From Avoidant to Secure: How to Overcome Your Fear of Conflict with Dean Graziosi

(soft music) - Hey everyone, welcome back to "Gillian on Love." Today's episode is going to be life changing for you. I am certain that it's going to be one of the best conversations you have ever heard about relationships, marriage overcoming childhood trauma, and how to make money starting with how you think about money. I literally cannot wait for you to hear this. Today I welcome Dean Grasiosi. Dean is a multiple New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur and investor, and through his books, courses, podcasts and live events, he teaches people how to overcome self-doubt, take control of their future, and create income through entrepreneurship. This was one of the most life changing conversations I've had ever since I started this podcast. And so without further ado, my conversation with Dean. - I'm so glad to have you here, Dean. - It's good to be here. You know what's funny is we built a relationship on Zoom. - I know. - And I see it and I'm like, "Oh, we're real." - It's actually like real people. I know it's kind of surreal. - It is, it is. It's great to see you. - It's so great to see you. And I'm just gonna dive right in because I was actually recently listening to you on a podcast and you said something else, like, "Oh my God, "I cannot wait to have him here to talk to him about it." You mentioned a little bit about being married before and how you take 100% responsibility for that. And then you said, you know, when I was thinking about possibly being in a relationship again, you wrote these two lists. I think it was something that Tony had suggested to you. - Yeah, out of house. - At his house. - Let's talk about this. - Tony Robbins for people who don't know who I'm talking about. But and you said, two lists, one is what you absolutely have to have. - Yes. - And the second list, what is absolutely unacceptable. - Yep. - And then you said something, you said, when you looked at the list, you realized that it was actually very self-serving. It was like, in other words, you were thinking, you were only thinking about what the other person had to do. - It'll be. - Yeah, and I always joke with Tony. He's my dearest friend. We've partners and friends for over a decade. And I was joking on him. But you know what that was going to do because I'm at his house. And I'm like, I'm not ready to go back into a relationship. My 19 year old daughter is with me. I have four children now, but I'm like, I just want to be super dad. And I'm going to work on my business. I need time for me. He's like, but just in case I want you to make this list. So I go through it. And the part that really hit me was on the flight home. As I looked at this list and I feel really blessed that I saw it through this lens. I just felt this, wow, you're mighty high on yourself. That was the voice. I want this perfect woman that's in the personal development that will accept my older children as hers and does this and exercises and eat rights and somebody who's negative. And all these things, I'm like, and I feel really blessed that something in me made me realize, wow, if I want that, what kind of man do I need to become to attract that woman? And I really did. And it made me see where I made huge mistakes in my previous marriage. I see where I could have been a better man. And it really shifted everything. And I know this is going to sound crazy, but I started making changes and I started listening to more podcasts on healthy relationships. I knew people were married a lot of years and I was like, I know sounds crazy. Can I call you? Can we get out of the Zoom? Can I come take you to the lunch? And I was just, I was so curious. And the more I dug into healthy relationships, the more I realized where I was flawed. And some of the things I realized is my parents were literally married nine times. My mom, five, my dad, four. And I think deep down I looked at relationships, they were kind of throw away. If it doesn't work, it's disposable. You just get out of it. And I didn't realize that was a hidden culture and I avoided when conflict came. I would avoid it because my dad was very confrontational. I'm not trying to psychoanalyze myself. But all these things came simply from the list and realizing I was pretty high on myself, who do I need to become? And it changed everything. And I feel like the universe, God, whatever your beliefs are opened up and I met my wife, Lisa. And I'm a completely different man. We're eight years in. She's truly the love of my life. She's my best friend. I was just with her an hour ago before I came here two hours ago and it's changed everything. But that self-reflection isn't easy. I'm blessed that I look at it. And circumstances, Jillian, you know, create those situations. Do you know why? My dad is married four or five times and he's still alive. He's 90. He's single. And what I realized when I was doing that is my dad brought the same version of himself to every relationship. They started off really good and they'd end exactly the same way. And I was just like, there's the pattern. If I bring me back, even though I feel like I'm doing better than my dad and I don't want a divorce, but I went through a divorce. So I'm obviously doing something. But maybe if I didn't watch my parents marrying divorce so much, I wouldn't have been looking through the lens of who am I bringing into this. Hmm. I mean, because I mean, it takes a lot of introspection and self-awareness to even be able to admit to oneself. I avoid conflict because my father was very confrontational. Did that, did you come to that realization with the therapist? Was this just your own? No, I had a inspection. You know, I didn't have a therapist, but I went deep on personal development. And I probably I'd like to give credit to the four fathers and four mothers that built wrote those books and put themselves out there because I started recognizing just some patterns. And I realized whenever there was confrontation, I just shut down and avoid. And you can't solve anything when you shut down and avoid. And then what it does is when you shut down and avoid and you're the relationship, like you could help me with this, but what I realized for me is resentment built. And it could be building in the other person or building with me because I'm not talking about it. I'm not expressing because if I do, we might have confrontation. And when my father had confrontation, he'd flip out. He'd knock the windows out of our house. He'd flip the kitchen table over. You know, he broke all the windows out of my mom's car like when we were young. Through your violent. Really violent, right? And he's an incredible man. He's still alive with me today and we're in a great place now. But there was so much of that that I associated confrontation with that, but it was the main reason that I couldn't break through. And when I realized that and the worst part about it is I was okay with it in business because I didn't associate the intimate personal thing with business. I would address it if there was something going right in business or wrong with employee of teammate. I could say, Hey, let's talk. But I realized I wasn't doing that personally. So then when you got into your new relationship with your current wife and there was obviously because there's conflict as a part of relationship, you know, I mean, I actually think it's an important part of relationship. I think it, you know, just enough to remind us that we are in relationship with an autonomous being with God damn mind. This is going to challenge you and just kind of rub you the wrong way a little bit in just the right way. So how did you practice like because I would imagine then if because if you're conflict avoidant because there's a big buzz word right now with avoidance, it tends to be more men who who lean this way. And I would imagine that when conflict then would come up, there's sort of like it's that moment where you feel your nervous system get flooded and you have a choice. You can either go to what's familiar or you can breathe and be present and kind of coach yourself in that moment. So I'm just curious if you'd be willing to share just a little bit of that for the people who are listening who might be in your shoes of that kind of fear. Here's what I'd love to say. I think I mean, this is what I do. I you know, helping people overcome certain areas. Tony's been doing it