From Violence to Resilience: Davina’s Journey of Strength & Purpose

Hi everyone, Rachel here. I know you're expecting our normal podcast intro and that's coming in a moment, but I wanted to share a quick trigger warning for today's episode. In this episode of Gross with Graphs, we have an important and heartfelt discussion about domestic violence, including personal experiences and the journey to healing. While this topic can be heavy, our conversation is filled with strength, resilience, and hope. Listener and discretion is advised. If you or someone you know needs support, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline by this name, thehotline.org, calling 1-800-799-7233. Our text begin to 8-8-788. Now let's get into today's episode. You're listening to Girls with Graphs, a burn community podcast created by Phoenix Society for Burn Survivors, a leading non-profit dedicated to supporting the burn community. In this podcast, we'll talk with Burn Survivors, share resources to help with supporting and improving burn recovery, and discuss how to prevent burn injuries. Here are your hosts, Burn Survivors, and Phoenix Society's Marketing Team, Amber Wilcox, and Rachel Kudlach. Hello everyone, and welcome back to Girls with Graphs. I am Rachel Kudlach. I'm one of the hosts of the show, and today I'm joined by my lovely co-host Amber Wilcox. Hi, welcome. I'm very excited for today's podcast, looking forward to having a really good conversation today. And so, before we get started, I do want to send a special shout out today's podcast is powered by the Donaldson Foundation, led by a board compromised employee volunteers. The mission of the Donaldson Foundation is to positively impact our communities by supporting education. We're honored to have the Donaldson Foundation as a longstanding Phoenix Society partner. And so, with that said, we're really excited to get into today's conversation. Thank you to the Donaldson Foundation. So, Rachel, if you don't mind in, you know, talking a little bit about today's guest, I'd love that. Yes, so today we are inviting on Davina Lycon. Davina is an acid attack survivor as well as a bodybuilder. Being a burn survivor, Davina aims to raise awareness of acid attacks and domestic violence by shedding light for survivors. She wants people to understand that acid attacks and domestic violence are more common than we think, and it can happen to anyone. Along with being a bodybuilder, she hopes to inspire and motivate others to become a better, healthier version of themselves. If she can do it with more than 30% burns, anyone can, and there's no excuse. So, welcome on, Davina. Thanks so much for joining us today. You're for having me. Awesome. Well, Davina, to get started, we always like to have our survivors themselves provide their version of the story. So, if it's okay with you, we'd love to hear your version of what happened. I like the attack and everything. Okay. Yeah. So, well, the night of the night that I did get attacked, it was April 7th, 2023, and I was just walking out of the gym, and I, it's just another normal day, leaving the gym, getting ready to go home and eat. And as I'm walking out of the gym, my car was parked right in the front. So, as I was getting close to my car, I felt someone run up behind me and, um, like, naturally, I just, like, went like that, like, to see who it was, because I don't know they, I like personal space. I don't like people coming up to me, hugging me like that, or just getting close to me in general. So, I turned around, like, trying to see who it was, and then I was faced with a gun, like, this close to my face. Um, I was staring down like the barrel of the gun, because that's how close it was to me. And then, well, that's like what I first saw initially. And then I realized, like, who was, I didn't see who was holding it, because he was wearing a mask, but I saw all this, this boy is holding the gun to me, like, I'm about to die. Um, I really thought, like, in that second, like, it all happened so fast, yet so slow. But when he pulled the trigger and the bullet left the barrel, I saw, like, the flame. Um, and I really just thought, like, this is it. This is it. I died at this ripe age of 20, like, time for my next life. Um, but then as a gun went off, I realized, like, I closed my eyes, um, and I realized, like, I didn't feel anything. Like, I didn't feel it hit me. I didn't, and I feel no pain or like anything. So I opened my eyes, and I, I guess he had missed, right? Um, and I decided within, like, a split second, I was like, I need to run. So I tried to turn to run. And as I turned, that's when he instantly threw the acid on me. And since I was facing him, and I turned this way, it pretty much got, like, all of this side, and then the rest of my body. Um, if I had not turned within, like, that split second, it could have got into my eyes, it could have ended up blind, could have gone down my esophagus, could have destroyed my face completely. Um, so I'm very thankful for that. God was definitely with me. Um, and then, as he, well, as he threw the acid on me, he sprints off. And instant, like, I didn't think, I didn't know what it was that he threw on me. It just felt like a warm liquid. Um, and, and then within a couple seconds, it started to burn, like, really bad. And I was like, I need help. Like, this isn't normal, something, like, my skin is gonna be messed up. Um, I didn't exactly, I don't know if I thought it was acid, because I didn't know acid attacks were a thing. Um, so I ran into the gym and just knowing that I needed help and that I would not be able to go drive to hospital myself in that state. So I ran into the gym, telling one of the workers to call the cops, call the ambulance, like, somebody threw something on me, please just call the cops. Um, I was in a