- 100% - [laughs] - Yeah, we are back. We are in Los Angeles. We're doing two bears, one cave. Everybody's dying to know. How do you feel after having 16 feet of your intestines removed? - Red. I feel really red today. - You do, that's great. - God, I'm red today. Like, I know I get shipped for being red a lot. - Yes, yeah. - But man, I just got out of the sauna, just got out of the gym, and I'm like, I am looking at myself in the mirror as I walk past. - Yeah. - Today's a rough one for me. - Well, you know, there's a thing about being red is like, you can fight it for, you can lean in. Like, what about getting redder? You know what I mean? - Yeah, and just get so red that people go, they don't even notice anymore. - Yeah, exactly. - Like, why fight? - It's good. - Yeah, also red's a good, I think you look good with red. - Can I tell you, I'm always amazed that like, like, when you feel fat and disgusting, and then you're on an airplane, and you see someone really fat and disgusting, and then you go, how do you feel? Like, I'm not as bad as you. I didn't get a C-Pull extender. - You know though. - You look disgusting. - The real place where you kind of, you find, you find kind of your place in society, is when you go to like a hotel pool, you know what I mean? And so, 'cause at first you're like, I'm a piece of shit, I'm the fucking grossest. And you see a couple, like fitness bodies, and you're like, oh my God, like that's what you're supposed to look like, this fucking perfect human, then some fucking pig waddles down. And like, has trouble kicking their slippers off, and you see the rolls just hanging, and you're like, this is the grossest person at the pool. And then you kind of smile, and you're like, that person's way grosser than me. And you know exactly your status, 'cause there's always like a couple gorgeous people, and then there's just a few animals that you go like, nice, I'm glad they're here too. - They should make, you know how they have like, they have like those vacation spots for singles, and for swingers, they should make one for couples wanting to feel better about themselves, with just my 600 pound life people. - Yeah, and you go there and go on vacation there, and you just, you're like, they're like, hey, you can go on the zipline, not everyone else can, but you can. It's just the vacation place for you. I mean, I, honestly, if you're around enough gross people, especially at a pool, you will stand up a little straighter. You'll be like, I'm not that bad. I'm actually pretty good. - Can I tell you, Tom? I know that I don't really read comments, but I know that people say me and you are out of touch, and that we've changed. And I would fight that tooth and nail. I am the same bird you've known since day one, since day one, when I was doing the date and funny bone, and then the other day, I went to the DMV and I realized, I have not been around these people in a very long time. - Different, huh? - I am out of touch. That is America. That is shut down the 101 and throw a brick at a cop America. That is not who I see on a daily basis. Not, I was like, I am the healthiest person in this room. I've showered the most in this room. I've brushed my teeth the most in this room. - Yeah. - The DMV is fucking scary, Tom. - It kind of boosted you up. I haven't been in a, I went last year and it's, you know, yeah, it's just sitting there waiting for your number to get called and you're just looking around that room. It is the bottom of the barrel, dude. - I mean, that's America, Tom. - Yeah, it is. - That's most-- - You go to our shows. Our shows are cultured. High end, top level of the Titanic Americans. I mean, we've got, if you're listening to this right now, you are fucking killing it in life. - Just if you're listening. - If you're listening, if you're watching this, you might be, you know, touch it. If you're listening to this, you are a one percenter, in my opinion. - I like that. I feel good. - Yeah. - You know what, even if you're not-- - Just tell yourself you are. - Yeah, one percenter. - And if right now you're going, no, no, no, no, no, I'm having a rough day. I feel like I'm overweight. I know, maybe I'm not achieving everything. Go to the DMV and look around and go, wow, you know what, I am fucking killing it. - It's not that bad. That's what you'll leave there thinking. It's not that bad, what I've got going on. - I really was, I got a DMV appointment and I was like, I was like, nice. 'Cause you know, I always try to like make sure that I'm grounded in life, you know? I was like, nice. I got a DMV appointment. I'm going in the DMV. I'm just fucking, hey, if Tom Cruise goes to the DMV, I go to the DMV and the second I got there, I was like, how did I pay to get out of this? - Yeah, how'd you do? - How'd you do, I need to pay. - There's like a backdoor situation there. - I got offered it and I didn't take it. - You didn't take it. - I didn't take it 'cause I was like, you know what? Not like cancel culture shit of like, if people found out, but I was like, I was like, if I just, I think that's when I don't, that's when I'm no longer in touch. Just when I, and let me tell you, Tom, let me just so we're clear, I did all the steps to take it. - Yeah. - And then I got there, I was like, I'm not doing this. - Really? Oh yeah. - Are you bailed? - I bailed. - And then now you're going to do the celebrity way? - No, no, I had fucking did it. I had to just get my license renewed and now I got to go back into, I could have done the fucking, and now I got to go back and do in November and get my license renewed because I didn't do the celebrity way. - Do you know when I found out about it? When I moved here, when I moved here, I had some appointments to go to for the DMV, and somebody I worked with was like, oh yeah, I can facilitate like the back doorway and I was like, really here? And they're like, oh, that's right, no, not in Texas. I can do it in California. I was like, oh, okay. - Oh, there's, there's, I didn't even know about it. - Ila, you know, Ila's failed the driver's exam like eight times. - Seriously? - Oh yeah, she buddy, she shouldn't drive. I don't think she should ever. She knows she said the other day, she goes, you know what, maybe I won't drive a car, maybe I'll just get a motorcycle. I was like, baby, that's even worse. - Yeah, no, that's no good. - She was like, maybe, you know what car she wants? She wants a hellcat. - Oh, perfect. Is she dating a D1 college football player right now? - Yeah, no. She wants a purple hellcat. - Is she dating someone that plays for Georgia? - I have no idea what's wrong with this kid. We're in a fight right now, 'cause I got nervous shit at Georgia's birthday and-- - You got nervous shit? - I got, we got into an argument. I mean, it's so stupid, but she was like, Georgia's like, Ily, you know, you're moving into a house next year. It started with Georgia turned 21, so we went up and surprised Georgia for a 21st birthday. And I said, Georgia, what's the first drink? You're gonna drink now at a bar with it, you can order. You know, what do you excited to order? And she said, I've always wanted to order a martini. But you know, when you're underage, getting a martini is really difficult. So like, you know, you can have a beer, you can have a jack-in-coke, you can have a rum-in-coke, you can have