Front Row Seats to the Goodness of God

Season 2, Episode 13, Carrie Shales with Alexandra Huggins, Front row seats to the goodness of God. Through this life that God has me in now, I get to see the goodness of God in the land of the living, you know, amid such tragedy, and we miss her, and we loved her, and it will never be right that she's not here. It will never be right that I am Guy's wife. She should be Guy's wife. But amidst all of that, I get to see the answered prayers of their friends and family members in front of me day by day. And I get to see all of that. Every time I hear Guy laugh, or he's seen dancing in the kitchen or be resilient to something that's going on, I get to witness for myself the prayers of all of those who love that family so much, so that I get front row seats to the goodness of God. Before we get into today's exciting episode, I'd love to share some news with you. Did you know that we're now a charity called Carrie Shales Media, and we're excited to launch our brand new website. Log on to CarrieShalesMedia.com, and you will find all our podcast episodes, as well as an introduction to our fabulous team. Want to share your own stories of faith on a Carrie Shales episode? Well, get in touch via our website. There's even the chance to become a Carrie Shales supporter and find out more about upcoming events. You see, everything we do at Carrie Shales Media is you funded, and we can't thank you enough for your incredible support. Every gift matters, and you make Carrie Shales happen. Talking of which, we would love to see you at our first fundraising event on Saturday 25th April from 7 o'clock at Rigeight Baptist Church, UK time. In addition to meeting the team behind the charity, we're excited to invite you to be part of the audience for our very first live podcast episode, with a special guest Lydia Bennett from Premier Christian Radio. Lydia will be telling us about her own ups and downs with faith, giving us a unique peek into life, the other side of the Premier Mike. So join us and be inspired and empowered in your pursuit of God. Please sign up via the CarrieShalesMedia.com website, which will take you to our partner church, Rigeight Baptist Church, who are kindly hosting the event. Tickets are £10 each. If you can't make it in person, don't worry. You can sign up to receive an online streaming link so that you can join us from your living room. And now, let's get back to the episode. Well, hello and welcome back to Carrie Shales. I'm Katherine Grimes. I'm your host, and it's always amazing to have you listening in to joining with us, women who want to share beauty in the sound waves. We want to throw something encouraging, something inspiring, and something empowering into those sound waves that otherwise can be so dominated by bad news, and this is the place where you can really sit back and relax and be inspired by the story of a beautiful woman, but also more than that. Not just sit back, but actually start to think about the way that God is at work in your life. What are the stories that He's weaving in your circumstances? And are you willing and ready to share those stories with those around you? So today, we have, via Zoom, the lovely Alexandra Huggins. Hi, Alex. Hi. Lovely to have you. And just to give you a little bit more info about Alex, so Alex lives in the West Country with her husband Guy and their Bordeteria Mary. She was originally born in Germany, and she moved to the UK as a child, one of many experiences that God would use to form her into the women she is today. Alex is the CEO of the UK Charity Faith in Later Life, and this is where she helps Christians and churches embrace missional opportunities and challenges of our aging population. Her life has been marked by seasons of heartbreak, divorce, illness, singleness, remarriage, and blended family life. And through it all, she has discovered the outrageous faithfulness of God. So Alex, quite a bio there, and many things that you have personally experienced which we're going to jump into during this conversation. But first of all, would you give us a bit more sense of who you are, Alex? What is it that gets you really excited about being alive? Oh, that's such an interesting question. And I looked and I thought, I have no idea like, what is it that would prevent me from getting out of bed in the morning? And you know, it's just good, isn't it? God just draws us into His Kingdom purpose, whether I'm taking the dog for a walk and saying that first good morning to a person who may not speak to anyone else all day, or whether I'm interacting with somebody in Azda when I go and fetch some groceries or of course in my amazing job, where they actually pay me to help others discover Jesus. And of course, then there's my family life, just such an opportunity to love and to bless and to just witness God's goodness every single day. So yeah, there's so many things that get me out of bed. I really cannot think what circumstances would keep me in the bed. Well, it's good to know that you are up and out of it. And as you say, you have so many opportunities to bring Jesus right to the forefront with everyone you meet. So Alex, it's clear that you love the Lord very much, but going back to your childhood, you mentioned in your bio that you were born in Germany, and you moved to the UK when you were about 10 years old. So I imagine that must have been a really significant shift for you, a change of culture, a change of language, and perhaps a lot more. I mean, tell us, how did your experiences of moving from Germany to England at such a young age shape your sense of identity? And I suppose where with hindsight, can you now see God's hand was in there in that season of transition? Yeah, it was an interesting time. I think nowadays families probably handle moving countries with their children in a whole different way. But it was all, you know, there wasn't a big