263: Friendly Advice Ft. Nadine Bhabha

Are you ready? - I'm ready. - I'm so excited. I don't know if you remember this, but we have briefly met before on a carpet. - Oh my God, tell me which one. - It was the pre-golding globes spotter party. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I was asking you for hot takes with the mini mic. - Yes, yes. - And you had a really good one. You said let kids swear. - Yeah. - And then Robbie absolutely blew me out of the water and was like coffee's disgusting. - That really disturbed me. - I, like the whole rest of the night that was genuinely the worst one I got. - Yeah, look. (laughing) - He, for himself is not wrong. Like whatever you like is what you like. - But, coffee, liking coffee. Oh, I'm gonna get so much hate from specific people in my life. Not liking coffee, I think it's a barometer for being a little bit weird. - I'm with you. - A little bit weird. - You can have a bean preference. Like I get a lot of people, they're like, I hate that coffee. Their beans are burnt. Like you have to dabble and find your flavor. - Yeah. - Get that, but to not like it at all, I know I'm like, refine your palette girls. - Really? - That's how I feel. - Mm, I feel the same way. Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of Two Hot Takes. I'm your host Morgan and I'm so excited to be joined today by Nadine Baba. Nadine, you were in heat of rivalry. I feel like everyone's been talking about this show for months now. It's absolutely incredible. I don't think people like realize how good of a show it is and people talk about how hot it is, but I'm like, no, no, no, like the acting, the cinematography, like, yes, shout out to Jackson. - It's unreal. I found this TikTok account by this girl, Valentina. And she breaks down all the shots. And like I think she actually reached out to Jackson. - Probably. - And got like, aerials of the rooms. And she's like, this is how he did this one shot versus this. And it's such a good show. - It's a really good show. It's really well crafted. - It's unreal. - Jacob Tierney, our father figure. - Yeah, row and directed every episode and just like has such a strong sense of vision and really just put his heart on the line to make it what it is. I feel like the first two episodes are being, it's like you're inside of a race car. - Oh my gosh, that's a good way to put it. - And then the third episode is the rom-com. The fourth episode is the tragedy. The fifth is one of the best episodes of TV. - I've ever seen. - So good. - No, it's so good. And then six is like a little sweet glass of port. - I love how he shot it too, where like six felt like it could have been enough closure if it didn't get picked up for season two. - Totally. - Which like, thank you because you never know. Ladies Jane Gray, whatever that show is, still haunts me that didn't come back for season two. - Right. - So like I really appreciate that, but I cried the entire time. Like every single episode I cried, I'm like, I thought this was supposed to be like, just balling. - Yeah. - But your character is like the friend everyone wants. Have you been getting that a lot where you're like, yeah, I've been getting so many DMs from people being like, I wish I knew a person like this when I was younger, which is so nice. I mean, oh my God, it really breaks my heart that people don't have that sense of community, outside of what feels like the internet right now. - I know, that's one thing that's like, I've even noticed, and LA is especially difficult, but like we don't really have strong villages anymore. I feel like I grew up and it was like, oh my grandma would watch me, or my aunt would watch me, my mom's friend would watch me, like you'd kind of get pond off on your village. And now it's kind of hard to have that. They've done studies that like, if you're within walking distance of your friends, you live a better life, I fully believe it. - Yeah, in my neighborhood, I live a lot of the time in Toronto. In my neighborhood, I can walk to like seven or eight different friends. And it makes the biggest difference. And I'm talking like 10 minute walk, like not half hour, 45 minutes, like 10 minutes. - That is so nice. - It's like, do you want to go do something now? That is better than literally any pill you could ever take. - It completely is. And I think that's why we all, like if you went to a traditional college experience, that's why you leave college and all of a sudden, you're like, this is horrible. I'm sad. I don't have my friends. I can't go get a burrito at 2am with someone. Like it just feels like you went from 100 to zero. And that's college, like it's your walkable. Your friends are right down the hall or a 10 minute walk away. And it's like, yeah, we need more of that. Okay, I'm gonna come be your neighbor. - Yeah, come on down to the east side of Toronto. - Oh my gosh, I love Canada. - Do you? - I love Canada. - Where have you been? - Kind of all over. Spent a lot of time in Manitoba. - Okay. - A lot of time outside of Edmonton and Lloyd Minster. - Okay, I know Lloyd Minster, 'cause I've never been there. - Yeah. - But I have friends who are from there. Very random hole in the wall. Calgary, BAMF, here and there. - Not a lot on the other side. - The other side. - So Toronto's very different than those. - Yeah. - Other cities and smaller towns. Lloyd Minster, shout out. - No, it's so tiny. - Yeah, Toronto is like a really nice mix of, we're like small, clean Canadian New York. - I like it. - Yeah. - Okay, I think I'd vibe. I'd vibe. Okay, well let's get into these stories. I've got a bunch today that are just kind of like all these crazy dilemmas, but you're such a good friend. You've got the friend vibe down. I've heard you want other podcasts and they're just like, she's such a good person, a good friend. So I know you're gonna clock these, but it's just like friendly advice. Like what do you tell these people if you were their friend, how they proceed forward? Because I got this. - We got a lot of kids. - This is my favorite thing to do is to give my three cents. - Oh, unsolicited advice. - Yeah, and I get an extra cent in there. - Ooh, yeah. I like that. - Three cents, three cents. That's gonna stick with me. I think I need that. I need a tattoo. I don't even want a tattoo. I'm like, that's so good. Okay, let's dive in. - Okay. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - This first one is coming from off my chest. - Okay. - Tidled, I hate my friend's husband for not choosing me. - Okay. - Friend and I are in our late 20s. He's in early 30s. I met my friends husband around a year before they met. We became friends with benefits and it went on for a while. Even though he was in a relationship with someone else for a part of that. I caught feelings, but with him juggling multiple high stress jobs and grad school, he said he didn't have the kind of time to be in a relationship. Around the time that phase died down and he had picked a single lane, we stopped hooking up because he went on a multiple month trip across the globe to advance his career. A few months after he came back, he met my friend at an event. And even though he knew she was my friend, he got together with her within weeks. I'm pretty sure he just got off on the fact that he was her first. He never told her about me or about cheating on his ex or about how he constantly slept around before her. They've been together ever since and she's blinded by love for him. They moved states about two years later and things took off for him. She's stayed in touch with our friend group and we've been meeting up often now that they've moved back a few months ago. She looks at him like he hung the moon. They have more money than they'll ever possibly need. They have kids, but I can see through his act of being this hardworking husband and father and the success story and that he's still the same misogynistic asshole. I absolutely hate him. I met him first. I wanted a relationship. I would have supported him like she did, moved states for him, been a good mom to the kids, but somehow she got his attention. She's super introverted, quiet and shy. So I don't know how that happened in the first place. Meanwhile, I have a good life on paper and everything is fine, but it's not the same in any way to what she gets from him. I don't know why I was good enough to use but not good enough to be his girlfriend or wife. Okay, first title, it's like, I hate my friends husband, I'm like, I'm on your side. Yeah, I hate him too. Then the second part for not choosing me, I'm like, wait a second. Do you want him? Okay, here's the thing. First of all, they don't sound like best friends. No. That already I'm like red flag. Yeah. Because you cannot control how people feel feelings and you're not entitled to a person's life, like you're not entitled to him marrying you and having other random children 'cause she's like, oh, I'll be like a good mother to the children. They would be different children. Are you sure what? Yeah, I'm girl, get over it. That's how I feel. I know. It's really tough because I think a lot of us have been there where you've been in that friends with benefits box in hopes they wake up and they see you. And they're like, I like you. I like you more than that. But the reality is like, sometimes people are just okay with convenience and someone they're comfortable with and that's all they want. Yeah, but it's also like, I mean, I hope this for her and I hope this for everyone. Like sometimes you think you really like somebody and you like spending time with me. time with them and then you meet someone that you really like spending time with and then it makes sense for you. And you don't really, I mean, I don't know how he treated her in that Friends with Benefits scenario, but he doesn't know you a relationship after that. No, I know. And