porosos and soda. If you're underage, you can have a porosos and soda. But, you know, getting a martini is like something you need to go to a bar and order. - Yeah. - And so she said, I really want a martini. And I was like, really, she goes, I want a martini. They look so good with a blue cheese olive in it. And I was like, well, maybe we'll go get a martini with a blue cheese olive and then she pivoted. She goes, Ily, you getting a kitchen next year. This should be the first time you have a kitchen. What are you excited to make? And Ily goes, eggs. This fucking child has never eaten an egg in her life. I've tried to cook her an egg for 18 years. Never once has she allowed me to, I doubt I hate eggs. As a matter of fact, the name of our chat thread, our group chat thread with my family is, I swear to God, Ily hates eggs. That's the name of the chat thread. And I said, you're gonna make a fucking egg. And I was a little hungover and I was a little aggressive. And Ily goes, yo, calm down. And I was like, no, I'm not gonna calm down. I've never seen you making an egg. I've never seen you eat an egg. And you're telling me you can make an egg. And she was like, dad, it's easy. And I was like, bullshit. She was like, dad, anyone can make an egg. And so then the other day, I was like, hey, why don't you bring those superpowers over here and make me an egg? And she goes, scrambled? I go, no, no, no, no, no, no. Over easy. She goes, no, no, all I can do is scrambled. I go, a fucking monkey can make a scrambled egg. I go, make me a fucking egg. And so we're fighting right now about that. Over the eggs, wow. Yeah. That was pretty intense. No, dude. It's like if you're a kid, all of a sudden, you know that you know your children, right? Yes. And if Alice just walked into the living room and he's like, hey, dad, put on ice skating. I love ice skating. And you're like, wait, when did you start watching ice skating? He goes, I watch my whole life, you just haven't paid attention. Dude, you know what just happened? I was like, hey, let's, let's watch Star Wars 'cause I've tried to get them. He goes, fuck, no, no, no. And I go, why? He goes, I hate that shit. I don't want to watch it. And I go, it's awesome. And he goes, I don't want to see it. I just don't want to. And I'm like pleading and pleading. And I'm like, dude, they're awesome movies. Like, let's just start with the original and we'll go through it. Yes, yes. Like, no, I hate it. I, you know what, let's just not watch anything. And I go, dude, how about watch 15 minutes? And if you don't like it after 15 minutes, we'll watch something. Oh, God, I'm like, come on, man. Fine. So I put it on and like 10 minutes in, Julian's like, this is cool. And I go, yeah. And then Ellis goes, yeah, they're all pretty good. I've seen them all and I go, what? He goes, yeah, I watch them over at my friend's house. I go, I think he says the worst thing ever. He's like, no, it's pretty rad. They're pretty cool. I go, what the fuck is this, man? Like, you just told me you don't want to, like, it's all, you know, misdirects. And I'm like, wait, so you've seen these? He's like, yeah, see them all. And I go, and you like them? [BLANK_AUDIO]
The generations, Tom, they're not like, they're not like our generation. Okay, dude. We had respect, we had dignity. It's like the people in the Titanic, Tom, they said women and children first and the men just died with dignity. They got dressed up and they died. Do you think, do you think our generation, do you think the generation right now, like let's look at Zolo. If Zolo's on the Titanic, do you think Zolo would be like, no, no, no, no, Heather first, I'm gonna die. - No, you think Annie is gonna win it in. Do you think Annie's gonna be like, - No, not a chance. - Not a fucking chance. And he's gonna be like, I'm gonna go first. - And he would step on someone's neck and be like, I've done my work, we suffered enough. He'd do one of those and then-- - And he would throw a rock in a window and be like, get me in. - Yeah, no. He'd be like, he'd be like, mm-hmm, here we go again. No, he would definitely be like, (engine rumbling) - Fucking white ass shit right here. (laughing) - Oh, he's like, yeah. - Annie, how would, how do you think Annie would react if a white guy that looked like Halston was like, so sorry, so sorry, women and children first? - Wait, wait, what was the question? But what do you, how do you think Annie would react? If a white guy that looked like Halston. - Oh yeah, it was like. - Really white. Halston's the widest thing you can get. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And not physically anything. - What would Annie say? - What would Annie, if Halston went, whoa, whoa, whoa. - Hey. - The first thing he would say is a word we're not allowed to say. And then he would go, fuck out of the way. And then he would just jump on that life right? - Yeah, yeah. - Finances can be messy and confusing. Monarch Money acts like your personal CFO, giving you full visibility and control so you can stop earning and start growing. It's more than your average budgeting app, Monarch Money is a complete financial command center for your accounts, investments and goals. Don't just manage your money. Start building wealth with 50% off your first year for our listeners. Without a clear financial picture, financial dreams can feel out of reach. Monarch makes managing money simple, even for busy lives. With all your accounts, credit cards, investments in one place, you'll always know where your money stands without the hassle plus. You can even share access with a financial advisor or tax pro at no extra cost. I'm telling you, this is something that if you're not feeling like you're financially savvy, is such a great way to get control of your finances and feel like you have somebody watching out for you. Get control of your overall finances with Monarch Money. Use the code
[email protected] and your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at MonarchMoney.com with the code word Bears. Yeah, for sure. - It's crazy. I'm watching, you know, they're. I don't know, for whatever reason, the Titanic. I guess the Titanic must have sunk right around now in real life, you know? - Oh, I don't know. - Really? - But it's Titanic showing up everywhere on my feed, everywhere. So I've been seeing a lot of Titanic stuff. - Where it's June, what is it, was it a bit in June? - It was cold, so I'm not. - Yeah, but they're icebergs. - When did it sink? April? I'm trying, I don't know. They're looking it up. Maybe you're right. - April 14th. - That was April, yeah, okay. - So 1912, so the guy that was like, his dad created the white line. What was it called, the white line cruise ships? - Uh-huh. - The guy that started it, his name was like. His son was the chief financial officer. His name was like Bruce Ursa or something. - Yeah. - And at the very end, Tom, he gets on a boat. Like at the very end, their last boat's going the water. There's like 14 dudes in it. They're already letting dudes on. They say, are there any more women? There's no more women. And he just, and he is the chief financial officer of all these boats and he hops on. And they call him the Bruce Ismay. And they know, they call him the coward of that Titanic. And it ruined his life. That it would have been better for him to die than to