[MUSIC PLAYING] I'm not scared of a germ. I use the snort cocaine for toilet seats. Well, that's great. Let's put you in charge of health. Britain's-- that's us-- are in for some respite from the grim weather head this week. Britain's are in for some respite from the grim winter weather this weekend. Yeah, that makes more sense. Parts of the UK will get temperatures higher than Istanbul and Athens. Wherever they are, temperatures are set to reach 14 degrees centigrade in Exeter on Saturday, highs of 13 in London, Birmingham, Peterborough and Cardiff. Istanbul in Turkey, on the other hand, will only get five. Athens is expected to be 12 degrees centigrade. I do believe that that is a result. We win again. We have taken on the tourist hotspots of Istanbul and Athens. Have found them wanting. Point number one. And we could only do this because we got our sovereign tea bag. If only we could leave the European Convention on Human Rights, can you imagine how hot it would be then? Affirmative. This is not to say that it's going to be nice. I mean, there will be rain and wind in the northeast. Northeast? I think about the northwest. Well, I can check on that while you wait. I don't really see the point. I mean, it's going to be raining and cold in the northeast. Then it's certainly going to be raining and cold in the northwest. One moment, please. Your call is not important to us. We are playing the same song over and over in order to make you give up and go away. We thank you for being a customer, even though it might not appear that we do. Please send us your money and stop bothering us. Ah, ha! Raining in Glasgow right now. Don't call and tell me it isn't. It will further be raining tomorrow and raining on Sunday. Raining on Monday. Raining on Tuesdays. Raining on Wednesdays. Raining on Thursdays. Raining on Friday. And Saturday and next Sunday, which is the first of March. It will further be raining the following Monday and the Tuesday and the Wednesday and the Thursday. Good grief. That is a lot of rain in Glasgow. You are not going to be able to dry out ever. We have had record-breaking floods and what seemed like non-stop rainfall here there and particularly everywhere. We now have several yellow weather warnings for snow and ice in parts of the country with as much as 15 degrees, 15 centimeters of snow predicted on Wednesday and Thursday. Snow. Oh! 15 centimeters. Blimey, that sounds like all that. But I don't think anybody even knows what a centimeter is. So I will translate European surrender measurements for his majesty's feet and inches. It's so simple and idiot could do it. You just double centimeters and add 32 to get feet. So double 15 is 35 and 35 plus 32 is 77. Wow. It's going to be 77 feet of snow this week. Can you believe that? No. Tomorrow, cloudy, rainy, drizzly, windy. Would you like to hear the long-range forecast for the next four weeks? No. OK, end of February to the first week in March. Brighter on Sunday and Monday than raining in the West, less so in the east and warmer than you would expect at this time of year. But don't get excited because it's going to get cold again in too much. And then, middle two weeks of March, well, anything could happen. Anything could happen at this time of year. Fingers crossed. Wet and windy in the north and west, middle two weeks of March. Dryer and quieter in the southeast. Temperatures are likely to be slightly above average. Well, take it. Oh! Meanwhile, researchers at Newcastle University have warned that the UK's turbulent weather is a result of climate change. They said that UK winters were becoming significantly wetter and more prone to floods due to rising greenhouse gatheth in the atmosphere. The data shows rainfall is increasing by almost 7% for every degree of global or regional warming. But as they were experts in possession of facts, no one was remotely interested in anything they had to say. I bet their scientists are woke anyway. Bells! Just ignore them. Bad news about the Antarctic. I'll come to that in a while. Stephen says, "Hi, hi, hi, Nick." He says, "I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I've come to conclusion that Trump must be an alien sent here by the Galactic Council to terminate the world from within. The only problem is that he is beginning to a malfunction." Yes, I believe that he has gone to the dark side. [GROANING] Ian and Norfolk says, "Have you heard Trump has been totally exonerated? Nobody has ever been more exonerated than him." Everybody says so. And yes, I am still talking about Jeffrey Epstein. Says Ian. Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? Still talking about Jeffrey Epstein, yes. Gabriel Hackney. [GROANING] [GROANING] [LAUGHTER] How are you? Yes, very well, thanks. Wonderful. I mean, that photo-- I mean, just that photo. Terrible. I mean, terrible, incredible. It landed every single front cover in, I think, the rest of the whole world. That photographer can retire now. Yes. I mean, I'm coming out from a photographer's perspective. A picture like that is so incredibly hard to take, like a car at night moving. You don't know what scene Andrew is going to be in. What? So was the photograph taken from a standing position? Or was he in a car when he took it? I believe the photographer was in a standing position. I did watch a video and it's poly-coulding back. So they come in, they're coming. And he said he did like some test shots just to get the light right. But it was more kind of-- Oh, definitely. Yeah. --than judgment. And on a really long lens, so the depth of the field is super tricky, so it's trying to be any focus. Oh, so he wasn't even near the car when he took that photograph? So that's the lens he would have used. He would have probably been about 20 or 30 feet away, at least. Now, did he use one of those motor drives that could take many, many pictures per second? Or was it just one click and that was it? It probably would-- I mean, if it was a preceptor photograph, I mean, I know he's a preceptor, actually. He would have probably rattled off to 30 or 40 frames about five seconds, and then just the agency would have just picked that shot like, yep, we got it. We got it. We got it. I mean, can you imagine him looking any worse than he does in that picture? I mean, absolutely, everything that you know about the man is summed up in that one image. The taste of living like a normal person and being dealt with like a normal person-- Yeah. I would object to that. I don't believe that he's being treated like a normal person at all, just because he was harassed by the law. Don't make no, never mind. It wouldn't be like, you or I would get harassed by the law. I wouldn't know from a good boy. But it's always time, go, real. But there seems to be a bit of a trend with the preceptor by taking pictures of politicians in cars at their worst possible moment. Yes. I'm thinking of like the facture picture which is crying, to be amazing, taking out a downing street. Ed Miller banned with the sandwich. Sandwich. OK, here's a piece of a-- if you get nothing else from this show, then you will have got nothing else from this show, which would be disappointing considering how long it lasts. But-- Warning. Warning. Do not eat while somebody is taking a picture of you. Yes, it's my one rule that I have when I'm close to offering people is never when eating. Yeah, which is why people on TV and in the films never eat. They push food around a plate right enough, and they might sip the drink that is in front of them. But they never actually eat because no one looks good mid-eat. No, not until. A couple more things. Or maybe one more thing. Well, a couple of things. A couple of three things. Yeah. The themes are how we actually random and not feeling safe. I've been working on-- I know. I've been-- These people, I'm just so tired of this. And they all sing from the same him sheet. It's almost like an email has gone around. This is what we're saying this week, Chaps. And it's that London is a crime-ridden hellhole. And if you poke your head out of your home, you're going to die. It's just absolute rubbish. It's getting rather boring. It really is. I've been working out all across London all week, not a problem. With cameras in hand and equipment, no problem. Right. It's so so. So there's one more thing. I've given you a really nice, big mini, so I've got. I was just clustered around about this crazy thing. I thought it was a Range Rover approaching me. It was a mini-coufer. They're ridiculously large. Yes. What really is astonishing is when you see one of the old minis from the 1960s and how preposterously small they look. You think, how could a person ever get in there? But we used to squeeze 15 people in those as just something to pass the day away. And remind, did you want to have a conversation where you were in a mini and you broke down on Park Lane or something? New years ago? Oh, yeah. No, it wasn't a mini. It was a compliment what kind of car it was. We were sitting there in the middle of Park Lane. It was kind of like a motorway. People would go bombing up down there at 70 miles an hour. This is before speed cameras and any of that sort of stuff. And it just calmed down. We were sitting there in the middle of the car zooming either side of us, just turning the engine over and it got like that. The fireman came because Smoke started to come out of it. And they said, well, you're all lucky to be alive. Because the pure pipe had come loose and was spraying the engine with petrol.
Wow. Wow. One more thing. You know that bit of Trump and trust last week. Oh, yes. Yeah. I mean, he doesn't Andrew doesn't look too dissimilar in the appearance there, but a little bit deeper that the slogan. The slogan less is yeah, I think I think you're a little late to the game with that one. I like. Okay. Good work otherwise though. Excellent. Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot Gabriel. 0345 6060973. Anybody care with this guy? Thanks. No. It says I guess A is sorted for the first hour of your Christmas 8 is Ed shows Nick. Yeah. We'll have plenty of A's. No, no, no, about that. Josie says evening Nick. I watched a documentary about Abraham Lincoln on PBS. Interesting that she says all right. That's a new definition of the word interesting. I'm not familiar with Josie. She says there was a time. I think it was 1865 that Abe was running for a second term. At that time, dear old Abe was getting his necconcentre to us to over what the newspapers were saying about him and the emancipation of the slaves. Fearing this would impact on the number of votes he would win, he decided to shut the newspapers down and warned reporters about printing anything against him. Does this remind us of somebody else? I bet Abe would have used the words fake news if he had thought about it. Yeah, no doubt. Everything has been done under the sun, but at least it was more presidential. I could be more presidential than anybody. Apart from him. No, this presidential is Donnie. That's seen out. Whitley Bay. Hello, Rebecca. Oh, hey. Rebecca. Well, we're talking about mini Cooper, aren't we? That champ was, yes. Yeah. Well, I have a story to tell. When I was right back in the eighties, you know, when the minors were proper minors, you know, small. Very, very small. Yes, well, I think they're very small. Well, they're being sold in the 1980s. I think I would associate them with the 60s swinging the 60s. Yeah, yeah. Well, 60s, but I'm a child of the well, maybe 70s, 70s, 70s. I was born in 1971. 1971. Great, great year. But we went on holiday with my mum, great woman, with my sister. No, the figure is she was great because she had a mini, little mini. We had me, my sister and my brother and my other sister and two dogs. And she used to pack the boot of the mini with bin liners with our stuff in the boot. Four of you and two dogs in one of those and two dogs, microscopic, small, old minors. Yeah. Well, in the days, we just went meatball meat meatballs. I mean, oh, God, I see. Seat belts. Seat belts. That's it. You know, we used it as a two-seat bow. Meatballs, yeah. Meatballs. And you just sit there in between mum going, "Darn, come on, let's go." And you can sit empty in seats. Remember, we just have to see. No, no, we didn't have a mini in my family. We had a Hillman imp, which was very, very frightening. The worst car that has ever been made. It was. It was. It was. It was. It was. Shocking. We had one of those as well. My mum learned to drive one of those. My mum actually learned to drive in the Hillman imp. And it was red. Oh, my God. Well, I was worse than that. I was a sort of NHS hearing aid grade. It was absolutely hideous. Bloody hell. Exactly. My thoughts entirely are back. Even though I wouldn't have actually put it that way. Cheers, my dear. Blues. May have something to do with it. Her tongue has been loosened. Helen from Lancaster says, "Good evening, Nick. Your show has started. I can officially start my weekend. What were you talking about tonight?" "Oh, you know, this and that. Nothing's happened this week, apart from aliens aren't at Area 51." Well, I'll definitely be talking about that. Yes. They're here there and quite possibly everywhere, but they're definitely not at Area 51. That's just a fact. Let's have my Lagubrius of colleague from Muthetitville called Jeff. Jeff. Right, Nick. I had the private eye on Wednesday on the front cover. Had everything about Andrew go arrested? I think I've seen it that I can't remember what it was, but don't tell us. Well, it's just don't tell us though. He said, "Yeah, but don't tell us though." Anyway, the bookies have got hold of something that I have sensed that's taking place in Wales. Labour, well, I think it's Labour nationally as opposed to the election that's coming up in Wales and Scotland everywhere. But they've got hold of it and put Labour in front of reform. Oh, I'm not sure about that. Well, the bookies have done it and I'm getting a feeling. The thing is, all these washed-up clones from the Conservative Party, which are just charging in there, it's having an effect, I think. People have been surprised. Well, it would be surprising if it didn't. I mean, here are all the people that you hated when they were wearing a dark blue rosette. Look at them now. They're wearing a light blue rosette. That's totally different. No, they're the same people you hated from the other party that are now presenting themselves as brand new people. Yeah, they might have turned a corner. I don't know what the actual situation's going to be, but there's definitely a feeling that they might have reached some sort of peak. I think partly the sense that they have done so well has been created artificially online by bots and you know, so phony polls and people begin them up, which is a lot of which has bears no relationship to the truth. Yeah, true. Anyway, could you flex me the names of the three the three guys that voted for Trumps on the Supreme Court in America? Yes. Because you know what I've got to I've got a bottom. Oh, right. You've got to ban them from the the goose and cookers. Yeah. And I did attempt. I have to tell you, I did attempt to get you banned again because of your offensiveness to me. And overall, I've got two guys in. I got two guys in the board with me, you know, electric and was the other like, oh, a die-eat-in-months. They came in the and they they betrayed me. Yeah. And they voted not. Well, I would hope so, but get a pencil and write these names down. Brett Kavanaugh, I'm not going to tell you how to spell it. Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito. Those are the persons responsible for backing up Trump is crazy tariffs and nonsense. But there were six of them who didn't much to everyone's surprise. I can't believe it. I mean, six of the people on the the Supreme Court were appointed directly or indirectly by Donald Trump himself. Yes, they were his appointees. Yeah. It's absolutely incredible. And they still said no. No, no, no, no, no. They said they've they've let him down. I know what it feels like. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, keep trying, Jeff, because you know, practice makes perfect. Trying to ban me from his local. But the locals said no. Thanks a lot, mate. Oh, three, four, five, six, oh, nine, seven, three. Judy in Connecticut says, Nick, it's such a slow news week. Is it a good time to talk about pigeons, hedgehogs and death-bat management of spiders? No. No, it is not. What's death-bat management of spiders? Oh, oh, oh, the electric bat of death, right? So I'm going to now I've got a grabby thing for spiders now. I don't use the electric bat of death on them. That's reserved for flying menaces like mosquitoes and such like closed moths, which must be executed on site. No exceptions. So I'm going to judge cross says all this debate about Trump getting on rampant, Mount Rushmore. It's full. Who do you remove? No need. Put him around the back. Still gets his head carved in stone just in a location that better reflects where his speech is. Oh, right. Yeah. We could get his back end carved into the rock around the back. Makes as much sense as anything else has happened this week. Amy says, my brother ordered your latest book paperback. We hate trees for my mum and I said it's brilliant. I've forgotten so much of what happened last year. It's funny to look back on it now as it's all in the past. Yes, it's funny to look back on a year that we thought was just about their giddy limits and we find out that it was really like a starter. We're in the main course now. It got considerably weirder almost at the moment that the big Ben Chyme 12. I think at that moment Donald Trump was invading Ben as well. Kidnapping it.