panic. I was kind of freaking out, like, just telling them call the cops, call the cops. And they were all confused, like, wondering what just happened. But I'm sure they heard the bullet guns right outside. Um, and, well, they, like, everyone from inside the gym came to the front to see what was happening, because I was like, panicking, like, screaming. And they were trying to help me. Some guy was pouring water on me. And then finally some, some girl, um, that was just like a member at the gym. She came and she got me and she was like, she wrapped me in a towel because my clothes was like disintegrating off my body. I was just wearing shorts and a sports bra. Um, it was direct skin contact. There was nothing else to burn through first. And as I was standing there telling the girls to call the cops, my clothes and my skin started melting off. My clothes was disintegrating. Like, I didn't make it. I was like trying to cover myself. And I just remember the pure look of tear on all the people's faces that were there. Like, they were like, what is going on? Like, they never seen that before. I've never seen that before. Um, and the girl she came, she wrapped me in a towel and she took me into the shower to like go rinse off. And immediately the first thing I did was put my face in the water because I was like, if I get burned, um, I want to save my face over anything, you know, I feel like anyone would think that. And as I got in the water, I started to make it feel like it was worth. Like, it was making them worse. So I got out of the water because I know there's certain types of acids where the water will make it worse. And there's something that there's, it won't, like it helps it. And if you're being attacked with acid, there's no way to know what acid you're being attacked with. Um, so I thought I was making them worse. So I got out of the water and that's when the paramedics came and they put me on the stretcher and they willed me out of the gym, put me in the ambulance. And as soon as I got to the ambulance, they put like the oxygen mask and I just blacked out. Completely blacked out. But it's weird because when I got to the hospital, my doctor later told me that I was still talking to him. I was still conscious. And I'm like, call my sister, call my sister, because I was living with my sister at the time. And I don't remember any of that. I just remember blacking out and then I waking up a week later in the hospital just hooked up to all the machines and like what is going on? Where am I? What happened? If you don't mind sharing, you didn't know this person that I talked to you? I did. I didn't know who it was when it was in the moment. I kind of had a feeling because when I woke up in the hospital, I asked my mom, I was like, who did it? Like was it Paul? And she was like, we don't know yet. Like they're so investigating. And then she comes back a week later. She was like, yeah, you're right. It was him. So I had a feeling that it was him. And yeah, I didn't know him. We were like friends, we would hang out, which is, it's just crazy. You never know who to trust and you never know who you're involving in your life, because people could put up a facade. And this was like a boyfriend of some sort or someone you never asked. He was not my boyfriend. He wanted to be my boyfriend, but I didn't want to think at the time. So we were just kind of like friends like hanging out, seeing if a relationship could develop that maybe because I just met this boy. Like I just moved to a while. I didn't know him. And he instantly wanted to start dating me. And I was like, that's a little red flag right there. I was like, we could get to know each other, see if like we are even compatible or if we even enjoy each other's company. So that's what we were. And then I started to realize like a lot of red flags. And I just overall didn't want that type of person in my life. And that's when I started pulling myself away. And I guess that's what he got mad and decided to attack me. Well, thank you for sharing your story. I think that that's an important lesson right to to just share with others of making sure that you're speaking to yeah. And red flags are I think that's a big one too. But that's not something that could have been avoided, right? What wasn't your fault that would happen again. So I appreciate you sharing that with us. Of course. Can you share a little bit about some of the challenges that you faced. So let's start there in recovery. Can you share a little bit more about your burns? I'm sorry. Did you say that they were 30% burns? It was a little more than 30%. I don't think they knew the exact number because since I was burned with acid and not fire acid, it like drips down like it's like if people throw water on you and it's dripping down. Like like my caramel burns. Yeah. So if you So since it was like drips down my legs, he couldn't just do the skin graft on the drip. He had to do my whole leg. So I was like 30 more than 30% burned. But the amount of skin grafts I have is probably a higher number because most of my skin is getting grass now. So definitely feels like way more. Yeah. And what was it like for you, Davina, you know, you that obviously there's the investigation that was ongoing. You're in the hospital and you're recovering. How was that, you know, just recovery on you mentally and emotionally because obviously it's it's more than just getting injured in a fire and going to the hospital and working on your own physical recovery. But there's this emotional side that you're most survivors aren't hit with that emotional side until they go home, but you're hit with it initially right away. So kind of what was that like for you and maybe do you have any tips for other survivors who, you know, are struggling with that as well? That is very true. I