discussion about it. There wasn't a big lead in. I was told we packed up. We left most of our belongings behind. We actually ended up going in like a VW campervan sized fan. So you can imagine we didn't take that many belongings with us. And I remember on the day that we drove away just looking up at the window at the block of flats and seeing a friend just waving. And you know, as a child, you have no idea that you will never see that friend again. You know, that was really a very final closing of a chapter. And so little things like that have impacted me tremendously over the years. I haven't become a hoarder to compensate for the things lost. But I would say one thing I noticed is that I don't release friends very easily. I gather them. And although we may lose touch and, you know, whatever over time, we still reconnect from time to time. And so I'm really blessed to still have friends that I had when I first moved to the UK. They are the ones that witnessed my arrival as a child of almost 10 years old with only a handful of English words. I could say, yes and no, please, thank you. And I could count to three. And with this small repertoire of words, I was sent off to school, off I went to school. And of course, children are incredible. I did pick up the language not because I'm very clever or good with languages, but just because that's what children do. They're like sponges, aren't they? And I, it turns out I was no different. And I think it is in that time that I discovered the sisterhood, you know, what it is like to be surrounded by a gaggle of girls who all thought I was, you know, very interesting, quite exotic. Exactly. Exactly. If you can be exotic coming from Germany, I'm a little winter. I was that person to them. And I made lots of friends at that time. And so it was a very good experience. Yeah, it was just such a different world for me. You think Europe is so close. So of course, I feel for, you know, people who are still migrating into the country from around Europe, it's not the same. And it's not just about language. There are cultural things that we do that are quite different. I would say that I'm a bit of an introvert. And so I was a shy child. I think over the years and since then, I've developed, I've not developed into an extrovert, but I've become a courageous introvert. So I'm still an introvert. I'm still an introvert. I still prefer solitude. I still am better off that way. And yet I know that I'm called to be courageous. So I will go and do things. And I think that was my first taste of the woman who God would shape me to become that. And recall me as a shy child to come and step into a whole new world and be courageous. And that's, that was a foundational time for me. Amazing, Alex. So you talk about being that courageous introvert and how that first challenge and season of your life actually produced that in you. But can you take us back that little bit further and explain why it was that you moved to Germany? What was the rationale behind that? And what was your family set up? Yes. So I was born in Germany, but to German parents and my parents do. divorced when I was around two years old. And then my mum was an amazing single mum. And then part of that life change was that she did then meet a man. And he was English, and he had a home in England. And he was working as a contractor in Germany at that time. And when that contract ended, they made the decision to come over here. So in the VW van. In the VW van. And yeah. And when I got here, I gained a step sister through my step dad's previous marriage. And after a couple of years, I also gained the half sister through my mum and his union together. That's lovely. And you know, there's actually-- there's a beautiful story, isn't there, Alex? Because I remember you telling me about it before we talked today, when something really unexpected happened. And you came across your birth certificate. Tell us about that moment of discovery. What it meant to you. I mean, thinking about your German heritage-- obviously, you'd started off as you say, born in Germany, came to the UK, such a culture shock, such a shift for you. But years later, you were able to just cast your mind back and see an extra layer of who you were. During my childhood, and as I went through my teens and 20s, I didn't have a relationship with Jesus. I didn't know very much about God. I think there was a general concept in our family that there is a God and that there is a heaven. But quite who he was or how to get there was not something that was ever discussed. And I don't think it was really known. But when I did come to meet Jesus and follow him myself by faith, one of the things that I noticed is that most of the new friends that I then made in the church and in women's groups, they seemed to have this Christian heritage of some sort or another. Maybe they had been prayed for throughout their lives by a grandparent. Most of them actually had been born into Christian families. And so they had this history, I suppose, that pointed them to where they were at now in their relationship with God. It was almost like it was always going to be a done deal. And I know that's not the reality. But that's how it felt to me, especially as a new Christian. And I was a bit sad about this. I thought, oh, there was no sign for me that I would ever become a child of God, not that it was needed. But I don't know. There was just something about-- perhaps I was a bit envious, I don't know. But then something really amazing happened that just completely blew me out of the water. I was digging out all sorts of bits of paper and stuff. And I had to dig out my birth certificate. And I'd seen this birth certificate loads of times before. I don't know why I'd never really looked at it in any detail. But I looked on the one side, and it showed, yes, that is my name, and that is who I am, my data birth, and all of that. And then I turned