for 47 years. I've been doing it for 30 to help just people see patterns for success mostly in business. Not a relationship expert, right? But they're so they're so close. So close. But here's the part I want to share for everybody and I really want you to hear this. The boy in me who is afraid of conflict to this day whenever conflict comes up wants to run, hide, be quiet and ignore it. So I would love to say that I and you would know this deeper than me. It didn't go away. I just found a way to realize that when I go down that path, good things don't happen. I don't have as great a relationship with my children or my significant other or I could mess this relationship up like I probably did on the last one. So what I want to say is I think I've built mechanisms to go. I hear that voice. I know I'm a little scared. My heart's racing, probably a little dopamine here or the opposite adrenaline hit. All those things are feeling it. But if I stay in it, I know that it's not as deep, it's not as crazy and it's not as scary. Let's just do this. Like, I know it might sound like I'm crazy, but I still have the two voices inside. I just got this one. And the part that I think could help is they're still almost equal. But the part that makes me sit in it is maybe 5% stronger. Like I think people go, God, you're so good at it now. I'm like, no, I'm not. It only take one more hair to drop on the scale and I run out the door and be quiet for a week. Right. So I just hope people give themselves a little grace that maybe you're close to that tipping point now in whatever area you got. You just got to go a little bit over. And the one that helped me the most that I probably learned from personal development and watching my parents is if I stay with that pattern, I just know I'm going to get the same results I used to have. That's my biggest lever, my biggest, the best tool in my tool. If I do it again, I'm gonna get that same thing again, at least if I stay, I have an opportunity to deepen this relationship. So, and my wife even teases me. She's like, "I know this is hard. I could see it on you." And I'm like, "No, I'm good. No, I'm good." - You're like clenching every muscle. - Super tight. - Okay. - No, I'm good. - I really, I'm so grateful you shared that because something that's like in the zikas right now, which drives me insane, is this idea that you, that one has to be healed. And it's not about the healing is really in the courage. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, - It's so good. - It's not only me. - It's not only me. - It's not like me. - It's not like me. - It's not about getting rid of this part of you or like never being triggered again. - Really? That's one of the greatest things I've ever heard. I mean that. No, it's, it's true. I'm still that same boy that was scared of my dad when he flipped the table. Like, I, I, this is not poor me in any way. I wouldn't change one thing about my life. But I moved in with my dad when I was 12 because he was really violent and upset that I was living with my mom. And he terrorized my mom. And it's okay, we talk about this as a family. Terrorized my mom. My mom was afraid to go places. And I called him one day, my mom's home shaken and they hadn't been together in almost a decade. And I said, Dad, what is gonna change? I was like, I was 12 acting like a 30 year old. And I said, Dad, this has to stop. Mom's freaking out. And he said, move him with me. Move him with me. I'll never bother your mother again. So I went inside and told my mom I wanted to live with my dad. She thought I was insane. He never bothered her again, but I moved in with this guy. And I'd never lived with him since I was two and a half years old. I saw him every other Sunday up until that point. And moved in with him. And he didn't know how to handle his temperament. And he fought with anybody. You know, waitress, waiter bringing the wrong thing. It was violence, violent, violent. And got arrested a few times. He was just angry. But I found empathy later in life. He was the youngest of 12. He was physically abused, sexually abused, all these things that he never dealt with his stuff. He was just fighting everybody. But at 12 years old, I had a bleeding ulcer. And my grandmother took me to the doctors and I wouldn't tell my dad 'cause he'd freak out. But I had a bleeding ulcer from stress at 12. So it was deep. So what I want to say is the only thing I shared with it not poor me, I shared that because that boy still lives in me. I just learned how to hug him and say, I get it. But if I keep doing that, I'll end up like my dad or I'll end up divorced again. I don't want to do so. I just got to break the pattern. So I can't listen to that voice right now. But it's still there. So I love what you just said. I don't want to get myself credit. But it's really, I'm just being courageous to not listen to what my instincts feel like they are. - Yeah, I mean, that's so important. And also I think it's like that fine line of wanting to hug that little child that's inside of us while simultaneously having the discipline to not over-identify with that, with you know, and to see that we've kind of evolved. I'm curious and I hope you know my might going deeper into this. - You know what I like about this? I never talk about this on a podcast. So I mean, and I'm so comfortable with you. I told you that before we got here. It's like, I think the first time we were on a call together, I felt like I know you. I hope you felt the same way. I'm like, I'm not this girl for 10 years. - Yeah, no, I've been 10 minutes. - I know, I felt that entirely. I felt that entirely, so I'm grateful. At what point did you make peace with your father and how has that journey of making peace with him if at all helped you become a better businessman? - Great, I will take it in two chunks. My dad's ex-wives don't talk to him. When he's the only one left at a 12. He's the one who had his older sister. There's two out of 12 left. He didn't talk to any of his brothers and sisters. Didn't talk to his parents when they died. My mom hasn't talked to him and my sister hasn't. I've won sisters four years old. She hasn't talked to him in 22 years. But I knew his past more than anyone and I found compassion for what he went through and he just didn't get therapy. It was old school tying guy. I'm gonna get this. I'm gonna handle it, right? And he couldn't. And he pushed everybody away in his life. But if you don't mind, I'll share this story as quick as I possibly can. And I talk about Tony, but it's truly my dearest friend. We have multiple businesses together. We do fun stuff, but literally he was the reason that I forgave my father completely. And it was because I was at a date with Destiny. He's like, please come, he even had to come for a day. And I happened to go on this day. And I was going for a business. Like we had two businesses him and I were starting. I'm like, I'm gonna get my head clear. I'm gonna get my vision. My, my, you know, all the things. A girl stands up. He's doing an intervention. She stands up and she shares about her dad. When her mother gave birth to her, they had complications and they had to do surgery. She can never have a baby again. And she said, my dad always wanted a boy and made me know about it all the time. Her dad was a swimmer. She goes, I took up swimming because of my dad. And she tells the story that she went to the state championship, got second place, looked up in the stands and her dad was gone. She had a walk home. And he said, how could you dare get second? So Tony, now me, I'm at a point. He's so good. I'm at a point where I want to hug her. I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry. And Tony stand there stirring and he goes, well, did your, did your mom, did your dad tell your mom he loved? You know, it didn't tell me love me. It didn't tell him, oh, so would your dad have a lot of money? No broke. So he asked these questions and then Tony said, so you're probably broke too. So he said, no, I'm not. And you could tell, so he's dressed amazing. He's like, no, we have an amazing thriving business. So you probably don't tell your kids you love him. So like, that's my husband and my two kids. I love this man. I love it. So Tony gets all done and says, so you blame your dad for what went wrong. What if your dad was put in your life? So you could be the woman you are today. If you're going to blame him for what went wrong, you better blame him