From Harvard to The Garden | Son of a Boy Dad #400

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That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. All righty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today it is May 11th. It is 1/20 PM. We're here live from HQ3. Welcome back. Let me start you guys with a hypothetical. Drop it. Who do you think would win in the soccer game? The worst nation that qualifies for the World Cup or the best Uber Eats drivers in New York. The worst nation, probably the worst nation, really, but I think it'd be close. I think it'd be really close. Maybe damn close. There's some talented Uber Eats bicyclists in the city. They are. There's a game that they always have in the morning in Chinatown and it looks fucking sick. Yeah. What do they call it? Two taps? Two taps. What's that? One touch? What is it? One touch or two taps? What is it? That's the one where you, like, you dribble it twice and pass it back. I don't know that. Oh, yeah. Very big in the soccer community. The football community. Is that just a drill? No. It's a little game that people play. You know, when they're sending the circle, like hockey sacks. People? Oh, kind of keep away, Ish. Nope. Not even close. I'm trying. I'm trying and I won't need more. Not even in the realm. Oh, like, oh, like when my Barcelona will stand in a circle and do this and like, yeah, but typically they're not passing it. They're like juggling it. So this is a drill, by the way, anything that has cones is going to be a drill. This is definitely a drill, but I was more so thinking just guys just, you know, like hockey sack. Well, hockey sack is also having a massive moment. Very big. Are you talking about juggling? Yeah. Like this, like what they're doing right here. That's just juggling, but it's a game. You touch it twice and then you pass it back and forth. One touch juggling or it's too touch juggling. Yeah. Fair enough. Whatever. You got some wax in those ears. There's more. I don't care enough. I just don't care. I think if you add in the door dash drivers, they definitely have now we're talking, um, now we're talking world take over. We have guests on next week, because we're all going to be away next week. So Tuesday and Thursday of next week, we have guests episodes. Yes. Banked. But we have to record today because the president has been killed. That's why we're black. Oh, man, imagine because Chud the Builder is dead. We had to record because Chud the Builder has been shot dead in the streets. Chud the Builder, uh, the worst human life, the lowest vibration human going right now. Never heard of a new internet guy. He's a new internet guy. Oh, I've seen this guy. He literally goes around, uh, yeah, he's just like a racist. Memphis and it's just the, uh, or not even Memphis Nashville. And it's just publicly racist calls it black people to end word to their face. Yeah. Just counting his days in this mortal coil. That's tough. Yeah. He's, uh, he's making millions. This is the world now. He's made general. It's time to get generational wealth. It's time to adapt. He always is. Walmart now. Yeah. Uh, you got to get the backpack going, Francis, you got to start getting real racist. Yeah. Me. Yeah. Why? Why am I the face? You could take a fight. You've been training for war. Mm-hmm. And you didn't know it was a race war. Oh, wow. Yeah. You had no idea what you were signing up for. I didn't. We're going to go to China and do it all this time. I thought I was preparing to defend my children, somebody. No, no, no, no. Then the dude Vitaly do this in, uh, he did it in like Thailand and I don't even think he was racist, but he was just going around being disrespectful. And they beat the shit out of him and put him in jail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I guess that's racist. Yeah. I guess that passes. Yeah. He's like the original. Well, my point is that other countries aren't even tolerating it at the level that we are. Oh, no. Definitely not. He's like, I just actually freeze beach that I'm just a lot to be racist to people's faces. Yeah. Hmm. Francis, you played an arena this weekend. Let's not bury the lead. It doesn't seem like you're too interested in, uh, Chad and Chad and Chad in the town. Chad the racist. Chad the builder. Uh, was it this, was it the best, uh, professional moment of your career? Because from the outside looking in, it fucking looked like it. You know, it, it was, by the way, it was all those new common projects you got. Those are clean. They're clean. They're all, they're a year old. But somehow they're clean. C.P. Are they? I always love C.P. Um, yeah, how was it? It was awesome. Yeah. It was really cool. It was, it was, uh, you know, someone asked me afterwards. They were like, is this one of those things that you built up in your mind? Then after it was over, you were disappointed or what? And I go, I said, no, you know what? To be honest with you, I'm almost like disappointed in how content I felt afterwards. You just fell into a Zen like state. I was so satisfied and so pleased by the experience that I felt truly ready to like stop doing stand-up forever. Oh, yeah. I was like, that was the, that was everything I wanted it to be and more. And I have reached the mountaintop on the shoulders of a giant in Shane. Yeah. It brought me there. Thanks, you know, to his work and success. But I have seen the summit and, uh, I don't need to go back up there again. I don't know that I ever need, I certainly, let's put it this way, being an opener for someone else's arena show at the TD Garden in Boston, to me is like, if I had wondered about what the top of Everest might look like and I got there in a helicopter. No, I think it's like, I think it's like winning a championship on a team where you're not the one who's scoring 30 points a game, but you're, you're like one of the starters. Yeah. 10 rebounds. I don't think so because, you know, that's all, that's a lot of credit. Like, I didn't do anything to get Shane into the TD Garden at all. Oh, no, but you still got to the point where you could perform in the TD Garden picture is insane. Right. I have so many like this. I mean, it was. I don't think that it was beyond belief. I feel like you're, you're selling yourself short. Yeah, you're trying to, you're trying to make it out like it's a born on third. Think you hit it. Think you hit a triple thing, but I don't think it is. I think, I don't think I hit a triple. I think I was carried on to Everest by a Sherpa, no, the greatest Sherpa who ever lived. I, not once did I let go of, you did, you did big, you didn't do arenas, but you had done big rooms before you were friends with Shane. Look, I'm not trying to, my, my point in this is to say that, um, I experienced every element of the arena atmosphere, the top of the game, this is the top of the, the field of stand up comedy. You, there's nowhere. I guess he's doing the link in July 80,000 people in a football stadium. All right. Well, it's about eight times the size four times four. This is 20. We've crunched the numbers. Yeah. Um, aside from that, you know, nobody does fucking football stadiums. This is the top of the, the field and, um, I got off of stage and, and felt so satisfied. And I, not one time did I ever have I felt sense, boy, I really would like to achieve that as my, as a headliner myself. You might be just cool. I think you're coming down still. No, you're still cool. Listen to me. It's important. Not, first of all, I'm humble enough to know that's not in the cards for me. I would never get there myself, right? To sell 20,000, let alone 60,000 that he sold across three nights. I'm never going to get there, but I really fundamentally don't need to. I got the taste. I breathed the thin air. I felt the whisp of snow at the top of ever. You saw the dead climbers along the way, piles of tracks planted my fucking flag, got the picture, and then I walked down and, uh, it was the thrill of my life. It really was. My parents came, my closest friends came, um, I had a whole bunch of people there. Did you invite any enemies? I would definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to invite enemies. Welcome, feather off. - I like Andrew Decker, Featheroff. - I like to seek Decker, Featheroff. Have a seat, main lobster men who beat me up in the road. Look at me now, bitch. - Reach out to an enemy and be like, "I'm playing the garden, let me know if you want tickets." And they're like, "Oh, man, that'd be awesome. "I didn't think we liked each other." And I'm like, "Here's the length." - Yeah, game time. - Yeah, I get a good deal with game time. - Use code boy, dad, $25. - No, it was the coolest thing ever. I don't even know where to begin. I'm still kind of in awe of the experience. And, you know. - He's coming down. - He's coming down still. - Well, what do you mean? - Still about that. - Like, it's a high. You're still like, "Hi, literally." - I'm done. - I feel like you-- - I'm done. First of all, it was the last show on my winter spring tour. - Yeah. - And so now I'm truly like done touring until September. - It's a good way to go out. - And I might not go back out there. - Go out on top, win the championship, L-Way. - What else am I supposed to do? - I feel like you just can't be the same person you were before you went on stage at the garden. - You're right about that. - I feel like you get off and you're like, okay, so now I'm someone that talks to 20,000 people at once. And I'm like, you're up there with like, dictators now? (laughing) - I said that I was like, I felt like a televand. I feel like Joel Austin. - There's like a handful of people who have spoken in front of that many people at once. - Correct. And the light is so bright on you. And it's dark. This is an overexposed photo. But it's so dark outside of the ring of the small stage in the center. You really, there's some real like, God like. - Yeah. - You're flirting a little with God's syndrome there. - I will say, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to glaze too hard. But I will say like, you can definitely like, washing the roast last night. And maybe this is just me just looking into much into it, but like, did it not seem like shanes, like noticeably more comfortable in front of those like big crowds from doing all these arenas? - Absolutely. And he ran his roast jokes all three nights at the garden. - Yeah. - And the fact that he treats the TD garden as a workshop. (laughing) - Well, he can't get to the clubs. You gotta hit it. Well, he