leader, frog marching him out of the country blindfold and then he stole all their oil and put it in a count in Qatar, a country that had given him a $400 million plane. And it didn't let up with the weirdness from that moment on. Now we're talking about aliens for crying out loud. Cornwall, hello Malcolm. Hello, good evening, Nick. Yes, good things. You made me smile a little bit earlier when you spoke about the photographer because I know how you said that golf is not a sport. No, I think I think and your, your, your, your, I'm a system said, she wasn't happy with me saying this, but photography being what? Not being something. Yeah, that you have to be brilliant at well. What's the event that happens whereby it's the camera that takes the photo. No, no, no, I'm not the photographer. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm not the photographer. Now look, I saw the piece by the actual photographer and he said, you know, we, you, you, you, set these things up the best you can given the light conditions, the shutter speed needed because of the speed the vehicle is passing you. And then you just hold it up, you aim, you point, you shoot. And that just summed it up, you aim, you point, you shoot. That's like saying you pick up a, you pick, you wait a minute, it's like saying you pick up a paintbrush and you dip it in paint and then stick that paint on the canvas and suddenly you're Picasso. I'm saying is you can take a snapshot, which is what you did, right? Or you can take a beautiful portrait. Yes. It's a, a portrait of that person or a butterfly flying a hummingbird, just hovering, whatever. Amazing. Yes. It's the camera that takes the shot. No, it isn't. It's not the camera that takes the shot. It's the photographer that pushes the button that makes the camera take the shot and it's the decisive moment. That's what the, that's what Cartier Bresson called it, the decisive moment. There's that famous picture of, it looks like a scene of complete, I don't know if it's devastation, whether it be the area that has been bombed off the World War II. But anyway, somebody is about to leap across a puddle or it looks like they're going to leap into the puddle. And he takes the picture at just the moment that the heel of the person who is leaping across this puddle is about to touch down at the water. And not anybody could have done that Malcolm. Only somebody who had the, who was well-practiced in capturing the decisive moment could capture that. Right. Now, Nick, right. Tell me this, right? You tell me one unbelievably famous photograph. I'm just like, if nobody would, I just did. No, no, I'm just saying. You tell me one amazing photograph that has been taken where there's not 20 or 30 side of that photograph, which we're taken because it's a shutterspeed one. - No. - You can click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, click, take that. - Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ordinary photographers don't have that. Art photographers don't have that. They're not taking pictures of the motor drive. Those are press photographers. - What you think the blue ones who took the photograph last time, look, I don't know what you're talking about? - Yeah, it was a press photographer. That's a completely different thing, as a press photographer, you just want to get the celeb. It used to be in their best possible light. Now it's in their worst possible light, because that's where the money is. You want to get a celebrity looking dreadful. But art doesn't have anything to do with it. It's just reporting. - Take my point. - Pardon? - Anyway, I made my point, that was successful, I think. - Well, you made your point successfully, but your point is wrong. Whether you made it successfully or not, is neither here nor there. - If it's wrong, it is wrong. It's absolute nonsense. You're exactly like people who go into take modern or some modern gallery, and they'll see something by, I don't know, Roscoe or somebody like that, and they'll say, "Well, I could have done that." - Oh, well, really? But you didn't, though, did you? Thanks a lot, Malcolm. - Philistone. - 0345, 6060, 973. Text 84850, email,
[email protected]. If you are on WhatsApp, it's the same number as the phone. 0345, 6060, 973. - Now, wait a minute. I don't like that kind of talk. Now, just stop it, it upsets me. - Matt says, "So reform unveiled that their shadow cabinet this week, it reminded me of Pee at primary school, and these were all the children picked last, because they're utterly useless." - Oh. At least they're prioritizing the important issues that the country faces like scrapping DEI policies. What a bunch of charlatans says, Matt. Yeah, he has used a lot of Tories, did Fagash, his Tories and his Tories and his another Tories, and they were absolutely blubbed surrounded by failed Tories. You remember what Fagash said about Tories, by the way? - My message to you is clear, plain, and simple. Never trust a Tories. Did you get that? - Yes. - I'll repeat it. - Go ahead. - Never trust a Tories. (laughs) Yes, I have very strong principles, and if you don't like any of them, then I've got others. It's like a smorgasbord. It's like a menu over there. Gazz says, Nick, I have one question, and you never read out any of my text messages. When is it going to stop blumming raining? - Well, not anytime soon. Dependent on where you are, of course, but if you are in the northwest, absolutely never, I would imagine. And on that subject, Lauren says, "You may have jinxed the weather in London, "as it has rained every day for the rest of our lives." Which is a very complicated mashup of texts of tenses. You may have jinxed the weather in London as it has rained every day for the rest of our lives. Does that make sense? - No. - Well, kind of. She's damp. Regents park. Hello, Vance. - Hello, Nick. I love it when you and your guys talk about cars. I've still got a Riley Elf, 1967 Riley Elf. - A Riley Elf? I'm going to have to look at it. What is that? A Riley? - Well, are I-L-E-Y? - Yeah, that's right. And then E-L-S. - Elf, that's the worst. - Wow, that is hideous. - That is absolutely hideous. It looks like a mini made by Russians. - It is a mini, you're right, actually. But it has never let me down. Okay, I've done about 32,000 miles in it. - 32,000? - Is that it? - Yeah, since 1967. And it's top speed is about 39, 40 MPH, but the rear wheels start wobbling when I do that. So it looks quite sexy to anybody following me. - Yeah, probably not. - When I drive it in the West End, rich looking tourists have a habit of leaping out into the road and I've been to me to photograph it. And I've had to get a new set of dentures. So I have a suitable smile to go with the car. - But I thought you'd just like to know that. - It's the worst name for any car I've ever heard in my life. Because for people who make cars, they like to give them their manly names, like Mustang and things like that. But Elf, Elf, where do you buy a car called Elf? - Elf, no. - I remember, I did have a Walsley Hornet, which was similar to the Riley Elf. And in those days, in the '60s, they did have funny names, didn't they? - Filming in. - Yeah, Imp is probably even worse than Elf. - Anyway, I thought you'd just like to know. - Right. - And where do you keep this thing? - I've got a garage. - I've got an archway, yeah. So it lives in the garage, yeah. - Okay, excellent work, that man. Thanks a lot, mate. I think the people, they're not finding you that your car, when it wobbles, sexy there. I think they're probably having oxygen with the draw from sucking in the fumes that must come out the back of that thing. Every now and again, I'll find myself driving behind a classic car. And the stink they make is just unreal. Mon cars are so much better. We forget how bad old cars are until he gets stuck behind one. I mean, quite often I had to just pull over and let other cars disperse the fumes. Because if you're right behind it, then it all gets sucked up through the intake of your car and you're breathing concentrated poison, awful. 0345, 606-0973. Bromley, hello, Mick. - Hello, Dave, mate. - Mick. You were talking about. Parkline and there. Yeah. I mean, I used to type of Dascar for years and Parkline and there. And in the 70s, we was going down there and the outside line came up to our park hall there. And there's this old boy standing by his mini. And we stopped beyond him. So, what's the matter? He's back at, he had the boot open. He said, I got a flat tire on the front. So, he said, well, no one can hit us because we've got the Dascar up here on J. Let's change it. He said, I can't find the jack. So, in the end, what we done, three of us lifted the car up and one of us changed the car, you know, the wheel and say, but he's ready. He gave us a dick up, which was, you know, a lot of bad evening days. Yeah, so grateful. We didn't want it, but we so keep it up. Well, one person could lift one of those things, but I suppose it had to be lifted up for a long period of time. Well, yeah, well, they've all got some boat. But about a week later or two weeks later, I'd this young driver with me, obviously, driver, but we always had two drivers. And this boy just passed this test about three months before and I had a day off sick and when I come in the next day, I went up to the workshop, look, you know, I said, where's me? I said, I was, it's got to be repair. So I said, I went and they said, I said, then he's ticked the motor, I was in the park. Oh, no, super. You mean, he said, well, he was going around here with another dusk. Oh, we won't say he was going a bit too fast. He ticked it over and then did on the jack. Wow. He was, they were, they were racing dusk carts. That's what they were doing, wasn't it? Well, listen, in that day in the sun, it was on the front page of the dusk on the top of this bit, and Jake famous and it said, been her racing round the top. Excellent work. The headline rises of the sun. You can always rely on them. All right. Good talking to you, Mick. Thanks for that. Oh, three, four, five, six, oh, six, oh, nine, seven, three. This says, following Trump's gracious acknowledgement about his tariffs being illegal, I'd like to say how lucky we are to have a president who isn't a bad loser. Well, we're lucky enough to have a president. It lose or not. I'm a whiner and I keep whining and whining. He whines and he whines and he whines. I am the most fabulous whiner. I'm a whiner and I keep whining and whining and whining. It really sounds like he's whining all the time. Yeah, if you want to talk about that, I don't know. Okay, maybe a little bit. Donald Trump railed against Supreme Court justices who blocked his use of tariffs, calling the decision to disgrace to the nation and claiming he planned to impose even more tariffs. That news again, big whining baby got his bottom spank for doing naughty things and said he was going to do even more naughty things in future because of it. He said, it's my opinion that the court has been swayed by foreign interests and a political movement that is far smaller than people would ever think. Smaller. Smaller people. Is he talking about leprechauns? They're leather people. But it ain't like you think. It ain't leprechauns don't you see? It's little men for Mars or somewhere and it ain't a tool to steal their under. It's a spaceship. Yeah, well, we'll get into that in a minute. Trump will think and say, I'm ashamed of certain members of the court. Absolutely ashamed for not having the courage to do what's right for our country by which he means what's right for him personally. He praised the three judges who descended in the opinion that Brett Kavanaugh, you remember him? He was the guy that cries and likes beer. You remember that? If you haven't seen that video, then, well, just don't. It's just too depressing. He's a Supreme Court justice now. No. No. And also justice is Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito. And I don't have time in a brief three-hour show to go into all the allegations of scandal that those two have received. But if you have from now until the rest of your life, then look them up on the worldwide weight. The other judges included two of Trump's own appointees, Amy Coney Barrett, Neil Gorsuch. And they were fantastic and huge and really good people until they did something you didn't like. And now they're traitors and fools and really dumb people. Trump said they're very unpassionate and disloyal to our constitution, which is nice that he remembered that America has a constitution. Ask for evidence of foreign influence over the Supreme Court. Trump said, you're going to find out which sounds a lot like he's going to make it up. Actually, it sounds a lot like the mafia. Absolutely. Forget about it. Trump said he would immediately sign an order, increasing tariffs globally by 10% under section 122 of the trade act of 1974, which makes as much sense as anything else he's done. Absolutely everything in America that is not wholly made in America with completely American materials has just gone up 10%. Hey, America, are you great again yet? Oh, shut up. Oh, 345, 6060, 973. Cambridge. Hello, Ned. Oh, Nick, I've got a concern here that the president of America might not be telling us the truth about UFOs. What? Well, I'd base this, you know, tenuous thing. In the fact that he hasn't released his tax returns or the files on JFK or Martin Luther King, the assassination, or some gentleman called Jeffrey Epstein. We are to believe that the UFOs are next. I do worry that he might not be telling us the truth. Well, he did release the authorises, did release the JFK or some JFK files, but we didn't find out anything we didn't know already. And Ditto King's deaths files. Yes. But and it's tax return, well, he'd love to, but he's apparently under-ordered. He has been under-ordered every day for this entire life, which means it's very, very difficult for him to release. It's a tax return. Yes, it is. And now we're to have the UFO fast, which of course would be ground-shaking. Today, maybe you have a bet with you potentially. James and Brian told me I wasn't that bet with him for 50p about nine jobs, nine, because of off-com rules. So maybe I could have one with you. I believe that he won't, he'll bail out at the end of the day. It will be down to generic, because I don't think that if you've got nine jobs and you're making 400 grand for three hours, works in a gold bullion, that you really want to be prime minister for 90 grand a year. And it might be easy to sort of squeeze out of the last minute saying job done. Well, I don't know. A lot of the way to the hills, the last time he's done it for about 400 times, so the