258: From the Vault..

This episode is brought to you by Takayatri. When your mental health is suffering, finding the right treatment can be overwhelming. That's where Takayatri comes in. Takayatri is an online psychiatry practice with licensed psychiatrists who can evaluate, diagnose, and provide ongoing medication management when appropriate. They accept major insurers, can treat anxiety, ADHD, depression, and more, and you can schedule your first visit in days, not months. Go to takayatri.com slash hot takes to get matched in minutes. That's T-A-L-K-I-A-T-R-Y dot com slash hot takes. Takayatri.com slash hot takes. Hi, friends. It's my birthday today, so I'm dropping this a little early. I just want to say thank you guys for being here. Two Hot Takes celebrated its five-year birthday in February. We didn't really talk about it even. And I'm just so excited to be on this next trip around the sun with all of you. You ready for the little birthday treat I've got? I'm pulling a couple stories from the Patreon vault, give you guys a little sneak peek what we've been doing over there. And if you want more, come on over. I just did a bonus episode with Lauren. Yes, Lauren is still around. Our schedules just have not been lining up. She's a busy working gal. But rest assured, she will be back. And until then, enjoy these bonus stories. I'll see you guys next time. Bye-bye. This episode is presented by Duluth Trading Company. Overalls, overall dress, overshirt, and pants are all new to the collection, too. So whether you have one garden bed or 100 acres, there's garden wear for every green thumb. Shop at DuluthTrading.com and in-store today. Thanks, Duluth Trading Company, my hometown brand, guys. I'm going to shake us up a little bit. Shake you up. We're getting into some mother-in-law drama. Mother-in-law says I'm ruining the weird photos she tried to sneak of my new baby. Need to get some feedback on this because it's driving me crazy. My 37-female family has been staying with my husband's 36-male parents, 59-female and 59-male, for a week. And we'll be at their home for another week before we have to head home to get the kids ready to go back to school. My mother-in-law and I don't necessarily get along, but she's been trying to play nice since I gave birth to our fourth child, a boy, four months ago. However, I suppose, the nice act has ended because she's been stirring the pot and pushing my buttons since we got to their house, rummaging through my clothes, whining that I should bottle feed instead of nursing so she has a chance to feed, quote, her baby the works. I've been biting my tongue because my husband loves his family, and this is some of the only time we get to see his siblings. But at the end of this week, mother-in-law storms downstairs, while we're eating breakfast and the kids are in the yard playing, claiming we needed to talk. I go through a mental checklist, trying to figure out which one of her household rules I've broken or how I've managed to piss her off this time, when she slaps her phone down on the counter and begins scrolling through photos that are all of me and the baby, photos she apparently took while I wasn't paying attention, as most of them are blurry or from strange angles. Down low, as though she angled her phone up while it was in her lap. One of them is taken through a crack in the door to hubby and I's bedroom. I ask mother-in-law what her problem is and why she's been taking photos of me and the baby like a lunatic instead of just asking for my help with taking photos I would approve of. I don't want my infant son's face plastered all over her social media. I cover it with emojis in my Facebook pictures. She complains that she doesn't want to put, quote, those stupid pictures all over his face and that I won't put him down long enough for her to get a photo of him by himself. He's been contact napping and I wear him for most of the day and she can't post the photos she took because I'm huge and ruining them by looking ridiculous. For context, I'm definitely on the heavier side, 5'3", 230 pounds, and because half of these photos are fake, I'm not going to post them. I'm not going to post them. I'm not going to are from a weird low angle. I have a prominent double chin and baby is usually pressed up against me either in my arms or his wrap, so the photos are pretty much just unflattering pictures of me with the baby's head and maybe an arm or a leg visible. What a nut. I tell her that I'm not going to entertain this behavior and since she decided to approach the supposed problem like this, she can work with what she's already got, but she's definitely not getting a solo photo op with my baby now. Hubby is understanding and supports my decision, even getting in the way when he sees mother-in-law trying to sneakily take more photos or distracting her so I can leave the room, but some people think I'm blowing this out of proportion. Father-in-law says mother-in-law has a right to take photos of her grandchild and it's not her fault that I'm insecure. I don't care about how fat I am. Hubby's twin sister is also being dismissive because quote, she's always been catty about weight. Why are you acting so insulted like it's the first time? Even my sister, when I called and complained about this, acted like I was making mountains out of molehills. Quote, she was like this 60 pounds ago. Why is it suddenly a big deal again? No one will listen to me when I insist that I don't care about her weight. I care that she's sneaking around taking photos like a stalker because she doesn't respect me enough to ask my permission to take photos of my baby. She doesn't want to have to follow my rules about covering his face and can't wrench him out of my arms to get pictures of him. So she's just been acting like a creep instead. I'm nursing him in one of these photos. This is weird, right? Am I crazy? I mean, can you imagine? It happens like the confrontation happens at the table. Slams phone out. I can't post any of these because you ruin them all. You're essentially just showing that you've been taking all these secret pictures. And then you have this encounter. And then now still, because I probably would have left at that time. I would have packed my shit and gone home. Now we're playing this game. It's after the confrontation. So now husband will distract so she can get out of the room or will like get in the way of. So any the whole rest of the time you've been there after this insane interaction, you have to watch around you to see mother-in-law coming up, like trying to sneak another photo. You can't even make this stuff up. You're like, I'm picturing you going outside. And then you look up at the windows of the house and mother-in-law is like in one of them trying to, I just, I can't even, it's just like, it's comical. And to get the one leg and the one arm and the breastfeeding, the breastfeeding picture. What a weirdo. She is a crazy, crazy woman. See, here's the thing. Knowing that she took a picture through the gap of the bedroom door, I'd be fucking in there every chance I got. I'd be like, you want to catch a picture? You're my fat ass fucking your son. She called her fat. She literally called her fat. Oh my God. Morgan after hours. This is hilarious. I'm like, this one really set me off. I don't know. Like I, I know why, like it's pretty outrageous. It just kept getting worse. It just kept getting worse and worse. And the fact that people are enabling her craziness and like this absurdity, this disrespect, this behavior, like these are the flying monkeys quite literally. And the father-in-law too. I mean, I would be really hurt. Like you call your own sister and your own sister says she was like this 60 pounds ago. Yeah. Oh, no wonder why you're questioning if you're overreacting, which I didn't mention. This is coming from the, am I overreacting subreddit? No, you're not overreacting. Terrible. And I get hobbies doing a decent job, trying to be on your side. distracting and dodge dip dive distract whatever you know but if you want to be more on my side we're leaving like yeah step up the moment it happened this is not okay you know what i think she should do she said she should say no phones while we're here phones in a bin no phones and you can have a camera that prints and you can put it in a photo album and then you can show all of your friends in a photo album when they go to your house she's just gonna take a picture of that picture yeah straight to facebook but i'm just picturing her trying to sneak one with a camera like that or one of the old disposables and it flashes and it's like yep yep exactly but it's just the door and you look yeah but you see her trying to like sneak it around and just you just see the flash i mean it's absolutely insane yes all all the stuff all the comments and everything are terrible but her sneaking around and trying to do this is weird terribly frightening at the same time it's kind of hilarious i know that this is not south park we're not watching south park but you could see them turning this story into one of their little segments because it is just that ridiculous this is an snl skit i don't think it's funny like it's it's very hurtful there's a lot of serious things happening but just her after it happened still trying to sneak around and do the photos i mean that is just it's one of those things you can't help but laugh to keep from crying because of how ridiculous it is crazy and does then feel like this is weird right like am i crazy no you're not crazy you're not overreacting your mother-in-law's a bitch disrespectful everyone else is enabling her and being cruel like it's really really strange should we get into the comments i'm a little scared why i don't know top comment not overreacting i'd report her pics on social media with your baby and say it's inappropriate child or something because the pics look like they've been taken stealthily it kind of works in your favor lol i'm sorry people aren't respectful of your wishes but it's great that your husband is and he seems to be trying to help also side note you are allowed to be annoyed at somebody body shaming you and ask them to stop i hate how older generations think they are allowed to pass for things like this racism sexism etc op responds i didn't even think about reporting her photos if they manage to pop up on her facebook i'll do that to get them taken down i've told her to mind her business about my body especially in front of my children but she's nosy and can't help but make comments so long as they're just to me or to my husband in private i can at least let them roll off she's been somewhat better about keeping her mouth shut while the older kids are around damn it's sad and that's one of those things that like hearing comments like that when you're young can really mess with you yeah there's certain things that people have said good bad or somewhere in between that have stuck with me forever yeah and you just you never ever forget it i know the bad ones for sure stick out you know but i'm saying there's a range and you never know when that's happening in the moment but it's interesting as you get older when you look back and you're like yeah that that's stuck with me the whole time i know i feel like that's something that like being told i was fat literally like i don't know what was it fourth grade fifth grade playground by this kid named tyler like that created such an insecurity with me and like looking back at that age like you're going through growth spurts like everyone at that age is a little pudgy and growing and awkward but that like probably really started my insecurities and like i've had body issues and whatever since and a lot of it's also from hearing my parents talk about weight and oh i'm so fat and oh i'm fat and i'm just like that was very common in my house like my dad still can talk like that he's very sensitive about his weight and being fit and that's why he tries all these diet trends and keto this and whatever weird thing he's on now like it's just it's something that's really affected me so this would be a really hard boundary for me that if we're going to come and visit you don't talk about weight there's no body shaming and if there is we're leaving yeah you won't have a relationship with your grandkids because quite frankly it's not healthy i wouldn't trust the kids around her as is i am like that's that's also a really tough part about having these strained relationships is kids will expose every fault in a relationship not just between the parents of the kid but between all the relationships beyond yeah because if in this case you can picture her not wanting our kids to be around his mom and he is going to be caught in the middle of that and that can be really really tough on a relationship but there's really no option in this case it's it's that bad it's also like not that tough on a relationship when one person is clearly in the wrong i don't know if that's a good thing or not i don't know if that's a good thing or not right but then it'll become not just a problem with her it'll be become a problem with him depending on where it falls and then you really have a lot to assess well and someone does ask like what has your husband really been doing in all of this like how has he engaged with her what has he said and so someone goes what if your husband told her directly to cut the crap that would be the most logical and clear way to resolve the situation obviously she doesn't hear your words which is bullshit i don't know if i could stand another week of name calling disrespect and fragrant flouting of reasonable rules or otherwise you're the parent i have set or my husband and i have implemented the car train airport would already be looking delicious op does respond husband has told her to knock it off and she doesn't listen to him either i feel lucky to be married to a man with a spine and not an eager to please mama's boy but watching her bulldoze him when he tries to put his foot down irks me glad your mother-in-law's a delight makes up for the rest of us who have to deal with bat shit crazy and beyond i'm planning on skipping on the rest of this lovely vacation and taking the baby with me but thank you for the advice and the well wishes we already spend way more time with my family than his but the ratio might be tipping even further in my folks favor now yeah and someone else just goes your husband needs to do more than say knock it off yes that's better than nothing but he needs to have boundaries if she says shit he will leave with the family then do it every time he needs to train her to be respectful or leave yeah and that's like that's kind of what i'm saying like go like you can't say knock it off and then not have a consequence for said boundary would you have a hard time with this one i don't i don't know like i yeah it's it's all just making me think about so many i'm just really like invested listening to you guys honestly and just thinking about the concept of all of it too because it is it is interesting you know somebody mentioned like i'm tired of like older generation thinking they can get away with saying xyz and i just think it does tie into the fact that like this like an older generation is used to growing up being able to show and share pictures seeing their grandparents share pictures of them with all their family members and so it is like in that aspect of like taking photos of the baby and then having to put like um something over the baby's face to put like to share it with people that's probably like extremely foreign for the older generation and really irritating that there's no excuse for her going into body shaming i'm just thinking about the the bigger picture of just like how that would be weird to be i don't being used to like generation after generation sharing photos and getting so excited as much as you can and then being told that you have to put like an emoji over the face like i'm not surprised that there's some resistance with people in that aspect i think it's gonna be really hard for our parents like our parents like your guys's parents yeah like i know my mom i think you just define it though yeah and then it's defined but i know my mom is gonna be like why like she's just not gonna get it if we are like we don't want to show our kids face on social media like she won't get it and i think when they get to a point where you know they're older and like can kind of understand like do you want your picture posted to people but like when they're so little and like if my baby pictures were out there being posted and like me in a bathtub like some of these influencers share i'd be pissed at my parents like there are kids that grow up in those households and are like that was terrible like the fact i didn't have a choice like that sucks so i don't know and then it's like if it's a harmless family photo like whatever like i love the picture pictures of me when I was a little kid you know it's so cool to see and we kind of grew up when they were they didn't have a place to be circulating there wasn't social media it did stay within family or you know or even just in photo albums and then what you choose to share now is your choice yeah I'm not like on you know too hot takes level and so for me like when I think about having a kid like I don't there's not a part of me that feels worried about posting my kid's face like in terms of like posting photos I wouldn't mind it but I know a lot of people do and and for valid reasons so it's just like a whole new topic that we're entering with you know the different it's it's jarring to generations who don't understand it because that's what they thrived off of you know such an exciting new thing for them getting to share a photo online with your friends but I'm just saying like you know they grew up getting invented they grew up yeah and they grew up off of like sharing photos as a part of like a love language you know like you see in movies all the time it's like like the guy brings over a girl and the mom is like oh let me show you baby photos like it's just such a it's such a love language of like showing so was that from meet the Fockers I don't know what which one I'm thinking of I think I'm I feel like I'm thinking of that like Ryan Reynolds movie when I said that I could see that one too you literally sounded like Barbara Streisand though and meet the Fockers oh I mean it takes it to