can. He pulled out his papers. Everyone was cool. He's just like workshop and up there. That's how comfortable he is. - Oh yeah. - For contrast, for the first show on Thursday, I did not sleep one single minute the night before. - Yeah. - I drove from New York to Boston, which took all of five hours with traffic. - It's a long drive. - My eyes were so bloodshot when I arrived in Boston and couldn't take a nap was so jacked up. - Yeah, he probably got the best sleep of his life. They probably had to wake him up five minutes before the set, like when Christian Bale would fall asleep on the set of the dark night, 'cause he was just so comfortable before scenes. - Jay and they're waiting for you. - Oh fuck. - Oh man, dude, that's another thing. His entrance song, when it's time for him to come on and that montage plays, I saw it twice from the, I was in the tunnel. - Yeah. - I was so electrified by that and I just like couldn't contain myself. - No, no. - He's truly like, I mean, it was the coolest shit I've ever fucking seen. It got me so jacked up. And then on Thursday before the show, I was truly just like having to remind myself to swallow. - Yeah. - And I was so afraid that I was gonna get on stage and just have an absolute mind blank. - Yeah, you told me, you said that you were gonna throw up on stage. - I thought I was gonna throw up on stage. - Which is exactly what I would have been thinking. - Yeah, I was so fucking terrified. - And then on the drive in, I had this idea for a joke I wanted to start with. Ron, you'll appreciate this. And I was worried about it 'cause I'd never told it before. It was kind of like an ad lib thing. So I call my one, my true trusted. - Closes comedian friend. - Closes comedian friend who, you know, when he's called me, I have picked up immediately. In fact, the last time we had a comedy conversation, I actually looked at how much time we spent talking about it for his issue. There's 46 minutes on the phone. - Wow, 46. - Yeah, 46 whole minutes. - It was a long time. - Long time on the phone. (laughing) And so I called this guy and I was like, I really just needed three minutes to run this joke and be like, do you think that's gonna fly? Like, what do you think I should do that in front of 20,000 people? (laughing) - Brick Wall. - What? (laughing) - Yeah, the green monster. - No. - Ran right into him. - No. - Just an absolute brick fucking wall. No, no text back. - Usually I'll get a text back being like, - I'm busy. - Hey man, I'm, I'm, you know, sitting up, what's going on? (laughing) - I'm sorry, I'm breathing right now. - Sorry dude, I got a time I shoes in a few minutes. (laughing) - I'm awake. - Hey, I'm shower today, can't talk right now. - Yeah. - I'm thinking about something, if you'll give me like a few days. - Not even that. - Not that. - Yeah. - We were able to connect down the road though, luckily. - Yeah, after the shows. (laughing) - After I, the joke bombed, 'cause I did it. - What is the joke? - The joke was I went up and I said, and you gotta kind of let me finish it because you'll see why I said what I said. - Okay. - But I went up and I was like, you know, nice to see you all. Thanks everyone up in the top, top rows up there in the back. It wasn't too long ago that I was a lowly lacrosse player at Harvard just down the road. - Booze, booing, booing, like a lot of booze. Not like, he's just being a fucking self-aware douchebag. Like, we didn't know that and we didn't need to. And now we ain't good. (laughing) - What? - Why would you have said that 10 seconds in? Why would you have said that? And I was like, ugh. And I go, I was a lowly, Harvard lacrosse player and the Celtics were playing game seven against the Atlanta Hawks. I think it was the Eastern Conference semis. And my buddy, my best friend and I decided to scrounge up the last of our cocaine money and buy tickets to go to the game. And we sat up there and our nose is bled for a different reason, but the Celtics beat the Hawks in game seven. So I'm one of you, I understand. The joke was meant to be like, you know, I'm a douchebag. I'm paying for Celtics tickets with cocaine money. - Yeah, yeah. - You know, I understand your plight working class. Blue collar people in the nosebleed seats. Nosebleed joke that should be good. - That's good, that's good. - Those bleed joke did all right, it came around in the end, but but dude, the Harvard mention was a huge mistake. One of those things that I'm sure, Boston Zone, Ducksbury Zone. - Oh no, we talked about this. - We talked about this. - We call our representative Harry Settle. What if I get a long fucking Harvard cross heart? - We had a long conversation about this. - You can get there without that. - So you went to BU. - I was like, I know Shane's audience. They're not into that kind of a thing. I wouldn't do it, that's a big risk. - But when we talked about this, I was like, dude, look, like I would have definitely like helped you out. I was like, no part of me would have been like, yeah, drop the Harvard part, they're gonna boo you. Start raining down booze. - Yeah, it was, it was touch and go there for a minute. - Harry didn't answer 'cause he was in the nosebleed's booing. (laughing) - He was filming it to put it on. - Fucking, Matt and Shane's breaded. - Fuck this guy. - What do you believe this guy? - I don't like rap. - But yeah, you said, you talk more about the beginning 'cause you had to go out cold. - Yeah, I went out cold. - You're the first person to go out. - And the first words they heard was Harvard the cross? - Yes, and they booed it. The first words out of their mouth was boo. - Yeah, a lot of people. - God. - In fact, I could actually see people who were being ushered to their seats by the ushers who weren't paying attention and they heard that and they're like moving to their chairs and they're like, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. I saw ushers booing. - I saw people with little flashlights being like right here, boo, boo, boo, boo. - Boo, Harvard. - They're not supposed to boo. Not the ushers. - Child dicks. - How'd you dig out from that? - I guess it's not that bad. - God into my jokes. Thank God. The first five minutes and Shane had warned me about this and I actually called Sodor on the way to because he opened for Shane at the Madison Square Garden and went first. We saw that show. - Oh yeah. - And I was like, I'm going first. Do you have any tips? And he's like, look, you just need to know that the first five minutes are gonna be tough. But it doesn't mean that you're not doing well. It just means that people are not seated. - Yeah. - And at some point, people will be seated by in a critical mass and you'll start doing well. But like, assume you're gonna perform that first five minutes for the front 10 rows or something. - Yeah. - So that's kind of what I did. I just moved forward, kept the energy up. And then I have a joke six or seven minutes in. That's like one of my better jokes. And now-- - Did you do that on purpose? Like, did you change it at all? So it was like, I'm gonna have my best stuff in the like five minutes in? - No. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't do that. I had run the 15 minutes set like four times on Tuesday before I left. But I mean, I don't know, I just have time to like really rework a whole thing. - It's also like weird to be like, I guess I'm gonna go up and bomb for the first five and then try to-- - I also thought that if I did that, I risked it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I started weak, anyone who was listening wouldn't have bought in. - Yeah. - And look, I mean. - That's probably true. - You know, Blizz was there, and I don't think he'd mind me saying, like, you know, that video of him in Toronto, where he was in Boston? - Yeah, he was in the thing with us. The video of him in Toronto bombing, and getting booed on mass by the entire arena, and then stepping off the stage and being like, I'm just gonna leave. And then it's a cold stage for like 10 minutes. I think that, I mean, that video was burned. - Yeah, yeah, of course. - And it was the specter of that failure, that hung over my head and caused so much anxiety, because I wouldn't have thought that was possible. - No, no, you think in your, because I remember like, I'm the same, like I haven't even done it, and it's still engraved in my head. - Yeah. - The sheer possibility of that even happening. - That is a possibility, is what makes this so terrible. - Yeah. - Is there other examples of people doing that, of people going through that, 'cause I've never seen that before. - I think Tiffany had a shbomb for the entire theater where everyone started booing. - I think like the thing is, like in your head, you're always like, what's the worst it's gonna happen? I'm gonna bomb, and then it's like, no 20,000 people to die. - And clips of the sign viral out. - I'm not selling another ticket for the rest of my life if that happens, so that is my credibility as a standup gone. - So. - It's better to have like a bad sexual assault claim against you. - For your career. - For your career. - I'd rather be like, you know, lobbing Molotov cocktail to Gaza or something, like a career. - Kindergarten. - For your career. - Then that, yeah, whatever. The point is though, that like, you know, I, that was the fear. Once I was getting laughs, I thought, I know where this set goes, it builds. - Yeah. - Now that they're in, I'm gonna be fine. And then I could enjoy it. What was crazy too though, was that, it's such an overwhelming sea of people, and you're in the round. I was just like spinning like a top. - Were you like? - I was like walking in circles around the stage 'cause I kept thinking like, don't turn your back to anyone, but you can't. - Yeah, yeah. - There's always gonna be somebody who can't see your face. - Yeah. - But then they, you know, they have the big cameras and stuff like that. - That's why you got to lay down on your back. - Was it like hot as shit? - No. - No. - No. - It was fine. - I would expect it to be like the temperature of the sun. - No. (laughing) - It was chill. I would argue it might have been even chilly. - Really? - 'Cause the arena was kind of chilly. - Oh yeah. - Makes sense. - Do the fucking enormity of it is something you cannot describe. It's like, you hear your voice echoing and it's all the way up in the top. It hits these, and Jamie had the point after when we went back on stage after they cleared the arena. He pointed to like one small section below the sky boxes and he goes, that's a club, that's a club. That's a club. A full club. - Like a. - Section 17, rows 10 to the third. - That gets a full on like a restaurant bar. - It's a full, sold out helium filly right there. - Oh, I see what you mean. I thought you meant like it's an actual club. - Like this part that we're looking right there, that's the best weekend you've ever had. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, that is crazy. - The folding chairs in front of the seat, if I showed up to like, you know, Detroit, fucking house of comedy or whatever. - Yeah. - I'd be thrilled. - You would be the biggest crowd you've ever seen. - I mean, until now. - Yeah, honestly, it might be hard to get this high again. - You might have to. - You might be right. I think the tour is over. - Or it's heroin. Or it's like you're chasing the dragon. - Yeah. - Or just like start doing like public speaking and like Times Square. (laughing) - I mean, it was like the coolest thing ever. - How'd you pick your outfits? - I made a mistake on the second one. You should not wear white and I don't know if you guys have a picture of the second show, but the first one I wore black suede jacket, black suede pants and a white shirt underneath, which is fine 'cause of the black. But the second one I wore sort of like a khaki light over a white shirt and I was washed out on the camera. Just you have to wear dark clothing. - First one, it was perfect though. Dark Johnny Cash, black on black. - I felt pretty cool. - Very cash. - What did your parents say were they losing it? - So that was the coolest part, right? Which was that when my set ended and I had told Shane this story and he was like you should tell that on stage if you think you can get through it emotionally. And I ended my set and I said if I may, I was like that's my time. Everyone was nice, they cheered. And then I was like if I may, when I was a kid I got very sick and I came out of the hospital kind of destroyed and my sense of hope was destroyed and my dad got us a 10 game package to the Celtics to revive my spirits. And we came, we would come down to see Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce and Tony Batty and all these guys by Tally Potapaco. And it was that Celtics team that like restored my hope as a young boy and to be on the same floor as those Celtics with my parents here tonight is more special than you'll ever know. And people started cheering and I said thank you Shane. Thanks mom and dad. Thank you Boston. Please welcome Bobby Kelly. And to be able to fucking home oh. (laughing) Bobby was hilarious. Bobby comes up, he goes like I didn't even tell my mom I was gay this weekend. I'm from Boston. My parents don't even fucking know I'm here. That's hilarious. And he was like afterwards I was like thanks for letting me do that part at the end and he was like oh you gave me a good bit. Yeah. But yeah, so to be able to thank my parents at that place like again, I just feel complete. I feel done. Yeah, it's pretty sick. I've reached the end of the road. Nah, just gotta get on that Lincoln show. Gotta get in there. Gotta get on that. Gotta get a Philly. I don't need to. Gotta. I'm done. On the 50 hard line. I'm happy. What else is there for me to achieve? Gillette, bro. Short of being that being the guy, which again, I don't think I ever will and I don't need to. There's nothing higher. It's got to be tough being the guy. Correct. He's just dicking around. He's fucking doing a practicing for Netflix. After our Saturday show, after which I'm pretty sure he was exhausted. Yeah. He got on a plane straight from the show to go back to LA to get ready for the roast the next day. Yeah, that's crazy. Which was literally the next day that it was Sunday, right? Correct. Well, I guess when they're paying you billions, it's worth it. Yeah. Let's talk about the roast really quick. Yeah, yeah, the roast was great. I mean, I thought it was great. I enjoyed it a lot. Me too. I was howling my effing. Same. I thought Chad the builder killed. Chad was phenomenal. Chadly. I only watched the first half this morning at 6.30 a.m. That was good. I thought it was really good. Did you have a favorite? Did you have favorites? And yeah, I mean, I thought Shane was the best by far. He was, I thought he killed the hook. I thought the whole night he was hilarious. Yeah, it's trying to play the next garden. Trying to hit on that Lincoln show. Trying to get a link show. So we're in the Eagles gear. He might think you're from Philly. Let me have it. I asked him four times as big. Yeah, TD Garden School, but does you ever do the Lincoln? No, I'm high ceiling. I remember performing inside. No, performing indoors is cool. Yeah, all the sound is trapped. Climate controlled. That's great. Oh, you didn't have a four jet fly. I think I actually carried me on to the stage. There was no national anthem before. Yeah, no, I thought I thought Shane was good. I thought I had thought that that what was the guy's name? No, I am name. Yeah, I thought he was really funny. He was incredibly bold. Yeah, I didn't really get the the ending. That's what I was going to say. The end of the Pete thing, too. What was with that? Was that him that was like they just turned to Pete Davidson and was like, I don't like you. Yeah, that was that was great. He was like no joke or anything. And he just moved on. I was like, Oh, I was like, I wonder what happened there? It's funnier if it's nothing. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, he fucking killed. He was funny. I mean, really everyone, I thought everyone was funny. I thought big J's stood out to me. Yeah, big J's as the most innovative. Yeah. He's where like his jokes had so much nuance to him when he was like, I did a movie with Lizzo. And I got in trouble when she did a scene in her stripper clothes and I started a slow clap. Yeah, that was really funny. Yeah, yeah. Or like when he pretended that he pretended that Keith was dead and did it in his morium. Yeah, that was so subtle and so inside. Yeah. But that was fucking hilarious. A lot of pieces like that that, I don't know, that. The $10,000 thing was really funny too. Yeah, it's insulting. We love. I'm kind of think of who else was who else I thought was really funny. I thought Pete was really good. Yeah, Pete was really good. He was really ruthless. Yeah. but that's great though. - Yeah, I mean, really everyone was good. I do agree with what we were talking about the Dave thing a little bit, like I do agree. I don't really think that the celebrities need to, like I get for some people that might be like a big factor in it. - You're saying the Dave thing for people who don't know, was Dave was on wake up bar still this morning? - Yeah, yeah, talking about like Dremon Green, like reading the jokes off the teleprompter and then everyone being like he killed. And it's like, well, I will say like, I mean, they all have writers, so that doesn't really matter. Like they all have writers, but also it's like, why is Dremon Green telling jokes at a roast, like why is that happening? - That's probably because Netflix is like about to launch a new show with him. - Oh really? - It would be my guess. - I don't know. - Is his podcast on Netflix? - I don't know. - Volume, that's calling coward. - Volume, calling coward. I mean, I guess like, he was, if he was, oh, Jeff Ross was really funny. - Really, really good. This list is long, but is wrong, I mean, to say. - Is that AI shit, bro? - Tony was funny. I thought that Dremon Green had one of the jokes of the night actually, where he said, I haven't and I never will bang what's her name. - Kelsey Handler. - Kelsey Handler, I'm Dremon Green. I don't hit threes. - Yeah, but I don't know. - That's like an old joke. - That's been done. That's old and told. - You didn't like it? - I feel like that joke is in every roast. - Okay, fine. - I mean, I think it's fine, but I think it is. - I thought it was self-deprecating from him. It was so specific to him. - Look, I got nothing against J. Dremon Green. I thought like, he was good, he was funny. I just don't really know why they feel the need to have the celebrities. Like, I guess it's good for views, but it's like, anyone really want to see Tom Brady roasting Kevin Hart? Like, is there anyone that's really sitting at home? - A lot of people do. - A lot of people want Tom Brady there, given that he did the last one. - Look, I love Brady. I'm a patriots fan. I love Brady. - Doesn't sound like you do. - I don't think he is good on that kind of stuff. Like, I think it's just like insane. - I think that there's like, but I think that when it goes great, one people like to see them laughing at jokes, but two like at the James Franco roast, and it was all his like famous friends doing it. That was very funny. That made it funnier. - Who were his famous friends? - Was that for a funny comedian? - Funny comedian. - Yeah, but not the greatest quarterback of all time. - No, but I mean, - Never once had to make a joke ever. - They want Netflix has elevated the roasts. This is their second one. - Yeah, yeah. - Two being the most star-studded affairs. And having the rock and Tom Brady and Bup-Bup-Bah, like there, it just-- - Yeah, I mean, I mean, it definitely makes sense. Like, I understand it. - It's like the Met Gala on comedy. - Hey son of a boy to add listeners, we'll be right back. But first, a quick message from one of our partners. - Cozy season is upon us. Bombas makes your confiest fall staples so you can make the most out of one of the best seasons of the year. Bombas's new suede magazines are perfect for fall with cushy souls, assurling lining, and water-resistant suede. Plus, for every item you purchase, bombas donates an essential clothing item to someone facing housing insecurity. Head over to bombas.com/audio and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's b-o-m-b-a-s.com/audio. Code audio at checkout. - All right, now back to the episode. Yeah, it's just like, it's like, every time I watch it, I'm like, I don't think it's gonna be funny. And then I'm like, this is actually really fucking funny. - I was laughing out loud in the morning alone. And then I'm like, this one wasn't as bad as the Brady one. Like, the Brady one was like, you got drunk, you got Edelman, you got all these, and it's like, no one cares what you, like, you're not, that's the thing where I get what Dave is saying. It's like, they're doing all these jokes and they're like all these digs, but it's like, they're not even your own jokes. So it's like the digs aren't as funny. - And they're not delivering them right. Yeah, look, the Serena and Venus thing was not, that didn't land for me at all, and it was uncomfortable. I just wish it was like, they would lean, like if they're gonna go celebrities, you know, get Chipel, get those people. - But no disrespect, but like, people aren't tuning in for some of the comedians who are great roasters. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. - Like, this Netflix, like, you need star power to have people with-- - Yeah, Brady probably brings in an extra 20 million views. - Yeah. - The cat Williams part confused me. - Why? - First of all, I don't know that I was aware that they had beefed. - I don't think I was either. I don't blame you that. - I'll be honest, I also have not seen the cat Williams part. I had to go back for the bush. - Oh, we were angry. - So the whole thing, cat Williams came out as a surprise appearance. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, right at the end, right? - And they still kind of like end of the middle. - Oh, okay. - I would say, and he came out and did a roast, oh my god, this was so funny. He goes just because Kevin, wait, don't, don't change it. Just because Kevin went to Diddy parties does not mean he did something wrong. The fact that he gets uncomfortable when you bring it up to him, that's what means he did something wrong. - That is funny, 'cause he did get uncomfortable every time someone brought it up. - Yeah, yeah. But I mean, look, the cat Williams came out. It was not, he alluded to the beef. He talked about it a bunch and then roasted him in a non-appreciative way, just roast, kind of. And then when he finished, Kevin stood up and was like, let's squash the beef right now. They shook hands, everyone went nuts. And then when Kevin Hart does his monologue at the end, he's like, you guys all say I'm not a good actor. Then how the fuck was I able to make cat Williams think I'd squash the beef with him earlier. Like I was acting, I hate that motherfucker. - Yeah, yeah. But I mean, I think, I don't know. It was just like, I didn't, I don't know. I wasn't entirely sure how to follow it, yeah. - I kind of feel like Kevin Hart was like the least natural person on, like you could tell he was acting the whole time. - He has to do that. - Yeah. - He has to make the jokes that all those comics are saying, okay, by being like, it's okay, we can laugh at this. - Who was the one that said they were like, what a better way to do than like to pretend you're having fun on here. All people make fun of you or something. Someone made a joke about him like his fake laughing. - Yeah. - I forget who. - I hate when people stand up. They're not while they're getting off. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. When Shane kept on going, thanks, Kevin. - Yeah. - Why would you stand? - Yeah. - Like Tony stood up, just takes me out of it a little bit. - Takes me out. - I liked when Shane went, I liked when Shane went and he was like, okay, this is going all right. - Yeah. - He's like, I didn't think he was gonna be as good as the Brady Rose. - We're doing okay. - Yeah, that was great. That's what I meant. He was killing like everything he said was gonna be. - Yeah, yeah, agreed. - Like the difference between him hosting the SB's and hosting that was like night and day for me. Like you seemed so comfortable. - Totally, totally. Did you think that the Chelsea Handler set was angry? - Yeah, okay, so the Chelsea Handler set, I actually thought she was really funny. I did think that it was a little preachy and like the thing with when you go the route of like, I'm gonna, like she got on stage and she said, like she's making fun of Tony and Shane, being like, you know, like you guys, well, she called them all statutory rapists, which I thought was weird, but then she was like, she said like, they helped get Trump elected and all this stuff and was like saying all this shit. And then like 10 minutes later down the set, she got, like so it's like, okay, you're gonna do that. You're gonna go like the super, you know, politically correct, whatever you wanna call it. But then like the end of her set, she's telling the story about like, like Kevin Hart sending her a private plane to fly from Spain to LA to make a five minute appearance on funny AF. And it's like, I don't know like what, like you can't have the moral high ground, like play that role and then be like, yeah, I chartered a $500,000 plane to go do a five minute appearance on a TV show. Like I feel like those are like, like cause it's like you're trying, when you, when you say the thing about like, like Tony and Shane all this, like you're trying to get on the line. - But you're saying like more, the more black dudes who've been killed in LA. - Yeah, yeah, like you're trying to get on the side of the people of like, we are the morally high ground people, like we know what's best, but then you're going and telling a story. It's like you're not that person. - Yeah, maybe like you're playing a part that you're not. - Just to play devil's advocate there, I think her side that she was on was women. She was being like feminine, a feminist up there. And that was why she was like, I'm not going to tell any, I'm not going to waste my time telling jokes about like the other women on this day, us or whatever, but then her kind of punch line of the like, of the Kevin sending her a point. - I thought it was like tone deaf. - I get it, but I think her point was like, I as a woman took advantage of it, right? I got, I followed from it, followed thematically, but I do agree that I found it a little cause heavy. - It just felt like 2017 LA humor. - It felt cause heavy, but I did have some great jokes. - She did, yeah, she was very, like I have some great jokes. - I thought she was very funny, like I was laughing out loud her whole set, but I just thought it was weird like, going with the moral high ground route and all this stuff and then being like, also I'm the elite of the elite. The measure is. as elite as you can possibly get. - The part that was uncomfortable for me is by myself. - Right. The part that was uncomfortable for me was when they, she kept taking the mic from like off stage later and like throwing in comments. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I was kind of like, is that part of it? - I couldn't tell if she was actually mad or not. - Yeah, that was me, me neither. - Yeah. - I couldn't either. Anyway, whatever. We'll have to ask Shane at some point. - It seemed like she was, it seemed like there was some beef. - That's what I thought. - It seemed like, 'cause it seemed like Shane was mad when he got back up on stage. And then Tony obviously was mad, but Tony was getting it from everybody. - Yeah. - Was Tony mad? - I don't think he was mad now. - No. - But I mean, you know how those guys are. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Every one on that stage was probably livid the entire time. (laughing) No one on that stage is like, takes jokes about themselves well. - No. (laughing) - No. - No one, period. - No, no. - What do you wanna hear? (laughing) - Black belt level jokes about people in front of fucking millions of people. - No. - It's so funny when people are like, they're like, boy, you know, sometimes like earlier in my career, people would be like, I can't believe Francis is so sensitive. He's so sensitive considering he's a standup comedian. I'm like, have you ever met a fucking standup comedian? - They're the most sensitive people on earth. That's why we do this. - Someone could get off stage and you could be like, yeah, they sounded weird, huh? And then like, the night's over. - Yeah. - The night's over, that relationship is over. - You got to say each other forever now. - Forever. Yeah. It's all a defense mechanism to like mask our securities. That's why we're up there fucking telling jokes. It's like we can make fun of ourselves. The second anyone else does, unless it's a comedian, I respect. - Yeah, yeah. - Who's better than I am? How fucking dare you? Who do you think you are? - Yeah, but I mean, yeah, definitely seemed like there was a little, well, did Shane say that she went to, that she was friends with Epstein before she said all that stuff? - Yeah. - Yeah, I think that's part of his introduction. - Yeah, yeah. Then I guess she went to Epstein Isle in 2010. - Why, what's wrong with that? - No, I'm saying that's pretty fair of her to come back at them if he said that. How is that joke any more over the line? That's what I'm curious about. - I don't think that joke, that's the thing that's, that's the thing that is uncomfortable about watching it is because like the ditty stuff and the Epstein stuff and like Shane being like, there's a lot of people in here that are pedophiles, like he's right, like he's joking, like he's joking, but it's also true. It's like, yeah, there's a lot of people in here that went to the ditty parties and were probably really good friends with Epstein. - Yeah, right. - So it's like, it is a little uncomfortable in that sense. - But so, okay, so that's now over the line because, - No, I don't think it's over the line. - I don't think it's over the line, but it is like uncomfortable because it's like, okay, Chelsea Handler, was she actually at a dinner with Woody Allen Epstein and fucking, whatever the other person was? - Here's my point, right? - 'Cause that's pretty bad. - It's bad. - That's those are the Epstein's closest friends. - So then it sounds to me like there were two different kind of categories of jokes. One were like cartoonish, exaggerative, sort of like, Shane looks like he has Down syndrome. - Yeah. - And Chelsea Handler fucks a lot of black guys. - And hard short. - All that, yeah, right? And everyone was on board for that. As soon as you start saying stuff that plays on the reputations. - Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. - Of these people? - They draw the line? - Yeah, I think so. I mean, I get it. If I was Chelsea Handler, I would probably be like, "Kale, let's not talk about that." Please. (laughing) - But I thought that most jokes, most roast people get to say stuff like they get to say what's off limits, right? - I think that was the whole, yeah, that was-- - I think it's the host. There were, like, I think Kevin Hart's allowed to do that. I don't know if Chelsea Handler's like that. - I think they are. - Oh, everybody should be, can say everything. That's the point. - You think