thoughts. Well, name an ex prime minister that was poorer after they left the job than when they started. I'm not sure. Well, they're possible exception to Gordon Brown. He had integrity, didn't he? I mean, the eat and sex yet to use charging what, you know, 250 grand for a speech, isn't it? For 40 minutes. Something like that. So yeah, I do wonder, you know, I'll bring you in sort of looking for answers. We're doing. You're just asking questions. I understand. All right. Thanks a lot, Ned. 0345, 6060973. Who told the line? I'm trying to connect you. Yes, I'm trying to connect the next caller, but I'll just read some of these messages first because there's a lot of people who are bashing their phones with their thumbs in order to get in touch with me. Dave says, Hi Nick, I was on a cruise ship last week and they had a radio person, aathy hosting events. I automatically thought of you, a people person meeting your public. How are you calling bingo? If you get them in the right order, you get extra point. Yeah, well, that's what I heard, but I wouldn't be able to get them in the right order. If you get it in order, you get extra points. I know you get extra points for getting it in order. Well, I wouldn't be able to get it in order. So I wouldn't be able to get extra points. Chris says, a fellow press photographer, the best aspect of that photo is the fact that the red eye could have been removed in seconds with a quick edit, but the photographer chose not to. Yeah, I'm not sure that that was a wise decision. I think the photograph would have been better if there had been no red eye because it kind of puts you off, doesn't it? I mean, there's an instinctive reaction to someone having a red eye. You just wanted to sort of remove yourself from their presence. And I think it would have been a more powerful photograph if the red eye had been lost. It might look better in black and white, actually. Michael says the photographer was employed by roises, so gets no royalties. Only if he was freelance, could he now be buying his house? That's Mike. Oh, that's not fair. Manchester, hello, Sam. Sam. How are you? Yes, Sam. How are you? Good, thanks. Yeah, been a while since what? Since the last phones here. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do I get extra points for calling in and not texting? I guess you do. Yeah. Points are not available. [LAUGHTER]
You're out of points. Yeah. This is a point free zone. But if we had some, you'd be getting some. But we don't. So you won't. Yeah, thank you. No, just ringing the back Trump. So you was on the Air Force one. You know, and he was a loving on a band. The app seemed like I'm exonerated. Yeah. Legally exonerated for all past, present and future crimes. Yeah, but he's used that word exonerated from what? Everything. He has been personally exonerated from everything by the people that he elected to the Supreme Court. They have pre-excused him any crime. Yeah. Well, he's obviously been keeping this mouth. Well, he's been obviously saying stuff about the absolute power. But when they came out, there was nothing of, there was no mention of him in the Epstein files. Obviously, there was some mention of him. But the thing is, these files have come through. So who's been dealing with these files? How do you mean? What I mean is, is the Epstein files have been released. Yeah. There must be some mention of him of what he's been up to. Well, I think whether he has been up to anything is not proven. Yeah, but every time he goes on about, oh, it's not me, I'm a denier thing. Yeah. I'm exonerated. When somebody starts, you know, blabbing on about, you know, I've not done anything. Then you suspect that they've done something. A long belt. Yes. That's right. So why is he done? Well, I would imagine that if you think of the worst, if you think of the worst possible thing that he could have done, then he might have actually done that. Have you got the files? Yeah, I'll have them on your desk first thing in the morning, Sam. Thanks a lot, mate. 0345, 6060973. Answers, Nick, I have something for your Trump bingo card. Donald J. Trump will be the next USS aircraft carrier. Following on from the Dwight D. Eisenhower, the Carl Vincent, Theodore Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, etc., etc., he doesn't yet appear to be in the catalog. Oh, he will be. And it will be the biggest ship that anybody has ever, the most fantastic big ship that anybody has ever seen. Believe him. Nobody will have seen a ship bigger or better than that. Ned says this is the best show ever, #MeetBalls. Oh, yeah, well, if you don't know anything else from this show, then you should always remember that when you set off in your car, then you should always use your meatballs. Otherwise, you may be looking at a stiff fine. Clank, click every trip. Uh, Sheffield. Hello, Ben. Hello, Ben. Yes, Ben. I like first time call a story about minis, either mini in 1970. And they, they mini brought out, it's only brought out a load of different bright colours. Don't you remember? You can get orange and yellows. No, you couldn't, you couldn't get that one before. I mean, in the early days, they were really dull colours. Orange, so I mean, that really nails it down to the 1970s. Doesn't it orange? Yeah. Anyway, I had a mini club in the bullet and they called it Blaze. The Blaze? Right. This is a sort of ready one. But my, my friends, uh, Darlesel Crenned had a e-botton orange mini. And he took it to Blatpool one day. And he parked it outside the back of the circus, the tower. Yeah. And they used every, every morning, you should take the elephants from the circus. Out of the back door, round the corner onto the beach. And they used to run the elephants on the beach. I don't know if we still do that. Really? But the, the thing was that the, and the drum that the, um, elephant sat on in the circus ring, were orange. Exactly the same colour as the mini. Oh, no. And one of these elephants saw the, saw the mini that took the shine to it and went and sat on the roof. And, you have to drive home back to Huddersfield with this huge dent in the roof. Dent, I'm suppose it didn't crush it to the size of a penny. I guess they must have sort of quickly got it away. Right. Anyway, got this huge dent. And, um, he was stopped by the police who spotted this car and asked him. Hello, hello. What's all this then? Yes. and the believer. No, and they didn't. And they didn't. And I think the erect, well certainly the brought the bread-aligned it. I don't know whether they arrested him for the wasting time. Right. Well they should've done. They should've he should've done time for that. Yeah, no, No. Well, you're right, I remember the the the the m has a rear engine, want it? The m that you mentioned your parents. I got it. Yeah, I think they took the engine out of a sewing machine and stuck it in the back of that thing. Absolutely hideous. It had this big window in the back. Do you remember them? The big. Yeah, well that wasn't the first hatch back. Maybe. Yeah, right. But it wasn't the door. It was just the glass that came up. Wasn't it? Yeah, you were my memory. Yeah. I had a colgateoy version of those which wasn't too dissimilar in size, I'd verse. Yeah, we're tiny, weren't they? Absolutely. It's really, really surprising when you see one of those old cars these days because you cannot believe how small they actually are. Absolutely microscopic. Yeah. In about 76, I was so proud to get a 12-some G5 GT black one with a ball bars on the front which was really, you know, not very safe at all. But no, for for anybody that you drove into, no, but for you behind the wheel more so than if they weren't there. Yeah. Absolutely. You never know when you're going to run into a cow. Oh, yeah. All right. Thanks a lot, Ben. Cheers, mate. 03456060973. Yohan says, Farage is the Robin Reliant of politicians. He looks like one too. Well, if he was a car, I think that's pretty on the nose, don't you? Have you been seeing all the rumors and reports about how Trump smells? Through his nose, I heard. Georgie says, we had a mini-couper and my mum and dad would drive me on my sister plus two weeks of packing. Pop the car on the car train in the 1970s. So the or so dot or the channel tunnel pillows bedding the lot these days I struggled to fit it in an MPV have we come become to materialistic? Yes, we've got way too much stuff, Georgie. And we don't need it. But, you know, we've become obsessed with getting more of it and just becomes a weight. If only we could get rid of all of our stuff then we would really be free. But nobody wants that. 034560973. Text 84850. Email, nick
[email protected]. If you're on WhatsApp, it's the same number as the phone. 034560973. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, United, 10, nick a@lbc. Nobody knows who the hell he is. The Trump administration is considering a weeks long campaign in Iran because everything they have ever done in the Middle East has gone so very well up to now. The US could be on the brink of a major military distraction from a you know what? Yes. Sources say that any operation would be much larger than recent interventions and could begin sooner than many expect. Which is sounds like the sort of thing that Donald Trump would say. He'll be very soon or not soon and we're going in or not very strongly and with great strength unless we don't think nobody even knows. Inside to say a political, a potential rather, a potential US strike would not resemble a limited or targeted mission but instead unfold as a sustained weeks long campaign that would look like fully fledged attempt to take the minds of the American people of Trump losing bigly in the Supreme Court over a demented tariffing of everywhere that doesn't slather in with a sufficient amount of praise. The operation is expected to be coordinated with Israel and could be brought in scope the last year's 12-day conflict which escalated when the US joined Israeli efforts to destroy Iran's underground nuclear facilities. So they've done that, right? They've destroyed Iran's underground nuclear facilities. They said that they did it bigly and hugely and with great strength. And now apparently they're negotiating about Iran's underground nuclear facilities again. I thought they'd blown them up. So what is this actually about then? Because, you know, if 12-day conflict is going to happen,
Trump bombed Iran to get rid of the nuclear program. Then that would have been it. But no, apparently it is not enough. Such a campaign is described as potentially existential for the regime in Iran. Yeah, well, that's right. Or they could just offer Trump-- 8,737,540,000 dollars. And all their troubles might vanish like the crowds of protesters in Tehran. Meanwhile, US military presence in the region is expanded. They've got two aircraft carriers, 12 warships, hundreds of fighter jets, more reinforcements on the way, as you would expect from the president, who won the very auspicious and highly sought after FIFA Peace Prize. [MUSIC PLAYING] Oh, back of Ram, I never got one of those. Meanwhile, the UK blocked the US from using RAF bases to launch a strike on Iran. That's right. Skier said, no. The UK blocked the US from using RAF bases to launch a strike on Iran, prompting anger from Donald Trump. But then everything prompts anger from Donald Trump. And I don't get it. All of the people who voted Brexit in order to get their sovereignty back, they're furious that Skier has prevented Donald Trump from using RAF bases to launch a strike on Iran. All those people who keep going on about getting our freedom back want us to give up our freedom for a mega hat, and a turn around the dance floor to YMCA with Donald Trump. [MUSIC PLAYING] And because Kya Starmer stuck up to him, Don Donney is furious. And our Trump has withdrawn his support for Starmer's deal to hand over the Chekhov silence to Mauritius. He used to be all for it. He said it was a tremendous deal. It was a great deal. It was a deal that was tremendous and huge with numbers that no one has ever seen before. And now he's against it. He's unpredictable, but also completely predictable. What a combination. On Tuesday night, Trump spoke to Starmer about his ultimatum to Iran over its nuclear program, which he was supposed to have bombed out of existence last year. And the following day, he posted on his comically named social media platform, Truth Social. Truth Social. Liar! Truth Liar. He was attacking the UK over its plans to settle the future of the Chekhov silence with Mauritius. And apparently, a couple of individuals have been whispering in Trump's ear about that. That right, Liz. Absolutely. Apparently so. So he posted on his comically named social media platform, Truth Social, attacking the UK over its plans to settle the future of the Chekhov silence with Mauritius. First, he was all for it. Now like a baby that's had the raffle pulled from its tiny hands, he's all against it. And we've repeatedly-- we, the UK government repeatedly emphasized that an agreement with Mauritius is necessary for security reasons and would avoid an expensive legal battle. Diego Garcia is the largest island in the Chekhovs archipelago. It's been used as a joint UK US military base since the 1970s. Now under this deal that those on the right are freaking out about, the UK will lease back Diego Garcia for 99 years at an average cost of 101 million pounds a year. Or we could just keep something that we took from Napoleon and subsequently forced the entire population there to leave, which are owned courts called Unlawful. And the UK, the UN called Illegal, and the Prime Minister of Mauritius called Illegal. And we eventually have come to do the right thing. And the usual suspects are yelling the place down, like we've given away Kensington and Chelsea to the mafia. Absolutely. And the timeline of what Trump forethought about the Chekhovs deal is educational. Would you like to be educated? No. Donald Trump changes mind on supporting the Chekhovs islands deal, because the UK will not permit its air bases to be used for a preemptive US strike on Iran. You remember the last time we got dragged into one of those wars? I thought we were never going to do that again. In his latest change of heart on the deal, the US President said on social media, Kierstammer was making a big mistake by handing sovereignty of the islands to Mauritius in exchange for continued use by the UK and the US of their air base on one of the islands, Diego Garcia, which by the looks of it is going to be underwater, but probably by the time I finish this sentence. Earlier in February, Donald Trump described it as the best deal that Stammer could make in the circumstances on