strongly believe that like every acid attack survivor is a burn survivor, but not every burn survivor is an acid attack survivor. And I say that because acid attack survivors come with like multiple traumas like your attack. So you have that PTSD of like being attacked again, especially if you're attacked by someone you know, like you never know who to trust, you have trust issues. You could be attacked at any time like I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, I'm constantly paranoid and careful about where I'm at and who's around me and when I wasn't really like that before. And how you said like when most survivors are struck with like the realization once they go home, that happened to me as well. I think I think it happened for sure when I woke up in the hospital and then when the reality actually sat in when I went home because that's when I was off all the heavy drugs, I had to deal with it like. Did you say you were in Hawaii, Divina? Sorry. That's happening. And then is that where you're located now? No, I'm in Texas now. Okay. And did you move after that incident? Or kind of, I stayed there for a while, like, I say, I stayed there for like three months after the attack, like after being out of the hospital and everything. The only reason I moved was because my family was moving and I couldn't like afford to be there alone in that condition. Yeah. And or there, you know, I definitely want to talk more about your body building in a little bit as well. But, you know, you mentioned, you know, obviously PTSD and that paranoia, which I can completely understand why you are, you know, having those feelings are there. And really, you're not that far out from your burn injury. You're relatively new. Yeah. So what have you, what strategies have you been using to kind of help you cope with some of these things? Are, you know, are you going to support group or what is it bodybuilding that's helping you find an outlet or what are some things that are helping you with these? I definitely think bodybuilding is a big part of it. Before I got burned, I was a bodybuilder. Like, I've always been in the gym. I've always been a very active person. I did cross country and track in high school and wrestling. For me, working out any kind of like movement or working out is like an outlet for me. It's like you get to be in the moment and focus on the hard work that your body is doing. And it's also a reminder, like every time I get up and go to the gym, it's a reminder that he didn't win and he didn't take what he wanted for me and that I'm still going to do what I want to do with my life. Like, it makes me realize that I'm strong in that aspect mentally, physically, but I'm also strong, like my muscles are strong. I'm getting stronger. I never thought I would have been able to get back to where I was because I lost all my weight, I lost all my muscle, all my strength, everything. So I never would have thought I'd be back to where I am now and I'm just getting better and better and better and it's like anything is truly possible. You just have to want it bad enough. I also, I do go to therapy. I recently started going on anti-depressants because it was getting really bad for a while, like my depression. That was like, let's just do anti-depressants, let's try it, see where it goes. And so far has been good. I feel like this past month, I've been good mentally, and I have not tried like peer support groups, but I really do want to try. I also just like, don't really have time for it. I have work and a lot of other stuff going on, but or even the Phoenix Society, the ones on Zoom, I've been wanting to join one of them. And I think just having a good support system around you is very important. Like when I was in the hospital, they, my nurses and the doctors, they told me like, we know you're going to be alright because you have a big family, you got that support system. You have that determination to get back, like, no, you're not going to give up. They were worried about me a couple times. I was very depressed, but they were right. Having like a good family and people that support you, like no matter what you choose to do, that's very helpful. If you don't mind me asking, I know a lot of the pieces of domestic violence can also involve whether or not you want to maybe press charges or legally discuss things or kind of protect yourself from that person. Have you faced that person with legal? Have you had to face them again after the incident? Would you mind sharing that? No, I haven't like seen him. He got arrested two weeks, like after the accident when I was in the hospital. And he's been in jail since we haven't gone to court. They keep postponing the date. It's been like two years now that they keep postponing it. But since it was a crime, like the state is going after him. So, and I also talked to like the lawyer that was assigned to it because it's through the state, like prosecuting him. And we asked them, like, can we press charges? Like, what can we do? Can we sue the gym? Like, what is there that we can do? And basically, they said like that we couldn't really do nothing. We could maybe press charges, but that would have to wait till after court, till after he's been given a sentencing. But they also said like there's not much you would get out of pressing charges because he doesn't own anything, you know? But I don't know. Maybe I could go after his family because I think his mom, she's pretty much like an accomplice. Now, were you, can you, just so you can circle back on the incident, you were going into the gym at the time, correct? I was leaving the gym. You were leaving the gym and he knew you would be there, is that? I think he was, he was stopping me for sure. And that's probably a difficult thing for you to overcome as well. And in terms of like