From Detained to Doctor: Empowering Voices in Leadership with Dr. V

So yeah, talking about not taking things back, like I'm a firm believer if I have something to say I'm going to say it and it's on the person receiving the message just whether they can handle it or not. I'm not known to take much back that I say. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also have this insatiable need to tell the truth and tell my truth. And when those two things collide, I like to let authenticity one. Of course, and I feel authenticity and keeping it real is what's going to continue to make this world a better place. And with that, good morning, Dr. V. Thank you for agreeing to have a chat with me this morning. I know that we're going to be talking about your story going from detained to doctor. And I just wanted to let you know, I'm introducing Dr. V to everybody. I met Dr. V last week and her story was just so compelling. I felt, oh my god, I have to have a deeper chat with Dr. V and learn more. And so with that in mind, why don't you let it all out? Who are you? Who am I? Gosh, I am a 50 year old human being that identifies as a woman. I was born a woman. I want to make that clear because sometimes when you say identified, then all of a sudden everybody wants to go digging around in your background. There's nothing there, folks, other than the fact that I do believe firmly that everyone has a choice and a right to bodily autonomy. And that includes how they identify themselves. But who am I? I'm someone that went back to school in 2017 well into my 30s, 40s, 30s, my goodness, in my 40s. And I got my BS MBA and DBA. And the reason that I did that is because I had so many things on the left hand side of the column, the other side of the column that added to statistics that I wasn't proud of. Those things include I was a former stripper. And so I did that and I did it quite successfully and I also did it sober. So some people, including those in my family, have been very insulted by the fact that I talk about the empowerment of that time, the economic freedom of that time, the flexible work hours of that time. And it's really where I learned to sell. You manage a book of business, you have a quota, you have to have a strong value prop, you have to identify what the need is, you have to link that to value. However, the reason that I was in the situation, that's what I did. It's number one, I was a single mom of two kids. And number two, I was well on the way. I was facing a court case that resulted in felonies. I was incarcerated in the state of Texas and there's something life changing about being handcuffed to someone who says to you, yes, I murdered my husband and still being able to see the humanity in them and the humanity of all of those women that were incarcerated at the same time. And you go from literally only having a speeding ticket to being ripped away from your children overnight when you are there only available parent on a daily basis was life changing. And when that happens, it forces you to make different decisions because of the choices you made to get you there. After that, I also worked picking up dog poop. I had a really great boss, not true, who paid an 80 year old man $11 an hour while I made $8 an hour because, quote, he had a family to support, meanwhile I had two small children. And he didn't exactly invest a lot in resources. So I picked up that dog waste with literally one of those grocery bags and not from the fancy grocery store. Like the ones that are recyclable and like literally already recycling as you're putting your groceries in them. You can't even walk up the stairs. Yeah, so I put that around my hand and picked up dog poop to feed the family. So that's me in the ways you can quantify. I love that. And that is what just I've tried met you last week and I was thinking everybody has been life has been disrupted somehow. And I always find it's what we make out of it or why that disruption was there in the first place is that's the magic. That's a superpower, right? Yes. But yeah, and while I was doing a bit more research, I you're a bit more than that. You're also a leadership expert and an author. You just published your first book, right? Fix your face and watch your tone. Congratulations on that. Where did the title come from? I was so curious. Women know what's needed is a love letter to those of us in marginalized communities. And many of those cases also known as a global majority. And it is an acknowledgement because I don't have any women friends who haven't been told to fix their face or watch their tone in their career. I don't know of any. I've been told it every year of my professional life. Sometimes it might be needed. Most of the time, I think it was a distraction and you're focusing on my attitude instead of my accomplishments. And then that means we're just really talking about your bias. But I will, the spoiler alert, I am not telling women to fix their face and watch their tone. It was really a combination of things that as I was talking to my husband, Mark, I was just so gosh darn frustrated. And I think one of the best parts is literally the week that the book dropped. I had a situation where someone had a comment on my tone and I'm like, I guess you didn't read the book yet. Cheers to that