This guy, dude, this was the guy, said he'll bet he's manchetta from Spain. This dude is like, like, you know, when you're sitting around, you're like, oh, that's an actor. Yeah. Like we're all fucking around. This guy's an actor, man. He was just truly remarkable. It was like a lesson every day just watching that dude work. And he, and you're posted. It's so funny. leukemia. He didn't, what? He beat, he beat, he had leukemia. He hasn't worked in 23 months until this. Wow. Yeah. So what was your, because I know you, everything's thoughtful, thought out in your process. Why were you posting so many pictures as soon as you wrapped as opposed to with bad thoughts? You posted everything when it premiered. I think I followed people's lead because everybody, I thought we would kind of, I was like, oh, I'll just hold this stuff. And then the whole cast and crew started posting everything. And I was like, well, I'll just jump in. Yeah. I'm worried that it did you withhold some stuff? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was held stuff that would like give, give away too much. Yeah. Image wise. Yeah. Well, I'd say it's a, because I last night, they were like, you're going to do a photo dump of, because we wrapped last night. And I was like, or I wrapped last night rather. Everyone else wrapped. And everyone did a photo dump the second they wrapped of like, like all the stuff. And part, and there's only one picture I want to post. Yeah. Is it the one you sent me? Yeah. Of course. Of course. Are you posting it? No. You look what? I think, I think I'm not going to post it. I think. Why? Because I'm going to wait, I guess until the, the, the, I don't know. I never, you know, when it comes out? Yeah. I think in January. Oh, that's pretty fast. Yeah. Where we got the first two episodes edited already. Great, man. Yeah. So, um, but I haven't given notes. I haven't looked, I haven't seen cuts yet. So we've got like a string out of rough cut. But, um, I don't know. I feel like I was a little torn because I didn't know anything about bad thoughts. And I really enjoyed that I knew nothing about it. it and I saw it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I didn't know like, and I think people think they know what mine's about, but they, they, I don't, I don't think, I know they don't. And so part of me is like, ah, maybe, you know, I don't know. Maybe I, I think it's because I've been offline, you know, for two months. And I just haven't been really posting. And like even like funny shit that was like, would have been in the feed immediately. I just never got around to doing. So I was like, oh, I don't really care. I don't, you know, it was nice being detached and not thinking about promoting anything. I mean, I have a tour, the permission of world party, permission of party world tour. So you're fucking billboard three times a day, every day in Albuquerque, every day. I'd be like, there's Bert, every single day, dude, massive billboards. I, uh, I haven't promoted it at all. Like I'm like, like I just promoted it. Someone was like, well, you huge ticket sale bump. And I was like, did I? And they're like, yeah, well, have you not been promoting this? And I was like, not really. Cause I've just been focused on this thing. I don't know. It's, you know, I'm starting to look at like old school movie stars. I'm wondering if they didn't have it right. You know, like when Johnny Depp felt gross promoting things. I was like, I was like, I don't mind promoting my stand-up because that's, that's my thing. It's my only thing. But like with this project, part of me is like, I don't know. Yeah, you got to go promote. It's part of the game. But I promote, I'll promote when it comes out on Netflix. Yeah. Of course. I mean, I'm done probably saying anything else about this until, I mean, mine might not come out for it. It could be a fucking year, man. I don't know when we'll come out. When did you start the process of this script a year and a half ago? I started free bird three years ago. Really? Is that not fucking crazy? Yeah. I gave up on it at one point. Yeah. It's crazy. What? You know, I said last night I was with a bunch of people and they're like, man, Tom's posting a lot about a Tigray. And they're like, did you see his shirtless photo? And I was like, yeah. And they're like, where you put, you were sitting with next to the guy from baby, uh, branches. You guys are both almost naked. Yeah. You're underwear. And I was like, yeah, they're like, how fucking skinny is Tom? Did I? You know what happened? Like how it happened? So you put a shot of ozampic in your ass and then no way dropped off. Not none. Zero. What happened? Zero ozampic. No GLP ones. Nothing. I, so I do this blood test. This is the real thing. I do a blood test to do like all these levels. And I'm not trying to like, I know it sounds scary, but they have this test now that basically they call it like stage zero cancer, right? Which is kind of an alarming thing that you can test positive or negative for and I test positive for it. And what it means is that I have the cells in my system that would could one day evolve into cancer, right? So I test positive for this. And then they have a protocol if you test positive. And the protocol is basically a bunch of items and supplements. And one of the things they, they'd say that is part of like their protocol is a five day fast where you just have. That's why they did the five day fast. That's why I did the fast. So, so this is recent. This is very