for an amazing husband, amazing kids, amazing business, and you're here today dressed in the ninths. I watched like 20 years fall off this woman's shoulders. Like just, she got lighter. She looked like she got an inch taller, but what she didn't realize, I mean, nobody, I'm like sitting in another crying hysterical thinking, if my dad was any other human, I wouldn't be her father. I wouldn't have the business I have. I wouldn't be partners with Tony Robbins. I wouldn't have compassion for people. Like I'll go on stage with Tony at 50,000 people and think I'm going to teach this. And I feel like I know what they need. I throw my script away and I lean into it. I had goosebumps. I had to learn how to read my dad when I was young or else he flipped tables. I learned by the time I was 14, no more ulcer. I learned how to steer my dad in a better direction. All of those things now, I looked at literally that dad, like, thank you God, whatever your beliefs are. To me, I was like, thank you for that dad because I love who I am today. Whether that's true or not, I believed it from that day and I forgave him totally, like completely. I mean, I have zero animosity. And I wish I could give my sister that gift because she has so much bottled hate for him that I just see it in her face. And she's, you know, four years old in me. She's 61 years old or 62 years old. I wish I could give her that gift. This episode is sponsored by Fadi 15. Listen, as we age, like things change. Like there's just sleep is not as good. You know, the energy is not as great. You know, some of you might be experiencing a little bit of abnormal blood work. You know, they're just, you know, sometimes you just kind of just feel, I don't know, just like not as vital, you know? And how much time money and energy have you spent on health wellness and beauty products to look and feel younger and healthier? 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Plus, you get an additional 15% off their 90-day subscription starter kit by going to Fadi15.com/jillion and using co-jillion at checkout. Yeah, this is big stuff. This is big stuff. Thank you for sharing that. It's really, really important. I know it was a long answer to a short question. No, but that's a very important thing. And it kind of echoes my journey through forgiveness with my father and an understanding that like, yeah, and I would imagine that your tenacity, you know, to kind of break through and to figure things out and to understand yourself and to go towards personal development and to learn how to make money. I don't know if you would have had that kind of reality if you weren't in reaction to your family. You asked me the second part of that question. How did it affect in personalized? I don't know when these things merged together. We might talk about it and you can help. Yeah, it's probably important. But the fact of the matter is, one of the reasons I drove so hard for success is because I realized the way my dad acted. It also led to not having money. And money led my father's decisions. My mom too, she struggled. And I felt so out of control as a kid. Meaning when your parents are married nine times and they moved 20 times by time it was 20. You get new step-grandparents. I remember Leo Rizzo was my step-grandpa. He was the sweetest man. He took me fishing and taught me how to mow lawns. And I loved this guy. I come home one day and there's a moving truck. I never see Leo Rizzo ever again in my life. He was my grandpa for five years, right? And for me, when I, and this is only me looking back. I didn't know in the moment. When I look back, I drove so hard, wanted to take care of my mom. But too, as I wanted to be in control of my decisions because I felt so out of control as a child that I couldn't make my choices. I'm like, I love Leo Rizzo. I love my living in a cold the second. We left my BMX bike. My step-dad bought me a BMX bike like we didn't pay for it. You got to leave him like, I want my BMX and all I can think about is what probably drove me, Julian, is I just want to be in control of my decisions. I want to be in control if I get the bike or not or what neighborhood I live in. And I guarantee that was a major driving force. I love my parents, but they weren't good at the decision. They say, man, I want to make my own decisions. So, you know, maybe I got lucky to be able to use that as fuel instead of an anchor. And I think about all the time, was that shift and how, I mean, that's what I get to do for a living is I want to find a way where other people can manufacture that fork in the road and say, this one feels more comfortable. This one's scary, but this one gives me an opportunity to heal. This one gives me opportunity to live into who I'm meant to be. This one allows me to unlock my creativity. It's scary here, but it's worth it rather than taking the road that feels more comfortable. So, a lot of what we do is just helping people see a path, see a pattern of what's possible. And hopefully, Nudgem and Anaria that just allows them to, you know, make the shifts to a little more fulfilled life. So, if someone right now is listening to this and maybe they are feeling unfulfilled in their job and they want to make a lot more money and they don't know which direction to go in. Do you first work with their belief system and their mindset? I find that, I find that more important than anything else. So, can I get on my business break? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Okay. If you don't, you're in amazing shape. But let's just say you had 20 pounds on you on to get rid of. Yeah. And you're like, "My trying is just hard." If I said to you, "Hey, I have a 30-day program. We can get that weight off." It's a process and a system, nobody heard of, you might be intrigued. But if I said to you, "How long has this been? Like 20 years of trying." If I said to you, "Hey, first thing we have to do is give you a bigger purpose on why you should lose it." Then you got to overcome the fear. Then you got to embrace change. Then we need you, we'll get you a path that seems to be like, "I'm out. I don't need, I don't need a mindset." So, I just need to lose the weight. So, when I think, I think I get to do really well just because of the path I've gone, is sometimes you have to sell people what they need. No, excuse me, you have to sell people what they want. I just want to lose the weight. I want to feel healthier. But you've got to give them what they need. Because if you don't shift, like for example, Tony and I started an AI education company, just to give people clarity. The reason we did is because there's so much overwhelm because there's so much noise and should I get a clawbot and an agent and should I get a mac mini and do the thing? You're like, "Oh my God." And you're freaking people out. And what Tony and I said is everybody's starting off on step five. If you wanted to learn something like AI, first you need a purpose why you should learn it. Bigger than just I need it because everybody's doing it. Like, "Hey, what if I use that to get 10 hours a week back?" Okay, that's a good enough purpose. I have a little afraid of it. What if it goes down this road? What if it does this? What if it changes the world? What takes my autonomy? It makes me less human. So, we got to overcome the fear and say, "What if it makes you more human? What if it does the mundane stuff so you can get creative again?" Okay, I'm less afraid of it. Three, we got to get you to embrace change. You change, everybody thinks they want change. Change is hard, especially something that's moving. It's a moving target. You think you know it and then day later it's over. You're like, "Wait a minute. I was just trying to do this." And then four, you got to cut through the clutter. And those four steps actually give us the opportunity to then educate you. But if I said, "Hey, if you want to learn AI first, we got to get you a purpose." So, sometimes you have to hide it underneath the covers and then they don't realize, "Why it worked when I listened to Jillian? Why did it work when I finally listened? Because you gave all those things, whether you're doing it consciously or unconsciously, you're doing that. That's the only way you're getting people results. Because a lot of the education's free on YouTube. Right? People get therapy, you read a book, why isn't it working it? Because you haven't climbed into their soul, the human condition and give people enough