it sounds like he was in a relationship totally. So you were also like kind of being this other woman. So it's like you've made so many sacrifices just to have him in any regard you can. Yeah. And look, dating men is an nightmare and a prison. And it sucks. However, in this particular scenario, I'm just sort of like, okay, that man's for the streets then. Like, leave him alone. And like, he's he's not in your life. And you don't want to win something that like was such a struggle. It is definitely a struggle. And that's a really good point. And it's also like, what do you win? Like, even in your own words, you're like, he's still the same misogynistic asshole. Yeah. Well, she just, here's the thing. She also doesn't sound like a girl's a girl, sorry. Because I'm like, you are focusing on her. Why call her an introvert as a negative thing? I think most people are introverts or that new one, the amnavert or whatever, where you're like an introvert, but can be out there. I can't even get into how much I hate labels. People are like, I read a book. I'm an introvert. It's like shut, just be, just be, like I, I just like, we need to, yeah, box ourselves into these things in order to like feel this is the lack of community talking. Yeah. Because it's like, oh, I'm an extrovert, which if I were to label myself, I would say, I'm like a pure extrovert. But it's like, you don't need to feel like you need, like put her down and call her an introvert negatively, in order to like be like, I'm a better person than she is. I don't get how she's still so lost in the sauce. Yeah. And it's so weird, like, I don't know, I feel like sometimes labels can like, they can make you feel better about something, but it is interesting. It can illuminate things. Yes. But I do think that you make a good point. It's like, why are we so obsessed with the labels? And like, we all fall prey to it. And I'm like, I don't know, is it, why, why are we like getting so hung up on those things? I do think it's, I do think it's a lack of community as we were talking about before where it's like, if you felt safe and taken care of within your friend group or family or whatever, you would just exist. And one day you feel more like an introvert the next day, you feel like an extrovert and you don't eat to declare every single day what you are. But because we are a bit more of like an online generation and feeling the lack of community in order to find these people, you need to declare stuff. So other people can put their hand up. That's how it feels. I'm just, I have to say with that, I'm like, I completely agree. It's something I've been noticing too. It's like, people are losing nuance. Absolutely. And it's like, you have to be one or the other. Like, you, you have to be in this box, you have to be in that box. It's like, no, no, no, like, there is way more gray area than there is black and white and like the ability to just like, warp your mind in different variations. Like, people are really struggling with right now. We love the idea that like, if I am something, especially when it comes with a bit of struggle, it becomes social currency. It's like truly like, you are rich with social currency. If you have all of these sort of like, solvable problems, I'm not going to get into like actual diagnoses of real things. But like, you know, people are like, I'm trying to, I'm trying not to get canceled. My daily challenge. But, you know, like, it's really easy to be like, well, I'm like, this or like, okay, I'm going to, having a period is really hard, but I do find a lot of the time it's like, people say kind of fucked up things. And then there's like, but I'm on my period when they're using it as like a front forever. And sometimes I'm a fricking nightmare on my period, too. But like, once a month, yeah, I'm not going to blame like a fucked up thing I said on me, just kind of being a monster. Oh, for sure. I think people do it a lot with like trauma. And like, everyone goes through trauma in their lives. It's valid what you went through. But at the same time, it's not an excuse to treat people horribly. No, it's like, my parents got divorced when I was a teenager. I'm not going to then use it as an excuse if I've said something weird to you at a party. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? They don't correlate. Exactly. Like that person or whatever, like, probably just sucks. Totally. Was a bitch that day. Yeah. XYZ. Totally. It's not. Yeah. It's like, as a child of divorced parents, it's like, I don't need to put myself in that box. That is something that happened. It's part of the quilt of my life. But it's not like who I am. And I think like a lot of people use the little squares of their the life quilt as this is who I am. And I think like this woman sounds like she needs to just find her people. And she won't be hung up on this. Like, kind of ghost. Yeah. Because they're not hanging out. No. You know, like, they're now seeing each other here and then since like, they moved back to the city and then still kind of a mutual friend group. But it's like, if that person, like, if this is disturbing you so much, you maybe shouldn't hang out when she's around in this group. It's time because like, your late 20s, they're now married with kids plural. They're moving fast. They don't care about you. He's not coming back. And you would you want to be the other woman again? No. You deserve better. Also late 20s. Late 20s. Meaning that they already have kids. So meaning they started all this in their early 20s. I'm sorry. Are we blaming 20 something or old dude for for keeping you as an option? And that's the thing. If you don't want to be an option, don't be an option. Everyone's a loser idiot in their 20s. Oh my God. I had no idea who I was. Yeah. What I was doing. Yeah. I it was insane. I like, I look back and I'm like, I just want to like shake me at some points where I'm like, Morgan, don't be sad about this Canadian boy who is ghosting you. Oh, that's why you know Canada. Oh, I know Canada. Wow. But I'm like, don't be sad. Like your future is so much bigger and brighter. And like, it has so much more to offer than being sad about people who don't value you in the same way you value them. Yeah. If this man was, I mean, no excuse long way. But like, if this man was like in his 30s, 40s and above, I'd be like, okay, like get your shit together, dude. But in his 20s, they're both out there just experiencing figuring out who they are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Top comment on this one. Why you want him as a husband when he is a misogynistic asshole? Question mark. Great question. Next one down, responds and goes, because he has money. Next comment, what did I just read? Firstly, why would you ever believe that a guy who's cheating on their partner with you would ever see you as more than a side piece? Secondly, why would you want to get with a guy who would easily cheat? Move on, find someone decent, and don't pine over your friend's husband. I don't think you and her are really friends, especially if you're talking about her in this way. You're in your late 20s. This kind of attitude should stay behind in your teenage years. They're kind of clock in her. Yeah. But that's what you said. I don't even feel like they're that good of friends. No. Or she's definitely not a girl's girl because of the way she's talking about her because she's kind of okay with being the other woman. It'd be okay if she was like, you know, my friend is very different and he obviously is like, you know, feels more safe and comfortable with her because we're very different. But not like demeaning her and sort of trying to put down her personality. No, that to me is so absurd. And also, she says to me like, so I don't even know how they met in the first place. It's like, you're not good friends. Like met at an event, which also feels like pure chance. Like they actually, they met kind of, out in the wild, meet cute guys. Yes. Here's the thing. Here's my hot take. Okay. What if she doesn't even know this girl that well? I don't think she's kind of like, she's kind of like injured goes wasting her. Oh. Did you see that movie? No. No, but I love her. Okay, it's from like 10 years ago, I want to say, and Elizabeth Olson is like, living this incredible life and Aubrey Plaza plays like this stalker who follows her and try to and basically single white females her like tries to take her life. And I'm like, this is what's going on. Oh my god. Yeah. And like, you can use the friend so loosely. Like, did you go to a couple of different parties together in college? And that's what you're considering. You know her. Yeah. She's not your friend. I don't think if you knew her, she probably wouldn't have gone after him. If you would have been like, he had been actually hook you up with him. That's another thing. And like, the writer even said, like, she doesn't know his past that he hooked up with me, that he cheated on his girlfriend. It's like, oh, well, if I was hook you up with a guy, and I, this was me, my friends would know everything. So yeah, they're not friends. I don't think so. She just knows her. She's met her. So odd. But okay, moving on to this next one. This is coming. The water. Keep it in. Girls be dribbling. Literally, most episodes just cups do not work for me. Straws do not work for me. This is coming from R/Am I the asshole talk? Kind of like this random little subreddit that's popped up. It's titled Am I the asshole for accepting a promotion? My boyfriend doesn't want me to take because he says it'll change our relationship. Okay. I got offered a promotion at work, a real one. Not a lateral move, not a fancy new title with the same pay, an actual step up, more responsibility, better money, and honestly something I've been grinding towards for a long time. When they told me, I