recent. Yeah. So I got those testers. And then well, when they tell me to do the five day fast, the first thing I do is I look at my calendar and I start going like, you know, like you go, I'm not going to do that right now. So you start looking at like future months. And I'm like, well, when I'm on the road, I don't feel like that's a good time to do it. And then I know that I'm shooting a special and then I'm, you know, I start looking. So, and I'm not going to do it during the movie. So I basically find the week before I go to Albuquerque. I'm like, that's like, that's the optimum time to do this five day fast. So I do the five day fast, right? Just have water electrolytes and some black coffee and nothing else for five days. At the end of the five days, you know, I get back, you know, I have some broth and I do the whole thing. And I've lost 11 pounds. So I went from 211 to 200. But I know like just from logic and talking to people that like, you're going to put back on some weight, right? So I'm like, because the weight wasn't the point of it. It was like kind of, you know, a consequence of doing it. So then I, I'm 200. I'm like, okay, I'll gain a few pounds back. I fly to Albuquerque. I'm doing all the wardrobe, shit. It's a prep week. And then I have a million questions. And I'm going to forget them. Okay, so hang on. Remember where you are in the story. Okay. Are you scared when you test positive for cancer cells? No. Okay, because you know you don't have cancer now. Not only that 100% expected to test positive for it. I mean, my dad died of cancer, his sister died of cancer. One of his brothers died of cancer. On my mother's side, everyone's had like, I was like, I have the genetics. Okay. I'm expecting it. Okay. Good. And not good. But okay. Now second, the water fast. Yeah. How I saw you talking about online. But like for real, how hard is it? What's the hardest day? And you're, and you're, and you're, I'm imagining black coffee. Are you like shaking at night? No. So it's, it's really interesting. I think it's really interesting as an experiment to do it. And I would tell people, you know, five is a lot. Like it is a lot. And I think if you, if you want to attempt 24 and then 48, even 72, like one to three days is an experience too. I think when you're mentally prepared to not eat, it's different than when you go like, you're expecting to eat today. And then there's like, there's no food. And you're like, what do you talk? Like, you know, your mind is going into it. Like, I'm not going to eat. Right. And then your anticipation of how much you'll suffer is always higher than what you actually suffer. Like it's not as terrible as you imagine it would be. The other big thing I learned, which I think I've carried from the fast is that hunger is a feeling as the same as happiness, sadness, excitement, anxiety, meaning they all, they pass. So like, you feel hungry and then you're not hungry. So that, that would happen throughout the fast as you're like, oh, I'm really hungry. I would put some salt on my tongue. I would have some water. And then, you know, 10 minutes later, you're like, yeah, I'm not hungry anymore. And you just go, you just keep going, right? And you'd have these waves of hunger. You'd also have like waves of clarity, focus. Like Christina was like, you're so present and calm. And you're like, yeah, like, you know, you just, you're kind of like dialed in. I was less reactive, you know, like just more like, okay, let's talk about this, figure this out. Okay, we need to do a two bears fast, meaning we should do like a global fast, planning out one day with all our fans for 24 hours, 24 hours. So doable. I know, but not for me. Like I literally, I literally was like, I would be surprised at how you're going to not, you'll, you won't want to give up after 24. I promise you, you'll be surprised, Tom, how often I eat and I don't even know I ate. This is not surprising. I just said, I just said, I right now, I was like, I am fasting. I didn't eat dinner last night. I'm going to see if I can go to the same, I'm going to see if I can do 24 hours. And then, I smelled my finger. And I went, I ate 10 egg bites this morning. 10. Yeah, they come in 10. They come in two. And they, they offer the variety is five. So I got one of each. And then I just murdered them. So you realize that you didn't actually fat? Oh, yeah, yeah. Tom, unlike you in your performance in L T Gray, where you look the best you've ever looked, I am officially the fatest type of ever been in free bird. How fat? How fat? Fat enough where I said to, I'm not going to, I'm not going to throw anyone into the bus, but I'll say to everyone that was making the show, including everyone that like, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to do this fast before I was going to do my, my pro long fast and try to lose some weight before the shoot. And they're like, have you gained weight? And I was like, what? And I'm like, I don't know, we can't really tell. And I was like, wait, I'm like, I'm like a lot fatter than when I shot the special. And then I'm like, you look the same. I was like, so at my skinniest, I look fat. And at my fat is I look skinny. So I was like, so you can't tell. And they're like, I got to be honest with you. I think it's, I mean, I think it's a little funnier if the way you look. And I was like, okay, so I just left it. I worked out on the day, but I don't work out for, I don't work out for, to look better. I look out for emotional reasons. I work out for, I work out to feel better. Now, let's go back to your, let's go back to this fast. I put a pin in this. We got to find a date. We can do a global fast. Okay. A global fast for everyone. Also, you're, you're 10 egg bites were like 1200 to 1500 calories. Just see them. Nice. So I still got about 1000 to go business owners are built differently. And there's nothing more satisfying than your business keeping up with you. But sometimes your growth outpaces what you can handle, especially when it comes to shipping, ship station centralizes your shipping tax into one easy platform. 