live that life. - Really? - I keep, it destroyed him. - Just because he should have gone down with his ship. - He stayed, the idea that, the idea with every man that survived the Titanic was, how did you get on a boat? And so a lot of guys lied. And so no one jumped in the water and then swam to a boat. A lot of guys lied. But then a couple guys, like this guy and. - Well, let's hear, let's park here. So it says, after the disaster, Ismay was savaged by both the American and British press for deserting the ship while women and children were still on board. They called him a coward of the Titanic. Suggested that the white star flag be changed to a yellow livers, some ran negative cartoons depicting him deserting the ship. Some maintain Ismay followed the women and children for principle first. Having assisted many women and children himself. His actions were defended in the official British inquiry which found Mr. Ismay after rendering assistance to many passengers found sea collapse the last boat on the starboard side actually being lowered. No other people were there at that time. There was room for him and he jumped in. How do you not jump in? He would have merely been one more added life lost. Wow, but they still trashed him, huh? - Oh, they destroyed it, ruined his life. He went out, he ended up, I think they kicked him out of this company that his dad started. His dad started the white line or whatever it's called. And they kicked him out. He ended up donating a lot of money and being a good guy, he ended up moving to some farm in Ireland and fishing the rest of his life. He died from diabetes. But my point is, it raises a question of like, is life worth living if you're looked at in shame for the rest of those years you get to live? - That's a good question actually. That's like a really deep philosophical question. I mean, I'm sure especially in that time to have been him was probably brutal from 1914 to 1937 when he died. That's a long time to get trashed, right? But it's almost like, I don't know how much, how much did he enjoy the rest of his life? - I don't think any, because he lived a compromised life. He couldn't do what he loved doing, which is by the way, he's autistic, I think. So he loved numbers and he loved working with numbers and stuff and with numbers. - Some people, he's just like numbers. - Yeah, I don't know, I think he's pretty autistic. I think he was autistic. I don't know why I think he was autistic. - Yeah. - I just, that was my read on him. But like, I was trying to equipulate it to like, our life, right? - Yeah. - And I was like, how would we, what if you made, you is life worth living if you have to live in shame? Like, say you get on a plane, right? And the plane crashes and you're like, fuck it, I'm out. You ever seen that movie where the guy, it's like a French movie and they're on the Swiss Alps and there's an avalanche and the guy fucking panics and goes and shuts the door on his family. - No, I don't think I have no. - Oh, they read that? - Oh, that's a rough one. - Yes. - And then the family just dies in the avalanche? - No, the avalanche doesn't make it to them and they live, but they know that their dad was gonna let them die. - That's pretty great. - And it's not a comedy? - No, it is, I think it is. We made it with Will Ferrell and the girl from Seinfeld, Julie Louise Dreyfus, I think. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But. - Tourist, is that it? Forse measure? - I think so. - That's the original. All right, so that's crazy. It's like, would you be willing to die so that you didn't have shame? - I guess it depends, man. I mean, look, what you're talking about is why a lot of people unalive themselves. People unalive themselves to not deal with immense shame all the time. So that's a real thing. - There was that comic that I guess had some essays. I like that we've changed our language too. - Well, you kinda have to to just, yeah, to, otherwise, people always ask, why is this bleeped? Why'd you say it this way? It's so that it stays up. Otherwise they'll take you down. He had some alleged essays that they were gonna, they were gonna w about in an, in a, in an N.P. Okay. Not that anyone reads N.P.'s anymore, but I'm sure that the I would have gotten a hold of it and put it on Y.T. And it would have just effed him in the A, up and down. - Uh-huh, so what do you do? - He, uh, he has a, no, he didn't essay himself. He, uh, art himself? No, he, Kate himself. He, wait, he unalibed himself. - He did? - Yes, he unalibed himself. - Oh. - And he was like a, he was like a really good kid and he was, he was, he was an AA. - Mm-hmm. - You know what I mean, a B, but an AA. - Yeah. - Okay. - Oh, I know who this is. - Yeah, he was an AA, C. - Yep. Okay, I think at this point, there's people in their cars just going, the fuck is happening here? So, yeah. (laughing) - Yeah. - They're like, I don't see-- - African-American comic. - Yeah, we got it. - But allegedly, he unalibed himself because he didn't want to deal with like the B2 movement. - I, I mean-- - That's allegedly. I don't know the whole story, but that's what I heard. - Yeah, yeah, it's, it's rough, man. - Yeah, so you're, I mean, but the real question is like, you know, how much shame are you willing to deal with? - That's a good question. - Yeah. - I mean, can you look past the shame and just start enjoying it.
Sunsets again. But I mean that this is something that a lot of people have had to weigh in their own lives. Yeah. I think the shame hurts the most if you're someone who who never got it, who never got it and didn't and then all of a sudden the shame shows up and you're like, oh, the accolades are gone and now I just have shame. Yeah, and it's happened to some very notable people, you know? Like who like like I know it's had to happen to athletes. Well, the first person I thought of actually was like Mel Gibson. Lance Armstrong. Yeah, I mean they're I think they're both fallen at for different reasons, but like Mel was super celebrated, you know, like highly respected. I mean a legit bona fide movie star. And then he had these like drunken rants saying wild shit and it totally changed people's percent. And there's a lot of public shame and something like that. And then with Lance, yeah, it was like I've never taken anything of never and you know, then it comes out that he had taken everything. And there was big shame for both of them. Yeah. By the way, what's can I tell you what's crazy is both both of them. It never never bothered me. I know. No, you know, I ran into Mel Gibson and was like, oh, fucking love you dude. You're here. Yeah. If I ran into Lance Armstrong, I'd be like, think I mean, okay, the argument's sake. And hopefully one day we get Lance on the podcast. I would love to have him as a guest bearer. I would love to. But like, think about the good Lance did. And he was he was only doing what everyone was doing at the time. Well, that is true. I ran into him once. Really? Not in Austin. I was I was in Colorado and he was in a restaurant. And yeah. Did you say hi to him? Did I say hi to him? I kind of like not like he did one of those like, somebody else I knew knew him and they spoke. And then he was like, this time he was like, hi, like it was real real quick. It wasn't wasn't like an actual, you know, conversation we had. You look like