almost cried in the meeting because I've wanted this for years. I came home that night so excited to tell my boyfriend. I thought he'd be happy for me, thought we would celebrate, maybe open a bottle of wine, and talk about what this could mean for our future together. Instead, he got quiet. Then he started asking questions, but not excited questions, worried ones. Like how many more hours are you gonna be working? Does this mean no more spontaneous weekends? Are you gonna be stressed all the time now? He said, this isn't the life I pictured for us. The life he pictured, not the life we talked about. The life he decided we were supposed to have, which apparently involved me staying exactly where I am professionally so that things stay comfortable and easy for him. He keeps talking about how he wants a simple life, less stress, less ambition, more time just hanging out and being chill. And I get that. I love our chill time too. But I'm also a person with goals, and this opportunity means something to me. It's not just about money. It's about me feeling like I'm actually going somewhere. I tried to reassure him, told him a promotion, doesn't mean I turn in some corporate robot who never comes home. I said we would figure out a balance together. I asked him to trust me that I can handle more responsibility without abandoning our relationship. He wasn't hearing it. He said he'd seen it happen before with other couples. And that once one person starts climbing the ladder, the relationship always suffers. He said he didn't sign up for that. Didn't sign up for what? For me succeeding? For me wanting more than what I have right now, that part really stung. Every time I bring up anything work related, he gets this look on his face like I'm already choosing my job over him by just being excited about it. And I feel like I can't even be happy about this huge thing that happened to me because his reaction has completely overshadowed it. I haven't officially accepted yet, but I know I'm going to. And I think he knows it too, which is probably why things feel so weird between us right now. Am I the asshole for taking this? Even though he doesn't want me to? No. No. Ah, okay, this one I'm like fully on her side. 100%. Men, it takes a very special kind of man to feel comfortable and not emasculated with a successful woman. And I'm not being like, you know, I know I sound like a girl boss mug, but I'm so serious. Like I have personally been in so many situations where I'm like unattractive to men because I'm like good at my job. That's annoying. It's annoying while I know. I don't understand this like this like threat. And have you heard of the man, a severe doc that just came out? I don't know. Okay, it's this new documentary that just dropped on Netflix. And it like it goes into all these different male groups, whether it's like kind of a red pill group, the insult group or like husband's first group, like these different male groups. And they're talking to men and they're like, why do you have all these problems? And they're like, the society is unfair. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I don't get paid enough in this and that. And it's like they're so close to getting to the point. And then they ask, well, why do you think that is? And they're like women. They blame women for all their problems. And it's like, why are you so threatened? When this is like the society that you've kind of created. And it's this whole thing, but it's like, I don't understand that where I'm like, no, like you're still a team. This is not a threat. This is not competition. This is a teammate. And you could have your cake and eat it too, totally. If you just got out of your own way, totally. There's something very strange about even like progressive dudes. Yeah, obviously we're talking a little bit heteronormally about this, but there's a very strange dynamic where it's like no matter how they feel about like large concepts, you know, equal pay. Yeah, women in the workforce, whatever. When it comes to their own personal life, there is a disconnect. And it's like, oh, I believe that you deserve all these things, but just not you and me in this relationship. It's so interesting. Yeah, it's like you're worthy exception. Like gave for everyone else out there, but like our position, yeah, we're not gonna operate like that. Yeah, and it's like, look, I'll give him that the rat race of capitalism is not like the greatest goal to have. I don't know what she does for a living. And so I can understand like, you know, you don't want to put in too many extra hours to make too much extra money in order to like, for what? Truly for what, you know, like part of life is going on spontaneous vacations and like making time for your relationships and love. That being said, I'm sort of like, it sounds like that's a conversation to be having when it's happening. Yeah, and not like right when she's telling you I got a promotion. Put all of whatever nervousness anxiety you have. Yeah, address that first. Totally. Like if she starts sleeping at the office on Friday nights and you see her on Monday morning, different conversation. Then you have a problem. Are your relationships actually suffering? Totally. She just got it. You don't even know what it's gonna look like? You're like theoretically. Yeah, he's seen it with other couples. You're not other couples. Totally. And also, even if that is what's happening, you can only deal with it like when it's happening. Well, she also was coming from a place like, she likes her job. She's genuinely excited about this promotion. Some people, like I think too with certain jobs, like some people live to work. And some people just work to live. Yeah. And she wants a little bit more. Like maybe she's in between those two things. But like again, she's excited. She loves where she's at. Like as her partner, you should just be like supportive, supportive. Yeah. And I get like, I want to do these trips still. Like what does this look like? But I think you're spot on where it's like, that's not the conversation to have right away. No. And it's like the fact that he even wants to have it right away. I'm just sort of like, oh, you're like doomed. Because anytime an actual problem is gonna come up, it's just gonna be like only from his perspective. Like it sounds like obviously we're only getting her story, but it sounds like he's not thinking about her at all. No, it's very like instantly through a selfish lens. How's this gonna affect me? I want to be more chill. I want to travel, which like, don't we all, but like still, like this could be huge. I want to know what he does. I'm very curious. 'Cause I'm like, if he doesn't work in corporate, and she does, and like, I don't know, maybe he's a tradesperson or whatever it is, or maybe he's like middle management or something. Like it sort of sounds like he is jealous of her. I could see it. I'm not seeing any comments from OP about like specifics of their job, but yeah, I am very, very curious. Sometimes I'm just like with the boys. I'm just like, just sit back and let be a kept man for a moment. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fine. Also no one's judging you. No, you know? I think that's one thing like early on with me and my partner, like I was supposed to be in healthcare. She was in music. And this is like something that we really, like kind of struggled through initially. 'Cause like I thought I was gonna be in a hospital working Monday through Friday, nine to five. And then he's gonna be traveling for music and doing all this stuff. And like you get to these points in your relationship where it's like, yeah, you can stress about the future, but you can only address it kind of as it comes. And I put so much worry and like, I'm not gonna be able to travel or go to London when you do sessions in London. Look, here we are now, five years later, and I don't even work out. I don't even work in healthcare. I have a podcast, and it's like address things as they come. Totally. And I'm also just like so interested in like the thought process behind like, like I've been in several situations, mostly on dates. I go on a lot of dates, I'm a date girl. And it's either with men that I have like known for a while or like real stages, whatever, yeah. And it's like, we'll be talking about work. And then all of a sudden, either all, once I literally got a phone call from my manager, like about a booking. And I was sort of having that conversation. Should I be having it on a date? That's neither here nor there. Okay. He was there listening to me at this conversation, like kind of negotiating back and forth, whatever. And then I got off the phone. I made a nice chunk of change. And he was like mad. And we're not even together. But the energy had really shifted. And a couple of weeks ago, actually, I was on this date with another writer. And there was like this energy. There was an energy there of like, well, I'm doing this and I'm doing that. And I'm like, cool. That's great. That's great. How many siblings do I have? Like we don't need to be talking about work. Like what you, yeah. There was like an energy coming at me. Almost like a competition. Yeah. Like let me establish that like I'm here at this level. Yeah. This is all these things I have going on. This is like, almost, do you feel people do it to gain respect off the bat where it's like, here's where I'm at, is it an ego thing? - It's interesting. - If that's the case, then it's like, why are you so disturbed that I'm working? You know what I mean? - Yeah. I don't know. - Where is this coming from? - Yeah, I don't know. There's like, I do find a lot of people, they're going back to identifying as things, like find a lot of their identity in their job and the label of their job. And so I feel like when it's like, oh, my wife or my girlfriend is