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That's what I was hope before that I could keep, like, half of what I lost. - Off? - Yeah. - Well, we start shooting, dude, and I don't have to tell you, but just for reference, I'm on set at 6, right? 545, and I'm in, vert almost every scene in the movie. So just the same way I don't like to do standup on a full stomach. I don't want to perform, like, act, a bloated or belching or whatever. So-- - Cool, cool. I'm gonna hit pause real quick. - Okay. - So my protocol, as I drove this set, craft services was to make six eggs scrambled with bacon and sausage, and have eight sausage patties waiting for me. - Eight? - Eight sausage patties. - And you're like, I don't understand. I'm gained so much weight. - My watch was hurting. - What? - Was hurting your wrist? - And I was like, I was really biting into my wrist. I was like, did I lose a link while I slept? And Leanne's like, that's an oyster flex. It's a rubber band. So it's not, I think you just really bloated babe. And then I realized those sausage patties were processed meat and filled with sodium. So I cut those out halfway through, keep going Tom. - Okay. So what would happen is they're like, you know, I'm getting ready to, like, first scene or whatever. You want to eat something? I'd be like, get me like a couple egg whites and some fruit. So I would have like three bites of each. And then I would shoot until lunch. Well, at lunch, you know, I'd be looking-- - Hold on, hold on, hold on. - In the exact same scenario, I'd say, can I get jalapeno cheddar pork rinds? And they go, 'cause I'm trying to be healthy. Keep going. So at lunch, I would have, you know, maybe four to six ounces of chicken and some veggies and then maybe a little bit of rice. And then I would be in everything until we wrapped, then I would get home and have just like a reasonable dinner. - Wow, so at the end of like the first week, I'm like, oh, I wonder what, you know, I'm like, I hope I'm under 205. I was like 197. So I'm like, oh, that's crazy. A couple of weeks later, you know, I'm like 192. And they add, they have to add a hole in my belt, 'cause my belts, my pants are falling off. The next week, they add a second hole in the belt and the wardrobe department's like, hey, we don't have time to get new clothes. It's like, you're gonna look weird if you keep fucking losing weight. So I wrapped at 187. And I weigh, I still weigh 187 right now. I weighed 187 this morning. - Because I just was in a deficit like every day. - Yeah, really? - So when you'd wrap, you'd have a little sensible meal. Do you know what I would do? - Yeah. - What would you do? - So we'd start at noon and we'd shoot till midnight. So lunch was around six and around eight o'clock. I'd start getting hungry. And I would send my assistant Kyle down to, we had a bunch of different places. I sent him to get 40 pizzas one time. I sent him to get-- - 40 pizzas. - 300 cheeseburgers at McDonald's. I sent him to get white castle. And I would just bring in fast food. I ate white castles in the middle of a take one time. - During a take? - We operate different, Tom. I think I just went a different, and then second, we would wrap. They would call Bertini, which meant, it's not just martini, it means it's birds last shot of the day. So I don't care what martini is for these guys. Bertini is the one that matters. - And it's so narcissistic, don't keep going. - They do that for a lot of people. And so do they. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I've never heard it. - But go ahead. - You've only been on one movie, Tom. - So. - I've been on seven and I've never heard one for Mark Wahlberg. - So go ahead. - Teeny. - You probably just didn't understand it. So, and then Kyle would run to my sprinter van and make a double porosos in soda. And when they called cut for me, it would be put right in my hand. And then I would drink at midnight. Here's how I was healthy though. I would only drink for like two hours. So I would have 22 hours between drinking, so I barely drank at all. - Oh, that's good. - Yeah. - That sounds good. Yeah, I mean, I smoked me DMT and I did some ecstasy. (laughing) - That sounds cool. - That was fun. - The funniest, I have a clip. I wish I could send you the clip. I'll post it on, it'll be posted already, I think. 