the 27th of February last year. Donald Trump said, "I have a feeling it's going to work out very well. They're talking about a very long term, powerful lease, a very strong lease." [LAUGHS] Everything. Everything is strong and powerful with this guy. And that's not an accident, is it? He wants to depict himself as being a strong and powerful man. So he just keeps saying that everything is very strong. We're thinking of any very strongly. So that was on the 27th of April. He said, I mean, client to go along with your country, he said, "I have a feeling it's going to work out very well." And then a couple of days later in April, he signed off the UK's handover of the Checos Islands to Mauritius paving the way for the UK to seat sovereignty over its last African colony. And then about a month and a half later, Marco Rubio, the US Secretary of State, issued an emphatic statement giving the agreement his full backing on behalf of the United States of America. If the statement said, today, the United States welcomed the historic agreement between the United Kingdom and the Republic of Mauritius on the future of the British Indian Ocean territory, specifically the Checos Archipelago. Couldn't have been more delighted. That was in May last year. And then fast forward to January this year. And Trump went belly-eaking on the he wanted Greenland and European countries, including us, said no. And so Trump changed his mind. You know, like that whining baby. He said, he wrote, shockingly, a brilliant NATO ally, the United Kingdom is currently planning to give away the island of Diego Garcia. He's writing about it like he only just heard about it. For over a year, he's been saying that it's the best to tremendous deal than anybody ever saw believe in. He said, "Diego Garcia is a site of a vital US military base and for the UK to give away the island of Diego Garcia for no reason whatsoever in capital letters." He says, "There's no doubt China and Russia will have noticed this act of total weakness, which he agreed to for a year before we said something hersy where we didn't think that he was justified in taking over Greenland and now he's all against the idea. Like I said, he's completely unpredictable while being totally predictable." He said, "Of China and Russia, these are international powers who only recognize strength capital letters, which is why the United States of America under my leadership is now after only one year respected like never before." (laughing) Well, I suppose that is accurate. Yes, America is currently respected like never before. Yeah, that's true. But not in the way he meant it. He says, "Giving away an extremely important piece of land is a great act of stupidity and is another in their very long line of national security reasons why Greenland has to be acquired." (laughing) And then this month, Trump and Starmer spoke by phone and then Trump changed his mind again. What? He posted on truth social that his discussions with Starmer were very productive. He wrote, "I understand that the deal that Prime Minister Starmer has made according to many is the best he could make." Asked about Trump's comments, the White House press secretary, angry Barbie look-alike Caroline Levin, said, "Donald Trump spoke with Prime Minister Starmer, he understands Starmer's position and he supports it." And then two weeks later, the US State Department issued a statement that once again, emphasized the US government's black backing for the deal. It says the US supports the decision of the United Kingdom to proceed with its agreement to Mauritius concerning the Chegos Archipelago. One day later, Trump blew it up again with a lengthy post on truth social, telling Starmer to ditch the Chegos deal. I'll sum all of that up for you. (laughing) Don't know for any sense, 'cause there ain't none in there. Paul. What a way to run a planet, I? - Treadful. - 3, 4, 5, 606, 9, 7, 3. - Where the hell's going crazy? - Yes, the old bag is right. 03, 4, 5, 606, 9, 7, 3. Let's have Devon Rose. - Hello Nick. - Rose. (laughing) - Oh, sorry, you thought we were right off now. I just wanted to talk a little bit about about how we need to keep our independent software.
Yes, and civilization and a little symbolic act I did and I've got something also about a dog if I get chance a little dog which is all connected. It's all connected Go on. Yes. Well, see we asked to be a jumping off point for his bombers Yeah, and I just feel we keep being hauled into his orbit like caught fish Yeah, or like I and filings with with magnets Magnets now nobody knows what magnets are nobody knows what magnets are that is just a scientific fact What we did in physics yeah, and this barking voice Nick of hate and dominance posing as savior that is Trump's intended for number 10 Farage he unveiled he unveiled his cabinet Oh, yeah, political drakes Well, they're defectives they've defected from the Conservative party and we we know what Fagash thinks about Tories my message to you is clear plain and simple never Trust a Tory never trust a Tory clear plain and simple in other news. Please trust all of these Tories I mean you couldn't make it up could you well I'll just tell you about this little symbolic act I did because it's related to you know how reform and others who appear to get by on just the one shared brain Cell in felt Britain by thinking we would leave civilization behind and think to copying ice Yeah, well, we haven't seen the last of ice obviously since money it many many Apple is and by sheer chance last week only I heard these five recordings of some powerful music that depicts Finland's landscape now There's a country that threw off oppression Which a reviewer had chosen and though it wasn't his final favorite In solidarity I bought the one by the Minnesota orchestra with finished conductor Now I didn't know there was a Minnesota orchestra and it you know and I hope this is great and they You've never heard of the prestigious orchestra of Minnesota I hadn't no No, we know well, I didn't know there's so many orchestras aren't there? I had no idea that The Minnesota even made music name one band that has come from Minnesota. I bet you can't Well, I've got an orchestra for Christ. Well, that's right. Yeah Anyway, I didn't know that you see but anyway, so I thought wonderful and it wasn't his favorite Ultimately, but I've bought it and I'm just I just want to tell it because I'm really pleased This is not doing any good, but it seems my gesture in solidarity This is a small act of resistance on your right exactly and the CD came this week from my Oxford shot So it's all a CD. Yes, what's a CD granny? be quiet With a photo of well of the wild swan flying into the settings that I'm So it couldn't be better. Yeah, now you see just because Donald Donald Trump Donald Donald Trump pushes away The fabric of civilization piece by piece Doesn't mean we have to shackling random brown people and crippling all descent and I just think we need to prize our individuality And we've got It's what this nation is known for our weirdness and our individuality It's what we For in the second world war and we should fight for it on a daily basis because You cannot let that go No, but not the not after we fought for it for heaven's sake 80 years ago 85 Well, this is the thing My I own friend, you know who I've talked about her little rescue dog actually quite a big dog Who came with the name Avril? Avril That's a terrible name for a dog. Well, anyway, she's lovely and Which which your friend or the dog? Okay, she she noticed my friend's little book of the Constitution capital C picked it up and proudly placed it in her kennel and I like We're talking about your friend or the dog the dog price She couldn't believe it she just picked up his book and as if she was so pleased with putting her kettle Well, you see I like to think this is for safe keeping until all this blows over well maybe Mark said When did he say this very recently he said in the US there and now and this is his quote what he said? I mean no guardians of constitutional property Which is very Simon Marx, isn't it? I couldn't have said that I don't even know what most of those syllables mean But my question is did that book have a leather cover? Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Yeah, you mean that might have been the attraction that might have been the attraction was about the constitution. Yeah, that's right. I mean, I don't doubt that that's a really smart dog, but I'm not sure it could actually read But it does was very strange, you know when all this I mean obviously I'm not reading anything into that it's just Delightful, you know when all that he's just trampling over the whole Constitution and And then I've really picked up the book and puts it safely in the kennel because I know that dogs do not do foxes Foxes are very very attracted to anything that's got leather on it and if it's a book or Like a glove something like that. They will race through your garden And if you've happened to have accidentally left it on the ground while you were having a nap after being refreshed Who's something like that then it will be gone by the time you wake up because Foxes they just love that like wallets for instance I found a wallet in my garden a few years ago. Really? Yeah, I just I saw it at the corner of my eye. I thought what that looks like some rubbish has blown in And I thought I'll get to that later then a day went by and I thought oh still there I'll get to that in a minute and then another day went by and on the third day actually went out and looked and it was a wallet with a money in it Cool, so a fox must have picked up somebody's wallet I mean what the circumstances were that they lost it in the first place that a fox would pick it up I have no idea we finished well, yeah no doubt and I bet they have sobered up pretty quick Well, I did gone oh Yeah, no, I didn't know that I have to say yeah So you know foxes and dogs not too far apart Well, they're the same flipping species. Yeah, but they smell different if you've ever seen a dog react to the presence of a fox It can smell it about five minutes before you can see it. It's just really quite extraordinary. Yeah Oh, well, I did you know all this We've got to stand up for ourselves Nick. Yeah, but nobody else is gonna know we're gonna be dragged in with this Gastly ghastly awful people just as we thought it as you said we thought it all were off 85 years ago Well, no, I don't include me in that I was I had to Thumb it wrong with my my heel. I had to you know a spur and the doctor gave me a pass So one nothing to do with me. Oh Well, I mean we weren't born. Where are we? Yes, that is my excuse Stick it to it and now I'm just way past the age at which you are required to fight so it looks like I I won that one Okay, good talking to your own thanks for that 0345 6060973 Stephen says the last real minis rolled off the production line in 2001 Did you know that the tanks now called minis were actually designed by Rover before they went bust BMW saw the opportunity and bought the mini design that we know today. I did not know that They're absolutely huge you put a I mean there's various sizes of new mini and the biggest ones while it's just like It's a car on steroids isn't it? It's a monstrous thing, but just the ordinary Size of new mini if you put it next to the ordinary size of the old mini. It's about a quarter of the size Just staggering least more and you think how could anybody get in there? And one there and when they win there how could they possibly get out? You know with that crowbar Or somebody greasing down their sides with butter Hating in purses one for the Trump bingo card. He will rename one of the US public holidays as Donnie Trump day Yeah, um, I would be amazed if he didn't I had to find my bingo card and put that on there before I forget Yeah, he's gonna want a holiday named after himself, isn't he? He says by the way my wife has become one of your fans and she turns you on to help her go to sleep keep up the good job Says Hayden in Perth Right well as long as it's that way around she turns me on to help her go to sleep Manchester hello, Billy I look how they're done. Yes, pretty good. Thanks Second time call a long time lover amazing stuff you are the Lionel Messi of radio must say I'm saying Thanks So good and but you just say with the Trump. I'm just wondering that I can't stand the guy and you know all the stuff you'd be saying in my totally agree with other these you know completely loose Can't and say the least but I just wonder if he might be playing a good game here in some degree because