you're real happy with Mel though. Whereas, oh, yeah, yeah. I'm dude. I mean, I what Mel Gibson is done for cinema is I think, you know, I think it's a tip for tat with what he's done for bad things like sweet tits. Okay. I'll take it for a pocket lift. Oh, yeah. We yeah. That was pretty great. I mean, if you're going to say like one drunken racist filled phone message for all the lethal weapons, come on. Yeah. Okay. I got it. It's a good exchange. I know. Yeah. I mean, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. Okay. Let's take a look at our careers and see what we could get away with that will be worth it. Okay. It is directly proportionate into what you've given for sure. Yes. They are strong strong. How many people did he help with cancer? God, who knows? I mean, it's a lot. Infinite. An infinite amount of people. Yeah. He helped through his cancer society or whatever he had. Yeah. Right. And what did he like, so he said some wild stuff. Right. No, I mean, he cheated. Whatever. He was doping. Everybody was doping. Everyone was doping. Tid for tat. There we go. Can you hit Christina? Think about your body of work. Okay. You got how many specials out there? Five symbi it'll be six and six. You're shooting in November, you're going to shoot your sixth special in Wisconsin. Yeah. Okay. Now let's just put this out there. Okay. So many people have gone through loss and hardship and heartbreak and depression and probably thought to themselves, maybe I should unalive myself today. And then they saw ballhawk and they went, you know what? I'm going to give it another day. And then who knows how that person's unjust keeping themselves alive has changed. So many people for good. Is it worth you punching Christina one time? Yeah. I mean, are we talking about like a direct hit like, you know, like a square in the face kind of thing like a Ray Rice. Okay. Let's do Ray Rice. Hold on. Yeah. Hang on. This is a fucking, this is a fun game. It is a fun game. Well, he, but he they decided his body of work wasn't sufficient. I know. He got completely blacklisted. And I can I tell you who got fucked the hardest on that? His wife. Yeah. Not only did she get punched, she lost her Mercedes, she lost her house. She lost all her jewelry. She fucking, I mean, she got with him most. What? She's still with him. That's a great question. I hope if she is, she's the realest one ever. Yeah. She is. If, if she is, she deserves an award and a scholarship. Yeah, they are. They're still married. Yeah. Yeah. That is crazy. It is because like if that had been Tom Brady, they'd be like, you know, people lose their temper, man. What are you gonna do? This happens. Yeah. She probably was saying some wild shit. Yeah. Definitely. I think Grant could have gotten away with it. Yeah. For a man that would have been. It's a big guy. If Aaron Hernandez had played five more years, do you think he could have killed those people and got away with it? That's the thing is like multiple murders. He just killed one dude. I think it was more. And himself. He unalived himself. Yeah, but I think other people, like they pinned that first one on, but then they didn't end up tying other ones to him. I don't know. I don't really pay attention. That's why I shouldn't talk about stuff like this because I don't really know any of the information. I'm just kind of like, I'll only know about Aaron Hernandez. Is he unalived himself with soap? He was acquitted in a double murder. Okay. Well, you're right. He's convicted of one. Yeah. But it's like, it's like you look like. What do you think you think you could get away with hitting the end? No, I can't. I don't know. Not good enough. No. No. I think of the machine. It performed a little bit better in box offices. Yeah. If it was like a huge box office. If it had made like a hundred million dollars. You're fine. Easy. I don't even know if I'd be with her today. Summer is here. More sun, more light, more times do all the things that make summer so special. And the number one thing you don't want to have to be doing all summer, spending hours cooking inside. That's where factor comes in. Factors, chef-crafted dietitian approved meals are ready in just two minutes, taking all the hassle out of eating well. Factors meals arrive fresh and ready to eat perfect for any active lifestyle over summer and beyond with 45 weekly menu options. You can pick gourmet meals that fit your summer gains and goals. Choose from options like gallery smart. Not for me. Protein plus. That's me. Keto. That's also me and more. Factor powers your day. Sun up to sundown with nutrition breakfasts on the go lunches, premium dinners and guilt-free snacks and desserts. Factor has your whole day covered. Let me tell you something. We put them in our fridge in the cheese drawer, stack our factor meals, slide them out, flip through them. It's almost like looking through a cookbook of already made meals. When they say two minutes, I'm saying two minutes and it's perfectly done. Get started at factor meals.com/bearers50off and use code bearers50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code bearers50off at factor meals.com/bearers50off for 50% off plus free shipping. Factor meals.com/bearers50off. Bearers50off. But, you know, she's luckily for her. Just did enough to make some money back and, you know, so she's mine forever. Yeah. That's a really interesting thing is how much. What, what you think about all these big celebrities, like we were talking about that the other day, when you think back on Michael Jackson, he's so talented that he was like little boys sleep in my bed and everybody was like, have you heard? You want to be starting something? It's fucking amazing, you know, like Thriller. To this day, to this day, Tom, people would defend Michael Jackson. It's because of his talent. Yeah. He was so talented. Yeah. Dr. Dre hit a check. Everyone's like, the other chronic was fucking. Yeah, exactly. No, I know. So you're right. I think if I did that, you know, I'd probably still be able to work, but it'd be a different world. You'd be able to work be a different world. Yeah. I guess we can't hit our wives. Can't hit our wives. Yeah. I can't. I can't even cheat on mine. Yeah. We got to, you know, we got to look for is like, well, we should probably discuss it. Maybe we can hit our wives after our summer projects come out. I like that. Yeah. Like maybe that's the, the goal is, because we're both doing stuff this summer. Can you say what you're doing? Is that like, this is are you announced in everything? I've announced it. I don't know if I'm announcing it. You're not announcing it. I might just let it just show up. Okay. Why do you? I never understood why we announced them. I don't know how it works either, dude. It's just mine, well, yeah, because we're recording this in advance. Mine's now announced. So I'm shooting a movie this summer and, you know, the goal is just obviously to make it a fun and funny, entertaining movie, but ultimately good enough for you guys would forgive me for, you know, assault, like battery or something, you know, yeah. That's, I just hope that my project is good enough that you guys would forgive me for like throwing land against a wall. Yeah. At a restaurant. Which is not as bad as like a closed fist punch. No. Oh, come on. I think I could, could I, could I? Okay.