'Cause I edited it this week. But every night before bags, I do want to work out in the mornings and you know, we only have 12 hours between shoots. I would murder like three or four liquid deaths right before bed, like right before bed. Just kill them, the big cans. And then throughout the night, I drink another three. Like if I woke up to pee, I'd take one and I'd murder it right before I went back to bed. - What? - And dude, I'm telling you, I felt so fucking good every morning. Every morning, it was like my body was flushed and I pissed everything out throughout the night. I mean, I woke up like four times, but I felt so, yeah. - You drink a gallon of water before bed. So yeah, you probably woke up a few times. - And so, but here's the best part of it. And I mean typical bird fashion. I don't want me to talk about myself in the third person, but I think it's fitting for this story. Sometimes I only see myself in the world, you know? And I would kill them, look at death. And then I would fling it in the air. In the middle of the night, like four in the morning, fling it in the air. And I'd hear it hit the wall on the floor. And I'd be like, all right. And then I'd kill the liquid death and I'd fling it in the air. So throughout every night of filming, I would throw at least four liquid deaths in the air in my room and they'd hit the ground. - Do you pick up up in the morning? - Oh, no, never did. I loved the fact that they were all over the floor. They were all, I mean, the house keeping came in a couple times and would clean them out, but it was like wild how many there were. And so on the second tonight, second last night of rap, we're all talking about our rooms and if we liked our rooms. And my director, Andy Mogel was like, my room's great except the guy above me keeps moving furniture in the middle of the night. I said, what room are you in? He said, two, eight team and I said, that's so funny. I'm in three, eight team. I go, does it sound like like, like, can sitting in the ground? And he goes, exactly, exactly, it sounds like. I was like, it's me. - It's me. - Yeah. - It's like, without a sense of humor, he's like, are you fucking kidding me? You've been waking me up all fucking for two months in the middle of the night throwing cans around your room. He goes, what are you throwing cans around your room? I go just to let me know that I'm done with it. Like I just throw in the air. It made me laugh so hard and you could see him going. I struggled for two months with some cocksucker living above me. And it was you, the whole, I could have, and then the last, like it was the last three days, I couldn't throw the cans. So I had to keep them in bed with me. And dude, I was rolling on top of cans. - What is wrong with you? Jesus Christ. - I've come to accept myself. - No, I see that. - I don't think you had a problem with that. I don't think, yeah, I don't think there's like, oh, I just accepted myself. - I fucking love me. - Yeah, I know. - So wait, 185, you're 185 right now. I said to everyone, and I know you probably don't want me to say this to people, but that you're getting a bunch of skin removed. And I was like, what's cool is that he's got so much hair, you'll never see the scars. - That's cool. - And everyone was like, oh yeah, yeah, right, you're right, you won't see the scars. I was like, that's what's great about his hair is skin removal. - That's cool, thanks. - Did you shave your back for this movie? 'Cause I think you did. - You shaved your shoulders. - The wardrobe, the wardrobe. The makeup department did, yeah. - Yeah, shaved your shoulders. - And back. - Yeah, do you think you'll keep it like that? - I mean, I'm not like actively checking my back a lot. - Does it, does it? - Itch, when you put a shirt on. - Mm-mm, yeah. - Really? - No, you always have someone trimming your back. Every time I shave my back every day, every other day. - Every other day? - Ever since I got a testosterone, my back's been fucking crazy. - Really? - Yeah, my back's sort of growing hair like really bad, but I still benched 295, five times, whatever. - Whatever, dude. - Dude, I am fucking-- - I am still as fat as I am. I'm still fucking-- - How much do you weigh? - I don't know, I'm a goner to play. - You know. - Think, I think. - You know. - Think, I can tell you, I can tell you how much I weigh. I'm curious, I wanna know, be honest, anyone listening. If you have this barometer too, I can tell you, if I'm above 255, or below 255, when weather or not, I can touch my asshole. - That's the fucking barometer for this, it's barometer. So what? What can you touch your asshole right now? Barely. So you might be 255. I might be 260. Okay. I have to exhale pretty hard to get to wipe my ass. That's cool. That's cool. That's cool. I, Tom, sometimes I don't shit because I know I can't wipe my ass. Like if it's a thin, if it's a thin toilet and I can't really spread my legs. Like I need to really spread my legs out and then go and then get in there. I'm doing whim-hoff breathing exercises to wipe my ass. To wipe your asshole. That's cool. Yeah. It's been really fun. Are you going to try to push it now and like see if you can get to 290 or something? I don't know. Someone saw a picture of me fat and they were like, "Hey man, can you do my movie?" And it was a big movie star. And I was like, "Yeah?" He was like, "Don't lose weight." I was like, "Huh?" He said, "Don't lose weight." And I was like, "Okay." I got what's easy to do. Yeah. Now they won it. They're like, "I want this guy." Yeah. I don't really care. I don't know. I feel like I feel- As your ass the reflex going. You know what? Not great. Yeah. I've heard it about 30 times since we started. I know. I know. You know that? You know that? I have to be honest with everyone. That's a- I know. I know. I know. It might be the 10 egg bites. Most people have two. But people have two. Who? Bullshit. Who has two bites? Most women have two. Okay. Most guys have four. There's no man four that's in a truck right now listening to this with Starbucks next room. Guys, take the picture and tag both of us. Who gets four? Just- They're