feeling like you were, right, your, your protection was violated. Yeah, when I go to the gym now, I'm very like, I just check the parking lot. I'm very like just aware. And if I see, like, I try to change my schedule up because I know it's easy to to recognize someone's schedule, just watch them for a couple of days and you know what they're doing all day every day. And it's, that's very right. I change it up a lot. Just to be safe. Yeah, that's true. I imagine that. Yeah. And Divina, I just want to reiterate too, you know, we just so appreciate you being so vulnerable and sharing your story with us. You know, I know it's not easy. I know it can be difficult. And I'm sure every day changes a little bit too of how much you want to share what you're comfortable sharing. And, you know, I'm, I'm happy that you're on this podcast sharing your story with us. This is in a topic we've dived into. And I know, you know, I know there are a lot of domestic violence survivors in our community who aren't ready to share uncomfortable sharing or even scared to share. So I just want to, you know, I really appreciate you sharing with us today and sharing with our listeners. I know. Yeah, that's me so much. Of course, I honestly, it's, thank you to you guys because like it's helping me put the word out there. And the whole world needs to hear like this story and just be aware, you know, mm-hmm. Can you tell me a little bit more about how someone can support domestic violence, right? Like, so I think it's important that we talk about this story, but also like there are things that that you need, right? Like to feel safe. And so how do you, you know, it may be someone's dealing with or has a family member that deals with us? How can they better support you? That's a hard one because I mean, just be there for them. I'll be willing to listen to them because I know a lot of people who are in abusive relationships will talk to their friends about it and their friends will be like, then just leave. Like, why do you keep coming to us, telling us he's beating you up and you just don't leave? I think you have to not tell them that because then that makes them feel worse and they don't want to tell you nothing about what's going on anymore. So be very open and accepting and like realize that you can't make it and leave, they have to want to leave themselves. Just being there for them and I mean, trying to convince them to leave that toxic relationship because eventually they can end up dead and you don't want that, you know, so mm-hmm. Yeah, and you have one thing too that I've, you know, I don't know if either you've ever heard of the nonprofit called One Love. So I played The Cross and this was founded for a yardly love who had passed away because of domestic violence and she was a look-crossed player. So we did a bunch of trainings kind of like how to see those red flags and, you know, when you talk about leaving to it's also really important. I want to note that, you know, survivors of DV often go back to their attackers numerous times, it's not they leave and then, you know, it can happen over and over again. So I just want, you know, it's really important to support, you know, your friends and your family and anyone, you know, who's being open and honest and maybe opening up to you that, you know, it's an ongoing journey. It's not as easy as one and done. It really is a vicious cycle and I see it with people in my life like they tell me their problems and I'm like, like it's crazy how these narcissists can mentally trap you and like keep you in that cycle of abuse and like it's so hard to get out of but all you can do is be there for that person. Definitely, definitely. And we'll make sure to for our listeners that we have a bunch, we'll link a bunch of resources down below in our show notes as well, hotlines, tips, I'll link that one love training as well. So we'll make sure we have those available as well. I think like going over red flags is a big one because usually what I do, like presentations at schools and stuff, I go over red flags and a lot of the kids are like, wait a minute, like I've noticed that. So I think that's a big thing for sure. Definitely. Well, I do want to talk a little bit to about your bodybuilding. I know you mentioned that, you know, you were bodybuilding before your accident happened and you're still doing that today. And you know, physically and physical health is always such, you know, a topic that birds of aberres have. So I just want to, you know, hear a little bit more about your bodybuilding. You know, how you got back into it after your injury as well. So I started working out like in high school. So like from now, I've been working out, I'm into like six, seven years. I started working out in high school. I was just very like in the gym. I wasn't really into bodybuilding then. I was just like working out just because I was tired of being skinny. I hate feeling weak and like I can't defend myself. That's why I started working out to have muscles to like be able to hold my ground, at least for a little bit. But it wasn't until I moved to Hawaii when I actually started training for bodybuilding and training for a competition. And when I got attacked, I was just two weeks away from like stepping on the stage. And there was like months of prep that went into that. So that was devastating to like all that hard work gone and not even because it was my fault like someone else took that from me. That was very hard to deal with. And then I started getting back into the gym. I would say maybe like four or five months after I got out of the hospital. It was when I moved back to Texas because I did not feel safe going to any gym out there. I didn't feel safe being out in general. I would stay home most of the time. And so when I moved back to Texas, since