so? - Yeah. - Say anything or get what Ron's saying. Like, they get to say, like, don't talk about this. Like Chelsea. - No, I'm saying that about Epstein. - Nothing should be off limits. - Well, maybe that's the, I know-- - But then, like, essential stuff or, like, other roast levels, like, that it's been like, "Hey, you could touch on this, this, and this." Don't say anything about this. - But there's all these. - I think there's the same with Tom Brady. Definitely had that shit. - He did? - 100%. - Yeah, I think he's had a thing about his, like, I don't know, kids, maybe. - Dude, no, they sit into Tom Brady roast. Like, your wife's fucking a jujitsu instructor. - Yeah, I would have thought. - Which guy would have thought. - But then they went overboard with it and it hurt his feelings, maybe. - Oh, yeah. - There's also clearly, there was clearly stuff that you're not allowed to talk about with Kevin Hart. - The thing in the Brady roast was when Jeff Ross said that Robert Kraft went to the Robin Tuck. - Yeah, yeah. - And he whispered, "Don't talk that." - Yeah, yeah. - Don't talk about that again. - Yeah. - "Hey, son of a boy, dad, listeners." We'll be right back. - This one's brought to you by Tick Pick. Ever actually read a ticket receipt? Service fee, processing fee, convenience fee? Convenient for who? That's an extra 30 bucks a ticket. Tick Pick doesn't do that. Never has, never will. No fees means the exact same seat, same section, same row. Costless on Tick Pick. Fans trust Tick Pick for all their live events. Check to reviews yourself. So why overpay for the exact same seat? Download the Tick Pick app and never pay another service fee again. And for new Tick Pick customers, take $20 off your first order with promo code PMT20 in the Tick Pick app. Terms apply. That's PMT20 at checkout for $20 off your first order. It's always, I mean, when it comes down to the sex freaks, that's what it is. - It's the right seat. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - That's the line. So no, you can't tell people that I fought kids. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - I thought we're joking. - Yeah. - That's not a joke. - Sex traffic, serene masseurs. - No, surely not. The other part, the other part that I thought was really interesting was that the, I didn't know that black woman comedian. - She was hysterical. - Unbelievably funny. - She was honored. - She was so good and she like went off script a bunch and the jokes Shane told about her husband who killed himself were so fucking funny. - He kept coming back to it. - He was that sheet. - The black don't crack, except for what your husband does. Don't show the Golden State Warriors logo to her husband. And then like they did a movie where she was using the air force, but she couldn't fly. Just like her husband couldn't fly when he fell to his death. He died from that. - Yeah, that was really good. - She was really good. - Two great jokes about Dreymond Green, where when they said that the Golden State Warriors sound like what they would call dudes who beat AIDS and the AIDS. - And that Dreymond Green looks like a shitty color that you'd paint your jacket. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I like that. And I also like when they were like, they didn't know who the father was. So would they just combine the two names. - Oh yeah, Mon and Drey. - Type of the cab to the writers to our brothers Mike Lawrence and JP McDade. - Nick Mohen. - Nick Mohen. - Yeah. - I think my favorite joke. - Of course, Zach Amiko. - Yeah, yeah. I think my favorite joke over the whole night was the chain one where he said the thing about Kevin Hart, the Oscars. And he was like, you were supposed to be like, and he's like, but you were a homophobe. And then he just like sat on that for like five seconds. (laughing) And then he talks about breaking the dollhouse over. - And that amazing, you used to be funny. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - But Dave's saying that, how about Dave not including either of you guys in his dream roast writing team when you guys are actual standup comedians who've written? - Oh, that's all right. - Roast jokes before. - I don't think Dave, is that tuned in to me? (laughing) I'm not, I don't, that doesn't bother me. - I think Dave's already fired me again in his head. - Don't say that. - Just don't know yet. - I think he's like, like, written me off as an ex-employee already. - Don't say that. - I mean that. I don't know that he knows for sure that I still work here. - He definitely does. - Don't not say that. (laughing) - Who has worked so closely in concerts. - This is just finishing out his contract. - Yeah, he's fired up soon. - He's fired up. (laughing) - I can't have him France is right for my roast 'cause he, I don't think he'll still be here then. - Yeah, that's coming after his, when's his contract? - The month of December. - Oh, man. - Yeah. - I was good. - I was personally insulted when he said that. I was like, I'll put my brothers up against anybody. I'll put these roast riders up against anybody. - I would not put myself up against most of the people on that screen. - I'm not talking about all this screen. - I'm talking about it locally. - I mean, look. - I could throw you in that category too, Ron. You wrote for fucking the roast battle show. You've our world champion battle rapper. - I don't know about all that. - I literally, like, with no due respect meant towards the people he named. But like, if you're not putting any one of the three of us let alone all three of us into a roast riding room. Good luck. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This was this bar stool people, only. - Yes, Dave. And that same clip you're talking about, Dave was like, - I didn't know that. - He said, I'll put our best riders, big cat, PFT, Nick and KB in a room and let them ride for it. - He's the best. He said our best comedy writers, best comedy writers. And I think all of them are great comedy writers. But then I was, it was just like, there wasn't a word count limit. Like he could have just kept going. We were omitted. Yeah, he on intentionally, you can see him like mouth over the words and choose not to say them. You couldn't have omitted me at a time when I would have been more top of mind. You can't not see me under the lights at TD Garden. And then the next day, be like, surely there's no stand up comedian that I could throw in that writer's room that I'm forgetting. Yeah, I mean, and that's true for you too. I mean, I wrote on the Espace. I'm saying I did the roast at the fucking Barstool Awards. Where he loved the joke that you wrote and I presented. No, it's all, it's all love though. Yeah, it's no problem. I don't, I've given up on trying to win any kind of fucking well, luckily the four guys, you mentioned our brothers. Yeah, that's the thing too. That's a thing you can't pick one of them to, but he just could have kept on going and just said you guys. Yeah, it gets so easy. It gets onerous. I'm sure, you know, to say names. To list the people that he doesn't remember. Well, I'm just saying, like, let him go, let him have his four. I'll take my two. Yeah, yeah. Let's see, we'll see who comes and locked the locked the door who comes out. A roast off classic roast off. Roast off no cameras, no cameras. We just see who comes out of the room. Everybody comes out crying. It's cropping. We're fucking dick. Just hating each other forever. It is credit, though. I do think that the names he named, like I would put those four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's who I would have to do. It's best, the best, um, but I'd have the three of us and I would have us in there as well. Yeah, but I'll be fine. Now, I'll be good. I don't know what not a big deal. Is that a red talks hat? It is about it off of Amazon. Oh, that's cool. It is. Yeah. So I was supposed to, it's Boston, it's a Boston baseball, huh? That's not a red talks. That's like a off brand. Like you buy it from an African dude who's like selling stuff set up on the side of the road and he's like getting a ticket, but still sells it. This is just you're a fan of baseball and Boston. So most likely the red socks, probably the born braves as well. Finally ball. Yeah, that's sick. You guys never saw the born braves into a couple games. Yeah, Cape team, um, it can't be me. I can't be going to my league baseball game right by the born bridge. Yeah, I can't be going and actually that name is racist brother. I don't think the name is racist. What are those two feathers the feathers that are racist? What are the feathers? Okay. Can't be wearing fucking feathers. I do feel like it's a little lame to be like, and I'm not going to make fond of any of the black woman on stage because like that's a little pretty. That's just very 2017. Yeah, that's a little like talking about that is agenda driven. Yeah, someone was like, this is going to say this. They're going to cheer and sell through the room. And by the way, by the way, the, I'm a bit Cheryl Underwood. Yeah, right. She came on and she did deliver a little bit of a preach point, but it was a great point, which was we have all of us up here. We're all making fun of each other. Yeah, and that's the way it should be. This is freedom of speech. Like, this is great. Everybody chill. The fuck out. So she's a child, the builder fan because that's his argument, his argument is that it's just freedom of speech to call black people the N word and the streets with the hard are in the end of it. Well, I would love to see general have a conversation with her because I think she would bury him. Yes, you know, of course. And then, and then he would just fight her physically. The producer, he Davidson's joke about her being the Bob, uh, what was it? The guy for the horror movie. The Bob a dude. Yeah, that was crazy. Was it Tony or no, it was big J big J did this run where he was like, you look like someone wished for Jeanne to bring a puddle to life. If if if there were a wall, someone painted a wall, you, you'd be the, you look like the, the whole that someone painted on a wall that row runner could run through. And then his run of like the fucking 50 cent and Chelsea handler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, he's like, uh, incense and fired gun. This, though, this is what I was saying. This was the Chelsea handler thing that I was confused by was the end of her set when she kept on talking about how like all of the men are like shitty men, but like Kevin Hart is like a great