hat. Peter, here's a gift for you. That's right. You are my audience, but in all seriousness, that this book also has a deep chapter on allyship. It is not just for women. It is for people from what is traditionally known as marginalized communities. It is for allies and it is a call to action and an acknowledgement of where we are and how you get to the other side, how you can have it all without having to do it all. And that is key. Yeah, beautiful. That's and it resonates with me a lot because I've been told a lot. Maybe a person or professionally to watch my tone and fix my face. I hope you did it. And now you can tell them a doctor said you don't have to. I do. No, I'm talking about doctors. So you mentioned that you went from picking up poop to having to becoming a doctor. What happened there? Tell me about that journey, that transition. What's that? I was in this book is also filled with a lot of personal stories and the stories in the book are true. And I say that to set the stage because a lot of people don't have such drastic experiences. But I think that we all can resonate with something similar. When I went back to school, I was in the end times of a 10 year relationship. And quote, I had just become too black and too liberal. He had never wanted a wife that was this black or this liberal. And I was so frustrated by being in rooms and being with groups and all of these women had degrees. And I was just here trying to hide the fact that I used to strip. I was just trying to fact hide the fact that I had a felony record. I was just trying to hide the fact that, gosh, every time we moved, I had to worry about if I was going to be able to pass the background check to be listed on the lease. Because when I'm not listed on the lease and he got mad, I had to get out me and my two kids, usually in the middle of the night, which is just a power play and dynamics. But I was just so tired of hiding. And so I decided I would go back to school. And the negotiation of that initial $2,000 investment in me within the family financial landscape when I was contributing like 80% of my salary was a whole other story. But I was able to go back to school because there was this new online option and there was this self-paced option. And that's what made it accessible for me. And it was never that I wasn't smart. Obviously, with the rapid ability to complete these degrees and the information that I was able to absorb, it wasn't about smarts. It was about access. And so for everyone out there, these online schools are the future. And they are the biggest equity play. Because when you go to school online, you don't have to find parking. You don't have to find a babysitter. You don't have to find a quiet place without distractions so that you can mentally focus, right? You don't have to worry about being assaulted on your way to the classroom or the way back to your car. You don't have to worry about harassment. You don't have to worry about what you look like. It is an equitable level playing field. And that was changing. Life changing. I love that. And I call out my daughter as she's 18 now. You know, probably since she was a schooler so stupid. Why don't you try something different? And now they do have online, like even online high school. Yes. And just think how international and different and modern and you can pick and choose the classes you want. You're not forced into this books curriculum, but that's a whole other story. Other valid story because there needs to be different ways to learn for sure. Absolutely. I think accessibility and just respect of people's differences, how they learn, how they want to learn, how they are able to learn is something that the world definitely needs a lot more of. And I see it coming. I see that transition coming. And obviously your experience is a huge one. Yeah. And by the way, shout out to all the teachers, right? I don't know that there is a job where you for the hours worked or compensated quite like they are or under compensated or not compensated. I think it is extremely powerful to see Dr. Jill Biden to see these women with these accomplishments that are then taking that and going to work in fields definitely not as lucrative as tech right and just to level set. I think one of the reasons that distance learning or remote education is such an important option is because there is no one that will tell you that 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 year olds are really concerned with making sure they treat everyone equitably and respect other people's differences and celebrate the odd right and we put all of these people together that are still developing and say now go also learn in the midst of trying to figure out who you are in the midst of bullying in the midst of right us becoming hopefully better people. So yeah not to stray too far off topic but it is a disruption that I love to the educational space. Yep absolutely and talking about learning and learning style like what I'm understanding or what I'm hearing is you mentioned at the start of this the session that you learn sales through stripping so do you feel like stripping told you more about leadership than an MBA program maybe. I think it taught me more about ownership. I think it taught me more about how to monetize that which