a CEO and I'm just like, the director of sales. Like, it feels bad. - I don't know why people get like that. Have you found like, going on dates and stuff? Do people get worried that like, you're gonna be gone somewhere for six months? Like, have you noticed that like, 'cause you as an actor, like, you don't know where you're gonna go. You don't know what part you're gonna get. How long a shoot's gonna be. So you could literally be gone for six months or three months or two months. Like, there's so much up in the air with your career. How has that played in a dating? - I think for me, I'm very upfront with how I like to be in a relationship. I'm very separate. - Okay. I love spending time with people, but like, soft, long distance really works for me. - Oh, what is soft, long distance? - That's like, I'm going away for three months for a job and we know I'm coming back. - Okay. - So it's like, when you come, it's like a trip. If you come visit me, it's special. If I come home, it's special. - Yeah. - Not moving indefinitely for three years, but like, soft, long distance really works for me. So, I mean, if they're worried about that, - They're not the person for me. - Exactly. And I think that is her. I think you've gone to this point where you're striving for more. You want this for yourself, you're excited. It doesn't matter why you want this. You want this. - Yeah. - And that's okay. - And I think you're just on different pages with this guy. - It's really, being in a relationship is so weird. It's like, you are an individual separate person. And for some reason, the universe, whoever created the universe, made it so that we crave love and intimacy. And then you have to take another separate independent person and mash lives together. - Yeah. - When we have literally the whole world at our fingertips, it is the strangest concept. I'm supposed to sleep in the same physical bed as you for the rest of my life. - Absolutely not. - It's weird. - It's so odd. I truly, I'm like one of those people. Like, I believe in a soulmate. My husband doesn't. Which is kind of like this weird concept of where you like, I kind of crashed out for a while where I'm like, but through what am I? Like you're just like, what? But I think like if you kind of look at like science and like, oh, the multiverse could be real. Like this point in time, or like what if the butterfly effect affected this timeline that we're on? And that's why we met and that's why we're together. Like it is an interesting concept. And now I can't sleep. I don't sleep well alone now. But then I'm like, well, what if he needs a CPAP machine? What if I need a CPAP machine? How am I gonna sleep next to him? - Yeah. - It is an interesting concept. Like changing your brain to think not selfishly is hard. Where it's like, I want to do this. But now I've got this other person I have to consider. Like it is hard and it takes a lot of growth to get there and it's a muscle. You gotta learn how to flex it. - Yeah. And if these people are having problems at this stage, I'm like, you're in for a world of hurt. - Yeah. - This is just a promotion. Which is a good thing. - Yeah. - Imagine like a tragedy happens. Or kids, who's gonna stay home? - Totally. - Not him. Is it automatically gonna be you? 'Cause you're the one having the baby? Like, yeah. Like that's where it's really tough. Really tough. The comments on this one are on the same page as us. It sounds like you've outgrown him. Take the job and leave the boyfriend. He's straight up telling you that he's inflexible and that if life throws you a curve ball, he won't be there for you. He's not long-term relationship material at all. Congratulations on your promotion. - Oh my God. - Mm-hmm. Savage. - I like it. - Next comment. He doesn't want a simple life. He wants a stagnant one. And he's trying to dress it up as a relationship concern. So you feel guilty for outgrowing him. - Mm-hmm. I know the simple life thing really, I'm allergic to when people say that. 'Cause I'm like, what is that mean? - I know. Like you just want to live on a little homestead farm, make your own butter. Like what is the simple life? - When I mention a farm to me, I'm always like, is this coming up a lot? - It's, yeah, everyone's always trying to like, I'm gonna quit this whole life and go live on a farm. I'm like, you wouldn't last two fucking seconds on a farm. - Farm life is hard. - You're gonna, you can't wake up before 11 a.m. You're gonna work on a farm? - Your hands are too soft for that. - Yeah, you can't connect your Bluetooth to the frickin' speaker. You're gonna go work on a farm. - I've seen you chop an onion. - Mm-hmm. - I don't think people understand what goes into farming. - No. - Farmers are the backbone of this country. I'm like, I don't think you understand what goes into it. - I'm like, the diminishing of what living on a farm, working on a farm is for like, literally these like, lost souls who are just kind of like, oh, my corporate job is so annoying. I'm gonna go live on a farm. If I was a farmer, I'd be like, take my name out of your mouth. - I don't get why that has become like the thing. And I'm like, I don't, maybe it's like the Nara Smith of it all, where people are like, they're watching her make her gum. And it's like, oh, this is so great. I want to make my own gum and popsicles. - Didn't we learn anything from trying to make sourdough for like five years? - Farming is not for the faint of heart. - Hey, yeah. - It is not, no. - And I'm like, do you want a couple chickens? Like, what, what, what have it's been then? - What does it mean? - Literally, my friend literally lives on a farm. And chickens get eaten by coyotes like every day. - Oh, yeah. And it's devastating. - Yeah. - It's like, not easy, cool. - No, I just saw a guy on TikTok. He had a cow and the cow was, they wasn't gonna make it. - Yeah. - I'm like, that is, that's farming. It is heartbreaking and sad and hard. And then they're like, oh, I'll go live on like off the grid. Off the grid. - And wash your own clothes. - They don't have one bottle after another in the friggin forest, dude. You're never gonna make it. - This is the thing. I'm like, why do we, why are we trying to go work so hard when we've created all these modern luxuries that can be so nice? - It's because people forget about balance. It's like this, we're talking about lack of nuance. They forget about balance. They forget that you can literally just drive to a lake. Spend a couple days there. Or you can just move closer to a physical lake. And also work your regular life. And then just at 5 p.m. say, I'm not working anymore. And then turn your computer off for the evening. - That is one thing I miss every single day, like walking into a hospital, doing my eight hours, getting my documentation done, walking out the door, done. - Bye. - Bye. - Like the luxury of being able to check out. - Yeah. - People forget that you can just say bye. Nothing's gonna happen. - I know. - And I'm not like, you know, whatever. I'm sure lots of things with doctor can't walk out, middle surgery. But like, especially when you type on a computer as a job, just turn it off. - Obviously, you know, we have to eat. You gotta, you gotta make that money, you gotta eat. - But yeah, I think there's a balance of like, you can have your cakey to two. You can have the job. You can wanna climb and get successful and do this and that. And also still have a good life. - Totally. And to be clear, we're not talking about people who work paycheck to paycheck. - No. - You do what you need to do. You dream about the farm. - We're talking middle class complainers, you know. - You know, it's tough, tough gig. - Yeah. - But break up, I think I'm in the board of break up. - Break up. - It sounds like it's coming anyways. - Get out of there. - Get out of there. - Yeah. - Okay, moving along to this next one. This is coming from R/True off my chest. - Okay. - So just people going and vending and just needing a place. - Okay. - It is titled, "He wants to call off my divorce because my cancer treatment was successful." When I was diagnosed with testicular cancer, he filed for divorce because he said it would be too much to take care of me. In my province, you have to live separately and apart for one year before a divorce is granted. Since he left, I've had surgery and chemotherapy and my latest checkup shows no evidence of disease. When he found that out, I don't know how. He applied in court to withdraw the divorce application. He told me that we can stay married since I'm no longer sick and he was actually shocked when I blocked the divorce withdrawal petition through my own lawyer. I don't want to be married to him after what he did. - This is the next iteration of, again, what happens if tragedy strikes? - Oh my God. - It sounds like two dudes who should not be together maybe. People are really scared of having to look, taking care of people is so hard. - It's hard. Again, but try. - I mean, there are resources. I mean, caregiver fatigue is real. - Totally. - There's respite services. - Yeah. - But also, you didn't even know what you were dealing with. - No. - Like, testicular cancer, maybe he just gets surgery, loses a baller to, gets an implant, and all is well. Like, you got going before you even knew if it was gonna be tough or like, and that's the thing where it's like, you just, you shouldn't be married. Like, if you're a fair-weather data relationship person and you can't handle when things get tough, then just date for better or for better. Don't be don't be monogamous. I know this is the I mean I could go on a soapbox about like what modern marriage means these days and Essentially long story short. I think it means nothing people people take vows that mean nothing I think it's it's gotten really interesting. Yeah, and it's just sort of like at what point did