having four. A hundred percent. Yeah. Four is not ten. If you're a maid. You know, I'm gonna grab some people at the office and then eat them. Sorry. I forgot. You were alive. It was my daughter's fault. I was like, "Hey, you promised me coffee." I was like, "We have a great coffee maker, right?" "Oh, is she on set?" She was on set. She was on set. So, the girls got pretty litigious about their names. They didn't want their names in it. Oh, really? I was like, "Okay." And we did it for the machine, and it bothered me. It always bothered me that we didn't use their real names, you know? But then they didn't want it in this. They didn't want it in this. And I was like, "You know what? I'm going to get in front of that." I was like, "Guys, I think at the cats' out of the bag, like people know you're my daughters. And they're like, "Yeah, I know, but no names." And I was like, "No, that's not going to happen." I was like, "I named you. I picked the name. It's really kind of my name." So, we're using your names. And then Aila was, Aila and Georgia were like, "And then they saw the pilot and they liked it." And Aila saw, you know, her representation, and she was like, "Okay, it's really funny." And I was like, "Yeah, we're not making you guys look like assholes." And then they were like, "Okay." And then Aila came to the set one day, and she was like a movie star. Because everyone's doing a TV show about my family, and they know this Aila character, and Aila shows up. And everyone's like, "Fuck an Aila." And Aila, you know, Aila is really into art, and so the art department kind of took her, like took her over, and then Aila kind of really loved it. The thing she loved the most was my trailer, because she just slept for fucking 10 hours in the trailer. Oh, really? But she came like, set like three times, and just every time her and her friend would go, and her friend would release into film, so her friend was like, sitting at every station, kind of shadowing everybody, and Aila would shadow a couple of people in the art department, and then go to my trailer and take a nap with a fucking Mountain Dew. Yeah. Well, that sounds like fun. My boys came to set one day, because they were only there for the very beginning, and they showed up on like a big cocaine day, and they were like, "Is that cocaine?" I was like, "Well, it's fake cocaine." They were like, "Does it feel good?" I'm like, "It's not real." And then they left, and then Christina was like, "Oh, it was really nice of you to invite us today. Do you know what your boys have been talking about the rest of the day? Guns and cocaine. That's all they talk about." And I was like, "Oh, cool." It's just like, "Yeah, they start school next week. It should be really nice for them." So, yeah, but they had a good time, they had a good time. Hey, have you watched, have you watched, not to change subjects, but I'm sure everyone's like, no more talking about burping in fat. Have you watched America's team? I'm in the middle of it, and it's so fucking good. I was thinking about it today, because I was running watching it today on the treadmill, and I was like, "Man, it's hard not to fucking love Michael Irvin. That guy is just, I mean, I've been a fan since I was a kid, but his skill set is one thing. He's obviously such a gifted player, just, you know, I met him like a dozen years ago on a flight, and he'd been retired already for a while, could not believe this guy's stature and physique as like a retired guy. I was like, this guy looks like he'd play in the league today, but he's so fucking charismatic, and he has that personality when you watch that thing where you go, I, you want him as a teammate. You know what I mean? You're like, "This is a guy you want lining up next to you. He's just the greatest dude. I fucking, I love Michael Irvin." I'll tell you what. If you want to get pumped up, Peacock has all, I think, eight seasons of a football life. Oh, really? Dude, you can't download it, but you can just watch it and stream it. Holy, I am so fucking ready for football. Right now, me and you, I mean, this, we're recording this, and then we're about to get on a plane and go to Tallahassee. Yeah. There is a better time, just edit it out. And so we're going to go to Tallahassee for the Tallahassee Alabama game, and I'm so pumped up. And you know, we do, we do draft King Reads all the time. Yeah. And we talk about gambling. And I don't think I've ever come out publicly as a gambler, right? But I enjoy gambling. This year, I think I'm going to do something big. I want to run it by you. I want to hear your take. Okay? I'm thinking this through a lot. So I want to make a year long bets, okay? And I want to bet on one team to win to cover every fucking week. I also want to bet on one team to go to the Super Bowl. Now, I want to bet $1,000 every week on the same team to cover the spread. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it September 18th is when I can place this bet because I'll be in Rockford, Illinois for the permission of Party World Tour and gambling is legal in Illinois. So I will be in Illinois, stone sober, ready to make this bet. So tell me the bet I'm making, Tom. Okay. So you're going to bet on, excuse me, eight NFL or college team to cover the spread every week. You name it. No, I would, no, I would like to bet. I wish I could get to Illinois before this weekend, because I'd like to bet on Florida State, but they don't gambling. It's not really. Really? Yeah. I would love to bet on Florida State. Yeah. I would love to bet on Florida State for the entire season. That's a tough opener they got. I know. I think they're going to surprise them. I talked to inside gossip. I talked to some guys that worked at Alabama and they said, you know, every year they get, they are, there's, there's that one team that they're like, you know, I don't fucking know about them. And they're like, you never know who it is, but they go into that game a little nervous going like, we're really confident, but this could be the sleeper. And they said that Tallahassee is that that Florida State's that well week one is always a thing. I mean, in, in any league, but in college ball, you know, you get these preseason top 10s and you're like, all right, this is the order. And then you just don't know who's going to show up. You have their college kids, you don't know what your team is. So week one can always be a real wake up call for, for any team, really, it could, it can go any way. Um, I can do, I can also, Tom, I wouldn't mind, uh, I wouldn't mind doing a college team and a pro team. But I want it, here's a deal. I want to pick one team and run and run it with them and just go ask my team on their every fucking week for you to cover. Well, top, the top five is like, it's the usual suspects and this can go any way, dude. You got Texas Penn State, Ohio State, Clemson, Georgia, I mean, any one of those five could, they could run the tape. You just don't know. I mean, you just don't know until you get into the season, taking, taking one of them, that's how to, I mean, if you're, if you're going from like, before the season starts, it's one of those five, man, one of those five is going to have, yeah, I mean, one of those five is going to run it the whole season. They could, I mean, obviously, you know, anything can happen in college football, but it's like, Ohio State, Penn State, they were fucking incredible last year. And you just don't know which, like one of them might run the table in the big 10 Texas, their preseason number one, we got Manning under center, like they, the offense is electric. Have you seen, I've, I've followed him and his dad the other day Cooper, because that kid, that kid, they, do you see him when they were doing the drills with the drones? Uh-uh. They're putting out drones and he's just nailing drones with a football. Just, yeah. I understand. To wrap, wrap. I'm like, noise. And he can run. He can run, dude. That's the other thing. He's like, a lot of these guys are great pocket passers, but in, especially in college ball, when you have legs and you have a cannon, it's so fucking dangerous. Yeah. And then, I mean, I would never sleep on Clemson or Georgia. Like you just don't know what they did in the off season. who's coming back, like how good some other players are, they can always shock the shit out of you. Not even shock you, they just do what they do. - All right, here's my question, okay. So the bucks are probably gonna win their division. So, and you know I'm a bucks fan. And it's easy to root for Baker, for me, for that team, I'm rooting for everyone. I was really bummed they cut Shiloh, but I think, I don't know, what did you think about that? - I mean, it's a bigger story because of his name, you know, you get undrafted, or even if you're like a mid or late round pick, like being cut is not, it's not unusual. It's not the end of the world. So if you either don't perform, or you have some, something, some issue that they flag, getting cut is not, it's not that weird. I mean, it doesn't mean that the guy's career is over. I don't know exactly what's in the cards for him, but I don't think it's that newsworthy to like, hey, someone got cut, like it just happens so often in the NFL. It's not, it's not odd to me. - Okay, so I think, I think it was, it's either gotta be Rams or Bucks for me because they're teams I can get behind. The girls and the Rams fans, I'm a bucks fan. So tell me, okay, ready? I'm gonna say the name of the game and you tell me, just simply if the Bucks will win or lose, okay? - Okay, so I won't be able to place this bet until September 18th. - Is that 'cause you're going to a sportsbook bet there? - That's because I'm going to Illinois. So it's closest I get the gambling. That's why Barst will move to Illinois. - Okay. - We're still in preseason right now, right? No, the game starts Sunday Saturday. - The game start. They start the fourth, yeah. That's the following we can. Next we can. Sunday, September 7th is still preseason. This weekend still preseason? - This weekend is, next weekend is the regular season. - Okay, awesome. - Then I'm in. All right, perfect. So Bucks Texans, Bucks are gonna win, correct? - I mean, I would think they could win that game, sure. - Bucks Jets? - Bucks. - Bucks Eagles. - There you got yourself a little bit of an issue. It's gonna be a sleeper one. Bucks Seahawks? - Go Bucks. - Bucks 49ers. - Christian, Christian McCampry. - Yeah, I mean. - It's tough. - I definitely would not sleep on the Niners. - Right, sure. - Bucks Lions. Easy money. - I don't know, is that easy money, really? - Yeah, of course Lions. Of course I'm thinking of the 1981 Lions. - Yeah, these Lions are a little different. (laughs) - Yeah. - These are all Lions. - Tom, all my gambling reads are from when I was a child. - Yeah, I would update that. I would think about how they are. - Bucks Saints, they ever won a game all season. - The 8th? - Yeah. I mean, but that's also a division game. And those always can go