is most important to you. It taught me a great deal about motivation, humans motivation. It taught me a great deal about the humanity of people. You know a lot of people think that we'll say men because I worked in a I worked in establishments that cater to men. We did have some women that came in. They always tip better. It's funny a lot of people automatically equate stripping to sex working and I want to be very clear and go and record I don't have an issue with either. I do not. I totally support the right of a woman to monetize market and utilize her body in a way that she feels. She feels so inclined specifically when she is in control of that and not in a situation where she is being forced into it. There's a distinction there. But the men that were coming in. I would say 10% or less were actually looking for some type of sexual encounter in terms of actual sex. I don't want to get Bill Clinton here, right? But actual fact 90% of them were looking for some sort of connection, some sort of conversation, some sort of recognition, some sort of validation and learning to understand and quickly identify what the need is in sales. We could call it sometimes the pain, the dream, the nightmare and how to immediately attach value to that and then attach a price to that and then unapologetically negotiate for that price. Those are fundamental sales skills and like you want to find someone who will negotiate a tough raise. How about a former stripper because she is used to negotiating in an all-male environment for something that is very valuable and not backing down? Yeah, I learned a lot there. Did I learn more than an MBA? I learned different things. Yeah, wow, I love that. I love that. It's learning through real life, not through textbook and I feel that, but I would echo, I think that's a really powerful way of learning. And you learn it in a way that sort of adapted to your experience. It's not standardized for hundreds of people all in the same way. I'll tell you what, you really want to hire someone valuable? You really want to hire a candidate that is going to be scrappy and will be too afraid to miss the not-hit-acquota or a goal or a KPI or OGP or whatever name you want to put on it. Look for a single mom. Look for somebody from a marginalized community because single moms can't afford to fail. So we literally have made a lifetime out of taking five dollars and making a meal for a week. Okay, now that skill. We have juggled it all. We have kept ourselves healthy to do it. We cannot miss a day of work. And you take somebody, especially you add intersectionality to that, someone who is black, someone who is part of the LGBTQ+ community. When you layer that on top of it, someone who has a physical disability, we can't miss. We can't have a bad day. We can't slack off and I guarantee you, we don't think we're entitled to anything. Yeah, I couldn't agree with you more. Like I, I've lived in many countries. Life has, my life has been disrupted for various reasons and I was forced to move and move. And so just to add to what you're saying, I consider myself an immigrant in many different countries. It lived in six and this would be my seventh. And I would always say, hire an immigrant because we have no option of failing because it's why I don't make it here. I can't feed my kid. So I will go above and beyond. I don't have that luxury to fall into because, because it's just what happened in life. So kudos to that. Talking about hiring, Dr. V. Yes. Tell me, what's your approach or what would you like to share with the listeners on building inclusive teams? Number one, I just have to say you're an immigrant yet you're not coming for my job. You're not just released from a mental institution. And if you have a mental health issue, I support you getting help for that. You're not a criminal. That would be me. Boo, are you scared yet? And apparently this is a black job. What I would say when I look at hiring, number one, diverse teams increased profits by 15 to 35%. That's fact. That's a scientific fact. Like I'm not making up these numbers. You can go to drv.com. You can see them all cited. When you add women into the sea sweet, you close the profit gap of 21%. When you have diverse people hired and in the room, you make airbags that weren't just tested on men. So they don't kill your women, your daughters and your sisters and your mothers. When you have diverse people in the room, you make AI facial recognition that can also recognize black people and not mislabel them and not like all of a sudden someone's skipping down the street, minding their business. But the AI said they were a criminal. Wait, whoa, stop. So it's not just what happens when we show up in those spaces. It's what happens when we don't. And I am the exact same person I was before I got my first degree. I have been reminded of a great deal and I have learned some more things. But I am the exact same person. And after I got my first degree, I think that my salary increased somewhere to 30 by 30 K and like just a couple of months. And then it jumped again to 50 K when I got another degree. Same person. Same person. So I would say my approach to hiring is I hire for the humanity of the person in front of me, the resilience of the person in front of me, and the number one interview