you think you were gonna have to be there for someone? I mean this is like this is literally in the vows Yeah, in sickness and in health like that's that's still a vow for a lot of people Mm-hmm, and for me like I literally got married knowing that like if anything ever happened like I'm with someone who would not abandon me I'm with someone who you would wipe my ass He's he's a keeper. He's a real one But I think like sometimes where like people get married and it's like Why like what is the motivation behind it? Like I just learned about the alpine divorce. I don't know this Oh my god, it's horrible. Okay, so it's this thing and it's I think it's coming to light now because there's a trial Going on where this guy and his wife or long-term girlfriend went hiking up in the mountains Okay, and he abandoned her there. Oh that he got himself down and she died. Yes. I I didn't know it was called that I know this it's like a it's like popping up right now where It's a thing. Yeah, this is like we're going off track a little bit But I'm just like people get married because they think that they should I don't think every single marriage Hot take I don't think every marriage is like for love We live in a weird Society where we don't need marriage anymore like it's not like two families coming together for financial purposes Especially in the West. It's great anymore. Yeah, like it's sometimes actually can be really negative totally For me the institution of it makes no sense like I'm like if you want to do it You know, you still have to like for paperwork purposes. It does make sense for that when you're in the hospital It makes sense for that. Yeah, but like the institution of marriage If you're gonna go through all of that you better be somewhat sure that you want to spend your life with a person and deal with the consequences of like sharing the world with them And it's not like a puppy. I mean this is not even you shouldn't even give back puppies But yeah, but you can't just like give I mean you can in some ways, but you can't just like give back a whole person. They're like a whole like universe unto themselves. Yeah, you know, I know I kind of come from a position to where I'm like I completely agree like do it for the right reasons because like Hospital stuff nowadays that that's not even reason enough because you can do a healthcare directive and make that person And also promise me it gives you so many um rights as well. Yeah, I mean you can do your will and like make sure your estate is subtle So it doesn't go to your next-of-can automatically There's ways around all of the things that previously were incentives for marriage and like tax purposes There's not a great incentive for that for a lot of people totally like it it Needs to make sense, but at the same time. I'm kind of in the boat of like I don't think Divorce should be so frowned upon now where I'm like if you want to get married And people are like divorce is hard divorce is hard. I'm like yes emotionally mentally. It is hard But no marriage needs to be forever if it's not working anymore No, it's an expensive breakup is what a divorce is again my parents God's worth married each other again divorce again Really? Yeah, is this where you're where you're coming from you're just like I've seen this before I've seen it before I've also just like been around a lot of divorces were that weren't that big of a deal You don't even mean where I'm just sort of like oh right. Yeah, it didn't work people grow in different ways for whatever reason I watched a lot of Reality show TVs that were about like Finances. Okay. There's one trick. What was it called? It was called like till debt do us part oh And like more than 50% of divorces come from a lack of financial understanding and Everyone goes into debt and then people get divorced and I'm like that is too frail of a reason for people to get divorced I'm like we don't understand what marriage and like melding to lives means. Yeah What do you feel it means like what is like is the bar just really high for you if you want to get married or you Like kind of like I don't necessarily need that For me marriage is like such a non-issue that like if I was with someone who like really wanted to get married I would get married. If it was up to me. I don't need to sign the papers. Okay I just am looking for someone who just makes me feel like seen and that I feel like feels complicated But the concept to me is simple You know, it's like I smart funny attractive to me to me to you. Yeah Um, and like understands my way of thinking like We don't have to think the exact same way, but you have to have understanding for how I think and feel and vice versa. Yeah, you want the meeting of the minds. Yeah, because otherwise How do you deal with that person? How do you have fun? How do you have intellectual conversations? Yeah You know, I'm an extremely curious person about the world I move about the world as a woman as a one of color. You have to understand that like there are just things that need to be in place And then you can kind of be whoever you know, yeah, the intersectionality of it all Absolutely. I know Marriage is a big deal. It's a big deal and we take it a little we take it in some ways too seriously and too lightly I know the pendulum like I feel like daily swings back and forth in different directions like when I heard about the alpine divorce And like it's even just like people that are dating and like they'll go hiking with a partner and the the partners walking too fast And she's like, hey, can you slow down? He's like, nah, and leaves her. Yeah, in fact, we get divorced I'm just like, oh my god, like I don't know. Yeah, it's like we respect relationships Not enough, but then put too much pressure on them at the same time. It's like We just need a balance. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's all like so many studies show that like again This is heteronormative, but like men the subgroup that is the happiest with within men are married men And the happiest subgroup with women or single women and it's just like when it's so like this this gay couple This cancer couple I know. It's so interesting because I'm just like one of you is in the happiest subgroup and one of you is not It's so interesting. We do get some comments from op2 So someone responds. I'm going to guess from this the divorce wasn't the case of we divorce on paper So medical bills don't screw our family. Oh As such what an asshole move. Yeah, dump them anywhere. No empathy, right? Op response my province covered everything my only bill was for the TV to be hooked up in my hospital room after surgery All of my medical stuff was covered by MSI Yeah, cuz they're saying province of their Canadian So I would I don't know if there's other parts of the world that use province Maybe France, but I feel like they're Canadian. It's like you don't have expenses for the most part. Yeah Also, j'all said that It is interesting how Typically like men will leave their sick partner versus like a woman Sick disability that's new like Women will stand by and someone kind of comments that nurses are trained to counsel the recently diagnosed spouses of men about this Men leave their sick partners at a far higher rate than women. Yeah, it's because women are like trained at a young age to be caregivers Even me who like I'm I'm very caring. I'm I'm like I think a lot of my friends would be like she's the mom of our group whatever But like I don't want kids either and so I'm like part of me consistently wonders Why I don't have that those same feelings when I see a baby. I'm like oh like I don't do that And I'm just like oh is it like little me little Nadine was like rebelling against this concept of like we are just caregivers Do you have siblings? I do Like kind of the caregiver like almost like stepped in sometimes because like for me I kind of feel like I was like the parentification of it all. We're like I also helped raise my younger brother I didn't help my I had great parents. I we there are situations in my family where I am like I have responsibilities and it's tough and I feel like that's the extent of it And I know what it's like to have to take care of people Also like we had a dog for 12 years and I was like that's enough It's a lot. Yeah, absolutely a lot and I I really appreciate like people just knowing what they want these days Yeah, and not sacrificing that. Yeah, it's just like Everyone can do what they want to do totally but not at the expense of your sick husband No, no And OP kind of response to that was like I was actually warned about this by medical staff after my diagnosis And I naively thought it would never happen to me Mm-hmm Well, we do get an update It's coming three and a half years after the original post. Oh my god. So the first post I read was actually posted August 2022 okay, and this post just came from about a week ago. Okay this year right now OP says my divorce was made official yesterday It's over And a half years of hell and being in limbo and now it is over last night was probably the best sleep I've had in years Maybe only second to the day. I was told there is no evidence of disease I feel like shouting from the rooftops because I'm free. I was diagnosed with ticicular cancer on August 30th 2021 seven days later my ex-husband husband told me he was leaving me, because it would be too much to take care of me and he didn't sign up to be a nurse. When I had my first appointment with oncologists a few days after my diagnosis, I was given a warning about men leaving their spouses when there's no-ness. But I never thought it would happen to me. Every person in my support group who was married to a man had it happen to them too. It was eye-opening. I spent almost a year going through treatment, I had surgery, I had chemo, and it almost killed me. But