You know, it's been Venezuela lately, obviously with the oil, that's like a kind of good partner of Russia, you know, in terms of trade and oil and stuff and shipments being taken in the sea and stuff. But, you know, India as well, they've recently signed a trade agreement with America. And I think one of the terms was that you can't buy Russian oil anymore. And then with Iran, obviously they were getting the drones from their Russia, obviously, put in for, you know, the war in Ukraine. So I just wonder, it's kind of kind of, you know, like selling weapons to NATO and then like Europe, pasta, and once you claim to psychologically, he's like, right, I'm stepping away from Russia. But really, he's doing other bits in the background to kind of slowly cut Russia off. Do you really think it's that considered that he would gone through that thought process or would he have just done whatever suits him best at any given time? I do think he wants to be an emperor. Yeah, but I do think in some capacity that I don't know, he could be a secret genius. I think it's easy in hindsight to ascribe certain characteristics to things that people said or did that don't necessarily have any relation in the truth. So you could say, well, he's a genius because he, I don't know, well, one thing that he did do, I guess which is a good, I suppose, I mean, not really, but he made everybody spend more money on defense on the, you know, weapons of mass destruction. And I suppose it's a good thing, but, you know, wouldn't it be nice if we could spend it on health and education and, you know, stuff like that? Well, I think we're all doomed, parcel in. This brings onto my nickname for Donald Trump. I don't know if it's possible for you to take this on your scrapbook or whatever it might be, but go on. Sat, sat, summa, duma. Um, you look good enough for the list. Sat, summa, duma. Now, hmm. Let me think about that. All right. All right. Okay. Good luck. Thanks a lot, Billy. Battle like next time. It's very disappointed. It's buy, buy, buy. Oil is going up while Donnie plays with his battleships. I'm invested. So I'm biased. Listen to me, sir, Steve. I absolutely will do nothing of the sort. Car says, how about you ban Merva Tidfil, Jeff from the Nick Abbott show? Now, come on. Play nice. Why can't people just get along? Andrew in Chelsea says, when you said the Supreme Court's judges were his appointees, I misheard it as disappointees, which they must be for the orange man. Yeah, he's very disappointed. Very upset. I'm really surprised. I mean, I know a lot of people are saying that, you know, as a point of law, Donald Trump can't actually start doling out these tariffs left-right and send. He has exceeded his authority, but I just didn't think that they would come to that conclusion. The Supreme Court. I thought they were just all in for him, regardless of what it was he said or did. But I don't know his world seems to be unraveling. You know, there's infighting in the ranks. That guy used to be on Fox News. Carman was famous, but he interviewed Nick Fuentes, this right-wing agitator, the guy who makes money from upsetting people on the internet. You know, women are either for making babies their prostitutes or their nuns. Those are your only choices, women. If that's the kind of thing he says, I imagine to get a rise out of people on the internet with which he can make money. It's all about the money, honey. Anyway, from the like the Magga crowd interviewed this guy and people within the Magga movement, absolutely furious. Well, you could understand why. I mean, if that's the kind of thing he comes out with, you know, Hitler wasn't that bad. He was actually a really good guy. That's the kind of thing he would say. Now, somebody with evil intent could clip up me saying that and just have me saying, Hitler was a very nice guy. You know, you could do that. I wouldn't recommend it, but you could. So, there's fighting there. The people behind the Project 2025, the Heritage Foundation, they're all fighting amongst themselves and they're very, you know, resigning on mass and etc and so on. And that whole project seems to be, you know, falling apart. And it couldn't happen to a nicer or more deserving person. Oh, shit up. 0345 6060973. You can text 84850 email, nick a at lbc.co.uk. 0345 6060973. Right. So what we do given we are doing a radio show. It doesn't remind me, by the way, that I do a podcast with Karen McGiffin. Yeah. We're taking a break. We are not going to be doing a helping podcast until mid March. But when we come back, oh boy, we're going to be helping our faces off. Ain't that right, Carol? No. In the meantime, you should be aware that the best of podcasts, which is called the Nick Abbott habit, is now twice a week and extra long. So in order to double your pleasure, I'm putting it out twice a week now on Mondays and Wednesdays called the Nick Abbott habit, a clips of old shows concentrated amusement. I think you'll love it. The Nick Abbott habit asked by name on an internet near you comes out Mondays and Wednesdays now in an extended form. Lauren, let's have this call in Manchester from a bloke called David David. Very well, thanks. Tell us how we should be bringing this country. Well if I was running this country, what would I be doing? Yes, brother. Absolutely everyone is going to jail. I mean it. If I was in charge, everybody would be inside hard labor. Oh, okay. What were you doing to his, Nick? We were just trying to be friend now and you've already put it all in jail. What's going on? Well, you know, it's the power. In fact, having a lot of power, it's almost remarkable that people who run countries don't go rogue straight away because it's in our nature. And I don't think that I should be given a tremendous amount of power, but then I don't think anybody should be given a tremendous amount of power. If you want to be the leader of a country, that should almost exclude you from being allowed to be the leader of a country. I just don't think that we are responsible units as people. Are you a responsible unit, David? Yes, yes, yes. Well, that's why I was thinking, I was thinking maybe we should just get AI like the Bolivians have done and get a few AI kind of parliamentarians that could act on our behalf. What do you think about that, sir? I think that's an excellent idea. I'll throw it in. Yeah, let's get the robots in. Yeah, but I'm not. I'm just going to get, wow, why not? I don't know. I've seen that film over and over again and it doesn't end up well for human kind. Affirmative. Yeah. But that's a good idea, though, David. Keep me in charge. I'll sort everything out. You bet you I will. No, there was that famous experiment. There's Stanford prison experiment. Do you remember that perhaps you were learned about that? I think basically it was supposed to be a two week long experiment and they had to bail after I think a couple of days or week tops because they split students into two groups. They said, right, you're going to be a prisoner and you're going to be a jailer and then we'll start role-playing and we'll see what happens. Within about 10 seconds, the jailers started torturing the prisoners and just being absolutely hideously awful. And they were just their own student. They were mates, friends before they started this experiment and they had to bail on it really quickly because it started to get like people are going to die here. And if those were super smart Stanford students, then what chance of the rest of us got to handle enormous power and do it well. How about if we left you in charge, David? Oh, I've probably tried to do something to prison experiment, but I've probably tried to do it scientifically so it's not how it came across which was completely rubbish. Yeah. And by the way, it's extra time inside and hard labor for those eating while they're speaking. Displastic. You believe that. Thanks a lot, David. Ed says, "Greening, so you are overly sure it's not the camera. It's the person taking the photo. Yeah. If your platform takes pictures, I shall show you one that I've got.
when I was eight years old, you can take the credits. If my platform takes pictures, what does that mean? I should show you the one that I took when I was eight, you can take the credits. Well, I think Mozart created music when he was eight. There wasn't a piano that did it. Just because you're eight years old, doesn't mean to say you are bereft of artistic ability. And, you know, some pictures look like their artistic and some pictures just look like their snaps. But the two can swap. A snap can become artistic. I mean, Wolfgang Tillman's, if you ever been to an exhibition of his, I just don't get it myself, but it just looks like somebody's random snaps like badly taken pictures. But I think that's the is of it. He is an artist, apparently, because he can assemble these randomly taken snaps in a sort of a larger piece of art, apparently. I don't get it myself, but, you know, I'm no expert. But yeah, of course it's not the camera that's taken a picture. It's the person who is taking the picture. And they're doing it at that precise moment, the unique moment. And if you've got a motor drive, then you're not an artist. You're a journalist photographer. Now, you can be a journalist photographer and an artist, the two can coagulates, but often don't. How it says, "A photographer without a camera is useless and conversely a camera without a photographer is useless, so I reckon it's 50/50." No, no, it isn't. Come on. I mean, this is like that argument when somebody looks at the picture of Dunn by Picasso or, Jasper Jones or one of these people said, "Oh, well, I like the dude." Anybody could do that. That's rubbish. That is. Yeah, but you didn't do it, though, did you? This text says, "Malcolm was right regarding photos as you can do on your mobile phone. You obviously haven't found the button on yours." Well, that doesn't make any difference either. The method in which you take the photograph is neither here nor there. It's the photograph itself that's the thing. Cheryl says, "Hi, Nick, with regards to the lady that called you, I have a classic Mini 35, 1994 year. I took it to the Isle of White with a 43-inch TV, three suitcases, one dog, myself, my partner, and a gazebo for the Mini Show. (laughs) Be that. Impossible. It can't be done. In an old Mini, you took a 43-inch TV, three suitcases, one dog, herself, her partner, and a gazebo, blind me. Well, if a gazebo is a chocolate snack, then that's understandable. Otherwise, I don't believe you. And Ricky says, "Our Malcolm and Jeff are the same person." Well, that is possible, yeah. It's entirely possible. Where's my glamorous assistant, Con? I'm all here on my own. But you know me, I never complain. Stop whining. I'll just have to keep reading. Robin London says, "Nick, I saw an old school fit 500 "next to a modern Volvo XC90SUV the other day. "The roof of the fit was barely higher "than the bonnet of the Volvo. "Humans have lost all sense of proportion "when it comes to using the earth's resources." Yeah. Yeah, we seem to be increasing our crazy use of earth's resources. I mean, partly it's safety regulations, isn't it? That's why cars have got bigger. But you know, there's LED headlights. I don't know how they're getting away with that, 'cause there's nothing safe about those at all. And those SUVs, they are the worst for that, 'cause the lights are so high, how are they being able to, how are they allowed to get away with that? And Dan in San Francisco says, "Nick, you know modern digital SLR cameras "as used by the PAPs are all digital "and don't have film or a motor drive. "They just have a shutter that clocks up and down. "They can also be run like a video camera "so you just point no need to shoot." Yeah, I know they haven't got film in, but they do have a motor drive, surely. A shutter that clocks up and down, I don't know what that means. But yeah, they take a single photograph or you keep your finger pressed on the button and they take a multiple photographs like a motor drive. That's what they do. And finally for the moment, Gabriel and Hacny says, "I don't suppose you'll break your rule "and allow a second call to debate Malcolm's point "that photography isn't often an art. "It's just pressing a button. "Perhaps a live head to head." Yeah, well, let me think about that for a minute. (singing) Absolutely. (dinging) (laughing) Paul says Donald Trump's own Supreme Court voted against tariffs. However, it doesn't make sense to punish the whole world by imposing an extra 10% on every country. Donald Trump is not a nice man, he says, which is completely incorrect because I've heard it from the man himself. Donald Trump is a very nice person. He's a very nice person. But yeah, imposing an extra 10% on every country is gonna hurt other countries because we're, you know, all of the years that have gone by when you are organizing your business for the American market and suddenly your product is 10% more expensive, which is gonna decimate many businesses. But it really, really doesn't make any sense because the tariffs are paid by the American people. It doesn't you still not understand that. I mean, presumably that was one of the things that the justices said when they refused to go along with this little scheme. They said, you know, guess what? All of those people that have been telling you that tariffs aren't paid by foreign countries, they're paid by the American consumer, they are correct. And that is the reason that we are striking this down. Is a little tariffs scheme. Does he really not understand that? The amount of times it's been explained to him or does he just, does it just kind of interfere with his plans? So the truth has interfered so much that he's just denying that it exists the truth. Hard to tell, really. Or does he just think that his ER fans are so dumb that they're just gonna go along with anything? He says, you know, those people. Hard to know. Thomas says, "Hi, Nick, failing to gain a place on Mount Rushmore Trump will commission astronomers to discover a constellation that looks like his face that will be the 13th sign of the zodiac after many millennia." Well, I wouldn't be surprised. Hazel and the, hello, Della. Hello, Nick. Hi. Della. So I've got a couple of things for you. And the worry about the far right getting in, I accidentally turned onto a different radio station, which is a bit right, I know. I know, but I didn't like, well, the topic they were discussing. So I switched channel. And there was a guy he sounded so desperate. And he said to the presenter, "Don't know what we're going to do. "There's so many parties, it's just gonna split the vote." And that actually is right. Yes. Because all of these megalomaniacs and they're all the same. You've got Ben-a-Deeb, you've got Farage, you've got Rupert Lo, there's a heap of others. And you've got the good old Tories in their original state. The Tories. Yay. Exactly. It was about time that the right had their votes split because the left have been suffering from that for as long as I can remember. Exactly. But do you know it just reminds me of, did you ever see the show "Redd Woff"? I didn't. I know what it is, but I didn't see it. Well, there's just one character in it who is really obnoxious called Rimmer. And there was one scene in it where he was brought before a council in space because he would been really obnoxious. And it's always, always remember this 'cause it really made an impression on me, Ben. He said the judgment was, "You are guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is your crime and it's also your punishment." And I think it. That applies to all Megalamaniac, isn't it? They have this desperate need to be looked up to and revered. They can't be on their own. You can't be part of a party. You can't have Farage and her bee, but the other one. No. All the other Megalamaniacs, they have to have their own one which will inevitably at least it the vote. Yes. Well, it is. We are living in interesting times. And there's no doubt about that. And all of those parties that you just mentioned, they're all appealing to the same people. And like we said, the left have suffered from that forever. You know, we've lived Dems versus the Labour Party and maybe a sprinkling of the Greens on top. But you know, the Greens in some of the polls that I've seen, how have they fashioned such a turnaround in such a short period of time? In that bloke's like a wizard. Well, that's a young, telegenic or. Telegenic? Telegenic, yeah. Yeah. And yeah, and he's got an enthusiasm about him. I mean, that all he tells, well, doesn't it? Well, he's got. He's got charisma. Yeah, indeed, in bucket. The other thing is, and you can thank us now, but it's women don't want reform.