stamina to go. You know what, this time I'm actually going to do it. And I think that's the difference. Embracing technology is major. And I think that because you know you brought up the AI education, people are really afraid about this. They're so afraid. They're so afraid. And I think they're afraid that, again, people are going to become less human. But learning how to use it so that it benefits you is huge. And I want to talk about time management. Let's do it. Because I think that that is something that people struggle with immensely. I know I do. And I know that I lose a lot of time because I'm not managing my time well. And I want to give you a cheat code. Okay. I'll let you finish. No, no, no. Let's dive right in. Please. In most cases, when someone says they'd want a time management program, let's just say, for example, I wish I had something on time management. I think it's purpose management. Okay. And so two words I want you to think of. Everybody think of is purpose management. And then also no gray. And here's what I mean by that. If you know what with no gray area, I mean, it either moves you, the thing I'm going to do either moves me towards the woman I want to become, the impact I want to make, the souls I know how much you care about people, the people I want to help have a path in plan. When I want for my personal life, for my family, my dog, my life, when you know that person purpose and you know what you really want with crystal clear clarity, then you have to have a filter where there's no gray. The things that I do either serve that woman I want to become or they do not. And you have to be strong enough. I don't mean you. I mean, you have to be strong enough to put it through that filter and say, hanging out with my friend that I've known forever. But every time I'm with her, I feel bad about myself that I'm too much of an entrepreneur and I should chill and be happy with my life. I'm going to take a break from her. You know, every time I watch the news, I'm just using silly examples. I just feel really bad about where the world's going. I feel bad about myself. It takes away my drive. I got to go on a 30-day news diet. And so what I work on really obsessively, it doesn't mean I have it perfect. But people always ask, how do you get so much done in a day? Because I truly know my purpose. I know the businesses and the impact we want to make simultaneously. I know it was like, I don't want to be 80 years old and feel like I missed it with my kids. It's where my daughter's here with me today. My family's important and my business is important. And I have to tell you, most things in between get a know. Most things get a know. Everything gets a know. And I have done this practice of no gray area. So much that even when I met my wife, she's like, how do you say no to everything? I'm like, because I know I want to strengthen my relationship with you. I want to stay in communication with my kids. And I have a lot more lives to impact. Everything else is pretty much a know. So when people say, how do you have run three businesses and four kids and all these things? It's like, because I say no to mostly everything. And I've gotten so strict that sometimes friends are like, you've changed. It's like, but I think that's part of it. Now I know time management and sometimes our ADD gets involved and we have all these things going on. But really that no gray, every time I've done it with somebody like, I'm not sure when we go through it. And they're like, oh my god, I just found 10 hours a week because I shouldn't do that anymore. And I should stop surfing on here. And I go online for 10 minutes. And it's usually about 45 minutes twice a day. And all those things collectively added up. They're like, there's six hours. There's six hours a week. And then the second part is, AI can buy you back time. We could talk about that at a later time really simply. Just say what to say no to buys you back time. What could you automate? What can you delegate? You can find the time. But then you got to be disciplined with that time because people find it back and then they put the wrong things in their lives. If you find a block at 10 hours, it's like, hey, I'm going to start my next book or I'm going to be home for dinner or I'm going to get back in the jam. Like whatever those things are that empower your life, you got to be like, you got to treat that time like this precious thing you found. And it's got to be used towards that woman that I know I want to become. I know I'm oversimplified, but sometimes we complicate it. No, that really, really helps. It's that really helps a lot. Like for me personally, it's going to sound crazy, but I need time to daydream. No, that doesn't sound crazy. It helps me get through years. Of course. Because listen, I know it more than you think because when I'm in go, go, go mood mode, sometimes what I'm doing, it might be a little repetitive to what I did last time. It might not meet the person exactly where they're at. When I have free time to kind of live inside the mind of the person I want to help and seeing all the technology that's changing and all the distractions and where where the world's gonna be in three years from now and all those things. things, those take daydreaming, those take creativity, those take a walk in the park or sitting or just time that you're not racing to the next meeting in the next Zoom call in the next podcast. So I get it totally. Right. And if you, again, technology wise, if you look at AI through a lens of, let me use this example of how it could actually make you more human, it'll give you a different frame. Meaning how could I use it to do things that have nothing to do with my creativity, nothing to do with my gifts, nothing is going to replace how I write. What if I just use AI to manage my email, to manage my schedule, to do the mundane, the repetitive, the boring work, and it only saves you four hours a week that it gets done. Then those four hours go back into you being creative. I, whether it's true or not, whatever we believe is true. I just said I'm using AI to find me time so I could be more human and that's the way I feel. Yeah, it's all, it's all what you use it for. Right. It's never going to replace me. No. I'm unique. I'm so, I can love, I can do all these things. Yeah. But if it can help me be a better version of me, then I want to, I want to figure out how to use it. This episode is sponsored by O positive. O positive is a woman's health company. They offer a range of symptom targeting supplements that support women at every stage of her life from her first period to well beyond her last. They create real tangible results with ingredients that are backed by clinical studies and shaped by board certified doctors. O positive is committed to breaking down stigmas and addressing issues many women experience. Hormone health, vaginal health, period health, menopause, and so much more. Euro is a probiotic blend specifically formulated to support vaginal health. Let me know, ladies. Many factors, sex, tight clothing, sweat, hormones, periods, all that can disrupt our vaginal pH. And this product is incredible. You just have to take two capsules a day and you will see results within eight weeks if not sooner. So take proactive care of your health and head to O positive dot com slash JOL or enter JOL at checkout for 25% off your first purchase. And OPSITIV.com slash JOL for 25% off. Yeah, that's brilliant. And you know, it's so funny. I was, as you were speaking, I was thinking about dating because I've helped so many people and I remember this was me once upon a time. You know, so many people, it's a fine line. You want to give someone a chance, but so many people waste their time with someone who they know is going nowhere. It's going nowhere. And it's like if you can't, it's so important to go out into the dating world, being clear about your vision of what you want. So true. And I think that that's, that's the most important thing. And a lot of people, yeah, I just want to go with the flow, see what happens. No, that's actually the worst thing that you can do. That's great. It's such good feedback. It's the worst thing you can do. So I think, and I can look that through the lens of business. Yeah. In my 20s and 30s, working really hard to get and make a name for myself and buy that freedom and being controlled all my time and all that kind of stuff. I was building what my values were, right? And