the next level though when mother-in-law thinks it's her baby oh yeah yeah I know there's definitely yeah a lot yeah I forgot about that aspect too and like that just making those type of comments is so infuriating like this is baby it's like no like what the fuck regardless of the generational differences like this person's crossing boundaries no matter what you know it's just it's that's what I'm thinking of that's that's very clear we've been down that rabbit hole on this show before someone does point that out so fucking weird her baby what psychotic to be honest I wouldn't be able to deal with this op goes she's baby crazy and so far my children are her only grandkids I'm glad I haven't lost it and that this is creepy behavior if hubs didn't like his siblings so much we'd never set foot in this house op does have an edit thank you guys for proof that I'm not crazy I honestly didn't even think about going home early I was fully prepared to just grit my teeth for the rest of this visit because we only took one car on the drive up here I'm packing my and my son's things and when husband gets back from fishing with his dad and his brother I'm asking him if he can drive me and the baby back home I'll be able to have peace of mind and have the house to myself for a few days so I can get things in order before the kids have to go back to school edit to slash update is back they're home from fishing early because brother-in-law lost his pole and they forgot to bring any spares he and I have been texting since he left earlier this morning and he's taking the baby and I home and we're planning on having a conversation about what time spent with his folks will look like going forward on the drive back thank you all for the advice giving me the gumption to leave early and keeping me company with your comments while I packed my stuff update I wasn't going to update because I got home with the baby and settled in and thought nothing of it just communicate with my husband and my 14 year old through texts and phone calls while they were gone but problems started to follow pretty soon after after my husband returned to his parents house without the baby and I his mother huffed and started grumbling about how dramatic I am how possessive I am of her baby oh my god how I was ruining this trip for everyone sister-in-law began winding her up talking about how I didn't want anyone else to build a relationship with the baby husband told both of them to mind their business and get a grip mentioning to mother-in-law that he needed to have a serious talk with her once the kids left with brother-in-law for lunch mother-in-law rolled her eyes and walked off they have a talk and husband insists to mother-in-law and father-in-law that they can't expect me to roll over and let them stomp all over my limits just because they want to see me and they want to see access to our baby that we are the final say in what happens with our children and if they can't get on board with that they can forget about seeing them especially not unsupervised he told mother-in-law that her sneaking around acting like my word meant nothing was childish and proved she wasn't trustworthy and he told both of them to keep their opinions about my weight to themselves this starts what husband told me later was practically a two to three hour argument that only stopped because brother-in-law came back with the kids and husband refused to discuss this in front of them mother-in-law pulling out crocodile tears and asking why he won't defend her insisting that i'm quote trying to ruin their relationship husband has never been close with his mother and that she just wants to show off her baby to her friends and the extended family husband responds that if she really wanted to take pictures of the baby all she had to do was ask for help so he or i could cover the baby's face mother-in-law and father-in-law argue that they shouldn't have to ask permission they're grown adults and can do as they please in their own home husband reminds them that it is our baby not theirs and since they felt so strongly that is why i removed myself from the situation and if they wanted to see my baby they could do it at our house where they'll have to follow our rules and i'm sure they'll be able to do it at our house where they'll have to follow our rules and if they wanted to see my baby they could do it at our house have to follow our rules this went back and forth with mother-in-law eventually shouting and stomping her feet until brother-in-law returned for the rest of the day mother-in-law was grumbling under her breath and practically ignoring our older children even as my five-year-old was clamoring for her attention husband paid her no mind and spent the evening playing board games with the kids and brother-in-law while sister-in-law and his mother sulked in the kitchen fast forward to last night husband was having a couple of beers with his brother while mother-in-law and sister-in-law have wine in the kitchen father-in-law had gone to bed early and the kids were asleep husband hears mother-in-law and sister-in-law giggling to each other and while casually checking his phone he sees that mother-in-law has posted all of the photos she took of me on her facebook page captioning them with quote my name won't let me see my grandson so you'll have to excuse her hogging the frame wow i just like need a moment here yeah what the fuck do you like ma'am that makes you look crazy too like that makes you look like the only crazy one yeah like you think everyone's gonna come to your rescue like oh no it doesn't make her look crazy it shows who she is you took pictures through a door gap did she post it on facebook or something like that i don't know what's that oh my god can you imagine i mean i guess i can on this one in the comments of her post she was chatting with her sisters about me derogatory comments on my hair as my icon and username reflects i'm a natural redhead shaming me for my selfishness and obviously comments on my body husband flips his shit demanding that mother-in-law take the photos down or he'd take her phone from her and do it himself apparently there were more photos than even the ones we saw at first and several of them my top is fully open nursing bra unclipped mother-in-law is unaware husband is serious and tries teasing him that she thought he wasn't ashamed of being married to a fat woman wow what a actual fucking bitch husband rushes into the kitchen and snatches mother-in-law's phone out of her hands after a brief scuffle the leading the photos from mother-in-law's facebook and then taking some of them off her phone altogether before throwing her phone down on the counter and telling her that he was leaving first thing in the morning mother-in-law scowls and starts shouting that it isn't fair he's taking my side he responds that he loves me and that it isn't my side versus hers it's our side yeah versus hers nice i'm pretty out of the loop about all of this at this point i've been cleaning the house looking after the and dealing with the cold i was apparently incubating for the first week of our visit so i get a call from hubs while i'm doing laundry in the basement he's in his car trying to keep himself calm but says that he'll be home early with the kids in the morning and that he wanted to have a discussion with me about our plans moving forward he tells me what happened i calm him down and we both head to bed fast forward to this morning and i get up early with the baby to have breakfast and coffee waiting hubs arrives with 14 10 and 14 10 and i'm like oh my god i'm five-year-old at about 6 a.m we have breakfast and then the kids peel off to do their own thing our daughters leave for their friends houses and the five-year-old goes into the basement den to watch cartoons on the big tv hubs and i talk and he says he's done with that annual visit to his parents place and that he's planning to have some one-on-one time with his brother a few times a year instead we go over a plan of action in terms of much stricter boundaries deciding that we won't be going to the in-laws house anymore and while the in-laws visit us at our house if they act out they'll be be kicked out mother-in-law has been blowing up his phone since he left but he's ignoring her for the time being and helping me with cleaning he also sheepishly admitted that as disrespectful and frustrating as mother-in-law's creepy photos were they'd given him a new appreciation for my round face i picked a winner y'all truly such a happy ending that's what we're looking for terrible yeah story i know it just kept getting worse and worse this girl's a psychopathic person see but if you have someone that's truly a partner yeah then nothing can take you down i'm obsessed with the it's not your side versus hers it's our side versus you that was good that's so good is something we should all remember like i think that's a really good point like when you are together especially when you have kids yeah it's our side it's not mine right it's not his it's our side we are a family unit we're making decisions as a family yeah that mic drop that's really good he seems like a great husband i cannot believe this woman i don't know if we out of our minds i don't know if we've seen this level of like open vitriol towards another person like truly to go on your facebook she's hogging the frame oh you enjoy being married to a fat woman like again and again and again hammering that like her being fat is such a negative bad thing it's such a burn she's using it against her in every possible way and i just saw a clip of someone and they were like oh my god she's like oh my god she's like oh my god she's like oh my god they were like the first insult to a woman is always calling her fat you're fat or you're ugly like that's the biggest insult and it's interesting that people think that's what hurts women the most and that's what they jump to it's an interesting tidbit but wow i mean i feel like wow no matter what uh she saw her as getting in the way of her having this relationship with her baby i hate it she says it doesn't matter who that person is it doesn't matter their weight their appearance anything about them it she would have found something to attack them with i think so so it's like if she was anyone honestly anybody else she's this barrier in between that there's going to be some sort of attack no matter i mean it could be anything she'd continue to find a reason i just feel like mother-in-law would do it to to anyone in this sense it's not simply because of her weight and her appearance it's because she was this she was the the barrier and so whoever it is i feel like it'd be the same story maybe different words and mean things said but i don't it's just crazy i i love where we ended up but oh it just gets you going i know i'm pissed i can't end on that note but holy smokes wow wow wow do we end on that i don't know what do you guys think i don't know like do you have like maybe just like a little kicker a little kicker yeah i don't know does uh this sound like a little kicker this episode is brought to you by state farm we love a hot take we do not love a complicated decision that's why state farm makes bundling easy with a personal price plan you can choose the coverage you need and get a price that works for you talk to a state farm agent today to learn how you can bundle and save with the personal price plan like a good neighbor state farm is there prices are based on ratings plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer availability amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state this is coming from relationships titled girlfriend of two years replaced all of my old books with new copies angry doesn't begin to describe how i feel girlfriend is 28 female op 28 male okay i had a collection of 200 books and 80 comic books or so from when i was a child till maybe around the age of 14 or 15 i love reading so i'd get tons of books and save my pocket money to buy books at this point most of those books would be a decade and a half to 20 plus years old some of them were falling apart but they were my copies and for the most part kept in decent condition for books that age i had to go away for a month on back-to-back business trips when i came home my girlfriend told me that she had a surprise for me at my house she showed me a brand new bookshelf with new copies of all of my old books and comic books i asked her where the others were and she told me that she had donated some to a few libraries and the rest she threw them out i feel like time stopped when she said that i asked her why she'd do that and she said that most of them were old and beat up so she replaced them with new copies that would last longer i packed up the books and told her to take it back to her place and i'd refund her all of the money for the books and the shelf we argued i yelled quite a bit about quite a lot she cried i'm not proud of it but that was my collection gifts from friends and family members and things that i'd saved up for it doesn't matter that they're new copies i loved my old ones she comes from a very rich family in my country growing up the second something got a scratch or a tear her parents would replace it immediately her car was damaged by some idiot in a parking lot who really shouldn't have had his license and her parents bought her a new expensive car her old car was nowhere near the point of no return buying a new car was far more expensive than fixing the old one it never bothered me before because how someone else chooses to spend their money isn't my concern but now the replacing a thing as soon as it's got a tiny dent mentality is affecting me and what's worse is she literally doesn't seem to get why i'm mad she is so used to just replacing things that she can't understand why i'm angry at the books and i'm not sure whether it makes me angrier or feeling sorry for her i'm so glad he addressed the that being rich because i was like that would have to be so expensive to do yeah to replace every book on someone's shelf they're like 20 each 200 books 80 comic books oh my god i understand it must have come from a place of wanting to do something really special for op but like to to give them all out or give them away instead of even just thinking okay like i'll put them in a box and then like if there are any that are meaningful you can get those ones back like that's so stupid what if there were like inscriptions yeah in like the cover or the page or whatever to be like from mom or grandma or people that like were gone like i know that's a big thing to do for kids it's like yeah my grandma got us so many books and there's all the writing in there it's just like come on yeah it's really entitled it's not i don't even know how this would ever be seen as a nice gesture because it's like you went in took someone's property a lifelong collection and just threw it away you also you didn't donate all of it you threw a lot of it away yeah like just trash yeah and like how much can it be falling apart like i don't i don't know i mean if someone did this to me i probably wouldn't mind because i don't i don't think i have any special books like that but i'd be like why didn't need to do that like that was sort of unnecessary i'm very very protective of my items i kind of like just from like growing up with kind of a scarcity mindset i now resource guard i'm like a little dog like don't touch myself i don't know i get really weird with stuff sometimes and so this would set me off even if i wasn't sentimental about a lot of the books just for the fact that you felt so willing to disrespect me and come in my space and take my things and throw my things away it's it's not nice i just keep your money get get this shit away from me like you just like really just demonstrated a lot and it's like well she had good intentions i don't know road to hell is paved with good intentions as they say i know it does it's interesting because it almost feels like if it were something else it would be a but then it's like not because this isn't what that person wanted and they care about their belongings and these are things that they've collected and are proud of having been able to collect i know so it's sort of like all of these things that you were proud to have been able to do i can just replace like that it's almost like is it condescending in a way or what is that like just like i mean kind of like oh like it's hard like i could i could just replace them at the snap of my finger like it i don't know just leave such a sour taste in your mouth like am i just your little doll and like my little set wasn't good enough you I don't it's just yeah I don't know super weird I don't know unless they were just like really really really torn apart but still it's like still that's up to me I know I know I just don't like that she didn't give him the option of keeping the old ones I have no words we do have some comments from OP someone goes the only point I can bring to you is that in my experience truly well-off people can have a hard time understanding the non-dollar value of items when money allows them to replace any item with the slightest wear they have to be taught this deliberately when they are kids so see her actions as a flaw in her upbringing and not her intent yeah and OP goes I do I don't believe she did this out of some wicked intent I know her better than that still it's my book collection so it's hard to go oh well you didn't intend to hurt me so it's all good yeah and if that money is like nothing to her then she can go back to all the places she donated try to buy those back if she can maybe like I don't know I I don't think that this is like a horrible person I I do think this was like oh like so many of these books are messed up and like he really cares about his book collection I could get him like a brand new one of all of these and then he could have like like I I see like a lot of people who are like I don't know I don't know I don't know where this wasn't attempting to go yeah it's just the execution was just really and that's like I think part of the struggle of surprising people with gifts too and not having like any type of conversation about it leading up to it is you can miss the mark by so much because you were trying to keep it a surprise and it's like if they had had one conversation where she asked oh like by the way if someone got