in August of '22, I was told there was no evidence of disease. I don't know how we found out, but when he did, he wanted to call off the divorce, because I'd gotten better. He was absolutely shocked when I moved forward with the divorce and did everything he could to drag it out. I'm so glad the court finally saw through his games, and now the divorce was made official. Four years and six months after he left. I haven't seen or spoken to him in years, and I don't plan to ever again. Still no evidence of disease. I got a new great job with the provincial government, I'm planning a vacation for my 40th, most importantly, I'm free. Oh my god. That. I don't think I clocked that it was a week after the diagnosis. It wasn't included in the original. Nothing has happened. It's like literally nothing has happened. Nothing. You don't know where you're at with treatment or options. That's crazy. How bad is it even? Yeah. Like what? Yeah. That's insane. I've never heard of a divorce taking that long. Four and a half years. That's half a decade. Yeah. I don't mind your saying. I wonder what he was doing to drag it out. Like postponing appointments, because I'm like COVID, like this is after COVID. Like granted, we still were in like living with somewhat COVID in 2021, but like still like courts were back up and operating again. Yeah. Like they did Zoom courts. I'm like, how did he drag this out for so long? That's crazy. I mean, that alone. I'm like, that's grounds for another divorce. There's a comment on the update. Happy you got rid of both cancers. Someone was waiting for four and a half years to say that. Uh-huh. Absolutely. Okay. Moving on to this next one. I know you hate a label, but do you have like a specific love language or like a way you like to receive love? I like them all. I'm all the lovely. I'm like, give me the gifts. Yeah. I'm like, I love a gift. An act of service. Yeah. I mean, words of affirmation. Yeah. Oh, I'm with you. I like it all. Yeah. Okay. This next one is really interesting to me, and it feels like there's maybe a disconnect between them there. Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Maybelline, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue, just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Maybelline, New York. Maybe it's Maybelline. So this is also coming from true off my chest titled, my husband told me today, he does not like the fun lunches I've been packing for him for work for almost three years. Crying emoji, crying emoji. I'm 26 female. We've been together for three years, married eight months. I'm not complaining about him. I'm just a little sad because I genuinely thought I was making him happy, and I put so much thought into it that I'm almost embarrassed. I would sit on Pinterest on Sundays looking for ideas, but when he saw me today, he told me the truth that he thinks it's embarrassing and leaves half of it in his office if he's eating with the other guys at work. I always bake everything from scratch, so on Sundays, I do bread, muffins, cookies, etc. I was making them in shapes like hearts, he owns an entertainment law firm, so in baking sometimes I did little law related designs on stuff. I know it sounds silly, but he's always stressed, so I thought it would make him smile. And I was also adding a note with a little polaroid of me. Again, I know it's dumb, but I thought it was fun. He never said anything before now. I've been doing it since I moved in with him. He actually would prefer it if I packed everything normal. He just didn't want to hurt my feelings is what he said. The worst part is I was bringing this stuff in for everyone, and on his birthday, I made them all cupcakes with little edible briefcases on top that said 40, and I thought they all loved them. I always think things are cool, that other adults probably think are weird. Even when I was 15 or 16, I was always immature for my age. I still wanted to do kid stuff, watch kid shows, and everyone had already moved on. Now I'm getting like war flashbacks from my friends making fun of me for it. I thought everyone would find my lunches fun, but apparently they're embarrassing. Also, he's a good husband, I understand where he's coming from. I just feel bad and a bit embarrassed. Making my cookies and muffins in regular shapes tonight in sadness, LOL. I'll get over it. I think I'm about to get my period though because I should not be crying over this. Oh my God. That period excuse coming up, and I'm like, no sort of like, well, I get it when you're extra emotional. You have feelings, that's okay. True. Don't blame your period for just normal feeling. Yes, I mean, that's what I'm saying. Come on. We do. I mean, look, did I cry a little bit too hard at ham at the other day because I was on my period? Very short. Uh-huh. But yeah, she sounds like she's having real actual feelings. This would make me sad, I'd be crying. I, okay. I'm mostly sad for her, but I do have one question. Okay. It's interesting that like, he's been harboring these thoughts and feelings without telling her for years. Three years, yeah. And I'm just sort of like, sometimes the gestures that we do for others are mostly for us. I'm not saying that like, her packing him homemade lunch is for her, but I think maybe the aesthetic or like the way she's doing it is more for her than it is for him because if she like, knew him a bit better, she might notice that he like hates the way that these are. At the same time, I'm like, I think he's kind of just a immature weirdo. I mean, if your, it sounds like a masculinity thing is like sort of wrapped up in the shape of a cookie, then you have some more inner work to do. It's, this is like an interesting, it's kind of complicated to me because I'm like, he should be able to eat the briefcase shaped cupcake without feeling like gay or something. That's what it sounds like. I'm like, where? What is your feeling? Like, you're embarrassed, but like, I understand the childishness of it all, like, I, no shade to a Disney adult, but like, do not understand. I don't, I don't like cutesy stuff. Okay. You know, like, Hello Kitty has no appeal to me. Okay. I didn't get on board with the LeBoubou's, huh? The word itself is nails on a chalkboard if, yeah, I don't like a cutesy thing. Okay. And so you don't like a trinket? Oh, no. I mean, I like an ironic trinket. Okay. Okay. So if, if my partner was sending me, like, little cutesy things, I also would be like like, stop. Okay. But an edible cutesy, even then, I see, I'm like, I love sweets dessert. Right. It's me. Yeah. It's my middle name. Yeah. If I had one last food, I could ever eat. It would be bread. Great. I mean, like, bread is amazing. So for this, I'd be like, shut the fuck up. And you're cupcake, bitch. The, the, the act of making homemade food is so lovely. Yeah. And I like that she's having the time of her life sort of like making these things. Sounds like she's living. Exactly. But I think like, if I was the partner, I'd just sort of be like, well, she's having fun. Good for her. She's having fun. Even that, even if I felt like, oh, I don't want to eat this like dog-shaped sandwich. Because it's not me. But we've lost a lot of whimsy in our lives. Bring back whimsy. Yeah. Especially men, I would, I like want men to be more comfortable with whimsy. Once I was, this guy asked me if I wanted to go to a cat show, which is, what does that until? It's like a dog show, but for cats, so it's like, they're like picking them up and they're like, they're like, this, this long, free, like a competition. I went to one recently. It's so funny. They're so, and like the little feathers and they like get them to like jump and do stuff. Exactly. And I was just like, God, of course I want to go to that. That's so whimsical. It's so random and fun. That shit I'm into, I'm going to go to Bob Baker's, Mary Annette, you know, do you know Bob Baker's? No. Okay. It's in Highland Park. Okay. It's Mary Annette show. And it's been around for decades. I love this. Yes. So whimsy. whimsy. Okay. That to me is different a little bit than everyday eating something pink. Does this make sense? Yes. Yeah. Like it's cute every once in a while, but if it's like every day and it's like, oh my God, like it's over the top. It's over the top. I think it should just strike a balance, maybe of like, it's not like she has to make normal bread. She seems very disturbed by like regular shaped items. She went from a nice braided brioche to just a little square, but I think the balance of like having fun decorating for special occasions or for herself. And he also needs to look inward and be like, well, a heart shaped cookie doesn't make me. Any less of a man. - Yeah, you don't mean? - I know, 'cause I'm like as someone that I just like bought designer cookies for my husband's like 29 hour musical reading. I've never gotten so much compliment in my life. Like people were obsessed with a bougie decorated cookie. And so I'm like, I don't even think like, like if my boss's wife brought cookies in and cupcakes in every week, I'd be pumped. - Of course. So I'm like, I do think this is just a him problem and it's probably not something anyone else finds embarrassing or weird except you. - Yeah. - And I'm like, I guess did you like save her from baking all this stuff? Yeah, but like this is what brings her joy? - I know, but now she feels weird. - And now she feels weird and I'm like, that's the problem. - There's stuff my partner does that I'm like, I don't, I'm not obsessed with it. Like he's obsessed with automating lights and he's like, I want a hue light. I want to, I want to have our kitchen pendants come on at 6 p.m. Do I get off on that? No. Am I going to ruin his whimsy of automating all the lights in our house? No. So I'm just like, there's stuff that like you also kind of do for your partner. - Yeah. - Because