the birth certificate over. And on the other side, I'd never seen before was my christening certificate. Now, I knew that I'd been christened. In fact, I have a belief that I was christened out of superstition. But I'd never seen this certificate before. And so it mits this sense of not really having any pointers in my earlier life. I saw on this certificate the date of my christening, who the thicker was, who the God parents were. And then there was just this little note that said, J-E-S-43-1-B. And I thought, oh, J-E-S, I thought Jesus didn't write a book today. And so I was thinking, what is this? What is this birth? And at the time I thought, oh, gosh, it seems that I was given a Bible verse. But I was a bit scared because sometimes the Germans, my dear beloved family and nation, can be quite stern. So I had this horrible thought that perhaps on the day of my christening, I was given some kind of stern warning as a Bible verse. Anyway, I had a look at my German Bible. And J-E-S is actually short for Jizziah, which in the English is Isaiah. And so if you know Isaiah 43 verse 1-B, it says this. And so this was my lovely verse on my christening day. Do not fear that I have redeemed you. I have summoned you by name. You are mine. And I just remember being so overwhelmed in that moment, just sat there amidst a paperwork and just recognizing that, oh, my word, the Lord had his hand on me. Of course, we know it from the scriptures before the foundations of the earth, when he knitted me together in my mother's womb. But now it felt real. Because on a day when I was six months old, a vicar held me in his arms and he spoke these words over me. And I believe it was a prophecy, which 31 years later became true. Because I am his. I said yes to him. He summoned me and I responded. I think that's amazing, isn't it? As you say, just to see the overarching sovereignty of God at work, that he predestined before the world began, that you would know him, that you would love him, and that he does that time and time and time again, with each of us as we are drawn towards him. And you talked about it being prophetic. And it says, the Lord is called you by name, child, you're mine. And actually, it's interesting, isn't it, Alex? Because Isaiah 43 goes on to say, when you walk through the darkest places, I will be with you. When you go through the waves, they will not engulf you. When you go through the flames, they will not burn you. And it's very interesting, because we know now, with hindsight, looking back through your life, that there were subsequent chapters a bit where things felt very like a flood. Things felt enormously overwhelming for you. So let's dig a bit more into that now. And filling in the gaps first between your childhood in the UK and now, as I say, I mean, you've gained a wealth of life experience. You mentioned in your bio a life marked by heartbreak, divorce, illness, singleness. So we're going to unpack some of that now. And in the midst of all of this remarkably, you also came to know Jesus for yourself. So tell us, Alex, about the story behind your encounter with Jesus. How did he reveal himself to you? Yeah. So once we arrived in the UK from Germany, and I just did all the things that, well, probably, many ladies listening, I would have been up to, I went to school, I did some A levels, I went to uni, I got a job, I had relationships, and all of those things. And then I got married and had children. But one of the things that happened during that marriage, really from quite early on, is it didn't go so well. There were things that were going on that weren't right for a healthy marriage going forward. And I found myself in a real place of worthlessness, of just feeling like so pointless. I felt very powerless in my marriage. I felt very powerless as a mother to lead this family in the way that I thought I churred or all that others around me seemed to be. And I was deeply unhappy. And during those years of having the children, I did join a local church's toddler group. And in that toddler group, invariably, of course, you've got your Christian mums. And so there was a group of Christian mums. They were frighteningly happy, joyful, and beautiful. All good reasons for me not to hang out with them too much, because you know what it's like when you're in a place of deep misery. The last thing you want to do is sort of stand next to somebody who's shining, because it just makes you feel even worse. And so I was kind of trying to avoid them most of the time. But I also had a little bit of curiosity about what they were about anyway. Amidst this group of women was one in particular, who was relentlessly kind and lovely towards me. But she was also relentlessly good at invitations. So she would regularly invite me to what was called an alpha course that I'd never heard of at that time. She would invite me to ladies' coffee mornings and different things like that. And at the time, I just thought, that is all I need. It's enough to see you here on a Thursday morning. I certainly don't want to come and hang out with any of you at any other time as well. And so I just wasn't sure about the whole thing. I thought they were a bit weird, actually. But I couldn't deny that they had something very special. I just didn't think it would ever be something that would be for me. Anyway, amidst this time of sadness over my marriage, what was going on there, and over my capabilities as a mother, I just had this increasing sense of worthlessness. And I think it just all came to a head one day. So this was over a period of six years. This woman was relentlessly inviting me for six years. Wow. That's after her. I know. I mean, anybody who asks invite somebody twice and then gives up should really be considered. Because the Lord can still do it. Just keep on inviting. That's what happened to me. That was my story. And so she was undeterred, very kind, very gentle with