you new versions of these would you like that like then she would know I know even like Sal like on Impractical Jokers I was like do you like some of the crazy punishments do you run it by people and he goes yeah we'll kind of like pose a hypothetical to someone and be like yeah you know what do you think if on an episode with Justin what do you think if I put him in a dunk tank and like then I read him stories and if his take was wrong we dropped him in the would love would love that then I'd be like okay I'm in Michaela said she thinks Justin would love that so you know we'll test the waters a little bit yeah like she could have done something like that I just like again it's like why are you replacing these books newer doesn't equal better but in her head she just doesn't get it because otherwise I'd be like okay it's different if you were gonna find like he's got Moby Dick but it's a reprint and then you're gonna go like buy a vintage first or second edition Moby Dick yeah then it's like oh that has better value but there's like really no purpose here there's no purpose just they're a little shinier I mean yeah he did say apart some of them but how bad that's what I we do I don't know context to not get accepted at a donation center they do have to be pretty pretty bad yeah because all that's sometimes where I do my book shopping is at like the libraries they'll have the friends of the library bookshop and they'll sell them for like a dollar each or something and a lot of them are really like scratched up and like I mean they'd have to be like missing pages and stuff I think yeah I just learned about book lice the other day you told me about this that is there is there like a way that you could be making yourself more susceptible to getting book lice or is there nothing you can really do to prevent it I don't know apparently you just have to put your books in the freezer when you get new books oh right it's like new books yeah especially old ones yeah old new books um there's someone here that says I would have had a breakdown books are like old photographs I don't want to get my whole family together today and I would have had a breakdown books I don't want to get my whole family together today and I remember when I bought them and how I felt reading them some have inscriptions that aren't even for me but I love them I can't give you any advice here except to say will you ever look at her again and not feel anger oh wow and op responds I have no idea this was Tuesday night which the post is coming from a couple days later okay wait so this is like a week old no this post is quite vintage oh it's back from 2018 oh my god so if I look at a calendar and I go back in time and I say 2018 April 27th April 27th was a Friday okay so Tuesday to Friday Tuesday so one two three ish days okay yeah gosh pretty high off the anger still yeah yeah this one's hard because I even though I did get all of my books at different times and like they all mean a lot to me in the sense of like oh I really love that book the like the physical version I don't have any like special inscriptions or like specific vintages or like so I probably I wouldn't be like hurt about it happening to me but I'm a different person which is why I'm struggling to like fully see this as like evil or like really like awful to do but I understand that like how op feels about it because it's like a different situation and different connections to those items yeah I also I went through something really similar so my dad let my aunt stay at our house when we were out of town and when we came back she had gotten rid of all of like my grandma's mickey mouse collection and it was stuff that I wanted it was sentimental it was heirlooms it was collectibles and so she literally just got rid of it she's like oh I was doing you a favor I was cleaning up my house and I was like oh I'm gonna cleaning yeah no that's awful what yeah someone let you stay at their house while they were out of town because you needed to be closer to like wherever like a hospital or something for some reason yeah and someone lets you stay at their house and you go through all of their stuff and throw away and donate and do it yeah you have no right and that's the thing it like it doesn't matter if it's a good intention like you just don't have the right and people are just kind of asking more questions like how is it that you live together for two years and shouldn't know how your collection was she has no respect for your things that's just horrible that she didn't ask like you should donate all of her clothes to goodwill and then replace them with stuff from target and tell her surprise I bought you all new clothes op goes so I recently moved into a new place before that my collection was boxed up and never on display because the old place wasn't very big so while she had heard about it a bit it was never something she really got to see and I guess it never sank in how much those books meant to me out of sight out of mind I guess mm-hmm so they've been boxed up until now yeah and like Opie has another comment here she doesn't see why it's a big deal she genuinely doesn't understand what it's like to have a connection with anything she owns I'm explaining and she can hear the words but not understand the meaning behind them at least that's what it feels like yeah it's only been a couple of days so I'm still very angry I mean that's a big part of the problem is that he is telling her that this was hurtful and she's still angry and I'm like I don't know what to do with this I don't know what to do with this I'm still not getting it like it's one thing to do something that you thought would be nice and then it accidentally actually hurt the person but then like now this person's telling you this really sucks like I really cared about that collection I don't I'm sad that you did that and then like they're still not like getting it and like sincerely apologizing and like I just don't like even if you're if you're telling someone these are important I'm really hurt and they're really don't think you're a match like I think you have to look forward to the future like if you guys want kids how are you raising your kids is she ever gonna be able to kind of grasp sentimental and like that whole thing or like oh your kid breaks a toy you might not get a new toy yeah you might lose that toy because you broke it and you didn't care for your toy you have to take care of your toys well and kids they care about their toys specific like oh my gosh if they broke a leg they would want to patch up that toy's leg and like you know because they have an emotional connection to those items I'm so sentimental with stuff and it gets worse because OP does have in a comment here but throwing someone's things away without asking is never a favor yeah he could have had money stashed between the pages of an original signed copy or grandma's picture stuffed in there and OP goes that brings up another reason I didn't mention in the post some of the folks who gifted me books are now dead two of my grandparents a couple uncles my godmother some of them had a nice birthday note and Christmas notes written inside that's so sad oh and like everyone's like can you track them down can you go to the library where she donated them can she track them down like she should she should track them down she should be making this right and OP's just like I don't know like they typically like disperse them pretty quick they were thrown out about three weeks ago so the ones in the trash for sure gone but they went to like a literacy program and they're pretty efficient about sending stuff off and I don't know if they're going to be bad about keeping records so we don't have an update OP did tell her about like the writing and inscriptions in the books yeah and someone was like did you tell her about that if she doesn't understand why you're mad and you did tell her that that might be a lost cause yeah and OP goes yeah I did tell her so no this is done that's yeah that's over I I would lose my mind if someone that that's like that's someone's most prized possession if there's like any physical writing from someone that they love who's passed and that's gone now and you're not sorry and like still don't understand there's there's no coming back from that there's no coming back yeah I see like something like this would cause me such like trauma and I have people like trauma it's about books but like it's just about having your whole sense of peace and security in your home like completely taken away from you and it's like I don't know if I could leave my house and trust my partner to be with my things yeah like I just I would have such my sense of peace would be totally gone or to like trust your partner to understand you and like what you really need and what you really want in life it's like oh like this is just a fundamental difference between us well do we know if they broke up no I just went to OP's account it does still exist um this post is now eight years old wow so it is I'm like 2018 the math oh my god we're getting up there guys yeah almost 2026 so yeah I'm not seeing anything else I basically read most of the comments this sucks I would like an update though I'd just be curious if like any of the books ever got tracked down god it just this makes me sad I know I can't believe she's not like oh my god I can't believe I did that I'm so sorry I know that's just crazy shitty really yeah really shitty but okay moving on to this next one this is coming from r slash marriage it's two days old titled husband got another woman pregnant I know I am a villain because I promised my husband three kids but after the first I just didn't have it in me traumatic birth and depression did a number on me my son is three and we were in a kind of limbo because he was still bringing up a second child as soon as we had my son but his frequency started to die down last time he talked about it it was one year ago we had a fight he started his affair afterwards his affair partner is pregnant he admitted to not using protection with her but claims that she was on birth control she is keeping the child she contacted me and said she didn't know he was married when they started dating but she couldn't let him go after she found out six months ago she said she is very sorry she wants my husband to be involved and wants me to decide what I want to do with my marriage if I want to leave my husband then she would want to have a relationship with him and will only be involved with my son's life as much as I am comfortable with what why if she really didn't know that he was married she wants to continue to have a relationship with it like she found out he was married and like still was like I want him enough that's fine I want to stay with my husband then she will end things with my husband for good but she doesn't want her child to not have a father so she understands that her child will stay with me and she wants me to grant her the same courtesy of only being involved with her child as much as she feels comfortable with either I lose my child half the time or I have to accept my husband's affair baby in my home my husband doesn't show it in front of me but he seems happy he got his dream of two kids and I am in a nightmare oh my god oh that's so messed up this is hell this is hell sorry can we go back again when did he start having the affair so he started having his affair about a year ago after they got into an argument about another kid so he started his affair how old was the first baby at the time did she mention that um about two at the time okay baby would have been about two so they got in this big fight a year ago he started his affair afterwards affair partner is pregnant she contacted me said that she didn't know he was married right away when they started dating but she couldn't let him go after she did find out he was married about six months ago now she's pregnant wow I I'd be done but oh that's what's so hard about choosing who you want to have a baby with because it's like what she said then she is losing her son time with time yeah and that's a big thing I've seen a lot lately in discourse with people not wanting to get divorced even though they have like a bad relationship or just don't love their partner anymore and they don't want to miss out on 50 percent of their kid's life right so they'd rather stick it out and be able to get all of those nights all of that time then split up and I I can totally get that I totally get that too and that's what's so it just sucks what's so awful it's just oh my gosh especially like if you didn't feel like you liked the way that your ex raised or handled problems then like that would be really hard because I know I was actually just talking to someone today who her child's dad came into the picture a little bit later and even that was like a hard adjustment because she was like this is the way I do things so get on my face get on board and and so I just can't imagine like just releasing control for um you know people especially people who have a hard time of releasing control in in this situation when it comes to a child yeah well this is also so messy too right because like yeah if you say you're done she doesn't care about him having a wife she doesn't care about being lied to she wants him she's gonna stay with him and your kid is gonna go spend half the time with her or you stay with your husband can you get more custody though because of the affair like I feel like she'd be able to fight for more custody with her child at least I've heard some weird stories um I don't know if that's what she'd want like maybe she wants the child to have 50 dad yeah and like you know in an ideal world if kids can have both parents and good relationships like that is kind of ideal for a lot of people but I was just talking with someone the other day and they've got a friend who has like a 12 year old daughter and the mom is like really bad toxic drops the little girl off and is like I don't want to parent this month and like drops her off and then now is fighting for full custody because she wants the child support oh wow and it's just this really messy situation and she was like they're having a hard time because like in their state they typically side with the mom so I think it just depends I I just it's so complicated the family court system is just so complicated gosh yeah I can't that's why I'm saying like even just with a situation that isn't super messy it's it sounds really tough to me the whole like figuring out those dynamics but one like this I just don't even know I don't know how she's gonna proceed well and it's also up to the husband too because like this other woman is well yeah that's what's like what does the husband even what does he want who does he even want to be with like what does he yeah how does anyone want to be with him is my question I yeah that's that's something that's so interesting I I mean personally like I feel she she's got to leave him like he's he's clearly not a good guy like he's he's not and so I feel like she should but I totally understand the desire to stay to have 100% your child in your life absolutely top comment on this one leave he broke his marriage vows and do not blame yourself because you didn't give him three kids it had nothing to do with kids he claimed he thought she was on birth control so it was all purely sexual not about children and that is like kind of sad about this post that first line I know I am the villain because I promised my husband three kids but after the first I just didn't have it in me like you're not the villain that's so crazy that she even thinks that because I know that's oh my gosh I had other people were just talking about this today how they feel like a lot of times guys like look at children as like a puppy or like a pet oh my god why has that been on my like radar too well but it's just it's just so they could never understand what it's like to go through that process I can't even understand yet I'm not there so but it's like everyone experiences it so differently and it's like for some people it's like it is it can be really really hard on people so yeah to to be in a relationship and say let's try for kids and be on the same page and then continue to try for kids like that makes sense but like if you're in a relationship and have a child and then it I just feel like it's crazy to expect that you know like to expect someone else to like sacrifice so much for you not knowing what you're doing and not knowing what you're doing and not knowing what it's gonna be like or and life happens too yeah you could all of a sudden get sick have cancer can't have anymore yeah is he gonna cheat then exactly like he's still cheated yeah like I mean you could have gone through your marriage without being able to have any kids like right exactly it's like that's you can have these goals and things you want but life doesn't always work out that way exactly so when it doesn't work out exactly how you want it does that automatically you leave and ditch your partner and cheat and go and like breed other people? Like what are we doing? here no you are saying this way better than I am I'm having a hard time stringing together words no I'm like my brain is a little clusterfucked up there today but no that's exactly what I'm saying is that I of course when you're in a relationship with people and you make plans and things that you want yeah I get I get that that's a thing but life happens and it's not it's not the same thing as if she always only wanted one but was like being secretive and just lying to him that she wanted three and then after one she told him no like it's like no she wanted three but then she didn't then she changed her mind and she's allowed to without getting cheated on and being put in the most hellish situation you absolute dickhead oh I know what is wrong like I just I need there to be like more good men representing men right now because I've been hearing stories where men are really getting on my last nerve there's some good ones out there I've been getting a lot of really really cute TikToks and I need I need some more of those because I've been the past like few days I feel like I just keep hearing stories of like these and I'm like what are the guys okay out there am I just being fed all this like negative info right now there's some good ones I'll I'll send you