video tapes someone tapes me and Leanne at a am I good enough. This is a great in the comments. Yeah. Have I done enough in podcasting and in stand up and touring and creating tours and having cruises all the things I've done my whole body of work ignore travel channel that's not gonna help to dress Leanne down with like the worst words out of valet and getting my car clearly drunk and drive away. I think you could do that dude. I think I can do. I think I can too. I actually think it might actually be kind of some bonus points. That was pretty cool. I might need some bad boy points because I think I've been too good. I mean like a goody two shoes. You know know what I think you could do also is if you threw her through like a plate glass window. Oh, like here's the thing that dude. Yes, because here's the thing. Ultimately it's like it's softer than a wall. Like you know what I mean, but the dramatic like if it was somebody who had their phone out and you see a glass window shatter and this woman goes flying through it she gets up. She's got a couple bumps or whatever. Yeah, little scratch on her. But it's like a what the fuck and then you're like that's fucking right. You say some wild shit on your way out. You look pretty bad ass. She's not like unconscious. Like she's okay. Yeah, I think that's like a definitely like people would probably be like that was fucking really cool the way you did that. What you have to do in a moment like that is say the right thing when the act like just go black lives matter not all lives matter black lives matter. Right. You have like a nice punch line for it. Like nice like like like free Palestine. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Oh man. Actually, you have a bunch of people. Well, a lot of people would hate you for it. But you'd have a lot of people that would be like, hey dude, that was really cool the way you threw your wife through that window for Palestine. It would be a lot of guys from Palestine not minding it at all. They'd be like, what did you say my man? Yeah, we do this all the time when we used to have houses. It's such a it's such an interesting like it I watch my behavior in public a lot because I don't want to I don't want negative tapes about me. So like I think I'm a good person. I don't I can't really tell because I'm already in front of it. You know, so you're always careful. Oh, yeah. And I've you know, I've had some slip ups obviously. Like almost hitting her and stuff. No, no, not with Leanne with like strangers. I always interact very nicely and pleasantly. And I'm you'd be shocked what all allow someone to say to me. And I'll diffuse it and kind of apologizing just and separate my way and go, I'm not going to interact with this. This is something someone's going to catch on camera. Like I'm not I had a woman one time. I can't tell if I ran the red light or she ran the red light. I clearly thought she ran the red light. And I and she fucking pulled up next to me screaming at me and had her phone out. And I clearly think she read the look ran the red light. I mean, I'm not even fucking around. I am almost 100% certain she ran the red light. I went and I pulled up to park. And she came up with her phone yelling at me. And I knew I was on camera. And I knew I had more to lose than she did if I talked back because now she gets to edit it from wherever she wants. Yeah. And I just I just apologized. Really? I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened. If I ran that red light, it's my fault. She goes, you definitely ran that fucking red light. I said that I'm I apologize. I wasn't paying attention. But I was just I'm and I just what if she hadn't had that phone out. Fuck you whore. Fucking kick in her window. I wait till she tried to get out of her car. Then I kick her door. So it crushed her fucking skull and then unalive the shit out of her. Fucking good thing for phones. Man, that's the way to I mean that's you know any lives I've saved is just having a phone out. Yeah. You look at all these people down at the protest in the 101. Yeah. Just fucking you pull a phone out and you're like people are terrified of the phone. They're afraid of getting shamed. Shame is a shame is worse. Shame is worse than who shames is as bad as death, I guess. In some cases. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what we're getting at. In some cases it is. I asked Pete. I asked Pete today. Pete Pete Juliano no longer works for me. Everyone knew my assistant Peter. He he we caught him on tape saying the N word. So we had to get rid of him and it was about any. So we understood who he was doing. But like but and so we have a new assistant Kyle ex-military. Oh, we were talking today about that that because it's on Netflix is the the sub that went down to see the Titanic. Yeah. And they they unalived just in a second. Right. Yeah. And I said, what would you rather do? Have it instant or fight it fight for it. Fight for it like a bear fight for it like a snake and you got to get out of the woods. Fight for it like a pack of wolves have you on top tracked up on the top of a tree. Fight for it like like like you're in a capsized boat in the ocean and you're holding on for dear life for five days with no water horrible storm sunburn shark circling you fight for it or just what would you rather do fight for it. You'd rather oh there's a dude that was stuck out of sea for four hundred and thirty six days. And I kind of thought I kind of thought dude. How could anyone live that long in the ocean? I don't know. I didn't read the whole article. There you go. Oh my god. But if you know you're going to if you're going to for sure die in either one. Even if you know you're going to die, I'd still fight for it. I just I'd fight for it for the hope that I could get out of it. Well, yeah, that's that's what you're yeah, for sure. I mean, I listened to this podcast with me and I listened to this podcast called Adventure. No, it's a noise or it's about like it's like adventure stories or something. It's not adventure. It's about I'll tell you what exactly what it is. Well, hold on. We found this guy. So Jose Salvador Alvarenga, a thirty six year old fisherman survived four hundred and thirty eight days, bro. Dude, he was found his boat got fucked on the first day of fishing the first day of fishing. He was found in January, 2014. He drifted six thousand seven hundred miles. So he was shark fishing with a younger companion when they separated in a storm. Court the other person court of a died leaving Alvarenga alone for the remaining nine months of his ordeal. He's described surviving by fishing, swimming and collecting rainwater. He also credited a strong sense of caregiving. The ability to create imagery realities keeping him alive. There's a book called four hundred and thirty eight days. Holy shit. His case was the subject of a lawsuit filed by the family. Do you know why? Do you want to tell you why? Well, they think he ate him. Yeah. I mean, that's okay. I mean, no, they were like, he had to get rid of the body because he was talking to the body. So he was hallucinating. He had to throw the body over everything. But the family is like, yo, bullshit. You ate him and then you made money off of it. That's okay. I feel for him. Real survival stories. This is what island I listened to and every single one. Is like, I mean, just better than the other one. And but everyone they think they're going to die. There's no, they're definitely going to die and they fight for it and fight for it. So I think I'd go, oh, I'm fighting. I'm definitely fighting. Did you, um, are you having a Hitler summer too? Like I am. Like, do you watch? I watch a lot of, I realize in the summers I watch war documentaries. So I'm watching a World War II doc again. So goddamn good. The one in color. Which one? It's a six episode one. It's like World War II in color. On Netflix. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's fucking amazing. I think it's the second time I've seen it. And actually, I don't think that's the one. I think it's a different one. Yeah, I think it's a different one. But whatever whichever one it is, it's fantastic, man. Like I was telling Christina's like, there's so many details that you don't, you don't know or remember about it. So every time, even though I feel like I've seen it, you would just go like, like I was telling, I didn't know that the part of the directive when we were trying to get Germany to surrender was we just bombed Hamburg and just blew it to smell like just flattened it. And then there was the survivors that were housed in a building. And then the, I think it was the Brits that were like, hey, bombed that too. Like for all the, like the civilian survivors. Can I? Okay, three things. Don't let me forget three things. Three things. Number one, plutonium. Plutonium. Number two, Japan. Number three, these movies like Band of Brothers. Yeah. Or, or, or, or saving private Ryan are so much more interesting and engaging once you know a little bit about the history. Like you don't know anything about the history of World War II and like D day, let's take D day, for example. Like I'm watching Band of Brothers, which I never gave a shit about when it came out. I was like, yeah, I don't like war stuff.