it, but kept on inviting me. And I remember there was this one day where I was just-- I remember I was washing up. I was looking out of the kitchen window, and I just thought there really is. There's really no point. to me. I'm, yeah, I don't know what I'm doing here, kind of thing. And as I was having these thoughts, I heard something come through the letterbox. And I remember going still with with wet hands going off to see what it was. And I opened it up and learned the hold. It was another invitation from this lady. And it was an invitation to the alpha course. And it said on the invitation what I've read from her invitations many times before the question is there more to life than this. And I remember standing there with wet hands with a sad heart, reading those words and thinking, well, if there is more to life than this, I'd like to know. And so in that moment, I just made a decision that I was going to join this alpha course. And I let her know about it and off I went for these Monday night meals and conversations about God. And it was about three weeks later. I didn't tell anybody this at the time, but it was about three weeks later, which at that time the session was all about Jesus and who he was. And on that week, I just, it's like something just dropped into my heart. And I just knew that Jesus was real and that, you know, that he was there for me. What I didn't quite understand at that time is whether or not all this forgiveness everybody kept talking about would be for me as well, that it would reach the things that I'd send over in my life. And so it took me a little while to be courageous enough to ask the question privately with this lady. And so I told her a few things. And of course, as I discovered what you already know, that yes, all of those things were included in God's forgiveness as well. And so when it came to the 12th week, before I went, there were 12 sessions at the time, before I went to the evening, I sat at home on my sofa and I gave my life to Jesus. And I pray, well, I think what many people pray, if this is all true, Lord, take me on a journey and show me. And I think that that prayer has been answered with bells on ever since then. At that time, I had thought that God had revealed Himself to save my marriage. I just thought this, this almighty, powerful God that can do all these great things that I was learning about. I thought, wow, you know, he can heal people and all of these things. Perhaps he's come into my life to save our marriage. Yes, was your husband receptive Alex, may I interject and ask how was your husband in response to the changes occurring in you? I think he was quite curious for a while, but then later on, I think he he wanted me to stop. In fact, he asked me to give up God, which was kind of an insane question. It's like giving asking somebody to give up the color of their eyes, or the fact that, you know, the color of their blood or something like that. There's nothing. You know, I could not give up God spontaneously by myself any more than I could will myself to stop breathing. And so it was just never going to be an option. So yes, unfortunately, that turned out to be another thing that actually came between us. And when I realized that God perhaps hadn't come into the marriage to save, to save it, it was a hard knock, but I did come to discover over time, as you said from the ongoing part of that Isaiah verse where it says, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burnt. The flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the holy one of Israel, your Saviour." And what I discovered really is that rather than sparing me hardship, God then accompanied me through the waters, through the fires of all that were unfold. And I would say that what I learnt about God during that time is that although I came out of that season, a little bit soggy and a little bit singed at the edges, God had been with me and God had been good. And somehow he brought me through stronger than when I was that sad person washing up, looking out the window, I was still better off even through the hardships that I'd gone through. So the glow was growing in you Alex. The glow was growing from the inside out, it was definitely growing. I mean, you've talked about that very sad reality that actually your marriage didn't, despite your best desires that God would resurrect it for you. So, I mean, as a freshly divorced woman, tell us more about how you experienced God's comfort and guidance in that, because practically a challenging aspect in the wake of divorce, of course, is financial. So, how did you sense God coming alongside you, both in practical ways and emotional ways to rebuild you? What did that look like for you Alex? Yeah, it was a whole new, again, a whole new world for me once again, it was like I'd moved to a whole other country. You come from being part of a couple, part of a secure family household with a good income and it shapes your identity of who you are. And when you suddenly come out of that as a single mother, as a poor mother, without that partnership, without that public facing partnership, if you like, you know, it can be a bit of an identity crisis. I think one of the things that I actually found hardest though through that time was the nights without my children. I had never, until that time, spent any significant time apart from my children. I remember thinking at the time, I'd been a, as a teenager, I was, I went out with a farmer and it was a dairy farm. And when the calves were taken away from the mothers, from the cows, they made this, the cows made this dreadful, bawling noise through the night. And I remember during those early days on my own without when I didn't have the boys bawling for them and thinking, I'm like those, those cows falling for my children in the middle of the night. It was very, very painful time. Very painful time. Very painful time. Very painful time for