I'm born and raised and I know this area, I know how this place works. I felt a lot safer. So I started going to the gym again slowly. It was super weak. When I started going back, I was so unmotivated. I was like, I hate this. The gym doesn't feel the same no more. Like I don't think I want to do this no more. I would cry at the gym because I would get so frustrated. But I just kept going. I just kept going. I was like why like I'm not doing nothing else. I'm not working right now. I'm bored all day. Like what am I going to do? And it would kind of distract me for a couple hours because I would be focusing on my workout and not thinking about what happened and like replay this in my head. So I started just I just kept going and like every day I'll be like, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. But then I would just force myself. And eventually I started healing more. I started growing muscle back. And now I'm more of that right now. And it's like, okay, I've seen the progress. I've seen that I'm able to give back to where I was and that like it's doable. And I'm going to do it. So how many protein shakes have you had since your recovery? We just had Dr. Vikram Mills on a few weeks ago. And we were talking about protein shakes in that episode. So I'm sure you've had your fair share of those. Yeah, I have. Yeah, I've had a lot. In the hospital when they tried to get me to like start eating again. Because I imagine being in prep, having to eat just chicken and rice for four months and then going to the hospital, not being able to eat anything. I'm going to be fed through the nose too. That's why I lost so much weight. And I was just like like in my room, I had a TV. And they would always put TV on for me. But they're commercials of like food. And I would get so mad because I couldn't eat anything. And I'm like, I like just turn it off. But yeah, I was in the beginning when they tried to get me to start eating again. I had no appetite. And they were worried because I would skip like all my meals. It just wasn't hungry at all. And they tried to, because I knew that I like worked out. And I was in a lot of buildings. So they tried to get me like protein shakes to drink. And they were so gross. I was like, I'm not drinking. Sorry. Yeah, protein shakes aren't the most delicious items on the menu, right? When you make them yourself, but if they're like pre-packaged, no. Yeah, I was just going to ask to like, you know, I am not a bodybuilder by any means. But yeah, I do enjoy going to the gym. And I've talked about it on the show before. And you know, I love the fact that you were just determined to go do it. And like I said, physical activity can be a big struggle for survivors. One, you know, they may not even know what they should be doing or what they can be doing. But I guess do you have any tips for survivors who, you know, maybe aren't wanting to get into bodybuilding, but want to live a healthier lifestyle? What tips do you have for them? Of course. I agree with you that it is hard to like be active as a burn survivor because when I was first, like first initially, like out of the hospital, like it's hard to move. Your skin is so tight, you're in pain, you get stuck in any position, you stay in for too long, like I couldn't use my arm. I couldn't put my arm up like this. Like it was like stuck like right here. So the fact that I'm able to like do shoulder presses and like workout my shoulders and my back, like it's it's a miracle really is. But for burn survivors out there, like to getting into the gym, no one's going to judge you. No one's looking at you. No one's paying attention to you. Just do what you know. Stick to the basics because really the basics is all you need. Stretch, stretching is important. I stretch every time before I work out and I'm sure everyone, every burn survivor has dealt with this. Like when you're in the hospital, they instill in your mind that you need to be stretching like three times a day. So I started stretching a lot and I kept that in my routine. When I go to the gym, I stretch really good before I work out. And that helps me in my list because my skin's not tight. It's like loosened up. If I don't stretch for a while and then I stretch again, I notice a difference. Like my skin feels like it's like shriveling up. And so yeah, I would say stretching is really important. Even like yoga, I go to yoga sometimes. You can even just stretch in your room, just do something. Go for walks like just be active and that really helps in your blood circulation. Which also helps in your scars healing and becoming less pigmented and everything like that. And for me, the one of the reasons why I wanted to get back into the gym right away was because I didn't want to end up like stuck. Like, you know how they tell you that your scars, if you're not moving them, you can end up like stuck like shrivel. I didn't, I was, that was my worst fear. I did not want to end up like immobile at all because I'm a very independent person. I love doing everything for myself. I don't like asking for help. So that was my biggest fear. So I started stretching. I started moving. I was like, I can't get stuck like this. It's really funny. You say that. So I missed her last podcast because I was injured and still am injured. And I have gotten back into running quite a bit. And so I just got a new treadmill. And we, I've been Rachel knows I've been like running every day. And I got off, I finished my run, got off the treadmill. And I'm bad about stretching after my run. And my husband's been getting me on it because I, you know, I've run and then I'll get back to work. And I finished my run, got off. And it's actually the leg that was burned that has the skin graft on it. And right where I have like a big like burn across my joint that I, I did