that I'm into World War II stuff. I'm watching them. I'm watching the paratroopers jump over enemy lines and I'm understanding the history of it that they had flooded the fields so that those guys would drown that they there was a storm and they were getting bombed so they didn't know when to jump out that the planes were getting hit by artillery and people were just getting thrown out that they were getting shot in the sky. Now that I know the history, it is fucking fascinating. It's fascinating. You know, I also found the one thing that you are definitely a like Hitler in. He's a good friend. He's a good friend. Hitler was? Yeah, it's a Mussolini. He really was a good friend to him. Yeah. So the next time somebody says you remind me of Hitler, you just be like, yeah, because he was a great friend of Mussolini. Sorry. You know, you ever hear what Hitler said to that Mussolini when Mussolini passed the wine to him? Mm-hmm. He said, "Gratzi Nauti." That's pretty good. By the way, I never looked this up when Hitler and Mussolini would converse. What language did they speak to each other? Did they speak? Here we go. It was the first result. Despite I'm playing an office struggle to communicate effectively. Mussolini, oh, who spoke some German initially refused to use a translator, but he found Hitler's rough Austrian accent difficult to understand. Hitler was known for his lengthy monologues, which Mussolini found boring. Despite their shared ideology, their communication, and my he found tedious. So I like how they're like, oh, so essentially, eventually they used translators, I guess? Okay. We should do that one time. What's that? We'll use translators. Oh, okay. See how, like, yeah, we'll get one Spanish to English translator. You only talk in Spanish. Okay. And then I'll have them translate, and we'll see how it turns out. We could do that. Yeah, that'd be fun. We'll translate her. But we'll dress up. I'll dress up as Mussolini, dress up as another guy, and then we'll. I'll dress up as. Is it racist to dress up as Hitler? I don't know that it's racist. It's usually frowned upon. Oh, do you know who did that one time? My favorite Meghan Markle's husband, H. Oh, H, yeah, yeah. H dressed up like Hitler one time, fucking frat party. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, it would be a great costume. Prince Harry. Yeah. That was something that everybody did over the last probably whatever it is, 60 years until finally I feel like now everyone's like, that's a no-go, right? No one really does that anymore. What's the next one? I remember I had a girlfriend, not a girlfriend, but a girl that I was really close with, who was Peruvian, and it was Halloween and she dressed up like a Puerto Rican, and I went, you're not allowed to do that. She was like, I go, first of all, it doesn't look like you dressed up at all. You just look like yourself. You just look like your Puerto Rican. She goes, I know, but look at it. It looks like crazy, right? And I was like, no, no, you can't do that. That's funny. What's the next one? What's the next one that people will be like, you can't dress up like that? What's the next you can't? Because people have done Bin Laden, because that's where my mind went for a while. Did you watch the Bin Laden doc? No. It's fucking amazing. Which one's the Bin Laden doc? It just came out like a month ago. Wait, could you dress up like Harry the Nazi? Oh, that's really good. Like, I'm not dressing up like a Nazi. I'm dressing up like Prince Harry. I'm Prince Harry. He was a Nazi. Yeah, no, a lot of people won't make that connection. I'm not dressing in blackface. I'm dressing as Justin Trudeau in blackface. That's right. Yeah, the blackface thing is still definitely not okay. You want to try it? You can do it at home. Well, it's a slippery slope about dressing up in blackface because the lot of those face masks, they give women are blackface. What do you mean? Like like those mud masks, black women put blackface. That's like saying the N word in a different language. You're still saying the N word. Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, that's what is that Justin Trudeau? Can we learn the N word in other languages? That'd be a fun one. Let's let's learn racial epithets in other languages. Okay, hold on. Okay, this is awesome. Never knew this. Wow, there's like fucking downloadable. Be careful what site this is. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, so because the story of the word became really demeaning in Brazil, roughly the same word as the N word in English was Creole, which is a cognate of Spanish, Creole, and English Creole. Negro or negro or preto was an is in principle neutral. It just means black color. Okay, so we're looking for what is, there's got to be one that actually lays it out. No, but that's almost more, that's even like wilder to just be like like to say the word black in a different language, but it sounds like it's painful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. And then what's the one for white? See, if that's one, if we can teach black people one that hurts us, then what's that? What's this one? And Hebrew, the term Kushi can be racially derogatory, particularly with the accent on the coup. The Italians used to say words like Tizone or Mulanjan. No, that's from Eddie Murphy. Didn't he, the Mulan Italian? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because that's what's it called, eggplant, right? Isn't that the eggplant thing? I think so, I don't know. I thought eggplant was a dick. No, no, but the Italians, I think that's supposed to be, yeah, Mulan, that was the, I think that's, isn't that, or it doesn't. Yeah, based on the provider is primarily understood as Sicilian dialect for eggplant. Yeah, but the eggplant is dark, right? So that's how it was a, there was, but let's find out the other, like horrible racial epithets in another language, right? Like, God dang. What's Arabic word for slave? A bead, a bead means that's an Arabic way of saying it. These are nice for you to use in public. Yeah, you know, like if you had a restaurant, you're like, what's with all the beads here, man? You know, that kind of thing. Everyone's like, "What are you talking about?" Oh my god. They told us a horrible one in South Africa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what, what a sight is this? This is on Wikipedia, bro. This is on Wikipedia. These are just racial stories for everybody. Yeah, wait, if you scroll down, because it's alphabetical, go to the letter K. I just want to see if this is. Okay, there it is. That's the one they set, when we were there, they were like, that's the worst thing you can say in South Africa. For real? Yeah. Well, of course not. It's just there when the guys were like, yeah, that's the worst word here. That would be funny to just very casually say that. Like, oh, this is my, like, if you're meet like Trevor Noah and you're like, oh, this is my best, my wife's maiden name is that. Yeah, that would know what else would hear it. And he'd be like, what the fuck did you just say? Yeah, it's a maiden name. It's a maiden name. Yeah, it's not far off my wife's maiden name. Yeah, but see, this is what I was looking for. See how it says like, in North Eastern Thailand, that's a slur for Vietnamese people. You see it? Wait, no, I don't see it. You just had it. That one, I don't even know how to say that. Hey, hey, how do you say that? To Sanders Vietnamese, you can say it. There you go. No, and it's Thai, but that's what they call you. You've never heard, you've never been called that? No, would it hurt your feelings if I called you that right now? Well, I have no meaning to me. So no, yeah, so it looks like someone's got a new nickname. Oh, I can't wait. We're going to get a t-shirt made for you. It's going to be fun. God, it'll only register to North Eastern Thai people. It's only it's so North Eastern Thai people would be like, so my God, it's so funny because the we're, as we look at these words, I have zero meaning to them. Us cow. There it is. How do you say it? Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Cow. Sorry, Sandra. You can do that once you're slacking off. All right, you're fine. Yeah. But it's crazy because that has no meaning to me, right? I know. Meaning to me. It has no value. And there's someone in, and here's a, there's a fun one. It's a German slur for Dutch people, cascote.