you. Because presumably it was a shared custody then with your husband. It was. Okay. So at the time, I didn't feel that I could, I couldn't even think about finding another father figure for them. They're all three boys. And I really felt it was important that boys have a strong father figure in their life. And although my experience was that he was not a great husband for me, he could still be a good dad to them. And so yes, we went down the route of shared custody. So that's why you end up having nights alone without them. But you know, even through that, God brought me through. You adapt to, you change your identity. But I just want to acknowledge just that, you know, the decision to leave my husband was not a lighthearted one. It was a difficult one. And especially as a Christian, as I was then, actually, it was a challenge for me to work that one through because I'd read the verse that says, God hates devils. And yet I couldn't see how it could possibly go on. And so it was a very difficult time. But the first thing that had to happen, having been a stay at home mum for I think 14 years or something at that point is I needed to find some work. And although I'd done this degree in international marketing years before, that was all before the internet was invented. And so suddenly we weren't designing posters and catalogs and, you know, mailings anymore. It was a whole new world with the internet and perhaps and whatever else. And so I didn't feel that I had anything particular to offer back into that area of work in marketing. And also, that's not, I actually, it probably doesn't seem like it now when you talk to me nowadays. But I was totally unravelled. I had absolutely zero self confidence. So I thought I'll try somewhere where they might say yes to me. And I'd always as a teenager enjoyed being a waitress. So I thought I'm going to go and ask the cafe on the seafront in our town if they would give me a job and alone behold, they did. And in that job, I was just reminded that I'm a very capable person. I'm dependable. I'm good at my work. I'm good with people. And I'm definitely worth being paid. And so my confidence grew. I had a lovely female manager who recognized all of these things too. And so when a administrative job came up in our church, I had the confidence then to go for it. And just to see if they might give me the job. And so God's provision was growing bit by bit. I went from the minimum wage per hour or whatever in the cafe to then increasing a little through my role in the office at the church. I also really valued the generosity of friends at that time. I remember when I first left the family home with not a huge amount of money. I remember a friend of mine buying dovays for my children. And just having that real sense of, you know, there's that verse in the Bible somewhere. that says he will cover you with his feathers. - Yes. - And I just thought, oh, amidst what my boys are going through as their parents divorce, the Lord's feathers are covering them. And it was just a really precious picture. And just something simple like that, but somebody, a friend buying doofets for my children, not only a really practical, lovely thing to do, but also really spoke to me spiritually as well. He kept showing me these signs of hope, these little signs of hope that he was with me and he was with them. And he would give him friends the opportunity to bless you as well, because so often actually, it's really important for us to say help and to give others around us the chance to bless us and to care for us. - Yeah, definitely. And I wouldn't say, I didn't ask for these doofets, but she was one of those. She kind of looked at my situation. I was like, right, you need doofets. And she didn't ask, she didn't allow me to say yes. I think that was probably the good, the wise thing, because I would have said no. I would have been embarrassed like, oh gosh, I can't even afford my own children's doofets. You know, I'll figure something out, but yeah, to be just blessed abundantly. And for her to just have that confidence, just to walk in with these boxes of doofets that day. (laughing) I love that. You know, really, really special. So yeah, just, you know, even those, those small provisions, and I remember at that time, crazy things would happen like, I would open an envelope on the door, man. And there'd be 50 pounds in there, or a couple of hundred pounds at Christmas one year, so that I could buy some lovely things for the boys at Christmas. So just God's provision, just again and again, just spurring me on to say, you know, I've got you. During that time, I also suffered the loss of my mum. She was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 60. And three weeks after her diagnosis, she died. And so it was very shocking. It was very hard. And yeah, I remember going through a time of deep grief, which hasn't completely ended. You know, I carry the loss of her every day. And in fact, I intend to, but my world has grown around that grief since that, so praise God. But the stress of that whole situation with my mum dying amidst these financial challenges, that the challenges of, you know, crying for my children at night and just trying to navigate this new world or my own, just did take its toll on me. Over time, we discovered that I had Emmy chronic fatigue syndrome. So I just had this massive, "cremie crash," I suppose we'd call it, where it was almost like the Lord just said enough. Like, I've tried to give you warnings that it's time to rest. I've tried to give you warnings to say no to some things. And you haven't done it. So now I'm going to lie you on the sofa. It's a properly recovered. Before I became unwell, I would say I didn't have a huge amount of compassion. I really struggled to understand people's hidden illnesses. I mean, Catherine, you know, it'd be hard to believe, but I didn't used to believe in anxiety or