man and family man. And it's like, he has multiple cheating scandals. But that's the, I think that's got to be the joke he's making was, was that a joke, though? I got to be because that's obviously I don't think so. I think she was like, he's the only man who never has said anything inappropriate. Yeah, blah, blah. Did you see the moment where Kevin Hart was talking to Pete Davidson and was like, how do you get all, you, you've got the best dick. You fuck all the girls. Yeah, and, and Pete went, you, and he goes, no, cut that, cut that. What are you talking about, Pete? Oh, I didn't see that. Yeah, go back and watch that part. Yeah, that's the thing that I was like, when I was saying that there's obviously stuff that they weren't allowed to talk about. That's clearly one of the things because how does that not come up? That he cheated. Well, there were, it was like massive scandals. It was a big public up there. Yeah, right. Literally in the, it was on the news, like CNN was showing it. Who would you guys, you would want to roast Dave? If it was somebody, it would be in bar stool. It's the only person that makes it on trade. Yes, yeah, Dave's the only one that would make sense. Yeah, big cat. But I'd know, I don't think I would want to roast Dave, to be honest. Cause you couldn't make it Jewish jokes. Exactly. So he's amazing to me when they like really track carefully the point in the wife's pregnancy at which the husband cheated on her. Yes, she was just into her second trimester when it was found that he had banged a total world operator at the Coney Beach fair and clearly horrible. You gotta stop trying to defend Vercini out here, brother. She did what she did. I was saying, I think, uh, rabble might have to claim gay. It's my bestie. Yeah, I think that's the only way out. Grable. Grable. Yeah, gable. I mean, there he's in, he's in big trouble. Why, what, what now? Oh, it just keeps getting worse. But it's like every day, it's worse than last. They've got photos of him while she's pregnant. And they're like on a boat together. They row generous. They read the name to her child. Yeah, it was their baby moon. She named their child. They were on their baby moon. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a vicious time against him. Tell you what there has to be some other kind of story that can distract from it. Yeah, bring back mayo. I don't know why anyone would get rabble hard time for that. As far as I'm concerned, that's God damn noble. Taking your pregnant lover on a book. That is actually vacation eight months pregnant. That is something my wife's pregnant eight months. We're not going outside. Stay covered up or just the fact that he didn't deny her. You know what I mean? That he just like stayed attracted to her. Like there if it is if it is true love. They just got if they just get married, like it all goes away. Yeah, sure. She's already married to another person. And so is he. I don't know if they had. I don't know if they get I think if they get married, it gets a lot worse. What? No, people accept it at that point. That's what happened with Prince Charles and Camilla Camilla Camilla Camilla Camillo. Yeah, like everyone was upset about him having an affair on Lady Diana and then he got married. He just like forever stayed with Camilla and people like, oh, that's who he loved all along. Johnny Cash. Who else? Who else? The Johnny Cash. What happened there? He had an affair with what's her name? June. Yeah. Oh, and oh, no. Who's the girl that he does the songs with? Loretta Lynn. The his his. He's with his brother. His side. His card. June, my bad, Ron. Well, he was the Vivian was his wife. But how old was June or who had the young girlfriend was a him or Elvis? Probably Elvis. Yeah. I think Johnny Cash was always with June after Vivian. Elvis was a freak. Ginger Alden. Apparently Elvis got got Johnny Cash onto the drugs. He did. According to the movie, walk the line. I could do I could go for another watch or that. It's so good. Well, this was on lean. Elvis had a bit. He had a big walk of lean really on. That's why he couldn't shit. That's why he died on the toilet. That's why he was so damn backed up. Did you see that video of chief Keith getting off the plane? Yeah, we were just talking about crazy. The caption was even funnier though. Yeah, they all got shit in their ass. That that between the between the 10 of them, they've taken two bowel movements in the last week. Look at the second guy that gets off. Look at his stomach. Is there a better life? That's chief Keith right there. No, no, no, you'll see. That's just that's just his friend who gets to do drugs. and go around the world with them, the dude who's hit the actual years you fought. So they're all really fucked up is the point only. I mean they look at this guy's all shit. Just stumbling in all different directions. Just a terrible lifestyle. Oh man. Or the best lifestyle. What what do they do that they're rich? Like how do they get their money? Nothing. They're just friends with Chief Geef. And does he buy their clothes? Because they're closer to think so. He gives them like a per diem. But how much money does Chief Geef have? Realistic. Chief. He hasn't been. Chief's got a lot of money. But he hasn't put out a heater in decades. I think if you can tour you can put some heat out. But is he still touring like that? He's the sign fell to the rap game. No, he is not. He is. He just has like he's independent. He's independent. Oh, I didn't know that estimated. And that worth four million. I think he's got a lot more than four million if he's flying private. You'd be surprised though because some rappers are actually not responsible with their money. Some of them are not. Isn't right. Some of them will actually use that money. You're thinking of NBA players always signed with inner scope. That's true too. In the scope. 300,000 dollar advance. That's crazy. For Chief Geef would have thought. But that's 2012 though. Yeah, Anthony could still be still be racist. I'll say one more thing about Boston. I just went and I'm like, why aren't we living there in Boston? Bro Boston is fucking amazing. Boston's amazing because it's like the whole city is like the West village. Correct. But it's freezing and it's impossible to get around and the public transportation could not be worse. Well, that seems a little and it's one of the most expensive places in the country. Oh, I wouldn't know what that's like paying fucking this kind of this city is fucked. Yes. As far as expensive. Yeah, you know, this is the most expensive city. I've in the I think it's like Monica or London, maybe, but like I feel like in the last year, it's bumped up. It's crazy. It's like every day, I'm like, what in the fuck? There's just no way that Boston's rental retail prices are as bad as near city. No chance. I know. I think you're probably right. And I also didn't find that the public transportation was as bad as you said. I thought that the T worked pretty darn well. It was quick and clean and you were taking the T. What are you doing? See, how can you say, you're going to the public, you think you're Jay-Z? How can you say, are you famous? The public transportation in a city is terrible when you are not. I just don't know why you're taking the tea to the garden. I didn't. I didn't. I though the last time I was there, I went over to Harvard to walk around and then came back. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Of course. I grew up in Massachusetts. I know that, but I'm saying why is the tea bad? It's just not as good as other cities. I didn't think it was worse necessarily than New York. I mean, if you look at the map, like it's just, it is. New York, you can get anywhere with public transportation in Boston. You can't. They got dead zones. Okay. That's true, probably. That's what you meant. Boy, it took a lot of work to get you right on that one. We really had to work. Thank you, misunderstood me. It's all right. Nothing to all of that. I misunderstood you because I took you at your word. Exactly. Big mistake. Forgot there was a lie within a truth that was concealed by another lie that needed a truth in order for it to become all true. Exactly. Yeah. Any updates on our Indian brother over at JP Morgan? I haven't seen anything this entire week. My algo has just been shut in Spencer Pratt. I haven't even really been on the algo lately. See Spencer Pratt's running from my era of philosophy. I heard that. I heard he's actually got a shot. He was very reasonable. Wow. He's just like, yeah, we need to get rid of crime and we need to stop letting people be naked, use drugs, have due violence and abuse dogs in public if they're homeless. If you have a house, you can do those things, but if you're homeless, you're not allowed to do those things. And he says, it's going to be a two week grace period. Then he's cleaning everybody the fuck up. Love that. I love that. I love that a lot. So two weeks of fucking unbridled crime and then you just get fucking pratted. Yeah. I don't think the homeless should be allowed to be dogs or be naked. It's not very progressive of you. Oh, I'm just. Chelsea Handler wouldn't like to hear that brother. Chelsea Handler. Hey, son of a boy ad listeners, we'll be right back, but first a quick message from one of our partners. Work hard and hydrate hard with body armor flash IV, whether you're working an extreme heat or powering through a long shift, body armor flash IV delivers faster, longer lasting hydration with more than 2,000 milligrams of electrolytes, vitamins B and C and zinc, coconut water, and no artificial sweetener flavors or dyes, body armor flash IV keeps you performing at your best. Get body armor flash IV at your local 7/11. All right. Now back to the episode. Yeah, I haven't heard anything about my Indian bro. I said to say he fell out of the spotlight and those people's lives are just ruined in the wake. I know. They ran out of stuff to come out about that. Like the Chelsea Handler or the Diana Racini, there's always something new that comes out about it. They just ran out of new info. Yeah. You know that New York Post would find it all. How powerful do you think like JP Morgan is in the grand scheme of things? Like do you think that they like they're like a nation state. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. But like so like how do you think that works? Like so JP Morgan has a K they have a situation where they got this this Indian bro who says that the is boss. He was a sex slave and all this shit. Yeah. Like if JP Morgan wants that story to not like we all know the story. We all heard the story. There's probably a shit ton of people that have no idea, right? People that aren't online all day. Yeah. Like if JP Morgan is like we don't want this to become a public thing at all. Like they have the power to just like not like and they just what do they do? They just like go to Elon Musk and they're like get this out. No, no, no. Here's a billion dollars. No, once. No, I don't think I think that once that genie's out of the only way for them to do that is to catch it before it leaves the walls. But like when but like be like here here's 10 million dollars. Don't say another word about this. And here's an NDA and blah blah blah. And they they catch and kill it. Yeah. But I guess more what I'm asking is like in like everyone says that all these multi trillion dollar billion dollar companies and whatnot are like they like control everything. So it's like what do they do to do that? Like if like like it like for example like rats money. That's it. It's it's it's a combination of instilling fear and and paying off like for like it's like if you don't take the money, we will do this and you will be ruined. We will reach out to every other bank on the street. You will never work another you'll lose your trading licenses whatever. Yeah. You'll never get another job on Wall Street. That's it. Seems stand. See if I was that I would just save the 10 million dollars and kill the person. Yeah. I feel like killing like has to be a little bit higher on the list. But that's another good question. Like do you like how many people do you think JPMorgan as a company have have killed? Probably realistic. Well probably fewer now because but but back in the day maybe maybe some Putin does this. Putin Putin is the last one to like almost brag about doing this. What killing people killing the oligarchs killing anyone who spoke out against you know his regime. Isn't there a big tree of people who were like wasn't there like some like like people who are close to some alien shit getting killed. Isn't that isn't that happening right now? I keep on seeing like scientists. Yeah scientists are dropping left and right. They're like 10 of them die a week right? Can we pull up the scientists that the the like flow chart of all the scientists that that's what I'm asking is like why how do they like how is this how does this happen? Because it's not Putin and it's not JP Morgan is doing it. I could be JP. We don't know that recent scientists deaths and there's even there's even more than there's like there's like 12 of them and they're all just they're dropping like fucking flies scientists JPL a lot of JPL people. So it's like what happens like they're just like what do they just at work one day and they stumble upon something and then 12 missing or dead scientists and who's doing it and who's killing them. Yeah and then why would JP Morgan not just kill and if it's going to cost $10 million I want to know how like they should have to release how many people these companies have killed. Like because don't you want to know we need transparency from the companies who they're killing. Exactly. Don't you want to know like if gopuff has ever had anyone killed like I want to know that shit. Nathan's hot dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had to kill that one. We put him in the dogs. Yeah. And they had I'm sure that they had gopuff definitely has door dashed 1000 percent. Well door dashes had many guys die and they always erase the cam footage from the like exactly because it's like. Why's our search history? Why is my order not here yet? Yeah. And it's because they had him because he was a scientist delivering door dash. Exactly. Harry, my question for you would be that if you live a rich, fruitful life as I suspect you well and you die someday, do you, will you feel disappointed if at the end of your life you don't have answers to these questions? - No, no, no. I'm not one of those people that's like, 'cause there are people that are like that. I need the answers. Mine's more just speculation and just wanting to know. - Does it, like I think it's just-- - Does it occupy you? Does it, does it, no, not at all. - Spin your wheels a lot? - No, so you're content in the not knowingness. - I think like during the Epstein stuff and like the, I were beginning of the Iran war and all that, it was occupying my brain a good bit, but then you get to a point where you're like, it's all fucked, like it's so fucked and there's just nothing anyone can do about it. So it's like I still keep up with all the stuff and I still read about it and pay attention, but like there's nothing you can do. - Yeah, so you say it's all a mess and then you just say there's nothing I can do and that's how you kinda make your piece of it. - I mean, it sucks. Like I remember you said something similar but like that a while ago and I remember in my head being like that's stupid and then now I'm like, you're not wrong, like there's nothing you can do. - What are you saying? - There's nothing to be done. - Just like that, you're like viewpoint on big news stories and stuff. Like when we were talking about the Epstein stuff like months ago and you were like, I don't, there's nothing we can, like I can do about it. So I try not to have it impact my day to day. - Yeah, that is what, you know enhanced knowledge to me gets me nowhere. - Yeah, it's like I know. - But then I'm gonna become a citizen journalist or a fucking slave and start like hunting down leads and obsessing over it and I'm not gonna. - I think it's good to like be educated on like the big things that are happening in the world but at the same time like yeah, it's like if you go down the rabbit holes enough, you just really are like nothing makes sense. Like none of these things make sense. And it's like you can listen to the news and all that but like they're just lying their asses off. So it's like, yeah, there's really nothing you can do. - Dude, it's being lied to constantly. - I read it. - Holy shit. - I know I invoked Japan a lot but I read an article about how Japanese citizens one don't really have a great sense of like who their politicians even are. - Yeah. - They're not following it. And it's because their overall feeling is that it's, they're doing a decent enough job. - Yeah. - They have a like latent if not willfully ignorant faith in their political system, which is the other side of where I've gotten to which is that I have a latent willfully ignorant loss of faith in our political system. - And that's everybody. - So I've just chosen like I'm not gonna rail about it. Yeah, it's all broken. It's all a mess. - That's the thing. It's like it's so like it in the beginning you're like, well someone's gotta do something and then you're like, there's so many more. And then like even, and we're just going off of what we know. - In a second, you try to do something. You're gonna run into a guy at your next like, fucking high school reunion who's gonna get in your face and start screaming at you for like feeling a certain way or trying to say anything proactive. You're like, oh, I've met my match. Time to sit back, sit out again for the next 10 years. - Yeah, it's just, it's a never ending. But look, my point in that is not winning. - No, but the win is being a good person. - Yeah. - And just not, don't ruin anyone else's day. - Or life. - Yeah, right. Like, you know, you can still contribute by just like not being shitty. - Yeah. - Don't drive drunk and put other people at risk. Like don't fucking trash the internet. - Yeah. - And spam and all that shit. Don't throw literal trash on the ground. I don't know, pick your fucking cause. But. - Yeah. - Guy plays TD Garden has all the answers now. - I don't think I have a single one of the answers. - I'm joking. I'm just totally zen right now. - That's so nice. - I'm very zen. - Let me borrow a little bit of it. - You're the most zen person I know. - 'Cause he's on so much drugs. (laughing) - I don't even know where the fuck I am right now. - You start your day stretching for an hour. I can't even imagine. - That's just because I have terrible hand, but because my body is a fucking train wreck. - I'm not stretching around on me. - I spent 30 minutes stretching at the gym yesterday. And it hurt so much doing it that I was like, I don't think I can ever do that again. - People hit me up every day asking for what my stretching app is. It's called bent. It's called bent stretching app. And I can't recommend it enough. - You ever wake up and you're like, I don't wanna fucking do this. Then I do the nighttime one. - Nothing wrong with that. It helps you sleep better. If you do a little stretch, happy baby. - Oh yeah. - Sleeping like a. - I always get so scared. Somebody's gonna walk into the room when I'm doing happy baby. - Do you know what happy baby is? - Someone where you're like kicking your feet around. - You lay on your back and you hold your feet with your asshole like with as a wind tunnel. Your asshole whistles what you do. Imagine fucking somebody opening like a babysitter like walking in on me doing happy baby in my own living room. That'd be fucking horrifying. - It'd take the kids. - They'd have to. It'd have child protective services. Definitely come by and just see what's up. - Oh, look at this. - This guy's doing happy baby. - If it isn't the Drake May Game Warne card that Connor MOOC so graciously gave to Harry as a birthday present, which has not left our studio since it was given to. - Well this is the second house. - It has not come home with that. - But you moved and you have way more room now and you're still not doing. You're still not putting up the stuff that has been gifted to you. You're not displaying it at all. - I was gonna hang the card. - Sign personalized book from Louis CK. Straight to the shredder. - It's in my apartment. - Autographed Game Warne card from Drake May as a gift from your opener. - It's not autographed? - Well not yet. (laughing) - Future autographed card. - Yeah. - Robert De Niro card. Is that hanging? - In the fucking. I guess my question is, since I still love giving you presents even though you treat them like shit, my question is, what could I give you that would have enough sentimental value to bring home? - I know what the answer is. A blue hoodie. If you gave him a blue hoodie, you would. - You're not wrong. - I saw a UNC Wilmington Seahawks blue hoodie this past weekend that I was like, I'm about to fucking