- You mean, she and her for Dutch. I feel comfortable saying that one. - Yeah. - That's cool. - Yeah. - Hey, what's a slur for someone who's really red? - Oh, well, it looks like for Native American slurs. - I used to, I literally got in the sauna today and I was like, don't get in the sauna. You're gonna get very red and you're gonna do the podcast and be like purple. And now every time I laugh, I see myself get redder. - Cowish. - Oh, here we go. Canadian French. - Cowish. - That's my new nickname, Bert Cowish Chrysler. - There you go. - Bert Cowish Chrysler. - So you did, you did do a. - I worked out, hardy shit, I have a cough. So I was coughing like crazy throughout the workout. - Ooh, this sounds like meaner. - What? - Nitchie. - That sounds, Nitchie, that's my new nickname. - Nitchie. - Nitchie. - Yeah. - If you say that to me, on the road, I'll buy you a drink. - I can't see how red it drinks. - I was in the sauna today and I was with Pete 'cause it's his last day. And I was just like, I was so dizzy. - Don't scroll. - Yeah, I was so dizzy. And I was like, God damn, I'm gonna be so red for this podcast. And then I'm looking at myself. I catch myself in a reflection on a camera. And I'm like, if I laugh, my cheeks get red, just like, oh, fuck. And then I look at my hand next to my face. I'm like, this doesn't look normal. - Oh yeah, you look way redder than your hands. - Jesus. - Oh my god, the rest of my body. - Yeah. - Problem. - Looks like Pacific Samoan people call white people Pallagi or Pallagi. - That's a good one. Pallagi. How these one in Hawaii call us. - Yeah, yeah. It's not that positive. - It's never, it never hurt my feelings. - Yeah, I know. I think the Chinese would call white people guilos. And that means like ghost face or something. - That sounds scary. I'm definitely not a ghost. - Yeah. - I'm a Nietzsche guilo. - Nietzsche, you're fucking Nietzsche. - Well, like that it's a ting-tong. Twink is a gay slur for skinny gay guy. - Oh my god, this is, okay. - Yeah, these are great, man. - This is a what, I mean, this is- - Can we print this out and have it poster to the wall? - This is just Wikipedia. - Yeah. It's giving you everything you need, man. - Holy shit. - There's so many. - Oh my god. - Yeah. - There was a restaurant with one of these names when I was a kid. - Oh yeah? - Sambo's. - Oh yeah. - There's a restaurant called Sambo's. - That is nice. - And you could buy little, you got little wooden nickels that were like quarters that you could get and they had the picture on it. - Yeah, that's nuts. - When did Sambo's go out of business? - Look at that. There was one on. - 81. - Right, no, 84. Right, is that one? Oh no, the last restaurant was renamed in 2020? - No. It was opened in '57, expanded to more, in light '63, it had 16 cities, 98 locations by '69. Yeah. - Oh my god. Let's scroll back up in '79. There was 1117, Sambo's. That's crazy. - Yeah, I remember that we went to the one on Fletcher and right when they changed their name, they changed their name to like. - They changed it to Chads. - No. - That's what it said. At the end there, it said in 2020 it was renamed to Chads after the owner, Chads Stevens. - That's. - It took George Floyd for he was like, all right, it's Chads, all right? Are we happy now? - Sambo. - Yeah. They changed it to something else when I was in like, when I was like 10. I had to be younger than that, probably eight. And I remember that's when the last time we went there, they're like, "They've changed." - That's incredible. That's good at Chads now. - Chads is so much more offensive, I think. It's a horrible name. - Yeah. - Can you imagine? - For a restaurant, you wanna go to Chads? Never. - No. - Don't you have something like Sambo's around? - We sell french fries, but no salt or anything. - It's french fries. - It's so. - Are you a cheeseburger? - We don't do that, we just hamburgers. - We just do. - Yeah. - You wanna check out fingers? I like check out fingers, but can I get french? We don't do ranch. - No, there's just mayo here. We only do mayo. - We only do mayo. - Yeah. - Jesus Christ, man. - Wait, wait. - When you think like people, you know, like, there was a guy named Derek, like did I knew growing up? And then I realized the other day, I was like, God man, his dad could have picked any name and he picked Derek. - Yeah. - Like yeah. - Like I understand like when you name a kid after yourself, like Albert Charles Chrysler the third. But like you just went, I just called Derek. - Yeah. - It's just such a weird thing. - It's a weird choice. If it's not a thing. - 'Cause there weren't Derek's. When did the name Derek, there weren't Derek's, like in like the 1950s. - Feels like it may have started like, yeah. That was probably the same. - Except the two. Yeah, Derek's. - I knew a bunch of Derek's grown up. - It originates from the old Germanic name, Theodoric, which means people ruler, ruler of the people. - I don't think that's why they named Derek Derek. - No. - The Derek I knew was not a ruler. - No. Wait, did you know that our clip went viral where you were talking about this office? And then I was like, well, your place is a fucking like yarn collectors. Liam gave me a lot of shit about that. It was like she was mad. - Yeah, I didn't know when viral, I saw it. I just made me laugh. - Yeah, it's so funny, dude. Did you see me in AI as a woman? Like with that filter? It looks like I should work in your office. - Let me see it. Can you find it? - Yeah, we have it. It looks like I should be in your bullpen. 100%. - I love you, Richard. Thank you so much. I can't believe I'm saying this, but Bert really nailed this one. Go fuck yourself, Richard. - Even when I'm funny, people go, "Why do you do that more often?" And you're like, "Fuck, just a laugh." - Just have a good time. - Man, just enjoy it. And just don't look at my face. - There I am. Look. - Oh my, that's not you. - Yeah, that's me in the filter. Don't I look like I work downstairs? - You kind of look like Rachel. - Yeah. - You do look like you go work for me. - Totally. It looks like a little secret slot. Doesn't it look like a- - Can you just miss something I say? Like I go, "Hey, can we get this?" And you go, "Oh yeah, whatever, Bert." - Sure, Bert, whatever. - I'm gonna go now, you do work for me. - Doesn't it look like a whore, like a secret whore? Like you think she's a nice girl, but she's really- - Wait, how did they do that? That is a great AI filter. - Oh no. Did they do that without your beard? - No, I just did it, the filter just takes it off. We gotta do one of Bert though. - Yeah, do one of me, I'd love to see me as a fucking whore. - Will you smash your pass on this? - In college, I probably would've, I'd pass. If you had big tits, maybe. - Maybe in college. - Maybe in college, now. - Yeah. - Now. - Fuck now, fuck that pig. - Well, you have big tits. - Yeah, thanks man. - Your hair's a little blah for me. - You don't like the hair? - No, I do. - You can tell I did more highlights. - More highlights to it. - More, more highlights. More highlights and your nose looks like you've been punched a couple times. - You know, I probably have been like fucking back talking bitch. - Yeah. - What was your thing about Japan? - What about Japan? - You asked us to like, don't forget. You wanna talk about Japan? - Oh, dude, I had the, I mean, I know that I'm, I know that say stupid shit sometimes. I just had the realization that plutonium is real. Like, it's not created, it's a fucking rock. They dig up in Africa. - Wait, what did you, I don't understand. - I assumed that nuclear bomb bombs and plutonium and all that nuclear energy. I assumed that was created in a lab. - Okay. - I never knew that you can actually dig up plutonium. - I thought that was shit you saw in superhero movies. - Oh. - I didn't know plutonium was a real rock. They dug up in Africa. And then we bought like a hundred tons of plutonium. And then we created bombs with it. Like, I had no clue. - Is that why you're tying it to Japan? - Yeah, 'cause I was just studying, not studying, but I was reading about, or not reading. I was listening to a podcast about, you know what I'm trying to say. - Yeah, here she went. - About Nagasaki. - Did you know that Nagasaki was their second choice? - I had seen this in one of the docs. - Yeah, the Nagasaki, they went to go bomb a better city first. And they had cloud coverage. I'm like, fuck it, let's just do Nagasaki. - Oh, no, I didn't know that. - Yeah, they were supposed to do a different city. And they couldn't see it from cloud coverage. So they just did Nagasaki. But plutonium, you can, like out of all the rocks, right? You get diamonds, you get gold, you get silver, you get platinum, you get all these different metals and rocks. Plutonium.