depression. - Oh, wow. - God, shout it. (laughing) I was very much a known nonsense if it doesn't look broken, you're fine, kind of attitude. And so God really took me on a journey. All of these things that were hidden from me suddenly were revealed to me through my own illness. And so I do believe that even through the days when I'm not so good, God is still using that as well. - And you have that weight of compassion today, don't you? Which actually has prepared you for your latest season, your latest chapter of Life Alex, which again, for listeners might seem quite remarkable, but God has brought you into a very unique set up. Let's talk a bit more about that now. So you're married again, and you're married to a man who loves God as much as you, which is a beautiful and wonderful thing, and you are building a life together. But it isn't straightforward. And in actual fact, both you and Guy have experienced deep loss. You've talked about the sense of walking through divorce and the value of that for you. You've talked about wrestling with illness. You've talked about the ongoing grief and processing of your mum's absence from your life. So you and Guy came together at a time when pain was part of your stories. And that makes your marriage totally unique. So can you explain Alex to his first, how your relationship with Guy grew out of a place of really deep tragedy and how, actually, you've known him for many years before Bremen's blossomed? Mm. Yeah. Well, as I mentioned earlier, I wasn't in a good position at first to even think about dating again or anything like that. And so I had a couple of years when I first left the family home to be on my own and just to regroup myself. And then I thought, oh, I'm still young. God may still have somebody out there for me. And so I tried my hand at Christian dating. And I know that many people have great success with some of the online opportunities out there. But it wasn't very successful for me. It wasn't that there weren't any, but we were not on the same page in terms of how to proceed as a Christian couple. And so I really just got to this point of exasperation and I just prayed this prayer and I said to the Lord, Lord, don't waste my time. If you have somebody out there for me, make it really obvious, make it very clear. But until you show me that person, give me a happy single life. And that was my experience. I actually became really good at being single. I was happy, I was purposeful, I was enjoying growing my career. I really appreciated the benefits of singleness, of making my own decisions. YouTube is a great top tip for any single turns out there. There's practically nothing you can't fix. [LAUGHTER] I don't know what you were going to say, Narellis. Honestly, I've done so many things in this house just with a good YouTube video. So I was a strong single person. I had to accept not being invited to couples things anymore, but actually I really flourished among the women in that time. So yeah, at first, I wasn't sure that really anything was going to come out of it. When I prayed that prayer, I actually got very specific. And I wrote down some of the things that I asked for. I won't share exactly what they were, but I had some categories of the kind of man that I believe would be the right kind of man for me. So the categories were, there was a spiritual category. So under that, I listed all the things I expected the Lord to have done in this man before he met me. I had a physical category. Now, I don't know if that's PC or not, but I don't have a physical category. No, no, no. I mean, it's got to be there, isn't it? You're attracted to who you're attracted to, aren't you? I had an emotional category. I needed there to be a good level of maturity emotionally. I had a set up category. So I wanted to know how they were set up for life. And I had a romantic category. They had to be extremely capable of love and romance and all of those things. So gosh, God, I've had fun with that list, Alex. Well, it took him 10 years. I don't know if it's working out. So that prayer was prayed 10 years. Before my husband was revealed to me. But yes, to share the story of how Guy and I came to be together, it is actually a tragic and sad story in many ways. But I hope that you'll come to agree that it's also a real beauty for Ash's story. So Guy and I had known each other for over 27 years. We were never, like there's never anything untoward or anything like that. But I knew him because he was the husband of a lady that I'd met in my first anti-nature group. Guy's late wife Hazel and I had been friends for many years. Hazel was an absolutely beautiful person. And she was a good friend to many people. Everybody loved her. She was just so kind-hearted. You can't imagine her ever being unkind to anybody at all. And it was a privilege, obviously, to be in that circle of her friends and to receive and experience that. And so it was a huge shock to us when we discovered the news that she had been tragically killed a few years ago. Really just terribly sad for everybody. We were just so shocked. So a huge shock to our anti-nature group, a huge shock to the women in the wider network and of course to her own family and community. The guy and I remained connected during that time. He would update me for the prayer needs and the things that were going on with the case and that kind of thing at that time. And it was over the months that followed that something really unexpected happened. And it was almost as if there had been a veil between Guy and I, something. that stopped us from seeing each other as anything as, you know, hazel's people. And when the veil was lifted, I'd say we both agreed. We came to discover that he was the answer to that 10-year prayer, that he was the man who met all of those criteria. And somehow, I can't even believe it now, but he was equally drawn to me. And so we just began to explore like, could this be