it brings them joy. And I'm like, this is one of them where I'm like, you should have shot up and just taken the cupcakes. - He's a, it sounds great up. - He's a bit like, what's for dinner? She goes, super whenever he's like, ugh. And it's like, well then you make dinner. - You make dinner. - It's a bit that, you know? - Probably one time, someone made a half comment about one of the shapes. - Yeah. - And it's stuck with him. - I know, I'm like, I want to know what shapes we're working with. The briefcase thing, that's sick. - Yeah. - I can't imagine she'd pick inappropriate shapes. - He actually might find, he sounds like he might find a penis cookie funny. - For sure. - You know? - And I don't think she would do that. She seems like she'd, you know, stick within the HR regulations. - I guarantee you this is a Disney adult. gear in things. I don't know. And that's okay. And that's okay. As a Disney adult, look, some people are my sister loves Disney. I just like, I love one, I love the food. I mostly go for the food. Great. Give me a bandier. Again, I love a sweet treat. I like like going. Yeah. But I, I'm not like it's not ever. Yeah. Yeah. Unless Disney is calling in which case, I'm a Disney adult. Oh, yeah. You're ready for your big, but your, your big Disney role. Yeah. Oh, man, I would have loved this. If it makes any difference, I think that sounds like a lovely and fun gesture. And I would have appreciated the heck out of it. I'm a lawyer. Do not give a fuck about what others think. Although I genuinely think my coworkers would have fond over it. Someone goes also for a lawyer. And the people at my office would love this. Your husband's firm sounds a little stuffy. Yeah. Yeah. Could just be that. I think we, I just, it's like people have lost whimsy. That's mostly what it is. I know. I know. How do you get whimsy back? What's the first step to finding whimsy? It's like, I mean, I have a pretty charmed life in, in terms of like schedule and stuff like that. So I can go to a marionette show in the middle of the day. I need to look this up. Bob Baker's marionette. I'm also surrounded by people who love to giggle and sort of like yesterday. It sounds like I have no job. I do. I do work. But yesterday we went, we drove to Venice and we like went shopping and then we got ice cream and then there was this penny hanging from a storefront. And then you looked up and there was this leprechauns note. And you had to like kiss the penny because it was same patties day yesterday. And then we're like, well, we all probably have a disease. But like we got it. Same question. Yeah. Without questioning it, we just all kiss the penny one after the other. You are brave. You must have a lot of faith in your immune system. We didn't even consider like it was right afterwards because we're like, oh, look at the leprechauns telling us to kiss the penny and then we kiss the penny. And we were just kind of skipping a long lolligaggan. We're all in our thirties. This is like adult women having an ice cream cone. It's a great day. A loose floating penny. And I'm like, that's what being alive is about. You know? Again, I'm not trying to impose my life on people who need to work and need people who like need more. But you got to find your pennies in the world. And hey, even if you're working, you know, Monday through Friday, 40 hour weeks, you get sick days. And if you get to the end of the year and you have some leftover sick days, call in sick and go find some whimsy. My sister is a doctor. She's an obstetrician gynecologist. And she moved her 24 hour call shift to come to LA to come with me to Elton John's AIDS Foundation, Oscar's party. And she bought a dress. And we were being whimsical as hell. I love that. You know, you can do it. You can do it. You can do it. You can absolutely do it. Find those pennies, guys. Wow. Yeah. I want to hear what you guys are all doing this week to find your whimsy small little things. Small. Small. It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to be a trip. Like a penny. Literally small. Literally. You stopped. You got yourself a slushy. You bought the cookie that you would in. Like, what are you doing to find your whimsy? Yeah. Cause I need some in spoke to. I got one last one for you here. This is coming from relationship advice. It's 11 days old, titled, I just found out my long term boyfriend, 23 male, had saved explicit photos from my best friend, 23 female. I 23 female met my boyfriend when we were just 14 dating since 15. And now we're 23, eight years together. I've always been a little suspicious of his true relations with my best friend, 23 female. But I choose to trust him when I would voice my doubt. I had his phone and went through it. Not my proudest moment. And I found out that he had saved explicit photos in his snapchat combo with my best friend. She was in the shower covering only her nipples. I love him. And I'm scared to lose him. I don't know if I'll find someone who clicks with me the way he does ever again. But I need advice on moving forward here. This friend of mine will deny any attraction or assertion towards my boyfriend, but it's something undeniable. And I'm term oiling between sadness and anger, all while feeling betrayed and frustrated for some of my doubts being confirmed. My boyfriend told me it was a mistake. He says he never solicited the photos, has no good reason for saving it and regrets never telling me after it happened. He also swears to have never cheated on me, never sent anything back. But I can't see any other reason for him to have kept these photos. Other than for his own pleasure, this irks me saving explicit photos of my best friend to get off to while he didn't admit that. I just don't see any other plausible reason. He claims to be done with the lies swears. This is the full truth. These photos were sent in 2021 when we were 18 years old and it was during COVID. They have kissed before during a drinking game with some friends and my best friend's cheeks immediately blushed. I don't recall my boyfriend being visibly taken by the moment, but my friend's reaction was enough for me to lash out a bit. I don't have anyone to turn to for advice either. I'm embarrassed of this. How can I go to my friends and family and tell them about this? Someone that they have seen me grow up with for years, betray me and lie about it? That's why I'm posting here. I'm at a complete loss right now. Okay, where to begin? First of all, again, not your friend. Your best friend. They're the guy to pick by the girl friend. I feel like this is like a candidate event, though, where you have a really close girlfriend. At least my generation like growing up a millennial, I think like we've become more girls girl as time has gone on. But like I think there was still inherently a lot of competition in the friendships that I had at 18 and 20 and it took some growing pains to find my girls' girls and my best friends and not the ones that are going to secretly text your boyfriend behind your back and tell them you're cheating when you're not. I've had shit friends and I'm like, oh, you gotta go through it, but like at this point, like you're still calling this person your best friend and it's not. I'm gonna counter that. Okay, let's go. I've never had this incident. Never? What year were you born? No, I'm not falling for that. But I'm a millennial. Okay, okay. I have a sensitivity to this kind of like person and will not be friends with them. God, you just got a good read on people. More into it. It's a burden because a lot of the time I have to wait for other people to figure it out. They're like, oh, Chelsea's like, no, she's like cool. And I think she's also shot and then they throw a tons of, she's ADHD, they throw tons of things and then eventually she, you clocked it up early and you're like, I told you, I wasn't fucking with Chelsea. Totally. And I'm like, she may have these things. I've got them now. But I didn't have that. That's an intuition. For you to just have that, that's special. I have gotten into so many little arguments because I'm just like, I don't want to hang out with you because I think your vibes are off. Off. You have such a sense of self that not many people, it takes years to develop that. I could not tell you where I came from genuinely. I think about this constantly because I'm just like, not, I was raised, right? But also, I'm just sort of like, I I wonder where this complete and utter abandonment for how everyone else seems to have formed. - Okay. - I'm just sort of this little dumbass who, no. No, truly, who was just kind of like, if you don't like that, then never mind. - Like take it or leave it. - Yeah, and it's like, because I also am sensitive to other people's moods and stuff like that, I don't know, the way that my brain computes, I can't do my taxes, but I am very sensitive to how people are. - It's give and take. - But yeah, you don't seem like you're an over thinker about it. - It depends on the person and depends on the situation. - Okay. - If you wanna hear stories of how I've completely made a fool of myself in the last week. - Okay. - I'll tell you, how long do you have? That's a different podcast. It's called Being a Fool with Nidia and Baba. But like, there's something about a person, I can see one film through like that little layer that people put on when they're talking to people. I can see just right through that. And sometimes it's like, I know that they're actually really cool. It works in the opposite way too. I'm just like, once we get through this tiny little layer, they seem so cool and fine. - The awkward facade. - Totally. You just have to make them feel comfortable. Especially with girls. Not that I'm diminishing myself at all, but like, I'm happy to trip and fall. 