question I ask that will always be the most important question is what is it that you really want me to know about you? Yeah. That reveals all. Yeah. And when you bring that humanity back into the workplace, I think the outcome is there's that traditional saying of happy team equal happy customers. So regardless what industry, what industry you're in. So do you think would it be fair to say being nice to people makes companies more money? I would say that belonging when a person feels they belong at a company it actually scientifically increases productivity. It decreases expensive attrition. So when those two things are going on, yeah. And you think about it even more. Companies are woke. Now companies will say they don't want to be woke, but companies are woke and here's how you know in their product lines, they have diversity. They have flows that they think are made for women and clothes that they think are made for men. They have motorcycles that they think are made for women and motorcycles that they market to men. Right. They have toys they market to women and toys they market to men. They have deodorant. They market to women and deodorant they market to men. That's woke. That's literally woke. Yeah. It's an equity play if you will. They make a motorcycle smaller because women physiologically may be smaller. Yeah. So they're already woke. So if it works for your product line, why wouldn't it work for your people? Spotted on. And where do you think that gap in thinking is coming from? Like why do you why is this inclusion or diversity? Why is it so difficult to grasp in leadership? It is wild when you think about it because if we're talking a 21% profit gap, we're talking 15 to 35 increased profits. These these these are groups and organizations that want to make money. So why can't they make money in this space? And I think it comes down to a very simple statement. They don't want someone to take their job. This is all about fear. And the biggest switch that needs to happen is the fact that it was never your job. It's not yours to take. It's this actually neutral pool of opportunity. So you're not getting up. anything. So I think that what one of the things that can happen is you have because of affirmative action for white males. I said that. That is how I see it, right? You've had an advantage that you've been able to propagate. You have, let's say a white male who is in power. And we are asking them to number one, understand the value of someone with a non traditional experience when they maybe haven't had that. So that's number one. And you have to, you have blockers to actually ascending the ladder and that has to do with when you think about people that are first gen's right first generation in a space. They're not sitting around the dinner table talking strategy, even casually about how to advance what to say practicing the language practicing the lingo. So you have some artificial barriers that are in place. And the original question of why are they scared what is the problem. I think it's simply that there is a perceived notion that number one, they're like the global majority and they're not. And two that they are going to lose something, which they're not. And it's insanity because the statistics you're sharing like everyone wins the company's going to win the individual is going to win the leadership win. So it's mind-blogging that it, you know, diversity and inclusions have to become a theme that if you don't have it, you're like left behind because it should be the default somehow. And you know what actually fueled my entire dissertation, my entire area of expertise, if you will, is the fact that I came across a statistic and it said women tech leaders 80% of them 80% said it was their spouse that supported them to get to where they are. And I was like, I've got four failed marriages. What the what it can't be. I have proof to the contrary. And so when I did my study and I said, who has discouraged you 89% of my women only participants said every man they've ever dated, including their, including their ex-husband was a direct quote. So what is that difference because those two things actually can't be true at the same time 80% said I needed that 89% said I didn't the key is a social support. It's what a spouse can do for you. It's what a supportive partner can do for you. So as we look at the affirmative action as we look at all of the things you got a key in on that. That is a great call out and then that sort of takes me to to my next thought of as we're having this conversation I'm starting to think, okay, so we know that inclusion and giving opportunity and a fair chance to all kinds of people is critical for business success. Where do you draw that line between balancing personal fulfillment. These are the professional success because there's we're tying two things together in a way. Look, I'm American, we think we work all this we should work all the time right. He's a holiday. We'll just work. I think that number one, you have to get really clear about what happiness is for you. It's really hard to chase something when you're not sure what that is. Number two, it's important to work in a space that allows you to truly sink into your Dharma or your purpose. And your job is to find that within the role that you