pulled, I pulled a hammy and I have what's called goose foot tendonitis in my right leg, which is the same leg that was burned. And I wonder if there's a correlation to it based on the fact that I don't. It could be. Yeah. I was burned. Yeah. I think you should stretch before you run. Yes. After, maybe after, but after it's not as important, I think before it was most important because you got to loosen your skin up so that you can do the movement, right? Yeah. I read David Goggan's book and he mentioned stretching too. And how important stretching is like, like everyone should be stretching. Like it needs to be part of everyone's routine. And a lot of like people when they're older, they have a lot of problems with their body. And they go to the doctor to see what it is. And the doctor can't find a reason for it. And it's mainly just because you're not stretching. Like when you're not stretching your body, like the tightens, like your bones, your joints, everything. So stretching is good for everyone, especially when you're older. Yeah. I'm a big yogi. And I just had been running a lot legs recently and not stretching as much. And so I believe it's part of that. But I also believe maybe it's the right leg because that leg is also more likely to have like issues with my skin because my leg is also burned. But it's like burned on the back. So like where my knee is, I guess really tight. So that's why I stretch before I work out because if I try and do legs without stretching and I go do like a leg press, like I feel that my leg and I hate it. Yep. Same. And I've noticed that my injury is 100% better when I've stretched and used like the foam roller and got better. But I haven't gotten back to running since I was injured last week. And so but 100% it is a good lesson that we all need to learn is stretching good before anything. Because I also have been wanting to get back right like into I was running. I was super active before my injury. And then it's hard to just get back into working out and feeling better about yourself. Yeah. So I remember when I first like got out the hospital, I would do like like just like little work like random workouts like I would just go to the kid like living room and just start squatting or something. And it's crazy because I had to relearn how to squat like my form was horrible like horrible horrible. And I have a video my sister took me and like I'm squatting there and like I just look so different from how I look today. I just look so unhealthy and like skinny and like I couldn't move. And I remember when I first started getting back into the gym, I was like this shit is so hard. Like this is why people don't go to the gym. This is why people don't work out. So I'm happy that I was able to see that side of it because I was active my whole life. So I always thought this stuff was easy, you know. But I'm able to realize why people it's hard for them to get into it. But the fact that I still did it means that they have no excuse either. Like they can do it. It's all about wanting it. To Venus, I know that you've spent some time raising awareness right for domestic violence. Can you share with us a little bit more about kind of how you're continuing to do that in your community or maybe even just than you know about that? Yeah, of course. I do a lot of like podcasts like this. I do a lot of speaking engagements and I've been trying to do them more and more. And hopefully I can like start traveling and going places to talk to like wider audiences. But yeah, I'll do speaking engagements here. Like at the schools or like drug rehab facilities. I just recently did one at UTEP, which is like our the college here. Pretty big college. And yeah, I went really well. I got a lot of good feedback and there was a lot of good Pete. Like there's a big audience and it was a very emotional, like just beautiful day. So I think that is like my calling, like my passion. I'm very good at like speaking in front of wide audiences about something that's so vulnerable, which is weird because I don't talk about my emotions. I'm very like restricted blocked off like nothing bothers me. But this was a life changing thing and the fact that I'm like able to openly speak about it. Like there's a reason. I think like God put me here to raise awareness, you know? Yeah, we talk a lot about purpose on this episode. And I think I just had this conversation actually with Rachel and I talked about Orlando Health, my hospital. They're writing an article and one of the things I said to the writer was like I think after an injury like this, oftentimes we feel like, okay, this can't be for no reason, right? It had to have happened for something. And even if it didn't, I have to believe that it did. So whatever happens moving forward, I want to take what happened and channel it into something that I can provide purpose for myself. So whether that's raising awareness, right, about your burn injury, domestic violence or helping someone else, right? I do, I do want to ask in terms of, right, like whether it's domestic violence or protecting ourselves as one, do you carry anything with you, do you do certain things as you're leaving the gym? Like what can I do as a female or even just as someone, right, that wants to protect themselves against domestic violence or any kind of violence? How can I protect myself moving forward? I would really consider carrying a weapon. I don't carry a weapon right now. I've really been wanting to go look at like knives just to have something for now because I do want to get a gun, but I haven't had the time. I need to go look at them and see like which one I feel more comfortable with. I have been like shooting, I know how to handle a gun. So that's good that I have like some background in it, but I personally would just feel a lot safer if