gift this shit to Sass 'cause it had you would have worn it for a fucking. - Oh definitely. - 200-day streak, no doubt in my mind. - You're right, absolutely. - Blue hoodie. - Just get him blue hoodies for now on with like a little bit of like localized writing on them. (laughing) - I just don't really need anything. You know? - That's not what this is. - That's not what gifts really are though, right? - Now who's the most. - There's nothing more Zen than turning down a gift. Saying, I think you would actually like that more than me. (laughing) - Did you guys give your mom gifts? - Of course. The gift of my voice. - Two sank to her. - Two tickets to the TD Garden show. - Is that what you gave her? - In backstage passes. By the way, after the show, we were in the sort of like green room lounge area and all the Boston Bruins were in there. - Oh yeah. - Who was there? - I don't know, I'd have to look through the. - I think I asked if Pasta was there. He said no. - They just gave me their first names. They were like, hi, I'm Bobby. - Yeah, you said you thought Charlie McIvoy was there. - I think so, yeah. - But I mean, it was such a surreal moment to me because the first game professional, the first non-minerally game that I ever went to in my life as a kid was a Boston Bruins game for my birthday in first grade. And we sat in the nosebleed seats and it was the most like exhilarating, scary thing I've ever seen. It'd never been in a place that big. It was beyond belief. And for me to be in there, stayed him and then having these guys come up to me. It sounds arrogant, but they were like happy for me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This was like the comedians night and they were like, hey, great to meet you. Like great show, great set. And then I was with my parents and they were like, wanna come see our locker room? They were like excited to show us their locker room. And I'm like, well, first of all, you gotta remember, they're all, they're like 24. - Yeah. - So they're like giddy guys who are also just the best athletes in the world. - Definitely high T because they've worked their trunk so much. - And it was just like so, what a surreal flip on my life that. - That's pretty sick. - The Bruins. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Coming to see me in their stadium. - That is amazing. - Not me, but, you know. - But they all on the show. - They saw you. - They got there on time. - Hockey, hockey players do just look like in-shape barstool fans too. - Yeah. - You know, football players is like, oh, that's a football player when they walk by you. Like hockey players are like six, one, one, 90, just like in-shape, young bros. - They all are pretty, that they were better looking than I was expecting. And I think a big part of that is that face masks are mandatory in the NHL now. Or maybe they're not mandatory, but everyone wears them. - No. I would say almost no one wears them. - I'm talking about the visor. - Oh, the glass visor that goes across their eyes. - They still get banged up. - For sure they do. But dude, the faces of hockey players like 20 years ago looked like old punching bags. - Yeah, yeah. - Now, I just remember Charlie McVoy specifically last year at the end when they got booted from the playoffs. Like his face was destroyed. - Yeah, I mean, look at, was it Jack Eichel? No. was the guy who scored the Game Winning Go on the Olympics. - Oh yeah, yeah, I forgot what his name is. - Jack, the teeth. - Yeah, his face got all mangled up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That definitely still happens, but the residual scar tissue, the holes in their faces of your, maybe I'm wrong, this is just my theory. - And now the guys are like biz and have perfectly face faces. - And they're not fighting as much in the NHL now. - Probably true. - As they were. - Probably true. - Yeah. Pretty cool experience, pretty cool weekend. Boston was amazing. Then I drove back yesterday and the drive was five and a half hours. - Yeah, why'd you drive? - Because I was playing golf down there and just had to carry my golf clubs and like didn't know exactly what my plans were gonna be. I didn't know if I was doing Saturday night. - Oh, and if I hadn't been, I would have thought about leaving early and coming back or going up to my place. So did you go on Friday? - No, no, no. - What'd you do on Friday? - Went out to dinner, nice. - Yeah, nothing crazy. And then on Saturday, I was gonna go to the Red Sox game, but it got rained out. So I was at a bar in Fenway and that was when I got the text, Shane, I was talking to Shane, and he told me to come by and do the show again. At which point, I was like, I really wish I hadn't taken that pickle back. - Oh yeah, you were hammered. - You told me, I was on the phone with you. You told me you had like four jammas and shots. - I had one and three Corona's and was on my way, losing you up a little bit. - I thought I was going to a Red Sox game. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Did you skip the first joke the second time or like the first? - I didn't do the harbor thing again. - It worked. - It worked. - No, I mean, I didn't do that at all. - It's ain't it worked to not do it. - Yeah. - It was helpful. - Yeah. - You know what would have been more helpful though, was connecting with Harry to tell me not to do it. - Yeah. - I still don't, I think I would have been like, yeah, that's great. You know that? - I remember in biology learning about, I think it was Moray Eels where they told us that the Moray Eel attaches to the host, whether it's a much bigger fish or something like that, and it just rides along with it through the water slowly. - Like those things that are next to the sharks, those little tiny fish? - No, Moray Eels are like long, longer eels. - Yeah, and they just clamp on and then they literally suck the life out of the thing that's. - Oh, I see. - And it's called a parasitic relationship where it only benefits one and hurts the other. - Oh, I see. - That's how I feel about our friendship. - You call me, I'm excited to give you advice and help. You pick up, we talk for a while. I call you, it's like. - I was on live stream. They literally the entire weekend. - So we could probably see you. - There's probably footage of you banging on the text. - You could probably find footage of you not entering the call. When exactly did you call him? Let's see if we can try to triangulate 3 p.m. - I wasn't on the stream then. I was getting ready for the stream. - 3 p.m. on a Thursday. - I will say. - Time of day when people are usually not reachable. - That's an awful hour, you know? - I will say I was, when you called me, you never registered. And then after I was, and then I was like, "Buck, you know what bummed me out? What really bugged me was that I called you like a few days earlier and you picked up. And I didn't have anything particularly important to talk to you about." And I remember hanging up on from that phone call being like, "I just burned one of my important phone calls." That's the only call I get with Harry this month where he will pick up and I know I'm gonna have something more important I need him for. And he'll be like, "I've already talked to Francis this month." - You got to ration them. It's like the new, I mean, if you don't have the certain card, there's only, you only get 15 visits to the Delta lounge for a year, you have to ration them. - Harry picked, he saw my phone ring. He's like, "Francis again, I talked to him three days ago." (laughing) - What the fuck do I, what do you think? - You think we're dating or something? Part of a week ago. - Yeah, you can't go to the Delta lounge on the way there and on the way back on the same trip. You know, space it out. - Yeah. - Too close on the Delta. - Well, I'm three quarters the way if you might reserve card spent to reach unlimited access to the Sky Club for the entire year. - What does it say? - 75 grand. - 75 Jesus. - 75 grand. - You got a big deal. - Yeah, I got it. - Oh, you're still pretty far off. - I gotta check my status. He said he's two thirds, what? - Oh, I thought you said you were one third. No, I'm two thirds of the way there. I air, you're cruising. Yeah, I'm cruising. - I hid United on the way back this weekend. It was fucking a joke of an airline. - Slums, I'm flying Delta tomorrow. - You're back. - It did me a ride. - Hey, son of a boy that listeners will be right back. - On Game Day, get substacked high at Jersey mics, like the number 13 original Italian loaded with meats, cheese, and toppings, or the number 56 big Kahuna cheese steak with grilled steak, peppers, onions, and mushrooms, topped with jalapenos and melty cheese. Get your sub-fix on Game Day in order in store or the Jersey mics app. All right, now back to the episode. - You're back on? - Oh yeah. - Back on the day? - Yeah. - I'm happy to hear it. - Right in the day. - I had to buy one of our coaches a ticket. - Let me see how far along you are. - Got a couple of XRMQDs from that. - Nice, I'm at like 22 something. - I'll be there by next week. 'Cause I'm going to, I'm going to Europe this weekend. - Oh yeah, where the fuck are you going? - I'm going to Paris for four days. - And we should, how far in our way? - I think we talked about that tomorrow. - That's gonna be honest, right? I'm just thinking like, what are we talking about? - I thought you were gonna cut it. - No, I was gonna be like, what do we talk about tomorrow? - Fine, fine, fine. - Yeah. - Whatever you want to do. - Hey, keep going. - I don't worry about that. - I don't worry about what we talk. I think we, I don't know. - I was just thinking that's a whole another hour right there. If we could find, we could use that tomorrow. I didn't mean, I didn't mean to like, don't tell the story I just meant. - No, I don't know, I don't know. - All right, come back on Thursday and hear a little bit about, are you about to give us a sneak peek? Give us a sneak peek. - I'm going to Paris this weekend and then Ireland for like 10 days with four play, which I'm so fucking excited for. - I think we should. - All of it feels like a victory lap after, I mean, ending the tour and doing change. - Oh yeah. - That is a victory. - You're a French? - Yeah. - It's 2026. - I thought, don't get back to back years. - I thought, I thought. - All right, yeah, we'll be back on Thursday. Thanks everybody. - 400 episodes. Thanks everyone for subscribing and being part of the journey. - Thank you. We will see you guys on Thursday. (upbeat music)