have developed the expertise to get to another role if you don't have it, but to find that for me personally, I view the opportunity to enable someone or educate someone or train someone as the biggest equity. And the biggest equity play out there. Because if I set up an incredible training program, we can hire diverse people. We can hire people with grit and moxie and determination and who are too scared to fail because they're not going to get another chance at it. And we can train them. And so within there's nothing sexy about program management and if anybody disagrees, please let me know because I would love to find the sexy in my job. And I would love to talk about it. However, what I do can change the financial makeup of someone else's life. And within that, if you're struggling to find that balance, I've got to say get a mentor and I have to call out as much as I beat up on white males, I also have to call out the fact that in my study, they showed up as the heroes in the mentorship space. And then to the mountaintop, they've opened the doors, my mentor and coaches, a white male, I like men. I'm actually not anti men. I'm not anti white men. I'm very anti big it, but that goes without saying, but I think that we have this incredible partnership that we can actually forge that will raise the tide for everyone. And then we remove fear of immigrants taking our jobs of a black job coming in and swooping somehow and disrupting your entire financial stability, which you haven't ever seen in your lifetime. I don't know why you think it would happen now, but as soon as we remove that fear, we've got this incredible partnership that literally makes money and everyone win. And then it's just it's it's baffling and what would be like critical advice or tips you would give people in executive or leadership roles on how to empower and help their team find their purpose and do everything you were just saying, how, what does a leader need to do to enable that in their team. I think they need to become aware. I think they need to know stats like from my study, where 100% of women said that they wanted to progress the careers, but 90% said that they had passed on an opportunity that 95% of women have been told to be more and less assertive that 43% of new mothers leave tech after their first child. And then you have to know that I think they need to know that post MBA women with mentor or 56% more likely to get a job and men are 93% more likely to get a job. I also think they need to know that men deserve also a break right Superman doesn't take breaks and you have men that are literally working themselves into the ground, which means they're under family. That means their partner is over family, if you will. So I think that from a scientific perspective, leaders need to understand the baseline facts and they need to know that mentorship work life balance partner support opportunity supporting opportunity ambition, make a difference. And when people belong, they work harder, they stay longer and they have better results with strive productivity. So if you have someone on your team, if you're trying to build an incredible team, make sure people feel that they belong. And by the way, companies out there. Take away your gym memberships and literally give a food stipend grocery delivery services meal kit delivery services right Instacard has saved my life and I literally mean that it brings in nutritious food. They should offer mentorship companies they should offer coaching, they should offer strategies that allow people to balance their work life and also provide social support. It is all spot on and all of those things together is going to improve operation and efficiency, which go back to it's going to make you more ready. Literally, you send a cleaning person to my house so that I am not dusting the corporate workspace and look, none of us were going into the office pulling out of vacuum in the middle of the day and vacuuming, but we're doing it in our homes. I'm going to send someone to do that for me because of 85% of us are completing chores in between meetings and COVID has decreased work life balance by 38%. That means I'm not strategizing for my next meeting. I'm vacuuming. My company wants me to be strategizing. Give me a stipend for house cleaning services. I'm just brilliant. I never looked at it that way. That is so eye opening and I love that. And as we're talking, this is leading me to think I'm getting very excited because I'm seeing this bigger brighter, more positive, wonderful, operationally efficient disrupted workplace. Can we have it all? Why not you think and have it all? What's all? I think it comes down to defining what you're all. So the answer is yes, you can absolutely have it all. What is your all? The pre-mac principle says you can't run and sit at the same time. So maybe you can't have it all exactly at the same time. There's physically things that we can't do at the same time. I personally having had two natural childbirths. I know I can't give birth at the same time I'm writing a proposal. There's things we can't do. But that doesn't mean like I can't have it all. So yes, I have it all. And a lot of that has to do with how you look at what you have. I think you can have it all. I do not think you have to be the one doing