and reform had a four point disadvantage with women in 24 and now it's six points. So yeah, it's a you can say, I don't get in, but I had one, one other thing I want to take was there was another issue in the news was about use on employment. And I wanted to say that I moved out to Surrey relatively recently and in all the routes all I read about is pot holes, pot holes, pot holes. And I it just don't that you've got all these unemployment and all these pot holes and I'm just thinking as a I'm serious. I think that what I think the plan that you were about to explain is is a very, very good one. We want to crush, crush small people into like a gloopy mess and then use that mess to fill in the pot holes. That's what you were going to say, isn't it? It was not. But seriously, because I used to live in a private road. Oh, really? Yeah, exactly. But no, there was a week we could never find the landowner and there was one guy who just one day said he got off everyone's the 60 quid. I think there were eight people in the lane and he got the thing done. That would like two weeks. And do you know when I look at these Facebook groups is some counselor, Dustin, Dustin saying, oh, I'll have to arrange it. I'm working on it. Why does it take so long? Well, the part holes, the part holes in the roads were terrible before the cold spell. Do you remember that spell that we had when it snowed and then it was so still, whether it was so completely still that the snow stayed where it had fallen for about a week. There was no wind and it was below freezing for about a week. And I think at that point, the roads really fell apart because before they were quite bad and after after water had got in and then froze and stayed that way for about a week. That I mean, that absolutely destroyed roads in this country. And they, you know, councils couldn't get on top of it before, but now they really really can't get on top of it. And the roads where I live, they're, it's like, yeah, like a farmer would recognize them as a track, but they don't look like roads to me. Exactly. Now, I mean, I put it into chat GPT. I'm sure someone will ring into tell me I'm wrong. But it said, it's gave a list of what you need. It says cold patch asphalt. What's that? I suppose it's like to make that kind of thing. Right. Then it had shovel broom and gloves and something to pat it down, which is a tab. You need you need a, you need a, you need a shovel to lean on and a cup of tea in your. Exactly. And rods do it to do your own. Yeah, that's right. But you could get all of that from Robert Dioce or weeks. So I don't understand why it is such an enormous undertaking. It's an enormous undertaking because they don't fix the problem. They just patch it up. And that's the problem in this country. It's short termism. They could spend more to save money in the long run by just resurfacing roads. But they don't because they don't have money in the short term to spend that kind of cash to save money in the long term. And so we're just perpetually patching up, which initially costs less, but over the course of time, cost us more. Exactly. But you had a text in a couple of weeks ago from someone from Lancashire. Do you remember this? No. And he said that. No, this is interesting because he said that they had problem with pot holes and then they suddenly all been fixed, which might coincide with the king having. Oh, yes. Well, that is absolutely right. You get the king to come over to your place and everything will be not just freshly tarmed, but it'll be freshly painted to his precise specifications, including the glass. Exactly. But that reminded me of, remember the famous song by the Beatles, 4,000 holes in Blackburn Lancashire. So it only took them. That was written in 67. I looked it up. So that only took them 60 years to get round to fixing the pot holes. But that wasn't a song about pot holes, though. No, but he joined Lenin took the line from a headline in the Daily Mail about pot holes. Yes. Oh, no. Yes. A day in the life. That's why it was so miserable. It was about pot holes. Well, that's one of my favorite songs of all time. In fact, I think that's one of the greatest achievements in the history of music. And it's about pot holes. Oh, now I'm very disappointed, Della. Oh, no, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you on a downer. Well, at least you know that reform aren't going to win. So there's something to be pleased. Well, we don't know anything of the sort and we'll find out when it happens, but appreciate that. I'm going to leave that conversation there because next you'll tell me that Lucy and the sky with diamonds is just a girl that was in a balloon and she had a ring on. Just turn off your mind, relax and float down stream. Yeah, I was. Thomas says, "Hi, Nick, failing to gain a place on Mount Rushmore, Trump will commission astronomers to discover this, to discover a constellation that looks like his face." Yeah, I think so. I think I've said that. This says Donald Trump's own Supreme Court voted against tariffs. However, it doesn't make sense to punish the whole world by imposing an extra 10% on, I think I've read that too. Steve says, "When is a car not a car?" Um. Is that a joke? When is a car not a car? And is it bell necessary on a bike? I don't know. You have to answer the question if you're going to pose it. Otherwise, I'm just living me in a state of confusion. This says, "Still raining in hull, but at least I can whip the hose pipe out in summer. Not really, it'll be the same old blooming nonsense going around and around every blooming year." Yes. As much water as we've had, I bet come June, they'll say, "Oh, well, it was the wrong sort of water, you understand." A hose pipe ban will start immediately, and we'll start sending out letters of punishment in due course. I still haven't heard back from the council that tried to extort £160 of me for parking in a place that I was perfectly at liberty to park in. They rejected my initial appeal. They said, "You're not appealing at all." You believe that. And so I have appealed again, and I am awaiting their response. They'll probably say, "Oh, well, we sent you a response in the mail and that you didn't get it as a nut-not-out-fault at all. You now owe us £3000." Or £10,000. Or your house and your car and all of the furniture they're in. I wait there to answer with trepidation, because if you've appealed once and they said no, and you appealed twice, and I was completely in the right, there's absolutely no doubt about it, facts is facts. And if you appealed again, but you appealed to the same people, they're just like you say no again, aren't they? And then what? What happens then? Is there an ombudsman for car parking disputes? I don't think there is. I think they might be wondering if you're parked in a private car park, but I got any dream of being able to park in a private car park. Now I left it on the road, more full me. Nick Abbott, LBC. Is he crazy or is that just the way he acts? We're not too far away from having a pleasure of allegiance to the dear leader every day. Workers congregating outside their factories and doing Tai Chi or whatever it is that they do over there. And pledging their allegiance to the dear leader. They're going to start the day with the star Spangled Banner on TV, but TV channels never sleep. The light casinos. Well, of course, Donald Trump's casinos sleep. He having driven them into the ground. Oh, shit up. Only only man in history who couldn't make any money running a casino. You believe that. James says Glasgow is officially no longer the rainiest place in the British Isles. Cardinum in Cornwall has now had 50 plus consecutive days of rain. Hang on. Alive me. That's all for isn't it? What if it never stopped? I mean, it's possible. What if the rain never stopped? Gas in Hartley Paul says bad car names. The Ford Cortina Spanish for curtain. The Ford curtain. It's terrible. Pete says it's because most classic cars are naturally aspirated. Thus the mixture is manually adjusted. And if it's incorrect, then the strong smell of oil is emitted by the tailpipe. Yet all they just do are really, really pull it and old bangers.
old cars you do not want to get stuck behind an old car in traffic you just they are terrible it's I mean just awful you have to pull over let them go by let somebody else suck up that poison old burie hello ranches yes good thanks I want to get stuck beyond the car at the Safari Park yeah when they go in uphill and the burning the clutch yeah I'll tell you what that is a horrible smell awful you know yeah when the burning the clutch sometimes you wonder what people are actually running their engine on I mean is it like old chip fat do you ever think about running your car an old chip fat no no I only use you know it recommends on my car that you only you know not not even super market fuel the newest freshest chip fat yes and then talking about smells like I've even noticed our Donald Trump when he's on a force one he's always standing next to the cubicles next to the toilet on that plane yes that's that is true now I suppose on the plane it's a bit difficult to get very far away from the toilet you couldn't really do it but he's always hanging around there there but I think it may be because that's the dividing line between where all the reporters are and where his own private personal area is yeah that's true maybe yeah but you know we know when you fly you know if you sit next to the toilet there is a bad smell isn't there right so maybe he's on a hide he's smell yeah and then I you know and I've seen this video that's going around right where these blocks is I just don't a double shift right at work and I was so tired and I was walking home and I seen this skinny look at me yeah well I've heard a man talking about it so obviously yeah that guy yeah that was absolutely hilarious I see me today and talking about what I mean you mean he flipped the story that's a harry was the skin it's a he was minding his own affairs walking home after a double shift and then some skinhead was acting very suspiciously he got off the pavement started walking in the middle of the road says do you want some or words to that effect yeah no no no then he says I got home and he says I've seen a leaflet posted by the reform party and he was this skinned and it was right there on the leaflet yeah and he says well for me I thought that was something really original somebody and don't know and that was fantastic you know and but you can't beat them kind of thing talking about old cars you know I think I think I first car I ever drove my mates mini around the car park and I think if you buy a Ford when you first pass your test you tend to stick with Ford there's some people you know if you buy a Vox or whatever and that's what's happening I mean I've had loads of Ford's I think you you count yourself as part of a gang don't you it's like going back to what you know even though the new car make me bear no resemblance to your old one but I'm guilty of that as well I've only ever had two cars in my life and they're both the blooming same but the thing is like now I mean I had loads of Ford's I've got a different brand of car now because I don't think they make the cars which is good I think it's probably nostalgic as well I mean I used to love the you know like I look up 14 or Mark 3's and Mark 5's they're going up in value yeah the old Caprice I mean they look great on the road they do I mean some of them are fetching 30 30,000 pounds when they were on your about 3,000 pounds and people who are restoring home when the bottom is going to fall out of that market though because I mean they do pull it way more than a new car and particularly when people are moving to batteries now that that's going to really seem unacceptable you create this cloud of smoke everywhere you go just in order to be able to drive around and something that looks nice does it look nice yeah I guess it has character old cars have character new cars just don't I find that surprising because it's just pressing metal into a shape isn't it I mean if the designer of an Aston Martin can press metal into that shape why can no other car makers produce something that is actually pleasant to look at yeah I mean if you look at the super cars like Ferrari's and Lamborghini's yeah they they have character as well but I can't afford one you know I mean right but if you look at a Ford Sierra I mean I used to have this Sierra and I'll tell you something you know like all these car washes that are here now it's not part of driving I had a Sierra and the painted chalked on it it was a white one and someone told me it says Ranji what you want to do is do a bit of our progress and start polishing it yourself yeah so I started on it the one day it took me two days but you know one side finished Nick yeah you put your hand key on the bunny it would slide down right and it caught that good you know honestly the paint you can do but you have to like I'm trying I'm trying doing that it's just it way more work than I was prepared to put in I think you need one of them buffers you know like it's like an electric drill attachment that is around buffer and it got what do you mean no no I don't know I don't know when I don't even to my white Ford Sierra it was a J-Reade 1992 okay and it was I think it's about five years old and I got right and I thought oh my god whatever I started doing this I don't have to get re-spray so I found up with my mind he says now listen he says do it carry on doing it until you do it took me two days yeah wait too long because every you've been on with you and none of that was like when you had a better time and you know then take any out for a spin it wasn't enjoyable now you've got these cars they're like a tool can you there's no pleasure really I mean you the day I went to Lexington there is no pleasure in a new car I mean I haven't driven very many of them but my my current car broke down and I had to a couple of week a couple of weekends coming into work I had to hire and one was a Volvo which was quite nice inside they upgraded me massively because it was the only thing I think they had left on the lot and the next one was was less exciting it was a Persia something like that but there were just I mean it was interesting being inside something that's new because it's got all these screens and all these beings and these bombs go off in my old car none and got any of that but there was just nothing I don't know there was just just boring there's like a laptop with wheels yeah my son in law is going out the Q7 quarter somebody ran into the back of himself he reported it to the insurance and he's waiting for the courtesy car and a couple of days later somebody else ran into the back of him so he had two weeks ago and they gave him a courtesy car which was a Volvo and he had you know the seat the front seats yeah was what you're driving he matches you a massage and everything and he showed me this is that this is an old man's car he says the road was all out the sporty car and he was arguing with him and that the car that gave him was an executive car I said son you don't know what's an executive car I don't know more money it's a saloon with four doors that you can put your samples in the back and bomb up down a motorway in now it's a big it's a big Volvo it's like a people carry you know like a jeep thing it was you know it's all about monies me really I mean you know back in the day you have to wind the window up with your actual hand yes can you believe that kids no no yeah and now these days to get a new motor it's going to cost you a few hundred quid right getting you motor you know not to wind the windows or yeah oh a window wiping motor right when the wind yeah a window winding motor yes on my car on the exhaust it's got seven different sensors right and if one of them gets a bit of dirt in there or anything like that the car can go into link mode we can't go any faster right and and I know inquired about it's one of the sensors rent and it cost me seven hundred quid right now you know a four-discord you could get the top shaft out of a four-discord I'm putting into a four-quarty you can mend an old car with a hammer while while you're wearing a blindfold it's any fault could do it okay I couldn't do it but any fault could do it but yeah you can't do that anymore that's you need a degree in computer science to be able to fix your car now it's it's open the bonnet it's like a modern art masterpiece here and you i've got to go thanks for that oh three four five six oh six oh nine seven three I don't feel normal at all well who does who does Carol