what I stood for and what I believed. And I would run across a potential partner that could put money in or bring viewership, maybe operational side. And be like, no, our values don't align. But everything else, the box is checked. Do you know how many times that worked out? Zero. Zero. Goosec. And it doesn't just not work out. It's painful. Yeah. It's just operating and doing the thing and how much you owe me. And then when you don't have values, you're even more conflict on the way out. But and that's just, again, not to use the same word over just pattern recognition. I'm 57. I've done a lot and I can look back and go none of those worked out. Yeah. Right? So why would it work out in your personal life? It's like, it's the same thing. And you have to learn the hard way, I guess. I mean, it's really just the only way. Or pay, you know, listen to a podcast like this. Listen to your right now, his values or values are absolutely. Isn't it everything? Like it's the foundation, I should say. It's the foundation of everything. It truly, truly is. And most people are walking around not really knowing or having, they haven't defined yet. But it's truly important to them. So then it's impossible to find it in something else because they don't, we have an opportunity to think about it. You know, I, I, people always ask me, how do you know your, how do you know what? What your values are. And my answer is always that we were typically like, this is what I love. I love your pushback or thoughts. Let's do it. But I think our values are who we are when no one's watching. Right? Because we can all put on display, whether it's a first date, whether it's a partnership, whether it's on a camera or in life or at work. But when no one's there and the things we do on a regular basis, however, respond to people, I would do, I think that defines us. And maybe this is just my journey. I'm going to tell you a little something. Then again, I want pushback and tell me how you look at it. Because, you know, sometimes I'm like, is this a good thing or am I just flawed? I think it is. It's the right path. But I know the mistakes I made in my previous relationship. And I thought to myself, what are my values going? Especially when I met my wife Lisa. She truly is my best friend in the world. And we built something magical. But it took the time, you know, what I learned to do that. And I started thinking to myself, what could be my north star on my values? And I said that this was just my own thing. I ended up telling her years later, but I thought to myself, if my wife hired a private investigator and they filmed me for a week, they looked at every direct message, every chat, every text, every glance, every conversation. And she filmed it for a week and my wife watched it. What she'd be upset and so it's not the man I thought or what she'd love me more. And I thought, I wanted to love me more. And I truly look through that lens with my conversations with as a man, like I know this sounds simple as if a pretty girl walks by. I'm like, my wife was there. I would never look. Why would I? And now I don't even have a, I know it sounds crazy. And I'm guilty of a lot of that stuff in my past. From anything I do. And I'm like, I guess this is who my values are now. Like I'm crafting new values, even though some of them may have been flawed in the past. And that's my little north star. I think you're talking about character. Maybe it's character. Yeah. I mean, it's all part of it. Yeah. It's all part of it. And integrity. And I think that that's huge. I mean, the amount of messages I get from women, we live in a time where it's like our pornography is right here on our phone. Oh, one step away. Yeah, one click. One click. And it's even just like on Instagram. It's like it's so easy for your one's energy to be pulled in another direction. And I get, you know, not that you look, I get a lot of women who write into me and saying, you know, I'm starting this guy, but he follows all these provocative accounts. And, you know, the way that I coach people on it is, well, first, just first, look in the mirror. Okay. Like, are you are you posting things to get a lot of attention? Right. Yeah. Right. Are you posting things to get a lot of validation and attention? And then, and then I, you know, I do say at some point, you have to just have that conversation. And it really, it's, you know, a relationship needs both people to be behaving exactly how they would behave if their significant other was in the room. And so if you wouldn't like that photo, if they were sitting right next to you. And why do you do it? Yeah. And why are you doing it? And it's, it's a real like, it's a real reckoning with oneself. And if I can be really vulnerable, please is, we can all see the mistakes we made. Yeah. And I'll share I made mistakes and my, and my daughter's here and it's her mom, right? But we're all, we're all friends. We're in a great place. Great. But I have to tell you the power of loving one human unconditionally. Whether you're single right now and thinking about it, whether you're trying to fix the relationship you're in, I'm not sure where you are when you're listening to this. And I'm not trying to brag at the perfect relationship. The most stressful time in my life was going through a divorce. Hands down. And my ex and I knew it was over, but the thought of doing to them, what I went through was a kid just came back and it freaked me out more than anything in life. So please know is that my darkest days were thinking about every other, seeing them every other weekend, you know, I'd get a week on, week off like the week of not seeing them and not hearing their voices in the house, freaked me out. So I, I've been through all of it. But I have to, if this inspires just one person today to, to give my wife every password I have and say anytime you want to look, I know she doesn't. Maybe she does. I don't care. Yeah. You know, you're probably. And she probably to, to, to give her my, my, to track me, wherever I am, to be able to go in the other room and leave my phone open on the kitchen table and say, oh my God, is there something in there? Well, she's who I liked on Instagram. I don't know how to explain it. My business has exponentially grown. My life is easier because I'm not, I'm not trying to, even if it's only like, I shouldn't have clicked on that like, or I shouldn't have replied to my girlfriend of five years ago, she just reached out and said, hi, I shouldn't have said, hey, he's great here. And for me, what if she sees that and thinks that I'm doing it? When that doesn't happen, I'm just telling you somebody who wasn't perfect in their past life. It is so free. It is so empowered. My energy goes towards my business. My energy goes towards my family. My energy goes to creativity. It is just like one of the greatest unlocks I've ever shared. And you might be thinking, well, I'm in a relationship where the other person doesn't give me that love. I understand that. But when I taught my children since they were little, it's like if you're in it, give it all you got. Be the person you hope they could be. If it gets to a point where someone else is unfaithful or they're violent or don't love you, I'm not gonna be an advocate and say, stay no matter what. I think that's even on healthier than anything, right? But are you giving it all of you? Are you clicking on a link that you shouldn't be clicking on? If you just give it some time, there is this, I don't know, I might be going on too long, but there's this magic of one that has shifted my life that I want to speak from mountain tops because we have so many options. - No, and I love, no, thank you for sharing that. I think that's really, really important. And I wanna echo your point of, you wanna be able to look yourself in the mirror and say, I gave it all. I really gave it all and I worked on my character and I worked on my integrity. And it just wasn't right, but at least I can sleep here. - Yeah, your side of your street is clean. Yeah, that's what they say, isn't that like a saying? - Yeah, I believe it's a 12 step, 12 step saying, you wanna keep your side of the street clean. And because you're the one who has, we're in relationship with ourselves all the time. And part of strengthening and increasing our self-esteem is by doing the things that we would want. - The other person to do. (soft music) - This episode is sponsored by Lola Blankets. I am obsessed with Lola Blankets. My dog is obsessed with Lola Blankets and it is literally on my bed right now. I don't never forget like when I have a friend who felt this blanket 'cause I was like, you have to get this and she's like, okay, this is the perfect mother's day gift. This is like the perfect gift period. And this is actually something interesting and worth, and worth sharing. 