I had a gun because if I had a gun that night, I would not be in the shoes I am today. But yeah, carrying a weapon is always good. So it's like just in case, you know, but you also have to know how to use that weapon. And when I'm leaving the gym at night, I'm just very aware. I know a lot of girls will like leave the gym with their headphones and they're on their phone while they walk to their car like don't do that. Be aware, be off your phone, be looking around because these men prey on women that are not paying attention. And that's kind of what happened to me. I think when I was walking out of the gym, I might have been like scrolling on my phone or something. And also like I'll before I leave the gym, like I'll kind of like, I don't know if I'm crazy for this, but I'll kind of like watch people that are leaving before me just to see who is in the parking lot before I go out there. If someone up is sketchy that walks out before me, I'll wait a while until I leave. And I try to just like see what cars are parked around me. I try to park in the front of the building because I work at the gym. So I can. And like I just try to park where there's no cars around me. Yeah, just little things like that. Just be very aware. Another thing is like no shame to the girls that work out in sports broad shorts because I was that girl at one point. And I'm off for showing your body off like you work for it. Show it off. But if you're leaving the gym and it's late, I would take sweats and the sweater just to put on before you walk out of the gym because if you're walking out like that, like it sucks that as women, we have to be conscious of this, but men are animals and we have to be careful. And like for me, if I was wearing sweats and sweater that night, just before I walked out the gym, I could have saved myself some burns for sure. So I would say that, like just like put a cover up or or something. I don't know, just play and save. I'm going to be safe and sorry. For sure. There's also mace out there that I have I have I had one in my bag, right? I put one in my car to make sure that like if somebody were to attack you as there's something that you can grab, right? I know there's that key trick where folks can put their keys in between their fingers when they leave. So definitely worth looking into options. I definitely think you're right about like parking near lighted lit areas, making sure that there is, but also times call my mom or call my husband on the way, you know, if I'm in a place where I'm not comfortable, stay on the phone with me just to make sure I get to my car. Okay. There are definitely some some things that you can do to make sure you keep. It's very moral that it sucks that we have to like, behave this way and get sort of things to make sure we are safe, but it's just a more human today. Yeah. And you know, you know, obviously the majority of our listeners are connected to a burn injury somehow, whether it's survivor themselves. And you know, I know I read it in your bio too, but these things can truly happen to anyone. And I think our, you know, burn injuries, domestic violence attacks, you know, you know, this is a prime example of it really can happen to anyone. And it's better to be prepared and to do, you know, little small things. And it's funny you bring up like leaving the gym on your phone, because that's exactly what I did this morning. Working on my phone, headphones still in walking into my car. So yeah, I think everyone can, you know, take a tip or two. And it doesn't have to be in the dark either. I think a lot of people think like it can happen in broad daylight. Get off your phone, right? You never know. And I do think my nanny and I talk about this all the time, like we are in our phones 24/7. We laugh because we go to the library with my son and the amount of parents, even that just are on their phone not paying attention to their children who could literally just walk out the door. Yes. So like we, there is a time and a place to be on our phones, right? But it is really important that we are aware of what's happening around us because because we're so distracted by our phones these days, I think we're more likely to have things happen to us, or we're not paying attention. And that's the predators out there know this too and they're watching for people that are not paying attention. Yeah, exactly. And I agree with that because I'm always on in public. I'm a big people watcher. And I notice that two people are just always on their phones, like not paying attention to what's going on around them. It's like what has society come to. But it ends what it is. Yeah, I think if we can just try to pay more attention to what's happening as we're in those vulnerable situations. Yeah. Definitely. Well, I know we are coming up on our time here, but I did just want to ask one more question before we, well, before we ask our closing two questions. So I would say like our last question. But I know faith played a big role too in your recovery. So I don't know if you just want to share the little lead on that. Yeah, that's impacted you. Okay. Yes. I have a lot to say about that. So when before my attack, I was not very like into God or I didn't really believe in anything. I just kind of thought we're just here. I would question if God was real, because just how I have a lot of childhood trauma and like growing up the way I did, I've I've always had the mindset of just seeing the bad in the world and like all the bad that happens. And I've always thought like if God is real, why is all this bad stuff happening? Why is he not protecting us? Why are we all living horrible messed up lives, right? That's always what I thought. But I was also very like spiritual. I was a very spiritual person. I felt very connected to the earth and like the nature and