anyway, man. That's the thing about the NFL is like, there's a big difference in college and the NFL. - So if you had to pick one thing. - Shittiest team in the NFL is still a fucking NFL team, like they can win in the NFL. - That's what's great about it. - And what's great about it is that you're gonna take a team like the Bucks where people are gonna, at times say they're not gonna win this game, but then you have a team that is magical when they wanna be magical, right? I mean, they've got, I mean, listen, I keep drumping things on Baker, but Mike Evans is fucking gold. - Yeah, he's, he's hollow- - Bucky gold. I mean, you're talking about like, there's so much that they can happen with that team where they're underplayed that I keep thinking that's the team to bet $1,000 on every single game. - Dude, November 16th at Buffalo, that's gonna be a tough game for sure. - At Buffalo. - At Buffalo, at the Rams. Yeah. - How are you going back to the Rams? - Mm-hmm. Yeah, those are tough games, man. - Oh, no, I guess I don't think I ever show that night. - Those are tough games. - Would you be into doing a bet? - I'll do a bet, yeah. - Okay, what's your bet? Are you gonna bet on one team? Are you gonna pick a team every week? The thing is, Tom, is that like. - It's fun. I like your idea because it's fun to get behind one team for the season. - Yeah, and financially get behind that team. - Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, we're doing, we're not really doing that though. Are we the survivor pool? - No, no, no, no, no. This is just me. - I want to say lose, you're done. - No, no, no, this is just me and you. - $1,000. - $1,000, $1,000, $1,000, $1,000, $1,000, $1,000 every game. - Okay. Open at Cleveland, Jacksonville, Vikings, Denver, Detroit. That'll be tough. Like they have a lot of, they, you know. You also don't like. - You don't know the spray. - Obviously, they underperformed, but I don't know. - Joe Burrows, Joe Burrows, hang on. Listen, we're talking about the magical spark, right? - Yeah. - That kid's fucking magic. - Joey Burrows. - You can't lie, man. - And you know, if Joey Burrows was listening to this right now, I think his name's Joe. But if Joe Burrows was listening to this right now, and he, and we go, I don't know, should you bet on Joe Burrows? Do you know right now, he's in his fucking truck going, you always fucking bet on me. - You always bet. - Tom, Tom's always bet on me. If Bay, when we sat next to Baker and gambled, do you think Baker's ever not bet on Baker? - Right. - There's a bunch of quarterbacks out there that are like, I'm like a safe bet. - No. They're the fucking, they're the fucking IL Mary passes. - I'll go in on the bangles, dude. - September 18th. You go in on the bangles. I'll go in on the bucks. $1,000 every game will see who wins. - And we're just taking the spread. - Just taking the spread. - All right. - All right, bro. I'm in. - All right. - I have a, I can go, can I do that in Florida? I can go to a sports book in Florida. - Florida's gonna, Florida's gonna co-share with this, with the seminal drive. They can only do sports betting through the, 'cause he knows down there. - That's what I'm saying. Can I go to a casino and place these bets? - Tom, we have a great partner in draft kings. - Okay. - We have a great, but why would we look anywhere else when we have one of the best partners in sports gambling ever? - So I just start doing those on draft kings. On draft kings, on draft kings, it depends. If you can get to, if you can get to a city earlier that is, I mean, I just know that I'm in Chicago and I know it's, I'm like looking at my schedule. Been a little obsessed with this for a number of reasons, but it's 'cause, you know, I, I, I, I want, when I played fantasy football, it was probably the funnest time I ever had watching football, but then I got bored of fantasy football. And then when I did the Pickums League, I was the funnest for the first year, and then I got bored of the Pickums League. And then, and it was like putting in my picks every week. I just get bored of that. I want to put in my picks for the whole season. And I don't, I don't need to remember them like crazy, but I will wake up knowing that $1,000 on the line every Sunday and be like, hey, where are they playing the box game? That energy is what I look for in life. Like, I don't want to live life where I just go, it's Sunday. Do you guys want to get brunch? I want to live life where I go. It's Sunday, we're going to Buffalo Wild Wings. They got nine fucking, we're going to watch all the games, but the Bucks is on the big one. I want to watch the Bucks today. And I want to be emotionally committed to this team. I want to text the people in the fucking front office and be like, what the fuck are we doing? Okay, all right. That, does that mean you're also going to do picking the Bucks to go to the Super Bowl and win the Super Bowl? You're going to do that too. I don't know if you can make that bet that late. I know, and I can't get to a less, I think I'm going to be in Georgia. I think you can do it that late. It's still months before it happens. Sure. Okay, yeah, if I can do it up, but money on them to go to the Super Bowl. To win the Super Bowl. To win it. I think there's a chance they're going to win it. All right. Once again, all these bets are based on 1981 Bucks. It's a great way to do it, man. Yeah. Who's the favorite to win? Is it the Eagles again? I think so, the Chiefs, I think. Okay, what will you do with your