some of the videos I've been liking about like people's just doing like these really nice gestures like big small romantic things and just I've seen some really good ones okay well I'll help you yeah thank you I'm I'm not trying to I'm not trying to be mean or anything I'm just it's getting frustrated I mean there's there's some shitty ones out there for sure and it's might be a group effort of everyone on the planet to like hey let's be better guys like let's I think that any any of the guys listening to this I feel are good guys because if they're listening to these stories I agree and then they're hearing us say that this guy's a psychopath they probably wouldn't want to continue to listen if they thought the guy was in the right yeah exactly so we've got good guys here so to the guys that are listening right now yeah go out there and advocate for being a great guy because there's some guys who really need to learn from you absolutely there is another comment here that's interesting so if you don't get divorced she wants you to raise her baby I highly doubt she would really end things with your husband if she just couldn't let him go six months ago she's not going to let him go now despite what she's claiming I also doubt she would want to pay child support for her child I also read that as like you'd be helping raise my child because you and your husband would still be together and she would have custody as well right exactly I didn't think it was like oh you're taking my kid 100 no I don't think so like that I don't I don't think this comment makes that much sense because like that's not how I interpreted it either but if anyone out there listening is like no like she fully is like shipping her kid off with no that's not no that's super weird no that's not the case it's definitely just like the 50 50 yeah I'm gonna see if there's any comments from op we do have a few can you imagine if you want to be with him you can have the child I'm growing right now but uh if you don't then uh yeah I'm gonna have I don't I don't think people make decisions like that you know that would be wild a lot of people are commenting on custody a lot of people are like why don't you go for 100 like why don't you get full custody and op has a few comments in relation to that wait that would be amazing if she got 100 custody and then he ended up being with that other girl and the other girl didn't want to have another kid and then he was with one child again so op says for all his glaring faults he is a good father and he dotes on our son he will fight me to death for equal custody next comment is in response to someone being like he won't get custody like blah blah blah and I think they kind of mean like if you get divorced and it's because of infidelity like you could go for full I think that's what they're maybe trying to imply but op goes how does he not get custody and I don't want to lose custody by committing parental alienation I didn't know that was a thing I guess um that's what I'm saying about like family court systems there's it's very complex I mean I I definitely think that she could get much more custody than him because of what he did in court like I don't I don't think they'd be like a hundred percent custody because of cheating but I think given the situation like she could definitely get more custody than him for sure a lot of people are asking about his reactions like what is he up to now he is remorseful for her and she's like I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't he said he didn't think it would all affect me okay I don't think he's like he should have find another way but he was so resentful of me changing my mind that he didn't care he is not begging to stay with me he does want to stay but he knows how difficult that is for me so he has left the decision to me he doesn't want to stay someone who wants to stay I feel like would be making more of an amends and like putting in more willingness to make this situation better or change or I don't know like well I do want to stay but it's really tough so I'm leaving it up to you that's a cop-out because you don't want to end your marriage well that's interesting because I also wonder if that has anything to do with custody if he's the one who says I'm out because I'm leaving you for somebody else if that maybe he's talking to someone already like I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know like a lawyer about custody rights and what could happen like maybe that's why he doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger yeah I don't know it could be true I don't know but the other thing too is like he also probably doesn't want to continue to be in a relationship where he has to like make amends and has to he has to deal with the ramifications yeah and so I'm gonna be a lot trust to build back exactly so battle yeah I don't I think she's definitely leave there's there's no reason to stay honestly no and last comment I'll read is this so someone says I'm sorry this happened to you in no way are you the villain here your husband made the decision astray now he's going to pay the price for his actions and op goes what price he got everything he wanted I and my son will pay the price someone responds no he will pay dearly in the divorce and in child support op goes i earn more than him next line down is the same person responding to op the one who said he'll pay dearly in the divorce they go i earn twice as much as my ex i have my child two thirds of the time and he pays me child support i have a lawyer he doesn't lawyer up and get ready you need to learn your rights and don't mope so hard that you just give up yeah yeah i know it's like i don't know she's just like no he he loves our son he dotes on our son like doesn't matter let him be a good dad without you go find your person someone who loves you wants to be with you and isn't going to cheat on you yeah no i was referring to the fact that she was like so he'll fight me on it and it's just like let him i really i don't see this being able to be a 50 50 case given everything i don't i just i don't know how it works but i just you i know maybe we have some lawyers i mean think about it he pulled the rug out from underneath her like to such a huge extent that it's like how how would they be in favor of him i don't know infidelity is a big thing in a lot of courts but and it's not just infidelity it's a whole another life with somebody else yeah another family yeah it's it's tough because you also then don't want to create this scenario where he's like i'm tired of fighting i've got this other kid i'm gonna start over and then the little boy that he you know the first little kid is like kind of left in the dust and then grows up with this like abandonment issues and this like i i want to be with my dad i want my dad to love me but my dad doesn't want to spend any time with me like you just it is such a slippery slippery slope i mean if the dad actually loves him the way that mom's the mom says then like he's gonna take whatever time he can get with him and if he doesn't then he's an absolute shit fucking dad and a shit person who the son doesn't need to have that asshole in his life anyway like he can find other like male figures to look up to that aren't such pieces of shit i don't know i just i know i get that i get like i totally understand all of those thought process and that the concerns and it's just there's so much more involved than just a breakup but i really think at the end of the day like she's got to fight for what's right and the rest will fall into place yeah absolutely we don't have any update yet only two days old oh so i will subscribe to opie's profile and see if we get anything but nothing yet okay i would say this one is giving real i always think when people post their issues in random little subs like r slash marriage which is a smaller sub in comparison to like relationship advice or true off my chest and things like that and i'm like that it does feel real opie did also post this in r slash one and done which is a subreddit for parents who have decided or had the decision made for them to only have one child and so really just seeming like they just needed to get out there and like get some support so it does seem does seem legit but okay keep our eyes peeled but moving along i want to know updates on that one i do too i really really do so actually make sure to let me know if you do and you decide to do an update with somebody else and not me yeah i'll i'll keep your post i'll let you know okay i'll let you know okay and we're back we're back this episode is brought to you by nintendo everyone's version of me time is a little different that's why the nintendo switch 2 system is so fun with exclusive and nintendo switch compatible games like mario kart world animal crossing new horizons nintendo switch 2 edition tamo dachi life live in the dream or yoshi and the mysterious book you there's something for every vibe and with upgraded hardware play at home or on the go whenever the mood hits learn more at nintendo.com slash nintendo switch 2 games and systems sold separately some nintendo switch games may not be supported or fully compatible with nintendo switch 2 games rated e for everyone this episode is brought to you by state farm okay real talk to-do lists are unhinged and the stuff that actually gets done always the stuff you had help with flat pack furniture meal prep things that are just better with another person now state farm can't help with the sofa or sunday cooking but when it comes to helping find the right coverage for you they're on it you can talk to one of their 19 000 local agents in person over the phone through their easily accessible app or at statefarm.com whatever works for you like a good neighbor state farm is there i feel like this is gonna be an interesting palate cleanser it's not necessarily a feel good like super happy palate cleanser okay but it's just kind of a different perspective that i don't think we usually get on a lot of our posts about cheating okay so let's get into it all right it's coming from true off my chest and it's titled i'm going to have to break my husband's mistress's heart and i don't want to do it my husband is having an affair i found out eight months ago when a text from henry said i love you heart heart heart i managed to sync his text up to our iCloud and have been monitoring them ever since even worse his mistress is also a victim in this she has no idea that he's married he told her that he's separated from me and we're going through the divorce process to his credit he doesn't bad mouth me as the horrible ex-wife that makes him miserable he doesn't talk about me at all i also think that that's because the evil ex-wife is a classic lie from a cheating husband and she's smart enough to see through that i know that usually the wife hates the mistress or at least resents her but i can't hate her i love her so much she has no idea that my husband is a loser and she's such a sweetheart who deserves the entire world she sends pictures of the holiday cards that she makes for the people in the local nursing homes because the holidays can be such a lonely time for them she texts him little love poems when he says that he's stressed she asks about his day she's so smart too whenever she talks about something that she's interested in it's like a youtube deep dive only in text instead my husband loves the deadliest catch she explained to him why the fv destination sank fascinating she's also said how happy she was that the tragedy was taken seriously enough to make stricter rules about safety regulations to keep fishermen safe my loser my loser of a husband doesn't deserve to even breathe in her direction i know that i need to confront him and tell him that i want a divorce i've been putting it off he wouldn't be man enough to face her so it would be up to me to tell him that i want a divorce i've been putting it off he wouldn't be man enough to me to break her heart for him by giving her the bad news i don't want to be the one who makes her cry i just hope that she knows that even though she lost a cheating boyfriend she'll have a friend in me oh i don't want her to feel embarrassed or ashamed for something that was done to her and not because of her that's what i'm dreading the most about the upcoming shit storm wow uh-huh that's her i'm like are you i think you're in love with her like why are you are you by like could this maybe work is she by you know what it probably was just the fact that like she started realizing that her husband was not the one for her she probably started falling out of love with him by the time that she found the affair so she probably looked at it more like pragmatic and more objective than anything because otherwise like i don't know how somebody gets out of their way enough to be able to be like i love his mistress i know i'm blown away by like this level of composure and like self-awareness and insight like i would not be able to hold on to knowing about my husband's affair for eight months i know that is a long amount of time that's kind of crazy actually well that's where i'm like are you holding on as long as you are because you actually feel like you have a relationship with her too through these messages wow like you say you love her you talk about how smart she is how she deserves so much more like you're putting this off because you almost have this parasocial relationship with her maybe and she she doesn't even know who you are when we look at it that way that feels kind of creepy i know this is what i'm like wait what i thought it was really cute but then when i thought about the time eight months that's a long time also you're letting them date like now they've been dating a year now it's getting like longer and more serious and her feelings are more intense where like hey if you would have nipped it in the butt eight months ago then you wouldn't have hurt her like you would have hurt her less you would have hurt her less like you're worried about now so it's just really interesting and you'd think at some point before the eight months maybe six months maybe four months maybe two months i don't know like why did it take eight months eight months huh i know isn't that a doozy what do we have any updates or anything oh no oh no no no no i really thought you were gonna give me an update on this one nope the post has been deleted by the person who posted it top comment make sure you have proof that you two are still married and living together she may go to denial first best of luck op next comment exactly this there's still a chance she may forgive him and stay with him so it is worth being ready for that possibility as well next comment down it isn't her job to prove anything to her nothing but i'm bozo's wife and i just found out he has been seeing you i'm not mad at you i know he lied to you and said we weren't together anymore well i'm about to file for divorce now so if you still want him he's all yours but i thought you had a right to know what kind of man he is i believe you deserve better it's the other woman's job to decide what to do with that information there is zero reason to put any effort into proving anything op has enough on her plate now yeah op go see a lawyer and get your ducks in a row before you tip your hand yeah um one comment goes she sounds like a lovely person that's sort of a catch-22 problem people see the world through their own filters she is a good person at heart and so thinks others are even your slimy soon-to-be ex i originally found this on an instagram sub reddit instagram page oh my god spooky stars yt youtube i don't know what it stands for yt but that's the instagram page and on the comments on there someone goes cut the husband out of the equation and marry his mistress there's another comment finally a woman who blames the husband and not the other woman yeah both women sound lovely and i hope they move on from this what a badass the op well that was my initial thought before you don't let me don't let me influence you don't let me don't worry about sweetheart i mean don't worry about it you brought up the eight months and now it's hard to not wonder but you know maybe she was saving money maybe she's a stay-at-home mom and needed to pool some resources and you know get her eggs in a basket maybe you know there's medical things and she needed his health insurance yeah because of work we don't know that's true there's so many reasons but it it was just a lot of work and i don't know if she's going to be able to just very impressive to me that she did wait eight months because i would go crazy and like are you still romantic though and then you would have to be yeah otherwise he's gonna be like what's up or he doesn't notice because he's getting it elsewhere and then he's just like oh well we had a dead bedroom anyways yeah i know it's so interesting very interesting okay up first this is coming from true off my chest days old now. I've been sitting on it for a while because it's just so good money it's titled i'm watching my stepmom become the loser she always told me i'd become and it's amazing so i was a mistake my mom and dad were dumb idiots mom mostly raised me because my dad tried blocking her after a while he was in my life and paid child support he got married and had two more kids the right way and my stepmom hildy never let it go how much better she was than me how she and her kids had clothes from nice stores and not walmart and how they just didn't have time to include me in the christmas card picture plus i wouldn't have had a nice enough outfit so oh well one of their kids my brother came out as trans a bit ago and hildy seemed very supportive apparently not she's been drinking a lot and gaining weight she lost her job and i found out because she called me ranting in the middle of the day and saying that she lost her daughter and like i should have transitioned instead of him question mark it was so bizarre and i told my dad that he needed to deal with it he tried telling me that he wanted her to get therapy but honestly i don't care i don't want her to ruin my brother's lives apparently she picked one of them up from school and smelled like wine she has been so horrible to me my entire life that i've known her most of it and i don't care that she's unhappy i have enjoyed watching her burn out yes i feel bad for my brothers but this woman