all that. But then when the accident happened and I got in the hospital, woke up, realized like what went down. I was mad at God. I was like really God? Why me? Why me out of everyone? I was just I couldn't this have waited till after my competition at least or like like what did I do to deserve this? And like why am I being punished? That's how I was coming to like that's that was my initial thoughts. And then um obviously I talked to my family a lot about it. There's many like days and nights where I was crying to them about it. And um I get emotional. And then um there's this one like there's this one time I have an encounter with God. I like actually saw him when I was in the hospital. I was in surgery and I remember my body like my body like taking his last breath. And it's crazy because my doctor told my family like that like in each surgery I went into there like there's a high chance that she won't make it. And um I remember in one of those surgeries I like remember my body like taking his last breath like my I could feel my soul leaving my body like I was about to die. And I did see like my soul leave my body and like I was just like this aura like this like light. And then I somehow got transported to like my sister's house. And I went walking up the stairs and I saw God and he was like it's not your time. And he put like his hand on my head or like I wasn't even a person. I was just like a orb but he like touched me and he was like it's not your time yet. And so he sent me back and I woke up. And like ever since then I was like God's real. And I wasn't telling me anything different because the fact that he came and showed himself to me is such a wonderful time when I like indeed did that. He's real. And he's been with me like every step of the way and he's continuing to like bless me in life. And I realized that like that accident or not even an accident because it was planned. That attack was not from God himself. It was from the devil. And God couldn't have prevented that but he is able to have me overcome it. Yeah, thank you again for sharing that with us. I mean I know a lot of survivors whether they have a strong faith beforehand or after that's something they find in their recovery. It's certainly you know sometimes a battle with God and how you're how you're hearing our any faith. So you know I just appreciate you sharing that with us and our listeners. I know I know that's a difficult thing that comes up a lot of times. All throughout the recovery journey to even touch us initially. Well again Divina thank you so much for you know opening up and sharing with us today. We do have two final questions so Amber I will let you go ahead first. Yeah so if you could share any piece of advice or encouragement to someone navigating life after a burn injury can you share a little bit about what that would be? I would say be kind to yourself. You've been through a lot. You've survived something that not many people can survive. Be kind to yourself and just realize that it's going to get better. I know it feels like it's not like I really did think like my life was over. I was like I don't want to be here anymore. I want to die. Like there's no point you'd be here. But life does get better and it will get better. You have to want it though. You have to do little things. Take a day by day but do little things that help you grow and eventually they all just start adding up and you'll see how much progress you've made and you'll be able to look back and be like wow I never would have thought I'd be here. So keep going. Don't give up. Don't isolate yourself. You need you need the good friends. You need your good family around you to help you get through this because it's not something that's easy to get through and not even easier like when you're doing it alone. You need someone. You need someone in your corner to be there to tell you like you're doing good. You got this be kind to love. Don't hate on yourself. Don't be like oh I'm ugly. No one's going to want me no more. Like find the beauty in your scars because they tell a story that you survive something crazy. You know? Definitely. It certainly takes a community. Even finding other bird survivors really helped me. The Phoenix Society like contacting other bird survivors and like hearing their stories and their struggles and how they went through the exact same things and like you're not alone. Like other people understand what you're going through. Absolutely. Definitely. Well Divina it is time for our final question. It is our Phoenix partner question today sponsored by the Donaldson Foundation. So their question is what is one thing you hope listeners take away from your story today? I hope you guys take away that that just to be safe again be aware of your surroundings. This can happen to anyone. Never would have thought it would happen to me in a million years but look at where I'm at now. And just be careful who you keep around you and who who your company is because who you hang out with is who you become. So I hope you take away everything we've talked about. Because we're learning all of it is. Definitely. Well, Divina thank you again so much for being vulnerable, sharing your story with us. I know this is going to help so many survivors and you know even if it can just help one survivor feel comfortable talking about a relationship they're in or one survivor finally opening up about their domestic violence. Yeah. I know this is going to help so many. So we so appreciate your time today. Thank you so much. Appreciate you guys this time and I know we had to like reschedule a lot but I'm glad we made it happen. Talk to you soon. Bye bye. Thank you. Have a good day. This helps others find the show and we greatly appreciate it. Thanks again for listening and we'll catch you in the next episode.