This text says the Melania movie is set to lose amps and tens of millions of dollars after a box office flop worldwide Or as Donald Trump would say it's the best and most successful film ever made Matt in Nottingham says hi Nick you were so right about Malcolm that photographer was brilliant Malcolm Malcolm oh the caller right Malcolm with a million years in a motor drive would not have been able to snag that photo Read the backstory from Phil Noble who took that picture. I most certainly will do nothing of the sort Matt But thanks for the suggestion Wembley Park hello Christoff Yeah, so I could be very brief for this time actually I should I be brief? Okay, I'll tell you what the before I make one I wanted to make Well already already already you're not brief. Yeah, true About about about people at school. Yeah, so We have the Boris Johnson school report Yeah, we then more recently had you know Nigel Farragist of senior school Right, yeah, yeah, thanks Now a few weeks ago I came across a reference to Extract of a documentary Made at Steven Miller's school Steven Miller's school Yeah, why was it transolvenia I think of someone in California right and he was he was I think a candidate for some sort of student And he was in a bus and he was talking about I was talking to other students on that bus about certain matters Is that the senior you're talking about? And not sure right because I can't see so I don't know he was I don't think he was on a bus, right, but I do I do remember that he made That I do remember to quite you to remember quotes That are in the do because they couldn't find the full documentary that the school has tried to find it They couldn't find the whole thing And he said I am gonna say things that no one in their right mind would say And I'm gonna do things that no one in their right mind would do yeah, that was one that was one quote That the name of you standing me candle it was something And this other quote was something like I get sick and tired of people telling us to pick up our litter Because that's what janitors are employed to do This is Steven Miller the the architect of Donald Trump's Actions against people in America with ice and all of that Yeah, so I kind of think that unfortunately you can't really do this in the democracy But I think everyone sort of In a sort of senior school should That should be some sort of Kind of assessment of their narcissistic tendency and a trapdoor should open up if they fail a simple test And that will be the last we ever see of them. I was gonna suggest brain surgery Well, that's it that is going to an extreme. Yeah, I do think a trapdoor is not extreme. Wow You know It's not cutting into somebody and as soon as they disappear through the trapdoor then you never need to bother yourself with them again problem But I was gonna say as I've already referred to I'm blind I'm pretty blind and so I feel That I'm in the best objective position to settle this debate about Photos. Oh right go on and So I don't think it's the process of taking the picture I think it is the process of choosing the picture Because these cameras do take many many many pictures a second right so basically you just point the camera and Every I don't 30th of a second or maybe 60 second you get a new picture And so the thing is to go through the hundreds of pictures on one of these high definition four-case green afterwards And think which one of these pictures is really gonna be But now that that's the case now. It probably warned the case in the past Yeah, I think what you're describing is a journalist photographer But that's different to an art photographer and I guess that you know It's it's all just tools of the trade isn't it and you know somebody like Martin par who takes those delicious photographs of Brits enjoying themselves at the seaside and so on I mean if you Set up a camera and you took a hundred pictures of some of the eating an ice cream then you might get the the very one But I think that that would be less of an achievement if you just took one picture which is how it used to be Yes, I mean the the milliband eating a bacon sandwich picture. I mean other than how many pictures they they they took but it's just that moment At that moment, which was the the one that sort of finished off his campaign for Never eat on camera never eat on camera All right, thanks a lot to Christopher. I've an health to start out oh three four five 6060973 there's a very good reason that nobody ever eats on camera On film and TV I mean like the sopranos for instance they were always eating But they never put any food in their mouths absolutely not through my recollection They were always going on about food. They were cooking food They were telling other people to eat your food eat the food Um They were probably throwing food. I can't remember that but I don't remember them ever actually putting any food in their mouth like Tony soprano would be stabbing the food on his plate like he was trying to kill it But I don't remember him ever eating any Because nobody looks good when they're eating Oh three four five six oh six oh nine seven three uh some are said hello Laura Like Laura We like to have a guest at the car that I drive Uh, yes, it's probably something dreadfully woke and boring Well gone um, I think you probably drive a Um, well, I can't say now because I've called it woken boring but It's a hatchback of some sort Uh probably Probably uh something beginning with the V The V The V It's the brand is begins with the V Oh um But the other one No, the other other one That's right quite surprisingly many car manufacturers begin with a letter V which is uh not something you would expect There's the other one Those two no there's three at least three the other other one chef no chevron No, obviously chevrolet. There's got to be yeah, we always got a V in it but it doesn't start with V So you don't that in any case in any case the one I drive yeah, it's not does not start with a V But the there's a particular reputation attached to drivers of this car There's a particular reputation attached to drivers of that car. Oh Audi Oh, could you imagine if I did happy so cool um Well Which cars have which cars have particular reputation you mean a bad reputation or a You're a slow you're a slow driver is that the reputation that these cars have? Oh god no Morris minor something like that That's it. Oh Morris major Yeah I drive a Morris major. Yeah, right. Well, it's a it's a beautiful car Well, thank you very much and I was I was gonna ask um of just on the food thing actually I was Cornel wasn't me else but you mentioned food on TV Um there's a really upsetting scene in when Harry met Sally where they're in a restaurant and not seeing that you're thinking about but The they eat a salad at a restaurant and I eat literally like a bag of salad on the supermarket Yeah, and whenever I watch that film one of my favorite films I really accept me the idea that they would be served like plain salad And I know it's just a film and it's just for the purpose of the film But it just it works me Every time Well, it's crazy. I mean first of all that you've seen that film more than once is just bizarre. I mean It's a lovely film So boy people talking about their their feelings Oh for Yeah, okay, I mean yeah, see you's funny, but I wouldn't say That would not make me watch that film more than once Uh, but um so they were eating a salad and your problem was that it came out of a bag No, it's just like if you order a salad in a restaurant it would have stuff on it This was like like a like a bag of salad you get a supermarket Does way to come down the stairs it's an obviously the point of the scene right is it like Harry and Sally are having this like awkward moment and it's like that's the point of the scene not the salad But I can't take my eyes off salad. I'm like surely you could have invested in like while salmon vinegar or something Like what they go to a restaurant to eat that yeah, I think you should invest in a knife
I mean, watch another film, let me know again. What about the foliage in that film is beautiful. Is that a fact? It's not something I can recall. I'm not even sure that I've seen that film. It sounds very much like a. I'm sorry, they have to say this. It's just that we're going to say it's a chick flick again. It's a goodness thing. I was going to say that. Meet me with my. I like chick flicks, and I love my Honda jars, okay? Oh, it's a Honda jazz rise. And what is the reputation that goes with people who drive a Honda jars? Well, I'll leave that for your listeners to look at them with research. But what I could just talk about was, you took me to the stand for Prison Experiment. Yeah. I had another experiment that I thought you might like to know about. That's all about the errors of the human ways. It's the milgram experiment that you know about. Oh, yeah. Are you already out of this? Yeah, I did psychology as a degree. I was wondering if I forgot about that. Did you hear about the line study then as well then? With a line study. The ash study I want to say, where they have lines of different lengths, I believe, ABC. And they're in a group and they go, "Which line is along this?" It's really obvious which one's along it. But then all the actors start seeing the wrong one. Right. And there's someone who's the actual person. Yeah. And they go, "Oh, yeah, I agree with them." Right. And it was funny because I did psychology at A level and they asked, "Oh, you know, what's the difficulty study?" And I said, "Well, it could have been emotionally traumatising for the fight out, but the lines were actually not the length that everyone was saying it was." It's how gullible are people, essentially. And the answer every time is very, yes. And we're really unpleasant. I mean, the milgram experiment was, as far as I can recall, people were split into two camps. One was the scientist and the other was the person who was answering questions. And unbeknownst to. "Oh, well, what are you talking about?" The milgram experiment. "We didn't study very hard. That's not how it go." Yeah. I think that the people that were doing the answering of the questions were actually actors and they were pretending to receive. People were talking about completely the wrong experiment. Well, are you talking about the Stanford experiment where Jayla's. Well, which one then? Okay, do you know what? It's really like to get cross-wise because milgram did a lot of stuff, right? It is like. I was talking about the lab's current experiment. And they think they're shocking someone with an electric shock. Yes, exactly. I just said. I was just saying that. The people who are receiving the electric shock are actors. They're not actually receiving an electric shock. No, you're misremembering it. No, that. Allora, you don't understand what you're talking about. That experiment was they were actors. They weren't actually receiving electric shocks but the people that were delivering the electric shocks didn't know that. And they kept increasing the electric shocks with every answer that these people supposedly got wrong. To the point that, they were delivering electric shocks of hundreds of vaults that were in enough to kill them. But they kept doing it because a person in a white coat was telling them to. That's the point of the experiment. You wanted me out. [laughs] Well, then my work is done. Thanks a lot, Laura. 03456060973 You're joking. No joke. 03456060973 James says, as you know, Trump loves Air Force One in the background while he spouts his guff in order to make out how important he is. Well, he loves the big noise in the background for perhaps that. But also, it's very, very difficult to understand what the reporter is saying. All you hear is what Donald Trump says because the reporters are all holding their mic to him and so you can't hear what they say. So it's just this. It's just this. Stuff that appears to come off the top of his head and you can't tell whether he's answering the question or not because you couldn't hear it. He loves that. Westminster, hello, Claire. Hey, Nick, how are you? Good, thanks. It's just a quick call to educate you. Oh, please. About your. I know. About your parking ticket. And you'll thank me. Okay. So, was it countable issues? Yes. Brilliant. So when you asked probably about half an hour ago whether there was like an independent kind of a judicator, there is. So it sounds like what you've done is. You've got the ticket on the car. You rode in within a few days and you made a challenge. Yes. So that's what's called the informal stage and the council does not have to answer any correspondence at all. They do, as a matter of courtesy, but nobody really investigates what you've said. So they're just ignoring all the facts. But the key point here. Yeah, but the key point here is that they said that if you ignore this, our judgment is that you were banged to rights and you always a liquid. If you do not respond immediately, then we will increase it by 100%. So you are 160 quid. And only at that time. Can you. Can you give. Yes, what a bracket. Correct. So, legislation states that when the tickets on the car, it's actually 160 pounds. But you're given 14 days to pay. Yeah, so they said. Yeah, but it's not a discount. That's not the way to think about it. It's not. They're not giving you a half-riest. They're doubling it. Right. So when you formally appeal then, which is what you've now done. But it's the same people. Well, yes and no, because it isn't always. So the people that deal with your first letter or email, they are not necessarily even employed by the council. They could be contracted. And they're just churning out work. Well, that is. They're not actually investing in your work. Oh my gosh. So they're threatening people with doubling the fine and they're not even checking. They may check. I can't believe it. But a lot of occasions, they don't. What I call "investigate". So now you've made your former representation. They will investigate what you've said. And look at the proof. And look at what the civil enforcement officer has said. And then, if they still don't agree with what you've said, they'll send you a notice of rejection. And that will give you 28 days from the date on the letter to go to the. Well, to either pay or go to an independent adjudicator. And the only thing I'd say is, is that if you. If it gets to that point, and I don't think it will, from what you've described. But if it gets to that point, go. Go to the independent adjudicator. Because you can find out how many cases that particular barra wins/looses at Lies and Tribunals. That's easy. You can find that out online. And most councils don't turn up. They don't go. And when you as the driver or the motorist goes, it makes a difference. So I would suggest you go because you're not losing anything. The price will remain the same. Anyway. Right. But go. You don't have to physically go in person. You can just ask for it all to be done. I think they do it like over Zoom. Now, so an adjudicator and lawyers, they will investigate what you've said and taking into consideration whatever evidence that you have. The council will submit their evidence. Well, and then they will look at it. But if you go in person, or you have a personal hearing, it makes a difference. Right. So I would do that. Because you're not going to lose out. But doesn't say I don't think it'll get to that stage. I think it will be fully investigated. So, so you're guaranteeing that then? Are you? So if I get fined, if they say, oh no, we've looked at all of the evidence and you are still guilty, then you're going to pay that fine. Is that what you're saying, Claire? I'm saying, yeah, if it gets to my point, so pay them. So pay them. I'll give them your phone number. I'm happy to come with you. Right. But seriously, because from what you described, as I say, it seems just clear-cut. Very, very much so. Nobody's looked at it. And I get your frustration, because it seems ridiculous. When you've presented all of the evidence. I know. And it's straightforward. But I think it's a scam. Because they reject your first appeal. And they say, if you don't pay this straight away, we're going to double it. It's going to increase. And most people would say, oh, just an easy life. I'll just pay the amount. That's an absolute outrage. And it's a lot of money. 80 pounds. I bet my car isn't worth 80 pounds. But you're right. Most people just pay it. And they don't want to have the, we've got all these lives and stuff going on. And I can understand it. Actually, I don't have stuff going on. I'm doing nothing. I don't tell them that. Yes. You have to hold out. Because if you say people get scared, it's all about that. I've got to stay strong. Yes. But I think they'll cancel it anyway. I did send you a text and I said to you at the time to go back and photograph. Oh, I've done that. Did you do that for me? I have many, many photographs.