is a natural thing that you is, you have to get cancer if you did got a plutonium, right? - I don't even know. - I have, I have no, you're, where do we get plutonium from? I think it's Africa, which find out is crazy. You can get plutonium from Africa. That's wild. - Plutonium primarily produced in nuclear reactors through a process called neutron capture. While trace amounts plutonium exists naturally in the Earth's crust under specific geological conditions, most plutonium is man-made. - Okay. - The main process involves uranium 238 absorbing neutrons, transforming it into Neptuneium 239, which then decays into plutonium 239. So it is actually mostly man-made. - But they, but you can also dig it up. - Hmm, like for, I think for our first bomb, we bought plutonium from Africa. - Really? - I think so. I'm, I don't know, if I fucking don't listen to me. - Plutonium cares naturally trace amounts. Let's see. It's found in nature in extremely small quantities. I don't know. It doesn't say here where. - Type in Manhattan Project and purchase plutonium. - Okay. - Manhattan Project, purchased. Plutonium was produced as an alternative to enrish uranium for the use of atomic bombs. Was the, brought to Nagasaki. The project's hampered site was dedicated to plutonium production. - I wonder if we bought uranium. - Maybe it was. - Plutonium is price. - Dude, that's bi-published in plutonium. - Okay. - Plutonium wedding rings. - Yeah. - They needed large quantities of uranium. 14% was acquired from the Colorado Plateau. Okay. Yeah, it sounds like you need to listen to that podcast again actually. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I listen to podcasts while I sleep. - And they kind of like half stays in your head. - Can I tell you what I'm looking for is a nice fuck adventure podcast. - Okay, here you go. - Right, sort of. Well, they purchase uranium from what is now the Congo in Africa. - Yes. - Yes. - Yeah, there you go. - I would love, if you guys can make this, I would love a great adventure fuck podcast. - Adventure fuck? - History adventure fuck podcast. - What's that? - So start with history, so I fall asleep, right? So tell me about the Manhattan Project or whatever. And then like 20 minutes in, plug me into the adventure. - Oh, okay. - So like start talking about the Manhattan Project and then be like, and that's when they had to go to the Congo. And then start talking about going to the Congo. - Yeah, yeah. - You got our guns on the boat. There's crocodiles everywhere. The natives are hiding in trees with blow darts and we got to think, and next to you is a beautiful Congolese woman with no bra. She's grabbing your dick. She's jerking it off. - Oh wow. - She's sucking your cock. And then 'cause I dream about whatever I listen to. - Sure. - It does add to being, I dream that Big J was trying to board to the Titanic. And I was like, I can't let you on J. You're not gonna be on the upper class. They're gonna keep you on the lower decks. We got J, trust me. Listen to me buddy, with your earrings and you're not gonna welcome you. You need to be, and so I dream about whatever I listen to, but I would love, and by the way, put Sprinkles some ads in, but I would love a podcast that took me, it boarded me so I fell asleep and took me on an adventure and then gave me a wet dream. And that was like brought to you by Coca-Cola. - I mean, it sounds like you should maybe pitch the, oh my God. - Oh, shut the fuck up. Shut, I look hot as fuck. I look smashable. Holy shit, I'm hot enough. - You definitely am. - But you look like a woman that's been through some cocks. Like that. - Oh yeah, no, I've been on the casting couch before. I didn't get this part for my talent. - No, this woman is run through. But I like it. - Good. - Like you know, it's like, yeah, you're like a hot older whore. - Yeah. I look like a mom in an 80s sitcom. - Yeah, dude, but like on her fourth marriage, you know, fuck. - I love white wine. I love Virginia Slims. - Mm-hmm. - I play tennis on the weekend, but I only play the first match and then I give up a start to rinkin'. - Yeah, that's overuse of fucking lipstick too. Jesus. - You're saying, it looks like Jennifer Tilly. (laughing) - Who I do look like Jen Tilly a little bit, don't I? - A little bit, a little bit, yeah. - Do I have an accent? - That woman now. - Uh-uh, look at that, you bitch. - God, I look. - I've got nice eyes. - I've beautiful eyes. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm so much more wholesome. - Yeah. - Yeah, my, my chick is like wholesome. - Post those to Instagram today and say, "Who would you smash?" - I think we know who the answer's gonna be. - Well, look at that. - Yeah, I look like such a nice girl. You're the one who's like, come with me, bitch. I'll show you how to get a man. That's what it looks like. That you can take. - Okay, I want you to come in me. You let people come in you. - Right, I'm just like- - Like you do it 'cause you're needy and you're like, I want them to like me. I just go, I wanna be abused. - Yeah, you definitely, you asked to get choked out and spit on slash. - Oh yeah. - That's why you're making it covering all the bruises. - Oh. - And you're like, no, I love sucking dick. And you don't really love sucking dick. You don't love watching sports, but you tell people you love sports. - Yep, that's very good. - All right, you've seen these two horse. Let us know who you want to bang. - Yeah. - We gotta run, but this was fun. - I love you. - Love you too, man. See you guys next week. ♪ Bird and time, time and bird ♪ ♪ One goes top and swap the other, where's the shirt ♪ ♪ Tom tells stories and birds, the machine ♪ ♪ There's not a chance and hell that they'll keep clean ♪ ♪ Here's what we call to bears one cave ♪