'Cause I feel like I have a bit of like, I have like, I know we don't say this anymore, but I have a bit of resting bitch face. - I feel it. I'm happy to trip and fall so that you see that I'm also a clown and it's okay. - Yeah. - And you can feel comfortable around me. And so I think my goal in life is to put normal people at ease. If you're kind of annoying, I'm not gonna do that with you. But if you're in a room and you feel a little uncomfortable, I'm happy to be the icebreaker. - Totally. - I like that. - So you gotta read on this one. Not your friend. - Not your friend. Not your boyfriend. - No. - The thing about clicking and not being able to find someone. - You will. - You've been with this one for eight years. You don't even know what else is out there. - There are seven and a half billion and a half. - Sometimes someone. - A lot of people. - Google it. Billion people in this world. - Majority of them. - Duds. (laughing) - I just love how like, God, you're so candid. You're just, dude, dude, you're with it. - Yeah, like you're not, you're gonna have to wade through a lot of people. However, there are so many people that you will be able to click with. Over the course of your life, you're gonna change, they're gonna change. We don't need to be bogged down in my best friend, sent nudes to my boyfriend and he's kept it. And moving on. - It's, I mean, it's red flags all around. - Yeah. - How did he get those nudes? Why did she feel comfortable enough to send them? Did he solicit them? - I have a hard time believing there was no lead up to that from him, no, there's no interjection from him to get those nudes. - Right. And he kept them as being a chaos, a little bit of a chaos demon or something. - Could you see it? - I'm just gonna send this, whatever. It's like, okay. - Let me throw a wrench in there. - Literally by. - Yeah. Life is both long and short. Life is too short to be with people that we don't feel comfortable around. - Yeah. - And life is nice and long. You will find someone else to click with. - Completely agree. - You know? And you're 23. You're like the best age. It starts to get so fun. - You are 42 more incidences like this away from finding your person. - I don't even care what age you are. I'm like, don't waste another day. If you have an inkling and you're like, I know this isn't, but it's fine for now. No, do not waste another day. Also, I'm like, we don't know where she lives or anything. I'm like, get out of your environment. Check if you're in a small town or something. Get out of there. - Experience life a little. - Well, that's like one thing I'm so proud my little brother did. 'Cause he's like, nope, I want to live in Duluth, Minnesota. My whole life, I never want to leave. I don't want to do this. And I'm like, Taylor, just go out and see a little bit more. So I moved to Minneapolis. He's branching out a little bit. I'm like, good, you can always move home. You can always move home. But just see a little bit more of the world in the meantime. - Totally. And my friends are always like, your person lives in and then they're like, they're like spin a globe. - Yeah. - Not really advice at all. And it's like possibly in like Spain or like England or whatever. It's like, there are so many people out there to meet. - Yeah. - They're not all gonna be in Duluth. - No, you know? - No, and they're not gonna be your high school sweetheart that you met at 14. - Also at 14. - Getting nude from your bestie. - Also, I'm gonna say something. Cancel me out of care. If you guys have been together for 10 years since you were 14, he's gonna want to see another pair of boobs. And you can't blame him. - I mean, you went about it in a long way. - Sure is, yeah, 100%. But the internet would have been better than the bestie. - Yeah. - If you want them attached to someone that you can like talk to. You don't want just like loose floating boobs. - Are you a, are you a believer in the high school sweethearts and or do you think you need to experience a little more? - Test drive a few more cars. - What do you think? - I'm gonna say you like a test drive. You like going to the lot and trying all the cars. - I have, look, I have, there's this very specific couple in my life who have been together since they were 16. And truly they are, all of us are like, wow, like that's so special in the world. - It works for them. - I think they're the exception. - Rare breed, yeah. - Rare breed. - Yeah. - Everybody else, I'm like, you're weird. - I know, my brother and his wife started dating at 17. But like broke up, like a couple different times. - Sure. - She moved to Florida. - That's kind of interesting though. - Yeah, and like, they went through a lot of trials and tribulations, but now here they are. - It's cool when it works to self-out and you guys can grow together. I do question, I'm like, how little have you changed since high school that you, that this fits still? - You know, sometimes it does. - But they had to break up and like see other people. - Totally. - Like go through a lot of shit to even be like to come back together. - Yeah. - That's, to me, it's like a different story. - Yeah. - Like my friends, that's, they just, it's themselves, that's so crazy. - They are the exception because they have grown together. But I'm always like so curious about, I want everyone, there should be, you know like the purge. - Yeah. - There should be one year where everyone is single in the whole world. - You love the chaos. - I think everyone in the world is single for one month. - Okay, a month? - Yeah. - I don't know, I don't know what I would do with myself. I'm like, what is I'm saying? - And you know that. Like you're going to a bar, everyone's single. You're going to the zoo, everyone's single. Like you're out in the world, you had a coffee shop, like you're talking to your friends. - Yeah. - Everyone is single, everyone is fair game. - Okay. - I like wonder what, what would happen? - What would happen? - How many, you must love love Island. - You must just like love reality show. - No? - No. - But like it's kind of that premise of like, let's just like throw everyone back out in the pond and see who couples up this time. - Totally. Yeah, the concept is so fun. I mean, I'm an OG Jersey Shore girl. - God, snooki. - Yeah. - Just another little chaos. - Meatball. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - But imagine. - Imagine what that would be. - Imagine. - I mean, it's like anyone who's listening to this, who's my friend is like, you want that. Like maybe I'm selfishly. - But I also think like it would shake up a lot of people's ideas of what partnership looks like. - Yeah. - 'Cause like a lot of people's partners come from convenience. - Mm-hmm. - I imagine. - I know. I think people would see that there's a lot more out there for them. - Totally. - I think like two were coming from a place of Reddit and getting a lot of these stories. And there's so many stories. Like even tabs I had pulled up for you today where it's like my boyfriend's mad that I don't clean enough. And it's like, well, what's he doing to contribute? Like I think there's so many people out there that are in these relationships that obviously relationships take a lot of work. They take a lot of balance, compromise, sacrifice, whatever. But it is so unbalanced. And yet like do you just not know what else is out there for you? - Yeah. - Top comment on this one. Yikes. If he felt bad about it, he wouldn't have saved the photo in the first place. And if he felt true guilt over the situation and what he did, he would have told you sometime in the last five years before you found out yourself. Not a good girl. I'm so sorry. Don't let familiarity excuse mistreatment. - Hell yeah. - I like it. - That's a line. People think breaking up and having to be single again is jail time. - I don't, I don't get why. Is it hard? Does it hurt? - Totally. - Terrifically, yeah. But they also, there's like the stigma of like, oh, you're single, it's like your garbage. It's so interesting. - It's that social currency. Being in a relationship, having a boyfriend, it's that social currency. But Vogue just did an article that having a boyfriend is embarrassing. So maybe we're growing. Maybe there's some like balance in that. - Yeah, mostly it is. It's like this thing, I was talking about this with my friends the other day. Again, mostly heteronormatively. Like you have the best, most coolest girl in your life. And then you meet their boyfriend or has been and you're just like, this guy. This guy. - He does not deserve you. And literally, and it's like, there's like no sense of humor. There's no curiosity about the world or whatever it is. And so I'm just like, I would rather be single. Then my friends all looking at my chosen partner going, this guy. - Yeah, he's okay. - Yeah. - Oh, he's coming. - Ugh. - The worst. - The worst. - You know? - I know. I want you here for like two months. more hours. Just have so many hot takes. So many. So do 100,000. No, those three cents came in hot. Yeah. They came in hot. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming in. Where can people find you on Instagram? But don't come look to my house or anything. No. No. Just Instagram. Your TikToks are also hilarious. Oh, thank you. Yes, I'm getting back into to talking. You're getting on there quite a bit more. Yeah. I love that. I will make sure Nadine's links are in the description easy to find her. And I saw you do an interview and you're like, I hope I'm on season two. I hope I make it back. We don't know. And we're not being quay. No. We genuinely do not know. You literally were one of my favorite parts of the show. You're such a good friend. And you got a lot of wisdom in there. So you feel like you clocked these ones. Until next time guys. Bye. Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Jelly mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Maybe it's Maybelline.