possible? Is it possible that God could be bringing us together out of all of this tragedy? And we discovered over time that, yeah, that was the case. I mean, it's very interesting. You talk again about that list and all those categories that you had. And isn't it beautiful and remarkable that a guy fulfilled every single one? I mean, that is God's incredible grace there. But what about the prospect for you then of being married to a widower? Presumably that wasn't on the list as such. So, I mean, was that something that caused you concern or uncertainty? What were the key issues that arose for you and guys who journeyed towards marriage together? I think during my 10-year prayer, I did come to realise that at my age and in the way that Christian circles operate, it was quite likely that if God did have somebody for me, that it could very well be a widower. And although I acknowledged that, I also decided that if that were the case, I'd be absolutely rubbish at that because I'm a great big baby who would be very jealous of the previous person. I would probably be sneaky and try to find out what was she like, what was she sound like, what would she have worn, what would she have thought about this. And I would have just had this ugly curiosity about the other woman. That's just probably who I thought I was. But what God just really surprised me, that when that moment came, when the Lord lifted that veil between Guy and I and we saw each other on a romantic level, that none of those things were true because I didn't have to be sneaky about trying to find out who she was. I already knew. I already knew what her voice was like, what she might have said on such an occasion, how she would giggle. I knew she was absolutely stunning and beautiful and sexy. And I knew all of the best worst things that the next wife might ever know. And yet it was good. It was somehow God grew in me, some level of maturity that I could live with all of that. And actually, more importantly than my own insecurities, was actually the tremendous privilege of being able to hold some of what she held so carefully during her marriage with Guy. Yes, because I mean, let's unpack that a little bit more than Alex, because when you say about holding some of the things that Hazel had held, in their literal physical sense, obviously that means her men, not just Guy, but her sons as well. And here you are as a stepmother. What does that look like for you to step into the shoes of a woman who you knew, you loved, you'd befriended, and there you are, caring for her family, but actually it's your family. Now God's entrusted you with that. Yeah, it is an incredible privilege to be allowed to do this, to see them live and to journey on with them. There are hard things about it, of course. You know, Guy and I had to work out things like, well, what photos shall we keep up around the house? What bits of furniture are essential? What are some of the things that Hazel loved that we will keep and that we will enjoy loving together and actually for what things is it time that they moved on? So there was lots going on there around those things, but yes, it's an absolute privilege to be able to be a witness to life. And I would say that there's that lovely verse in the Bible in the Quran, where it is, but it talks about seeing the goodness of God in the land of the living. Some 26 men, yes, first and second. Beautiful. You've got a good memory. No, it's because I saw it this morning. You know, through this life that God has me in now, I get to see the goodness of God in the land of the living, you know, amid such tragedy and we miss her and you know, we loved her and it will never be right that she's not here. She should be Guy's wife that she should have been his wife, you know, to the end of her life. You know, I know that the time of the tragedy, people would have been praying that Guy would laugh again one day. They would have been praying that the family went on to have good times and new experiences. I get to see, you know, every time I hear Guy laugh or he's seen dancing in the kitchen or be resilient to something that's going on, I get to witness for myself the prayers of all of those who love that family so much. So I get front receipts to all of that. I get front receipts to the goodness of God. Wow. I mean, that's amazing. The story in itself is both harrowing and beautiful in equal measure, isn't it Alex? So yeah, thank you so much for opening your heart and being so vulnerable with us actually. And I really want to honor Guy and your extended family and say, you know, thank you for obviously welcoming you into their midst, but also for allowing you today to share your story and how that's impacted them as well. But you know, as you've been speaking to us, Alex, what struck me again and again is you've used this phrase stepping into a new world, you know, there you were as a little ten year old stepping into that new world in the UK from Germany and there you were navigating the heartbreak of divorce and what those practical realities meant for you as a woman, you know, stepping into a new world of of single nurse of of employment of, you know, will you learn to love again, you know, and yet again, here you are now stepping into this new world. You only got married recently to guys, that right? Yeah. Yeah, we're going. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, right. Amazing. Congratulations. So, you know, that new world continues to expand and grow for you and the central strand to it all is God's faithfulness that we can see just weaving through all those circumstances. So, Alex, you have taken us on a real arc of your whole story. Is there anything further that you'd love to say to us just to wrap things up before we pray? Yes, I would just say that what I've discovered through all of these different worlds, I mean, who knew I'd be such a traveler? I've discovered through navigating all these worlds is that God waste nothing. Yes. Every single experience that we have counts for something, even the really rubbish ones. And I would say that it is, you know, this latest new world that I'm in, some people say they couldn't do it, that they don't have the strength to do it. I mean, I don't believe that. I think when we're called to have that strength, each of us would have it. But I would say that that strength that I have now to navigate some of what I do has been built in me from those very early years, since, you know, since that baby was held in that church and God's promises were whispered over her through all of the years and all of the ups and all of the downs that followed. Every single experience is now almost being poured into this next stage of my life where actually a lot of that is needed. So I would just say God waste nothing. So yeah, don't lament the things that didn't go to plan. God has a bigger plan beyond God. Amazing. Thank you. And just that sense as well of God's word never returns empty. Never. I love that. Yeah, he has sent his word out to achieve what he intends for it to do and he will do it. We may not always see it. It may not be in the way that we want, wanted to see it, but he will do it. Of course, when Guy and I first realized that God might have brought us together, we were really concerned, not just whether or not this was the right decision for us to be making, but also we did wonder what other people would think and not least of course, Haysl's family and other close friends. One of the things we discovered though was that when we came to announce or what we thought was the great announcement of our connection, a lot of other people had already seen it coming. I've no idea how because we wouldn't have been together or seen anywhere together. And yet we heard people saying to us, "Time and again, I dreamt that this would happen," or "I've been praying that this would happen," or "God gave me a word about this." And so it flopped a bit. Our announcement flopped a bit because so many people had already seen it coming. which in a way was just another great green light from God for us to proceed and to continue exploring whether or not he intended to join us together as one. But I would say that the most precious conversation that was had during that time was when Guy went to speak to Hazel's mum to tell her he and I were dating. Because of the long standing connection between our two families, Hazel's mum had of course known me for many years. And so it could go one way or another at that point, whether or not she'd be thrilled or displeased that Guy and I had got together. But what she said was so precious to us at that time and still is. And what she said when Guy told her that he and I were dating was this, she said, I cannot think of a better person for you than Alex. And if ever I needed some sort of rubber stamping on this relationship with Guy, I think that was it, you know, it's been wonderful to live in that because actually our families are merged. We are a blended family, if not just my family and his family, but we also scoop Hazel's family into that. And it's really very special to do that, to spend some special family occasions together to be there for each other when things go wrong. And although I cannot possibly feel Hazel's shoes or be the person that she would have been in that, to be able to play our part is very precious. And more than that, Alex actually, I just want to say to be able to be you, you know, it has come across through what you've said that there's this sense of I'm not Hazel and perhaps I'm not as good as Hazel, but actually you are you. And you know, those words that Hazel's mother said to Guy, actually feel like to you an affirmation as from God, you know, that he's called you by name, as he said in Isaiah 43, he knows the purpose is in plans he has for you. And just as Guy was the answer to your decade long prayer, actually you were the answer to that aching place in Guy's heart, in the heartbreak of losing his first wife, God ordained that you would be his second. And that's very precious and not to be underestimated. So I just really want to affirm you in that. I'd love it, Alex, if you could just wrap up for us now by praying. And would you read again those words for us from Isaiah 43, just as a prayer over all of us listening today that we would know that God has called us by name and whatever we are going through, no matter how hard those circumstances he is faithful, he is with us. Yes, thank you. Heavenly Father, we thank you Lord that you have planned our lives from the foundations of the earth, Lord, that you have your sights on us, you knitted us together in our mother's wounds and you have journeyed with us ever since and you will do so until we see you face to face. Lord, help us to navigate the ups and the downs of our life and just help us to know your goodness in the land of the living. So let me make these verses to you. You are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned. The flames will not set you ablaze, but I am the Lord your God, the holy one of Israel, your Savior. I pray that this will be your experience today. In Jesus' name, oh man. Amen. Thank you so much for listening in to Cari Shales today with me, your host Catherine Grimes and our beautiful guest and a big thank you to all the women who make Cari Shales podcast possible for your generous support. You know who you are and we are eternally grateful. A big thank you goes out to David Campion of Open Sky Media for editing and producing this episode and this is where you come in. If you have enjoyed listening to this episode, please help us by growing the Cari Shales community of women of faith. You can leave a review or a rating, pass the stories on and look for the stories in your own life as well. Thank you and look forward to talking with you next time. [BLANK_AUDIO]