treated a literal child like trash because she hated my mom she came to my bridal shower wearing a white dress that she couldn't even zip up the whole way when people mentioned it i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm i just shook my head and ignored it like she would do when people would point out that my jeans were too short that one time and in front of everyone she said that she refused to spend their family's money on clothes for me since my dad paid child support whatever i don't care she deserves her life and my dad deserves his marriage and i'm clearly not a good person for laughing at all of this so i guess i retroactively deserve my childhood the only victims are my brothers the end the end i'm with you i don't think you retroactively deserved your childhood but man this is satisfying i'm all for it i feel bad like i want a front row seat where's my ticket i think it's it's just so different when you're awful to a child it's unforgivable so i'm with you it's it's not an adult making a decision to be like that towards another adult no it's like that towards a child that's kids are defenseless kids are trying to learn how to you know survive go about the world and figure out who they are become and it's like you're so fragile and impressionable so any of that stuff that sticks with you for a lifetime i remember some stuff that i mean it's more often other kids in a bullying way i remember everything that's been said to me growing up and i remember all the insecurities i had and sure you you know you outgrow some of them some you carry forward for sure and i just can't imagine getting that from an adult so yeah i agree she deserves every bit of it and i'd be there eating my popcorn watching it go down i don't like i don't have sympathy for that after the shit you did to me no way i know but yes for the brothers of course i don't want them to be in that situation because if she fully crashes out then that's going to affect them and it's only going to get taken out on them and yes we don't want that but i know because there's no mention even how old the brothers are yeah no mention of age and it's like if they're young like that's even harder like to have your mom not support you as you are transitioning and doing all that i'm trying to look at the i'm trying to look at um op's comments just to see if there's any more insight into this yeah we do have a few comments from op there's a whole nother post i discovered that came out a couple months before this one we're gonna get into that now briefly but someone says to op your dad is a piece of shit for not standing up for you not including you not buying you a nice outfit for the pictures and allowing her bullshit white dress at your wedding fuck your dad and i'm not and fuck her yeah op says no my dad is a pillar of the community according to what hildy told my mother-in-law pillar of the deadbeat community sure yeah uh-huh they're so insane like they really do deserve each other he is such a piece of shit anyone that's willing to throw their kid under the bus for the sake of a new partner and a new family and a do-over fuck you rotten hell you're a piece of shit i think it's pathetic to say that i'm not a piece of shit i'm not a piece of shit and all of this has clearly impacted op i mean the first line starts with so i was a mistake my mom and dad were dumb idiots they might have been dumb they might have been being irresponsible you might have been an oops baby an unplanned baby but you are not a mistake like i hate when people like associate themselves with that because like i really relate to that like i was a total oops baby very unplanned but like i remember just like that pain of just like the struggle with my bio dad and so it's hard but like you are still not a mistake i just like i feel bad for op but we do have a couple more comments um op says the worst part is that she hates my mom so much and my mom isn't perfect by any measure because of the whole child support thing when i found out that hildy had apparently asked my mom not to go for a cs increase because they were going to have a baby and things were tight in retrograde prospect that was not my mom's problem she only went for the increase when hildy kicked me out of my room she couldn't be a stay-at-home mom because of the child support apparently all she had to do was treat me like a family member and it would have been fine she's been stepping on rakes for decades i love that saying she's been stepping on rakes i've never heard stepping on rakes before it's like you are creating your own issues and can't you just envision like the old cartoons of someone they step their foot on rakes and they step their foot on rakes and they step their foot on rakes on a rake and it comes back and smacks them in the face i mean i've done it i don't have to envision the cartoon it's happened to me with those rakes at the farm those are the kind that do it it's those sharp those old twisted metal ones yeah those old timey rakes i mean i think someone that makes all these comments and treats someone this way has always been deeply unhappy and it's now just really coming to the surface about like hildy the stepmom yeah being like unhappy yeah and i don't even know what to do about it i don't even know what to do about it i don't even know what to do about it and then even her dad i just i just can't see them being happy people and having a happy life together i think it's all just pretend and it's it's oh we're keeping it all together and we're perfect we buy the nice clothes and you have shit clothes when you start comparing yourself and making yourself trying to seem like you're not happy you're not happy you're not happy you're not you're better i think it's because you're so deeply unsatisfied with your life and you're so unhappy because if you are a truly happy content person you would not even think that way i mean i guess there are some assholes out there that probably do but in this story i really don't think there's ever been true happiness there no it's been faulted from the beginning yeah i mean someone responds to that comment the one that ends with she's been stepping on rakes for decades not be trashy but does an incredibly trashy thing by asking to pay less child support i feel like that is something someone from a low-class upbringing would think was appropriate op responds she came from a pretty trashy family to be honest it was just projection there you go someone goes you are far better than that woman it is okay to laugh things would not be better from holding back anyone treating a child like that because they think they are better than jealous of past partner or whatever deserves all bad things of course it sucks for your siblings still happy she is struggling just got to support your brother because that is the mom awful awful person op responds it's bad because i don't feel super responsible for my brothers obviously i'm there for them but at least they have my dad and he should be the one looking out for them my mom was kind of a mess and i didn't have a dad looking out for me he was too busy with other stuff they know they can always call me and i'll be there but i'm not going to you yeah and i think that's totally fair especially like your dad dropped the ball on you you were kind of not an outlier but you were like ostracized you were pushed out he didn't have your back so yeah your brothers are innocent and all this and you can say like i'm here for you if you need it but you don't have to bend over backwards or light yourself on fire to keep them warm like your dad those are his kids and he made it clear that he has priorities to those children and not you so i get where op is at with this it's really just a good off my chest getting this out there venting and feeling a little better yeah the other post on OP's account that I can see, is a post about their wedding. It is four months old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Telling My Dad That He Wouldn't Be Walking Me Down the Aisle? And it's a pretty long post. Essentially, 25-ish years ago, two dumb 20-year-olds got drunk and made me. They had and still have nothing in common, don't particularly like one another, but for some reason decided to keep me. I always lived with my mom full-time. I love her, don't get me wrong, but she's pretty messy. I have six other half-siblings, two of them have the same dad. We always had a clean place to live and never went hungry or anything, but I know there were times that she did, so we wouldn't. Mom very clearly loves all of us individually and as her family. She's just pretty irresponsible. My dad, I'd say, more has his shit together, but we're not close. He married Hildy, also mid-40s, when he was a little girl. He was a little girl, but he was a little girl. He was a little girl. I was six-ish, and they had my half-brothers, Jesse, 16, and Kyle, 14, a few years later. They both have really good jobs and a nice house and cars. I know my dad paid child support, but their lives were very different from mine. I'd come over every other weekend, but after a while, they were too busy with the other two, so I would just wait for my dad to text me when he was available. He did, don't get me wrong, but he works a lot, so I probably saw him once a month before I went to college. And after, we'd talk every now and then, but mainly just see each other on the holidays. One of those holidays, Hildy got kind of drunk and told me that after my mom had me, my dad basically blocked her and just paid child support until his parents, grandma and grandpa, basically shamed him for being a deadbeat, and then he got some visitation. That hurt a lot to hear, but it made a lot of my childhood make sense. It all came up because she was resentful that he had to pay my mom child support until I was 21 and was saying she had wished I'd skipped college. It's also sad because I know that I'm not the only one who's going through that. I know that I'm not the only one she was busy with her kids, but I always thought she at least liked me. Like, I know she hates my mom because it was maybe petty, but when she had Jesse, they replaced my room at their house with the nursery and put my stuff in another one. So my mom filed and was awarded much more child support than she had been getting, and that affected them. It's fine, there was free therapy at college, and I'm actually doing great career and mental health-wise now. In fact, my fiance and I make about as much as they do, granted less property. And I'm not the only one who's so I'm in a really good place. OP goes on to talk about their fiance, John, 25. They became friends freshman year, didn't start dating until years ago. His family is amazing. All amazing things. They've been good about setting up boundaries with mom, so they're getting married soon. It'll be in John's hometown. And this is where drama starts coming up, obviously, because bio dad, bio dad wants to know, am I walking you down the aisle? I just went through this. His family, and to be honest, want a big wedding. But since we're just starting our careers out, his parents are paying for the whole thing. I'm paying for my dress, though. And my mom and my younger siblings travel. I kind of just assumed my dad would walk me down the aisle. But a few weeks ago at one of my showers, Hildy was talking with John's mom, who was saying how proud they must have been that I paid my own way through college. Hildy was like, oh, yeah, it looked really hard. We're glad that we started saving towards our son's career. And I'm like, oh, a long time ago. They have more than enough for undergrad and probably grad school. I overheard this and confirmed with John's mom what she said. It hurt so bad. College was a struggle. There were times all I had were multivitamins and PB&Js, and only because my mom would send me $20 here and there. Don't get me wrong. I'm also proud of myself. And I know the boys are both their kids. Well, I'm just my dad's. So of course, they'll give them more. But it really solidified to me who and what I was to them. I asked my brother Jake to walk me down the aisle. John and his family know about this and 100% support me. Hildy called me yesterday asking about the rehearsal dinner, where they'd need to be and when. And I told her they wouldn't need to be at the church or anything and could just go to the restaurant after. She was like, oh, well, how will your dad practice walking down the aisle? It was super awkward. And I let her know Jake would be. But I was excited to see them. A few hours later, my dad came to our condo and told me how disappointed he was. He said he's been giving me away my whole life. I was in a pretty good headspace, luckily. And I was just like, oh, I didn't know you'd want to. And I didn't expect you to care. Trying to be nonchalant and avoid drama. He was aggressive, though, and wouldn't let it go, saying I was going to make him look like an idiot. And if Hildy hadn't asked, he would have shown up thinking he'd walk me down the aisle. I asked him why he would assume that. And he looked at me like I was stupid. But I wanted to hear him say it. And he finally said that any father would expect that. I was just like, sure. But any other father probably didn't ignore their daughter for the first few months of their life, have as minimal custody as possible, or have college funds for some of their kids, but not others. They probably did do things like take their daughters on vacations, attend a single father-daughter event, and help them out, even though they were legally done. He got mad, but honestly, couldn't even argue with me, and just said he wasn't sure if he approved of this marriage anymore. I told him I wasn't worried about that. And the truth was that we just simply weren't important people to one another. He got really sad after that and left. And even though John agrees with my decision, he said I should have given my dad the heads up about what I wanted from him at the wedding. As much as I value his opinion, I also feel like he doesn't get it. His family loves him and would do anything for him, and has, while my dad has only ever done the bare legal minimum when I needed him. He would help me, and he shouldn't assume he can play a role in my wedding. And no, I'm not the asshole for having my brother walk me down the aisle. That's no debate. But was I wrong for not directly spelling out for my dad that he would be attending as a guest, and only a guest? No, I think you're meeting his communication style your whole life with the same energy. Yeah. And also, I can't believe that horrid woman's gonna be there. That's what I would have set in a long ago. The last thing I'd want to see is her sitting there. And she'll probably wear white. She did. She did wear white. Oh, that was to the wedding? It was the, I think OP, what did she say? Was it reception or rehearsal? We do get an update on this, actually. I thought that was like a bridal party or like a, I thought that was something else. But yeah, I'm not surprised. And just with the comment about the college thing, you don't think she's gonna be doing all that shit? That whole night to all your people? She will. She absolutely will. Like, Hilde is a self-centered, I mean, to brag about your two kids and their college funds as like your stepdaughter's mother-in-law is like, aren't you so proud she paid for school on her own? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. We have so much fucking money. We, our two boys get to go to college and grad school. That's how much we get. We have saved. And it's like, whoa, read the room. Read the room. She can't because it's all about her. She's a self-centered bitch. Yeah. And then I think the way you played it with your dad is perfect. I honestly, I would have thought you had like a script or notes written to do it that clear. I know. In that plane. And on the spot when it's so stressful. Especially when he's kind of pushing it and getting really, you know, aggressive, as she says. I know. I think you did great. I know. And then it ended up getting through because when you make such a strong case and it's not like you were yelling, at least I didn't take it that way. And you just said exactly why. Here's why. And there's no response. Great job. Great job. And then the statement, we're just not important to each other. I know. It's like. That's tough. That's, but it's, it's hopefully a wake up call for him. But do you know why it's tough? Because he knows it's true. Oh, absolutely. One hundred percent. The whole time. I think I still really feel bad for OP. Like from the first post to this post, it's just like the pain she's gone through. And like, honestly, I feel like this is like another multiverse version of me and my life. Like my bio dad, they were fit about child support. Like my mom didn't get it a lot of times. I kept getting it throughout college because he was so late on the payments from when I was under 18. And like, it was so crazy. Like he would brag about like not having any money and it was all like a front. Like he would get paid in cash. He had a shit ton of money. He'd buy new trucks. He'd buy a new this, buy a new that, and then wouldn't be able to pay my mom child support. Like, and he'd brag about it to my face. And it's like, well, okay. But I'm, I'm envious of OP. Like, I think this was handled really, really well. Should you have told him before? Yeah. But like Hildy kind of. Took that away from you based on like Hildy getting involved and asking. Well, and Hildy definitely was like, you need to go over there right now and you need to get this set. Like she's puppeteering the whole thing. I know, but I'm glad for OP that it came out before because it did not come out before at our wedding. Like I wanted to talk about it with my bio dad at the rehearsal dinner. He didn't show up to the rehearsal dinner. So I didn't get that opportunity and he RSVP'd yes to the rehearsal dinner. And then when I talked to him about it at the, wedding, he was like, oh, I didn't know. I didn't know about it. And I'm like, you, rsvp'd yes and then my brother matt who's our officiant like my bio dad standing there everyone's like standing there and matt is like who's walking down the aisle and i look at my brother and i'm just like so i had both my bio dad and my dad jerry walked me down the aisle and then they got halfway and then my mom we did a trade-off