winnings? You got to have something fun to do, right? If you win. If I win, and I win, like say like $16,000. Mm-hmm. It should be put into something fun, a fun thing. I don't know if it's a good question. All right. If I win $16,000, it's like the ultimate is what I can get out of this most. And then I'm happiest, man. By the way, that's all one money, so it's not my money, really. And if I lose the money, that is my money, but that's fine, because I enjoyed watching the game. But if I win it, it's not really my money. So I need to, do I give it away to a fan? That's fucking rad. That's really cool. Yeah? Yeah, that's very cool. How do we pick which fan? I don't know. That's the whole game. Okay. If I win, if I win, no, whatever I'll do with my winnings, it goes to a fan. Very cool. And then, wait, I mean, I always like the big paycheck going to one person, but if I win $16,000, I could break it up. I could give it to two fans. I like all the money going to one person. All right, you just got to figure out how you pick your person. How do I pick my person? And I need to really pick my person. Oh, you know, we should do. We should play a birthday game show. We'll do a bird game show. So what we'll do is we'll get five fans. Zolo. And they have to know the most about birth. The most about birth. So that you have to be like a bird mega fan and it's gotta be like, we're gonna really quiz you on stuff and we're gonna deep dive you like we're gonna go into your analytics. Okay. Find out how much you love me. The person that loves me the most is getting all the winnings. Tom, this is fucking genius. This is fucking genius. So what are you doing with your winnings? Are you getting it to the person who hates me the most? That'd be a real time. That's gonna be very tough. That's gonna be very tough to find. There's a lot of them. Somebody just puts together a montage video of how much they, they're like, I hate them so much and I'm like, here's $16,000. Yeah, that's a great idea. That's a great idea. And you'll have balance. You want balance? You want balance. You don't want to get, you don't want to get too full of birth love. So we'll balance it out. The person that hates me the most gets $16,000. The person that loves you the most gets $16,000. One of them to leave him and she gets both. There you go. Perfect. That's who should get it. Zolo, can you plan this out? There you go. Bird game show. Holy shit. Condition number three. And his angel, I don't give a fuck. I hate him. That's his answer for every question you're getting closer. Oh, shit. Alright. Um, I can't wait to spend time with you this weekend, man. I have a lot to talk to. It's going to be me too, man. It's going to be a blast. It's going to be really a fucking blast. I'm so fucking pumped, man. I just got a text from coach. Why, why doesn't, why doesn't he text me? Don't text him right now. I'm going to go, hey man, are we texting? No, no, don't do that. Come on. Just give it a, give it a beat. I'm not going to text you. I'm not going to text him. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to shine him on the, on the field. I'll be like, oh, coach normal. Oh, good to see you again. And he'll say, it's great to see you, man, he'll give me a hug. That's great to see you. I'll give it a hug. Thanks for having us, man. Yeah. Yeah. What's he saying? Is he saying he's ready for this fucking, does he need us to go into the locker room and give them a pop-up speech? He might be like that. I'm good. Um, let's see. I haven't even opened it yet. Let's see. Yeah. I heard you and the fat guy are coming down to the show. Um, so, yeah, he's just, uh, I hope to see you, um, excited for it. It's going to be rocking. He's right. I mean, they have the, the new, you know, um, renovation, the new club seat, like the stadium is kind of redone. Yeah. It's going to be, it's going to be awesome, man. We're going to have a blast. And then, and then I think, I mean, I'm sure we'll go on the field before. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then what are you wearing? I hadn't thought of that. What are you wearing? I'm wearing garnet pants with flip flops. And then I think maybe a collared FSU shirt with a porosos, uh, maybe a porosos, uh, garden gold hat. Oh, cool. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Or I have an FSU hat. It depends. They want me to do something before the game. So I don't see if I can slide by the porosos hat. So I'm sure they're going to be like, "Hey, what's porosos?" I'm like, "Oh, it's like a club." It's just a, it's a seminal thing. Yeah. And just kind of keep walking. Part of the chant, you know, if you listen to the lyrics. We can give the best fucking pump-up speeches to that team. Yeah. Here's my problem. Here's the problem with you code, switch it all, and be like, "Yo, what's up? What's up? Homey's?" Yeah, yeah, get some, right? Yeah, do that. Do that. No, you would do that. Oh, I do that. Yeah, you could. Yeah, you could. A code switch when you talk to black people. Yeah, no, what it is. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Code NoVort, Norvils, or Homey. Yeah. Tom T.C.'s crackers. What's Tom at it? Yeah. All right. All right. No, I can't wait, dude. I'm stoked. We should wrap up. I have an IV. Okay. And I can't listen. Let's fucking get to Tallahassee. It's going to be fucking blast. Let's get there, dude. We hope you enjoyed the final episode of the two of us. And we will see you in our future endeavors. Lots of love, everybody. Goodbye. Bye.