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This mother's day, rap mom in the everyday luxury of Lola Blankets. - Yeah, and you know, again, I keep reference to my daughter because she's sitting in the room with us. But since she was little, I always told her, "The person you should never lie to is you." Because I know I did. I'm so good in so many ways. - Well no one will lie to you more than yourself. - Yeah, so I can remember areas of my life where I was amazing and then the areas where I really wasn't, I found justification. It was just lying to me. I was just me lying to me, right? And I said, it's simple as if you said, "I'm gonna make my bed every day." Yeah, I'm gonna make my bed every day. If one of my kids would say, "I'm like, you have to promise me, "but if you're saying it out loud and you're promising you "and you don't, then your brain goes, "Oh, we say stuff that we really don't mean." It's okay. I'll be completely faithful. Well, I'm not gonna cheat on you, but if I talk to a few people, no, there's a slippery slope. And once you, you know, whether they say gateway drugs, I'm not gonna get on that road. No, I just start with this, but then I try this, I try. - It is the gateway drug. - Lies are the same way. When you're like, I say I'm gonna do it, but it's still a big deal. Like you talk to me every month. Like I'm starting my diet the first of the month. If you've been saying that for 12 months or 12 years, your brain's like, we say it, but we don't actually do it. And if you keep your self accountable, that's like the greatest gift you could give yourself. - Maybe you should, (laughs) let me throw something else on your plate. Maybe you should do something where you're helping men to, I don't know, to reckon with that little boy inside of them and to step up and to strengthen their character in relationships. - Well, we should talk about it. You can help me structure it. - Yeah, yeah, 'cause you know, a lot of. - I really feel at this phase in my life is, and it truly helps being partners with Tony Robbins 'cause it's his whole jam in life. But I really felt I was just put on this show people pattern. It doesn't mean I'm the smartest person in the world. I just am really good at recognized patterns. And then when I want to fix it, I geek, I obsess on it. Like when we wanted to figure out AI, just honestly, I interviewed 50 AI experts in 90 days. And all I was looking for is I didn't want to become a techie. I was looking for patterns that they used that other people could have. And the same here, in this, I just recognized what my dad did wrong and what the old version of me did wrong. And then I obsessed on books and interviews and people to just find patterns of saying, "Hey, if I do this, if I treat my wife like it's the first 90 days we met, when everything is perfect and butterflies are still there, but if I bring that energy back, I watch my wife light up to this day, like the first week we're dating. So it's like, you find these hacks. It's like, what would I have done if it was the first 30 days and it was hoping she liked me? It's like, "Oh, I write it this note. I drop it off and I text her this sexy thing. I do it." And she lights up the same way. I'm like, "This is easy. This is so easy." And people just don't do it because they're waiting for the other person to somehow inspire them to do it or to do it first. And it's like, that's the real reason why, in my opinion, humble opinion, relationships and or most of them end, is because people don't understand that love is something that needs to be worked on and generated. It's not the same thing as lust. Right, no, the chemistry of lust is easy. That's, no, it's done to you. I mean, you're literally, like, you don't have to do anything. So that's so true. I never thought of it that way. Yeah, I don't just do that. It's just there. Like, you're not, it's just happening to you because it's so new and so the novelty in it of itself and that people don't understand that you have to, like, love is a verb. You know, and you have to generate, just like you have to generate any state, you know? It's like, I remember, I mean, it was literally, I think it was yesterday morning, woke up and I felt down. Who knows why? Right. Could have been hormones. It could have been a lot. There wasn't anything. Yeah, you could have been your finger on something. There wasn't an event, you know, but I felt down. So, but I know, like, I'm a huge yoga practitioner and I'm a, and I dance. So I was like, okay, I gotta get on the mat. I'm like, I turn my phone off. I was like, fuck my assistant. I was like, sorry. No one can reach me. And I, you know, I worked out and I didn't. I was like, oh, I feel better. So I generated a state and that's a relationship is so much about that. You have to be generating states. Like, love, all that stuff that happens in the beginning, you're not doing jack shit. It is just happening. I have never looked at it that way ever. It's happening to you. Yeah. And if you want to extend that, then you have to take over. There's a time you hand the baton from it happening on your own to, I gotta be in control of this stuff. Yeah. So I'll tell you what one little thing in the first 90 days of us dating, every time I went to dinner, like, when your first dating dinner is the thing, right? She had her business. I had mine. Hey, I'll meet you at seven o'clock at the time in restaurant. Yeah. So what I did for the first 90 days is every time we go to dinner, I'd get the second receipt and I'd write a little note of what I loved about our date. Aw. And I would just slide through. Do it. Yeah. And what I realized, we're a year in. And I realized I was hardly ever doing it anymore. I do not miss at all. Right? Years in now. My wife has saved them all. They're in folders. And to this day, when I do it, what she'll say, I'd rather, she said last time, she's like, I'd rather get this than a Gucci purse. This is the greatest gift of my, but I have to tell you, the lust, the drive of the first relationship taught me to do that. Yeah. Then she's becoming my fiance and my wife and we have two kids. And then you wonder why maybe she's not looking at me at the end of dinner like she used to because I'm slack in a little. Yeah. And I'm not kidding you when I write it. I could get emotional because she still looks at it. And I try to get creative. I'm like, what didn't I write last time? I want this one to be different. So I think about it. And then I sneak to the bathroom where I'll do it underneath the table. And when I hand it to her, she holds them like this. Oh, she gets, oh my god. It's so simple, Julie. Like literally, I want to have an intimate night with my wife. Write a good letter. Just be an honest. I'm not trying to be like too personal. No, it's 100% true. And do you know how I think you're unlocking something so incredibly important? Because for women, like for us in particular, especially women who date men, it's like, why can't he be more like he was in the beginning? Like, and we have a responsibility, of course, to do that as well. But what we're speaking mostly about is like, he's He pursued me. He was romantic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All these things. And then as soon as he got me, he stopped. And I don't think it's conscious for a lot of me. I don't think it is. I think it's more habit. Yeah. And I think in my opinion-- But you will light up like a Christmas tree. In my opinion. Well, you know, here's the little things. Like, if you remember the way your partner used to look at you in the beginning, like, I remember-- and maybe I just didn't recognize it. I mean it. Like, watching your parents marry into force so much. I probably was like, if it works great, if it doesn't, eh. Yeah. And it's like, you buy a new car and you hit a pothole. It's like, yeah, it's kind of pulling to the right. I'm just going to give you a new car. You know that's-- That's a marriage. Yeah. Like, I just want you to get a new car. It'll be better. Yeah. And you just bring the same driver to the next car, right? But I remember