everyone thought it was beautiful like my i had some friends that came up to my mom after and were like i was crying it was so impactful but like it's not what i wanted and it that is an honor and like if you don't deserve that honor you shouldn't get that honor so i'm i'm glad op stuck to their guns didn't have him walk her down the aisle and it still still stayed that way looking at the update everything went okay at the wedding dad ended up writing an email op's like i'm not gonna post it because it's super lame and it was just some old song of poor him his life is so hard he wasn't ready to be a dad he did the best he could he always loved me blah blah blah no action items no probably false promises to change nothing new no he didn't offer any money for the wedding but reiterated a lot that he's always dreamed of walking me down the aisle yet you're not pitching in but you have so much money in these college funds but yeah second update did not come after the wedding so we went from wedding post update which like wasn't really an update just dad sent an email but still sticking with brother and then the stepmom becoming a loser post so no other posts yet um there are a lot of comments from op like if you guys want to do a big deep dive on this account you totally can i mean it's really interesting it sounds like she's in a really good spot some of the comments are rude very active on reddit i mean replying to a lot of other people's posts and accounts and things like that okay yeah i'm moving on this episode is brought to you by revolve my summer has been jam-packed with moments where i just want to look cute and the best way to do it is to find a good fit an outfit that makes you feel confident that feels on trend or reflects your unique style and revolve is my go-to place to find those fits i just went to europe and basically every single one of my outfits was from revolve and i've never never been complimented more so whether it's a big night out a wedding a summer trip or you just need something last minute that actually works revolve always has it go to revolve.com slash tht to shop our faves and use code tht for 15 off your first order fast shipping easy returns it just makes everything easier that's revolve.com slash tht you can shop our faves and get 15 off your first order offer available for a limited time so don't miss out this episode is brought to you by credit karma breathe in now breathe out you feel that that's the calm of having intuit credit karma in your corner if you're trying to get your life together in this crazy world credit karma is a great place to start with the money stuff your credit score isn't just a number it can unlock better rates more options and real savings so whether you're moving leasing a car or upgrading your cards it feels good knowing your credit is working for you when you start to feel like there's too much on your plate you can count on credit karma for less craziness and more credit and this next one it's kind of a doozy of a first story a lot of reading for me so this first one is coming from our very own too hot takes subreddit it's 10 days old now and it's titled my fiance told me his ex you was his emotional maid of honor my fiance 31 male and i 29 female are getting married next summer i recently found out he's been keeping in touch with his ex not cheating as far as i know but texting her quote for emotional support when i said that made me uncomfortable he said quote you have your girls to vent to she's mine then he actually said she's kind of like my emotional maid of honor i asked him if he'd be okay with me talking to my ex the same way he said quote that's different men don't give emotional support like that i told him if he needs a therapist he can pay for one not text his ex about our wedding stress he said i was insecure so now i'm the crazy jealous bride because i don't want his ex girlfriend being his emotional maid of honor i told him if he needs a therapist he can pay for one not text his ex about our wedding stress he said i was insecure so now i'm the crazy jealous bride because i don't want his ex girlfriend being his emotional maid of honor should i be worried that i'm marrying a man who thinks boundaries are optional i'm just not understanding the emotional support is it like yeah you're making the right choice you should marry her you're doing great you shouldn't have cold feet what's the emotional support for yep because this is wedding related we're not talking just general life or is it everything is it well my him venting to everything there's a reason you even go down that path in the first place there's a reason you open that door of communication and i think when you start to vent about the person you're about to marry to your ex that's very telling you know and that can very quickly get twisted into uh you can be manipulated very easily in that way or you can you know maybe manipulation is too strong but from the ex's perspective if there was something there or could be still that could easily be molded out of this situation yeah and you could easily convince him that maybe this isn't the right step maybe we should give it one more shot i mean it opens the door to so much mess it does i just i just don't get what the thought is in his mind is it to keep the door open to have a backup option because i think we had that in the first round of wedding stories yeah in a way oh my gosh or what is the strategy here and it's not there isn't a comparison with the bridesmaids no and and i think men can be very good emotional supporters you just got to find the right ones like if you have the right friends they will fulfill that role for you unless it's like every one of your friends is too oh we're too manly for that we can't do that i know i think guys need to start opening up more i mean we talk about this male loneliness epidemic but it's a problem that is literally created by men not opening up so if you want to work on addressing that problem take steps to do so like you can be your biggest advocate in progressing forward and finding emotional connection and doing that like there are people out there that want to do that and to be like you talking to your ex is so different men don't provide that that's a cop-out what about me why aren't you talking to me why aren't you talking to me about your wedding stress right you're emotional maid of honor like what about me your partner someone you are supposed to be going through life with why do you need to reach out to your ex why is your ex a better emotional support for you than me and that's where it's just like i think he wants to have his cake and eat it too i do think he's kind of slimy i do think something else is going on here and i don't think it's worth hanging on to like especially when you're telling him hey this makes me uncomfortable and he's like you're insecure he's flipping it around on you you're not being respected you're not being heard your feelings aren't being validated or received he's actually doing the opposite yeah and if he wants to keep talking to his ex let him but don't waste your money on a wedding because it likely will end up in divorce yeah well and i think it's not to say there aren't topics that you do talk about with your friends and that maybe you wouldn't necessarily bring to a partner like you were bringing up venting i think a lot of people tend to try and talk about situations that involve their partner with other people around them to you know i think through a lot of these stories to see if they're crazy to see if this is right uh or you know there's a variety of things but even still if there's something you will bring up to friends that's a lot different than an ex for the reasons i mentioned before of course of what that opens up but i do think if you have the right friends male or female they can be equally emotionally supportive if they are actually a good friend we like in my life i've i've been the supporter for a lot of people who go through breakups or whatever may happen especially in even in the studio and music people come in and they open up and it sometimes there's you know tears and lots of emotions and you do kind of play that role for that day as a emotional support and obviously you hope to do that through song as well but it's just interesting yeah because i think it it very much is out there on the male and female side i agree and i don't think it's necessarily weird to like have a female friend or a girl friend or a woman that's your friend if you're a guy like I don't think that's necessarily odd I've got a lot of guy friends but I didn't date any of my guy friends they weren't my ex like we started our relationship as friends there were lines that were never crossed and I don't know it just it just feels odd to me and the comments thought it was odd too the top comment on this one says emotional maid of honor is just backup girlfriend with extra steps next comment exactly he basically rebranded emotional cheating into a wedding role dude's delusional if he think that's chill someone goes yeah emotional maid of honor is wild that's not poetic that's concerning man's trying to make cheating sound romantic yeah I think that much involvement wedding or not with an ex mm-hmm yeah is very interesting I mean we see different sides of that Jerry always is so you know loud about the fact that you can be friends with exes and it doesn't mean anything there's nothing emotional and oh we're all still very close and my ex you know I married my ex to a new partner and like all this stuff that kind of thing is that the way it was yeah yeah so you got to read between the lines it's all contextual I know in this sense you have someone that's built up towards a wedding but it feels like they're still not emotionally checked out of the last one and I'd be very curious to see what those conversations are absolutely I mean I'm really really curious we don't have any comments from OP highlighting what the comments between the two of them are so we don't have that insight but I guess like some people can be friends with their exes my dad's one example but then he's also got exes that are heartbroken and hate his guts like I think it just depends on where those people are and again like can both of them be appropriate right like this to me I think the more I saw emotional cheating in the comments it does feel like emotional cheating he's running to this other person for this emotional support and it's like why are you running to someone else when you have a person you're marrying right so then it's just like no this does feel like emotional cheating and that's probably a good word for it but moving on to this next one now let's get into these ones people in this world there's a lot of whack ass people we're gonna get in a couple of them this is coming from r slash wedding shaming okay titled step mother-in-law announced my brother-in-law's secret wedding during my cocktail hour okay my now husband and I had an intimate 14 person wedding last year just immediate family and a few close friends it was sweet relaxed and exactly what we wanted during cocktail hour my stepmother-in-law decided it was the perfect moment to share some big news she told me and my mother-in-law that my brother-in-law and his long-term fiance had secretly gotten married a few weeks earlier and didn't want anyone to know both of our jaws hit the floor then my father-in-law her husband chimed in saying brother-in-law and fiance quote wanted to get married before us who announces the secret wedding of two guests at another wedding I wasn't jealous honestly I was happy for them to finally tie the knot the part that got me was that my stepmother-in-law completely stole the opportunity for my mother-in-law to hear that news from her own son but here's the kicker brother-in-law and sister-in-law weren't actually married they started wearing matching rings as a sign of commitment and stepmother-in-law and father-in-law assumed that meant that they had secretly married wait wait so they it wasn't even her own wedding that she was announcing it was someone else's wedding that she was blowing the candles so she wouldn't be able to tell her father-in-law and stepmother-in-law that it was her own wedding and she wasn't even married wait I also okay and they weren't even married also I think this happened on Vanderpump Rules did you ever watch Vanderpump Rules no okay if anyone has seen that show please like back me up in the comments because they're one of I I don't remember who I think it was well I don't know Jax but maybe Kristen no there were a couple there was a girl who got married Lala I think Lala got married and it was like her reception and then Sheena like at least she had gotten married to like the cast and she was like well everyone's here well everyone's here and if I'm getting these people wrong I'm so sorry for like lying on your name but something like that exact thing happened on Vanderpump Rules which is so crazy but that's the thing that's like that that's reality tv that's drama yeah people don't need drama at their intimate no literally a 14 person wedding which is like such a extra show of we just really wanted this to be about us and the people we love and like really focus in on this and not have like any extra noise it's like here comes the extra noise from your own stepmother-in-law wait that's so crazy so so they assumed yeah because they were wearing matching rings which is so funny because it's like that would have been so obvious they really thought they were doing such detective work by being like huh they're wearing matching rings no one else has noticed this I bet they've a lot of people are like starting to get rings for both people right away after engagement like I think it's kind of a trend right now where like typically like cis hat relationships where like the girl gets her engagement ring and then the boy the boy doesn't get a ring until they get married and so the girl has been like that's not fair he should get a ring too and then they go out and now he has a little engagement ring I like that actually because it's like I love it why is only the woman going around looking claimed when the man gets to still be like oh nothing on my fingers look at me no I completely agree yeah this is crazy I mean this must have been embarrassing this must have been very embarrassing for the stepmother and father yeah I guess because oh well yeah because he chimed in and said that they wanted to get married before us so you just implied that there was some weird jealousy but they didn't even get married and did they ever even say that or are you assuming it sounds like they're not even excited about it but we're like trying to expose them in a way I wonder I really like I would love to know their intentions they honestly the two of them stepmother-in-law and dad sound like deeply insecure very messy very messy especially because stepmom almost it's almost like she wanted to one up his mom and be like I know something about your son that you don't know and I'm gonna break it to you because otherwise why tell these people why tell the bride on her wedding day why tell his mom you wanted to like assert like some dominance over them or something yeah yeah I know something you don't know like we're the closer in-laws but then but yeah then it's extra weird to be like also assuming the reason they got secretly married is because they were trying to do it before all of you where did you pull that from yeah what magic hat so many assumptions I know they're taking I would go nuclear because now now everybody's mad at you now the people getting married are mad at you now the people who didn't get married are mad at you now all the other in-laws are mad because they would have wanted to hear that from their own children yeah yeah it's just pissed off the whole 14 people well it's like how do you continue on from there like as the bride do you go up to your brother-in-law and like congratulate them do you like do you then make your day about them or do you ignore it and then hope no one else hears but like mother your mother-in-law is going to be upset because her other son got married and didn't tell her so she's going to say something like yeah and now the day's yeah like if this had been true it's like the day is ruined for her and now it's kind of ruined either way but if this had been true that probably would have been worse I know it's weird top comment announcing that at your wedding would normally be the height of rudeness but an inaccurate announcement of them getting married question mark question mark question mark question mark wild yeah because it's like you're not even spilling the tea you're just like causing drama for no actual reason the fact that mother-in-law also said like they got married but they don't want anyone to know then why are you telling me why are you telling me who did they tell did they tell everyone did they make an announcement or was it no one they didn't tell anyone anything because it wasn't real no who'd the stepmother-in-law tell i don't know as far as i can see from the comments only the bride and mother-in-law that's so annoying because it's like a wedding obviously is such a special day and if there's just like one thing that happens it forever like taints a part of that day it's like you don't just think of your wedding now you think of like my wedding and when that thing happened that kind of sucked you know like it can be such a perfect day and there's no reason to add something like that to it this is crazy we do have some comments from op and i don't god some of them i can already tell we're gonna be cringing so someone goes i love that it was just an assumption so now other than looking horrible for making that type of announcement at someone else's wedding she doubled down with a complete falsehood. Hopefully stepmother-in-law is a low contact person or you eat a lot of popcorn when she's around. And OP responds, she's very low contact. At best, it's a couple of hours on Christmas Day. At worst, a couple of hours on Christmas Day and an awkward lunch out of the week before. That actually, I feel like adds context of like, oh, they're actually really not a part of these people's lives. And that's maybe why she's trying so hard to like, seem like she has this information that she doesn't because it would falsify a closeness. Yeah. Oh, that's such a good