And it wasn't the phone. It wasn't the phone that took those pictures. It was me. It was you, your fair hand. We need a book. Right. Alongside the 8th of the year. Oh, book number two. Definitely think about that very strongly. All right. Good work. Yes. Hold fire and wait to see what they say. And if you need help, just shout and I'll say in a game. Okay. All right. Excellent work. Thanks a lot, Claire. There you are. You see actual real life assistance. I can't believe it. Finally, Grande says, and was there ever a Morris major after the Morris minor? Oh, I think I just made that joke. James says, Nick, as you know, Trump loves Air Force one. And I've done that. Evan in West Wales says, I think if aliens landed on the White House lawn and encountered a creature with crazy hair and tiny hands and square shoulders and orange glow, they'd head back to their ship, Inter and take off and never come back. Yeah, quite possibly. He's going to release all the ET files. I thought they'd done that already. Didn't they just dump a massive amount of ET files on us? And there was nothing in there that we didn't see already? All of these distractions. I mean, it's not working, Donnie. We're still talking about it. Yeah, we still are. Yeah. Haven't been able to distract us from Jeffrey Epstein in the good long while. So I think war with Iran is next. Let's see how that goes. Newcastle, Chandra. Very good evening. Yes, sir. What's the right way of greeting you? Should I say good morning because it's after midnight? Good morning. Good morning. Thanks for taking my call. Thank you for making our call. Oh, pleasure. Absolute pleasure. My, I'm not art littered and I've not had any training in art, but I have amateur level interest in art. Yeah, with regards to photography, it doesn't matter what the device is with which one takes the photograph. It's the it's having the artistic eye when one takes a photograph. Yes. And when when translates that in or curates whatever is being captured into something which speaks for itself. And when it speaks for itself, it has to do three things in my opinion. Number one, it a photograph has to depict which probably is the most obvious thing. They picked a three dimensional object in a two dimensional plane. So the three dimensionality has to be has to be obvious. If it's not, then they haven't done a good job of taking photograph. The second thing for me is the passage of time. In the sense, if it's just still, if a photograph has no life in it, then it's not very artistic for me. And the third thing is it has to evoke something in me rather, even if it's discussed, the photograph has to evoke a feeling inside me. So three dimensionality, some sense of passage of time, the dynamism within that which is depicted on the photograph. And the third thing is making me feel something. I think this is important. And I think that's I think there's four things. Oh no, the stirring inside inside your insights. Yeah, that was okay. That was thing three, right? So people think what's the big deal? It is actually a big deal. They take a photograph in an artistic fashion. It's not it's not everyone's. It's not that everyone's grasping exactly. You may get lucky and take a picture with your phone that could sit in an art gallery, but can you do it again a hundred times? Quite possibly not. Could I give could I give shout out to everyone you know? No, they used to be my I didn't about about 1516 years ago. I didn't really think much of photography in the sense I used to think it wasn't of the same cat as painting. What are the colors of oil painting? Well, it isn't. But but I'm just kidding there. They they used to be an artist's collective in New Carthl. They're unfortunately they they seem to have lost funding and I haven't. They're when you seems to have been passed on to somebody else recently. They were called fight S I D E and they they used to have phenomenal photographic exhibitions. And these were artists have quite senior pedigree from various parts of the world. And their exhibitions really made me see that actually there is there's the same level of art. No as painting no they're just isn't no. I mean somebody can paint a portrait of somebody and it can take them three months six months something like that. And you can stand in front of that portrait and look and look and look and look. But you can't really get the same kind of information oddly from a more realistic representation of that person in a photograph. The painting even though it might not appear as though you know on the surface that it represents that person as accurately as the photograph. You will get more from the painting but absolutely definitely. I wouldn't disagree with you but if if in an exhibition if it's a documentary star exhibition a photographic exhibition a collective of photographs can really make a powerful impact. Oh yeah I mean I go to photographic exhibitions all the time and in major photo exhibition come through London I'll see it. And yeah but you can't get the same sort of I mean if you're concerned about how you feel inside your insides then you'll get much more information from a painting than you will a photograph. I wouldn't disagree with you on that no I wouldn't disagree. Before you go or before you cut me off can I ask a couple of things number one Donald Trump and number two Nigel Farage. Do you let me go to Nigel Farage first. Do you think he looks a bit like Homer Simpson? Somebody put his photograph next to the chauffeur of Lady Penelope in Thunderbirds. I can't remember what the chauffeur's name was but that was a pretty good that was a pretty good find because those two do actually look the same Nigel Farage and Lady Penelope is chauffeur out of Thunderbirds. But he's supposed to be a competent one the chauffeur is a polished and a competent one which I don't think is the case Nigel Farage but the Donald Trump is it possible because he's arguing about or he had a his if it with barco farmers possible admission that they might be something out there. Is it possible that Donald Trump actually is a well it would answer a lot of questions we have had about it particularly the hue of his skin. Oh shut up. But let me ponder that a while. Chandra thanks for that. Oh three four five six oh six oh nine seven three. We are running late class as my dad bought a nineteen seven is bright orange mini from a man in a pub. He taught me how to drive in it and I passed my test in the mini in nineteen eighty two. I used to take my mates out regularly and had six to eight of us in the car. What. I mean I have seen it with my own eyeballs it used to be a thing it the I'm sure it was part of the Guinness Book of World Records. How many people can you fit in a mini not the mini so that we got now the tiny microscopically small minors that we used to have in the seventies. Six to eight people in the how Samantha and Liverpool says I had a yellow very basic mini thirty years ago is great fun recently bought a new one in yellow twice the size too many gadgets and not enough fun. Yeah I think that those old car that are puffing anything else there was so light and that and the tires were so thin that you could just throw them around like you were at the Dodgums. But not no more because all sorts of things and bombs. We'll start going off if you start throwing it around and you know not driving with due care and attention. Wellingborough hello Franco. Morning Nick how are you all. Yes very well thanks. This is the parking fine I've got about two years ago in shot in a field in Nottingham.
Okay. So I parked the car, I looked at the sign, and it said, "A lot of patrons are allowed to park for two hours, but you cannot leave physically the site." - A huge car. - Underneath that, you can't leave. - No, that's right, yeah, listen to this. The driver cannot leave that area. But underneath that, it said, you can visit Papa John's, a fishing tackle shop and a cake shop, which is off to the site. - Right, but was it the car park of those establishments? - No, it wasn't, it was a ripoff firm. - Okay. - It was, obviously, they don't know where you're going. - No. - They contradicted the sales. I got a fine, and I got two reporters from the area to come and take photos and get in touch with the company. - Not one, two reporters. - Huh. Well, that is what a little bit of bad publicity will do. (laughing) - Pay them run for the hills, rise. - Well, you think a person in my position would be able to wrestle up a couple of reporters straight away, but I just. - Absolutely, mate. - Yeah, get on the case. - I'm not going to do that because it would draw attention to myself and. - You get away with it. - Right, maybe. I'm expecting to get away with it because I ain't done nothing wrong. I'm a good boy. - It's me. - Yes. - Exactly. - All right, stand up for what you stand for there, Franco. Excellent work, that man. Keep on keeping on. There's a whole shop that just does fishing tackle, really? Chris says, "For the umpteenth time, it's a reliant, Robin, not a Robin reliant. It's all these people who are driving around in fiesta, fords, and viva voxels." - Yeah, okay. It's very, very absurd. It's a reliant, Robin, not a Robin reliant, right? - And were they reliable, really? - I'm not sure. I don't know whether they were, but I'm prepared to be convinced. Swaddling coat. Nick. - Hello, Nick. - Yes, Nick. Do you know I'm a regular listener to LBC, but it's the first time on your show. - Welcome along. - Anyway, I want to relate to you something truly amazing. One very dark night, but the foot of my bed was a five-legged dog with a revolving hat. - Right. Well, who hasn't had one of those? - Hmm. Well, it's the first time I experienced one. - A five-legged dog with a revolving hat. - A revolving hat. - I'm trying to think of what the punchline is, but it's eluding me. - Well, when I offered it to Boneyo, it shot through the fan light, through the wall, and disappeared. - Right, it's not as funny as I was expecting. - No, no, it's not. - I thought for sure there was going to be better than that. - No, you was expecting a little bit of a rhyme, weren't you? - I was expecting an amusement of some sort. - An amusement, yes. - And slowly disappointed, yeah. - By the way, the lady penalties, lady penalties, it's Parker. - Parker, that's right. Yes. - Yes, yes, my lady, something like that. - Yes, my lady. - There you go. You got it. 100% correct. All right, excellent work. Thanks a lot, Nick, for whatever that was. No idea. Something about a dog with a revolving head. Five legs. Catherine says, "I don't know if you remember "two-shay turtle from the 1980s kids show, "but every time I see Nigel Farage, "that's why I think of a turtle." No, I do not remember that. But then I wasn't watching kids shows in the 1980s, being as how I was at least 20 at the time. Alulu says, "Regarding Malcolm's argument "that you don't have to be talented "to take a good photograph, I give you Brooklyn Beckham." Yeah, he had the most expensive camera equipment that money could buy and still managed to take photographs on a par with a half-blind photographer on League of Gentlemen. I don't know what that is. I mean, I know that the League of Gentlemen was a TV show, but I never watched it. The half-blind photographer on League of Gentlemen. If you've never looked at pictures of, and I can understand why you wouldn't, having been subject to stories about Brooklyn Beckham and the larger Beckham family on a daily basis for as long as we can remember. Multiple stories on a daily basis. They come and they come and they come. If you stop clicking on those stories, they'll stop writing them. I guarantee that's true. But he published a book of his photographs. Or I imagine his parents did. I've got no idea how it came to be a thing. Worst photographs you've ever seen in your life. I mean, no doubt he had the best camera equipment that money could buy, because you know, why wouldn't he? Parents are loaded. And they were trying to find something that he might be good at. I wonder if they've done that. If anybody has found that yet. But he did a photograph album. And if you think that, you know, it's the equipment that takes the photo and not the photographer, then just take a couple of. Take a look at a couple of the pictures from that book. Unbelievablely bad. I mean, among the worst photographs I've ever seen. Certainly in a book. I mean, you could probably present me with some worst photographs that you've taken by accident when you were trying to unlock an app. And accidently took a picture of your face over your phone. (SCREAMS) I mean, which made you look about 1,000 years old. (BEEPING) We've all done that. Now, sorry, I couldn't get to all of your messages, 'cause so many. But I'll try my best to get through the best. get through the best of them this evening when I return. You should be aware that the Friday and Saturday night shows get put up the internet as a podcast, exclusive to global player or the new LBC app, both of which are free from your app store. The thing to ask for is Nick Abbott, of the whole show podcast. We take the news and most of the ads out mostly, which means it takes less time to listen to, which will give you more time to laugh at Brooklyn Beckham's photographs. (SCREAMS) OK, getting a little crawl now. Ask for it by name on the internet near you, or the. Nick Abbott, the whole show podcast, reeling through all of the podcasts that I do.
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