that in the beginning, I was really romancing my wife. Like, I was on a whole different level. I could feel the energy we had. And I put a lot of effort into it. And I remember the most exciting thing about our whole relationship was truly the way she looked at me. Like, if we were at a restaurant, I was getting there a second. My wife would-- like, she just would look straight ahead. And soon she saw me. I watched her face light up. And just a little hack. And you could steal this. Or if you're not there anymore, I get it. I'm guilty of it. So this is not talking from somebody who had it all perfect. I'm guilty of it. I never wanted to lose that look. And I probably allowed that look to fade in my prior relationship. And then I think to myself, I want to make it so when I'm 80, I walk into a woman that woman still looks at me that way. And she's so easy to figure out. My wife, a note after dinner, when I come home, I make sure the first thing I do is give her a kiss, tell her I love her, tell her miss her, ask her about her day. Honestly, I keep the look with that. That's it. I don't have to buy her a car. I don't have to take her on a fancy trip. And the truth is, I could take her on five fancy trips. If I don't look in her eye and tell her I love her and she feels that, there's nothing going to get my wife out of a funk except for that. Fascinating. And when you discover those things, just try them. So I'll just say that look that you used to have, try to do the things you used to do to get that look. Even if you feel the other person, you know, unconsciously we keep score. Yeah, but my husband hasn't given me love in six months. Why would I do that for him? What if he just said, I don't care if I get it back? I'm just going to do this for three months to see if I can light him up. Or if you're a list of the man, I don't care that you don't, what if I'm just going to light her up for three months? What if I just feel good when I do it and I'm not waiting for anything back? I'm like, how could it hurt? How could it hurt? No, I mean, definitely not. That's extremely valuable. Thank you. Yeah, what do you want? I have a few things to do. Can we talk a little bit about money? Yeah, I love talking about money. We talked about jokingly, sell people what they want and give them what they need. Most people think of making money, especially if you've been in a career for a while. So I'm going to start through this frame of career mindset. Thank God for people in careers. My business is your business is things like that. But what happens if someone's in the wrong career or works in the wrong environment? I think all people start entrepreneurs. Do your own thing, whatever you call that. And some of the career, I think we all start with this enthusiasm for life. I want to make more money. If you're going down the job, I want to get promotions. I want to get, I want significance. I want to be recognized for my abilities. And I think we all, I don't think anybody goes, I'm going to go in this job. I'm going to be quiet and just hope they pay me. I think we all go in. Everybody goes in with this feeling, right? And I think without realizing, and maybe someone is less risk adverse like to go into career because there's a little more guardrails, right? The entrepreneur journey can be a little bit of the adult roller coaster. And maybe a career seems like the little kid roller coaster, right? But I think what happens in a lot of times in a career without realizing it, you try to get the promotion, you didn't get it. You have a manager that might be intimidated by your intelligence. And every time you suggest something like, well, if I let that suggest and go through, I won't look like the manager. And over time, your ideas maybe didn't get recognized, you got passed on the promotion. And I think over time, maybe like a relationship that gets numbing, you just start accepting it and go, well, maybe my ideas aren't that good. And what the heck? I got a job. It's good enough. Some people don't have jobs. So I just should be happy with what I have. And hey, I get a 3% raise every year. Am I 4 okay? 4 one case building. And this creative, amazing mind that lives inside. Maybe when you have kids, you're coloring with your kids and you're writing the logo, the business, you were going to create on the back. It's stuck in there. I think that happens without people realizing it. And so then I want to go back to I said, sometimes you got to give people what they want, sell them what they need. For somebody who say I want to make more money or I want to do my own thing, I want to unlock this creativity. It seems like we need the thing. What is the thing I'm going to invent to it? Is it going to be online products? Am I going to do a book? Am I going to start a podcast? And your brain goes down. Yeah, but it's risky. Here's what I'd say. First, you got to find a reason why you want it so bad. And I have a little hack, if you don't be sharing it. Is you need something so powerful that it moves momentum in a different direction. And that's hard. And the way I just say whatever it takes to move you in a different direction, we have to do it. So the one that I've used for years is I would hate to get to the end of my life and meet my maker, whatever your beliefs are. Meet your maker and be played a video of the man or the woman I could have been. So I think I feel like, I mean, I think your only wish would be God if you went for it. You'd unlock this. Your kids would have watched you do this or you're significant other or the impact you would have made. And like you see this person you could have been and you lived this parallel life of how that's kind of hard and I'm not sure. And I didn't find the right vehicle to make money or to make more money. So I just stayed with this thing. I think if you were at the end of your life and you saw that video, I think your only wish would be, can I go back? And then I think to myself, wish granted, I'm here. Okay, bold move, bold move, bold move, because and here's the thing that I would say I wish I knew earlier. When you first get a purpose, like I don't want to get to the end of my life and miss it. Heck no, I have creativity. It comes out, whoo, I have a purpose, but still where do I go? Then I think that I said cheat code too many times, but I think one of the biggest things to go faster is we all think we got to figure it out on our own. And the greatest gift I wish I could have known earlier is somebody has already done what you want to do. So the two things you need is a big purpose, three things, big purpose, pick an area you think you'd like to be in. Find something it's doing it well. How do what they're doing? And then you have to let that purpose create the courage to do it even though you don't know the result. Courage is a huge part of all of it. The older I get, you know, it's like, is it the mindset or the opportunity? At this phase of my life, if you give someone without the right mindset an A opportunity, they're going to fail. I used to say, give somebody a business with the wrong mindset on how to sell $20 bills for $10 bucks. They'll be like, you know, who would actually want $20 bills? And they're going to think it's a scam. It's like, you know what I mean? Totally. They're like their beliefs. Yeah. Yeah. So I think you have to first get this purpose so big, then find industries that you might be attracted to. Find somebody and it could be somebody down the street. My first mentor lived four miles from my house, find somebody, see if you could learn from them, model what they do. And then you're going to have to find that courage muscle. And out of all the things, like I said at this phase of my life, I'd rather give somebody that's hungry with courage muscle, a C opportunity, because they'll make it work compared to somebody not hungry, confused, scared, and A opportunity they'll fail. And I think if you can find hunger and courage and model proven practices, have a purpose that drives you even when you're scared, I think that's the initiation into all of it. And that's, that's at your level of business saying, I want to double over the next 18 months with AI coming and people needing more and they're, they're, they're, they're being less connected, they're, they're going to feel more alone. I need to help more people. It's going to take another level of, it's like the, it's like the why that got you out of Egypt is not the same why that