point. That's such a thing, too, with people who like don't have secure attachments. They'll like, like try to make it seem like they're closer than they actually are. Yeah. Okay. We have this comment from someone. So someone comments on the post and says, wait, do we have the same mother-in-law? Mine used our wedding photos to announce her other son and daughter-in-law's pregnancy after she had already announced it at a private intimate dinner with less than 10 people for my husband's birthday. And OP responded and goes, my mother-in-law posted our wedding photos to announce it on socials and spelled my name wrong. Are you kidding me? Her in-laws suck. Yeah. It's like, okay, you really actually hardly know these people. And it's crazy that they, they should feel lucky to have even gotten the invite to the 14 person intimate wedding. Like this was your one chance to just be normal and act well. And you could have been a part of this beautiful moment and maybe invited to the future things, but you sort of just solidified that you're not going to be in the future. Yeah. There's comments like that. There's comments from OP being like mother-in-law was already kind of low contact. Like apparently when this is a quote, there's been a rule since before I was in the picture that you don't tell mother-in-law anything she doesn't need to know. She's notorious for manipulating and weaponizing it. That rule now applies to stepmother-in-law too. Luckily we only talked to her once a year at Christmas. Wait, so both, both of their in-laws from completely different sides of the family are this? So I think it's OP is writing in, it's her mother-in-law. So husband's bio mom and then husband's stepmom. Okay. Stepmother-in-law. So his dad has a type. Crazy. That's something like that. I mean, both, both of them are just a little unhinged, but this comment is kind of interesting. And someone was like, how did your brother-in-law and sister-in-law react? And OP goes, they reacted somewhere between mortified. And shocked. They're private people who didn't want the attention at all, nor do I think they wanted to make a scene. That's probably why it took so long to find out they weren't actually married. They didn't set the record straight until a few weeks later at a family gathering. That's crazy. Actually, I asked when is their official anniversary so I can put it on the calendar. Only then to be told stepmother-in-law was full of shit. Wait, that's weird. That's not okay. Why wouldn't they just be like, but I'm just confused that they wouldn't just be like, Oh, that's not true. It feels like they were just like so in shock. They were like silent the whole time, I guess. I don't know. It feels weird that they wouldn't correct it in the moment and just be like, even to the bride. Yeah. Like even to the bride and groom. Yeah. Like, are you like, that's so shy if they're not, I don't know. That doesn't feel like OP doesn't seem like they're interpreting any negative, like intentions from Yeah. But just wouldn't you just so quickly correct that and be like, Oh no, like I would, this day isn't about us. We actually didn't even get married. These are just rings that we liked that easy shutting it down. That's how easy it is. Yeah. Because now this is like, it kind of lets it balloon into a bigger thing. Cause it looks real. Yeah. Oh, they did get married. Yeah. Stepmother-in-law was telling the truth. And then like all of the, the like parents were upset about it and of like not being told. And it's very confusing. I do not like this. I'm so confused by this family. This family's weird. I actually, and now I'm even more confused that they would do an intimate 14 person wedding because it's like, I would want some normal people around. Give me some other people that aren't my family members. Cause they do not know how to act normal. Where are my friends? I need my friends. I need some sanity here. Yeah. 14 people is literally just like immediate family. Yeah. Unless with like siblings and stuff. Really? Unless you're like really, really small family. But I'm like our bachelorette trip had more than 14 people. Like we had 18 and we had people missing still. Yeah. And thank God for it. Damn. That's so crazy. Wow. Well, good luck OP. We don't have an official update or anything, but yeah, that's wild. Not finding out until three weeks later that that was actually not even true to begin with. You're almost to the point where you're done talking about this with your partner and then you get now that news and it's like sort of starts up the conversation again of like, and it wasn't even true. It's so weird. I'm actually, I don't know what I'm more mad about. I actually think I'm more mad at them not correcting it in the moment. Yeah. Cause what you said was perfect. It was so like, it was two, three sentences, short, sweet to the point. Let's have a good time. Yeah. Like what? I know. And like, this is your family. It's like, I don't know. Like I'm really perplexed, like really, really perplexed. Is there anyone out there who would also like, let us know if you out there would be like, yeah, I also wouldn't say anything because it just doesn't feel like that helped at all. Cause it felt like this being a revelation is what caused the drama. This episode is brought to you by Cash App. I myself have fallen for a scam. Thought I was getting a really good deal on tickets and bam, I sent the money and I didn't get my tickets. There's so many common scams these days and finding all the red flags can be hard. That is where Cash App comes in. Keeping your money safe from fraud deserves to be a priority and Cash App treats it that way. With security lock, Cash App requires a successful face ID or biometric authentication to access your account. It's like your money is protected by your own personal bodyguard, even if your phone is lost or stolen. 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Because family life isn't about the perfect moments. It's about making the most of any moment. Visit your local dealer or chrysler.com to learn more and schedule a test drive today. Chrysler is a registered trademark of SCA US LLC. Love it. Yeah, I think so. Hmm. I'm like sitting here just like stewing. I'm like very, very confused. Um, okay. This next one is coming from r slash relationship advice. It is titled my 30 female husband, 33 male accused me of murder out of the blue. How do I salvage this? Well, that is a big jump from the last story. This is long and ridiculous. Sorry. My 30 female husband, Luke, 33 male, had a sister, Laura, 29 female. We were all close and saw each other two to three times a month along with their parents. Almost six months ago, Laura fell down the stairs at their family home and died. It was a freak accident. There's a window on the half landing and she hit her head on the sill. I was the last person to see her. I was there for less than 10 minutes and she was in her pajamas making coffee. I didn't even stay for a drink. And I struggle with how such a brief and meaningless interaction could have been her last. She deserved so much more. My husband and I have only been married for a year, but we've been together for four and have known each other for 20 plus. When Laura's parents found her, they called my husband straight away and we rushed over. We faced the whole thing as a family. And the days after Luke started quizzing me exactly what we had talked about, what she was wearing, where we were standing, et cetera. It progressed to saying I was providing conflicting information. On tiny details, he was deliberately misunderstanding and accusing me of withholding information because I couldn't tell him things like what pajamas she was wearing. This escalated quickly, but lasted for less than a week as I lost my cool and made it clear that I was done answering questions. He didn't bring it up again and I wrote it off as grief. His behavior was generally that of a normal grieving person. Last Friday, he outright accused me of murdering her. in front of his parents. Out of the blue, we were all stunned. There was an inquest which recently concluded and there was never any doubt the verdict would be accidental death. He said it was completely obvious and he couldn't believe that no one else could see it. He claims I went through his phone and found his messages with Laura. I have absolutely no idea what messages he's talking about. I've never looked at his phone and that I went over to confront her and things, quote, got out of hand and I pushed her downstairs. By the end, he was shouting about going to the police and getting the inquest overturned and how I wasn't going to get away with it. Let me be clear. Laura and I had a great relationship. We all did. I have no idea where this has come from other than these messages I haven't seen. And even then, I don't think there's anything I could ever see on someone's phone that would drive me to murder. It's just ridiculous. Well, he thinks it's an accidental murder. Like heat of the moment? Yeah, like he thinks that things got out of control, like they were fighting and like they pushed on accident, like not like she meant to murder. I think that's what he's getting at. Like, I wonder what he said about her because clearly he said some crazy stuff that would make him allude to that. I want to know. Listen, those messages. Yeah. He's been with his parents since this happened and will not talk to me at all. And I've had some contact with his mom, but she's not being very communicative. The last I heard, she didn't know what messages he was referring to either. I'm still completely stunned and I have no idea how to proceed. I made a commitment to be there for him always. And I understand that grief can manifest in strange ways. But a part of me feels like my love for him died the second he called me a murderer. And I don't know how we could possibly work through this. I also really don't want to be thought of in this way. And I have no idea if he has said anything to people we know. I obviously haven't. A brain tumor or psychotic break has crossed my mind. And I suggested it to his mother. And she just said that she'll talk to him. Other than the questions before, he hasn't been acting odd. Obviously, he's been grieving. But he seemed sane and sensible other than this. I feel like I'm going mad. Does anyone have any advice at all? This is a little bit of a unique one. I feel like he said something so awful to Laura that that's what made sense to him, especially since it was like a brief interaction. Like she was like, oh, I just stopped by for coffee or whatever she said. I feel like he said some nasty things in the messages. Maybe Laura did too. I don't – unless there's something else like a psychotic break going on, but if he's within his right mind, as right as you can be while you're going through grief, then I think that he feels like he said something really – I don't know. There's something there. Yeah. There is something there or you don't jump to that conclusion. Yeah. And I'm like, what could it have been? Well, and that's why it's – in his mind, he's jumping there because he's fabricating it. From that worry of, oh, she saw this, and then that's the next logical thing, which those thoughts aren't paired well with what he's going through. I mean, you have these things definitely building upon one another into a vicious cycle. It's actually just kind of a nightmare from OP's perspective because being accused of a serious crime that you, you know, obviously as far as we're reading here, you know, given the context of everything, we're assuming obviously that you did it. In that sense, it's an absolute nightmare. And I almost go into self-protect mode where I'm like, oh, hell no. I had nothing to do with this. I'm getting all my ducks in a row. I'm figuring out if like – I don't know. Not if there's cameras, but I'm getting – That's what I was thinking too. I'm getting all of my legal stuff together. They probably – I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm so scared for her. If he's getting to a point of where he wants to go to the police, he's threatening this. It sounds like UK inquest or something. It could turn so serious so quickly. He's going to go report it. I know, but imagine end up then – like we are so deep into the true crime space right now. Oh, my God. How many people are wrongly questioned and pressured to ultimately – Yeah. Like they get brainwashed into admitting to crimes. They have nothing – Like it goes down such a dark spiral. Okay, you guys. So I actually had a case. It's known as the staircase. Essentially, this woman died and apparently it looked initially like she had fallen down the stairs and died by falling down the stairs. And then they start looking at like the husband and like all of the evidence for the case kind of like was suspicious and like she had been bleeding for hours and like it was this whole thing. I'm going to link the episode if you guys want to watch it. But essentially, the husband gets convicted of her murder. And I think a big part of it was because he was also looking really suspicious because a friend of his had died years prior by also falling down the stairs. And so people were like to have one but two people die by falling down the stairs and he had adopted her daughter. He had been seen leaving her house late that night, running away from her house. And so people were like, there's no way he didn't murder his wife. Like, this is weird. His defense team ends up finding evidence, though, and they find owl feathers in the wounds on her head and pine needles. And so people conclude that as she was walking into the house from where they were drinking wine outside that an owl had attacked her. And he sat outside for hours. Hours after looking at the stars drinking the rest of the wine. And so he didn't discover her. So she bled out. And so which do you believe? Where does the evidence point? But he was convicted. There's a documentary about it now. I think literally called The Staircase. And it's the craziest case. So what happened? Well, I don't want to give the spoilers, but I'll link the episode for those that want to know. Wow. Makes you want to wear just a body cam 24-7. Literally. No, I've actually. A constant alibi. You guys keep on saying things. Things like that I've been thinking of, like literally either like today or like the day before, but like they're not like they don't fully make loosely connected. Yeah. But like I was literally just thinking that today, like everyone records everything and everyone. It's like almost to the point where if somebody says something these days and they don't have evidence that I don't believe it because everyone has evidence or like it's not that I like think they're a liar. I'm just kind of like, yeah, like, sure. Yeah. And we've turned ourselves into like this surveillance. Surveillance like state with how much we record and it's like, who can record quicker? How can you make the camera footage look? And then you hear the other side and you're like, holy shit, that's crazy. I think about that, too. And like, that's where I think we're police officers. Like, if I was an officer, I'd want to wear my body cam on at all times, right? I don't want someone to be like, oh, this shitty cop. Like, I would literally want to wear my body cam. Sorry, I just I totally I just can't believe they act the way that they do sometimes with the body cam. I don't know. It's crazy. That's why I need more good cops. We need more good cops in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Some of them are goofy. Yeah. Some people, some people in life are goofy and it's not it's not any job specifically, maybe. But like, I'm just like, oh, my God, people just fucking get it together. Like, where are we at in the world? Why are we still doing what we're doing all over the world? Like, why do we have a fucking like genocide going on? I'm like, why? Why? Yeah. Why? We were talking about this with like all hundred, too. There's not like there's not like one profession or one religion or one like country that is good or bad. Like, it is really it's like people are people and there's good people and then there's bad people. Or if you want to say people who do bad things, whatever. But like getting fancy with that language. But I just I think that we all just get so like hung up on looking and thinking. Yeah. Sides and thinking all these people are bad and pointing fingers. And that's why like creating in groups and out groups are so powerful for control. For sure. And that's why you see that in the history of a lot of people who have. Been dictators or want to be dictators. Where am I going with this? Let's move on. Yeah. OK. So top comment on this one. Fuck no. You don't salvage this. You get a lawyer and get the fuck out. Best case scenario. He has just admitted to sending messages with his sister that he thinks would make you angry enough to kill her over them. I have some ideas about what those might be. And they're all bad. How did the parents react when he did this? Someone responds back to that. And it is his guilt slash fear of discovery of whatever is in those messages that is causing him to make these accusations using anger as a defense mechanism. Someone responds back to the first comment like about the messages. Yeah. What do you think the messages entailed? Someone responds incest? Question mark. Question mark. Question mark. Oh my God. I don't know. I can't think of a single other thing it could be. The two of them insulting her wouldn't be enough. Honestly, them being incestuous kind of explains everything. Yeah. Or. that would actually make so yeah no mine didn't mine didn't jump i'm surprised we didn't because we've had a lot of incest stories in the past and like i i didn't even consider that either i thought it would be like him like them just talking shit and laura being like you should divorce her i hate her actually yeah that's what i was thinking see i kind of gaslit myself out of that i guess because i was like for a second i was like they're sleeping together and i was like no get that thought out of there that's not it but is he this afraid that the messages come out in some investigation about her death is because otherwise why mention it in the first place why even put that out there because if he is trying to convict her of murder to hide whatever's in those messages why even make that such a focal