it all. I can have a clean house. I don't have to be the one cleaning it. We're on zoom. Like I'm working remote. I don't buy pants anymore. I am wearing pants today. But I don't buy pants anymore. I'm definitely slow down on buying shoes because nobody sees them. And I definitely slow down on buying expensive makeup because all I need is this ring light. And as long as I keep adjusting the light my makeup looks great. I don't need expensive preference. There's ways that you can repurpose your money so that you can have things without having to do things. Yeah. I think you can absolutely have anything you want to have. And if you tie that to an addition to not material things you can have that peace of mind if you decide I want to have peace of mind you will put practices and disciplines and to your everyday to give you that. Look between stimulus and responses. the space. That's the space, that's the space you own. And when a feeling is just a thought you obsessed over so long, it manifested. You can choose to look at it differently. It's not easy all the time, but you can choose that and you can choose to see the positivity in it. And you everyone listening will know that's true because you've been big-bopping along having the best possible day. You learn one new thing and you decide it's a bad day. But that thing you learned was still true five minutes ago when it the day was great. And that's not to minimize like there are definitely things that happen that make you truly sad that are truly when I went to prison, that wasn't me. It was a bad day. However, while I was in prison, I also never said a curse word. I never had a harsh word. I never had a fight. I never felt unsafe. And that is the state of mind. That's a choice. That is the state of mind. Yeah. I have an example, but it's nowhere close to being in prison. Like I live in Sweden and in the winter, it's dark and gray for a very long time. So you can choose to see it as dark and gray. So I did a little mental trick. I was like, I won't call it dark. And I'll say there's a silver lining in the sky if you look for it. And I found myself literally every day looking up into the sky in the very few hours of light that there are. And there is literally silver lining if you just look for it. If you just look for it. And guess what? And I don't want to trivialize this because it is very hard to look for the silver lining when you are hungry, when you are cold, when you are poor, when you don't know if you have enough of literally like the Maslow hierarchy in need, you don't know that you have your basics, bases covered and your basics covered. So I don't want to say, hey, just skip down the street. Everything's fine because when I was driving to the grocery store, having my kids count the change in my purse that they thought was a math assignment, that was to make sure I knew how much I could spend down to the penny. There are things that don't have a silver lining, but my both my kids are very good at counting. Maybe there you go. That's a great learning in itself. Yeah. Okay. And then if we were to wrap this up, what would you like to position or share as the key takeaways for your listeners today? In creating a more equitable and productive and efficient workplace. Number one, and the only thing if I had to make a list of one that would be on there is get yourself the proper social support. Yeah. It is that simple. I want you to get someone that is going to help you with the basics, help you with cleaning, help you with laundry services that when you have the flu, we'll go and pick up medicine for you. If you don't have a person, you can outsource these things. And that is what fix your face and watch your tone is about. It is about what you can do to make a more equitable experience for yourself personally and professionally. And it is outlined there. What does mentorship mean? How do you accept across a functional assignment or a stretch assignment in the workplace? When do you say no to that? What does that sound like? If you're an ally, how do you speak up? What can you say? What do you do? It is a step-by-step guide to creating a more equitable, personal and professional experience for yourself. I love that. I love that. Some key words that you just nailed it. Like, "Aly, safe, space." Like these are all like, "Brr, you're nailing it." Super, thank you for your words of wisdom, your experience, your passion, your energy, your dedicate, your dedication to such an important topic that's reshaping the now and the future and making the world a better place. And with all the hardships you've been through, I'm just so grateful to have had this opportunity to hear it and share and learn from you. And so thank you, Dr. V. I really appreciate your time and all of everything you said. It's been great. Thank you so much for the opportunity. And especially to all the women and marginalized groups out there, also known as a global majority. Just know the next time somebody tells you to fix your face or watch your tone, you don't have to. A doctor has told you. I love that. I'm going to quote you on that one next time someone says, "Fix your face." I'll be like, "Dr. V says I don't have to. Check your bias." Okay, don't talk to Dr. V, okay? There you go. Thanks so much. My pleasure. Thank you.