takes you to the Promised Land. Right. You need a next level, like, you know, lighthouse to shoot for. Easier when you have people who are like believing in you too, I would imagine. For sure. And better, this is, I think it's, this is what people don't understand is that being in a good relationship is a life is a business hack. The greatest business hack of them all be and it's better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship because there is nothing that will occupy your time and your energy and your thoughts than, than a crappy relationship. So being vulnerable again in front of my, my daughter, because she's here, it's her mom is I think my, my ex did too. I thought about ending the relationship almost every morning in my life. for five years. It was the first thought that dominated my thoughts. And I think she did too. Again, we talk about it now. - Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of mornings. - Yeah, and then I would think about, not but Christmas is coming. I don't want the kids to do it. And I have to tell you, my business did good, but I had to fight through it. I had to find a different emotion. My business is my life because my relationship is solid. I have grown more than any other time in my life. And I know I'm getting older, so hopefully I'm getting smarter. I still have lots of energy. I really want to serve people, but no one thinks they're aligned at home. It's just like your car gets more horsepower. I don't know how else to explain it, right? They just didn't upgrade. You probably put a turbocharger on it. - Yeah, it's-- - And you're right, you're right. What you said is probably the most powerful thing, and I want people to hear this. It's not just the relationship. If you're in a toxic relationship, you're better off being alone. 1,000%. - I couldn't agree with that more. - I think there's nothing worse than being in a bad relationship. - It's probably the biggest energy life trainer that exists. - You and Tony, Robbins. - Yeah. - Do a lot of free events. - Yeah. - Which I love. And I have to tell you that, we've talked about this that Tony was an instrumental mentor of mine and was the reason why I was able to pull myself out of just like a catastrophic time in my life. And one of the most important things that I learned about business from him was to give a lot of value. And I do a lot of things for free. And the two of you do a lot of things for free. Yes, you're selling and you're not-- - Of course. - It's not like you're trying to be slick about it. You're very upfront about it. Like, yeah, we're selling, but you give so much value. I mean, there are people who go to your free events. And not sign up for anything. And still develop a tremendous amount of momentum towards whatever goal that they have. So-- - So this is a great secret that everybody should take from this. Is, have you ever watched, or they call it a webinar, maybe an hour, an hour training, an hour presentation with an offer? - Yes. - And getting real detailed is, sometimes when you watch them, you either buy and you're happy, or you feel like you wasted an hour of your life. - Yeah, fully wanted. - I do know how I was. - You said this was a training, it was a 90-minute sales pitch. So maybe because we've been doing this longer and we love serving, reciprocity by teaching first for free, not just a pitch, like real value. I think it's one of the biggest secrets to a long-term, long-lasting business because you were part of one of our three-day events. We spend three days, three hours a day, nine hours, and we make an offer in about nine minutes in the middle. So all the rest is value. And what we said was, and Tony and I talked about this a decade ago, let's build events for free, that if someone comes and spends three days and they don't buy anything, they're like, that was the best nine hours of my life. And if they want to continue with us, because we did as much as we could in nine hours, but there's a lot more, they continue working with us. Either way, our whole goal was, when they leave, they're better off, and it's been so powerful. Our last 14 events, we've averaged about a million people in an event, right? We did an AI event last year because it was just so confusing. We interviewed all these people, and we found a real clear path to buy back time and become more human. We shared it was one of the greatest events we've ever done. That happy as people. I mean, people went nuts over it. And I believe it really is, like day one would do nothing but train for three hours straight. At the end of day one, if you just came for day one, people like, I feel better, that AI, or I feel better about life, or I feel about you, right? So, you know, it's kind of pulling back the curtain. It's like deliver value. Like it's almost like at the end of the aisle at Costco. It's like, have four pieces of sausage. If you don't like it, great. You at least got some sausage. - Go go to the end. - Right? But if you like the sausage, you can buy the whole packet and we'll send it to you. - Yeah. - Right? And so many times, I watch people will take something Tony and I create. And then attach it to a really hard sales pitch. And they're wondering, well, how they sell it? And I can't say, you didn't deliver any value in advance. - Yes, you didn't build trust. - You didn't build trust, like, I want people to buy time we get to an offer. I want people to go, nah, I got enough from this, or man, if they gave me that for free, imagine if I bought this workshop. - Yeah. - Right? There's no secret. I think that's what we do. - Yeah. And I think that's the secret to relationships too. Isn't it? - Yeah. - Think about it. - Yeah. - It really is. - It is. So when is your next free event, which I can't wait to join? - It's April 23rd through the 25th. It's called the AI Advantage Summit. And you could just go to AIadvantageSummit.com. It is a free event. And if you've been scared about AI, or just hesitant, or you're feeling behind, this is perfect for you. What I always say is, this is not an event for somebody who's vibe coding and they have an agent that's running their whole business. - Sure. - You're already ahead. You're kicking butt. - Yeah. - This is for the 80% of us that are like, I'm freaked out. - Yeah. - My business should be this. I'm gonna be left behind. And you just, you gain AI competency. You gain AI confidence. Like we bought a company and partnered with a guy, Igor Pagani, because we love the way he trains. He takes complex things and makes it simple. So he helps lead the education. We have amazing guests. It's a fun event. You were a part of one of our events. It was so happy that you joined. So yeah, April 23rd through the 25th. - Amazing. Well, we'll make sure that we link that out in the show notes because I mean, the free events are, they are, they're incredible. They truly are incredible. They're one of a kind experience. And I know with every fabric of my being that anything that you and Tony are teaching is going to be extremely valuable. - Oh, thank you so much. This was so much fun today. - This was so much fun. I really wanted like, thank you so much for being vulnerable and for opening up because particularly with my audience, you know, these are people who are trying to, you know, everyone is so much more, quote unquote, trauma informed because it's so much in the zeitgeist. And I am on a mission to help people not get stuck there and to figure out how you can actually overcome things. And it's like, and you're such a beautiful example of having gone through, would I think anyone would categorize as trauma like with your childhood? And here you are, I mean, obviously not a perfect road, but here you are successful in business. You're successful in your marriage. You're successful in your parenting. This is not about perfection. And so I just think this is, it's very, I'm very grateful that you were willing to kind of go there. - Well, thank you. And I have to tell you, it's because of the comfort I feel with you that you're not going to find the stuff I shared, probably on any podcast I've ever done, I've been doing them for a decade. So I appreciate you making me comfortable enough to share. And I hope it helps. Everybody listens. - Thank you so much for being here, Dave. - It was a pleasure. - Julianne Love is a Q-code production executive produced by David Henning and Steve Wilson, produced and edited by Travis Howe, Music by Will Tendi.