point because the second we all heard that yeah we're like oh my god the messages that's the key to everything messages would come out in court her defense team would subpoena those messages they would come out in court yes so it's like yeah that's a really good point because it's like if you don't want those messages to come out but you think your wife killed your sister over the messages and you're gonna go accuse her and have the inquiry overturned you just made a surefire way to get the messages you don't actually think she killed her but let's say let's say that he is just in love with his sister so he's not thinking smart about it he's thinking emotionally passionate passionately yeah if he was in love with his sister then knee jerk reaction like he's just going to be full of anger and hate that she's now gone and he thinks that his wife took her from him yeah okay i'm just like i'm sitting here i'm just like holy shit i'm reeling we do have a couple comments i see from op in this thread op has since deleted their account post still stands but like there is an edit here that i wasn't gonna read but like it's not really context but it is it has come to my attention that i accidentally used laura's real name once in this post can i kindly ask that anyone who commented who is blank real name delete their comment as i really don't want this to bleed into my real life for obvious reasons but op responds to the top comment that kind of asked like how did his parents respond when he first laid out the accusation at his parents house both his mother and i just kept asking him about the messages and all he would say was that i know exactly what he said and i know exactly what messages he was talking about oh my god she was as stunned as me and his father just said he didn't understand what he was talking about he's a man of few words but there was plenty of head shaking the whole thing was surreal no one knew how to react i honestly don't know what kind of lawyer i would even speak to about this from what i'm aware the coroner's decision can't be appealed and the police can't launch an investigation into an accidental death i don't accusation and i walked out about five minutes after he threw it out and i have no idea what his frame of mind is and someone goes you want to live with a person that thinks you're a murderer there's not really coming back from that especially when he thinks he has this evidence this isn't some kind of accident or grief even if tomorrow he says quote sorry you're not a murderer there's no going back the trust is gone you need to worry about yourself speak to a divorce lawyer you don't need to sign yet but you should start planning an exit strategy op responds unfortunately i think that's where i am for the past week i've been telling myself i'm going to get a call saying he's been detained for mental health reasons but nothing is happening and my patience is wearing thin with the silence there would have to be an extremely good reason for me to stay after this to the point that i'm even quietly hoping for a brain tumor over a mental break because that comes with solid proof that these aren't his own thoughts and feelings i am clutching at straws i have a really hot take let's go and this is probably because i just finished a murder mystery series um that i talked about on father knows and um and blamed morgan for all of my stuff becoming more murder mystery because of starting clues wouldn't it be crazy if op did find the messages they were having an affair and op did kill the sister but she wrote this reddit post and accidentally mentioned the sister's real name in the post and then said i don't want this to get back to me for obvious reasons as a cover-up and she actually did okay so do you want to know what op's username is because someone does respond to one more comment i'm going to read from op okay but someone does respond and she said i don't want this to get back to me for obvious reasons as a cover-up and she actually and the username before op deleted their account it was username slash throwaway not a killer if i was gonna pick a throwaway name for a post like this it wouldn't be that i mean was like maybe butterflies and ladybugs like just something so irrelevant but like to be like throwaway not a killer like girl that's that's just it feels aggressive when you're trying to i'm like okay okay is the sister's bedroom downstairs did she physically have to go downstairs to like go to bed at this time i was envisioning a reason to go downstairs i guess downstairs would make sense if there was a windowsill above like i'm just saying does it does it make sense to go downstairs that's one thought and be regardless of who did this who's innocent whatever whatever it would haunt me forever if i was a person who was innocent in this situation we're honestly hearing it right now what are the damn messages yeah i know op does have a comment here i'm absolutely desperate to see these messages because i'm right there with you on the sheer wackiness of what they have to contain it hadn't occurred to me that they might still exist i've never known him to lie but i do think mental health issues a real possibility his relationship with his sister didn't seem odd and i've never been interested in his phone but he's never been defensive about either either so i think you're you might be right if it had such i'd probably be worried about them before now and someone goes does he have an old ipad that was linked to his phone just thinking that if he did you might be able to find out whether or not there are any messages op goes you're a genius it's not signed into his messages i was so excited op goes i have his icloud password it has a backup from yesterday i have no idea how to turn this into something i can actually use it doesn't have a messages folder or any signs of how to use it for anything other than restoring a whole phone which i don't want to do i don't does anyone know how to actually get these messages from this sorry to throw a tech support request in i can't believe i didn't think of this huge thanks to the person who suggested it someone goes whatever you do do it quickly and quietly be aware that his device will likely get a notification about a new device signing in using his credentials um someone goes you should be able to erase the contents of the ipad and then put it in his icloud password to restore it from backup yesterday then just click on the messages and it should have whatever was backed up op goes thank you whoa not seeing any responses that's it holy crap also just to be clear because this is somebody's real life and i do think that this is like honestly i'm all i'm getting is real from this it's just too crazy no i and that my point is is like i'm op like if you are listening i do not think that you murdered your husband's sister this is just kind of crazy like morgan doesn't normally give me stories like this and i literally just finished like a murder mystery series yesterday it's all like being like really like on the nose for you right now yeah well and it's just one of those things where the entire time i was watching the series i'm like who did it and then like part of me was like is it the person who seems the least likely like is it you know what i mean so um that's like why i said that i don't actually think that if you are listening just so you know i mean you can't prove one way or the other really no it's true i don't know you but your writing sounds like you're innocent i know and like there's one last comment i thought that was gonna be the last one i read but like this is like the last one i read this is actually the last one because i'm not seeing as i scroll i'm not seeing other like comments from op because the username is deleted but you still see deleted op after it with some sometimes reddit does it and sometimes reddit doesn't it's so weird but there's one other one that's just like basically her saying i'm really scared of the prospect of him telling other people about this and i feel like as time passes the chances increase for sure i don't know whether i should get ahead of it or even how i'd approach that he's intelligent successful and has plenty of friends i've never known him to lie about anything and i feel like this accusation could follow me around my entire life i've asked his mother for an update and she hasn't gotten back to me she left my last message for two days too and was quite dismissive when i tried to broach the issue of a psychotic break thank you for such a thoughtful reply i genuinely think based on that his parents do believe him damn like if the mom's cutting you off and there's no mention of mental health there's no mention of anything like i genuinely think that's a unless the family's like am i just tight-lipped we don't want to embarrass him mental health is not talked about we're gonna hide this then maybe but also at the same time like this is her husband they're married like this is extremely odd my but my mom would be my mom would just not want to get the word out no not even that like i just think my mom would respond the same way not because she thinks that that person's guilty or believes her son is guilty but just because she's just trying to deal with what's right in front of her kid gloves too and just like I don't know how to handle this I'm not going to say anything so it's like almost like the partner that's your son is spiraling over is like the last of your not the last of your worries well she just lost a child I mean like well that too yeah and then you have like your son accusing his wife of killing her it's like where the weird what yeah that's why I think it's probably the last of our worries to get back to OP that's so true yeah that's so true this is insane yeah OP has since deleted the account I mean people are in the comments like please update us we want to make sure you're safe people are worried that he's going to turn around and kill her based on like all of his behavior like people are very very scared but yeah we don't have an update and I don't know that's scary obviously OP can't undelete the account so it would have to be coming from a new account just being like I wrote this post and hopefully then someday we would happen to come across it and you just have to hope that that person's not right faking it well well that's unsettling that is unsettling I really wish we had a little more closure I feel very unresolved I'm more so unresolved because it seems like she was able to get into iCloud stuff and then it's like after that we have no comments yeah so I'm like fuck like what's in the box iCloud thank you okay so again the title was my 30 female husband 33 male accused me of murder out of the blue how do I get out of here how do I salvage this and this was on August second bonus episode for the month and basically this guy accused his wife of murdering his sister went kind of off the walls and was like I know you did it you saw our text messages ah OP ended up getting into the iCloud and that's where the updates ended for us all we knew is she got into the iCloud but like we didn't know what she found yeah it was maddening and then there's another update none of the Boru accounts like that I had like the write-ups on it had it someone on Patreon sent it to me so here we go firstly thank you to those who helped me get to my husband's iCloud backups through an old iPad I wasn't expecting much from Reddit but I got valuable practical advice before my post was locked and I appreciate it there were no crazy or even suspicious messages I've searched for over 100 terms and scrolled back over years I saw a side of them both I wasn't expecting but nothing that explains the claim I murdered Laura over their chats nothing to suggest he was cheating absolutely nothing to suggest incest I repeat no incest no weird gaps where deleted conversations or a switch to another app would fit just siblings making plans sending memes and gossiping and I'm not they said unexpectedly horrible stuff about a few people but not me it was sort of a relief but it raised more questions than it answered I sought legal advice also from Reddit after posting here turns out my options are divorce him or sit down I contacted my community mental health team who said they'd reach out but made it clear it wasn't urgent I then called his mom and said if I didn't hear from him by this weekend I would get a solicitor and ask him for a mental health assessment as a part of the divorce in response he made a ridiculous post to Facebook which neither of us have used in years and everything blew up I'm going to try to keep this succinct on Friday night he made a long accusation on Facebook with new information he said he'd been planning to leave me for months with his sister's support and I found the messages and murdered her the coroner has reopened the case and the police are preparing to arrest me and he needs to make sure people know before the trial stops talking about it it was well written and seemed vaguely plausible he messaged people links so I got some attention we live in our hometown and have a large circle of friends because we've lived here all our lives people I haven't spoken to since school were reaching out to me asking me what the fuck was going on it was madness in response I posted the export of his entire conversation history with Laura also to Facebook when I finally got back in I linked the chat along with a post explaining my side and noting that I had changed my ex's iCloud and Apple passwords and that if he wanted them back he should comment on my post and update his own admitting that he was lying he eventually did when I started getting messages about his post I panicked and changing his passwords seemed important to preserve everything because he'd know I had access when I started when I spoke to him the next morning it's clear he's not having a mental episode at all but is claiming one because he's been caught in a big lie as soon as he was outed he called me clearly drunk begging and promising to explain everything if I deleted my post I hung up and told him to call back the next day he did after many missed calls and texts and he tried to bargain and guilt trip me with his mental health again until it was clear the wrong people had seen his conversation it's hard to describe but it seemed fake it was too well rehearsed and then this morning when it was clear he was getting nowhere he blocked me begging for mercy and reciting facts about mental disorders that doesn't align with someone in crisis with a sincere belief that someone murdered their sibling the question of why he did all of this remains unanswered and he will not be getting his passwords until it is the legal advice subreddit said this stuff is technically illegal but it's beneath a court to take action so I'm going to count on that because I felt like I had no other choice at the time and now I don't see any other way to get answers from him I'm desperate and it's all I've got so there we are the relationship I have believed was pure destiny since I was a teenager has boiled down to petty convoluted and vindictive bullshit played out on social media for reasons still unknown my hope for a brain tumor is fading and clearly tomorrow morning is going to be when I lawyer up and stop posting about this I am mortified I have no idea whether some people might believe him and I still don't know why this all happened in the first place sorry I don't have a happier update and thanks once again to everyone who offered advice I just wish there was more of an update on that one because now it's almost makes it even more of a cliffhanger and more confusing now that she's starting to rule out it being like a mental break I started thinking was was he there arguing with his sister about her and then she fell when they were arguing and then like he started deciding that it was her fault because he was arguing about her like where did he get this from if he's not having a mental break then where did he get this from so top comment on the update I cannot think of a larger monster than a man willing to accuse someone of murdering his sister publicly might I add to feign justification in a divorce I'm so sorry this happened to you and that you do not know this person you have many blessings for me next comment down the fact that he went nuclear with the Facebook allegation immediately after she mentioned divorce would support the theory that he wanted a divorce but without the fault being on him imagine being so callous and stupid to do something like that not only to accuse someone of murder but to use your sister's death to your advantage this is insane poor OP I just I haven't even understood it since we first went through it yeah it's not even like a what's in the box where you're just dying to know it's just gotten so confusing that yeah I don't even know what to think I don't necessarily need another update I mean it'd be great but it's just like if we keep going down this same path it's just gonna get more confusing and just the motive there is none I don't even know how you have a trial on this it'd be such a crazy mess I know but I just yeah I can't think of I can't wrap my head around any part of it and it's it's scary because just simply getting and this is what we talked about just simply getting accused I mean think of many people wrongfully are out there serving sentences that didn't do anything I know and that what I mean honestly what's scarier than that getting convicted of a murder that you had nothing to do with and somehow you get framed I mean I think it's just like that's super scary but it's also like having your partner someone you're married to are in love with have been with for years you think you know them all of a sudden wakes up accuses you of murder doesn't talk to you goes crazy on Facebook like is he maybe having an affair and he saw this as an easy way out dude you can't be that big of a coward that isn't the easy way out though puts such a big spotlight on everything yeah I know that's why it doesn't make sense any way that we spin it it just doesn't quite add up yeah Okay. If you want more of that, I'll see you over on Patreon. Other than that, Until next time, bye. Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light, and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf, because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.